Shutdown Fullcast

The Shutdown Fullcast this week boldly attempts to go where Shutdown Fullcasts so rarely go: INTO ACTUAL FOOTBALL. Ryan assigned random numbers to every college football team, and then asked readers to send him numbers. The five teams selected were Arizona State, Georgia Tech, North Carolina, and Colorado. We did no research, and attempted to discuss them! Topics of actual football content covered include: --Why Georgia Tech is the "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" of college football teams (the points don't matter!) --a lawnmower goes off in the background while we're discussing Georgia Tech, which is the most DGAF Paul Johnson country shit ever besides finding the upside to missing a bowl game in 2015 --Why Arizona State will bounce back form a 6-7 season to have a spellbinding 7-6 season. (Also: yet another explanation of the important concept of boat muscles.) --We spend most of the time on our UNC preview talking about how gutted their defense was by Baylor in the Russell Athletic Bowl, when Baylor ran EIGHTY-FOUR TIMES FOR 645 YARDS IN A SINGLE GAME. They passed 18 times, too, which is real funny. You know what UNC loses from that defense? Linebackers! THE POINTS DON'T MATTER. --How Colorado will have the most brutal 5-7 season of 2016! You have no luck in anything, Colorado. --A mean turn through the Florida Gators football schedule, which is the standard Jeremy Foley-endorsed trash. It is trash, Jeremy Foley. Straight fuckin' trash. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast this week features all three cast members reunited at last. This is good because it requires the full powers of Ryan, Spencer, and Jason combined to admit the painful but obvious truth: that Ole Miss delivered for once, and saved everyone from the tedium of an event-free offseason. Topics covered include: -- "New York is the Reebok Pump of cities" -- The debut of "Neil deGrasse Tyson, Football Analyst", and the debut of the gritties noble gas -- How Laremy Tunsil had the absolute worst possible night on draft night, and how nothing should change at Ole Miss whatsoever, and how the SEC is the laziest conference imaginable in every lazy way possible because they are lazy. LAZY. -- nope nope nothing happened at Alabama nope don't look no biggie nope -- "Stand Up! With George Wallace", aka the most popular podcast in Birmingham -- Reader questions, including a discussion of what the worst possible expanded universe would be, aka WHY THE GILMORE GIRLS IS THE MOST TEDIOUS SHOW EVER MADE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Andy Staples of Sports Illustrated joins us at the last minute to take Jason's spot. Where is Jason? Jason was at Disney World, and needs several weeks to recover from the experience. This seems like a paltry amount of time for this, but he's a soldier and we can't keep him away from the front lines for long. Topics covered include: --The time Andy yelled "IRON" in Italian at terrified Florentines until someone finally sold him one for 19 euros --How to care about anything in what might be the driest, most boring offseason college football has ever known (A: you can't, really) --Why the Department of Justice has solved every major issue facing this country --A brief discussion of how USC might be one of the most incompetent athletic departments in the country and yet still get bailed out by resources, beautiful surroundings, and UCLA never caring enough to be good --Which conference will be the first to construct a giant monster truck made entirely of Mini Coopers? (Texas, it's gonna be Texas.) --Yet more epic tales of poor and stupid living from Alachua County --The unveiling of the Andy Staples Perpetual Motion BBQ machine --The first and only edition of "Joel Osteen or Mack Brown?" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Fullcast grabbed Holly Anderson to fill in for Ryan who is SOMEHOW STILL ON VACATION WHAT ARE YOU EUROPEAN OR SOMETHING. Anyway, she's the captain now, and Ryan's gone and can keep mooning about the continent and eating street waffles for all we care. HOPE STREET WAFFLES WERE WORTH OUR LOVE, FAITHLESS MAN-SCAMP. Topics covered include --Why there's a traffic reporter in ATL who is called "Cracker", aka "there's a different racial dynamic when you're in a helicopter." --How Holly forgot the name of USC's coach, again, and how USC really did hire three USC offensive coordinators in a row like that's a thing that isn't hilarious and absurd --A brief discussion of South Carolina's Boom Bus, and how no one ever leaves Will Muschamp with enough floss --Bud Elliott's hot prom fashion tips for 2016 --An analysis of Ludacris' tour rider, including a positive review of his taste in candles and deodorant (SECRET GANG) --Holly explaining why "Your dad" jokes are so, so much worse than "Your mom" jokes, and then proceeding to making Spencer very, very uncomfortable --An appreciation of various outdoorsy drunk-states, including a solid plea for the superiority of "lake drunk" --Was there more to this podcast that we didn't record due to technical incompetence? YOU BETCHA, TAKE IT FOR THE LOW PRICE OF FREE ANYWAY. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast for this week subs out one Ryan for another because SOMEONE decided he needed a "vacation in Italy." In Nanni's place we substitute Ryan Van Bibber, SB Nation NFL editor, who despite his chosen subject matter has very little respect for the Cult of the NFL Draft. Topics covered include: --the splendors of Branson, MO --which Florida Gator will be the steal of the draft, and what school he ended up playing football at after being kicked out of the University of Florida (because that happens to every football player at the University of Florida) --a community agreement that all quarterbacks are busts coming out of college, and will be called this just to make life easier on them until success is attained --an analysis of the least literate fans in college football re: the draft, and yes, it's Tebow loyalists --the sandwich analogy for amateurism and theft --a review of the 2000 draft, where Sebastian Janikowski might really be the best pick overall --why you should draft anyone on a mid-major team where the mere mention of their name makes you go OH THAT GUY Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's Fullcast features nothing but reader questions thanks to a bumper crop of quality inquiries. This happens whenever you start asking people about bad financial decisions, because if there is one clarion theme in life, it's making terrible financial decisions all the time. Topics covered include: -- A full disclosure of tattoos, including a terrible anchor Jason couldn't be bothered to finish --Should Mississippi State have paid the alleged $180K for Cam Newton YES YES YES THE ANSWER IS YES AND THERE IS NO OTHER ANSWER OTHER THAN "YES AND MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE PAID HIM MORE" --Why Randy "Macho Man" Savage would have been a fine suicide hotline operator --A deeply personal discussion of personal dance moves --"You know what'll never hurt you? A calliope." --A definition of realistic prices for the service of being stunned by Stone Cold Steve Austin --The invention of a wrestler named "CPAP", and the assignment of a Face role for Ryan where he wears briefs (or he's Paul Bearer, Jr.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

On this episode of Shutdown Fullcast, we give you tips on how to have the Best Spring Break Ever (tip 1: don't get punched) (tip 2: don't go to Gatlinburg), figure out which rap artists would be the best NFL agent, fix the Combine, make a bunch of unnecessary video game references, and talk about how a Georgia law is made. P.S. There's still not really any college football happening, in case you couldn't tell. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

An extremely slow college football week means we're talking about all of the following: --A casual examination of random selections from the Rick James autobiography, including his relationship with Linda Blair and the time Rick James brought cocaine INTO Colombia --How having kids means you'll see about two movies a year in the theater, and how one of those movies will definitely not be that Superman vs. Batman trash --The dramatic overrepresentation of Boston in film, and how we're going to start the Houston-centric film genre with Jason's classic "Good Trill Hunting" --Why the Longhorn Network should work the 2005 BCS Title game into every bit of its programming, every day --Does Mike Gundy even care if he lives or dies anymore? And is he the most Universally Orange Coach? --Why now is the perfect time for a thriving Big 12 to absolutely nuke itself --An appreciation of the joy of stealing golf carts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast returns this week with the following content provided to you during a season where there is ABSOLUTELY NO FOOTBALL CONTENT. We're basically magicians because a.) we make things appear out of nowhere, and b.) we're often awkward at parties, just like real magicians. Topics include: --The auspicious beginnings of the Will Muschamp era at South Carolina --Two stories Bun B told us for free, including the time he was in a situation so bad that Suge Knight showing up was GOOD news --A note of admiration for the genius who invented Blue Raspberry, the zone read of plays --What to do when Purdue gets into your bloodstream --Ryan speaks for several minutes in Ben Carson's voice, which he turns out to be pretty good at --A question so heinous the clearest and safest answer is "Bob Davie" --There's a school named "Moon Area", which isn't a question but is an important observation --A terrifying realization that Charlie Weis WILL coach Rutgers one day Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

An express edition of the Fullcast comes to you this week via travel and other annoyances of actual employment. A day late, yes, but not a dollar short because we're suddenly talking about ILLINOIS FOOTBALL SPENDING MONEY IN THE YEAR 2016. Take your opinions on what this means for the US economy and wad them up and deposit them in a trash can, because NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THIS MEANS. Also discussed: --NFL coaches who came to college with varying results --A sidenote on that maybe mentioning that maybe Bill Callahan wasn't the worst coach in the world while he was at Nebraska, maybe? (Maybe?) --I call former Arkansas running back Peyton Hillis "Perry Hillis" because I am having a month long stroke --A brief acknowledgment that two more players have left the Florida football team, a thing that is surprisingly easy to do --A long discussion for easily half of the podcast about the best and worst stores to be trapped. BASS PRO SHOPS FOR LIFE The audio quality is crap because we had to record on the road, and also because the Vox Media offices' HVAC system runs at the volume of a MiG-23 at full bore. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

FULLCAST BACK. Not with anything new to discuss, because this is March and there is no football going on, but rather with the following: --A discussion of college football's loneliest orphan program, and why it gets invited to all the best parties anyway --The obvious transition into rearranging conferences to include their proper members, including bringing Nebraska home to the Big 12, putting Iowa State in the Sun Belt where it can compete, and putting West Virginia and Clemson in the SEC where they belong. --The unholy realization that someone, somewhere out in the multiverse might have a split UCF/Ohio State jersey --Reader questions, including a realization that Rutgers is Greece --The awarding of imaginary lifetime achievement Oscars to Frank Beamer for his performance in "Virginia Tech Football: 1987--2015" --The introduction of Notre Dame into "THE SOCIEDAD DEL SOL" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's episode of the Fullcast tackles the following oases of content in the otherwise barren landscape of mid-February: --Spencer comes back from vacation to realize that the LSU football program does actually have a very thin chance of not happening next year due to Louisiana's budget stupidities --A discussion of which coach has the most hidden debt (hint: the answer is based exclusively on a coach's sweatiness) --A nightmarish proposal to mash certain fanbases and schools together into one horrible misbegotten beast-nation --Which football coach is the Tom Crean of this sport? There's a lot of Tom Crean discussion in here, and man oh man is that fun --The ultimate plan to survive coaching sixteen games in the NFL without any experience of any sort. Ryan thinks he could go 6-10 with the Dolphins! We do not. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After a week off, the Fullcast returns with a review of Signing Day, the most important day in the college football calendar that no one really wants to discuss. WELL TOO BAD BECAUSE WE ARE DISCUSSING IT. Joining us is SB Nation Recruiting Overlord Bud Elliott. We discuss the following: --Why bachelor parties are overrated, and how even Tampa's strip clubs have some of the dumbest Florida-style business arrangements imaginable --How Alabama did well again guhhhh go away Alabama --The perils of bringing your school's equipment truck to a Georgia high school --Did you know Texas did well? Texas did well! A good foundation for an upstart program just trying to establish its name, that. --FLORIDA SIGNED A DOOLY COUNTY PROSPECT NAMED ANTONIUS. This is all perfect . --We just up and ask Bud if Ole Miss is "cheating" any more than anyone else, because that's the coded conversation everyone's having anyway --Reader questions, including a discussion of the Great Florida Python Challenge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Super Bowl edition of the Shutdown Fullcast covers all the necessary topics for the college fan interested in paying attention to the Super Bowl, but taking only the most disdainful and irrelevant angles on all the action. We're here for you with these important takes and more: --The Cam Newton Economy, or how everyone owes Cam Newton a share of the immense amount of money Cam Newton has made for everyone. This is a serious statement: Cam Newton is his own economy and has made so, so many people money. --A pitch for "Taken" starring Charlie Weis --A diversion into how bad Phil Simms is as a broadcaster that somehow ends up being a discussion of what a complete trainwreck of a broadcaster Mack Brown can be --Praise for Jim Nantz? Yes, praise for the King of Khaki --The best fights we've seen at football games in person, including the best real-life Rocky 2 fight ever --The sports announcing teams we want calling our love lives --You want discussions of Wario's family history? Of course you do, so we give them to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The first episode of the FOURTH (fourth!) season of the Shutdown Fullcast begins with a discussion about Dolly Parton, and then pretty much flies downhill from there (because all things are downhill from the greatness of Dolly Parton.) Topics include: --Dolly, and all the things she's done for you --Phoenix's perfect okayness as a host city for football, and Tampa's definite dismalness as a host city for football --We have no offseason plans! Besides not reading Dad Fiction (we're totally reading Dad Fiction this offseason) and starting a business for "Moms Who Like Wine" --Reader questions, including a discussion of what disrespected teams will be most disrespectedly disrespected before the season even starts --Some lengthy discussion of The Revenant, which Jason and Spencer agree is just "fine" and is filled with "really disgusting things" --The worst fast food restaurants that are actually so bad you would not eat at them despite your predilection for bad fast food --More lengthy discussion, this time of things where your critical compass is completely off from everyone else's Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

SHUTDOWN FULLCAST IS LIVE! (Or was.) We met up in Arizona to talk all things National Championship and a bunch of things that are entirely unrelated, including: - why you should care about who wins the title - the Sims and what they teach us about life - i forget, probably a third thing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The last of the non-championship bowls, the wee baby second cousin twice-removed of them all, the Beef O'Brady's Bowl combines the best of all worlds into one sorely overlooked gem of a contest. For instance: --Illinois versus Syracuse! --Remember when Syracuse and Virginia played a triple overtime game? No you don't. You are a liar. Stop talking. --How this is proof officials should be able to step in and decline the option of overtime for a game, and simply declare a winner and let everyone come home --A reminder that Illinois had all the time in the world to pick a coach and still ended up with their interim coach --A return of the Beef O'Brady's Menu Challenge, including the immortal Corned Beef Wonton Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Congratulations! You have now reached the end of the Shutdown Fullcast 40 for 40. Enjoy these previews of the Taxslayer, Liberty, Alamo, and Cactus games -- we'll have a preview of the national title at some point and a special bonus bowl preview coming soon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Whether you're getting ready to say goodbye to 2015 or you've already welcomed 2016, the Shutdown Fullcast previews of all five January 1st games are perfect for making you realize you have terrible priorities in life! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New Year's Eve is almost upon us, but before it is there are four more bowl games of importance levels ranging from "hey how's it going over there Kevin Sumlin" to "the Birmingham Bowl is on at noon to hide Auburn's deep shame." We preview them all, just for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New Year's Eve is almost upon us, but before it is there are four more bowl games of importance levels ranging from "hey how's it going over there Kevin Sumlin" to "the Birmingham Bowl is on at noon to hide Auburn's deep shame." We preview them all, just for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

New Year's Eve is almost upon us, but before it is there are four more bowl games of importance levels ranging from "hey how's it going over there Kevin Sumlin" to "the Birmingham Bowl is on at noon to hide Auburn's deep shame." We preview them all, just for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast's foolhardy and wholly unnecessary quest to preview each and every bowl in the 2015 postseason marches on as we tackle the games of December 28th and 29th, AKA The You're Back At Work But Nobody Expects Much Out Of You set. Should you be expecting any of these episodes to include meaningful analysis of the teams playing in these bowls, well, good on you for having hope! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

MERRY CHRISTMAS! We waited until the last minute and got you previews for: - The St. Pete No Sponsor Present Bowl - The Sun Bowl Featuring Mike Leach - The Zaxby's Heart of Dallaz Bowl - The Pinstripe '87 Hoops Classic Bowl - The Foster Farms Bowl Presented By Professor Bo Pelini And we threw away the receipt, though we weren't offering you store credit anyways. Sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Hawaii Bowl holds a unique standing amongst all bowl games in being the bowl game so inconveniently scheduled that not even diehards watch it. They do, however, discuss it only in the most superficial terms on a hastily recorded podcast recorded three days before Christmas. Topics for the good and very bad: --An intro about misophonia, or the inability to hear the sounds of someone eating or drinking without slapping the shit out of the person eating or drinking --A full disclosure about how no one has ever watched a full Hawaii Bowl, ever --A list of ways one can get out of sitting through an entire Christmas service as a child --Remember how Notre Dame won their only bowl game of the Charlie Weis era in this bowl game? We do! --Holly drinks a goddamn milkshake through the first minute or two of this podcast and it almost breaks Spencer mentally Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl! Featuring Akron and Utah State! Topics include: --an introduction of the people on this podcast --a resolution not to discuss the bowl game --Holly yelling about chives Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Camellia Bowl! The greatest bowl game in the history of Montgomery, Alabama reveals itself to be a cave of wonders as we discuss: --The wide array of recreational activities for a young man living in Montgomery, Alabama (a: chicken wings and bootleg movies) --The glamorous attire of Appalachian State R.A.s on the first day of a young student's career --Remember the time one of these coaches might have been given rohypnol at a bar? That might have happened. --What the most expensive ticket for the Camellia Bowl is going for on Stubhub right now --A line of thinking that ends with the phrase "You're like a dreamcatcher for economic downturn" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

OH IT'S THE STAR WARS EPISODE. None of this podcast is Star Wars, or at least not anything past the first ten minutes, where we kind of joke around with doing a Star Wars episode, do it for a minute, and then hit the eject button when it clearly starts getting out of hand. Topics we did not eject from: --How Jason actually did watch all the Star Wars movies all the way through for the first time recently, and how Han Solo is really the center of the entire series, and WE SWEAR THAT'S ALL THE STAR WARS TALK WE DO --Okay there's a brief diversion into the Rancor getting out of his abusive relationship and going on some "Eat Pray Love" soul-searching --Bob Davie is coaching a team in a bowl game in New Mexico! What more could one ask of football, or indeed of life itself? --An examination of exactly what "Royal Purple" is --Why do they have a bowl game in Montgomery, ever, at all, for any reason? --Please welcome the "Shreveport Missing Persons Bowl" to the season's rotation --How the NOLA Bowl is really just the affordable, charming, and just-as-good lunch version of the Sugar Bowl for the savvy shopper --Did you know there's a bowl game at 2:30 p.m. on Monday? And that if you watch it, it's official proof you don't give a fuck about your job, and should quit? --Which bowl games have the best setup for creating two extremely hungover teams playing football? Besides the Sun Bowl, of course. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A bloated 77 minute Fullcast is quite a bit to drop on you all at once, but everyone hired and fired a coach AND the championship weekend happened and we have to talk about all of it. ALL OF IT, WE SAY. --SOMEONE HIRED WILL MUSCHAMP --Another installment of "Spencer Hall's Butt Lists" --A lengthy examination of how everyone hired in the SEC East is boring and predictable and formulaic and boring and yes we said boring twice --An equally lengthy examination of how somehow out of nowhere the ACC did nothing but make good hires, including somehow pulling Bronco Mendenhall out of Utah and Dino Babers away from Bowling Green --A breeze through the conference championship games, where every single conference played its prescribed role to the hilt --ACC PUNTER ATTACK --Jason's concluding appreciation of the greatest game of the weekend: Baylor trying to make up an entirely new offense live on the field against Texas while using only their fourth string quarterback who was really not the quarterback. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The final regular season preview episode of the Shutdown Fullcast is an emotional one, especially when Ryan starts talking about the tragedy of putting tomatoes in the refrigerator. Topics include: --The Playoff rankings, and the discussion of every single scenario possible that might turn this otherwise clear national title setup into a complete trash-heap --One of those is Florida winning! A thing that cannot happen! --Reader questions, including the aforementioned passionate plea on behalf of tomato protectors everywhere, a refusal to read any questions not sent in by a woman, a protracted battle against the registered sexhavers of Twitter, and why Roomba would be better out of the backfield than easily half of the running backs in the nation. --A truncated look at the week to come, and vigorous debate about the most racist and patriotic of the championship games. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

OMG SO MUCH TO DISCUSS ABOUT THE FINAL WEEK IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL LIKE: --how to replace your pastor after a decade or more of being merely really good --The ins and outs of a coaching coup in Louisiana that was a plan all along only if you enjoy people trying to cover their tracks after completely fucking everything up along the way --The madness of Ole Miss, or why Hugh Freeze picks his losses and victories really well --Every college football job is open --The joy of FSU fans being completely unaware of their surroundings at all times --How you can write off all rivalry week results with confidence as long as you didn't actually lose --A horrifying analogy by Jason ending up with someone shining a nude statue of a former Big Ten coach Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The early Thanksgiving edition of the RIVALRY WEEK AARRRGGGH RIVALRY WEEK Shutdown Fullcast arrives to the dinner without a dish, alcohol, or anything but a smile. Did you invite the Shutdown Fullcast here naked and without a thing to contribute to your holiday? No, but it's here anyway. Please get it a towel while it discusses all of the following and more: --Ryan introduces his mixtape "Buyout Season 2: the Leveraging" --We make guesses on Monday night about things that will happen for the rest of the week, including Florida State hiring Les Miles, Maryland reconsidering and giving love a second punt's chance, and Les Miles joining John Calipari in making Kentucky the most feared state in college athletics. --Jim McElwain continuing Florida's tradition of hiring clergymen as head coach --Our Iron Bowl preview, which is really just us saying "Mobile is the best city in Alabama," and proposing its new motto "Mobile: There's alcohol there, and you can drink it." --Our Ohio State/Michigan preview, which is really just us saying "This is a 10-10 game we are going to celebrate for its elephantine mass and pace" --A digression where Texas becomes Slippy from Starfox --A proposal for Tinder, but with coaches --A conclusion about the Big 12 fixing absolutely nothing, ever! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A truly chaotic week in college football yields intense discussion of the following between Spencer, Ryan, and Jason: --We start by telling you there will only be one installment of the Fullcast this week! This is a lie, we decided after the show to make another for preview purposes. PLAYFAKES EVERYWHERE IN THIS OFFENSE. --Why Ohio State looked so, so bad in their loss to Michigan State (answer: we don't know either, it's not an answer but it's honest) --How Iowa State has higher standards than Texas? Sure. --The most nightmarish edition of Satan's Coaching Dominoes we have played yet in the year 2015 --Why future Trump voters were beating the hides off each other in the stands in Fayetteville over Mississippi State/Arkansas --A brief examination of the insanity and faint threads of logic behind a possible ouster of Les Miles at LSU that only involves a few mentions of money laundering --The last line of this episode is: "DINOSAURS ATE ROCKS, AND THEY WERE FUCKIN' AWESOME." You'll have to get there to find out how much sense it makes. (None, and yet all of it at once.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Shutdown Fullcast preview edition takes more than a few detours before it discusses the week ahead, including: --A deep look into the tensions that destroyed the Blue Collar Comedy Tour --Why the reported possiblity of Charlie Strong leaving Texas for Miami could unleash the final Nick Saban plotline we've been waiting for for three long years --A celebration of the return of our favorite Bob Stoops: SASSY STOOPS. --How throwing a headset in real life really is as satisfying as it looks --Reader questions, or the part where Ryan openly stumps for Mariah Carey as the next coach of the Miami Hurricanes --A look at the week ahead, including a long Mike Leach diatribe about Cartesian thought and how sure, he'll always play a game at 10:45 pm at night if you want him to. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Spencer declares this the best week of the college football season thus far and admires the ability of Arkansas to maintain the exact same level all year while others rise and fall. Jason channels Mike Leach to tell you how trees with lips cannot be trusted and says nice things about Syracuse. Ryan says some dumb shit about Checkers and Scott Storch. Oh, and we also discuss USC's new coach. He's a veteran who knows how to win at all levels! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutdown Fullcast reviews the second week of Playoff Rankings and previews the week to come using a low bid system. It works for the government, so. - The Smooth 'n Sexy Playoff Committee follows up last year's smash hit "Game Control" with their new slow jam, "Body Clock" - Should Kansas be a playoff team, considering how many wins their opponents have? - Jeff Long loves every movie and will give it a glowing review! - LSU-Arkansas is renamed the Layaway Bowl - Who told you Mark Stoops killed his neighbor? That's certainly not true, nor is it relevant to Kentucky basketball. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices