Crafting Solutions to Conflict

PPI is Purposeful Planning Institute. At PPI’s RendeZoom, Betsy Erickson, Steve Legler, and I led a breakout session on Leaning into Conflict, with confidence and competence. Here are a few take-aways for trusted advisors. Though it’s not helpful to ignore your own discomfort with conflict, owning up to it is fine! The families that advisors work with frequently believe that they are the only ones who experience interpersonal conflict. Simply assuring client families that other families struggle provides significant client service. In some circumstances, an advisor who has no particular expertise in conflict management will be able to help the family over a small hurdle. And if the conflict facing a family is more than you as an advisor feel you can or should take on – there is help out there. People whose focus is on helping families work through the challenges of promoting good conflict and addressing the bad. Just reach out.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Specific written plans to deal with potential conflict can be helpful: both by acknowledging that conflict happens and by having a process in place when it is needed. Those specifics are themselves part of a plan: a contract, a family charter, a workplace policy. Many of us find planning hard to do: we need to face difficult facts, make tough decisions, and devote resources (time, money, and energy) to doing it well. Three steps can help us get past our own or our clients’ conflict: acknowledge that it is difficult; start with something simple instead of nothing; and expect to review and make changes in the future.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Betsy recognizes that conflict is a normal occurrence in families, and helps families engaged in philanthropy to understand that they are not alone in experiencing it. In fact, family conflict may emerge for the first time when families create the structures and make the decisions necessary for wise philanthropy. She and her team are alert for the first signs of conflict and work with families to address it before lasting damage can occur. Betsy mentioned The National Center for Family Philanthropy https://www.ncfp.org/. You can learn more about her work at https://www.arabellaadvisors.com/. You can reach her through [email protected] or 202.595.1036.We also talk about our session, with Steve Legler, at the Purposeful Planning Institute’s RendeZoom, July 21 through July 23, virtually. Our session: How can advisors lean into conflict, with confidence? is designed to be engaging and interactive. It’s not too late to join us! Here’s the link to learn more and to register: https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/2021-rendezoom.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Enterprising families and legacy families need to embrace a balance between unity and independence. Unity that is more accurately described as forced lockstep is dangerous. At the same time, honoring family values and the value of staying together will temper leaning too far into independence.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

:Trauma plays a significant and underappreciated role in conflict. What triggers us and what triggers others is a reflection of our past traumatic experiences: as individuals, as descendants, and as a reflection of our times. Monica Clare is a mediator and leadership coach who focuses on family businesses. We discuss her personal experiences and the methodologies she uses. Learn more about Otto Scharmer’s Theory U here: https://www.ottoscharmer.com/theoryu and The Presencing Institute here: https://www.presencing.org/. Learn more about Thomas Huebl and his work on healing collective trauma and the Collective Trauma Integration Process here: https://thomashuebl.com/. The work of Clare Graves led to the development of the theory of Spiral Dynamics; Ken Wilber built on that theory with his Integral Theory.Learn more about Monica at her website or on LinkedIn: https://www.monica-clare.ca/ and https://www.linkedin.com/in/monica-clare-508a842/ . You can contact her here: [email protected] you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The question of timing is worth your attention. It’s not everything, but it is something that can profoundly affect how well conflict is handled. The “when” question has two steps. First step, when to broach the subject of having a conversation. Second, when to have the conversation. Sometimes, but not always, those will be the same. As a first step, you may be seeking the commitment of the other person to address what is going on. For more on the need to seek a commitment to address the conflict, tune in to Episode 39, published on September 25, 2019 – on any podcast app or here: https://bit.ly/2SL2SGs.Broach the subject when the other person (or people) are most likely to be receptive to the overture. Think about the calendar, their schedule, and when this particular person is at their best. Set up for a successful conversation.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Confirmation bias, the tendency to look only for data that supports an opinion, reinforces negative conflict. We can overcome confirmation bias when we work to be aware of it, we consider where we get information (an “echo chamber” doesn’t help), how we glean information (go beyond sensational headlines), and interpret information (not a knee-jerk acceptance or rejection, but a thoughtful approach). Better still, we can try to avoid surrounding ourselves with people who think just like us.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Mitzi Perdue has a unique perspective on the importance of family business culture: she was born into the Henderson family, founders of the Sheraton Hotel chain, and she married into the Perdue family, where her husband, Frank, was the head of the family-owned poultry business. Both families are thriving through the generations.Mitzi talked about the importance of families spending time together – starting with Gen1, the first generation, eating meals together. She mentioned the work of Professor Robyn Fivush of Emory University. As the family grows, creating reasons for the family to spend time together becomes essential: holidays, reunions, or other regular, fun events work well. Traditions cement the feeling of family unity. Philanthropy helps families join in a common, positive purpose. Mitzi is dedicated to the fight to stop human trafficking. Learn more at https://www.winthisfight.org/ Win This Fight focuses on “two of the greatest needs of the anti-trafficking community: we raise funds for other anti-trafficking organizations, and we help raise awareness.”Learn more about Mitzi’s passion for helping family businesses thrive through generations here: https://mitziperdue.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Disputes and conflicts. Those of us who spend a lot of time thinking about and dealing with interpersonal disagreements don’t necessarily use those words interchangeably. A dispute has the connotation of a specific point of contention. A conflict, on the other hand, suggests a disagreement that may be longer-lasting or possibly broader.When a dispute erupts between or among people who are in an ongoing relationship, there may also be a conflict beneath it. It’s best to go beneath the dispute to look for an underlying conflict and deal with what you find. Now if you can, later if you can’t.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

:Family Business Mediation helps families and their businesses, large or small, to deal with conflicts effectively. Family businesses are certain to face challenges, by their nature. Typically, these include: a mix of emotions and money; individuals who wear multiple hats;long-term relationships, expectations, and memories; power imbalances; and a multi-generational time horizon. This episode provides a brief overview. If you would like to dive deeper, please join Richard Lutringer, Jack Wofford, Natalie McVeigh, and me at the virtual annual conference of the Greater New York Chapter of the Association for Conflict Resolution. On Thursday, June 3, we will offer an interactive presentation on “Family Business Mediation – Addressing Unspoken Factors Driving Business Challenges.” You can register here:https://acrgny.org/ACRGNY-2021-Conference-Schedule-and-SpeakersDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Disagreements can happen in any business relationship. Startups may face challenges unique to their nature, including issues surrounding the value that each partner is bringing to the venture, when they hope to achieve their goals, and how to onboard employees in the startup environment. Bryant describes how he came to work with these businesses, and others that attract millennials. We also discuss Bryant’s upcoming book, “The New Middle: Disagreeing with Heart and Mind When it Matters Most.” In it, he reflects on themes that have arisen in his work in conflict resolution, including the need to treat each other with respect and to remember why they began working together. You can learn more about Bryant and his work at the firm he founded, CollabsHQ, here: www.collabshq.com. Bryant is active on LinkedIn; you can read his articles and posts, and see book updates here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryantgalindo/ .Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Gary Friedman, a highly-respected and deeply-experienced mediator, ran for local office in the small Northern California town where he had lived for 40 years. Recently, tensions had flared in town meetings over a few local issues. Amanda Ripley, author of High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out, wrote about his foray into politics in her article, “I Got Obama’d”.https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2021/05/01/conflict-resolution-politics-amanda-ripley-excerpt-484786Starting out with a goal of including everyone, Gary soon fell into the trap of divisive politics, and tensions escalated. He and his allies lost power. He then regained his perspective and worked to help to help his neighbors understand each other – even when they disagreed. Then conflict could lead to something productive, to true problem-solving.What some of us like to call “good conflict”, the creative and collaborative kind.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Use of Restorative Justice in criminal justice and its application in other areas have both grown in recent years. Restorative Justice has a focus beyond punishment of offenders that includes the needs of the victims. In addition to broader use in the criminal justice arena, Restorative Justice has grown in application to include schools, religious institutions, and societies at large.Howard Zehr, a Restorative Justice pioneer, offers these questions to consider if a process is accurately described as Restorative Justice. Are the wrongs being acknowledged? Are the needs of those who were harmed being addressed? Is the one who committed the harm being encouraged to understand the damage and accept his or her obligation to make right the wrong? Are those involved in or affected by this being invited to be part of the “solution?” Is concern being shown for everyone involved? If the answers to these questions are “no,” then even though it may have restorative elements, it isn’t restorative justice.” https://zehr-institute.org/what-is-rj/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Internal Family Systems Therapy allows an individual to support one’s own contradictory parts.Amy is a certified leadership coach who has pulled together a range of professional and personal experiences that help her serve her clients. One aspect of her coaching work is the application of Internal Family Systems Therapy. The IFS model accepts and welcomes the various parts that we each hold within us. You can learn more about IFS here: https://ifs-institute.com/ Learn more about Amy and her work at her website, https://careerleadershipalignment.com/ Facebook, https://www.facebook.com/AmyKayWatsonCoach/ and LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/amykaywatson/ .Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

When a bad conflict ends, consider carefully how to deal with any sudden and severe shift to your foundation. There is a shock. A shock to you. A shock to the other person -- or people – and a shock to the relationship itself. And it’s predictable that those shocks will have effects. What they are and when they will occur is less predictable. Often, even less predictable are the aftershocks. Don’t be thrown by the shock. Whether it’s a shock or an aftershock, try hard to avoid a knee-jerk reaction to lash out and hurt others in the relationship. Though the immediate lash-out may seem satisfying in the moment, that feeling can fade very quickly. And then the “jerk” part remains. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Truly understanding estrangement is quite tough; clearing up some misconceptions is easier. There’s often a tilt to the misunderstanding of estrangement. A tilt to the negative, the hopeless, a belief in a guaranteed increased hardening as time goes on. There can also be a misunderstanding about how the two “sides” view the estrangement itself, even if they agree about how they started on the path to estrangement. It’s common to believe everyone chooses anger, reciprocal rejection, or a genuine effort to forget about those on the other side. That’s not always the case, as demonstrated by the words of a man, years into an estrangement, who said this about his brother: “He’s in the family. Absent but loved.” Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Families can benefit if they leave the work of fiduciary duties to a dedicated professional trustee and focus on being a family. Marguerite describes the duties, including obligations of ethics and fairness, that trustees must fulfill. Communications with all the relevant people are essential, while also preserving the agency of an aging person. If a family member -- and not a professional -- is acting as trustee, communication is even more important because of real, imagined, or potential conflicts of interest. You can learn more about Marguerite and Lorenz Private Trustees at https://www.mytrustee.net/ . Her book, Ethics for Trustees 2.0, is available on Amazon.Marguerite also talked about the work of the Independent Trustee Alliance, an international professional alliance dedicated to growing and supporting the Independent Trustee profession. Learn more here: https://www.trusteealliance.com/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Reconciliation Day, April 2nd, can serve as a catalyst to start to heal an estrangement. The late advice columnist Ann Landers created the day as a time each year to extend an olive branch of reconciliation over hurts caused by words or actions. You can learn more about its origins in the April 2, 2019 Reconciliation Day episode: https://bit.ly/2PnuhMO.Reconciliation Day can serve as a catalyst: an arbitrary day to make the first step toward ending an estrangement and reconciling. Think through how best to approach the other person. Use the fact of Reconciliation Day explicitly – it’s why you are reaching out now (no ulterior motive). And consider the step forward as just that: a step in the right direction on an important journey, and not the whole journey itself.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Both the directness and the intensity with which we express disagreement influence the solution. A paper titled “The Directness and Oppositional Intensity of Conflict Expression” explored combinations of high or low directness and high or low intensity in expressing opposition. The best approach, according to the paper, is high directness/low intensity. In that case, the clear expression of opposition leads to a clear understanding of it. And a low intensity approach allows those involved to focus on the problem they are trying to solve and to avoid getting caught up in personal attacks or defenses. Say what you mean, mean what you say – but get your point across without being mean.The brief newspaper article featuring the research paper can be found here: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/10/business/be-direct-and-low-key-to-defuse-discord-at-the-office.html “Applied Science” column, New York Times, May 10, 2015, Phyllis Korkki, “Defuse Discord at the Office: Be More Direct”. An abstract of the research paper and information on accessing the entire piece can be found here: https://journals.aom.org/doi/abs/10.5465/amr.2013.0124. “The Directness and Oppositional Intensity of Conflict Expression” byLaurie R. Weingart, Kristin J. Behfar, Corinne Bendersky,Gergana Todorova,and Karen A. Jehn.Published Online on April 22, 2014. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Jim shares insights from his deep experience with legacy families – and shares a secret tip. Jim noted a few key points. Not all differences are going to lead to damaging conflicts. When families work to manage conflicts, it’s not just about communication; negotiation will be necessary. Families will help themselves when they work to improve skills that promote effective negotiation. Families can then carry forward a new template for their interaction, one that will better serve future generations.You can learn more about Jim and his publications at http://jamesgrubman.com/. You can reach him at [email protected]. Jim is a Faculty Advisor for the Ultra High Net Worth Institute. Learn more about the Institute here: https://www.uhnwinstitute.org/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Wise words from Desmond Tutu: “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” Increasing your volume isn’t likely to win over anyone, and it might make matters worse. Improving your argument doesn’t mean make your language nastier, use big words where smaller ones would be better, or say everything twice.Instead: find the weak points in your argument and make them stronger, make the vague points clearer, be specific, and think through the likely objections of the other person. The point of all of these thoughts is that you can more effectively attempt topersuade someone else to see things from your point of view if you leave out the volume and the venom. And that can be true in a multimillion-dollar lawsuit or a chat with a family member.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

March weather in some places can be like the participants in a mediation.In some parts of the world, the month of March starts cold and blustery and ends in a milder, gentler manner. The same can be true in the mediation process. People may start out frozen in their positions and feeling aggressive. By the end of the process, they may be willing to find a more temperate and more nimble way forward together.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Enterprising families can prevent nasty conflicts by embracing governance and “cleansing”Richa describes how families can adopt governance processes that fit their own situation, at the current time, and adapt them as circumstances change. Having these processes in place to address challenging issues can prevent nasty conflict from occurring. In some cases, a family benefits from a “cleansing” to bring to the surface underlying, ongoing conflicts before building a new foundation for family and business success.Learn more about Richa at https://www.linkedin.com/in/richa-singh-831396b1/. Contact her to find out more about a complimentary consultation by email, [email protected], phone or text, 1+720.215.1286. The Family Business Consulting Group offers free resources here: https://www.thefbcg.com/ .Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Talking about why a prenup makes sense before a potential life partner is involved prevents unnecessary conflict.The idea of a prenup can cause hurt and anger in the person who is asked to sign one. A large part of the problem is the feeling that that being asked to sign one means that the spouse or, more likely, the intended spouse’s parents “don’t trust me!” or “don’t like me!” If the parents discuss their feelings about the benefits of a prenup before their offspring are likely to meet a potential life partner, then it becomes obvious that the particular person chosen is not being targeted or personally rejected in some way. Planning ahead can prevent significant conflicts in a number of situations, including prenups. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Approaching conflict the same way repeatedly and expecting different results is “insanity”.Three different perspectives on handling conflict effectively suggest that taking the same approach to conflict over and again and expecting different (and, implicitly, better) results is “insanity”. Dr. Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler’s Optimal Outcomes Method, Cinnie Nobles’ CINERGY® Conflict Management Coaching Model, and The Mediation Training Institute’s Conflict Dynamics Profile ® all encourage first recognizing and then working to change the conflict habits that aren’t serving us well. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

When situations resist resolution, the Optimal Outcomes Method teaches us conflict freedom.An Optimal Outcome maximizes our imagined future and reality. The method helps us to understand the conflict loop, to break the conflict pattern, and free ourselves from the loop. Learn more about Jen’s book, Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life at https://jengoldmanwetzler.com/the-book/. Multiple free resources are available at https://jengoldmanwetzler.com/resources/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Unity of values or purpose can overcome a lack of unanimity on details. If unity requires that everyone is in unanimous, complete, agreement on every detail, then unity will be impossible to achieve in all but the smallest or the most rigid of groups. Better to have unity of values or unity of purpose and then live with the lack of unanimity on the smaller points. But one thing is crucial: We all can more easily embrace unity and live with a lack of unanimity when the process for making decisions is thought to be fair.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Christopher Earle coined an excellent phrase about winners and losers.Be humble in victory and gracious in defeat. Conflict often ends with some as winners and some as losers. The current winner can become the loser next time – and vice versa. The choice we make – and it is a choice – about how to behave should reflect our own sense of honor. It’s true, too, that others will notice how we conduct ourselves and remember it in the future.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Research and support for family firms is relatively new in Africa, a key motivation behind Tsitsi’s work. She knew about the work of family firms from an early age – both those that thrived and those that failed. An entrepreneur at heart, Tsitsi has become passionate about helping African family enterprises network, learn, and receive the recognition they deserve. She recently earned Certificates in Family Wealth Advising and Family Business Advising from the Family Firm Institute. You can learn more about her consultancy work here: https://www.nhakalegacy.com/and the organization she co-founded here: https://www.africanfamilyfirms.org/. Her podcast is Enterprising Families.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Dovetail Resolutions, LLC: high-quality, customized approaches to conflict that fit. The concept of dovetailing is well-known: things fitting together well. A dovetail joint is highly valued in carpentry: a custom creation, where the two pieces form a strong, interlocking connection. Resolutions sometimes represent conflict resolution of the mediated agreement type. Other times, a resolution is a commitment: the people involved agree to a plan of action, or to a change in tone, or to undertaking some sort of activity that will serve them better than fighting. And a bonus meaning: the word “dovetail” comes from the image of a dove’s flared tail. What do we call a dove? The bird of peace. That’s the meaning of Dovetail Resolutions, LLC. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

2020 provides some useful takeaways for dealing with conflict effectively.This year has been full of challenges and many are happy to put it behind them. As we turn the page, we can benefit from remembering a few lessons. First, many individuals reached across differences to help each other – these successes can be lost in the scope of the challenges. Second, when grappling with the issue of racial inequality – and other issues, too – we do well to remember that we are all individuals, and worthy persons. Third, as Damian Barr stated, we are in the same storm, but not the same boat. We all have different experiences, which shape our perspectives. Respecting those differences allows us to handle them better.Finally, many thanks to my listeners, guests, and fellow podcasters. One guarantee for 2021: conflict will be a part of life. And, we can get better at dealing with it well.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

A focus on visual leadership helps leaders more effectively imagine, communicate, and inspire.Visual images are proven to help us conceive of ideas, express those ideas to others, and encourage people to join us on a journey. You can learn more about Todd on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toddcherches/. His personal website includes tips and information on his new book, VisuaLeadership ®, Leveraging the Power of Visual Thinking in Leadership and in Life, through his website. https://www.toddcherches.com/. His company training website is http://www.bigbluegumball.com/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Though it’s tempting to see things as black or white, embracing the gray is often worth the effort.

Harmony is about differences coming together, not everything being the same.We understand harmony in music to be different parts combining in a positive way. But we sometimes think of human harmony as a group without differences. In fact, human harmony mirrors musical harmony: the differences create the depth of the sound. You can experience the NYC Virtual Choir and Orchestra demonstrating lovely human and musical harmony here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLPP3XmYxXg&ab_channel=ThePoddBrothers Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Scapegoating is a pattern of behavior that can harm not just the target, but the others in the group as well. Sarah Peyton is a Nonviolent Communication trainer and neuroscience educator. She uses her knowledge and experience to explain why our brains can embrace scapegoating (when we are not the target). We discuss how groups, especially in the workplace, get involved in scapegoating and how to break the pattern. You can learn more about Sarah and her work at https://www.yourresonantself.com/ , where you can also find free guided meditations for developing self-warmth and resonance.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

I am grateful for the 100 weekly episodes of Crafting Solutions to Conflict published to date.This episode is the 100th weekly episode of the Crafting Solutions to Conflict podcast. I am thankful to Seth Godin and the coaches and peers who supported me through the second run of the Podcasting workshop, starting in October 2018. And to the Old Hands who were part of that group and continue to help me alone the journey. I am grateful for the guests who have graciously shared their insights. And, most of all, I am grateful for the listeners to this podcast. This podcast is for you.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Fisher and Ury use The Orange as a vivid illustration of a key conceptIn the book Getting to Yes, Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, Roger Fisher and William Ury tell the story of the orange. It is a vivid illustration of the difference between interests and positions. When we state a position, it’s a proxy for our interest. If we focus on the interests behind positions, we may more easily find creative solutions to conflict. that we should focus on our interests and not our positions. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Our unconscious bias shapes our perspective in ways we don’t easily recognize or accept.Just days after the 2020 election in the U.S., we discuss how we all are affected by bias – in ways that we find hard to manage and hard to believe. Our emotional reactions are so fast and our commitment to our rationalizations so strong that it is difficult for us to change our own minds or to see that others may have their own values and perspectives that seem completely legitimate to them. The first steps to communicating with each other are accepting our humanity and being open to at least hearing an opposing point of view. Howard mentioned his three books: Reinventing Diversity, Everyday Bias, and Our Search for Belonging. You can learn more about his work and contact him through LinkedIn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/howardjross/ , https://howardjross.com/ , or https://udarta.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The day after Election Day in the U.S. is featuring a number of factors that encourage conflict.Today’s challenges include uncertainty, high emotions, exhaustion, a highly significant outcome, and lots of noise. All of these can contribute to negative, destructive conflict. Yet we have also seen an absence of conflict that had been feared by some: violence and disruption in the voting process. There have also been instances of positive conflict: Republican leaders contradicting a president of their own party. As the future unfolds, we should avoid holding our breath, both figuratively and unconsciously literally. Instead we should count our breaths, in and out.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Vik Kapoor on a UN Office of the Ombudsman pilot peer conflict coaching programVik describes a pilot peer conflict coaching program underway in over 40 countries, as part of the work of the UN Office of the Ombudsman. Vik notes that the views he expresses are his own and do not reflect the views of the United Nations or the U.S. Federal Government in any way; any errors and omissions are his own. The Office of the Ombudsman for United Nations Funds and Programmes' site is https://fpombudsman.org/Vik also tells us about his coaching work with millennials in the U.S. You can find him on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/vikapoor and his website: www.extra-m.com. Vik also offers listeners his go-to self-care graphic by texting selfserve to 44222 (one word, and capitalization doesn't matter whatsoever). This will also subscribe them to his list to get updates on his self-coaching book coming out in April and other coaching resources.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Both inside the group in conflict and outside it, threads of conflict may be hidden below the surface.Hidden Threads of Conflict is the title of a presentation next week for the annual global conference of the Family Firm Institute (FFI). I am part of a panel of three, which is part of a larger group, which is itself a subset of the FFI Mediation Virtual Study Group. It’s been great to work with Jack Wofford, Richard Lutringer, Ann Begler, Natalie McVeigh, Kathleen Hoye, Amy Wirtz, Susan Kaye, Chen Seft-Feiglin, and Marc Silverman.Families, in particular, often think that their own family is the only one that faces conflict – or that theirs is worse than what others face. That’s one sense in which conflict is hidden: people don’t tell their friends and colleagues that they are battling within their extended families. Often conflict is hidden just below the surface. It doesn’t take much to bring it into the open, which can bring an end to stress of hiding it or pretending it isn’t there. Then attention can focus on dealing with the conflict or its basis. And next time there is some kind of conflict, the group will have experienced the benefits of not keeping the challenge hidden.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Every year, The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) celebrates Conflict Resolution Day. This year it’s on October 15th. ACR is an international, professional organization enhancing the practice and public understanding of conflict resolution. Members include mediators, arbitrators, educators and other conflict resolution practitioners. ACR’s Mission: ACR gives voice to the choices for quality conflict resolution.ACR’s Vision: All people know their choices for conflict resolution. The key word is choices: we make choices about how we will handle conflict. In recognition of Conflict Resolution Day, ACR shared some quotes with members.Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional. – Max LucadoConflict is the beginning of consciousness. – M. Esther HardingIn a conflict, being willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a viewing point – A higher, more expansive place, from which you can see both sides. – Thomas Crum Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. – Winston ChurchillLearn more at acrnet.orgDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

An ombuds helps individuals and groups to resolve conflicts and concerns.Chuck explains how the term ombudsman comes originally from the Swedish and means “representative”. Today you may hear ombuds, ombudsman, or ombudsperson. According to the International Ombudsman Association: “Ombudsmen work in all types of organizations, including government agencies, colleges and universities, corporations, hospitals and other medical facilities, and news organizations. There are different types of ombudsmen with different roles, functional responsibilities, and standards of practice including organizational ombudsman, classical ombudsman, and advocate ombudsman.” The organizational ombuds may be the most frequently encountered. As Chuck notes, the organizational ombuds benefits individuals and organizations – with the principle of confidentiality serving an essential function.You can learn more at the IOA website: https://www.ombudsassociation.org/ and reach Chuck at [email protected] you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Considering what we’re missing can clarify why someone disagrees with us.When we are in conflict and can’t understand how someone can hold the position they do, we can consider if we are missing something. Do we have partial information? Or outdated information? Does the other person have a perspective we don’t grasp? We ask ourselves what we’re missing. We can also ask the other person – with genuine curiosity. Even if no minds are changed immediately, channels of communication may be opened or strengthened.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Nonviolent Communication: communicating with clarity and empathy.Dr. Marshall Rosenberg developed the concept of Nonviolent Communication – or NVC – and founded the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC). Very generally, the NVC approach can be broken down into four parts: observing a situation -- without evaluation or judgment; noticing the feelings the situation brings to the surface; understanding what need or value is causing those feelings; and requesting concrete actions that you would like taken that would better meet your needs. You can learn more about NVC and the Center here: https://www.cnvc.org/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Motivational Interviewing helps people resolve inner conflicts and make changes that help them reach goals.Joseph discussed his work as a financial and life planner and how he uses Motivational Interviewing to help his clients better understand how to match their behaviors to the goals they identify for themselves. Motivational Interviewing was developed by clinical psychologists William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick in the area of addiction treatment. Its principles apply much more broadly and can help people resolve ambivalent or contradictory feelings and move to positive change.You can learn more about Motivational Interviewing through the Motivational Interviewing Network of Trainers at https://motivationalinterviewing.org/. You can learn more about Josephs’ firm at https://abundancewp.com. You can contact him at [email protected] or 510.933.8347.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

In mediation, a trained neutral helps with conflict resolution; in facilitation, there is less or no focus on conflict.Unlike facilitation, in mediation there is always an active dispute. In facilitation, there may be one brewing, one resolved but the resolution not yet implemented, or no dispute at all – just an interest in considering a topic or topics with care. You can learn more at the American Bar Association’s Dispute Resolution Section webpage, in the public access section: https://www.americanbar.org/groups/dispute_resolution/resources/DisputeResolutionProcesses/mediation/andhttps://www.americanbar.org/groups/dispute_resolution/resources/DisputeResolutionProcesses/facilitation/. The International Association of Facilitators has its own description of facilitation: https://www.iaf-world.org/site/facilitators.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

William Ury’s idea of going to the balcony helps in a challenging conversation. In his book Getting Past No he sets out the idea of Going to the Balcony. Trying that strategy can help you three ways: 1) you avoid a knee-jerk reaction; 2) you can a wider perspective; 3) you take a pause – of whatever length is best – in engaging in the conflict. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Better recognition of our body’s role in emotions will help us to use them as an asset.Paula talked with me about how she came to learn about the importance of addressing our body – and not just our mind – when dealing with emotions and stress. You can learn more and reach Paula at [email protected], phone: 646.554.346, or https://www.naturalintelligencesystems.com/.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The Serenity Prayer provides insights on both personal and interpersonal conflict. Many know the poem credited to the American theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, and that’s how we hear about the inner conflict in trying to follow its hopes. A different challenge lies in the interpersonal conflicts of different perspectives about what is impossible to change, and the courage to change what can be changed. It may take true wisdom to convince someone else to change their perspective to yours.God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,courage to change the things I can,and wisdom to know the difference.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.