Growth Marriage

Over the last 3 weeks, I've been breaking down this new idea I call the Growth Ecosystem. The idea is that having a growth "mindset" is not enough to create change in your life. Most people can dig deep and make positive short-term changes to their lives — like sticking to a new health routine, writing a few chapters of that book you've had in your head, or strengthening that weak spot in your marriage. But if they're not living in an environment that encourages those changes to stick, they fall off the bandwagon, old habits take over, and they find themselves right back where they began. Nothing feels worse than putting in a sincere effort to change your life for the better… and failing. Enter the Growth Ecosystem. Two episodes ago I talked about having a goal, or an ideal to strive for… just like a plant constantly strives for the sun. A good goal inspires you. It provides you with meaning and purpose. And as Victor Frankyl says, "A man with a why can overcome any how." Your goals keep you focused. And when your purpose is clear and meaningful, the struggles that come between you and your goal become opportunities. Last week we talked about how your you absorb the beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors of the people you spend the most time with… just like a plant absorbs nutrients from the soil. Your community will also keep you firmly rooted in your values when the storms of life come along. But if your community isn't a positive influence on you, these storms can was you away, and you can lose everything that's important to you. The people you surround yourself with matter more than you know. Today I want to talk about the third (and last) part of the Growth Ecosystem. Can you guess what it is? You're right! It's the "Water." In nature, water = life and growth. If plants can't access a relatively steady supply of water, they dry up and die. Look at a desert, for example. Life is pretty sparse… until you stumble across an oasis. An oasis can be as simple as a little mud puddle. But around that mud puddle is life! Animals. Plants. EVERYTHING gathers around water. Without water, you whither up and die. Now, think of nearly any are of your life where you've experienced real, meaningful, and measurable growth. Maybe you were learning a musical instrument. Maybe you were learning a new skill or subject in school. Maybe you were excelling in a sport. What was the common denominator that contributed to that persistent, and maybe even explosive growth? Accountability! Think about it, if a professional athlete wants to get a slight edge on the competition, what do they do? They hire a coach to critique their game, find all the areas where they're weak, and run them through persistent drills to strengthen their weaknesses. If you want your kid to learn a musical instrument, what do you do? You put them in a room with a much better musician! Someone who can show them the ropes, teach them new techniques, send them home to practice, then check in on their progress a few days later. Whether it's a coach, a teacher, a boss, a therapist, or just a supportive friend, explosive growth occurs when someone (other than yourself) is holding you accountable! Now think about your marriage. Have you ever thought about implementing a system of accountability to help you create the most epic marriage possible? Most people haven't. But the principle definitely holds true! That's why therapy works for so many distressed couples. It has less to do with sitting down to talk about your "feelings" every week… and more to do with the fact that the therapist is holding you accountable every week to do the kind of things that make you a better partner. But therapy isn't for everyone? Most people go see a therapist because their marriage (or their life) is in crisis. Odds are that's not you. So, if you want to maximize your potential for growth, what's your alternative? Here are some ideas for you: Find some marriage mentors. Ask a couple whose relationship you admire to meet with you once every few weeks or months. Tell them you want them to help you create an amazing marriage like theirs. Ask them for help navigating obstacles. Seek their counsel when you make big decisions. Marriage mentors are an amazing resource. Our marriage mentors are some of our best friends! ("We love you too, David and Gretchen.") Hire a therapist or coach. Just like the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the best time to find a therapist or coach is when you don't desperately need one. One of the first things my wife and I did when we got married was find a therapist we love and trust. We told her we wanted to use her as maintenance to help us navigate small issues before they became big problems. We love her, and every time we go in, she tells us she LOVES seeing us. Start, or find your own marriage group. Some churches have groups like this. I know several people who have cultivated a group of couples that get together on the regular to connect and have "r

Today's podcast episode and accompanying blog post will make a lot more sense if you listen to to the past 2 episodes of the Growth Marriage Podcast first! In the first episode, I introduced the concept of the Growth Ecosystem. The idea is that a person (aka you), when placed in the right ecosystem, will grow and achieve their goals… just like a plant will grow when it's placed in the ideal ecosystem. Have you ever attempted to unlock your potential by working towards a goal or making an improvement in your life... … and then you fell short after spending weeks or months gritting your teeth, and white-knuckling your way to progress? It's probably because you weren't in the right ecosystem! The desire was there. The motivation was there. But you lacked key elements in your environment to facilitate your success. Last week we talked about the first piece of the Growth Ecosystem. It's all about having an ideal to strive for. A clear goal. A version of yourself or your life that's better than who you are right now. When you have a clear goal, it gives your suffering meaning. It gives you direction and purpose in your life. And having a purpose gives you a reason to wake up in the morning. Just like the sun gives a plant energy, a clear purpose gives a person energy. Today, we're going to talk about the 2nd piece of the Growth Ecosystem. Let's jump back to the plant analogy. If you want your plant to grow, you need to put it in rich, fertile soil. The soil does 2 important things for the plant. First, it keeps the plant firmly rooted in place so it doesn't get washed away when big storms come along with their violent winds and rushing water. Second, the soil provides vital nutrients that are essential for the plants growth via the plant's root system. The 2nd piece of the Growth Ecosystem serves a very similar purpose for you. It's your community! Ever hear that famous Jim Rohn quote? It's one of my favorites… "You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with." It's crazy how true this is… Here's the science behind it: There's this psychological principle called Behavioral Contagion (which is a fancy way of saying that people copy the behaviors of the people they spend time with or pay attention to). Behavioral Contagion is responsible for all sorts of things things like increased suicide rates, or a boom in teen pregnancy, to a line of nearly 400 people at Starbucks volunteering to pay for the coffee of the person behind them in line A recent Pew Research Study even found that if a close friend or family member has gone through a divorce, you're 75% more likely to go through one yourself! You do the things that people around you do. There's a great story of an eagle who was raised by chickens. She grew up clucking, walking around in the dirt, and pecking at the ground. She never even tried to fly… because, of course, chickens don't fly. One day an eagle saw her while soaring through the sky. She landed nearby and said, "Hey! Why are you down here on the ground pecking at the ground when you could be flying high above the ground, dominating the sky?" The first eagle responded, "Cause I'm a chicken. Always have been. Always will be." As Steve Maraboli says, "If you hang out with chickens, you're going to cluck; and if you hang out with eagles, you're going to fly." A good community, just like a good soil, will keep you grounded and committed to our relationships and the things that are most important to us. Not only that, but you also "absorb" the values, attitudes, and behaviors of the people you spend time with… just like a plant absorbs nutrients in the soil, or the eagle absorbed the behaviors from being around chickens. If you want to be successful in your goals... If you want to get in shape... If you want to save money... If you want to travel the world... If you want to have an amazing marriage… You need to have a supportive, encouraging community who has your back, wants to see you succeed, and has similar goals and values as you! Are you surrounded by haters, criticizers, negative-Nancy's, complainers, excuse-makers, lazy people, shortcut-takers? If so, the likelihood of you growing and accomplishing your goals, or unlocking your potential goes right into the toilet. Contaminate the soil and the plant dies. But, if you're surrounded by encouragers, motivators, complimenters, hard workers, people who are honest, kind, and compassionate – and even people with amazing marriages – you unlock those powers within yourself! You are just like the eagle. Don't hang out with the chickens, or you'll never know how high you could have flown. Listen to today's episode for more details on the Growth Ecosystem. (It's embedded above.)

On last week's podcast episode I told you that after interviewing hundreds of madly-in-love couples, and the world's top marriage experts (like Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, or Drs. John and Julie Gottman from The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work), I pieced together a powerful, life-changing principle that nobody else is talking about. Yet, the most fulfilled couples on the planet are living this principle… most of the time without even knowing it… I call it The Growth Ecosystem. The idea is that if you want a seed to grow, all you need to do is put it in the right ecosystem: Give it access to sunlight Plant it in fertile soil Water it regularly That's it. You could try out other strategies… You could try bribing the seed. You could try to convince it to grow by using persuasion or guilt-tripping. You could yell at it, or beg it to grow… But it will only grow when it's in the right ecosystem. You are no different! Ever set your sights on a goal? You're determined to make some improvement, or lasting change in your life? You grit your teeth, and you muster all your determination to white-knuckle your way to growth. … then a few days later (or weeks, if you're lucky), you burn out, lose focus, and things go right back to the way they were before. And what I've found is that the reason most people (and most couples) don't experience the growth they so deeply desire… The reason their untapped potential never gets fulfilled… Is that they are in the wrong ecosystem. Just like a plant needs can't help but grow when they're in the ideal ecosystem, humans will naturally unlock their potential without the white-knuckling, and tooth-clenching, if they're simply placed in the right ecosystem! And just like the first part of the plant's growth ecosystem is the sun, the first piece of human's growth ecosystem is all about having an ideal to strive for. You can learn about why that's important in today's podcast (embedded above). What's the goal or ideal you're striving for? Leave a description of the version of yourself you're trying to become in the comments! P.S. Wanna know what it's like to LIVE in the Growth Ecosystem for a month? We've got a special experiment we're setting up for WIVES ONLY! The goal is to give you a taste of how much better you can make your marriage with less effort on your part, simply by putting yourself in the richg ecosystem. Click here if you want me to send you more details.

Whenever I go to a party and someone asks, "So, what do you do?" I smile and take a deep breath. "I help people have amazing marriages." "Oh, so you're a therapist?" they inevitably ask. "Nope! I have no desire to be a therapist. Thought about it for a while… even got accepted into some great programs. But therapy is not my thing." "Oh… so… what do you do then?" It's fun to see their reactions when I tell them that back in 2012 when I went on a cross-country road trip to discover the secrets of true love by interviewing the most blissfully in-love couples I could find. Some people look at me confused. "So… you're… not a therapist?" Other people are immediately entranced. "Woah! That sounds amazing!" Then comes the inevitable question… "So… what's the secret?! What did you learn? What do I need to know to have epic love?" For a long time I bounced between a bunch of super cliché answers. "Don't be afraid to be the one who loves the most." "It's more about how you handle your arguments than what you fight about, or how often." "Be kind. The best marriages are based on a foundation of friendship." "Learn to set and maintain boundaries and practice self-love. You can't give if your cup is empty." Don't get me wrong… this is all great advice. But I never felt like any of these statements were an accurate summary of what I learned. I was hunting for "the" thing to share with people that would blow their minds. It wasn't until the last few years that I really started to distill all that I've learned over the past several years into one powerful, relationship-transforming takeaway. But now I have it. I honestly believe that if couples truly wanted to feel a deep sense of connection, passion, playfulness, honest communication, deep trust (like they can trust their partner to be there for them in the darkest times of their life), equal partnership, kindness, compassion, and excitement… All they would have to do if adopt this one specific principle that I've distilled from tens of thousands of hours of learning from the top marriage experts in the world. Want to know what it is? You can find it in the first episode of the Growth Marriage Podcast. (I've rebranded The Loveumentary to Growth Marriage, and I thought this topic would be the perfect first episode to relaunch the podcast with a new format.) Click here to listen to the episode on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, or Google Podcasts. It's pretty short… like 10 minutes long. After this episode where I introduce this special, secret principle, I'll take the next 3-4 weeks and do a deep dive into it with my good friend and Certified Gottman Therapist, Laura Heck. I am 100% certain that if you listen and apply what you hear, it will change your life, and can transform your marriage in the VERY best ways. -Nate

On today's episode I sit down with Rachel Abrams, co-author of the new book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love" with her husband, Doug, and the renowned Drs. John and Julie Gottman. In today's episode - among other things - we talk about the Conflict Date, and why it's Rachel's favorite date. You'll learn about all the wonderful benefits and treasures you can discover for your relationship when you approach conflict with the right tools and mindsets. It's a powerful episode!

Mort Fertel is the creator of Marriage Fitness, a relationship renewal system that's been used by millions of people in marital crisis. He also authored the book Marriage Fitness: 4 Steps to Building & Maintaining Phenomenal Love On today's show we talk about some of the ways to get in your reps to build a healthy relationship. What are the things you can do to stay in shape, have good relationship nutrition, and keep your marriage strong and healthy.

Kyle Wright used to be a bartender, but now he's the cofounder of the Wright Wellness Center with his wife, Rachel. Kyle just launched a new podcast called "Masculinity On The Rocks" which I'm REALLY excited about... especially since part 2 of this Double Podcast Relationship Extravaganza can be found on that very podcast. Here's a link. Make sure to check out Kyle and Rachel's Communication Scripts worksheet that will help you find the right words when you need them the most.

When you're faced with a struggle, an obstacle, or a challenge, the easy choice is to say, "I don't know what to do." But what if "I don't know," didn't exist? What would you do then? In today's episode, Celeste Davis of www.marriagelaboratory.com talks to us about how we're SO much smarter than we think. If there's an area of your life that you want to be better, you probably have the answers. Her ideas of how to find those answers are brilliant!

Dr. Mark Chamberlain is a PhD in Psychology and specializes in helping couples go through the process of forgiveness, and navigate addiction. In today's episode we tackle some aspects of forgiveness that I've never considered before. Like the importance of holding grudges! (Yes, they're important. Listen to the episode for more.) And be sure to check out Mark's book, "Love You, Hate The Porn."

Logan Ury is one of those people I could talk to for HOURS. She's a TED Resident, Author, and Dating Coach. She hosted the Modern Romance series at Google which featured guests like Esther Perel and Drs. John and Julie Gottman. And she's just a fascinating person to talk to. I hope you enjoy this conversation which is essentially two relationship nerds picking each others' brains regarding what makes some marriages work while others fail, how to choose a partner, whether we expect too much from our partners, the intersection of sex and spirituality, and TONS more. For more writing and research on all things dating and relationships, follow Logan on Facebook and subscribe to her newsletter for free here.

I've been doing this marriage podcast for almost 7 years... and for 3 of them I've been married. And for some reason, I've never officially introduced you to my wife. No idea why. So in this episode you FINALLY get to meet Angilyn. And we're going to share with you one of the tools we use to keep our marriage healthy, thriving, and on-track. We call it the Relationship Inventory. You can call it whatever you want. I hope you enjoy getting a real personal look into our relationship.

"We just need better communication." "I just don't feel like I can trust him." "We need to do better at giving each other the benefit of the doubt." These are all symptoms of a relationship that doesn't have a strong foundation of emotional safety. Create more safety, and these problems will resolve themselves. In today's episode we talk with Marriage Coach, Maggie Reyes about some practical ways you can create more emotional safety in your relationship.

Can you turn off your phone from 5:30 PM - 5:30 AM to make room for what's important? Can you say "no" to distractions so you can say "yes" to your priorities? Are you truly committed to epic love... or do you just tell yourself you are? Find out in today's episode.

John and Julie Gottman are the pioneers of relationship research. Their work has transformed the lives of millions of people all over the world. Yesterday, their new book Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love came out, and I thought today would be a great chance to re-broadcast their interview and encourage you to snag the book. I hope you enjoy this interview with 2 absolute legends.

What are boundaries? Why are they important? How can I connect more with people who will uplift and support me to create the most epic marriage on the planet? We talk about all that and more on this week's episode with Dr. John Townsend, author of the NYT Bestseller, "Boundaries."

Dale Reeves has worked over 1,500 cases as an interrogator, and has a 100% confession rate. He worked 2 cases where he had to return to his client and report, "The people I interviewed are not guilty." In both cases, the client came back to him and told him that the money/merchandise that was reported missing was due to error, and there was in fact, no crime at all. Dale is a master of interpersonal communication, and human relationships. He handles high-conflict, high-stress, high-emotion conversations every day. In this interview he'll talk about: Three things to NEVER do in a conversation if you want to create connection What he does to prepare for his interrogations that will help you see your partner/loved one in a completely different light, and change the way you engage with them in the conversation. How to GIVE your partner values and virtues they may not currently possess

When should you leave your relationship and when should you say? It's a touch subject, but we get into it today... and we talk about the lame excuse of "Staying together for the kids" that SO many people use to stay in terrible relationships and not work on them. It's a delicate subject to address, and it might ruffle some feathers, but it needed to be said.

In life, you get to choose between the pain of growth and the pain of staying the same. If you choose to stay the same, you repeat the same problems over and over and over again. Growth, on the other hand, comes with pain... but it also fulfillment and accomplishment. In today's episode you'll find out how something as simple as breathing can help you choose the right pain to live a fulfilling live and create an epic relationship.

The truth is, most people want marriage to be comfortable. Comfortable is easy. Comfortable is safe. Comfortable is predictable and doesn't force us to confront scary things. When you change as a partner - when you truly commit to becoming a better version of yourself, and then follow through by taking action - things stop being so comfortable... and your partner might not like that.

What do you do if your friends (or your partner's friends) are having a negative effect on your relationship? How can you respond if they're bringing you down, talking bad about your partner, or marriage in general? Hopefully this episode is relevant and helpful if you're in that situation.

Your partner roll's their eyes at you, and sighs in exasperation. You feel a dagger of embarrassment and shame run through your heart. You are having a great day when suddenly your partner bursts through the door after a stressful day. You can tell they're in a bad mood. They are short-tempered with you, and your stomach balls up in knots from the stress they brought into the room. Your partner says something that makes you feel like they're intentionally targeting what they know to be one of your biggest insecurities, or sensitive subjects. You withdraw, shut down, and a sense of betrayal and sadness washes over you like an unexpected cold ocean wave. Things like this happen all the time in marriage. Sometimes they happen because our partner is being an inconsiderate turd. Other times we just take things out of context. So, how do you know when the pain you're feeling is due to poor behavior that you should address with your partner, as opposed to when it's a hypersensitivity that you need to address on your own by learning to self-soothe and give your partner the benefit of the doubt? Kyle Benson and I talk about learning to regulate your emotions and deal with stressful situations in this episode.

The Suzuki Method is an internationally recognized music curriculum that is very similar to the way we acquire language. Suzuki believed that even a toddler could learn to play the violin at a high level if the steps were small enough. In this episode, Georgia shows us how we can use the Suzuki Method to create epic relationships.

For the last 4 months, I've had my head down working hard on something BIG! Today, I introduce you to my buddy Kenton and the thing we've been working on that's going to lower the divorce rate and transform marriages. You're not going to want to miss this one!

The "M" word makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Historically, it's wrapped up in a lot of morality, myth, taboo, and judgement. In this episode we talk about where that discomfort comes from, how to examine where you got your beliefs about masturbation, and provide you with some great questions you can ask to come to your own conclusions.

Pelvic floor health is KEY to your overall health including your sexual health. If you had a baby and you now struggle with incontinence, this episode is for you. If you want stronger orgasms, this episode is for you. If you don't know what a kegel is... or if you've been taught to isolate your kegel muscles, this episode is for you. I hope you learn a lot!

Nate Bailey started his career in the United States Army as a Platoon Leader in the Operation Iraqi Freedom. When he returned home from his service, he checked out of his marriage. It was tense, difficult and stressful. He knew if their marriage continued down this path, it would result in divorce, and he'd lose everything he cared about. So Nate changed his habits, his mentality, and eventually his marriage. This is his story...

After seeing a massive increase in the number of students coming to her with crushing shame, confusion, and dread around sex as a professor at Seattle Pacific University, Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers got curious. Why the sudden influx of young people experiencing so much shame around sex?

We all have stories running through our heads that are holding us back, and keeping us from enjoying life. Here are some examples off the top of my head from my life and the lives of some people I know in my life: "If I stop being sad about losing the love of my life, it must mean our love wasn't special. I have to hold onto the pain and mourn forever." "If my kids suffer and I don't suffer with them, it means I'm not a good parent." "If she found out I look at porn, she'll see me as a fraud, a liar, and a failure as a husband/father." What happens if you let go of those stories? How would it change your life? How would it help you let go of worry and tap into wonder?

Everyone has patterns of behavior that cause breakdowns in their relationships. Maybe you constantly assume the worst if you don't have the whole story (She's running late... she's probably dead!). Maybe you have a tendency to overreact when a conflict involves a particular subject. Maybe you get defensive or shut down when things get tenuous. Or you pout when you don't get your way. Or you nag when things don't get done the way you want them. Or you give the silent treatment when you feel you're being treated unfairly. These kinds of behaviors are like love termites. They eat away at the foundation of your relationship over time until the whole thing collapses...

Sometimes when we're in pain, we focus more on controlling the outcome of a conflict than we are on staying true to our values. We forget that we can't control the behaviors, words, feelings, or thoughts of others, and so we really don't have any control over the outcome. In this episode, we talk about how to communicate in a way that stays in line with your values and prevents the stress of worrying about the outcome.

What does it mean about our relationship if we need therapy? What if the therapist tells us our issues are unfixable? Shouldn't we be able to fix this ourselves? What if we start going and our therapist just wants us to come back over and over again for years? How do we know when we don't need therapy anymore? Are they just going to make me talk about my feelings? How do we even figure out whether or not our struggles are worthy of a therapist?

We have never met a man or woman who didn't have a fantasy. Whether it's having your partner finding a babysitter, planning a date night and whisking you away or trying a new adventure in the bedroom—the spectrum of fantasy is a fun and powerful tool to incorporate into your relationship. You might be surprised at what you learn about the art and power of fantasy in a relationship whether you ever act on one or not.

Setema is not just a Super Bowl Champ. He's an entrepreneur, a high-end coach, a speaker, an author, and most importantly, he's an incredible husband and father. If you want to get a glimpse into what an extraordinary marriage can look like, this episode is for you.

Here are the questions we tackle today: "I feel like every since I have had my children my sex drive has gone out the window! Before children it was crazy and now it is mind-boggling to me how it has changed! What advice do you have to rekindle it?" & "I had to be on pelvic rest during the last 1/2 of my pregnancy. I often offered to take care of my husband sexually, but he only let me do it once. When I offered again, he said sex is something we do together and not just him receiving the pleasure...

When Kristin first approached me about doing an episode on lube, I was like, "Uh... won't that just be like a 30-second episode? Lube reduces friction. Done." "Nate, there's so much more to than that!" Boy, was she right! Lube in the United States is not regulated by the FDA. That means companies can put all sorts of stuff in their products that could do damage to your body. Many lubrications include chemicals that cause allergic reactions, that leave you with a rash, itchiness, sensitivity, overly-dry skin, or tingling, make you susceptible to cancer, eat away at the lining of your genitals, and worse... Learn why lube should be a staple in your sexual health toolbox, and visit the show notes for a list of the best lubricants you can get!

It's rare to meet a couple who lives as intentionally as Ashley and Nathan Logsdon. They're crystal clear about what's important to them, how they want to feel in their life and in their relationship, and what they need to do to create those feelings. Their life is extraordinary in large part because they've walked away from what the world thinks they SHOULD want and have chosen to pursue something entirely different... what they ACTUALLY want. In this episode, we talk about how Nathan and Ashley walked away from the American Dream to live a minimalist lifestyle traveling the country in an RV with their 3 daughters and dog. They also teach us a lot about communication, identifying our core values, and learning to live by those values. Check out more about their journey at 90dayfamilyroadtrip.com

Having a baby comes with some major gifts and some serious side effects. Today we're going to talk about what happens to your body and your libido after you pop out a human... and what to do if your body isn't responding the way you hoped and dreamed it would. Join The Loveumentary's Season 3 hosts, Nate Bagley and Kristin Hodson (LCSW and AASECT certified sex therapist) as they talk about how you can create a fulfilling, exciting, and satisfying sex life… because you deserve it! We're excited to have you join us and answer your questions. Sign up for Demystifying Desire with Early Bird Pricing: https://goo.gl/Vksg3f Get the notes and a free handout for this episode here: https://goo.gl/VTM35J Get a free ebook from Kristin here: https://goo.gl/hFc1K7 Got a question for one of us, or for a future episode? Submit it here: https://goo.gl/D61dGL Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://goo.gl/mZJ8ti Follow The Loveumentary on Facebook: https://goo.gl/BVVB62 Contact Nate: [email protected] Contact Kristin: https://goo.gl/jB9RaC

Orgasms can be tricky and elusive things to experience. Unless you understand the context and the circumstances that create a good orgasm, you can chase it and chase it and it will always remain just out of reach. On today's episode, Nate and Certified Sex Therapist, Kristin Hodson, talk about the female orgasm, and how to increase your capacity to achieve one. The episode is JAM PACKED with information. Listen closely to make sure you don't miss anything. And if you have questions, feel free to reach out to [email protected].

There are tons of reasons couples avoid talking about sex. In this - the first episode of an entire season of podcast episodes dedicated to sex - we're going to talk about how to talk about the thing we don't talk about. Join The Loveumentary's Season 3 hosts, Nate Bagley and Kristin Hodson (LCSW and certified sex therapist) as they talk about how you can create a fulfilling, exciting, and satisfying sex life… because you deserve it! We're excited to have you join us and answer your questions. Get the notes and a free handout for this episode here: https://goo.gl/5CYzD7 Get a free ebook from Kristin here: https://goo.gl/hFc1K7 Got a question for one of us, or for a future episode? Submit it here: https://goo.gl/D61dGL Subscribe to the podcast on iTunes: https://goo.gl/mZJ8ti Follow The Loveumentary on Facebook: https://goo.gl/BVVB62 Contact Nate: [email protected] Contact Kristin: https://goo.gl/jB9RaC

Depression and mental health is something we are all affected by. We know so little about it, and there isn't a lot of help or resources that have proven to be effective across the board. The help, support, and resources that do exist are typically for the person suffering from mental illness, and not for the partner, which can leave the partner who isn't battling the illness feeling just as alone and helpless as the person who is. In this episode Seth and Kim give us a look into how they have navigated depression and mental health in their relationship. They'll tell you what works for them, and what doesn't. I hope you share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. Thanks for listening!

Vienna Pharaon is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She is one of the most talented relationship counselors I have had the pleasure of meeting. A lot of her teaching focuses on the narratives that we have in our heads about ourselves and those we love... and how those narratives are often not based entirely on reality. She teaches about how to change our personal story so that it empowers us to be great partners, and to create amazing love. I think you'll love this episode!

Aaron and April Jacob created Nurturing Marriage because they wanted to share with the world what makes relationships work, and what makes couples happy. Their website, NurturingMarriage.org is a fantastic resource to learn more about things like conflict management, navigating intimacy, and keeping the flame alive. I hope you check out their stuff, and I hope you love this episode!

It's easy to describe how to get a healthy body. You eat nutritious foods, you exercise regularly, and you avoid doing things that will cause long-term damage to your bones and muscles... But what's the emotional equivalent to healthy eating, working out, and taking care of yourself? Do you know how much your emotional baggage weighs? Do you know what daily workout routines you could be doing to manage your stress, depression or anxiety? In this episode we sit down with Laura Coe, author of Emotional Obesity and learn how to get in emotional shape! (Maybe this can be the new New Year's Resolution for us!)

Laurie Davis is a professional dating coach responsible for helping hundreds of people find true love. Thomas Edwards is a professional wingman in New York City, helping elite men find and date incredible women. How did I get them together on this podcast? Well... they're married. This episode is a great look into what the marriage of two professionals in the relationship world looks like. They share some great tips and tricks, and some fantastic stories about true love. I think you'll love it.

I live for episodes like this. Michelle Peterson shares with us what it looks like to create dreams together as a couple, and four different ways you can support your partner in their dreams: Emotional Support Esteem Support Informational Support Tangible Support (actions) It's interviews like this that show me incredible ways to level-up my relationship. I hope you learn a lot and feel the same!

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife sits down with me to talk about how a patriarchal view of sex can be really damaging to your relationship (and what it is in the first place), why it's important to take ownership of our own desires and our own sexuality, helpful tips for experiencing orgasm, and how awesome sex takes lots and lots of practice. Here are some of my favorite quotes: "Women have more sexual capacity then men do." ______ Are you prepared to be married to an equal? (for men) Are you prepared to start taking responsibility and function like an equal? (for the women) Your sexual desires and interested need to be on par with a man. Many women are in a marriage thinking, "I'm here to follow. I'm here to yield. That's how I express my goodness." _______ "You're upset that he doesn't take your sexual desires seriously, but you don't take your sexual desires seriously." _______ "When we won't take care of ourselves, the fantasy is that somehow we're being selfless and that this is blessing other people's lives. But in reality, if you won't manage yourself, you pressure everyone else to manage you… if you don't take a hold of yourself and live a life you respect, you'll suck the life out of everybody around you, which is very very selfish in the name of selflessness." _______ In sex you're always communicating who you are. _______ "The challenge of being human is that we're so good at self deception. We're so good at narrating our lives in the way that makes us comfortable. We're good, they're bad. I did everything I could, they didn't do anything. And in reality we're quite clueless about who we really are. People see us more clearly than we see ourselves. We're much more readable to people than we want to believe." One of the reasons Marriage is a divine institution is that you have someone institutionally there to give us feedback about our blindspots. _______ The truth will set you free… but first it really sucks.

Porn is a contraversial subject. It polarizes people. It gets people emotionally charged. It's also something that makes a lot of people uncomfortable to talk about. So, I'm taking one for the team! I'm going to have the conversation for you. In this episode Kristin and I talk about some important things: What is porn? Is there such a thing as Porn Addiction? Why is this such a contraversial thing? What is addiction, exactly? Why do people look at porn? If you or someone you know has a negative relationship with porn, how do you talk about it, and/or seek out help and support? A lot of myths about porn will be busted in this conversation. I hope you listen to it, learn from it, and share it with people who might need it! I love you, Nate

Join us as we talk to Rahul and Sarah about their amazingly authentic and loving relationship. Here are some of the things we talk about: Every night they end their evening by look each other in the eyes and saying, "I like you and I love you." How they dealt with Rahul's faith change (to atheism). Being cheerleaders for each other's dreams and goals. Rahul's admiration for Sarah, and the example she is for their daughter, and Sarah's respect for Rahul's efforts to be an amazing dad. What I loved most about Rahul and Sarah is their overwhelming kindness, devotion to their friendship, and their desire to take on each other's dreams and support them however they can. We can all learn something from them.

A lot of people profess to have great relationship and marriage advice... but few people give advice based on decades of longitudinal research. John Gottman has been studying couples, how they interact with each other, the physiology of the body when they are under duress, the facial expressions they make when in arguments, the tone of voice and words they choose to use when communicating with each other... and the list goes on. The Gottman's are fiercely committed to only providing science-based counsel to couples and therapists. In this interview I talk with the Gottman's about trust, kindness, taking responsibility, and creating a healthy, passionate marriage. Please leave a review on iTunes if you found it useful!

David and Gretchen are one of the most phenomenal couples I've ever met. They have a mission statement for their marriage. They try to get every person they meet one step closer to achieving their goals. How cool is that?! They also gave me some of the most compelling marriage advice I've ever heard from anyone. I think you'll like it. I hope you enjoy this episode, and that it inspires you to be a little kinder, and love a little more deeply.