The Flop House

A returning Flop House director guides a cast of returning Flop House stars in an eruption of mediocrity named Pompeii. Meanwhile Stu asks a provocative question about Cenobites, Elliott reveals an early draft of a Robert Louis Stevenson classic, and Dan debuts his new hit character. Movies recommended in this episode:VolcanoHouseboundThe HurricaneThe Chant of Jimmie Blacksmith

Detailed show notes canceled on account of Dan being sick with Mongolian death flu. Movies recommended in this episode:The Woman ChaserShort Term 12Phase IVJohn Wick

Thus we enter November, the month known for having "No" theme. And, appropriately, we watched one of the most generic of modern action sequels, 300: Rise of an Empire. Meanwhile, Elliott lectures on Noid avoidance, Dan makes a public apology relating to one type of music and attacks another, and Stu makes an exciting announcement for enjoyers of comical books.

Shocktober continues/ends with Dario Argento totally forgetting everything he knew about filmmaking (and we don't even like him that much) with Dracula 3D. Meanwhile, Dan reveals the alternate, director's cut ending to Escape (The Pina Colada Song), Elliott out-pervs the pervazoid with his demands for more nudity, and Stuart once again astounds with his facility for accents. Movies recommended in this episode:Shadow of the VampireDuelThe Hitcher

BOOOOOGENS! Welcome to the first episode of SHOCKTOBER 2014 (and the first episode officially under our new podcast network, MaxFun). And because we would never Halloween trick you, instead we're treating you to a guest appearance by Hallie Haglund, sitting in with the OP's, to discuss The Quiet Ones. Meanwhile, Elliott lists all the great MaxFun podcasts, Stuart once again shows his ignorance of all things Internet, and Hallie puts Dan in his place. Movies and TV recommended in this episode: From BeyondThe ReturnedWitchboardThe Hidden

Smalltember continues with perhaps the smallest movie we've ever covered, the bad movie new classic "A Talking Cat!?!" Meanwhile Stuart entertains the lizard representative of Harlem, Elliott gives helpful mnemonic devices for the major German directors, and Dan does some research into the pervy past of the movie's creative team. Movies recommended in this episode:Intimate LightingThe GuestEnemy

The OP's are all back in action, celebrating the all-NEW made-up holiday of "Smallvember." First up, the Christsploitation film "God's Not Dead" filled with the straw-manniest straw men outside of a county fair. Meanwhile Elliott and Detective Columbo disprove the flat Earth theory, Stuart reveals a surprising knowledge of the Christian rock genre, and Dan announces a new contest! Movies recommended in this episode:Jodorowsky's DuneThe Last of SheilaThe One I Love

Thanks to his series of enraged tweets on the matter, we invited comedy writer and pop culture expert Kevin Maher on the show to discuss the enragingly anthropomorphized Walking with Dinosaurs. Meanwhile Dan pervazoids up the Crypt Keeper, Kevin unleashes his dad rage, and Stuart yet again shows his understanding of America's youth.Movies recommended in this episode:Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1982)Into the Woods (American Playhouse, 1991)Drinking BuddiesCloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

No movie has sexualized pastry so much since American Pie, yet somehow Labor Day is even less erotic than Jason Biggs balls-deep in apple filling. Meanwhile Stuart does some brilliant voice work, Dan loves the versatility of DVDs, and Elliott regales the world with Tales of Ruck.Movies recommended in this episode:The Crazies (1973)The Crazies (2010)Edge of TomorrowAlan Partridge

With audiences primed to be disappointed by a new Hercules movie in theaters, why not be like the Peaches and be disappointed by The Legend of Hercules in the comfort of your own home. Meanwhile Elliott tells us the secrets of the ancient Greek hamburger, Dan has uncanny recall for old Disney cartoons, and Stuart tells sad tales of British totty.Movies recommended in this episode:SnowpiercerThe Lego MovieThe Hunger Games: Catching Fire12 Years a SlaveMuppets Most Wanted Jack Ryan: Shadow RecruitDogtoothZ

Producer Luc Besson and director McG made a bet about the number of tones they could cram into 3 Days to Kill, and the audience lost. Meanwhile Elliott does his classic "2000 Year-Old Killer" routine, Dan gets more inappropriately sexual than ever before, Stu introduces the concept of a "neck baby," and TVs Jessica Williams stops by, because why the heck not?Movies recommended in this episode:The LimeyThey Came TogetherObvious ChildThe Sea Wolf

We discuss Last Vegas, which is, of course, a documentary from the far future about the time the elderly Original Peaches and friend went to Las Vegas. Meanwhile Dan unveils his totally original, copyrighted concept, Elliott reveals how he does creep research, and Stu pulls out a letters surprise.Movies recommended in this episode:Stop Making SenseLolaStakeland

Yes, Elliott, it should be called I, Frankenstein's Monster, but that doesn't change the fact that we watched I, Frankenstein. Meanwhile Elliott reveals the secret sex fetishes of Archie Comics characters, we learn Stuart's nicknames, and Dan asks the big metaphysical questions.Movies recommended in this episode:The GrannyThe Wages of FearDeceptive Practice: The Mysteries and Mentors of Ricky JayWhat's the Matter With Helen?

Despite being one of the more nothing movies we've ever watched, we somehow crap out what we believe to be our longest episode with G.I. Joe: Retaliation. It's a living. Meanwhile, Dan and Elliott explain what "G.I. Joe" means, and develop President Ziggy, and Stuart reveals he's an evil land developer.Movies recommended in this episode:Raising CainVideodromeDeath Rides a Horse

We discuss Easy Rider: The Ride Back, an object lesson in why you should never let a movie's sequel rights lapse. Meanwhile Dan explains the Flop House fan caste system, Elliott puts the "bar" in barter, and Stuart knows nothing about robots.Movies recommended in this episode:Blade IIThe EastMy Dinner With Andre

1980 was a simpler time, when you could put Clint Eastwood together with an orangutan, not bother to come up with a story, and release it as a major motion picture called Any Which Way but Loose (check out We Hate Movies doing the first film in the "Clint goes ape" series, Every Which Way but Loose HERE). Meanwhile Dan runs through several impeccable celebrity impressions, Elliott explains a rare sex act, and Stu discusses what orangutans did to get orangutan news before Google alerts.Movies recommended in this episode:Blue RuinI Saw the DevilShock Corridor

Hey remember those DeNiro and Stallone boxing movies you loved? This is also... a movie. We talk about Grudge Match, the movie that pretends DeNiro has a chance against steroidal Stallone. Meanwhile Dan discusses Kevin Hart's need to do only Kevin-branded movies, Elliott uncovers Sean Connery's strange belief he's in every movie, and one of Stu's relatives makes an unexpected appearance. Movies recommended in this episode:The Set-UpUnder the SkinThe Raid 2

Han Solo vs. Commissioner Gordon sounds awesome, until you realize the star of Paranoia is actually a Hemsworth brother. And not the good one. Meanwhile Elliott doubles down on the size of Gary Oldman's penis, Stuart disturbs us by talking about intimate times and Dan introduces the notion of a California Raisins fetish. A note: in this episode Dan confuses Baba Yaga with Strega Nona. Movies recommended in this episode:The Grand Budapest HotelThe VisitorThe Sweet Smell of Success

Uh, one question, boss: Doesn't Gangster Squad kind of sound like WE'RE the Gangsters?We return to a big, old-fashioned Hollywood flop with Gangster Squad, the movie that takes a bunch of good actors and a promising director and churns out a film thats absurd and deadly dull by turns. Meanwhile Elliott gives Hoagie Carmichael gift advice, Stuart comes out for cast awareness, and Dan is tired and really doesn't keep up his end of the co-hosting duties. This episode brought to you by the letter "H."Movies recommended in this episode:The Roaring TwentiesThe Friends of Eddie CoyleManhunterGrand Piano

The solution to "Devil's Kidney Stone." In which Dan makes the mistake of thinking that, because Renny Harlin directed Devil's Pass, it would be crazy and weird, rather than draggy and significantly more boring than reading the Wikipedia page about the real Dyatlov Pass incident. Then, we forgo letters and recommendations to offer a condensed version of our usual Awards Floptacular, because no one (including us) really cared much about the Awards Floptacular anyway.

Sort of like M*A*S*H, but not about the army and terrible.Consider our debt to "He's the Housecat (Arthur's Theme)" music video contest winner Dan Costales paid in full! Was it worth it Dan? Was if worth the pain you caused, making us watch the pre-Oscar Halle Berry racist stereotype comedy "B*A*P*S?" Meanwhile Elliott continually implies Martin Landau is a vampire, Stuart reveals how all males are sexually threatened by him, and Dan suggests that the Crypt Keeper should've come up with a better B*A*P*S twist. Movies recommended in this episode:The LEGO MovieBeauty is Embarrassing The Sea WolfThe Professionals

Ryan Reynolds' abs are RIPD like lettuce. We ease Elliott back into the Flop House groove with a movie right in our wheelhouse: the Men in Black/Ghostbusters-lite disaster R.I.P.D. Meanwhile Dan introduces the concept of ghost hats, Elliott uses the new recording space for its foley possibilities, Stu rails against shark-drummer racism, and the whole gang does their impeccable Boston accents.Movies recommended in this episode:Who's That Knocking at My DoorSudden DeathRay Harryhausen: Special Effects TitanCaptain Phillips

First confession: she peed in the pool. Hallie closes out her monthlong residency subbing for the newly-dad-ified Elliott with a doozy. It's Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. Meanwhile Stu can't seem to pronounce Kim Kardashian correctly, Dan advertises his new calendar concern, and Hallie outlines a proper musical exercise routine. Media recommended in this episode:True DetectiveYou're NextLovelace

It's the Flop House crew vs. the Dream Team in an all-out dance/bad movie fight to the finish, as we discuss Battle of the Year. Meanwhile, Stu challenges our missing co-host for synopsis supremacy, Dan discusses Vincent Van Gogh's battle with his own body, and Hallie drops the world's best rooster pun.

Go away, Getaway Hawkey Holidays to all the little Flop House boys and girls. Your present is the movie-length chase scene Getaway. Meanwhile, Dan takes on the liberal media, Stuart gives one of his patented Flop House asides, and Elliott reminds us all of Dorf's amazing performance in Don't Look Now.Movies recommended in this episode:The Hobbit: The Desolation of SmaugThe GetawayRoninThe Ballad of Cable HogueOur Town

You can have my Christmas when you pry it from my cold dead hand. Hey, remember when we all used to celebrate Christmas? Last Ounce of Courage takes us back to that magical time. Meanwhile, Stu is upset at the way Wolverine treated his Christmas gift, Dan fails to have perspective about his knee, and Elliott reveals the Jesus/Ducktales crossover. Movies recommended in this episode:TargetsStokerMy Name is Nobody

JAYDEN WILL BE RECOGNIZED. It's the movie they tried to pretend M. Night Shyamalan had nothing to do with: After Earth. Meanwhile, Elliott introduces us to the Crypt Keeper's brother, Stuart meets his Phantasm hero, and Dan just needs to explain a few things first. Movies recommended in this episode:Bad MiloBlue is the Warmest Color99 River Street

Two is the Cloneliest Number The three peaches spend this episode cloning around about Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones, as part of a podcrawl with Read it and Weep (who took on Episode I) and Proudly Resents (who will be taking on Episode III). Meanwhile, Dan's space gaydar is misaligned, Elliott explains the proper way to steal a cake, and the greatest secrets of Stuart's nerdiness are revealed. Movies recommended in this episode:War WitchInside Llewyn DavisNightwatch

Simulates a real Foodfight, in that it leaves you pained, sticky, and wanting to vomit. Hey, you guys ever think to yourself, "I like Toy Story, but I wish it could be more commercial, ugly, and frenetic?" Welcome to Foodfight! Meanwhile, Dan points out the movie's one "goof," Stuart brings it back to "Just One of the Guys," and Elliott introduces his new "Southern Tin Tin Enthusiast" character. Movies recommended in this episode:GojiraThe Last UnicornWalker

Sequel to "The Binge" Hey guys, who do you think you're gonna murder during The Purge this year? Meanwhile, Dan argues for greater creativity in purge-crime, Elliott introduces "Spoiler Alert Rod Serling," and Stuart makes us all uncomfortable with his sudden surge in the perv ratings.Movies recommended in this episode:The Phantom of the OperaNight of the DemonsThe GrannyGravityMad Love

Really captures the boredom of waiting at the ATM. Thank you ATM for blowing the lid off the all-too-common crime of ATM serial killing. Meanwhile, Stuart discovers the concept of the spoiler alert, and Elliott and Dan trade impressions of one of the most oft-imitated voices in Hollywood usurping the signature role of another most-imitated-voice in Hollywood.Movies recommended in this episode:BelowAmerican MaryPersonaIn the Mouth of Madness

Help, Olympus Has Fallen, and it can't get up! (No detailed notes this week, because 2/3 of the Original Peaches are in Los Angeles this weekend, including the one who writes the show notes and really should be packing RIGHT NOW.)

Unfortunately not the sequel to Topsy-Turvy. Upside Down is a movie about two young lovers from planets with reverse gravity, and we somehow make it through the whole episode without making a joke about 69-ing. Meanwhile, Stuart gets his annual review, Dan can't stop getting all science-y, Elliott discusses auto-erotic time travel, and... we'll let you enjoy the surprise.

More accurately, bullet "in" the head, and then quickly "out" of the head. Walter Hill has made several great movies in his career. Is Bullet to the Head one of them? Meanwhile, Stuart unveils a new impression in his repertoire, Dan inspires a discussion about the horrors of gorilla sex, and Elliott keeps missing our special celebrity guest.Movies recommended in this episode:Big Brown EyesThe Queen of VersaillesClose Up

The prequel to Teen Witch (we assume). Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters was produced by Adam McCay, so it was clearly meant as a goof, but is that enough? Meanwhile, Elliott makes an indecent proposal, Dan reveals a startling breadth of knowledge regarding Misty Mundae's acting career, and Stuart lays down the pun laws. Also, the OP's receive the GREATEST GIFT IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND.

We hope the psychic damage we endured was worth it do you guys: we finally caved and watched Marmaduke. Meanwhile, Elliott reveals Marmaduke's historical shenanigans, Stuart's Pacific Rim review gets scatological, and Dan would be indulging in blatant Parade-pandering with his Howard Huge reference, if we hadn't recorded before they endorsed us.0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme.0:31 - 41:38 - Wait, this ISN'T a movie about a duke made out of marmalade?41:39 - 42:17 - Final judgments.41:18 - 43:47 - Some brief shout-outs to our podcast friends.43:48 - 55:06 - Flop House Movie Mailbag55:07 - 1:05:42 - The sad bastards recommend.1:05:43 - 1:07:31 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Ebert was right about you. 0:00 - 0:29 - Introduction and theme.0:30 - 8:00 - We take a long time to reveal something that's revealed in the episode title.8:01 - 40:09 - Nathaniel Hawthorne's timeless classic about bath voyeurism.40:10 - 42:01 - Final judgments.42:02 - 1:00:534 - Flop House Movie Mailbag1:00:35 - 1:05:53 - The sad bastards recommend.1:05:54 - 1:08:11 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Yippee ki-yay, mother floppers. 0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:34 - 39:03 - An old man goes to Russia and crashes a lot of cars.39:04- 43:35- Final judgments.43:36- 47:14- A word from our sponsor.47:15 - 1:00:59 - Flop House Movie Mailbag1:00:01 - 1:04:41 - The sad bastards recommend.1:04:42 - 1:06:22 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

A little something extra from our Jaws: The Revenge live screening

WOOOOLVERIIIINES! 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 36:26 - North Korea would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!36:27 - 37:47- Final judgments.37:48- 43:47 - A word from our sponsor.43:48 - 57:32 - Flop House Movie Mailbag57:33 - 1:02:11 - The sad bastards recommend.1:02:12 - 1:03:34 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Oh Nicholas Sparks, you're the creepiest! APOLOGIES for the audio issues in this episode -- specifically Dan's ear-splitting levels. It does get (somewhat) better as the episode goes on.0:00 - 0:48 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 39:54 - You play a good game, Butler! But do you play... for KEEPS?39:55 - 40:13- A barely-there final judgments.40:14- 43:47 - A word from our sponsor.43:48 - 58:15 - Flop House Movie Mailbag58:16 - 1:04:42 - The sad bastards recommend.1:04:43 - 1:06:19 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

The Butler did it. 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 34:16 - You play a good game, Butler! But do you play... for KEEPS?34:17 - 36:16- Final judgments.36:17 - 38:43 - A word from our sponsor.38:44 - 53:53 - Flop House Movie Mailbag53:54 - 1:02:17 - The sad bastards recommend.1:02:18 - 1:04:11 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Warning: listening to this podcast may result in a Smiley attack. 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 32:22 - It takes us even longer than usual to work up the enthusiasm to talk about Smiley.32:23 - 39:25- Final judgments.39:26 - 40:51- Keep on pluggin'.40:52 - 1:00:20- Flop House Movie Mailbag1:00:21 - 1:07:34 - The sad bastards recommend.1:07:35 - 1:09:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

NICHOLAS CA-AAAGE! 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 36:00 - Some people just feel like home, y'know? Like Nic Cage in Stolen.36:01 - 38:56 - Final judgments..38:57 - 58:32 - Flop House Movie Mailbag58:33- 1:08:11 - The sad bastards recommend.1:08:12 - 1:09:45 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Boy-wise, whose would you say that is? 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 36:29 - Samberg and Sandler. Together alphabetically, now together in real life.36:30 - 42:12 - Final judgments.42:13 - 44:43 - Some housekeeping and plugs.44:44 - 59:55 - Flop House Movie Mailbag59:56 - 1:05:02 - The sad bastards recommend.1:05:03- 1:06:30 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

The beefy hand of justice! 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 39:41- Alex Cross gonna make you jump, jump.39:42 - 43:32 - Final judgments.43:33 - 45:21 - Some brief plugs.45:22 - 55:43 - Flop House Movie Mailbag55:44 - 59:54 - The sad bastards recommend.59:55 - 1:01:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

A fan-chosen repeat of a classic episode. Enjoy re-living the misery!

0:00 - 0:32 - Floptacular introduction and theme.0:33 - 27:59 - A discussion of this year's Academy Awards. Remember when those were on? Like three weeks ago? Anyone?28:00 - 34:50 - We give out the most prestigious awards in Hollywood, The Floppies.34:51 - 47:34 - A special year-in-review run of recommendations.47:35 - 59:37 - Flop House Movie Mailbag59:38 - 1:01:00 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Dan's surgery kept him from writing up detailed show notes, which is lame, we know. But come on. Between that and Oogieloves, hasn't he suffered enough?

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:35 - 40:59 - When we were paperboys, we remember a lot less rough sex.41:00 - 42:38 - Final judgments42:29 - 54:32 - Flop House Movie Mailbag54:33 - 1:03:00 - The sad bastards recommend. 1:03:01 - 1:06:55 - The gang's an asshole to Dan, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.