The Relaxed Male

Announcements Announcements Workshop for Divorced Men New Gear for a better podcast - Zoom Podtrak P4 Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men Is it normal to feel discouraged about hobbies if your parents get too involved? I am going to assume that you are around the age of 14–18 years old, and still living in your parent's house. With that being the case the answer can be yeah. You are wanting to be your own person and when your parents jump into something that you like doing it is like the squares are invading a party. Yet I would encourage you to look at it in a different way. Ask yourself why they are they wanting to do what I am doing? It could be that they are wanting to monitor you and see that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Yet. it could also be that they are wanting to be in your life. They want to understand your passions and what drives you. Most of the time your boring parents are wanting to spend time with you. When they know you are in the basement working on a model RC plane they know they can come down and talk with you and learn from you. Most of the time they are wanting to spend time with you. They do love you and want to have as much time as possible with you before you leave the nest and live your life. Try asking them why they are showing interest. When they ask annoying questions take it as you are able to teach your parents something. Main Topic Define who you want to be your friend Who is your 3 am people? WHo do you look for? No, they don’t have to all think like you They need to have the same drive. Helps if you all can meet at the same time Where do you find people who could be in Your band of brothers? Church Social Gatherings Community events Civic Organizations Clubs Fraternity organizations Meetups

Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men What is the best way to become a good father to a teenager you just met? Now I don't know all the details so let's do this in two parts. Those parts will be the most likely scenarios, This is your stepson and a boy in your neighborhood. Stepson If the boy is your stepson then your role isn’t the disciplinarian. This isn’t really gonna work for two reasons the teenager doesn’t have that type of bond with you. The other reason is that the biological parent will eventually take offense to you disciplining their child. They may be ok with it at first but they will eventually take the child's side. So thinking you are going to be the lord of your manor is out the window. Your role is to be a mentor. In fact, this role really needs to be what all parents are for their teenagers. They're at the point now that have a mind and they have free will and trying to herd them like they are 8 simply makes the rebellion in then go harder the other way. To mentor the teen, include them in your life. Talk to them but don't lecture. Seek first to understand what they are saying before you ever try to be understood. The understood part will come but if you just do the hardest thing possible and just listen they will actually turn to your for advice before they turn to the moron friends. The kid in the Neighborhood For the kid in the neighborhood if you are wanting to help a young adult out you may want to involve their mother in the discussion because if you don't have her on board you will be fighting an uphill battle because the mom may feel that you are trying to take her child away. When in all reality you are just trying to inject some strong masculine influence into his life. When she is on board then you again include the kid in your life. invite them to go camping. If you are going on a hike then share your time as freely as you can. Again like the stepchild you are a mentor. You don't have the power to discipline. So you have to talk to them and listen to what they are saying. Understand what is coming out of their mouth and let them ask for advice. Answer requested by James F Evans Main Topic Men and their Band of Brothers On average I have heard that the average man has only 1 or maybe 3 good friends he can turn to. This is a truly sad state for men. We don't surround ourselves with those who can push us and encourage us to do the hard things that make us great. Instead, w sit behind a computer screen and have sort of friends. Yeah, you may have some people you play games with, but how much do you know about those people? Yes, there are those people who have very close relationships with others who they have never seen personally. How many people can you talk to about a deep fear you have in your mind? Do you have someone with you who can share the intimate details of a dream you have? Who many people can you call at 3 in the morning and know they would be there to help? That number is sadly pretty small. Then tag on the Men Going Their Own Way movement and you start having a lot of lonely people who have no one to turn to when they are struggling. So you have a Band of Brothers? Why do men need friends? I look at my son Jayden, and he is actually got a small band of brothers. They actually choose to meet every weekend and just talk. They share what they are doing in their lives. There are talks of what they are pursuing in their dreams and they challenge each other. More men need this very type of interaction. Men need friends because we are not solitary creatures. Yeah some of us may be introverts yet from mental health to achieving their dreams you need the power of your band of brothers to help you along the way. There is strength in An odd question right to ask but it has been asked a few times on quora and in other places. Why do men need This is the problem of the whole MGTOW Movement No man is an island There are things men can do that women cant Men need the support of other strong men Men need other men to push them real friends Your 3 o'clock list Why is it important? There is a special level of trust

Question of the week by Brotherhood of Men Why am I getting angry over small things and ending up so much frustrated and at last beating myself or beating others? Well, there are a few points that can help you stop getting angry all the time. The first, is to know what is the opposite of love? It's not anger nor is it often thought of as being hate. The true opposite of love is fear. Fear destroys while love builds. The second is nobody can do anything emotionally to you. They can not make you mad. They cant make you happy. They cant make you nervous. All these emotions you feel come from one thing a thought you had. Now you may have been in a situation that created a thought that generated a particular emotion. The solution is simple but it takes a lot of practice. Start paying attention to what you are thinking. Look at and try to understand what thoughts you have under different circumstances. If you are having trouble with this and you are always jumping to something in your past you may want to see a counselor, to address why past thoughts are your go-to response. Many times when you do “thought work” realize what thought is causing the anger you cant start working on changing that thought and trying to examine the why around that thought. You can see that there are other ways to approach that same circumstance and they can also be very positive. If you find that you are taking minor actions and comments and making them mean something personal and getting angry that way. Then you can seek out a coach or someone of that nature so they can help you with your thought work. There are a few ways you can mitigate anger when you are in the moment that you find yourself getting worked up over something. Take a step back deep breathes talk to a friend Changing your overall mindset is also something that can help with your anger issues. Exercise, not just a push-up or two but get into physical exercise like JuJitSu some type of controlled violence. If you don't have anything like that around you then find a good 50 lbs rock and story throwing it up and down your yard. Run bleachers but do it aggressively. Gratitude journal Each morning or each evening write down 5 things you are grateful for. This helps change your mind from a scarcity mindset to an abundant mindset. People with abundant mindsets see the world as an opportunity and not as a wasteland. So it is harder for them to want to waste energy on something like getting angry. Stop watching the news The biggest cause of anger for the world. They write to keep you watching or reading, it is not for your benefit it is for theirs. You can still find out what happening around you without FOX or MSNBC barking at you to be outraged at everything idiots we elected are doing. Find a purpose This is a huge one. If you have a purpose you will not want to waste all of your time and energy on frivolous emotions like anger. You have a mountain to climb and you are the only person who can do it. Main Topic Do words have power? Sort of but not really. We often want to think that words have power do because it is easier to not have to take responsibility for our own actions. Abara Cadabra has the power to delight a child. Yet if you say Crucio that kids won’t suddenly become racked with pain. (Harry Potter reference) Why doesn’t the unforgivable curse of Crucio not work? If words have power would they not exert the effect you want them to have? What are words? They are vibrations created by our mouth

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men How do I become stronger after a breakup? In the last 2 years I've had my heart broken twice… how do I begin to feel worthy again? How do you become stronger? Much like you become stronger physically you have to work on it. There are different fields you want to turn your attention to. Like your arms, legs, and chest. You have to work on 4 main pillars. Now I don't know if you are a man or a woman and these pillars really don't apply to just one sex but work for both. With my coaching clients, I walk them through the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. These 4 pillars are The Man’s Mind Man’s Body Man’s Soul Man’s Community Whenever someone goes through a breakup or divorce, people want to slide into a victim mindset. That is the worst thing you can do. It may seem tough but remember it takes two to tango. So, You had a hand in the breakup too. So it is best to work on yourself. Make yourself the number one priority and work on the 4 pillars. Your Mind - This is where you learn. You need to start reading non-fiction books. Listening to podcasts about something that interests you. Start allowing yourself to grow. Focus on yourself by doing thought work on what are the similarities of both of these last two breakups. You may see that you are finding similarities in the type of partner you are teaming up with. Could be that you are going after someone who is pushing you to go against your values. Then again you may be the one who is doing the pushing. Either way, if you take time to think about it you will see similarities in how the relationship crumbled. If you find that you are the problem, awesome! Celebrate that because you have control over it. You are the only person who you can change. So work on yourself. Get better at understanding the why. Accept that your happiness comes from only one place you. It is actually impossible for you to make another person happy. Things in your life cant make you happy. Losing weight cant make you happy. You have to find that thought that makes you happy because your emotions come from your thoughts. Find ways to make yourself uncomfortable. You grow only when you are out of your comfort zone. Your Body - This one is easy in comparison. Get into shape. Eat right. Come to love your body as the vessel that is transporting you around your space. So strenuous activities. Embrace the feeling of soreness. This is part of getting out of your comfort zone Your Soul - Start being creative. Find a hobby or some other activity that excites you. It may be that you start going to the soup kitchen and feeding the homeless. It may be that you take up writing again. Then again you may decide to venture into sculpting or painting. Be creative. You are a creator, and your soul hungers for you to do your passion. Your Community - This is probably the hardest of all the pillars. We are most likely going to neglect our community the most. Even the most die-hard introvert has a community. You need to grow it. Join a church if you don't have one. If a church seems repulsive to you, ok find a civic organization you can be apart of. This will expand your network and help you stay out of your comfort zone. You will be among people and they will help you grow too. Finally, when you do find another person you want to get closer to, don't stop working on your pillars. The reason a person falls in love with you is because of the passion you bring to yourself. That passion and drive are like a candle and when you stop that candle will dwindle. Main Topic Men need a purpose. If not then they start making purposes. They will take up causes that seem noble at the time. Then invariably not take the time to think things through and wind up in a place you don’t like. You will find yourself in waters much too deep. Men need a purpose. Jake Angeli Qshaman is a failed actor who was living with his mother. Even in jail, he feels entitled to certain liberties, such as eating all organic. He has a self-service purpose Edgar Maddison Welch had his older brother die, and according to the available information, this caused him to develop a sense of needing to protect those vulnerable. So he did have a purpose but he really didn’t’ pursue it. He is a struggling dock worker but could have gone into the police or the military. He tried being a fireman but gave it up. He had a noble purpose but didn’t follow through What is a purpose? the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. This is what drives you to get up. You are doing something that fulfills you. That purpose feeds your soul and gives you the drive to keep on. Men need a why. When you don’t have a solid why. If you don’t you will latch onto anything that sounds slightly reasonable. You will follow a person who has ulterior motives Why do you get out of bed in the morning? A purpose enhances a mans life - This is the need for men to feed their soul A purpose isn’t anything like fame. Ma

Question of the week By The Brotherhood of Men What is the motivation behind people that voluntarily choose to become parental figures to others even without solicitation? https://qr.ae/pNE9rO Why do affirmations work? Affirmations much like the power of I am, which is an affirmation in itself helps to set your mind into motion what it does best that is making sure it reaches that goal. They affirm a set of beliefs those beliefs can be positive or negative. The reason they work is that you believe what you are saying. So if you believe you have plenty of money for everything you truly want, you know that you don’t have to actually have a scarcity of mindset around money. If you say there is more where that came from you are just doubling up on that thought. If you say you are fat, guess what, you are going to get fat. If you say you are a fit man you will take the steps to make sure that your body fits the image of yourself. If you are a photographer you will Examples of Affirmations It’s kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney I attract all good things I have plenty of money for everything I truly want I have a choice. I can be angry for what I don’t have or I can be thankful for what I do have. I can not correct my course if I am standing still I am committed to becoming more successful. To do so, I will put my focus on how I can serve others more successfully. I want to cheer on those people living life alongside me Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be. I will not focus on what I don’t want to have happen. Instead, I am committed to focusing on what I do want to have happen. I am successful because I refuse to take “no” for an answer. How to use affirmations Your brain is a computer. As you make statements, be it positive or negative it will take those statements and make those items important. This is the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Also called the green car phenomenon. That is where you decide to buy a new car and that car ends up being a green Toyota Corolla. After you pull off the lot suddenly you start to see green Toyota corollas everywhere. This is because your brain has decided that green Toyota Corolla’s are important and must bring those cars to the forefront of your thought. This same thing happens when you are doing affirmations., It lets your computer brain know that You are not going to worry about money. Or that you are not going to eat as much. You are more interested in losing weight than you are in eating another crueler. The most crucial part of any affirmation is that you have to believe that it is true. That is one reason why so many negative affirmations work because we already believe them when we say them to ourselves. Misconceptions of affirmations That it is just faking it till you make it? Not really, I can be if you don’t believe in what you are saying. But if you believe that you’re a fit man with too much weight on your frame you will make the needed adjustments to fit that mindset. If you are just saying an affirmation and you don't wholly believe it then you just talking to the wind.

Question of the week by The Brotherhood of Men What's the best way of handling a teenager’s mood swing? Main topic We struggle with controlling things. Many times we try to control the stuff we can’t control. This often leads to lots of different types of suffering. We get angry and show frustration with those things that we are not able to control but really wish we could. What can you control? There are things in your life that you can actually control. These items can be broken down into three categories. Those categories are your actions, your thoughts, and your emotions. Your actions Taking a breath How you hold yourself How you lead The quality of your work Taking responsibility for your part in the scenario Your thoughts Your integrity Gratitude What you say to yourself Whether you play the victim or not Your emotions Happy Sad Anger Gratitude What you can’t control? There are far more things you can’t control that is going on in your life and these can cause so much extra pain and suffering when you try to control them. We worry about how something will react and will not act in that fashion at all. Your environment Other people, that includes your kids The actions of Other people Why controlling things beyond your control leads to suffering Trying to control stuff creates worry Stress anxiety

Question of The Week By The Brotherhood Of Men I wonder ...do know or have contact with anyone that helps single parents pull in the missing element of a mother or father energy in parenting as a single parent or co-parent? Andrea Fitzpatrick How do single parents help their child with the opposite sex influence? This can be single mothers with sons or single fathers with daughters. This also goes for single fathers needing to find A feminine influence for their sons and Girls need a masculine influence in their life. The best way is to find someone who is of that nature that you are needing and ask them if they would mind being a mentor for them. So why do sons need both masculine men and feminine women in their lives? It is for balance. Men are good at teaching kids to be tough. That there is, a time and a place for showing emotions and how to act around men. While women are good at helping kids to emote and to gain empathy. As I have mentioned before Men are not better than women and women are not better than men. They complete the whole puzzle. That is what feminists get wrong. That is what men going their own way get wrong. Are we supposed to understand the opposite sex? Not fully, no. Each half has a part to play and those parts are important for all of society. So where do you find someone of the opposite sex to help make sure your child is balanced? Well, a great place is a church. Another place is in your neighborhood. If you don't know your neighbors why not? Get out and introduce yourself. Get to know your neighbors and you will expand your wellspring for helping matters such as this. Linkedin Profile Main topic Now I am not talking about normal physical attraction. Do you have any of these attributes? Whiner This is the person who is either always feeling sorry for themselves, and whining about how much they suck or the person who can't see anything positive The Ask-Hole This is the person who always wants advice but doesn't really want advice. They will always re-ask the question in a new way. Yet they never take that advice or steps you suggest for them to get better. These people are always looking for sympathy in a very people pleaser way. They often want to make people feel important by asking questions though they never really intend on fixing the problem. The Problem Magnet I talked about this last week. This person always has a problem in their life. Often seen as a perpetual victim and sadly they like the attention of having a problem. They want people to feel sorry for them a pat on the back and words of encouragement. The Mooch I was this for a long time. I took and took and took and rarely contributed back. This can be financial moochers for also emotional moochers. They always seem to be just a touch short on time and funds. You can't expect them to even try to pay back because they The Liar You can't trust much if anything that they say. These people will often stretch the truth to fit their needs. If they are caught they work hard to make up another lie to fit that old lie. These people work way too hard in their life because they have so many plates spinning and act as the victim because nobody believes them. The Clinger We all know that one needy child. They cant be alone. Sometimes this is called the clinger. It is good to feel needed but when you are always around 24/7 and you can't do anything alone. All because the clinger is there almost from the moment you appear to the time you leave. These people often are also people-pleasers The People Pleaser This person will do anything to get you to like them. Sounds nice, doesn't it? Yet the People Pleaser is one of the most unattractive people because of the manipulation you will come across. They will lie. They will overbook. They will invade your personal space. They will be the ask-hole. They will do anything to get you to like what they do but it will be hollow. They hide their personality. They won't share their own thoughts in a discussion. They won't accept a person as they are they want to make that person like them. The worst part is that you will accept them at first they are like a Monet painting. Beautiful at first but the close you look at them the bigger mess emotionally they become. So IF you find yourself with any of these attributes find a way to change. It is possible. You can get a coach or join a men's group and let them know what you are wanting to change. They can help hold you accountable by being aware when you are being an ask-hole or a people pleaser. You can start to become a very attractive person just by making changes from these types of people. Contact Bryan Email - [email protected] Contact Bryan

I bet you know someone who is a problem magnet. Maybe you are a problem magnet. What is a problem magnet you ask well the definition is quite simple it is that person who is always complaining about something going wrong in their life? Who’s a problem magnet? Always has a problem Has trouble letting go of problems Actively seeks out problems These are people who always have a crisis in their life Complaining is announcing that you want crap in your life Why do people become problem magnets? They like the attention Victim mindset They are used to the chaos of a problem How do you stop being a Problem magnet? Own your dirt Stop Complaining Be grateful for what you have Have a Question for Bryan? Email: [email protected]

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood Of Men I have low self-esteem, short height, no talent, no skills, average intelligence, and bad social skills. What do I do? How can you find happiness? Many people seem to think that they cant be happy. That is probably true. The reason they can't find a way to be happy is that they don't know the recipe for happiness. The Recipe Now, this isn't my recipe, and I didn't get it from my grandmother or anything. I am not really sure who I got this from but I believe I heard this from Ryan Michler of Order of Man. Yet the recipe is sound. Because you get out of life what you put into it. 1 Part Discipline Yeah, this is the hard part. You have to learn to hold off the short term success for the reward of being disciplined. Many times we want to reach for the cookie on the counter instead of going for the lower weight. Discipline is not always comfortable. Yet if you accept the discipline you will find that the discomfort isn't that bad. Holding off the short term reward for your long term gain will offer so many better skills for your life. So Why Discipline? Because in real life order is needed. Look at those people who are actually lacking discipline or just want to live life on a whim. You see they really don't get anywhere. Having discipline is like the rudder in your life. You are willing to do what is needed to get to your goals. IF you are just floating along the river of life without a rudder you may get to where you are wanting but those chances are very very unlikely. 1 Part Purpose You have to have a drive. Having a purpose in doing something is the gas in your tank. You need to know why you are going after that particular goal. You need to see what that goal is and have a clear picture of what it will look like when you get there. Find your purpose and remind yourself daily on your why. 2 Parts Gratitude This is the leavening agent for your life. Gratitude is what sets your mindset to the growth and Abundant mindsets. You are willing to try because you see that even when you fail you are learning. Your attitude is more positive and your life is no as hard. You can endure the discomfort of the discipline. When you have gratitude.

Main Topic How can you tap into the power of your mind? The answer is the question. How many times have you asked yourself useless questions? Like why am I fat? or Can I make a dumber question? The reason those are useless is that they go against what you are wanting to be answered. The great computer Your mind is a great computer and if you ask it a question it will find the answer to that question you ask. So, if you do ask why are so dumb it will find all the reasons you have a low IQ. If you ask why you are fat it will give you all those reasons and that will reinforce your overweight problem. Ask Powerful Question What does this make possible? Why is this problem so excellent? What is the next step I can take? What am I grateful for? What Am I going to get accomplished tomorrow?

This week I talk to my son Jayden about growing up and the challenges he faces. What he thinks is needed for you to be able to succeed. We talk about when he was growing up to when he discovered that rebelling doesn't serve all the time but why kids do rebel. How do young men of today need to do to reach their dreams and how do they approach life? They do want meaning and purpose much as many people do.

Main Topic What do does it mean to hold space? You may have heard people say this from time to time and it sounds a bit odd. Holding space. How could one possibly hold space for yourself or anybody else? That is what I want to actually help you understand this week. How do you hold space for anybody including yourself? What do I mean by holding space? In a nutshell, holding space is not acting right off the bad. We jump in to help our wives when they are having a hard day. We are trying to fix a problem and in reality, they don't want us to fix it they want us to help hold space for them. Holding space is just being there for the other person. You can also call it being present. Be fully with a person, not just sit by them and think of the camping trip. Holding space means you are present with your mind body and with emotions. This is something we guys have a hard time doing because we are looking for solutions we are fixers. Yet as a skill it helps us to connect with our wives on a deeper level. It provides us with the ability to help her feel emotionally safe. When our wives feel emotionally and physically safe they are more receptive to wanting to be frisky. Many times when we are not holding space we make comments that cause our spouse or kid to feel judged and though there are times and places to for placing judgment on an activity it isn't when someone is being emotionally vulnerable and needing your help. So how do you hold space for someone or even yourself? Holding Space Focus your listening Hear what they are saying many times we hear with our own thoughts. This can be a challenging task, and to keep focused on what and how a person is saying something can really be a challenge. Yet if you can develop the skill of being present and listening you can make strides that man men fail at doing. Stay out of problem solving mode Yes men it isn't about the nail. Guys, we know all about this and we feel the man if that classic video "It's Not About the Nail" This hits both sides of the man and woman dynamic so well. She knows there's a nail in her forehead but she doesn't want to have the nail removed she wants to talk about it. https://youtu.be/yWcEhtg7W3s That is what it's like to not jump to fix-it mode. just hear what your son or your wife is saying and connect with them on a different level instead of just running into a room with your tool belt on. > Take yourself out of the equation What would you do if you were in their shoes? Well in all reality it doesn't matter. Your experience would be completely different than your wife's experience. If you want to understand what she is talking about sit and listen and take yourself out of the equation. even is you are a part of the equation put a blank placeholder in your stead. Remove yourself from the story and look at it from a third-party perspective. Hold back the judging THis can be tough. Hear what they have to say get all the evidence first. Then don't just point out their shortcoming right off the bat. You may help lead them to the point where they take responsibility for their part of the scenario. Jumping in and say "I don't believe you" is like taking what they are saying wading it up and wiping your backside with it and then tossing it in the trash. Hold off on judging them while you are holding space. Notice the emotions you feel You are going to experience different emotions as the other person is talking. Notice them and turn back to the person. You don't have to act on that emotion right away.

Question of the week by The Brotherhood Of Men. I handled all the finances. The kids well being, cleaned, full time career, still got told I wasn’t enough. So it’s really just up to what the woman thinks anonymous There is so much that is wrong with this comment first the guy is making the comment from a victim mindset. He does all of these things for the family and is getting no recognition or respect. This is sad but my question is what is his part of the situation. From what I was able to gather from the comment itself is that he is playing the nice guy and is setting up silent contracts about the situation with his wife and she is tired of him not stepping up and doing his part. Instead of hiding from his marital duties the gentle man needs to start stepping it up or he is going to lose everything and probably blame the wife. Main Topic This week talking about respect and how do you get it. I start of with asking the important question of who are you trying to gain respect from? It may not serve you to try to get Ed from accounting's respect when you work in R&D. After that we venture into the trouble with respect is that you can take a lifetime to build up your respect and only one instance of losing integrity to have all that you work for come crashing down. Finally we talk about what is needed to build respect with others. You need consistancy-Be dependable. much like an old ford,- make the adventures of learning something new fun and people will be more willing to follow. If you fail at something take it as a learning experiance and move on. you have to make sure you are going to be where you say you are and do what you say you are going to do. You have to be constant with your words and how you use them. If you become eratic people have a hard time trusting you. Own your dirt - We make mistakes all the time. but if youif and when you do then own your dirt. Fessup to your srew up. Trying to point fingers at other people doesn't build respect. They only make others fear that you are going to blame them for your shortcomings next. Be open to learning Speak your mind

If you have followed this blog for a while you know I am big on setting up goals but I really suck at keeping them. I have claimed more than once I am an average man but I am becoming extraordinary. The reason I say this is because I am in the same boat you are. Maybe you are listening to this in 5 years down the road and you are thinking I could never get to where I am and that is going to be true if you keep telling yourself those types of lies. Yet If you have seen my record for keeping and completing my goals You know that I have failed time and time again. So many may think that I need to just give up on making goals. That is the farthest from the truth. I have reviewed the past 3 years of this blog. I have tried different ways to keep my goals in mind and going. Yet if you see my goals of 2020 were gone way gone. So how am I going to keep my goals this year? I am focusing on the system. The means more than the end would be a better way to put it. I know what my objective is and instead of the end goal, I am going to have 365 mini-goals that are meant to get me closer to the end goal. Weight Loss – Man’s Body For instance, my weight loss is going to be walking 15 minutes each day. At the end of the day before I get into the shower I am going to do a total of 20 pushups 20 sit-ups/crunches. Then do maybe 20 burpees. Doing this each day is a completion of my daily goal and this should get me closer to my target goal. More visitors – Man’s Soul Getting a hundred visitors a day is my goal still. I haven’t gotten that far yet but I am way farther than I was last year and even closer to having that amount than I was the year before that. So I am making progress and that is because I have had a system in place for increasing reads and visits. Sometimes I really hit it off as I did with my Neverending story article. That post actually brings in more visitors than my old video post. So, I am trying some new tactics that will be implemented this next year to incorporate pop culture and how you can see the philosophies in action Maybe More Video’s – Man’s Soul Now this one I haven’t really developed any system for and I am processing how I can fit this into my very tight weekends. I would like to make more videos again. I didn’t make any for the past few years and I actually miss them. I would like to start fitting live streams into the process too. Again I have to do some thought work on how to fit this into my weekends. Better Networks – Man’s Soul & Community Now I have noticed one problem that has risen over and over again with each business I have tried to start. I don’t talk to people. That whole build it and they will come? doesn’t really work. Yeah, I get people to stop by my site but the information isn’t giving you enough trust in who I am, yet. I am going to change that. The system that I am going to have in place is to talk have 5 people go through the FORM of communication progression. I learned this just recently from the Dream Think Do podcast. FORM stands for From/Family – Where are you from? Who do you know? Talk about specific topics about that area that the other person is from. Occupation – What do you do for a living? Recreation – What do you like to do in your spare time? Motivation – What are your dreams? I want to do this 5 times a week. I would do more and it is possible to do more. If I can then I will. I just want a minimum much like how I write. Saturdays are my day for writing but I try to write a little each day. So I can talk to people and get a relationship started. The more I can talk to these strangers and get to know them the more chances I have to build a professional relationship with them. Going To Church – Man’s Community This sounds easy. It is every Sunday morning so it shouldn’t be hard to make it to church once a week. Yet there are so many times that I can come up with excuses as to why I can’t go. Yet this is the one thing I feel I absolutely need to do. It will help me on two fronts. Getting to know more people, and actually have the possibility of growing my business through the skills I developed while in church. So How do you make a system? Well, the honest truth is I am not fully sure I am figuring this out myself. Yet I have a belief that it is baby steps. Think of the goal you want to accomplish. Is it to have a new car. Then set up the goal. Then think of every obstacle you will face. Write those possible worries and obstacles down. You then have enough information to actually set up your system. If it is enough to buy a new car then you may choose that each pay period you set aside $100 or maybe 10% of your paycheck. Rinse and repeat till you have enough for the car you want. As you see there really isn’t a deadline as much as you know what the goal is. Your successes are in working the system instead of forgetting the goal. You are taking those baby steps each time you work the system. You get 1% better that is all you need to do. 1% and you will eventually g

The Question of the Week - Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Do you feel that you are appreciated as a father? on Quora Question by Roderick Wrenn The topic of the week Hey men, This week is sort of a confessional that I want to get started and out in the open. Now I could start with an excuse and say that the problems I had this year were all because of 2020. Yet we both know that is an excuse and crap. Everything I talk about this week is my fault and I take full responsibility for the shortcoming I have had. I have failed this year in many ways. I have failed you. I failed friends and Family, and I have failed myself. How? Well, I will be jumping into that. For us to be relaxed men we have to have integrity, and for this year, I left integrity in the dirt. I seemed to have dropped it time and time again. Thinking that I was going to do better only to throw it harder into the dirt. There are 4 pillars to being a relaxed male, and if I am going to have you follow this path I need to be on this path too, and I have not been on it at all. There were a few times that I danced around like I was on it but if I'm being honest I wasn't. Those pillars are the Man's Mind Man's Body, Man's Soul, and the Man's Community. Want to know which ones I failed in? All of them. The Man's Body How much exercise and upkeep have I done this year? None. I walked 3 miles one day while I was on vacation. That wasn't walking around a town that was an intentional walk. I had a hole where I was going to walk at least 15 minutes each day and I didn't do that. I started out well. but about 3 weeks into the year I was forced to sleep on a highway exit and I didn't feel safe walking on the side of the road. Yet because I stopped that I completely stopped. Didn't try to go walking again. I did lose about 25 pounds but that was because I got back into another habit that I kicked about 8 years ago. that habit was smoking. I smoked from pretty much the start of the year till Dec 8 at 11:15 am. I ran out of cigarettes and decided today was as good as any to quit and so I did. Starting back up was me thinking I was going to be able to control it. Yet also knowing that it is uncontrollable. It took no time at all for me to fall back into the habit of lighting up after meals. driving, sex, all those times that smoking is very satisfactory. The drawbacks also showed back up very fast. The sore lungs. The smoker's cough and phlegm you cough up in the morning. The shame I felt of letting myself down, and worse realizing that I was not living up to the standards I need to be. I did learn why smoking is so nice and I have set my jaw to never have one of those items again. I see why other addicts can fall back into their own ways so easily because we lie to ourselves. We say we can handle it this time and that is not true. So I haven't been working on my Body infact I have been abusing that body this year. That is going to stop. How am I going to stop that? Well, I am going to start doing exercises one I can do in the truck or on the trailer bed. I am knocking smoking out of my lungs. I am stopping the do as I say not as I do actions that have never brought anybody any integrity and start taking steps to get healthy. Eating right and tackling overeating. I have to do that or I will balloon back up to 275-280. I am going to start loving myself for who I am. I am going to start honoring my body instead of cursing it. These are some of what I will be working on in relation to my body. Man's Mind Now I have probably listened to more books than I have ever listened to books in the past. The problem I have noticed is that I don't read. The addiction to electronics in my life is as much out of control as ever. I haven't addressed this till now. I have to get back into reading physical books. There are some key points that I need to understand by reading physical hard copies of books. I have also fallen out of a couple of my mastermind groups. I was making great headway but my motivation has slipped. So I will be looking fr a couple of new Mastermind groups that are for me and some other people who are wanting to get their business off the ground. I need help and people to push me. I lack the needed accountability to fully get up to the speed I need. I realize that this also requires self-discipline and that is something I am going to be fighting through. I will become better at self-disciplined this year. Man's Soul When it comes to my soul it is this calling I have. I have questioned whether coaching is my calling or just a dream. Yet I find myself time again called to help people who see things in a scarcity mindset or in the pits of victimhood. Now I have yet to really get people to make changes that will help them and that is because they are people that I know and I haven't really given them any reason to believe in the power of change because again I have no integrity. SO I have to learn that I have to step back an

Question of the week - brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to Should the government play any role in the parent/child relationship? Are there circumstances where outside involvement/support/restrictions is/are acceptable? Who gets the final say in what happens to a child? on Quora Main Topic Toxic what? Yeah The topic this week is a little out there. According to some people you can actually be too happy. Which in my thought is a bunch of whoey. And this is for many different reasons the biggest being that you can make people feel bad for being happy. Now if you have listened to any of the other shows you know that you can't make anybody feel anything. They may have a thought about an action but their thought is what makes them feel a particular emotion. They have the choice to feel anything they want. If they choose to feel bad becuase you are in a good mood then that is on them. Another problem I have with this word is the word Toxic this implies that people are able to poison other people and we, as humans, simply don't have that ability. We do not carry toxins in our body. Now I do understand what they are getting at but it is just a horrible miss use of the word so I believe I need to correct it. Now You can use a positive outlook on life if you are trying to repress other emotions but that is again on you you are not going to inflict that on other people if they choose to not be happy.

This week I have a new guest. His name is Michael Mcpherson he is a mens Coach who specializes in Male Sexuality. He helps men get over the problems of porn. we talk about why men get stuck on porn why it doesn’t serve us and the harm it creates to our sons. mod you are interested in Michael’s work you can read more in his book listen to his podcast Book: Everything You Never Learned About Sex Website: https://www.michaelmcpherson.co/ Ceremonial Chocolate Drink: https://www.flykakao.com/ Instagram – @michaeljmcpherson

Guests Big Brother Jake Warner - Ep 34 Tripp Lanier - Ep 39 Terry Tucker - Ep50 Coming next week Michael Mcpherson - Ep 53 I was on a few Podcasts Senior Moments The Pragmatic Idealist The Flipped Lifestyle Topics From The Man Box To the 4 pillars Talked a lot about Emotions and where they come from We talked about how to make a statement about your life And the different mindsets and why they matter to you. Stats Downloads: 2,130 First download was Nov 29, 2019 Thank you to the person who downloaded the whole back catalog on Nov 21 Gaana Is huge Places that have listened Zambia Turkey Trinidad The Netherlands England Argentina Peru Brazil Morocco Mexico Website Still growing I am getting more and more people to the site. My goal of getting 100 visitors are closer now than when I first started but I am not finally getting organic searches to my site which only started really happening this year. New additions The Question of the week Where are we going? Live event and more Brotherhood of Men

The Question of the week Brought by Brotherhood of Men The Main Topic This week we are talking about the silent contract or silent hit on those we say we love. The Silent Contract The silent contract is when we don’t do something to wait it out for the other person to get the hint and when the other person doesn’t take those hints it brings forth hurt feeling and frustration. Maybe it is the trash is getting full. Do you wait for your spouse to notice it and take it out on their own or do you just take it out? Many of us just wait. Maybe you are frustrated with your sex life and so you decide you just withhold your advances till she makes the first move. You being in a victim mindset don’t say anything about this to your wife. So does she notice that you are not trying to have sex with her anymore? Yep, she notices and wonders what she did wrong. Why are you so distant? This creates fear in your significant other and a breakdown of communication even more. Maybe we get a new coat or hairstyle and we don’t say anything to see if the spouse notices. Only to end up disappointed because they don’t say anything. What is the silent contract? Sometimes called a silent hit. It is the test to see if somebody loves us or the test that we give to somebody else and don’t tell them that they are being tested. You are not doing a study you want to prove a point so you stack the odds against them and hope that they fail. What does this do for the relationship? Well, it hurts that relationship. It sets your loved one up for failure and then you swoop in and continue to beat them up more so that you can prove that you were right. This erodes the trust between two people and when that trust is gone it is near impossible to get it back. It also shows that there is no communication When we don’t voice what our expectations are how are other people in your lives suppose to know? You have to talk to others in your life. Let them know what you expect and convey that reason in a way so that they are able to understand why it is important to you. Communication is one of the biggest building blocks in a relationship. Humans are horrible mind readers and so if we don’t talk and say exactly what we mean and want, those we are with will not know what to do. Yeah, they may figure it out. But those little hints are often annoying and give a different message than what you think they mean. We also set ourselves up to fail. We sometimes put a silent hit on ourselves. When we are going to do something or take on a challenge without a plan. This isn’t exactly the same as our silent contracts

Question of the Week Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to My mom and I have been getting into fights. We’re both tired of it, but always seem to argue. How do I make things good again? on Quora Main Topic There is an old story about how a University professor came to China and was talking to a Zen Master about Zen. As they talked the Zen Master was serving tea. The master started pouring the tea till it was right up to the lip of the cup. Then he kept pouring until the saucer was full and finally the professor could hold his tongue anymore and blurted out its full you can’t get any more in! The Zen master replied, “This is you. How can I teach you Zen unless you empty your cup?” No, this week’s post isn’t about being zen or anything like that. It is about what are you putting in your cup are you emptying your cup or are you keeping your cup full. Are you listening to what is being said or are you just holding on to your preconceived thoughts? Are you Emptying Your Cup? Are you getting rid of any preconceived notions that you have and looking at a problem or listening with a completely open mind? Are you learning and applying those lessons you learned? You have 2 ears and one mouth Listen twice as much as you speak. You can hear what people are saying even if they don't agree with you. You can at least understand why they think the way they think. Empty Those Preconceived Notions Ask questions for understanding. Yeah, you may have your facts together but are they in order? The Sun rises in the east and sets in the west but the sun doesn’t revolve around us. You may find out that you have some facts but there is a different way to look at those facts. Apply what you have learned before you take on more So many learn and learn and learn and never apply what they have learned. They are those people who have a hundred books about starting a business but never have applied that knowledge. The professional Convention attendee. These folks are always learning instead of applying the knowledge they learn. Learning and knowledge do you no good till you apply that knowledge into a skill. Subscribe To The Podcast Sign up for a Coaching Discovery Call

The Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to How can I get good grades living with a toxic family? My stepdad hates me and always starts yelling at my mom or just in general when it is a lecture or test. on Quora Main Topic Have you even made a Life Statement? Do you even know what A life statement is? What is a life statement? This is a statement that give you direction into the best way to use your talents and your core values to help you make the best impact in your world. Why are life statements needed? they help you keep the course. You are able to see the big 30,000-foot view of where you are wanting to be. How do you get a life statement? Find your talents Find your Core values Decide what type of impact you want to make You can then lay your life statement out into a means that best describes what you want to do.

Question of the Week - Courtesy of The Brotherhood of Men Comes from a Youtube Comment but user D in response to the last episode Don't Settle "Don't settle for what? Lmfao. Some people don't have any choice in their circumstances you ignorant f***. By the way, no matter what action you take during your life, it ends EXACTLY the same way -…" D Youtube User Now sadly either he deleted the comment shortly after posting it or Youtube removed it. Either way, there is something wonderful about this comment. I love my haters they are hurting so much that they ask for help without realizing that they are doing so. This is a great example of how people react through projection. D here shows you how he sees the world as a hopeless endeavor and you are apparently screwed no matter what you do. Main Topic Finding who you are Find your core values Why are core values important? Your values help you to not only make decisions but also help make sure you conduct your life in a means you find worthy. How do you find your core values? Self-reflection Use a list Use your Brotherhood friends & family Facebook group Raising Confident Men

Question of the Week By The Brotherhood of Men Why do Grandparents like to make quarrels in the house? Main Topic Why you don't want to become complacent. Becoming complacent causes you to rust. you miss many different opportunities that if you are on the lookout you could easily find. I call this complacency rusting. Because we men lose valuable skills when we start to rust. You can find rust forming on the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male. Examples of rusting Mind - Fixed beliefs and excuses as to why you can't get better Body - Do you have a dad bod? Get winded walking up a flight of stairs Soul - Are you suffering from burnout Community - Are you losing friends? You can fix these but it takes work

This week we are talking about the current atmosphere in the US there is a lot of contention and lack of communication. We have the right rubbing the very being that drives the left up the wall. We are throwing “evidence” of why one side is right and the other side is wrong. So much that Facebook is almost unusable. I am actually thinking of installing the “Remove All Politics” Extension to my browser. Now it isn’t because I don’t like a political discussion from time to time. I was poking multiple bears with a very short stick over on twitter during the first 2020 debate. But I will say that there was no real or honest discussion going on. It was as much a glorious free for all on twitter as it was on the stage. It was a bunch of people saying Trump should be in jail and Biden should be in the dementia wing of the old folks home. The problem Nobody is actually throwing out facts just what they believe and there is a difference. This brings up why canceling each other doesn’t work. That is because there is no sharing of ideas. The moment someone says something that you don’t like we turn it off. There is no proof of anything being tossed around just “My thoughts matter more than yours!” Because of this we instantly stop listening and understanding the other person. We as people start shoring up our minds for the battering of our heads against the brick wall. It achieves the same results too. It doesn’t improve the standing of anybody and just creates a headache. So what is missing? The problem is that we have two sides that are not going to listen. One side yells and screams at everybody and actually achieves their goal of silencing a dissenting voice. Yet that really doesn’t fix the problem at hand. It gets the one side to stop talking but you didn’t change their mind. There were a couple of groups that have done this in the past. They used much of the same tactics as what is being seen in today’s political arena, and that is to silence the opposition. The communists in both China and the Soviets. In China, you can’t say anything bad about the government. If you do you disappear you may get lucky and wind up in a reeducation camp to become politically correct or you may just never reappear because your body is in a grave. The same was happening in Soviet Russia you may be sent to Gulag in Siberia if you had thought against the leadership. These tactics work but not for long. Like an abusive spouse, people get tired of not being able to think on their own and will start to rebel. Your son may be doing the very same thing. They are rebelling because you are not giving them room to spread their wings. What needs to be done? The big thing that needs to be done is to first stop watching television. I am sure you already know who you are going to vote for so watching for evidence to back up your vote is actually not serving you in any way. The second is to have an open discussion set the rule for yourself that there is no yelling. Let the other person rant and rave but you will remain calm. Let the other person talk and express their thoughts. Then you can voice your opinions. Silencing people doesn’t change their minds. The honest discussion is. But be ready for your mind to not be the same afterward because you will grow. Sign up For The Brotherhood of Men

Podcasts are becoming better known for the information they provide than just 3 guys and one brain. This week I just talk about why podcasts are so good and how they help you to become a better person

Why are both sides of the story important? often we spend way too much time thinking about what people should do instead of understanding where they are coming from. We focus on how we can control the situation instead of understanding and connect with other people. We write scripts in our heads all the time. We think of how something should be done and rarely get the other side of the story. We make a crappy first draft and then leave it at that. Instead of revising our script to allow for the whole person to show up.

Today's topic is about being successful. Why are you having trouble finding success in your financial life, or maybe the relationship between you and your son? The reasons are numerous, or should I say excuses are numerous. The truth is you have all the same abilities to be successful as the next person so why are you not on top of the world? The heart of the matter is how you are thinking of the solution. This episode sort of ties together the why Gratitude, and the abundant mindset work. Why the scarcity mindset keeps us playing it small. The term being used to this all-encompassing bond is the Laws of Attraction. These laws have been stated in one form or another for years. From before the time, Napoleon Hill interviewed Andrew Carnegie for his Mental Dynamite Series to today. The term of Laws of attraction comes from Jerry and Esther Hicks. How the came to the term is a bit of the questionable side. Because the term is from Abraham who is a non-physical being channeled through Esther. Yeah, so you see why I say questionable. Any how Abraham coins the term Laws of Attraction and these are three laws that work with each other. The laws are The Law of attraction the law of Deliberate thought and The Law of Allowing The law of attraction is what allows the universe to bring to you what you want. That does have some key points to look at like bads things? yep, those too. This isn't just a feel-good force it brings whatever you want. A bad day? That's coming if your thoughts aren't right. The Deliberate thought law is how you focus your mind so that you are able to bring deliberate results into your life. While the Law of allowing is why you are not able to help others with their wants unless they truly want that help too. Also looking for men who would like to be a part of a group of like-minded men who are determined to have success in their lives. We are part accountability group part cheerleaders part brothers. If you are interested in joining this group please join the Conclave of Men

Main topic How to get back up after being handed a defeat Look at that failure as a learning experience. We all struggle and we all fall down. We fail at something. What do you do get back up or just lay there? Look at all the underdog stories. We root for rocky to get back up. We cheered when the US hockey team whooped up on the Communists. We celebrate the triumphs. Yet we as people shy away from struggling. Our amygdala's wants us to be comfortable and sadly we avoid the struggle. I do the same thing I know I need to get something done on the coaching business yet at the end of the day I will sit down and get lost in a video game. We all struggle with an obstacle. Mine is getting clients while yours could be more basic. Like finding food The act of getting back up is a new struggle that you have done before and you get better at it each time. Look at a toddler learning to walk they fall and whack their head on the ground a few times. That is part of the process. Having a sore butt from landing on it so much. Yet, as they learn their legs get stronger their balance gets better they learn the fine motor skills needed to put one foot in front of the other. People who struggle find the strength needed to go on. Picking yourself up often being knocked down is only part of the process. The rest of the process is getting back into the fight and learning how to get past the problem at hand Sadly we focus on the struggle as being a bad thing when it is something that is to be viewed with honor and reverence. I have started taking this stance with my kids. Let them struggle they are figuring it out. They will be better adults as they hunt for the answers. I am one who wishes I knew about the honor of struggling when they were younger. It would have saved a lot of headaches on my part. Join The Conclave of Men Have a discovery call with Bryan

Are you driving through life by looking through the windshield or are you driving by the rearview mirror? So many times we look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield while going through life. Why do we do this? There is a reason we drive looking out of the windshield of a car and not through the rearview mirror. First off there is the size of the viewport. A rearview mirror is a very small piece as apposed to all the real estate that is the windshield. So look ahead and there are more important things going on there than in the mirror. Yeah, past events are important but nowhere near as important as what is in your future. Your past doesn't define you as much as you wish it would.

What does it mean to be dangerous? For our guest host this week it means to stop playing it safe. Don’t spend your time worry so much about what the neighbors think and pursue the FLAP. We all want Freedom Love Aliveness and Peace. To attain these four wonderful items you have to examine why are you not reaching those levels? Whatis it that you are afraid is going to happen if you do achieve your goals. So being dangerous means stop playing it safe. So many men who do play it safe do so because they fear having to either a start over once they reach their goal or be they are afraid of what others may think. That other maybe your co-workers or your wife or son. So how do you teach your son to be dangerous? You can do so by example and through communication. How do you show your teenage boys how to not care what other people think? Because that is the Conformity pressure chamber? You talk with him. You spend time building the trust that you aren't going to blow up at him for every little infraction and mistake he makes. You can Listen to Tripp's Podcast The New Man Podcast buy Tripp Lanier’s book:This Book Will Make You Dangerous You can Also Follow Tripp on Social Media Twitter-TrippLanier Facebook- Tripp Lanier

This week we are talking about The Man’s Soul. This pillar has a couple of different facets. Not only does it mean building and creating but Feeding your soul is also tied to mental health. What does a Man’s soul mean? In a nutshell, it is being creative. We are said to be made in God’s image He is also called the creator. He created the Heavens and the earth and all that goes with that. If we are made in his image then it would be thought that we are creators too. Be A Creator So to feed your mind you need to be creating something be it painting, woodworking, peace within yourself. We all have a need and drive to be creating. Find a Hobby This is why having a hobby where you are finding something you are passionate about is so important. Being a historical reenactor, flying R/C Planes, even talking to others. You are creating connections and feeding your soul. Enter your Zone of Genius Your soul also means approaching and finding your zone of genius. This is a term coined by Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap. This the work you were meant to be doing. You find it way too easy to do. You find it hard to pull away from. Time seems to both stand still and fly at the same time. It is the easiest for you to enter that flow state where you get so much done. Why is Feeding your soul so important? Ever been trapped in a soul-sucking job? Many men have. It is thought this is one reason why so many men commit suicide on Sunday night/Monday Morning. While others face almost crippling burnout. This is what happens when you don’t feed your soul. WE lose who we are, our soul. It is imperative for men to find a way to feed our souls. It allows for your mind to unwind and expand in other directions. We are thinking creatures. This is what places us above all the other animals on earth. We have this ability to experience an event and reflect on it. Find that there are lessons learned from it and grow in our knowledge. It isn’t being stress-free. Look at your kids as they play video games. They get tense and angry, and if you ask them why they play a game that makes them so mad they say because it is fun. Your passion is the same way. Feeding your soul isn’t about relieving stress. It is living in the moment. Shifting gears from the daily grind. It is taking time for yourself That may mean going out into the woods and going for a walk. Doing some activity for the sake of yourself. You don’t have to get alone to be able to feed your soul you can also be with others who are on the same path. These people can have the same passions for the same things as you. You can build together.

Why does a man’s mind need to be kept up? That is what we talk about this week on our continuing series about the 4 pillars of a relaxed Male or maybe fo a confident man. I don’t know I am playing with the thought and still working through some of the details. Either way, the principles of a man’s mind will stay the same. What do I mean by a man’s mind You have to feed your mind to keep it strong. Don’t mean just puzzles It is you You need it to make decisions You have the power of reason Why is your mind important? Way to keep your mind strong Read nonfiction books Self-help Biographies Learn a new word of the day Conversations Practice mindfulness Television will rot your brain Stay away from junk content How do you keep your mind strong? You have to keep your wits sharp You have to keep mental illness at bay You have to have logic and reasoning Why is the man’s mind important to being a relaxed male?

Question of the week https://www.quora.com/Is-it-better-to-reward-good-value-or-punish-bad-behavior-during-parenting/answer/Bryan-Goodwin-10?ch=10&share=1a1465c2&srid=p0zJe Main topic Why is the man’s body important to living a relaxed male lifestyle? The body is where you are at. Yeah, you are also in your mind but your body represents who you are. Are you fat or just slightly pudgy? Maybe you are a bean pole. How we look is important and tells the world a lot of what we think of ourselves. So your body is also about your health. This means getting your body in shape helping you to find the love you need for yourself. You want to exercise because you want to honor your body. It also helps you live longer. We abuse our bodies so much and don’t show it the respect we need to show. So there is a change in ourselves we need to make if we want to be successful and prosperous. Treating our bodies right helps also show our sons what it means to take care of ourselves. You show them that nothing is easy but the results are worth it. Why is your health so important You have a better life. Your life is better when you are healthy. Now I didn’t say it was perfect but it is worth it. You have a better outlook on life and you see the possibilities in a clearer mind. You think clearer Yes, your mind isn’t as jumbled up with all the mess and extra thinking when you have a healthy body., Your body carries oxygen better which helps you think better. You don’t have as many constricted capillaries that allow the blood to flow even easier. This in turn helps keep your blood pressure down. We need controlled violent activities Men have this crazy chemical in our systems called Testosterone, and it is what causes us to have denser muscles and other attributes. One thing about testosterone is that it needs to be burned off. To burn it off men have to have controlled violent activities. This is why boys can concentrate better after exercise. Boys often have way more energy than what they know what to do with. So they burn it off by running and jumping and daring each other to try crazy challenges. As a grown man we have the same problem yet if we don’t use it up we produce less. So it is a case of use it or loses it. So this is why Jujitsu or some other activity is needed for us men. That is why if you want to have more testosterone it is actually good to just go out in the back and throw a heavy rock around the yard. Do something more than just a leisure walk. Do aggressive pushups or run some bleachers. So something in a more aggressive form.f It helps you live longer With better health is a better heart. A better heart gives you a healthier mind. With all this, you have a chance to live your life to its fullest. You have less stress When you have used up all your excess energy you don’t have the reserves to apply to stress. That stress is often just penny up energy that comes in the form of stress. When you aren’t thinking as clearly your mind thinks up other things to worry about. Proves that hard work is worth it When you work out all the time you see the change in your body. That change isn’t instant but one day you look and suddenly you have muscles in places you never knew you have muscles Discomfort doesn’t kill you but it makes you stronger. You find out that those sore joints and muscles won’t kill you yeah they are uncomfortable but you press through it and you find that you are better for it. Now I am going to be doing the 75Hard by Andy Frisells’s 75hard program. This is where for the next 75 days I will do some rather challenging tasks. You may not think they are hard when you see them but I have heard many people quit and I hear my mind making up excuses right now as to why I can’t do it. So I am ready. Are you join me and we will get over this hump together. Join me by starting here. If you are interested in making a group where we can support each other let me know.

Today I called an audible. I was going to do the first of the 4 pillars of Relaxed Male but instead, I decided to have a conversation with a good friend of mine Jake Warner. And we explored the challenging but best ways to approach racism in today’s environment. We explore what best can be done to address the issue from just shutting one’s mouth and listening with empathy, to have those scary conversations. You will learn more and connect better when you do have a You can find Jake at all the places you can find podcasts Apple Podcast Google Podcast Podchaser IHeartRadio Jakes Social Media Twitter - Jake’s Profile Twitter - Big Brother Jake’s Podcast Facebook

Why are there pillars Like many things, you have to have a foundation to build on. Each pillar is centered around a portion of men’s life that needs to be kept up so that he can have a full and happy life. Life a table with 4 legs you can have 3 out of the 4 and it will do ok but it isn’t stable. One wrongly places event and the table falls. How do the pillars work? Each pillar points to a part of a man’s life that is important for him to have a well-rounded life. Missing one isn’t going to wreck his life but he isn’t going to excel as much as he would like to. The Man’s Mind Mans body Mans Soul Man’s Community So having a well-rounded life that allows you to beagle to relax and be present in your son's life is important. Sometimes you have to focus in more on one pilar but keeping your learning and physical activity in balance with your soul and still going out and growing your community is very important.

Question of the week John Dude, I thought this was a podcast that was supposed to help dads with their sons. When are you going to start helping those dads with their sons? Main Topic We are often stoic for many reasons but can that be overdone? Yes, the answer is simply yes. It can be overdone. We as people develop different means to cope with the different events in our lives. Often though we use these coping mechanisms to help us avoid uncomfortable situations or events. As men, we have a different set of skills and abilities that we are able to use in stressful situations. These skills are often called stoicism. This is where we hold off on letting emotions take ahold of us until a later time. This is because we are often putting ourselves into stressful events, ie war, protecting our family, and similar circumstances. Yet sometimes we as humans avoid those emotions or take stoicism to an extreme. Doing this we deny our emotions the life they need to live. We see emotions as this thing that just gets in the way of our comfort and so we avoid circumstances and events that cause unwanted emotions to crop up. We resist those emotions we perceive to be bad emotions. Why you don’t want to resist your emotions Emotions are the color of your memories. When we remember back to times when we were young we think of how you felt. I remember the smell of my great grandparent’s property. Central Texas in the spring. Everything smelt green you had the fragrances of henbit and sage mixed with the humidity and I feel happy and free on their property. I would go to the creek to go fishing if there was water or just explore the rocks when there was no water. As you see the emotions are the binding element of your memory it colors it and takes you right back to that time. Even times when it wasn’t just rainbows and lollipops still have those emotions tied to your experience. You even are able to look back and laugh at those times that were simply miserable. Maybe you went on a camping trip and it rained the whole time you were there. It was just a light rain it was a turd floater the whole weekend. Yeah it was cold and nothing was dry but when you look back on it you laugh. Especially when you have your friends involved. If you were in the military you know Bootcamp sucked but you still can’t help but look back and have fond memories of the gas chamber and getting smoked because someone left a locker unlocked. Emotions are apart of who we are. They may have been designed to help us know when we are safe but they are more than that now. That fear and anxiety you have now use to crop up when you were exploring a new cave to see if you can live there or was there a bear that was already inhabiting it. You would have been nervous and on edge, till you were able to prove to yourself that there wasn’t anything in there that could eat you. Once you had a fire and was able to eat yourself you felt comfortable and at rest. In today’s world we see an uncomfortable situation it isn’t a matter of life and death it is a matter of comfort or discomfort. You aren’t very likely to die if you get uncomfortable and you are not going to starve to death if you don’t go out. So we don’t have to bear the discomfort of different emotions as we use to. In fact, we have become averse to some emotions and we deny those emotions. Doing so has many problematic effects on us. We don’t grow Much like your muscles, if you don’t work them you become weaker. If you want to beagle to face the challenges you have in your life you have to experience the emotions that come with it. Life is 50% pleasure and 50% pain. You can’t escape the pains of life. And you really wouldn’t want to anyway. Why would you want to be happy at a friend’s funeral? You would want to be sad. You would want to grieve the loss of your friend. When you resist feeling emotions you resist the ability to grow. You develop stronger skills when you are stressed by an occurrence. You find out that that fear you had was just holding you back. If you don’t experience that fear and anxiety of trying that something new you will just keep avoiding it each time you encounter it. Instead, the more you feel that fear the more you are ready to head right into the problem. You cant become the great man you wan tot be if you are running away from everything that scares you. You can’t kill the dragon if you don’t approach it. We can’t relate When talking to people you share stories. What are stories other than tales that help others experience the emotions you were feeling at the time? Remember emotions are colors. So if you avoid fear and anxiety and other negative emotions you are not going to have the experiences that others will have. This will cause you to not be able to relate to what others are going through. You will be wrapped up in your own emotions and trying to avoid them. Addiction When resisting emotions we develop some harmful habits. These habits are made to distract us. They keep us f

Main event I have seen many people who go through life looking through the rearview mirror of life. A wise man once told me that is why the rearview mirror is so small. Yeah, the pst is important but what is important to you is in front of you. We all have different experiences in life we like to think that they define who we are and that simply isn’t the case. We often will look to occurrences that simply don't Your life is always made up of experiences What does it mean to be loveable? You believe you cant love or you are not able to be loved The past is just that the past You may have had bad things happen to your past. But the past isn't who you are today. Are you defining yourself from your past? Are you telling yourself these stories? You have to allow yourself to be lovable You have to take responsibility for what you did do. You can change Stop playing the victim.

This is part 2 of a 2 part series I would recommend you listen to episode 29 first. Now, this is a new concept for me and it was introduced to me from a friend of mine. She is a counselor who works with sex offenders. She was talking about how they use the information about The Man Box to help them. Now This episode is more than likely going to drift on the political a bit. This isn’t a political site. This website is men focused and meant to help men raise strong confident boys to they can be leaders in society. To do that we sadly have to get our political feet wet today. Again I apologize there are way too much politics and tribalism going on in the world today. When there is a line crossed I will take a stand. As a Man Should. So I got to looking at what in the world the man box was. I came across the ted talk by Tony Porter which is the very first video that pops up on youtube. Now Tony started out as a child in the inner city. He talks about how growing up in New York he was taught that Men had to be tough, strong, courageous, dominating, no pain, emotionless except anger and no fear, men are in change which means women are not, That men lead and you just fall in line, Men are superior and women are inferior, Men strong women weak, that women are less valuable. They are the property of men. Now he goes on and talks about his dad atone of his brother’s funeral, and how he held his tears in till the women left. He then progresses to a story about a girl name Shiela and his interactions with her. From here he digresses into the problem with the man box and the problem I have with the man box. Where he says that all men function in the deepest foundations or the man Box we inherently undervalue women which makes us see them as objects. This Man box is the topic of today’s discussion. The biggest problem with all the studies I am about to talk about and it will be beaten in your head throughout this episode is that for people who hate stereotypes they love to stereotype when it fits their needs. Now again I do realize that that view is also a stereotype so this just proves my point even more. What is the Man Box? It is a perceived list of values all men are supposed to hold to. Now the “supposed to” is used on purpose because in this argument one side thinks that is how we act and the other side thinks how we don’t act. There are academic papers that are pushing this Man Box listed all over the place. There are studies about how The role of masculine norms and gender role conflict. There are studies about Toxic Masculinity The Man Box is also called Toxic Masculinity. This is where so many people get the idea of Masculinity as being bad, and we need to break the Gender norms and such instances as this. They are fundamentally wrong and we will get into these instances later. Now according to Richmond College, The Man Box is described as, A term that researchers use to describe the dominant form of masculinity in the United States at this time is known as Hegemonic Masculinity, which Mark Greene (2013) and others have described as the “Man Box.” Now that Hegemonic Masculinity is a $10 word and I had a 50¢ vocabulary so I did look up and see what Hegemonic masculinity means and it is according to Wikipedia Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man From what I see that is the common Alpha Male and Beta Male line of thinking. This is also an incorrect way to look at men. Now the Term Man Box goes all the way back 40 years ago to an activist named Paul Kivel. His Wikipedia page isn’t very filled out so what is listed is. Kivel co-founded the Oakland Men's Project, a community education center focused on preventing male violence, and has been called "an innovative leader in violence prevention. According to one study called, The Man Box: A Study on Being a Young Man in the US, UK, and Mexico a rigid construct of cultural ideas about male identity. This includes being self-sufficient, acting tough, looking physically attractive, sticking to rigid gender roles, being heterosexual, having sexual prowess, and using aggression to resolve conflicts. This is the primary study that I read through and this took a while because of the double standard and I could only handle it at short chunks because of the double standard. The 7 Pillars of the Man Box In the study the divided the man box up into 7 different categories and they are. Self Sufficiency A man never talks about his feeling if he wants to get respect. Men should figure out their problems on their own. Acting Tough If a man doesn’t fight back, he is weak. Men should act strong even if they are nervose or scared. Physical Attractiveness A man has to look good if he wants to be successful. Yet women don’t like men who fuss too much with their hair clothes and skin. And if men spend too much time

Now, this is a new concept for me and it was introduced to me from a friend of mine. She is a counselor who works with sex offenders. She was talking about how they use the information about The Man Box to help them. Now This episode is more than likely going to drift on the political a bit. This isn’t a political site. This website is men focused and meant to help men raise strong confident boys to they can be leaders in society. To do that we sadly have to get our political feet wet today. Again I apologize there are way too much politics and tribalism going on in the world today. When there is a line crossed I will take a stand. As a Man Should. So I got to looking at what in the world the man box was. I came across the ted talk by Tony Porter which is the very first video that pops up on youtube. Now Tony started out as a child in the inner city. He talks about how growing up in New York he was taught that Men had to be tough, strong, courageous, dominating, no pain, emotionless except anger and no fear, men are in change which means women are not, That men lead and you just fall in line, Men are superior and women are inferior, Men strong women weak, that women are less valuable. They are the property of men. Now he goes on and talks about his dad atone of his brother’s funeral, and how he held his tears in till the women left. He then progresses to a story about a girl name Shiela and his interactions with her. From here he digresses into the problem with the man box and the problem I have with the man box. Where he says that all men function in the deepest foundations or the man Box we inherently undervalue women which makes us see them as objects. This Man box is the topic of today’s discussion. The biggest problem with all the studies I am about to talk about and it will be beaten in your head throughout this episode is that for people who hate stereotypes they love to stereotype when it fits their needs. Now again I do realize that that view is also a stereotype so this just proves my point even more. What is the Man Box? It is a perceived list of values all men are supposed to hold to. Now the “supposed to” is used on purpose because in this argument one side thinks that is how we act and the other side thinks how we don’t act. There are academic papers that are pushing this Man Box listed all over the place. There are studies about how The role of masculine norms and gender role conflict. There are studies about Toxic Masculinity The Man Box is also called Toxic Masculinity. This is where so many people get the idea of Masculinity as being bad, and we need to break the Gender norms and such instances as this. They are fundamentally wrong and we will get into these instances later. Now according to Richmond College, The Man Box is described as, A term that researchers use to describe the dominant form of masculinity in the United States at this time is known as Hegemonic Masculinity, which Mark Greene (2013) and others have described as the “Man Box.” Now that Hegemonic Masculinity is a $10 word and I had a 50¢ vocabulary so I did look up and see what Hegemonic masculinity means and it is according to Wikipedia Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man From what I see that is the common Alpha Male and Beta Male line of thinking. This is also an incorrect way to look at men. Now the Term Man Box goes all the way back 40 years ago to an activist named Paul Kivel. His Wikipedia page isn’t very filled out so what is listed is. Kivel co-founded the Oakland Men's Project, a community education center focused on preventing male violence, and has been called "an innovative leader in violence prevention. According to one study called, The Man Box: A Study on Being a Young Man in the US, UK, and Mexico a rigid construct of cultural ideas about male identity. This includes being self-sufficient, acting tough, looking physically attractive, sticking to rigid gender roles, being heterosexual, having sexual prowess, and using aggression to resolve conflicts. This is the primary study that I read through and this took a while because of the double standard and I could only handle it at short chunks because of the double standard. The 7 Pillars of the Man Box In the study the divided the man box up into 7 different categories and they are. Self Sufficiency A man never talks about his feeling if he wants to get respect. Men should figure out their problems on their own. Acting Tough If a man doesn’t fight back, he is weak. Men should act strong even if they are nervose or scared. Physical Attractiveness A man has to look good if he wants to be successful. Yet women don’t like men who fuss too much with their hair clothes and skin. And if men spend too much time on their looks they aren’t manly. Rigid Gender Roles Men should earn the money and

Why are questions important? Your brain is a computer and will look for the answer you ask it. What does this make possible? Big Leap Questions Am I willing to increase the amount of time each day that I feel good inside An inner sense of well being An I willing to increase the amount of time my whole life goes well Work relationships Am I willing to feel good and have my life go well all the time? If you argue your limitations you get to keep them. Stop fighting to keep your limitations What’s the payoff for limitations? Limiting beliefs are erroneous but for your protections Are you willing to take the big leap in love money and creative contributions How much love and abundance are you willing to allow? How are you getting in your own way? Will you commit to living in your zone of genius all the time Zone of Genius What do I most love to do? What do I do that doesn’t seem like work? What is my unique ability Other Questions to ask Why is this problem important for me to face? Why is this problem so excellent? What is the best use of my time? Does this feeling serve me? How does this project advance my goals? What am I grateful for? What am I going to accomplish today? What is your greatest asset? Are you willing to forgive yourself? Are you willing to laugh at your mistakes? Why am I doing what I am doing?

Main topic Having gratitude can overcome most obstacles. How does gratitude help? It changes your mindset to one of the abundance EP14 - https://www.relaxedmale.com/ep-14-the-abundance-mindset/ You can't be negative when you see the abundance you have. It is the root of an abundant mindset - https://www.relaxedmale.com/why-gratitude-is-important/ while being grateful for what you have you are more open for seeing what is possible You are easier to get along with You are all around a happier person More difficult to get you down It stops the comparison game - https://www.relaxedmale.com/the-comparison-game-dont-play-it/ How to have more gratitude The best tool is the gratitude journal When complaining to stop yourself from complaining give three things you are grateful for in this current situation Ask yourself what does this make possible?

Question of the Week This weeks question is from Quora https://qr.ae/pNyZ5J Main topic Fear, is something we have all experienced in one form or another sometime in our life. I remember when I was a little kid I was in the kitchen at night and grabbing some snacks I wasn’t supposed to have and suddenly a large column candle we had on in there for smell goods and emergency lighting if the electricity went out suddenly fell off of its holder. Blam! The sense of fear that a ghost was about to start throwing me was the only thought I remember. That and the fact that I did an incredible Jesse Owens impression. Another instance of me being in the full grip of fear was when I was at my great grandparent’s house. This incredible storm was booming. You could walk around the house without the lights on because the lighting was flashing almost continuously. The windows would shake when there were close strikes. It was a truly awe-inspiring event. So much so that I took an umbrella (because it was raining) and went out to watch it. As I was out in the middle of my great grandfather’s garden looking all around me as the clouds lit up and flashed and the Thunder was felt in your chest. Suddenly I started feeling oddly light. The hair on the nape of my neck was getting all tingly. All I thought was this is weird and then maybe 20 feet or so in front of me, my the world turned white. It also got very warm, very fast. The noise was deafening. After that the umbrella was dropped and from my lips came a battle cry for the cowards. UUUUUUUuuuuuuuurgh!!! I proceeded to return to the house as quickly as possible. Now these are two instances are an example of three things, Surprise, Stupidity, and Fear. Now the surprise of a candle falling and thinking it was a ghost could be garnered as ignorance. While obviously me standing out in an open field with a lightning rod in my hand during a thunderstorm is clearly stupidity. Both are also examples of unbridled fear. What is Fear? Fear is your mind’s reaction to the unknown. It is thanks to the lizard part of your brain, the amygdala, is the emotional birthplace. Well all you emotions come from the amygdala, but when fear comes into play, your lizard part of your brain actually can take control of your body. It will take full control and you run on autopilot. That is what happens when you enter the fight, flight, or freeze instincts. Your amygdala is designed to keep you safe and comfortable. Now short of being struck by lighting or seeing a bus coming at you. These days the use of fear to run from a bear is very seldom. Yet it is still there. Most people avoid feeling fear because it is rather unpleasant and so we avoid fear as much as we avoid the bear. I want to propose that fear can be a tool and a very handy tool to keep you not only safe but to help you become more successful. Fear as A Tool Now I see fear as a tool. Like every tool you can use it the right way and the wrong way. Both ways are powerful but using it the wrong way is very destructive. Wrong Uses of Fear Using fear as a tool to manipulate people is the common way most people use fear incorrectly. They threaten people with their jobs if it is a boss with no confidence in their leading style or of exposing a shameful event if it is by someone who is blackmailing someone else. Fear can for a short time influence a person to do your bidding. Because fear can over rid free will it is a common tool for tyrants and dictators alike. Yet eventually people get tired of living in fear and they will fight back. Using fear like this erodes people away it makes them less than they can be and doesn’t serve anybody even the person who is trying to control others. How to use fear to your advantage Now you can also use fear to your advantage and it can be used to accelerate your path to your goals and other success. Masting Kipp said it best. Unless you’re in mortal danger, fear is a compass showing you where to go. - Mastin Kipp As I said earlier, we avoid fear. Our amygdala wants us to stay comfortable in what is familiar. Yet when you are starting a new business or anything that is out of the ordinary we are faced with the biggest barriers around. Those barriers are fear. Yeah they may be mindsets too but often those mindsets are based in fear. This is why when you will hear people say if your goal doesn’t scare you it isn’t the right goal. If you use fear as a compass you will soon know that you re heading in the right direction. You can also change ho you look at fear. Fear is excitement without the breath - Fritz Perls, MD, the psychiatrist and founder of Gestalt Therapy The key is to breathe and make them deep breaths make your feeling scared into the feeling of exhilaration. All you need to do is breath, also you live longer if you breathe deep Daniel-san.

One of the biggest factors that will hold a person back is the story and thoughts of how they arrived in the current circumstance they find themselves in. There are times that people may find themselves in a deep dark hole. When they look back on how they arrived there they want to point their fingers at anybody else other than the real person who is to blame. Look at an addict. They blame others for the circumstance that they are in. Yet in all reality, they are the ones who made the choice to start taking the drug. They may have had a tragic event happen in their lives and they may blame an abusive parent. Yet when that addict left that environment the choices they made are what actually got them in the predicament they are in. People who are poor often have the same problem. They blame companies for screwing them over. Yet if they were, to be honest, it is their spending habits that drain their bank account not an evil corporation that pays them very little. Why do some people wind up in bad circumstances? They wind up in bad circumstances because that is what they have deemed that circumstance to be? The events or circumstances in your life are all neutral. That is until you apply thought to that circumstance. This is why two people can watch the very same movie and come out with two very different experiences. One person can love it and the other person can hate it. So when you have thought about your current circumstance, you can choose to make that circumstance a positive event or a negative event. The Mindset Many people who perceive their environment to be a bad event also see that it is someone else fault for them being in that event. The “Victim” may claim to hate that person because of what they did to them. They want to play the victim and give up all responsibilities to their actions. If they are in an abusive relationship. According to the victim, it is someone else’s fault that they are there. Yet the person who wronged them may not have been in their life to the past 10 tears. However, the victim is giving up all their power to this person they claim to hate. My question is if they detest that person as much as they claim, because of how much they have ruined their life then why would you give all of your power to that very person? Now you are seeing the error in having a victim’s mindset. When you play the victim you relinquish responsibility for your actions. You can’t be blamed for staying in a crappy place if it isn’t your fault. But how can someone you haven’t seen in such a ling time actually control you? The answer is they can. How to get out If you want to get out of the current circumstance you are in, you have to change your mindset and own up to the fact that your choices put you in that hole. It may cause some major discomfort but the moment you own up to your responsibility you can start making the changes needed for you to climb out. You can start thinking about different thoughts of your circumstance. Now I am not saying deny the emotions you have from those thoughts but you can change how you think of your environment. You don’t I hope you wouldn’t settle. In fact, you won’t settle if your thoughts about an environment change. A victim settles for the oh well this is my lot in life. While a person who takes responsibility and admits that they are in a hole will start looking for a way out. You can do the very same. Decide you are done with the circumstance you are in and start making changes. The changes won’t be easy they will require you to grow and become stronger in your skills. With each new skill, you will be better equipped to handle the next step to get out and living the best life you deserve and desire.

We all have a story in our head. Yet we often have the wrong story. The story you tell is apart of whether or not you are going to succeed. Now, these stories are yours. But are you telling your story in the right frame of light or are you perhaps living somebody else story? Doing this doesn’t serve you and often it doesn’t benefit you in any way. What is meant by your story? Your story is what are you telling yourself. It can also be the story others are saying about you. Others can have whatever story they want. The real story is your story, Other people can have their own story about you. Yes, people are going to have their own story about you. You cant change this and why should you? What the story isn’t truthful? Ok, but how does their thought of you affect you. They may tell the boss their thoughts? Yeah, they may but the boss also has their own thoughts about you. Maybe some of their stories are true. What then? You work for your story. If the story isn’t correct their story will change on its own. If it doesn’t it really doesn’t matter it is their story. Are you living someone else’s story? Why would you live someone else’s story Many times we live other people’s stories for many different reasons. Perhaps it’s a parent that wants you to go to college so that you can take over the family business. They may say that it is your birthright and you don’t want to upset your parents. Yet you love welding and the family business is office supplies. These two really don’t fit together that well. There are many reasons to why you start living by someone else story. Many times it so that we don’t rock the boat. Then again it could be because you have been guilt-tripped into that story. So you give up your dream or aspirations of being a writer. Yet living your own story is important. You need to have your own story. Are you telling yourself the Right story? Here is an example for you. When I was a kid I was the child of a rancher. And from time to time I was told to get up and go help with breaking up frozen stock tanks in the winter. The work was cold. It was made worse because I would have to dig the ice chunks out of the tank so that they didn’t freeze over again. In the spring I would be out in the rain looking for the weed that is shorting out the electric cattle fence. The summers were a combination of building miles of fence in 100° weather and grading roads in the wind. That sounds pretty miserable, right? Or I could tell the story of Many times I wanted to stay under the warm cover and sleep. Yet since I was helping my dad when he was needing it. I would get up and help him bust up the ice in stock tanks we would talk about random things and with my dad’s sense of humor, I was always laughing at something. I may be building the fence in summer but dad would be right there with sweat just pouring off of him. I remember applying sweat with hard work and would apply that to my work ethic as I got older. When the season to work cattle came around I remember the whole family would get together and pitch in. I would get to see my cousins and we would goof around as we loaded the cattle into the “snake” so they could be given the needed medicine, tagged and branded. These were such good times. See the difference one is a victim minded story of woe and the other is a story of relationships and learning. You have a choice in what light you are going to see your story. To find your story, can take a while. Maybe you need to change your story. The good news is that you can. It is your choice as to you want to live your story or live your parent’s story. You have the choice you always have that choice. Remember that not choosing is a choice in itself. So know that you are telling yourself a story and if you don’t like it then start making those waves.

Maybe you have heard of the analogy of the bucket of crabs. This is where it is easy to keep crabs in a bucket because as one crab tries to crawl out the other crabs in the bucket grab him and drag him back in. This represents the people in your circle. These people are your friends and family members who have an invested emotional interest in keeping you safe. There is that darn word again. Safe. Why is being safe such a bad thing? We work so hard on keeping others safe and in today’s standards safe isn’t keeping you away from bears or sabertoothed tigers. Being safe is staying comfortable. Yeah, it is nice to be comfortable from time to time but if you want to become the better person you want for your family and son, you have to step out of that lovely comfort zone and grow. So how does the bucket of crabs fit in? Well, your family members see you making progress and they become fearful for your comfort. That fear causes them to make certain comments and suggestions that are meant to hold you back. You may hear your favorite uncle suggest you not become a writer because you can’t make it as a writer. In reality, he tried the very same thing when he was younger and he lost everything because he wasn’t able to find a publisher. He became very uncomfortable and tucked his dream of having a book published away, in sorts he gave up and decided that it was too much trouble. He doesn’t want to see you go through that discomfort nor does he want his failure to be brought to light. It could be out of fear that he quit too soon. The Tall Poppy Syndrome The Tall Poppy Syndrom is defined as this: The tall poppy syndrome describes the cultural phenomenon of mocking people who think highly of themselves, "cutting down the tall poppy". Common in Australia and New Zealand, it is seen by many as self-deprecating and by others as promoting modesty. We often, as a society, also call out others who are doing what we would like to be. These people become the tall poppies. We make comments like It must be nice… He has more money than sense He is lucky He is privileged Toxic masculinity There are other terms that are very prevalent in today’s vernacular that show the tall poppy syndrome too. Like White privilege or Happiness privilege, he is just out of touch. When we as a society condemn a person for being successful. These are times that tall poppy syndrome crops up. Some examples of the Tall Poppy Syndrome by doing a quick twitter search. Your son while in high school will be faced with this often. If he tries to be his own person, his classmates will call him out on his uniqueness. If he is working hard and saves up to buy his first car many people will call that out. Some may even dip down to try to actively cut that tall poppy short by damaging his prized possession. Why do people hold us back? Now I mentioned a few reasons earlier. But Let dive a bit deeper. Safety This word really needs to be reduced in our lexicon of words. As before the vast majority of times, our fear for another person’s safety is actually our fear for their discomfort. We don’t want to see our loved ones suffer and fail. So to keep them from failing we try to keep them safe. This is our emotional brain talking. We can’t predict the future yet we see the very worst about what is going to happen. So we try to talk our loved ones out of dong something that is actually good for them. It really is self-defeating. We have an emotional reaction to the dream or plans our son hs. Maybe your son wants to go into the Army. That will scare many parents and moms more specifically because there is a real element of danger in joining up with any military. So we try to talk our possible warrior out of the idea. Yet we ignore all the good that would come out of the endeavor. He could learn how to be more disciplined and more intentional in his actions. He would build up his personal network for his later success. He could make it a career and travel the world. He would then get a dedicated paycheck for the rest of his life. The perks of joining the military far outnumber the reasons to not join. Yet because there could be a conflict erupt and he is then asked to get into harm’s way, we try to talk him out of it. All because we want someone we love to not go through the discomfort that will make him great. We have stopped letting our sons be dangerous those broken bones and scrapped knees all have teaching moments and yeah there can be an element of true danger in what they do, it is good for our sons to prove themselves. They see themselves in your effort Again this shows where we failed ourselves. Many times people cast judgment not because of what the other person is doing but because we see our own shortcomings. That right there can be very uncomfortable. Many of the opinions we cast when shaded in the light of emotion is because of this very fact. We see that we had the same energy and drive that our son has at the moment and we sadly feel as though we squande

Why so dramatic? I bet you know many people who seem to love drama. They overblow what the worst that can happen. They relish gossip and add details to stories they hear. Yet I bet you didn’t know that you also delve into drama quite a bit too. Maybe you know you do and if so good job at least you are more aware of what is happening than many people. What is drama? When I refer to drama I am not meaning plays or acting. I am meaning when we allow our reptile part of the brain to add all sorts of extra emotions to the information we have. Most of the time the level of drama grows with the lack of information. Drama is the extra unnecessary emotions that fog up our judgment and create suffering and stress in our lives We as people are emotional beings so we like to have drama in our lives. Look at movies would you watch a film that had just an ordinary guy doing ordinary things? Well no. it would be boring. Look at reality Television, these people are all about the drama that I am talking about. Example of how we make drama Say your son just got his driver’s license and he is wanting to go drive around and show off his new skill to his friends on the drag. You finally let him go and he has to be back at 10 pm. Around 10:15 your new driver still isn’t home. What do you do? Most parents start o wonder why he isn’t home and as each minute that ticks by the scenario you have in your head get worse. First, he just lost track of time this leads to flat time. This leads to him having car problems to he was racing and crashed. This then leads to him lay dying in a ditch with dirty underwear on. Then around 10:36 he drives up and knows he is in trouble and it is even worse because we got ourselves all worked up over nothing. Perhaps your wife texts call me. Suddenly you start making stories of someone is in the hospital, or the back part of the house just was eaten by a sinkhole. Yet when you in a rush call her she was just needing you to stop by the store. We build so much into the lack of information. Why do we turn to Drama so much? Well, our brains are wired for drama. We take the little information we have and apply drama to it w]to fill in the gaps. Now some people are more predisposed to using their amygdala or reptile part of the brain than other people. So that is why you have some people who are easily more attracted to drama. My son dated a girl who I call the Choas Machine she was nothing but drama. Everything was in a state of panic and chaos for her. One example was when her stepfather died due to a drug overdoes, as part of the police investigation, she was questioned by the police. After that, she was convinced that the police thought she had killed him, and she would tell anybody who would listen that she was being investigated for this dude murder. No amount of other facts would dissuade her from thinking otherwise. Such a very tiring place to be is in this young woman’s life. People are wired for drama. We try to plan for the worst and when we don’t allow for the logic part of our brain to really hammer out the details our reptilian part of our brain takes over and starts to fill in the gaps. Since it is trying to keep us safe and comfortable we get the worst possible happenings. Drama as a whole really doesn’t serve us anymore. Some people may argue that we are able to prepare for the worst yet, in reality, we do better when we allow for our prefrontal cortex to do its job and work out all the logic parts. With drama we have more stress and suffering in our lives because we are busy working on things that most likely are never going to happen. The Rumor Mill Another place that drama really can play a huge role is in a company. When rumor mills start to churn out their product. Many times these forms of drama can be destructive if not addressed. Some companies have an actual rumor policy for their company culture. This is because rumors are based on little fact and a lot of emotion. They crop up more when there is very little communication from the leadership. Rumors often lower the morale of the employees because again we are focusing on the worst instead of pressing on with our actual job. Drama and choices It is easy to be caught up in the emotion of drama. In fact, when you notice you are in drama it can actually be hard to turn it off. A good example of this is to stop in the middle of the drama-filled story and try to reframe that story in a positive light. You will see your brain fight tooth and nail against that change. Want a fun experiment try that exercise on a friend who is telling you a drama-filled tale. You can see the struggle on their face. How to minimize drama Since you can’t actually remove all drama from your life, you can minimize it though. The best is to ask yourself questions. The first being how does getting worked up in drama benefit me? Then you can layout the fact of the story and try to remove the emotions from the details. Doing so will help you to engage your logic pa

The benefits of a mastermind are plenty and I wanted to share some specific benefits that you gain when you are a part of a mastermind. You are a part of a community You don’t have to worry about feeling lone nearly as much as if you were going on your own. You will have people who have been in your shoes before and can anticipate what may be around the unforeseen corner. You have people who can help and offer you support. Support In a mastermind, you have people who can give you the needed advice and support for those tough times that you are feeling like you are about to give up. Collaborations Sometimes you need help from people who have skills that are outside of your wheelhouse. So you can lean on the other people in your group for help by using their strengths Makes you think bigger The people in your group will encourage you to stop playing small and reach for the stars. These people who are looking out for you know what you are truly capable of doing. New perspectives Sometimes we can see the forest for the trees and so it helps when you have someone who isn’t buried in the day to day business you are conducting. They can offer a new and different way to look at a problem you are having. It helps when they are outside of your box. Remember you can't read the label from the inside of the bottle. You find out if your baby is ugly Sometimes you just need to be told that your ideas are bad. Yeah sometimes we do have ugly babies and that is alright. It is good to know that your brilliant idea isn’t going to work than to find out 2 years down the road. learn about yourself You can do so much, Yet sadly we tell ourselves storied that hold us back. Your mastermind can help change that limiting belief and make huge strides in your abilities. extend your network Sometimes you feel as if you are a whale in a tiny pond. You have to find new contacts and expand your network of people you know. Your mastermind can help you do that. There are many more benefits that can help you when you are in a mastermind. The Relaxed Male has a Men’s group called The Conclave Of Men that helps men forge their path and achieve the destiny they have been wanting. If you would like to join you can read more on the page

If you want to succeed you have to take action. Sounds like that is a no brainer. Yet one of the reasons most people don’t succeed is because they don’t take the steps they need to take. They will hymn and haw over what they should or should not do Why people don’t take action Fear Afraid of what others will think Fear that they will change Afraid that they will lose their friend's Procrastination (fear) Afraid of what others will think Fear that they will be seen as not good enough They don’t believe they know enough Don’t want to get out of their comfort zone Comfort is good to feel but if you stay there you will not grow. We have to have adversity in our life if we want to become the best we can be. You learn more about who you are when you clear an uncomfortable stage in your life. Often we fear failure and though that is a fixed mindset if you see failure as a way to not accomplish the goals you can by a method of elimination find the mindset and path that will lead you to success.