The Michelle Chalfant Show — Life from the Adult Chair

We all experience emotions, but most of us don't really understand what emotions are. These feelings can drastically alter our day, our life and our experience in the world, yet they're intangible and often messy and confusing. It's no wonder many of us try to avoid them altogether. Well, get ready to have your mind blown and to see emotions in a whole new light in this brilliant episode with Dr. Joan Rosenberg. Dr. Rosenberg began her study of emotions when she was trying to figure out what made some people confident in life, and her finding was surprising: confidence didn't just come from a sense of self-esteem but from our ability to handle uncomfortable emotions. As she dug deeper into the human emotional experience, she uncovered a world of surprises around our understanding of emotions and how we can better process, experience and master our emotions. We talked about why emotions are so uncomfortable for us (it's not why you think), what a compliment really is and why it matters so much, what drives fear, anxiety and grief, our fears around emotions and how we get stuck in emotion. Dr. Joan also shares her formula for feeling, experiencing and expressing the eight core emotions in an authentic way that helps them truly move through us. Listen to discover: The unexpected key to building confidence "The Rosenberg Reset" formula to build confidence The 3 things that cause our uncomfortable feelings to linger (it's not the feelings themselves!) Steps to build more confidence The true power of a compliment (this one left me speechless) What's actually underneath fear and anxiety Why we need to both feel AND express our emotions As much as I talk about emotions, I was still left speechless more than once in this episode as Dr. Rosenberg got to the heart of what is really beneath certain emotions and my perspective was shifted in so many ways. This is a truly empowering show that will help you live a more balanced and confident life. "We need to learn as humans how to feel our emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "The ability or the capacity to handle unpleasant feelings really is the foundation of confidence." - Dr Joan Rosenberg "I think of confidence as the deep sense that you can handle the emotional outcome of whatever you face or whatever you pursue." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "We're one interconnected whole...The brain is always feeding information to the body, and the body is always feeding information to the brain." Dr. Joan Rosenberg "It comes down to handling short-lived bodily sensation waves." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "100% of the time that sensation morphs and vanishes if they stay with it." - Michelle Chalfant "We metabolize feeling by feeling it and expressing it." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "If you want to stop your ruminating thoughts, you have to feel the emotion that's underneath the rumination." - Michelle Chalfant "I think of the ability to speak up as the superglue to confidence." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "A compliment is a reflection of you back to you." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "What looks like arrogance is insecurity." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg "Disguised grief is the gap between what we wanted, what we needed, what we felt we deserved and what we really got." - Dr. Joan Rosenberg LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Joan Rosenberg https://drjoanrosenberg.com/ "90 Seconds to a Life You Love" (Dr. Joan Rosenberg book) https://www.amazon.com/Seconds-Life-You-Love-Authenticity/dp/1478999764 Dr. Joan Rosenberg TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKy19WzkPxE MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Rejection is one of the greatest fears we have as humans. Even simple rejections like not making the team or being chosen for a job – things we know aren't personal – still sting deeply. Why does rejection seem to hit at the core of who we are? Susan Anderson began asking this question when she went through a personal experience of abandonment. The love of her life left her suddenly for another woman, and although she was a practicing psychotherapist with immense knowledge of the human mind, she still found herself in emotional crisis and doubting herself and her worthiness. As she dug more into this topic, she discovered that we as humans have a primal abandonment wound – a universal experience that begins when we are born and go from deep union and connection with our mother to a feeling of being separate. This creates deep shame and causes us to search for belonging and worthiness throughout our lives. And this is why rejection hurts so much: it triggers this deep fear that we might not belong and we might not be worthy. In this fascinating and important episode, Susan shares her discoveries on the topic of abandonment, why we experience it the ways we do and how a whole host of other issues in our lives can stem from this wound. We discussed why healing abandonment trauma looks different from healing other traumas, the five stages of healing and the tools (all of which are part of The Adult Chair® model) that can heal it. Listen to discover: The hidden shame we all have and the root of it The different defences we put up against shame How to raise our awareness to our abandonment wounds Why healing from abandonment looks different from other forms of trauma healing Steps to healing abandonment wounding How working with abandonment wounding can help with people pleasing, codependency and self-sabotage 5 stages of processing abandonment hurt The primal wound of abandonment is also an opportunity for primal healing. When we learn to love and accept ourselves as worthy and recognize how deeply connected we truly are, we not only heal our abandonment wound, but we can change almost anything in our lives. "The loneliness is sort of a secondary feeling. The primary is the primal fear and the shame of maybe never being worthy of keeping someone." - Susan Anderson "The personality itself is a defence against the shame." - Susan Anderson "When we look at a relationship that ends, it is a retraumatization of what we experienced as a child." - Michelle Chalfant "The history that leads to a strong reaction in adulthood to abandonment could be very subtle." - Susan Anderson "You have to take this step, and you go through it...The pain is there, but you go through it, and you get to the other side." - Michelle Chalfant "Your adult self can now develop an intense, loving, reassuring relationship with your inner child." - Susan Anderson "It turns this awful emotional crisis that's so painful into an opportunity for something that's probably long overdue, which is self-love." - Susan Anderson "Doing these steps, you will become an even better, stronger, more self-loving person on the other side of it...even stronger than you were prior to this abandonment wound." - Michelle Chalfant "The kind of self-love that we're developing is deeper, more mature self-love...the kind of love you give yourself because you respect yourself so much." - Susan Anderson "We have to stop looking outside of self and turn our attention inward. That's where healing, that's where love, that's where hope, that's where peace, that's where all the things are that we're looking for outside of ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "When the adult gets strong and is in command, it limits all of this self-sabotage." - Susan Anderson LINKS & RESOURCES Susan Anderson Website (all workshops and resources can be found here) https://www.abandonment.net/ https://abandonmentrecovery.com "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" (Susan Anderson book) https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Surviving-Recovering/dp/0425273539 The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: How to stop negative thinking) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE deep conversation, and in this show, I'm letting you in on a beautiful conversation I had with my husband during one of our weekly coffee chats. This was totally unplanned, but as our chat turned into a conversation about the soul, connection and spiritual practice, I felt such important information coming through and hit "record" so all of you could join us in thinking about how to live a more grounded and loving life. As humans, most of us live from the place of ego. We stay busy to push down our feelings of loneliness and separateness and miss the presence of something bigger that's in front of us at all times. When we connect into this deeper part of self, we find comfort, inspiration, ideas and unconditional love. So, how do we do this? I believe it's through a "soul practice" of stillness. Stillness is different from meditation, which is quieting the mind to observe our thoughts. Stillness, on the other hand, is stopping all the "doing" and chatter of life and tuning into the deeper parts of our being – our soul. While this might seem like something reserved for the monks or Zen masters, we can ALL make this a part of life – without quitting our jobs, skirting our responsibilities or even really changing our schedule. In this episode, I share what my soul practice looks like and how I work stillness into my day, one minute at a time. Listen to discover: Steps to connect with your soul Why even meditation can be driven by the ego How to integrate "micro-moments" of stillness into your day The importance of stopping the constant "doing" and instead just "being" The source of inspiration and comfort How to live a more heart-centered life connected to something bigger True stillness is not ego-driven or another task to cross off our list. It's letting go and just "being" so that something more can come in. When you get to the end of this episode, I challenge you to sit in stillness for just one minute (and I literally mean 60 seconds!) and make space for your soul. It's the place I'm striving to live from more and more each day. "The soul is never not with us. The human body is a garage for the soul." - Michelle Chalfant "The ideas come when I sit in these moments of stillness." - Michelle Chalfant "For me at least, and I think many other people, the meditation feels like more doing. So, even though it's quieting the mind, you're doing something." - Graham Chalfant "Micro-moments of stillness create relaxation in the nervous system." - Michelle Chalfant "One of the fastest ways to slow yourself down is to slow your breath down." - Michelle Chalfant "The revolutionary part is that this is the "'not doing.'" - Graham Chalfant "When sitting in stillness, we are able to connect with that thing that we all have come from." - Michelle Chalfant "If you'd stop doing and stop running so far ahead, the comfort's right here." - Graham Chalfant "We're looking for that connection home again, and home is right inside of all of us." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES The Adult Chair® Membership (May Theme: How to stop negative thinking) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Let's talk about sex, baby! Our sexuality is a core part of ourselves and the human experience, but for too long, we've treated sex as a taboo subject. Well, in this episode, we're "going there" and hopefully breaking down some walls and shame in the process. My guest on this episode, Dr. Holly Richmond, is a marriage and family therapist, sex therapist and somatic (body-based) therapist who helps individuals and couples heal trauma and find greater intimacy and connection with themselves and each other. In this episode, we talk about why sexuality (and talking about it) is healthy and necessary and how we can create healthier and more passionate sexual connection, even in long-term relationships. We also talk about what sexual trauma is (and why it includes more than just assault or abuse), how it affects our sexual development and how we can reclaim our sexual selves and the pleasure we deserve. Listen to discover: What happens to sexual desire in long-term relationships Why there is so much shame around talking about sex How to talk to kids about sex and the risks of being exposed to porn too early What sexual trauma is and how it impacts us Healing from childhood sexual trauma How to reclaim pleasure and reignite passion at any age Sexuality is so much more than the physical relationship we have with another person. It's our experience of passion in the world ("eroticism" refers to our life force, not just our body), and it tells us so much about ourselves. This is why it's so important to stay connected to this part of ourselves no matter our relationship status, if we're young and in love or if we have been with our person for years. I hope this episode gives you the freedom to acknowledge, love and prioritize this part of yourself and to live a more passionate and embodied life. "The seat of human sexuality, the seat of desire is novelty." - Dr. Holly Richmond "A lot of western culture, sex and shame go hand in hand." - Dr. Holly Richmond "Sexual trauma is any experience that feels violating in a sexual way." - Dr. Holly Richmond "If someone is being sexually coercive, that is a sexual trauma for some people." - Dr. Holly Richmond "We have to take the whole construct of ourselves into the equation." - Dr. Holly Richmond "We're taught to judge the body." - Michelle Chalfant "Eroticism means life force." - Dr. Holly Richmond "So many of us suffer in silence, and we need to start talking about this. Sex is not a bad word." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Holly Richmond Website https://drhollyrichmond.com Dr. Holly Richmond Facebook https://m.facebook.com/DrHollyRichmond Dr. Holly Richmond Instagram https://www.instagram.com/drhollyrichmond/ "Reclaiming Pleasure" (Dr. Holly Richmond book) https://www.reclaimingyourpleasure.com Dr. Holly Richmond Course https://www.reclaimingyourpleasure.com Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When Brian Pennie was just a few weeks old, a medical condition nearly killed him, and the surgery the doctors performed to save his life was done without anesthesia, a common practice for young infants at the time (based on the faulty belief that infants couldn't feel pain). Though Brian doesn't consciously remember the surgery, his body remembered, and this early childhood trauma would define how he approached the world for the next several decades of his life. From this experience, he learned that the world was a painful, dangerous place, and he developed anxiety at a very young age. When he was a teenager, he finally found an anesthetic to numb the pain from so many years ago: heroin. He spent 15 years addicted to the drug until he found himself in the hospital, unemployed and worried he was brain dead, and he finally let go and surrendered. That moment of surrender led to an awakening in his life where he was able to connect with something bigger and experience the beauty in the world after years of numbness. He began studying meditation, neuroscience and the ways our thoughts, beliefs and self-talk shape our reality, and he was able to heal addiction at the source by healing the trauma and anxiety that he had been trying to escape. In this incredible episode, Brian tells his powerful story of addiction and healing and then breaks down the science behind how he healed and how all of us can use meditation, breathwork, positive self-talk and inner child work (hello, Adult Chair® tools!) to rewire our brains – whether we're struggling with addiction, depression, anxiety, trauma or low self-worth. Listen to discover: Brian's story of medical trauma, addiction and how he got clean How stopping negative self-talk transformed his path in life The science of stress and fear and how the breath can help us control this What self-talk is and how we can use it in an empowering way How to challenge your beliefs and how this changes your internal dialogue The link between self-talk and emotions Action steps to break the cycle of negative self-talk Little ways to start breaking out of depression The key to getting over addiction issues Brian shares his story with so much vulnerability and authenticity, and he truly embodies The Adult Chair life. This episode will move you, inspire you and show you how we can change the story we're living by changing the story we're telling ourselves. "I don't remember the operation, but my body remembers." - Brian Pennie "I never had the general anesthetic as an infant, but when I was 17, I had done heroin for the first time, and I found my anesthetic." - Brian Pennie "The narrative of my life was 'I cannot cope with anxiety. I need drugs to survive'…I wanted to escape me." - Brian Pennie "That was the moment when I put up the white flag, and in order to move forward, I had to fall down...I surrendered, and I believe that was the start of all the changes in my life." - Brian Pennie "I couldn't see the thinker because the thinker was me." - Brian Pennie "Awareness is the catalyst for change." - Brian Pennie "By changing your beliefs, you change your internal dialogue, you change your self-talk. By changing your self-talk, you change how you feel, you change the consequences of your actions and ultimately change your life." - Brian Pennie "Watch that absolute thinking that says we 'never ever.' It keeps us stuck. It keeps us limited." - Michelle Chalfant "The more I worked with my internal state and my emotions, things started to change." - Michelle Chalfant "We do a lot of inner child work with The Adult Chair. It's powerful, powerful work." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Brian Pennie Website https://www.brianpennie.com "Bonus Time" (Brian Pennie book) https://www.amazon.com/Bonus-Time-surviving-discovering-everyday/dp/0717186350 Free Inner Child Course https://theadultchair.com/innerchild Share Your Love: Review The Adult Chair® Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

If you've been around The Adult Chair® for a minute, you've heard me say that happiness is an inside job. We are so prone to believe that joy comes from our external circumstances, which leads us to strive and strive for what we think will finally make us happy and blame others for our unhappiness. But the reality is that nothing outside of us will be able to make us happy if we don't first cultivate a sense of joy and peace within. My guest today, Monique Rhodes, discovered this truth when she went on her own journey of understanding what makes some people happy in life while others suffer. Though today she works as a happiness strategist and calls herself "annoyingly happy," this wasn't always the case. After a difficult childhood and a number of tragedies, she ended up in the hospital after attempting to take her own life, which led her to explore a wide range of cultures, philosophies and practices to figure out if happiness was something she could actually create in her life. And it turns out, she could! In this episode, Monique shares the practical habits she uses every day to cultivate a sense of happiness in her life and why they make such a difference in our mental state. These are all simple, free and fast practices that work by shifting our minds towards the positive and helping us see the good that already exists in our world. Listen to discover: The strategies that helped her go from depression to daily happiness Practical tools to increase happiness What meditation is and what it isn't The cause of suffering How taking responsibility for our lives changes everything Building healthy social connections for happiness How to get out of a funk or take steps toward happiness if you're feeling depressed We've all had that experience where we finally get the job, the house, the relationship, the body or whatever it is we've been wanting only to find that nothing about our lives really changes; we still feel sad, depressed or lonely. This is proof that our mental state is what drives our happiness, not things! Using the practices in this episode, you can turn up the positive in your life, which will help you find joy no matter your circumstances and help you be more present with the good things that do happen in your life – the icing on the cake of an already happy and peaceful life. "Where we live is in our mind, and when was the last time that we cleaned out our mind?" - Monique Rhodes "We believe that happiness and suffering comes from our external circumstances. But it doesn't. It comes from that mind that we just do not take care of." - Monique Rhodes "We have emotional reactions that are triggered usually by things that happened in the past." - Monique Rhodes "A meditation practice every day is a game changer." - Monique Rhodes "With meditation, consistency is way more important than intensity." - Monique Rhodes "Commit to something that you're willing to commit to, and if you don't have 10 minutes out of a whole day, you really gotta think about your life." - Michelle Chalfant "I think being happy is our birthright." - Monique Rhodes "You can find gratitude in anything. You just have to look." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Monique Rhodes Website https://moniquerhodes.com/ The Adult Chair® Membership (April Theme: Emotional Regulation) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You think you're a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing …so why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy, disconnected and maybe even headed for divorce? These are the questions Matt Fray asked himself after his marriage ended. He knew he was a decent guy. He knew he had loved his wife, been faithful and done the things he thought he was "supposed" to do in a marriage – yet one day she came to him and asked for a divorce. As he walked through the grief and pain of that experience, he began a journey of self-reflection and blogging to try to understand what went wrong and how people can truly have healthy relationships. What he uncovered was a series of small habits and dynamics that added up in his relationship and eroded trust and safety over time…and that these dynamics exist in nearly all relationships, including relationships made up of good people who really do love each other. Now, he's on a mission to help good people become good partners by understanding the root of relationship problems and how to fix them. In this episode, Matt reveals the invisible habits that kill relationships, how we can turn our relationships around and how to build trust, safety and lifelong love. Listen to discover: Matt's story of his marriage ending and what he did next The habits and blind spots that damage and even destroy our relationships The three ways we invalidate people unintentionally Why defensiveness can be so damaging The importance of empathy and consideration in relationships How to break the cycle of invalidation and build trust and safety Nothing in life is static. Either we're cultivating our relationships and on a trajectory of trust or we're neglecting our relationships and on a trajectory of breakdown. Too often, we can't see this trajectory until it all falls apart. I love Matt's work because he's helping us open our eyes to the invisible ways we're either creating or damaging our relationships, even when things seem "fine," and giving us one of the most important gifts a person can have: the power of choice to do things differently and change the trajectory we're on. "There's so much power in that 'I'm not alone' experience." - Matt Fray "That's when healing truly began — when I took ownership and responsibility for my lot in life." - Matt Fray "When you think you're a good person, it's so easy to not accept responsibility for harm that's being experienced by someone else."- Matt Fray "Very good people who really, truly love each other can do this to one another." - Matt Fray "Once you associate invalidation with the erosion of trust, then you can make the conscious decision to validate." - Matt Fray "When we go through something unusual, it is our job to share, 'You know, I really need help with this,' and it's our partner's job to show up and say, 'I've got you.'" - Michelle Chalfant "It's not about being right – it's being there in it with that person." - Michelle Chalfant "The low-hanging fruit…is 'I'm not going to invalidate.'" - Matt Fray LINKS & RESOURCES Matt Fray Website https://matthewfray.com/ "This Is How Your Marriage Ends" (Matt Fray book) https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships/dp/0063072254/ "The Mask You Live In" Documentary https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/ The Adult Chair® Membership (April Theme: Emotional Regulation) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we're born into the world, we're born into a set of assumptions and norms. When this is all we've known, we think this is just the way the world works — but what if it's all just an illusion? What if there's another way to live – outside of the status quo – and how can you manifest that life for yourself? Yemi Penn calls this "bending reality," and, no, she's not talking about some kind of Star Wars-like force – she's talking about questioning societal norms, thinking outside of the box for ourselves and removing what gets in the way of the life we want to live. After experiencing childhood trauma and a period of homelessness, Yemi decided it was up to her to transform her trauma and turn it into a gift. This led her to live all over the world, run four successful businesses, tell stories through books and documentaries and build a life inspiring others to overcome fear, find their power and grow into their potential. In this episode, we discuss healing from trauma, how we can reframe our norms and preconceived ideas about life and four steps to radical change – first in our minds and then in our reality. Listen to discover: The definition of trauma Methods that work well for healing trauma What "bending reality" is and how to break out of the status quo Four steps for radical change The role of ego and identity The power of suspending disbelief and seeing possibilities for your life I love Yemi's perspective because this isn't pie-in-the-sky thinking or idealism. It's grounded in science, authenticity and real-life experiences of overcoming trauma and failure in order to show that anything is possible. She is a phenomenal person with so much wisdom to share, and I hope this inspires you to live a bold life of connection, bravery and power. What is a reality you would dream of for yourself if there were no societal conventions and expectations holding you back? What if you decided they didn't matter? "I'm asking the question, 'Can trauma be transformative?'" - Yemi Penn "I think there's so much wisdom in our own bodies that we haven't even connected with." - Yemi Penn "We need to start trusting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "Bending reality is almost removing yourself from the reality that we all appear to live in...It means not signing up for what we have been told is the only way to be." - Yemi Penn "Bending reality for me is beginning to learn how to dance with the fear of criticism." - Yemi Penn "Pretend you were not in this version of reality and you were somebody else. Who would you need to be to make it happen?" - Yemi Penn "The ego really puts us in these boxes and says, 'No, you have to do it this way.'" - Michelle Chalfant "You can't expect life to show up differently. You have to have radical change." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to subtract the fear from that innate power we have that most of us have forgotten." - Yemi Penn LINKS & RESOURCES Yemi Penn Website https://www.yemipenn.com/ Yemi Penn TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrKE2vMamA4 Yemi Penn Documentary https://www.yemipenn.com/documentary "Did You Get the Memo?" (Yemi Penn book) https://www.yemipenn.com/book Yemi Penn Facebook https://www.facebook.com/YemiPenn/ Yemi Penn Instagram https://www.instagram.com/yemi.penn MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Events https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

There's a funny meme I see floating around the internet that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was winter." It's a joke, but as always, there's truth in humor – and the reality is that winter REALLY does affect our mood (and how we react to others) at a scientific level. This is due to something called "seasonal affective disorder," or SAD, and it has everything to do with the amount of sunlight we're getting and how it affects our brains. It can even show up as major depression. And in today's episode, I'm interviewing the scientist who discovered this phenomenon himself, Dr. Norman Rosenthal. Dr. Rosenthal is a fascinating man who loves everything from science to poetry and how people can experience greater well-being. He is passionate about, quite literally, bringing more light to this world, and he shares the creative and scientific process of how he and his colleagues discovered SAD, how they tested light therapy for SAD, who SAD affects the most, and some steps we can all take to make it through the winter. Listen to discover: His story of discovering seasonal affective disorder What SAD actually is and how it works The genetic and hormonal roots of SAD The difference between the winter blues and SAD The benefits of light therapy Surprising healing tools like poetry and Botox Rosenthal's latest work with poetry for healing As we spring forward and April is around the corner, I'm beginning to feel a sense of hope and reawakening, but we're not out of the woods yet. SAD is still affecting our friends in the Southern Hemisphere, in places that get a lot of rain like Seattle and England, and any of us who don't spend enough time getting out in the light. So, here's your reason to get up from your desk and take a walk around the block on the next sunny day – maybe with a book of poetry in hand. "Where previously you'd only seen light as a vehicle for vision, now you see it as a vehicle for well-being." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "It's genetic, it's hormonal and it's environmental." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "SAD is actually a form of major depression." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "I'm a great believer in training yourself to realize when you're getting enough light." - Dr. Norman Rosenthal "I don't think a lot of people understand that this is what happens to so many of us [in the winter months]." - Michelle Chalfant "When you really sit and listen or when you're reading [poetry], it just speaks to our soul." - Michelle Chalfant "As a human, we get to experience everything from love to fear and everything in between. They're rich, beautiful emotions – every single one of them." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES "Poetry Rx" (Dr. Norman Rosenthal book) https://www.amazon.com/Poetry-Rx-Inspiring-Poems-Bring/dp/172250546X "Winter Blues" (Dr. Norman Rosenthal book) https://www.amazon.com/Winter-Blues-Fourth-Everything-Affective/dp/1609181859 Verilux HappyLight https://verilux.com/collections/happylight-therapy-lamps-boxes Carex Day-Light https://carex.com/products/carex-day-light-classic-plus-light-therapy-sun-lamp MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Does it ever feel like other people in your life just have more capacity than you? They float through busy social calendars, difficult family situations, work stress and world events while you feel overwhelmed, bogged down and exhausted. You wonder what's wrong with you and if they're right: you really are too sensitive. If that sounds like you, there is NOTHING wrong with you; you just might be an empath or highly sensitive person (HSP) – someone who takes in more emotions, energy and input from the world around you. Being an empath or highly sensitive person is something that many people live with, but many don't know it (or even know that it's a thing!). And while being an empath can be an amazing gift, it can also create challenges in life when we're unaware. Because we feel others' emotions so deeply, it can be very emotionally overwhelming and even lead to depression, anxiety and numbing behaviors if we don't have self-care strategies in our toolbox. This was the story of my life for years until I learned to honor this part of myself, set good boundaries and recharge! In this episode, I'm helping you understand the difference between an empath and a HSP, the signs you might be an empath and steps to take care of yourself if these traits resonate with you. Listen to discover: The definition of an empath and a HSP The difference between empathy and being an empath 13 traits of empaths How to raise awareness to these traits in yourself Survival and self-care strategies for empaths and HSPs Empaths and HSPs don't have any less capacity or ability to handle life than anyone else. They don't need to "toughen up" or get thicker skin, and there's no such thing as being too sensitive. In reality, empaths and HSPs are very strong people who are just taking in more of the world than the average person. Through self-care, we can learn to manage all the "inputs" coming in and create time to recharge, so we can balance our wonderful sensitivity with our needs. I hope the strategies in this episode help you survive and thrive in an overwhelming world without numbing out or squashing your beautiful empathetic gifts. "There's a big difference between just someone who's sensitive with a lot of empathy and an empath." - Michelle Chalfant "An empath is highly attuned to the energy of others." - Michelle Chalfant "We're picking up on other people's emotions and we think they're ours." - Michelle Chalfant "If you are moody, if you feel low a lot, even if you're depressed, it could be that you're taking on too many people's emotions." - Michelle Chalfant "I learned not to open myself up to everybody's problems." - Michelle Chalfant "No matter what you are – HSP or empath – please practice excellent self-care." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Empath Meditation for Cleansing and Clearing Your Energy https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/empath-meditation-for-cleansing-and-clearing-your-energy/ A Guided Meditation for Cleansing Relationships and Cutting Cords https://theadultchair.com/portfolio_page/a-guided-meditation-for-cleansing-relationships-and-cutting-cords/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Relationships are one of the most basic human needs, but building healthy relationships takes self-awareness and work. While we talk a lot about behaviors that can make a relationship unhealthy, such as narcissism and gaslighting (which are both more than unhealthy – they're abuse), I thought it was time to talk about what makes a relationship a keeper. What traits can you look to as your benchmark to see if your relationship is healthy and what should you aspire to if you're working on creating healthier relationships in your life? In this episode, I'm sharing eight traits that healthy relationships have in common – whether that's a relationship with a partner, friend, family member or anyone! Listen to discover: The 8 qualities of a healthy relationship What an apology is and what it isn't How to have open, honest communication Relationship truths to live by This doesn't mean you have to get this right 100% of the time to be healthy, but healthy people DO work to repair mistakes and deepen connection, and that is what these practices will help you do. Remember that, while it takes two to tango, you can change the dance of your relationship just by working on yourself. As you live more authentically from your Adult Chair, you will find the way you respond to others and the way you show up and communicate changes. If you're in a relationship with another healthy individual, they will be drawn to match your energy and meet you with more authenticity, vulnerability and openness – the keys to connection. "We don't need to change other people to become who we want them to be." - Michelle Chalfant "If you hurt someone you care about, you apologize." - Michelle Chalfant "People in healthy relationships are interested in knowing what you need." - Michelle Chalfant "We remember to use the word 'I' and not 'you.' We express OUR needs." - Michelle Chalfant "Relationships take work – they really do." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Episode #302: Gaslighting 101 https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/302-gaslighting-101/ Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/ Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we think of trauma, many of us think of war, a car accident or a major, life-altering event. Though all of these events are certainly traumatic, they are only one type of trauma – what we often call "big T" trauma. But there are many other forms of subtler trauma, including small events that happen over and over again (especially in childhood), that overwhelm our nervous systems and shape the way we move through the world. I would argue that most humans have had some sort of trauma in their lives, and you'd be surprised by how many times I've sat with clients who didn't even know they had trauma. Heck, it took me decades to realize I had trauma from childhood! I think this is partly because trauma is such a loaded word, so on today's show, I'm talking with a trauma expert, Ilene Smith, about what trauma actually is, how to notice if we're living with trauma and how to heal it. Listen to discover: What trauma is Clues that you might be living with trauma How trauma affects attachment style as adults What trauma bonding is How to heal a dysregulated nervous system Steps to heal trauma starting today Here's the thing about trauma: it has less to do with what actually happened (the event) and everything to do with how that event was interpreted and processed by our nervous system. Even small things can be overwhelming to the nervous system when they happen over time, when we're children (because we don't have any filters or discernment) and/or when we don't have a strong sense of safety and support to help us process the painful events of our lives. And once our nervous system has been "trained" to react a certain way, it can get stuck there even once the trauma is over. Bringing a sense of safety back to the nervous system is key to building up resilience and allowing yourself to process the stuck fight, flight or freeze energy. This happens in the body, which means the ability to heal your nervous system is as close to you as you are to yourself. I hope this episode brings you some lightbulb moments on what might be happening in your body and how you can begin to connect and heal. "People often think of trauma as an event, but it's really the energy that gets locked in the body around real or perceived threat." - Ilene Smith "Trauma can be a series of lots of little things." - Ilene Smith "The way we're living could be the residuals of those childhood experiences." - Ilene Smith "As a kid growing up, we don't know, 'Oh wait, I'm emotionally not safe.'" - Michelle Chalfant "When there's childhood trauma, relationships are much harder when you enter adulthood." - Ilene Smith "There's usually something unhealed if we can't attach in healthy ways." - Ilene Smith "When we get into reactivity, we don't get into our experience." - Ilene Smith "The healing journey is about the body." - Michelle Chalfant "When you think about going towards a distraction, think about what it might be like to get into your body in a safe way." - Ilene Smith LINKS & RESOURCES Ilene Smith Website https://ilenesmith.com/ Ilene Smith Instagram https://www.instagram.com/ilenesmithhealing/ "Moving Beyond Trauma" (Ilene Smith book) https://movingbeyondtrauma.co/ ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Test https://www.acesaware.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/ACE-Questionnaire-for-Adults-Identified-English.pdf The Adult Chair® Membership (March Theme: Self-compassion) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Do you know what anxiety really feels like? I'm not talking about the emotions of fear or stress, but what it feels like in your body. So many of us live with anxiety and don't even know it because it's SO physical. It's even easy to mistake it for physical disease, like heart issues or digestive issues. That was the case for Abbe Greenberg and Maggie Sarachek, two soul sisters who are both mental health professionals and the founders of Anxiety Sisters, a supportive community for those living with anxiety. Though they can now see how their anxiety began showing up in early childhood, for years, they bounced from doctor to doctor and even spent time in the hospital before realizing the root cause of their suffering was anxiety. This began their passion to help raise awareness around anxiety and help anxiety sufferers learn how to live full, happy lives – anxiety and all. We had an incredible conversation about all things anxiety and how to heal it, and I resonated with so many parts of their story…these ladies are the real deal! Listen to discover: Our stories of recognizing and healing anxiety How anxiety manifests as physical symptoms The power of acceptance in managing anxiety Why connection is key to healing anxiety How to pack a "spin kit" so you'll be prepared when anxiety strikes The difference between anxiety and a panic attack How to overcome phobias and agoraphobia I know I have a lot of favorite topics, but anxiety is one I really feel we can't talk about enough. Too many people in the world are suffering from anxiety without even knowing it, and we have so many tools – from our support system to our sensory system – to help us find peace and balance in life. It's not about never feeling anxious again but learning how to find your own brand of happiness and how to take charge so anxiety no longer runs the show. "I still didn't have the vocabulary or the words to make these connections of what I was feeling and how that was connected to anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek "Anxiety becomes really debilitating when it's in the driver's seat." - Abbe Greenberg "I think there is this process of accepting anxiety." - Maggie Sarachek "Acceptance doesn't mean anything other than, 'This is where I am.'" - Michelle Chalfant "Our brand of happy is anxious happy." - Abbe Greenberg "Anxiety can no longer sneak up on you. And when it can't sneak up on you, it takes away two thirds of its power." - Abbe Greenberg "No two people have the same exact anxiety and panic." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Anxiety Sisters Website https://anxietysisters.com/ Anxiety Sisters Facebook https://www.facebook.com/anxietysisters *Home of a Tuesday night book club + supportive community The Spin Cycle (Anxiety Sisters Podcast) https://anxietysisters.com/podcasts/ "The Anxiety Sisters' Survival Guide" (Anxiety Sisters Book) https://anxietysisters.com/anxiety-sisters-survival-guide/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You love them, and you think they love you…so why does it feel like you're going crazy so often in your relationship? You leave conversations feeling confused, questioning your reality and maybe even questioning your own sanity. You might be in a relationship with a gaslighter. Gaslighting is a term that is thrown around frequently, but it is far more than someone questioning us or challenging us. Gaslighting is intentional, manipulative and designed to whittle away someone's self-confidence. In short, it's abuse. Though gaslighting often happens in romantic relationships with narcissists, it can also happen in friendships and family relationships, with men and women and with people who don't struggle with narcissistic traits but who might struggle with control issues or other mental disorders. In this episode, I'm sharing what gaslighting is, what it looks like in real life and ways to tell if you're being gaslighted. Listen to discover: What gaslighting is What it looks like and sounds like 5 tactics of a gaslighter 2 signs you might be in a relationship with a gaslighter What to do if you're being gaslighted The term "gaslighting" actually comes from a 1944 movie about a man who tries to make his wife think she's going insane…and that is exactly how being gaslighted feels – crazy making! If you are experiencing this type of abuse, you can start the healing process by building up self-worth and finding people who can help guide you back to what is true about you and your life. The more connected you are to yourself, the better you will be able to see what is real and what is not and make decisions about how to move forward. "Gaslighting – let's be clear – it's abusive." - Michelle Chalfant "If someone is gaslighting you, you're going to feel confused, and confused a lot." - Michelle Chalfant "Gaslighting is all about manipulation, power and control." - Michelle Chalfant "'I'm sorry you feel that way,' is not an apology." - Michelle Chalfant "When the person that you love keeps speaking to you like this, it wears you down." - Michelle Chalfant "A gaslighter is the eternal victim." - Michelle Chalfant "If someone is gaslighting you, stay in your own reality. Do not challenge them...you'll never win." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Episode #301: Narcissism 101: What It Is & How To Heal It https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/301/ The Adult Chair® Private Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Narcissism is such a buzzword these days...it can be tempting to throw the label at anyone in our lives who isn't healthy or who is a little bit full of themselves. While I love that psychology is so accessible and that the world has a lot more awareness of narcissism than in the past, it's so important to understand what narcissism really is, so we can spot it and heal from it – whether you are in a relationship with a narcissist or believe you're a narcissist yourself. In this episode, I'm breaking down the core traits of narcissism (it's more than just a big ego), the childhood wounding that leads to narcissism and the steps you can take to heal the painful effects of narcissism. Listen to discover: What narcissism is The top traits of narcissism How narcissism forms How to spot narcissist red flags in a relationship Breaking down "love bombing," "gaslighting" and other common narcissistic tactics (with examples) How to heal if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist How a narcissist can heal Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly painful. It's often filled with emotional abuse and manipulation, put downs and a lack of empathy that can be incredibly confusing and damaging to our sense of self. If you're experiencing any type of abuse in a relationship, get out! At the same time, it's important to remember we're all human, and the narcissist is also in pain from deep childhood wounding that has caused them to cover up their true selves. With awareness, any of us can heal, and I hope this episode helps shed some light on the topic of narcissism and gives you practical tips for healing, whether you're recovering from a relationship with a narcissist or have narcissistic traits yourself. "Let's be really clear: true narcissism is a personality disorder." - Michelle Chalfant "Narcissists can love, but they can't empathize. They can't feel their emotions, so how in the world are they supposed to connect to your emotions?" - Michelle Chalfant "Narcissism is a mask." - Michelle Chalfant "They inflate their sense of self to feel important in the world." - Michelle Chalfant "At the root of both these narcissistic pathways is deep shame." - Michelle Chalfant "The narcissist just wants admiration from you, and once they hook you, everything starts to change." - Michelle Chalfant "You did not get into the relationship knowing what you know now. In a sense, you were tricked." - Michelle Chalfant "Anybody can heal that wants to heal. Anybody." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Adult Chair Podcast Episodes on Feeling Emotions https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/?sterm=emotions The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Are you convinced you're just bad at boundaries? Do you worry this is a trait that you were born without and you're just destined to feel taken advantage of and resentful for the rest of your life? The truth is that no one is born good at boundaries! They're not something you have or don't have; they're a skill you develop. That's right – you CAN become a boundary boss! My guest today, Terri Cole, is a boundary boss herself and a licensed psychotherapist who helps people from all walks of life overcome the "disease to please," speak their truth clearly and confidently and live more free, peaceful lives. We talk about how our boundary scripts form (and why it's not your fault), how to navigate conflict in a healthier way and a POWERFUL list of "boundary rights" you have that will inspire you to take more control of your life today! Listen to discover: Why boundaries are so hard to set Steps to stop abandoning yourself and set better boundaries "The Boundary Boss Bill of Rights" (this is SO powerful!) How to handle pushback against boundaries What to do about boundary "repeat offenders" The cool thing about boundaries is that once you start setting them, it gets easier and easier. Though some people will push back against your boundaries, you might be surprised by the amount of appreciation and respect you get from others when you begin setting boundaries. You will learn that conflict doesn't equal disconnection – in fact, boundaries deepen connection and prevent resentment – and you will really experience what it feels like to be loved for your authentic self. And once you know how that feels, there is no turning back! "We all have this downloaded boundary blueprint in our unconscious mind." - Terri Cole "It's your own personal rules of engagement…All of our boundaries are incredibly unique." - Terri Cole "We were raised and praised — most of us — for being self-abandoning codependents." - Terri Cole "It's so much easier to say no when you haven't already said yes." - Terri Cole "'Isn't self-care selfish?' No, it's self-loving!" - Michelle Chalfant "Once you start doing it, it feels so good to be known. It feels so good to be accurately seen." - Terri Cole "We can stay lovingly attached to the people in our lives while we set boundaries." - Terri Cole LINKS & RESOURCES Terri Cole Website https://www.terricole.com/ Terri Cole Instagram https://www.instagram.com/terricole/ "Boundary Boss" (Terri Cole book) https://boundarybossbook.com/ The Terri Cole Show (Terri Cole podcast) https://www.terricole.com/podcast/ Free Boundaries + Codependency Resource from Terri Cole https://boundaryboss.me/michelle Episode #140: Love and Boundaries with Terri Cole https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/140-love-and-boundaries-with-terri-cole/ Episode #261: How to Receive a Boundary from Your Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/261/ The Adult Chair® Membership (February Theme: Crack your mask) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

A month-long trip to Europe might sound like a dream, but for Gabrielle Stone, it was one more curveball during one of the hardest years of her life. After catching her husband cheating on her, getting divorced, falling head over heels for a new man and planning a dream trip to Europe with him, days before they were scheduled to leave, he told her he would be going on his own. With a plane ticket in her name and a choice to stay home or leap from the world of "serial monogamy" to a solo adventure, Gabrielle chose the path of adventure, and in doing so, began a journey of self-discovery and healing that has become the "Eat, Pray, #FML" movement. Alone with her emotions halfway across the world, Gabrielle started journaling and reflecting on herself and the patterns in her life. Through connecting with herself and discovering what self-love really means, she healed heartbreak, trauma and abandonment, and today, she vulnerably and authentically shares her journey with the hope of inspiring others. Listen to discover: Gabrielle's story of healing from abandonment, trauma, divorce and depression Practical, tangible ways to love yourself Gabrielle's "self-love cocktail" and how you can create your own The "thought onion" process for working with negative and subconscious thoughts The connection between trauma and the relationships we attract Gabrielle is relatable, funny and honest as she talks about life, relationships and changing our unhealed patterns so we can change our lives. I hope her story is an inspiration to anyone who needs to feel like you're not alone and find joy in the healing process. "That relationship was really what pushed me to go heal a lot of this abandonment stuff." - Gabrielle Stone "There's something very therapeutic about physically writing in a journal." - Gabrielle Stone "When I realized that loving yourself is as simple as giving your soul the things it loves, it totally changed everything for me." - Gabrielle Stone "We don't take enough time – down time – to get to know who we are." - Michelle Chalfant "When you keep attracting the same kind of people into your life, you have to look inward." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Gabrielle Stone Website https://www.eatprayfml.com/ Gabrielle Stone Instagram https://www.instagram.com/gabriellestone/ Gabrielle Stone TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@gabrielle_stone "Eat, Pray, #FML" (Gabrielle Stone book) https://www.amazon.com/Eat-Pray-FML-Gabrielle-Stone/dp/1733963707 "The Ridiculous Misadventures of a Single Girl" (Gabrielle Stone book) https://www.amazon.com/Ridiculous-Misadventures-Single-Girl-Pray/dp/B09G5GRJJM FML Talk (Gabrielle Stone podcast) https://www.eatprayfml.com/fml-talk The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

All of us have an inner critic – the part that reminds us of our limits, our failures and tries to "keep us in line." It's that voice inside your head that can be critical, judgmental and even mean. Though it's just one part of who we are, the inner critic is one of those parts that can be especially painful and stressful to deal with. Not only does the inner critic impact our sense of self-worth, but it also keeps us stuck and small in life (although it thinks it's keeping us safe). We will often find this part standing between us and the dreams that are in our heart, telling us all the reasons why we can't or shouldn't. That is what Adult Chair® Coach Jenny Jansen encountered when she was considering joining The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Program. She knew her heart was telling her to take the leap, but her inner critic dialed the volume up and tried to keep her stuck in fear. In this episode, Jenny tells the story of how she used The Adult Chair® to work with and transform her inner critic and how that was the first step toward living a life where she feels purposeful, energized and successful. Jenny shares a detailed example of doing her own parts work, helping illustrate what this work looks like in real life and how transformational it is. Listen to discover: How Jenny transformed her inner critic from her Adult Chair The tools Jenny used to work with her inner critic A beautiful parts work example from Jenny's work How Jenny overcame her fears about The Adult Chair Coaching Certification and became an amazingly successful coach As Jenny worked with her inner critic, she discovered that underneath the blame and shame it was throwing her way was fear. This is usually the case for our Adolescent parts – they are afraid and want to keep us safe. When we turn towards them with our healthy Adult voice and let them know they're ok, they transform. Jenny's story is a powerful example of how the goal is not to get rid of parts of ourselves but rather to integrate them into our whole self, with our healthy Adult in charge. "I feel like my inner critic was born when I was born." - Jenny Jansen "When I turned toward it, I realized there was so much fear underneath." - Jenny Jansen "The more you turn away from that voice, it gets louder." - Michelle Chalfant "When we're able to turn toward those parts and get to know them, they morph." - Michelle Chalfant "A lot of times, we mix up feeling safe with feeling familiar." - Jenny Jansen "What is it going to take to move your body path in line with your soul path?" - Jenny Jansen "When we take these risks and work with these inner parts and walk through our fears, we become more authentic. We live more from our true self, our true essence, and we have an experience of it." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Jenny Jansen Website https://www.trueconsciousliving.com/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When we think about the lives we want to live – the things we want to do and experience and the big dreams we have – the ego will give us a thousand reasons "why not." Some of these reasons might be real traumas or health issues we have to overcome; others are figments of the ego's imagination…fear and discomfort that scream at us to stay in the safe place. But one thing is certain: anyone who has created more for themselves has overcome struggles and fears to build the life of their dreams. My guest, Scout Sobel, shares her story of working through depression and bipolar disorder and overcoming fear to become a successful entrepreneur, building a company rooted in emotional health and inspiring others with her podcasts about business and self-care. She shares her healing journey, her non-negotiable practices that keep her body and mind in balance and how she continues overcoming fear daily to create a life beyond what she thought possible. Listen to discover: How Scout became an active participant in her own healing The rituals and practices Scout uses each day to stay emotionally healthy The power of taking "radical responsibility" for our emotions The importance of not settling and how to find a framework for life that works with how you're uniquely wired Listening to your inner compass and finding safety in your emotions Scout's story is full of deep wisdom about how we actually grow and heal as humans. She talks about the power of acceptance, and how her life began to change when she accepted that challenges were part of being human and she took responsibility for her life and healing. As we go into a new year, I hope this episode inspires you to take radical responsibility for YOUR dreams and make this year more than you can imagine! "The real work is within you." - Scout Sobel "There is no such thing as a magic pill." - Michelle Chalfant "I think one of my biggest breakthroughs came from accepting and not resisting." - Scout Sobel "If you're struggling with anything, I really believe that your healing is behind that resistance." - Scout Sobel "You have to walk through discomfort and challenging moments to get what you want in this lifetime." - Scout Sobel "Acceptance doesn't mean you freaking like it." - Michelle Chalfant "If you are experiencing fear that is causing you to be paralyzed or remain stagnant in your life, I want you to ask yourself, 'What future has fear already robbed you of?'" - Scout Sobel LINKS & RESOURCES Scout Sobel Website https://www.scoutsobel.com/ Scout Sobel Instagram https://www.instagram.com/scoutsobel/ Okay Sis (Scout Sobel Podcast) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/okay-sis/id1434353917 The Emotional Entrepreneur (Scout Sobel Podcast) https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-emotional-entrepreneur-podcast/id1505252696 "The Emotional Entrepreneur" (Scout Sobel Book) https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Entrepreneur-Scout-Sobel/dp/0578951754 The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

In my 25 years of practicing as a therapist and holistic life coach, I found that there was one common root cause behind many of the issues my clients were facing: low self-worth. From codependency to difficulty with decisions or boundaries, not having a strong connection with the inner self was often the driving force behind these challenges. Most of us have a tendency to look outside of ourselves for worth and validation, and building up a strong sense of who we are on the inside takes practice. One of the simplest and most powerful places to start is with self-validation. Self-validation is when we notice who we are – our actions, thoughts and feelings – and we affirm ourselves. It's not bragging or comparing ourselves to others but rather speaking truth to ourselves and cheering ourselves on…which not only builds up our sense of self-worth but also leads to healthier relationships as we stop looking to others to validate us. In this episode, I'm sharing more about the power of self-validation and simple steps for how you can begin a practice of doing this every day. It literally takes seconds to do, and over time, it will change your life! Listen to discover: What self-validation is and why it's important The connection between self-validation and self-worth What self-validation looks like in real life Steps to starting a practice of self-validation The difference between self-validation and narcissism or bragging No one can make us feel or believe something we don't believe about ourselves. So, if we don't have a sense of our own self-worth, no amount of validation from others is going to give us what we need. It's an endless cycle of approval-seeking that never fills us up. That's why we have to lay a foundation of self-worth and believe in our own goodness so that when others validate us, we can actually let it land and show up more authentically – as the true self that we know and love. "Self-validation starts a domino effect to help heal all of these things because self-validation starts to build self-worth." - Michelle Chalfant "Self-validation is when we notice what we're doing or thinking or feeling and we acknowledge it, we own it and then we give ourselves a pat on the back about it." - Michelle Chalfant "If you want healthy relationships, start out by self-validating. It is unhealthy for us to rely on external validation." - Michelle Chalfant "Self-validation is the healthy way to feel good about self." - Michelle Chalfant "When you add that validation that takes seconds, my internal self gets built up, my self-worth gets built up, my sense of self becomes a little bit more positive." - Michelle Chalfant "It's your job to share with others what you need." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When you think about wanting to change or transform, what do you typically think of changing? Most of us think of a behavior or action – something we are doing. If we've been doing our work for a while, we might think of a thought pattern or belief. But what if everything we do and think is just the tip of the iceberg? What if our actions, behaviors and beliefs are actually the manifestation of deep unconscious patterns in our brains, and if true transformation happens by transforming these patterns? In this episode, I talk with the incredible Adele Spraggon, a behavioral change and brain expert, about what drives human behavior, why traditional methods of change fail and how we can identify and transform the unconscious patterns that drive our behavior without us even knowing it. We're covering so many topics from relationships to money (because the brain affects them all!), and you will learn Adele's four-step process for working with negative patterns, even those in your subconscious mind. I LOVED my conversation with Adele – a true soul sister who speaks The Adult Chair® language – and I know you will too. Listen to discover: Why simply trying to change behavior doesn't work The real reason why you do what you do The problem with goal setting How to actually transform actions, behaviors and beliefs Steps to changing unconscious brain patterns Surrender vs. acceptance How this can change your relationship with money, your partner, your family, etc. Too often we try to change only the external or we try to simply work against the negative patterns in our brain, and we wonder why our lives don't change. As you will learn in this episode, the key is that we have to get rid of the old pattern before we can replace it with a new one...and this episode will show you how! "How we are taught to change behaviors is not effective. What we need to do is deal with our brain's patterning instead of the actions that we're taking, the beliefs that we're holding or the behaviors we're adopting." - Adele Spraggon "Between us and our situations, there lives an interpreter, and that interpreter is our brain." - Adele Spraggon "We create this roadmap from [age] 0 to 6 that we're living in as adults." - Michelle Chalfant "Mindset originates in the unconscious patterning of the brain." - Adele Spraggon "I love triggers because so much is revealed in a trigger." - Michelle Chalfant "People don't procrastinate. We avoid." - Adele Spraggon "Everything about who a person is today is the result of every pattern that has brought them here." - Adele Spraggon "The biggest gift you can give another person is to allow that person to show up brand new every time you see them." - Adele Spraggon LINKS & RESOURCES Adele Spraggon Website https://www.adelespraggon.com/ "Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment" (Adele Spraggon Book) https://shift4steps.com/ 2022 Adult Chair® Membership 2022 Theme: A Year of Conscious Living ​​https://courses.theadultchair.com/offers/U6FHGTjV/checkout P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Do you find yourself feeling unfulfilled and empty, despite seemingly having everything you need to be happy? Do you crave closer relationships but feel like you can't connect at the deep level you want? These feelings can often be subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect, which is when our parents or caregivers didn't tend to or validate our emotions as children. This sets us up for an adult life where we don't know how to feel our own emotions — which is essential to experiencing joy, passion and connection! In this show, I'm chatting with Dr. Jonice Webb, a psychologist and author and a highly requested guest in The Adult Chair® community, about how to spot childhood emotional neglect and how to begin the process of accessing your emotions as an adult. This show is filled with incredible insights into an issue that unknowingly affects so many of us and how to heal from it. Listen to discover: What childhood emotional neglect is Why invalidating our feelings leads to shame How childhood emotional neglect affects adult relationships What emotional intimacy is Rebuilding from childhood emotional neglect Steps to start your healing journey Childhood emotional neglect isn't necessarily abuse; in fact, it can happen in very loving, well-meaning homes. But anything that disconnects us from our emotions — our inner navigation system and a key to living in The Adult Chair — is going to keep us from living the happy, fulfilled life we all dream of. I hope this episode encourages you to look inward and connect with the deepest parts of who you are. That is how you will experience the fullness of life and connection with others! "We need our feelings to survive and thrive in our adult life." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Eventually the child brain just erects a wall so that you don't have to feel anything, and that wall stays there until you take it down." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Men have the equal capacity or ability to feel all emotions because they're human." - Michelle Chalfant "What you have inside is a constellation of how your parents treated your feelings." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Emotions are the expression of your deepest self." - Dr. Jonice Webb "Emotions are our built-in navigation system, and they guide us." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Jonice Webb Website https://emotionalneglect.com "Running on Empty" (Dr. Jonice Webb book) https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Doors Close January 31!) https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

We all have limiting beliefs that hold us back in life. But what if you've experienced significant trauma as well? How do you distinguish between a trauma response and limiting or negative thinking? How do you find the power to heal when things have happened that were out of your control? My guest today, Michael Unbroken, has an intense and powerful story of overcoming unspeakable trauma, growing up with abuse, addiction and homelessness. At one point, he wanted to end his own life. But he made a decision to live, and in doing so, discovered that the only path forward started within. In this incredible conversation, Michael shares how he was able to break the cycle of trauma in his life and consciously choose a different path for himself. This is an inspiring and vulnerable conversation that will challenge you to take ownership of your life, treat yourself with grace and kindness and live life fully! Listen to discover: Michael's incredible story of healing from trauma and turning his life around The steps for overcoming limiting beliefs How to get past fear and start living your life How to actually change your life (and why you have to get out of the way first) The power of vulnerability The importance of a mentor Transforming limiting beliefs starts with taking ownership of the way we think about life, no matter what we've been through. What happened to us is not our fault, but it does become our job to take responsibility for it and make a choice to create the healthy, whole life we want to live. We all have the power to do this, and I hope this episode inspires you to find everything that's possible for you. "It's never going to be one thing that changes your life." - Michael Unbroken "What you think becomes what you speak. What you speak becomes your actions, and your actions become your reality." - Michael Unbroken "If we're sitting waiting for someone to rescue us, we're in the seat of the victim." - Michelle "We have to create different. We have to create better. If we want a different life, we have to make different choices." - Michelle Chalfant "It will change everything about the fabric of your experience of this life when you're willing to be real." - Michael Unbroken LINKS & RESOURCES Michael Unbroken Website https://www.thinkunbroken.com/ Michael Unbroken Podcast https://www.thinkunbrokenpodcast.com/ Michael Unbroken Instagram https://www.instagram.com/michaelunbroken/ Michael Unbroken Facebook https://www.facebook.com/MichaelUnbroken/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification (Now Open: Doors Close January 31!) https://michellechalfant.com/coaching-certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Staying in our Adult Chair and setting boundaries can be especially difficult at the holidays. Pressure to attend events or spend money, uncomfortable conversations, holiday traditions and gatherings of family and friends that might not normally get together can create plenty of scenarios that test our boundaries (not to mention the "shoulds" and guilt the holidays can bring!). It doesn't surprise me one bit when my inbox lights up with questions about boundaries this time of year. So, I enlisted the help of today's guest, psychotherapist and boundary expert Sharon Martin, to help me answer your questions about how to flex your boundary muscles this time of year — and anytime! We talk about how to navigate guilt and defensiveness when it comes to boundaries, helpful boundary statements and all kinds of practical tips and tools for setting boundaries at the holidays. Listen to discover: What a boundary is Why boundaries can actually lead to better relationships Why we sometimes feel guilty when setting a boundary (and how to work through this) What to do when someone doesn't respond to your boundary How to lower the defenses of the person you're setting a boundary with Why boundaries are an important form of self-care Boundaries are not something you have to master overnight. I didn't wake up one day suddenly good at setting boundaries either – but when you start slowly and build and build, you CAN learn this…and everybody needs to learn it, because boundaries are part of our self-care! So, if you're feeling overwhelmed by holiday boundaries, pick one or two to start with – a "no" to a party, a political topic you don't want to discuss or a gift budget. You'll bring a little extra sanity to your holidays and give yourself great practice for year-round self-care. "One way we can think about [boundaries] is as a dividing line." - Sharon Martin "You can actually have better relationships when we are able to set boundaries." - Michelle Chalfant "We don't need to wait until the uncomfortableness is completely gone for us to set the boundary." - Sharon Martin "Boundaries and confrontation are not the same thing." - Michelle Chalfant "Boundaries are really based on needs." - Sharon Martin "It's always about staying connected to yourself so that you know when a boundary is necessary." - Michelle Chalfant "Don't extend yourself to others so much that you've lost sight of what you need on the inside." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Sharon Martin Website http://livewellwithsharonmartin.com/ "The Better Boundaries Workbook" (Sharon Martin Book) https://betterboundariesworkbook.com/ 2022 Annual Adult Chair® Membership 2022 Theme: A Year of Conscious Living ​​https://courses.theadultchair.com/offers/U6FHGTjV/checkout Other Adult Chair® Podcasts on Boundaries https://theadultchair.com/?s=boundaries&pageName=default P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

The holidays are a time where it feels like everything is a bit magnified: there is so much joy and brightness in the world but also space for sadness, loneliness and grief to be amplified. It's a touchy time of year where whatever we're feeling gets underscored by parties, gatherings and traditions. But the holidays don't create these feelings. In fact, according to my guest on the podcast today, WE don't even create most of these feelings. Rather, we pick them up from our parents and the world around us, and the key to overcoming loneliness and sadness is to understand where it all began. In this episode, I'm bringing back one of my favorite people, Dr. Dain Heer, to talk about loneliness, how to identify what is ours and what is not, how to clear what's not ours, how to get out of victim and so many more important, empowering topics! Dr. Dain also shares tools and techniques you can use immediately to start clearing negative emotions – one of the reasons I love his work so much! Listen to discover: What loneliness is and where it comes from Why 98% of our thoughts and feeling aren't actually ours – and where they come from How to get out of negative emotions What to do if you're experiencing loneliness in life The true root of victimhood The "clearing statement" for fast transformation Dr. Dain's work with Access Consciousness is all about realizing the power you have within you to change. When you're able to get rid of what is not yours, it gives you the space and energy to work on what IS yours and create your life instead of falling victim to it. I hope the tools in this episode help you find your inner power, no matter what you're feeling this holiday season – or any time of the year! "Your point of view creates your reality. Your reality doesn't create your point of view." - Dr. Dain Heer "It's as simple as redirecting that energy out of your energy field." - Michelle Chalfant "It starts to undo the foundation of limitation." - Dr. Dain Heer "We don't have to be limited by the world around us." - Dr. Dain Heer "When we open the door for possibilities, it makes that available to everybody else on the planet." - Dr. Dain Heer "People who do victim have learned it." - Dr. Dain Heer "Victims are actually victimizing others and controlling them with their victimhood." - Dr. Dain Heer "If we can just sit in someone else's energy field that's healthy, we become more like them." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Dain Heer Website https://drdainheer.com/ Dr. Dain Heer YouTube https://www.youtube.com/user/drdainheer Dr. Dain Heer Facebook https://www.facebook.com/DrDainHeer Dr. Dain Heer Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dainheer/ Who Does This Belong To App https://www.accessconsciousness.com/en/shop-catalog/apps/who-does-this-belong-to-app/ The Clearing Statement https://theclearingstatement.com/ "Body Whispering" (Dr. Dain Heer Book) https://www.amazon.com/Body-Whispering-Dr-Heer/dp/1634934873 2022 Adult Chair® Membership 2022 Theme: A Year of Conscious Living ​​https://courses.theadultchair.com/offers/U6FHGTjV/checkout P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You know the feeling when your nervous system kicks into overdrive. Maybe you freeze in place or your heart starts racing, your body pumping with adrenaline. This automatic response often feels like it overtakes us. But what if you could control and balance your nervous system instead of it controlling you? In today's show, I'm interviewing the incredible Deb Dana, one of the leading experts on the nervous system and the Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Theory offers us cutting-edge insight into the third nervous system response that Porges calls the social engagement system, based on the Vagus Nerve. In this episode, we talk about how we can both understand and balance our nervous system — from the different ways we respond to fear or danger (including fight, flight, freeze and a new one you might not be aware of) to how we can change our response to stressors over time. We explore how we can stop moralizing our nervous response, how to listen and pay attention to our nervous system and how others' nervous systems can help us regulate. It is FASCINATING! Listen to discover: What the Polyvagal Theory is and why it's important for you to know about it Understanding the Polyvagal Theory to learn how to better balance the nervous system How the Polyvagal Theory could be linked with depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue and other ailments How we can reshape our nervous system Specific ways to self-regulate when you are stressed, based on YOUR unique nervous system This blends attachment theory, stress response, self-regulation, co-regulation and SO much more. The big takeaway is that you have a choice! Even though you don't get to choose how your nervous system is wired, you can eventually shift how you respond to situations and regulate your own system — which is so empowering! "We don't get to choose our survival response." - Deb Dana "We want to stretch our nervous system but not stress our nervous system." - Deb Dana Resources Deb Dana Website https://https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/ The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Therapy-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393712370/ref=nodl_ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

They always say parenting is the hardest job in the world. And while caring for little beings and chauffeuring them all around town can certainly be busy and overwhelming at times, the day-to-day tasks of parenting were not what I found most challenging. Instead, it was what my kids revealed about me that was so hard! The way they knew exactly how to push my buttons and trigger me, the fears and anxieties that came out when they were born and the hopes and dreams I projected on them were the biggest mirror for who I was, even in the tiniest human form. But as you know, I believe triggers are a gift, so stepping into our Adult Chair as parents and consciously looking at parenting as part of our healing journey can be an amazing next step in our growth! In this episode, I'm talking with parenting coach Dayna Ciarfalia about what conscious parenting is and how we can become more conscious as parents. We talk about what it means and what to do when our kids trigger us, our true role as parents and how we can build healthy, life-long relationships with our kids as we encourage them to become who they're meant to become. Listen to discover: What conscious parenting is (and what it's not) The impact we can have on our children Practical ways to consciously parent How conscious parenting can help your relationship with your kids How our children triggering us reveals our own wounding The importance of taking care of our own needs as a parent It's so hard to let go as a parent. We want our kids to be safe, healthy and happy...and we often have our own ideas and values about who we want them to be in the world. But when we shift into a more conscious state, we can see the ways our kids help us grow and our role in guiding them to become the unique beings they are created to be. "As conscious parents, we don't view our children as beings to be controlled or taught or raised, if you will. We see them as separate beings that we are here in relationship with to support them in becoming the person they are supposed to be – whatever that is." - Dayna Ciarfalia "How we model being a human in front of them becomes the blueprint for how they are going to be in the world." - Dayna Ciarfalia "It's not you vs. me. It's us vs. the problem." - Dayna Ciarfalia "As humans we like to blame other people for triggering us vs. 'Wait, is this mine?'" - Michelle Chalfant "That overwhelm almost always comes from a lack of me acknowledging my needs." - Dayna Ciarfalia "We don't know who our kids are here to become." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Dayna Ciarfalia Website https://daynaciarfalia.com/ Dayna Ciarfalia Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.conscious.healing.mama The Adult Chair® Membership (November Theme: I am unique.) https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

No one likes the feeling of getting triggered. But I fully believe that triggers are a GIFT (yes, I said it!). Getting triggered is different from the pure emotion of anger or hurt at a situation. I'm talking about those quick, intense negative emotions that seem to rise up out of nowhere and might seem bigger than the situation you're in. While triggers often feel like they're about someone else – the person who hurt us or made us mad – triggers are always about us. Underneath these triggers is a painful belief, typically rooted in childhood wounding, that we've tried to shove into our subconscious mind so we don't have to think about it or face it. The trigger brings this belief to the surface, and that's why it feels so terrible. But here is the gift: getting the belief out of the subconscious raises our awareness and gives us the opportunity to heal it! We just need to know what to do when we're triggered. In this episode, I'm helping you understand the psychology behind triggers, giving you three steps to slow your reaction when triggered and sharing a five-step process to work with and heal "shadow beliefs" once they're revealed. Listen to discover: Why triggers are a gift How triggers form (and why they're not your fault) How to spot shadow beliefs 3 steps to avoid getting reactive and losing yourself in the trigger 5 steps to working with shadow beliefs How this work can help us become more balanced human beings When we work with our shadow beliefs, not only do we become healthier and more balanced versions of ourselves, but we also might find we get triggered less (yes, it's possible!). It starts with resisting the urge to numb out our triggers and instead diving deep into what they're trying to tell us – the gift of uncovering a hidden part of who we are. "Triggers are reactions to our own childhood wounding." - Michelle Chalfant "These thoughts that we have become beliefs about who we are." - Michelle Chalfant "Whatever is going on in me is showing up in my reality." - Michelle Chalfant "This trigger is inside of me, and this person is showing me." - Michelle Chalfant "The key is to stay present – stay present and remember the gift." - Michelle Chalfant "This is about making the unknown known." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES All I want for my birthday is for you to help share the podcast! :) Leave a Podcast Review https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Doodling in a notebook, writing in a diary...what if I told you that those schoolkid activities were actually really powerful for your brain? When we put pen to paper and let our hand go, we are able to access our subconscious mind in a truly incredible way. Journaling also connects us to our inner child and pulls in the energy of our Adult, bringing clarity to our lives and helping us connect to who we are, what we need, what we feel and what we want. It's absolutely incredible what can happen when we get a stream of energy flowing through our words! In this episode, I'm sharing with you why journaling is such a powerful tool for transformation and the many benefits it can bring into your life. Journaling is a big part of The Adult Chair® – from the annual 30-Day Journaling Challenge to the self-discovery work in the membership – and today's show is all about the WHY behind it. I also give you some practical tips for how to overcome blocks and get started with a journaling practice + some free tools if you need extra guidance. Listen to discover: What journaling is The many benefits of journaling Why journaling can be a powerful tool while doing parts work How to journal and get started with a journaling practice How to protect your privacy while journaling The important thing is not how or when you journal, but making a commitment to journal! There are so many different ways and places to journal, but it's when journaling becomes a practice that true transformation begins. Remember, it is self-loving to take 15 or 30 minutes a day to reconnect with and care for yourself. So, get yourself a pretty notebook (if that's your thing), leave your phone in the other room and find a writing ritual that makes you feel refreshed and loved. I promise that your life will transform! "What I love about journaling is that when we put pen to paper, it's as if the doorway to our subconscious mind opens." - Michelle Chalfant "Once you get the stream of energy flowing through your words, so many amazing things happen." - Michelle Chalfant "It's like we're taking these ideas, these thoughts and these emotions out of the ethers and into our 3D reality, and as they come down through us, they get processed." - Michelle Chalfant "It's not about, 'When should I journal?' The bigger question is, 'Have you committed yet to journaling?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Commitment to the practice of journaling is the first and most important step." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES 30-Day Journaling Challenge https://theadultchair.com/30days/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find on Amazon or Target.com MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Starting a journey of healing or following a spiritual path in life can be one of the best things to ever happen to us. It totally transforms how we feel each day and gives us a sense of clarity and purpose in life. Unfortunately, it can also change our relationships – and not always in the way we want. I get messages all the time from listeners who have started working with The Adult Chair® or going to therapy who now feel disconnected from people they were once close to. Sometimes it's friends and family who don't understand the change they're seeing in them. Other times, it's that the person who has changed can no longer relate to certain friends or even feels like they and their partner are no longer on the same page. These "spiritual growing pains" can be so disorienting and scary! In today's show, I'm chatting with my friend and fellow holistic therapist, Karen Campion, about what we can do when we feel alone on our healing path. Karen and I have been on similar healing journeys (I'm so thankful that she's one person I've been on the same page with for years!), and we talk about how we've learned to trust our unique paths while also honoring the paths of others. Listen to discover: Why it's ok to move on from some relationships How to not fall into the ego as you walk down a path of self-growth How to be in healthy relationships with your loved ones who aren't on the same path as you What to do if someone criticizes you for your spiritual path What tuning into the body can tell you about the state of your relationships How to share your path with someone you love Often, it's our ego that makes us feel disconnected from others because we begin to feel superior in the path we're on. This episode is an incredible reminder that every relationship serves a purpose in our life and that we can still connect with others who have a different life path than we do. The important thing is that we stick to the path we're called to, surrender the relationships that are no longer a match and trust that we and those we love are exactly where they're supposed to be. "There are people who sometimes aren't going to match you anymore because you have outgrown them." - Karen Campion "It's about respecting your partner wherever they're at." - Karen Campion "Being on a spiritual path or healing path is something that is so beautiful but we want to really make sure and be mindful of when the ego gets engaged." - Michelle Chalfant "Become really aware of what your loved ones mean and what their purpose might be on your life path." - Michelle Chalfant "If you want to get other people in their Adult Chair, you get in yours." - Michelle Chalfant "Surrender…is that inner attitude of trust." - Karen Campion LINKS & RESOURCES Karen Campion Website http://www.karencampion.com/ Episode #117: The Power of Letting Go with Karen Campion https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/117-the-power-of-letting-go-with-karen-campion/ Episode #17: Finding Hope in the Face of Life's Greatest Challenges https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/17-finding-hope-in-the-face-of-lifes-greatest-challenges/ "The Surrender Experiment" by Michael A. Singer https://www.amazon.com/Surrender-Experiment-Journey-Lifes-Perfection/dp/080414110X "The Untethered Soul" by Michael A. Singer https://www.amazon.com/Untethered-Soul-Journey-Beyond-Yourself/dp/1572245379 30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1) https://theadultchair.com/30days/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

You guys...do I have a special episode for you this week or what. I was out in Portland visiting my son, Blake, when we had the most beautiful moment of authentic communication between us. With Blake's permission, I flipped on my microphone, and we're bringing you the first ever podcast with one of my kids on it! Blake is only 21, but I'm blown away by his wisdom and the healthy adult he is becoming. In the story we're sharing with you today, Blake was actually the one who recognized when his ego got triggered and who initiated the communication between us, and I'd be lying if I said mom didn't tear up a little over here! The moment we experienced together led us to a deep discussion about how the ego shows up in our lives, the peace that comes from authentic living, how we can communicate more authentically with the people in our lives, how to receive authentic communication and how essential it is to make sure we're coming from a place of love as we do this work. Listen to discover: How authentic communication deepens connection How the ego keeps us stuck in our defenses Why trying to be right all the time kills connection How to create safety in relationships How to respond when someone doesn't receive our authentic communication well How to begin authentically communicating When you hear the story of what happened, you will recognize that Blake and I didn't experience any conflict. However, Blake was aware of something that didn't feel right internally about a conversation we had and leaned into that awareness to create an opportunity for more authentic communication. There would have been nothing wrong with letting it go and moving on, but that extra step was a chance to build a deeper connection...and that's how we create more meaningful relationships! We step up, we get vulnerable and we share authentically with another. As Blake says, the best part is not just stronger relationships, but also that sense of alignment with ourselves and knowing we're showing up how we want to show up for others...as our authentic selves! "The ego is the part of us that creates separation." - Michelle Chalfant "You can't be right (all the time) and have a deep connection with other human beings." - Michelle Chalfant "When you're the hero of your story, it doesn't matter what other people are saying. It matters how you're showing up for them." - Blake Chalfant "Whether we agree with another person who is communicating with us or setting a boundary with us, how we receive that and express back is so key to deepening that relationship and creating safety in that relationship." - Michelle Chalfant "We automatically defend as humans unless we have awareness." - Michelle Chalfant "It just comes back to everything you do coming from the container of love." - Blake Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Episode #283: Deeper Connections Through Vulnerability https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/283/ 30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1) https://theadultchair.com/30days/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Do you ever feel like you're being disloyal to your family for having your own life? Or do you feel like you're second fiddle to your partner's parents? If so, you or your partner might come from an enmeshed family: a system of relating to each other that is based on dependency, guilt, obligation and too much closeness (yes, that can be a thing!). In today's episode, I'm bringing back one of your favorite guests, Dr. Ken Adams, to talk about the important topic of enmeshment – and let me tell you, he is SUCH a wealth of knowledge! When I knew we were bringing Dr. Adams back, I asked The Adult Chair® community what you wanted to know about enmeshment and I was flooded with questions! So, I used this time with Dr. Adams to ask him YOUR questions – everything from the difference between codependency and enmeshment to what to do if your spouse is enmeshed with his or her family to how to let go as an enmeshed parent. I know you guys are so excited to have Dr. Adams back and to get your questions answered, and I am too! Listen to discover: The line between being caring and enmeshment The difference between codependency and enmeshment What to do if you come from an enmeshed family or your spouse's family is enmeshed How to manage guilt when stepping out of an enmeshed system What a healthy family looks like How different cultural norms can foster enmeshment Tips for enmeshed parents who want to change their pattern of relating to their children or who are struggling with letting go The key to recognizing enmeshment is to understand that it's a connection bound by guilt. It goes beyond being caring and even beyond being codependent to the point of obligation, anger and being accused of disloyalty if you don't follow the family system. These feelings of guilt can make it difficult to set boundaries, but if you stay in your Adult, sit with your emotions and hold those boundaries, freedom – and possibly a much healthier family overall – is waiting for you on the other side. "In those enmeshed systems, dependency is built on obligation and loyalty is driven by guilt." - Dr. Ken Adams "Autonomy and separateness feel like disloyalty." - Dr. Ken Adams "Sometimes outsiders are viewed suspiciously, which includes your spouse." - Dr. Ken Adams "Both partners are responsible for keeping out intrusions". - Dr. Ken Adams "Sometimes the guilt is a representation that you're doing the right thing." - Dr. Ken Adams "You don't let the guilt stop you from continuing the boundaries in that relationship." - Michelle Chalfant "It's really building up self-worth around who am I now…who am I really underneath these masks that my parents put on me." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/ Episode #256: Understanding Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/256/ Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/ 30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1) https://theadultchair.com/30days/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

As humans, we are all wired for connection and to feel like we belong. No one, even the biggest introvert on the planet, doesn't want to feel connected with others. But many of us find there is a gap between the connection we crave and the way we experience our relationships. We might have a loving marriage, a thousand Facebook friends, and a busy social calendar but something still feels empty. That's because to truly connect at a deep level, we have to get real and vulnerable with each other...and vulnerability is scary! Few of us really "go there" in our relationships, and this leaves us wanting something more. But like anything else, vulnerability is a practice. It's something we can all work to grow in our lives and start getting the relationships we really want. In this episode, I'm sharing with you the benefits of vulnerability, how to find safe people to practice vulnerability with, and the steps you can take to grow vulnerability and connection in your relationships. Listen to discover: What vulnerability is Why vulnerability is a strength The benefits of vulnerability When to be vulnerable and when not to be vulnerable Scripts for practicing vulnerability in relationships If vulnerability still feels a bit scary, that's ok! Practicing vulnerability is all about taking baby steps and increasing your comfort level with sharing with others. And as you begin to lead with vulnerability, you will automatically invite others to be vulnerable with you, building deeper connections and transforming your relationships! "When we start sharing on that level, we have the potential and the ability to then connect with others on that level." - Michelle Chalfant "The deeper I can go within myself and get in touch with what's going on inside myself, the deeper relationships I can have outside of self." - Michelle Chalfant "As a good friend, it's my job to mirror for her what's going on." - Michelle Chalfant "Vulnerability fosters intimacy." - Michelle Chalfant "When we are vulnerable, there's compassion for who we are." - Michelle Chalfant "Humans are wired for connection and the feeling of belonging. Being vulnerable with another human being creates exactly that." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES 30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts in November) https://theadultchair.com/30days/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When you think about wanting to change or transform, what do you typically think of changing? Most of us think of a behavior or action – something we are doing. If we've been doing our work for a while, we might think of a thought pattern or belief. But what if everything we do and think is just the tip of the iceberg? What if our actions, behaviors and beliefs are actually the manifestation of deep unconscious patterns in our brains, and if true transformation happens by transforming these patterns? In this episode, I talk with the incredible Adele Spraggon, a behavioral change and brain expert, about what drives human behavior, why traditional methods of change fail and how we can identify and transform the unconscious patterns that drive our behavior without us even knowing it. We're covering so many topics from relationships to money (because the brain affects them all!), and you will learn Adele's four-step process for working with negative patterns, even those in your subconscious mind. I LOVED my conversation with Adele – a true soul sister who speaks The Adult Chair® language – and I know you will too. Listen to discover: Why simply trying to change behavior doesn't work The real reason why you do what you do The problem with goal setting How to actually transform actions, behaviors and beliefs Steps to changing unconscious brain patterns Surrender vs. acceptance How this can change your relationship with money, your partner, your family, etc. Too often we try to change only the external or we try to simply work against the negative patterns in our brain, and we wonder why our lives don't change. As you will learn in this episode, the key is that we have to get rid of the old pattern before we can replace it with a new one...and this episode will show you how! "How we are taught to change behaviors is not effective. What we need to do is deal with our brain's patterning instead of the actions that we're taking, the beliefs that we're holding or the behaviors we're adopting." - Adele Spraggon "Between us and our situations, there lives an interpreter, and that interpreter is our brain." - Adele Spraggon "We create this roadmap from [age] 0 to 6 that we're living in as adults." - Michelle Chalfant "Mindset originates in the unconscious patterning of the brain." - Adele Spraggon "I love triggers because so much is revealed in a trigger." - Michelle Chalfant "People don't procrastinate. We avoid." - Adele Spraggon "Everything about who a person is today is the result of every pattern that has brought them here." - Adele Spraggon "The biggest gift you can give another person is to allow that person to show up brand new every time you see them." - Adele Spraggon LINKS & RESOURCES Adele Spraggon Website https://www.adelespraggon.com/ "Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment" (Adele Spraggon Book) https://shift4steps.com/ The Adult Chair® Membership (October Theme: "I use my voice.") https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Comparison is one of the ego's favorite traps. When we fall into this trap, we make up all kinds of stories about others and turn a judgmental eye towards ourselves. With this comes feelings of inferiority, feeling less than and low self-worth. It's no fun at all! Inferiority feels so awful that most of us just want to run from it, silence it or numb it out...but this never works! Shoving our negative beliefs about ourselves into the subconscious only gives them more power. Instead, we have to look at them, work with them and transform them! In this episode, which was inspired by questions from our listeners, I'm giving you five tools to not just quiet feelings of inferiority but to actually transform from feeling less than to feeling enough! Listen to discover: Why we compare ourselves to others Five tools to build self-worth and stop feeling inferior How to radically accept yourself Parts work and affirmations to transform comparison The process in this episode is so simple and easy to apply – it just takes intention and some energy from you to make this transformation in your life reality. And this is what we do from our Adult Chair...we bring consciousness into the traps of the ego and change our lives! Remember: I think you're so amazing, and I hope the tools in this episode help you love yourself and live from the place of worthiness that you deserve! "The ego can really chime in and compare us to others and make us feel less than." - Michelle Chalfant "Numbing [feelings of inferiority] out is a lovely temporary fix, but it does not work." - Michelle Chalfant "You've become who you are today because of all your life experiences, because of the choices you've made." - Michelle Chalfant "When you hear yourself say, 'Yeah, but,' I want you to know your ego's engaged." - Michelle Chalfant "Nothing magical can get you out of this comparison. The only thing that can get you out of this is you." - Michelle Chalfant "Having a really healthy relationship with your inner parts — that's a game changer." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

The Adult Chair® model is based on different stages of life and development, with our Adult Chair coming online around age 25 when the brain fully develops. So, what does that mean for raising healthy kids? Is it possible as a parent to teach your kids the Adult Chair while they're still literally in their Child or Adolescent phase of life? YES!!! No matter what age your child is, you can start modeling what it looks like to be a healthy adult. You can begin to be that touchstone of emotional health that they look to through all their different life experiences. In this episode, I break down what it looks like to be a healthy adult (how you want to be showing up as a parent) and six keys for modeling The Adult Chair for your children. This is a very practical episode that makes this process simple while leaving room for lots of grace when you and your children inevitably act like the humans you are! Listen to discover: Eight qualities for living in our Adult Chair How we can invite others to join us in our Adult Chair Six ways to model The Adult Chair for your children Why lots of grace is a parenting essential Remember, The Adult Chair is a model – a touchstone we strive for – and we're not going to live in it in every moment. Instead, it shows us when we're off balance and gives us something to reach for. That's true for you in your parenting journey and true for your kids in their growing up journey. But by doing your work and showing them what a healthy adult looks like, you're already putting them light years ahead on the path to becoming their healthiest, most authentic selves. And what an amazing gift that is to give! "97% of the time we're incorrect with our stories." - Michelle Chalfant "Healthy adults respond to people and don't blow up and react when we're triggered." - Michelle Chalfant "We seek to know what we're feeling and then we get curious about what's going on inside." - Michelle Chalfant "Whether you have a toddler or you have an adult child, start today. Because your kids are always going to be looking at you, and there's always a chance to respect you and grow and learn from you." - Michelle Chalfant "We reach for vices when we don't know what to do with our internal pain." - Michelle Chalfant "They become what they witness in the household." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Episode #177: Empowered Parenting with Meghan Crough https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/177 Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair® with Dr. Pam Staples https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/ The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

Sometimes, it takes losing everything you know to start over and begin the journey of healing. Caroline Strawson is an internationally recognized trauma-informed therapist and coach who helps her clients recover from narcissistic abuse and complex PTSD and create thriving lives. Her journey began with her own story of loss when, in a very short period of time, her mother passed away, her narcissistic husband left her and their two young children and she discovered he had gotten them into $100,000 of debt, leading to the loss of her home and the life she had built. Facing PTSD, anxiety, depression, self-harm, guilt and shame, Caroline turned inward and took a close look at herself, her life and her relationships – and has since become a leader in trauma-informed recovery and healing from abuse. In this conversation, Caroline shares her story of overcoming narcissistic abuse, how she finally recognized the abuse and how she began the journey of healing. She offers deep insights into how childhood wounding forms, how we develop "protector parts" and how those parts can lead to struggles like codependency and narcissism. She is a wealth of knowledge on trauma, how we get stuck in life and how to move forward. Listen to discover: The source of childhood wounding and trauma How our nervous system is designed to protect us Why codependents and narcissists are magnets for each other (and why it's easier for the codependent to change) How we can feel compassion for wounded people without accepting abuse Why people stay in abusive relationships and how to help a friend in an abusive relationship The difference between PTSD and complex PTSD How to begin building self-worth even if you're still in an abusive relationship Whether you've been in a relationship with a narcissist or not, you will get SO much out of this episode and gain a greater understanding of why you do what you do, what is going on in your brain in relation to trauma and how to heal your wounding so you can form healthier relationships with self and others. "Initially I was waiting for that epiphany of him changing to then be ok for me to move forward. And of course, that isn't the case. Because we can't change anybody." - Caroline Strawson "Trauma isn't a person. It's not an event. It's what I feel and what I'm saying to myself about those events." - Caroline Strawson "Our system all of the time is working to keep us safe, keep us alive, protect us and move us away from the biggest perceived pain." - Caroline Strawson "No narcissist is born. They are created from their childhood." - Caroline Strawson "The codependent is giving, giving, giving trying to soothe their self-worthiness wounds. The narcissist is like, 'Give it to me. I'll take, take, take,' to soothe their self-worthiness wounds." - Caroline Strawson "I think of narcissism on a scale." - Michelle Chalfant "When we're in these relationships, our reality is so distorted. To build self-worth is to then start seeing reality much clearer." - Michelle Chalfant "Grounding and getting all five senses online also helps us with our reality. We stop doubting ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Caroline Strawson Website https://www.carolinestrawson.com/ Caroline Strawson Facebook https://www.facebook.com/carolinestrawson/ Caroline Strawson Instagram https://www.instagram.com/carolinestrawson/ "Divorce Became My Superpower" (Caroline Strawson Book) https://www.amazon.com/Divorce-Became-Superpower-Caroline-Strawson/dp/1726255549 The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

"Be a man." It's a loaded phrase that our culture uses to tell men to be tough, not show their feelings and just keep pressing on. But is this true masculinity? Is there a better way to be a man? My guest today, Traver Boehm, is on a mission to redefine masculinity, bringing together what he calls "primal savagery" and a connection to the heart that is spiritual, emotional and whole. He believes this is what true masculinity looks like, before culture told men who to be, and he spends his life teaching men how to unapologetically become their most authentic self. And as a woman, let me tell you: this is the kind of masculine energy that the world is looking for! In this conversation, Traver tells his story of being one of the guys who looked like he "had it all" until his life unraveled and he forced himself to look inward at the ways he was numbing his pain. From there, he developed his "uncivilized man" ethos that calls men back to their authentic selves and helps them succeed in all areas of life – from relationships to work to mental health – from a heart-centered place. Listen to discover: What true, healthy masculinity looks like How and why the culture has conditioned men not to feel Why it's so important – and manly – for men to do their work and heal themselves What to do when your partner doesn't want to engage emotionally and spiritually How to get the things you want in life without killing your soul in the process Whether you're a man looking to be the healthiest version of yourself or a woman looking for resources for the men in her life, I know you will be inspired by Traver's beautiful example of what masculinity was designed to be and how healthy men can change the world. "Primal savagery and a deep connection to your heart: that to me is 'uncivilized'" - Traver Boehm "The part that's been missing has been going into the heart." - Michelle Chalfant "Culturally, we have asked men to not feel." - Traver Boehm "The old paradigm said, 'Men, you are responsible for everything external and nothing internal.'" - Traver Boehm "We've numbed ourselves to the point of getting to ignore what is true, which is we are hurting." - Traver Boehm "We've got to connect with ourselves – and we do that through feeling our emotions – before we can ever connect with anyone else." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Traver Boehm Website https://www.manuncivilized.com/ "Man UNcivilized" Book https://www.manuncivilized.com/thebook Traver Boehm Instagram https://www.instagram.com/traverboehm/ The Adult Chair® Membership September Theme: "I'm a self-care badass!" https://theadultchair.com/membership/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

When Niraj Naik started his job as a pharmacist, he immediately knew it was not for him. But family and cultural expectations led him to believe that it was the path he had to take in life...until it all fell apart seven years later. Career stress and disillusionment led Niraj to develop an autoimmune condition, and nothing in his medicine cabinet helped. After trying all types of traditional medicine, he went "renegade" and began studying yoga, Ayurveda and breathwork, completely healing his condition through these natural methods. His illness became the "gift of desperation" in his life that led him to his calling: teaching the world about energy, breath and how to bring the body into balance through SOMA Breath®, his online school teaching breathing techniques to people around the world. In this episode, Niraj shares his story of healing through ancient wisdom and the science behind the power of the breath. He gives several breathing techniques for us to try and explains how these impact our oxygen levels, energy levels and overall physiology for optimum wellness. Listen to discover: How Niraj turned his lowest moment into a gift of healing Using music and breath to reprogram the subconscious mind How to listen to your body's "indicator light" that something is off Questions to ask yourself to check in with your wellness The power of breathing for your physiology and health Three sample breathing techniques to try This is an eye-opening episode about the true power we have to heal and how our bodies were designed for balance. It's up to us to pay attention to when we are out of balance and to care for ourselves at the most fundamental level – our breath. "We tend to be conditioned by our parents, the school we go to, the media, just the culture we live in to follow a certain path." - Niraj Naik "So many of us just push through, we ignore, we numb out, we just keep going and we're not tuning into what your soul is trying to tell you." - Michelle Chalfant "Diseases affect you where you're weakest in your body." - Niraj Naik "In that moment, as humans, we have a choice: we can look at it and learn from it and ask, 'What the gift is in this?'" - Michelle Chalfant "Stress can eat away at us, and we ignore it. We have to start paying attention." - Michelle Chalfant "We help people to wake up to who they really are." - Niraj Naik Resources SOMA Breath® https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair Use code ADULT for 10% off SOMA Breath Colostrum Supplement https://www.somabreath.com/adultchair-organic Use code ADULT for 20% off Episode #73: The Healing Power Of Breath With Michelle D'Avella https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/73-the-healing-power-of-breath-with-michelle-davella/ Episode #254: Change Your Life With Breath With Nevsah Karamehmet https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/254/ Adult Chair® Coaches https://theadultchair.com/coaches/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

I think it's universally agreed upon: raising teenagers is hard! A natural part of growing up is becoming an individual, which comes with challenging limits, venturing away from the family structure and challenging parents in the process! Not only do our teens challenge us by pushing back on our boundaries, but the process of letting go of our kids also challenges our egos and attachments and pushes us to do our own work. I get so many questions about parenting teenagers in a healthy way, and I'm thrilled to bring the wisdom of today's guest, Dr. Pam Staples, to you. Dr. Staples has worked with teenagers for 37 years, and she is so grounded and knowledgeable on how to not just get through the tough teenage years but also help your teen develop into the adult they're called to be. We talk about how to let go and let our children become more independent, setting healthy boundaries while maintaining a safe space for our kids to mess up, building trust, how to have tough conversations and so much more. Listen to discover: What's going in teenagers' brains and bodies during adolescence Why teenagers need their friends to create a bridge to their adult life Why you should celebrate when your kids push the limits Healthy boundaries parents should have with their teenagers (and when to discipline) The importance of mutual trust in parent/teen relationships Empty nesting and how to grieve in a healthy way Practical steps for building positive relationships with your teenagers As parents, our job is to be the guardrails for our kids as they find who they are and their unique purpose and destiny. Too often we focus on outcomes, performance and our dreams for our kids, when in reality, they need to learn to find their own inner voice and intuition and be who THEY are created to be (which might be very different from who we are). As kids grow from children to teenagers, we begin to "widen the lanes" on the road, giving them more space and freedom while still being that safe touchstone to come back to. When we set healthy limits for our kids rooted in mutual respect, we invite them to turn to us when they need guidance and become partners in their personal development, while growing as people ourselves. This doesn't necessarily make it easier when you find out your teen has been drinking or when they want nothing to do with you, but parenting from our Adult Chair helps us lead with love, curiosity and acceptance...which is exactly what our kids need to grow into the amazing beings they're becoming. "Once they hit adolescence, they start turning away from the family and more towards their peer group." - Dr. Pam Staples "We want them to have that God-given intuition turn on and stay on." - Michelle Chalfant "In order for them to differentiate and individuate, they need to push off of something, and it's going to be the family." - Dr. Pam Staples "It's important to create flexible boundaries where you allow for that teaching, mentoring and guiding aspect of parenting." - Dr. Pam Staples "It's letting go of these kids so they can become whoever it is that they're here to become...I didn't say, 'so our kids can become who WE think they should become." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to get out of the way with our children. They have their own destiny. They have their own life path. They have, in my opinion, their own soul that has a purpose and mission to be here. And we've got to get the hell out of the way." - Michelle Chalfant "As a parent, you can't impose your hopes, your wishes and your dreams for your children onto them. You have to let them cook up their own." - Dr. Pam Staples "When kids make choices to please their parents, it takes them longer to find themselves." - Dr. Pam Staples "Let your kids find their own potential." - Dr. Pam Staples Resources Dr. Pam Staples ​https://www.myrelationallife.com/ Episode #35: Parenting In The 21st Century – Growing Healthy Teens With Guest Dr. James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/35 Episode #79: Raising Teens From Your Adult Chair With James Wellborn https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/79 Episode #123 : Helping your Kids Cope with Anxiety with Sharon Selby https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/123 Episode #134: Repairing Relationships with our Kids (or Anyone) https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/134 Episode #225: Raising Kids from The Adult Chair https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/225 The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.f

While our go-to image of mental health might be a couch in a therapist's office, the world is slowly changing (and I'm SO glad it is!). Don't get me wrong...I'm not anti-therapy (I'm a therapist myself), but I think it's only part of the equation. I believe we need more. I believe true healing must be holistic, looking at our experiences from every angle and using methods that heal body, mind and spirit. Dr. Nicole LePera is a kindred spirit when it comes to holistic healing, the creator behind one of my favorite Instagram accounts @the.holistic.psychologist and a self-healing guru that I am thrilled to finally bring on the show! Drawing from psychology, spirituality, the mind/body connection and more, Dr. LePera believes mental wellness is for everyone and we all have the power to heal ourselves with the right tools (can I get an amen?). In this episode, Dr. LePera shares her own story of transformation, her philosophy of self-healing and tools you can use to regulate your nervous system, figure out who you are and what you need and change limiting patterns in your life by turning in and tuning in. Listen to discover: The power of consciousness and being in the present moment The nervous system's role in healing The importance of breathwork The power of journaling to create consciousness and set intentions How to update and rewire programming Interdependence and how to be healthy in relationships Dr. LePera believes healing begins by going inside and connecting to self, and I couldn't agree more (it's ALL about awareness)! If you're on a journey of transformation, I hope this episode encourages you to look at your healing through a holistic lens and reminds you that you have the power (and tools) you need right where you are. "We need to understand the whole being in an integrative way, and I believe we need to expand the tools we're practicing outside of therapy as well." - Nicole LePera "You can be awake but still not be fully in the body and conscious about what you're doing." - Michelle Chalfant "There isn't one universal way to heal." - Nicole LePera "My goal is to empower within so we can cope with the ever-changing without." - Nicole LePera "With conscious effort, every single day, a little bit of something...we do find that people can change. We REALLY can change." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Nicole LePera Instagram https://www.instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ Dr. Nicole LePera Website https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

We've talked a lot about narcissistic abuse and the emotional effects of it on this podcast, but we haven't dug into how this experience affects the brain and how neuroscience and healing from narcissistic abuse go hand in hand…until today! In this episode, we're diving deep into this very important topic with Dr. Rhonda Freeman, who is an expert on the brain, neuroplasticity and trauma and who brings a message of hope to anyone wondering how to heal. Dr. Freeman is a neuropsychologist who works with patients with neurological conditions and brain trauma, and after her own experience in an abusive relationship with a narcissist, she began using her knowledge of the brain to help survivors of abuse and trauma heal. This is an absolutely fascinating episode that gives an inside look into what is actually going on in the brain during and after an abusive relationship, how the healing process works and the hopeful science that shows why anyone can change their brain after trauma. Listen to discover: How a romantic relationship with an unhealthy person changes the brain The effects of narcissism on children Why anyone can heal and how the healing process works The prefrontal cortex and trauma How to get back into a balanced brain state The importance of body work in changing the brain One of the most interesting things Dr. Freeman talks about is how abusive situations activate parts of the brain that wouldn't be activated otherwise...for example, the bonding system and threat system being triggered at the same time. When we can see what's going on at a brain chemistry level, it helps us understand why these situations are truly so unique and damaging...and why none of it is your fault! But the hopeful side is that the brain is constantly changing and being shaped by new experiences, so with the right tools, you can heal and transform your brain and get back to a hothealthy, balanced state...and this episode will show you how! "In general, experiences change our brains." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "The brain will do whatever it takes to protect you." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "We're bonded...and even though we're in threat, we can't let go." - Michelle Chalfant "You have to have others to heal." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman "Pay attention to your intuition. If it feels off, don't sweep it under the carpet." - Michelle Chalfant "Bonds don't necessarily mean love." - Dr. Rhonda Freeman LINKS & RESOURCES Dr. Rhonda Freeman Website https://neuroinstincts.com/ Dr. Rhonda Freeman Instagram https://www.instagram.com/neuroinstincts/ BrainHQ (Brain Training) https://www.brainhq.com/ Diner Dash (Video Game with Cognitive Benefits) https://www.crazygames.com/game/diner-dash The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ August Theme: I live in peace. P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

As you know, codependency is one of my "things." Fortunately, it's less of a thing these days, but I understand firsthand what it's like to spend years so focused on others that we lose our sense of self. That's part of why we talk about this so much on the podcast — so many people suffer for years not knowing about codependency, and I'm passionate about helping you get free...quickly and simply! My guest today, Darlene Lancer, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author and expert on codependency and relationships. She has worked with couples and individuals for 30 years, and she shares SO much valuable information in today's show about what codependency looks like, how to begin recovery, the connection between shame and codependency and practical steps to becoming a healthy, whole you. Listen to discover: The three stages to codependency recovery The shame and codependency connection Shame attacks and how to get out of them The importance of mindfulness in recovery How to start feeling your anger as a codependent The connection between codependency and attachment styles 10 ways to love yourself Darlene closes the show with her 10 tips for loving yourself, and let me tell you, they are so beautiful! I remember when I was beginning my healing journey and being told I needed to learn self-love but having no idea where to begin...and these tips are exactly where to start! I hope this is an enlightening and empowering episode for anyone ready to unlearn codependency and learn to love themselves. "We become alienated from who we really are because of faulty parenting, and we keep trying to fill up that emptiness or feel more alive by trying to connect to something outside ourselves." - Darlene Lancer "Self-esteem in action is being self-empowered." - Darlene Lancer "A parent's most important job is to reflect their child." - Michelle Chalfant "Codependency is based on faulty beliefs." - Darlene Lancer "The unconscious doesn't distinguish between messages it hears from the outside and messages you tell yourself." - Darlene Lancer "When we realize what's going on, it's like Act 2. And it's a very exciting time." - Michelle Chalfant LINKS & RESOURCES Darlene Lancer Website https://www.whatiscodependency.com/ Episode #249: The Power of Self-Compassion with Dr. Kristin Neff https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/249/ Episode #253: Codependency and Anger with Michelle Farris https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/253/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification Doors open August 1 https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart MORE ADULT CHAIR The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ STAY CONNECTED Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close? "Enmeshment" is a term that's been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn't even know this about themselves! My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you've created. Listen to discover: What enmeshment means How it forms in childhood The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner How to change the family system Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent's well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they've created. The good news is that this doesn't have to be an either/or scenario. It's possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you're meant to be — including a great son or daughter. "The love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love." - Dr. Ken Adams "The empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets glommed onto by the lonely parent." - Dr. Ken Adams "Enmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability." - Dr. Ken Adams "Emancipation is not a negotiation." - Dr. Ken Adams "The idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don't know who we are without that mask." - Michelle Chalfant "It feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it's with their mother or their father." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Ken Adams Website https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/ Dr. Ken Adams YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA "When He's Married to Mom" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/ "Silently Seduced" (Dr. Ken Adams book) https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Wow — I was blown away by the response to last week's episode with my one and only, Graham Chalfant. It seems like so many could relate to our relationship dynamics and the learning and work we've done over the years...and so many of you also asked how we started doing the work and making changes in our relationship. In this week's episode, I'm focusing the conversation back on the self and how we can each choose to show up differently in our relationships from our Adult Chair. We can't make anyone change, but if we think of relationships as a dance, we can change the way we're dancing, which gives our partners the opportunity to shift and fall into step with us. This is true for all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. Listen to discover: My story of changing the dance in my own marriage How to change the tone of your relationship by doing your own work Finding your self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships How to be more open and relational We all bring our wounds, expectations and "stuff" to a relationship. When we do our work, we not only transform our own lives but we change the tone of our relationships, inviting friends and partners who are a true match for us into a new way of relating to each other. Everything — including strong, connected relationships — starts within! "If you want to change your relationship with anybody, you've gotta change the dance." - Michelle Chalfant "We are always attracting in other people based on our unconscious programming." - Michelle Chalfant "You've gotta see yourself as a very beautiful, precious diamond, and when you can see yourself like that, boundaries become more natural." - Michelle Chalfant "When you own your stuff, it sets you free." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #251: How Feeling Your Emotions Can Change Your Relationship with Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/251/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Everyone wants connection — we're hardwired for it as humans! But we can only connect as deeply with others as we've connected with ourselves. Strong relationships start by going within, feeling our emotions and being willing to open up and share with our partners. On this week's podcast, I have a very, very special guest...my husband! We're talking with you today together and sharing some very personal details about our marriage and how feeling emotions has changed our relationship for the better. Graham comes from a background where emotions weren't expressed, and I come from an Italian family that was very expressive. For so many years, we both saw the other as not emotional enough or too emotional. Learning to feel, honor and share our emotions has deepened our connection so much and been so transformational for us. In this episode, Graham shares what helped him learn to process his emotions, how that's changed his response to different situations and the changes we've both seen in our relationship. Listen to discover: How relationships can help us overcome childhood issues when we approach them with consciousness The importance of raw, open communication in a relationship Somatic processing and the power of feeling emotions in the body Navigating anger and stress in a relationship How feeling emotions deepens intimacy (both emotional and physical) By the way, Graham did all of this work on his own (no bonus points for having a spouse who is a therapist and coach!). Which means YOU can do this too! We're all born with the ability to feel our emotions, but we have to tune in with intention instead of running away from them. When we do, we'll find they stop coming out sideways and are instead an invitation into deeper connection with others. "When we engage in a relationship with another human being, our childhood issues are going to rear up. That person is here to help us work through those childhood issues." - Michelle Chalfant "Once our youngest child left the house, then it all slowed down and it became more apparent to me that I needed to figure out this 'feeling' thing." - Graham Chalfant "I learned I could just sit with it and in 30 seconds, that heaviness would literally melt away." - Graham Chalfant "Everybody has the ability to feel emotions. At some point along our life journey, we turn them off and turn them down." - Michelle Chalfant "When you feel an emotion without building a story around it, the emotion goes through you in 90 seconds." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #42: Inviting Your Relationship into The Adult Chair with Michelle and Graham Chalfant https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/42-inviting-your-relationship-into-the-adult-chair-with-michelle-and-graham-chalfant/ Episode #49: Am I a Fraud? Imposter Syndrome & You! https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/49-am-i-a-fraud-imposter-syndrome-you/ The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ July Theme: I live in balance. The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Applications open for those on the waitlist July 12! P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

Compassion is something we have when we live in our healthiest Adult self, but how easy is it for you to turn around and offer that compassion to yourself? Most of us speak very differently to ourselves than we would to a friend, especially when we make a mistake or are going through a hard time. But self-compassion is an essential part of healing! In fact, studies show that truly effective therapy is improved by increasing our self-compassion so we can live with more love and less anxiety and stress. My guest today, Dr. Kristin Neff, is one of the world's leading self-compassion experts and one of the first to conduct scientific research on the benefits of self-compassion and how it can change your life. I LOVED our conversation, which covers everything from what self-compassion is and how to cultivate it to the inner critic, anger, gender roles and the way society often makes it difficult to cultivate self-compassion. Listen to discover: What self compassion really is The three core components of self-compassion Emotional and behavioral self-compassion practices Why self-compassion is not selfish When anger is constructive and loving Why self-compassion is essential for overcoming depression, anxiety and stress Self-compassion is not selfish. In fact, studies show that when we show ourselves compassion, it actually increases our compassion for others! Life is messy and none of us is perfect, which is why approaching the journey — both ours and others' — with gentleness and kindness is so important to being healthy! "The biggest problem with self-esteem is it's contingent on success." - Dr. Kristin Neff "The word 'compassion' by definition is a connected stance." - Dr. Kristin Neff "I know from practicing The Adult Chair, where we're mindful, we practice self-compassion, we're living in the moment, we're tuning into the moment...it gets easier." - Michelle Chalfant "What reminds you to practice self-compassion is your suffering." - Dr. Kristin Neff "I really changed myself through self-compassion." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Dr. Kristin Neff Website https://self-compassion.org/ "Fierce Self-Compassion" https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Self-Compassion-Harness-Kindness-Thrive/dp/006299106X The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ July Theme: I live in balance. The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ Applications open for those on the waitlist July 12! P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

The work we do in The Adult Chair® isn't just about healing past wounding, working with the inner child, parts work or uncovering unconscious programming (though you know I LOVE all of those things). It's also about navigating everyday life...what's happening in the here and now. Because let's be honest: when life comes at us (and it always does), it can be hard to stay grounded and in peace and balance. It's often the everyday experiences of flat tires, our kids talking back to us, our boss giving us a last-minute deadline and home projects gone awry where stress, anger, and anxiety build up and we find ourselves seated smack dab in our Adolescent Chair. But that's exactly what The Adult Chair model is here for. It's a model for how to live as the healthiest version of yourself and a manual for everyday life..including when you're having just "one of those days." In this episode, I'm walking you through some key Adult Chair principles that are designed to help you navigate everyday stress and stay in balance, even when curveballs get thrown your way. I'm sharing some real examples from my recent home remodel and how I was able to witness the choices I had in each small moment and choose the ones that pulled me out of stress and into peace (even when in a frustrating situation). These tips are simple and practical, and if I can do it, I promise you can too! Listen to discover: How to live with presence Why curiosity can change any situation How to witness thoughts without buying into them The importance of protecting your own nervous system Working with triggers How to stay in your Adult when dealing with work and parenting challenges These principles don't mean we don't feel stress or anger. They just mean we don't let it overtake us. When life happens, there is always a moment where we have a choice and that choice is to either go into the negativity or to take charge of the situation and do what is needed without added suffering or drama. This is how we honor our Child's emotions and the Adolescent's need to protect while operating from a place of consciousness and staying in our peaceful Adult Chair. "When I live with presence, I'm not going into the past and pulling up ammunition for what's going on in my present moment, and I'm also not launching into the future to figure out what's coming." - Michelle Chalfant "We've got 70,000 to 90,000 thoughts a day. We don't need to follow all of them." - Michelle Chalfant "My emotions are not in control of me. They just run through me." - Michelle Chalfant "The world mirrors where we are with…how well we're living in the healthiest version of ourselves." - Michelle Chalfant "Things happen to us and how we see it and perceive it and tell the story can really stir up some serious drama." - Michelle Chalfant "Drama is a choice. Pulling out anger is a choice. And it affects only me." - Michelle Chalfant "We have to make choices and changes in our life to get ourselves out of stress." - Michelle Chalfant Resources The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

When we form intimate partnerships in life, it goes far beyond love. The relationship becomes our home, our social circle, our sense of safety, and our way of living. That's why betrayal in intimate relationships, whether infidelity or lying, is so hurtful. It doesn't just cause emotional pain, but it also shakes our entire sense of safety and reality. It's a true multi-layered trauma that is not nearly as simple as breaking up and moving on or deciding to forgive and stay together. The betrayed partner often faces feelings of confusion, self-doubt, shame, hurt, distrust and even PTSD. And the betrayer often has an addiction or attachment wound that underlies the betrayal. Both partners need support and healing, whether they choose to repair the relationship or step into a new chapter. My guests today, Duane Osterlind and Marnie Breecker, both specialize in helping people heal after infidelity and betrayal by looking at it through a holistic lens that takes into account all the various forms of trauma that the betrayal has caused. In this episode, they share such important information about why betrayal is such a big deal, the different ways it affects us and how to rebuild safety and trust in a relationship if both partners decide they want to stay together. This is such an insightful show that sheds light on how attachment works, how trust forms, what trauma is and the deeper story behind betrayal. Listen to discover: The six dimensions of betrayal trauma Why betrayal trauma can lead to PTSD How you can rebuild trust after a betrayal The importance of the "second brain" What the betrayed partner needs Where to find support The true source of affairs At the end of the day, each one of us is seeking connection. When a betrayal occurs, it's often an unhealthy way of getting the connection we all crave. It is possible to rebuild a sense of safety, trust, secure attachment and connection after betrayal — whether you choose to rebuild that with the same partner or for yourself and in future relationships. "We're talking about a lot of complex systems in the brain. We're talking about attachment. We're talking about where we are in this life." - Duane Osterlind "When intimate relationships are betrayed, it impacts the primary feeling of safety that a person has in their life structure." - Duane Osterlind "This is an existential crisis and an attachment trauma for the partner, and all systems of meaning have been shattered." - Marnie Breecker "Our nature is to trust the person we're living with." - Michelle Chalfant "We were wired to connect, and in order to connect, we have to be able to trust." - Marnie Breecker "We don't know how to communicate in a healthy way with other people." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Helping Couples Heal (Duane and Marnie Website) https://helpingcouplesheal.com/ Helping Couples Heal Podcast https://helpingcouplesheal.com/podcasts/ Novus Mindful Life Institute (Duane Website) https://novusmindfullife.com/ Center for Relational Healing (Marnie Website) http://lacrh.com/ APSATS (The Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists) https://www.apsats.org/ IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals) https://iitap.com/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com\

We all want healthier, stronger relationships. As beings wired for connection, relationships can bring us the greatest joy and fulfillment in life...or, when they're full of chaos, drama, miscommunication, and misunderstandings, they can bring lots of pain and confusion. When we're experiencing relationship drama, our first reaction is to blame our partner or assume we're with the wrong person. But the truth is that we get to define our relationships by how we show up in them...we're creating either an Adolescent relationship (think blame, drama and ego) or an Adult relationship (centered on truth, clarity and empathy). We have the power to transform our relationships just by changing the Chair we're sitting in! In this episode, I'm bringing back my friend, Tracy, who has shared her journey through her divorce and reentering the dating scene. Now, she's in a relationship and she is sharing how The Adult Chair® has helped her change that relationship for the better. She opens up about how both she and her boyfriend brought their individual fears and doubts to the table and how a series of stories and assumptions actually led them to break up for several months. But when she realized this relationship was too important to her to lose, she decided to drop assumptions and blame and instead get vulnerable and speak her truth (be in her Adult Chair!). When she did this, it completely transformed the dynamics of her relationship, and it's now stronger than ever! Listen to discover: How to use The Adult Chair model in relationships The moment that turned Tracy's relationship completely around How rationalization and blame ruin relationships How to get out of the weeds in relationship communication The power of vulnerability Tracy did such an amazing job in the conversation she had with her boyfriend, and I'm so proud of how she models The Adult Chair for him and for everyone listening to the show. It is incredibly uncomfortable to get vulnerable. It's even more uncomfortable to let go of our ego, own our role in the relationship, stop trying to prove we're right and instead look for solutions. But when we do this, we invite our partner into a different kind of relationship — one centered on common goals, a higher perspective and a model that works! "There has to be, when we're in our Adult Chair, taking responsibility, owning your reality, being honest and talking about the elephant in the room." - Michelle Chalfant "I practiced speaking fact and truth and being totally vulnerable." - Tracy "If you're having an argument, it gets you nowhere. You have to go with a higher perspective." - Michelle Chalfant "I'm blown away by how the work you have done, this Adult Chair model, how it truly works." - Tracy "It's no one's job but our own to share with others what we're experiencing." - Michelle Chalfant "[The Adult Chair] gives us tools for how to show up in life." - Michelle Chalfant Resources Episode #179: I'm in a Relationship with a Narcissist https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/179/ Episode #199: Dating from The Adult Chair® https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/199/ The Adult Chair® Workshop - Charleston https://theadultchair.com/charleston/ P&G Hair Food https://hairfood.com/ Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart More Adult Chair The Adult Chair® Website https://theadultchair.com The Adult Chair® Membership https://theadultchair.com/membership/ The Adult Chair® Workshop https://theadultchair.com/events/ The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/ TAC Circles® https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/ Stay Connected Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/ The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant *** EPISODE CREDITS: If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment. He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world. Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com