The Unwritable Rant

Juliette puts on her business head, finds an alternative profession, gets into something awful, admits to shady ethics, questions the muse, completes the deal, caters more than expected, hacks into a sad reality, longs for a lap, capitalizes on cracks, and finishes her cookies… all while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch 17.

Juliette ponders technology, delights in sending letters, finds more grown-up interests, drowns in uncomfortable declarations, gets called into the office, plays an unwilling character, weeds out weirdos, does an analog hustle, receives an Ego, finds her eyes polluted, and appreciates the genius of her friend Crazytown... all while drinking Willet Family Estate 4-year small batch rye whiskey.

Juliette revisits the millennium, hates The Warden, gets circled by a peeing peacock, deflects seething balls, lines a desk with weed, prepares for the worst, alludes to a serial killer, attends a sleeper, considers a time out, fears 10 years of prison, stands accused, and settles the score on the worst ever New Year's Eve... all while drinking Jim Beam Distiller's Masterpiece bourbon.

Juliette is still in the holiday spirit, and admits to questionable beliefs, dabbles in rock stars, calls in The Pro, arrives in a chariot, visits a neon pink utopia, gets a spite lap dance, ignores her own rules, sends out a distress signal, slices up panties, and enjoys good company… all while drinking Peerless barrel proof straight rye whiskey.

Juliette questions the validity of DNA results, finds family tree crazy, visits an atomic wonderland, bartends past bedtime, mistakes Santa Claus, witnesses a massacre to a classic, appreciates the Budweiser clydesdales, experiences Christmas spirit, attempts to grant a wish, relates a perversely happy memory, and disturbs Mr. Bennet's bird… all while drinking Orphan Barrel Rhetoric 25-year old bourbon.

Juliette sets up a casino sting, treads on trendy shoes, doctors up with not-so-nice intentions, wagers on vomit, encounters rage juice, enters a bubblegum factory relationship, plays an unsexy game, and spearheads an uncomfortable truth… All while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch 16.

Juliette visits Whiskey acres distillery, stares down a steamy mash pool, reduces into a cardboard box, accepts a Thanksgiving invitation, tests a heating system, evokes The Great Dismal Swamp, scrapes off char, visits a Laurel Canyon cottage, gets dangerously festive, consults pioneers, empties a room, picks out shrapnel, and appreciates recipes and the lack thereof... all while drinking Basil Hayden Dark Rye whiskey.

Juliette heads to Nashville with her guy to bash a country bar, fear alien subliminal messages, hunt down real country music, heckle a band, take on the sidewalk, assume a new identity, snag complementary cheese, break up a posse, secure a scooter, and keep it classy ... all while drinking Whiskey Acres 5.5 bourbon.

Juliette revisits her conversation with author A.E. Hotchner in celebration of his 101st birthday, literary career, and life. "Hotch" discusses his friendship with Ernest Hemingway, explores Hemingway's most important relationships and work, and even reveals Hemingway's favorite drink. This interview was originally released in October 2015, and remains Juliette's most personal and memorable. A.E. Hotchner is a memoirist, novelist, playwright, and biographer. He has just released a new novel, "The Amazing Adventures of Aaron Broom."

Juliette is joined by comedian Dave Landau. Dave is co-host on The Anthony Cumia show and discusses his approach to broadcasting, how his start at Second City influenced his comedy, writing and producing movie The King, the importance of satire, and his plans to write a memoir and another film. Find info about Dave's comedy tour at http://davelandau.com/. Listen to Dave on The Anthony Cumia show at https://www.compoundmedia.com/.

Juliette visits a haunted New Orleans ballroom, twirls with a ghost, takes on a tour guide, loses her guy to the supernatural, contemplates explanations, fakes interest, dismisses a scare, lingers with clowns, and stumbles into a shocking situation… All while drinking Driftless Glen single barrel straight bourbon whiskey.

Juliette tells a secret, has a raunchy conversation, plays Rapunzel, welcomes a transgression, feels sophisticated, has an annoying wake-up, falls out a window, gets a tarot card reading, meets Glinda the Wacky Witch of the Midwest, practices magic in the kitchen, backslides onto the band wagon, is guilted into a ceremony, and avoids bonding spirits... all while drinking Woodford Reserve Distiller's Select rye whiskey.

Juliette honors a tradition, harbors resentment, hires vampires, mitigates molesting, stalls a kingpin, experiences a blood feast, takes on toxic combos, diffuses the situation, goes for the cliché, and avoids a wild attack… all while drinking Pikesville 6-year straight rye whiskey.

Juliette falls into a rotten mood, sneaks in a flask, gets her oompah on, appreciates a fat feast, hates the human voice, misses a tot shot, shares a classy lesson, is asked a favor, gets situated with Satan, channels Mr. Rogers, plays an evil emperor, and lands like a bum… All while drinking Redemption 9-year barrel proof bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette recalls a ramshackle amusement part, knocks out teeth, introduces the legend of Vic, fears a monstrosity, spins out a mistake, issues a cease fire, takes a few chances, reveals shady cheats, channels Lucifer, seduces a guitarist named Sledge, declines an untoward request, and drives like hell. This episode's whiskey pick is Rabbit Role rye whiskey.

Juliette talks with guitarist and founding member of the band Judas Priest. They discuss his new book, Heavy Duty on Da Capo press, KK's influence on the look and sound of Judas Priest, recording some of the band's most popular songs, and KK reveals why he hasn't joined another band since retiring from Judas Priest. Juliette suggests pairing this conversation with Elijah Craig small batch bourbon.

Interview with Jim Florentine: Juliette speaks with comedian Jim Florentine about his book, Everybody Is Awful (Except You). They discuss tour incidents, voicing character Special Ed on Crank Yankers, hidden camera comedy and Meet the Creeps, social media horrors, how media changes audience perception, and the state of comedy today. Juliette suggests pairing this interview with Wild Turkey 101 whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette reverse engineers chaos, questions her guy's sanity, supports a relationship thunderdome, contemplates fruit aerodynamics, meets The Hustler, is taken for a kinky loop, looks for a leaflet, chokes on giggles, and kisses a fantasy goodbye... All while drinking Smooth Ambler Big Level wheated bourbon.

The three-year anniversary episode! Juliette takes inexcusable actions, considers a buffet of boyfriends, gets blown off, hunts down a job, thinks like a predator, causes a scene, dodges a delivery truck, gets squad envy, introduces Texas to Crazytown, plans a nightmare, ruins dinner, decides to get drunk, allows a right hook and makes an Oregon Trail comparison... All while drinking Redemption wheated bourbon. Special thanks to comedian Reverend Bob Levy and Ronnie Platt, lead singer for the classic rock band Kansas.

On this episode, Juliette and her guy visit New Orleans, get blindsided by panic, hear teeth rattle, receive a mystery box, make questionable shopping decisions, reveal a glittery surprise, preside over cocktails, mourn a loss, pass through doorways, visit with vodou, share a doorstep, meet Mateo, discover Doneska and her swayback horse, and revel in findings... all while drinking barrel strength Bulleit bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette packs up her misgivings, sails away, meets Mr. and Mrs. Barnacle, scowls behind a pineapple, runs away from conversation, feels breath on her neck, lets the drugs take over, contemplates meditation, enjoys driveway drinking with Texas, bothers a neighbor, defends her cat, and celebrates creative expression… all while drinking Woodford Reserve double oaked bourbon whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette takes direction poorly, goes two sizes too small, meets Hollywood heroes and hacks, walks a red carpet, follows a legal flunkie, contemplates signing on, revisits her paleo-ornamentum period, digs Mazon Creek, scales shale, comes to a dirty stop, and curates an Indiana Jones moment... all while drinking Rebel Yell ginger whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette comes off a bender, participates in The Last Drive-In event with Joe Bob Briggs, interns for Svengoolie, chucks chickens, dims her brain bulb, knocks on a coffin, hears voices, mimes her ego, enjoys a group activity, meets Blinky, plays hide and seek, realigns her moral compass, visits a bootleg shop and considers an old-fashioned house burning... all while drinking Jim Beam Black bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette returns to Michigan with her guy to see Mongo and The Dish, demonstrates etiquette, creates a weird herbal ball, saturates an ant hill, funds a fireworks tent, fears a burning hat, visits the Howler Monkey bar again, meets Santa, gets a busy signal, makes a winning call, promises greatness, and changes her playlist... All while drinking Gentleman Jack Daniels whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette is called a name, ponders human skulls, meets a stalker, attempts exit strategies, rejects a wig, paints a wordy picture, rides a bike, visits Lake Hollywood, switches gears, assaults an A-list celebrity, and attempts to do the right thing... all while drinking Larceny bourbon & ginger beer.

On this early Fourth of July special episode, Juliette avoids a bus stop, gets a red letter, sacrifices her summer, starts a new revolutionary war, encourages a hailstorm of candy, drops off a shoe, introduces The Snoozer, escapes a rigged bedroom, accepts a hack job, fuses fireworks, offers a lesson about musicians, and sets the sky ablaze… all while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch #15

On this episode, Juliette pays tribute to Anthony Bourdain, objects to diabolical demands, fishes for breakfast, grips a pocket knife, confronts a sterile slab, throws her hat, finds a clever workaround, dates The Chef, reveals her fatal flaw, and can't jive with social etiquette… all while drinking Booker's Bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette goes on an epic summer adventure, gets her paws on a Porsche, blathers like a moron, eats more cheese fries, receives an elusive invitation, gets gored, hits the forest preserve, finds a lusty nirvana, is engulfed by the Fabio twins, and inhales ripe funk… all while drinking Breaker Wheated bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette explains malfunctions, hits things with a club, goes for an off-path joy ride, bumps into a bunker, has a love affair with The Chair, dresses like a gravedigger, attempts a heist with Texas, and faces potential jail time… all while drinking Orphan Barrel Rhetoric 24-year bourbon

On this episode, Juliette gets corralled with old people, breaks down a drunken barricade, meets a mini-me, ambushes country singer Randy Houser, visits Las Vegas, gambles with a go-go dancer, breaks down, meets a spirit fleecer, and witnesses a Robin Hood hustler… all while drinking Heaven's Door Tennessee Straight Bourbon from Bob Dylan

On this episode, Juliette makes a neighborly announcement, plays suburban detective, confronts a Robodude, botches an introduction, heads to Derby Day, reunites with Jacques, debates betting style, gets her Shine on, and reinforces the crazy... all while drinking Russell's Reserve 6-year rye whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette is forced to hustle, lies to Blind Melon, gets professional and sassy, refuses defeat, plays in the slop, takes a trip to Nashville, hollers and swallers, meets Cowpoke and Sugar, visits Tootsies Orchid Lounge, pounds beer at Bobby's Idle Hour, and hunts down a bushwhacker… all while drinking Blood Oath Pact #4 bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette takes her chances adulting, evaluates intentions, gets Loopy, receives an unwanted letter, adopts a debt, calls a bluff, is threatened by jail, refuses to celebrate National Record Store day, meets a wounded rebel, declines bribery, and learns the awful truth… all while drinking Booker's Bourbon Kathleen's Batch.

On this episode, Juliette has a horror movie reaction, loses sleep, opens a hostel for vermin, wields a baseball bat, calls in the experts, recovers a rotor arm, visits a drag strip, enjoys an illicit cocktail, and survives an after-school special situation… all while drinking Buffalo Trace bourbon whiskey. Sponsored by Sudio www.sudio.com

On this interview episode, Juliette talks with legendary music manager Doc McGhee. They discuss his career, from managing James Brown to Bon Jovi and Motley Crue, to today and his work with Kiss. Doc also details how country music has taken the place of rock 'n' roll and breaks down how to be successful in the current digital music scene. Juliette's bourbon of choice on this episode is Russell's Reserve 10 year.

On this episode, Juliette stops a meal, remembers Las Vegas, enjoys a winning streak, meets an army of munchkins, sits at the VIP booth, goes on a hate date, questions logic, and unplugs a face… all while drinking Dry Fly Cask Strength Wheat Whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette hits channel 364, contemplates priorities, becomes something sinister, swills dreamy punch, exploits her guy, wanders on stage, romanticizes high school, tries out for cheerleading, throws a tantrum, and rebels against the system... all while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch15.

On this episode, Juliette appreciates a man on a horse, uncovers a past romance, dares her guy, gets padded up, meets Moonshine and Namaste, watches a wild jump, visits Chinatown, translates a shrug, passes by happy cats and demands dim sum… all while drinking Stolen Spirits smoked whiskey. Sponsor - Sudio headphones https://goo.gl/GEDaUx The NEW Unwritable Rant Flask http://bit.ly/2tFawok

On this episode, Juliette gets unexpected contact, ignores all signs, becomes indentured to Satan, tests her treason skills, does a dip, properly introduces Mongo and The Dish, visits Caesar, smells like a distillery, and disrupts a legend… all while drinking Last Feather Rye whiskey from Journeyman Distillery.

On this episode, Juliette channels Ferris Bueller, concocts a poor plan, introduces her friend Texas, gets legally questionable, meets Salamander, rejects sleeping arrangements, walks the length of Milwaukee, engages seduction mode, and enjoys carefree abandon… all while drinking Blanton's Single Barrel Bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette combats boredom, gets antagonistic, explores wonder foods, shoos smoke, gets unintentionally physical, calls a bluff, experiences a prom of the living dead, has a birthday re-do, seeks out a gigolo, wanders upstairs, and crawls out of the back of a Studebaker… all while drinking Very Old Barton Bottled in Bond bourbon whiskey. This episode is sponsored by Sudio. Check out their modern design and high-quality headphones and earbuds at https://goo.gl/GEDaUx Type in RANT at checkout for 15% off your order.

On this episode, Juliette hates the cold, makes questionable decisions, heads to Mexico with Crazytown, loses a friend faster than a flip-flop, meets the Collector, mentors a youth program, and hatches a plan of fortune ... all while drinking Eagle Rare 10 year bourbon. This episode is sponsored by Sudio. Check out their modern design and high-quality sound at https://goo.gl/GEDaUx Type in RANT at checkout for 15% off your order.

On this interview episode, Juliette speaks with comedian Bert Kreischer. Through his outstanding storytelling comedy, Bert has earned the distinction of being known as The Machine. He was the host of reality shows Hurt Bert, Bert the Conqueror and Trip Flip and is the author of the book, Life of the Party: Stories of a Perpetual ManChild. Bert opens up about comedy and his writing process, details his new comedy special and a sitcom project, and talks about podcasting, the Bertcast, and LeeAnn Kreischer's new podcast, Wife of the Party. Bert's website www.bertbertbert.com Bertcast www.bertcast.com Wife of the party http://wifeotp.libsyn.com

On this episode, Juliette dishes up a magical tryst, meets Wacky Waldo, visits the Magic Castle, sinks in her seat, conjures a mystery man, considers California clichés, goes on a beach date, follows her loins, and tramples a heart… All while drinking Russell's Reserve 10 year bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette unleashes her inner wannabe rockstar, treads dangerous territory, confronts a little red light, awakens from drunken hibernation, receives the worst gift ever, visits an escape room, meets an Alpha Dweeb, and deciphers clues… all while drinking F.E.W. bourbon whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette forgets her night, goes through a box of bandages, lacks judgment, experiences mach force, mixes lavender and humiliation, dismisses life reunions, reveals her deranged shorthand, falls for The Ringleader, experiences groupie retribution, and is kept waiting… all while discussing Orphan Barrel Gifted Horse bourbon.

On this episode, Juliette gets hostile, sniffs out a skank, knows evil, uncovers flirty secrets, underestimates an adversary, slides backward, has a snowy throwdown, hears an angry blast, dials for assistance, utters a panic word, greets a squadron, and gets added to a watch list… All while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch 014

On this episode, Juliette recalls holiday traditions, learns a horrific instrument, kills off her grandmother ... again, does the unthinkable, saves up for a holiday treat, unleashes a verbal assault, enters the fray, and meets her sort-of Christmas Angel ... all while barely drinking Mellow Corn whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette gets eye-rolly, takes tips for a spin, pet sits, avoids bunny rabies, explores underbelly secrets, finds a manger, leaves a note, attends a cool kids Christmas party, dresses up, gets comfortable with the cheese, seeks out wallflowers and misses a punchline… All while drinking Redemption Rye whiskey.

On this episode, Juliette survives the plague, visits a strip mall clinic, recalls a failed pee test, meets nurse Ratchet, makes yet more relationship mistakes, fails at Christmas by bringing Jackass home to meet her parents, tries to save the holidays, and puts her foot down the only way she knows how... all while drinking Kelsey Creek bourbon.