Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

The Play and Pray Challenge is a way for us to spread the kingdom of Jesus Christ into every home in a fun, interactive way. We have learned that if you are going to PRAY with your family, you need to PLAY with them! This June from the 12th to the 21st, we are challenging families to do three things: Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and "enthroning" Him as King. We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit. We want this challenge to go viral, so spread the word to get other families to do it too! Watch the video and sign up for the Play and Pray Challenge: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ Join the waiting list for new member site: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/ Related podcast episode: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-091-king-home/

Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When we trust our spouse we can stand before them, just as we are, knowing that we will be accepted. Full knowledge with full acceptance. That's the goal, but the road to building trust is not easy for most of us, because we are sinful people dealing with our own shame. As we work on our relationship with our spouse and with the Lord, we are creating a bond that helps us work together as a team and rest in the knowledge that He will be with us no matter what happens. The reason I know "everything is going to be ok" is because I trust that God is in control. Join messy family member waiting list: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/membership/

One "yes" is protected by a thousand "no"s. If we want our children to have the ability to say "yes", to be responsible, free and, ultimately, loving people, parents need to believe in the power of NO. When a parent says "no" and defines a boundary for a child, they are helping that child to shape who they are. Boundaries enable children to "construct" themselves. This is hard work for parents, usually because we don't recognize what good boundaries are, and sometimes simply because we are lazy! In this podcast, we talk about the book Boundaries for Kids by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud, and share some of our own experiences in defining boundaries for ourselves and our children. Links: Virtual Date Night RSVP Discipline Guide Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud Visit us at http://www.messyfamilyproject.org

The Church has always made it clear that parents are the primary educators of their children and chiefly responsible for their family's spiritual formation. So what is our advice to you? First, don't worry if your kid fails this quarter in school and, second, turn off streaming mass and start leading your family in prayer. Be empowered to lead your family and focus on what YOU think is important during these challenging times. In this podcast, we share some of the ways our family is bonding this month, and we give inspiration and ideas on how to lead your family. God has given you the grace. Family, become what you are! Virtual Catholic Conference: https://aliciahernon.krtra.com/t/AMa71LKg02oQ Guide for Holy Week through Easter for your family: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/celebrate-palm-sunday-to-easter/

Does this sound like you? We won't lie - all of the sudden being forced to be with all of our children 24/7 is not easy. We are struggling just like everyone else! But instead of asking God "why?" we need to ask "what?". What do you want to teach us, Lord? What do you want us to do? What do you want to show us? We have said many times that parents are the first teachers of their children and leaders of their families. Today we see that more clearly than ever! This crisis is giving us the opportunity to rid ourselves of all the extraneous activities that normally distract us and allowing us to focus on our children. Listen in as we give some valuable ideas, encouragement, and inspiration for this time or any time of crisis. "We know certainly that our God calls us to a holy life. We know that he gives us every grace, every abundant grace; and though we are so weak of ourselves, this grace is able to carry us through every obstacle and difficulty." ~ St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Advice and strategies for families in these challenging times, especially how to celebrate Sunday when there is no mass… sign up at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

Men and women approach sex from two very different standpoints. This can create tension in your marriage. Nevertheless, sex is a topic that married couples need to talk about. In this podcast you can expect honesty, humor, and above all some great insight to help you have a more satisfying, fulfilling sex life with your spouse. Listen in and discover how you can be more open with your spouse, because this is an important way to strengthen your relationship. Get the kids out of earshot, or put in your earbuds and listen in. Moms and Dads, this one is for your ears only. Marriage Check In (3 weeks to greater unity): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/marriage/ We're expanding - job descriptions: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/were-expanding/ Upcoming Events: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

This Lent and Easter why not walk on the path of holiness that God has laid out for you already? We are proposing that couples intentionally embrace their calling as parents and spouses. Since we are called to love and sacrifice first within their own homes, we designed a simple program called Cana90 to challenge families to become more of who God is calling them to be – communities of life and love. We will help you choose commitments of prayer, fasting, and mercy that turn your heart towards your family. What would Lent and Easter look like if we leaned into our vocation even more. Let us begin again and seek transformation through prayer, fasting, and mercy for our marriages and our families. Sign up for the Cana90 program: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/

Each of us has a story and we are part of a story. We are part of the story of the human race, of the Church, of our country, and most importantly, you are part of the story of your own family. In our modern world we tend to forget this! We also need to be aware that when we engage with our story in a healthy way and then we share that story with our children, we empower them. When parents are at peace with the story of their own lives, they can share their experiences with their children and teach them using their own examples. We can give our children hope through the witness of our own lives. Sign up for Cana90 at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/cana90/ Other links and resources referenced see: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-126-sharing-your-story/

Our culture all around us is throwing tough issues into our lives and the lives of our children all the time. We are dealing today with topics that our most of our grandparents never had to confront, let alone explain to a child. To guide our children in the way of truth, we must first understand the truth ourselves. Then, before we communicate, we need to recognize that children have specific stages of moral development. We as parents need to realize this so we can "feed" them information appropriately and in a way that children can digest and use correctly. In this podcast we group "tough topics" into categories and then give our take on how to explain these to children. Get your free book by sharing your experience of handling tough topics with your kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tough-topics-with-your-kids/ If you're interested in buying and finding out more about this great resource, visit MadeThisWayBook.com

For some couples, praying together is very natural but for others, it feels awkward or forced. (You'll have to listen in to hear our experience!). The reality is that there are many different ways to pray with our spouse and every couple is unique! In this podcast, we discuss how you can engage in speaking to your Heavenly Father as a couple, bound together with Him in a covenant of love. Each type of prayer is important - blessing, intercession, plea for guidance, communal prayer, and repentance. Growing in your prayer life is an essential way to develop and deepen your relationship, but also a way for you to support your spouse and love them more profoundly. Family Board Meeting worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/ For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyproject.org

We started this topic in our last podcast MFP122, but there was so much to cover we had to continue the discussion! In this podcast, we discuss the different ways boys and girls deal with aggression and why parents need to teach self-control differently to their sons and daughters. Navigating friendships is another way in which parents need to understand gender differences. Don't have the same expectations of peaceful play for your sons and daughters - they each have their own challenges! And as kids get older and become adults the process of independence looks very different for moms than it is for dads. All of this is good for parents to realize so they can appreciate the gifts of their children and their amazing uniqueness found in their personality, temperament, and gender. For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyprojetc.org Dr. Leonard Sax's book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

In a culture that is proclaiming gender as "fluid" and is encouraging "gender-neutral" parenting, we proudly stand and say boys and girls are defined and different. Wonderfully different. And did you know those physical variations extend beyond simply the obvious? Boys and girls have distinct wiring in the brain, eye structure, and hearing acuity. Boys overestimate their abilities, and girls underestimate them. Boys feel just as deeply as girls, though they are less verbal. The distinctions are many and sometimes subtle. What does this deeper understanding mean for parents? The more parents realize how their sons and daughters are uniquely made, the better they will be able to understand and guide them to further maturity. In this podcast we draw from the research of Dr. Leonard Sax in his book Why Gender Matters, which we highly recommend. There is so much ground to cover we split this into 2 podcasts! Part 2 coming next week. Advent Kit for Families: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/ Tampa Event: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/ Dr. Leonard Sax's book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

The power of a name, the importance of memory, the responsibility to heal the world, the reality that God dwells with us - all of these are lessons that we as Catholics can learn from the Jewish people. At the end of October 2019, we had the privilege of being guests of the Foundation Stone Institute who hosted us for a trip to Israel and the holy sites there. We had a powerful experience visiting the places where Jesus lived, worked, preached and healed. The trip gave us a deeper understanding of our Catholic faith, but also of the Jewish people, our "elder brethren". There were many insights that we had and lessons learned, but in this podcast, we decided to limit ourselves to four things that we walked with that we think families can benefit from. These values have been held by the Jewish people for centuries and we can and should learn from them. Support this show and ministry at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Every parent wants their children to be happy, but it seems children today are more unhappy than ever before! Part of the problem stems from the expectations and pressure on our kids and part of the problem is that most of us don't recognize the path to happiness ourselves. Dennis Prager states, "Happiness is a moral obligation." We all need to realize that happiness is a choice, not something that just happens. We need to teach our children that happiness is under their control, show them the choices that lead to happiness, and then form them with the self-discipline needed to make those choices. We can't force our children to be happy, but we can give them the guidance and tools they need to choose it for themselves. Find out more about our mission and vision for the future: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/

There are few bigger changes in life than going from having no children to having children. After that the next biggest life change is every child that comes after! Moms and dads who have newborns need the support of family and friends in a particular way as they make these transitions. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, sisters, and even brothers can all listen to this podcast to learn about how they can support new parents at this critical time. It's good for parents to know that it is important to be honest about the feelings they are having because sometimes expectations do not reflect reality. Being open to life is not easy but it can bring you more joy than anything you've ever done. It can also bring more unity and strength to your marriage if you keep lines of communication open and if you are willing to be vulnerable. To contact us, and for more information and resources visit us at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org Event Info: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/

We believe there is a conspiracy afoot in the world against marriage and family life, but it is not a conspiracy of earthly powers; it is a spiritual one. Parents, by raising a family you have entered into this battle, so you need to keep your eyes open and take spiritual authority within your home and within your own life. In this podcast we discuss things like how the Evil One tries to deceive us, how we can give him footholds in our lives, and how we should respond to his attacks. By freeing yourself up to love, living in the light, and taking authority in our own lives we can live a life spiritual freedom, allowing nothing to hold us back. Remember, Christ the Victor has come to bring us life and it is by His grace and in His name that we shall overcome. Show links and more info can be found at: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mfp118-know-your-enemy-spiritual-warfare-for-parents

There are different types of love, but the love that is exclusive, belonging to husbands and wives is eros, a passionate, romantic love which is an essential part of any marriage. As parents we are concerned with so many things - keeping our families financially afloat, the many needs of the children, feeding and clothing everyone - it is easy to neglect to fan the flame of romance between you and your spouse. In this podcast we give you some encouragement and practical ideas for ways wives can pursue their husbands and how husbands can pursue their wives. We talk about WHY this is important and HOW you can do it better than you are today. Take Our Listener Survey - https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MFP2019-podcastsurvey The Four Loves by CS Lewis - https://amzn.to/2LncWyW Love Languages episode - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-015-love-languages/ Messy Family Minute Weekly Email - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/sign-up-for-minutes/

St. Francis would tell his followers "Let us begin again for until now we have done nothing." This is a great inspiration for us because sometimes we feel like we are always beginning again with new habits, plans, and goals for our family. We are the most consistently inconsistent parents out there! But we have become less stressed out about our inconsistency because we see that it is an opportunity to begin again with our children. It is hard to create habits in ourselves, let alone a group of children! But habits are an important part of formation, as the quote above from Stephen Covey shows. Since we have made so many plans with our family, we would like to share with you some of what we have learned in creating habits for your family. In this podcast we discuss questions such as how do you create appropriate habits for your family? How do you come up with a plan with your spouse? How do you keep those kids motivated? 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: https://amzn.to/2Zj05l1 The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family: https://amzn.to/2ZgndRj Amazing Camp for Teens: https://cysc.com/ Special weekend in Tampa for couples in February 2020… interested in hearing more? https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/

Our society not only devalues mothers, but also underestimates their importance in the life of a newborn child. Some biologists believe that humans are born too soon because so much formation happens in the first years of life outside the womb. The essential element in this formation is the mother. No matter how much time a mother spends with her child vs. being in the workplace, the quality of her relationship with her infant is what makes the difference. In this podcast, we use the book Being There: The Importance of the First Three Years by Erica Komisak as a reference for parents seeking to do all they can to develop a healthy, securely attached, independent child. Buy this book : https://amzn.to/318grhz Get our messy family newsletter: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/join/ Family Retreat Kit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/ Related shows Every Mother is a Working Mother - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-046-every-mother-is-a-working-mother/ High Powered Parents - https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-092-high-powered-parents/

Social fragmentation, the break down of the family, isolation, and stress has wounded and broken many of us. Families need to be honest about their need for professional help - honest with themselves and with those around them. It is a sign of strength to admit weakness! Plus, there are burdens that parents simply cannot carry alone. Marriage counselors, child therapists, 12 Step groups, doctors, and support groups are all resources that families can and should take advantage of in order to function in a healthy, holy way. Counseling can offer hope, healing, and a path forward. Listen in as we discuss some of the challenges and obstacles, what to look for in a counselor as well as a note on therapy for children. Dr. Aaron Kheriaty's A Catholic Guide to Depression - https://amzn.to/2XAWqmF Mike interview with Dr. Kheriaty for EWTN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SIWlQ0ZUqY Article on choosing a good therapist - https://www.catholiccounselors.com/choosing-a-therapist-a-guide-for-catholics/

Parenting is a path to holiness, that is clear. Part of this growth in your holiness is taking on the responsibility for the formation of your children. It's hard to form people! But it is a job for unselfish, dedicated parents and no one can do it better than you can! In this podcast, we discuss principles that are important to keep in mind as we form our children. Ideas such as your children are not the center of your family, but part of a community; that you need to teach your children to give themselves away; that trust is earned and love requires boundaries. We pick a few other rules that we have found to be important in our parenting to pass on to you. Along with parenting philosophy will come some very practical insights also that will help you form your children and bring peace to your household. Family Retreat Kit and Videos: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-retreat-2019-3/ Related Episodes and Blog Post: The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (episode): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-079-the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/ The Irreplaceable Role of Parents (blog post): https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/the-irreplaceable-role-of-parents/ Growing a Family Culture: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/mp-096-building-a-family-culture-part-1/

During our tour of Australia, we had the opportunity to meet many listeners and make some amazing new friends. One of our events was a day seminar for engaged and newly married couples with an Australian ministry - The Marriage Project. During the day, we had a time to take questions from the audience and we loved it! It was great to experience firsthand the desire that these couples had for intentional, authentic relationships with each other and with their greater community. We answered questions about blending families, challenge of children and marriage, discerning family size, and even our most important piece of advice to a newly married couple (that one was hard!). We hope you enjoy hearing us interacting with our listeners and hearing us really think on our feet! Catholic Family Fests: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/speaking/events/catholic-family-vacation/ Summer Family Retreat Box: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/summer-family-retreat-box/

"The family is indeed more than any other social reality, the place where an individual can exist 'for himself' through the sincere gift of self...it is the 'sanctuary of life'" ~ St. John Paul II, Letter to Families, #11 This episode is our first LIVE podcast, recorded during our Australian Tour in May 2019. During this tour, we presented a seminar sponsored by our good friends (Australians, read "mates!" ) at the Marriage Project. In this talk we examined the question "What is the nature of family?" Society cannot define was this nature is, because society did not give family its nature. Family has a given meaning all its own. According to St. John Paul II, a family is a community of life whose mission it is to guard, reveal and communicate love. It is a man and woman bound together in a life long commitment whose love is fruitful. Therefore, our understanding of marriage must be seen within the context of family, since not only do we all come from a family, but we are made for family. Survey about future membership site: https://messyfamilypro.wpengine.com/membership/ Join our newsletter (don't miss out):https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe

"Are you the adult you want your child to become?" ~ Dr. Brene Brown High emotions and the advent of adolescence seem to go hand in hand. Instead of getting caught up into our children's emotion and the drama that may ensue, parents need to truly be "the adult in the room" and be an example of how to deal with strong feelings in a appropriate way. To do this, we parents need to be self-aware and conscious of our own woundedness and need for healing. Only then can we be an example to our children and a source of hope sending the message that they CAN overcome. We need to empathize with our child and empower them to master their emotions while using their intellect and will to act, thus integrating all their faculties to act virtuously. It's hard for parents to teach pre-teens and teens how to handle drama, but this is the job of hard-working, devoted parents! Survey about future membership site: https://messyfamilyproject.org/community Join our newsletter (don't miss out):https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe Cana 90 meditations (Lent & Easter seasons):https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90 Schedule for MFP events in Australia: https://www.facebook.com/757182281305801/posts/845469395810422?sfns=mo Additional resources for this episode: Dr. Brene Brown on empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw More from Brene Brown Daring Greatly https://amzn.to/2XRd2C8 and Power of Vulnerability https://amzn.to/2WgmlLI Teaching Your Child Self-control:https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-090-teaching-your-children-self-control Raising Confident Kids Who Aren't Full of Themselves: https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-043-raising-confident-kids-who-aren-t-full-of-themselves Discipling and Disciplining Our Teenagers: https://messyfamilyproject.org/collections/podcast/mp-064-discipling-and-disciplining-our-teenagers-part-1

Have you ever felt like your world was going up in smoke? Listen in as we explain this dramatic story of our car fire, where no injuries occurred or lives lost, but the disaster was complete. Though the loss was great, God's faithfulness and providence was even greater. We felt it was not a coincidence that this happened during the season of Lent because we are able to see the themes of fasting through detachment from goods, mercy that was shown to us, and the prayer that protected us and our children. No matter how Satan plans our demise, God can always have the victory. Video and article: https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/video-lent-and-how-we-narrowly-escaped-a-car-fire-aleteia Join our newsletter (don't miss out): https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact/subscribe Cana 90 meditations: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tag/cana90/

"The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness." ~ Pope Benedict XVI Men today can't do anything right. The world has taken the idea of masculinity and distorted it to the point that it is barely recognizable from the ideal man celebrated one hundred years ago. As dynamic Catholics living in this time, we want to celebrate men and encourage them to reclaim their true identity and realize who God created them to be - fully using their gifts and masculine qualities to serve others. In this podcast, we use the apostolic letter "Into the Breach" written by Bishop Olmsted of Phoenix, AZ to put forward and answer three questions - What does it mean to be a Catholic man? How do men love? And why is fatherhood so crucial? Referenced in this episode: The Apostolic Exhortation: Into the Breach Wild at Heart: Abba's Heart: Check out past posts for Cana 90

"Prayer knocks at the door, fasting obtains, mercy receives." ~St. Peter Chrysologus We have a very exciting program to share with you all in this podcast that we are doing for Lent. We know that we want to bring our wills and our hearts closer to God, but how do we make sacrifices and offer up our wills as a married couple? What do sacrifices in Lent look like when you are raising children and are already laying down your life and your body for them? Our beautiful faith provides the answer for us. Offer up our prayers and fasting to subdue our wills and then show mercy first to those closest to us, our spouse and children. Allow all the "built in" sacrifices that we do NOT choose during the day to become an offering pleasing to God. Do it all under the authority of your spouse, who you also have authority over. Listen to this podcast and sign up for more ideas, structure, and accountability in Cana 90! Sign up for the Cana 90 program: https://messyfamilyproject.org/cana90

"Wash the cup not because it is dirty, or because you are told to, but because you love the person who will use it after you ~St. Teresa of Calcutta Very frequently people will email or write to us asking for our organization secrets, tips, or techniques. Our secret is.. We don't really have one. We do have principles and a philosophy that we live by, but the perfect system of organization for our home still eludes us. But, what we can give you is an overall view of how we make decisions and communicate with our children on making our home run so children are clothed, fed, and get where they need to go (for the most part!). Doing chores and managing schedules takes up much of our time as a family, but in the context of family culture, that is actually not the most important part of your family. Family operations needs to be seen in the context of your WHOLE family life and parents need to make sure the rest of the family culture is not neglected because so much energy is spent on our physical needs. Listen to the podcast, and then take a look as some of the resources that go with this podcast on our website. Also we have more practical tips listed on a blog post (Tips on Chores). Great Products and Resources: Please use these links as the ministry gets a small commission if you sign up the free app or purchase any of books or products. We love and use these: We have just switched over to Cozi for the family chores, calendar, and shopping list. Very impressed so far. Cozi is the #1 family organizing app. Create a free Cozi account and you'll also get the 2018 Summer Planner Printables! Alicia loves Norwex for cleaning everything in our house. Norwex - the power to clean without harsh chemicals. This books was so helpful in our household management - Don Aslett's Make Your House do the Housework Also we have used this to help keep the Hernon army well fed. Perhaps you should consider Once a Month Cooking Previous podcasts referenced: MP014 - Chores MP042 - Family Routine MP096 - Building a Family Culture MFP103 - Family Board Meeting

"Love is never something ready made, something merely given to man and woman, it is...a task which they are set. Love should be seen as something which never 'is' but is always only 'becoming'..." - St. John Paul II "I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship." - Brené Brown There have been times in our marriage when we felt ourselves drifting apart. Not because of any one catastrophic event, but just because we weren't working on our relationship. We were just getting by. But in a culture antithetical to marriage, just "getting by" is not enough. All Catholic couples need to work to cultivate a dynamic, vibrant relationship, strong enough to bear the demands of family life, and weather everything the world will throw at it. The reality is, we are never done working on our marriage. In this podcast, we discuss the importance of "checking in" with our spouse to see how we are doing. To do this effectively we need to practice how to listen but also practice being vulnerable. This podcast has a worksheet that you can download at our website and use as a tool to work with your spouse towards a more intentional, unified marriage. Download our three-part guide to a more united marriage at https://messyfamilyproject.org/marriage Also you will find other items we mentioned like a parish bulletin insert and how to celebrate and advocate for marriage online. It's not about the nail video- https://messyfamilyproject.org/resources/its-not-about-the-nail Today we discussed a great book called Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. If you get a copy at Amazon by clicking this link, our ministry gets a small donation. Thanks in advance!

A parenting fail is simply a lesson wrongly considered. ~ Mike and Alicia Hernon Have you ever let your emotions get the better of you? Have a discipline plan go south? Have a fun family time turn into a disaster? Yes, us too. All parents make mistakes! Even though we have a marriage and family podcast and we share advice and ideas, please don't think that we (like you!) haven't had some big "fails" ourselves! In this podcast, we share some stories of things we have done that didn't turn out the way we planned. The good news is that through these fails we have learned lessons that stay with us even today. Hopefully you will be able to see yourselves in our stories, laugh a little bit and maybe even learn something from these examples of our own messy parenting!

"A family doesn't need to be perfect; it just needs to be united." Families are busy - running from place to place with little time to look where they are going or to even form an idea of what they want their family to look like. The Family Board Meeting is a tool that couples can use to cast a vision for their family and create concrete goals that will make that vision a reality. In this podcast we discuss the importance of this time, talk about elements of a Family Board Meeting, and we give suggestions on logistics that will make it happen. Go to our website https://messyfamilyproject.org/our-resources/free to download the guide that can go along with this podcast. Creating a vision for your family and setting goals as a team is a powerful way for couples to be more intentional about building their own family culture.

"Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them; for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14 Most parents realize that young children are not little adults and they have particular needs for their physical and mental well-being. We must realize that they have particular needs for their spiritual well-being as well. Parents need to learn how to tend the seed of their child's faith life and that starts with acknowledging the differences, and realizing that in many ways, the child is closer to God than we are! The beautiful thing about parenting is that as we nurture our child's faith, we will grow closer to God ourselves. We must learn from the child how to have a "child-like" faith as Jesus taught in the gospels. Listen in as we explain how the child's faith is different than ours and how we can nurture their faith in appropriate ways. Book referenced during today's show: Looking for Catechesis of the Good Shepherd in your area? Visit CGS USA

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4 More than any other topic, discipline is something listeners have asked us to address in our podcast. Our hesitation has been that this is just such a complicated topic! One that deserves much time and thought because, well… it's complicated and there are no easy answers, as much as we would like there to be. So instead of trying to cover all things regarding discipline, we decided to give some foundational beliefs in our discipline philosophy. This podcast explores 5 principles of discipline that all parents can apply to their children, not matter what the age. This podcast compliments our Guide to Discipline found on our website. Podcasts referenced - The Five Love Languages, The Irreplaceable Role of Parents, and Parenting as a Team.

Welcome to the 100th podcast! We are celebrating the public launch of our ministry with new branding, new website, and even new intro and outro music on the podcast itself! As promised, we decided to interview the people who had more influence on our parenting than anyone else, and who have taught us the most. Those people would be (drum roll, please!) our children! We hope you find both interviews entertaining and informative (though the younger kids were more entertaining than informative!). We decided that 12 people talking altogether would be too much so we first interviewed the oldest 5 children and then the youngest 5. We talk about such topics as - What are the best and worst parts of being in a big family? What life lessons have you learned from our family? How did you handle fighting with siblings growing up? What did that teach you? It was fun for us to interview the older children and hear what influenced them and made the biggest impression on them. They came up with some really great insights that we hadn't even thought of! We hope you can listen in and celebrate with us, but also gain some insight and inspiration from hearing from the Hernon Ten.

We listen to what our parents say to us because this is how we figure out who we are. – Dr. Meg Meeker The words that parents say to their children are important, but equally as important (if not more) is HOW we say those words. We have found this through our own struggles with yelling! Communication happens not only verbally, but also emotionally, so our words can be lost in the way in which we express ourselves. When we raise our voices in anger through yelling we may unintentionally be verbally assaulting our own children. In this show we talk about having a plan, getting perspective and asking for help. Stay connected and hear about the new website, Advent box, and more by signing up for our newsletter: https://messyfamilyproject.org/contact-us-legacy/subscribe

Raising children is beautiful but also hard work. It's a task for unselfish, devoted parents. ~ Archbishop Chaput Parenting is not for cowards, that is for sure! Thankfully, God gives children two parents who, when they work together, can provide the best environment for their child. But working together can be tough. Spouses come from different backgrounds, have different personalities, virtues, and vices. All of this needs to be worked through to get in sync with each other. Presenting a united front to your children is not only good for them, its good for you and your marriage as well. Listen in as we give some tips on how to parent together with respect, unity, and God's grace.

"Each family finds within itself a summons that cannot be ignored and that specifies both its dignity and responsibility: family, become what you are" (Familiaris Consortio, #17) We have discussed how important a family culture is. It is a powerful construct that communicates more effectively than your words alone can. But how do parents build a healthy culture in their home? What should the elements be? The first priority should be building a spiritual life, which we discussed in "Building a Family Culture" but what comes after that? In this podcast, we discuss the next 4 priorities: your marriage, the family's network of relationships, discovering giftedness, and family operations. Listen in and then take some time to discuss with your spouse what needs to be strengthened in the culture you are building in your home. (BONUS: At the very end we are joined by a special guest.) Sign up for more on Family Culture at https://messyfamilyproject.org/community

Creating a Family Culture is a powerful way to influence our children in a way that goes beyond our relationship with any one individual child. It is greater than just you or your spouse. Family Culture is the unspoken system that binds your family together and communicates your expectations, beliefs, and values more powerfully than any written word. It is a natural construct, but it is actually spiritual also because it creates an invisible web that binds your family together. This system of values and beliefs that result in behavior powerfully forms the way of life for your family. Parents need to be thoughtful and intentional about the culture that they are stewarding within their home. Listen in as we explain the priorities that should be found in a healthy family culture. Part 1 of 2... more to come

Siblings: Children of the same parents each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together ~ Sam Levenson One of the greatest gift we can give our children is more brothers and sisters. But as parents our responsibility isn't just to provide those siblings and just walk away saying, "Hope it all works out!". We need to provide the environment and guidance that children need to have healthy, life-giving relationships with their brothers and sisters. This is a challenge - no doubt about it! But the effort that parents put into this formation is worth it in the long run. Listen in as we give tips, perspective, and encouragement to all parents who are working to overcome sibling challenges.

"When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions it is up to us to share our calm, not join in the chaos" You are at a friend's house for dinner with your kids. The 3 and 5 yr old are playing on the floor. Each has a toy, but then one child decides that he wants what his friend has. Chaos ensues. What are parents to do? How do you deal with your child? What do you say to the little friend? How do you manage this with your hosts? This is a sticky situation that many parents run into - how can you have peace between little kids visiting together? We talk about this and give some realistic expectations on little kids play and social interactions.

"...the ability to be "at leisure" is one of the basic powers of the human soul." - Josef Pieper, Leisure, the Basis of Culture How many of us really appreciate what it mean to enjoy leisure in our lives? Life can't be just about work, and simply "having fun" doesn't capture what we really need to be rejuvenated in our lives. We need to allow ourselves to just "be" and we need to also create that culture within our family. Taking time for reading, creating, or playing games is one of the ways we can have a foretaste of heaven. In this podcast we discuss this topic, but we also give a list of recommended games for different age groups and games that the whole family can play, no matter what the age! Interested in the list of fun games we mentioned on this podcast? Sign up for our newsletter or contact us.

To be in your child's memories tomorrow you have to be in their lives today. ~ Unknown. Be who you were made to be and you will set the world on fire. ~ St. Catherine of Siena There are parents in this world who are greatly gifted. They started out as Catholic men and women who were highly successful in their professional lives and had made sacrifices to get there. When children come into the picture, how do these professionals, who are now parents, order their lives to make family a top priority? In this podcast, we discuss the principles that parents can apply in ordering these goods - the good of developing your professional skill and the good of family life - towards the optimal path to holiness and wholeness. There are no simple answers, but with prayer and discussion parents can make a decision that will give them peace. Take the survey at: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MPSummer Become a Patron: https://www.patreon.com/MessyParenting

"Sanctify the family and you will sanctify the world." No, we are not talking about dad (although he may be king of the remote!) We have a different King in mind. 62% of children say they stopped being Catholic between the ages of 10 and 17 according to the CARA research center. This means children are losing their faith while they are under their parent's roof. How can we make sure our kids are not part of this statistic? What can a modern Catholic family do to create an environment that helps keep our kids faithful? Where should we start? We believe the "secret weapon" for Catholic families in the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart of Jesus within your home. When families proclaim publicly that Jesus Christ is King, great mercies and graces flow into the family. Listen in as we explain what this means and how to use this "secret weapon" to keep your family close to Christ. Resources: Enthronement of the Sacred Heart Ceremony Become a monthly supporter Books on Enthronement

"Emotions are like children. You shouldn't lock them in the trunk, but you don't want them driving the car either" Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn't get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self control is an under appreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, "Just do it!" we should be echoing the slogan of the 80's anti-drug campaign which was "Just say no!". Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver's seat of life.

"The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference" ~Elie Wiesel Have you ever felt distant from your spouse? Living like married singles in the same house? or maybe just some dryness in your marriage? Every marriage goes through cycles of romance and then disillusionment which can lead to true joy. But without intentional decisions and actions, marriages can get stuck in indifference and that is a very real danger. What are the most effective steps to move out of this stage? How do you overcome indifference? In this podcast we give some practical and simple advice to husbands and wives who are striving for an exceptional marriage. Related Episodes: Five Love Languages Vulnerability in Marriage Arguing in Marriage

We regularly get questions from our listeners on a variety of topics. Some can become podcasts, some are answered individually, but some questions are a bit in between. On this episode, we tackle someone struggling with outgrowing a friendship and wondering how to handle that and another who is working to build community where they are. Another listener has an autistic son and would like to encourage all Catholics to be sensitive and inclusive, especially in church. We had another question about godparenting when the parents of your godchild are not practicing their faith. All important and relevant issues for parents everywhere. Listen in to hear our take on these questions and then feel free to contact us with some of your own issues! Referenced episodes: Building Community Godparenting Evangelizing as a family Prepare the Way (video)

Dads, no one will call you Hero like your daughter will. - Dr. Meg Meeker The Father-Daughter relationship is sweet and sometimes cute, but the reality is that it is of vital importance in the light of every girl who will become a woman. Father's don't have to be perfect, but they need to be intentional about how they relate to their daughters. Well-fathered daughters enter the world with a healthy respect for themselves, and for men in general which often can help them enter into deeper, more fulfilling relationships as they enter adulthood. Listen in as we give some insight, inspiration and ideas on how you can work on your relationship with your daughter. Resources: Steubenville Father Daughter Dance Articles and Posts from Dr. Meg Meeker on Raising Daughters The Surprising Ways Your Father Impacts Who You'll Marry Devotional for Strong Fathers, Strong Daughter

"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way..." 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Very few of us are blessed to be surrounded by people who agree with us on our faith or values 100% of the time, but we need to navigate these relationships and keep them healthy in spite of our differences. This is true especially in parental relationships because honoring your parents is a commandment, without a caveat or condition. The reality is that when people are critical of our faith, our values, or our parenting choices we need to learn to respond first with love and charity. It is a simple answer but a difficult one. In this podcast, we give 5 steps in loving those who differ with us. This podcast was sponsored by an anonymous supporter who is struggling to stay in relationships with family members who disagree with their practice of the Catholic faith.

Our family is a circle of strength and love. Every joy shared adds love, every crisis faced makes the circle stronger. With every birth and every marriage, the circle grows. All of the parenting we have done for our son has led up to this point. The point where he separates from us and forms his own family. Feb 10, 2017 our son Patrick married Cassie in our hometown of Steubenville and it was a wedding to remember! Not everything went perfectly as planned, but that didn't matter. The bride and groom beautifully reflected the love that God has for all of us and the formation of this new family should give all Catholics another reason to hope. We are so proud of our son and our new daughter, and we hope you are inspired by their wedding story!

Screens are part of our world and they are here to stay. TV, computers, smartphones, tablets are all around us and becoming an essential element in our everyday lives. Though many would like to demonize these devices, the reality is that they are amoral - not good nor bad. It is our job as parents to help our children learn to use these screens in a way that is beneficial for their physical, social, and emotional development. Screens are a big issue for parents and a complex one. In this podcast, we discuss navigating this topic with our kids and why limiting screens is it actually more of a challenge for parents than for children. "Their performance might be high in gaming and internet information processing, but what about performance in low-tech activities such as building relationships? Parenting? Achieving greatness at anything, from sports to music to business?" ~Amy and Evelyn Guttmann Links: What Screen Time and Screen Media Do To Your Child's Brain and Sensory Processing Ability American Academy of Pediatrics: Media Use by Children Previous Messy Parenting episode on Kids and Technology