Shutdown Fullcast

Two former SEC linemen join Jason and Ryan while Spencer is lost in the mountains. They talk about: - fried chicken chains and the unspeakable world of on-campus food delivery - the merits of blocking vs. muting on Twitter - whether college offensive linemen are really as unprepared as NFL scouts complain they are - strength coaches - the merits of scheduling FCS opponents - the very small difference between Heaven and Hell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The fire code gets tossed out the window on this episode, with special guests Bill Connelly (Podcast Ain't Played Nobody), Dan Rubenstein (The Solid Verbal), Bud Elliott (Tomahawk Nation), and Brian Floyd (Lost in the Upside Down). This ragtag crew is faced with the task of: - Figuring out what the hell we did with those season predictions, and why - Selecting the most generic FBS school - Threatening to murder turn of the century German teens - Identifying the worst conference game of 2016 - Picking the teams that will go from great to trash and vice versa this season - Failing to know the best Van Morrison song It's...surprisingly coherent? Sure, let's go with that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The final preview episode! We're there, at last, but not before an intro where we talk about how playing in Detroit in the NFL is like the Dark Souls of football career challenges, and maybe a quick diversion into Botched, the best worst show on television. These two concepts are definitely related. The final teams: --BAMA. Mostly just us making things up about how they're not going to drag everyone on this schedule except for Ole Miss --OLE MISS. A fond discussion about a team that will probably beat Alabama, and then somehow lose four games along the way. The Rebels remain the team that wins the lottery on Monday, and is out of money by Tuesday; the Rebels remain "As I Lay Dying: The Football Team." --TEXAS A&M. That thing where you look at the schedule and make some very charitable advances in the Aggies' direction and still come up with a 7-5 record at best. Good luck, Kevin Sumlin! --UCLA. Josh Rosen could be really good, and it still might not matter if UCLA manages to get half its roster injured like they did last year. We also examine the philosophies of Jim Mora, Profane Zen Master. --West Virginia. Dana Holgorsen has been in Morgantown six years! He's almost an institution, which is probably just about when he up and leaves before creditors find him. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know, just because we say you're getting two podcasts in a week doesn't mean you're getting a good pair of podcasts. This isn't entirely our fault: the random assortment of teams came up with not one, but TWO teams in the state of Illinois. This was doomed from the start. Topics include: --A quick discussion of the hierarchy of cheap-ass grocery store chains, and a reminder that HEB hands out beers to drink while you're shopping --A review of all the bad things that have happened to every single one of these teams --A discussion of South Carolina football that devolves into "Will Muschamp, hostage negotiator" --How Northwestern is exactly the team to start 4-0 and end up 6-6 --A thing that will get us at least two angry emails about how Chicago is a college football town --Oregon State gets fast-forwarded to next year, let's just come back and see how they're doing next year, y'all, look away, this is definitely something for 2017 and eyes away, please --Ryan talks very seriously about Baylor, and not about football alone Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh it's DOUBLE FULLCAST WEEK. This one might as well be the Brunch episode, because it involves a few prime ingredients (look, we're talking about Florida State, an excellent football team) mixed in with the lesser leftovers from the week you might not want to serve by themselves. (Hello, Indiana and Vanderbilt.) Topics include: --More yelling about FSU's Dalvin Cook, who should have been the Heisman winner last year, and how his football team might be real, real good around him already before you add in his unearthly talents. --Vanderbilt discussion centers mostly around a.) Vandy improving to a lofty five win standard again, and b.) a lot of reminders about how dismal Vandy has been historically, like that's something that will make Vandy feel better about getting their teeth kicked in by Tennessee consistently again. --Indiana! AMERICA'S MOST ZANDER DIAMONT TEAM. --Texas Tech! They're just Indiana football, but dustier and blessed with Pat Mahomes at quarterback. --Finally, Kansas State, which just gets kind of sad because it really, really feels like Bill Snyder's last season. (Even though it turns out that Bill Snyder is younger than man/chicken hybrid Kenny Rogers.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

WE BACK. The summer preview quite literally rolls on, at least in Jason's case, since he recorded his portion in the car this week in transit to SEC Media Days. Does Jason, recording in his car on a phone over the ineptly paved and uneven highways of Alabama, still sound better than recording over Indiana internet? Yes, yes it does. You're better than Indiana at something, Alabama! STICK THAT CHEST OUT AND ROLL TIDE. This one is...actually good? Actually GREAT. The teams this week are: --MICHIGAN STATE. A team that somehow feels like they'll be fine by scoring fewer points, playing uglier football, and losing a quarterback whose personality was considered cancerous even by NFL quarterback standards. Then again: when has an experienced backup upperclassman being considered a given at QB ever gone wrong, we ask, when, when in the entire history of say, Florida football has that ever gone wro-- --NC State! They're definitely a football team? They have a pretty good defense? They'll play sort of ineffective offense, but do it quickly? They're in the ACC, and not named Florida State or Clemson, so [bucket of shrug emojis]? --GEORGIA. A preview where we definitely do not say that Kirby Smart is Will Muschamp part 2, and where Jason yells out "ALL DAWGS MATTER" after suggesting you can get an undergraduate degree in conservative talk radio at the University of Georgia. Remember when Grayson Lambert went 24 for 25 against South Carolina, and was going to win the Heisman, and then five months later Mark Richt was coaching Miami? We do. --Louisville! Summary: Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson Lamar Jackson --TCU. Where when you play Pokemon Go, you find Gary Patterson and you find a Squirtle. We all agree that they're going to go 11-1, which is nothing but doom for TCU. SQUIRTLE WINS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jason joined us from Indiana to record this one from inside what sounds like a steamer trunk filled with spiders. We will never, ever let Jason do this again, or we will put him back inside a very real steamer trunk filled with spiders. The teams previewed this week are: --Mississippi State! Goddammit, Dan Mullen, you gigantic idiot. That and "Dak Prescott is gone" are your whole preview. --LSU! Where Jason, from inside that spider-filled steamer trunk in Buttsville, Indiana, tries to sell us all on Brandon Harris being more than the typical LSU Quarterback Of The Moderately Damnable Quality. --Arkansas! We mostly debate the various calendar-themed types of Arkansas teams Bret Bielema has created over the years: the SeptemBERT variety, the OctoBERT one, or the rarest and most potent of them all, the NovemBERT strain that still goes like 2-2, but does so with a powerful, entertaining vigor. Please don't firebomb our houses for discussing your football team, Arkansas fans. --Penn State! Now with 100% less Christian Hackenberg, which might be a good thing? Oh, and they turned over their whole coaching staff, basically, so...JAMES FRANKLIN RECRUITING SOMETHING SOMETHING --Duke, which we don't really preview because honestly we know nothing about them, will do no research, and are very glad David Cutcliffe will probably get them somewhere between 5-7 and 7-5 and better than Duke football should by any rights be. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why did we discuss USC? Mostly to remind you no one knows who their coach is, and so we could play out the gag of not saying his name to make you look up who it is. Oh, and to make Ryan go back when Spencer forgot the gag, said his name, and then forced Ryan to edit in some extremely dope music over the guy's name at the 9:30 mark. Topics! (THEY'RE CALLIN' AGAIN.) --What USC will look like in 2016, which will probably be "a lot like other USC teams in recent history, but with an absolutely brutal schedule including Alabama in week one." You'd want a few warmups if you were a new coach. UNNAMED COACH does not get one, and that should be extremely entertaining for everyone but USC fans. They get to break in a new QB, too, and most of a new front seven! Just lean on the phrase "IMMENSELY TALENTED AND GROWING EVERY DAY," Trojan fans. It's a rhetorical rock that won't budge for at least a year of steady support. --Missouri! Don't listen to this part, it's just depressing to talk about, we shouldn't have talked about Missouri at all. --Kentucky! Man, just don't listen to this either. You chose poorly, listeners. You chose so poorly when you picked this selection. --Cal! When you look at a team and they could conceivably go 3-9, that's...seriously, why did you give us these teams to talk about. --A quick look at Oklahoma State, the school where Mike Gundy is still coach. We checked and called and everything, he's actually still there despite feuding with the school's biggest booster every three years or so when his contract comes up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

FARMERS ONLY THIS WEEK. The Shutdown Fullcast this week covers the agriculturingest slate of teams we've covered yet, including: --Nebraska, a team that on further examination reveals itself to have absolutely no predictability whatsoever for 2016. None. Look at that schedule and find more than two sure wins or two sure losses in either direction. Do it and die. --Virginia, an outlier here because a.) Virginia has not farmed since the 1800s and b.) all three of us admit that we will not watch more than three combined quarters of UVA football this year even with a new coach, because we never watch more than three combined quarters of Virginia football in any calendar year --Clemson! The thinkin' farmer's school, which happens to be good enough at scoring points to realistically outpace anyone trying to keep up with them this year. Deshaun Watson ran for a thousand yards and threw for over 4,000 last year and gets his best receiver back. Do not stare directly at the Clemson offense; do not handle it without protective goggles and lead aprons. --Oklahoma! Watch how much we don't talk about Bob Stoops having Joe Mixon as someone who somehow gets to play football this year. --It would be a shame to demean the sucecss of Iowa football in 2015 and their promise for 2016 by just talking about ¡EL ASSICO! and how badly Iowa got trashed in the Rose Bowl by Stanford. This, however, is a podcast built on shame. This is pretty much what we do. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast Random Previews continue with four very interesting, important, and/or intriguing teams. There is also Maryland. We're sorry, but there is also some Maryland in there. Topics include: --Maryland! We talk about the Terps first, largely to get them out of the way because it's gonna be a rebuilding year even if it will be an interesting one. Spencer thinks they'll lose to FIU! Take it to the bank, if your bank also takes bets on obscure Friday night out-of-conference games. --We all agree that Auburn is an extremely dangerous team in 2016. (Mostly for Auburn, but dangerous is dangerous is dangerous.) --Did we all just somehow agree that Texas is a nine-win team? Did this just happen? THIS JUST HAPPENED, GO CRAZY AND HOOK 'EM, DEFINITELY RUN WITH THIS ABSURD OPTIMISM AND DO NOT QUESTION IT, LONGHORN FANS. --All three of us come to the realization that Washington State has become something reliable in the Pac-12. The definition of reliable, it turns out, is flexible beyond all utility. --We finish with Ohio State, the team that somehow still has a J.T. Barrett on the schedule and pulls next to nothing out of the Big Ten's other division in lining up what looks like a ten-win rebuilding season that will leave very few people happy. Don't ever let your football team become good enough that ten wins satisfies no one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SO after last week's debacle where our readers accidentally selected the worst slate of teams possible to preview for 2016, we took matters into our own hands. This week we preview five teams that could not only be very good this year, but who could also theoretically win things and be fun to watch and stuff. Also, Jason is not broadcasting from the middle of a driving rainstorm this week. He's in a car, which sounds way better than you expect it to, really. Topics: -- How Spencer got a forty dollar go-cup, and why it's effectively worthless -- Speaking of things staying cold for extended periods of time: TENNESSEE FOOTBALL, PREVIEWED. Did you know the only interesting game the play after mid-October is against Will Muschamp, the ultimate obstruction? Isn't that potentially hilarious, especially now that he doesn't coach Florida? That's potentially hilarious. -- Ryan calls for Michigan to go 12-0 and it seems fairly reasonable? Particularly with their schedule, a spread so luxurious that it features a bye week before playing Illinois. -- Virginia Tech will have offense and defense at the same time, allegedly, per reports, hypothetically, maybe. It's different now, and we'll all have to watch Bud Foster look real confused as his team scores unheard of "points" without intercepting the ball or forcing fumbles. -- Arizona! They're definitely a team that will play this year? (We did very little research on Arizona before working with them, much like Rich Rodriguez did.) -- Washington could be very good this year if they do not do the thing a lot of Pac-12 teams do in dropping the weirdest conference games imaginable. Washington is a Pac-12 team. They will probably drop a weird conference game. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SO that whole thing where Ryan assigned random numbers to teams and had readers select our previewed squads by those numbers? It flopped a handful of unsuited garbage this week, as the randomness called forth pure Lovecraftian horror. (Spoiler: Lovecraftian horror in football terms equals not one, but TWO BOTTOM-DWELLING ACC TEAMS IN ONE PREVIEW.) We'd apologize, but y'all opened this hellmouth, not us. Topics covered and cringed through include: --Syracuse, you did something good! It feels just as weird for us as it does for you. Listen as we somehow talk our way into thinking this might be a bowl team. --A devil's bargain engineered by Ryan where both Jason and ourselves choose to go on a roadtrip around America's least glamorous corridor rather than go to West Lafayette, Indiana, ever. --We could talk about Wake Forest or we could talk about how Jason is literally walking back and forth between the inside of his house and a roaring late spring thunderstorm like THAT'S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO ON A PODCAST Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The non-preview preview editions of the Shutdown Fullcast continue into...well, into some dark territory. Let's be honest and just say that we talk about Pitt and Rutgers NO WAIT WE COME BACK WE TALK ABOUT OTHER SHIT WE PROMISE--- Things like: --Hey did you remember that Mark Richt is the head coach at Miami, and he gets to work with Brad Kaaya, and that could be really cool since they're both pretty good at their complimentary jobs? And that Miami plays Appalachian State this year? In Boone, North Carolina? --More talk about Pitt football than anyone's had since 2007 when the greatest thing ever happened to Pitt which was just ruining a rival's best shot at a national title which is a negative positive but we are talking about Pitt so they'll take it --Two minutes of Rutgers talk that no one wants to hear so just skip it --We realize that Wisconsin, after years of missing the swinging hammer of a rotating schedule, takes a full-force shot to the face this year by basically playing every real good team in the Big Ten in one season --Stanford! The team with the best and coldest player in the nation, even if you don't know who is handing the ball off to him this year. (Probably someone named Keller Chryst, but you could have guessed that or some other name like that.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SHUTDOWN FULLCAST BACK. This time we continue our preview series with a random selection of schools best described as...well, very, very random indeed. Topics and teams covered: --Charlie Weis STILL GETS PAID DOLLAZ BY NOTRE DAME. He last coached for them in 2009. You can laugh about this, because the goal is to pull off a Charlie Weis as hard as you can in life and get paid too much money to do things you demonstrably cannot do. --How Oregon football 2016 is still best described as "waiting to see if Mark Helfrich can really do his job, because the Ducks are so talented it's hard to tell whether they're about to implode or not". Also remember how they lost to Utah by 42 at home this year? And hired Brady Hoke to fix their defensive problems? --A leisurely stroll through Utah football's prospects, including an appreciation of how damn long Kyle Whittingham has been in Salt Lake City, and how often he's worked out there. (Every day, and never, ever skipping bicep day.) --Kansas is still playing football! And will probably lose eleven straight games this year. :( --Minnesota is also still playing football! Big, ponderous, ice-cream fat football we think will win like, five games or so. --The internet's most extensive and thorough Notre Dame preview! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast this week boldly attempts to go where Shutdown Fullcasts so rarely go: INTO ACTUAL FOOTBALL. Ryan assigned random numbers to every college football team, and then asked readers to send him numbers. The five teams selected were Arizona State, Georgia Tech, North Carolina, and Colorado. We did no research, and attempted to discuss them! Topics of actual football content covered include: --Why Georgia Tech is the "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" of college football teams (the points don't matter!) --a lawnmower goes off in the background while we're discussing Georgia Tech, which is the most DGAF Paul Johnson country shit ever besides finding the upside to missing a bowl game in 2015 --Why Arizona State will bounce back form a 6-7 season to have a spellbinding 7-6 season. (Also: yet another explanation of the important concept of boat muscles.) --We spend most of the time on our UNC preview talking about how gutted their defense was by Baylor in the Russell Athletic Bowl, when Baylor ran EIGHTY-FOUR TIMES FOR 645 YARDS IN A SINGLE GAME. They passed 18 times, too, which is real funny. You know what UNC loses from that defense? Linebackers! THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. --How Colorado will have the most brutal 5-7 season of 2016! You have no luck in anything, Colorado. --A mean turn through the Florida Gators football schedule, which is the standard Jeremy Foley-endorsed trash. It is trash, Jeremy Foley. Straight fuckin' trash. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast this week features all three cast members reunited at last. This is good because it requires the full powers of Ryan, Spencer, and Jason combined to admit the painful but obvious truth: that Ole Miss delivered for once, and saved everyone from the tedium of an event-free offseason. Topics covered include: -- "New York is the Reebok Pump of cities" -- The debut of "Neil deGrasse Tyson, Football Analyst", and the debut of the gritties noble gas -- How Laremy Tunsil had the absolute worst possible night on draft night, and how nothing should change at Ole Miss whatsoever, and how the SEC is the laziest conference imaginable in every lazy way possible because they are lazy. LAZY. -- nope nope nothing happened at Alabama nope don't look no biggie nope -- "Stand Up! With George Wallace", aka the most popular podcast in Birmingham -- Reader questions, including a discussion of what the worst possible expanded universe would be, aka WHY THE GILMORE GIRLS IS THE MOST TEDIOUS SHOW EVER MADE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Andy Staples of Sports Illustrated joins us at the last minute to take Jason's spot. Where is Jason? Jason was at Disney World, and needs several weeks to recover from the experience. This seems like a paltry amount of time for this, but he's a soldier and we can't keep him away from the front lines for long. Topics covered include: --The time Andy yelled "IRON" in Italian at terrified Florentines until someone finally sold him one for 19 euros --How to care about anything in what might be the driest, most boring offseason college football has ever known (A: you can't, really) --Why the Department of Justice has solved every major issue facing this country --A brief discussion of how USC might be one of the most incompetent athletic departments in the country and yet still get bailed out by resources, beautiful surroundings, and UCLA never caring enough to be good --Which conference will be the first to construct a giant monster truck made entirely of Mini Coopers? (Texas, it's gonna be Texas.) --Yet more epic tales of poor and stupid living from Alachua County --The unveiling of the Andy Staples Perpetual Motion BBQ machine --The first and only edition of "Joel Osteen or Mack Brown?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Fullcast grabbed Holly Anderson to fill in for Ryan who is SOMEHOW STILL ON VACATION WHAT ARE YOU EUROPEAN OR SOMETHING. Anyway, she's the captain now, and Ryan's gone and can keep mooning about the continent and eating street waffles for all we care. HOPE STREET WAFFLES WERE WORTH OUR LOVE, FAITHLESS MAN-SCAMP. Topics covered include --Why there's a traffic reporter in ATL who is called "Cracker", aka "there's a different racial dynamic when you're in a helicopter." --How Holly forgot the name of USC's coach, again, and how USC really did hire three USC offensive coordinators in a row like that's a thing that isn't hilarious and absurd --A brief discussion of South Carolina's Boom Bus, and how no one ever leaves Will Muschamp with enough floss --Bud Elliott's hot prom fashion tips for 2016 --An analysis of Ludacris' tour rider, including a positive review of his taste in candles and deodorant (SECRET GANG) --Holly explaining why "Your dad" jokes are so, so much worse than "Your mom" jokes, and then proceeding to making Spencer very, very uncomfortable --An appreciation of various outdoorsy drunk-states, including a solid plea for the superiority of "lake drunk" --Was there more to this podcast that we didn't record due to technical incompetence? YOU BETCHA, TAKE IT FOR THE LOW PRICE OF FREE ANYWAY. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast for this week subs out one Ryan for another because SOMEONE decided he needed a "vacation in Italy." In Nanni's place we substitute Ryan Van Bibber, SB Nation NFL editor, who despite his chosen subject matter has very little respect for the Cult of the NFL Draft. Topics covered include: --the splendors of Branson, MO --which Florida Gator will be the steal of the draft, and what school he ended up playing football at after being kicked out of the University of Florida (because that happens to every football player at the University of Florida) --a community agreement that all quarterbacks are busts coming out of college, and will be called this just to make life easier on them until success is attained --an analysis of the least literate fans in college football re: the draft, and yes, it's Tebow loyalists --the sandwich analogy for amateurism and theft --a review of the 2000 draft, where Sebastian Janikowski might really be the best pick overall --why you should draft anyone on a mid-major team where the mere mention of their name makes you go OH THAT GUY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's Fullcast features nothing but reader questions thanks to a bumper crop of quality inquiries. This happens whenever you start asking people about bad financial decisions, because if there is one clarion theme in life, it's making terrible financial decisions all the time. Topics covered include: -- A full disclosure of tattoos, including a terrible anchor Jason couldn't be bothered to finish --Should Mississippi State have paid the alleged $180K for Cam Newton YES YES YES THE ANSWER IS YES AND THERE IS NO OTHER ANSWER OTHER THAN "YES AND MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE PAID HIM MORE" --Why Randy "Macho Man" Savage would have been a fine suicide hotline operator --A deeply personal discussion of personal dance moves --"You know what'll never hurt you? A calliope." --A definition of realistic prices for the service of being stunned by Stone Cold Steve Austin --The invention of a wrestler named "CPAP", and the assignment of a Face role for Ryan where he wears briefs (or he's Paul Bearer, Jr.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On this episode of Shutdown Fullcast, we give you tips on how to have the Best Spring Break Ever (tip 1: don't get punched) (tip 2: don't go to Gatlinburg), figure out which rap artists would be the best NFL agent, fix the Combine, make a bunch of unnecessary video game references, and talk about how a Georgia law is made. P.S. There's still not really any college football happening, in case you couldn't tell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

An extremely slow college football week means we're talking about all of the following: --A casual examination of random selections from the Rick James autobiography, including his relationship with Linda Blair and the time Rick James brought cocaine INTO Colombia --How having kids means you'll see about two movies a year in the theater, and how one of those movies will definitely not be that Superman vs. Batman trash --The dramatic overrepresentation of Boston in film, and how we're going to start the Houston-centric film genre with Jason's classic "Good Trill Hunting" --Why the Longhorn Network should work the 2005 BCS Title game into every bit of its programming, every day --Does Mike Gundy even care if he lives or dies anymore? And is he the most Universally Orange Coach? --Why now is the perfect time for a thriving Big 12 to absolutely nuke itself --An appreciation of the joy of stealing golf carts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast returns this week with the following content provided to you during a season where there is ABSOLUTELY NO FOOTBALL CONTENT. We're basically magicians because a.) we make things appear out of nowhere, and b.) we're often awkward at parties, just like real magicians. Topics include: --The auspicious beginnings of the Will Muschamp era at South Carolina --Two stories Bun B told us for free, including the time he was in a situation so bad that Suge Knight showing up was GOOD news --A note of admiration for the genius who invented Blue Raspberry, the zone read of plays --What to do when Purdue gets into your bloodstream --Ryan speaks for several minutes in Ben Carson's voice, which he turns out to be pretty good at --A question so heinous the clearest and safest answer is "Bob Davie" --There's a school named "Moon Area", which isn't a question but is an important observation --A terrifying realization that Charlie Weis WILL coach Rutgers one day Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

An express edition of the Fullcast comes to you this week via travel and other annoyances of actual employment. A day late, yes, but not a dollar short because we're suddenly talking about ILLINOIS FOOTBALL SPENDING MONEY IN THE YEAR 2016. Take your opinions on what this means for the US economy and wad them up and deposit them in a trash can, because NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THIS MEANS. Also discussed: --NFL coaches who came to college with varying results --A sidenote on that maybe mentioning that maybe Bill Callahan wasn't the worst coach in the world while he was at Nebraska, maybe? (Maybe?) --I call former Arkansas running back Peyton Hillis "Perry Hillis" because I am having a month long stroke --A brief acknowledgment that two more players have left the Florida football team, a thing that is surprisingly easy to do --A long discussion for easily half of the podcast about the best and worst stores to be trapped. BASS PRO SHOPS FOR LIFE The audio quality is crap because we had to record on the road, and also because the Vox Media offices' HVAC system runs at the volume of a MiG-23 at full bore. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

FULLCAST BACK. Not with anything new to discuss, because this is March and there is no football going on, but rather with the following: --A discussion of college football's loneliest orphan program, and why it gets invited to all the best parties anyway --The obvious transition into rearranging conferences to include their proper members, including bringing Nebraska home to the Big 12, putting Iowa State in the Sun Belt where it can compete, and putting West Virginia and Clemson in the SEC where they belong. --The unholy realization that someone, somewhere out in the multiverse might have a split UCF/Ohio State jersey --Reader questions, including a realization that Rutgers is Greece --The awarding of imaginary lifetime achievement Oscars to Frank Beamer for his performance in "Virginia Tech Football: 1987--2015" --The introduction of Notre Dame into "THE SOCIEDAD DEL SOL" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's episode of the Fullcast tackles the following oases of content in the otherwise barren landscape of mid-February: --Spencer comes back from vacation to realize that the LSU football program does actually have a very thin chance of not happening next year due to Louisiana's budget stupidities --A discussion of which coach has the most hidden debt (hint: the answer is based exclusively on a coach's sweatiness) --A nightmarish proposal to mash certain fanbases and schools together into one horrible misbegotten beast-nation --Which football coach is the Tom Crean of this sport? There's a lot of Tom Crean discussion in here, and man oh man is that fun --The ultimate plan to survive coaching sixteen games in the NFL without any experience of any sort. Ryan thinks he could go 6-10 with the Dolphins! We do not. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After a week off, the Fullcast returns with a review of Signing Day, the most important day in the college football calendar that no one really wants to discuss. WELL TOO BAD BECAUSE WE ARE DISCUSSING IT. Joining us is SB Nation Recruiting Overlord Bud Elliott. We discuss the following: --Why bachelor parties are overrated, and how even Tampa's strip clubs have some of the dumbest Florida-style business arrangements imaginable --How Alabama did well again guhhhh go away Alabama --The perils of bringing your school's equipment truck to a Georgia high school --Did you know Texas did well? Texas did well! A good foundation for an upstart program just trying to establish its name, that. --FLORIDA SIGNED A DOOLY COUNTY PROSPECT NAMED ANTONIUS. This is all perfect . --We just up and ask Bud if Ole Miss is "cheating" any more than anyone else, because that's the coded conversation everyone's having anyway --Reader questions, including a discussion of the Great Florida Python Challenge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Super Bowl edition of the Shutdown Fullcast covers all the necessary topics for the college fan interested in paying attention to the Super Bowl, but taking only the most disdainful and irrelevant angles on all the action. We're here for you with these important takes and more: --The Cam Newton Economy, or how everyone owes Cam Newton a share of the immense amount of money Cam Newton has made for everyone. This is a serious statement: Cam Newton is his own economy and has made so, so many people money. --A pitch for "Taken" starring Charlie Weis --A diversion into how bad Phil Simms is as a broadcaster that somehow ends up being a discussion of what a complete trainwreck of a broadcaster Mack Brown can be --Praise for Jim Nantz? Yes, praise for the King of Khaki --The best fights we've seen at football games in person, including the best real-life Rocky 2 fight ever --The sports announcing teams we want calling our love lives --You want discussions of Wario's family history? Of course you do, so we give them to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The first episode of the FOURTH (fourth!) season of the Shutdown Fullcast begins with a discussion about Dolly Parton, and then pretty much flies downhill from there (because all things are downhill from the greatness of Dolly Parton.) Topics include: --Dolly, and all the things she's done for you --Phoenix's perfect okayness as a host city for football, and Tampa's definite dismalness as a host city for football --We have no offseason plans! Besides not reading Dad Fiction (we're totally reading Dad Fiction this offseason) and starting a business for "Moms Who Like Wine" --Reader questions, including a discussion of what disrespected teams will be most disrespectedly disrespected before the season even starts --Some lengthy discussion of The Revenant, which Jason and Spencer agree is just "fine" and is filled with "really disgusting things" --The worst fast food restaurants that are actually so bad you would not eat at them despite your predilection for bad fast food --More lengthy discussion, this time of things where your critical compass is completely off from everyone else's Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SHUTDOWN FULLCAST IS LIVE! (Or was.) We met up in Arizona to talk all things National Championship and a bunch of things that are entirely unrelated, including: - why you should care about who wins the title - the Sims and what they teach us about life - i forget, probably a third thing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The last of the non-championship bowls, the wee baby second cousin twice-removed of them all, the Beef O'Brady's Bowl combines the best of all worlds into one sorely overlooked gem of a contest. For instance: --Illinois versus Syracuse! --Remember when Syracuse and Virginia played a triple overtime game? No you don't. You are a liar. Stop talking. --How this is proof officials should be able to step in and decline the option of overtime for a game, and simply declare a winner and let everyone come home --A reminder that Illinois had all the time in the world to pick a coach and still ended up with their interim coach --A return of the Beef O'Brady's Menu Challenge, including the immortal Corned Beef Wonton Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Congratulations! You have now reached the end of the Shutdown Fullcast 40 for 40. Enjoy these previews of the Taxslayer, Liberty, Alamo, and Cactus games -- we'll have a preview of the national title at some point and a special bonus bowl preview coming soon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New Year's Eve is almost upon us, but before it is there are four more bowl games of importance levels ranging from "hey how's it going over there Kevin Sumlin" to "the Birmingham Bowl is on at noon to hide Auburn's deep shame." We preview them all, just for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New Year's Eve is almost upon us, but before it is there are four more bowl games of importance levels ranging from "hey how's it going over there Kevin Sumlin" to "the Birmingham Bowl is on at noon to hide Auburn's deep shame." We preview them all, just for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New Year's Eve is almost upon us, but before it is there are four more bowl games of importance levels ranging from "hey how's it going over there Kevin Sumlin" to "the Birmingham Bowl is on at noon to hide Auburn's deep shame." We preview them all, just for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices