Shutdown Fullcast

Nick Saban got paid a lot of money to coach Alabama last year. He will get more money thanks to his new deal because nobody will listen to our plan to trick coaches into signing terrible incentive-laden contracts. Don't worry, most of this podcast isn't about the crazy money college football coaches make at the top. It's pointless meanderings about grocery stores, like: - Can you beat Whole Foods at their own hot bar game? - Is Trader Joe's for assholes? - Did you know there are grocery stores where you can buy liquor? - Why are there grocery stores that don't sell liquor? - Are Publix Subs that good? - What's the B in H.E.B. stand for? - Pork bleaching? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's NFL Draft week, so we asked for your uninformed and inflammatory opinions about the World's Most Televised Job Fair that we might agree with them, or disagree, or just talk about something else altogether. Such takes include! - The Kansas City Chiefs should never draft a quarterback in the first round - Vandy's Zach Cunningham will be the player college fans correctly think fell way too far - The Draft is bad and so is league parity - The Browns should trade the first pick for Bill Belichick - Draft order should be determined by each team sending a player to the Combine to compete - Spencer definitely knows what he's doing as a dad Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Fullcast was gone for a little while, and now it isn't. Naturally, it's time for some meaty football talk about topics like: - Richard Spencer, and how dumb it is to appeal to racists in the South by telling them football is bad - Alex Jones and the neurology of chili consumption - The path to a Rutgers spot (or two) in the College Football Playoff - Florida Atlantic's new recruiting hashtag #BLOWEDUP18 - Kentucky's TaxSlayer Bowl Attendee rings - American Gladiators and Disney (not related, missed opportunity by us) - Mark Davis. Just a banner episode for dumb white guys! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ryan was sick for this edition of the Shutdown Fullcast, so we got ESPN's own Mina Kimes to join us to discuss an extremely important college football team: The Seattle Seahawks. Mina is now a featured member of the cast; Ryan has been reassigned to the mail room. Other topics discussed: --Nick Saban gets out of a helicopter, which is the only actual news --A brief survey of the Washington Huskies’ recent dark years --Why the Pac-12’s deep relaxing chill might give college talent better prospects as professional football players --Pete Carroll’s ability to hypnotize the mothers of recruits with his sheer animal charisma --The discomfort of referring to anyone as a “twelve” outside of the context of professional wrestling --Mina discloses her experience playing The Undertaker in wrestling matches with her brother, and how she sells a Stunner --Celebrations in the football and how a discussion of Korean bat-flipping gets us to the story where Mina does the spinning Homer dance on the floor in the name of doing her job as a journalist --Proven: Jerry Rice is the best Twitter user on the planet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We continue to test the limits and boundaries of this already poorly-constructed podcast by trying a new format this week: solving your mysteries. Mysteries like! - Why is Wisconsin consistently good? - Why is Cal consistently not given how much NFL talent they generate? - Who conspired to keep Auburn out of the 2004 title game? - What happens if Spencer leaves his two sons alone in a room for more than 10 minutes? - Who's preventing SEC schools from adopting the currency system of John Wick? - When does Will Muschamp reveal that he's got a good offense ok see this format already ran its course Oh yeah, this is also the start of season 5. There's no reasoning here. I just got tired of counting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This whole episode isn't explicitly about Jon Gruden, except it sort of is, if you consider that: - We unnecessarily hate on Stephen A. Smith, who is not Jon Gruden - We ask why more coaches can't follow the Jon Gruden Guide to Eternal Wealth - We talk about goatees and who shouldn't have them; Jon Gruden would never have a goatee - We consider who's going to totally plummet next season and therefore be eligible for Grumors (Jon Gruden Rumors) - We talk about Road House; Jon Gruden is familiar with both roads AND houses. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Instead of questions, we asked you to give us your BOLLLLLD STATEMENTS so that we might judge them and hoobuddy did you deliver. Amongst the opinions that we weighed: - Taco Bell > Chipotle - Texas would have beaten Alabama if Colt McCoy had played - Nebraska was right to fire Bo Pelini - The three of us could not defeat a wolf in combat - No school that hasn't won a title before will win one in the future - Atlanta will soon be a baseball town - Empire Strikes Back and Bill Murray and the Sega Dreamcast are all bad and dumb - Michael Dyer was down Again, these are YOUR opinions, that you shared with us, on a public social media platform, simply because we asked. As a thanks for doing so, we are back to our usual meh-at-best audio quality we love youuuuuuuuu. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We absolutely covered every news item from last week, so this week we're free to talk about less weighty topics, like food poisoning, or the scariest weapon someone can attack you with, or what you should do if you're an Ole Miss fan, or who on our staff is the sloppiest drunk. We also reveal our Emotional Top 10, a meaningless ranking which should not infuriate anyone but well let's not kid ourselves. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast, America's favorite political discussion, addresses Tommy Tuberville's political future, figures out which sitting politicians could most easily slide into coaching (Woo Bill Sooie), considers which woebegone CFB program Earth is, and rambles on about some other stuff, though not as long as we usually do because Spencer was busy lifting or something. Hey, thank you for listening, by the way! You're a peach. A confusing peach. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two of the Shutdown Fullcast hosts have shot a gun before (the one who hasn't is the one who looks like a Dutch pop singer) which gives us the authority to make broad, sweeping decisions about which states stay in America 2.0 and which states are out. There is also some general discussion of Senator Kid Rock, what the dumbest non-sports sports things are, and why Bill C. and Godfrey should meet us outside because YES WE WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE STATE OF FLORIDA FOOTBALL TASTE THESE RINGS YOU PUNKS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if three employees of an Internet-only media outlet could not consistently use the Internet well enough to record a podcast? What if one of those employees had been covering that fact up by carefully editing out all the times where someone disconnects or everything just goes to shit? What if he stopped doing that on this episode? WELCOME! TO THE UNEDITED SHUTDOWN FULLCAST! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Per our guest Bud Elliott, National Signing Day is a thing that has happened and meant things to teams. Teams like Ole Miss, and Stanford, and Oklahoma, and The Wall of Hastily Stacked Human Hearts in Butch Jones's Basement. But we're here to talk about more than just who signed a good class and who didn't. We're here to talk about yard work. We're here to talk about improving your commitment announcement ceremony. And we're even here to talk about how Todd Graham -- yeah, that Todd Graham, the one you're thinking of -- could be the key to saving mankind from self-destruction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Other than Jim Harbaugh Things, which are always happening because they can't not happen, the college football world is pretty quiet for the time being. Fortunately, there's the Super Bowl! Which we don't really talk about that much, other than to spread a few lies about Boston. There are also questions about regional food because that's the main thing this podcast is about. Again, we're not sure why you listen to it in the first place. Or why we make it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The beginning of the offseason means it's time for promises you won't keep to yourself. One of those might be getting in better shape. Don't do what Oregon did! Listen to us instead and go get a job at Publix! Jason survives a mid-episode attack from the Luftstreitkräfte, and Spencer tells you how to be a more spiteful father. We also have updates on Ryan's very foolish quest to become all things Bloomin' Onion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Clemson-Alabama rematch was so entertaining and interesting that this might be our least joke-filled episode...ever? We got too caught up admiring Deshaun Watson, and Clemson's receivers, and how their defense played spectacularly for so long that the offensive line could pick itself off the mat when they needed to. We even have lots of positive things to say about Alabama! It's all very confusing and probably a sign that we need to sleep way more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

One game remains in this college football season, so, appropriately, we spend a bunch of time on this episode talking about fried chicken restaurants. Theoretically there is also discussion of: - Ohio State's very poor showing/the Clemson Credit Card - New coaches that may be headed for rough first years - Press box fighting rankings - Teams that are likely to be hyperinflated by bowl success - Notre Dame OH YEAH WE FOUND A WAY SUCKERS - My one and only goal for 2017: to become the Bloomin Onion Mascot. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 40 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Sugar Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! We are perfectly aware that this game is taking place in 2017 and not 2016 but we are too lazy to change our formatting for these episodes so too bad for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 39 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Rose Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Actually, this one is confusingly positive, about the bowl venue and the players involved and shoot even the coaches. 2016 has been a very trying year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 38 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Cotton Bowl or the teams playinROW THE BOAT ROW THE BOAT ROW THE BOAT ROW THE BOAT ROW THE BOAT ROW THE BOAT ROW THE BOAT ROW THE BOAT Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 37 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Outback Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Looking at the run time of this episode, you can probably guess whether we do or not! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 36 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Fiesta Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! This one has some actual football discussion, which, I'm sorry, I know that's not why you're here and we'll try to do better. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 35 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Peach Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! I mean, it's a playoff game, so we're probably going to talk about the teams and the game. But this is a pretty bad and pointless podcast, so there's a chance we won't. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 34 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the TaxSlayer Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Kentucky and Georgia Tech have explore the whole football spectrum this year, from "beat Louisville and Virginia Tech" to "lost to Southern Miss and barely beat Duke." So if you know what's going to happen in this game, you are a liar or a time traveler. If you're a time traveler, why are you listening to this podcast? (That's true of non time travelers as well, to be fair.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 33 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Citrus Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Wait, no, this is a bowl that has Coach O and Lamar Jackson in it. Of course we're talking about the teams. (And Todd Grantham, Emotional Defensive Coordinator.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 32 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Orange Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! If you have evidence of a Michigan fan and a Florida State fan successfully conversing for more than six minutes straight without the use of a Wisconsin fan as interpreter, please send it our way. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 31 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Arizona Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! This bowl game barely exists. The same is true of this podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 30 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Music City Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Tennessee has already lost this game by way of chicken failure. Also, if you're looking to sell property in Nashville, please email Spencer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 29 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Sun Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! In truth, we spend almost no time talking about the teams in this game. We spend a lot of time talking about the game itself and its reign as America's Most Hungover Bowl. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 28 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Liberty Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! One person on this episode is just brutal towards Georgia. Surprisingly, that person is neither Spencer nor Ryan. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 27 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Alamo Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! TCU is not in this game, but that does not stop us from going into disturbing details on Gary Patterson at Taco Bell, to the point that Holly storms off at one point. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 26 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Belk Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Tread lightly if you are easily offended by people slandering Beamerball or the thought of Bret Bielema reproducing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 19 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Holiday Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Also, please do not sue us, Lindsey Buckingham. We have no money, as you can tell by the fact that we keep doing these instead of something that might actually improve our lives. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 18 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Military Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Temple enters this game without their head coach while Wake Forest lacks something far more important: internal trust. I'm writing my name on my groceries from now on, Wake Forest, and I'm looking for my own place once I save up the money! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 17 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Heart of Dallas Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! As is Fullcast custom, the best discussion took place after we finished recording, when Spencer found out that Zaxby's commercials have featured stars like Penny Marshall, Evander Holyfield, Reginald VelJohnson, and Paul Sorvino. Sorry about that! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 16 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Independence Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! We will, however, use this episode to remind you that the Canadian Football League once put a team in Shreveport, which might help you understand why the CFL will never overtake the NFL. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 15 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Quick Lane Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Dudes. #Dudes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 14 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the St. Pete Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Kind of weird that an orange juice company put its name on a stadium with field known for being 1. artificial and 2. shitty but who are we to judge? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 13 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Hawaii Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Did you know the cost of living in Honolulu is lower than that in New York City! You won't learn that in the podcast, but you learned about it here, which is almost as good! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 12 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Dollar General Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! This is the final episode we recorded with three of us using a legitimate studio setup so when the episodes after this sound like ass, that's why, don't at me. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 11 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Armed Forces Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! DID YOU KNOW: Two years ago, this game featured Houston and Pitt, which legally makes Pitt our shadow military of last resort. The Constitution is clear on this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 10 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Bahamas Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! This is one of those episodes that's short because we're sick of 1. talking to each other and 2. life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 9 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Paul Petrino will fight you if you listen to this podcast, or if you do not. He's outside your house right now, kicking your car. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 8 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Poinsettia Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Each of these episodes costs five dollars and we work on the honor system; we assume the $35 for the previous seven episodes is already in the mail thank youuuuuuuu. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 7 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Boca Raton Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Please Google Image Search "Nick Holt" before listening to this episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 6 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Miami Beach Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Mostly we're distracted by the fact that Spencer lost his luggage by just leaving it in overhead storage. He is worse at flying than you are at anything. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 5 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the New Orleans Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Ryan's still getting basic facts wrong and they should fire him already! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 4 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Cure Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Ryan can't even get the basic facts of this game right so don't expect much, please! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 3 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Camellia Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Caveat emptor is the only rule for this podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 2 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the Las Vegas Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! Sorry, we're not good at this! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Number 1 of 40 bowl previews, in which we may not discuss the New Mexico Bowl or the teams playing in it whatsoever! That's the risk you take when you decide to listen! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices