Become A Calm Mama

In this episode, I'm talking all about tantrums, meltdowns and outbursts (at every age)! I call these Big Feeling Cycles.By the end of this episode you will know why they happen, and how to handle them without losing your mind. Typical parenting strategies that focus on stopping the behavior don’t address the root of the problem. Lectures, timeouts, taking away privileges, etc., don’t give your kid the actual tools and skills they need to process their emotions. The strategies you learn today will bring better connection in your relationship with your kid AND give your kid better tools to manage their emotions. Managing a BIG FEELING CYCLE means drawing attention to the emotion that might be triggering that behavior. Your job is not to FIX anything. Nothing has gone wrong. Your job is to be a compassionate witness.Listen to the full episode to learn shifts and strategies you can use to support your child through their feelings - and help those Big Feeling Cycles run their course more quickly. You’ll Learn:When and why Big Feeling Cycles happenWhy they can be so hard to handle as a parentHow to use “The Hard No” to keep everyone safe when behavior is really out of boundsA simple thought to help you ride out the next Big Feeling CycleHow to find clues inside a Big Feeling Cycle so that your child can move through the next one faster Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today I’m talking about misbehavior and the #1 reason it is so hard for parents. Misbehavior creates a lot of conflict in families. It’s one of the main reasons parents yell.You’ve probably thought “If they would just listen and stop acting out, I wouldn’t have to yell!” And maybe your brain has offered you the solution of getting your kids to behave better by having more rules and more limits and more consequences. By being more strict. Many parents think the answer to misbehavior is in having better routines, or being more consistent, or being more firm.The problem with this solution is that it doesn’t address the roots of misbehavior.In this episode, I’m sharing why it’s so triggering and upsetting for you, and some concrete and practical steps to handling misbehavior without resorting to lecturing, avoiding, yelling, threatening or shaming.Surprise! It all starts in your brain.As a parent, your child’s behavior often activates your stress response. Your brain wants to INTERPRET your kid’s behavior as a DANGER to your physical or emotional safety. It will TRICK you into thinking that your kid’s behavior is a threat to you.It will tell you that you need to protect yourself. Get bigger. Get louder. Fight back. Run away. And that can make it hard to remain calm.But when you can understand what’s driving the behavior and view it as an opportunity rather than a problem, you can head off the stress response and feel more calm in the situation.You’ll Learn:Why misbehavior often feels like an emergency (even though it’s usually not)How to recognize your body’s stress response and be aware of your reactionsDifferent ways to think about misbehavior - and prevent your stress response from kicking inSimple steps to use limits and rules to effectively manage behaviorFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode we’re diving into step 4 of the Calm Mama Process - CORRECT. We’re rethinking consequences and learning how to use them effectively.I covered the first 3 steps of the Calm Mama Process in previous podcast episodes. If you missed them, be sure to go back and listen.Step 1: CALMStep 2: CONNECTStep 3: LIMIT SETWe all want our kids to become thoughtful and responsible humans. Kids who can think for themselves, make decisions that don't harm themselves or others, and take personal responsibility for their actions.The way kids learn these things is by EXPERIENCING the impact of their choices.In the Calm Mama Process, we use consequences to teach our kids that when you have a behavior, it's going to create a result. Effective consequences teach your kids to think without having them experience pain, shame or disconnection. To do that, we need to start out by thinking like our kids:They don’t think about the future and are very in the moment.  They don’t really understand cause and effect.  They don’t want to stop what they’re doing or wait for what they want.  And they don’t really know how to think about other people’s feelings yet.This is simply the journey of childhood. It doesn’t mean anything about your child or who they will grow up to be.We understand that feelings drive behavior, and we use Connection to help our kids learn strategies to communicate and cope with their big feelings. So we don’t shame our kids for their feelings or even judge their behavior. Instead, what we do is help our child see the connection between their behavior and the impacts of the behavior.  Even though we have compassion for their feelings, it doesn't mean they're excused from the result of their actions. So when your kid has an action that creates a problem for someone else, they have to fix it. Restore what was damaged.With CORRECT, you give your child the opportunity (in a loving, logical way) to repair, restore or resolve the impact of their actions. You’ll Learn:The difference between consequences and punishmentWhy lectures and time outs aren’t workingThe 3 types of impact a behavior can have - and how to respond to each of themHow to hold your kid accountable without shaming or disconnectionSimple questions you can ask yourself to create effective consequencesFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Have you been looking for the magic formula to get your kids to listen? In this episode, we’re walking through step 3 of the Calm Mama Process - LIMIT SETTING. This is going to be different than anything you’ve heard before. You’ll learn all about setting limits that actually work.In past episodes, I talked about the first 2 steps of the Calm Mama Process. If you missed them, be sure to go back and listen.Step 1: CALMStep 2: CONNECTNow, let’s get into it.For years I went to parenting workshops trying to discover the secret limit-setting formula.I always left disappointed.Most of those parenting programs taught that limits are when we firmly state what we want our child to do. That was it. That was their secret, magic formula.So I'd go home and try their formula. I'd say "brush your teeth, kids" in a very sweet voice. And they would ignore me.I'd say it again a little more firmly, "It's time to brush your teeth." Still no action.I'd repeat myself for a third time, "Brush your teeth NOW." And this time they might look at me but still continue playing.That's when I could feel myself getting angry and my tone would get harsh. I'd say, "Brush. Your. Teeth. Now." And my teeth would clench, eyes glaring. Sometimes this squinty-eye/harsh tone thing would work; sometimes not.By the FIFTH time, I would yell and say, "Brush your teeth right now or I will not read books to you tonight!" And this would typically get them moving.Does any of this sound familiar?Listen to the full episode to learn my limit-setting formula, so you can stop repeating yourself 5x and using commands and threats. I'm giving you lots of real-life examples so you can start practicing with your kids today.You’ll Learn:How commands, threats and limits are not the same thingWhy threats don’t workHow your kid’s brain is set up to ignore youMy limit setting formula (with real examples)Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Connection is THE key to improving your child’s behavior. So, in today’s episode we are talking about the CONNECT step of the Calm Mama Process.Note: This is the 2nd step in the Process. If you missed last week’s episode on getting to CALM, go back to listen now. If you’ve ever wanted to help your kids manage their emotions by “using their words” then you will love this episode.I’m teaching you how to teach your kids to ‘use their words’ by giving them the words they need to express their big feelings.If you take nothing else away from this episode, I want you to hear this:Feelings drive behavior.All behavior is a result of thoughts and feelings, including your children's misbehavior.Whatever your child is doing, they're behaving that way because of how they're feeling about their circumstances.Not because they are bad.Kids misbehave when they aren't feeling great.When kids don't know what to do with their feelings, they show up in ways that don't work (hitting, shouting, complaining, whining, name-calling, refusal, ignoring, etc).So, If you want to change misbehavior, you need to help your child understand what they are feeling and help them learn how to express those feelings in ways that work.As the parent, you are responsible for developing your child’s social and emotional skills, just as much as you are responsible for developing their cognitive skills.In fact, I think the greater responsibility of parents is to develop the social and emotional skills, because the greater those skills the more likely your child will have future success.Parenting through connection is revolutionary. It’s NOT doing it “the way it’s always been done”.When you get the side-eye from your mother in law, or your dad makes that “we never let you kids talk like that” comment, just remember you’re practicing the “feelings first” model. Remind yourself that you’re part of a new generation of parents. You are part of a revolution! You’ll Learn:Why the “behavior first” model of parenting we were raised with doesn’t address the root of the problemWhat a “feelings first” model looks likeWhy curiosity is such a powerful parenting toolHow “feelings first” is not the same as “feelings only” Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode I’m sharing with you my definition of CALM and giving you my go-to strategy for getting to calm using a tool I call The Pause Break. The Pause Break allows you to access calm, even in the middle of a moment when you feel overwhelmed or angry.Before we get to that, let’s talk about what the absence of calm looks like. I know you’ve been there, and so have I.  Showing up when you aren’t feeling calm looks a little different for everyone, but you might find yourself:yellingsaying mean thingsmaking threatsrescuingbribingbeing rough with your kid's bodygiving in to your kid's demandsfeeling exhaustedlecturingtalking a lotshutting downnot following through on consequencesnot taking care of yourselfsleeping poorlygrumpiness that you can't shakeescalating things when your kid gets upsetshutting your kid down…generally acting in ways you don’t love.When you have a mad mom episode, it’s easy to beat yourself up and tell yourself things like I’m a bad mom or I’m messing up my kids. Which makes you feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, frustrated and confused. The more negative thoughts you have, the more defeated, discouraged, and guilty you will feel. And when you feel bad, it’s hard to change your behavior. So you end up yelling again.I call this Mad Mom Syndrome, and it is a vicious cycle of negative thoughts leading to negative feelings leading to negative actions and then back again. So how do you break that cycle?That’s what we’re diving into for these 30 minutes.  The Pause Break is the single most important tool I teach. It is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this podcast episode, I hope it’s this: You can always take a PAUSE BREAK. It’s the first, and most important, step towards CALM.Listen to the full episode now for all the details. You’ll Learn:Why Mad Mom Syndrome happensWhy your kid’s behavior triggers such strong feelingsHow your stress response influences your actionsThe 3 simple steps of The Pause Break that you can do anytime, anywhereFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Welcome to the “Become a Calm Mama” podcast!!! In this first episode I’m sharing my own story of becoming a Calm Mama.Let me just start by telling you that I wasn’t always a calm mama. In fact I was the opposite of that. I was a MAD MAMA.There was a time in my parenting when I yelled with such fervor that spittle shot from my mouth.Quiet afternoons replaced with anger-filled threats. Boys sent to their rooms with an edge in my voice that pierced their hearts with fear. Icy stares. Cold shoulders. No goodnight kisses.This was especially true when my kids were toddlers and preschoolers.One night, while tucking my 4-year-old son in bed, I gently said to him, “I love you so much.” And he replied, “I know you do, but I just don’t think you like me very much.”My heart broke into a million pieces.It was at that moment that I knew I needed to find a new way to parent.These are hard moments to talk about. But they are true and real and normal.I’m getting real in this episode because I want you to know that I’ve been where you are and that peace in your home is possible.Listen now to hear the full story.  You’ll Learn:Where I started my Calm Mama journeyThe process I followed to create the peaceful home I have nowA sneak peek at what we’re going to talk about over the next couple of episodes Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be. Darlynn is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior without yelling or lecturing and create a peaceful home. Darlynn is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what it’s really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century. Over the past 14 years, Darlynn has dedicated her life to becoming the mom she wanted to be for my kids. In that process, she created a parenting model called “The Calm Mama Process” that helped her navigate every tricky parenting moment that’s been thrown her way. From hitting to bullying, from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans, from missing assignments to college admissions, from getting kids to bed to getting kids out of bed, from kids not wanting to get out of the bath to middle schoolers that don’t want to take a shower, from kids fighting in the car to kids who drive their own car, she’s seen it all.  Darlynn has taught her model to hundreds of moms since 2015 and when they apply the Calm Mama Process to their tricky parenting moments they have calm and peace in their homes. Their kids' behavior improves, their relationship with their children gets so much better, and they enjoy motherhood (most of the time!). Darlynn teaches her process inside her coaching program, Calm Mama School, a lifetime membership program where you learn how to master your reactivity, teach kids how to manage their big feelings, and set limits that work. Each week she brings practical and simple strategies to the podcast so you can stop yelling and create a peaceful home. This podcast releases every single Thursday with 30 minute episodes designed to give you big AHA’s about parenting and simple concepts with actionable takeaways that you can apply right away in your family.You can find this podcast on your favorite podcast app, including Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google podcasts and amazon. And if you’d like to subscribe you can do so by going to https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/subscribe