Crafting Solutions to Conflict

Jeff Savlov has an interest and expertise in how parents can talk to young kids about family wealth. Starting quite young, parents can help children learn please, thank you, I’m sorry, how to clean up after themselves. That last point includes a concept I find wonderfully compelling: the Golden Sippy Cup Rule. You can contact Jeff and learn more about his work here: https://blumandsavlov.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Whataboutism is the practice – or even a single act – of responding to a criticism or accusation by claiming that a supposed offense committed by someone else is just as bad or worse. In the interest of promoting rational conversation… Let’s assume for a moment, that you hear something that prompts you to want to respond with whataboutism. Try to resist that temptation. Instead of “what about …?” try something less likely to ignite anger. Even “what do you think about …?” “How might they be similar?” On the flip side, what works best if the “what about” is thrown at you? You could say “well, let’s talk about that.” “Tell me more about what you are thinking.” Or some other words that can lead to a continuing dialogue.And, of course, tone matters, too.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

It’s not news that women can be criticized for language or behavior labelled as aggressive. And that exactly the same language or behavior would be championed as assertive by a man. A little discouraging but I suggest we can approach this challenge. First, as with any sort of bias, we can try to be more aware of the ones we carry and how they affect our thought process and our conclusions. Second, we can steer ourselves toward assertive language and behavior. Third, we can respond when we witness someone else exhibiting what we feel is a bias by being assertive and not aggressive.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Cindy Watson’s new book, The Art of Feminine Negotiation: How to get what you want from the boardroom to the bedroom, addresses a key topic in our lives. Her ARE FIT model represents an acronym of six key skills to being a great negotiator: assertiveness, rapport building, empathy, flexibility, intuition, and trustworthiness. You can learn more about Cindy and the book here: http://artoffemininenegotiation.com/The secret website for listeners to access can be found here: https://www.artoffemininenegotiationbook.com/aofn-book-launch1678293893238Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

My most recent guest, Gleb Tsipursky, talked with me about how to do Return to Office policies right. Our conversation, Episode 229, was published on May 17, 2023. In part of our discussion, Gleb introduced us to the copy machine study. In that 1977 study, people standing in line at a copy machine were asked if they would allow someone else to cut in front of them. Remarkably, when given the reasons because I am in a hurry or because I need to make copies the increase in people agreeing was about the same. Even though it was obvious that they were all there to make copies. People responded positively to “because”. In a family enterprise having a “because” in the form of compliance with a family employment policy can avoid feelings of unfairness. Giving a “because” to explain estate planning decisions can prevent resentment. The “because” behind a decision to sell a multi-generational business can reassure those affected that there are good reasons for that course of action.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

J.W. Brehm first proposed reactance theory in 1966. Reactance is the motivation to regain a freedom after it has been lost or threatened, and it leads people to resist the social influence of others. Quoting from the article Understanding Psychological Reactance: “The unpleasant motivational state of reactance results in behavioral and cognitive efforts to reestablish one’s freedom, accompanied by the experience of emotion. People who are threatened usually feel uncomfortable, hostile, aggressive, and angry.” We can minimize or avoid the reactance phenomenon when we recognize its importance and consider how to enact policies, announce plans, and conduct ourselves to avoid real or felt loss of freedom to engage in free behaviors. Learn more here:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4675534/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Gleb Tsipursky and I first talked back in the early days of the pandemic, on Episode 66, published on April 1, 2020. Then, Gleb was focused on how businesses could prepare for a lengthy pandemic and minimize its impacts. Now, he is helping clients effectively address the challenges of hybrid work and Returning To the Office the right way. In a way that respects the needs and interests of the staff and rejects blanket mandates. Our conversation shows why the New York Times called him an office whisperer. You can learn more about Gleb’s work and contact him here: https://disasteravoidanceexperts.com/ His latest book is Returning to the Office and Leading Hybrid and Remote Teams: A Manual on Benchmarking to Best Practices for Competitive Advantage. You can learn more here: https://disasteravoidanceexperts.com/hybrid/. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Open The Front Door is a communication framework. It was developed by Tasha Souza, when she was a professor at Boise State University. It’s a helpful tool to use in hot moments in the classroom – and beyond, I think!O -- Observe. T -- Think. F -- Feel. D -- Desire. State what you Observe, factually and nonjudgmentally. State what you think. State what you feel. State what your desired outcome is.You can learn more about OTFD here:https://www.boisestate.edu/ctl/blog/2016/08/18/hot-moments-classroom/https://www.oakland.edu/Assets/Oakland/cetl/files-and-documents/TeachingTips/2016/HotMomentsTT.pdfhttps://scholarworks.boisestate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1007&context=covid Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The classic book Getting to Yes gives us the B A T N A, which stands for Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. As you might guess, W A T N A stands for your worst alternative to a negotiated agreement. Even in a straightforward dispute about money, the parties need to understand just how likely their BATNA and WATNA are. A very good chance? Almost none? And then there are the other costs of continuing a dispute. Distraction, delay, anxiety. If the dispute is not between strangers, and not about money, the questions become more complicated. If the people involved are family members or work together in a family business, might you lose by winning? Might everyone?Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Nellie Harden is a family life and leadership coach. Her 6570 project represents the 18 years parents have to raise their offspring to be adults. Nellie shares key guideposts to prepare for and engage in courageous conversations with tween and teen daughters.You can learn more about Nellie’s work, find resources, and access her podcast here: https://www.nellieharden.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The classic book Getting to Yes introduced the idea of your BATNA or Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Your WATNA is the Worst Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Understanding these can help you weigh how flexible you are in attempting to reach an agreement.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The ZOPA is the Zone of Possible Agreement. It’s usually considered in the context of business or sales negotiations. The Zone is the overlap between, for example, what a seller is willing to accept for a car and what a buyer is willing to pay. Or what an employer is willing to pay and an employee is willing to accept. I think the ZOPA idea can be useful in other contexts, too: it is practical and simple to grasp. It's one more concept to consider when thinking creatively about addressing conflicts.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Beth Fisher-Yoshida has a new book, New Story, New Power: A Woman’s Guide to Negotiation. We discuss culture, stories, patterns, and habits. And practical tools to help you move away from what holds you back and reinforce what helps.You can learn more about Beth’s work and contact her here: https://bethfisheryoshida.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Humility is a concept that is misunderstood at times.Some believe that it suggests a low opinion of yourself, that it is a sign of weakness. In fact, the more accurate understanding is that humility is a character strength. It is an indication that you have confidence in your abilities and – better still – you lack the need to brag about yourself. You don’t need to be arrogant. Humility allows you to have better interactions with others – to have no need to show that you think you are better in some way.If I come at you with arrogance and a lack of humility, your first reaction may be to resist and fight your obnoxious opponent. Imagine how different the interaction can be and how much better the relationship can be if humility is exercised. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

My last two guests touched on the idea of using a personal mantra to handle conflict more effectively. Pattie Porter shared that, inside her head, she has several phrases that she has created to help her achieve centering and stabilization when she feels triggered in a conversation. Treena Reillkoff spoke of a mantra of gratitude, a daily acknowledgement of things large or quite small to be grateful for and to build resilience. Creating your own? Be positive, short, and personal.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Treena Reillkoff works as a Trauma Informed Conflict Management and Resiliency Specialist. We discuss how specific tools, practices, and perspectives can allow us to recognize and nurture resiliency in ourselves and others. Treena is one of 106 co-authors, from 27 countries, and 11 languages who share their insights in the book Grief & Fatigue: Families & the Pandemic: Stories of Struggle and Hope, with proceeds from sales supporting Ukrainian refugees.You can learn more about Treena and contact her here: https://tlrsolutions4conflict.ca/or https://www.linkedin.com/in/treenareilkoff-tlr-solutions4conflict/You can purchase the book - for yourself and to share - here: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0B6T8YYQ8https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B6T8YYQ8 Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

At this time of year, Major League Baseball teams are engaged in Spring Training. What could baseball’s Spring Training have to do with conflict? I see a few lessons to learn about conflict prevention. There’s the very basic idea that practice makes us better – at virtually everything. Probably even improvisation. Definitely in handling conflict well.These games don’t count in the regular season standings. They are an opportunity to practice.They are a chance for the whole team, and parts of the team, to gel. Interpersonal bonds, especially between pitchers and catchers, can be built and nurtured. And, experimentation carries little risk, because the games don’t count in the regular season standings.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

My guest last time, Pattie Porter, talked about Verbal Akido. One point that Pattie made is that something that feels like an “attack” may not be intended to be one. As is true with so much in communications that don’t feel comfortable, I would do well to take a beat, pause for a moment, gather myself…. And think. First, why do I feel attacked? What is it in me that was struck? Next, it is a legitimate criticism? Is it valid? Now, how can I react? If it does hit the mark, can I acknowledge that to the other person? Can I learn something here? Can I resist becoming defensive and rejecting the idea? At the other extreme, can I resist descent into beating up on myself so much that I can’t absorb the benefit of the criticism?Of course, sometimes the speaker could be more thoughtful. If we want it to have a desirable impact, we should make the effort to choose our words carefully.And let’s not forget the tone. Our tone of voice – in spoken language or written – carries at least as much weight as our words and usually more. Our facial expressions, our body language --both speak volumes.We can be benefit by being more careful in the messages we send and in how we receive them. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

For nearly thirty years, Pattie Porter has helped people get better at handling conflict through her work as a coach, trainer, academic, and other roles. And her podcast, the Texas Conflict Coach, shared some of her wisdom. In the last few years, Pattie has become a student and practitioner of Verbal Akido. She shares with us its three steps – in theory and in practice. You can learn more about Pattie and her work, and contact her, through her company website, https://www.conflictconnections.com.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Usually battles of attrition are associated with violent clashes in wartime. One side tries to wear down the other, to wear them down, exhaust them. But these battles can appear in interpersonal relationships, too. In those situations, there can be a dynamic effect that can alter the relationship. The one who is being worn down can feel not just defeated, but resentful. If you think you are going to give in, maybe you should do that right away!Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

It’s not unusual to hear the admonition “Don’t get emotional” in the context of conflict. What poppycock. We are humans and we have emotions. It’s far better to recognize that fact, to acknowledge our emotions, and to think about what they are telling us. We should, of course, avoid being ruled by our emotions. We tend to think that only negative emotions can come up in conflict. In fact, positive emotions can be present, too. It’s best to think about our own emotions with some care – and to avoid telling someone else to ignore or simply shut down their own.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Kristin MacDermott is the creator of the Four Family Meetings program. This approach allows families and the individuals within them to begin with a positive perspective through storytelling, move on to the essential topic of handling conflict, explore the importance of boundaries, and strengthen a sense of belonging. You can learn more about Kristin’s work here: https://www.macdermottmethod.com/resilientfamilystrategies.com. You can contact Kristin here: [email protected] can learn more about the Purposeful Planning Institute here: https://purposefulplanninginstitute.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

In improvisation, “yes, and” is the idea that one person makes a statement and then – whatever it is – the next person affirms it and then builds on it. That concept has been applied to communication. I talked about “Yes, and” in communication back in Episode 24, published on June 12, 2019. Would “no, and” lead to a more thoughtful conversation than “no, but”? Does it sound less like a reflexive way to tone down a rejection? Less of an automatic response that shuts down further discussion. It's worth a try.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

From a conflict perspective, what was the point of airing the dirty laundry in Prince Harry’s memoir, Spare? Telling your own side of a story is a very common desire. Perhaps his intention is to raise his standing (and Meghan’s) in the court of public opinion – which may be working or may be backfiring. Harry has said that he is open to a better relationship with his family. There may be a worse way to promote reconciliation than a gossipy memoir showcasing bad behavior by everyone else. But it is difficult to think of what it would be.Speaking of the family …. So far, it seems that silence is their official response. Silence can provide a positive contrast when someone else appears to be acting undignified. Perhaps Harry simply wants to take advantage of the opportunity – which may be fleeting – to make as much money as he can.Of course, most of us don’t have the opportunity to air family dirty laundry with that sort of splash. If we do choose to air dirty family laundry, we risk doing real damage to family relationships and to our own image. If you need to talk it out, doing so privately greatly reduces those risks. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

David Tate is the author, along with Marianne Pantalon and Daryn David, of Conscious Accountability: Deepen Connections, Elevate Results. We talk about expanded awareness, deliberate intentions, informed actions, and being responsible for our impact.You can learn more about his work Conscious Growth Partners here: https://consciousgrowthpartners.com/. Connect with David on LinkedIn here:https://www.linkedin.com/in/david-c-tate-780683/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Last week, I was certain – if you looked – that you could find some successes with conflict in 2022. This week, I am equally confident that you can build on your strengths in 2023. For example, it may be that you are quite good at welcoming varied perspectives. Or you enjoy ensuring regular communications – even when there is no particular news to share. Perhaps you are comfortable speaking calmly in a tense group setting and encouraging others to take a breath before speaking out in a way they may regret. Or you can talk privately, without too much judgment, to someone who is about to – or already has – become embroiled in a nasty conflict. You may even be a person who can suggest to everyone that you all could get better at communication and handling conflict. And to make it a priority.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

I invite you to look back on the year and see what you did well, what you did right, regarding conflict. The positives can take a range of forms. There may have been a very good conflict: a situation in which tough issues were grappled with. A little tougher to see is the potential bad conflict that was avoided. A conflict may have been negative – yet less damaging than it could have been. If a conflict erupted that did do damage, did you find ways to repair that? Or to figure out how to avoid that damage in the future? Do you feel more competent and confident about handling conflict than you did at the beginning of the year? Each of us can find something positive about how we dealt with conflict in 2022. When we find it, we need to celebrate it.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Stephen McGarvey is the author Ignite a Shift: Engaging Minds, Guiding Emotions, and Driving Behavior. We discuss motivation, the importance of being understood, and the impact of certain words. Plus, I ask Stephen this question: “Why is this not creepy and manipulative?" Listen to our conversation to hear his response. You can learn more about Stephen’s work and the book at http://solutionsinmind.com/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Author and speaker John C. Maxwell is credited with coining this phrase: “Disappointment is the gap that exists between expectation and reality.” It’s usually more difficult to change reality than to change our expectations. In circumstances of interpersonal conflict, change is often the key piece in expectation. We should take a moment to look – realistically – at aspects of a desired change to understand what change genuinely can be expected. If we consider our expectations with care – and distinguish them from our hopes and dreams – we may avoid unnecessary disappointment.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Josh Patrick is a business consultant who has learned from – and continues to learn from – personal experience and work with clients, as well as reading, writing, speaking, and podcasting about the challenges business owners face.Business owners can face internal conflicts – engaging in behaviors that don’t serve them well. I talk with Josh about failing fast and failing cheap, the value of small experiments, and more.Josh’s weekly podcast is Cracking the Cash Flow Code. You can sign up for his weekly newsletter and learn more about his work here: https://www.sustainablebusiness.co/ . You can contact Josh directly here:[email protected] you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

When you have an infrequent in-person conversation, think back to it. How did it go? Most important, what can you do now to follow up to improve that relationship? What can you do to increase the odds of positive conflict (creative and collaborative) in the future?If you had a good talk, seize on that! Follow up with a visit, phone call, text, email, or even an old-fashioned letter or card. Mental telepathy does not count. On the flip side, if it didn’t go well – consider reaching out to repairwhat you can. If you were surprised by how well you got along with someone, perhaps you should share that. Probably the other person was surprised, too. Revisit that fun moment. When we gather in-person infrequently, we can help strengthen good relationships, build new ones, and repair damaged ones if we follow-up soon after – making the most of the time we spent together. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Cognitive biases represent shortcuts in our thinking and how we reach conclusions. You can learn about Overcoming confirmation bias in Episode 129, published on June 16, 2021. Managing availability bias is the topic of Episode 143, published on September 22, 2021. And Episode 176, published on May 11, 2022, is about Implicit Bias and the Implicit Association Test. There are plenty of other biases. Today, a few words about salience bias. In this context, salience means how prominent or emotionally striking something is.For example, let’s assume I have a friend who is very easy going – almost always. Then, one day, that friend skewers me for something I did that the friend feels to be terribly wrong. My view is that I may have made a minor goof (I do make my fair share, after all), but I am not sure I did this time. Salience bias can lead me to build this one incident out of so many into a major blow-up that obscures all the positive interactions we have had -- and can have in the future if the relationship is not derailed by this single and singular experience. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

We are now coming into the time of year for traditional family gatherings. For many years, these in-person celebrations have been the time to tackle difficult conversations and make important decisions. Lots of families are coming together this season for the first time since 2019. In the depth of the pandemic, remarkable lessons came out of our need to shift away from in-person gatherings to online group conversations and meetings.Prioritize human connections when gathering in-person – whatever time of year. Take advantage of the benefits of periodic, online meetings. That’s especially true when negative conflict may erupt.We are in a time when we can reset for the better – we can make changes that will serve our families better. And encourage more positive conflicts – the creative and collaborative kind – and fewer of the negative and destructive ones. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Going along to get along can be a good idea – sometimes. When you find yourself giving in – accommodating in Thomas-Kilmann theory – too often, you might stop and think about that. Do you not care about the outcome of a decision? Are you afraid to speak your mind? Are you going to be silenced by your own choice to not speak up? Will you become resentful about always being the one to “sacrifice”? These questions are especially important in the context of an ongoing, valued relationship.We can all get better at handling conflict, including going along to get along when it makes sense – and not doing it when it doesn’t.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Amanda Holmes, daughter of the renowned sales strategist Chet Holmes, was 24 when she inherited her father’s vast business interests and his legacy – with no preparation of any kind. We talk about her journey over the last ten years as she grew into her role as CEO by following her instincts, developing her skills and self-confidence, and charting a path that builds on the past with her own vision for the future. We discuss her update of her father's celebrated book, The Ultimate Sales Machine. It is available at https://www.ultimatesalesmachine.com/, where you will find bonus resources not available if you buy the book on Amazon. Amanda also talked about the How to Double Your Sales Quiz. You can find it here: https://chetholmes.com/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Just last week, I was in a conversation about the key question for a would-be podcaster. Why do you want to do this? I had a clear answer to that question in 2018 during Seth Godin’s podcasting workshop (7 intensive weeks and 35 lessons) and my answer is the same in 2022, on Episode 200. But, I am not the same. I continue to learn from my experiences – and from my podcast guests. There is plenty more to explore in the podcast. I want to help people see a perspective on conflict that is practical and positive. I wanted then and want today to push back against the idea that conflict is always negative. I want to help people see conflict differently – which is why I have had (and will continue to have) a wide range of guests who have insights to share. I want to share ideas that I have learned through my own reading, speaking, study groups, and experiences with individuals and families. And I want to convince others of this deeply-held belief: we can all get better at handling conflict.A big thank you to my guests and to the Old Hands who offer encouragement, wisdom, and technical skills. And, most of all, thank you to all of you who listen. I wouldn’t do it without you.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Working throughout the United States, The Community Relations Service (CRS) is part of the Department of Justice. And not as well-known a part as it might be. CRS works with communities to prevent and respond to alleged hate crimes based on actual or perceived race, color, national origin, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, religion, or disability.CRS calls itself “America’s Peacemaker” for “communities in conflict by mediating disputes and enhancing community capacity to independently prevent and resolve future conflicts.”You can learn more and contact CRS for assistance at their website: https://www.justice.gov/crsDo you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Unofficial veto power is the idea that one person (or, less frequently, a small subset of a group) has the power to stop progress. And that power is not granted to them by the rest of the group, any document, or cultural norm. “Progress” is a broad term, here. It’s allowing the group to make – or even consider—decisions. In some type of rational fashion. It’s abiding by decisions that are made. That veto power can be exerted in a variety of ways: from refusing to participate in the process, to leaving a meeting in progress, to insisting on more and more information, to denigrating every suggestion made. What to do about it?First, be on the lookout for this behavior; avoid being solely focused on the issues to be addressed. Second, don’t let too many small incursions slide; that can worsen the situation. Third, challenge the use of unofficial veto power; firmly and politely. All of these actions are easier for an outside professional with no stake in the outcome, but if that’s not an option it is likely still worth the effort.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

While serving as an Army colonel in Afghanistan, Chris Kolenda motivated a large insurgent group to switch sides. We talk about that experience and the new edition of his book, Leadership: The Warrior’s Art, a collection of pieces by military leaders. The book has insights for all sorts of organizations and group. Chris notes that there’s really no such thing as military leadership: it’s all leadership and it’s always dealing with people.You can learn more about Chris’s work at https://strategicleadersacademy.com/, and contact him here: [email protected] At the time this episode is published, Chris is on a 1700 mile bike ride, the Fallen Hero Honor Ride.You can find out how to support that project here: https://sabersixfoundation.com/ or through Chris’s company’s website, above.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Many thought that the Queen was too slow to respond to Diana’s death. When she finally did, she minimized the conflict by speaking eloquently and by nodding her head as Diana’s casket passed by. As a ruling monarch, she received respect routinely and wasn’t expected to make her own demonstrations of it.She made a distinction between family and business with Prince Andrew. Allegations (though denied) and friendships (impossible to deny) led to his expulsion from The Firm, but not the family.Prince Harry could either enjoy the privileges and benefits of a working Royal full-time or not. He couldn’t have it both ways.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Queen Elizabeth has been widely appreciated for her life of service. Though most family business leaders aren’t royal monarchs, her approach has lessons that many can learn. Among them: she started early in her devotion to service (even before she was head of The Firm); she worked hard; she kept her own counsel; she was engaged with her “customers” and did not think them to be lesser; she had a sense of humor; and she planned her own succession carefully.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Jay Hughes has spent decades devoted to service to families. Throughout that time, he has been deeply interested in why families flourish – and why they don’t. In our conversation, Jay’s insights include how the Goldilocks principle is essential for the well-being of families. Friends and colleagues created the James R. Hughes, Jr. Foundation, insisting that it bear his name even though his humility made that hard to embrace at first!The Foundation’s Mission: “Rooted in Jay Hughes’ landmark Five Capitals research, The Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to advancing the field of family governance and generational well-being.” You can learn more about the Foundation here: https://jehjf.org Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Time and again, we have heard that transitions are challenging and difficult. They also represent an opportunity to be collaborative and creative in addressing change effectively. Embracing thegood type of conflict. Last time, I talked about the process. This time, the focus is on the results. One possible result is a greater acceptance of the fact that change is happening all the time – and that we would do well to notice it and adapt more frequently. We can also prepare ourselves better for the big, unexpected changes. Another result could be greater openness to the idea that everyone can have a voice, even if not a vote, and making that openness a part of the culture and adopted policies. Finally, we could step away from the idea that almost everything is right or wrong, black or white, all or nothing. Instead, we could look for ways to be collaborative and creative, and then improve our options and our outcomes.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

We have heard many times about transitions being challenging and difficult. They also represent an opportunity to be collaborative and creative in addressing change effectively. Embracing the good type of conflict. How? try some inclusive decision-making. A time to invite ideas, listen carefully, and consider those thoughts with respect and an open mind. Even if every suggestion can’t be adopted, there is a chance to embrace a collaborative, respectful, creative process. Seizing that chance can send a message that will help reduce bad conflict now and in the future.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Deena Chochinov’s work in the areas of family therapy and organizational development gives her an unusual and especially helpful perspective for her work as an advisor to family enterprises. Her professional experiences over the course of thirty years inform her insights in her recently published book, HomeWork: How to Be a Leader in the Boardroom and the Living Room. You can learn more about the book and her work here: https://www.deenachochinov.com/. Connect with Deena on LinkedIn here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/deenachochinov/ .Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Rendezvous is the annual gathering of the Purposeful Planning Institute (PPI). It’s “the most professionally diverse gathering of its kind and brings together professionals representing more than 20 disciplines for collaborative dialogue, keynotes, and breakout sessions centered on family dynamics, governance, collaboration, philanthropy and personal development and growth” according to the PPI website. The organization includes over 450 members, representing more than 20 disciplines, including lawyers, wealth managers, trust officers, planned giving experts, psychologists and therapists, and family wealth advisors. Despite all these differences, Rendezvous demonstrated an absence of negative conflict. How? A commitment to collaboration, a nonjudgmental tenor, and a welcoming atmosphere – by design and by culture.Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Compromising appears right in the middle of an imaginary image of two axes showing degrees of assertiveness and cooperativeness because it is moderate, not extreme, with regard to both of those characteristics. Compromising gives partial satisfaction to both parties. It may mean splitting the difference between two ideal outcomes or seeking a quick middle-ground way to reach an agreement. Less work than collaborating, and less satisfaction, too. It might be 50/50 or some other distribution. When collaboration is successful under the TKI model, both parties are able to achieve what they want.The TKI model is not set up to mandate – or even suggest – that one mode is always the right one or the wrong one. The model, at its core, can help us discover which ones we might use more and which ones we might use less – to our benefit. Learn more at: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki/Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

Jack Wofford: mediator? Facilitator? Does he help with conflicts? Disputes? Issues? Disagreements? We talk about what’s in a name and the four essential elements in the work that he does.You can reach Jack at [email protected] and learn more about his work at https://www.mediate.com/mediator-profile/?uid=29258Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The TKI describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising. Visualize a vertical axis of assertiveness, the extent to which someone tries to satisfy their own needs. Along the horizontal axis, the degree of cooperativeness is shown: that is the extent to which a person tries to satisfy the other person’s needs. Avoiding appears on the bottom right of the image – very low on assertiveness and, also, very low on cooperativeness. Collaborating is both assertive and cooperative, landing at the opposite spot, diagonally, across the image.The TKI model does not suggest that one style is always better than another. Instead, the point is to better understand what we do well and what we do often. And then to consider how well our approaches to conflict are serving us.Learn more here: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.

The TKI describes five different approaches to conflict. And those five are always available to each of us. They are accommodating, avoiding, collaborating, competing, and compromising. Competing is power-driven, with a focus on one’s own needs at the expense of the other person’s. Accommodating is the polar opposite: putting someone else’s needs above one’s own. Neither is always the right approach, nor always the wrong one. The value of the TKI is helping you understand which modes you tend to use, which you use best, and considering whether you are underusing or overusing any of them. Learn more at: https://kilmanndiagnostics.com/overview-thomas-kilmann-conflict-mode-instrument-tki/ Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.