The UnMothered Podcast

Does grief get easier throughout the years? Short answer: that grief will always stay with you, it will just look different as time moves on.40 years ago, I lost my first son Linton. There is no timeline for grief for sure. I cry just as much today as I did 40 years ago. The crazy thing was about 25 years ago, there was a time each year when I would get depressed and didn’t know why. I always forgot his birthday, until it was right there! The day of or a few days after. I didn’t know how to mourn well, no one taught me and I was so used to stuffing things down, I blocked it out but my body KNEW!You should always take the day to honor those you have lost. As I got healthier, I allowed myself to ask for what I needed on this day. Stop trying to mourn the way other people want you to, even if they are a part of your household. It’s not their grief. It’s yours.Our lives don’t stop from a loss, it’s a detour and there is more. . .Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

What are you doing differently this year to find that balance of boundaries and peace with the difficult relationship with your mom?I will ask some questions today to see if this is the year you will start taking care of your mental health and find a place to balance out the struggle of loving and setting hard boundaries in your relationships. This year you need to take a hard look at what is working for you in all relationships so you can start being honest with yourself to enter into the year with the freedom that you deserve.I want you to start this year with better, clear intentions of how you want to live your life. Your mom will probably never change, but you can!Write out 3 specific things you want to do this year to start creating the life you want without all the chaos. Let yourself dream BIG. You can do this, I believe in you! Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When I’m mentoring a woman, I hear this statement a lot “My Mother just doesn’t understand or get me. . .” and today, I am hoping to use this Linked® Personality Guide to fill this gap. A couple of years ago, I became certified as a Linked® Personality coach using the book LINKED® Quick Guide to Personalities by Linda Gilden and Linda Goldfarb. To become certified I had to present my learnings on how they would relate to my area of coaching. I decided to do the presentation on mothers and daughters and it ended up being a great conversation with my group! I talk more about the different personalities in today’s episode. Listen to the episode and let me know what type of personality you think you are, a mobilizer, a socializer, a stabilizer, or an organizer. Purchase the book here! This link is a commissionable link. LINKED® Quick Guide to Personalities: Maximizing Life Connections One Link at a Time: https://bit.ly/3U0vQzlLooking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Trigger warning: This week’s episode contains talk about suicide. If you feel the need to skip the episode, feel free to do so. Let’s be honest, grief is a ‘B’. In November/December I had to walk through the many emotions of unexpected tragedy and loss. I was never expecting to do an episode like this when I started my podcast a year ago, but here we are. I know God makes a way for the unthinkable and believe me when I say the unthinkable has happened. For those of you who don’t know, I was dropped to my knees by a phone call no one ever wants to get. My brother, who I was not particularly close to, committed suicide. The shock and awe in that statement alone are still hard to wrap my head around. As I was processing all that grief and trying to work out my broken heart imagine what I felt as I got a phone call that my sweet 98-year-old father had also just passed away. It had been 10 days. I have heard of people passing away close together but had never experienced it up close. What do we do when trauma hits twice and how much trauma can a heart handle? In this episode, we are going to talk about all these questions and now being a trauma-informed coach I have tools that I want to share with you all on how to hold your aching heart. Friends, I want to leave you with this, your body needs time to grieve, your heart needs time to heal, and your strength comes from God. Take your time, we are not in a race…we are human.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

What does it take to be a trauma coach and what is a trauma coach? Why would you need one and how do you find one?In this episode, we are going to dive into what drew me to learn more about what trauma coaching was, how I didn’t know what I didn’t know about my traumas and triggers, and how I found Karrie Scott Garcia to teach me all the things I needed to get truthful about my journey. This past November, I became a certified Freedom Coach in Biblically sound, spirit-filled, & trauma-informed coaching. When I tell you it was a long 4-year process with many twists and turns, I’m not exaggerating. My passion is helping others, listening well, holding hearts, and showing them the big love of God through it all. We are not here to “fix” you. I can’t guarantee you will be 100% healed when we are done with our sessions, but I can help you find ways to cope. I have become such a better listener and holder of women’s hearts. My work with the mother/daughter connection has grown deeper because of the lessons I’ve learned. I can teach you techniques that will help you NOT spiral out of control when you feel the struggle of personal stress. Don’t let fear stop you this year from finding the freedom you are seeking!If you want to learn more about Karrie’s work with Freedom Movement check out their Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freedom_movement/Interested in one-on-one coaching with me, click here: https://www.phylismantelli.com/1-on-1-coachingLooking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

We will still be active on social media if you want to connect with me over there. As always we appreciate your love and support so much and would love it if you take the time to leave us a review! Happy Holidays Peeps, see you in the New Year!Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Growing up in a dysfunctional family, did you ever think about birth order when growing up? If you are the oldest, what responsibilities did you feel were put on you? The same goes if you are the middle child or a younger one.It’s also a great time to take a few personality tests, just to understand a little bit more. Not to be used as an excuse for your behaviors, but to learn and grow. You should always be open to learning more and taking a different approach when needed, and 100% rely on the direction God tells you to go.I have taken other kinds of personality tests and I find them fascinating. Birth order is also something we generally gravitate towards naturally in families. We each play a role. The problem can arise when we make excuses for the patterns we fall into because it’s easy. When you love people because you understand them the conversations are deeper, the help for each other is pure and loving. Think about the personalities that each sibling has and see if there is a strength in them that you may not have thought of before. I think when we get older, we start to see the strengths (and weaknesses) that we can be more of a support to them. It will also be a bonding for when you all have to come together for family situations; good or bad. This is what can make for a fun, beautiful individual family!I have often told my girls “You are very different people, respect the differences.”Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Today we are talking with Janet McHenry. She is a national speaker and author of 27 books, including the bestselling PrayerWalk, The Complete Guide to the Prayers of Jesus, and her new release, Praying Personalities. She directs the prayer ministries at The Bridge Church in Reno and serves on the California leadership team for the National Day of Prayer. The leader of the hundreds-strong Bible Girls and a prayer walker, Janet has helped others foster a hope-filled, purposeful lifestyle built on prayer and God's Word for more than two decades.Connect with Janet: www.janetmchenry.comLooking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

One of the biggest fears I had when starting a family was, how can I create a healthy family when I hadn’t been brought up in one. If you have not dealt with the issues you have grown up around there can be residual anger that you let out on your child. Or you can end up overcompensating for the things you have lost in your childhood and smother your child. I am so grateful to God for allowing me to work through my issues and be able to pivot when needed, apologize, and be open to learning new techniques.Be honest with what is swirling around from your childhood.Don’t be afraid to show love, even if it wasn’t shown to you. You can change the generations by being different. Let your kids know you have their back always…no matter what. Life will throw you curves you can even imagine, trust that God will be walking with you through it all.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

How do we NOT get swept into all the dysfunction and drama from our family? Do we just “peace out” with toxic family members during this time? What if your family is just difficult at best, but not toxic? Ugh, just thinking about the holidays of my childhood makes me want to sweat right now. I recently watched The Bear Season 2 Episode 6: Fishes. And let me tell you, in this particular episode, their mom (played by Jamie Lee Curtis, who I think deserves an Oscar, Emmy, or something for her part.) SHE. NAILED. IT. She is a drunk, crazy depressed, and over the top cooking like a madwoman in the kitchen AND refusing help from any of the adult children INCLUDING her chef son! My girls actually said to me “you may or may not want to watch this one mom, it may bring up some triggers for you!” It was hard to watch but it was such a great episode of how some holidays can be, let’s say, untraditional. You need to find that sweet spot of enjoying your holiday season while still being around difficult people (namely your relatives!) Here are some questions I would ask yourself: 1. Is there a parent who plays the martyr in the family? How do you react to that?2. Is there something you can contribute to help ease the stress off the person hosting?3. Can you be free to take a walk if things get too heavy, so you can deep breathe and talk to yourself to calm yourself down?4. Can you be the change that can start new traditions either with your original family or with your new family (meaning husband, children etc.) Remember that playing the victim is never an option. Either speak it out or get out and start something new! Try to check in with trusted friends also and try to do something with them in between the big holiday moments. Remember it’s a time of giving and joy, don’t let anyone take that away from you!Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When I became a mother, my heart exploded with love and I was so confused as to how my mother could be so cold to us kids.When you become a mom, it becomes so much more noticeable how much you were Unmothered! How do we learn to do the things of which we were not taught? I couldn’t imagine not pouring out my very best to this beautiful baby. Now that being said, did that baby sometimes drive me crazy with her incessant crying and no-sleep days? Of course.But my love for her outweighed all the rest. Let’s explore some of the emotions we may feel as we enter into motherhood through a different lens of an Unmothered.I’ll leave you with some tips that I think would be beneficial: Seek therapy.Surround yourself with a tribe of other moms, and help each other out!Get good sleepWrite out the things you wished you had gotten from your own mom.I will never know why my mom decided to check out of motherhood. I only have my memories and suspicions of her mental health not being at its best. You don’t have to repeat these same patterns in your family.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When you lose a family member most people think you are supposed to be sad, but what happens when that person was hard to love? How can you maneuver through that grief and what kind of feelings do arise? When I  was scrolling through Instagram, one of my favorite trauma recovery coaches Nate Postlewait ( https://www.instagram.com/nate_postlethwait ) was talking about this subject. It struck me so hard, that all of our journeys are so complex.One of the things that really stuck out to me that Nate posted was, “People don’t get the complexity of a family member passing away who caused great pain. There can be grief for what NEVER was, and sadness because of the finality. Please don’t assume you know how someone is processing this type of loss. Assume they need compassion.”Also, have some kindness and compassion when someone tells you they have to walk away from an abusive family member. It is such a struggle of the heart, and also as Christians, they want everyone to bypass the pain and get to the healing. We may have gotten to the healing, but if the parent hasn’t, it can create an even deeper hold of dysfunction if we stay out of false obligation. Some of us can never share our stories for fear of others in the family coming after us. When the parent passes, it may be easier for us to share, but it is tangled with the “what ifs” of how it could have been different if only they had tried.I have talked to a few women lately who are in the “in-between” place, where their mothers are dying but they don’t have a relationship with her. I don’t have a fast easy answer for this. We walk through each situation differently. I will leave this last remark from Nate: “Let’s say less of “you're so strong” and more of “that looks heavy. Let me help you carry it.” Find people that can help you carry the load. Not to fix, but to hold. It will mean so much to us. Some resources that may be helpful if you are going through this time is Freedom Movement, a trauma-informed biblical coaching program:Here is their IG: https://www.instagram.com/freedom_movementHere is the cohort: https://freedom-movement.mykajabi.com/cohortLooking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Being a caregiver can be an amazing thing, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. I recently watched a short segment on how Bruce Willis’s wife, Emma was taking a break from being a caregiver. As she held back tears, she explained, (although she shouldn’t have to) that even though she is out and about with a smile on her face and it seems she is having fun, she is tired and highly stressed and takes these breaks for her own mental wellbeing. It reminded me of when I was juggling taking care of my own mom even before I knew she had dementia and raising my own daughters. During the episode, I discuss dementia and some statistics about the disease.All this to be said, being a caregiver is probably the hardest “job” and I say that loosely that you will ever take on. What are some ways you can take care of yourself while taking care of others?For help or resources for caregivers contact the “Alzheimer's Association” or “Alzheimer’s Disease and Healthy Aging.”Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Let’s dig into a deeper conversation about some signs and qualities that I’ve started to notice about people with narcissistic tendencies. A big question we must ask is, where it comes from (possibly) and what are some signs of things you yourself may be suffering from being around or living with a person who is narcissistic.Upon my reading and studying, I’ve come across a few signs that show your mother might be narcissistic. Explosive or extreme angerCompulsive or inhibited sexualityExtreme shame, guilt, or self-blame (which is a tactic to make you feel sorry for them)Sense of difference from others; i.e.; specialness, or feeling like no one else can understand them) We learn to survive at the expense of sacrificing our own needs. We become people who attempt to help control the environment, this is something I know well. And it is a job that is not yours to hold.The list goes on and on, but the one thing you have to remember is you may become disassociated with who you naturally are. You are taking on so many different personas it’s hard to know your own opinions or desires in life. So what to do with all this information?Having a strong faith will for me, always be the number one thing towards wholeness. It gives me purpose and meaning and most of all hope in life. I know that God has wasted nothing through my journey and to be able to move forward towards my goal of being a healthy person with God at the helm is comforting for me. He can give me strength and peace that humans can’t always give me. Taking the time to move through our past with therapy or someone safe to walk with you towards a more honest future. The things that have been done to you are not your fault, and it was hard, but you don’t have to stay there. Take your time to find a trustworthy person to partner with you.Here is an affiliate link to the book I mentioned: Understanding and Loving a Person with Depression: Biblical and Practical Wisdom to Build Empathy, Preserve Boundaries, and Show Compassion by Stephen Arterburn (Author), Brenda Hunter (Author): https://bit.ly/465Bgf6Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Can you help someone out of their past, if the root of the problem still remains? I was listening to the news recently and heard the story about Michael Oher and his fight with the Tuohy family. It reminded me of how bringing someone into a healthy family can be an amazing thing, but if they don’t do the deep work, the problems will still remain. As a disclaimer, this is only my opinion, and I will be talking in generalizations, not specifically on this case, as I don’t have any inside info. Can you take a boy(or girl) that you see needs help and change their life with your faith, love, and family values? We have tried to do this. When my daughter was younger we took in her friend who needed all those things, however, the ending was different. You have to name the harm and go deeper with your story to clear out any more pain. The pain won’t completely go away, but you will know how to handle it, or will not carry any bitter root from it.Figure out your past story. If you have grown up with highly traumatic or dysfunctional parents, please seek professional help and let this be an ongoing conversation until you feel the new growth possible! The feelings wheel mentioned can be purchased here: https://bit.ly/47T4NuuLooking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThis podcast is on YouTube now! Go watch this episode: https://www.youtube.com/@phylismantelli/podcastsPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Most women don’t even acknowledge that their mom is a narcissist or may be toxic. In order to start your healing journey, you have to NAME the pain that has been done to you in your childhood. And I want to note, I’m not giving out professional advice! Apart from being a certified coach, I am not a doctor or therapist, so please take this as my personal opinion and as my own personal experience in this matter.However, I have studied ways to recognize if your mom may be a narcissist:She has to have everything perfect and nothing is ever her fault. They will find fault in you over and over though.They don’t live in reality. They live in “their” world as they know it. They always minimize the experience.  Many times we make excuses for our moms because it is too painful to admit they are flawed, or we feel like a bad daughter if we say something derogatory. This doesn’t help the situation and it won’t make it different by you ignoring it.The definition of madness is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result. Your mom is who she is, and you need to find out who you are and what you need and desire in this relationship. There is no reasoning with them, so just remember to not play along with their games.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

There is a difference between helping with love, versus being the person who is allowing the continuation of dysfunction to happen by enabling. I recently watched a movie called ‘To Leslie’ that was an unexpected success in my book, Andrea Riseborough played Leslie and knocked it out of the park as an alcoholic mom. The reason I say this is because as an adult child of an alcoholic, I could relate! This story hit so close to home and was an accurate depiction of how many times I would try to help my mom but it became enabling. I learned that healthy boundaries may seem harsh, but are necessary for the health of your personal well-being and your family's. You should never feel guilty for setting boundaries with a parent who is unstable and damaged in their thinking and posture. Giving them help does NOT help in the long run. When their actions show that they are changing, then you may pop in to see if they really want to get healthy. Change takes time, and it may never happen, wait and see.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When is it okay to talk about the hard things in your story? Do you feel as if you are allowed? To be able to name the things of harm in your story is not only important, it’s necessary for your healing. For far too long the generations of the past have demanded that we “shut up and move on” or tell us “it wasn’t that bad”. We are told we are being babies and complaining about things we shouldn’t talk about. This is the very reason why most Christians cannot get out of their own way to let God walk them through the grieving before we can get to the healing! We cannot bypass this important piece. You can then learn forgiveness when you clear the path completely and honestly. Some questions we cover in the episode are: When is it alright for someone to speak for you?Do you feel guilt over talking about your past, because it’s over and now you are happy?Can you love your Mom if you name the harm?Is forgiveness possible?Forgiveness and love are always possible and necessary; mostly for you and your future. God intended it that way. It’s the peace that surpasses all understanding. On our own, we can’t do it, with Him all things are possible.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Stacy Leicht is an author, speaker, and veteran teacher. Stacy currently works at UNC-Greensboro in the Education Department where she trains future teachers. Stacy believes there's a story in every seat, and God uniquely made each person with a purpose. She has dealt with physical trauma, being violated by someone she trusted, and the anxiety and fear of having a stalker. Yet, God has replaced those feelings with trust, faithfulness, and abundant love. Stacy's mission is to unveil God's love for each listener, leading them to unplug and reset their lives.She gave us the four P's today PrayPausePlan time with GodPartner with others to pray together ( you need your pit team to win the race!)I had a wonderful chat with Stacy and I hope you all enjoyed it as well! Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

What was it like growing up in your home? In my home, I felt like I was constantly dealing with a teenager or even a child. While at the time I just thought this was ‘normal’ I later understood that it wasn’t. When you grow up with a parent who is emotionally immature and can’t be the adult in the family relationship it can feel like their needs are paramount to yours. They are physically there, but not mentally. There was no room for me to feel anything, and that is why I am so passionate about finding my voice even to this day. Our feelings count! We keep hoping it will get better. We make attachments where there shouldn’t be any. With her. With others. I figured out a lot of my need for recognition comes from this. However, just because you grew up this way, doesn’t mean you need to parent in the same way. Break off these generational patterns. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Andrea M. Nyberg is an author, speaker, and photographer passionate about (re)framing the collision of faith and mental health and its impact on our identity, emotions, and relationships. Her debut book, I’m Such A Messterpiece, invites others who are facing a crisis of faith and identity to consider that pain and hope can hold hands and a mess can still be a masterpiece. Andrea holds a master of arts in educational leadership from Gateway Seminary and serves in various leadership roles in her church and community. Check out Andrea M. Nyberg:Buy her book: https://andreamnyberg.com/im-such-a-messterpiece-book/Her website: https://andreamnyberg.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/andreamnyberg/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AndreaMNyberg/ Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Let’s be honest. . . You can still love your mom from afar, but what are these feelings of love and hate for our moms? Can we just “get over” it? Let's discuss the good, bad, and ugly of having a difficult, abusive mom. And by abusive, it can be emotionally abusive which is sometimes more hurtful than physical because the scars are on the inside. I sat with so many women who have stories of getting angry with their moms and I see others on social media who have excuses for their feelings. Some questions to think about this week are: Is your anger valid?Do you need to tell your mom how you feel, or if she has passed, can you still feel anger and love?When is it time to let the anger go?Can you find peace through all of this?What does grieving look like if she has passed on?Find ways to take care of your emotions on this. You need to get to a healthy place and let God guide you through it slowly! Do not rush this process. Scream in a pillow. Write a letter and burn it. Tie a knot with a ripped sheet or some kind of material. Pray and sit silently with some Christian (calming) music and when you are ready, untie the knot and the promise that you will NOT continue to let her control you anymore.Don’t let these feelings overcome you.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Ariel joined us on the podcast again this week to talk more about being a working mom and how she picked her partner for the support he provides for her emotionally. She has learned that for her, working fulfills her, and gives her purpose, she likes contributing outside of the home and her husband supports her on that 100%. They can communicate with one another the feeling of having a long day at work vs a long day with the kids. They have found a sense of balance that compliments each other within their marriage and parenthood. For them they share a level of equal responsibility because they are both the parents to their children, they are responsible for them.Some questions we covered were:How did you know that working during motherhood was a choice for you?Why do women take care of their kids, have their careers, and then think it’s all over after the kids leave or they retire? Don’t let life pass you by, and think that because your child left for college there is nothing else for you to do. Your brain doesn’t expire at 50 years old! Society likes to put urgency on us, but there is no urgency, you can add to your life at any age.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

We are talking with my oldest daughter Ariel who is a wife, mom of 2 (almost three), and a working mom. We chat about the balance and the imbalance of being a working mom. With her current season, she is learning to surrender her own expectations with the constant changes that come with day-to-day life. Plans change, especially with younger children. The biggest lesson she has learned through her pregnancies is to be vocal about her body and mind.Some of the main questions that we covered are: Is there mommy guilt to be had when you are a working mom?What are some struggles that moms are up against today in society?What would have you done differently if this was your first time expecting? Her latest venture is being an advocate for other moms in the workplace to open the conversation about paid leave plans from the moment they find out they are pregnant to after the maternity leave is over and they come back to work. She wants to highlight both employees as well, not just the parent carrying the child. Ariel lives in Orange County, CA with her husband and 2 kids. They are expecting baby number 3 this summer. Professionally, her background is in, marketing where she helps small businesses to scale and grow. Currently, she is a program leader and coach for a business communications firm that works with senior leaders and executives. As her career and family have grown, she has become more aware of the challenges women and parents face in the workplace. As a result, she has committed to helping moms thrive and does so through workplace initiatives and community outreach. Connect with Ariel at: https://www.arielcorrales.co/ or on LinkedIn at: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arielcorrales00/Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When I got the phone call that my mom had broken her hip, believe me, I wanted to hang up and pretend I never heard it. My relationship with my mom was not the typical kind and taking care of her (again) was the last thing I wanted to do. When your toxic parent ages and you have to care for them what are you going to do?When is it a good time to mend the relationship with your mom? When she is ill? I made a decision that I was going to take care of her, but this time with boundaries. Let’s explore how to help or find help to be a caring daughter (or son) when your mom falls ill and when we have to put some feelings aside to help out a sick parent. Remember you are the adult, you set the tone. Setting boundaries is crucial to remain true to yourself. It’s also okay to find help so the burden is not only on you, for outside help to come and fill in so you get a break. Let siblings help so the load is not all on you unless they want to do it themselves.You will never regret helping when at the end of the day, you will always remember the love that was there.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

How do we teach our children how to handle their feelings?In this episode, I want to chat about our children and how to hone their own feelings when stress or anxiety sets in for them.The questions I want you to walk away with today are:When is a good time to discuss feelings with your kids? What is age appropriate in talking about hard things?What kind of things can we do to help them through these things?I recently came across the documentary “American Tragedy” which was about the Columbine High School shooting. They interviewed one of the killers' mother; Sue Klebold. It broke my heart because we forget that everyone suffers in this situation. We need to be better for our kids, so they don’t grow up not knowing how to process emotions and then rage and go off the deep end and hurt others. There is no doubt that what those boys did was horrific, and it keeps happening at a fast pace. So the question becomes “What can we do for these children now to change the narrative of evil?” If I had a teacher at a young age to really help me process feelings, maybe I could have shared what was really going on in my home and gotten help. Of course I came from a different time and generation, but I can guarantee you that I am always conscious of my grandchildren's emotions. I will be committed to paying attention to subtle clues and keeping communication open. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When you first get introduced to your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family, when is it a good time to talk about your hard past? If you have experienced a different upbringing than the family of your significant other, it can be hard to explain your past. The biggest question is can they embrace you into the family when you have come from a completely different background?There are some questions to think about after listening to this episode: When is it a good time to bring up specifics about your family?What happens if they don’t think you are good enough for their son?Where does the relationship go if it becomes a battle between him and his parents?How can you show them who you are in spite of the rough upbringing?I had to experience this exact situation when I first met Mike’s family. His family isn’t perfect but they definitely had a different upbringing than I did. It wasn’t the easiest at times, but opening up to peoples family’s takes time. It takes time to show them who you are. Never be ashamed of where you have come from, but make sure you are working on yourself to be confident in where you are now. Listen as well as talk to the people asking the questions. You don’t need to defend something you had no control over. You do have to present yourself as someone they can trust. This takes time. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When a family keeps secrets thinking the truth will never come out, they are sadly mistaken. Secrets can create collateral damage by not only ruining relationships but causing shame in your generations. Are you willing to learn how to have truthful but sometimes tough conversations that will always lead to beautiful relationships? I recently had breakfast with a friend where we were sharing some tough things and we got on the subject of how our family’s generation always kept secrets. Things looked great on the outside, but inside the home was so filled with deception and lies! I hear it all the time and I lived it with my own family. My mom would continuously lie about everything and we would have to sift through the words and actions to figure out what was true. One of the ways the enemy comes after us is through our families, and if those families are very damaged, he can keep that separation going through secrets. Let me tell you something; lies will ALWAYS eventually come out. It may take 5, 10, or 50 years, but the truth will come out.It has the power to destroy a lot of people the longer the secret is kept. Even if you think you are helping someone, by denying the full truth, it will create a separation in trust. The collateral damage from my mom telling lies hit all of us kids hard. I know for me, there was a shame attached that didn’t belong to me, for my siblings I know it probably felt the same way. We took on shame and hurt that should never have been our own. As I sat with my friend, we agreed that secrets never help save anyone. The only thing we can do is to do it differently with our own families. It’s up to us in this generation to build up strong households to contain truthful, loving families. Even when the truth is hard, it can always be done with love and forgiveness. Secrets kill, truth lives!Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

How do you create the marriage you have always dreamed of? What is the secret to a happy marriage? In my opinion, it is staying the course! We will dive into the good, bad, and ugly of what marriage really is and why it’s not for the faint of heart.There is an innocence of what we think marriage is when we are young and as you get older, life can take over. When we say those vows, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, you have to understand that those scenarios will come into play during a 30+ year marriage. On the other hand, don't let your partner complete, but compliment you. You should be a whole person before you get married, not after. Your spouse should bring out the best parts in you. Most of you know that this is my second marriage and God has blessed me immensely with it, but it hasn't always been an easy road. I can name situations that pertain to each of those vows and the struggles that came from them. In the end though, marriage is a beautiful thing and I know that my husband always has my back, is my best friend, and will always be my favorite person in this world. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Do not let anyone undermine what makes you feel safe and comfortable. You have “bucked up” long enough. Making time for friends that understand and energize you instead of connections that deplete us is fine.Want to stop apologizing for feeling different from your friends or most of the world? Do you get anxious and excited to be invited to social events? Is your comfort zone your home? Do you prefer to be alone rather than with a bunch of friends?  Do loud noisy restaurants, or outside noises make you especially crazy? Would you rather have soft fabrics against your skin than a stiff cotton shirt?If you answered “yes” to one or all of these things, you may be an HSP better known as a Highly Sensitive Person. Most people don’t understand or want to understand us. But once you meet people like you, you feel less weird or alone. I’m going to talk about how I found out this was an actual diagnosis and how it made me feel so much better about why I do the things I do.Recognize these things in yourself, don’t be ashamed of them or make excuses for them. I say embrace them and learn more about what an HSP is. One of my favorite people who taught me the most about this is my friend Cheri Gregory who has a membership online called “Sensitive & Strong”. She is a wealth of inspiration and has written several books on this subject. Check her out if you need to know more. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When you have grown up with a different childhood, you might have a hard time accepting the past. In this episode, we are going to talk about the shame that comes from having that hard story. Do you often have a hard time speaking about your childhood because it doesn’t sound like everyone else? Are you afraid you will scare people away with your “movie of the week” life? I hear ya, and let's break this down so it doesn’t become a hindrance for you.So I guess the question becomes also; are you having a hard time accepting your childhood because you are ashamed or you think it’s unfair? Because as you see everyone else having these experiences that you didn’t get to play a part in, is there jealousy or an ache to have been able to do things differently?Are you at peace with where you are now in your life?Do you still blame your parents for not giving you a “normal” childhood?Is there shame attached to the things that have happened to you that you can’t get past? Why?Begin to search your heart and take your time exploring what it is that you need to make you feel at peace with what has happened to you. If you need to cry it out and dig deeper, find a therapist that can walk you through this. It takes time and you shouldn’t rush this processKnow that who you are now matters and you have done and been through really hard things. I am so proud of you for continuing to be on your mind/health journey.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When you feel like being around your mom is no longer an option. What do you do? There is no need for guilt if there is danger around you concerning your mother. You can still love your mother if she is not in your life.I had a member in my Facebook group ask this question a while back, and it bears talking about it. For as much as we would love to wrap a nice little bow around healing and forgiveness when it comes to our mothers, I don't believe it is healthy or possible sometimes. I have heard some gruesome stories of mothers that are so mentally ill, still walking around living life, but really not healthy or safe. However, if you asked in a good Christian community group, the answer most times would be “ask God to bring your mom back to you and you can both forgive all, He can make it happen.” I believe a part of that. He can heal all and have us forgive all. But that only works if both parties are healthy and ready for change. There are some questions I want you to ask yourself if you think going no contact with your mom is the best choice for you: If the situation is physically or very emotionally dangerous, it’s time for no contactIf there is any way to set a boundary, to protect yourself when things get too scaryWho can you reach out to when you just need to vent; to help make better decisions, someone who will listen but not fix? Always follow the Holy Spirit's promptings; He will guide you. You will know in your gut if it’s dangerous and time for no contact! Be safe first!Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Have you ever had a sibling or close relative get jealous because you suddenly have a life change for the better? It’s almost inevitable that when you finally break free from your past “scarcity” mindset, you will get pushback from those who have remained the same. Remember who you are and where God has placed you. You are not tied to every person in your family forever and ever. Amen. You are meant for more. So are they. If they are willing to step out of the comfortable/everyday things they have settled into they can begin to see that things can be different.I had the moment when I realized that I had become different from my childhood family. After going through that I asked myself: Do you hold back from your dreams and desires because other people in your family don’t have what you have?Can you create a positive mindset of listening to God’s prompting to help you have a better life? Do you self-sabotage in this area to please others? If you do, please stop. You are helping no one.And speaking of help; when it is appreciated, do you share the things you can to help others in your family? Do they see how your abundance can be a blessing in all of your lives?Write down the reasons why you don’t want to stay in the place you are currently if it is not good. If it is good, write down all the things/ways you can help others with the blessings God has given you.Stop feeling Guilty! If God wants to use you for different things in different areas, in different statuses, listen to that and keep going! Don’t let the jealousy or small mindset of people stop you!Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Today we are chatting with Tina Yeager. She is an award-winning author, speaker, and life coach, Tina Yeager hosts the Flourish-Meant podcast and Flourish Today on Christian Mix 106 and publishes Inkspirations Online, a weekly writers’ devotional. She has been licensed as a counselor since 2005, which came in handy when we started talking about the healthy boundaries between mothers and daughters. Yeager serves as director of traditional groups with Word Weavers International and as an active member of the Christian Women in Media Association. For life coaching tips or to book her as an event speaker, visit tinayeager.com. Look for her books, Beautiful Warrior: Finding Victory Over the Lies Formed Against You and Upcycled: Crafted for a Purpose.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityWant to read my book? Purchase a signed copy here: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

How do we find the heart to heal those who have hurt us? We will explore what it means to forgive people who hurt you deeply. Do you need to forgive them? Should you? What does that look like? Let’s talk about this.I was asked in my private Facebook group of my Unmothered women, what to do when they are having a hard time wanting to heal a relationship with their mom and sometimes with their siblings. This can be a tricky, touchy subject. I want to be sure we are always doing something that will begin OUR OWN healing process and not focus on revenge or bitterness. Our healing depends on getting real about what the situation is and how we can work through it. Your own healing is THE most important part of the healing relationship. It doesn’t matter if they want to join you on this journey. Oftentimes they probably won’t. You must not stifle the progress you need to make in order to heal. The way they accept the process will tell you a lot about whether you should continue a conversation about this or not.Are you wanting the healing to make yourself feel better (comforted temporarily), or do you really want to change the relationship, when is it time to take a break or walk away in love?Always decide whether the thing you want is moving you towards your own healing process and God’s healing or if it is just a temporary fix.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Is there ever a good time to share your mommy issues story? In this episode, we are going to go over eliminating the shame of growing up in a toxic relationship with your mother and sharing it with others.When do you tell someone new about your past? Should you?When is it time to just not say anything?Can you feel safe and protected when sharing about your messed up mom?For so many years I would rather chew on wood (not really) than explain my childhood with my mom TO ANYONE! Now that I have written a book about it, it usually becomes a topic of conversation at weddings, funerals, conferences, church, and pretty much anywhere I go! However, I would tell you that when I am out of town and no one knows about me, I vet people out as to how much information I share about my past or my family. So how do you know? Let’s go over some of these questions today:Is there such a thing as oversharing?When is it never a good time to share (ahhh…maybe in line at the grocery store?)LOLDo you feel safe sharing a part of yourself with this person?Will you ever get rid of the shame associated with growing up in this environment?Learn appropriate boundaries around your story. It’s perfectly okay to keep quiet and feel safe. Don’t let anyone shame you with their shock or awe. You are a thriver, not just a survivor! And remember, everyone has “crazy” in their family.Do you need to learn how to temper your story? What are specific things you can say without revealing all?Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityPurchase a signed copy of my book: https://www.phylismantelli.com/shop/p/unmotheredThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Listen in on this amazing podcast episode I recorded with The Fearless Mujer Podcast. We chatted about generational dysfunction that I've grown up in and more about my story that share in my book Unmothered: Life With A Mom Who Couldn't Love Me. If you enjoy this episode share it with friends and don't forget to leave a review to help spread this message with other women who may need to hear it. Also checkout the Fearless Mujer over on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefearlessmujerpodcast/Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

I just came back from a trauma class in Chicago. There we had to start digging into parts of our story that have been buried to survive. We spend half our lives just surviving the trauma that has been done to us. This class left me stunned with the realization that I had never dug into my story of being taken from the only home I had known in my eight years of life. What do we do to keep going through the traumas of our life? Today we will find out why it is important to hold those stories well and grieve them. It is only then that we can start getting honest about why our bodies react to triggers and start regulating our minds and bodies to a better space.Some questions I want you to think about after today’s episode is:Do you know your hard story?Are you willing to ask questions about it even if it means learning that your parents may have played a part in the trauma?Do you want to start the change of familiar habits that don’t serve you well anymore? (self-protection, walls of protection) We need to ask God to help us get healthy and not just survive but thrive! When you can get truthful about all the things that you have gone through and start working out your hard story, you will find freedom. Find someone (most likely a coach or a therapist) that you can share some hard truths with. Stop and breathe when you feel the old patterns start to rise up and ask yourself why it is happening. Grieve your trauma well, but then learn that you need to let it go! Ask God to help you with all of this. Ask Him to point out the things that are holding you back from all He wants you to be.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

I was honored to be a guest on the Arise Esther Podcast by Dawn Scott Damon. We had such a great conversation! Here is a little bit about Dawn: Dawn Scott Damon is known as the BraveHearted Mentor; Coaching for women over 40. She is a speaker, podcast host, mentor, and award-winning author.Dawn is a favorite keynote conference speaker and an engaging communicator who inspires her audience to maximize their God-given purpose and potential in Christ. Dreams are ignited as Dawn uses sound biblical teaching, personal stories, and humor to awaken gifts and callings found in everyone.Don't forget to check out her podcast Arise Esther on Apple Podcasts! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/arise-esther-this-is-your-moment/id1523473513Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

How do we know if we need a mentor and how we can find one that we trust? This is a tricky proposition and one you can’t take lightly. It must be thought out and seek someone you can trust with your heart. Let’s walk through the ways you can find the right woman to help you with issues we should be able to go to our moms with, but someone that can step in and fill those shoes for a bit. How many times have you wished you could pick up the phone and call your mom? Or drive over and have coffee or breakfast with her and pour out all your struggles or just need advice? Then, the reality sets in that we don’t have those kinds of moms! However, that shouldn’t stop us from learning and being nurtured by other older moms that we admire and respect. We need to learn from other moms that have gone before us. We are not alone and we can partner with a “mama-like” woman and learn the lessons she has walked through already.Some questions that we cover today are: Why do you need a mama mentor?How do you find them?When do you know it’s safe to open up your heart to them?When is it time to do it on your own again?Learning to partner with another only brings more blessings to our family. Start today by asking for help from someone you admire or see if there is a mentorship program at your local church. Don’t do motherhood alone, reach out to friends too, and let God bless you with a village of “mama mentors!”Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

With the New Year before us and everyone talking about goals, intentions, and dreams, do you wonder if there is anything good this year for you? Are you allowed to dream big? Is it wrong to think about being better than where you have come from? In this episode let me break it down for you to realize why we(as UnMothereds) are afraid of success, why we sabotage ourselves out of it, and what we can do to start living the life we dream and desire! Because after all, life can be good.I have three ways that helped me overcome the self-sabotaging cycle: Thinking that success is a straight win to the top! (hint: there is tension in the transition, and you can actually “fail up!”) Nothing is a failure unless you stop!Just because your relatives (ie; siblings, mom or dad, cousins) don’t have what you have or want, doesn’t mean you should shrink back. Thank God for the blessing and move on!We have a horrible habit (which is actually trauma) of never finishing a project, it makes it hard to be on the success track when we can’t concentrate right. Get help for this and recognize it! If you find yourself in this same position, reach out to me. I can offer you coaching advice on how to create your dream life. This is a great example of where coaching can really help! Let's set up a game plan for you to think and pray differently!Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Yes, I am a baby boomer. I’m a 65-year-old woman and proud of it! My question for all the women out there today is why do we stop dreaming of things we really want to accomplish and how we can get back on track?Today I want to dive into the false narrative that once we reach a certain age, we are not relevant anymore. No one ever shares with us that our second chapter is just beginning! Our freedom from children and housework and the mundane is over. We are coming out of our cocoons today! What are your dreams? What makes your heart spark? Where do you want to place your time? It could be in volunteering or a whole new career in that you can make your own hours and set the pace. Whatever it is…let’s talk about it!Wondering where to start? Let’s make sure we have a vision for this next chapterOne thing is for sure; you need to keep your body and mind healthyWhat would your perfect day look like? Do you get up early-or do you like to wake up slowly in the morning and stare out the window (hand raised to me!)Where does your husband or significant other or grown kids, or grandkids fit into this new you and schedule?Whatever the outcome, be in control of this next chapter. Make the most of your golden years and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t…Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When the holidays are filled with family gatherings and such, these times can be extremely chaotic, especially for mothers or wives. For some reason, the responsibility has fallen on us over the years and I wanted to talk to you all today to remind you that, that doesn't need to be the case. Here are some things to keep in mind this Christmas season: There is no rule saying you have to do it allDon't forget to ask for help!Take the time to breathe, meditate, and remember that this season is to celebrate the birth of JesusStart to think of your new year intentions or word for 2023I hope you all have a great holiday and a happy new year! I know that my family and I are very excited to be spending some quality time altogether this season! Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Today we are talking about how we can set healthy boundaries without guilt from outside perspectives. A lot of people don’t understand that when you have to consistently ‘mother your mother’ you need to set those healthy boundaries. I want to discuss what this looks like and why it’s necessary to keep good protections around you. Lately so much has been said about “boundaries”. I see it all over social media, the famous Christian author Lysa TerKeurst has written a book about it and I hear celebrities throwing the word around in places like reality tv shows. These books and studies have been around for a very long time, Dr. Henry Cloud wrote the book “Boundaries” many years ago. Let’s dive into this important subject as an UnMothered, so you can set the practice of setting your own healthy boundaries when it comes to your mother/daughter relationships.Some common questions I hear surrounding this topic are: What does a healthy boundary look like? How we can get strong enough to say “no” and set the boundary? What happens when the boundary is set and they walk away? Where do you go from here now that you have solid boundaries?Make sure the future you want always includes healthy boundaries and standing in the truth of what you want your life to look like. This includes things in your job, relationships, and even your faith. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

If I’m being honest, the holidays are not my favorite time of year. I only had memories of my parents physically and verbally fighting when I was little. Then my mom continued to do harm to anyone she was with, and would turn her wrath on us kids.It took many years and some really great kids of mine to help me relax and enjoy the beauty of the holidays. I still have some hard spots in it, but now with grandkids, I feel reborn to enjoy and see the togetherness for what it is...gratefulness for family.Over the years, I’ve learned 5 steps that help me handle the holidays so I don’t stress out over them: -Ask for help-Make a list of what you are cooking and what you need to do around the house before everyone comes over-Order a pre-made meal if you are not a cook. No shame in getting the meal delivered either!-If you are a guest, ask what you can bring and help out where you can-Sit someone apart from that person that bugs you the mostLastly, put an end time of when you need to leave for your own sanity. I hope these tips help you out with the holiday season! If you have any other tips, send me a message on my Instagram, I’d love to connect. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

In this episode, I wanted us to start understanding what breaking generational dysfunction looks like and what it doesn’t. (Hint: it’s not a curse or a sin!). I’m here today to give you some examples of where it started and how we can be the “chain breakers” to end the toxic examples of our parental past. I mentioned that I pulled our posing question from Sharon Peykar on Instagram. I highly recommend going and following her over at @sitwithsharon or https://www.instagram.com/sitwithsharon/. She is not only a relationship coach, but she is also a licensed therapist! The question she presented was, “Growing up in dysfunction made me think this was normal. . .” It took me a long time to realize that the sins/or toxicity of my mother didn’t just start with her. If we dig into the “why” our mothers (or fathers) do the toxic things they do toward us, maybe we can have some empathy or understanding of their dysfunction and learn to change that behavior in our own families. In this episode, I want you to start thinking about: How the choices you make today will honor or dishonor your future generations. The dysfunction your mother has or had is not a reflection of how you will mother your children What good traditions can you create that can last through the generations and be a new stronghold in your family? What kind of family would you want if you could dream/pray it into reality? Don’t give up on this, it can happen! Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/ Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/ *Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

In last week's episode, we talked about the different traumas and triggers you may face when dealing with a toxic past. I want to give you 6 of my favorite tips on how to calm your body when stressed or when something starts to trigger you. I always say that your body holds onto your trauma, so you need to care for it when it starts to feel distressed!BreatheTake a Walk or ExerciseSet The Mood That Calms YouFeel Your FeetBubble BathJournal and PrayerThese are just some ways that I stay in the now of the moment and not be triggered by my past, or if I am triggered what helps me calm my mind and body down. I have learned how to ground myself with help from different experts. Now I know how to handle these hard situations and be kind to my body and mind.*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

In today’s episode, we are going deep and hitting on a sensitive topic. This episode is in honor of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month.If you had told me that at 26 years old, I would have to go through one of the hardest things in my life, I never would have believed you. The loss of a baby is the most grief I have ever experienced to this day, but something I never have talked about is a miscarriage I suffered as a teen. Today we are ripping off the bandaid to these things that most women experience but never talk about.We are covering the questions surrounding miscarriage, teen pregnancy, and infant loss such as:What does it look like to lose a baby as a young mom? Can you get through it?How do we maneuver through the suffering of infant loss or miscarriage?Who do we reach out to after this happens?Are we being honest with things that happen to us as women with other women?If you haven’t reached out for therapy or to talk about the struggles you may have gone through, I highly encourage you to find a therapist or counselor. Another great source I mentioned in the episode, was my dear friend Vanessa Guardado who is a pregnancy & infant loss support facilitator. Go follow her on Instagram.@vanessa_c_guardado: https://www.instagram.com/vanessa_c_guardado/Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

In this episode, I want to provide you with tips on how to identify your traumas and triggers in your day-to-day life. I will share some personal examples of what triggers and traumas look like in my life and some ways I cope with them.Last week we talked about Gabby Windey from The Bachelorette and how she was ‘triggered’. Not everyone understands these different triggers and understand that are associated with the trauma you have witnessed or been through. It took me a long time to realize what my mind and body were doing and why I would shut down or run away from things that set me off.Trials will come when you are in a relationship and one thing they do can set you off, but that shouldn't stop you from communicating it to them. A good partner will listen to what trail you have been through and make a note not to trigger you when they can help it. Next week we are going to talk about different ways to ground yourself and help you stay in the now, not the past.Don’t forget to subscribe or leave a review on how you like this episode!The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

As I was channel surfing I stopped on The Bachelorette. I never watch this show anymore, but of course, I was curious! I swear God wanted me to hear this, Gabby Windey was on a date and they were talking about family.His parents had been married forever and loved each other fiercely. She started telling him about her fractured relationship with her mom! How when she graduated her mother wrote her off …she started to cry..it broke my heart. She excused herself and was crying to the producers. They asked her what “triggered” the reaction.If we look at the history of where your parents came from, chances are there has been a lot of dysfunction for many generations. It may have started with them, but it ends with you! You have the potential to end the cycle of dysfunction and unhappiness.The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/