Shutdown Fullcast

By my count, we drafted 8 quarterbacks, which seems absurd but watch the actual NFL pick nine in the first round this year and make us look lame. But will they draft a kicker? Will they draft an offensive lineman and make him play kicker? Will they forget one of the best defensive players in the whole draft is available until the first round is basically over? No. And that's why you come to the Shutdown Fullcast, with special guest Harry Lyles. (Please follow Harry on Twitter - @harrylylesjr - and don't hold his appearance on this show against him. He just wanted to be a good coworker.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can you secede from your HOA? What coach is best suited to represent himself? How do you safely and responsibly turn in the pygmy hippo you bought online not realizing that it would still grow to 500 pounds? Where will Spencer get his newest Michigan tattoo? Why is the NCAA? These pressing legal matters are well, no, not answered, but generally talked about and around on this LEGAL EAGLES episode of the Shutdown Fullcast, which is NOT brought to you by Cheez-It. Cheez-It: They Think You Look Fat In That Shirt. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We've probably done this episode three times before, and we probably said totally different things, and we're all probably trapped in an endless loop from which we can never emerge. Roll Tide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Spring football is here, and so are the same spring football stories you have heard for the last ten years and will hear for the next eleven. Therefore, we decided to focus on important non-football things, like egg preparations and Pearl Jam and Sean Connery movies and Pitt's football schedule and video game bear assassins. Good job, us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

John Currie got fired by Tennessee when the year was still 2017, yet we, the idiot sports internet, are still talking about it in March 2018. Why? Because the Vols decided to give the world a BUNCH of Currie's text messages, allowing us to discuss important matters like:Why Gogo Inflight is a Georgia weaponGroup texts, and the misery they present to those dragged into them unwillinglyItalian Brady HokeThe worst email you can get from your boss that isn't directly hostile or unprofessionalThat Disney and Pixar bracket, which was not sent to Currie but would have been had it come up at the time My theory? Tennessee's doing this to distract us from talking or thinking about football. Watch them lose to Vanderbilt by 18 next year and "oh we found a bunch of John Currie's search history entries, here you go!" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

ALL HAIL THE RANDOMIZER. There is nothing of consequence to discuss this week in college football so rather than rely on the extremely faulty computers that are our own brains, we turned to the Shutdown Fullcast Topic Randomizer (patent pending) and asked you, gentle listener, to supply us with talking points. You did a great job, except when you asked us to compare Iowa to the state of American politics. That shit would have gotten us killed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does anyone actually read the descriptions to podcasts? I mean, I don't generally, but it's possible my personal habits don't reflect the rest of the world. Let's test this: if you're reading this description, please tweet a Wario gif of your choosing at Spencer Hall (@edsbs). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh look, the Fullcast got us a guest! Bomani Jones of ESPN answers the call and hangs tight for a lean, mean 38 minutes of furious offseason content. Also he sounds good even on Fullcast quality, because his voice transcends even the most mediocre audio setups. Damn you and your pretty voice, Bomani. Topics include! --The most calorically efficient Cook Out trays possible --The hardest towns in each SEC state. SHOUT OUT TO ORANGE MOUND. --Related: Why no one should ever have an enemy in New Orleans --A necessary review of Mike Price's career as black market profiteer --Bomani reviews Texas --But we instantly swerve into a discussion of short but very mean defensive tackles --LOU HOLTZ WAS JUST TRYING TO WIN --How Mister Alexander is the most humble of names SUBSCRIBE. FOLLOW. DOWNLOAD. LISTEN THREE TIMES FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're organized and hardworking and on top of things, and that's why we're wrapping up the payoffs for our fall charity drive in FEBRUARY. Imagine what it was like being our parents growing up! Just terrible, day in and day out. Reader selected topics include:The wonders of non-U.S. KFC offeringsWhether you should buy class photos for your childStar Wars, if Alex Jones were Princess LeiaBoomer SoonerBoomer SoonerBoomer SoonerBoomer Sooner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Post Signing Day February is the time when basically nothing happens in college football, so Spencer didn't even bother to show up for this episode. Did we use that as an excuse to tell flagrant lies about his anatomy? Sure did! This episode is also full of your bold opinions on topics such as:Will MuschampNebraska football failureNFC teams invading Atlanta for the Super BowlRutgersThe Beatles Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode argues that smoking is good for your teeth, gives you tips on how to keep contraband from getting taken from you when you stay at a hotel, praises the robot dogs that will be the future stewards of Earth, talks about the Incredible Hulk TV show for 10 minutes, and reads the Iowa City Police Log. Football is so so so so so far away. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Eagles won the Super Bowl, but the people of Philadelphia showed us how to celebrate on the right side of the border between Fun-Loving Jackasses and Oh No The Fire Station Is Somehow On Fire. We asked our listeners for their tales of overindulgent victory acts, and most of them involve Ohio State on one side or the other. Spencer also reveals that he saw the Georgia fan in the yellow Hummer with the TV strapped to the back recently. SPOILER: He is not playing the National Championship game on repeat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

FACT: Performance enhancing drugs have always clouded Olympic competitions. FACT: Enforcing the rules against PEDs can be incredibly difficult and occasionally lead to unjust results. FACT: What if we just let all the athletes use one drug tailored to their sport? FACT: Also Spencer invented cross-country MMA. FACT: There is no mention of college football on this episode for roughly 45 minutes. FACT: We found a new job for Jim Mora. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At last, with messy, time-consuming games out of the way, we can get into what college football is all about: The offseason. The most important time of the year deserves its own preview. Coach says that failing to prepare is preparing to fail, and we couldn't agree more. You can't just jump into twenty page comment section arguments about transfer requirements. You can't just expect to start a fierce twitter thread about whether a fourth-place finish in the Big Ten East is actually better than winning it outright. You know who wins a recruiting argument? Certainly not the person who doesn't even know about composite rankings, that's who. No, no, you gotta ease into that, you gotta prepare, and you gotta have a plan. It's a long ride, but we brought snacks and GPS, baby. Pee out the window, though. The bathrooms along this stretch are an abomination. DISCUSSED: --Jason and Spencer only, as Ryan's important work in the federal government was shutdown and thus so was Ryan --Opening discussion of cities that should have mascots and powerful food court vape wars --Why Philadelphia might be the most SEC city in America --Where Michigan will go this offseason, or "glory is forever, and malaria is treatable" --HERM EDWARDS IS GOING TO BE A DELIGHT EVEN IF HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS TEAM'S NAME. MAYBE ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS TEAM'S NAME. --How Josh Heupel might crumble under the pressure of defending UCF's national title --Switching NFL coaches with college coaches goes very, very sideways --Why football players should be allowed to study abroad at other programs --Let's just preseat both the Hot Seat, the Lukewarm Seat, and the Cold Seat Ready To Burst Into Flame At Any Second --Bobby Petrino reviewed! (It's not good, and sounds like a mink caught in a trap) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

WARNING! There's some football talk in this episode. I know, two in a row. What the shit is THAT about. The good news is, this is the last game we have to talk about for quite a while, so this podcast will return to its real strength: (file not found) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Where else can you find a National Championship preview that discusses UVA football and a clumsy Tennessee metaphor and Nick Foles and Mack Brown and UCF and ok yes Georgia and Alabama because it was very hard to fill a whole episode without mentioning those two teams? NOWHERE, I'LL WAGER! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

2018 started with a lot. Notre Dame beat LSU on one of the best plays ever. Auburn helped UCF plan a national championship parade. THE ROSE BOWL FOUND MULTIPLE NEW DIMENSIONS OF EXISTENCE. Oh right, Ryan was the Bloomin' Onion at the Outback Bowl and used his dark, deep fried sorcery to ruin the Big Ten's bowl record and cast doubt on Jim Harbaugh's tenure. This is the year we achieve every one of our dreams, people! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the one that just turns into weird Star Wars talk. Thank you for purchasing the 2017 40 for 40. (No refunds, not even for store credit.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're way too bullish on Baker Mayfield because he's incredibly talented and what not so congratulations to Georgia for holding him to 107 yards passing and no touchdowns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm choosing to use this space to thank all of you who helped make #FryinNanni come true. Please remember me fondly if, as Spencer and Jason suggest and borderline wish on this episode, I am burned, shot, trampled, arrested, or otherwise seriously injured/killed while dressed as a giant Bloomin Onion. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The 2017 Peach Bowl features Auburn and UCF. We spend a good portion of this episode talking about Washington State and It's A Wonderful Life. This is the best way to explain this podcast to a stranger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

CITRUS AND BUFFALO WILD WINGS DO NOT GO TOGETHER I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING CRAZY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Easily one of the most vulgar bowl previews we've ever done, and we BARELY mention Louisville! Miracles are all around you, if only you're willing to believe/have a very low standard for miracles. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you know the Liberty Bowl was once played in an Atlantic City convention hall? Did you know all Memphis rap hooks have to advise you to do something bad for you? Did you know Holly is working on a spell to lure Paul Johnson to Knoxville? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're not so different, Wisconsin and Miami, in that you've both got border smuggling potential and love to enjoy life's pleasures. There is the whole winter thing, but, hey, that's what brandy is for! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Penn State, we somehow gave you Lane Kiffin. Washington, we treated you even more poorly. I'm sorry for all of this. Absolutely all of it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Spencer stupidly tries to eat healthy. Ryan loses a bet with Jason on the number of Belks in Charlotte. Aggietha Christie is invented. Again, to call these bowl previews is bordering on criminal fraud. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Sun Bowl is tied with the Sugar and Orange Bowls for second-oldest in college football. While the other two sometimes get to host a Playoff game, the Sun will be sending Todd Graham out in style while Herm Edwards tries to convince recruits to come to ASU because he's buddies with the Spice Girls. Also, NC State will be there, though it's fine if you don't pay attention to that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ohio State-USC should be an excellent bowl matchup, and that's why we spend a lot of time talking about Josh Rosen and the Browns and Blockbuster Video. We should all be fired. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Get on TV" may not seem like a particularly lofty aim for a bowl game but dammit the Arizona Bowl was not going to listen to your negativity. They went out there and ACHIEVED. So did New Mexico State, who won more games this year than Florida or Tennessee or Nebraska or Arkansas. Sports are good and not at all painful! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's a bowl in Nashville and one of the teams is Northwestern. You can guess 90% of the jokes based on that limited information alone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Behold the raw efficiency of this bowl preview, where we talk over each other for 90 seconds and then that's it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

HELL YEAH WE CHEATED YOU OUT OF AN EPISODE. Just pretend these two games are the Designer Imposter College Football Playoff. So much to play for now! The SEC and ACC totally shut out, and nobody's talking about it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

RIDERS WITH SWORDS VERSUS SAILORS. You will throw a horse if you love the troops, dammit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Featuring two of the college football fanbases best suited to a camping-based society. Because this game is in Orlando, we are also required to make extensive mention of the Weird Donald Trump Robot at Disney. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In which we ponder what a message board based God would do, and why the Birmingham Bowl trophy is the best version of Spencer, and butts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Technically this is more of a Iowa Season In Review. Iowa: we can do anything, and that includes an incredibly dumb 17-10 overtime loss to Northwestern! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Most American schools won't teach you that the American Revolution started in Shreveport when British forces started a brawl in a Logan's Roadhouse after someone talked shit about the House of Tudor. We will. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Spencer isn't dead. We at the Shutdown Fullcast regret the error. (For so many reasons.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Quick Lane Bowl has a website for two reasons. One, to remind you that the Detroit Lions exist even though thousands of other American businesses have failed in your lifetime. Two, to sell you 2014 Quick Lane Bowl gear. E-COMMERCE IS KING. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What's the difference between naming a wine and naming a craft beer? How does the Cactus Bowl promote group sex? Why is Bill Snyder going to sue us into oblivion? When will this podcast die already? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

By far the least college footbally of these previews, in that we spend almost the entirety of the episode discussing babies pooping in the bathtub and The Last Jedi and the weird Garfield scene in The Last Jedi. We're sorry, Hawaii Bowl. Just sort of forgot what we were doing here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Birmingham Bowl has no title sponsor this year, and three of the four platinum sponsors are entities that really don't need the publicity or are already getting it thanks to the very existence of this bowl. So basically, let's pool our money and name this bowl whatever we want. Idea 1: The No Die Hard 2 Isn't Great But It Has Entertaining Moments Let's Give It Some Credit Birmingham Bowl Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

One of the only previews that actually talks about the game, but only to note that it will probably last an hour and 47 minutes and the winning team will manage to only run 38 plays. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mobile: for when you just don't feel like going all the way to New Orleans and this will do fine. Bob Stoops is the motivational lunch speaker for this bowl game because sure, why not? Anytime you can get that sweet motivational lunch speaker cash, you take it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Frisco Bowl is brand spankin' new this year, so special guest and college football expert Jon Bois helps us answer the important questions about this game, including:What is DMX's one weird workout tipCan you play this game at the small theater at a science museum insteadDidn't Hardee's have a Frisco BurgerHow is FriscoWhat's your best betting option for this game Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

THEY RUINED IT. THEY HAD A GOOD THING AND THEY RUINED IT. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A collection of human men and women intentionally built a 12,000 pound fake potato and put it on a truck that has "IT'S REAL" proudly emblazoned on the side and sent it around the country. This potato is a lie and that's gotta be a metaphor for so many things about our world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever wanted to hear three grown men discuss whether or not they can use a website successfully in between angry teardowns of a stadium built for a baseball team that didn't show up for almost a decade? You're in luck/deeply troubled! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There's a conspiracy behind this bowl game and the entire Boca Raton civil government is in on it, as is GEOPRISON, as is Jon Bois, our guest for this episode. These are a total mess, huh? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices