The Deep Resilience Project

The human mind is wired to prefer information that supports our existing beliefs and reject that which goes against them, otherwise known as confirmation bias. It doesn’t matter how rational, open-minded or fact-driven we are; it’s a natural tendency made more potent by deeply-ingrained or emotionally-charged views which can prevail even over clear, definitive data, leading to significant misjudgement and misunderstanding. Luckily, though it takes acknowledgement and deliberate effort, we can take steps to see beyond it.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I encourage you to first acknowledge and accept the presence of confirmation bias within you. Maintaining that awareness, I invite you to challenge rigid, unhelpful, misleading beliefs and perceptions and instead promote objectivity, openness and curiosity to cultivate a more balanced and unbiased mindset. Key Links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comThe Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

For a lot of us, showing compassion to others comes as second nature. We readily offer words of support, encouragement and reassurance to the people around us, strangers and friends alike, but how many of us can say we extend ourselves the same grace? Where does all of that kindness go when it’s our failure, our mistake, our setback? When we let our inner critic take the wheel, we often become our own worst enemy, so how can self-compassion help us learn, grow and be more effective on our path through life?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I highlight the link between self-compassion and three key skills that lead to success. I invite you to meet obstacles with curiosity, courage and tenderness, and shift the inner critic to an inner coach so you can begin to learn from your mistakes with the motivation and confidence to persevere. Key Links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comThe Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Whether it’s an insensitive comment or a larger betrayal, we’ve all been hurt by the words or actions of others. Regardless of the cause - be it a mistake, misunderstanding, or genuine ill-will - the resulting pain we feel is real, and we often find ourselves ruminating, fanning the flames of resentment and anger, and keeping the heartache alive. There’s not much we can do to avoid differences, disagreements and difficulties - they’re an inevitable part of life - but we can lighten the load and choose not to carry this mental baggage with us wherever we go.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I outline the emotional toll of holding onto a grudge as well as three steps to see things more objectively, transform hostility into compassion and understanding, and intentionally let go.Key Links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comThe Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Each of us has an inherent power to make a difference in the world around us, a power that is all too easy to forget. Bombarded with a seemingly endless cycle of catastrophic news, a kind word or good deed here and there might feel like a drop in the ocean. We've probably all heard something along the lines of "if it makes a difference to just one person, it matters," and there's a reason this sentiment has permeated the acceptance speeches of Nobel Peace Prize winners and high school graduates alike: not only is it true, it's mutually beneficial.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore how altruism can be expressed in big and small ways, both through specific actions and a general attitude of generosity, empathy, and goodwill. I highlight the strong link between altruism and happiness, its physical health benefits, and the value of repeated practice, both with yourself and others, in bringing improved health, happiness, and overall quality of life.Key Links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comThe Mental Strength School: https://melliobrien.com/mental-strength-school/Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

When things are left messy, unanswered or unresolved, we often find ourselves longing for closure, some magical process through which we can wrap everything up in a neat little package, feel better and move on. What makes closure so elusive, though, is that we’re often seeking it from another person, maybe in the form of an apology, an explanation or a goodbye. We feel dependent upon someone else giving us closure, and it can be almost torturous when we don’t get it. There’s good news, though: we can learn to find it within ourselves.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I invite you to make a subtle shift from the pursuit of closure - neat, tidy and final - to the pursuit of healing, embracing the mess, discomfort and uncertainty that comes with it. I share four steps to promote healthy healing, allowing you to live fully in the present even when you carry a bit of pain from the past.‌Key Links:‌Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

If you tuned in last week, you know the importance of difficult conversations; they’re essential to the health of your relationships, your own mental wellbeing, and for driving change on a larger scale. But even with the guidance of my four-step framework, without proper preparation, we may find ourselves approaching these situations with a negative attitude, obscurity of purpose or hidden motive, often leading to further conflict and misunderstanding. A little introspection allows us to prepare for and undertake tough conversations with clarity and compassion and ultimately achieve better outcomes.On this episode of Mentally Stronger, I build on last week’s episode by taking a deeper dive into the art of difficult conversations and inviting you to work through your own thoughts and emotions first. I walk you through five steps to get clear on your intentions, gain perspective and cultivate a solutions-focused mindset so you can raise concerns and initiate challenging discussions with precision, good will and grace.Key Links:Checklist: 5 Steps to prepare for difficult conversationsMelli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Have you ever avoided having a difficult conversation with a friend, colleague or partner? If you have, you might already know how harmful it can be, both to yourself and the relationship. Whether it’s a small annoyance or major issue, leaving things unaddressed can breed resentment, enable toxic and harmful behaviour, and cause relationships to fall apart. Beyond personal issues, avoiding the hard stuff can have societal and global implications. Daunting as it can be, the ability to engage in healthy confrontation is crucial to making a difference in your personal life and the world at large.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I provide a helpful framework, based on the work of psychologist, author and relationship researcher John Gottman, equipping you to have difficult conversations with confidence and effectiveness. With these four simple steps, you’ll be more empowered and authentic in the situations you face, opening the door for more fulfilling relationships, less stress and greater mental strength.Key Links:My 4-Step Difficult Conversations Checklist:https://melliobrien.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/4-Step-Checklist-for-Difficult-Conversations-1.pdfMelli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Periods of calm, quiet and tranquillity present excellent opportunities to recharge, deepen our mental strength practice and connect with profound states of peace, but it is out in the ‘real world’ where these skills are really put to work. Even the most spiritually accomplished of us, the most skilled meditators, the most revered teachers can become triggered or overcome by a strong emotional response, usually unpleasant, to some kind of stimulus in the environment. Though none of us are completely immune, the mentally strong learn to work with difficult and charged emotions in skillful ways and use those moments to gain insight and grow in self-awareness.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I recap the ‘name it to tame it’ technique, a reminder to help you regulate and reduce the intensity of an emotional reaction when triggered. I expand this technique with two additional steps, taking you further from regulation into insight and allowing you to meet moments of reactivity with awareness, curiosity and wisdom to carry into the next.Key LinksMelli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/More on ‘Name it to Tame it’ in Mentally Stronger episode #31: Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/mentally-stronger/id1637748876?i=1000608278023 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3U4yMMp7QPMGnJZYt9dmRx

With the ability to connect on a global scale came the ability to compare ourselves to more people in more ways than ever before, and despite the confidence and seeming perfection so often portrayed on social media, we’re all born with the same two primal fears: the fear that we are not worthy and, consequently, the fear that we won’t be loved. The presence of these fears alone may seem to confirm their truth, especially with the marketing of self-love not as something to be practised but as something to be attained and worn for protection or adornment. But when we recognise these fears for what they are, old conditioning of the mind, we can begin to heal our insecurities from a place of compassion and understanding.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I illustrate the once vital function of our primal fears, developed for survival and embedded over hundreds of thousands of years of evolution. I share two steps to help you cultivate true, lasting self-worth, unwind from thoughts that tell you you’re not enough and touch down on a place of natural wholeness, confidence and contentment within yourself.Key Links:Melli O’Brien:https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Sometimes, a simple insight can make a world of difference. You may have heard the old adage, “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” Well, it’s true. We so often create unnecessary suffering, stress and struggle for ourselves by piling on and becoming stuck in unhelpful thoughts and emotional reactivity. But the idea that we can merely choose to eradicate suffering in our lives can be as demoralising as it is liberating if we don’t also have the tools to apply it. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I introduce some of those tools by first outlining where pain and suffering fit within the primary and secondary dimensions of our present-moment experience. I then guide you through ‘the Tree,’ a grounding mindfulness practice to move you towards greater inner peace and improved mental clarity, creating the space to choose to let go of avoidable suffering, even in the face of unavoidable pain. Key Links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

As we move through life, we constantly and often unconsciously jump to conclusions about the world and people around us. Influenced by our past experience, we make assumptions and draw inferences, attaching stories that support our brain’s built-in negativity bias over the objective reality of a situation. This seemingly small, reflexive mental habit can lead to misunderstanding, conflict and generally sap our mental strength, but what if, instead, we intentionally chose to assume the best instead of the worst?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I share a story that allows you to observe this habit in action, and a hypothetical which demonstrates how negative assumptions can impact our relationships and attitudes toward the people around us, increasing feelings of anger, frustration and resentment. With a helpful example from Brené Brown’s Rising Strong, I invite you to explore how jumping to generous conclusions can cultivate greater understanding, connection and peace.Key Links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/More on Negativity Bias in Mentally Stronger episode 02 here:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/19mXQrn8vSDa4BEeaC7IjH?si=30eIWkv_TVCrxluQigYNagApple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/mentally-stronger/id1637748876?i=1000576965173

As we build our mental strength, thoughts or situations may still arise that trigger emotional reactions so intense we feel out of control and unable to think or behave rationally. Discouraging as they may be, these moments, when we most need to find our centre and be present, are opportunities to really put our mental strength to the test. When our awareness and objectivity are hijacked by strong emotions, how can we respond, rather than react, with clarity and calm?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explain the neurological relationship between this emotional reactivity and the nervous system, its crucial role in our survival and its implications in our modern daily lives. I share psychiatrist Dan Siegel’s evidence-based ‘name it to tame it’ technique and demonstrate its use to substantially reduce the intensity of an emotion and allow you to find the space to speak wisely, act deliberately and stay cool under pressure.Key links: Melli O’Brien:https://melliobrien.com.Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Many of us are disconnected from the awareness of our oneness with nature. Preoccupied with the demands and activity of daily life, it’s easy for our sense of being to become divorced from the natural world, leaving us divorced, also, from our sense of belonging. The notion that we are separate from nature, rather than part of it, can cause feelings of meaninglessness and isolation, a kind of existential stress.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I help you conceptualise and reflect on your interconnectedness with this unfolding web of life through a metaphor from Author and Philosopher Alan Watts’. I then invite you to develop a regular practice which allows you to tune in to and honour the rhythm and pulse of life and find a greater sense of ease, wisdom and belonging.Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com. Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course - https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

We all experience anger at times, and though we may have been taught that it’s inherently bad or toxic, anger is actually an important, healthy and valuable emotion; it tells us when something we care about is under attack and mobilises the body to take action. It’s our expression of this anger, or lack thereof, that can be problematic. Whether we’re prone to lashing out or bottling up, shifting to a more skillful and mindful expression can greatly benefit our relationships with both others and ourselves, and even our physical health. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I break down four styles of anger expression - aggressive, passive-aggressive, suppressive and assertive - and invite you to consider which of these rings true for you. If healthy anger has never been modelled to you, it’s easy to default to an unhelpful style. Once you’ve taken that first step of identifying where you fall, you can start to shift into an expression that allows you to healthily and constructively honour and communicate your needs and boundaries. I share three tips to help you do exactly that.Key links: Get the Checklist for Healthy Angerhttps://melliobrien.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Checklist-for-Healthy-Anger.pdfMelli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course:https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

You’re probably familiar with the Buddha quote “Whatever one frequently ponders, that becomes the inclination of the mind,” a concept now backed by neuroscience. ‘Neuroplasticity’ refers to the ability of the mind to both form and transform neural pathways. One obvious example could be driving a car; eventually, the neural pathways grow so strong it becomes almost automatic. Similarly, when those neural pathways relate to anger, anxiety or otherwise negative thoughts, they too become hardwired. The good news is, with a bit of intentionality, we can actually rewire our minds to cultivate positivity and strength.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I highlight the fact that we are always training our minds and invite you to question whether your current practice is benefiting or hindering you. I explain how positive neuroplasticity training harnesses this and aids us to plant seeds of happiness and prune weeds of suffering in our mind’s garden. Finally, I give two ways to practise this in daily life to move closer towards the best, strongest version of yourself and away from entrenched negativity and doubt.Melli O’Brien:https://melliobrien.com.Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Whether we’re juggling high-pressure careers, bustling families or the pressures of global uncertainty and constant technological change, stress has become a near-constant in most of our lives, and this can make prioritising self-care a real challenge. Even if we manage to carve out a moment here and there, guilt may creep up, and we start to see the things that bring us pleasure and peace as optional rather than fundamental to our wellbeing. With self-ca+re left on the backburner too often or for too long, we’re at risk of burnout, breakdown or even physical illness. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I discuss Dr. Marie Asberg’s concept of the Exhaustion Funnel and some warning signs you can look for to catch when you may be getting a little too close to its edge. I invite you to reflect on the things that nourish and energise you - time with loved ones, physical movement, a favourite hobby, you name it - and identify three fundamental activities or care tasks you can prioritise in daily life that allow you to grow, stay mindful and thrive.Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com.Join the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course - https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Do you find yourself buying into limiting thoughts and beliefs that weigh you down? Maybe you’ve been trying to block them or push them away, but they keep popping back up. Unhelpful and untrue thoughts can take up a lot of space in our minds, especially when we’re navigating difficult times, and, left unchecked, we can become attached to these narratives and let them pull us into emotional reactivity. When our mental commentary is unhelpful, it can really hold us back, create tension in our relationships and dampen our ability to have joy in our lives. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I share a powerful metaphor that demonstrates a simple and effective “thanks, but no thanks” approach to disidentify with storylines that hold us back. I suggest some questions you can ask to help challenge and detach from those stickier thoughts and reclaim a sense of inner strength, clarity and freedom.Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comJoin the waitlist for Headstrong, Melli's 8-week online training course: https://melliobrien.com/headstrong-program/

Do you ever beat yourself up over how much money is in your bank account? Maybe you spiral into worry or self-doubt when a potential partner doesn’t get back to you about a date? These situations could be examples of prioritising stories over facts.  If you’re left with $2, maybe you sit thinking about how you’re terrible with money and you’ll always struggle when, the simple fact is just that you have $2. When a date stands you up or fails to reply, you could be left thinking that you’ll always be alone, you’re unattractive or that your date hates you. But, the fact is, they simply haven’t contacted you yet. If we look at challenging events in our lives at face value, we can save ourselves stress, worry and anxiety and build towards a future of greater mental strength. On this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore the importance of seeing the differences between facts and stories.  Facts about our lives are often coloured by our beliefs, judgements and experiences. But sometimes we need to get back to the bare bones of the situation and approach our problems objectively. Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

Our attention is under siege!These days there are so many things fighting for our attention that it can be a challenge to decide what to focus on.We are constantly bombarded by “mental junk food” while scrolling on our phones, flicking through magazines or surfing the internet.Like actual junk food, consumption of too much “mental junk food” can be damaging to our minds. On episode 24 of Mentally Stronger, I explore the idea of an attention diet. This idea allows you to experiment with what works for you and what doesn’t. But, what it boils down to is consuming less “junk” content – for instance through mindless scrolling or half-watching TV – and rather consuming more nutritional and uplifting information.I hope you find this useful.Key links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com Mark Manson on the Attention Diet idea: https://markmanson.net/how-to-improve-focus#goals

Do you ever have unhelpful thoughts gnawing away at your mood and self-esteem? In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I discuss how mindfulness can help you prevent negative thoughts, worries, self-doubts and resentments from becoming repeated patterns. For many of us, it’s the greatest threat to our mental strength, but if we have the tools, we’ll find the resolve and strength to beat those patterns.Here, I share the STOP method, a tool to help utilise mindfulness and move away from the negative thoughts that sap your mental strength. Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com 

Should you try to get rid of your negative thoughts?It’s a question I get asked a lot when I'm teaching retreats and courses, so I wanted to explore the idea of thought suppression more closely. When we try to get rid of negative thoughts, many of us will naturally try to suppress them. But you may have realised by now that this rarely works. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explain what the research says about thought suppression and explore some alternative strategies to help you gain more control over your thoughts. Key links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

We all encounter challenging dilemmas in our lives. They’re those moments when we feel like we’re at a crossroad and don’t know which way to turn.Do I stay or do I leave? Do I buy or do I save? Do I take this path or that path?It can be a real struggle to figure out how to approach these dilemmas without feeling stressed, frustrated or confused. In fact, when we worry too much about these dilemmas, it can make us more puzzled and be pretty destructive.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I share three steps you can use to meet any dilemma with greater mental strength.I explore ways to approach the problem with compassion and calmness so you can come to a conclusion with clarity and peace of mind.Key links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

Have you heard of the term ‘paper tigers’?It’s used to describe something or someone that claims to be powerful and threatening but, in actuality, is ineffectual and unable to withstand challenges.If we take this into the context of our emotions, many fear-invoking thoughts are ‘paper tigers’. They appear threatening on the surface but, as we think about them more or as time goes on, we realise they’re not things worth worrying about.On this episode of Mentally Stronger I ask, what are your ‘paper tigers’?Perhaps you catastrophise, playing out unlikely scenarios in your head – like losing your job, losing your partner or finding out you have a terrible illness. Maybe you overthink, asking yourself whether people like you, whether you did something wrong in a situation or whether you’re attractive.I invite you to welcome these ‘paper tigers’, pause for a moment, take a breath and examine them. Do these thoughts really pose a threat? Let’s work to find a new, empowering way to think about situations and reclaim our inner strength and calm. Key links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

As we go about daily life, a lot of our behaviour is compelled by a deep desire to be seen as successful, attractive and admirable.  Maybe, we even want to be seen as better than others. Prettier, more intelligent, more successful or better at something. We all want to feel special.  But what it all boils down to is…we just want to be accepted. We just want to be loved. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore why we humans often find ourselves seeking to impress or compete with our peers, rather than form meaningful connections with them. It’s easy for us to act based on extrinsic values and the opinions of others but, here, I offer advice on how we can change that and build strong, powerful connections with other people. By changing our behaviours, we can build trust, authenticity and love and live more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

At times, it can be a challenge to be true to ourselves. But developing trust in yourself and your own wisdom is key to greater mental strength.Absorbing advice, teachings and guidance from peers and leaders can, of course, be positive and help us learn. But it’s important to know when this gets too much and stops us from trusting what our own instincts, intuitions and feelings are trying to tell us.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore why it’s so important to be your own authority. For many of us, it’s a hard-wired habit to ignore our feelings instead of honouring them, maybe through fear or through a desire to impress or fit in with others.But, today, I explain how accepting, honouring, and acting on our own feelings and instincts is crucial as we navigate the path to greater wisdom and improved mental strength. Key links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

In our culture, we are repeatedly told that it’s bad to feel ‘negative’ emotions. When we feel emotions like fear, sadness, anger, and shame, we often believe we need to brush them under the carpet, suppress them or push on through.But, in fact, all emotions we feel serve an important purpose in our lives.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore the idea that emotions are our allies – not our enemies. Emotions are like messengers. They hold valuable information for us about how we can navigate our lives. The most negative feelings can hold the most valuable information about where we need healing.If we don’t listen to our emotions, we may miss out on opportunities to live our lives more fully, heal our wounds and grow our mental strength. Key links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

Some of us are going through life, unaware of how negative patterns affect us. Some of us are the total opposite, breezing through, effortlessly practicing helpful mental strength skills and cultivating lasting happiness. All of us are somewhere on the path toward becoming mentally stronger, and all of us have the potential to reach that satisfying state of greater mental strength. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I look at the four main stages we take to become mentally stronger. Plus, I share one of my favourite poems. See what emotions it evokes in you. Whichever stage you’re at, it’s OK. It’s all part of a journey that so many of us navigate in our own ways.  If we keep faith and remain patient and persistent on our journey to greater mental strength, resilience, presence, empowerment, wisdom and non-reaction can become second nature.  Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

How can we cultivate a life of great meaning and fulfilment? Much of our lives are in pursuit of material goals and achievements like salary, job title, educational achievements and so on. While these things are great goals to have, if we want to find more meaning in our lives, we must not only pursue our “resume virtues,” but also focus on “eulogy virtues” as well. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore the difference between resume and eulogy virtues and how the latter can help us live a life of greater meaning. I also explore some simple steps you can try today to start living more closely aligned to your eulogy virtues.  Listen to learn: What eulogy and resume virtues are The different effects of focusing on resume vs. eulogy virtues Why we often overlook eulogy virtues Three steps for living more closely aligned to our virtues  Why resume virtues aren’t wrong, they just shouldn’t be your sole focus  Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com 

Positivity is a wonderful thing. But there are times when it can go too far.  Toxic positivity is a term used to describe an unhealthy fixation with positive thinking styles and pleasant emotional states.  Someone caught up in toxic positivity may try to be happy all the time, put positive spins on negative experiences, and even encourage others to remain positive in tragic and traumatic times. While this sounds like a good thing in principle, it can prevent us from healing and growing.  In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore the implications of toxic positivity and share my four ways to avoid it in your own life and have a healthier emotional expression.  Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

We often think of language as a vehicle for expressing ourselves to others. But we also speak to ourselves all the time in our minds. What we don’t often realise is the significant impact of the words we choose to use. These words make a huge impression on our moods, other people’s moods and even our health.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I look at how changing our language, both within our self-talk and when we talk to others, can really transform us mentally and help us be kinder, more compassionate people.  Listen to learn: How your thoughts impact your mind and body What language can do to your moods How styles of thinking link to immunity About shifting your focus to helpful ways of thinking or speaking Key links: Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com 

When frustrating, aggravating or upsetting things happen in life, do you often find yourself taking it personally?Sometimes we can feel targeted or angered when things don’t go our way or when a person we love doesn’t do what we expect of them. But cultivating self-compassion, curiosity and compassion for other people can help.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore how we can take a step back and become calmer and less reactive when these things happen.More often than not, things we take personally are the result of a number of causes and conditions which nobody can control.When a shop clerk comes across as rude, somebody cuts you up on the road or your partner forgets to take out the garbage, it’s hard to remember it’s not personal. But follow the steps in this episode and you can lead a more compassionate, calm and less reactive life.

We live in a world where the media defines success. Cash, cars, and expensive clothes are what many of us strive for, and we are told achieving these goals will make us happy and successful.But how much of that is really true?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I ask: “How are you defining success?”It’s important to remember that we don’t have to buy into the idea that material wealth and individual achievement are what make us successful. We can determine our own goals and motivators to personify what we believe success to be.Watch to learn:How chasing material wealth can lead to anxiety and depressionWhy chasing this type of happiness causes us to push happiness awayHow to retrain your idea of successExcellent findings from Tim Kasser’s research (linked below)Key links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com Tim Kasser's research: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167213484586Tim Kasser’s book: https://www.amazon.com/High-Price-Materialism-Tim-Kasser/dp/026261197X

For many of us, we look to external factors to boost our self-worth. We compare ourselves to others and conclude that we are less or more good-looking, wealthy or successful than them. But is our worthiness really in our behaviours and what others think of us?In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore the best ways to cultivate true self-worth and look at how, turning the pattern of seeking external validation on its head, can transform feelings of self-acceptance.Practicing mindfulness and switching our focus can really help us let go of looking outside of ourselves for worthiness and begin to cultivate it from within.Listen to learn:How to accept and love yourself unconditionallyThat we’re all inherently worthyWhy cultivating true self-worth doesn’t prohibit self-improvementTwo ways to cultivate true, lasting self-worth right now

Do you ever catch yourself asking negative questions in your head, like “why is this happening to me?” or even “why am I such an idiot?”It’s no surprise that negative questions like these result in bad feelings. We can end up feeling disempowered, anxious, angry, or depressed. However, I want to share with you a simple but powerful mental strength hack. And that is learning to control the focus of your mind by asking better questions. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore the effects of bad internal questions and how we can reframe our thoughts to ask better ones to build up our mental strength.Listen to learn:Examples of common bad questions we ask ourselvesWhy our internal questions shape our inner dialogueWhy asking better questions can help us through challenging timesBetter questions you can start asking yourselfKey links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com/

It can be so easy to get caught up in stress, anxiety, and unhelpful thoughts and emotions. In times like these, we need to create some mental space, but how? In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I explore a favourite practice of mine called “when in doubt, zoom out.”This practice helps us to zoom out from whatever negativity we’re focusing on at that moment, to see a wider perspective and create some much-needed mental space. I explain how to get started with the practice and the simple yet important benefits it can bring. Listen to learn:Why we need to create mental space How the “when in doubt, zoom out” practice worksHow to get startedWays to broaden your mindful awarenessKey links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

Mental strength is not a destination. It’s not a perfection project. It’s a moment-by-moment choice that we make to tap into what’s deepest and truest in us, and to let that flow out of us unimpeded.It’s not about becoming something better. It’s about knowing ourselves more deeply and becoming ourselves more fully.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I talk about my journey and what led me to where I am today. Plus, I share two of the important things I have learned along the way that have made the most profound difference in my life. Listen to learn:Why finding mental strength is not a perfection projectWhat led me to teaching mindfulnessThe key to real happinessHow pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is optionalKey linksMelli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.comMatt Killingsworth study: https://www.ted.com/talks/matt_killingsworth_want_to_be_happier_stay_in_the_moment?language=enMy masterclass: https://melliobrien.com/masterclass/

It’s natural for us to overthink. We often find ourselves ruminating over things that have happened and overthinking how we dealt with situations. Many of us also worry about things in the future, like difficult conversations we will have to make, stressful presentations, or maybe our health or relationships. But letting go of overthinking can bring us a sense of freedom and peace of mind. It’s a great first step towards being more positive and practicing a much healthier alternative – constructive problem-solving.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I’ll be providing you with three steps you can put into action to shift your overthinking to constructive problem-solving instead. Watch to learn:What is overthinking?What is constructive problem-solving?How to designate ‘office hours’ for problem-solvingThe detrimental effects of overthinkingThe three steps to help you become a constructive problem-solverKey links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com

Regret, for our hunter-gatherer ancestors, was a handy survival strategy. After living through a run-in with a sabre-toothed tiger or a rival clan, their minds went over and over the scenario in order to learn anything that would give them a better chance of survival next time. However, leap forward a few hundred thousand years and our minds tend to do the same thing around moments of hurt, embarrassment and shame, often in a way that isn’t helpful or useful. So how can we transform this cycle in order to use it in a healthy and helpful way? In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I’ll be sharing a 3-step practice to help you shift the painful and disempowering states of regret into empowering states of resilience, connection to purpose and wisdom. Listen to learn:The part human evolution plays in regretHow to recognize patterns of regretWhy “just a spoonful” of regret is helpfulWhen to let go of regretA concise 3-step practice to transform our relationship with regretKey links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com/

Throughout our lives, we will encounter difficult emotions. They can often catch us off guard and bring about a sense of defeat or disappointment. At times, we will feel grief, sadness, anger, remorse, anxiety and a host of other emotions. It’s through these times that we need our mental strength the most.As human beings, our first instinct when these unpleasant emotions arrive is to either cover them up and distract ourselves or lose ourselves in them completely. However, there is another way that we can face these emotions and move through them in a healthy, life-affirming way.In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I’ll be guiding you through the four-step process known as RAIN. This mindfulness-based practice, which was first developed by Michele McDonald over 20 years ago, is designed to help you work through intense and difficult emotions. Watch to learn:Ways in which we instinctively deal with difficult emotionsWhy recognizing our emotions is the first important stepHow to accept your difficult thoughtsWhy you should become curious about your emotionsHow to tune in and nurture your negative feelingsKey linksMelli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com/

Unfortunately, conflict is one of those things that pops up in our lives, whether we like it or not. Say someone cuts in front of you in a long queue, or someone shows up an hour late for a meeting without an apology. The list of possible scenarios goes on and on, and they can be seemingly big or small issues.In those moments, it’s natural to jump to a place of anger, among other unpleasant feelings. But anger doesn’t have to be our knee-jerk response. In this episode of Mentally Stronger, I’ll be exploring one simple method of reducing conflict in your life – switching your mindset from furious to curious. Curiosity offers a different perspective that can diffuse the entire situation and leave you feeling calmer and more in control.Listen to learn:Why conflicts ariseThe mind’s journey from ‘hurt’ to ‘anger’The benefits of switching from furious to curiousTwo levels of curiosityWhy you shouldn’t make snap judgments about the actions of othersKey links:Melli O’Brien: https://melliobrien.com/

It’s sometimes a lot easier to look at the negative side of things. That’s generally the way the human brain is wired. So, those days when the grass seems greener on the other side, or when negative experiences steer you towards a pessimistic train of thought — that’s all totally normal.But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s healthy to stew in a pool of unhealthy thoughts. That’s why this episode of Mentally Stronger is all about tackling negative thoughts in the simplest ways possible.Join me as I take us back to the roots of this negative thought reflex and share three practical and simple hacks that will keep negativity at bay.Listen to learn:Why negative thoughts are a normal human responseThe biological roots of negative thoughtsHow gratitude can be mentally upliftingThe benefits of looking at things from a fresh perspectiveWhy you should enjoy simple pleasures in lifeKey links:Melli O’Brien: http://melliobrien.com/

Self-doubt is a totally normal part of life. At some point, even the most confident people experience waves of doubt. And some experience it so much that it keeps them from acting on what’s important to them.While some self-doubt can be healthy, toxic self-doubt must be combatted. In episode one of my brand new podcast, Mentally Stronger, I explore what toxic self-doubt is, why we experience it, and three tactics for overcoming it.With Mentally Stronger, I’ll be exploring topics related to mental strength and mindfulness by sharing practical tools to train your mind to be stronger, so you can unlock your potential and live a happier life.Stay tuned for future episodes!Listen to learn:What toxic self-doubt isWhy we experience itWhy we should thank our mindsHow to connect with your vision and valuesHow to take meaningful action to combat self-doubtKey links:Melli O’Brien: http://melliobrien.com/

How do you handle the emotional highs and lows life is constantly dishing out? While you'll probably find lots of answers out there, the truth is that tackling these issues starts from a place of mental strength.As someone who has devoted years to understanding what it means to be mentally strong, Melli O’Brien shares doable, evidence-based techniques that’ll fuel the mind on her show Mentally Stronger.Are you struggling with anxiety, wondering how to overcome adversity or simply looking for ways to live the best version of your life?If so, then you’re in the right place.Becoming mentally stronger is more of a marathon than a sprint, so each week this show delivers useful, digestible practices that aim to help you achieve the life you want, all while building your mental strength.