Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Happiness is determined by our expectations…. If our expectations are modest… we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed. ~Bishop Anthony Taylor, Diocese of Little Rock Summary All of us come into our vocations with expectations. We have dreams and plans, but expectations are more like assumptions. We have our own experience and we expect that things will go a certain way. The problem is, we can't always articulate these expectations or even realize that we have them until they are unfulfilled and this can cause conflict with our spouses. In this episode, we talk about the relationship between expectations and happiness, how to articulate our expectations, and how to have realistic expectations of our marriage as you grow. We also share on a personal level what our expectations were and how we handled things when we were newly married compared to how we are today. This podcast is really one that you want to discuss with your spouse to help you both learn how to communicate better and forge greater unity. Key Takeaways Happiness is determined by our expectations and our ability to notice and rejoice in little things. If our expectations are modest, life will usually exceed our expectations and we will be happy; if our expectations are unrealistic, we end up disappointed. Many young couples have unrealistic expections of their spouse. They expect their spouse to do what only God can do: To meet all their needs for security, support and closeness. Don't lower your standards, just make them more realistic and realize you need to grow in your communication skills to have a strong marriage. No matter if your expectations are fulfilled or now, always choose gratitude. There is always something to be thankful for and recognizing that is the key to happiness. Couple Discussion Questions What were my expectations coming into our marriage? Which of these were fulfilled? Which has led to disappointment? What am I grateful for? Resources Article on Expectations and Happiness

The body is not meaningless, but meaningful - Jason Evert Summary Join us for this insightful conversation with Jason Evert, speaker and author. Jason has spoken all over the world and has created numerous resources for preteens and teens to dive deep into what it means to be free to love. Often parents feel under-equipped to talk about sex and chastity, but it is within the home that these lessons need to be learned and it is where they are taught most effectively. The first step is to communicate to your children how much you delight in them. Then we can speak to their hearts the truth of who they are. After that, we can teach them that by embracing the virtue of chastity we can truly be free to love others with a love like God's. Jason's new series for preteens, Envision, can be found at Ascension Press. Key Takeaways We can't just tell our kids what NOT to do, but we must communicate that chastity gives them freedom. Chastity gives them the freedom to love. Knowing the theology of our bodies answers the question, "Who am I and how should I live?" The world tells our kids that their bodies are meaningless, but in reality, they are meaningful. What we do with our bodies matters. Rules without relationships breed rebellion. Most of our kids know we love them, but do they believe we like them? That we like being with them? That is the foundation that needs to be laid to form them. Couple Discussion Questions How are we communicating to our kids now that what they do with their bodies matters? What are some ways we can show our kids not just that we LOVE them but that we LIKE them too? Do we understand the importance of Theology of the Body? Is this something we need to look into more? Resources The Chastity Project - https://chastity.com Envision - TOB for Middle Schoolers Women Wonderfully Made Webinar Family Culture and the Temperaments: Messy Family Date Night with Art and Laraine Bennett

"Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit" Proverbs 25:28 Summary: Have you ever had a child melt down because they didn't get what they wanted? How do we respond to emotional outbursts in our children? Self-control is an underappreciated virtue in our modern culture, but ironically, it is the one skill we can teach our children that can help them achieve great success. Instead of embracing the maxim of today, "Just do it!" we should be echoing the slogan of the 80's anti-drug campaign, "Just say no!". Our children need to learn from a young age that they CAN be in charge of how they react to their emotions, but they need your guidance and help to do this. In this podcast, we give some tips and tricks on how to speak to your child and put them in the driver's seat of life. Key Takeaways: Emotional outbursts are a sign of immaturity. As they grow and as you teach them they will learn. But if you don't get this under control when they are young you will be sorry Self control is an unappreciated virtue. Lack of self control is lauded in our culture "Just do it!" as opposed to "Just say no!" Important to train your child early!! Their brain can change more than any other time in their lives. Often we focus more on training in athletics or academics than virtue, but virtue is where they will find success in life. When they are emotional, teach your children how to activate the logical part of their brain. As parents of young children, we help them regulate their emotions so they can learn how to do it themselves. Give them space to make a choice. The more they do it, the stronger and better they will be at it Couple Discussion Questions: How would we define self control? Why is it important How do we respond to our children when they lose control? What do we think about this? What are some good strategies we can use for our children specifically?

Join us for a special episode of the Messy Family Podcast, recorded live at the 10th National Eucharistic Congress in Indianapolis! In this episode, Mike hosts a lively discussion on the joys and challenges of family life. Mike, who flew in from Ireland, shares his family traditions and reflections on building a lasting legacy. Plus, special guests Ennie and Cana Hickman talk about their journey of raising nine children, balancing ministry and marriage, and the importance of regular date nights. Whether you're a longtime listener or new to the show, this episode offers heartfelt stories and practical advice for every family. Don't miss it! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ 00:53 - Mike Shares His Family Tradition 03:14 - Introducing Ennie and Cana Hickman 06:01 - Marriage and Family Life 11:30 - The Importance of Date Nights 17:25 - Integrating Ministry and Family 23:45 - Building Family Culture and Traditions 30:10 - Navigating Difficult Times 36:30 - Practical Tips for Busy Families 44:00 - Closing Thoughts and Prayer

Parent's reaction to their children is more important than any consequence that they may give. It is our reaction that teaches our children. Summary One of the trickiest things for a parent is when they catch their child in a lie. Do you punish them for lying? Do you punish the offense? How do you teach the virtue of honesty when lying seems to come so naturally to them? Join in our conversation with Jordan Langdon of Families of Character, a ministry that coaches parents to be their best for their families. In this discussion, we hear Jordan's thoughts on why kids lie, how to create realistic expectations, and why punishing kids for lying only makes things worse. Hear about the "Honesty Incentive Rule" and how that works for young children and even more importantly as your children become teenagers. Find more about Jordan and her work at www.familiesofcharacter.org Key Takeaways Training the will of your child is just as or even more important than training their intellect Most children will lie at some point. It is a natural part of their development. It is how you react to them that matters. There are different stages of lying. The lie of a 3 yr old looks different than that of a 7 yr old. The Honesty Incentive rule helps children take personal responsibility for their actions. When you find your child lying, allow yourself time to think about how to handle it. There is no need to react - this is not an emergency! Take time to observe your children's behavior so you can tell when something is going on beneath the surface. Couple Discussion Questions What is our reaction when our children lie to us now? How do we handle it? How do I feel when our kids lie to me? Do we feel like we take enough time to observe our children's behavior? Would we know when something was going wrong?

Play is the work of childhood. Summary It seems like in today's world, parents are judged by how many activities their kids are in and how committed the whole family is to those activities. We see this as leading to complete burnout for parents, but more importantly, it robs children of the joy of unsupervised, spontaneous time to just play. We explain in this podcast what play is and why it is so important for children to engage in. The beautiful thing about play is that parents should NOT be involved! It is one thing that we can do for our kids that requires less of us, not more. Parents need to learn that kids must take risks, make choices, and be independent from adults. And this means less supervision, not more. Listen in to this conversation where we try to strike a balance between keeping kids busy in a healthy way and giving them space to be bored and make good choices. Key Takeaways Play is essential for a child's development. It is "freely chosen and directed by the participants and undertaken for its own sake, not to achieve something" - Dr. Peter Gray You need to be intentional about choosing your child's activities based on their developmental needs. Kids under 12 really don't need structured activities - only do them if they work for your lifestyle and are not a cause of stress in the family Don't allow external forces to impose false expectations on your involvement. Encourage your child to persevere even if an activity is difficult or not what they expected, but have the common sense to know when enough is enough. Know the adults that are around your child recognizing that especially in the teen years these people can become mentors for them for good or for bad. Couple Discussion Questions Share with your spouse your experience with structured activities (sports, theater, lessons, etc). What would you like to repeat? What would you like to avoid? What activities are our children involved in? Are they developmentally appropriate for them? How can we encourage more play among our children? Are there other families who would join us in this? Resources: Play Deprivation Is A Major Cause of the Teen Mental Health Crisis By JON HAIDT AND PETER GRAY https://www.afterbabel.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web

Growing in holiness doesn't require extraordinary actions, it requires doing ordinary things with great love. And there is nothing more "ordinary" in the life of a child than a parent. Summary Often when people talk about life with children, the focus is on just getting through their childhood with your sanity in one piece! There is some truth to that because parenting can be the most challenging thing you may ever do, but we would like to offer a different perspective. What if we did allow family life to change us? What if we allowed it to change us for the better? Jesus wants to teach us how to love Him by loving our spouse and our children. They are the first neighbors that we are called to love and serve and this, as lay people, is our path to holiness. Listen in to this honest conversation about the challenges of loving those closest to us as we would love Jesus Himself. Key Takeaways If you are a frantic family you will resent the sacrifices that naturally come with family life. Fruitful families embrace these sacrifices. Our world does not prize the ordinary so we can think that to be holy we need to do extraordinary things. The true measure of how much you love the Lord is the measure by which you love that person in your life who is most difficult Mark 9 - "Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me. And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me" Matthew 25 - "Then the king will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me." Jesus doesn't ask us to love an ideal. He asks us to love actual people in our lives as we would love Him. Couple Discussion questions Think of a person in your life who shows God's love to others. What do they do? How do they do it? What can you imitate? "Whoever receives such a child in my name, receives me. And if you receive me, you receive the one who sent me" Who am I being called to "receive" right now in my state in life? What are my thoughts on this person being Jesus? What is one small, practical way in which I can love my husband or wife better, starting today? How can I receive their love more fully?

The greatest and most important collaboration you will ever have with another person is raising a child with your spouse. Summary Parents come to us with discipline issues all the time and our first question is usually, "What does your spouse think about this?" You see, the most important person to learn from is the other parent of this child you are trying to raise! It is when moms and dads work together that the greatest power is unleashed in parenting and that is when we can do the most good for our children. Instead of focusing on your child and their behavior, focus first on yourself, then on how you and your spouse work together, and then you can come up with the best way to love your child and form them. Listen in to this re-release of our 2019 podcast, Parenting as a Team. Key Takeaways The best thing you can do for your children is to not focus on them, but focus on your spouse first, and them second. Prioritize your relationship! Strength is found in your differences! Respect what each one of you brings to the table. God never meant for you to be parents alone, or even just the two of you. He wants to give you all the grace you need if you will just ask Him for it. Couple Discussion Questions What do you admire about how your spouse parents your kids? Tell them this. What is the biggest difference between you in how you parent? How is this a strength? Take time this week to sit down and talk about your kids and how they are doing. Make a plan to help them as best you can. Resources Tip Sheet Worksheet from Discipline guide

Parenting isn't about doing everything perfectly. It's about showing up over and over again no matter what. Summary Some may question how a celibate man could have wisdom for husbands and wives, let alone parents. But in this interview with Fr. Mike Schmitz, host of the Bible in a Year podcast, we think everyone will agree that his insights are awesome! Drawing from his own family experience as well as his role as a spiritual father, Fr. Mike shares with us how to love children who have fallen away from the church, the importance of your marriage to your walk with God, and why you actually don't need to have the perfect plan for your family. In this conversation we laughed and cried as we reflected on the beauty and difficulties of life in a family (with some special shoutouts to middle children!). Listen in as we have an honest and inspiring talk with a priest whose ministry has blessed so many. Key Takeaways Our family of origin impacts us more than almost anything else in our lives. Parents put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that sometimes they miss out on the joy of family life. It's more important that we are intentional about family life than we have the "perfect plan" on how to be a family. It's not a bad thing for kids to see their parents have conflict as long as they are also able to experience the effects of their reconciliation. We can't make the world safe for our kids, but we do need to make our kids strong. The heart of the Father is the heart of the priesthood. If someone falls away from the Church, we may be tempted to cut them out or approve of everything they do, but neither is correct. Remain in their lives in a consistent and uncompromising way, recognizing that their story isn't over. Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas in our family life that we need to evaluate and possibly change? Is there a course we are on that we need to correct? Knowing that our kids will be growing up in a difficult world, how can we make them strong? How can we respond better to those who have turned away from Christ or His Church? How can we keep those lines of communication open? Who are the "spiritual fathers" in our life? How can we pray for them? Resources Bible in a Year Podcast Ascension videos w Fr Mike Introduction and Fundraising Campaign (0:00 - 4:04) Interview with Father Mike Schmitz Begins (4:04 - 5:09) Father Mike Schmitz's Background (5:09 - 7:02) Parenting and Family Life (7:02 - 13:23) Insights on Parenting and Perfection (13:23 - 18:13) Parental Sacrifice and Consistency (00:19:32 - 00:21:28) Parental Influence and Decision-Making (00:21:28 - 00:23:42) Navigating Marital Challenges (00:23:43 - 00:27:37) Spiritual Fatherhood (00:37:06 - 00:38:41) Parenting Journey and Impact (00:38:42 - 00:41:36) Understanding Parental Heartache (00:46:43:18 - 00:47:31:20) Dealing with Children Leaving Faith (00:47:31:22 - 00:48:57:00) Parental Support and Communication (00:50:29:03 - 00:52:37:11) Sexual Intimacy and Spirituality (00:56:53:17 - 00:58:32:06) Blessing and Spiritual Growth (01:02:14:04 - 01:03:32:18)

Our parents made us sisters, but God made us friends. Summary One of the greatest blessings of Alicia's life is that God gave her 9 brothers and sisters to laugh, play, fight, create, and pray with most of her life! This conversation is from a girls getaway weekend with the five Doman sisters. Now, because all the Doman siblings are practicing Catholics in good relationship with each other and their parents, people may put them in a category of "the perfect Catholic family". But that is far from true. As you will hear, each one of these sisters has lived through tragedies and difficulties that were completely unexpected and not chosen by them at all. It is by God's grace that each one of them has grown into the woman God is calling her to be and it is through that relationship with Christ, as well as the accident of birth, that we are able to have true sisterhood together. Listen in as we talk about God's faithfulness through the difficulties of life and how true sisterhood with those in your family and friends are essential to our survival. Key Takeaways Life is not always easy, but God is near We can learn from those who God gives us, even when they are different from us. Don't get frustrated by differences, embrace them! When we are joined together by common faith in Christ, we can develop true friendships Couple Discussion Questions What relationships can we invest more in to develop sisterhood and brotherhood? Are we happy with our relationships with our siblings? Why or why not? What can we change about this? How does sharing values with others change us?

Summary In this episode, we explore the essential aspects of training for virtue and the challenging task of granting freedom to our children. We emphasize the importance of always communicating that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide, expecting mistakes along the way. We discuss the value of risking giving your child freedom, acknowledging it's not an easy journey. Key discussion points include how to provide more freedom for kids to make good choices, understanding if teens view parents as mentors, and identifying areas needing better boundaries and more training at home. Join us for practical strategies and insights to support your children in making virtuous choices while balancing freedom and boundaries. Key Takeaways Always communicate that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide. Expect mistakes Be willing to risk giving your child freedom - beware! It's not easy! Couple discussion questions How can we give our kids more freedom to make good choices? What are my fears about this? Do my teens see me as a mentor? Why or why not. Plan some time to talk to them about this. Where do we need better boundaries in our home? What are the areas in which our children need more training?

The most important challenge you can take What does it take to be a great parent and have a joyful family? We think it all boils down to three essential elements. We have turned these three elements into the Play and Pray Challenge! More than ever, we need to celebrate the love of Jesus in the month of June, because it is HIS love and lordship that will truly fulfill all our deepest longings! What is the challenge? In the month of June do these three things with your family - Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and "enthroning" Him as King. We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit. There are even promo materials for you to put up at your parish or school! Get the free download and let us know your family is taking the challenge - https://messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/ Related podcast episode: MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-091-king-of-the-home/ MFP 257: How to Change Your Heart - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-257-how-to-change-your-heart-lessons-from-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/ Key takeaways: One of the greatest assets we have in parenting is the ability to choose how we spend our time. Protect your yes with 1,000 no's Your children need to be known and loved by you. Joy must be alive in your home. Your marriage gives you the grace to be a parent. So invest deeply in your marriage! Devotion to the Sacred heart is a game changer for families If you want to pray with your kids you need to play with them. Couple Discussion How do we waste time with our kids? How do we lavish love on them? What brings joy to the hearts of our children? How can we do more of that? What is my understanding of the love of Jesus flowing from His Sacred Heart? How can I express this love to my children?

Summary In this next part of our series on tech, we talk about the specific challenges that tech use brings to boys and girls. Just as men and women have different gifts, they also deal with different temptations in their tech use. Because of this, parents must be proactive in teaching boundaries to their children so they can use tech with freedom when they leave your house and enter the world of adulthood. During this conversation, we give you some principles that you will need to discuss with your spouse to make a tech policy of your own. Every family must have some boundaries, because if you don't define them, then the reality is that Big Tech will be calling the shots in your house. Their goal is to control your kids and they have the means to do it. Key Takeaways Because of the genius of men to create and subdue the world they are more tempted to be addicted to video games. Because of women's gift of relationships they are more tempted to be absorbed in social media. Parents must know the symptoms of addiction and immediately respond if they believe their child has an addiction. Their child's future success in life depends on it. The best filter is a well-formed child who knows how to respond to toxic online content. You must teach and model healthy tech use for your kids - nothing is private, have a healthy skepticism of any online content, and learn good manners. Couple Discussion Questions Are we aware of the symptoms of tech addiction? Are any of our children in danger of this addiction? If so, what are we going to do about it? Do we have a written tech policy? Plan a time to discuss with your spouse and create one. What is our plan for social media use for our children? Resources The Messy Family Guide to Technology - https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/

The destructive effects of video games are not on boys' cognitive abilities or their reaction times, but on their motivation and their connectedness with the real world. ~Dr. Leonard Sax Technology can be a blessing or a curse. It can be used for great good and yet it can expose people to grave evil. Helping our children learn how to responsibly navigate the use of technology, especially social media, is one of the immense parenting challenges of our age. In this podcast, we look at the unique challenges that technology presents to parents and why parents must meet this challenge head-on! We talk about how to discern your tech use as a family and why just locking down every device is simply not enough. Like most areas of parenting, we need to first train ourselves and then take the time to train our children. KEY TAKEAWAYS: Don't be naive. Stay on top of what your kids are watching and what they are engaging with. It is our responsibility to prepare and guide them. Discern your tech use as a person and as a family. Walk them through the seven keys to empower them to make good choices because tech is a powerful gift of God and should be used for good. Seven keys the church gives us to guide us in using technology Does it communicate a balanced worldview? How is the creator's attitude oriented towards the subject? Does it dignify the human person? Does it speak the Truth? Is it inspirational? Is it done with skill? Is it motivated by experience? Train your children to use it as they grow. Like driving a car, prepare them to use it as they mature and are old enough to use it wisely and virtuously COUPLE DISCUSSION In what ways have we been blessed by media and technolgy? How has it helped us? How can we discern our media use as a family? If our goal is to form our children to become adults who can make good media choices, how and when can we give our children appropriate freedom? What does that look like for our kids today? Resources: Infinite Bandwidth: Encountering Christ in the Media. By Dr. Eugene Gan https://www.afterbabel.com/p/algorithms-hijacked-my-generation https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2799042 https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/are-video-games-and-screens-another-addiction https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/03/teen-childhood-smartphone-use-mental-health-effects/677722/?gift=9xPqLPcwLfFbf_nnCRecvKJ-3gklcv6nZX-Hliug6W4&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share https://ifstudies.org/blog/is-your-son-addicted-to-video-games

"We can only see our spouse clearly when we look at Jesus first." - Dan Lawson Summary In this podcast, we tackle some hard issues in marriage. What makes couples believe that they need to get divorced? Why is it essential for couples to have a vision for their individual lives and for their marriage? What is the pattern in successful marriages that we can emulate? We even talk about what to say to a person who tells you they are getting a divorce - a very difficult and sensitive topic, but one that we have to discuss. Dan Lawson is a Catholic therapist who takes a solution-focused approach with his clients, as opposed to "problem-focused" approach. This means that instead of looking only at what is going wrong in a relationship, he asks questions and guides clients to look at what is going right. This hopeful approach helps spouses to encounter their own goodness which is where you need to start to create a pattern of mutual admiration, one of the hallmarks of a successful marriage. Listen into this essential conversation! Key Takeaways Divorce is a sin against hope. It says "I can't change. They can't change." The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness. We need to start first by looking at Jesus and pursuing holiness in our own lives. Then our marriage can improve. It is essential that each of us look first at what we are doing right in our marriages and in our lives. When we can see and affirm that, then we can do more of that and "starve" out the negativity. Every person needs to ask themselves the question, "Who do I want to be at the end of my life?" We need to have a vision for our lives and live that way in our marriages. Establishing a pattern of admiration and trust is key to building a life-long, life-giving marriage. Most spouses struggle to communicate their needs and their feelings. Couple Discussion Questions What is my vision for my life? Who do I want to be at the end of my life? How has my spouse loved me this year? What are some of our greatest accomplishments together? "The goal of life is not the perfect marriage, the goal is holiness" What are my thoughts on this?

It's easier to be patient after we come to realize how patient our Heavenly Father is with us. Why is it so hard for parents to be patient with their children? People who thought they were good and normal adults find themselves tearing their hair out over the things done by a child half their size and a fraction of their age! One thing we tell parents over and over is that parenting is supposed to change you. It is supposed to form you. It is supposed to be challenging, so if you are struggling, that is OK! But we do have some tips for you and some stories that we hope will help change your perspective on growing in this essential virtue for moms and dads. Key Takeaways: If you are impatient with your children you are normal! Lean in and allow yourself to be changed as you grow in virtue Children need adults to slow down and give them time to do things by themselves Parenting takes alot of time! Lessons need to be taught over and over. There is no magic bullet. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. We can learn to be patient by first realizing how patient God is with us. We are disobedient, messy kids but our Father teaches us the same lessons over and over Couple Discussion: How would you rate your patience on a scale of 1-10? How would you rate your spouse? Discuss this. What lessons in your life has God had to teach you over and over? How has God been patient with you? Which one of your children do you find it most difficult to be patient with and why? Which of your children to you find it easiest to be patient with? How can you learn from this?

"I now am taking this kinswoman of mine, not because of lust, but with sincerity. Grant that she and I may find mercy and that we may grow old together." Tobit 8:7 Summary Physical intimacy between spouses is a topic that is difficult to talk about, but one that is absolutely essential in Catholic circles. You see, Satan's plan is for people to have as much sex as possible BEFORE they are married and as little sex as possible AFTER they are married! These lies and confusion need to be addressed in a way that is respectful but also practical for married couples. In this podcast, we welcome Ellen Holloway of Vines in Full Bloom, a ministry dedicated to helping women and couples experience a joyful, satisfying sexual relationship within marriage. We discuss sexual pleasure, the different ways that men and women handle stress, the relationship between sex and prayer, the difference between "anticipatory" and "escalatory" foreplay, and what to do when your libido is completely gone. There is a wealth of valuable information for husbands and wives to hear and then discuss with each other. Listen in and join the conversation! Key Takeaways Part of foreplay is being aware of your spouse throughout the day and letting them know you are thinking of them. Being joyful in marriage means you have a willingness to build intimacy through unity with your spouse. If you have no desire for sex at all at the moment, ask yourself, "What AM I willing to do?" No one should accept zero libido as a lifestyle. That is not normal. There are many similarities between how we view prayer and how we view sexual relations with our spouse. We should be continually learning in both. Our Heavenly Father made sexual relations to be pleasurable because He loves us and wants us to be happy. Sometimes we don't accept how overly generous our Father is! Couple Discussion Questions Take 5-10 min daily for a week to discuss sex with each other. How often do we discuss our sex life? What is holding us back from having this conversation? Do I believe sex is a sacred gift from God? Why or why not? Resources Charting Toward Intimacy podcast www.vinesinfullbloom.com Physical Intimacy download from MFP website. https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/physical-intimacy/

Parenting is not an inborn skill. It is something that we learn over time from trial and error and with help from others. Summary Over the past 28 years raising our 10 kids we have made a lot of mistakes, but also learned from them! In this podcast, we go over 12 tips that we have found make a big difference in the life of a family. They are principles that we live by and how we have gotten where we are today. None of them are rocket science - but they are things you may not have thought of before or realized how essential they are. We have released this podcast before, but now we have a new perspective since our kids are older and now we have grandkids. The great thing is, we have found that these tips still work! As you listen, make sure that you choose 1 or 2 things that you want to implement in your lives starting this week. Don't try to do everything! Small changes over time have the biggest impact. Listen in and join the conversation! Key Takeaways It is not your job to make your children into saints. It is their job to make YOU into a saint! You are irreplaceable. Your children will only ever have ONE mom and ONE dad. No one can do for your child what you can do. Your children cannot be the center of your family. They are part of a community. Love requires boundaries. But at the same time, remember that rules without relationship breeds rebellion. Children need to be taught everything. They don't know the words to say to be respectful, or the way to respond when you ask them to do something. Do not be surprised when they don't do what you want right away. Your job is to teach them. Couple Discussion Questions Do I find it easy or hard to embrace my authority as a parent? Do I recognize my unique place in the life of my child? How would I articulate my role? How do I feel about my child making me into a saint? What are ways I see them teaching me how to be less selfish? Do we have a plan for discipline? Are we on the same page? Where do we disagree?

Summary Most of us rarely have an opportunity to sit down and talk to a priest, let alone a bishop! We were so blessed to have a conversation with not just a bishop, but an archbishop and one who loves the Lord, loves families, and who leads with the heart of a shepherd. Join us as we talk to Archbishop Naumann of Kansas City who shares his story of growing up without a father and how his mother and family gave him the stability and security he needed to flourish and become the man God called him to be. He provides insights to families in our conversation along with a good dose of humor and practical encouragement. Key Takeaways Family stability and security are essential for children to flourish and fulfill their God-given potential, as Archbishop Naumann's own upbringing exemplifies. Archbishop Naumann emphasizes the importance of love, faith, and commitment within families as foundational elements for building strong communities and societies. Practical encouragement and humor are valuable tools in navigating the challenges and joys of family life, as shared by Archbishop Naumann during the conversation. Couple Discussion Questions How can we emulate the stability and security that Archbishop Naumann experienced in his upbringing within our own family dynamic? In what ways can we prioritize love, faith, and commitment within our family to strengthen our bonds and contribute positively to our community? How can we incorporate humor and practical encouragement into our family life to navigate challenges and foster a spirit of joy and resilience? Reflecting on Archbishop Naumann's insights, what changes or adjustments can we make to our family routines or habits to better reflect our values and priorities? What lessons or inspirations can we take from Archbishop Naumann's story to enhance our own journey as spouses and parents?

Summary In this episode, Mike and Alicia Hernon explore the transformative impact of conversations with children. They emphasize the importance of fostering a family culture centered around meaningful dialogue. From toddlers to teens, discover practical strategies for nurturing curiosity, understanding, and mutual respect within the parent-child relationship. Don't miss out on this engaging discussion that highlights the profound influence of conversations in shaping both children and parents alike. For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ Key Takeaways Conversations form your children, but more importantly, it forms YOU Kids will not always remember what you said, they will remember how they felt. Conversations should be different depending on the age of the child Conversations should be part of your family culture. How the conversations happen, when they happen, and what you talk about. Couple Discussion Questions On a scale of 1-10 how good are we at talking with our kids? How can we improve? What is the most difficult part of talking with the kids? How can I get over this? What assumptions do I make when I am talking to my children? What are some topics my children would like to talk about?

"Thank you, every woman, for the simple fact of being a woman! Through the insight which is so much a part of your womanhood you enrich the world's understanding and help to make human relations more honest and authentic." ~ John Paul II, Letter to Women Summary Women have particular gifts to bring to the world which were identified by John Paul II as the "genius of women". The Given Institute was created by religious superiors of the major orders in the United States and works with young women in all states of life to help them realize that they are gift, work to discover their unique giftedness and then make a plan to bring those gifts to the world. In this podcast, we discuss these topics with Michelle Hilleart, their Executive Director who is passionate about the need for women to know their own dignity and worth. There are so many lies and confusing messages being given to young women today and these messages are preventing them from not just being who they were created to be, but also preventing them from knowing how they were created. Listen in to hear about what REAL "girl power" is! Key Takeaways John Paul II identified the "genius of women" as receptivity, sensitivity, generosity, and maternity. Every woman is called to be a spiritual mother - whether she is a natural mother, single woman, or consecrated woman. Every woman is called and gifted and those gifts begin to grow when a woman knows who she is as a daughter of God. Once we know what those gifts are we should then create an "action plan" to bring those unique gifts to the world. Couple Discussion Questions Do I recognize my dignity as a daughter of God? What are the gifts that are uniquely mine? How can I develop those gifts and bring them to the people around me?

"It's our experience that parents who don't allow their children to play with weapons have little boys who will chew their toast into the shape of a gun" Summary Hello, I wanted to ask a question in regard to violent play for a toddler. My 4 year old boy is obsessed with all types of toy swords, lasers, etc. Any suggestions on how to manage it in a way that lets him explore but also places limits on it? This question came from a listener who is a mom of a normal boy! But often this type of behavior catches parents unaware. Our culture gives so many confusing messages to boys in the world. Sometimes the behavior of little boys can be surprising or even shocking to moms who aren't used to rough and tumble play. But the beauty of boys is that they are made for this! And playing is how they learn to make sense of the world around them, handle conflicting emotions and learn to relate in a healthy way to other boys. In this podcast, we tackle the issue head on with some funny stories and practical advice. We also discuss some of the psychology behind the emotional life of boys and what parents need to do to keep their boys well-adjusted and loved. In the end we have tips for you on how to teach your boy to use his body in a way that respects himself and others. Key Takeaways Violent play in young boys is natural and when it comes from within their own mind (not from images introduced to them) it is not just harmless, but important to allow. Boys work out their emotions physically. The verbal and emotional parts of their brain are not hard wired as girls' are. Getting your boys comfortable and confident in their bodies is essential for their emotional and mental health. Boy's emotions are just as present and as deep as girls are. They are just expressed differently and need to be responded to differently. Couple Discussion Questions What do I find hardest about my boys How can we respect the way they are made Resources: Documentary on the emotional life of boys https://youtu.be/y9k0vKL5jJI?si=W8v5vmmWzNojXKAV

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on this enlightening episode of the Messy Family Podcast as they sit down for an insightful interview with Bishop Joseph Coffey of the Archdiocese of the Military (United States). Together, they explore the intriguing question, "Where do Bishops Come From?" and delve into Bishop Coffey's personal journey of faith, discernment, and leadership within the Catholic Church. With candor and wisdom, Bishop Coffey shares his unique perspective on the role of bishops in today's world and offers valuable insights into the formation and responsibilities of these spiritual leaders. From his early experiences in the military to his calling to the priesthood and eventual consecration as a bishop, Bishop Coffey's story is both inspiring and enlightening. Throughout the conversation, Mike and Alicia engage Bishop Coffey in a wide-ranging discussion that touches on topics such as the challenges facing the Church, the importance of prayer and discernment in leadership, and the role of bishops in shepherding their flocks through turbulent times. Whether you're a devout Catholic seeking a deeper understanding of the Church's hierarchy or simply curious about the journey of bishops, this episode offers a fascinating glimpse into the life and ministry of one of the Church's spiritual leaders. Subscribe now and join Mike, Alicia, and Bishop Coffey as they navigate the complexities of faith, family, and leadership in today's world.

In this faith-filled episode of the Messy Family Podcast, Mike and Alicia discuss discuss the significance of authenticity, the power of family traditions, and the impact of a vibrant faith community. Whether you're a seasoned parent or just starting your family journey, this episode promises valuable insights and practical tools for nurturing a legacy of faith that will endure for generations to come. Tune in to the Messy Family Project podcast today and discover how to build a legacy of faith that withstands the test of time. Don't miss out on this inspiring conversation that will empower you to embrace your role as a faith-filled parent and create a lasting impact on your family's spiritual journey. Subscribe now and join the Messy Family Project community as we navigate the beautiful messiness of family life together! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this episode of the podcast, we delve into the heart of family bonding and spiritual growth with an enlightening interview with the Marinist Family. Guided by the profound core beliefs of the Marianist Family Retreat Ministry, our guests share invaluable insights into strengthening familial ties, fostering communication, and embracing forgiveness and commitment within the family unit. Key Takeaways: Discover the transformative power of affirming familial love and forgiveness. Embrace the teachings of Mary as a model for nurturing familial spirituality. Explore the concept of discipleship of equals and its impact on family ministry. Learn how community plays a vital role in nurturing familial bonds and spiritual growth. Uncover the structured and unstructured opportunities for growth within the Marinist Family Retreat Program. Embrace the practice of prayer and discernment in opening oneself to the gifts of the Holy Spirit within the family context. Couple Discussion Questions: How can we incorporate the teachings of Mary into our family dynamics? Reflecting on the pillars of the Marinist Family Retreats, which aspect do we feel is most crucial for our family's growth? How can we create a balance between structured and unstructured family time to nurture spiritual growth? In what ways can we foster a sense of community within our family and extend it to the larger community? Tune in to this enlightening episode as we uncover the tools for deepening familial bonds and fostering spiritual growth with the Marinist Family.

For a child to learn how to love, they need to first be loved. So many people find disciplining their children to be one of the biggest challenges of being a parent. We look back to the way our parents raised us and often we realize that we want to do things differently, but we just don't know how. Without a new perspective, many times we just fall back on what we experienced as a child and we react from our own woundedness or our own view of what a father or mother should be. In this episode, Mike and Alicia talk about how parents can model the perfect parent, God the Father Himself. As we do this, we will find ourselves walking in our true identity as a son or daughter of the Most High. When we understand that, then we can form our children as God forms us. Listen in to this essential conversation and use our Key Takeaways and Discussion Questions to go deeper with your spouse on this topic. Key Takeaways We need to parent the way God fathers us, free of emotion and manipulation Discipline starts with relationship because its all about forming their hearts. We need to teach children how to repair and restore relationships when they do the wrong thing. Couple Discussion Questions In our childhoods have we experienced shame from our parents or those in authority? How did that make me feel? Do we imitate those behaviors in our parenting? How can we reflect God the Father more in our formation of our children? Consider one of your children in need of formation. What is the best way to reach their heart?

Your family culture is the operating system in your home. It communicates to your children more powerfully than any written word. Family culture is something that we are passionate about in this ministry! We believe that this is the secret weapon of the Catholic family and something that every mom and dad needs to be very intentional about. The culture within the home is like the operating system in your family and it communicates more powerfully than any written word. In this episode we give the foundations of family culture and explain why it's important. Because there is so much to cover, we only get to talk about the spiritual life of the home and what that means for the children. This is a re-release of a previous episode, but the information is timeless and the principles are the foundation of many of our courses and guides. Re-release MFP096 Building a Family Culture For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ Key Takeaways Parents don't create a culture, they steward it. All the members of the family participate. Family Culture is the unspoken system that binds your family together and communicates your expectations, beliefs, and values more powerfully than any written word. Your culture must be stronger and more attractive than the secular culture and it must communicate more powerfully. A wise family learns how to manage the urgent and prioritize the important. The spiritual life of your home needs to be the foundation of your culture because it is our connection to God that gives meaning to our lives. Couple Discussion Questions There is a culture in our home right now. What is this culture communicating to our children? What are some values that we want our children to learn from our culture? How can we do this better? What are the Urgent things in our life that we need to manage better? What are the Important things that we are putting off? Resources FBM course registration to grow a healthy culture in your home! https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/ Family Culture download: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-culture-guide/

In this episode, Mike and Alicia keep diving into the complex relationship of man and woman in marriage. It is vitally important that we keep in mind that we need to act according to our nature to have a successful, peaceful marriage! Part of this is realizing that there is a dance that happens between spouses - that is the giving and receiving. So what some fundamentalists may call "headship" we would say this is really men giving to their wives and families because this is what enables them to receive. What others may call "submission" we would say is really women receiving from their husbands in order to give. This is where the idea of "mutual submission" comes from. Both men and women are called to give and receive, but it is in a different order. Listen in and send us your questions! We would love to tackle them in a future episode! Key Takeaways: The Fall broke the unity between husband and wife and made them distrust each other. Adam was passive and Eve took the initiative. This was disordered. Jesus elevated marriage to a sacrament and called us all to something greater. To a supernatural call that only He can give us the grace to accomplish. Both husband and wife are called to give and to receive, but the order is reversed. Men are called to GIVE in order to RECIEVE. Women must RECIEVE in order to GIVE. This is the difference between leadership and submission. Husbands need to learn to receive from their wives, and wives need to learn how to give from their husbands. Couple Discussion: What does our "dance" look like in our home? How to be operate when we make decisions? When we run the family? How easy is it for him to give first in our home? How can we both support that initiative? Are there areas in which he is receiving without giving? Are there areas in which she is giving without first receiving? Resources Fr. John Riccardo on Ephesians 5 and Marriage https://watch.actsxxix.org/marriage-through-the-lens-of-scripture/season:1/videos/3-ephesians-5 MFP 181 The Role of a Submissive Wife https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-181-the-role-of-a-submissive-wife/ Role of a Husband Blog https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/the-role-of-a-husband/ MFP 186: Role of a Catholic Husband https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-186-the-role-of-a-catholic-husband/

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on another insightful episode of The Messy Family Podcast, where they fearlessly delve into the timeless and relevant topic of headship in marriage in reference to the key passages in Ephesians 5. In this episode, the Hernons share the behind-the-scenes of their podcast and video show on YouTube, inviting you to subscribe and become a valuable member of their growing community. They take you on a journey through recent family events, from unexpected hospital visits to the joyous arrival of their seventh grandchild, Declan John. Amidst the chaos, the Hernons ask for your prayers for a family facing health challenges, emphasizing the power of community and support in navigating life's trials. They also share exciting updates about upcoming events, such as the Good News cruise with Father Mike Schmitz and the Catholic Couples Getaway with Chris and Natalie Stefanik. Stay tuned for announcements for Catholic Couples Getaway 2025! As the episode unfolds, Mike and Alicia explore the concept of headship in marriage, addressing the age-old question: Do wives have to obey? Gain insights, reflections, and practical wisdom on this crucial aspect of family life. Whether you're a parent, spouse, or part of a messy family, this episode offers valuable perspectives on collaboration, obedience, and the beauty of shared roles in marriage. Don't miss out on this engaging and thought-provoking discussion that aims to navigate the beautiful chaos of marriage, offering inspiration and support for every member of the messy family community.

🎙️ Dive into a captivating episode of the Messy Family Podcast with Mike and Alicia Hernon! In this edition, titled "Angels Watching Over Us with Fr. Wolfgang Seitz," we explore the fascinating realm of guardian angels and the divine assistance that surrounds our lives. 🌟 Join Mike and Alicia as they welcome Father Wolfgang Seitz from the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross, an expert on the Holy Angels. Fr. Wolfgang shares insights into the deep devotion his order has for the angels and provides a unique perspective on the vital role they play in our lives. 👼Discover the untapped source of strength that our guardian angels offer, and learn about a yearlong consecration program that can deepen your connection with these celestial beings. Fr. Wolfgang's experiences and teachings shed light on how our guardian angels collaborate with us in both natural and supernatural aspects of life. 🏠 As you listen, gain a profound understanding of the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross and their mission to spread devotion to the Holy Angels. Explore the rich history of the order and how it intersects with the powerful tradition of consecration. 🙏 Whether you're a believer seeking to enhance your spiritual journey or simply curious about the divine mysteries, this episode provides valuable insights. Tune in to the Messy Family Podcast and let the wisdom shared by Fr. Wolfgang Seitz inspire you to embrace the unseen yet eternal presence of angels in your life. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation that may forever change the way you perceive the guardianship of these heavenly beings! 🔗 Subscribe to the Messy Family Podcast for more engaging discussions and practical insights on navigating the beautiful chaos of family life with Mike and Alicia Hernon. Your journey into the messy and miraculous tapestry of familyhood awaits! For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this episode, we look into the world of toys, discussing their impact on children's development and the importance of purposeful and intentional choices in selecting toys for our families. Our special guest, Regina Doman, shares valuable insights into cultivating imagination, creativity, and responsibility in children through thoughtful toy choices. As we explore the role of toys in shaping a child's worldview, we reflect on the significance of simplicity, quality over quantity, and the benefits of open-ended toys like building blocks. We also touch upon the idea of rotating toys to keep a sense of novelty and excitement while minimizing clutter. Regina emphasizes the importance of recognizing the formative nature of the home environment and the valuable lessons children learn through play. We address the common challenges parents face, such as dealing with violent play, and how to navigate these situations with wisdom and balance. To further enrich this discussion, Regina suggests checking out her article on Nova Natural, where she elaborates on her philosophy and approach to toys. We conclude with a prayer for parents, seeking God's guidance and blessings in raising children who embrace the beauty of simplicity, creativity, and responsibility. https://reginadoman.substack.com/p/throwback-friday-toys Your support and prayers contribute to the mission of rebuilding families and making a positive impact on marriages and children. If you've been blessed by what we do, consider making a donation or spreading the word to help us continue our work. https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ Thank you for joining us on this journey of exploration and reflection. May God bless your families abundantly, and until next time, may the Lord bless you and keep you.

"For it is good to be a child sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when the mighty Founder was a child Himself." ~ Charles Dickens Christmas is a magical time for children. Whether you celebrate Santa, St. Nick, Elf on a Shelf or other traditions, this season is a wonderful time for children to develop wonder and awe. How do parents do this in a way that encourages their children to keep their eyes on the eternal significance of this holy time? There are so many things that we can do with our kids that it forces parents to be intentional. We need to make sure we choose to do those activities that have the most impact on our kids in a way that communicates truth. Listen in as we share our ideas, but also set realistic expectations during this intensely busy time for parents. 🎄 Resources Mentioned: Explore additional resources on Advent and Christmas traditions by checking out our Advent and Christmas Traditions Book, visit our website for more information. 🌈 Join Us in Creating a Joyful Family Culture! Discover how these traditions not only bring joy and wonder to your home but also form the identity of your children in profound ways. Let's build a community that stands out in love, service, and faith. 🔗 Connect with Us: https://instagram.com/messyfamilyproject?igshid=NGVhN2U2NjQ0Yg== 👍 Like, Share, and Subscribe! If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to give it a thumbs up, share it with your friends, and subscribe for more heartwarming discussions on faith, family, and traditions. 🌟For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/ Key Takeaways: Children celebrate Christmas differently depending on their age There is wonder and beauty in Christmas that we should encourage in our children Parents need to be discerning about the environments that we put our children in Couple Discussion: How can we create an environment that communicates truth to our children? What are the traditions we want to establish in our home for our children? What needs do our children have right now?

"The family is where children discover how to be human." - Archbishop Charles Chaput Over and over again people ask us how to help their kids get along with each other. We usually respond that of course their kids don't get along - because they are kids! That is what you are doing as a parent. You are the ones teaching them how to live at peace with other human beings in the world and they are practicing what you teach them in your home! This is the training ground for their lives. But that doesn't mean that parents do nothing. There are important lessons that parents need to teach their children at home so they can learn key social skills and have great relationships with their siblings not just while they are under your roof, but for the rest of their lives. Listen to this re-release of our 2016 podcast on this subject. Key Takeaways: Be open to giving your children as many siblings as possible. Don't always intervene. Let your children alone to work things out on their own. Help them value differences between different personalities by learning to appreciate each other. Teach them how to forgive and repair relationships when they are broken. Couple Discussion: How can we structure our home routine to foster better relationships between our children? Do we intervene too much in sibling conflicts? Not enough? Have we taught our children how to ask for forgiveness? If not, how can we do this?

Boundaries are not meant to keep people out, but to set a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not within our relationships At a few of our events, we have gotten questions from older parents who ask what to do about adult children who have cut them out of their lives. At first we were surprised by this question, since the parents who attend our events are usually not ax-murderers or reprobates. But then we realized that this seems to be a disturbing trend in our culture - young people who find fault with their parents and therefore choose to disown them. Because we serve parents, we wanted to give a different take on the "wisdom of the world" and challenge our listeners to set boundaries and be healthy, but in a way that still honors the commandment that God gave us to honor your mother and father. Yes, some of us have grown up in dysfunctional homes, but that does not mean that our families of origin should still have power over us. Listen in as we help color in some gray to a discussion that is far from black and white. Key Takeaways: No one should have the right to "push our buttons". We need to be free in our relationships even when people are unhealthy. Boundaries are good things to keep our families peaceful. You can't replace your family - for good or for bad, they belong to you and you belong to them. One of the Ten Commandments is to honor your father and mother. This is God's idea, not ours and it needs to be taken very seriously Couple Discussion: How can we honor our father and mother appropriately? How would we want our children to treat us someday? What are good boundaries for our holiday visits with family? Resources Dennis Prager Video: https://www.prageru.com/video/your-parents-dont-deserve-this?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=campaign_8266139 Great article from Catholic Psych - https://www.catholicpsych.com/blog/a-catholic-approach-to-dealing-with-difficult-relationships Forgiveness- Shalom series https://www.shalomworld.org/episode/forgiveness-in-the-family-susan-and-urby-potvin

"The idea that the family is a democracy and that children and parents have the same responsibility within the home completely ignores the developmental needs of the child " - Mike and Alicia A child's temper tantrums are frustrating to parents, but we should recognize that they are often a result of a child's deficit in communication, understanding, and emotional control. Children simply have immature responses to situations of conflict. Knowing this may help, but parents also need strategies to get through these tricky, volatile, and potentially embarrassing situations. In this podcast, we get practical and give parents the Four D's of temper tantrums. Determine, diffuse, distract, and - when all else fails - Done. In a world that says parents and children are equal, parents have no rights, and honor is a thing of the past, we would like to push back and challenge parents to instead embrace the sacred calling to form their children with love and wisdom. Listen in and start a conversation with us and your spouse. Key Takeaways: Determine Diffuse Distract Done Couple Discussion: When do our children have meltdowns? Why? What are some strategies to proactively avoid tantrums? How can we be more effective in responding to our children's tantrums?

"You are called to have great hearts here, counter-cultural and brave. You can build something better, freer, more generous, and nobler, beginning in your own home." - Bishop Thomas Olmstead, Complete My Joy 59 Man and woman coming together to build a home is a natural experience that has happened over and over again since the creation of the world, but we need to keep learning about what marriage is for and how to nourish this essential communion. In this interview with Mike and Sharon Phelan we discuss how marriage can be transformational in the lives of men and women and a path to the true flourishing of the individual. The problems are coming from a culture that is lying to us and pointing us in all different directions. We discuss the concept of "submission" and "headship" as well as NFP - the good, the bad and the ugly. Join in this conversation and find wisdom from this Catholic couple. Key Takeaways: Marriage is like ballroom dancing - without a leader, there is no dance. Men need a mission! And that mission should be to enable their wives to be a mother who is strong, beautiful and free. NFP unpacks the mystery of a woman's body to her husband (and sometimes to herself!) Following the Church's teaching on marital sexuality changes us! Even if we don't fully understand or agree, acting in a virtuous way promotes virtue. Couple Discussion: How is does our marriage "dance" look right now? How can we do this better? Are we in "awe" of our ability to bring children into the world? How does this effect our marital relations? How can we learn more about the Church's teaching on marriage and family? Resources Complete My Joy - apostolic exhortation written by Bishop Thomas Olmstead The Mission of the Family video series https://www.kofc.org/un/en/campaigns/into-the-breach.html

"An important element in forming Christian maturity in teens is creating a 'Yes' culture in the home, where a child can take risks, try new things, and find out more about who they are all while under your guidance." - Mike and Alicia With the advent of the sexual revolution in the 60s and 70s and the subsequent increase in teen sexual activity, the response of the Christian community in the 80s and 90s was to make dating among conservative Christian teens verboten. Among many good Catholic families, there is still a wide range of opinions on when kids should start dating, even among other families that we really respect. We have allowed our older teens to date and in this podcast we explain why. Like most of what we do, we have not guided our kids perfectly every time, but we have done it intentionally and we have learned some things over the years that we can share with you. Listen in to this podcast on mentoring kids during this essential time of development. Key Takeaways: Not all dating is the same - there are different levels. We need to prepare our children for healthy relationships and this includes giving them dating guidance. How you do that is up to you, but it needs to be done. Create a YES culture in your home. Freedom and responsibility go together Casual dating is for teens, serious dating is when you are ready for marriage - in college and beyond. Don't confuse them. Couple Discussion: Have we created a yes culture in our home? What was our dating experience like? What would we like our children to imitate from our experience? Avoid? What are our "rules for dating" for our children? References to be included in summary: Preview for The Dating Project movie here

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world" - CS Lewis Life can be hard. Sometimes, in response to difficulties, instead of turning to the Lord in our pain, we self-medicate which can lead to addictions of one kind or another which only leads to more pain in the long run. In this podcast, we hear the story of Ched and Nanette Salasek, Catholic parents of six children who have a story that every couple needs to hear. Even if you haven't struggled with addiction, you can learn from the lessons that they share about the healing grace of the sacrament of marriage, the role of the Blessed Mother in their family, and surrendering everything to the Lord. Listen in to this inspiring and hopeful conversation. Key Takeaways: The only path to freedom is through individual surrender. No one can do it for us. The role of a spouse in helping an addict is one of support and prayer and constant surrender. God doesn't want just our external actions - He wants our hearts! Couple Discussion: Are there areas of our life that we have not surrendered to God? Do we have addictions in our life that are ruling us? Are there areas that are out of control? How has God used our failings to draw us closer to Himself? References to be included in summary: Dare to Surrender Book - https://amzn.to/3QqlAOA

"With careful planning, honest communication, and the right help and care around you, your different tomorrow can be meaningful and extraordinary."― John Delony Let's be honest, family life is full of stress! Sometimes there are big stresses like the loss of a job, a new colicky baby in the house, overwhelming responsibilities, or marriage issues. But even the little stresses can add up! Moody teens, worries over a child's academic performance, or even a messy house can lead parents to feel like "I just can't take it." What is a parent to do? In this episode we take an honest look at anxiety in parenting and help parents to put it all in perspective. The bottom line is, the longer we do this family thing, the more we realize that the problems never go away, but we simply see them differently now than we did before. Listen in as we share our perspective to give every parent encouragement and hope for your future as we learn to put it all in God's hands. Key Takeaways: Take back your life Don't get trapped in the weeds - lift your head up! Do the little things well - Atomic Habits Every Yes needs to be protected by 1,000 No's. Prioritize your life Couple Discussion: When have I recently felt stressed? Has it become overwhelming? Where do I need perspective and help from my spouse? What are essential elements for our simple life plan to bring order? References: FBM download - Messyfamilyproject.org/guides Survey - https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH John Deloney book - https://amzn.to/48T8LUb

"The point is that neuroses don't have to ruin a marriage. If you can accommodate each other's "crazy" side and handle it with caring, affection, and respect, your marriage can thrive." ― John M. Gottman Many people are good at functioning in their marriage, getting along, caring for kids, paying the bills… but are they really thriving? How can we get more out of the most important relationship we have - the one we have with our spouse? In this podcast, we look at the book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, and explain how to use these ideas to make your marriage grow. Though the expression of these ideas are new to us, the truth contained in them is not. We have found that we have done many of these things in our marriage over the years! Listen in for some great relationship advice for anyone who wants to move from a marriage that is surviving to thriving. Key Takeaways: Review 7 principles Couple Discussion: How can we Honor each other Start a Gratitude challenge When is our Daily connection and weekly date night Do the Family Board Meeting

"Behold the Heart which has so loved men that it has spared nothing, even to exhausting and consuming Itself, in order to testify Its love" - Jesus to St. Margaret Mary How can we love like Jesus? What is His love like? Answering these questions is the role of devotions in the Catholic world. They help us learn more about God and how He relates to us. The Sacred Heart of Jesus teaches us to love as God loves and this is a lesson that all families need to embrace fully. In this podcast, we interview Emily Jaminet of the Sacred Heart Enthronement network and author of the new book Holy Habits of the Sacred Heart. Our conversation explains how both of our families have been impacted by this devotion and how it has given us a way to proclaim Christ as King, and also to have a place to go as a safe refuge in times of trial. As we pray to the Heart of Jesus, He can change our hearts to make us more like Himself! When we learn about how He loves, we can imitate that love which is a path of holiness itself. Learn more about this devotion, what the Nine First Fridays are, how Jesus blesses families with the 12 Promises of the Sacred Heart and why the Enthronement is a means of evangelization and transformation. Key Takeaways: This devotion gives "spiritual stability", focus, and a way to understand the love of Jesus in a concrete, defined way. It prevents us from making Jesus into our own image, but instead reveals to us how He truly loves. Jesus wants a relationship of love with each one of us and He wants to transform our hearts to be like His. A great way to reconcile with children or those with whom we have conflict is to say, "I am allowing Jesus to change my heart". Forgiveness means that we are coming up against "cancel culture" which says that once someone does something wrong they are cut out of one's life. By following the Heart of Jesus we learn practice forgiveness in our home and communities. The devotion of Nine First Fridays and the Enthronement of the Sacred Heart in the home give families concrete ways to understand and come closer to the Heart of Jesus. Couple Discussion: How can we increase our devotion to the Sacred Heart? Emily mentioned that giving up control and trusting in Jesus is a first step to being docile to Jesus. What does that mean to us? How can we practice forgiveness in our home? Is there anyone in our lives that we need to forgive? Reference Links: https://welcomehisheart.com/ https://www.emilyjaminet.com

We need to take a sacramental view of ordinary life - Mike and Alicia Hernon We often say that family culture is the secret weapon of Catholic families. Why is this? Because the culture within your home is more powerful than any written word. It communicates expectations, beliefs, and values to everyone in the family. In this podcast, we tackle some questions that listeners have sent into us about the culture within their homes. We answer questions like "what do I do about kids always fighting?", "how do I take care of individual kids in a big family?", "how do we handle birthdays?", and "Help! I feel like I'm drowning!" (which isn't exactly a question, but it is a common email we get!). In all of these situations, the issue comes back again and again to the culture you are fostering within your home. When you see all that you do in light of that, all the other issues will fall into place. Listen in and learn about this powerful tool that every parent should develop. Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/ Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

Christ is present in a special way when a couple prays together. They not only renew their yes to God, but also achieve a deeper union with each other, which springs solely from the union of hearts and couples in the sacrament of marriage. - Fr. Henri Caffarel How can couples move their marriage from surviving to thriving, or from good to great? By making couple prayer a normal part of our marriage. Christian marriage is a supernatural endeavor, so that means that it is really not possible to have a successful marriage without Jesus! Prayer between spouses isn't just something you do, it is a gift from the two of you to Christ Himself. It is acknowledging that Christ is the "glue" that keeps you together. In this podcast we talk about how to incorporate prayer into your marriage, why it is so important, and how prayer can help you forge a deeper unity than you have ever had before. Much of this conversation is discussing the writings of Fr. Henri Caffarel, founder of Teams of Our Lady. Getaway: https://catholiccouplesgetaway.com/ Listener Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XW98NMH

The indissolubility of marriage…should not be viewed as a 'yoke' imposed on humanity, but as a 'gift' granted to those who are joined in marriage… God's indulgent love always accompanies our human journey; through grace, it heals and transforms hardened hearts, leading them back to the beginning through the way of the cross. - Pope Francis The marriage sacrament is meant to heal and transform us into who God wants us to be! But sometimes that journey is not what we would expect. In this interview, David and Margaret Bereit share their story of marriage and David's conversion - the two are completely intertwined! Listen in as we talk about how they walked together in freedom though they were in different places, how they loved each other and their children in the midst of their different faiths, and how David came to join the Church and what that meant for them both. There is some great advice in this interview for those in mixed marriages and for anyone who wants to know how to deeply love friends and family who are in a different place than yourself. https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30 Back by popular demand, this is another interview that we did with Michele Doman, Alicia's mom and mother of 10 grown children, grandmother to over 55, and great grandmother to more than 7! In the last interview, we talked about Michele's life as a young wife and mother. In this conversation, we talk more about being a parent of a large family and how she was able to do that successfully over the last 50+ years of marriage. Listen in and get some wisdom on discipline, relationships with teens, and managing a large household. You will hear that the struggles are real, but so are the joys and blessings of marriage and family life. https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com Watch here: https://youtu.be/Zd_I6cwvcRM

Of course your children don't get along. They don't know how to get along! That's kind of what you are doing as parents, teaching them what they don't know - Mike and Alicia All of us struggle to live in a community. That is the human condition - we need other people but we also find it hard to live with them! This is true for children, but also for adults. In this episode, we answer some questions that our listeners had about what to do when your kids fight with your friends' kids, how to handle dividing up household responsibilities with your spouse, and what to do with adult children who are living at home. It's hard for kids to learn, but it's also hard for parents to know how to teach in a way that can be received. Listen into this conversation and take some time to discuss these important topics with your spouse. https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ www.catholiccouplesgetaway.com

"Healing is an essential dimension of Christinaity. It expresses the entire content of our redemption." ~ Pope Benedict XVI, Jesus of Nazareth Some of us think of healing as being "for other people", those with trauma, abuse, or mental illness. But that is not the way that Dr. Bob Schuchts sees healing. As you will hear, he believes that healing is part of the story of every Christian because we all have been damaged by our own fallen nature and we all live in a broken world! There is an anointing in our Church right now for healing ministries like this and we believe healing is essential for every parent so they can be who God is calling them to be in the lives of their children. We have been personally blessed by Dr. Bob's teaching and ministry through the John Paul II Healing Institute and we are very excited to share this interview with him. Listen in to this conversation about why we need healing, how to be healed, and the role that Christ wants to play in each of our journeys. https://www.restoretheglorypodcast.com/ https://jpiihealingcenter.org/

"Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate." ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer God did not create man in isolation, He created man to live in community with others. This is the best path for the full development of the human person! Men need other men to push them, support them, love them, and let them know they have what it takes. In this touching interview, Mike talks to John Doman, Alicia's dad, about his experience as a young Marine in Viet Nam and the events that set the course of his life. They cover John's marriage to Michele, his wife of 50 yrs, his struggle with PTSD after the war, and how the brothers God gave him throughout his life saved him again and again - physically and spiritually. Listen to this very important conversation about the importance of relationships and how God can use them to show us His love over and over again. Family Board Meeting - LIVE! : messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting-live/ Watch here: https://youtu.be/FIT6s7szDlU

"This is a book about love; more exactly, it is about the love that knows no end, the love our hearts yearn for. The love that consumes, that reverberates, that heightens—it is a love that costs everything—yet offers everything. - Theresa and Peter Martin, The Rule When the young priest Fr. Karol Wojtyla was living in Poland, he wrote a "rule" for married couples, similar to the protocols that religious orders follow for their way of life. His suggestions were born out of his deep friendships with young married couples who he observed and who helped him see what married couples need to do to find true life within the married vocation. We heard about this book and were immediately intrigued, so we invited Theresa and Peter Martin to share with us more about their book, how it came to be, and about The Rule itself. In this podcast, we talk about the challenges of married life and how the Church can help us live a life of grace, the role of children in this quest of holiness, and what a life of prayer looks like in the home. Most importantly, we talk about community and how essential it is for families to support each other in their common life. Listen in and see how you can join in this movement of married couples living the Rule outlined by St. John Paul II. https://www.wojtylaci.com/ Watch here: https://youtu.be/QT9SqsDCxR8

"When an army retreats on the battlefield, it doesn't mean that they are giving up. It can mean that they are taking time to reassess and regroup so they can come back stronger. This is the essence of a Family Retreat." ~ Mike Hernon The concept of a family retreat is something that we have developed over the years for our own family. It grew out of our desire to regroup and reconnect with our kids outside of the daily chaos in our home. To do this, we have taken our children to vacation homes, retreat houses, and occasionally to a hotel, to take some time for family fun, team building activities, teaching and prayer. We don't use a set program, but we do have the same principles that we use over and over. In this podcast, we share these principles with you so you can develop your own retreat for your family. If you would like more than what is just offered on this podcast - check out our Family Retreat Guide found on our website! Even if you don't do a retreat this year, listen in so you can talk about it with your spouse and develop a strategic "retreat" for your family. Family Retreat Guide: messyfamilyproject.org/guides/ Watch the episode here: https://youtu.be/A5pQ-qaJ9vY