The UnMothered Podcast

With the New Year before us and everyone talking about goals, intentions, and dreams, do you wonder if there is anything good this year for you? Are you allowed to dream big? Is it wrong to think about being better than where you have come from? In this episode let me break it down for you to realize why we(as UnMothereds) are afraid of success, why we sabotage ourselves out of it, and what we can do to start living the life we dream and desire! Because after all, life can be good.I have three ways that helped me overcome the self-sabotaging cycle: Thinking that success is a straight win to the top! (hint: there is tension in the transition, and you can actually “fail up!”) Nothing is a failure unless you stop!Just because your relatives (ie; siblings, mom or dad, cousins) don’t have what you have or want, doesn’t mean you should shrink back. Thank God for the blessing and move on!We have a horrible habit (which is actually trauma) of never finishing a project, it makes it hard to be on the success track when we can’t concentrate right. Get help for this and recognize it! If you find yourself in this same position, reach out to me. I can offer you coaching advice on how to create your dream life. This is a great example of where coaching can really help! Let's set up a game plan for you to think and pray differently!Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Yes, I am a baby boomer. I’m a 65-year-old woman and proud of it! My question for all the women out there today is why do we stop dreaming of things we really want to accomplish and how we can get back on track?Today I want to dive into the false narrative that once we reach a certain age, we are not relevant anymore. No one ever shares with us that our second chapter is just beginning! Our freedom from children and housework and the mundane is over. We are coming out of our cocoons today! What are your dreams? What makes your heart spark? Where do you want to place your time? It could be in volunteering or a whole new career in that you can make your own hours and set the pace. Whatever it is…let’s talk about it!Wondering where to start? Let’s make sure we have a vision for this next chapterOne thing is for sure; you need to keep your body and mind healthyWhat would your perfect day look like? Do you get up early-or do you like to wake up slowly in the morning and stare out the window (hand raised to me!)Where does your husband or significant other or grown kids, or grandkids fit into this new you and schedule?Whatever the outcome, be in control of this next chapter. Make the most of your golden years and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t…Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

When the holidays are filled with family gatherings and such, these times can be extremely chaotic, especially for mothers or wives. For some reason, the responsibility has fallen on us over the years and I wanted to talk to you all today to remind you that, that doesn't need to be the case. Here are some things to keep in mind this Christmas season: There is no rule saying you have to do it allDon't forget to ask for help!Take the time to breathe, meditate, and remember that this season is to celebrate the birth of JesusStart to think of your new year intentions or word for 2023I hope you all have a great holiday and a happy new year! I know that my family and I are very excited to be spending some quality time altogether this season! Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

Today we are talking about how we can set healthy boundaries without guilt from outside perspectives. A lot of people don’t understand that when you have to consistently ‘mother your mother’ you need to set those healthy boundaries. I want to discuss what this looks like and why it’s necessary to keep good protections around you. Lately so much has been said about “boundaries”. I see it all over social media, the famous Christian author Lysa TerKeurst has written a book about it and I hear celebrities throwing the word around in places like reality tv shows. These books and studies have been around for a very long time, Dr. Henry Cloud wrote the book “Boundaries” many years ago. Let’s dive into this important subject as an UnMothered, so you can set the practice of setting your own healthy boundaries when it comes to your mother/daughter relationships.Some common questions I hear surrounding this topic are: What does a healthy boundary look like? How we can get strong enough to say “no” and set the boundary? What happens when the boundary is set and they walk away? Where do you go from here now that you have solid boundaries?Make sure the future you want always includes healthy boundaries and standing in the truth of what you want your life to look like. This includes things in your job, relationships, and even your faith. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

If I’m being honest, the holidays are not my favorite time of year. I only had memories of my parents physically and verbally fighting when I was little. Then my mom continued to do harm to anyone she was with, and would turn her wrath on us kids.It took many years and some really great kids of mine to help me relax and enjoy the beauty of the holidays. I still have some hard spots in it, but now with grandkids, I feel reborn to enjoy and see the togetherness for what it is...gratefulness for family.Over the years, I’ve learned 5 steps that help me handle the holidays so I don’t stress out over them: -Ask for help-Make a list of what you are cooking and what you need to do around the house before everyone comes over-Order a pre-made meal if you are not a cook. No shame in getting the meal delivered either!-If you are a guest, ask what you can bring and help out where you can-Sit someone apart from that person that bugs you the mostLastly, put an end time of when you need to leave for your own sanity. I hope these tips help you out with the holiday season! If you have any other tips, send me a message on my Instagram, I’d love to connect. Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

In this episode, I wanted us to start understanding what breaking generational dysfunction looks like and what it doesn’t. (Hint: it’s not a curse or a sin!). I’m here today to give you some examples of where it started and how we can be the “chain breakers” to end the toxic examples of our parental past. I mentioned that I pulled our posing question from Sharon Peykar on Instagram. I highly recommend going and following her over at @sitwithsharon or https://www.instagram.com/sitwithsharon/. She is not only a relationship coach, but she is also a licensed therapist! The question she presented was, “Growing up in dysfunction made me think this was normal. . .” It took me a long time to realize that the sins/or toxicity of my mother didn’t just start with her. If we dig into the “why” our mothers (or fathers) do the toxic things they do toward us, maybe we can have some empathy or understanding of their dysfunction and learn to change that behavior in our own families. In this episode, I want you to start thinking about: How the choices you make today will honor or dishonor your future generations. The dysfunction your mother has or had is not a reflection of how you will mother your children What good traditions can you create that can last through the generations and be a new stronghold in your family? What kind of family would you want if you could dream/pray it into reality? Don’t give up on this, it can happen! Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunity The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/ Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/ *Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

In last week's episode, we talked about the different traumas and triggers you may face when dealing with a toxic past. I want to give you 6 of my favorite tips on how to calm your body when stressed or when something starts to trigger you. I always say that your body holds onto your trauma, so you need to care for it when it starts to feel distressed!BreatheTake a Walk or ExerciseSet The Mood That Calms YouFeel Your FeetBubble BathJournal and PrayerThese are just some ways that I stay in the now of the moment and not be triggered by my past, or if I am triggered what helps me calm my mind and body down. I have learned how to ground myself with help from different experts. Now I know how to handle these hard situations and be kind to my body and mind.*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

In today’s episode, we are going deep and hitting on a sensitive topic. This episode is in honor of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month.If you had told me that at 26 years old, I would have to go through one of the hardest things in my life, I never would have believed you. The loss of a baby is the most grief I have ever experienced to this day, but something I never have talked about is a miscarriage I suffered as a teen. Today we are ripping off the bandaid to these things that most women experience but never talk about.We are covering the questions surrounding miscarriage, teen pregnancy, and infant loss such as:What does it look like to lose a baby as a young mom? Can you get through it?How do we maneuver through the suffering of infant loss or miscarriage?Who do we reach out to after this happens?Are we being honest with things that happen to us as women with other women?If you haven’t reached out for therapy or to talk about the struggles you may have gone through, I highly encourage you to find a therapist or counselor. Another great source I mentioned in the episode, was my dear friend Vanessa Guardado who is a pregnancy & infant loss support facilitator. Go follow her on Instagram.@vanessa_c_guardado: https://www.instagram.com/vanessa_c_guardado/Looking to connect with other UnMothered’s? Join the PRIVATE Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheUnmotheredCommunityThe UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/*Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor.

As I was channel surfing I stopped on The Bachelorette. I never watch this show anymore, but of course, I was curious! I swear God wanted me to hear this, Gabby Windey was on a date and they were talking about family.His parents had been married forever and loved each other fiercely. She started telling him about her fractured relationship with her mom! How when she graduated her mother wrote her off …she started to cry..it broke my heart. She excused herself and was crying to the producers. They asked her what “triggered” the reaction.If we look at the history of where your parents came from, chances are there has been a lot of dysfunction for many generations. It may have started with them, but it ends with you! You have the potential to end the cycle of dysfunction and unhappiness.The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

In this episode, I want to provide you with tips on how to identify your traumas and triggers in your day-to-day life. I will share some personal examples of what triggers and traumas look like in my life and some ways I cope with them.Last week we talked about Gabby Windey from The Bachelorette and how she was ‘triggered’. Not everyone understands these different triggers and understand that are associated with the trauma you have witnessed or been through. It took me a long time to realize what my mind and body were doing and why I would shut down or run away from things that set me off.Trials will come when you are in a relationship and one thing they do can set you off, but that shouldn't stop you from communicating it to them. A good partner will listen to what trail you have been through and make a note not to trigger you when they can help it. Next week we are going to talk about different ways to ground yourself and help you stay in the now, not the past.Don’t forget to subscribe or leave a review on how you like this episode!The UnMothered Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/theunmotheredpodcast/Phylis Mantelli’s IG: https://www.instagram.com/phylismantelli/

When life gives you a toxic mother, what do you do? You listen, learn, and change your direction! I’m Phylis Mantelli, author of the book “UnMothered: Life With A Mom Who Couldn’t Love Me”. I want to give you mentoring and encouragement you may have never had. Let’s create some new thoughts and patterns with things I’ve worked through and with some amazing God-filled experts. Women who have walked through the same road can give us wisdom. I will support you on this journey and bring some good advice and lots of love as we find our way to becoming who we are meant to be, no matter where we started. If you want to be connected with other women who struggle with a toxic mother-daughter relationship, join my UnMothered Community Facebook Group. You can always find me over on Instagram too if you want to get in touch! Are you ready peeps? Let’s get started!