The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

The Adult Chair® model is based on different stages of life and development, with our Adult Chair coming online around age 25 when the brain fully develops. So, what does that mean for raising healthy kids? Is it possible as a parent to teach your kids the Adult Chair while they're still literally in their Child or Adolescent phase of life? YES!!! No matter what age your child is, you can start modeling what it looks like to be a healthy adult. You can begin to be that touchstone of emotional health that they look to through all their different life experiences. In this episode, I break down what it looks like to be a healthy adult (how you want to be showing up as a parent) and six keys for modeling The Adult Chair for your children. This is a very practical episode that makes this process simple while leaving room for lots of grace when you and your children inevitably act like the humans you are! Listen to discover: Eight qualities for living in our Adult Chair How we can invite others to join us in our Adult Chair Six ways to model The Adult Chair for your children Why lots of grace is a parenting essential Remember, The Adult Chair is a model – a touchstone we strive for – and we're not going to live in it in every moment. Instead, it shows us when we're off balance and gives us something to reach for. That's true for you in your parenting journey and true for your kids in their growing up journey. But by doing your work and showing them what a healthy adult looks like, you're already putting them light years ahead on the path to becoming their healthiest, most authentic selves. And what an amazing gift that is to give! "97% of the time we're incorrect with our stories." - Michelle Chalfant "Healthy adults respond to people and don't blow up and react when we're triggered." - Michelle Chalfant "We seek to know what we're feeling and then we get curious about what's going on inside." - Michelle Chalfant "Whether you have a toddler or you have an adult child, start today. Because your kids are always going to be looking at you, and there's always a chance to respect you and grow and learn from you." - Michelle Chalfant "We reach for vices when we don't know what to do with our internal pain." - Michelle Chalfant "They become what they witness in the household." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Episode #177: Empowered Parenting with Meghan Crough https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/177 Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/ The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Sometimes, it takes losing everything you know to start over and begin the journey of healing. Caroline Strawson is an internationally recognized trauma-informed therapist and coach who helps her clients recover from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD and create thriving lives. Her journey began with her own story of loss when, in a very short period of time, her mother passed away, her narcissistic husband left her and their two young children and she discovered he had gotten them into $100,000 of debt, leading to the loss of her home and the life she had built. Facing PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, guilt and shame, Caroline turned inward and took a close look at herself, her life and her relationships – and has since become a leader in trauma-informed recovery and healing from abuse. In this conversation, Caroline shares her story of overcoming narcissistic abuse, how she finally recognized the abuse and how she began the journey of healing. She offers deep insights into how childhood wounding forms, how we develop "protector parts" and how those parts can lead to struggles like codependency and narcissism. She is a wealth of knowledge on trauma, how we get stuck in life and how to move forward. Listen to discover: The source of childhood wounding and trauma How our nervous system is designed to protect us Why codependents and narcissists are magnets for each other (and why it's easier for the codependent to change) How we can feel compassion for wounded people without accepting abuse Why people stay in abusive relationships and how to help a friend in an abusive relationship The difference between PTSD and complex PTSD How to begin building self-worth even if you're still in an abusive relationship Whether you've been in a relationship with a narcissist or not, you will get SO much out of this episode and gain a greater understanding of why you do what you do, what is going on in your brain in relation to trauma and how to heal your wounding so you can form healthier relationships with self and others. "Initially I was waiting for that epiphany of him changing to then be ok for me to move forward. And of course, that isn't the case. Because we can't change anybody." - Caroline Strawson "Trauma isn't a person. It's not an event. It's what I feel and what I'm saying to myself about those events." - Caroline Strawson "Our system all of the time is working to keep us safe, keep us alive, protect us and move us away from the biggest perceived pain." - Caroline Strawson "No narcissist is born. They are created from their childhood." - Caroline Strawson "The codependent is giving, giving, giving trying to soothe their self-worthiness wounds. The narcissist is like, 'Give it to me. I'll take, take, take,' to soothe their self-worthiness wounds." - Caroline Strawson "I think of narcissism on a scale." - Michelle Chalfant "When we're in these relationships, our reality is so distorted. To build self-worth is to then start seeing reality much clearer." - Michelle Chalfant "Grounding and getting all five senses online also helps us with our reality. We stop doubting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Caroline Strawson Website https://www.carolinestrawson.com/ Caroline Strawson Facebook https://www.facebook.com/carolinestrawson/ Caroline Strawson Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/ "Divorce Became My Superpower" (Caroline Strawson Book) https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Caroline-Strawson/dp/1726255549 The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

"Be a man." It's a loaded phrase that our culture uses to tell men to be tough, not show their feelings and just keep pressing on. But is this true masculinity? Is there a better way to be a man? My guest today, Traver Boehm, is on a mission to redefine masculinity, bringing together what he calls "primal savagery" and a connection to the heart that is spiritual, emotional and whole. He believes this is what true masculinity looks like, before culture told men who to be, and he spends his life teaching men how to unapologetically become their most authentic self. And as a woman, let me tell you: this is the kind of masculine energy that the world is looking for! In this conversation, Traver tells his story of being one of the guys who looked like he "had it all" until his life unraveled and he forced himself to look inward at the ways he was numbing his pain. From there, he developed his "uncivilized man" ethos that calls men back to their authentic selves and helps them succeed in all areas of life – from relationships to work to mental health – from a heart-centered place. Listen to discover: What true, healthy masculinity looks like How and why the culture has conditioned men not to feel Why it's so important – and manly – for men to do their work and heal themselves What to do when your partner doesn't want to engage emotionally and spiritually How to get the things you want in life without killing your soul in the process Whether you're a man looking to be the healthiest version of yourself or a woman looking for resources for the men in her life, I know you will be inspired by Traver's beautiful example of what masculinity was designed to be and how healthy men can change the world. "Primal savagery and a deep connection to your heart: that to me is 'uncivilized'" - Traver Boehm "The part that's been missing has been going into the heart." - Michelle Chalfant "Culturally, we have asked men to not feel." - Traver Boehm "The old paradigm said, 'Men, you are responsible for everything external and nothing internal.'" - Traver Boehm "We've numbed ourselves to the point of getting to ignore what is true, which is we are hurting." - Traver Boehm "We've got to connect with ourselves – and we do that through feeling our emotions – before we can ever connect with anyone else." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Traver Boehm Website https://www.manuncivilized.com/ "Man UNcivilized" Book https://www.manuncivilized.com/thebook Traver Boehm Instagram https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/ The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When Niraj Naik started his job as a pharmacist, he immediately knew it was not for him. But family and cultural expectations led him to believe that it was the path he had to take in life...until it all fell apart seven years later. Career stress and disillusionment led Niraj to develop an autoimmune condition, and nothing in his medicine cabinet helped. After trying all types of traditional medicine, he went "renegade" and began studying yoga, Ayurveda and breathwork, completely healing his condition through these natural methods. His illness became the "gift of desperation" in his life that led him to his calling: teaching the world about energy, breath and how to bring the body into balance through SOMA Breath®, his online school teaching breathing techniques to people around the world. In this episode, Niraj shares his story of healing through ancient wisdom and the science behind the power of the breath. He gives several breathing techniques for us to try and explains how these impact our oxygen levels, energy levels and overall physiology for optimum wellness. Listen to discover: How Niraj turned his lowest moment into a gift of healing Using music and breath to reprogram the subconscious mind How to listen to your body's "indicator light" that something is off Questions to ask yourself to check in with your wellness The power of breathing for your physiology and health Three sample breathing techniques to try This is an eye-opening episode about the true power we have to heal and how our bodies were designed for balance. It's up to us to pay attention to when we are out of balance and to care for ourselves at the most fundamental level – our breath. "We tend to be conditioned by our parents, the school we go to, the media, just the culture we live in to follow a certain path." - Niraj Naik "So many of us just push through, we ignore, we numb out, we just keep going and we're not tuning into what your soul is trying to tell you." - Michelle Chalfant "Diseases affect you where you're weakest in your body." - Niraj Naik "In that moment, as humans, we have a choice: we can look at it and learn from it and ask, 'What the gift is in this?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Stress can eat away at us, and we ignore it. We have to start paying attention." - Michelle Chalfant "We help people to wake up to who they really are." - Niraj Naik Resources SOMA Breath® https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair Use code ADULT for 10% off SOMA Breath Colostrum Supplement https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair-organic Use code ADULT for 20% off Episode #73: The Healing Power Of Breath With Michelle D'Avella https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/73-the-healing-power-of-breath-with-michelle-davella/ Episode #254: Change Your Life With Breath With Nevsah Karamehmet https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/254/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

I think it's universally agreed upon: raising teenagers is hard! A natural part of growing up is becoming an individual, which comes with challenging limits, venturing away from the family structure and challenging parents in the process! Not only do our teens challenge us by pushing back on our boundaries, but the process of letting go of our kids also challenges our egos and attachments and pushes us to do our own work. I get so many questions about parenting teenagers in a healthy way, and I'm thrilled to bring the wisdom of today's guest, Dr. Pam Staples, to you. Dr. Staples has worked with teenagers for 37 years, and she is so grounded and knowledgeable on how to not just get through the tough teenage years but also help your teen develop into the adult they're called to be. We talk about how to let go and let our children become more independent, setting healthy boundaries while maintaining a safe space for our kids to mess up, building trust, how to have tough conversations and so much more. Listen to discover: What's going in teenagers' brains and bodies during adolescence Why teenagers need their friends to create a bridge to their adult life Why you should celebrate when your kids push the limits Healthy boundaries parents should have with their teenagers (and when to discipline) The importance of mutual trust in parent/teen relationships Empty nesting and how to grieve in a healthy way Practical steps for building positive relationships with your teenagers As parents, our job is to be the guardrails for our kids as they find who they are and their unique purpose and destiny. Too often we focus on outcomes, performance and our dreams for our kids, when in reality, they need to learn to find their own inner voice and intuition and be who THEY are created to be (which might be very different from who we are). As kids grow from children to teenagers, we begin to "widen the lanes" on the road, giving them more space and freedom while still being that safe touchstone to come back to. When we set healthy limits for our kids rooted in mutual respect, we invite them to turn to us when they need guidance and become partners in their personal development, while growing as people ourselves. This doesn't necessarily make it easier when you find out your teen has been drinking or when they want nothing to do with you, but parenting from our Adult Chair helps us lead with love, curiosity and acceptance...which is exactly what our kids need to grow into the amazing beings they're becoming. "Once they hit adolescence, they start turning away from the family and more towards their peer group." - Dr. Pam Staples "We want them to have that God-given intuition turn on and stay on." - Michelle Chalfant "In order for them to differentiate and individuate, they need to push off of something, and it's going to be the family." - Dr. Pam Staples "It's important to create flexible boundaries where you allow for that teaching, mentoring and guiding aspect of parenting." - Dr. Pam Staples "It's letting go of these kids so they can become whoever it is that they're here to become...I didn't say, 'so our kids can become who WE think they should become." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to get out of the way with our children. They have their own destiny. They have their own life path. They have, in my opinion, their own soul that has a purpose and mission to be here. And we've got to get the hell out of the way." - Michelle Chalfant "As a parent, you can't impose your hopes, your wishes and your dreams for your children onto them. You have to let them cook up their own." - Dr. Pam Staples "When kids make choices to please their parents, it takes them longer to find themselves." - Dr. Pam Staples "Let your kids find their own potential." - Dr. Pam Staples Resources Dr. Pam Staples ​https://www.myrelationallife.com/ Episode #35: Parenting In The 21st Century – Growing Healthy Teens With Guest Dr. James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/35 Episode #79: Raising Teens From Your Adult Chair With James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/79 Episode #123 : Helping your Kids Cope with Anxiety with Sharon Selby https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/123 Episode #134: Repairing Relationships with our Kids (or Anyone) https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/134 Episode #225: Raising Kids from The Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/225 The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.f

While our go-to image of mental health might be a couch in a therapist's office, the world is slowly changing (and I'm SO glad it is!). Don't get me wrong...I'm not anti-therapy (I'm a therapist myself), but I think it's only part of the equation. I believe we need more. I believe true healing must be holistic, looking at our experiences from every angle and using methods that heal body, mind and spirit. Dr. Nicole LePera is a kindred spirit when it comes to holistic healing, the creator behind one of my favorite Instagram accounts @the.holistic.psychologist and a self-healing guru that I am thrilled to finally bring on the show! Drawing from psychology, spirituality, the mind/body connection and more, Dr. LePera believes mental wellness is for everyone and we all have the power to heal ourselves with the right tools (can I get an amen?). In this episode, Dr. LePera shares her own story of transformation, her philosophy of self-healing and tools you can use to regulate your nervous system, figure out who you are and what you need and change limiting patterns in your life by turning in and tuning in. Listen to discover: The power of consciousness and being in the present moment The nervous system's role in healing The importance of breathwork The power of journaling to create consciousness and set intentions How to update and rewire programming Interdependence and how to be healthy in relationships Dr. LePera believes healing begins by going inside and connecting to self, and I couldn't agree more (it's ALL about awareness)! If you're on a journey of transformation, I hope this episode encourages you to look at your healing through a holistic lens and reminds you that you have the power (and tools) you need right where you are. "We need to understand the whole being in an integrative way, and I believe we need to expand the tools we're practicing outside of therapy as well." - Nicole LePera "You can be awake but still not be fully in the body and conscious about what you're doing." - Michelle Chalfant "There isn't one universal way to heal." - Nicole LePera "My goal is to empower within so we can cope with the ever-changing without." - Nicole LePera "With conscious effort, every single day, a little bit of something...we do find that people can change. We REALLY can change." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Nicole LePera Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ Dr. Nicole LePera Website https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We've talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven't dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we're diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who brings a message of hope to anyone wondering how to heal. Dr. Freeman is a neuropsychologist who works with patients with neurological conditions and brain trauma, and after her own experience in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, she began using her knowledge of the brain to help survivors of abuse and trauma heal. This is an absolutely fascinating episode that gives an inside look into what is actually going on in the brain during and after an abusive relationship, how the healing process works and the hopeful science that shows why anyone can change their brain after trauma. Listen to discover: How a romantic relationship with an unhealthy person changes the brain The effects of narcissism on children Why anyone can heal and how the healing process works The prefrontal cortex and trauma How to get back into a balanced brain state The importance of body work in changing the brain One of the most interesting things Dr. Freeman talks about is how abusive situations activate parts of the brain that wouldn't be activated otherwise...for example, the bonding system and threat system being triggered at the same time. When we can see what's going on at a brain chemistry level, it helps us understand why these situations are truly so unique and damaging...and why none of it is your fault! But the hopeful side is that the brain is constantly changing and being shaped by new experiences, so with the right tools, you can heal and transform your brain and get back to a hothealthy, balanced state...and this episode will show you how! "In general, experiences change our brains." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "The brain will do whatever it takes to protect you." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "We're bonded...and even though we're in threat, we can't let go." - Michelle Chalfant "You have to have others to heal." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels off, don't sweep it under the carpet." - Michelle Chalfant "Bonds don't necessarily mean love." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Rhonda Freeman Website https://neuroinstincts.com/ Dr. Rhonda Freeman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/neuroinstincts/ BrainHQ (Brain Training) https://www.brainhq.com/ Diner Dash (Video Game with Cognitive Benefits) https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ August Theme: I live in peace. P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

As you know, codependency is one of my "things." Fortunately, it's less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it's like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That's part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I'm passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply! My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today's show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you. Listen to discover: The three stages to codependency recovery The shame and codependency connection Shame attacks and how to get out of them The importance of mindfulness in recovery How to start feeling your anger as a codependent The connection between codependency and attachment styles 10 ways to love yourself Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin...and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves. "We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves." - Darlene Lancer "Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered." - Darlene Lancer "A parent's most important job is to reflect their child." - Michelle Chalfant "Codependency is based on faulty beliefs." - Darlene Lancer "The unconscious doesn't distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself." - Darlene Lancer "When we realize what's going on, it's like Act 2. And it's a very exciting time." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Darlene Lancer Website https://www.whatiscodependency.com/ Episode #249: The Power of Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/249/ Episode #253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/253/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Doors open August 1 https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close? "Enmeshment" is a term that's been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn't even know this about themselves! My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you've created. Listen to discover: What enmeshment means How it forms in childhood The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner How to change the family system Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent's well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they've created. The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It's possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you're meant to be — including a great son or daughter. "The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love." - Dr. Ken Adams "The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets glommed onto by the lonely parent." - Dr. Ken Adams "Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability." - Dr. Ken Adams "Emancipation is not a negotiation." - Dr. Ken Adams "The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don't know who we are without that mask." - Michelle Chalfant "It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it's with their mother or their father." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/ Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA "When He's Married to Mom" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/ "Silently Seduced" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Wow — I was blown away by the response to last week's episode with my one and only, Graham Chalfant. It seems like so many could relate to our relationship dynamics and the learning and work we've done over the years...and so many of you also asked how we started doing the work and making changes in our relationship. In this week's episode, I'm focusing the conversation back on the self and how we can each choose to show up differently in our relationships from our Adult Chair. We can't make anyone change, but if we think of relationships as a dance, we can change the way we're dancing, which gives our partners the opportunity to shift and fall into step with us. This is true for all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. Listen to discover: My story of changing the dance in my own marriage How to change the tone of your relationship by doing your own work Finding your self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships How to be more open and relational We all bring our wounds, expectations and "stuff" to a relationship. When we do our work, we not only transform our own lives but we change the tone of our relationships, inviting friends and partners who are a true match for us into a new way of relating to each other. Everything — including strong, connected relationships — starts within! "If you want to change your relationship with anybody, you've gotta change the dance." - Michelle Chalfant "We are always attracting in other people based on our unconscious programming." - Michelle Chalfant "You've gotta see yourself as a very beautiful, precious diamond, and when you can see yourself like that, boundaries become more natural." - Michelle Chalfant "When you own your stuff, it sets you free." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/251/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants connection — we're hardwired for it as humans! But we can only connect as deeply with others as we've connected with ourselves. Strong relationships start by going within, feeling our emotions and being willing to open up and share with our partners. On this week's podcast, I have a very, very special guest...my husband! We're talking with you today together and sharing some very personal details about our marriage and how feeling emotions has changed our relationship for the better. Graham comes from a background where emotions weren't expressed, and I come from an Italian family that was very expressive. For so many years, we both saw the other as not emotional enough or too emotional. Learning to feel, honor and share our emotions has deepened our connection so much and been so transformational for us. In this episode, Graham shares what helped him learn to process his emotions, how that's changed his response to different situations and the changes we've both seen in our relationship. Listen to discover: How relationships can help us overcome childhood issues when we approach them with consciousness The importance of raw, open communication in a relationship Somatic processing and the power of feeling emotions in the body Navigating anger and stress in a relationship How feeling emotions deepens intimacy (both emotional and physical) By the way, Graham did all of this work on his own (no bonus points for having a spouse who is a therapist and coach!). Which means YOU can do this too! We're all born with the ability to feel our emotions, but we have to tune in with intention instead of running away from them. When we do, we'll find they stop coming out sideways and are instead an invitation into deeper connection with others. "When we engage in a relationship with another human being, our childhood issues are going to rear up. That person is here to help us work through those childhood issues." - Michelle Chalfant "Once our youngest child left the house, then it all slowed down and it became more apparent to me that I needed to figure out this 'feeling' thing." - Graham Chalfant "I learned I could just sit with it and in 30 seconds, that heaviness would literally melt away." - Graham Chalfant "Everybody has the ability to feel emotions. At some point along our life journey, we turn them off and turn them down." - Michelle Chalfant "When you feel an emotion without building a story around it, the emotion goes through you in 90 seconds." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #42: Inviting Your Relationship into The Adult Chair with Michelle and Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/42-inviting-your-relationship-into-the-adult-chair-with-michelle-and-graham-chalfant/ Episode #49: Am I a Fraud? Imposter Syndrome & You! https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/49-am-i-a-fraud-imposter-syndrome-you/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ July Theme: I live in balance. The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Applications open for those on the waitlist July 12! P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Compassion is something we have when we live in our healthiest Adult self, but how easy is it for you to turn around and offer that compassion to yourself? Most of us speak very differently to ourselves than we would to a friend, especially when we make a mistake or are going through a hard time. But self-compassion is an essential part of healing! In fact, studies show that truly effective therapy is improved by increasing our self-compassion so we can live with more love and less anxiety and stress. My guest today, Dr. Kristin Neff, is one of the world's leading self-compassion experts and one of the first to conduct scientific research on the benefits of self-compassion and how it can change your life. I LOVED our conversation, which covers everything from what self-compassion is and how to cultivate it to the inner critic, anger, gender roles and the way society often makes it difficult to cultivate self-compassion. Listen to discover: What self compassion really is The three core components of self-compassion Emotional and behavioral self-compassion practices Why self-compassion is not selfish When anger is constructive and loving Why self-compassion is essential for overcoming depression, anxiety and stress Self-compassion is not selfish. In fact, studies show that when we show ourselves compassion, it actually increases our compassion for others! Life is messy and none of us is perfect, which is why approaching the journey — both ours and others' — with gentleness and kindness is so important to being healthy! "The biggest problem with self-esteem is it's contingent on success." - Dr. Kristin Neff "The word 'compassion' by definition is a connected stance." - Dr. Kristin Neff "I know from practicing The Adult Chair, where we're mindful, we practice self-compassion, we're living in the moment, we're tuning into the moment...it gets easier." - Michelle Chalfant "What reminds you to practice self-compassion is your suffering." - Dr. Kristin Neff "I really changed myself through self-compassion." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Kristin Neff Website https://self-compassion.org/ "Fierce Self-Compassion" https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Self-Compassion-Harness-Kindness-Thrive/dp/006299106X The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ July Theme: I live in balance. The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Applications open for those on the waitlist July 12! P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

The work we do in The Adult Chair® isn't just about healing past wounding, working with the inner child, parts work or uncovering unconscious programming (though you know I LOVE all of those things). It's also about navigating everyday life...what's happening in the here and now. Because let's be honest: when life comes at us (and it always does), it can be hard to stay grounded and in peace and balance. It's often the everyday experiences of flat tires, our kids talking back to us, our boss giving us a last-minute deadline and home projects gone awry where stress, anger, and anxiety build up and we find ourselves seated smack dab in our Adolescent Chair. But that's exactly what The Adult Chair model is here for. It's a model for how to live as the healthiest version of yourself and a manual for everyday life..including when you're having just "one of those days." In this episode, I'm walking you through some key Adult Chair principles that are designed to help you navigate everyday stress and stay in balance, even when curveballs get thrown your way. I'm sharing some real examples from my recent home remodel and how I was able to witness the choices I had in each small moment and choose the ones that pulled me out of stress and into peace (even when in a frustrating situation). These tips are simple and practical, and if I can do it, I promise you can too! Listen to discover: How to live with presence Why curiosity can change any situation How to witness thoughts without buying into them The importance of protecting your own nervous system Working with triggers How to stay in your Adult when dealing with work and parenting challenges These principles don't mean we don't feel stress or anger. They just mean we don't let it overtake us. When life happens, there is always a moment where we have a choice and that choice is to either go into the negativity or to take charge of the situation and do what is needed without added suffering or drama. This is how we honor our Child's emotions and the Adolescent's need to protect while operating from a place of consciousness and staying in our peaceful Adult Chair. "When I live with presence, I'm not going into the past and pulling up ammunition for what's going on in my present moment, and I'm also not launching into the future to figure out what's coming." - Michelle Chalfant "We've got 70,000 to 90,000 thoughts a day. We don't need to follow all of them." - Michelle Chalfant "My emotions are not in control of me. They just run through me." - Michelle Chalfant "The world mirrors where we are with…how well we're living in the healthiest version of ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "Things happen to us and how we see it and perceive it and tell the story can really stir up some serious drama." - Michelle Chalfant "Drama is a choice. Pulling out anger is a choice. And it affects only me." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to make choices and changes in our life to get ourselves out of stress." - Michelle Chalfant Resources The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

When we form intimate partnerships in life, it goes far beyond love. The relationship becomes our home, our social circle, our sense of safety, and our way of living. That's why betrayal in intimate relationships, whether infidelity or lying, is so hurtful. It doesn't just cause emotional pain, but it also shakes our entire sense of safety and reality. It's a true multi-layered trauma that is not nearly as simple as breaking up and moving on or deciding to forgive and stay together. The betrayed partner often faces feelings of confusion, self-doubt, shame, hurt, distrust and even PTSD. And the betrayer often has an addiction or attachment wound that underlies the betrayal. Both partners need support and healing, whether they choose to repair the relationship or step into a new chapter. My guests today, Duane Osterlind and Marnie Breecker, both specialize in helping people heal after infidelity and betrayal by looking at it through a holistic lens that takes into account all the various forms of trauma that the betrayal has caused. In this episode, they share such important information about why betrayal is such a big deal, the different ways it affects us and how to rebuild safety and trust in a relationship if both partners decide they want to stay together. This is such an insightful show that sheds light on how attachment works, how trust forms, what trauma is and the deeper story behind betrayal. Listen to discover: The six dimensions of betrayal trauma Why betrayal trauma can lead to PTSD How you can rebuild trust after a betrayal The importance of the "second brain" What the betrayed partner needs Where to find support The true source of affairs At the end of the day, each one of us is seeking connection. When a betrayal occurs, it's often an unhealthy way of getting the connection we all crave. It is possible to rebuild a sense of safety, trust, secure attachment and connection after betrayal — whether you choose to rebuild that with the same partner or for yourself and in future relationships. "We're talking about a lot of complex systems in the brain. We're talking about attachment. We're talking about where we are in this life." - Duane Osterlind "When intimate relationships are betrayed, it impacts the primary feeling of safety that a person has in their life structure." - Duane Osterlind "This is an existential crisis and an attachment trauma for the partner, and all systems of meaning have been shattered." - Marnie Breecker "Our nature is to trust the person we're living with." - Michelle Chalfant "We were wired to connect, and in order to connect, we have to be able to trust." - Marnie Breecker "We don't know how to communicate in a healthy way with other people." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Helping Couples Heal (Duane and Marnie Website) https://helpingcouplesheal.com/ Helping Couples Heal Podcast https://helpingcouplesheal.com/podcasts/ Novus Mindful Life Institute (Duane Website) https://novusmindfullife.com/ Center for Relational Healing (Marnie Website) http://lacrh.com/ APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) https://www.apsats.org/ IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) https://iitap.com/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com\

We all want healthier, stronger relationships. As beings wired for connection, relationships can bring us the greatest joy and fulfillment in life...or, when they're full of chaos, drama, miscommunication, and misunderstandings, they can bring lots of pain and confusion. When we're experiencing relationship drama, our first reaction is to blame our partner or assume we're with the wrong person. But the truth is that we get to define our relationships by how we show up in them...we're creating either an Adolescent relationship (think blame, drama and ego) or an Adult relationship (centered on truth, clarity and empathy). We have the power to transform our relationships just by changing the Chair we're sitting in! In this episode, I'm bringing back my friend, Tracy, who has shared her journey through her divorce and reentering the dating scene. Now, she's in a relationship and she is sharing how The Adult Chair® has helped her change that relationship for the better. She opens up about how both she and her boyfriend brought their individual fears and doubts to the table and how a series of stories and assumptions actually led them to break up for several months. But when she realized this relationship was too important to her to lose, she decided to drop assumptions and blame and instead get vulnerable and speak her truth (be in her Adult Chair!). When she did this, it completely transformed the dynamics of her relationship, and it's now stronger than ever! Listen to discover: How to use The Adult Chair model in relationships The moment that turned Tracy's relationship completely around How rationalization and blame ruin relationships How to get out of the weeds in relationship communication The power of vulnerability Tracy did such an amazing job in the conversation she had with her boyfriend, and I'm so proud of how she models The Adult Chair for him and for everyone listening to the show. It is incredibly uncomfortable to get vulnerable. It's even more uncomfortable to let go of our ego, own our role in the relationship, stop trying to prove we're right and instead look for solutions. But when we do this, we invite our partner into a different kind of relationship — one centered on common goals, a higher perspective and a model that works! "There has to be, when we're in our Adult Chair, taking responsibility, owning your reality, being honest and talking about the elephant in the room." - Michelle Chalfant "I practiced speaking fact and truth and being totally vulnerable." - Tracy "If you're having an argument, it gets you nowhere. You have to go with a higher perspective." - Michelle Chalfant "I'm blown away by how the work you have done, this Adult Chair model, how it truly works." - Tracy "It's no one's job but our own to share with others what we're experiencing." - Michelle Chalfant "[The Adult Chair] gives us tools for how to show up in life." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #179: I'm in a Relationship with a Narcissist https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/179/ Episode #199: Dating from The Adult Chair® https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/199/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We as a society and individuals don't do grief very well. For most of us, it's something we'd rather just not "do" at all. Even knowing what to say to a grieving friend can leave us tongue-tied and lost. But as much as we wish it weren't true, if we're human, we're going to experience loss at some point in life. And grief takes many forms. It can come with a change in lifestyle, a relationship or job we love or with the loss of a pet, sending a child off to school or of course, the death or loss of a loved one. We all experience loss, but we don't all experience grief...and we need to learn how to experience grief, because like any emotion, it heals when we turn toward it and allow ourselves to feel it. In this episode, I'm talking with two beautiful women, sisters Sharon and Erica, grief specialists who guide others through grief based on their own personal journey of walking through grief together. Their journey started when Erica lost not one but two children, and they found how truly lacking they were for support and resources. They decided there must be a better way and began searching for ways to heal that actually worked. In this episode, Sharon and Erica tell their honest, raw and real stories about loss and what it really looks like to heal. Listen to discover: The true definition of grief and how we all have multiple grieving experiences The difference between experiencing grief and processing grief Why we should not compare our losses with someone else's The main reason people get stuck in grief The importance of teaching our children how to grieve The most important thing you can do for a griever Sharon and Erica are full of such incredible insight and wisdom on what grief actually looks like, how to process it and why the traditional advice just doesn't work. If you're looking for advice on how to talk to or support someone who is grieving or how to heal from your own loss, I know this episode is going to help you see grief in a new way and let you know you're not alone. "Grief is so overwhelming. It's completely debilitating. It affects every area of your life, every single relationship you have. So, who wants that?" – Erica Honore "The most powerful thing you could do is just sit with a griever." – Sharon Brubaker "One of the most disrespectful things you can say to a griever is 'I know how you feel.'" – Sharon Brubaker "Healing from grief is possible. But what happens as a society is that we say you'll never get over that." – Sharon Brubaker "Some days, I'm going to cry. Some days, I'm going to be mad. Some days, I'm not going to know what I feel. But it's all okay." – Erica Honore LINKS & RESOURCES: Healing Start with the Heart (Sharon and Erica's Website) https://www.healingstartswiththeheart.com/ Other Podcast Episodes on Grief https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/?sterm=grief The Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR: The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Codependency is one of those issues that can often come across as selfless to those around us...in fact, it might even earn us praise because we seem so nice and helpful (although at our own expense). But what if I told you that codependency was actually a form of control? This episode today was inspired by a very insightful question from one of our listeners who shared his realization that in his codependency, he was being unintentionally manipulative and controlling. He was showing up as the ever-helpful husband, but he was often doing this from a place of trying to get his own needs met (earning his wife's love, support, etc.). Of course, this was not conscious, and once he had his awakening, he wanted to know how to move forward and learn how to be genuinely helpful and healthy. Codependency is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and in this episode, I'm giving you five simple steps for what to do next when you find yourself asking, "I'm codependent. Now what?" Listen to discover: How we improve our relationships with others when we're codependent Why this is different than intentional or abusive control Five steps to break the pattern of codependency Why realizing you're codependent isn't a bad thing If this is you, the first step is to drop the blame and shame. You weren't trying to be manipulative; you were trying to survive based on what your programming told you to do. Once you realize this, you can step into a whole new chapter in your life...one filled with healthier relationships and a healthier connection to self! "We're controlling and being manipulative from an unconscious place." - Michelle Chalfant "We betray ourselves and change who we are in order to make sure other people outside of us are happy and peaceful. That's how it's manipulative and controlling." - Michelle Chalfant "We need someone who can fact check us." - Michelle Chalfant "That's why so many codependents are so exhausted, because our energy is going out to others all day, every day." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Other Podcast Episodes on Codependency https://theadultchair.com/?s=codependency&pageName=default The Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

The world around us demands so much of us. If we're not careful, it can erode our souls, steal our true selves and get us to believe lies about the source of our worth. We have to become conscious and aware to step into our true power and a whole, awakened life. I have been a huge fan of Dr. Shefali for years. I got SO much out of her work on conscious parenting when my kids were young, and it's no wonder she's become so well known for her work. But her new book might just be my favorite yet — I truly couldn't put it down (it's SO aligned with The Adult Chair®) — and I'm beyond thrilled to have her on the show to discuss how to have a radical (and beautiful) awakening in life. In this conversation, we explore the way our ego and our social conditioning covers up the true self and keeps us from living free lives. This can be especially true for those oriented towards giving, nurturing and connecting. Society takes these gifts and trains us to be outward focused, seeking praise, validation and approval instead of turning inward and claiming who we really are. Dr. Shefali shares her own story of awakening, when she realized that despite her work, she was living in the "matrix" and ignoring her true wants and needs to try to get love from others (what she calls the "beggar" mentality). By going deep into the often difficult work of looking at the ego and the masks we all wear, she was able to strip away the lies and see what was true — and step into the authentic self-love and self-care we all deserve. Listen to discover: Shefali's own radical awakening The trap women (and men) fall into How to stop suppressing the true self What soul erosion is and how it forms The "triple threat" women face in childhood The role of the ego in our life What keeps us from awakening (especially in our culture) This is a profound conversation that will take the blinders off and change what you think is normal, while inspiring you to strive for what is truly possible for you — and for all of us. "We, women especially, need to snap out of our chronic civility, helplessness and unworthiness." - Dr. Shefali "We cannot waste our life never discovering our true self." - Dr. Shefali "When we're told we can only be given worth when we put others before ourselves, now that giving heart leads to an obliteration of ourselves." - Dr. Shefali "We're so disconnected from our true self, we don't know who we are at all." - Michelle Chalfant "The way out is in. We have to go in to heal." - Michelle Chalfant "I want what's on the other side of that wall, but you got to go through the wall, and the wall is our pain." - Michelle Chalfant "We tell ourselves the greatest stories in the world, and we don't know we're telling ourselves stories." - Dr. Shefali "The greatest narcissism is to pretend you're not a queen or a king and not own your voice." - Dr. Shefali Resources "A Radical Awakening" Book and Course http://aradicalawakening.com/ Dr. Shefali Website https://www.drshefali.com/ Free Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

It takes courage to do our work and look at the stuff that scares us, and I believe we all need encouragement and inspiration along the way. And the story I have for you today is SO inspiring! I got to know Susan Gorey as part of The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. From the beginning, I could feel Susan's strength and her fearlessness around speaking up for what she felt was right. But I also witnessed her unconsciously causing others to feel uncomfortable and unsafe around her. Susan called it putting off a feeling of "broken glass" — a sharpness or sense of conflict or that would sometimes come out in communication. During the certification program, she faced this "broken glass" and some of her deepest fears. This caused her to go through an incredible and fast transformation…and I know it's real, because it's stuck! In this episode, Susan shares what it was like growing up in an environment filled with criticism and conflict and how that childhood wounding caused her to show up later in life — looking for love through masks, feeling like she had to be bold and strong and not always self-regulating her approach to conflict and relationships. Then she shares how she used The Adult Chair and our work together to drop the cement suitcase she was carrying from childhood, go deep into the shadow beliefs she carried and transform from within so her wounding stopped running the show. This is a raw and real episode that shows what truly is possible on this journey of healing! Listen to discover: Susan's story of transformation using The Adult Chair model How she broke a generational cycle of criticism and judgment Her journey of dropping the cement suitcase and no longer living from her wounding How we worked together to bring an experiential shift into her life The changes she has seen in herself and her relationships since her transformation At the end of the episode, I share a very special surprise for Susan that might leave you a little teary-eyed (at least she and I were!). I love Susan's story so much because it's a beautiful example of how we don't have to change who we are when we transform…we actually reveal who we really are. Susan's strength and tenacity are beautiful qualities — and now she and everyone around her gets to experience them from her Adult self instead of the wounded self. Doing our work isn't easy, but as Susan shows, when we're willing to go into the darkness and shadows and walk through them, we can stop living in them and instead find new life on the other side! "We have to clean our slate...because we can only take people as far as we have gone." - Michelle Chalfant "I brought light to my shadowy areas." - Susan Gorey "We all live from our childhood wounding. We all get covered up. That true self gets covered up by all these masks." - Michelle Chalfant "In The Adult Chair, we become conscious of who we are and our wounding." - Michelle Chalfant "What I realized is my wounding, my childhood, my sadness and all of those masks...I didn't have to carry it anymore." - Susan Gorey "We get signs of who we are all the time." - Michelle Chalfant "When we look at our stuff that scares us the most, we come out as transformed people." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Susan Gorey Website https://forwardtogethercoaching.com/ The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: "I Own.") https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We talk a lot about how to set boundaries in The Adult Chair®, but sometimes we forget that we are human and sometimes we cross others' boundaries. The other side of mastering boundaries is learning how to humbly and gracefully receive a boundary when the tables are turned and we're the ones being asked to shift our behavior or approach. It's very easy to perceive boundaries as criticism and go on the defensive, but receiving a boundary is an opportunity to understand someone better and deepen our relationships. When we show up with presence, pay attention to our triggers and respond with grace, we grow as a person and show up in a more intentional and loving way with the people around us. In this episode, we're looking at the other side of boundaries, and I'm walking you through simple steps for how to receive a boundary well and what not to do when approached with a boundary (plus, how to recover the conversation if you do find yourself getting defensive...it happens to all of us!). Listen to discover: Practical steps for receiving a boundary with grace Tips for recentering when triggered How to respond kindly and respectfully What not to do when someone sets a boundary with you How to spot (and get out of) an Adolescent reaction If someone comes to you with a boundary, try to think of it as them sharing with you instead of drawing a line in the sand or putting up a wall. Sharing comes from a place of vulnerability and wanting connection, and it's an honor when someone feels safe enough to share with us...even if it feels a little hard to hear sometimes. It takes practice to receive a boundary with grace, but when you own your stuff, you will find you have healthier relationships all around. "Give them that space to share whatever it is they need to share." - Michelle Chalfant "Get in your Adult and remind yourself, 'It's not about me.'" - Michelle Chalfant "You want to make sure the person that's sharing their boundary with you feels seen and heard." - Michelle Chalfant Resources The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: "I Own.") https://theadultchair.com/membership/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Do you find yourself feeling unfulfilled and empty, despite seemingly having everything you need to be happy? Do you crave closer relationships but feel like you can't connect at the deep level you want? These feelings can often be subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect, which is when our parents or caregivers didn't tend to or validate our emotions as children. This sets us up for an adult life where we don't know how to feel our own emotions — which is essential to experiencing joy, passion and connection! In this show, I'm chatting with Dr. Jonice Webb, a psychologist and author and a highly requested guest in The Adult Chair® community, about how to spot childhood emotional neglect and how to begin the process of accessing your emotions as an adult. This show is filled with incredible insights into an issue that unknowingly affects so many of us and how to heal from it. Listen to discover: What childhood emotional neglect is Why invalidating our feelings leads to shame How childhood emotional neglect affects adult relationships What emotional intimacy is Rebuilding from childhood emotional neglect Steps to start your healing journey Childhood emotional neglect isn't necessarily abuse; in fact, it can happen in very loving, well meaning homes. But anything that disconnects us from our emotions — our inner navigation system and a key to living in The Adult Chair — is going to keep us from living the happy, fulfilled life we all dream of. I hope this episode encourages you to look inward and connect with the deepest parts of who you are. That is how you will experience the fullness of life and connection with others! "We need our feelings to survive and thrive in our adult life." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Eventually the child brain just erects a wall so that you don't have to feel anything, and that wall stays there until you take it down." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Men have the equal capacity or ability to feel all emotions because they're human." - Michelle Chalfant "What you have inside is a constellation of how your parents treated your feelings." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Emotions are the expression of your deepest self." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Emotions are our built-in navigation system, and they guide us." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Jonice Webb Website https://emotionalneglect.com "Running on Empty" (Dr. Jonice Webb book) https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

I know you guys love all things Enneagram (and I do too!), so I'm thrilled to bring back our resident Enneagram expert and dear friend of mine, Ramona Reid. Ramona, who is also an Adult Chair® Certified Coach, has always done a beautiful job weaving together The Adult Chair® with the Enneagram, helping us understand how our inner child and childhood wounding shapes our personality type and how our Adolescent fear manifests depending on our Enneagram type. But the point of the Enneagram is not to put you in a box of personality...it's to help you see the ways you're already stuck so you can transform and become a more whole, authentic self! Each type also has the healthiest, highest version of their type (aka The Adult Chair) where the beautiful gifts and virtues of each type bring healing to the world...for example, Type 1's integrity, Type 2's love, Type 8's power and Type 9's peace. So, in this episode, we're focusing on what healthy looks like for each Enneagram type, so you can better understand what life looks like for you when you are in your Adult Chair! Listen to discover: A breakdown of all nine types and their highest versions What The Adult Chair looks like for each Enneagram type How to tell when you're becoming healthier Why we all access healing differently I hope this episode gives you a guide to see when you're living in your Adult Chair and reminds you of the beautiful gifts you uniquely bring to the world! "When we're in our Adolescent...our way of being is coming from the illusion that there's something missing....When we start to realize that we are in fact the source of this thing that we think is missing...that's when we start being in our Adult Chair." - Ramona Reid "The only way we can really get there is to identify the feeling behind the doing." - Ramona Reid "I don't think time heals. I think really getting in there and being curious and working with our emotions is what heals wounds." - Ramona Reid "This is what The Adult Chair is all about. That's why we've got all the aspects of what a healthy Adult looks like, so we can reach and point our energy towards that." - Michelle Chalfant "You're not going to lose those parts of yourself. You're going to lose the part of yourself that acts out by not wanting to be scared." - Ramona Reid "The next thought is the conscious thought from the Adult perspective." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Ramona Reid Website http://www.mynashvillecenter.com/ Episode #51: Find Your Authentic Self at the Heart of the Enneagram with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/51/ Episode #114: Deepening The Adult Chair® Using The Wisdom of the Enneagram with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/114-deepening-the-adult-chair-using-the-wisdom-of-the-enneagram-with-ramona-reid/ Episode #176: Childhood Wounding in the Enneagram with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/176/ Episode #205: Stress and Your Enneagram Type with Ramona Reid https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/205/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We've talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven't dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we're diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who brings a message of hope to anyone wondering how to heal. Dr. Freeman is a neuropsychologist who works with patients with neurological conditions and brain trauma, and after her own experience in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, she began using her knowledge of the brain to help survivors of abuse and trauma heal. This is an absolutely fascinating episode that gives an inside look into what is actually going on in the brain during and after an abusive relationship, how the healing process works and the hopeful science that shows why anyone can change their brain after trauma. Listen to discover: How a romantic relationship with an unhealthy person changes the brain The effects of narcissism on children Why anyone can heal and how the healing process works The prefrontal cortex and trauma How to get back into a balanced brain state The importance of bodywork in changing the brain One of the most interesting things Dr. Freeman talks about is how abusive situations activate parts of the brain that wouldn't be activated otherwise...for example, the bonding system and threat system being triggered at the same time. When we can see what's going on at a brain-chemistry level, it helps us understand why these situations are truly so unique and damaging...and why none of it is your fault! But the hopeful side is that the brain is constantly changing and being shaped by new experiences, so with the right tools, you can heal and transform your brain and get back to a healthy, balanced state...and this episode will show you how! "In general, experiences change our brains." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "The brain will do whatever it takes to protect you." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "We're bonded...and even though we're in threat, we can't let go." - Michelle Chalfant "You have to have others to heal." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels off, don't sweep it under the carpet." - Michelle Chalfant "Bonds don't necessarily mean love." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman Resources Dr. Rhonda Freeman Website https://neuroinstincts.com/ Dr. Rhonda Freeman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/neuroinstincts/ BrainHQ (Brain Training) https://www.brainhq.com/ Diner Dash (Video Game with Cognitive Benefits) https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

As you know, codependency is one of my "things." Fortunately, it's less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it's like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That's part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I'm passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply! My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today's show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you. Listen to discover: The three stages to codependency recovery The shame and codependency connection Shame attacks and how to get out of them The importance of mindfulness in recovery How to start feeling your anger as a codependent The connection between codependency and attachment styles 10 ways to love yourself Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin...and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves. "We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves." - Darlene Lancer "Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered." - Darlene Lancer "A parent's most important job is to reflect their child." - Michelle Chalfant "Codependency is based on faulty beliefs." - Darlene Lancer "The unconscious doesn't distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself." - Darlene Lancer "When we realize what's going on, it's like Act 2. And it's a very exciting time." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Darlene Lancer Website https://www.whatiscodependency.com/ Episode #249: The Power of Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/249/ Episode #253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/253/ The Adult Chair Membership - April "I Believe" Month https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close? "Enmeshment" is a term that's been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn't even know this about themselves! My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you've created. Listen to discover: What enmeshment means How it forms in childhood The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner How to change the family system Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent's well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they've created. The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It's possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you're meant to be — including a great son or daughter. "The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love." - Dr. Ken Adams "The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets globbed onto by the lonely parent." - Dr. Ken Adams "Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability." - Dr. Ken Adams "Emancipation is not a negotiation." - Dr. Ken Adams "The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don't know who we are without that mask." - Michelle Chalfant "It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it's with their mother or their father." - Michelle Resources Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/ Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA "When He's Married to Mom" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/ "Silently Seduced" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/ The Adult Chair Membership - April "I Believe" Month https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

This 5-minute meditation promotes relaxation, healing, and self-love. It's a wonderful meditation for emotional healing and/or physical healing or for anyone seeking greater peace in their lives.

Feeling stuck in life is one of the worst feelings. It can feel helpless, hopeless and confining — like no matter what we do, nothing is going to change and we have no options. But this is a story from the ego! From our Adult, we know we ALWAYS have choices. That doesn't always mean we love every option or we get the exact outcome we want, but we are never stuck. We can always make the next best choice. Many of our listeners have written in asking about how to get unstuck, move forward or get their joy back, so today I'm sharing five simple steps to start getting change from the inside. These steps are easy but PACKED with power. If you try these and don't see a change, I want to hear about it — I'm that sure they will help you! Listen to discover: Five simple (but powerful) steps to getting unstuck What keeps us from making the changes we want How to reconnect back to ourselves The power of nature and a gratitude practice in getting unstuck How to stop talking and start doing Everything in your life begins with a dream. It starts with your imagination, daydreaming and really feeling how the life you want could feel (this is how we begin to shift energy). Then it becomes reality as your intention and action align. The answer never comes from the outside. We have to patiently take one step forward at a time, knowing change takes time (but that it can be faster than we think). The life you deserve and are waiting for is right at your fingertips, and you can get there with these simple steps. "If you don't know yourself, how in the world are you going to change?" - Michelle Chalfant "Oftentimes when we're stuck it's because we're not creating." - Michelle Chalfant "What you talk about comes about." - Michelle Chalfant "The only thing that's stuck is your thinking." - Michelle Chalfant "From our Adult Chair, we know we have choices." - Michelle Chalfant Resources 14 Days to Peace and Balance Journaling Prompts https://theadultchair.com/14days 5-Minute Self-Love Meditation https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/5-minute-self-love-meditation/ Episode #254: Change Your Life With Breath With Nevsah Karamehmet https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/254/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Would you believe me if I told you that 90% of unexplained illnesses could be traced to one simple thing...something you do every day? Believe it or not, they can, and that thing is breathing. Studies have shown that hundreds of different ailments that can't be traced back to a known cause can often be connected to dysfunctional breathing. The good news is that breathing is SO simple and easy to work with (all it takes is about five minutes a day), and in this episode, I'm interviewing the perfect person to help you get started. Nevsah Karamehmet is a breathing expert and a wealth of knowledge on the science behind the breath and how it impacts every system in our bodies. In this episode, she shares how breathing affects our thinking and ability to process emotions, what healthy breathing really looks like and how to change your life through your breath. Listen to discover: The connection between breath and psychology The science behind healthy breathing How balancing the inhale and exhale balances the nervous system Why breathwork is a great introduction to meditation The connection between different types of breathing and different health issues Simple exercises to help you start breathing better I know what Nevsah is saying is true, because I've had this experience working with a personal trainer on my lower back. He connected my pain back to my breathing and has me doing breathwork to heal a physical issue. How much more is our breathing also affecting our thoughts, feelings and emotions every day? Breath is the essence of life, so it's absolutely something we need to learn how to do. Nevsah gives us a few really basic exercises to begin with that are SO easy and can make such a huge difference in our overall well-being. Every human needs to hear this episode! "Breathing affects our psychology. The way we breathe affects how we think." - Nevsah Karamehmet "There is no correct way to breathe on the mechanical level...We all have different breathing habits. Some of those habits are helpful and some of those are harmful." - Nevsah Karamehmet "If your breathing is flexible, then you are healthy." - Nevsah Karamehmet "When we don't stop the emotions, they pass through us." - Michelle Chalfant "In my breath journey, I became an Adult." - Nevsah Karamehmet Resources Nevsah Karamehmet Website https://www.nevsah.com/ Breath Coaching Federation https://www.breathcoachingfederation.org/ Breath Hub App https://breathhub.app/ Nadi Shadan Breathing Technique https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1jb7l2Uf7c Belly Breath Technique https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q9WTzqQTns&t=2s TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Those who struggle with codependency often struggle with anger as well...but not in the way you might think. Unlike ragers or those with explosive anger, codependents tend to stuff and suppress anger to please others and avoid conflict...often not even knowing what they're feeling themselves. This is just as unhealthy! We need anger to guide us towards our needs and connect us to our experience. Anger, when expressed in a healthy way, can also lead to healthier relationships as we begin telling others how we feel and resolving problems before they turn into resentment. Today, I'm talking with Michelle Farris, a licensed psychotherapist and anger management specialist, who is sharing her experience of learning to own and communicate her anger. She talks about how codependency forms, why feeling our anger is important and how to begin overcoming the fear of conflict and expressing yourself in relationships. Listen to discover: Concrete examples of what people pleasing looks like The importance of validating emotions Beginning recovery from codependency How to catch the first thought and regulate anger (while still owning it) How to communicate your anger in a healthy way Anger is such an important human emotion...I think of it as rocket fuel to propel us towards what we want. When we're codependent and don't know ourselves, anger can be a key way to tap into our core needs and desires. It's not selfish to look inward...and what you tap into inside of yourself might surprise you. "Whenever we hit a road bump, I always remember there's going to be a huge gift on the other side of that." - Michelle Farris "Healthy anger is us owning how we feel in the moment." - Michelle Farris "When we stuff our anger, we're denying our own experience." - Michelle Farris "I think of anger as rocket fuel. It really helps to push us forward in life." - Michelle Chalfant "We don't cross the finish and feel 100% healthy. We are all a work in progress. But the thing you want to be doing is making sure you're walking forward on your journey." - Michelle Chalfant "As you get healthier, you will attract healthier people into your circle." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Michelle Farris Website https://www.counselingrecovery.com/ Michelle Farris Facebook https://www.facebook.com/CounselingRecovery/ Michelle Farris Instagram https://www.instagram.com/counseling_recovery/ Episode #11: Codependency: I'm Ok If You're Ok https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/11-codependency-im-ok-if-youre-ok/ Episode #127: Codependency: Ending the Addiction to Help Others https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/127-codependency-ending-the-addiction-to-help-others/ Episode #172: The Joy of Codependency https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/172-the-joy-of-codependency/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Wow — I was blown away by the response to last week's episode (#251) with my one and only, Graham Chalfant. It seems like so many could relate to our relationship dynamics and the learning and work we've done over the years...and so many of you also asked how we started doing the work and making changes in our relationship. In this week's episode, I'm focusing the conversation back on the self and how we can each choose to show up differently in our relationships from our Adult Chair. We can't make anyone change, but if we think of relationships as a dance, we can change the way we're dancing, which gives our partners the opportunity to shift and fall into step with us. This is true for all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. Listen to discover: My story of changing the dance in my own marriage How to change the tone of your relationship by doing your own work Finding your self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships How to be more open and relational We all bring our wounds, expectations and "stuff" to a relationship. When we do our work, we not only transform our own lives but we change the tone of our relationships, inviting friends and partners who are a true match for us into a new way of relating to each other. Everything — including strong, connected relationships — starts within! "If you want to change your relationship with anybody, you've gotta change the dance." - Michelle Chalfant "We are always attracting in other people based on our unconscious programming." - Michelle Chalfant "You've gotta see yourself as a very beautiful, precious diamond, and when you can see yourself like that, boundaries become more natural." - Michelle Chalfant "When you own your stuff, it sets you free." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/251/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants connection — we're hardwired for it as humans! But we can only connect as deeply with others as we've connected with ourselves. Strong relationships start by going within, feeling our emotions and being willing to open up and share with our partners. On this week's podcast, I have a very, very special guest...my husband! We're talking with you today together and sharing some very personal details about our marriage and how feeling emotions has changed our relationship for the better. Graham comes from a background where emotions weren't expressed, and I come from an Italian family that was very expressive. For so many years, we both saw the other as not emotional enough or too emotional. Learning to feel, honor and share our emotions has deepened our connection so much and been so transformational for us. In this episode, Graham shares what helped him learn to process his emotions, how that's changed his response to different situations and the changes we've both seen in our relationship. Listen to discover: How relationships can help us overcome childhood issues when we approach them with consciousness The importance of raw, open communication in a relationship Somatic processing and the power of feeling emotions in the body Navigating anger and stress in a relationship How feeling emotions deepens intimacy (both emotional and physical) By the way, Graham did all of this work on his own (no bonus points for having a spouse who is a therapist and coach!). Which means YOU can do this too! We're all born with the ability to feel our emotions, but we have to tune in with intention instead of running away from them. When we do, we'll find they stop coming out sideways and are instead an invitation into deeper connection with others. "When we engage in a relationship with another human being, our childhood issues are going to rear up. That person is here to help us work through those childhood issues." - Michelle Chalfant "Once our youngest child left the house, then it all slowed down and it became more apparent to me that I needed to figure out this 'feeling' thing." - Graham Chalfant "I learned I could just sit with it and in 30 seconds, that heaviness would literally melt away." - Graham Chalfant "Everybody has the ability to feel emotions. At some point along our life journey, we turn them off and turn them down." - Michelle Chalfant "When you feel an emotion without building a story around it, the emotion goes through you in 90 seconds." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #42: Inviting Your Relationship into The Adult Chair with Michelle and Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/42-inviting-your-relationship-into-the-adult-chair-with-michelle-and-graham-chalfant/ Episode #49: Am I Fraud? Imposter Syndrome & You! https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/49-am-i-a-fraud-imposter-syndrome-you/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart The Adult Chair Workshop - Charleston New Dates: September 16-18, 2021 https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

One of the biggest complaints I hear from clients is, "I wish my partner/parent/friend/whoever would be more empathetic!" We often look down on or get frustrated with those we don't feel are empathetic enough, but empathy isn't a trait you either have or you don't...or a trait that makes someone good or bad. Like any healthy habit, it's a skill we learn...and anyone can learn it if they want to! Everyone wants to be heard and understood, and this is why empathy is such a beautiful skill in life: it's a tool that helps us connect more deeply with others and show them we care. In this episode, I'm giving you four simple steps that you can use to begin practicing and building empathy with any relationship in your life! Listen to discover: The definition of empathy Four simple steps to build empathy How to get started with feeling emotions Things you can ask the other person to show you care Why showing empathy is different than prying When you practice empathy, you open your own heart and emotional body. You deepen connection with others but also yourself! Being able to show empathy is deeply connected to our ability to feel our own emotions. And since feeling emotions and being present are core parts of The Adult Chair, as you do your own work and live in your Adult Chair more often, don't be surprised when you find that empathy begins to come more naturally. It's all part of being healthy! "If you don't listen well to others and automatically go into "fix it" mode, you may need to brush up on your empathy." - Michelle Chalfant "Offering empathy to another human being will get you much further than fixing them." - Michelle Chalfant "Deep listening with empathy can change someone." - Michelle Chalfant "Empathy is a skill that can be learned." - Michelle Chalfant Resources TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Compassion is something we have when we live in our healthiest Adult self, but how easy is it for you to turn around and offer that compassion to yourself? Most of us speak very differently to ourselves than we would to a friend, especially when we make a mistake or are going through a hard time. But self-compassion is an essential part of healing! In fact, studies show that truly effective therapy is improved by increasing our self-compassion so we can live with more love and less anxiety and stress. My guest today, Dr. Kristin Neff, is one of the world's leading self-compassion experts and one of the first to conduct scientific research on the benefits of self-compassion and how it can change your life. I LOVED our conversation, which covers everything from what self-compassion is and how to cultivate it to the inner critic, anger, gender roles and the way society often makes it difficult to cultivate self-compassion. Listen to discover: What self compassion really is The three core components of self-compassion Emotional and behavioral self-compassion practices Why self-compassion is not selfish When anger is constructive and loving Why self-compassion is essential for overcoming depression, anxiety and stress Self-compassion is not selfish. In fact, studies show that when we show ourselves compassion, it actually increases our compassion for others! Life is messy and none of us is perfect, which is why approaching the journey — both ours and others' — with gentleness and kindness is so important to being healthy! "The biggest problem with self-esteem is it's contingent on success." - Dr. Kristin Neff "The word 'compassion' by definition is a connected stance." - Dr. Kristin Neff "I know from practicing The Adult Chair, where we're mindful, we practice self-compassion, we're living in the moment, we're tuning into the moment...it gets easier." - Michelle Chalfant "What reminds you to practice self-compassion is your suffering." - Dr. Kristin Neff "I really changed myself through self-compassion." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Kristin Neff Website https://self-compassion.org/ "Fierce Self-Compassion" (Kristin Neff Book - Pre-Order) https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Self-Compassion-Harness-Kindness-Thrive/dp/006299106X The Adult Chair Membership: $1 offer Use promo code "ANITA" to try your first month for $1 February Theme = "I Love." https://theadultchair.com/membership/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Narcissistic abuse is, I believe, one of the most toxic experiences out there. While NO kind of abuse is ok, narcissists can be extremely subtle, sneaky and manipulative, making them difficult to spot. Anyone who has been in a relationship with one knows how confusing and damaging it can be. My guest today, Meredith Miller, is a holistic coach who helps people heal themselves from narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. After experiencing abuse from a narcissistic parent for nearly 38 years, she has a deep understanding of a narcissist's traits, how to rebuild a sense of self and how to turn the experience into an opportunity for healing and growth. Meredith shares her own story of abuse and healing, and we talk about SO many important topics, from what narcissistic abuse is to the myths around abuse and how to start healing. Listen to discover: How to identify abuse (and steps to take to get out) Navigating toxic families and people Tools for healing trauma Setting boundaries and reprogramming the subconscious mind How to navigate narcissistic partners as a parent How to go "no contact" (if that's right for you) There is SO much incredible information packed into this hour! Meredith truly gets it, and I'm so grateful for the gift of her time and expertise in helping the world recognize and transform the effects of abuse. "You can't share your hopes and dreams with toxic people." - Meredith Miller "It's so important that we stop, pause, work on our own healing and transform those programs." - Michelle Chalfant "The trauma awakens you to this whole new potential...we start to discover the parts of ourselves that weren't hurt." - Meredith Miller "When you give explanations for boundaries, toxic people just see that as points to keep negotiating with you on." - Meredith Miller Resources Meredith Miller Website https://www.innerintegration.com/ Meredith Miller Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/inner-integration-podcast/id1418633395 Meredith Miller YouTube https://www.youtube.com/innerintegration Meredith Miller Instagram https://www.instagram.com/inner_integration/ Meredith Miller Facebook https://www.facebook.com/InnerIntegration/ The Adult Chair Membership: $1 offer Use promo code "ANITA" to try your first month for $1 February Theme = "I Love." https://theadultchair.com/membership/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Episode #179: I'm in a Relationship with a Narcissist https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/179/ Episode #196: Spotting Covert Narcissism https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/196/ Episode #207: The Narcissism and Codependency Connection with Ross Rosenberg https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/207-the-narcissism-and-codependency-connection-with-ross-rosenberg/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ (Previously "TAC Gatherings") Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Decisions, decisions. We are all faced with dozens of choices every day — some that we make without a second thought and others that can leave us wrestling with all our options or get us completely stuck. When we are in the Adolescent Chair (the seat of the ego), decisions can feel intimidating or impossible, not only because we're worried about making the "right" choice, but also because it comes with the other traps of the ego: ruminating thoughts, negative self-talk and stuck parts. Getting into the Adult Chair and bringing in consciousness completely transforms the way we approach and make decisions! In this episode, I walk you through the reasons you might get stuck making a decision, hands-on tools for easier decision making (I love a good pros and cons list) and tools you can use to find blocked parts and get more confident in whatever decision you choose. Listen to discover: Reasons why you might struggle with decision making The downward spiral of self-judgment that can keep us from making decisions Practical steps to get unstuck and make conscious decisions A parts work process to work with blocked parts Choice is a gift, and with these steps, you will find that you can enjoy easy decision making and make the most of the many beautiful opportunities you are offered in life! "This is why we have such a difficult time making decisions: the ego is unconsciously whispering to us 'Don't do that. That's not safe.'" - Michelle Chalfant "The ego can run wild if we're unconscious." - Michelle Chalfant "If you can feel at least 80% [ready to make a decision], it's ok to have a little bit of fear." - Michelle Chalfant "When you bring consciousness into your reality when it comes to decision making, your life will change and you will find that decision making becomes easier than you imagined." - Michelle Chalfant Resources The Adult Chair Membership Use promo code "ANITA" to try your first month for $1 https://theadultchair.com/membership/ TAC Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Each week on this show, I aim to bring you ideas, expertise and tools to make psychology simple and to introduce you to new healing possibilities. But my goal has never been just to share knowledge. My goal is transformation...to make it easy for you to do your work and become who you were meant to be using this model! I love bringing you stories of others who have been able to take what they've learned here and put it into practice to see REAL change in their lives. As others model the model for us, we see how easy it is to use, get ideas for how to apply it and are motivated to keep doing the work because we see how it truly can transform! When I heard Anita share her story in The Adult Chair Membership group, I knew this was one I had to share with you. Anita grew up in a dysfunctional family and has been working to heal her internal programming using The Adult Chair over the last year. The holidays in particular are difficult for Anita because her family didn't celebrate Christmas, even though she always wanted to as a child. She felt a lot of loss, shame and disappointment around the end of the year. But this year, she completely transformed her holiday experience by working with her inner child and creating a magical Christmas for her and her husband. In doing so, she was also able to work through some triggers and view her relationship with her parents in a healthier way. I'm truly blown away by the work she has done, and I know you will be so inspired by her story. Listen to discover: Exactly how Anita used The Adult Chair to transform a negative experience How to work with the inner child to reclaim joy How to stayed grounded and in fact and truth in conversations with family Anita's "gratitude, guidance and grace" daily practice "We get programmed with what our 'norm' is, and until we bring consciousness and awareness, we can't change it." - Michelle Chalfant "Because I've been working so intently with The Adult Chair model this year, that's why I think this holiday experience was totally different." - Anita "When you can bust your stories, or the stories that happen in the Adolescent Chair from our ego, we stay in the present moment, it takes you out of the trigger and it's over." - Michelle Chalfant "Gratitude brings you to presence." - Anita Resources The Adult Chair Membership Use promo code 'Anita' to try your first month for $1 https://theadultchair.com/membership/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant **** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

To start 2021, we are talking all about simple, hands-on tools and practices that you can incorporate into your life to help you get into your Adult Chair — now and all year long. Today, we're talking about one of my favorites: Chinese medicine. Chinese medicine is a beautiful, holistic view of healthcare that helps us find balance on the emotional, physical and spiritual level. It incorporates acupuncture, herbology, bodywork, movement and diet along with meditation and other grounding practices to bring health to your entire self. At the root of all Chinese medicine practices is the idea that we are interconnected beings and true wellness comes from treating the whole person and not just symptoms. I love this approach! In this episode, I talk with Brodie Welch, an acupuncturist and expert in Chinese medicine. We talk about presence, consciousness and processing emotions along with physical tools such as Qi gong and herbs. You might be surprised by the way these overlap with many of the ideas in The Adult Chair! Listen to discover: How Chinese medicine helps the body create health by finding balance How to find patterns and treat them holistically Why it's important to look for connections between how you're feeling and where those feelings manifest in the body What Qi gong is and its benefits Simple self-care actions that you can take each day to live more in balance Brodie also walks us through a simple Qi gong exercise on the podcast that will help you get into balance in the moment (and maybe try a new practice you haven't tried before!). "It's a way of looking at the world and the body as an ecosystem...Chinese medicine sees the body as this interconnected system of different kinds of energy." - Brodie Welch "No state of our physicality doesn't have an emotion that goes with it." - Brodie Welch "It's not about treating a condition. It's about treating a person." - Brodie Welch "You don't have to make this giant leap into someone that you're not...If we can shift a tiny bit today and then the next day, we're going to find a great change." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Brodie Welch Website https://brodiewelch.com/ Free Qi Gong Resource https://brodiewelch.com/calm/ Brodie Welch Podcast https://brodiewelch.com/podcast/ TAC Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Every day, our minds are taking in thousands of sights and sounds that can either bring us stress or calm….sometimes without us even knowing it! But what if we could intentionally use tools like sound and music to bring relaxation, presence and calm into our lives? In this episode, I'm chatting with the fascinating Cheryl B. Engelhardt, a New York-based composer who creates beautiful music designed to boost our brain state and promote healing in our lives. After battling panic attacks and transforming her own anxiety using tools like meditation and a gratitude practice, Cheryl combined her science and music backgrounds to compose arrangements that help us process our emotions, get into the flow state and find more balance in our lives. Cheryl uses her awareness of biological factors like resting heart rate and different types of brain waves along with her own success with affirmations and mindfulness to create intricately designed tracks that affect the listener at the emotional level. Listen to discover: Cheryl's amazing story of overcoming anxiety and pouring what she learned into her musical career How music can help you get in the flow and reduce distraction The science behind how music affects your brain state, mood and more The connection between music and emotions I love the way Cheryl has crafted each song on her new album "Luminary" to focus on releasing or attracting different things like confidence, abundance and love. And I'm telling you...this music puts you in such a focused and present state that you can feel right away! Music, like energy, is frequency and vibration, so it only makes sense that music has the power to impact us at a deep level. What a gift to have a tool that all of us can access and that allows us to balance our brains and heal anxiety just by listening! "Two months into starting a daily meditation practice, I had my last panic attack." - Cheryl B. Engelhardt "Gratitude flips that and gratitude starts to have you say 'What's good here?'" - Michelle Chalfant "The music is matching the energy of the emotion and then it's pulling you up." - Michelle Chalfant Resources "Luminary" Album https://www.iamaluminary.com/ Cheryl B. Engelhardt Instagram https://www.instagram.com/cbemusic/ Cheryl Engelhardt Facebook https://www.facebook.com/cbemusic/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We're all human and we all make mistakes. Unfortunately, sometimes those mistakes hurt people we love and can even create distance or damage in our most important relationships. When a relationship is suffering, there's nothing we want more than to heal and restore it, but many of us don't know where to begin. We might have our own feelings of guilt and shame to overcome or believe the other person never wants to see or talk to us again. But as long as we are alive, there is hope of change! Relationships can and do heal all the time, and you have the power to repair the damage done and move forward in an even stronger relationship than before. In this episode, I'm giving you eight simple steps for healing and transforming the relationships in your life. In it, I give the example of one of my clients who was working to repair her relationship with her kids, but the advice here applies to EVERY relationship...spouse, friend, family, coworker, you name it! Listen to discover: Eight steps to healing a broken relationship How to start the process of repairing the relationship if there's been a disconnect What a true apology looks like How to change the relationship through actions instead of words How to forgive yourself — the most important step no matter what happens in the relationship If you're living on this planet, chances are you've hurt someone and want to know how to make it right. Tune in to discover a practical step-by-step guide to begin the process of healing...for yourself and others! "If someone is willing to repair a relationship and put the time and effort into repairing the relationship, I always have hope." - Michelle Chalfant "Forgiveness allows us to get unstuck and to move on for ourselves. It's freedom!" - Michelle Chalfant "There is great power in accepting what is...if you are not accepting where things are, you are in resistance of truth." - Michelle Chalfant "When you stay with just today in the present, this is where all things can change...including, and most importantly, your perception of yourself." - Michelle Chalfant Resources The Adult Chair Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings The Self Series theadultchair.com/self More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

"Help! I think I've ruined my kids' lives!" I can't tell you how many times I've heard this from clients, listeners and even my own inner critic. No one gets a trial run at parenting, which leads to a lot of self-doubt among parents. We're all learning as we go, and it's easy to wonder if we're doing it right or if we should just go ahead and start a therapy fund for our kids to work through the issues we created. Well, this episode is here to help you put your fears to rest and help you become the healthiest (NOT perfect) parent you can be. I'm breaking down my seven tips for healthy parenting from your Adult Chair (hint: they're more about you than your kids) and hopefully providing a little reassurance that you're normal and no, you haven't ruined your kids lives (wait until you hear the not-so-proud parenting moments I share!). Listen to discover: What a parent's job actually is Seven steps to become a healthy parent Why there's no such thing as perfect Finding compassion for yourself and your kids How to handle it when your kids trigger you Setting boundaries and how to respond when your child makes a mistake Whether you feel like you've screwed up or you're just starting out and trying to get it right, I promise that it's never too late. When YOU become healthy and live in your Adult Chair, your kids will see it modeled and become healthy too. Check out this episode to get simple, practical tips you can put into action to change the way you parent today. "Humans learn from experience far more than they learn from words." - Michelle Chalfant "Our job as parents or caregivers of these beautiful little beings is to be guard rails for them...kids are supposed to make mistakes while in the loving protection of your home." - Michelle Chalfant "You can't change something without owning where you are and accepting it." - Michelle Chalfant "Boundaries help our kids feel safe." - Michelle Chalfant "Don't keep your kid on a one-way expressway. Let them be who they came here to become." - Michelle Chalfant Resources The Adult Chair Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings The Adult Chair Membership (December = "I Forgive" Month) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ Dr. Shefali (Conscious Parenting) https://drshefali.com/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Who is ready to get rid of the anxiety of 2020 and move into a more empowered 2021? I know I am! Anxiety is something all of us have felt during this crazy and difficult year. Maybe for you it's a familiar feeling that has been turned up to full blast or maybe you're finding yourself battling with anxiety for the first time in your life. It can feel consuming and hard to break out of. But you have more power than you realize...power to transform your anxiety and move forward into a more healthy, peaceful and balanced life no matter what is going on around you. In The Adult Chair, we define anxiety as "the physical manifestation of unfelt emotions." Thoughts create emotions, emotions get pent up inside the body and then these (often unconscious) emotions rattle the nervous system. We have to get to the root of this for anxiety to change! In this episode, I'm giving you two simple steps and five tools to do just that. These will show you how to work through your emotions, calm anxiety and walk into a more empowered future. Listen to discover: What really causes anxiety The two quick and easy steps you can take to begin calming your anxiety now Five free tools you can use at home to eliminate anxiety How to feel empowered during and after anxiety During the episode, I walk you through a mindfulness exercise so you can actually begin calming your nervous system and lowering your anxiety WHILE you listen! That resource is at minute mark 10:28-13:34 so you can go back and find it anytime you need it. I hope this episode gives you straightforward action steps that you can take to get rid of anxiety and live with more freedom and a sense of power in your life! "Becoming really, truly aware of what anxiety is is step #1 to really getting into your power." - Michelle Chalfant "The ego says, 'Do more and you'll feel better.' But it doesn't work. It's an illusion." - Michelle Chalfant "When we sit and just think and think and think about what's going with us, it's a treadmill. It doesn't solve anything." - Michelle Chalfant "Taking action is what brings our power in." - Michelle Chalfant Resources 14 Days of FREE Journaling Prompts https://theadultchair.com/14days The Adult Chair Membership (December = "I Forgive" Month) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

What if you had far more say over your life than you realized? What if you could create the reality you want...just by changing your perspective? As we learn more about energy and consciousness, one thing is becoming clear: our biggest limitations are the ones we put on ourselves, and with awareness, so many possibilities open up to us! In this episode, I interview the fascinating Dr. Dain Heer about expanding consciousness and creating our reality. A practitioner of a method called Access Consciousness, Dr. Dain shares his incredible story of going from feeling unhappy and wanting to die to experiencing unbelievable peace in his life using the tools and techniques of the Access Consciousness model. Listen to discover: How to change the default mode network of the brain How to shift the electromagnetic signals of negativity and judgment (and how this changes everything!) How to clear emotions and beliefs you picked up from others Simple tools and techniques to remove limitations How to view this season in the world as a chance to become better This episode ends with Dr. Dain leading us through an Access Consciousness process and let me tell you, it was powerful! I hope this episode helps open your mind and shift your perspective to see the possibilities all around — and most importantly, within — you. "Not only do I have a level of peace that's growing in my life, but when it wants to go away, I've got a way of changing it." - Dr. Dain Heer "98% of your thoughts, feelings and emotions are things you're picking up from other people." - Dr. Dain Heer "Your point of view creates your reality." - Dr. Dain Heer "Everything is energy. We've got to pay attention to our thoughts and our feelings and our emotions and our beliefs." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Dain Heer Website https://drdainheer.com/ Access Consciousness Website https://www.accessconsciousness.com/ The Clearing Statement Website http://theclearingstatement.com/ The Adult Chair Gatherings https://theadultchair.com/tacgatherings More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

It can be really tough to talk about guilt. No one wants to focus on a mistake they've made, and it can be especially hard to own and admit when we've done something wrong if we're wracked with shame and beating up on ourselves. But guilt can be a very healthy emotion when it comes from The Adult Chair — when it's a path to healing rather than self-shaming. In this episode, I walk through the ways guilt serves us and how it can be a tool to let us know when we need to repair relationships. I'm also breaking down how you can tell when guilt is irrational or unnecessary and how to release guilt once you've made amends. Listen to discover: The difference between shame and guilt When guilt is healthy and when it is unhealthy Steps for working through guilt How to (truly) apologize and repair a relationship How to stop ruminating on guilt and move forward Recognizing false guilt I see so many people who struggle with unhealthy guilt, whether they feel guilty for something they didn't do or can't forgive themselves when they've done something wrong...especially during the holidays and this pandemic. Guilt should never be all-consuming like this...and it doesn't have to be when you: Own it Apologize Take action and Let it go from your healthy Adult Chair "There's a big difference between guilt and shame. People often fall into shame and label it as guilt." - Michelle Chalfant "It's a choice to continue to beat up on self." - Michelle Chalfant "It's ok if other people are upset and disappointed if you're making a choice to protect yourself and your family." - Michelle Chalfant Resources StoryWorth Storyworth.com/adult $10 off your first purchase More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

I believe you can find peace no matter where you are in life, and I believe that because I have lived it! I spent the first part of my life living with anxiety and depression every day, and now I wake up most days in a state of peace...one that I would have never thought possible during my days of anxiety. And while there isn't a magic pill to find peace, the good news is that we have a choice and can take small steps every day to live in greater peace. Today, I want to share my step-by-step guide to cultivating peace with you — the exact practices I use to stay in peace in my life. These steps are practical, quick and easy to practice, but they make ALL the difference. Listen to discover: How the ego responds to emotions (and why that creates problems for us!) How our stories and assumptions get us out of balance How to honor and truly feel your emotions Why you are the only one who can take care of you The five steps you can do today to find greater peace Here are the five steps I share in the episode. Listen to find out exactly how to practice these, starting today! Slow down. Put your feet on the floor and ground. Breathe (slowly). Check in with yourself (body and emotions). Journal to process what you are feeling. Happiness is fleeting, but peace is a state of being that we can choose and sustain. I hope these five steps give you the tools you need to stay in peace and balance in any season of life. "One of the things that we do when we have an emotion that's rising up inside of us is we speed up. Because what's happening is the ego is trying to solve the "problem," which is the emotion that we're having." - Michelle Chalfant "When we sit in our healthy Adult Chair, we know emotions are not a bad thing. They are a beautiful gift." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Care/Of Takecareof.com Use code ADULT50 for 50% off your first order More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Food is such a beautiful part of life. It's a way of connecting with others and bringing enjoyment to your life. Unfortunately, we live in a world that makes it difficult to have a healthy relationship with food. We are met with the pressure to look a certain way, a lack of education about how to truly nourish our bodies and mixed messages that encourage both excess and deprivation — neither of which are healthy! The holidays take this struggle with food and body image to the next level. We might miss out on a celebration or connection with our family because we're filled with guilt and fear around food or we might lose control and later regret the way we lost sight of our goals for ourselves. It's a frustrating cycle that takes all the fun out of this beautiful season! So, in preparation for this season of feasting and celebration, I'm bringing back the lovely Jessi Jean, who is an eating psychology coach and such a grounding voice on how to have a healthy relationship with food. In this episode, Jessi talks about what a healthy relationship with food looks like, how to check in to make sure you have a balanced relationship with food and strategies for keeping that balance throughout the holidays (good news: pie is still on the menu!). Listen to discover: The importance of your mindset going into a holiday food scene and how to prep your mind Tangible strategies for feeling in control of your eating (while still celebrating!) Her "future pacing" hack for eating intentionally at the holidays How to respond to a "food pusher" and how to pull yourself out of a binge Questions to ask to check in on your relationship with food As Jessi says in this episode, it's not what you do with food that's the problem; it's how you feel about it. The important thing is to stay in touch with what's important to you, tune into all your senses and truly enjoy the experience of the holidays! "We can't control what our loved ones are going to say. We can't control what they are going to do. But we can control our reaction and our response." - Jessi Jean "Practice being unapologetic in your decisions with food." - Jessi Jean "You teach people how to respect you by the way that you respect yourself." - Jessi Jean "When you take something away, there's the thinking that there's a lack and that triggers something inside us." - Michelle Chalfant "Anything we do that is guilt and shame and fear-based...we take a good thing and make it toxic." - Jessi Jean Resources Episode #153: Binge Eating with Jessi Jean https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/153-binge-eating-with-jessi-jean/ Jessi Jean Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jessijeannn Jessi Jean The Dear Body Podcast https://risewithmeco.com/podcast/ Jessi Jean Food Freedom Program https://risewithmeco.com/ 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

The holidays are almost upon us...and if holidays didn't already come with stressful situations, now we get to navigate the holidays in 2020! A contentious election with families split across political lines, delicately balancing celebrations with COVID-19 concerns and the general stress of this year have the potential to add chaos to an already busy time of year. But with The Adult Chair, you have the tools you need to stay calm, centered and balanced even in the middle of the holidays. No one can steal your joy or your power unless you let them, so in this episode, I'm giving you three essential steps to staying in your Adult Chair...all the way from the time the Thanksgiving turkey is carved until the clock strikes midnight on New Year's. Listen to discover: 3 steps to staying healthy during the holiday season How to refuel and recharge even on busy days The power of acceptance in dealing with difficult people or situations The difference between acceptance and agreement The importance of boundaries The key to having a healthy holiday season is to not lose yourself among the demands of others. This is why most of us struggle at the holidays — there is so much competing for our attention (plus, old, unhealthy patterns that we get pulled back into) that we lose connection with ourselves and we feel stressed, frazzled and lost. So, this year, if you only remember one thing, focus on staying connected to yourself. Remember who you are, and you can have a really lovely holiday season. "The moment that we lose our emotional balance and slip into story and assumption, we have lost our joy and our power and our happiness." - Michelle Chalfant "Have hope that [someone] might change some day, but drop your expectation of them to change." - Michelle Chalfant "The moment we can accept someone fully, the triggering becomes far less." - Michelle Chalfant Resources 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ The Adult Chair Membership (November Theme: Boundaries) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

While our go-to image of mental health might be a couch in a therapist's office, the world is slowly changing (and I'm SO glad it is!). Don't get me wrong...I'm not anti-therapy (I'm a therapist myself), but I think it's only part of the equation. I believe we need more. I believe true healing must be holistic, looking at our experiences from every angle and using methods that heal body, mind and spirit. Dr. Nicole LePera is a kindred spirit when it comes to holistic healing, the creator behind one of my favorite Instagram accounts @the.holistic.psychologist and a self-healing guru that I am thrilled to finally bring on the show! Drawing from psychology, spirituality, the mind/body connection and more, Dr. LePera believes mental wellness is for everyone and we all have the power to heal ourselves with the right tools (can I get an amen?). In this episode, Dr. LePera shares her own story of transformation, her philosophy of self-healing and tools you can use to regulate your nervous system, figure out who you are and what you need and change limiting patterns in your life by turning in and tuning in. Listen to discover: The power of consciousness and being in the present moment The nervous system's role in healing The importance of breathwork The power of journaling to create consciousness and set intentions How to update and rewire programming Interdependence and how to be healthy in relationships Dr. LePera believes healing begins by going inside and connecting to self, and I couldn't agree more (it's ALL about awareness)! If you're on a journey of transformation, I hope this episode encourages you to look at your healing through a holistic lens and reminds you that you have the power (and tools) you need right where you are. "We need to understand the whole being in an integrative way, and I believe we need to expand the tools we're practicing outside of therapy as well." - Nicole LePera "You can be awake but still not be fully in the body and conscious about what you're doing." - Michelle Chalfant "There isn't one universal way to heal." - Nicole LePera "My goal is to empower within so we can cope with the ever-changing without." - Nicole LePera "With conscious effort, every single day, a little bit of something...we do find that people can change. We REALLY can change." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Nicole LePera Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ Dr. Nicole LePera Website https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/ 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Emotions are my love language, and I'm all about learning to really feel our emotions...every single one of them. But some emotions are easier for us to feel than others, and there's one that I find most people struggle with: anger. Anger often scares us because it's intense, and when it's unmanaged, it can lead people to do some pretty hurtful things. But anger isn't a bad thing (in fact we need it), and I think it's time we start talking about it a whole lot more. Our guest today, Dr. Christian Conte, is one of the world's leading experts on anger and emotional management. Dr. Conte has worked with top athletes, MMA fighters, people in maximum security prisons and some of the toughest people on the planet to help them integrate anger and other uncomfortable emotions in their lives, and he is full of wisdom to help us do the same thing. Not only do we explore how to manage our emotions in this episode, but we also talk about Dr. Conte's "Yield Theory," a powerful tool to cultivate more empathy for others, and ways we can use this empathy to create healthier relationships with anyone in our life. Listen to discover: How to see emotions as a signal of what we need in life and how to process them in healthy ways The two emotional systems we all have The power of extreme empathy and learning to see the world through other people's minds How to give each other presence vs. going into "fix it" mode The importance of non-attachment in shifting our perspectives and understanding our emotions Letting go of past hurt and anger and healing relationships Anger is like fire. It can be destructive if not contained, but it can also be the fuel that powers us to recognize what we need and move forward in life. I hope this episode will help you get more comfortable with anger and other intense emotions, learn how to integrate them in a healthy way and become a more whole person as a result! "Emotions come and go. Actions cannot be undone." - Dr. Christian Conte "Your brain is being impacted by everything you encounter." - Dr. Christian Conte "The reason people get stuck in emotion is we get stuck in the story about the emotion." - Michelle Chalfant "We need anger to fuel us and to make us move forward in life." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Christian Conte YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC47w9g7lESxzqefb5vWkN1Q Dr. Christian Conte Website http://www.drchristianconte.com/ Dr. Christian Conte Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Dr-Christian-Conte-905015942910441/timeline/ Dr. Christian Conte Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drchristianconte Dr. Christian Conte Twitter https://twitter.com/Dr_Conte Walking Through Anger - Dr. Christian Conte book https://www.amazon.com/Walking-Through-Anger-Confronting-Emotionally/dp/1683642589 The Adult Chair Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

"Codependency." You finally have a word to describe why you've been feeling so overwhelmed and drained your whole life. And while I'm not the biggest fan of labels, sometimes having a term to describe your experience can be the thing that makes all the pieces fall into place and the light bulb go off. But having a "label" is only the first step. That's why one of the biggest questions I get asked, especially around codependency, is "So, what do I do about it?" Codependency is something I understand extremely well, because it was a constant companion for the first half of my life. I know how painful it can be and the feelings of regret that can arise when you discover you're codependent. But I also know codependency doesn't have to be the end of the story. You CAN change this pattern in your life, and in this episode, I'm telling you exactly how to do that. Listen to discover: What codependency is Signs of codependency What do next to start getting healthy 5 practical steps to transform codependency You didn't choose codependency, but starting today, you can choose to end it! Instead of feeling regret for time lost, look at today as the first day of the rest of your life. I'm here to help you take that next step into health and freedom! "If you're human, you have things to work on. Healthy people work on their stuff." - Michelle Chalfant "Nobody throws us in the victim chair. We choose it." - Michelle Chalfant "You have to take care of you and your life. It's no one else's job." - Michelle Chalfant "There's a fine line between being really caring and codependent, and when you're codependent, you can't see that line." - Michelle Chalfant Resources 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ The Adult Chair Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ Green Chef www.greenchef.com/adult80 $80 off your first box + free shipping More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We all know a bad relationship can wreak havoc on our lives, from our self-esteem to our goals and dreams. But most of us don't know that the effects of a bad relationship can linger long after the breakup. Yes, relationship PTSD is a real thing! PTSD (or post-traumatic stress disorder) is not just reserved for the traumas of war or the "big" obvious traumas. Anyone can suffer from PTSD, and if you have lived in a toxic or abusive relationship for any amount of time, you might find yourself suffering from fear, stress or hypervigilance in relationships even after you've "moved on." On today's show, I'm bringing back my friend, Tracy, who has shared in past episodes about her marriage with a narcissist, the process of leaving that relationship and beginning to date again. As she began exploring new relationships, she caught herself unconsciously bracing for the worst or expecting new partners to act like her ex. She had no idea she had PTSD until she and I talked about what was going on — and today, she is bravely and vulnerably sharing her experience to help shed light on this important topic. Listen to discover: The difference between "little t" trauma and "big T" trauma and why both can create PTSD What PTSD is The signs of relationship PTSD The role of the body in healing PTSD Practical tools and tips to overcome PTSD Not only does Tracy help us understand what relationship PTSD is and how it can show up in our lives, but she also shares her journey of healing and what she has used to make AMAZING and fast progress in overcoming PTSD. This episode is packed with tools from The Adult Chair that will help you heal stored trauma and move forward into a brighter and happier relationship future. "When you have fear about a past event that has already happened, that's the biggest sign to me." - Tracy "With trauma we're stuck in the past, and the body doesn't understand that we've moved forward in time." - Michelle Chalfant "Instead of being who we really are, we become that person who walks on eggshells to not upset them and we lose ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "I had to be ok with myself outside of that relationship." - Tracy "The right person will wait for you." - Michelle Resources Episode #179: I'm in a Relationship with a Narcissist https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/179/ Episode #199: Dating from The Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/199/ I'm Ok Course https://courses.theadultchair.com/offers/CnJRzrVL/checkout 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ Inner Child Resource https://theadultchair.com/innerchild/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com