Rebuilding Us: Marriage Podcast

How to Get Over an Argument Quickly (Young & Married Series) If you’ve been married longer than 20 minutes, you’ve likely had an argument or two. The key to resolving conflict isn’t avoiding it but approaching it with a new perspective. In today’s episode, I’m giving you five takeaways for conflict resolution that will help you to get over your disagreements quicker. Focus on the Issue at Hand So often, we get off on tangents, and instead of resolving the original conflict, we actually create more conflict because we haven’t learned how to focus on the issue at hand. Ask, don’t accuse You can win more arguments by asking rather than accusing. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Don’t jump to conclusions, and by all means, don’t make rash accusations. I give a big coaching tip in this part of the podcast about making the “right” statements. Have a resolution in mind What’s your end goal? How will engaging in this conversation (or disagreement) help to better your relationship? Is this a conversation that needs to happen or can you jot down your frustrations in a journal? Seriously, what’s the point of the conversation? Don’t let the conflict linger If you feel things getting out of hand and you need to take a break, take a break, but come back! Don’t allow the conflict to linger on and on with no real resolution. I also talk about forgiveness here and how forgiveness plays out without you saying a word. Don’t hit below the belt. I wish I didn’t have to explain this one, but oftentimes, in arguments, couples tend to say hurtful things that they can never get back. Be careful of your words, because contrary to popular thought, “Words do wound.” You’ve got to listen to the full episode to get the full gist of today’s conversation. This might be one episode you want to bookmark to come back to later, and if your spouse is willing, listen to this episode with him/her! Remember that conflict does not destroy relationships; unresolved conflict does. So make a decision today to get over your arguments quickly to avoid conflict ruining your marriage. Quotes mentioned in this episode: “Conflict cannot survive without your participation. - Wayne Dyer Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! BONUS LINK: Setting Realistic Expectations in Your Marriage with Jenard Moore SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Ep. 54 - It’s Our Anniversary! Let's Celebrate Marriages and relationships have been restored, new friendships have been made, and lives have been changed across 33 countries and more! I can hardly believe a year has gone by already! Our marriage podcast is growing and going thanks to you! Come along on today’s episode as we do a fantabulous year-in-review! Listen as I share some of the highlights of the past year, including favorite episodes, most talked about guests, and what’s in store for Real Relationship Talk as we enter into year two. This special edition episode had me gleaming and beaming. Can I just say we have not missed one week of the podcast! Glory to God. Every single week we have brought you amazing guests, relevant relationship topics, and questions from our listeners. It has been such an honor to host this show. I am already working on some new things to continue to bring you my best. Some of our highest talked about episodes include: Episode 13 – The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships Episode 2 – Overcoming Infidelity in Marriage – with Dr. Cyrus Williams Episode 3 – Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Us – with Shaun Williams Episode 26 – Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams I feel like we’ve only just begun! THANK YOU to those who have reviewed us on Apple Podcasts! Your recommendations go a long way! Please consider writing a review to help us reach more people with this message of hope. Links Mentioned in this Episode Sign up for my Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! Get my e-book The 5 Relationships that are Wrecking Your Life for FREE SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Is This All There Is? (Young and Married Series) I don’t know about you, but I used to look at my marriage and wonder, “Is this all there is?” Is this the best it’s going to get? Disappointment can quickly settle in even to a new marriage and rob you of the love, joy, and wonder you felt on your wedding day. Newlyweds and long-term married couples, alike, often find themselves asking these same questions. The truth is you are the one who gets to determine the answer to that question. In today’s episode, I share 7 relationship tips for you to begin to ask different questions about your marriage. Here are the tips: Marriage Advice for Dealing with Disappointment Ask yourself why are you disappointed? Go beyond your feelings. Understand that in marriage, seasons come and seasons go. Let go of what was to make room for what is. Get real with yourself. Remember that it’s about growth over perfection. Be the person you’d love to live with. I want to encourage you to take an active stance in the formation of your marriage. Far too many spouses are passive about their own progress. You’re in the driver seat. You get to have the marriage that you work for. So, what’s it going to be? For more on disappointment, check out Episode 40: Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships. Links Mentioned in this Episode Get on the list for the upcoming Wife Life group coaching class Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

[Sweet Repeat]: Making Love Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams One of our highest-ranked podcast episodes was the episode where Shaun and I talked about making love outside the bedroom. We were 100 percent real and raw and heard from many of you how much that episode helped in your marriages. We were gearing up for a couples’ workshop (of the same name) at the time. The workshop was a huge success, and we are still hearing from couples who attended about how their intimacy (in all forms) has reached new heights. Well, friends, I’ve been battling a respiratory infection over the last week that took away my voice, so instead of trying to prepare a new episode and introduction, Shaun took the helm on the podcast this week! He wanted to re-air the “Making Love Outside the Bedroom” episode in an attempt to butter me up once I’m better. LOL. On a serious note, though, we share some major nuggets on this episode about communication, foreplay, understanding the emotional needs of yourself and your spouse, and so much more. Even if you’ve already heard this episode, it’s definitely worth a “sweet repeat.” So, put the kids out of the room, pop in your earphones or AirPods, and take good notes. Learn the art of what it truly means to make love. To read the show notes for the original episode Making Love Outside the Bedroom, click here. For those who weren’t able to attend the workshop live, it’s now available as a virtual e-course! Click here to access. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Marriage Values and Forever Baes (Young & Married Series) – with Joseph and Marissa Msefya Millennial marriages have different challenges than other marriages. Gender roles, financial responsibilities, and rapid societal changes are among just a few of the various challenges young marrieds face. Joining us on today’s podcast is Joseph and Marissa Msefya, of Forever Marriages, who offer support to millennial marriages. Because they are millennials themselves, the Msefyas have a great way to relate to other young couples. I wanted to know why Joseph and Marissa decided to start a marriage ministry (platform). Joseph explained that in the beginning, it was really challenging for him, because he didn’t want to “put all his business out there,” plus his relationship with the Lord wasn’t really where he felt it needed to be. I think many men can relate to this. But we are so glad he pressed past his concerns, because the Msefyas dropped some major wisdom on us today. Shared Values vs Individual Values Marissa explained that though most married couples come to their marriages with individual values, it’s more important to have shared values. If one spouse values family, for example, more than the other, it can cause major problems. These conversations are critical, although they are often uncomfortable. This is where compromise comes in to help give the marriage direction and purpose. Joseph and Marissa encourage couples to agree on three to five shared values for their marriage and be sure to revisit them on a consistent basis. This process is very intentional. Joseph and Marissa revealed that they hold year-end review meetings, quarterly meetings, etc. to rate their marriage, celebrate their victories, and create new goals. I love this! I believe this level of intentionality is what sets great marriages apart from the pack. Gender Roles vs Biblical Roles in Marriage One of the topics that Joseph and Marissa are great at sharing on is the difference between traditional (gender) roles and biblical roles. In their estimation, gender roles are negotiable and often change with the times. Biblical roles, however, are non-negotiable for the Christian, because they are based on what God says about how marriage should operate, according to Ephesians 5 and other areas of Scripture. Lessons Learned from Being Young and Married I wanted to know what specific lessons the Msefyas learned in their own marriage, because I realize, again, millennial marriages face unique challenges. Marissa advised she didn’t really know how important community would become in her marriage. She wasn’t prepared for that. Like many couples, she and Joseph minimized the value of “the village.” Joseph added that prior to marriage, he didn’t realize the level of intentionality behind the sexual intimacy of a great marriage. Sex isn’t always taught well, especially in the Church, and there was much to learn in this area of their marriage. This episode is chock full of practical wisdom, so be sure to listen to the entire episode to help you or another millennial married couple to thrive in their marriage. Links Mentioned in this Episode Connect with Joseph and Marissa at Forever Marriages Take the Marriage is a V.E.R.B e-course Join the Real Relationship Talk / Christian Marriages & Relationships Facebook Community! SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Family Matters – Dealing with the In-Laws (Young & Married Series) No matter how much you love your spouse, you might not love your in-laws. Learning how to navigate these family matters is a crucial skill in a healthy marriage. Today, we’re learning about some critical questions every newlywed or young and married couple needs to ask about their spouse’s family of origin. First off, think of your spouse’s family of origin like a marinade. What has he/she been “marinating” in for 18+years? We are all products of our families. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s important to understand your spouse’s family dynamics and how you might help them to break free of destructive patterns that could affect your marriage. Questions to Ask About Your In-Laws I list some helpful questions that you should ask even before you get married. What did you most admire about your parents? What is your mom’s / dad’s greatest strength? How did your parents resolve conflict? How did your parents approach spiritual issues? A complete list of questions to ask your spouse about your in-laws I also share a few tips to remember whenever you’re talking to your spouse about their family. Remember “Yo Mama!” jokes? Yeah . . . it’s best not to trash talk your in-laws. That usually doesn’t go over well. Even if your spouse is upset at his/her parents, they are still his/her parents, and that loyalty runs deep. It’s better to ask curious questions and offer support than bash the family your spouse grew up in. In this episode, I give five helpful tips for managing your expectations with your in-laws, including not “becoming little.” You’ve got to listen to this part of the episode. I know I’m speaking directly to many of you who are dealing with this now! Take a listen to the full episode and let me know what you think by rating and reviewing the podcast. Links Mentioned in this Episode Facing Your Fiance’s Family of Origin The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships Need Marriage or Relationship Coaching? SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

5 Boundaries Every Marriage Needs (Young & Married Series) Setting boundaries is so foundational in marriage, yet many couples don’t understand the necessity or process of setting them. On today’s show, we discuss friends, sexual boundaries, families of origin, and much more. The five boundaries in marriage I highlight are in no way an exhaustive list. Many other boundaries can (and should) be added to this list, but I believe these are the “big ones.” Too many marriages suffer for lack of clear communication and clear lines. One of the many benefits of having boundaries in marriage is that each spouse knows where he/she stops and where the other spouse begins. There is so much I can say (and write) about this topic, but for brevity’s sake (and to entice you to listen to the whole show), I’ll be concise. Do You Practice Any of these Boundaries in Marriage? General Care and Treatment Household Responsibilities In-Laws Friends Sexual boundaries The truth is many married couples do not intentionally practice boundaries. Some don’t feel they’re positive. Some feel that “good relationships” don’t need boundaries. Still, other couples have not really ever given this topic much thought. It is my hope that after listening to today’s podcast, you come away with a greater understanding of the need for boundaries in your marriage whether you are young or more “seasoned.” Boundaries are good. They help keep out the bad and keep in the good. And that is what healthy relationships are all about. Links Mentioned in this Episode Read my article on Why We Need Boundaries in Relationships Is Porn Destroying Your Marriage? – Very Well Mind Porn in Marriage: Its Harmful Effects – Covenant Eyes How Pornography Distorts Intimate Relationships – MentalHelp.net Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Setting Realistic Expectations in Marriage (Young & Married Series) – with Jenard Moore Being young and married has many advantages, but often young married couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. On today’s episode, Jenard Moore, host of the Moore Love Connection podcast, a podcast that focuses on millennial marriages, joins us to discuss how to set realistic expectations in our marriages. This episode was truly one of my favorites and is jam-packed with so much wisdom and practical advice for marriages of all ages. Jenard and his wife Destiny started their marriage podcast after only being married two years. They felt that newlyweds weren’t always being served transparent and authentic information, so the Moores wanted to do their part to help these marriages thrive. I was featured on their podcast as a guest a few months ago, and am grateful Jenard is our guest today. You Know What They Say About Assumptions If there’s one mistake we should all stop making in our relationships, it’s making assumptions about our partners. Beth McCord, popular Enneagram coach, calls this “Assumicide.” You know . . . it’s the death of our relationships due to our incessant assuming that our partners should think, behave, or be a certain way. Instead, Jenard encourages us to lay out our expectations so the other person clearly knows what you need and what you want. When we have unrealistic expectations in marriage, it’s easy to fall into the comparison game. We can compare our spouses to our parents, past relationships, or friends’ marriages. Comparison is unhelpful and can lead to frustration, resentment, or worse. It’s such a common mistake that we discussed comparison in marriage in detail on a podcast episode here. Why Millennials Are Avoiding Marriage Statistics show that many millennials are choosing to skip marriage altogether, and even some Christian couples are choosing to live together without being married. This topic is worthy of a podcast all on its own, and if I record one, I’ll be sure to link it here. Jenard believes there are many reasons why millennials are avoiding marriage. Reasons including: the “serial dater” culture fear of commitment fear of missing out (FOMO) Then, there’s the age-old question: What if I married the wrong person? (Another great podcast episode!) This episode is chock full of wise nuggets, so I hope you’ll listen all the way through. And, once you’re done, be sure to register for my Boundaries for Women workshop (or e-course). Links Mentioned in this Episode Connect with Jenard on Instagram or the Moore Love Podcast website. Listen to the Moore Love Connection episode I was a guest on called The Heart of the Matter Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Grieving with Hope (Hope Series) – with Deborah Juniper-Frye Grief isn’t a topic most people like to discuss, but inevitably, we will all lose someone or something very special to us at some point, and we need to know how to grieve with hope. On today’s episode, Deborah Juniper-Frye, a grief recovery specialist and friend of mine, joins us to discuss how to find the good in grief, the stages of grief, and how to know when our grief has become unhealthy. Deborah is one of the most compassionate, dependable people I know. She has walked my family through the loss of my grandfather, father, my best friend, and others. When I was thinking about this episode, I knew I wanted her to share her insight with us on how to grieve with hope. Grieving with Hope I just love acronyms, and Deborah shares with us an easy-to-remember acronym on HOPE to help us through the grieving process: H – Help yourself O – Open yourself up to grow P – Pursue a greater purpose E – Expect something good Be sure to listen around the 22:25 mark to hear Deborah’s full explanation of the HOPE acronym. As you can see, you must prioritize yourself through the process of grief. When Grief Becomes Unhealthy Just as we can grieve with hope and grieve in a healthy manner, we can also grieve unhealthily. Too much alone time is good for no one, and although it is understandable to want to be alone while grieving, isolation can be damaging. Deborah shares that harping on negative memories and harboring unforgiveness is also counterproductive to the grieving process. This episode is chock full of practical and purposeful principles to help you to grieve with hope. Links Mentioned in this Episode Connect with Deborah on Instagram or Facebook Purchase Grieving Under Grace here Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Hope and Healing after Awful, Abusive Relationships (Hope Series) – with Tania Ceasar-Cornwell Did you know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence? Let that sink in. That’s an enormous amount of people who are involved in abusive relationships. Tania Ceasar-Cornwell was once a repeat victim of domestic violence (intimate partner violence) and is here to share her story on the podcast today. This episode is raw and real, and Tania expresses complete transparency and vulnerability in sharing her story. Tania’s trauma started before birth if you can imagine that. Unwanted by her rather and feeling rejected by her mother, Tania began to feel isolated, and to make matters worse, she experienced sexual perversion at a very young age. Having been sexually abused, she began to experience anxiety, panic attacks, and more. But things took a bit of a turn in Tania’s life when influenced by her aunt, she gave her life to the Lord. Her newfound faith offered some relief from her troubled home, but in her words, “the enemy was after me.” From Bad to Worse As she got older, her relationship with God began to fade, and Tania began experiencing major depression. The lack of boundaries and structure in her life exacerbated her trauma, and she began to get involved in bad friendships and abusive relationships. She met the father of her older children at 13 years old and began dating him at 14. Two years later, she was pregnant. This relationship became very toxic and abusive, and Tania confused sex with love. To try to appease her situation, she decided to marry her boyfriend, and things went from bad to worse. She realized a year later that she was pregnant again as the abuse and now infidelity increased. Breaking Abusive Cycles Sometime later, Tania got the strength to leave that relationship only to become involved in more abusive relationships. At her breaking point, Tania found her now-husband. Though not physically abusive, that relationship, too, was unhealthy in the beginning. At her wit's end, she found herself wandering the streets and ended up on the steps of a local church. Little did she know, this “chance encounter” would serve as the catalyst to a pretty amazing life change for her and her entire family . . . Listen to the full episode here. For more information on escaping domestic violence, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Links Mentioned in this Episode Connect with Tania on Instagram or Facebook Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

5 Powerful Principles for Waiting in Hope (Hope Series) Let’s be honest, none of us likes to wait. It’s not that we’re impatient people necessarily, but waiting tests our resolve. Whether you’re waiting for a relationship fix, a spouse, healing, or a new job, delayed answers can derail our faith if we allow it to. Do you ever wonder why waiting is necessary in the first place? If you’re a Christian, you’ve probably heard scriptures like, “They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). That can be a hard pill to swallow when doubt and disappointment are constant companions. Why We Need to Wait on God I believe God intentionally requires us to wait for a few reasons: Waiting builds patience. James 1:3 reminds us that “the trying of your faith works patience.” Patience is like a muscle. The heavier the weight, the stronger it gets. Waiting causes us to appreciate the answer more. Instant gratification does not build maturity. When we have to wait on something, the payoff is often much sweeter. Waiting tests our motives. Have you ever forgotten about something you were waiting for or, maybe when you were about to receive it, you realized you didn’t even want it? As we wait, our true desires become clearer. Waiting reveals the proper season. Here’s the truth: sometimes it’s just not your season. As you wait in hope, you will begin to appreciate God’s timing all the more. Now we see some reasons why we wait, but how are we supposed to wait in hope the right way? 5 Principles for Waiting in Hope To keep it easy, and because I grew up a good Baptist girl, I’m giving you “5 P’s” for waiting in hope: Be prayerful – Prayer is the key to keeping your heart soft and yielded. Pray for yourself. Pray about your situation. Matthew 6:8 reminds us that “God knows what you need before you even ask him.” That’s not an invitation to passivity; it’s an invitation to partner with God in prayer. Be positive – Be careful with your thoughts and your talk. You don’t want to uncover or nullify what you’re praying about with negative, faithless talk. Mind your mind! Don’t allow yourself to become cynical or hopeless. Think on these things (Philippians 4:8). Be purposeful – As you wait, find something to do. Don’t sit idly by waiting for life to happen to you. Get involved in the process. Study, connect with the right people, and act as if the answer is on the way. Be patient – Patience is a virtue and it’s one of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Waiting is one of God’s ways of maturing us. Be prepared – There’s a story that Jesus tells in Matthew 25:1-14 about the 10 Virgins. The moral of the story is that when the much-anticipated “answer” came, 5 of the 10 were unprepared and therefore shut out of the promise. I can recall a time or two when I, too, was unprepared for my answer when it finally came. I link to that story in the links section below. Friend, I know waiting is hard. But I pray this episode will help you to wait in hope. God loves you. He knows what’s best for you, and he will answer you at the appointed time. Links Mentioned in this Episode My Story of Being Unprepared While Waiting Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Know When to Give Up Hope in a Relationship (Hope Series) How do you know when your relationship is over? Maybe you’re tempted to throw in the towel. But then, is doing so the right thing? Being in the middle of the choice to end a relationship or keep hope alive can be daunting. For people of faith, we know that “with God, all things are possible,” but are there are times when it is really the end? 4 Questions to Ponder When You’re Ready to Give Up Hope in Your Relationship There are several questions to consider when you’re vacillating between the decision to end a relationship or to continue to hope for change. I discuss four questions to think about in today’s episode and expound on each. What needs to change in the relationship in order for it to grow? How will it change? Do you (or your partner) truly want to change? What or how do I need to change? At the end of the day, remember that “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” A Word to the Christians about God’s Will and Our Hope If you’re a Christian, you are likely familiar with Scriptures that talk about hope. These Scriptures are meant to encourage us as we journey through life’s challenges. There are some, however, who believe that God’s will overrides all decision-making. It’s as if no matter what we do, God’s will ensures that success will “magically” happen. Bear with me. Though I believe that God is ultimately in control, I also know that God does not force His will upon us. “God’s sovereign will does not usurp our human will.” If you’re in a relationship with someone and he/she does not want to change, God will not force him/her. Are you holding on to hope or wishful thinking? Think on that. Follow the Way of Peace When we are praying through a decision, we must follow the way of peace. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” We must not only pray but wait for an answer. God will lead you. Trust him. Face Your Fears Finally, as you decide on if it’s time to give up hope in your relationship, you must also you’re your fears. When you expose your fears, they lose their power. When you’re trying to decide to stay or go, are you afraid of how you’ll look to others? Afraid that God will be disappointed with you? Afraid of being hurt again? Be honest with yourself and deal with the hidden fears in your heart. Listen to the complete episode for a much more in-depth conversation on all these points. And remember, “When the pain of staying stuck outweighs the pain of making a change, you’ll change.” Links Mentioned in this Episode Our Story: Rebuilding Trust, Rebuilding Us – with My Hubby, Shaun Register for the Boundaries for Women Workshop Here. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Today, I’m encouraging you with scriptures of hope for the weary soul. These 5 Scriptures have carried me through some of life’s greatest challenges. It is my prayer that they will encourage you also. Get in a quiet space, if possible, and allow God’s word to refresh your heart as you trust him with your life. There are no additional show notes for this episode. SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Life After Divorce: Friendships, Failings, and Finding Love Again (Hope Series) – with Daniel Herrold As a marriage coach, I am humbled to have divorced people reach out to me for advice. Many want to know what life after divorce can look like and wonder if they will ever find love again. Today’s guest, Daniel Harrold, shares very openly about his journey of life after divorce. Co-founding a community of friends called Divorced Over 40, Daniel discusses how his marriage fell apart, the mistakes he made and lessons he learned, as well as how he rebounded to overcome the stigma of divorce and build a life he’s proud of. Daniel’s story isn’t unlike many marriages: he and his wife were college sweethearts and got married right after they graduated. He wasn’t the typical college guy who dated all the freshman girls. Just the opposite, as a matter of fact. His wife was basically his first real relationship. A couple of years into the marriage they had their first child: a daughter, followed shortly by two more daughters. Throughout the course of Daniel’s marriage, he and his wife sought marriage counseling. Sadly, they continued to drift apart. As they both realized the marriage was coming to an end, Daniel and his wife decided to forgo counseling and choose divorce. The Healing Process Divorce is often likened to death. The stages of grief are similar: anger, denial, sorrow, blame, loneliness, etc. It’s a deep loss that is often compounded by a lack of closure. Daniel went through an 18-month healing process where he had to be honest about what he did right and what he did wrong. He also learned some new lessons about love and relationships as a whole. Far too often, people begin dating after divorce before first completing the healing process. This is a big mistake and oftentimes leads to yet another broken relationship and a bitter and broken heart. One of the catalysts in Daniel’s healing process was a close group of friends that he developed after his divorce. Realizing he needed close friendships, he co-founded Divorced Over 40 with two female friends to help divorced people heal and find connections. Divorced Over 40 Being divorced can often lead to being stigmatized. Daniel and his two friends wanted to chronicle their lives as divorcees and create a community where those who walked the difficult road of divorce could find hope and healing. They do this by creating relevant content, support, and events for people to meet and develop friendships. This community has been a lifeline to Daniel as he’s found a new life after divorce. Hope for the Divorced Throughout this hope series, it is my hope (pun intended) that you will find a safe place of healing if you’ve been through a divorce. You may or may not have been the initiator of your divorce, but you are nonetheless dealing with it now. If you have kids, be intentional about being amicable with your ex. This makes all the difference in a child’s life. Your kids do not need to be put in the middle of your relationship problems. Daniel and his ex-wife have actually grown closer as friends and have a great platonic relationship today. Focus on self-discovery and finding the lessons God wants to show you through the process. If you need to forgive, do so. It’s imperative. If you need to repent, do so. Your soul depends on it. If you need therapy or coaching, get some! Take your time, and allow yourself to go through the process. No shortcuts. You will win if you contend. A final word, sometimes, those in the church don’t know how to deal with people who are divorced. They may say the wrong thing or they may say nothing. They may distance themselves or worse, gossip about you. Don’t allow people’s incorrect response to damage your heart. Daniel shares very vulnerably around the 24-minute mark as to his experience with how his faith was rattled after his divorce and how’s he’s on his way back to a deeper faith in spite of it. Links Mentioned in this Episode Divorced over 40 Community Follow Dan on Instagram @thedivorceddad SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

A mom of eight children and married for 18 years, our guest, author Hallie Lord, was stunned when her marriage fell apart. Listen as Hallie shares very vulnerably the unexpected dramatic change she encountered in her marriage and teaches us about how to unearth treasure and make peace with the unfinished work in our lives. This conversation was so rich. I know it is going to encourage many of you who feel stuck in your lives, those who are on the precipice of a difficult decision, and those reeling from a life that fell or is falling apart. When Playing it Safe Keeps You Miserable Hallie’s recent book, Falling Home: Creating Life that Catches You When You Fall, is a deep dive into the unfamiliar, unchartered undercurrent of what happens when life falls apart. Often, when we face moments like this, we are tempted to play it safe and cling to what’s familiar. Hallie can relate, and thought back to when she operated in this mode. She writes, “It was better to remain safe, even if safety meant misery. At least I’d be alive.” How many of you have felt like this? I know I’m being hurt, but it’s not as bad as it could be. I know I should demand better, but at least I’m not alone. Too many people are stuck in miserable relationships because it’s familiar. It’s all they know. It’s much harder to step outside of what’s familiar, but playing it safe is often the wrong move. The Value of Premarital Coaching Hallie encourages everyone who’s thinking about getting married to go to premarital counseling or premarital coaching. We all bring patterns, habits, and dysfunction into our marriages, and premarital coaching can help to shine a light on these potential problems and patterns we inherit from our families of origin. I, personally, will not marry a couple if they have not gone through some sort of premarital work. As a relationship coach, it’s my job to help couples avoid the common yet often hidden traps waiting to snatch away their bliss. Do not, I repeat, do not get married without premarital coaching. Schedule a FREE One-On-One Coaching Session Here Hallie never thought she’d get divorced. It’s a promise she had made to herself, especially after seeing her parents divorce. But as she slowly realized things in her marriage would not change, she knew it was time to make this difficult choice. What’s the Worst that Can Happen? When life falls apart, we often meditate on the absolute worst thing that can happen. What if, Hallie asks, we focused on asking ourselves what possible good could come out of the situation? What if we, instead, looked for hidden treasures in the unexpected and unfinished work in our lives? Life doesn’t have to be hard all the time, and when it is hard, it doesn’t have to remain hard. There is another path . . . another way forward. It’s the path of discovering that there is light and life even in the shadows of darkness. That’s the message behind Falling Home, and that is the message of this hope series on the podcast. When life falls apart, there is always hope to be found, even in the unexpected and unfinished spaces. Links Mentioned in this Episode Get Hallie’s Book: Falling Home: Creating a Life that Catches You When You Fall Connect with Hallie on Instagram or her Website Interested in my Wife Life group coaching session? Find out more here! SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Dealing with Disappointments in Relationships (Hope Series) What do you do when you’ve been disappointed in your relationships? When the one closest to you lets you down or breaks your heart? Truthfully, we’ve all had unmet expectations in our relationships that have led to major disappointment. As we begin a new podcast series on hope, I want to really lay a foundation of the importance of dealing with our disappointments. When we allow disappointment to fester, it callouses our hearts. We become numb, cold, angry, bitter, etc. You pick your poison. However, when we decide to let go of the disappointment, we can learn to walk in new levels of freedom. Disappointment doesn’t discriminate. In other words, it happens to us all. This episode will help you to stop running from the truth of what or who hurt you and, more importantly, choose a new path by learning to forgive. The Beauty of Forgiveness “Holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Unknown. Think about that. When you chose to not forgive, you are only hurting yourself. The problem is that we hold onto unforgiveness because we think it shields us from pain. The truth is it only deepens our pain. When you learn to forgive and release others, you are the one who is also set free. if you’re married, you are going to have to forgive often. The people closest to us are also the ones who have greater access to our hearts, and therefore, can hurt us the deepest. But have no fear. Love covers a multitude of wrongs (I Peter 4:8). What Suffering & Disappointment Teach Us Suffering and disappointment teach out how to endure (Romans 5:3-5). As we learn to endure the disappointments we face in life, we build character, and character builds hope. It’s a beautiful cycle, actually. When you begin to understand that nothing can defeat you, that God can cause all things to work for your good (Romans 8:28), you stop allowing the relationship disappointments you’ve been dealt to win the game. You learn how to make the disappointments work for you. This episode will help you to gain a better understanding of the necessity of disappointments in our lives. I hope it encourages you. Links Mentioned in this Episode Join my new group coaching class: Wife Life Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships: Release Them, Restore You SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Relationship trauma expert Dr. Janie Lacy is here to help us to understand our core wounds and avoid toxic relationships in today’s episode. Janie and I talked about the importance of knowing yourself (i.e. becoming self-aware) and how that knowledge can lead you into uncovering your childhood (or core) wounds. And yes, we all have them. Understanding where we’ve come from can then help us to build healthier relationships. Lately, there’s been a lot of what I call psycho-babble flying around on social media. Words like narcissism, gaslighting, toxicity, and the like, have become overused and ill-defined. I wanted an actual therapist to help us to not only decode these words but more importantly learn to recognize if we see any of these patterns in our relationships. Understanding Your Core Wounds Even good families have some level of dysfunction. I like to say that we’ve all marinated in the "juices" of our families of orgin, and no matter how we try to detach from the craziness of our childhood, we all carry some level of crazy into adulthood. Think about the family you grew up in. How did you see your father treat your mother and vice versa? Did you even have a father in the home? If not, how did that affect you? Was your mother nurturing or distant? How did you respond to her? Maybe, sadly, you didn’t grow up with a mother. It’s obvious that the way we were raised affects us today. Janie tells the story of feeling embarrassed to speak in front of people because, as a child, she had rotten teeth. She had to learn to overcome her core wounds and learn how to communicate. This revelation led her to becoming a psychotherapist. A friend of mine says, “There is no such thing as marriage problems; only childhood problems that manifest in marriage.” I’m sure she didn’t make that up, but whoever originally coined it is on the right track. What doesn’t get healed gets repeated. Janie also reminds us that if we don’t deal with our core wounds, they will haunt us in our relationships. “We need to understand where we’ve been so that we can unblock where we want to go and why we attract certain people.” – Janie Lacy Becoming Self-Aware Janie and I also discussed some practical steps people can do in order to become self-aware. Understanding your core wound is a big part of this, but it’s also important to break out of the mundane. When our lives are too “ordinary,” and we are too comfortable, there is little reason to change or even question if something might be awry. When trauma presents, we are shaken loose of living on auto-pilot. Ask yourself how do you feel when no one else is around? Do you feel loved? Unseen? The reason many of us don’t want to do the work of becoming self-aware is because it is painful. It forces us to take responsibility and look at our own toxic thinking and areas we’ve allowed others to mistreat us. It’s sobering to realize we had a part to play in these toxic relationships. Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship Before you can rid yourself of toxic relationships, you must first understand if you’re in one. Beware. This is hard. When you truly love someone, it can be disorienting to think of him/her as toxic. The good news is that the person isn’t necessarily toxic, but the behavior is. Not all toxic relationships have to end, but toxic behavior must. Janie shared with us the following practical signs to know if you’re in a toxic relationship: You make excuses for your partner’s negative behavior. You can’t be yourself with your partner. You feel like you’re constantly performing. Your core wounds are being incited when you’re around your partner. You see unhealthy patterns (being cursed out, being manipulated, being abused, etc.) This episode was chock full of sage and practical advice. Thanks Dr. Janie Lacy for all you shared with us today! Links Mentioned in this Episode Connect with Janie at http://janielacy.com Get My Free e-Book! 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

If you’re a single person looking for solid relationship tips, look no further than today’s episode featuring my husband, Shaun, as we share from our heart some wisdom that will help you to value yourself and to make better decisions in your relationships. First off, full disclosure, Shaun and I were super young when we got married . . . I was 18, and he was 21. So, technically, our single days were pretty short-lived. However, we’ve heard (and continue to hear) from our single friends about the struggles they’re facing in the single game and want to help steer you clear of some common pitfalls. We thought it was fitting for us, as a married couple, to give some advice for single people from a compassionate yet challenging perspective. One of my Facebook followers on the Real Relationship Talk page sent me a message asking why married men don’t offer “relationship tips” to single women. Um . . . let’s just lay aside the obvious problems with that statement and get to her concerns. She wrote, “Annnnd why is it that married men who seem like ‘Mr. Right’ with their spouse don't have any Mr. Right recommendations for the single sistahs in their lives? I feel like we're out here trying to point ‘em out on our own.” I asked Shaun to take a stab at this question, and his response spawned today’s episode. Relationship Tip #1: Value Yourself This may seem like common sense, but far too many single people do not value themselves. They are not self-aware. They lack boundaries, and therefore, other people do not value them either. I see it all the time—beautiful, strong, smart, and capable women allowing themselves to be treated like options by undeserving men. This madness has to stop. The first relationship tip we give to single people is to honor yourself . . . value yourself. If you don’t, no one else will. Relationship Tip #2: Stop Bending to Society’s Norms Listen, if you don’t know who you are, you’ll allow everyone else to tell you who you are. Part of being confident and valuing yourself is shutting out society’s expectations, labels, and rules. You are not a Kardashian. You don’t have Kardashian money. You don’t have Kardashian clout. And you do not have Kris Jenner for your mom. Stop trying to “keep up with the Kardashians” or Kardashian-like expectations. No one’s body looks like that, not even theirs. So give yourself a break, and focus on your strengths. If you love you, other people will love you too. Relationship Tip #3: Stop Giving It Away for Free Here’s some old-school relationship advice that really works. If you’re giving all the goods away and allowing your boyfriend/girlfriend to be too comfortable, why would they want to marry you? We’re not suggesting that you start playing games, but you do need to ask yourself what are you willing to withhold in order to encourage your significant other to make an investment in you? The age-old adage Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? still holds, friends. Relationship Tip #4: Don’t Ghost Your Friends When You’re in a Relationship We’ve all had “that” friend. The one who disappears like Casper when they begin a new relationship. It’s immature and insensitive. You need your friends. Don’t allow your new relationship status to undermine the very people you’re going to need to lean on when said relationship is over. Friends give us a different perspective. They encourage us when we’re down. And they bring balance to your life. So, don’t be shady; be a good friend. I am so grateful to my husband, Shaun, for speaking to the hearts of my single listeners. I want you to be sure you’re subscribed to my email list so you can continue to receive these relationship tips on the regular using the link below. Links Mentioned in this Episode Get Your Free e-Book 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Love, Laughs, & Old School Relationship Advice (Single AF Series) - with Comedian Ms. Maebelle Away with this millennial dating advice! We’re taking it old school today and bringing our favorite comedian, Ms. Maebelle, to the podcast to give us some old-school dating and relationship advice. Now, if you've never heard of Ms. Maebelle, think of a kinder, gentler version of cultural icon Madea. Sometimes you need that “seasoned wisdom” to help you navigate through the stormy relationship waters. Ms. Maebelle delivers just the sauce we needed. I wanted to get her wisdom on what women (especially) should be doing while they’re awaiting Mr. Right (or Boaz, as he’s known in Christian circles). I also asked her about her thoughts on the over-sexualization of women and her best dating tips. Here are some highlights we discussed in this episode. Finding Your Purpose as a Single Woman Similar to what our guest Vernicia Eure shared on episode 32- The Art of Becoming Happily Single, Ms. Maebelle advised women who are waiting to be married (or at least waiting to find the right man) should busy themselves with a purpose. Don’t just stand around, aimlessly doing nothing. Be busy. She took us to the book of Ruth in the Bible and explained how Ruth busied herself enough to catch the attention of Boaz. John Sims, from episode 31- 5 Qualities Single Men Look for in a Single Woman brought this point home as well. Ladies, listen up. Being focused on your goals, passions, and pursuits is highly attractive to a secure and responsible man. Is Modest Hottest? There was a phrase back in the day (speaking of old-school relationship advice) that suggested “modest is hottest.” Basically, modesty is the highest form of hotness. While the word “modest” carries some baggage, I do believe that women shouldn’t bear all their goods to just anyone. Ms. Maebelle reminded us that men have good imaginations, and they like a little bit of mystery when it comes to a woman. Most respectable men do not want the woman they are looking to settle down with to dress too provocatively. But even if he does, ladies, there is something really intriguing about a woman who carries herself well and leaves some things to the imagination. Cooking, Cleaning, and Bearing Children, Oh My! Old-school relationship advice wouldn’t be complete without a laundry list of all the things women should be doing in the house, primarily the kitchen. Ms. Maebelle believes that women need to know how to cook and clean to win a husband. I pushed back on this a bit because in my marriage, both my husband and I share household responsibilities. Still, there are some who are more traditional, and keeping a clean house is a good thing every adult (male or female) should learn to do, in my opinion. Best and Worst Relationship Advice We ended the podcast by discussing some of the best and worst relationship advice Ms. Maebelle had given and received. Her answers were pretty hilarious. What’s the best and worst relationship advice you’ve ever received? The thing that I love about older people is they shoot from the hip. Most don’t mince words, but rather they tell it like it is. Although this episode was all in fun, Ms. Maebelle did drop some truth bombs. Let me encourage you at this time to spend time, if possible, with your grandparents. They are deep wells of wisdom and give some of the greatest, most practical relationship advice you’ll hear, especially if they themselves have a solid relationship. Links Mentioned in this Episode Follow Ms. Maebelle on Facebook SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How Guys Think – A Single Man Bares All I’m often asked by single women listeners of the podcast “what do single men think about?” Does he really not understand the female mind? Why won’t he commit? How do I know if he’s really into me? Questions about how guys think abound (a quick Google search will affirm this) and compelled me to invite my guest, Avery Martin, to the podcast today. I wanted to go straight to the source to find out how guys think. Avery is an everyday man who is very intentional about how he does relationships and what he’s looking for in a woman. Avery allowed us a peek into the mind of the single man to hopefully shed some light on just how single men think. Why Don’t Men Share Their Feelings? Many women want to know why it’s so hard for men to open up and share their feelings. We know that men have emotions, but many seem to have trouble letting us in to their heart. Avery offered great insight by explaining that if a man doesn’t feel safe to share, or if he feels what he shares will be thrown back at him later, he’ll never open up. I asked what the fear behind the man not opening up, and Avery shared that it is partially due to culture telling men they have to be strong, but it’s also that some men don’t know how to process their emotions within themselves, therefore, they can’t share them with a woman they’re in a relationship with. We also talked about how guys think about being intimidated by women, especially since I just focused on this topic in my last episode with Mandy Hale. What Does Equality in Relationships Look Like to You? When it comes to relationship roles, some men are more traditional, while other men are more progressive. I wanted to know Avery’s take on how guys think equality in relationships should look like. He stated that in dating relationships, equality is most demonstrated in the level of effort each partner initiates. It’s no secret that most women love to be pursued by their men. However, according to Avery, she should still make a genuine effort in the relationship as well. One of the tricky parts is that everyone seems to have a different definition of dating, which can obviously cause communication problems and disappointments and can lead to folks finding themselves in “situationships” they never intended on being in. Is He Really Interested? Most of us have seen the hit movie He’s Just Not That Into You (2009). Sadly, because some men have led women on with no intention of commitment, many women are still asking this question of the men they’re dating. Just recently, a woman emailed me to ask if she should move on or continue dating a man who is giving her mixed signals about their relationship. Avery didn’t mince words here: basically, he says, if a man is interested in a woman, she will know it. He will make his intentions known. This is going to be a hard pill for some ladies to swallow because many men give off mixed signals. However, ladies, take this advice to heart. Stop pining over a man who isn’t letting his intentions be clearly known. Maintaining Celibacy in Your Singleness Avery shared some very practical steps he takes in his quest to maintain celibacy in his singleness. I thought this part of the conversation on how guys think was really helpful to those who also want to devote their attention to other things than sex. It takes a lot of focus and effort, Avery said, but it also keeps a lot of problems and unnecessary ties to people at bay. While not all Christian singles are practicing celibacy, many are. Avery brought up the term “delayed gratification,” which is so important to cultivate in these conversations. Some helpful tips on how to maintain celibacy: Surround yourself with a support group who you can be accountable to and encouraged by. Find something else to divert your “energy.” Be careful about the music, movies, and other media you consume. Date other singles who have the same value for sexual integrity that you do. Listen to the full podcast and hear Avery explain how guys think about “short-term fun” girls and so much more by clicking on the player above. Links Mentioned in this Episode Find Avery on Instagram Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Finding Love Without Losing Yourself (Single AF Series) – with Mandy Hale For singles looking for love, the dating scene can be a doozy. Online dating is at an all-time high, and while many singles are out here interviewing spouses, others are quite content in “situationships” that lead to nowhere. The Single Woman, herself, Mandy Hale is on the podcast today and wants to help you singles to find love without losing yourself. Her latest book, Don’t Believe the Swipe: Finding Love Without Losing Yourself isn’t just a dating manual; it’s a self-love manual for single people. Mandy is a New York Times Best-Selling author and social media powerhouse. She has appeared on Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour, spoken at Women of Faith and TD Jake’s Woman Thou Art Loosed! Mandy shares candid dating stories that will leave you bewildered at the brazenness of some of her suitors. But she seems to take it all in stride. She’s been doing this dating thing long enough to know that not every connection is a love connection, and she’s okay with that. Mandy reminds us that dating is supposed to be fun; it’s supposed to be a way of learning about people and yourself. Thus, she knows how to help singles recover from the constant pressure of what she calls “the swipe.” Don’t Believe the Swipe Mandy explains that the swipe is the incessant pressure put on singles to measure their worth by their relationship status. If a single woman is worried about why she isn’t being matched with more people on the online dating apps, or if a single man is focused on the next woman while in a relationship with someone else, they’re believing the swipe. Dating can be very superficial, and singles can find themselves getting too caught up in their heads, wondering why they’re being ghosted or rejected. They can internalize other people’s reactions to the point of beginning to feel negative about themselves. Dating isn’t just about being matched with someone. It’s about learning to love yourself and being confident in who you are. That’s what finding love without losing yourself is all about. Reclaiming the Joy of the Single Life We’ve talked about finding joy in the single life on other podcast episodes, namely the episode on In-Between Relationships. There is nothing wrong with being single. Not. One. Thing. Instead of constantly searching for “the one,” Mandy encourages singles to focus on being the one, but not for someone else. Be the one for you. Enjoy this stage of your life. Cherish it. The Apostle Paul says in I Corinthians 7:7, “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others” (The Message). Churches can help singles to feel more comfortable and connected, and both Many and I had some great ways to make this happen. The Intimidation Factor If you are a successful, confident, single woman, you’ve maybe heard a man tell you that you’re “intimidating.” Mandy dedicates and entire chapter in her book to this topic, and we also addressed it at length on the podcast. In a nutshell, a guy telling a girl she’s intimidating is an excuse. “If a guy is truly meant for you, nothing is going to be able to keep him away,” Mandy says. With that in mind, it should take some of the pressure off of finding love. Ladies, you are not too much. You do not need to dumb yourself down, dim your light, or commit any other acts of sacrifice against yourself. If a man can’t handle your awesomeness, tell him to keep it moving. This was a great conversation with Mandy, and I’m grateful to have had her on the show! Notable Moments in the Podcast [9:15]: An in-depth definition of “the swipe” [15:25]: Instead of asking if he/she likes you, do you even like him/her? [20:42]: Finding joy in the single life [23:04]: How churches can do better at celebrating single people [28:29]: The myth of the intimidation factor [36:20]: What keeps a man away if he’s into you [37:00]: Some modern dating definitions Links Mentioned in this Episode Mandy Hale’s Website Follow Mandy (@TheSingleWoman) on Instagram and Twitter Purchase Mandy’s Book: Don’t Believe the Swipe: Finding Love Without Losing Yourself Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.co

In-Between Relationships: Becoming Confident & Gaining Clarity (Single AF) – with Videllia and Melissa Today, we have the love blogger herself, who needs no last name, Videllia on the podcast as we continue our #SingleAF series. But I also wanted my friend Melissa Seaman on the show because, while Videllia is well-versed in handling relationships, Melissa has yet to jump into the dating waters. Videllia helps to empower single women who are looking to build healthy relationships, so I thought this conversation needed to happen. I wanted to know if these ladies felt pressure to be married and if so, where that pressure came from. Videllia went first, and stated that she didn’t feel pressure from family but rather the culture at large where there seems to be an over-arching focus on relationships. Melissa also feel the pressure to get married and have kids, but not from her family. She actually became enthralled in her parents’ romance story, and they served as great examples to her. They taught her to find herself in God’s big plan and to be selective in choosing a man. But she put pressure on herself after watching most of her friends and even her two younger brothers get married. Both ladies agreed that, “Even if you’re not raised to put that pressure on yourself to get married, you put pressure on yourself.” Settling for Mr. Alright One of the most detrimental things women do in between relationships is settling for who I call “Mr. Alright.” Usually, the woman is tired of waiting for “the one” (i.e. Mr. Right), so she reasons and bargains her way down to some man who meets just enough of her standards. This usually has disastrous results. Of course, no man is perfect, and you likely won’t find every single thing you’re looking for in one person, but I implore you, ladies, do not settle for Mr. Alright. Videllia asserts, “I desire marriage but my desire isn’t so high that I’m willing to settle just to say I have somebody.” Waiting is hard, and you have to develop contentment. Videllia admits that she’s not always content in her singleness. Much like my friend Vernicia said on Episode 32 on becoming content in your singleness. “It’s easier to be more selective when you’re not giving up the cookies.” - Videllia How to Put Yourself Out There Without Appearing Desperate Melissa has never been in a relationship but appreciated how Vidella encouraged her to put herself out there. Videllia shared some nuggets on learning to become vocal without becoming the pursuer. This is something single women need to get good at doing. Gaining clarity and becoming confident to speak up and assert yourself in a relationship is important. But too often, women (and men, for that matter) don’t speak up out of fear of rejection and fear of being hurt. Videllia talked about how we don’t always deal with the hurt, but instead mask it. We know that doesn’t work in the long term, but sadly, many people still do it. Toward the end of the episode, I led Videllia in giving Melissa a mini-coaching session on what Melissa deemed her problem with the “Friend Zone.” The Friend Zone The friend zone is when two people have a friendship and one of them “catches feelings” for the other, and after sharing said feelings realize the feelings are not reciprocal. How painfully frustrating this can be. Many singles experience this after they have been a loyal and attentive friend to someone who just isn’t interested in the same way. I liked how Videllia encouraged Melissa to not fall into the role of a girlfriend for someone who’s just your friend. Notable Moments Along Our Conversation: [6:30]: The pressure singles feel from others to get married [9:14]: Taking your time to make sure you’re compatible with some (especially spiritually compatible) [24:42]: Why some women are afraid to put themselves out there [28:01]: Learning how to be clear on what you’re looking for in a partner [31:50]: How to handle a man who keeps you in the friend zone Links Mentioned in this Episode Videllia’s Website Follow Videllia on Instagram Follow Videllia on Facebook Follow Videllia on Youtube Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

The Life of a Single Mom (Single AF) – with Jennifer Maggio At the young age of 19, Jennifer had been pregnant four times. Two miscarriages and two kids later, she was stuck in an abusive, toxic relationship. This was just the beginning of her story and the creation of The Life of a Single Mom. Growing up, Jennifer was dealt a hard blow when her mother was killed at age 32. From there, she experienced abuse in every form. Her father was an angry alcoholic, and Jennifer endured verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual trauma. Though her father was not the one who sexually abused her, Jennifer experienced the other forms of abuse in his household and learned how to “fake it” in front of church people. The family attended church, but as Jennifer put it, “Sundays was a façade, but the rest of your life didn’t comingle with that.” The Turning Point All the trauma that Jennifer endured came to a head when as she says, “I huddled on the bathroom floor contemplating taking my own life.” Life had gotten to a point where Jennifer didn’t want to go on. But she also didn’t want her young children to grow up without a mom, as she had experienced. The turning point came for Jennifer when she started attending church again. Feeling like such an outsider, she pressed through, even miserably, week after week. But then something shifted. Jennifer left her abusive relationship but still wanted God to change her boyfriend so they could be together. One day she heard the Lord say, “Stop asking me to change your boyfriend’s heart, and start asking me to change you.” #micdrop Jennifer began to take her faith seriously and through a long process, she began to grow spiritually and break the soul ties she had with her abusive ex-boyfriend. The Origin of the Life of a Single Mom Jennifer found her home in corporate America and was doing great things there. She was making more money than she ever had before and was steadily climbing the coveted corporate ladder. But then God reminded her of her true calling. She knew she had to help other single moms to get free. She wasn’t a savior, but she believed God would use her pain for these moms’ purposes. She realized that “the freedom takes longer than the rescue.” What a powerful statement. In 2007, in a southern living room, Jennifer and three other single moms met for what would become the first support group of The Life of a Single Mom, a non-profit ministry dedicated to providing support groups and education in three core areas: parenting, finances, and health & wellness. A little over 10 years, 1600+ support groups, and nearly 700,000 women later, Jennifer is fulfilling the vision. She got emotional when I asked her if she ever envisioned how big The Life of a Single Mom would be. I am touched by Jennifer’s humility. She knows that none of this is possible without the steady hand and guidance of the Lord. Hope for Single Moms While Jennifer has an extraordinary testimony, this, of course, is not the story of every single mom. Some single moms go through even worse challenges, and some are managing just fine. The hope for single moms, whatever station they may be in, is that you can make it through. You can get unstuck. You can leave old patterns behind. And God can restore whatever is broken. We celebrate the courage, tenacity, and resilience of single moms today, and I’m so grateful to Jennifer Maggio for launching the amazing ministry of The Life of a Single Mom. May it be so that no single mom walks alone. Links Mentioned in this Episode Learn all about The Life of a Single Mom Help for Single Moms 25 Ways to Serve Single Moms Register for My Upcoming Boundaries Workshop SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

The Art of Becoming Happily Single Today we’re helping singles learn how to be happy and single. I’m calling it the art of becoming "happily single." Joining me on the podcast is my dear friend, Vernicia Eure, who, though she’s never been married has learned to be content with being single. This isn’t an easy feat, but Vernicia explains how she realized that God had a plan through some of the relationships that didn’t work out. “I’ve learned to be content,” Vernicia says, “but sometimes I’m not all that happy about it.” Vernicia took her experiences and decided to help other single women in their process of learning how to be happily single themselves with the creation of her Stepping into Purity Facebook group. “What if you’re not supposed to be in a relationship right now?” Vernicia asks the ladies in her group. Single vs Married – The Grass is Greener on the Other Side Far too often, people think the grass is greener on the other side. Single people want to be married, and married people want to be single. Wouldn’t it be great if we just all learned how “to be content in whatever state we are in” like the apostle Paul encourages us in the Bible (Philippians 4:11). Friends, the grass is not greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it most. Maybe the question is how are you watering the single life you’ve been given? Maybe it’s time to stop looking over the fence and, instead, begin to truly embrace this season in your life and focus on learning how to be happily single. What Real Purity Is in Relationships Many single people have been confused or even hurt by the so-called “purity culture movement” that was all the rage back in the 1980s and 90s. True purity, however, has more to do with a surrendered heart than behavior. Should Christian singles engage in online dating? Should they watch certain movies? How should you respond to the oversaturation of sex in our culture? Vernicia talks about the importance of realizing purity goes beyond sexual purity and encompasses mental, relational, and spiritual purity as well. She gives a really great explanation of this around 21:00 mark of the episode. Vernicia reminds us that you can be “sex-free,” but still need to engage in other aspects of real purity by celebrating your authenticity and embracing where you are in your life now instead of using sex as a cover for you not knowing yourself or your values. Because I’ve known Vernicia for 30+ years and have been able to watch her life, I can attest that she practices what she preaches. Links Mentioned in this Episode Connect with Vernicia on Facebook or Instagram Pre-Order Vernicia’s Book Stepping Into Purity Register for My Boundaries Workshop SUBSCRIBE | SHARE | RATE | COMMENT To ensure you never miss an episode, be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Remember, sharing is caring! So, share these episodes with your friends and family via email or social media. Finally, please leave a rating and a comment on Apple Podcasts to let me know how this podcast is helping you and your relationships. I’m always open to guest suggestions and how I can make the show even better!Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

5 Qualities a Kingdom-Minded Single Man is Looking for in a Single Woman (Single AF Series) – with John Sims If there’s one question single women who are looking for a serious relationship are asking, it’s “Where are all the good, single men?” Today, my guest, John Sims, shares with us five qualities a kingdom-minded single man is looking for in a single woman. But first, he talked about his epiphany of why he was rejecting women early in his relationships. It has to do with his own sense of abandonment and rejection. This revelation is going to set some of you single folks free today. John then debunked the myth that women get emotionally attached faster than men. He told us that men actually get emotionally attached just as quickly, but don’t always show it. Speaking of some of his own heartbreaks, John said he believes that emotional pain is actually more detrimental than physical pain, because while the body heals itself naturally, we need help healing from emotional pain. I really agree with him there. He then reminded us that the best romantic relationships begin with the best friendships and encourages singles to focus on building a solid friendship before jumping into a romantic relationship. What Single Men are Looking for in a Single Woman Now, for the main course of this podcast, John laid out five qualities single men are looking for in a single woman. Here they are: She should be exclusive but not impossible to connect with She should be available but not desperate She should be an asset not a liability She should know how to present herself well She should be humble yet confident Should you single ladies feel his qualities are “doing the most,” don’t worry, I believe these are qualities most of you already exude. And if there’s something on this list that troubles you, consider asking yourself why you’re bothered before dismissing his suggestions. John is a leader in his church, and you’ll hear him talk about the single lifestyle through a biblical lens. He correlates Ruth and Esther in a way I’ve never heard talked about from a single man. I thought that was good stuff! You’ll find this gold around the 19:05 mark. He then talked about how single women who are looking for single men need to “update your browser settings.” He said you’re looking for new qualities using old filters. That was dope. How to Not Have Sex as a Single Person Listen, I know it’s rough out here in these streets. I know many Christian single men and women want to honor God and remain celibate or chaste (and not have sex) until you’re married. I also know the majority of you are struggling with this. John has been chaste for 10 years. Ten.Years. #YouCanDoItJesusCanHelp. He quotes his bishop as saying, “The reason some of you keep falling out of the bed is because you’re sleeping too close to the edge.” #micdrop. All of this talking about boundaries and making wise decisions was prefaced by John’s explanation of how we are three-part beings and, therefore, he wants to connect with a single woman in three ways: spiritually, intellectually/emotionally, and physically. So, ladies and gents, the next time you find yourself settling for 1 of the 3 or 2 of the 3, don’t. If you want to be married, there are good single men out there! After you’ve prayed and listened to this podcast episode a few times, update your browser settings and look again. Praying for you. Resources: Connect with John Sims on Instagram at @johnjaysims. Read my blog post on Confident or Cocky Listen to this episode on “How these Hidden Fears are Ruining Your Relationships” Top 10 Places to Meet Christian Singles by TrueLoveDates.com Be sure to rate and review this podcast on Apple and Spotify!Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Commuter Marriage: How Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Today, I’m talking with Abe & Elaine Romero about the pros and cons of commuter marriages. The Romeros have been living apart for their entire four-year marriage and plan to continue their unique marriage arrangement for at least another four years. We've all heard that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but why? The Romeros have figured it out. Both previously divorced, Abe and Elaine decided to keep their own houses in separate states (he lives in Texas, she lives in California) after they got married mostly because of their shared five children. They didn’t think it was fair to uproot the kids, especially after they’d all been through hard divorces. We talk all about their decision to maintain separate lives while also coming together often. It’s the classic case of how absence can make the heart grow fonder, not farther. A marriage and family therapist with Safe Harbor Counseling Center, Elaine knows a thing or two about how to create a successful relationship. Commuter Marriage Pros and Cons With anything in life, there will be pros and cons . . . reasons why you should and shouldn’t do something. Elaine explained that one of the pros of their commuter marriage is the excitement of being together. We married people tend to take each other for granted, so the absence actually helps make their times together more meaningful. Both Abe and Elaine spoke of having a deeper connection and better sex when they get together. On the flip side, living apart presents its challenges as well. The biggest challenge being the loss of physical connection. That hug, squeeze, or comforting shoulder to cry on isn’t there. There’s also the trust factor. I asked the Romeros if they had trust issues, and they both answered very honestly. Elaine has experienced infidelity in her past marriage, so trust issues can be a trigger for her. She referenced Susan Johnson, who is a known proponent of emotionally-focused therapy, as saying, “The true warriors are those who sign up again after past betrayals.” The truth is trust can be an issue whether you’re in the same house or not. Getting Creative While Living Apart One of my favorite parts of our conversation was hearing how the Romeros use the absence to make their hearts grow fonder by getting creative with date nights. Abe explained how the couple will do “who plated it best” contests. They’ll cook the same meal together on the phone and then show each other how they plated it. How fun! The families also do family movie nights, family Zoom calls, and even online tours (they’ve been to Italy virtually!) and online concerts. We laughed a lot during this podcast conversation, and I remarked to Elaine, later, that it felt like we were just old friends chatting on the phone. Laughter is truly some good medicine and can be yet another thing that makes the heart grow stronger, especially when you’re apart. Resources: Love is in the Air Podcast – Abe & Elaine’s podcast Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage by Mark Gungor This episode was sponsored by The Intimately Us app. Download yours today! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Revealing & Healing Sexual Abuse – with Dr. Jessica McCleese Here’s the truth: either you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual abuse. It’s a sad reality that most of us hate talking about. But if we don’t talk about it, the stigma and shame will continue its cycle in our hearts and relationships. Joining me on the podcast for this important and urgent conversation is my friend, Dr. Jessica McCleese, a psychologist and sex therapist. Jessica tells us her personal story of being sexually molested and abused and the havoc those experiences wreaked on her psyche. But she’s not alone. I, too, in a rare conversation, talk about my experience with sexual abuse and the damage it began to have on my marriage. But God. So many women and men silently struggle with identity issues, guilt, confusion, embarrassment, shame, anger, and an array of other emotions because of sexual abuse. And many still won’t talk about it. I want to do my part to help people begin the path of healing and freedom from sexual abuse. Statistics show that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused by the time they turn 18.[1] That’s a LOT of us! Naturally, as I was wrapping up the All About Sex series, I concluded this was a topic that could be off limits no longer. We need real, honest, and helpful conversations about sexual abuse that will help single and married people to overcome all its damaging effects. A Survivor’s Story A few years ago, my friend, Terri, shared a spoken word at a women’s conference at our church entitled Story. Terri, too, is a survivor. With her permission, I am sharing her spoken word with you. May you find comfort in reading it: She sits in distress concerned and under arrest She, sits in her pretty pink dress, afraid to tell her mom because she’d make a mess of things She’s six and he… he cornered her. She’s not even old enough to write legible, his decibels rang in her ear: “TOUCH IT!” She sits in distress Concerned and under arrest Her heart beats out of her chest She’s too young to be shaken from the nest, but Satan’s jest was to destroy her… And soon - her reality became a mental and physical battle of sexual brutality As her molester sold her inexpensive lies that tied to her heart like - you’re so beautiful and you deserve this… And - just when her eye ducts began to swell, he whispered three destructive words: DO NOT TELL And she, she kept his word - that, secret tucked away privately, she put on insecurity and suffered quietly and silently as he, ran away with my voice… Her shackles grew stronger with age. She’s enraged at the world, every night curled into the fetal position. Nothing's more painful than knowing that the past you were living was just a counterfeit. Yet, nothing’s more rewarding than knowing that Christ is a redeemer And Satan is a deceiver, he, wanted me to be sick of men, like fever, continually attacking my views on fatherhood ... That is... Until I became a believer I said Satan is a deceiver - one who gives a false impression He wants you to be so wrapped up in what happened to you, that you neglect this lesson: God. Is. God. Is. So concerned about you that he, the Father, sent His own son to suffer - just when you think your problems are rougher, God's love is tougher... God. Is. A father to the fatherless. He is perfect relationship, and every time your lips part to recant your past story, remember to allow God to get the glory I committed to let God do surgery, I allowed Him to open me up and start purgin’ me - to, mend the fabric that was torn from molestation, I even surrendered my teenage frustration and hatred toward my earthly father. In the beginning, was the word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. And all things came into being through Him and The Word gave life to everything that was created, and his life brought light to everyone. Jesus, you are the brightest light YOU designed my DNA, Satan has NO PLACE in the spotlight He has NO PLACE in this heart, right - NO PLACE in this life, like He belongs in darkness, only God dwells in the limelight And no one can write your story, but HIM I refuse to stand here and weep because I miss and mourn what used to be I refuse to accept muddy waters for the sake of purity I refuse to be a victim, dying and dancing for the enemy I refuse to let Satan write my story – cause only God can author my identity And I wearily crawled to the cross, and it was there he breathed his strength in me... He makes all things new Don’t put on your past, just to dress up your present And today, I stare at blank pages because my story is still being written. I’m still living it – out loud, and reading it like front-page news… You are not who you used to be. Written in your story is freedom from pain and sickness, emotionally Written in your story is freedom from a life ending terminally Freedom from Satan choking your creativity You are not who you used to be. Written in your story is value an

Need an Intimacy Fix? There’s An App for That! Do you sometimes feel bored or unsatisfied with your sex life? Honestly, at some point, most married couples need an intimacy fix or are stuck sexually. Today’s episode features Dan Purcell, founder of Get Your Marriage On and the Intimately Us app. Dan explains how he and his wife had their own intimacy fix and went from “missionary position, lights off, 10 minutes and you’re done” to actually learning how to experiment and explore new things in the bedroom. Dan describes it like going to an amusement park and realizing there are all these new rides he never knew about before. “I wanted to ride them all!” he said. Dan and his wife began to play sexy games in the bedroom using board games they had around the house. They began to put in the effort in their bedroom and found a whole new level of intimacy. As a software developer, Dan knew that he could help other married couples find what he and his wife had discovered. Enter the app store. When he couldn’t find any clean, nudity-free marriage apps, he decided to make his own – the Intimately Us app, which helps couples rediscover their playful, adventurous side and build intimacy beyond sex. What Makes a Great Sexual Connection? Too often, couples focus too much on sexual technique and not enough on actually building a solid connection. Yet, great sexual connection comes out an overflow of the relational connection you have with your spouse. Planting seeds throughout the day will help enhance the foreplay, intimacy, and desire in your marriage. Don’t discount the flirty text, the fun emoji . . . the little things go a long way! Marriage is supposed to be fun and adventurous, and we can use technology to help us to build better connection in our marriages. So think outside the box. Focus first on connecting on another level with your spouse (though openness, communication, and desire) and then focus on how that will enhance your sexual connection. Since we are tri-part sexual beings, we need to understand the importance of sex in our marriages. It’s not an add-on. It’s important to living a truly integrated married life. Helping to Build Desire Desire is important to maintain a healthy sexual relationship. One of the things that will kill desire, however, is if we keep focusing on the so-called “marital duties.” Duty is not sexy. If, though, we feel truly desired by our spouses (body, mind, and soul), sex isn’t difficult. The Intimately Us app helps us to build desire in many ways. The fun, colorful interface of the app is inviting and intriguing. The app also comes with suggested games, conversation starters, text prompts, and even shareable graphics. As we begin to have conversations around sex (opening our hearts) to one another and practicing “honesty and radical generosity,” as Dan put it, we will build an infinite intimate life that far surpasses any superficial sexual strategy. So if you’re in a need of an intimacy fix, remember, there’s an app for that. Resources: Dan’s Website: Get Your Marriage On Download: The Intimately Us App On Apple or On Google Books: Good Girls’ Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray-Gregoire Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in a Committed Relationship by David Schnarch Be sure to SUBSCRIBE to the podcast and WRITE A REVIEW!Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Lopsided Libido - How to Deal with Different Sex Drives Do you and your spouse have different sex drives? Does one spouse want sex way more often than the other? Many married couples have different sexual desires. This episode will help you to communicate effectively about those differences and create a sex life you both enjoy. The first thing you need to know is that having different sexual desires is normal. Most married couples deal with this. There is nothing wrong with you or your marriage. The problem begins when you try to make your spouse’s sex drive match yours. Last year, I taught a class called Wife Life: What Your Man Wished You Knew. One of the ladies in the class expressed that she was the one with the higher sex drive, not her husband. As a matter of fact, her husband rarely initiated sex. This left her feeling isolated and hurt. I would bet most spouses have little idea of the pain they cause their partner when they don’t properly communicate their sexual needs (or lack thereof). This is why this episode focuses heavily on how to communicate with your spouse about your sexual needs. Feeling Obligated to Have Sex? Here’s the deal. No one should feel obligated to have sex. Nope, not even married people. Sex is a privilege. It’s not a right you demand. Sheila Wray-Gregoire talked about marital consent on Episode 24: Redefining Sex, Rethinking Intimacy. You shouldn’t view sex as a “have to,” but a “get to.” When you feel obligated to have sex, you kill the mood. It’s not a beautiful exchange or an intimate connection at that point. Instead of treating sex like a chore, think creatively about how to increase your desire. Some things you may want to consider are: Taking a hot bath (even better if you do it together with your spouse) Preparing the room for your experience Lighting candles, spraying your favorite scents in the room Tidying up your bedroom (if that’s where the action is going to go down) Talking about sex with your spouse Role-playing. Get creative! When you decide to “just do it,” like I talked about in the Maintenance Sex episode, you’ll find the more you have sex, the more you’ll want to have sex. The Downside of Sexual Rejection When you (or your spouse) reject sex, it can cause damaging effects on your relationship. No one wants to feel rejected, especially in the vulnerable area of our sexuality. Saying no too often leads to: Feelings of rejection/not being wanted Insecurity Depression Loneliness Isolation Temptation (looking outside the marriage) Although you and your spouse may have different sex drives, you need to be on the same page concerning how you’ll handle the deficit. This is where Scriptures like “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” come into play (Philippians 2:4). Love is selfless. It is always seeking the good of the other. The next time you’re tempted to battle over your different sex drives, try to connect over your conflict instead. Resources: How to Cope with Different Libidos in Marriage by Dr. Jessica McCleese Learn to Communicate Better About Sex – Marriage Coaching by Dana Che Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Making Love . . . Outside the Bedroom – with Shaun Williams (All About Sex Series) What does it truly mean to make love? We’ve been told that making love is all about sex, but the truth is so much better than that. Sex is great, but making love is better. In today’s podcast episode, my husband Shaun is back to help us understand the differences between how men and women approach sexual differences and he really talks a lot about a man’s number one need: respect. Create Healthy Habits in Your Marriage The truth of the matter is your love making is dependent on the healthy habits you’ve created in your marriage. Anyone can have sex, but not everyone can make love. Like, literally, how have you made love in your marriage? Some of these habits Shaun and I discuss are: Investing in your marriage on the front end Choosing to be consistent with spending quality time together (someone say date night!) Resurrecting the art of kindness Communicating about your needs (emotional, spiritual, and sexual) Shaun also schooled us on his revelation on what he did to get more respect from me. Fellas, these truths right here might be a hard pill to swallow, but this is gold. I hope you can relate. Communicating Your Sexual Needs Some spouses are super talkative between the sheets, and others need more help communicating their sexual needs. At the end of the day, only you can tell your spouse what you like and what you don’t. My heart goes out to both women and men who are unfulfilled and feel taken advantage of because they are not communicating their sexual needs. In episode 4, on how to have a more fulfilling sex life, my friend Jessica and I talked at length about the need to communicate your sexual needs, and she gave some good tips on learning how to speak up for yourself and enjoy your spouse more. Foreplay All Day I started to name this episode “foreplay all day.” That, in essence, is what is lacking in many marriages. Most husbands see foreplay as a necessary means to get what he really wants, while most wives’ sexual experience will be greatly hindered without it. You may have heard that sex starts in the kitchen . . . this is true. In the morning while making that coffee, at your office while you’re in a meeting, on your drive home from work . . . These are all opportune times to sow seeds (no pun intended) into your spouse. Focusing on each other during the day pays huge dividends at night. Be sure to listen especially to the end where Shaun talks about his take on sex toys. I really had to fight to keep a straight face! Resources: Register Today! Making Love . . . Outside the Bedroom Workshop Schedule Your Free Coaching Session: Danache.com/CoachingSupport the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Lies Women Believe About Sex – with Molly Moses The thing about the lies we believe is that we don’t know they’re lies. Obviously, right? But after speaking to so many women, I am convinced that women are still being fed lies concerning sex, sexuality, and what men really want. Thanks Cosmo. To help to inform us of the truth concerning sex and our sexuality is a new friend of mine named Molly Moses. Molly and I met on Clubhouse, the new audio-based social media app, and we hit it off right away. Molly is an avid fitness coach, a wife, and a mother. She incorporates her faith along with her love of family, fashion, and fitness into her blog and her social media. In today’s podcast episode, Molly and I have a fireside girlfriend chat about how to develop a healthy body image, the best times to initiate sex, and we even give you some practical steps on how to feel beautiful in under ten minutes. Making Sex a Priority Molly admitted that having conversations about sex was uncomfortable for her in the beginning of her marriage, because of how she’d been brought up. Let the church say amen. I can relate to that, and so can many others, which is why we discussed this very issue in episode 23: What the Church Forgot to Teach Us About Sex. If you’re uncomfortable talking about sex in your marriage, it’s okay. It can take a while to get comfortable, depending on how much unlearning of inaccurate information you have to do. As married people, we have to make sex a priority, though. Women, your husband told me to tell you he wants you to initiate. Now before you break out in hives, Molly helps us understand that the best time to initiate sex might be when you’re ovulating. I love her explanation of how she arrived at this conclusion and how it’s helped her to initiate sex more often with her husband. Getting Your Sexy Back You might be wondering how you can initiate sex when you feel anything but sexy. I understand, girl! One of the points Molly and I discuss is how a little goes a long way to help you to feel sexy. Toss out those old sweats, put on some lip gloss, take a shower for the love of all things! When you look better, you feel better, and when you feel better, you do better. Molly talked about how to cultivate a healthier body image, and she talked about the negative side of a positive body image (let that sink in). This is an episode you’ll want to share with your girlfriends. Ladies, sex is a powerful bonding agent that God intended for you and your husband. Use it well. There are so many women, just like you, who need encouragement in this area. That’s why I wanted to have the conversation about the lies women believe about sex. It starts with learning the truth. Embrace your sexuality in all its glory. And then chose to show up as confident as you can for your man. Resources: Molly’s Blog: www.shapeyourfit.com Molly’s Instagram Molly’s Twitter Also listen to episode 24: Rethinking Intimacy, Redefining Sex – with Sheila Wray-Gregoire Be sure to register for our upcoming marriage workshop – Making Love Outside the Bedroom! Watch the video vodcast at realrelationshiptalk.com/videos. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Rethinking Intimacy & Redefining Sex- with Sheila Wray-Gregoire There’s a big misconception that sex = intimacy. We even call sexy lingerie “intimates,” and refer to our action between the sheets as intimacy. But what if we actually need to redefine sex and rethink intimacy? The truth is you can have sex without being intimate (think one-night stands), and you can develop intimacy without sex (think a celibate, romantic relationship). If we have a shot at learning how to truly develop intimacy in our marriages and relationships, we have to get very clear on this point. I wanted to have this conversation with popular blogger, author, and speaker, Sheila Wray-Gregoire, because not only is she amazing, but she has been a great teacher in helping couples to develop real intimacy in their marriages. Sheila is straight up. She holds no punches, and she will have your eyebrows raised for half this interview because what she shares is a much-needed dose of reality for those of us who are trying to build true intimacy in our marriages. Away with the “Churchisms” My last podcast episode focused on what the church forgot to tell us about sex. Sadly, I see and hear from many Christians who have been invariably indoctrinated to believe that virginity equals purity and consent goes out the window once you get married. Let’s talk about it. The Purity Culture Sheila and I discussed how harmful the “purity culture” can be to say, a victim of sexual assault or someone who has made past mistakes concerning sex. With a generation of shame-filled saints, it’s no wonder true intimacy becomes a concept to be embraced but never enjoyed. Neither the sins you commit nor the ones committed against you make you impure. Having sex outside of marriage doesn’t make you any more impure than binge-eating (greed and gluttony), cheating on your taxes (lying) or buying that too-expensive house to impress your co-workers (covetousness). I’m reminded of the beautiful promise of Isaiah 1:18, “Come now, and let us reason together, “says the LORD, “Though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.” It’s Jesus, not whether or not we wear a purity ring, who makes us pure. Redefining Sex and What it Takes to Create Intimacy Let’s get back to basics. How do you define sex? Sheila encourages us to think beyond vaginal intercourse when thinking about sex. Think broader. Sex is more than that. I can tell you there are many sexually frustrated married folks who are bored or unfilled with sex because they have a limited view of what sex actually is. This is dangerous because it gives room for married people to turn their eyes on another instead of each other. If only they knew to prioritize intimacy instead. As we began to wrap up our conversation, Sheila and I talked about how porn is affected women at higher rates and we discuss the link between pornography and sex trafficking. If you are struggling with porn, please seek help. There are much better and healthier ways to spice up your sex life than porn. I pray this episode will help you to rethink and rekindle intimacy as you learn to redefine sex in your marriage. Resources: Sheila’s blog: To Love, Honor, and Vacuum! Sheila’s books (discussed on the podcast): The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex; The Great Sex Rescue(available March 21, 2021) Sheila’s podcast: Bare Marriage Feeling stuck in your marriage or relationship, let’s work together. Schedule your discovery call today at http://danache.com/coaching. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What the Church Forgot to Teach Us About Sex – with Mark & Dawn Lawrence Dear Listener, let me preface this episode by saying that as a pastor, I realize I represent the church. But I’m a member, too. And I, too, have been disappointed with what the church has (and mostly hasn’t) taught about sex. These gaping holes in our formation have stifled and shamed many believers into secrecy. And we all know, secrecy is where the enemy does his best work. I wanted to have a conversation with a married couple who I know embodies the wonder and wisdom of the Christian faith and whose personal lifestyle echoes their commitment to each other. Meet Pastor Mark and Dr. Dawn Lawrence. I’ve known the Lawrences for over 20 years, and the genuine love and affection they have for one another is contagious. They are such a great team, and I’m delighted to have them on the podcast today. Here’s what we’re not going to do. We aren’t here to bash the church. We aren’t here to call out any specific church leader. And we aren’t here to hide behind old traditions and man-made doctrines. We want to uncover what God says about sex and how he meant for us to enjoy it. Take Me to Church If you are still trying to make sense of how sex and church belong in the same sentence, you are the perfect listener for this podcast. Sex is a beautiful, wonderful gift that God gives to his married children. So, if it’s a gift, why aren’t we talking about it? Why aren’t more churches working diligently to prepare singles for this lifetime commitment? Do we expect people to just figure marriage out on their own? The church’s job is to disciple (or train) believers in the ways of God. And sex is not an exception. Lies We’ve Believed About Sex If I were to ask you to write a list of all the lies you’re believing, your list would probably be pretty short. The problem is most of us don’t realize we’re believing a lie. If we knew it was a lie, we wouldn’t believe it! Now, put on your thinking cap and ask yourself if what you’ve been taught about sex is producing good fruit (or results) in your life? If not, chances are it’s a lie. And we’re here to uproot some lies on this podcast today. Some points that stuck out to me from this episode were: Lies and secrets are the enemies of intimacy. When you say “I do,” that means I do you, and you do me, exclusively. Marriage is for more than just pro-creation. Be honest with your sexual needs. Most people don’t have what they want because they aren’t willing to be honest. People are watching your lifestyle. What are you showing them? Stay curious and keep discovering your spouse. God is watching you when you have sex (LOL. I had to throw that one in there!) After 35 years, the Lawrences are still trying new things. Now, that’s what I’m talking about. The fact that this long-married couple is still trying new things, still discovering each other is inspirational. Take a listen to the podcast to glean from all the wisdom they shared. Resources: Raising them Special by Mark & Dr. Dawn Lawrence Sex Begins in the Kitchen by marriage and family therapist Dr. Kevin Leman Got relationship questions? Send ‘em my way: [email protected] Do you feel stuck in your marriage or relationship? Schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me today.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

What is Maintenance Sex and Should You Be Having It? When I first heard the term “maintenance sex,” I was like I have got to see what this is all about! What I learned is that it’s not unlike the regular, scheduled maintenance that we do for our cars. Think about it like regular sex checkups for your marriage. Sadly, many married couples pay more attention to their cars while neglecting their sexual intimacy. This ain’t cool, my friends. Just like a car will break down without proper maintenance, so will your marriage. “But what if I just am not in the mood for sex?” You might ask. We covered this topic at length on the last podcast episode. I mentioned it then, and I’ll mention it now . . . love seeks the betterment of the other, not yourself. A healthy marriage doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself; it means you don’t only love yourself. Scheduling Sex A good way to keep your sexual intimacy on track might be by scheduling sex. I just lost some of you right there, huh? Don’t knock it until you try it! There are lots of couples who have found that this works for their marriage. As a matter of fact, Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo, who were guests on a previous episode: 6 Ways to Build One Extraordinary Marriage are big proponents of scheduling sex. Personally, I see both pros and cons. One thing is for certain: that level of intentionality is wise. Too many couples think having a great sex life is just something that comes naturally. But honey, you’ve got to work at this! What Husbands Think About Maintenance Sex They love it! Enough said! Seriously though, most men do not need a lot of emotional “warm-up” to engage sexually. Like a car, they’re ready to go as soon as they get turned on. Women, on the other hand, often don’t believe that maintenance sex is romantic, so they tend not to do it. I would encourage every wife to ask your husband what he feels about having sex to simply keep the connection going in the marriage. I can almost guarantee you he’ll be on board! Resources: Listen to Spontaneous vs Scheduled Sex: One Extraordinary Marriage Register for the Making Love Outside the Bedroom Workshop by Dana Che Get more info on marriage or relationship coaching with Dana CheSupport the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Mood: When You’re Not in the Mood for Sex (All About Sex Series) Let’s talk about sex, baby! It’s not just a song that R&B group Salt-n-Pepa sang in the 90’s. Getting in the mood for sex is a daily battle many married people face. Sex can become just one more thing on our to-do lists, and combined with illness, unforgiveness, insecurities, and the like, sex can become a daunting task in marriage. But what if it didn’t have to be this way? What if you could not only address the issues of why you’re not in the mood for sex, but overcome some of the challenges that are causing a divide between the sheets? In today’s podcast episode, I am going to unpack several causes of us not being “in the mood,” and give you some practical tips on how to get your mind, body, heart, and environment prepared. Reasons You May Not Feel in the Mood for Sex Busyness – It’s time to tackle that never-ending to-do list and create some margin in your life. Your marriage deserves your time and attention. Let me say it another way . . . your sexual intimacy deserves your time and attention. Don’t foster a sexless marriage because of doing too much. Insecurities – Whether it’s a weight issue, past hurts, or plain ol’ lies we’re believing about ourselves, insecurities can have a field day in our minds and cause disconnection between spouses. If you’re struggling with negative thoughts, it’s time you let those go. Don’t allow your insecurities to rob you of a vibrant sexual relationship with your spouse. Unforgiveness – We talked extensively about unforgiveness in episode 13 of the podcast, so go back and listen to that if need be. If you’re carrying an offense against your spouse, you won’t likely be in the mood for sex or be able to initiate or receive intimacy from him/her. Bad Religion – Raise your hand if your church talked openly and favorably about sex as you were growing up. Oftentimes, what we learned (or didn’t learn) as children in church or at home negatively affects our sexual intimacy as adults. It’s time to weed out those incorrect teachings. Depression – If you are dealing with depression, it’s time to seek professional help. Emotional intimacy is nearly impossible when you’re facing the emotional trauma of depression. So, take care of your mental health. Poor health – Obviously there are times when we get sick and are unable or uninterested in sex. If you need to see your primary care physician due to prolonged illness or symptoms that keep you from being in the mood for sex, please do so. Many health-related problems, including low libido and low testosterone can be remedied if you’re willing to address them. Selfishness – I saved the worst for last. Some married people aren’t suffering, they’re just selfish. A Scripture to help guard against selfishness is Philippians 2:4, “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." I’m going to let that sit right there. Quick Tips to Get in the Mood for Sex Now that’s we’ve discussed reasons why some married people struggle with being in the mood for sex, it’s time to talk about some quick tips for overcoming the mood issue and readying ourselves to change. Music – music is a powerful motivator and affects our emotions. Turn on something that will have you thinking of your honey in the most delectable ways. Focus – Some of us need to learn how to focus our attention on our spouses; not the kids, the laundry, our friends’ issues, post-election news, etc. Environment – It’s hard to feel in the mood for sex with a dirty, cluttered environment. Clean your room! Get that clutter out of that backseat (You know car sex is still a thing, right?). Make your space inviting and intimate. Communication – Maybe you just need to have a conversation about your sex life with your spouse and what’s keeping you from being in the mood for sex. If so, don’t put it off any longer. Sex isn’t the only part of marriage, but it’s a big, important part. Employ some of the suggestions from this podcast and get yourself in the mood for sex. Your spouse is waiting! Be sure to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss one single episode! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

#MarriageGoals for 2021 It’s the end of 2020, ya’ll! Aren’t we glad?! As we prepare to start a new year, we should all have some new marriage goals. Today's episode will help you to be intentional about the marriage you want and deserve. It’s been said that most people don’t plan to fail; they fail to plan. If you want a great marriage, it won’t happen by chance. Great marriages happen by choice. I am looking forward to building a great marriage. Aren’t you? This episode details five marriage goals I am focusing on for 2021 including: Pray for my husband daily. I pray for my husband every day, but I mean, I want to really pray for him daily. I want to become more intentional in lifting him up to the Lord and covering him more than I have before. Husbands and wives, we have the extraordinary privilege and responsibility to pray for our spouses. If we don’t, who will? Have consistent pillow talks at night Pillow talks are when you and your spouse lay on your pillows at night and talk about your highs and lows . . . the good things and the not so good that happened in your day. It’s an intimate time of connection that can help you sort out your feelings and nip any issues in the bud. Start weekly meetings I admit, weekly “meetings” sounds so formal. But in planning them, we can focus on the nitty-gritty, ordinary issues of family life like finances, groceries, children’s schedules, etc. You should strive to not talk about these topics on your weekly date nights. Save it for your weekly meetings. Have weekly date nights Shaun and I have always dated throughout our marriage, but I can’t say we do this every single week. In 2021, one of my marriage goals is to be more consistent with our weekly date nights. You can date just about anywhere. Check out this article for fun date night ideas. Plan three couples’ getaways for the year Getting away together is so important. I don’t know many couples, however, who are intentional about going away. As a matter of fact, I would say the vast majority of married people rarely vacation alone together. My final marriage goal of 2021 is to plan three getaways for Shaun and me. These don’t have to be expensive or grand, but consistent alone time is crucial for a healthy marriage. I want to encourage you to make some marriage goals for your relationship as well. No matter what happened in the past, you can begin again today. You can choose to have the marriage you want and deserve. Maybe one of your marriage goals is to work on your sex life. We will dive right in to this topic in season three of the podcast - Maximizing Your Sex Life. Stay tuned! Resources mentioned this episode: Making Love . . . Outside the Bedroom Workshop by Dana Che Books: 31 Days of Prayer for My Husband book by Jennifer Smith Marriage Fitness book by Mort Fertel Conversation Starters for Couples book by Rich & Deanna Millentree Romancing Your Husband book by Debra White Smith Subscribe to Real Relationship Talk On Apple On Google on Spotify. Like this podcast? Write a review on Apple or write a review on Android so others can grow their relationships like you!Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Be Heard in Your Marriage or Relationship When Shaun and I first got married, we struggled so much with our communication and wondered how to be heard by the other. So, Shaun came up with the brilliant idea to begin a communication notebook to help us verbally process our feelings with one another. It was a chance to express our feelings without interruption. It also allowed us to be honest with one another without fear of being misunderstood. In this episode, we're sharing creative solutions on how to be heard in your marriage or relationship to stop back-and-forth misunderstandings and ineffective communication. Oftentimes we can’t move forward in our marriages or relationships because of communication barriers. Depending on your communication style, one spouse may need more time to process their emotions while the other spouse may be quick to respond. The key to being heard in your marriage or relationship is allowing grace for each person to communicate how they are wired best and truly making an effort to hear not only what’s being said, but the heart behind what’s being said. Parenting Issues If you are married with kids, you have surely experienced disagreements with how to be heard by your spouse when you disagree with each other’s parenting styles or decisions. This can be so tricky because each spouse has their own perspective, values, and ways of doing things. If you’re not careful, your children can come between you, driving a deeper wedge in your communication. To combat this, Shaun and I decided long ago that it’s us against the kids. We love our kids, of course, but we are careful to not allow them to come between our relationship. If one parent is the stronger disciplinarian, the other parent has to decide if you want to be right or if you want to be reconciled. Do you want your parenting issues to actually become communication issues between you and your spouse? Choose to back your spouse, especially in front of the kids. If necessary, the two of you can have a further discussion out of their earshot at a later time to discuss the situation further. At the end of the day, we all want to be heard. We all want our voices and feelings to matter. It is my hope that after you listen to this episode, you will feel more confident in allowing your voice to be heard and hearing the voice of your spouse, and becoming creative with solutions that will better your marriage. Resources: Register --> Making Love . . . Outside the Bedroom – Couples Workshop Listen --> Episode 12: How to Stop Comparing in Your Marriage or Relationship Rate & Review --> Real Relationship Talk Podcast Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

How to Like Your Spouse When You Don’t Love Your Spouse Do you ever wonder why you chose your husband or wife? You know you should love your spouse, but you don’t even like them. This episode is going to dive right into a thought that most married people have had at one point or another. “How can I love my spouse when I don’t even like him?” Truth be told, our feelings are fickle, and you should never allow your feelings alone to make decisions for you. You did like your spouse at some point. Remember? I can totally relate to the feeling, though. Due to the marriage problems Shaun and I had for so long, I had started to become hopeless, thinking there was no way I could ever look at him with love again. I didn’t like him. I was often angry. I had been hurt too much. The fact that we are still married (and going strong at that) 21 years later is a testament to the wonder and faithfulness of God! A Dangerous Prayer I remember back to five years or so into our marriage, I prayed a dangerous prayer: “Lord, teach me to love my husband like you do. Give me unconditional love.” I think that’s when the bottom fell out. I could not have imagined the trials we would encounter or the way God would take me up on my little prayer and teach me how to love . . . His way. God’s love is radical. It’s illogical. And we are so undeserving of it. He shows us this crazy, radical love and then asks us to show it to our spouse. And yes, you can do this even if you don’t like your spouse. Because love without risk isn’t love at all. In order for God to teach you how to love unconditionally, he has to show you people in their full humanity. #TweetThat. In order to learn to like your spouse again, you are going to have to be intentional to find ways to reconnect. So many marriages are in habitual disconnection, caught in the hustle and bustle of life or trapped by past mistakes and unforgiveness. We talked a great deal about unforgiveness in Episode 13: The Power of Forgiveness in Relationships. Be sure to listen to that one. You can learn to like your spouse even if you don’t like him. A resource that might help you to do this is Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. Shaun and I took our marriage small group through this book over the course of a year, and it was super beneficial. In the meantime, keep listening to this podcast, and be sure to write me your questions to [email protected]. Do you need more support in your marriage? Give marriage coaching a try. I work with “solo spouses” and married couples alike. Learn more about my coaching packages at http://danache.com/coaching. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

The way to fix your marriage problems is simpler than you think. Stop focusing on the problems in your marriage and start creating connection instead. When I heard marriage expert Mort Fertel say this in his program, Marriage Fitness, I was confused. How could my marriage change if I stopped trying to fix the problems that were destroying it? Could he be just another person promoting another program that would leave me in the same condition I was . . . hopeless? As I began listening to Mort’s wisdom and following the steps to “fixing my marriage problems” that he outlined in his program, Marriage Fitness, things did begin to change. I became more peaceful, powerful, and purposeful in the decisions I made in my marriage. Years later, after launching the Real Relationship Talk podcast, I knew I had to have Mort on the show. Why Most Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work Mort does not believe the way most counselors provide marriage counseling works. He actually says, “The worst day of the week for many married couples is the day they go to marriage therapy together.” Can you relate? The reason, he says, is because the key to solving marital crisis isn’t in fixing what’s wrong (fixing your marriage problems), but in making new things right. Making new connections with your spouse is actually fun, productive, and far more effective than rehashing what’s wrong all the time. Married couples need to know that it takes a lot of work to make a marriage work. This shouldn’t be shocking. The best athletes, doctors, and professionals in the world all have coaches and intense training. Why should marriage be any different? If you want to fix your marriage problems and make your marriage last, you must be willing to commit to making new connections and building new habits. The core problem of every marriage is the same—a lack of connection. So work on that instead. The Truth about Fixing Your Marriage The truth about marriage is often painful, and many couples would rather go around in circles rather than being honest about how to fix their marriage. Yet, the key to having a great marriage isn’t in finding the right person (or trying to make your spouse better), but in becoming the right person (bettering yourself). For more information on Mort Fertel and his marriage fitness program, visit https://marrriagefitness.com. To work with me as your marriage coach or for info on upcoming events, visit http://danache.com/coaching. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Did you know that shame is one of the silent killers of relationships? Many people deal with shame and don’t know it or don’t acknowledge its presence in their lives. Left unattended, shame causes disconnection, isolation, and destruction in our lives, marriage, and relationships. Why do so many people deal with shame? The answer is also the problem. They hide it. Truth be told, you can’t fix what you won’t face. Shame causes us to hide our true selves. We hide our emotions, needs, pain, and weaknesses from others, and sadly, some of us even hide these things from ourselves. In this podcast episode, we will uncover the work of shame in our lives and uncover ways to become more vulnerable. My husband, Shaun, joins me yet again for today’s conversation and as I stated in the intro, things got a little tense as we dug deeper into some of the areas shame has made its mark on our marriage. Knowing that you are suffering from shame is only half the battle. Once you realize its hold on you, it’s time to dismantle it. To help with this, I share four practices that helped me tremendously in my battle against shame: Reflection – Ask yourself the hard questions . . . When did I start feeling this way? What happened? Who told me I should be ashamed of myself? Empathy – We know that empathy is putting ourselves in the shoes of another and feeling someone’s pain. It’s very similar to grace. We often don’t show ourselves grace. When we learn to treat ourselves kinder, we will dismantle a lot of shame’s hold on our lives. Courage – Brene Brown says that, “Courage comes from a word meaning ‘heart.’ To live with courage, you need to be willing to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” I couldn’t agree more. We uncover and dismantle shame when we are willing to face the truth of who we really are. Affirmations – Knowing who you really are should be enlightening and encouraging! You are not your mistakes. You are not your past. You are who God says you are! Learning the truth of who you are in Christ makes all the difference in the world. Find out what He says about you and begin to say those same words over yourself. As we do the “heart work” of uncovering shame and discovering vulnerability, all of our relationships will change. You just watch. Upcoming . . . Married ladies, I’d love to see you at our upcoming workshop: Married Women’s Rights & Wrongs on December 15th. Join us LIVE in-person or online. Tickets are on sale now at http://danache.com/coaching. Be sure to register today! Next week’s podcast episode features marriage expert, Mort Fertel, author of the book Marriage Fitness. Let’s stay in touch! Follow me on Instagram or Facebook. Have a question about your marriage or relationship? Email me at [email protected]. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Did you know that couples who vacation together have healthier, happier relationships compared to those who don’t? Could it be that getting away actually helps keep you together? Ustravel.org reports that “Couples who travel together have healthier, happier relationships compared to those who do not, according to a survey from the U.S. Travel Association. Couples in a romantic relationship report traveling together makes them significantly more likely to be satisfied in their relationships, communicate well with their partners, enjoy more romance, have a better sex life, spend quality time together and share common goals and desires. Shaun and I had only been married a few years when we decided we were going to prioritize vacations in our relationship. What a difference it has made! Life is busy and is full of mundane, ordinary responsibilities. When you go away together, you rekindle something, something that is so easily lost in the everyday hustle and bustle of life. Even vacationing with your children can be therapeutic . . . I’m being serious. Family bonding works wonders for your marriage as well. In this podcast, I share several travel tips that have helped Shaun and me to save money while still prioritizing our commitment to vacation. Tips like: Using the Hopper app to save time on booking airline flights Booking through the hotel or resort directly Searching for unadvertised deals Being flexible with your dates And one supercalifragilisticexpialidocious travel tip that you must listen to the podcast episode to glean! No matter how or when or how much money you save when you vacation, take it from Nike, and JUST DO IT! Your marriage and your family deserve it! Have a relationship or marriage question you’d like me to answer? Email me at [email protected]. And be sure to check out my relationship coaching packages and events at http://danache.com/coaching. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Are you struggling with the fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, fear of failure, or a fear of commitment in your relationship? Do you sometimes wonder why you can’t connect deeply with the person you love? In today’s episode, my husband, Shaun, and I tackle these 4 major fears and help married couples and singles decode the reason many people self-sabotage their own relationships. Love can be scary. It’s risky, and there are no guarantees. The very fact that love is not “controllable,” is reason enough for some folks to remain shallow and fickle in their relationships. I think of a time when our youngest son was afraid to go into the deep end at the local pool. He wanted to stay in the shallow end where the dangers were minimized. The problem is the shallow end gets boring after a while, and the rest of the family wanted to go deeper. Sadly, many people act like my son did that day. They forgo deeply connected marriages and relationships because of fear. Once you recognize how these fears are affecting your relationship, it’s time to rid yourself of them. I share four simple solutions on how to do just this. Learn to embrace uncertainty. Brene Brown says, “the opposite of faith isn’t fear, it’s certainty.” Life isn’t certain, and love is a risk. In order for love to exist, you must take a risk. Heal from your past. This may require deep soul searching and/or working things out with a counselor or relationship coach. Silence your inner critic and replace your language. Steven Furtick, pastor of Elevation Church, wrote the book Crash the Chatterbox to help us tackle those limiting beliefs. Be careful of how you talk to yourself about yourself. Take the courageous next step forward. How do you scale a mountain? One step at a time. Don’t try to tackle all your relationship problems at once. Examine which fears are holding you back and tackle one at a time. Would you like a relationship coach? Be sure to check out my coaching packages at http://danache.com/coaching. And finally, grab your free copy of The 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life today! Thanks for listening to today’s episode. I appreciate your ratings and reviews! Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

If you’ve been a real relationship with someone, chances are that person has likely offended or hurt you at some point and you’ve had to choose to forgive . . . or not. Sadly, many relationships end not because of an offense but because of the offended person’s inability to forgive. Forgiving someone who hurt you isn’t easy. As a matter of fact, the closer the relationship, the harder it is, sometimes, to extend forgiveness. In this podcast episode, my husband, Shaun, and I share from our own experience on times when we chose forgiveness. And, newsflash, it is work! However, there are a few quotes that I hang onto when I’m tempted to hold on to an offense and withhold forgiveness from someone: First, Nelson Mandela writes in his book, Long Walk to Freedom, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison." That.Is.Deep. When you chose to walk in forgiveness, you are literally walking out of a prison cell yourself. On the contrary, when you choose to hold on to unforgiveness, you remain locked in a prison cell of your own choosing. Secondly, Martin Luther King Jr. reminds us that, “He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love." You can’t really say you love someone if you aren’t willing to forgive him/her. Lastly, the words of Jesus Christ himself should send shivers down our spine when we realize that, “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:5). I don’t know about you, but unforgiveness is a cost that I am unwilling to pay. It’s too expensive! Holding on to unforgiveness costs you true joy, peace, and relational wholeness. It just isn’t worth it. As a reminder, on each episode I will be answering a listener question on a segment I’m calling Q & A with Dana Che. Today’s question comes from an anonymous Facebook listener who wrote, “My wife and I have been struggling to rebuild our marriage for a long time. I am starting to lose hope. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust her again even though I am desperately trying. How can I trust her when she continues to keep things from me?” What a loaded question. You’ll have to be sure to tune in to the end of the podcast for my answer. Hint, hint, we covered this in detail on episode 3: Rebuilding Our Marriage, Rebuilding Trust. Download your free e-book: The 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life. Thank you for rating and reviewing this podcast! I appreciate your support!Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

It's a true fact that many people compare their relationship to someone else's. But what we don't talk about is how we compare ourselves to our partners. Comparison in relationships damages the joy, the appreciation, and the forward progression. We've all heard it said that the grass isn't green on the other side; it's green where you water it. And that is true. But what is also true is that when you learn to see your partner's strengths as assets that don't take anything away from you, you will be much less likely to compare yourself to them. I see this happen all the time in marriage. One spouse is better with finances or is more hospitable than the other. Instead of appreciation the differences, if spouses aren't careful, they can begin playing the comparison game. And real talk, there are no winners in the comparison game. It's not about being better than anyone else. Growing in relationships is about being better than you were yesterday. My husband, Shaun, and I discuss how we have compared ourselves to each other in our marriage and the fallout it created. We also talk about how I compared our marriage to someone else's relationship and again . . . the fallout it created. Here's the thing: Shaun and I disagree on some aspects of comparing when it comes to unmet needs. You'll have to listen to hear us hash it out. In the meantime, be sure to download your free copy of the 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life and let us help you avoid these pitfalls in whatever relationship you find yourself in. Download your copy here --> 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life Like this podcast? Be sure to rate and review it and let me know what you think! Interested in working with Dana as your relationship coach? --> Danache.com/CoachingSupport the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Are you steadily losing interest in your marriage or relationship? Have past hurts, disappointments, or rejection taken its toll on you or your partner? Join me and my husband, Shaun, today, for a conversation about apathy and how it is silently killing your marriage or relationships. Apathy is one of the undetected obstacles that plague many relationships. A partner is repeatedly offended and instead of continuing to move toward his/her spouse, he/she begins to clam up and move away from (or disconnect from his/her spouse. Left unattended that indifference becomes a lack of interest that will threaten to keep you emotionally (and eventually physically) seperated. Many married couples (and those who aren't yet married) experience bouts of apathy and indifference. Is that normal? I would venture to say that there will always be some level of drifting in every relationship, but when it becomes prolonged, that's when it becomes a major problem. Shaun and I share from our experience on how hurt feelings, the silent treatment, and misunderstandings nearly destroyed our intimacy. This is one conversation all married people need to hear. Your relationship is worth your time, energy, and attention. Don't allow the fear of rejection or past wounds to steal from the beautiful possibilities of what can be. Stay with us as we launch season 2 of the podcast where we will dive into all five relationship mistakes that are wrecking your life from my newest ebook, The 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life. Get your copy here --> http://danache.com/relationshipmistakes. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Communication problems are the #1 reason most couples cite when separating or divorcing. But don't be fooled, every couple communicates . . . you just might not do it well. Today's episode features marriage pastor Richard and his wife Deanna Millentree who wrote the book, Face to Face: Conversation Starters for Couples, as a way to help those in marriages or relationships to learn how to have healthy communication and better ways to reconnect to one another. This conversation will help you determine what story you are telling yourself, how to give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and how to say what you really feel without judgment or shame.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Are you looking to have an extraordinary marriage? What if I told you that scheduling sex, being intentional with your intimacy, and having fun with your spouse were some of the top secrets of couples who enjoy a good marriage? Don’t just take my word for it. On todays’s episode, Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo of the One Extraordinary Marriage podcast grace us with their bold, effective marriage advice and help us to understand how to connect with a disconnected spouse, how to take the guesswork out of creating intimacy, and what six pillars every healthy marriage needs in order to thrive.Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

With shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant, teenage pregnancy used to be a hot topic conversation in many homes. Though statistics show that teen births have dramatically decreased, parents still need to have these crucial conversations about sex with their kids. My mom and I were both teen moms. On today's episode, we both our stories of overcoming the statistics. We also share super practical tips with parents on how to have intentional and purposeful sex conversations with your kids before BoBo down the street or Sexy Sally from the Internet schools 'em. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Having healthy relationships with people of other races is crucial, especially in the times we’re living in now. But, how do we have more productive, civil, compassionate, and courageous conversations with those we disagree with? The essence of healthy relationships isn’t that we don’t have conflicts, but that we learn how to manage them. My goal is to encourage you to have honest, vulnerable conversations that will help us to heal our world and make it a better place as we lean in to some necessary conversations about race. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.

Many of us have experienced childhood trauma that, unbeknownst to us, affects our marriage. Today's guests, Javier and Christina Llerena's marriage fell apart after a few years due to unresolved pain, unforgiveness, and a bout with depression. The Llerena's realized quickly that in order for their marriage to heal, they would need to do some real, internal work and surround themselves with a community of faith . . . specifically, other married couples who could support them in their dark season. On this episode, we discuss the value of premarital counseling and what the red flags the Llerena's missed before getting married. There is also a cultural nuance in their marriage . . . Javier just became a U.S. citizen recently, and having a very different upbringing than Christina, the two struggled to connect. It all came to a head one fateful evening when Javier and Christina realized they needed help. Through making the choice to fight back and experience a breakthrough in their marriage, they have now helped hundreds of couples to overcome in marriage. The Llerena's have written a book called Boundless Love, and serve premarital and marital couples in the California area primarily. To find out more about the Llerena's or to purchase their book, visit http://boundlesslove.us. Thanks for listening to today's episode! For more information on my marriage coaching or upcoming workshops and to get your free copy of my latest e-book The 5 Relationship Mistakes that are Wrecking Your Life, head over to http://danache.com/relationship-mistakes. Support the show: https://danache.com/donations/support-the-show/ Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.