Overcome Pornography for Good

Our Overcome Pornography for Good coach, Kat, is on the show this week to answer today’s Ask a Coach question! The question she’s addressing is, “I realized that a part of me doesn’t want to let go of this habit yet, like there’s FOMO if I remove this habit from my life. How can I get my brain to stop fearing the idea of my new identity?” Hear why this is a completely normal reaction to have, and a simple exercise you can try when you catch yourself in fear of missing out or resisting the idea of who you’re becoming as you overcome pornography. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/ask-a-coach-missing-out

We are currently on a podcast season break and regular podcasting will resume January 1st 2024! While we’re on a hiatus, we are still going to be bringing you brand new content every single week by sharing an Ask a Coach Q&A from me or one of our coaches inside Overcome Pornography for Good. Listen in today to hear my answer to the question of slipping up and processing the shame that comes from feeling like you’ve failed. I’m showing you why slipping up doesn’t mean you’re not progressing, and the importance of not discounting the work you’re doing, even if it isn’t manifesting right away. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/ask-a-coach-slipping-up

We’re taking a short break, which is the perfect time for you to put into practice everything you’ve learned over the years. In this episode, the topic we’re covering is one of the things I want you to keep in mind during this season break: suffering versus pain. Tune in this week to discover the difference between suffering and pain. I’m showing you where your suffering is really coming from, why suffering is not worse than pain, and what you can do to stop your suffering. We’re taking a three-month break from regular programming over here on the podcast, so listen in to find out what the show has in store in the meantime. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/suffering-vs-pain

It’s easy to fall into the trap of punishing yourself if you’re struggling with viewing porn. You might find yourself engaged in conversations with your spouse, family, friends, or religious leaders that are in breach of what feels safe to you. Whether they’re leaning on fear and shame tactics or want to know details you aren’t comfortable sharing, you are allowed to set boundaries while building deep connections and trust with those people. Learn how boundaries can work in tandem with building honesty and transparency with the people you care about. You are the authority on your spiritual well-being, and I’m showing you how to make aligned decisions, even if that means setting boundaries in your relationships. Get full show notes and more information here:  https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/boundaries-spouses-family-religious-leaders

Tyson Bradley is a certified life coach and founder of Inherent Identity, a company focused on empowering God-loving people to create identity-based changes that last. He’s here to offer a fresh view on sin and how this could be the most freeing work you can do in overcoming pornography. Tune in today to hear Tyson’s insights on why we need to redefine what sin means and where it comes from. We’re discussing how our current beliefs about sin perpetuates shame, what we consider to be sinful behavior, and what can happen when we start seeing sin as a wound that needs healing versus a crime that needs punishing. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/sin-tyson-bradley

This week, I'm bringing you the last "What's Possible" interview I have planned, and we're celebrating my client, Josh. Josh's story is filled with hope and connection, and he's truly an example of what you can achieve when you approach your porn habit with confidence and curiosity. hear how Josh went from feeling intense pressure about quitting porn to successfully quitting by accepting that his progress with porn would never be linear. Josh shares his advice for dealing with slip-ups as you start quitting pornography, and we go deep into all the ways he has grown since he stopped struggling with pornography. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/whats-possible-josh

I'm joined by Jessica Farmer, one of the amazing coaches in my program Overcome Pornography for Good. This week, she's here to discuss her tips for disclosing porn use in your relationship. Whether you are considering telling your spouse about your pornography use or you’ve already told them and it has become a point of contention, we’re exploring it all this week. Jessica shares her tips for disclosing your porn use to your partner, the potential issues that could arise from this and how to work through and even embrace the messiness that comes as a result. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/disclosure-tips-jessica

Like many of you who have the desire to heal your pornography habit, our client David developed a ton of shame, guilt, and insecurity about it. He went seven years without telling anybody he was viewing pornography. But when he finally did reach out for support, he transformed so much more than just his porn habit. This week, David is sharing his porn journey with us and how coaching helped him realize that the tools he obtained can be applied to more than just quitting porn. He’s sharing the point at which he realized he needed support, the change that happened in his mindset, and where he is today. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/whats-possible-david

While our brains are programmed to look for what’s wrong with us, it’s not true that there’s always something wrong with you. Constantly fixing and solving what we perceive to be a problem is exhausting. And this week, I want to offer the idea that all parts of you are wise and have something valuable to offer, even the part of you that desires porn. Discover why you don’t have to feel shame about your desire for porn, and how to redirect that energy in other ways by listening to it and learning from it. Hear why it’s worth exploring what you currently believe is a problem and how to use your bodily wisdom to create the life you want. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/fixing-things-exhausting

Heather Frazier is an awesome parenting coach for parents of teenagers. She had me on her podcast recently, and I’m sharing that conversation about parenting and pornography on today’s episode of Overcome Pornography for Good. Discover the proven most effective way of protecting your children from the world of pornography. We’re discussing the value of proper age-appropriate sex-positive education, why your kids viewing pornography doesn’t mean that they’re addicted, and how to talk to your kids about their porn use in a productive way. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/pornography-parenting-heather-frazier

No matter our specific religion, the language we choose to use, or our relationship with God or the universe, the ability to feel loved, held, guided, and never alone is something that is innate to us. It’s our birthright, and according to Dr. Lisa Miller’s research, there are huge benefits to trusting in your spirituality. I show you why developing the perception of being loved, held, guided, and never alone is an important part of healing your pornography journey. I’m sharing my own spiritual practice with you, the difference between head or body knowing versus heart knowing, and what happens when we go through life feeling loved, held, guided, and never alone. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/spirituality-loved-held-guided-never-alone

When it comes to work, your business, or any other aspect of your life, it can be easy to see that success is built on failures. While you might not believe it right now, this can be true for overcoming your porn habit too. Hayden believes that failing fast and moving on has been a key part of the breakthroughs he’s experienced, and he’s here to share his journey with us. He’s offering his thoughts on the importance of being willing to do whatever it takes to change your habit and why it’s never about achieving perfection. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/whats-possible-hayden  

There are many benefits to practicing spirituality when it comes to quitting porn. Spirituality can be both extremely beneficial, and I’m exploring both sides of the coin this week. Discover how spirituality can become harmful and damaging, as well as a great tool to lean on when you’re trying to quit porn. I’m sharing some of my own personal spiritual experiences, and how you can use spirituality to practice unconditional love and compassion for yourself and others. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/using-spirituality 

David Bedrick is the founder of the Santa Fe Institute for Shame-Based Studies, where he teaches therapists, coaches, and healers from around the world how to work with people in a new way. Healing from a pornography habit can be an extremely challenging and disturbing experience, and David's perspective is that it shouldn't be simply accepted. There are often hidden gifts in the shame that may arise, and we're exploring this on this episode. David shares his own unshaming story and his unique approach to unshaming. He offers insights into why shaming ourselves never leads to change, the difference between guilt and shame, and what the practice of unshaming can look like in reality. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/unshaming-david-bedrick

Quitting porn for good is a goal that most of you are actively working towards. For some people, this idea excites and motivates them. However, it can also create pressure, fear, and doubt for many individuals. Explore what it truly means to quit porn for good, and discover a helpful perspective that will shift you away from fear and doubt and empower you with control. I’m sharing how the notion of "for good" might be keeping you stuck, and why it doesn't have to be solely about never slipping up or viewing porn again. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/quit-for-good

Hear my conversation with Steve about his experience quitting porn and how instrumental the tools and coaching he received in my program were for his success. Discover how Steve learned to handle his urges, the compounding effect of consistency as you do this work, and how he developed the confidence to be porn-free. You're not alone in your struggle to quit porn, and this conversation will show you just how much is possible when you're ready to do this work. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/whats-possible-steve

This week, I’m speaking with Madi Davis, a 19-year-old student whose mission is to help girls who struggle with pornography. She’s a freshman at BYU and the host of the Sisters On The Front Lines Podcast where she speaks about and aims to combat the shame surrounding young women struggling with pornography. Madi’s mission is one we don’t talk about openly nearly enough, and this is a conversation that is so necessary. In a world where many women have repressed their sexuality and experience shame or trauma around it, curiosity and education are vital. Madi was brave enough to publicly share her own journey with pornography, and she’s here this week to offer her insights on young women grappling with porn use. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/young-women-pornography-madi-davis

As humans, it's common for us to derive our sense of worth from our productivity. However, when it comes to quitting porn, intertwining productivity and worthiness isn't actually helpful. In fact, it makes it even more challenging to overcome porn addiction. If you're ready for an alternative approach, this episode is for you. Start recognizing how you link your worthiness to your productivity and learn how to break free from this mindset. I'm showing you precisely how this way of thinking affects your attempts to quit viewing porn, the unhelpful thoughts and emotions that arise when you base your worthiness on productivity, and how to begin cultivating feelings of worthiness and self-acceptance, regardless of your porn use. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/productivity-worthiness

A belief plan is simple in concept but requires hard work. It necessitates deep inner work that can be uncomfortable to face. However, the practice of examining your beliefs and cultivating new ones is vital when it comes to quitting habits like pornography, or any other area in your life where you desire change. Discover what a belief plan is and why it is key, not just for achieving the goal of quitting porn, but for changing your life beyond this habit. I’m offering you a belief plan exercise you can use to start the work of overcoming pornography, as well as ideas for new thoughts to cultivate. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/belief-plan-2

Searching for the keys to navigating loneliness and cultivating healthy relationships while dealing with a pornography habit? Seeking guidance on how to disclose this part of your life to your partner? Tune into our enlightening discussion as relationship and sex coach, Tammy Hill, offers practical advice on overcoming loneliness and building the relationship of your dreams. She'll shed light on the powerful impacts of nurturing an abundance mindset and taking care of our minds and bodies. Not only this, but she'll guide us on how to thrive in singleness and shed light on the tricky question - when is the right time to disclose your porn habit in a relationship? Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/loneliness-dating-tammy-hill

Whatever you're trying to create in your life, you're going to face challenges and difficulties, and it won't be easy. The River of Misery doesn't sound great. However, it's all about accepting the misery so we can start moving through it. Discover why understanding the River of Misery will help you quit viewing pornography and never go back to it. I'm sharing the thoughts that make the River of Misery difficult to cross, and showing you how to see the patterns that are keeping you stuck so you can begin working on them and make it to the other side. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/the-river-of-misery

James had been viewing porn on and off since he was 11 years old, which adds up to over 40 years. He had always labeled himself as an addict and had heavy thoughts around his pornography use. However, with the approach we use in Overcome Pornography for Good, everything started to change for James. Discover what is possible when you stop labeling yourself as an addict. James shares the beliefs he changed around his pornography use and what it means and dives into all the work we did in Overcome Pornography for Good that helped him quit porn and move forward with his life. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/whats-possible-james

Overwhelm is one of those all-encompassing uncomfortable emotions that makes us feel frozen. Quitting porn requires some miserable growth periods, which means overwhelm will naturally be a part of your experience. The good news though is that overwhelm is not a problem, and it’s easier to make progress if you lean into it. I’m sharing four strategies for breaking the cycle of overwhelm. Hear what typically happens if you resist overwhelm, why you’re not actually at the mercy of this emotion, and the importance of approaching learning new skills with tiny baby steps along the way. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/overwhelm

Lindsay Poelman is a life coach focused on helping people who are struggling with their spouse’s porn use and an expert in trauma-informed coaching, and she’s here this week to shed light on what relationship spirals mean, and how to get out of them. Lindsay shares how relationship spirals have a lot to do with our individual conditioning. Hear why we have to first understand the context of our conditioning to untangle our relationship spirals, and how you’re both allowed to create a safe space for your own healing. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/relationship-spirals-lindsay-poelman

When it comes to your own healing and quitting porn, there are so many opinions, thoughts, and ways to do it that can be offered to you out there. That’s why this might be one of the most important episodes that I ever share with you. Hear why you have everything you need inside of you to heal and quit porn for good. I’m showing you how we’re conditioned to believe the authority lives outside of us, and why it’s vital to recognize nothing and no one is above questioning. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/you-are-the-authority

No matter how old you are, you can quit porn. My guest today is proof that it's possible. Jeff is 75 years old and had struggled with pornography since he was 14 years old. He had tried to quit many times over the years, but none of those attempts resulted in permanent change. Jeff shares why his attempts to quit over the years didn’t work, how it affected his relationship with his wife, and how what he learned in the program changed everything. Jeff says he’s now free to live his life the way he wants to, and I want you to know that that freedom is possible for you too! Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/quitting-porn-at-age-75

Many of us have received the conditioning that men are typically the sexual ones in a relationship and that they have an insatiable sexual need that has to be satisfied. To dive into this topic, I’m talking to sex coach Amanda Louder, host of the Sex for Saints podcast. Hear why we have to reframe the belief that your spouse should fulfill your sexual needs. Amanda is sharing where this belief comes from, what you miss out on when you believe this messaging, and her top tips for what actually creates the best, most fulfilling sexual relationship. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/spouse-fulfill-sexual-needs-amanda-louder

Many of us were taught to be terrified of our sexuality. It’s something we don’t talk about openly, and maybe you think of it as evil or dangerous. However, the truth is sexuality and urges are something you have, so does everyone else and they live with us forever.  Discover how to control your sexual urges. I’m showing you how your sexuality can actually be your friend and companion, and why you don’t have to tame it by resorting to locking it away or hating it. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/control-your-sexual-urges

Thomas is a member of Overcome Pornography for Good and he struggled with porn on and off for 40 years. He decided he was ready to quit and did the work with our coach, Kat. He’s here to share his story and hopefully, impart his belief that you too can do it.  He’s offering the tools that made the biggest difference to his porn use, how he made the decision to commit to the work, and how he’s now showing up as a serene person who is more intentional with his time both at work and at home.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/whats-possible-thomas

When you feel shame around having viewed pornography, blame is never far behind. Whether you blame yourself and experience more shame or you find someone else to blame for what you’re going through, this is a trap many of my clients are stuck in when they first come to me. Start the work of escaping the shame-blame trap. I’m sharing why, even though it’s difficult to talk yourself out of shame, you can move through it with compassion for yourself, without resorting to blaming others. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/shame-blame-trap

I’m sharing a replay of one of the most important episodes of this podcast to date all about one of the foundational things you need to understand if you want to quit viewing porn and never go back to it: urges. Discover why you don’t have to push your urges away or try to silence them. Like any new skill, there will be failures along the way. But when you are no longer scared of your urges, I promise, you’ll be able to approach them in a way that will completely change your life. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/essential-episodes-stop-fearing-urges

I have a special guest on the show this week. Kat Jenkins is one of the coaches in Overcome Pornography for Good and she recently completed some certifications in breathwork. Discover what breathwork is and how it can help you quit viewing pornography for good. Kat and I are discussing how buffering with pornography impacts your nervous system, and how breathwork can bring ease and calm into your body when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/breathwork-kat-jenkins 

You might be thinking that if you can just get through this week without viewing porn, then you’re on the right track. But the truth is, we need to look at the long term, and this requires that you stop thinking in weeks or even months, and start thinking in years. Learn why thinking in years makes for more sustainable action than only looking at the short term, and how to benefit from the compound effect of implementing a long-term strategy. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/think-in-years

Tina Gosney is a Certified Family Relationship Coach who helps LDS parents who have a child leaving the church, and she’s also an incredible coach and asset in our Overcome Pornography for Good program. Tina walks us through the 10 loopholes that keep you from changing. You’ll hear why you shouldn’t let these loopholes send you into a shame spiral if you relate to them, and how to start questioning the loopholes that your brain tries to offer you.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/loopholes-tina-gosney

Have you ever found yourself feeling desensitized to porn and the process of trying to quit? You might feel miserable, exhausted, and just don’t care anymore. Discover what might be leading you to feeling desensitized, and my recommendations for what to do when you find yourself feeling this way. You’ll hear how to listen to your body’s signals in these moments, and why, when you do, you’ll be able to quit viewing porn so much easier and faster.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/feeling-desensitized

Tune in this week for a simple exercise that will help you understand what’s going on in your brain when you have intrusive thoughts on a deeper level. I’m sharing why trying to stop, avoid, or question your intrusive thoughts will only make them worse, and how to instead accept them and let them pass. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/pink-elephant-and-intrusive-thoughts

Tune in this week to discover what your anger is trying to tell you, and how to keep the focus on yourself as you work through anger that relates to other people. I’m sharing some stories from my own life about anger, why anger is just a package, and how to start unpacking your anger in a way that helps you let it go. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/anger

Discover where you’re choosing indulgence over self-love and the important differences between the two. I’m sharing how our brains find it so difficult to show ourselves compassion and some thoughts you can try to show up with more self-love when you need it most. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/self-love-is-not-indulgence

Tune in this week to dig deeper into your story of you. I’m giving you a practical exercise to get clear on the ways your story of you is leaving you feeling unworthy and shameful, so you can get clear on the facts of your story and how your thoughts about these facts are making your story feel a whole lot worse. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/the-story-of-you

This week, I’m sharing a year-in-review exercise I love doing at the end of a year. It’s very simple, but if you carve out the time to do it, I promise you will be in awe of where you are right now and excited about everything you are about to accomplish by the end of this year. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/year-in-review-visualization

Discover my one lesson to the world. I’m discussing with Michael Anderson how change happens not when we’re shamed into a different behavior, but when we align ourselves with our values while loving and accepting ourselves. I’m sharing the mindset tools that changed everything for me, why I chose this work, and we’re sharing how we help our clients toward self-acceptance. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/one-lesson-michael-anderson

Discover how to start creating trust after betrayal trauma. Geoff Steurer addresses the pain that occurs on both sides of the situation, what the porn viewer can do to heal themselves as they heal their relationship, and the power of coregulation as you move through betrayal trauma, navigate shame and begin to rebuild trust and intimacy. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/betrayal-trauma-geoff-steurer

Chaz shares his experience of struggling with pornography and learning the skills of overcoming this habit, all while making it work within his faith beliefs. He’s sharing the trajectory of his porn use, why he felt stuck, and the concepts that made the biggest difference in helping him get out of this cyclical loop.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/whats-possible-chaz

Discover my top lessons from 100 episodes of Overcome Pornography for Good. I’m discussing what I’ve learned in regard to being productive without burning out, showing up with commitment and effort, how to make the difficult things fun, the importance of focusing on happiness as well as success, and the things that have kept me going on this podcasting journey so far! Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/top-lessons-from-100-episodes

Can you guarantee success? The truth is, no one else can guarantee success for you, but you can make it a certainty for yourself. Nobody else out there can do the work for you. This is all about taking responsibility for your own healing and cultivating a mindset that makes success inevitable. And this week, I'm showing you how. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/guarantee-success

Discover how to start laser-focusing on the goals that are most important to you. This is one of the lessons that has changed my life dramatically, and laser focusing on one thing at a time will change everything for you as well, allowing you to love yourself as you are, and achieve your goals from that place. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/laser-focus

Discover what to do when you don’t believe you can do something. We’re talking about this in relation to quitting porn, but you can apply this logic to any goal you’re pursuing. I’m sharing how to start developing real self-trust by taking small, practical steps, so you can start believing that whatever you want to achieve really is possible. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/you-can-do-it

Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This is what radical acceptance means. Practicing radical acceptance won’t mean you’ll stay stuck, it's what will fuel the change you want. So this week, I’m offering my favorite sentences that you can add to your Emotion Doc to help you access this emotion. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/emotion-doc-radical-acceptance

I’m introducing you to a great tool you’re going to want to start using immediately: the Emotion Doc. Hear what my Emotion Doc entails, and how you can apply it to any emotion you want to try on. I’m sharing the thoughts that help me access certainty and one vital question to ask yourself as you consider accessing certainty, so you can attain any goal you set for yourself. Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/emotion-doc-certainty

Discover the difference between nurturing yourself and numbing. You’ll hear some questions you can ask yourself to identify what you need most in moments when you are tempted to numb with pornography, and why nurturing yourself is not the same as running away from your emotions.  Get full show notes and more information here: https://www.sarabrewer.com/blog/nurture-vs-numbing