The Flop House

What the Hex?

Thus we enter November, the month known for having "No" theme. And, appropriately, we watched one of the most generic of modern action sequels, 300: Rise of an Empire. Meanwhile, Elliott lectures on Noid avoidance, Dan makes a public apology relating to one type of music and attacks another, and Stu makes an exciting announcement for enjoyers of comical books.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:34 - 4:15 - We kill a little time needling Elliott and remembering Dino de Laurentiis.4:16 - 29:36 - Fuckin' movies, how do they work?29:37- 33:16 - Final judgments33:17 - 39:27 - The sad bastards recommend. 39:28 - 47:13 - Instead of cutting our losses, we waste even more time.47:14 - 48:04 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 20.0px; font: 13.0px 'Trebuchet MS'; color: #010101} 0:00 - 0:35 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme. 0:36 - 6:17 - Your regular co-hosts waste six minutes talking about how nice it is to all be in the same room again. 6:18 - 32:15 - We are all giddy, GIDDY, to be watching Teen Witch -- a classic bad movie -- rather than the usual modern, sub-mediocre Hollywood crap. 32:16- 37:15- Final judgments 37:16 - 49:44 Flop House Mailbag 49:45 - 54:39- The sad bastards recommend. 54:40 - 56:09 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Shocktober continues/ends with Dario Argento totally forgetting everything he knew about filmmaking (and we don't even like him that much) with Dracula 3D. Meanwhile, Dan reveals the alternate, director's cut ending to Escape (The Pina Colada Song), Elliott out-pervs the pervazoid with his demands for more nudity, and Stuart once again astounds with his facility for accents. Movies recommended in this episode:Shadow of the VampireDuelThe Hitcher

0:00 - 0:39 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme.0:40 - 35:46 - Turns out "The Uninvited" isn't a horror movie about an angry guest who didn't get invited to Elliott's wedding. Instead, it's about ghosts or crazy people, or some shit.35:47- 39:13- Final judgments39:14 - 45:44- The sad bastards recommend. 45:45 - 46:39 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

BOOOOOGENS! Welcome to the first episode of SHOCKTOBER 2014 (and the first episode officially under our new podcast network, MaxFun). And because we would never Halloween trick you, instead we're treating you to a guest appearance by Hallie Haglund, sitting in with the OP's, to discuss The Quiet Ones. Meanwhile, Elliott lists all the great MaxFun podcasts, Stuart once again shows his ignorance of all things Internet, and Hallie puts Dan in his place. Movies and TV recommended in this episode: From BeyondThe ReturnedWitchboardThe Hidden

0:00 - 0:37 - Introduction and SHOCKTOBER theme.0:38 - 8:47 - We spend nearly ten minutes introducing our special guest Federico Hatoum, and explaining why we've been M.I.A. for over a month.8:48 - 28:49 - We talk about Blood: The Last Vampire. .. or, more accurately, "CG Blood: The Last Vampire."29:50- 34:36- Final judgments34:37 - 47:54 - PLUGS! which eventually devolve into a series of mouth-sounds.47:55 - 58:52- The sad bastards recommend. 58:53 - 1:00:12 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:34 - 6:13 - So much talk about weddings that you'd think you were listening to three schoolgirls, if not for the World of Warcraft reference.6:14 - 42:05 - A scintillating discussion of Old Dogs, the family film that's fun for no ages, as well as our longest, most absurd digression yet.42:06 - 43:03- Final judgments are handily dispensed with.43:04 - 48:17 - Dan manages to announce our CONTEST WINNER, despite Elliott and Stu's best efforts to not let him get the name out.48:18 - 55:45 - The sad bastards recommend. 55:46 - 58:24 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Smalltember continues with perhaps the smallest movie we've ever covered, the bad movie new classic "A Talking Cat!?!" Meanwhile Stuart entertains the lizard representative of Harlem, Elliott gives helpful mnemonic devices for the major German directors, and Dan does some research into the pervy past of the movie's creative team. Movies recommended in this episode:Intimate LightingThe GuestEnemy

The OP's are all back in action, celebrating the all-NEW made-up holiday of "Smallvember." First up, the Christsploitation film "God's Not Dead" filled with the straw-manniest straw men outside of a county fair. Meanwhile Elliott and Detective Columbo disprove the flat Earth theory, Stuart reveals a surprising knowledge of the Christian rock genre, and Dan announces a new contest! Movies recommended in this episode:Jodorowsky's DuneThe Last of SheilaThe One I Love

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.0:34 - 27:35 - Jude Law and Forrest Whittaker repossess both our will to live and to discuss the movie Repo Men.27:36 - 33:19 - Final judgments, and Elliott rambling Lethal Weapon 2 digression.33:20 - 49:04 - A brimming Flop House Movie Mailbag.49:05 - 58:50 - Instead of recommendations, Elliott gives us a firsthand report on San Diego's ComiCon.58:51 - 59:41 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

0:00 - 0:16 - Introduction and theme 0:17 - 34:17 - Luc Besson is usually good for some dumb thrills. Take away the thrills, and you have From Paris With Love. 34:18 - 36:55 - Final judgments 36:56 - 41:30 - Friendly's with benefits. 41:31 - 45:19 - NEW CONTEST ALERT 45:20 - 55:03 - The sad bastards recommend. 55:04- 55:54 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Thanks to his series of enraged tweets on the matter, we invited comedy writer and pop culture expert Kevin Maher on the show to discuss the enragingly anthropomorphized Walking with Dinosaurs. Meanwhile Dan pervazoids up the Crypt Keeper, Kevin unleashes his dad rage, and Stuart yet again shows his understanding of America's youth.Movies recommended in this episode:Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007)Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1982)Into the Woods (American Playhouse, 1991)Drinking BuddiesCloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme0:35 - 40:51 - God has decided to punish us. Not by sending all of the angels from heaven to wipe out humanity - by making us watch Legion. (And punish Dan in particular by making Stu and Elliott interrupt him more than ever before.)40:52 - 42:14 - Final judgments42:15 - 57:47 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag threatens to take over the show.57:48 - 59:21 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

No movie has sexualized pastry so much since American Pie, yet somehow Labor Day is even less erotic than Jason Biggs balls-deep in apple filling. Meanwhile Stuart does some brilliant voice work, Dan loves the versatility of DVDs, and Elliott regales the world with Tales of Ruck.Movies recommended in this episode:The Crazies (1973)The Crazies (2010)Edge of TomorrowAlan Partridge

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme0:33 - 34:34 - Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry, when we take you out in our discussion of Surrogates.34:35 - 37:20 - Final judgments38:21 - 45:55 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag.45:56 - 51:40- The sad bastards recommend.51:41 - 54:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

With audiences primed to be disappointed by a new Hercules movie in theaters, why not be like the Peaches and be disappointed by The Legend of Hercules in the comfort of your own home. Meanwhile Elliott tells us the secrets of the ancient Greek hamburger, Dan has uncanny recall for old Disney cartoons, and Stuart tells sad tales of British totty.Movies recommended in this episode:SnowpiercerThe Lego MovieThe Hunger Games: Catching Fire12 Years a SlaveMuppets Most Wanted Jack Ryan: Shadow RecruitDogtoothZ

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme0:35 - 2:30 - We reintroduce special guest host Brock Mahan.2:31 - 36:53 - We put on our critics' high-heeled red leather books to take on the no-rom, no-com, rom-com All About Steve40:56 - 40:55 - Final judgments40:56 - 44:07 - An all-comments Flop House mailbag.48:45 - 55:07- The sad bastards recommend.55:08 - 57:53 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Producer Luc Besson and director McG made a bet about the number of tones they could cram into 3 Days to Kill, and the audience lost. Meanwhile Elliott does his classic "2000 Year-Old Killer" routine, Dan gets more inappropriately sexual than ever before, Stu introduces the concept of a "neck baby," and TVs Jessica Williams stops by, because why the heck not?Movies recommended in this episode:The LimeyThey Came TogetherObvious ChildThe Sea Wolf

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme0:34 - 2:24 - We waste a few minutes talking about how long it's been since we've invaded your ear-holes.2:25 - 35:39 - We discuss Law Abiding Citizen, the most egregious movie title crime against hyphens since The 40 Year Old Virgin.35:39 - 38:18 - Final judgments38:20 - 39:25 - Station identification39:26 - 44:07 - We attempt to re-create a Flop House Movie Mailbag from memory, and we make fun of Stuart's fragile mental state.44:08 - 52:10- The sad bastards recommend.52:11 - 53:01 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We discuss Last Vegas, which is, of course, a documentary from the far future about the time the elderly Original Peaches and friend went to Las Vegas. Meanwhile Dan unveils his totally original, copyrighted concept, Elliott reveals how he does creep research, and Stu pulls out a letters surprise.Movies recommended in this episode:Stop Making SenseLolaStakeland

Yes, Elliott, it should be called I, Frankenstein's Monster, but that doesn't change the fact that we watched I, Frankenstein. Meanwhile Elliott reveals the secret sex fetishes of Archie Comics characters, we learn Stuart's nicknames, and Dan asks the big metaphysical questions.Movies recommended in this episode:The GrannyThe Wages of FearDeceptive Practice: The Mysteries and Mentors of Ricky JayWhat's the Matter With Helen?

0:00 - 0:36 - Introduction and theme0:37 - 8:10 - Before getting down to business we discuss Stuart's vacation, Dan's nasal surgery, and the acting career of guest host Eric Zuckerman.8:11 - 39:48 - We talk about Sorority Row, the remake of House on Sorority Row, which, of course, was a remake of Erich Von Stroheim's Greed, based on the novel Push, by Sapphire.39:49 - 44:17 - Final judgments44:18 - 52:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag52:01 - 59:14 - The sad bastards recommend.59:15 - 59:53 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Despite being one of the more nothing movies we've ever watched, we somehow crap out what we believe to be our longest episode with G.I. Joe: Retaliation. It's a living. Meanwhile, Dan and Elliott explain what "G.I. Joe" means, and develop President Ziggy, and Stuart reveals he's an evil land developer.Movies recommended in this episode:Raising CainVideodromeDeath Rides a Horse

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:31 - 5:00 - We reintroduce guest co-host Amanda Melson, and spend nearly five full minutes reminiscing about the New York comedy scene in a way that's almost completely alienating to outsiders. 5:01 - 39:12 - You know your movie's in trouble when even an ice ax-wielding killer and Kate Beckinsale in her underwear can't generate any excitement39:13 - 43:10 - Final judgments43:11 - 48:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag48:01 - 53:48 - The sad bastards recommend.53:49 - 54:52 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We discuss Easy Rider: The Ride Back, an object lesson in why you should never let a movie's sequel rights lapse. Meanwhile Dan explains the Flop House fan caste system, Elliott puts the "bar" in barter, and Stuart knows nothing about robots.Movies recommended in this episode:Blade IIThe EastMy Dinner With Andre

TEN BEST PICTURE NOMINEES? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?!

1980 was a simpler time, when you could put Clint Eastwood together with an orangutan, not bother to come up with a story, and release it as a major motion picture called Any Which Way but Loose (check out We Hate Movies doing the first film in the "Clint goes ape" series, Every Which Way but Loose HERE). Meanwhile Dan runs through several impeccable celebrity impressions, Elliott explains a rare sex act, and Stu discusses what orangutans did to get orangutan news before Google alerts.Movies recommended in this episode:Blue RuinI Saw the DevilShock Corridor

0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme 0:31 - 3:35 - Stuart wastes all of our time by discussing his upcoming 30th birthday. 3:36 - 34:25 - If your criteria for a romantic comedy is that it contains the words "the" and "truth," and has a negative descriptor in the middle, may we suggest The Awful Truth starring Cary Grant? 34:26 - 40:31 - Final judgments 40:32 - 50:00 - Flop House Movie Mailbag 50:01 - 51:14 - An explanation of the new Movie Minute policy. 51:15 - 56:31 - The sad bastards recommend. 56:32 - 58:30 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

0:00 - 0:36 - Introductions and Theme0:37 - 33:42- We welcome Matt Koff, our second guest host of a still-young 2010, and we introduce him to a rising star named Gerard Butler, in a little film called Gamer.33:43 - 37:57 - Final Judgments37:58 - 48:38- A very navel-gazing movie mailbag.38:39 - 51:47 - Two out of three bastards recommending aint' bad.51:48 - 52:37 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Hey remember those DeNiro and Stallone boxing movies you loved? This is also... a movie. We talk about Grudge Match, the movie that pretends DeNiro has a chance against steroidal Stallone. Meanwhile Dan discusses Kevin Hart's need to do only Kevin-branded movies, Elliott uncovers Sean Connery's strange belief he's in every movie, and one of Stu's relatives makes an unexpected appearance. Movies recommended in this episode:The Set-UpUnder the SkinThe Raid 2

0:00 - 0:34 - Introductions and Theme0:35 - 3:00 - We welcome Elliott back and, for some reason, Stuart wastes time quizzing him and Dan about current events.3:01 - 37:24 - We discuss Hannah Montana: The Movie, because surely the audience for that picture was white males in their late twenties to early thirties.37:25 - 40:27 - Final Judgments40:28 - 53:49- Our longest letters segment yet, resulting in one of our patented vague Flop House contests.53:50 - 56:49 - A very short sad bastards recommend.56:50 - 58:14 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Han Solo vs. Commissioner Gordon sounds awesome, until you realize the star of Paranoia is actually a Hemsworth brother. And not the good one. Meanwhile Elliott doubles down on the size of Gary Oldman's penis, Stuart disturbs us by talking about intimate times and Dan introduces the notion of a California Raisins fetish. A note: in this episode Dan confuses Baba Yaga with Strega Nona. Movies recommended in this episode:The Grand Budapest HotelThe VisitorThe Sweet Smell of Success

0:00 - 0:36 - Introductions and Theme0:37 - 3:47 - We introduce our guest co-host, Nigel Wood.3:48 - 29:50 - We discuss 90 minutes of bright colors, loud noises, and disconnected action, in a DVD mislabeled "Dragonball: Evolution."29:51 - 33:23 - Final Judgments33:24 - 34:30 - Station identification34:31 - 41:46 - The sad bastards recommend.45:47 - 45:02 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Uh, one question, boss: Doesn't Gangster Squad kind of sound like WE'RE the Gangsters?We return to a big, old-fashioned Hollywood flop with Gangster Squad, the movie that takes a bunch of good actors and a promising director and churns out a film thats absurd and deadly dull by turns. Meanwhile Elliott gives Hoagie Carmichael gift advice, Stuart comes out for cast awareness, and Dan is tired and really doesn't keep up his end of the co-hosting duties. This episode brought to you by the letter "H."Movies recommended in this episode:The Roaring TwentiesThe Friends of Eddie CoyleManhunterGrand Piano

We answer another letter from a loyal listener.

The solution to "Devil's Kidney Stone." In which Dan makes the mistake of thinking that, because Renny Harlin directed Devil's Pass, it would be crazy and weird, rather than draggy and significantly more boring than reading the Wikipedia page about the real Dyatlov Pass incident. Then, we forgo letters and recommendations to offer a condensed version of our usual Awards Floptacular, because no one (including us) really cared much about the Awards Floptacular anyway.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introductions and Theme0:33 - 1:37 - We introduce our special guest, Flop House contest winner Dash.1:38 - 43:35 - As four comic book nerds, we find far too much to say about X-Men Origins: Wolverine.43:46 - 45:55 - Final Judgments45:56 - 51:55 - The sad bastards recommend.51:56 - 54:19 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Our most self-indulgent movie minute yet!

Sort of like M*A*S*H, but not about the army and terrible.Consider our debt to "He's the Housecat (Arthur's Theme)" music video contest winner Dan Costales paid in full! Was it worth it Dan? Was if worth the pain you caused, making us watch the pre-Oscar Halle Berry racist stereotype comedy "B*A*P*S?" Meanwhile Elliott continually implies Martin Landau is a vampire, Stuart reveals how all males are sexually threatened by him, and Dan suggests that the Crypt Keeper should've come up with a better B*A*P*S twist. Movies recommended in this episode:The LEGO MovieBeauty is Embarrassing The Sea WolfThe Professionals

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme0:35 - 3:40 - We devote a little time to patting ourselves on the back for reaching fifty episodes.3:41 - 28:51 - We celebrate our fiftieth anniversary by discussing Delgo, the movie most likely to inspire blank stares in our audience, followed by "What the fuck's a Delgo?." Maybe we'll get it together for our 100th. 28:51 - 29:58 - Pause for station identification29:59 - 35:55 - Final judgments 35:56 - 40:40 - Flop House Movie Mailbag, plus discussion of a wacky cross-country adventure.40:41 - 47:40 - The sad bastards recommend. 47:41 - 49:19 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

Ryan Reynolds' abs are RIPD like lettuce. We ease Elliott back into the Flop House groove with a movie right in our wheelhouse: the Men in Black/Ghostbusters-lite disaster R.I.P.D. Meanwhile Dan introduces the concept of ghost hats, Elliott uses the new recording space for its foley possibilities, Stu rails against shark-drummer racism, and the whole gang does their impeccable Boston accents.Movies recommended in this episode:Who's That Knocking at My DoorSudden DeathRay Harryhausen: Special Effects TitanCaptain Phillips

Who doesn't love trailers and shaggy dog puns?

It's the Flop House crew vs. the Dream Team in an all-out dance/bad movie fight to the finish, as we discuss Battle of the Year. Meanwhile, Stu challenges our missing co-host for synopsis supremacy, Dan discusses Vincent Van Gogh's battle with his own body, and Hallie drops the world's best rooster pun.

0:00 - 0:37 - Introduction and theme0:38 - 39:10- We dive right in and discuss a movie based on a video game character that was only popular because preteen boys are too scared to talk to real girls - Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.39:11 - 40:10 - Final judgments 40:11 - 41:33 - A CONTEST WINNER ANNOUNCED, for the contest everyone (even the hosts) forgot was happening.41:34 - 47:47 - The sad bastards recommend. 47:48 - 50:17 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme and outtakes.50:18 - 51:17 - Station identification.

0:00 - 0:56 - Introduction, APOLOGY, and theme0:57 - 4:00 - The return of Dan's least favorite reoccurring segment.4:01 - 41:41- Dan, Stu, and Elliott make vicious fun of a movie you've never heard of, giving the lie to their claim that they're too nice to kick a film when it's down.41:42 - 44:53- Final judgments 44:54 - 51:54 - Our second and final SHOCKTOBER sad bastards recommend of 2009. 51:55 - 55:00 - Plugs, goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

Go away, Getaway Hawkey Holidays to all the little Flop House boys and girls. Your present is the movie-length chase scene Getaway. Meanwhile, Dan takes on the liberal media, Stuart gives one of his patented Flop House asides, and Elliott reminds us all of Dorf's amazing performance in Don't Look Now.Movies recommended in this episode:The Hobbit: The Desolation of SmaugThe GetawayRoninThe Ballad of Cable HogueOur Town

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and SPOOKY theme0:35 - 2:27 - The usual off-topic nonsense up front.2:28 - 30:44- Finally, the pro-abortion, anti-holocaust, Jewish demon horror story you've been waiting for! The Unborn.30:45 - 34:04- Final judgments 34:05 - 39:29 - Movie Mailbag39:30 - 47:11 - A special SHOCKTOBER sad bastards recommend. 47:12 - 48:37 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

You can have my Christmas when you pry it from my cold dead hand. Hey, remember when we all used to celebrate Christmas? Last Ounce of Courage takes us back to that magical time. Meanwhile, Stu is upset at the way Wolverine treated his Christmas gift, Dan fails to have perspective about his knee, and Elliott reveals the Jesus/Ducktales crossover. Movies recommended in this episode:TargetsStokerMy Name is Nobody