The Unwritable Rant

Juliette gets in touch, shares an interest with Texas, meets an old crush, is surprised by a modification, gets a handful, makes a sad connection, plans a fun sendoff, melts at a gift, has second thoughts, makes a good decision, gives a guy an out, seeks a dark corner, takes a dive into gleeful territory, and hopes for a better candy bar … all while drinking Redemption bourbon. This episode of The Unwritable Rant is brought to you by Sawyer, an outdoor gear company specializing in insect repellant, first aid, and sunscreen, and dedicated to bringing clean water to developing countries.

Juliette finds herself un an unusual position, opts for clandestine color, meets a too-nice guy, lacks enthusiasm, experiences perverse curiosity, gets the icks, joins an unsurprising picnic, tests tolerance, refuses worship, experiences excruciating romance, seriously hates cake, calls on a go-to guy, receives an empty poem, is incapable of swooning, and appreciates good help… all while drinking Old Grand-Dad 114.

Juliette calls out Craig's List, hopes to be the exception, experiences immediate regret, sifts through flakes, attempts a transaction, longs to hurl a phone, questions her throw down ability, recoils from a box, elects to trash a set, relies on resourcefulness, is interrupted by Citizen Prissy Pants, resorts to criminal activity, questions boomerangs, and tries to sweeten the deal… all while drinking Pinhook straight rye whiskey. You can support bartenders affected by the pandemic by donating to the United States Bartenders Guild: https://www.usbgfoundation.org

Juliette finds an unusual carcass, enjoys hunting, introduces Raven, appreciates differences, participates in the height of adolescent nightlife, shoots out a star, lays claim to a duck, employs principles, spreads the word, misses a friend, becomes a poster child, and accepts what she knows… all while drinking Buffalo Trace bourbon.

Juliette abuses another friendship, borrows a boat, comes with a mess, tries to follow the rules, moves to the floor, becomes drunk hungry, violates a skillet, hears voices, navigates a nightmare, itches backwards, takes out a mirror, provides unhelpful assistance, and tries real hard… all while drinking Woodford Reserve Double Oaked Bourbon.

Juliette delivers two middle fingers, shacks up with The Informant, wears a dirty crumb, is unable to rustle up a gig, answers a pounding, feels her teeth move, takes stock, experiences an adrenaline surge, looks like a monster, says goodbye, and takes a walk toward the right kind of crazy… all while drinking Larceny bourbon.

Juliette celebrates her birthday, recognizes the tolerance of Texas, settles on the less gratuitous Rooster, is too deviant for a dating site, witnesses tongue twirling, pretends it's her party, gets denied dinner and cake, runs away, seeks solace like Vince Neil, drinks up, blinks away spots, and comes skidding to a realization… all while drinking Knob Creek single barrel reserve, Binny's Beverage Depot selection.

Juliette speaks with Grammy-nominated musician Kip Winger. Kip got his start playing bass for Alice Cooper. He formed rock band Winger in the 80s, who is still touring and making music today. He is also a composer of classical symphonies. In this conversation, Kip discusses his unusual career, creating classical music album "Conversations with Nijinsky" and concept album and musical thriller "Get Jack," plus what's coming for the band Winger.

Juliette is ready to make a move, packs up deluded dreams, points westward, makes a friendship of convenience, enters Nebraska, loathes a fretboard, misses a roadblock, confronts a barrel, makes a startling pass, loses air, fears following, takes her chances on bedbugs and blood stains, discovers unsettling evidence, and feels grateful for the predictable… All while drinking Redemption high rye single barrel select bourbon.

Juliette has another Crazytown adventure, recalls the south side of Chicago, falls for the tragic, wants more than friendship, axes the girlfriend, attends Softcore Saturday, appreciates the good toilet paper, goes in for the kiss, accepts a girl dare, and understands the line… all while Drinking 1792 Sweet Wheat bourbon.

Juliette contends with an unexpected word, introduces The Kraken, succeeds at a coveted crossover, dodges kaleidoscopic insanity, enjoys a 10-year safety zone, feels a kinship to crazy, expects Ted Bundy, breaks up a seduction dance, finds the inner sanctum of a speakeasy, and appreciates good bartending… all while drinking Cream of Kentucky 12.3 bourbon.

Juliette considers the two types of Christmas people, finds a princess, goes to a perfect home for the holidays, opens with an apology, makes a gremlin, gives thanks, reconsiders her gift, crosses a line, sticks out a disaster, shares an inappropriate tradition, and rejects the family plaid… all while drinking Maker's Mark Wood Finishing Series RC6 bourbon.

Juliette finds a rural route antenna, attempts to pump up the volume, speaks into an endless void, seduces farm folk, curls up under a console, dates a one-size-fits-all guy, looses her patience, answers a knock on her barn door, engages in a sordid caper, ignores the consequences, and appreciates the contrary... all while drinking Horse Soldier barrel proof bourbon from the American Freedom Distillery.

Juliette learns the layoff routine, bursts the dot-com bubble, accepts a disgusting amount of money, enjoys a feast, rents a capuchin monkey, loses the nice-to-haves, produces trash, maps out a productive exit, channels Office Space, sticks it, and accepts famine with class… all while drinking Rabbit Hole Cavehill straight bourbon whiskey.

My guest on the show is teen idol Leif Garrett. He's just released his first book, "Idol Truth," which details his career as a singer and actor, as well as his experiences as an addict. Y'all, this interview was so much fun! Leif is honest and open, and we talk about music, writing, a road trip he once took with Jason Bateman, his friendship with Hunter S. Thompson, and what his plans are for the future. I hope you have as much fun listening as I did talking to Leif.

Juliette remembers the rainbow connection, reveals a fundamental truth, accepts a psycho part, lands at a mission church, lacks plans, questions a vision, witnesses a meaty wound, accepts a method, embraces stabbing, makes a bloody mess, and holds out hope for her ragtag troop… All while drinking Knob Creek Quarter Cask bourbon.

Juliette ducks out, considers the secret to successful crashing, accepts a business arrangement, becomes arm candy, wakes up in Florida, reconsiders a ruse, meets Daisy and Gus, hears a tone, requires a crazy explanation, overhears the truth, dumps her shoes, dodges a redneck disaster, and salvages a gift… all while drinking Woodford Reserve 2019 Master's Collection Chocolate Malted Rye bourbon.

Join Juliette for a conversation with Sara Karloff. Daughter of actor Boris Karloff, Sara discusses her father's role as Frankenstein's monster, rumors about a rivalry with Bela Lugosi, Universal horror movies, and classic Hollywood cinema. Plus, find out what Boris did with his Grammy award for narrating How the Grinch Stole Christmas. A classic Halloween special episode!

Juliette falls in the middle, seeks a lady in white, wonders if Resurrection Mary exists, enlists her friend Texas in a stakeout, bursts a bubble, is denied digital gear, visits a ballroom, lacks creepiness, seeks ghostly energy, breaks into a cemetery, gets stopped by footsteps, records a crime, refuses to bargain, and accepts an unexpected intervention… all while drinking I.W. Harper 15-year bourbon.

Juliette can't wake up from the terror, requires subconscious explanation, recounts the weird 70s, discovers the Leek Sisters, is born in witch country, talks to invisible companions, lives in comfort, makes ouija board contact, looks for a sign, winds up in the cellar, and receives an unnerving call… all while drinking Russells Reverve Private Barrel Selection - Binny's Beverage Depot pick (warehouse F, floor 5 and barrel 0227).

Juliette watches her house fall apart, objects to bandages, takes matters into her hands, lacks qualifications, has an Edgar Allen Poe moment, unleashes a furry flash, bickers over a toilet weapon, questions her guy's sanity, hums a lullaby, attempts to snatch a box, plays the sheriff, and preens in a rare moment… all while drinking Driftless Glen single barrel straight rye whiskey.

Juliette tells the big story, hits a turning point, meets The Professor, visits a bird's nest, reads The Fountainhead, answers a provocative question, pulls away, decides on nothing, confronts dismissal, commits to seduction, and accepts her opinion… all while promising to have bourbon next week.

Juliette questions a PhD, eavesdrops on an argument, considers fairness, risks flying, hits a ramp, breaks more than a bone, relates rumors about a yellow house, crashes a no-play zone, meets Evel Knievel, offers up an arm, and accepts the consequences… all while drinking New Riff Kentucky Straight Rye Whiskey. The Unwritable Rant website http://www.theunwritablerant.com Buy Juliette a drink https://theunwritablerant.com/support.html Juliette's YouTube Channel http://www.youtube.com/juliettemiranda

Juliette recovers a mix tape, forms a trio with Duck and Ham, meets a Patrick Swayze doppelganger, goes for a walk, gets too criminal for comfort, checks off a sexual to-do, makes a getaway, contemplates intervention, finds what she lost, feels vibration, stares down the tracks, takes a stand for friendship, and has the time of her life… All while drinking Bardstown Bourbon Company Fusion Series #1 - Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette enters a weird void, accepts a bribe, wants an unrealistic college experience, forces a flat, casts an underhanded spell on Ajax, plays the friend card, pretends to be an it girl, edges out a sorority girl, becomes a target, ends up wet, gets stuck without escape, and understands villainy… all while drinking Old Forrester 1920 Prohibition style Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey.

Juliette returns from New Orleans, finds the road to an ex, introduces Tadpole, gets avoided, has her soap replaced, meets mom, considers a twin, violates a home, accepts a dinner offer, meets up with a tour, outs a complex, waits in line, and stresses the importance of manners... all while drinking Uncle Nearest 1856 premium aged Tennessee whiskey.

Juliette misses MTV, auditions for an infomercial, sucks back disappointment, hopes for a springboard, confuses buzzwords with red flags, wears a dirty shirt, questions dog food, gets thrust at the camera, sidesteps a mess, lacks a handbook, refuses to take the blame, confronts the preternatural, and resigns from ridiculousness... All while drinking TX Blended Whiskey.

Juliette notices a trend, gives girls a try, abandons personals, finds Candy and more, feels like a predator, drops words, does it inside a lava lamp, escapes the pink, is unprepared for reality, laments small town closeness, hides behind a menu, accepts advice from Texas, and gets her fill of red sauce... all while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch 20.

Juliette considers a move, has nothing to show for herself, wants a fresh start, accepts an offer from The Linebacker, overlooks untied shoelaces, refuses to impose, goes to annoyingly efficient lengths, questions load-up, bellies up to a bumper, defends box content, changes lanes, bursts a word cloud, nudges a trailer, goes hillbilly crazy, and pays for a reboot... all while drinking Evan Williams Master Blend bourbon.

Juliette visits Las Vegas with her guy, appreciates friendship, speedballs absinthe and whiskey, visits the casino of the damned, loses on lightning, knows nothing about craps, considers chips, watches a room breathe, ups her nudging, urges cashing out, makes unfortunate eye contact, gets hustled, channels Sharon Stone, and makes her move…. All while drinking Wigle Pennsylvania Bourbon.

Juliette generalizes Bob's Rockets, knows the right paperwork, socializes with scientists, escapes an interview, loses her dad at a concert, employs protocol, becomes furious and intrigued, attends a blow-out, times our Tesla coils, insists on a song, anticipates arrest, and says goodbye… all while drinking Eagle Rare Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey.

Juliette resumes driveway drinking, breaks people in, attempts to coexist, rejects coordination, is denied a wave, hires a tangerine, appalls a party, causes diabolical discomfort, kills with kindness, takes out a kneecap, pollutes a shopping cart, and accomplishes balance... all while drinking Wild Turkey Kentucky Spirit Single Barrel straight bourbon whiskey.

Juliette goes on tour with her guy, lands in Iowa, dodges mites and meth, vibrates, avoids a hairy situation, lacks a welcome, meets Cornflake the Clown, gets bumped for balloons, witnesses a theft, fears a meltdown, discovers a fitting mascot, ducks and covers, and avoids an angry stalker… all while drinking Blood Oath Pact #5 bourbon.

Juliette does something unnatural, revisits prom with Crazytown, wears metallic blue, meets two fire guys, gets sucked into a nostalgic escapade, hands over her feet, experiences a power shift, witnesses a romantic fantasy, gives in to a fireball of hormones, manipulates a threesome, gets caught in the act, snaps a heel, and falls into an angry tumble... all while drinking Larceny bourbon and root beer.

Juliette receives something unexpected, has 10 potent words, becomes a no-good slut, refuses saving, plays dumb, taunts a mob, experiences the ultimate breakdown, reinforces her self defense tactics, calls out a wanna be saint, reaches for a message, makes a shocking conclusion and takes a stand... all while drinking New Riff single barrel sour mash bourbon.

Juliette accepts a satanic comparison, becomes blinded by chemistry, lacks proper communication, refuses to get going, reacts poorly, attends a team-building event, makes everyone uncomfortable, suffers hellish consequences, breaks a house rule, receives an impressive phone number, hosts an unprecedented guest, and appreciates motherly understanding... all while drinking Old Forester Statesman straight bourbon whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette checks out, discovers a sea witch, encourages a show, soaks up rum, nudges her guy, plays a ruthless game, fakes a concussion, admits the icky, treads water, gets sucked in, evaluates execution, flings flip-flops, and disgruntles flamingos... all while drinking High West Bourye Whiskey.

Join Juliette as she welcomes Ron Platt, lead singer from the iconic rock band Kansas, into her home for an intimate talk about the legacy of Kansas, the new tour, and so much more.

Juliette revisits her two favorite naked stories about a topless revolution and a switchblade corset.

Juliette is joined by Joe Bob Briggs to discuss exploitation cinema, hosting The Last Drive-In on Shudder, Monstervision, How Rednecks Saved Hollywood, and yes, bourbon. Comedian Gilbert Gottfried makes a surprise appearance with a special question for Joe Bob. This episode can also be watched on Juliette's YouTube channel. http://www.youtube.com/JulietteMiranda

Juliette is blocked from attending a concert, gets a sad face, scores a plus 1, has personal concerns, coerces with Keanu Reeves, experiences a jealous rage, kicks open doors, exposes a pantless tryst, fumbles her moment, forges an unintentional threesome, searches trailers and finds what she's been missing... all while drinking Cream of Kentucky 11.5 year bourbon.

Juliette chats with Emmy nominated actor John Michael Higgins. They discuss his role as host of America Says on Game Show Network, and cover key moments from his career acting in movies like Best In Show, Pitch Perfect, Fred Claus and The Late Shift. Michael also shares his love of Shakespeare, admits to a headstand, and explains what goes into creating great improv.

Juliette rejects a question, attempts wellness, meets the Mary Poppins of boyfriends, questions niceties, answers a loving call, escapes personal development, accepts a friendly job, completes a pink list, considers alternative uses for a label maker, and checks off the delivery guy... All while drinking Uncle Nearest 1820 Nearest Green single barrel Tennessee whiskey.

Comic Geno Bisconte takes over this episode with a discussion about comedy, drinking whiskey well, having passion for your work, and, surprisingly, Albert Camus. Geno hosts the In Hot Water show along with Aaron Berg on the Anthony Cumia network Compound Media.

On this episode, Juliette carries a soft spot, divvies up the blame, is betrayed by undelivered mail, ranks as a dingo, takes an old school approach, hugs a Brady, waves to Monkees, annoys everyone, dismisses a sermon, witnesses the devil's handshake, makes a buying error, and considers the turtles… all while drinking W.L. Weller Special Reserve bourbon.

Juliette does something distasteful for money, meets the qualifications, mocks an assignment, teaches Bukowski, gets called in, goes to grammar school, dresses for a drunk tank, ditches the schedule, and plays a crappy game… all while drinking Booker's 30th anniversary bourbon.

Juliette questions a fake holiday, receives a surprising call, helps Texas avoid a wet spot, introduces Vanderbilt and cousin Shelia, considers drug lording, ducks a book attack, rethinks baseball, forgets a crucial tool, swings a chair, and waits for sirens… all while drinking Joseph Magnus Murray Hill Club blended bourbon.

Juliette returns to her 21st birthday, takes manipulative advice, maintains a juicy secret, trips over her order, contemplates telltale signs, knows her way backstage, hands out scraps, books solo vacation, admits a beachy love, avoids her friends, envies cool confidence, misses the obvious, parts the curtains, and flails like a circus seal... all while drinking Glenfiddich Winter Storm scotch whisky.

Juliette contemplates serial killer storage, returns to college, accepts a bribe from Doc, confronts torsos, encounters a tomb on wheels, fears a living dead situation, understands revenge motivation, trudges through a blizzard, and makes a deathly delivery… all while drinking Resilient straight bourbon whiskey barrel #98.

Juliette welcomes Anthony Cumia back to the show. Anthony discusses his new book, "Permanently Suspended," the ongoing feud with Opie, Louis CK, freedom of speech, and so much more.