Cultivating H.E.R. Space: Uplifting Conversations for the Black Woman

We all know what it feels like when someone violates our boundaries but how do we know when we are the boundary violator? Have you ever... offered unsolicited advice? Gossiped? Said what you would do if you were in someone’s situation? Asked personal questions? Interrupted someone in the middle of a conversation? Touched someone’s hair? Touched someone on the shoulder? Asked a coworker where they lived? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you, like most of us, have been a boundary violator. In today’s episode, Terri and Dom take us through multiple situations (including current events from pop culture and a subscriber question) in which we may be unintentionally invading someone’s personal space and offer us tips on how to navigate those situations.   Quote of the Day: "R-E-S-P-E-C-T...find out what it means to me!” - The Queen, Aretha Franklin   Takeaways: What to do if we violate the boundaries of others Apologize Be willing to listen Don’t take offense Ask for permission   Resources: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ever wonder, “How did I get here? I’m not as good as everyone else here. What’s going to happen to me when they find out I’m not as smart as them?” If you answered, “yes” then chances are you have experienced Impostor Phenomenon or Imposter Syndrome. This experience was initially coined to describe the experiences of White women who believed their achievements were a result of happenstance; lived in fear of being taken as a fraud; and setting sometimes unrealistic high standards of achievement. This syndrome may be more exacerbated in people of color, particularly women, who often receive societal messages of not belonging or not good enough.  (Cokely, K., et. al., 2013).   In this week’s episode, join Dom and Terri as they discuss Imposter Syndrome/Impostor Phenomenon, its effects on our well-being and ways to combat it. Terri begins with a story and unintentionally ends up “on the couch” with Dr. Dom who challenges Terri to re-examine how she describes herself. Keep listening and you’ll get tips (through Dom and Terri’s own experiences) on how to check yourself and remind yourself that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Quote of the Day: “At the end of the day, remember this: You are here for a reason. In this job, your business, your life, you are worthy. You are better than you think you are. You are smarter than you think you are. You know more than you give yourself credit for. Remember that. Remind yourself as often as you need to.” - Megan Dalla-Camina   Takeaways: Ways to Conquer Imposter Syndrome/Impostor Phenomenon: Be realistic about your strengths and weaknesses Alter your narrative/Reframe your thinking Celebrate your accomplishments Recognize these feelings are normal Access your support system Resources: Clance, P.R. (1985). The impostor phenomenon: Overcoming the fear that haunts your success (p. 25). Atlanta: Peachtree Publishers. Cokely, K., McClain, S., Enciso, A., Martinez, M. (2013). An examination of the impact of minority status stress and impostor feelings on the mental health of diverse ethnic minority college students. Journal of multicultural counseling and development, 41, 82-95. Craig, L. (2018). Are you suffering from imposter syndrome? Ways to identify and deal with feelings of self-doubt in grad school. https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2018/09/imposter-syndrome.aspx Robinson, A. (2017). Overcoming imposter syndrome. How to stop feeling like a fraud. https://www.apadivisions.org/division-28/publications/newsletters/psychopharmacology/2017/11/imposter-syndrome.aspx?_ga=2.218253150.610534608.1538685330-364524485.1533165585 Weir, K. (2013). Feel like a fraud? https://www.apa.org/gradpsych/2013/11/fraud.aspx   Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook:See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Terri and Dom switch things up a bit in this episode. Dom starts us off with a quick story about how she came to realize she has a team. If we want to live our best life then having a team will get you there. Who do you need on your team? How can you create a team with limited finances? Terri and Dom share with us some of the people they have on their teams and how they navigated finding coaches when they did not have the money. They also discuss their “co-parenting relationship” for H.E.R Space and some of the qualities of the teamwork that makes the dream work. Dom and Terri also shout out (Heyyy girl, Hey!) some of their built-in team members and how meaningful those relationships are. As we’re all evolving in this journey called life, outline your health goals (mental, physical, spiritual, financial and social) and create a team that can support you in each of those areas. Quote of the Day: "Look for people who will pull you forward, put you on your tippy-toes, and will inspire you to reach higher. And once you find them, keep them close to you. They are your voice of reason, your direction, and your sounding board." - Lisa Nichols   Takeaways:   Creating Your Team and Making Meaningful connections   How to find a good therapist What to look for in an accountability partner How to find a coach How to find a mentor Ways to workout for FREE! How to find a financial advisor Growing Beyond a Solopreneur: Hiring a Strong Team SCORE | Free Small Business Advice   Resources: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life is good...like REALLY good. In fact, it’s LIT. You’re “blessed and highly favored.” To the casual observer, everything on the outside appears to be wonderful. But on the inside...you feel empty. Lady, is this you? If so, you may be experiencing depression. What we know for sure is that ALL of us will experience symptoms of depression related to many normal life events like a relationship breakup, grief over a loss, or other stressors. For most of us, the feelings of sadness last for a few days at most. For others, if the symptoms last more than a two weeks we may be experiencing a major depressive episode. Today Terri and Dom discuss what depression looks like; what are some causes; and why we need to reduce the stigma so that we can take care of ourselves. Terri shares with us pieces of her journey with depression and Dom addresses the uncomfortable topic of suicide.   Some Common Signs and Symptoms of Depression: Sadness Anger Loss of interest or pleasure Changes in sleep, weight, appetite   Quote of the Day: “I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself”- Anonymous   Takeaways: Take 5 minutes a day to pour into yourself (meditation, walking, talking with your support system) Check on your friends- especially the strong ones Mood Tracker app If you or someone you know ever has thoughts of suicide please contact National Suicide Prevention Hotline   Resources: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

No! In case you were wondering, no is a complete sentence. Use it without hesitation. Nike! (Just do it!) Know that using it is an act of self-care. Can you think of a time when you’ve had to say no or struggled to say no? Who have you had to say no to? How do you feel when you have to say? These situations are boundary testers and using “No” is a way for us to outline our rules of interaction. Terri and Dom offer us ways to say "No" within real-life situations, including instances in which they were successful, someone was clear with them on a boundary, and times when they struggled with saying "No." If you want to stand up for yourself in those uncomfortable moments, practice in the mirror, in the shower, in the car and remember... “No." It’s a complete sentence. I said what I said and it does not require justification or explanation.   Quote of the Day: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." – Brené Brown    Resources: 20 Ways to Say NO- http://lifegetsorganized.com/2016/04/18/20-ways-to-say-no/   How to Say No And Why You Should Say It More- http://mochagirlspitstop.com/how-to-say-no/   49 Ways To Say No To Anyone (When You Don’t Want To Be A Jerk)- https://www.careerfaqs.com.au/news/news-and-views/how-to-say-no-to-anyone   Therapy for Black Girls   Psychology Today   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s the day after Valentine’s Day. How did you spend the day? Were you focused on others or did you take time to care for yourself? Or was it just another day for you? Hopefully, you did something that made you feel good. In this week’s episode, Dom and Terri dive into the importance of self-care...doing the things (whatever they are) that make you feel good. While self-care is a phrase that seems to be tossed around a lot lately, do we know what it really means? How can we engage in it when we have been socialized to believe that doing so is selfish? Per usual, the ladies provide us with real-life examples from their lives and give us practical ways we can apply it to our own. Self-care is not going to look the same for everyone and shout out to all the ladies finding creative ways to pour into themselves! Remember...equate self-care with what they teach us on the plane- put your own oxygen mask on before you assist others.   Quote of the Day: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” - Audre Lorde   Takeaways: “Taking care of yourself = keeping your cup full. If you don’t do things to keep your cup full, you have nothing left to give or share with others.” – Paige Burkes Self-care is not selfish. Just because everyone else is consuming a certain type of content doesn't mean you have to do it. Self-care is unique to each person. It's your decision to figure out and communicate to those around you. Let's not judge others on the self-care tactics they choose.   If you need ideas on how to establish a Self-care plan, take a look at this link here.   Resources: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today Rainn.org   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this week’s episode, Terri and Dom invite you to join them for a live recording they held with several amazing women at the Womxn of Color Conference at the University of San Francisco. Just in time for Valentine's Day, this episode focuses on dating and relationships. No matter your current relationship status, ask yourself the questions Dom asked the live audience: “What are three things you look for in a relationship?” and, “What is your idea of a perfect date?” Asking these questions can help us begin to assess our relationship needs. Through three different stories, Terri shares with us how she learned to assess and address her relationship needs. As Terri and Dom answer questions from the audience they finally answer the question that made you tune in… “How to play by the rules so you don’t get played.”   Quote of the Day: “We love because it’s the only true adventure”- Nikki Giovanni   Takeaways: Dom and Terri did not answer all of the questions so a future episode will be dedicated to answering all of your questions so make sure you send questions via email, herspacepodcast.com.   If you or someone you know is in (or has been in) an uncertain situation and would like some help, go to rainn.org for tons of resources.   Resources: rainn.org Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the first day of Black History Month, Dom asks us to examine what it's like to be Black in America. Terri and Dom dive into a discussion about colorism, good hair vs. bad hair, representation, how we talk, and lots of other factors that could tear down one’s self-esteem depending on how we perceive it. Dr. Dom drops some knowledge about the Clark doll study, the original experiment that illustrates how we've been conditioned to view ourselves as bad. Terri shouts out her husband’s books that showcase Black boys in a positive light. Initially, it seems as if they’re complaining or focusing on the negative things but just keep listening...They want all Black women to embrace #BlackGirlMagic, celebrate their uniqueness, and live out our ancestors wildest dreams!   Quote of the Day: “I am my ancestors wildest dreams” -BMike   Takeaways: In honor of Black History Month, Terri and Dom encourage you to learn about Black history, art and culture in a way you haven’t done before (books, museums, documentaries, etc) and then share it on H.E.R Space social media pages. Resources Mentioned: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today StudioBe "When I Grow Up I Want to Be” trilogy http://www.royallymelanated.com/product/super-series-3-in-one-book-pre-order/ Why Isn’t There a White History Month? http://mochagirlspitstop.com/white-history-month/ 29 Quotes About Black Women That’ll Make You Proud of Your Melanin http://mochagirlspitstop.com/proud-of-your-melanin/   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Terri is scrolling down her social media timeline and noticed everyone else’s life was lit while hers seemed stagnant. She felt overwhelmed instead of inspired. Dr. Dom reminds Terri of her #BlackGirlMagic but noted a bigger issue...what happens when we don’t reach certain adulting milestones? We tend to engage in negative social comparison (your day 1) based on the highlights of someone else’s life (their day 100). We let other people tell us what we should focus on even if it’s not bringing us fulfillment. Dr. Dom and Terri point out some of the milestones many of us are expected to achieve (the good, the hard, the annoying, the fun) and the strategies we can utilize to be comfortable in our own path. Find your fire and make your own life LIT! Quote of the Day: "Don’t set sail on someone else’s star." - African proverb  Takeaways: Your life is yours to create. It won’t look like anyone else’s and that’s okay. Appreciate the good things happening to you in the moment Revisit Your Why & Your Master Plan Don’t Despise the Days of Small Beginnings Realize Why Successful Black Women Should Be Celebrated Motivate Yourself & Create a Game Plan 4 Ways to Stay Motivated When Everyone Else’s Life is Lit   "Where you will sit when you are old shows where you stood in youth." — Yoruba proverb   Resources Mentioned: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today Goal Mapping Workbook   Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected]  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Terri shares with us a reader question about leaving a toxic relationship. We’ve all been there or know someone who’s been there. Terri talks about her healing from a toxic relationship- the ups and downs of it all, including having “friends”. What are your options? While there are many, Dom wants us to use the time to focus on healing ourselves- our in the meantime. What does time with ourselves really look like and is it even possible? Dom and Terri share with us some pretty cool ways to spend time with ourselves. They also gives us some important things to consider as we’re healing- with no deadline for completion. Our quote queen shares multiple nuggets that you’ll definitely want to share with your girls. Quote of the Day: ‘...I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.’ - Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City Takeaways: Ways to dive into yourself: Journal your thoughts and feelings Invest time in your hobbies Let yourself feel the feelings- but don’t act on them Spend time with friends and family Seek the support of a mental health professional Resources Mentioned: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected] See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Terri and Dom continue the conversation started in last week’s episode this time focusing on goal setting and overcoming procrastination. We all have been guilty of procrastination and Terri lets us in on when she realized she had to stop procrastinating to help reach her goals. What’s keeping you from following through and being accountable? They ask us, “what does try really mean?” and how does that affect the accomplishment of our goals. Then Terri and Dom use real life and personal examples to walk us through using SMART goals to get things done. As always, they give us some other invaluable “Pro tips and Game Changers”. Be sure to log on to the website to check out the goal setting worksheet that will put you on the path to achieving your dreams. Quote of the Day: “I used to want the words ‘She tried’ on my tombstone. Now I want ‘She did it’.” – Katherine Dunham Takeaways: SMART GOALS Specific Measurable Achievable Results-focused Time-bound Resources Mentioned: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today Goal Mapping Workbook Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected] See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In today’s episode Terri and Dom discuss time management and procrastination. They ask some tough questions like, “How do we allocate our time? Do we know the difference between urgent and important or reactive vs. proactive?” Dom shared with us how she managed her time when she was working a 9-5 and trying to complete her dissertation to graduate on time. Terri gives us a game changer in her time management. Then they pull out their top 7 tips from a Business Insider Article that outlines how successful women manage their time. As they are sharing these tips they also give us real life examples that work for women like us. Quote of the Day: "Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent, and not enough time on what is important." - Steven Covey Takeaways: Make time for exercise Toughest tasks for early in the morning Take real breaks Take advantage of unexpected moments Plan ahead Don’t watch too much tv Multitask the right way Resources Mentioned: Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today Goal mapping workbook Self reflection journal Article Pomodoro technique Where to find us: Twitter: @HERspacepodcast Instagram: @herspacepodcast Facebook: @herspacepodcast Website: herspacepodcast.com Email: [email protected] See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/cultivating-h-e-r-space-uplifting-conversations-for-the-black-woman--5470036/support.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome! Start here to learn more about your hosts Terri and Dom, get more insight into why they created H.E.R Space, what scared them about the process, and why they pushed forward to release this podcast in the midst of fear and uncertainty.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.