The Relaxed Male

We as humans have emotional responses about many many things. Some people have more responses than others. Yet one of the big choices a person is able to make is not to the benefit of someone else but to themselves. Yet for some reason many people don't want to better themselves. I have started to understand that many people often seek out suffering and pain in their lives. This sounds so odd to me because so many people actually complain that they just want to be happy. Yet when happiness comes along they turn away from it. Why? Well, that will probably be next week's episode. Today wanted to talk about Forgiving. One of the more basic aspects of the human condition. Because humans are emotional beings our actions are often performed under the influence of emotion. Those emotions may be Pride, accomplishment, anger, Frustrations, jealousy, and so on and so forth. Because of any of those emotions, you may also have the thought that you were wronged, and want an apology. Then again maybe you had someone who wanted to apologize to you. OR they want you to apologize. Do you apologize or do you not? When should you apologize? This is what we are going to be talking about. Why Forgive? Why should you forgive someone who wronged you? Well, that is the question. To understand why you first have to know what you are forgiving, and why you are forgiving them. There are factors only you will take into account and so you have to decide if that is worthy of forgiving. Does it serve you to hold on? When to forgive Is it their first offense or have they been slighting you since you have known them? Should You Forget? This is also up to you however there are some nuances to when How do you ask for forgiveness? 1. Take full unrelenting responsibility for your actions. 2. Voice the wrongs you did and why they were wrong. 3. Express how you are resolving the issue 4. Stop Talking and let the other person have their say. 5. It is their choice to forgive or not accept that choice.

Thoughts are what make your world yours. We love to have thoughts and share thoughts about what our thoughts are thought to mean. Our thoughts are fascinating when you step back and look at them. Especially when you can step back and see when a person is lost in their thought loops. A thought is nothing more than what we think. Was that the audience saying " Duh!"? YOu would think that it is a universal truth. Yet when you look at all the Karens in the world getting upset at everyone else for not thinking as they do. When you see someone who is just having an emotional meltdown, you step back and marvel at the whole scene and understand that their thoughts are at the root of their meltdown We talk about common sense but that actually means common thoughts. That is where we get ourselves into trouble. Our thoughts are our thoughts. Nobody else's thoughts whatsoever. Yet we want to think that our thoughts have no power and they do. They create our emotions. Leaves in a stream Method This is where you take your worrisome thoughts and you imagine you placing them on a stream. You then let them go. It is supposed to help you disengage with the thought as being something real and more of nothing but a thought The Thought Download This allows you to get your thoughts out in front of you so that you are able to see what exactly you are thinking. You are then able to see what is actually important and what is not. You can look at a thought and decide if it is important to you or if it is something you want to change. The Model The Model is at the heart of my coaching. It shows people how their thoughts are at the root of their obstacles. It is what they are thinking about a certain problem that is actually getting in their way. To use the model you want to lay out the following lines C T F A R Then each of those lines receives a particular item You have circumstances. This is the event you are having trouble with. The circumstance is neutral and is nothing but the facts. Thought is what you thought of the circumstance The feeling is how you feel about that circumstance. The Action is what did you do? The result is what happened This helps you see where your thoughts lead you astray. How your thoughts create your results and if you want to change where you are failing you have to change your thoughts around the circumstance. Bridging thoughts Many times when it comes to changing your thoughts. You can't just suddenly shift how you are thinking. It can and often takes time and patents because you are having to get your mind use to the new thought a little bit at a time so that you are able to get past the river of Misery Getting a coach The Quickest way to change your line of thinking be it your mindset or you want a whole new thought to run with your best bet is to get a coach. If you want to go this route then I suggest you set up a call. The Next Step If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step. No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim. Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in your life. Take The Next Step->

What happens when the pressure of life gets too much? How do so many men act like life doesn't bother them while you are sweating bullets? Frustration is a huge emotion when you are in a stressful situation. Examine why you are having all this pressure You are running to get the kids for your 4 hours of visitation. Yet you have a boss who is holding your job over your head. Stating that if you aren't at work when he says you will have plenty of time to play daddy. Then you have all the different hoops that your ex-wife is demanding that you jump through all kinds of hoops to be able to get the court-appointed visitation times. Then you have all the lack of funds. You are living on the wrong side of the tracks. In a roach-infested apartment. Squeeking by on less than half of the funds you had when you were married. While the ex is going on a trip to Jamaica next month. So yeah there is some pressure. is it a lack of time? Why do you not have enough time in the day? You have the same number of hours as anybody else. Where does the lack of time come from? It comes from a lack of discipline and time management. You aren't mad at who you believe you are mad at. So many times we want to take our frustrations out on other people. These are the people who you believe are at fault for your suffering. Those people may be your boss, your ex-wife, or her new boy toy. Yet who is really at fault? give you a hint it's none of those people. Frustration Why does frustration cause so much suffering? It is the feeling of fear that it isn't going to end. Why will it not end? because you are in control of the frustration. What causes frustration? Frustration is from you allowing yourself to lose control over your life. You are busy letting others control every aspect of your life and you wonder when you will get a turn. That is the big question when will you get a turn to control your own life? Frustration is also from the thoughts and fears you have about the circumstances you have at the moment. Why does your Soon-To-Be-Ex push your buttons so? Why is she able to get you so angered? What if you didn't play that game? What if you chose to not get angry anymore? what if you chose to let the chains of frustration rattle to the floor? To do that you have to stop looking at life as though it is happening to you. Start acting as if your life is yours. What are your thoughts about the circumstance? The biggest way to beat frustration back is to know where the frustration and stress are coming from. Like any emotion and feeling, that emotion is coming from you. More specifically from your thoughts about the circumstance. How to alleviate your pressure. Now just because you realize that it comes from you doesn't mean you now going to be free from frustrations, anger, and other negative emotions. Remember life is 50/50. However, there are ways that you are able to handle your emotions, especially fear-oriented emotions. Talk to your Band of Brothers These men are here to help you when the crap gets too thick and deep. Use them often. They have the ability to take that crap and turning into gold. All you have to do is talk to them. Whoop up on a tree Yeah if you have a lot of pent-up frustration anger and resentment. Grab a baseball bat and start waylaying a tree. Yell and scream as you are doing so. Let all that bad energy out. Don't worry about the tree unless it is a sapling you are actually going to help it more than hurt it. Seek Counseling If your friends aren't helping and have knocked over a whole forest of trees and still no resolution is in sight then go talk to a counselor. There could be deeper lying problems that They can help with Now if you are sure that it's not any deep-seated problem that you are facing and you are still struggling with time and want some help in fixing a frustratingly common problem then reach out and talk to me. We can look and see what this problem makes possible and you might be surprised. The Next Step If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step. No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim. Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in your life. Take That Next Step

This week we have a long episode. Yet it is a great episode. I have a friend of mine who has gone through a divorce and we talk about how a divorce changes a man and how that can be for the better or the worse. This week we have Craig Ignatowitz from the podcast At Home with Craig, He has gone through 3 different divorces and so if anyone has some insight as to how divorce can affect a man it is this fine gentleman. Home Page - Athomewithcraig Podcast Twitter - Igster101

One of the main traits that define a man is his ability to take action. Stop playing the ignorant game You do know you just don't want to have to say it out loud. I don't know is an indulgent action Make a decision One of the hardest parts boys have is when they are faced with a choice. How do they decide? How can you decide? Why are decisions so hard to make? What is a decision? It is the cutting away of a part of a choice. You are actually killing an option. If you are wanting to weigh out the pros and cons then do so. If you still can't then flip a coin. Talk to others but you have to make your own choice. Stop relying on others for your thinking. Start actually thinking Choose to take action and then do it!

Let's go back to the first night your wife told you she wants a divorce. How did you act or what did you do? You had thoughts racing through your head like, She's going to take the house. I am going to have to live in an apartment again. She is going to take the kids away from me. Followed by tons of questions that get answered with scary thoughts. That first night and the rest of the week were pure hell. You were wondering where she was going each night while you stayed home with your mind cranking out thoughts and feeling scared of the future. Because of that fear, you were not taking action. You sat on the couch and kept thinking of more scenarios that ended in disaster and created more fear and anger and resentment in you. So what do you do? How do you get out of fear so you can take action? What is fear? Fear is an emotion and if you look at an emotion wheel you often see that fear is the opposite of love. It is a base emotion that builds other feelings. Fear builds out to be anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, anxiety, and more negative feelings all coming from an element of fear. The thing is when we really look at it fear is us resisting a feeling. We are afraid that we might be humiliated. we fear being called out and feeling like an imposter. We fear the emotions that may rise up if we are rejected. We avoid it because the feeling might be unpleasant. However, emotions are nothing more than a vibration we feel throughout our bodies. Our life is 50/50 as is. Why is fear avoided? It doesn't feel good. Who wants to be afraid We want to use fear as an excuse and that's all it is. A story you are telling yourself. You living an unintentional life. Brooke calls it a mismanaged mind Some say that fear is your mind and past experiences telling you that you are in a place that will get you killed. And that isn't the case at all. Fear is going to happen. Fear is the opposite of love and it destroys. Fear will keep you away from your dreams. Fear will keep you playing small. All because you are afraid of what someone will think. What someone will say. Or how someone will act. We will tell ourselves all these stories about why something won't work when we are operating out of fear. I have written and talked about fear before and needs to be reiterated from time to time. From why fear is actually a compass to what fear means to your goals. There are a lot of thoughts about fear. Fear is what keeps us from finding contentment and fulfillment in our marriage. Why we find ourselves missing opportunities is thanks to fear. It is the 400-pound gorilla in our life. Fear is an emotion that keeps us from success. However, all of these are invalid reasons. Why? because if you want what you desire you have to pierce that veil of fear. and it actually is a very thin transparent opaque veil. We can't fully see the other side so we don't know how hard we need to go at it. what if there is a hole in the floor? Maybe a bear under the table? We don't know so we had better not try to get to the other side of the veil. Let's sit here till we have more information. What more info do you need? What you desire is on the other side of that fear. All you have to do is pass through it. Will it be uncomfortable? oh heck yeah! but that discomfort is the currency for your dreams. Does fear actually help you? Yes. It keeps you from jumping off a cliff. It keeps you from stepping out in front of the bus. Fear is used by your brain to keep you safe. The problem is that it has overdone it. We are afraid to even try to go for our dreams because we have been told it is hard. We can become horrible monsters when we are faced with fear. Look at the germans from the 20s to the 40s The fear in Germany caused them to actually blame their own shortcomings on a group of people. A madman was able to pour all the fears the bavarian people had into the Jewish population and people turned their brains off and performed the holocaust. So how do you overcome fear? You first have to understand what fear is and when you are in a state of fear. This could be a point of inaction or you making excuses. Now, this fear isn't when you are in a state of panic. Your amygdala has wrenched control away from the thinking part of your mind and you are in Fight flight or freeze. So that is when you need to have your after-action report run. 1) Recognize when you are in fear. Write out all your thoughts you are having about the circumstance you are in doesn't matter if they are thoughts or feelings just get them all written down. 2) Separate the thoughts from the feelings 3) Examine each thought you had and ask if that is really true. Get to the bottom of why you think that thought. When you understand the why, then you can start to change that thought and be able to move forward 4) If you are feeling fear at the moment allow it to flow through you. Just stop what you doing if you can and just name the feeling and state that is what you are feeling. You can even tak

Relationships like many things in life aren't always permanent. There are some relationships that will last only for the time of your airline's flight. While some may last for decades. Now, this needs to be said, If you are in a place where you are in danger then yeah time to leave. Do not pass go and forget about the $200. If you are in an abusive relationship then get out and find safety first. Then you can work on your thoughts. Yes, men can be in abusive relationships too. Those types of relationships are often not reported. However, it can be just as dangerous. If this is the case call the National Domestic Violence Helpline 800-799-7233 When should you leave a relationship? When you feel that the relationship has run its course When to not leave a relationship If you have any thoughts about the other person that is not one of love If you are complaining about the other person don't leave If you have thoughts that leaving the relationship will improve your position If think finding another person is the key to your happiness then don't leave. What leaving a relationship will not do make you happy remove your sorrow will not fix the problems that existed in the relationship What leaving will do Allow for a richer connection with the next person both for you and your old spouse Allows you to have a better understanding of your spouse You can truly remain friends with your ex Get coached

How many times have you found yourself off balance? Especially when you are going through something as unpredictable as a divorce. It is easy to be knocked off balance when you don't have your focus What happens when you are off balance? Small things set you off Your attention is easily drawn away from the important objective. You will not get anything accomplished easily You will find yourself in scarcity mindset more You will have more drama in your life Exercise To Try Close your eyes and stand on one foot. Very difficult right? Why? you don't have a point to focus on. Open your eyes and you are able to focus on a point. How do you get rebalanced? Find a point to focus on This is why you need to have a purpose. You are harder to knock off balance when you are focused on one thing. If you are swinging your head around trying to see what is coming at you. You will lose sight of where you are in relation to the different crises that are flying your way and you will get hit with more unneeded drama than if you just pressed on with your main focus. What are you focused on? is it important or is it something that others want you to focus on? Are you focused on what keeps you balanced, or has the storm around you caused you to lose focus? If you have just lost your focus then you have to regain that focus. If you don't have a focus this is where finding a focus is important. The benefits of finding a purpose to focus on You have a drive to your personality You stop focusing on the little stuff You take the important things to heart You have a better attitude You drop the need for drama in your life You get more done than anybody who doesn't have a purpose

Now I have talked about this a bit in Episode 82 The 3 A's There are 3 reasons for divorce and those are the 3 A's. These A's are trust destroyers. You can overcome these but it takes time and a lot of it. When I say, "time" I don't mean days or months I mean a minimum of 3 years but it can take as long as the offended party needs to trust in the offender again. Now those three A's are... Abuse Addiction Adultery You may hear something like, we just fell out of love. Ok but that isn't a reason to get a divorce. That is a thought and we are talking about thoughts soon. One side dropped the ball This is where often the woman gets tired of her man not being the man she married. Yes, this I am pointing at us dudes. Why? because when we marry we are often in shape and driven for a purpose. We are excited and out to conquer the world. Yet let a few years go by and we are sitting in front of the television watching sports and not going anywhere. We as men dropped the ball. Now the woman can do this too. However, this happens more to men than to women nowadays. Women initiate 70% of all divorces. They wouldn't do that as much if men were not dropping the ball. So yeah We do have to take responsibility for women not being satisfied with what we are doing. We failed many of their tests. When we give up and resign our lives to what it is. The women in our lives will not be happy. They want to go on an adventure with their man. The Emotional Connection Faded This is often a reason given when one side has given up. Now it is often stated because of the lack of being fed a love language. It could also be that one part of the marriage doesn't see an objective. They struggle with finding why. This is often tied to dropping the ball but it is also just as much that men not talking to their friends. You can wear out an emotional connection Yeah it's possible. When you turn to your wife with every possible problem you have. You will tire her out. Women need positive energy in their life. They get that energy from their men. Men take negative energy and share it with their other masculine friends. This is why you need a good group of men who you see on a regular basis. So you spread the negative out and you draw in the positive for your wife. If you don't do that enough your wife will tire of your emotionally draining her and she will leave. You have way too many weak pillars. Are you building your mind? What is your health like? How many friends do you have in your inner circle? What are you working towards? This is what women want to see in their men. Men who are driven to improve themselves. Men on a quest. This Nice Guy Women are smart and sadly the nice guy thinks the opposite. They believe they can manipulate the women in their life forever. Yet these women catch on fairly quickly and they start drawing away. They stop with the sex and start nagging. It becomes the problem that all nice guys complain about. The woman is distant and cold. Why? because the nice guy is a manipulative bastard and won't let his wife have her own emotions. Thoughts This is the reason behind all divorces. Even when we are looking at the 3 A's. A person's thoughts are behind those words. Thoughts are what keep men from going for the gusto. It is Your thoughts are what keep you on your couch, watching a game that you have power over. The thoughts that tell you your wife is cold or even frigid come from your mind. A person's thoughts are what create the emotions they feel. When they feel those emotions they make a judgment as to whether that emotion is good or bad. If the emotions are unpleasant they will try to do stuff that creates better feelings within their body. This could be an affair, use addiction, or may even turn to abuse. Thoughts are the most powerful item in a person's world so you can actually change a divorce by changing YOUR thoughts. You don't even have to find out what your wife's thoughts are. You just have to make the change in yourself and your world will change.

Tools Needed Notebook Pen/s Determination Plan Now I have been talking about Break the plan down into sizable chunks Use the Smart goal technique Specific - Measurable - Attainable - Relevant - Timely - This technique is just the start. It is nothing more than a starting place. This helps you get your thoughts in order and determine how you will proceed. Because when you take the SMART technique and add it to something like the 12-week year, you start making massive strides. this is because you are starting to become as intense to your cause as you have ever before. You are going to become gazelle focused. Things that start to draw you away typically will not have that power over you anymore. All because you do have a plan. 12-week year The 12-week year is a means of breaking up a year. Long goals into smaller more manageable bites. This means you have four subgoals. Those sub-goals are broken up into 12 mini-goals. Those mini goals are what you focus on each week. It takes the SMART goal strategy and applies Micro habits so that you have a better chance of succeeding. Execute This is where the rubber meets the road. You have to try and fail then try again only to fail some more. This is where your mindset starts to change. Growing and changing so that your goals are attainable is at the heart of all that we want to do. This means we have to grow and we have to fail. As we fail, we learn. As we learn, we grow. Rinse and repeat till you find your success. if you truly want the fulfillment, you were after you have to work on your thoughts. The thoughts create your results. When you have the right thought for the right circumstance you have success. So how do you figure out what the right thought is? Essentially, you use the scientific method. No not the method that modern scientist use, where they make a theory and think that is all that is needed. You have to try something that you believe might work, and when it doesn't examine why it didn't work make one small adjustment and try again. This is also called trial and error. Find a way to keep to the plan. This is where you will have to try and try and try again. you will find out that you are just playing the part and not actually making any progress. This can be highly frustrating. This can keep you from reaching those goals. This is why you need to review regularly. Review What is working and what isn't? Do you want to make sure you always ask yourself three questions? What worked What Didn't work What needs to be changed? Review your actions every week to find out what is working and what is not working. This allows you to make the needed adjustments to reach your goal. If writing a blog post every week isn't getting you the results you want then you might want to change something about the blog post. Maybe the type of blog post needs to be changed maybe you need to change to a podcast. How do you know, you try. As you keep trying, you're going to find thoughts that come up that are going to try to keep you from finding your goal. They are going to get you spinning in doubt and confusion. These thoughts are going to keep you playing small. All thanks to your brain wanting to make sure that it seeks pleasure, Avoids pain, and remains efficient as possible. Something new is unpleasant. Failure is painful and learning something new isn't energy efficient so going to a new possibility and goal goes against everything your brain doesn't want. That is until you reach your goal. If you are interested in reaching a new goal and seeing what is actually possible in your world. reach out and let's talk. If you would like to have a consult and see if we are a good fit, please Schedule today

This is the end of the year. Therefore it stands to reason that we are looking toward the future. Why you don't look to the future? I don't know how. What if I fail? I don't have the money I don't know what I want I have never done X. Are you looking to the future or are you just daydreaming? Many times we say we are looking at the future when in all reality we are daydreaming. The difference between planning and dreaming is the deadline. When are you going to achieve the goal? What is keeping you from even trying? Why try? Cause you are going to fail? The Motivational Triad Failing is a good thing When you fail you are learning how to not do something. You are also getting the right mindset needed for success. If you don't have the right mindset and it gets tough then you will not know how to handle the circumstance. You will fall back on your old ways of thinking. Remember your results come from your thoughts How to plan for the future? First, allow yourself to dream Write 50 those dreams down. Choose 5 you want to focus on first. Make a plan as to how you are going to achieve those 5 plans. When you complete one you choose a new one from the list. Your thoughts will create your Results If you think you can't then you won't If you think it is possible you will find a way. It is all about how you think of the circumstances. Do you have an end-of-the-year review? is it more than you just beating yourself up? Many times that is what we do and call it a review. What worked? what didn't work? What could you try instead of the stuff that didn't work?

With it being the Christmas season it is easy to want to hide away from relatives who stick their noses in other people's business. It is easy to just not go anywhere and avoid people. It is easier to spend time in your own misery than to spread it around and let other people see. What Family Is Your first friends people you bond to Where you are loved Human What Family Is Not family isn't just blood relations perfect Out to hurt you Why is Family Needed? the traditions are stronger than you want to admit These traditions allow for the kids to bond with those of earlier generations. The rituals of our lives are very important to our sense of self. Fall back on to those traditions You have memories with these people. Some good some bad. Which do you want to focus on?

Is it OK to be rich? These questions will bring up so many thoughts about money. I don't care about money/Money isn't important Money Is the Root of All Evil Money makes you greedy Money Tears families apart Money is nothing but a score Money is a circumstance Money is like alcohol Money is a tool

You are worthy Inferiority complexes Love Yourself Being the Bully to yourself Troubled by your past? Nobody really cares about your past. Building your Self-worth Kintsugi and Ikigai Find your purpose Feel like an imposter

Ok, Guys this week we are talking about what men need to stop doing to attract more women. The Thanksgiving Story The biggest reason I did this show is that on Thanksgiving my mom got an unsolicited Dick pick from one of the guys she is talking to. how do I know? because I was looking at a picture my mom's suiter had sent earlier when he sent her an image of his morning wood. This is something that seems to be running rampant. Women are complaining and men are winding why they aren't getting laid. This very reason is one of many reasons why men can't find a good woman to settle down with. It is as if Men actually don't want women to sleep with them. They want to get their rocks off and offend women at the same time. My Theory as to why So why are men not finding as many women as they would like I blame women's standards Women have dropped their standards. Now I am not talking about women who have unrealistic standards. You know those types that think that men should provide everything for them and they don't have to bring anything to the table. Not those women. I am talking about the average woman on the average dating app. These are the women who have dropped their standards. They go along with thinking they need to sleep with the guys because that's how you attract a guy. No that is how you attract scummy guys and they are inadvertently creating more scummy men. Where are the guys of a standard like Cary Grant? Well, women's lack of standards has created men who don't have any standards. I Blame men's standards Men have stopped trying to impress women. Many of today's men don't dress up for dates. Many men don't go on dates. They sit around the house and complain that they don't go out. Are you being held hostage? No, You have to go out by yourself to find adventure. There are too many nice guys running around. Yes, there are too many covert contracts creating, Scared of any emotional outburst type of nice guys running around society today. These men are the ones who are doing the drive-by crotch shots. Let me help you out men who like to send out dick pics. You are presenting the most unflattering part of you to the woman. Just let it stay a mystery till she wants to see it. Another problem with men's standards is that they don't want to have to work for the opportunity of sex. It is a numbers game where if you send enough pecker pics to enough women then you might get one to like it. It is far easier to watch a porno clip than to actually go out and build up a rapport with a woman. Get to know her. Yeah it can be a bit uncomfortable and the process takes longer than the average pornhub clip, but the dividends are vastly immeasurable. You might actually get something wet if you take the time to get to know a woman. You might actually find a good woman who wants to spend their life with you if you stop acting like the average dude and start acting above average. Take pride in who you are and what you believe, and for god sake get rid of the nice guy's schtick! All of this is a form of buffering and numbing it is not living. I blame dating apps Dating apps are the joining of the low-standard women and the low-standard men and it just perpetuates the whole numbers game. If you want to find a better woman who is of a higher caliber then get off the dating apps and start finding real women in real life. Yeah, it's scary but it is a better adventure. Do you want to get laid more? There are many different things men can do that will actually impress women so that they want to get naked for you. The Tactics aren't easy but they do pay off in the long run. Start by dropping porn Porn is an easy get your rocks off ploy. You don't have to talk to girls to see them naked. You don't have to do any of the uncomfortable social interactions. You just have to go to a website and Poof wa la boobs! Yet because of porn you have been rewiring your brain to be aroused by images, not by naked women. This is a rising problem in Millenial men this group is having more issues with ED than even older men. Men at that age should be walking around with permaboner yet because they watch so much porn they can't even rise to the occasion. If you are struggling with dropping the porn habit Matt Sinkovitz can help you out. If you don't want him then I can help you out. Stop chocking the Chicken This goes with the porn problem but also if you stop masturbating as much you will allow for more testosterone to be produced and you will actually have a greater drive to meet more women. Start Upping your Dress game If you wear basketball shorts, a tee shirt, and flip-flops then up your game by one step. Wear some dress shorts, a polo shirt, and some tennis shoes. Upping your uniform is one of the best ways to improve your chances of meeting and attracting women to you. All because you decided to dress just a little better Start treating women with respect That means stop flopping your giggle stick out at the slightest cause. Get to know her. Ta

This week I have a special guest who has taken the time to find out how to get the best out of an awful situation. Andy Heller had the rug ripped out from under him after being married for 8 years and being the father of 2 kids. What did Andy do? Did he delve into shame and Scarcity? He may have tried but he didn't in the end. He actually started studying what was going on and taking notes. He also started going to a therapist and taking the advice they gave. From here, Andy started talking to other therapists Divorce attorneys, counselors, Mediators, and more. With all the knowledge Andy Heller gathered together he wrote a book about all that he discovered. It laid out tips and tricks as to how you can actually go through a divorce and keep your ex as a friend. You can co-parent with a lot less resistance from the other side. This book is simply amazing in how it helps men to take the higher ground. Tips Get a Special Master or SMA- This is like a special arbitrator and is a truly amazing tip that I had never heard of. Compromise often. The law of reciprocity is always in effect. Take Your Time - Too many bad decisions were made in a rush. According to the hostile spouse, you are the unreasonable one. Resources Book: Take The High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family Website: https://takethehighroaddivorce.com/

How closely have you followed your dreams? How often have you talked about something being nice or cool to have and leaving it at that? If you are like me then you probably do it fairly often. Then there are times that I will get very intentional about a specific idea and pursue it to fruition. The difference is striking. How do you follow your dreams? Have you ever made one of your dreams come true? If not why? If you ever wanted to see if there was magic, a higher being, or universal power, this will do that very thing. Dream Plan Set a goal Specific Measurable Attainable Relatable Timely Look at your goal daily. Tell those who support you of your goal. Now many people seem to think that this is a reason to not have to work. There are people who think, I just will use the laws of attraction to get millions of dollars into my bank account and I won't have to work. This is where they are wrong. You have to do the work for your dream. To sit and do nothing is actually giving the universe permission to do nothing too. For the universe to give you want you to desire you have to earn it. You have to put in the work and the goal will happen sooner. The less work you put into it the longer it will take. Why following your dreams works There are many theories as to why the laws of attraction work. My thought is that when you are putting the right thoughts in your head. You will work towards that goal. If you believe that saving your marriage is the most important thing you will focus on just that. Your brain is going to be on the lookout for things that will help make your marriage super. If you want your own business you will notice opportunities when they arise. Remember your thoughts create your results. One part is that you have to believe you can achieve your goal. This activates your brain to be on the lookout. If you don't believe you can achieve your goal then you are in fact telling your brain to not worry about it. Your brain is a computer that looks for evidence to back up your thinking. So if you think your podcast sucks then your going to find all the reasons that your podcast sucks. If you think you can make a million dollars in 1.5 years then you will find ways to make that million in that time frame. It is all up to you. You have to make sure you are reaffirming your thoughts and that your thoughts are what. you what. Are those thoughts serving you so you are able to reach your goal? If not then why?

It doesn't matter how you look at it, you have had the feeling that you have been wronged at least a few times in your life. It may be just a minor faux pas or something major where you have had a major grievance. We all have the opportunity to forgive at one point or another. The problem most people have is that they have the opportunity to forgive someone and they don't. These people often struggle with the anger and resentment that builds up within themselves. All because there was some occurrence and there wasn't any satisfying resolution to it. Therefore these people often sit in that discomfort wanting someone to recognize the injustice that they faced. Many of these people fall into a victim mindset because they start identifying with their outrage and that violation as they continue to share their stories as to how their abuse happened and how grave the injustice was and how unfair it was. These people start carrying the heaviest thought any man can carry. It isn't grief, it isn't even the victim mindset. It is a grudge. Now I have talked about grudges before and how you can rise to your greatest self when you are weighted down with a grudge. A grudge is a lot like drinking poison and waiting for our enemy to die. You are throwing all your hate against someone who is barely even thinking of you. While that abuser is occupying almost every idle second of your thoughts. How can you dream of what you will become if you are letting the very person you claim to detest to live rent-free in your head? The question I pose is, how do you evict that nemesis forever? You may not like the answer but you forgive and you forget. What forgiving is and what it means Many people who have been wronged in the past just yelled, Bullshit! I do inderstand. It took a long time for me to get to the point where I forgave my mental tormentors. Yet when you do it is freeing. So what do I mean by forgiving those who wronged me? That is almost exactly what I mean. You simply forgive them. Now forgiving doesn't mean you forget what they did. I don't believe there is a way to forget that, but in reality, would you really want to? I wouldn't want to stay weary of them for the very fact of what they did. So what do you mean when you said forget? I mean you stop thinking of them. If they come waltzing back into your thoughts you gently turn away from that thought. You may even say I don't care about them. Don’t give them any more of your energy. What if they wronged you again? Then that would be a shame on you. If somebody has a track record of wronging you and you let them still wrong again you. That is not on the offender. That is on your shoulders and you need to correct that. Forgiving others So how do you forgive others? A lot of people sadly are so lost in their grudges and their own world of self-pity, that they don’t even see the opportunities for forgiveness. This is a lot like how people with a scarcity mindset think. Yet forgiving somebody is a simple process. How? You use three little words, “I forgive you”. Now I understand some folks can’t have it that easy and that’s fine but if you don’t leave you can forgive so that easily you don’t have to. You can make up as complex of a ritual as you want to forgive somebody. One of the big things a lot of people do is write a letter. In this letter, you address the person who offended you. write out all the grievances all the pain all the hurt all the hate and vitriol you have inside of you. End it with but I forgive you and I wish you well. Then fold it up put it in the envelope write the person's name on the front of the envelope and then burn the envelope and the letter and imagine using that fire as a means that all of your hate and rage and animosity towards this person goes up in the flames Now after that you still have a little bit of work to do and this goes for either method of forgiving the person after you have released them from any responsibility towards your pain which is what forgiveness is. Anytime that person comes to the forefront of your mind you have to tell yourself were not thinking about them and change your thought. Depending on how hard you have to work at this and how long you have held this grudge you will eventually convince your mind to stop thinking about that person. So every time that person comes to your mind you repeat I’m not thinking about them and then change the thought and then the next time he comes here she comes up we’re not thinking about them and you change your thought rinse and repeat until you don’t think about them anymore. Forgiving yourself Now this section is tougher than the other one. We have all screwed up at one time or another. We have wronged somebody and we feel guilty about it. Maybe even you feel a good bit of shame about what you did. Either way, you can, and actually should forgive yourself. You can give yourself some grace. There is nothing that we have done that is so horrendously unforgivable that we cannot forgive

We are talking about the Lonely man this week. We look at, why are there so many lonely men in society. Boosts! Main topic Today I wanted to talk about a post that has been making its rounds on social media and other sites. This is why there are so many lonely men in society today. Is the lonely guy lonely because he is toxic, or is it be of other factors? It is from Psychology Today and it came out back in August. This article is called The Rise of the Lonely Single Man: Men need to address their deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations. The total of this article has a definite swing of what I would call toxic masculinity. Yet they do pose the question as to why are there so many lonely men in today's society. Why are men not marrying? These are important questions for men to look at. Men live longer and actually happier when they're married to one woman. Main Points about Lonely Men Now there are several major points with this article that I bristle over and show why some of today's society is overcomplicating things. Yet the key point is that neither side is willing to bend. Online dating creates Lonely Men Yeah, a lot of people turn to this form of dating because it is easier and safer because you don’t have to meet a person eye to eye. Women are making unrealistic demands of men. They are becoming much like the types of men that they hate. I hear women say they want men who are open about their feelings and want a man who makes more than them. They want a man to help with the house and the kids. Yet they never really state what they are going to bring to the party. Men are easy Show us boobs and give us food and we will walk across a field of broken glass on our knees to in the desert to bring you a cold glass of sweet tea. The other problem that I see is that women actually make it too easy for men. They don't make them work to get to the Homebase. They in fact often are the ones who initiate sex. Now, this isn't bad if you are married. Yet when you are just dating try waiting to get to know the other person. You see both sides are so desperate for the quick release of satisfaction when it comes to sex that they aren't willing to hold off for a while and find out what type of connection you are going to build. Modern Relationship Standards and Lonely Men Then there are the cultural problems that cause women to not be happy about the quality of men. Then the men don’t have a reason to raise to the occasion and raise their standards. Men see that they are able to have it easy so they are busy sending dick pics instead of being a gentleman. Why should men be patient? They know that if they don't get the reaction they want from a woman on a dating site, they can just go to the next person. Society has turned men into a bunch of bonobo monkeys. They know all they have to do is sit around and with eventually a girl will come by and sleep with them. What about the INCELs? These are a special group. Many of them are somewhere on the Asperger's syndrome spectrum and so they miss the social cues. Then they also have their minds made up on certain girls and many of those girls are hard to find or they are so far out of their league that they don't have a snowball's chance in hell. Skills Deficits The good doc claims that men have several skills deficiencies and I would agree with him there. But what those skills are is where we differ. The Author says women want men with better communication skills and to be more emotionally open. Yet all you have to do is look at how society actually operates and see that isn't the truth. Yes, many women want their men to be their girlfriends and that is not possible. Get therapy This is also a means of getting men to be more feminine. Does therapy work? Yes, but it isn't for the man to get in touch with his touchy-feely side. It is so that he can get a handle on the way he copes with different stresses in his life. So he can change those coping mechanisms to a different style that actually serves him. It isn't for him to know how to cry in front of his girlfriend or wife. He does this when he is around his band of brothers. This is why men need a group of masculine men to turn to Become emotionally available This is a huge bag of hooey. Women don't like men who are crying on their shoulders because Bob in accounting was being mean to him. Women want men who are able to lift them up. Do women want to be supported? Yes. The same as men wanting support. Do women want to feel validated? Of course, they do, Everybody wants to feel as if they are validated but, that feeling doesn't come from the outside. It comes from your own thoughts. Everybody likes to be told they are doing good and to feel as if they are in the right. However, both sides are operating from emotional childhood. The Problem The problem with all of this is that both sides are operating from the line of thinking that the other side has to make them feel a particular way. Life doesn’t happen that way. Is

Life is full of stress how you handle that stress can often determine what makes you or breaks you. Panic and stress Don’t use it as an excuse to not get your goal done Apply it as gas for your goal We panic and stress because we want to win Don’t hide/ resist it will tire you out

You look around you see many people of different degrees of wealth. Some are rich, some are very rich and others are filthy, stinking rich. The same goes for the other direction. You have those that don't make as much as you. Some are poor. There are those who are dirt poor and there are those who are so poor they can't even pay attention. You fall somewhere in the middle of the two extremes. You aren't filthy stinking rich nor are you destitute. You often see people talking about the poor and how terrible it is that they exist. Some want to use the poor as a pawn for their own quest for power and try to pit the poor against the rich. People see people as being poor but in all reality, it is just people with very little money that they see as being poor. Yet when it comes to money you see the same people who cry for the poor say that they think money is the root of all evil. and the pursuit of money is greed. If you think of it, These strictly oppose each other. So why do people want more money and curse money at the same time? That all boils down to the point that money is nothing but a circumstance. You have a certain amount of dollars in your wallet or bank account. You can also look at money as being a scoreboard for your value. You have a certain score and you want a higher score. So how do you increase your value? Money is a circumstance Money, as we have it today, is nothing more than an agreed-upon value. It's not worth more or less it just is. It can also be seen as representing the amount of value you are providing to people. The more value you are providing the more money you receive. So the reason you have or don't have any money is completely dependent upon your thoughts. Your thoughts create your results. They don't change the circumstance. Therefore why do you not have enough money? It is because of how you choose to think of money. So why are the poor, poor? It is because of their choices. Yes, it sounds cruel but it is because of their thoughts about their circumstance. If they see it as a limited resource then their money is a limited resource. In contrast, those who are rich see money in a completely different light. They see it as something you can create. It is a limitless resource. Poor people see money as a pie and the more people take from the pie the less there is. Yet when you look at the fact that there are more millionaires now than there were at the start of the industrial revolution you can see that money is always expanding. We make more value. It's not that the rich are getting richer because millions have left poverty behind and become successful. Do you think people who don't have money are a fact? Ok, let's put it to a test. So if we look at those who are under the US poverty level here in the US. Most food stamp recipients have a large-screen television. a car and a cell phone. Or they may have more than one of each of those. Now, look at those who are poverty-stricken in India. Do they have a car? Do they have a cell phone? Do they have a 60-inch television? You see the poor in the United States are still part of the 1% richest of the whole world. Your wealth is subjective. I know men who struggle with finding their purpose because they can't leave what made them millions. What happens if they don't make millions? They have enough to live comfortably for 3 lives but they are worried about going broke. Then you see people on Bimini who are all smiles and living their best life and barely clear 100 a week. Money is just a value, it is a circumstance. If it was a fact then millionaires would have the same reaction to finding one dollar on the sidewalk as the homeless man. People's thoughts about money How are you thinking of money? Does it elude you? Is Money hard to come by? Have you always been poor? Where does the money come from? How can you make money from nothing? Why do you go to work? Is it because that's what you are supposed to do? Really? I know many homeless people who don't go to work, or they don't go to work as you see it. Why do you go to work? Is it just to pay the bills or is it because your business is to provide the best service you can to the company you work for? As I have been mentioning your thoughts about money will create your results in the money department. If you think you will never make enough, guess what. Your brain will only help you produce just enough cash to barely cover your bills. If you look at money as a limitless resource then you open a door that allows you to bring in more money. Why are there poor people? Though I have explained why poor people are poor I wanted to dive into some key aspects of what people believe. scarcity mindset I have talked about the dangers of the scarcity mindset for a while. There are blog posts and other podcast episodes that talk about why scarcity holds people back. You see when you have a scarcity mindset you are more focused on what you don't have and worry about what is not coming in and what is goin

Boosts! Chad 8599 sats - I heard your Boostagram on PC 2.0 so I’m checking out your podcast. Main Show Why do you do what you do? Sounds like a weird question to ask yet we always ask that and there is a reason why we keep doing the same things over and over. Why do certain people keep falling into the same traps time and again? Why do men pick the same type of woman over and over again? Why do we struggle on improving ourselves? Why do we struggle on losing weight? Why do we struggle on improving our minds improving our souls or improving our communities? The reason is because of what actually motivates us to do what we do. And this concept is called the motivational triad. The reasons why you are always going for that piece of german chocolate cake even though you are full. Why you are a creature of habit. Why do you lie to your boss, though you know it puts you out of integrity? These three motivations are what get us out of the bed. Seek pleasure Pleasure is more than just sex. Seeking pleasure is what motivates many addicts. It is what drives us to please our spouses. It also is what drives us to want to make friends and to get paid for our hard work. Seeking pleasure is also the reason we take up hobbies and other things that bring us satisfaction. Satisfaction is a type of pleasure. Approval is also a type of pleasure. When we get approval from somebody we are sure that we’re not going to be tossed out of the tribe. This is one of the large reasons nice guys do what they do. Nice guys want to please the women in their life that’s why they manipulate so many people to try to force people to like them. Nice guys need satisfaction and the pleasure to come from those around them. The Nice guy doesn’t seek personal approval he doesn’t seek internal validation. The nice guy is a codependent who requires validation from other people. To be able to get the pleasure that they want they’re going to do the manipulation, because of the second layer of the motivational triad this is also why nice guys do covert contracts and we’ll get into that in the next section. avoid pain There’s nothing scarier than pain. Often you’ll hear kids ask will it hurt? But pain isn’t just physical pain it is also it’s not even emotional pain people associate discomfort with pain. Nice guys create covert contracts because they don’t wanna have to deal with this comfort pain of possibly being rejected. We often avoid having those uncomfortable discussions because of this part of the motivational triad. As humans we often Don’t want to do things that create pain for us. That can be admitting to something wrong. That can be us not wanting to go out of the house. This is what causes us to avoid doing the hard scary things in life. Our mind is programmed to avoid that pain. Instead we need to use that pain as a compass stay and remain efficient This third part of the motivational triad is the reason we develop habits because our brain wants to make sure that it stays as efficient as possible so it’s easier for the mind to dive into a habit than it is to learn something new. Learning something new means that there’s a lot more energy that has to be burned a lot more energy being burned means that we are burning off more energy than normal or more energy than we have to and white if we don’t get to eat later on today? Then that means that our learning could possibly have killed us. So having to pay attention to every little detail is energy intensive for the brain. So the brain going to find ways to reduce that energy consumption. It does that by forming habits. This part of the motivational triad is why our habits system exists. You can look at it as the low-power mode of our mind if he can throw stuff into that better. Yet this also is where our brain likes to turn to when it “doesn’t know“ if it doesn’t have to work to come up with an answer if deems that better. So What does this mean? It means that we are able to make changes to what we do if we are aware of the whys that we do. If you understand why you don't want to do something scary you can actually do that scary thing. Your mind doesn't want you to get killed. So how do you remove that fear? By understanding why that fear exists in the first place. If you would like help in getting to the best you. Reach out and let's talk and see how I can help you.

We often come across people who claim we are wrong, or that we have someone who is completely wrong and has no clue about the topic at hand. An instance where so many people who didn't know what they were talking about are often seen as blowhards or complete fools. Today it seems like everybody has to be right. Insistent on being right and even when you prove that they’re wrong. they find a reason to be right. I’m not pointing out one particular set of folks with this either. I find myself being very insistent that I am right. What does being wrong say about you? So many times we don’t want to be seen as wrong. This could be because we think it will be detrimental to our reputation, or that we will lose respect in our particular tribe. If we lose the respect in our tribe then who knows maybe we will be kicked out. We might be banished and exiled to the wilderness and then how are we gonna protect ourselves? This is the basis of all our fears. We often want to make the thought of us being wrong as being a bad thing. It is a detriment to who we are in society. It is problematic because people turned us for answers and so we have to know the answers. We have to be right all the time. These are all thought errors that we have when we are faced with the possibility of being wrong. We often want to make the thought of us being wrong as being a bad thing. It is a detriment to who we are in society. It is problematic because people turn to us for answers and so if we have to know the answers, we won’t be good leaders. We have to be right all the time. These are all thought errors that we have when we are faced with the possibility of being wrong. What if you are wrong? So what if you are wrong? Is that really a bad thing? Is it really that critical to you and your organization, that you have to be right 100% of the time? The answer is no. You don’t have to be right hundred percent time. You don’t even have to be right 50% of the time. Yeah you feel good being right but being right isn’t always good. The times that you get it wrong is where the learning comes from. This is where your team gets to shine. They are able to actually contribute to the solution. You help your team by not knowing all the answers. Ego is the enemy Most of the time it is our egos that are fueling the arguments and disagreements online. This ego stops us from fully understanding the other side's line of thinking. Whether it is a Twitter user who’s always sliding into your discussion with their own perceived irrationally laid out thought or your aunt who’s got to correct you on seemingly everything. The ego is why people argue. They have to be right because if they are wrong, who knows what will happen? It isn't who they are that irritates you. It is what you believe about that person. The stories you have told yourself about that person are what is causing all the strife. Use curiosity as a tool So what would happen if you stopped and listen to what the other person said? How would you show up if the other person you are arguing with showed you the respect you believe you deserve? Know how to get that respect? You get curious. you ask questions. Ask one question strictly to hear their full answer. Then ask another question pertaining to that answer. Just keep doing that, just ask questions. You don't have to get a word in edgewise. You don't have to give your side of the argument at all. You hardly even have to speak. Doing this and the respect you build with the other person grows. How are you supposed to win the argument? Who said you lost? If you think you are going to be doing and recruiting for your side then think again. You aren't going to convert a socialist to a capitalist overnight. You aren't going to bring your soon-to-be ex-wife back into your arms simply because you stated some fact. Remember they have their own thoughts about the circumstance. So don't even worry about perceived victories. You are just building understanding. As the 5 habits of an effective person say. Seek furst to understand before being understood Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People When you take the time to understand another person you build a rapport with them. When the other person feels they are understood by you they are more likely to listen to what you have to say. The defenses are down when you actually try to understand where the other person is coming from. It doesn't matter how many facts you have in your arsenal if the other person doesn't hear them you are wrong.

There is a myriad of emotions that we men go through. in fact, we have all the same emotions that women have. Whaaaaa? Yeah, Men have the same emotional depth as women, Now we express those emotions differently and we may not use the same language for what we feel as our feminine counterparts but they are there. Many times we use emotions for the very same reason. This includes our avoidance of emotions through buffering. What is Buffering? Buffering is the act of doing other activities in order to not do the work at hand. This could be actual work like what we use to procrastinate but also can be avoiding emotional/thought work that needs to be handled so you can reach the next level. Buffering often shows up as playing video games, eating, drinking, spending overtime at work, having sex, and idle dilly-dallying when you want to get something else done, or a particular event happens. We often buffer in the means of consuming without applying thought to why. That is actually where we get ourselves into trouble. We aren't applying any thought. We just are doing something while in idle mode. It's just a numbing habit that we have in our arsenal. Why do men Buffer Often men buffer because they don't want to face the thoughts and emotional weight that comes with particular thoughts. Be it the effect of a job that isn't a good fit for us or a situation we have with our spouse. When we feel pain or are anxious about something often we turn to a buffer to avoid the pain. These buffering habits come into play when we are facing something painful. We often kick into our buffer of choice without even knowing that we are doing it. Our mind believes that it is saving us from a problem because it is faced with something that is uncomfortable. When in reality our pain is just sitting off to the side of our minds waiting to be processed. You see life is 50% pain and 50% pleasure until you step into the pain and fully allow it to be processed. Those painful emotions and thoughts don't go away. How do you avoid buffering? Paying attention to what it is you are doing and why you are doing it. This can be tough and a big challenge. yet when you are able, to be honest with yourself and step into that pain. You will find that your life is so much more productive and brighter. That can be difficult because you do have to accept that you are avoiding pain. To remove the act of buffering is the act of facing the pain you are avoiding. Want help to stop buffering so that you can step into that life you want? Set up a coaching consult

Many people hear discomfort and they shy away from it because the word brings up images of their skin being flayed off, or they have to lay on a bed of nails. You know, horrible things being done to them. Yeah, they are right none of that is very comfortable. In fact, all that sounds downright painful. Yet pain and discomfort actually are good things to have in your life? They help you gain the skill you need for the task at hand. Discomfort is needed in your life to teach you about resistance and perseverance. All of these seem to be fairly abstract. However, when you experience them you know precisely what they mean. Going through a period of discomfort shows you exactly what you are capable of doing. Discomfort is a lot like a catalyst a substance that increases the rate of a chemical reaction without itself undergoing any permanent chemical change. google So as you go through whatever trial you are going through you find that you are stronger and better because of that period of discomfort. You see discomfort isn't just pain. Though what we perceive to be pain can be involved. There is the pain of failure. It may just be the discomfort of learning something new. I am fighting through this discomfort now. I'm trying to get the coaching business up and going. It takes a lot of work and new skills to get out of the old way of doing things. There have been a lot of discomforts and still a lot more discomfort has to go on. Trying something new is what makes learning uncomfortable. We feel lost and unsure of ourselves. The confidence we need is not at its fullest and things we can do to increase our confidence is not easy to do. Yet we do learn it if we take the steps and make an effort. Everything great has to have a moment of discomfort. There are examples of this all around us. The Chick Hatching Ever watch a baby chicken hatch? They are having to work to get out of the egg. The struggle is an actual struggle for life or death. Yet the mother hen doesn't do anything to help. Why? Because, if you help that baby chick get out of the egg they are weaker. They have to have that struggle of getting out of the egg so they can survive. The Butterfly Emerging The butterfly is much like the chick hatching from its egg. The struggle to emerge from its cocoon is what is needed for it to get the fluid to the tips of its wings. If you help a butterfly out of its cocoon its wings are shriveled and never fully expand to their full glory. All because they didn't have the discomfort of fighting out of its cocoon. Want more tomatoes on your Tomato vine? Ask any old farmer how to get more tomatoes. They will say that you have to take a broom and beat your tomato plants. The act of smacking your tomato plants with a broom or even just giving them a vigorous shake stresses them out. This stress gives them a reason to make sure they propagate. Beforehand they were very happy plants they got all the food and water they needed why be in a hurry to expend extra energy to make tomatoes when they can just hang out and enjoy the sun? Want more apples on your apple tree? This is very similar to tomatoes. If your apple tree isn't producing strike it with a hammer. or trim some limbs off. The act of damaging the tree doesn't really hurt it it just gives it a reason to do what is needed. Crepe mertles are the same way. You need to trim the branches back from time to time so they flower more. Want more success? Do the thing you fear. Use fear as a compass. There is actually very little that will cause you irreversible harm. The discomfort you are experiencing is nothing more than thoughts you have in your mind. That is your brain making sure you stay safe and comfortable. Being safe and comfortable keeps your wings small. That comfort keeps you weak and lost and afraid Are You down for the struggle?

going up a hill is hard You lose momentum when making a decision you are under more emotional influence The hill is the toughest of the path You don't have enough data We are faced with decisions all the time. But when do you want to make those decisions? Many people often make their decisions at the wrong moment. What is going up the hill? Going up a hill is at a time of heightened emotional state. This is when you let your emotions make decisions, not your thinking brain. The uphill battle is where our biggest challenges occur. We will slip into monkey brain thinking without letting the logical part of our brain really get a word in edge-wise. We have had many bad decisions happen while going up a hill. The patriot act, The Japanese internment camps, and many other examples where we as a whole make bad decisions while facing an uphill. When in your life there have been times that you broke the 90% rule. You made the smart comment to your wife when you knew you should have kept your mouth shut. You threw your hands up and left a project because you got some bad news. You lashed out at a loved one when they were just trying to help. while going up a hill you will start to struggle. This struggle is when you want to push through and see if it was a good choice after

You draw attention to other's lack of action You lose friends who just want to hang Your mother will worry about you People will judge you People will actively hope for you to fail Other people will feel bad about themselves They will resent you Self-improvement is lonely All that sounds like a good reason not to better yourself, right? Wrong that is the very reason to better yourself. You have to look at their lack of action as a motivator to actually propel yourself to better heights. The other people can come along but they most likely won't. Why? because they're scared and don't want to become uncomfortable. If you are living your life to make others feel better then you are actively not bettering yourself. You are living on other people's terms, not yours. Yes getting to the top of your goal or dream can appear lonely. but if you look around there are people who are in the same boat as you. They are fighting each day to get around their obstacles. They are working on their thoughts of a certain circumstance and the only way they can do it is on their own. You have the choice to take care of your friends and family members who don't want you to improve or you can improve and show them what is actually possible. You will want to pull those who don't want to follow yet that won't work either. They have to want to get to where you are on their own. You have a better chance of them coming along when you do it yourself. It seems cruel to a people pleaser to go on that adventure and to just leave people you love behind. However, it is the act of loving them that you need to leave them behind. Give them a reason to care. Give them a reason to even try. The only way you can do that is by improving yourself.

Main Topic The magic question What if you could be successful? what if You could take that dream vacation? What if you did have that house on the hill? What if that girl did agree to go on a date? What if your wife did decide to stay What if you showed your wife the needed attention she wanted? Limiting What if Questions what if you got fired? What if your wife did leave? What if you failed in your task What if it doesn't work? Yeah it is visualization which has been discussed on a few episodes

Many times I hear the words I don’t care. This is in response to what others think to how they act in a group. Many guys will sluff off the phrase I really don't care or that's just how I am. Is this productive or is it a mean's for you to not have to try? What happens when you don't care? There are many effects of a man not caring about something. Isolated Aggravated Feel alone - because restless Why do you not care? There are many reasons that men say they don't care. From appearing to sound stronger and more resilient than they really believe they are to trying to protect themselves. Many men want to avoid the drama that others bring into the mix. Yet they have their own drama that they like to partake in Maybe you need to care If you are on your journey of increasing your community then it may be a good idea to start caring Afraid to care? Caring for people is scary. They may have altier motives for talking with you. They may be using you. Then again they may earn your trust only to completely destroy it. You might get hurt - I am sure you will There are hazards to caring for people. They have their own thoughts and emotions and that makes interacting with them messy and full of drama. You will have people that appear to be of one standard and then you will find out that they are not of that standard. There are nice guys and good girls hiding around every corner. Victims are waiting to exploit your kindness. Yet They are actually fairly easy to spot once you notice them. you can even allow them into your circle of influence while you don't let them actually influence you. If you want help getting back to caring about people again so you can grow your community Sign up for a Consult call and let us see if we can work together.

This week I am talking to both Rich Chelson and Matt Glesspie of Operation: Tears of the 22 and how they got started. How they did it without knowing what they were getting into. How they did it scared. Now the sound quality isn't the same level that I am used to cranking out but that is part of the fun of trying new things out. So Listen as we talk about how they overcame some of the obstacles they faced as they built a 501(c)(3) from the ground up. If you want help finding your why on doing something new and unknown reach out and schedule a consult

August 4-7 Tears of the 22 Retreat Thanks Those who gave Sats. Main Topic Uvalde 400 officers standing around waiting for someone to give orders Sniper couldn’t get clearance Possible result of defunding the Police Police don't want to be put in jail Don't want the responsibility laid on their heads Reminds me of Atlas Shrugged Men need to take responsibility and action when needed Can't have men afraid of the consequences of their noble actions. Yes there are actions that are not noble but taking a chance is needed in life When life and death are at stake you do it. If you want help with removing the Nice guy from your life Reach out and schedule a consult

Thanks to Hastirongod29 6 sats Angeltovar22 1 sat eddieem Boost! 2 sats robertgomez 60 Sats Event! Operation Tears of the 22: Mission Critical Main Topic man has had religion their whole lives there are many different types of religion The key point is that all of them have a god. Abrahamic Religions all have god. And they break apart from there Judaism, Islam, Christianity Each of those breaks down into subgroups, And those subgroups into smaller subgroups There are modern religions that turn Man into a god. Modern deconstructionists. Covidien's for example The environmental religion worships the earth Everybody believes in something. Even atheists have a god they turn to. What is religion used for? Give us a moral compass A place to meet other people on a common topic What Religion is not a guilt trip Why do people leave the church? Abuse Don't see a purpose Peer pressure They see it as a hypocrisy They see religious people as hateful Change of beliefs How to get the most out of your religion You get what you put in.

Thanks to boosts stream pay's @user50456778804705802114 @mariost2104380 @user1418343976470596460 @user6465513779413332560 @robertgomez640 @user6895229526496442710@ user8725507786725826810 @moncadad96 @oscar1990diaz106 @user1996186395908832112 @eddiem I have screwed up. I have don't it over and over again. I wasn't the perfect brother. I wasn't the perfect Son. I have let down my family many times over. I found out why lying does you no good. I have broken hearts, and I have failed as a father on many different levels. I have failed as a husband. I have rattled my marriage to its core. I have people pleased and let folks down many times in my long and storied life. I failed in many different careers, and I have had at least 8 failed business attempts. I have quit smoking only to take it back up again. I have failed to see how extraordinary I could make my life. That is until I stopped and looked at the path of destruction I have made. I blamed so many people for my problems. My Stepmom, my bio mom, my dad, my wife, my bosses, my kids, for the longest time it was always someone else to whom I would pan all the responsibility off to. Heck, I still do in a sense. But then I started looking at the common denominator in every circumstance. There was only one constant in each of those. That was me. About 6 years ago. I realized I didn't stand for anything. yeah I would pick and choose beliefs when they were in line with who I was with. Yet did it really define me? No, it didn't. Until 6 years ago and I woke up to the fact that I could change myself. Create the future from the future, not the past You can start over now It feels unsafe but that's ok Your mind is just wigging out Is there something wrong with you? Accept that you screwed up Look at where you went wrong Learn and plan how to not do that If you want to see what you are capable of Set up a consult call and let's talk.

The Operation Tears of the 22 Mission Critical Retreat. Storytime - home town alma mater is giving away free school supplies and I raised the question of why this seems like it will end badly? I got a lot of parents from that area chimed in saying it was a good thing. I really don't think it is, for many different reasons. I have several thoughts as to why not having the parents provide the supplies Well this is when you really need to have that debate. Just leave it alone? why? Because it’s easier? It’s with good intentions? Remember what the road to hell is paved with. I agree it sounds good on paper but the devil is in the details. What are you showing the kids about life? That they don’t need to worry? The system will take care of you? Just accept that free lunch with out looking to see if there is a hook on it? I’m leery of free stuff with it being an altruistic motive. Altruism is one of the most evil things a man can do for another man. Because everything has a cost and altruistic motives cost the victim his ability to care. So is it worth talking about yeah I think it is. This is where my thoughts on altruism come into play. Men have been taught that their first concern is to relieve the suffering of others. … To make that the highest test of virtue is to make suffering the most important part of life. Then man must wish to see others suffer in order that he may be virtuous. Such is the nature of altruism. Ayn Rand What you are getting when you're altruistic is that you have to hope for people to suffer so that you are able to give more of yourself. This is often why caretakers sabotage their wards. They have to be able to swoop in to rescue that person so that they feel needed. You are sacrificing yourself You are not taking care of yourself. You are putting yourself in harm's way You are causing that other person to be dependent upon you and your actions You are taking risks that are not needed You are not actually helping that person You are not allowing the other person to figure it out. You are making them dependent on you you are creating two victims at the same time. Miss conceptions of Altruism There are many different factors of altruism that many people get wrong. There are many myths Myth It makes you happy? Clears your concionce Makes the world better? Allows you to find new friends/partners Helps you get further in corporations More trust Truth No, it cants make you happy. Your thoughts can. Till you have to let the person live their own life Except that it takes care out of the world If you like codependent friends if not it makes them codependent Except that it erodes trust in the long run [Altruism] is a moral system which holds that man has no right to exist for his own sake, that service to others is the sole justification of his existence, and that self-sacrifice is his highest moral duty, value, and virtue. This is the moral base of collectivism, of all dictatorships. Ayn Rand this is one of the big things that Nice guys do. They have an altruistic sense of morality. They do it and expect others to go along with their thoughts and when they don't they get upset and resentful. If you would like help stepping into the real you. You can set up a consultation call

What is intention? So many times we are living our life because we see someone else doing something or we are told how we should live our lives and we blindly just do it. We don't think about does that fit what we want in life? You often see teenagers struggle with this. These Young people run from one fad to the next. This is why the current fad of gender studies is so damaging. Because they don't know if the permanent changes to their lives are what they really want. They think they do but they won't even know who they are and what they believe till they are around 26. Even after 26 many people still, don't question who they are. What do they stand for? They don't know what their standards are, and many nice guys haven't even had a thought for themselves in so long they hardly even know how to do that. You hear the intentional life being mentioned from time to time. The speakers are often talking about living in a way that makes you happy. So you can be in a constant state of joy. Well, that's not possible. Nor is it wanted It is living life on your terms. Signs you may want to start living with intention. Your life isn't going the way you want it too You don't make plans You are feeling burnout You are always putting out other people's fires Are you asking Disempowering questions? Feel like you are spinning How do you live life with intention? Have standards Listen Have a plan Follow that plan Dream Big and go for it Have boundaries and Enforce them Have your priorities straight

Now, this may sound like an obvious bit of knowledge but I see many men ask why is divorce so hard? There are many reasons as to why it hurts so much, why you are having to suffer, and more thoughts like that. Yet we keep with the dirty pain and keep resisting the facts that are at hand. We want to control the circumstances in our life. Yet doing so only increases the suffering we experience. What is dirty pain? This is the pain we resist. It is pain that we believe is happening to us and is keeping us in a perpetual state of suffering What is clean pain? This is the pain we feel as we allow the feeling we have to process out and let the emotion run its course. Why does divorce hurt so much? You have your own thoughts about the divorce The fact that you have been served or you have only been told that your spouse wants a divorce the thoughts you have about the circumstance surrounding the divorce are what causes your pain. It's not the fact that your wife said, "I want a divorce" It's not any of her actions around the topic. It is only your thoughts about the divorce and the indulgent emotions you have that keep you in this state of pain. The divorce is neutral. It's not good nor is it bad. If it wasn't neutral you and your spouse would both be feeling the same pain. Yet you see her out enjoying life, while you are sitting at home drinking scotch on the rocks and wondering where you went wrong. Wondering why he gets to have a good time and not you? It is the severing of an emotional bond You and your spouse had an emotional bond. Now that bond is cut into two. That is painful. Everybody is hurting. This is often why you get so many people lashing out at each other. That is because of the pain and the fear that they are feeling. The severing and end of a relationship are hard and so yeah it hurts because you are grieving the death of a marriage. You are caught in a thought loop Ever find yourself thinking over and over about something that was said. Or how do you react? This often is associated with people who have PTSD. They go over and over the tragedy they experienced. A person who is told that their partner doesn't want to be with them cause lots of emotional turmoil and those emotions are from the thought you are thinking. Then you think them over and over and over again hoping that you have a different result. The sad part is that doesn't change the circumstance that your wife is wanting a divorce. Resisting the emotions We hate to feel bad. So we resist the emotions we feel. We will start to eat more. We may turn to alcohol for the blurring effect it provides. We may turn into our depression or even work because then we don't have to face the circumstances. Yet life is 50/50 and to experience joy all the time would be weird. How your you like to react with happiness by being told that your marriage is over? There are times to be sad and times to be happy. Without the low parts of life, we cant fully enjoy the high times. Can divorce be easier? Yes, You can accept the pain and allow it to flow its course. It doesn't make it hurt any less at first. Yet as you keep working on your thoughts around the divorce you can start to see places where you can be grateful for the experiences you had with your spouse. Do the thought work Look at each thought you have. You can do this with a thought download. This is where you write each and every thought about the divorce down on a piece of paper. From here you can see what you are thinking about. You can then see what thoughts actually serve you and what thoughts actually don't serve you. You can choose to remove the thoughts that don't serve you and look at all the thoughts that do. Thoughts that you may have why did I waste all that time with her? What did I do wrong? How come she gets to be happy? Will I ever find love again? Why are women such bitches? When does the hurt go away? How can I get her back? How do I save My Money? None of these thoughts serve you. Some are disempowering while others are just flat-out indulgent thoughts that provide no solution. Allow the emotions to be Finally allow your emotions to be. Don't resist them. Don't run from them. Look and examine each emotion as you experience them. From here there are many different ways you can help yourself. Get coaching Join the Brotherhood

NEWS Operation Tears of the 22 is having its retreat for Veterans again this year. But instead of Byrds Adventure Center, They are having it at Adam Sandoval's Kriver Campgrounds. You can get your tickets for 4 days of fun and jeeping around. There are going to be bands in the evening and I will be there coaching everyone who wants it and some people who don't. So Sign up here! Main topic One of the biggest parts of having a fulfilling life is having that important network of masculine friends. The need to be able to meet and talk with other noble masculine men is often exactly what separates the men from the boys. Yet so many men don't have a close-knit set of friends. Those 3 a.m. people who you know if you called them at any time of the night, they would be in their pickup and heading your way. There is some stats that say that around 15% of men don't have any close friends. While Men 30 years ago around half of the men had 6 or more friends while now the average is about 27% that have 6 or more friends In today's society when men get married they often drop their friends for their family. It almost seems like this is how it goes and some men will wrongly state that this is even in the bible. Which is a misquote. It is talking about men will leave their parents and turn to their wives for the family. It doesn't mean they abandon their friends. When a man is married this is a bigger reason that they have a group of men with who they can turn, and share their life. These masculine friends are the foundation for men to have healthy masculine lives. Yet in today's society, it is not happening. So why do men need other men as friends and confidants? Spreads the pain Men take on a lot. They have the pressure of work and the pressure of family and trying to make sure that everyone is attended to while also bringing home meat for the family. Women in today's society are just now really starting to understand what it takes to be a man and why men come home stressed. What pressure of the working world is actually like. Not saying they can't handle it but there are advantages to being able to stay home with their kids. So with all those times that suffering comes along, it is good for men to have other men in their lives. That is because men are able to process pain and negativity in a completely different way than what women do. We can take on more and we often see ourselves as being noble for sacrificing our health for our families. The problem is that if you don't dump the weight it does cause problems. This is why s many men turn to alcohol and drugs. to deaden the pressure that they feel. They turn to these substances because they don't realize that yes men can handle all that negativity but it is better when you let other strong noble masculine men help shoulder the load. Men are meant to take on the negative painful events from those around them yet. We then turn around and deny our friends the opportunity to do what we do best. Help our brothers who need that positive lift. A good way to look at this is to try to lift a car by yourself is next to impossible, unless it is a smart car and you are Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson. Yet if you take 10 men they can lift and move a car with greater ease. This goes for your suffering and personal and professional pressures. Talk to your band of brothers and let them know that your wife is being distant. That you just got let go of your job and you don't know what to do. These times that you are suffering are the times you need your male friends. These masculine men are up for the challenge and can take the negative energy from you and spread that weight out amongst themselves and replace it with positive energy. That way you can share that positivity with your wife and kids. Beacon of positive light Speaking of positive light, men you are the beacon of positivity for your family. When you are positive and light the family knows that their world is good. When you are dour and negative your family responds to that. You aren't helping them live you are just spreading out the suffering to those who you are supposed to protect. This is why you give the negative to your close friends and they give you light. While you do the same for them. You and your friends can then return to each family and spread that light. Learn to be more masculine This is a tough one for the nice guys in the world. The nice guy often works very hard to be seen in the positive for the women in his life. that could be the teachers in school to their moms and their wife. Because men see through bull very easily and often will call out another crap. This is something Nice guys want to avoid. The emotional response isn't as easily controlled in men. So nice guys work very hard to avoid men so that they can manipulate the women who they see as easier. Nice guys don't realize that they are cutting off their noses to spite their faces. Nice guys are afraid of masculinity and this is why so many are "feminists" a

How many times have you kept hitting the same wall over and over? How do you view events in your life? As we talked a couple of weeks ago about viewing your circumstances How do you act during a circumstance? Do you get riled up over some random dude cutting you off in traffic or do you just wave and carry on? Do you wonder why you are always finding the same women when you date? Maybe they are drama magnets or always having some type of emergency for you to come to the rescue? How about your kids? You have told them they can come to you for anything and yet when they do tell you they have and in algebra do you yell, scream and ground them for the rest of their life? Then when they are truly in trouble you find out they have been talking to that sketchy neighbor down at the end of the block. Ever wonder why they turn to them and not you? That could be because of the way you are seeing the world. Do you see doom and gloom all over the place? If you listen to any news these days I am sure you have some worry from one side of the aisle or the other. What would happen if you change the prescription? What would happen if you changed how you looked at the world? How would the world look if you stopped looking at the world as if it was out to get you and started looking at the world as if it was full of potential? How would you show up if you stopped thinking your ex was out to skin you for all that you had and started letting them just be as unhinged as they wanted to be? How would you show up for your kids if you chose to not let the Ex's antics affect you? Unconditional love It’s not rose-colored glasses. This is instead looking at everybody as if you are in a Disney cartoon. No, you have the choice to look at any relationship in your life and choose love as the lens you are seeing in life. Your son could show up with a D and you could show love. You can still provide consequences for that deficiency but you could do it in a way that you are showing your son that you love him and you are trying to help him. Yeah, there may be times that swats are needed but you can also do that out of love. Then again you may be able to choose a different action. Maybe you can actually give him chance to explain that he isn't able to see the board. There are a lot of better reactions to having when you come through life with the prescription of love than through the lens of anger or fear? What to do Stop Deep breath Ask yourself how would you like to show up? Is being worked up really serving your purpose? Pay attention to the words you tell yourself. If you say anything like if so and so would... I would if... I would like to but... I cant Not while... If you are pointing the finger at anybody other than yourself then you are playing the victim. You are not claiming your responsibility for your actions. and guess what they are all thoughts. There is not one single slice of fact in any of those statements. You are passing your power off to anybody if you are not taking the blame for your actions. If you want help changing your prescription let me know. I can help you look at what you are thinking and see what lens of life you are using. That lens may have served you for a while but now there is a better one you can try. If you are interested let's have a consultation and see what's possible.

Believe it or not, your woman wants to know if you are man enough. They need to be assured that you aren’t going to flake on them. That is what the 4 pillars of a relaxed male does, it helps men be there for those time their wives and girlfriends need them. He keeps himself up for these tests that will eventually happen. Now when I say tests I’m not saying these are tests that women even knowingly do. It’s not having your girlfriend's best friend try to seduce you just to see how loyal you are. These are tests women have been applying to their men for ages and those who fail, start having problems in their marriage while those who pass are stronger in their bonds. Why the test? Because they want to know how strong you are. Not just physically but in your convictions too. A woman likes to have a man who has a purpose. They like to have a man who will be there for them. Who will not change course just because someone in their circle tells them to? These tests have been around for many years and you can even find similarities to these in old bible tales and quests knights have to do for their fair maiden. We all have to face these quests and the better you do the more your wife will be able to relax and that will allow you to relax. Are you willing to give up your dreams for her? How many times have you started a project and I mean really started a project and the endeavor is starting to gain steam? Only for your wife to start getting moody and wanting to know that you aren't paying enough attention to her? Yeah for the last year of you not doing anything she didn't care about how much you shared in each other's world then out of nowhere she is demanding your attention? Why? Example woman wants her man to stop digging tunnel This is the test, Are you willing to give up on your dream or pursuits simply because she wants your attention? Many a nice guy has bombs this test. They take their project and go full stop, simply because their wife or girlfriend was making noise about their progress. What she is asking you is how real is this dream of yours? Can I stand between you and your dream? Can she? Only you can answer this. She may get emotional or even downright resentful about you pushing on. She may have thoughts that you are going to leave her behind. She may come up with projects that she seriously wants you to complete. What do you do? Do you ignore her? Leave your task to do her task or do you work twice as hard to get her project done so that you can turn back to your project? This again can only be answered by you. She isn't doing it to ruin you, in fact, she wants you to succeed. Even if she doesn't understand what you are trying to accomplish She wants to know that you are going to push on to your goal even as a hail of arrows comes flying your way. Are you man enough? Are you willing to give up your friends for her? Especially when you are getting engaged or freshly married. Many times women will see if they can get between you and your friends. She will complain that you are going out with your friends more than you take her out. You are talking to them from the moment you get home to the moment you go to bed. This really happens when you have a true band of brothers. This is a test many many men fail at and that is evident to those who go through a divorce and realize that they don't have any masculine friends to turn to. They made their wife and kids the center of their world and they are worse off for it. It is small part jealousy and partially wanting to see how much freedom you are willing to give up. This isn't malicious because if you persevere she sees what your dedication to her will bring. She will understand why you are called to do the thing you do. If you are not willing to ditch your friends then you can actually prove to her that she is safe. You won't just toss her to the side simply because someone wanted you to. Are you willing to stop being better for her comfort? Many times when you start improving yourself, and your wife isn't. Those improvements can make her uncomfortable. because you are reflecting back to her what she is failing to do. Are you willing to let her stay comfortable, or are you going to let her have her power and let her choose what she wants to do with her life? We each have our own choices and after we make them we want to be certain that we made the right choice. Many times we will even resist and hold on to our original decision not even realizing that we can change our minds at any time. You are the leader of your family. So lead by example. even if your wife comes up with reasons to make you late to your gym. Go and improve. She will see the benefits and may want to join you on your adventure. Then again she may want to stay in her current state. To give her the power to make her choice by not pressuring her to change is just as caring as what you are doing for yourself. So let her be uncomfortable, She can find her why and get healthy or she can choose to s

One of a man's responsibilities is to make sure his family is taken care of. It is something that we men often will take immense pride in. With that said there is one part of this responsibility that many of us men sadly drop the ball on. That is us being a good boy scout and being prepared for the unknown. Why prepare? Grocery stores only have about a 3 day's supply of food. We have seen supply chains disrupted many times in the last 2.5 years. There are still items that are disrupting the supply chain these days. There is the Bird flu that is hitting the US right now. You may have gone to the store and seen that pasta is running low or some other flour-based food product is scarce. You can thank the war in Ukraine for that. Then the fact that Russia produces 40% of the fertilizer for the world and now the other crops are going to not be as plentiful. SO there is a lot of uncertainty going on in the world. Then there is other problems that could crop up that could cause lots of problems for folks. Therefore it is a good idea to take the lessons learned from our great grandparents and those who went through the great depression and get prepared for something. What do you need? Food As mentioned before there is only a 3-day supply of food in a city. So it is good if you can have a garden. But if it is too late in the season to do that, then stock up on caned goods. IF you normally buy 2 cans of green beans then buy 3 and just store the extra. You want to have at least a 10-day supply or if you have the space aim for a 30 day. If there is ever a problem these cans will become valuable. So you can use them to trade. You can also help your neighbors if needed. Fuel. Your car doesn't run on hugs and kisses and if the grid were to ever go down then your electric car is screwed. Gas is still the best way to get from place a to place b in a relatively good amount of time. You may also need fuel for other things fuel is good to have. money How much money do you have saved up? It never hurts to have some greenbacks at the ready. If you have old coins that are valuable those can come in handy too. Have as much as you can stand free from the banks because they may one day lock you out of your accounts because you don't see their policies as right. There is a thing called ESG scores that banks are starting to slowly implement, and if our congress doesn't wake up to the dangers of it you may find that you have money but you are allowed to spend it anywhere. This is a delicate balance because if you have too much money the police will do a civil asset forfeiture. otherwise, known as legal theft. There are lots of stories of people who had 10,000 dollars of cash in a bag and the police took it and they never got it back. Network of friends This is huge. If you find yourself without a home a friend is often a good place to find shelter. They also have skills that you may not have. Know how to do basic repairs There may be a time that the plumber isn't able to get to your house. So you will have to learn how to repair that problem yourself. What if your car doesn't run? how do you get it to the mechanic? Know how to garden This is a great way to make money and help others all at the same time. Farmers' markets are rich in great healthy veggies and other items. So you could easily trade for some beef or other meat if you don't have any.

This episode is for both dads and moms because it is about our kids. Maybe not as much phone Let them struggle Failure is good for them Maybe get them out of the school system let loose of the reigns some Ask them questions without judgment Seek to understand before being understood https://apnews.com/article/entertainment-health-jill-biden-mental-1ebf72305a84aa70e14a8903ec90cad4?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=news_tab

Now through life, we all face circumstances in our life. Circumstances are not only the events we face, they are the fact of the events that we face. You see, when a circumstance happens around us, we have thoughts about that circumstance. Those thoughts could be good or they could be bad. It is all about how we think of that circumstance. In Episode 117 I talked about Circumstances and the fact that these events in our lives are not good nor are they bad until we apply thought to them. This is why people can have two different views of the same circumstance. Some people like the prequel trilogy of Star Wars and others don't. It isn't because they saw a different movie they have different thoughts on that movie. Try this experiment Grab a piece of paper. Write down 10 facts about your life. Now I want you to write a story of your life as if it was a tragedy. Use those 10 facts about your life that you wrote down, and it has to be true. Now on the other side of the paper, I want you to write out your life story as if it was a story of triumph or a story of redemption. Again you have to use all 10 of those facts and it has to be true. My stories 10 words Divorced parents Dad Remarried I was grounded Lived with dad Helped dad on the ranch Married Large Family VIsited Mom Mom remarried Moved a lot

Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds awake to find that it was vanity; But the dreamers of day are dangerous men. That they may act on their dreams with open eyes to make it possible T. E. Lawrence Do you dream during the day? Many of us men don't allow ourselves to dream. We feel that our world is what Our circumstances dictate. We as men often feel trapped, and we resign ourselves to this life. yet that we don't have to we can change everything about our world all we have to do is start dreaming. It is a lot like Sebastian from The NeverEnding Story. once Fantasia was completely destroyed he had the ability to rebuild it any way he wanted with just a wish. If he wanted the Rockbiter back, the Rockbiter came back. There was the racing snail. His wishes are your dreams. so what are you dreaming? Why do so many men give up on their dreams? That's a hard question, The reasons are vast and as numerous as there are men. Many times, men give up on their dreams and stop dreaming all together because they were told to. Maybe they had their mothers and fathers tell them that their dream is not realistic. maybe they had a teacher who told them that dream is dumb. May have even had a good friend who said that dream is impractical. Why do we give up a lot of time just because we do just that we give up? The world beat us down when we were young and aspiring young men. we tried to persue a dream and we failed and we decided that was it. we also have bought into particular beliefs and lines of thought Mike I'm married and have kids so I have to be rational now. No, you don't. you do have to take care of your family yes you have a certain set of responsibilities that you have to keep up with, but you can still dream. Do you dream? are they small dreams or do you dream big? Many times some of us men still dream. they're not Big Dreams they're more aspirations, just fleeting thoughts that we have about that would be nice if… My other men do dream they have large dreams they have audacious dreams they have dreams that scare many other men. those scared men are the ones who don't dream those men are the ones who were told not to dream. They were told it's better if you don't dream. get those men who did dream, and have conquered, literal worlds. Alexander the Great had monstrous dreams and he accomplished those dreams. Don't be JUST a dreamer Dreamers only dream. They don't take action to realize those dreams. While a dreamer of the day will take the actions and have the confidence to fail. Each action taken is an action towards its goal. Even failure is a lesson on what to do to reach your goals. Make dreams and Take action Therefore go out and dream boldly. Dream big. Then choose a dream you want to pursue and go for it. A man is a complete man when he is going for his dreams and realizing them. If you need help finding your dreams and what it takes to reach those dreams then see how Bryan can help coach you. Want to build your community? Check out the brotherhood of men

Pop culture has a way of telling people what they are missing. What the vibe of society is from decade to decade. And that is evident in today’s popularity of superhero movies. Television shows on popular streaming services have superhero television series. Superheroes are everywhere. Why well I think it shows The mindset and thoughts of society as a whole. In the past, You saw way back in the 20s there were songs like we’re in the money, and then in the 30s you saw songs like brother can you spare a dime. In the 50s it was the ideal family and in The 60s everybody was tired of all the wars and so there was the antiwar movement and all the movies about antiwar and the songs about anti-war, they were popular. 80’s The 80s were optimistic and hopeful. so that’s why there were so many science fiction movies. Movies about adventure. Even in the late 70s when Sci-fi really starting become popular. Star Wars came out and Star Trek made a resurgence. You had the adventure of the hero's journey and that showed a lot of what society was wanting. They were hungering and hankering for adventure. There was also the teenage angst of growing up. Popular movies like 16 Candles, Pretty in Pink, and Weird Science were popular at that time also because the number one moviegoers at that time were just that you teenage and tween kids. They were movies tackling divorce like Kramer versus Kramer and Irreconcilable Differences a lot of society's problems were talked about in pop culture. There were many other genres out there that were popular too. From self-discovery to the search for knowledge to thoughts of how scary the future could be. 90’s Misadventures stories American pie The hangover Gross point blank Rommy and Michelle's Class Reunion This showed that the teenage angst group was finally starting to stretch their wings. And were having their experience expressed in absurd tales. 2000 We had a dystopian societies show up like hunger games, insurgent, and maze runner. This really showed that society didn’t like the direction it was going. Things were going to start falling apart and one group was going to rule them all. The superhero really started to take off. Yeah, we had Superman series of the 80s. we had a campy Tim Burton version of Batman. Yet the 2000s is when X-Men came out 2000 is when the superheroes really started to show up. The start where we wished we had superpowers was the Harry Potter series. I believe it really expressed how we were not happy with our limitations. We weren’t happy about being common. We wanted to be special. With Harry Potter, you got to live vicariously through a boy who thought he was normal and turned out he was extra special and that he had something greater about him than everybody else. We also had the X-Men start showing up along with Spider-Man. Then in the 2010s. This is when people really started getting a lot of superheroes you had marvel television series you had DC television series, There are the DC cartoons that do better than DC movies. You have Batman, Batman, and then Batman. The wave of Marvel movies that have been huge hits. Even the ones that some people say bombed made lots of money. Really shows the true angst of society. So why does everyone seem to like these hero movies? The big reason is that people wish they could escape their humdrum lives. All they do is get up, go to work, come home, and Go to bed only to repeat this process till Friday. They then have one day they can relax and then the stress of Monday starts to loom over them, and the process starts all over. this is the same for women as it is for men. Hearing that process would you want to wish for more? Our schools don't help this either. They are too busy teaching kids that they are victims of a system they have no control over and that the kids may not be born in the right body. Therefore it isn't a wonder so many anxiety-filled kids are coming into society wishing that they had more options. They don't know what they are sexually and the world hates them. So yeah they want a superhero to be around to save them from this world. What Society doesn't know What society doesn't know is that there is a superhero in each person. Now they may not be able to fly or be a speedster, but they have the ability to find fulfillment in what they do. This is because society wants little worker bees that don't question anything and just do what they say. Sounds great on paper but it fails miserably in the practical. This is because each person is an individual and the majority of people who are born are straight. This is where dads really need to step up to the plate. Be there for their sons and daughters and protect them from those who are actually grooming their children to be used in horrible ways. Dad's You are the original hero. You just have to change how you operate and start listening to your kids. Stop with the lectures., and I get it it is hard to stop. You want to make sure they understand that they screwe

Now there are many different types of relationships around. Many work and more don't. Wanted to examine one relationship "Style" that is being talked about and the Nice guy thinks he will like it, yet the woman will become miserable. That style is the Female Led Relationship Thanks, to the Woke wave of Feminism you are seeing women we are wanting to change the family dynamic. Why? well, they are entering into relationships with the mindset that men are the scourge of society and that the traditional roles are the root of all suffering. Yet their suffering is created by their own actions and choosing the wrong partner. So you have a victim who is wanting to have control and thanks to the nice guys in society they are getting it believing they are going to get a free ride. They don't have to make any of the hard decisions. They don't have to worry about the accounting. They can just be comfortable and not have to worry about anybody getting upset because they won't be at fault. Sounds like a man's paradise right? No this is a man's nightmare along with it reinforcing the stereotype that men don't do anything What is a Woman-Led Relationship There are levels of the female-led relationship According to Momjunction.com, there are 4 different levels of Female-led relationships. Low Leveled Female Control the woman has low authority, and all the decisions are taken mutually by the man and the woman. The man allows his partner to take the lead in specific scenarios and, sometimes, she needs the permission of the man to make a decision. Momjunction.com Moderate Level of Female Control the female can enjoy being a leader for a while and has a sense of ruling the man. It helps boost her confidence and morale and makes the relationship more positive. The man also often enjoys the dominant attitude of the woman. At this level, the woman usually takes the day-to-day decisions, but she also sets boundaries regarding how far she is willing to go. MomJunction.com Defined Control In this type of female-led relationship, the woman makes most decisions and takes on the male roles too. The areas where she can be dominant are defined to ensure there is a demarcation. MomJunction.com Extreme Control Here there is extreme control by the woman and servitude by the man. This relationship is for women who like to have the ultimate power in the relationship. MomJunction.com There are Rules too The female makes most of the household decisions. The man shares his opinion before a decision is made, and the woman may value it. The woman can help motivate the man to work on getting rid of any bad habits like excessive smoking or dependence on alcohol by being authoritative. Although the man and woman distribute household tasks, the man agrees to do chores like cooking, cleaning, etc. The woman takes most financial decisions, and the man trusts his wife to take care of things. The woman also takes decisions regarding social events and social gatherings. Why would anyone like this? Because according to Liveboldandbloom.com women offer unique qualities Compassion and empathy Sensitivity Resilience in the face of adversity A nurturing attitude Intuition Emotional self-awareness Persuasiveness Inclusiveness Lemetropolelille.com also has some points it would like to add Women are more likely to communicate, thus creating an atmosphere of openness. This usually leads to fewer disagreements when the male consciously steps back from the leadership role. Both partners become more attentive. Both partners feel freer to express their feelings. When women are pleased in their relationships, they would be more willing to give in to the man’s requests. This satisfaction often translates to better action in the bedroom. There is a clear division or even sharing of responsibilities, as women are more likely to acknowledge the need for variations. The relationship is not tied down solely by children and gender roles. It is carried by mutual respect. It is even initiated by respect, coming from the male who gave up his natural role to humble himself to a woman he loves. As you read this and other articles stating the benefits of a female-led relationship you will see how they paint the scenario as it becoming a better relationship. The man is happier and things flow so much better. Yet this is far from the case. This is one reason so many women are divorcing. They sense that there is a lack in the relationship and cant explain it. Then they come across a more masculine man and suddenly they are more enamored with him. This leaves the submissive nice guy sitting in the ruins of his relationship wondering why she left. This often causes men to turn to the Red pill movement or MGTOW. VIctim-oriented relationships lead to creating more victims. The Traditional Relationship The issue here is that the feminists don't see how the traditional means of relationships are actually allowed for the growth and improvement of both parties involved. First women do have powe

What is the River Of Misery? This is a gap where on one side you are mentally and on the other side of the river is where you want to be. The River of Misery is the effort you make to get to the other side and have a new and better thought. What represents water in the middle is the struggle to get to the other side. There is all the cognitive dissonance, the effort to power over to a new thought, The tripping and failings that happen when you fall back into old ways of thinking. Bridge Thoughts What are Bridge Thoughts? These are small stepping thoughts that allow you to span the river of Misery. This allows you to slowly shift how you think so that you are able to take action. Why is the River of Misery so tough? Habits Social Pressure Your own Thoughts

Fear is one of those emotions that cripple us from all sorts of opportunities. Fear keeps us playing small. We don't live up to our possibilities. We don't shine as bright as we could. all because we are afraid. Of what? That depends on the person. They may be afraid of what others will think. That people may see them as a fraud that they are. A person may be afraid to fail or afraid that they may succeed and then what happens? The opposite of fear is love Curiosity is the replacement of Fear Curiosity allows you to connect to others and better understand where they are coming from. This understanding comes from love. So ask questions when someone is upset. Learn how to get curious about what you fear. Why did you really get angry? Often it is because someone scared you or you had thoughts that were frightening. This is often why we yell at our kids that they did something that scared us.

Now with this being released each Thursday I am just now getting around to talking about the slap that everyone's talking about. There is a lot to break down in this major event. Will Smith slaps Chris Rock Now most people have seen this video but if not here is what I was able to find on Youtube https://youtu.be/myjEoDypUD8 The Slap Video Now First thing I noticed was WIll laughing after the GI Jane joke. but if you look at Jada's reaction she wasn't impressed. Second who slaps like that? Is it real? I don't know but This is what you get when you are not living life on your terms. Many people would call this a beta male and I would call it being a nice guy. The events that took place at the Oscars is all because Will Smith is a people pleaser or a Nice guy. They will sacrifice their own dignity. to please someone else. I don't know Will and Jada's relationship personally but it's not a hidden fact that they have an "Open" relationship. An Open relationship opens the door for lots of problems and gives one party of the relationship an excuse to not be committed. A nice guy may protest but by the looks of it, Will wasn't willing to be seen as his own man and decided to go along with it. I would say that to be nice Will sacrificed his integrity and his masculinity to make sure that he kept his family together. This is what happens when a man fails to lead in his family, and the progressive mindset of getting along to get along doesn't serve him.

As you may know, I did a thing back on the 22 of Feb and It helped me out in ways I didn't know. First I have sympathy for those with bad knees. Wow, my knees were not happy after walking 22 km with 22 lbs on my back. Yet as I was doing my three laps I was able to correlate some of life's events to a ruck march. We go unprepared Are we ever prepared for the first attempt? You can control the weight of your pack What you believe and the other thoughts you have can really start weighing you down. https://www.relaxedmale.com/your-basket-of-beliefs/ You are eventually going to be going at life alone There are stretches of your life that are going to seem to be lonely. You will feel as if you have no one to talk with. The burden you are carrying is immense but at the same time they are just thoughts and beliefs It seems easy at first Each lap is a section of life. Your youth is full of energy. While your middle lap is still ready to go but not as fast. while the last can be where the most learning can happen. You will hit a wall For me, it was the third lap of the ruck march. but for you, it may be that notice that your wife is leaving you for another man, or that you have been cut out of a huge deal at work. You will come face to face with a challenge that can be scary and insurmountable. What is your choice? For me, it was that I could do hard things You will start to welcome Church and friends Those in religion and friends become very welcoming as you go. The church offers a well-earned respite of life and allows you to gain a new view. Hills Suck These habits you form become harder as you go We all need a Bob in our life. That one friend who keeps checking in on you even when you might wish that he go ahead to without you. Find your Bob and thank him for his dedication Coaching services Brotherhood of Men

The Model Series The Model Circumstance Thought Feeling Action Results Your results This is the last line of your model. When done correctly you will have the results reflect back to your thought line. If you don't get it you have more than likely mixed up your models. Why is the results important? It shows you whats actually happening in your life It is proof that you are on the right tract when you are trying to take massive action With the right results you will be able to atain your goals. Examples If you are wanting to lose weight you can see if your thought of "why am I so fat?", is actually allowing you to lose the weight. Hint it's not. The results line shows you if you are making progress at making $10,000 a month in your new business. If you aren't you can see why.