Become A Calm Mama

One of my life missions is to heal the next generation in advance. So today, I’m sharing the 5 things every kid needs for emotional health.I want to give a whole generation of moms the tools that they need in order to raise emotionally healthy kids. I imagine a generation of kids who grow up and already know what to do with their feelings. A generation of young adults who feel like their parents get them and who find support in their family instead of finding pain. And eventually a generation of adults who know how to communicate and be in healthy relationships.We’re starting this process today.This episode is an invitation to gently open your mind and think about where your family is, where you want to be and which gaps you want to work on this year.What is emotional health?Simply put, emotional health means that I feel good inside, I feel good in my relationships and I feel good in the world.Of course, we can’t feel good or happy all the time, but an emotionally healthy person can feel their way and move through the hard things that come up in life.An emotionally healthy person doesn’t need to DO things to feel better, like overeat, overdrink, overwork, overshop, etc.It means that we know what to do with our feelings.5 Things Every Kid Needs for Emotional HealthRaising a healthy adult starts with creating an environment where your child can grow and learn the tools they need to cope with their emotions.Here are five things they need.A parent who is committed to their own emotional health. This is why my program begins with CALM. It’s about how we, as the adults, regulate and process our negative emotions.Because the truth is that most of us didn't grow up learning how to feel our feelings. Learning tools and strategies that help you cope with your emotions in a healthy way then allows you to be compassionate, patient and present toward your kids (and others in your life). Emotional literacy. The four pieces of emotional literacy are:I know what I am feeling.I know how to talk about or communicate that feeling.I know what to do with that feeling.I can do that for someone else. I can recognize feelings in someone else and help them cope (aka empathy).A set of skills and tools to cope with their emotions in healthy ways. This is all about teaching your kid what to do with their feelings. How to process it, move through the feeling and and feel a new feeling.This one involves a little trial and error. There are a ton of ways people can move through a feeling, and you can problem solve for which ones work best for your particular kid.Limits and boundaries that are clearly communicated to your child and held. It is common for parents to threaten consequences to change a kid’s behavior (I’m even guilty of it myself sometimes).Limits flip it so that you tell your kid what they can do, or what you’re willing to do, and under what conditions. When you communicate and follow through on these limits, your child learns what behaviors work in a community (like your family) and what behaviors don’t. A shame-free environment where it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them. In order for your kids to learn, grow and become healthy, they have to act out. They have to make mistakes and show up in ways that don’t work. Yes, you will enforce your limits. There will be consequences for misbehavior. Shame-free simply means that your kid isn’t made to feel that they are a bad person for making those mistakes. Shame says there’s something inherently wrong with you or bad about you.We don't need to attack their character or their personality. Instead, we can validate the emotion that drove their behavior, and then say, “Well, that behavior has impacts and here are the impacts. You made a mistake. How do you think you can fix it?”The most important thing I hope you take away from this episode is that you get to focus on your emotional health. Because every time I watch a mom heal or grow in her own emotional well being, it has a huge impact on her kids and the whole dynamic of her family. You’ll Learn:Why emotional health is such a valuable goal for your kids, your family and yourselfMy journey to emotional healthWhat emotional literacy looks like in everyday lifeExamples of healthy and unhealthy coping strategiesThe difference between a threat and a limitHow to enforce limits without shameFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet hereWant to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

It’s the last episode of 2022! And the New Year is a time when many of us think about goals for the coming year. But have you ever set parenting goals?Learn what parenting goals are and how to use them to pivot behavior and teach your kids new skills and values.What are parenting goals?A parenting goal is a goal that you set for your kids based on something that you see as a gap that they need to learn. There are a LOT of things that kids need to learn between the time they're little all the way until the time that they're grown. Kids need to have skills like time management, social competency, conflict resolution, personal hygiene, understanding money, how to cook clean, how to pack for a trip and (eventually) how to drive. You also have values that are important to you as a parent. You might want your child to learn values like kindness, generosity, gratitude, self reliance or work ethic. It can be overwhelming when you look at all these different areas and see where your kid isn't meeting the standards you envision in the long term.Rather than judge yourself or your kids for these gaps in knowledge, you can think about where your kid is now in a certain area, where you want them to be and set a goal to help them get there. And we can’t tackle them all at once. The goal setting process allows you to identify what is most important to you that your child learns now.How to set your parenting goalsSelecting one or two parenting goals at a time will help you be intentional and strategic. And the more intentional we are about our children and what they need to learn, the more likely we'll reach each parenting goal.Step 1: Name your parenting goalWhen you look at your child right now, what specific skill or value would you like to help them learn?Think about where their behavior seems off-track or problematic. Then fill in the blank: If my child had _______ skill/value, they wouldn’t act like this. Often when I talk about limits, I say that when a behavior is driving you crazy, it’s time for a limit. This is also a great clue to your parenting goals. It probably means your child is missing a skill or hasn't had enough practice with a value that is important to you.Step 2: Create a planWhat limits do you need to put into place to reach the specific goal that you have in mind?What will happen if they don’t follow through on their part of the plan or hold your limit?Step 3: Follow throughWe set limits in order to create a container for our kids to pivot a behavior or learn a new skill. And they have to be allowed to fail until they realize they don’t want to mess up anymore.Remember, when your kid experiences the impact of their behavior, they learn from it and the behavior will change faster. Sometimes, we need to bring those impacts into our family because we can’t always wait for natural consequences to take place. Doing this isn’t mean. And we can do it without criticizing, lecturing or comparing them to others. You’ll Learn:What to do when the goal you set isn’t having the result you wantedHow to use parenting goals to help your kids learn the skills and values that will serve them (and your whole family)  long termWhich goals you should focus on firstHow to create a goal plan - with super detailed examplesFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet hereWant to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

MAMA DAY HOLIDAY is December 26!About a decade ago, I declared the day after Christmas to be Mama Day Holiday. It was my official day off.On Mama Day Holiday, I do NOTHING. I don't cook, clean, play with kids, or do anything I don't want to do. It's mama's day off.Kids eat cereal for several meals, watch a lot of TV, and hopefully, happily play with all of their new toys.I made this up because the holiday season is a LONG HAUL. It's exhausting. All of the brain-work required to plan gifts, food, photos, cards, is super draining. Plus the extra housework, gift wrapping, errand running, and cooking-cooking-cooking, is tiring!Mamas - you deserve a day off. And no one is going to give it to you. So you have to CLAIM it.So I hereby officially announce MAMA DAY HOLIDAY is December 26th.Enjoy your day off!Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet hereWant to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode, I’m talking about two of your favorite topics - meltdowns (or what I call Big Feeling Cycles) and siblings. In more than 10 years as a parenting coach, these come up again and again as things that are the hardest for moms. They are the core issues that lead moms to yell, then feel guilty and wind up stuck in a cycle of guilt, resentment, overwhelm and confusion. We want to get out of that cycle and make real improvements in the way our kids behave, manage their emotions and take personal responsibility for their actions. Think of the episode as some basic tools for managing meltdowns and sibling fights that you can come back when things feel tough and you need a little reminder. Big Feeling CyclesYou might call this a meltdown or a temper tantrum. I like to think of it as a big feeling cycle. And I especially like to call it a cycle because this reminds us that it will end.It all starts in a moment when your child feels completely overwhelmed. And that overwhelm, whether it’s physical, mental or emotional, shows up in an extreme way like screaming, hitting, throwing, running away, etc. They happen when your child doesn't know how to express their feelings in ways that work.Your role as a parent is to become the observer. When you can see your child’s behavior from a different perspective and understand that it is pain or discomfort that they don’t know how to deal with, you will feel less panicked and it will be easier for you to help them through it.When you soften your heart, your child will sense that softening and feel more calm.So, how do we do that? By using the Connection Tool.Narrate what you are seeing (one simple sentence - just the facts)Name the emotion that might be driving the behavior (I wonder if you’re feeling…)Validate their feelings (That makes sense)What are we going to do next? (This where you can address the behavior and make a plan or set a limit with your kid)First, we let our kids feel heard and seen. Then, we help them express their big feelings in ways that work. This tool can only work when you are calm, but the cool thing is that thinking through the steps will help to calm you down, too. Sibling ConflictIf you have more than one child, I’m sure you’ve experienced times where multiple kids are in a big feeling cycle. Or one kid is having big feelings and another is trying to show how much better they are in that moment. Sometimes you are also having big feelings yourself. It’s a lot to handle.The most important thing for you to do in this situation is to get calm. Take a pause break.Stop - stop talking, stop interacting, stop doing anything for a secondDelay your reaction - don’t talk to anybody or take any actionReset - soothe yourself and calm your nervous systemThere are a few different reasons that siblings fight. They might be having big feelings about something (that may or may not have anything to do with their sibling). They might be competing over something like space, possessions or attention. They might just be bored and looking for some quick entertainment (so fun, right?).I often encourage parents to start by letting the sibling conflict go a little bit longer and see if they can solve the problem themselves. Then, if you do need to step in, your role is to guide them through the conflict. You are not the judge, and it is not your job to solve their problems for them. Your focus is not on the back story and all the details. It's on the future - you are looking for the path forward.You can use a combination of the connection tool and limit setting to help the figure out what is next.There will be sibling conflict in your home. There will be moments when your kids don't listen. And I want you to know that it's okay. It doesn't mean you're a bad mom. It doesn't mean your kids are on a bad track. Just get yourself back to that calm place, smile, look at them as a loving observer and find lightness where you can so that you can enjoy yourself and enjoy your kids this holiday season.You’ll Learn:My favorite tool to decrease the intensity and duration of meltdownsHow to take a pause break when you need to calm downScripts to help guide your kids through conflictNext StepsUsing the Connection Tool may feel a little clunky or awkward at the beginning. It doesn’t come naturally, but it does get easier with practice. And it will help your kid’s big feeling cycles to be shorter and less intense (who doesn’t want that?).If you want to learn more about the Connection Tool, how to set limits, what to do with big feelings (yours and your kid’s) and just want to stop yelling and being so reactive, you really should be in The Emotionally Healthy Kids parenting program.It’s 6 week parenting course, taught live on zoom in a small group. You learn every single tool and concept in my Calm Mama framework - in bite-sized chunks with time for you to ask specific questions about your family. The first step

Around the holidays, everything sort of gets unstructured and chaotic. We get really busy. We get overwhelmed. Our kids lose the sense of routine that we've been establishing. And it stresses us out!As parents, it's good for us to stop and think about how we want our winter break to go and how we want this holiday season to feel. And a big part of creating the break you want is getting clear on some of the things that you want to set limits around over the next few weeks. When you pre-decide how you want things to go and set routines and limits around them, you’ll be less confused (and so will your kids). You’ll also have less overwhelm, conflict and yelling. In this episode, we’re talking all about holiday limits for kids - with lots of examples and ideas you can make your own.Why set limits?Limits are good for our kids and good for us. They help our kids learn to think for themselves, take personal responsibility and believe that we're going to follow through. Limits also help us as parents to feel really calm about communicating our expectations and confident that we know how to handle misbehavior when it happens. In the beginning, this might feel pretty hard. Your kids aren’t going to suddenly start complying all the time because you’ve laid out a limit. This is because up until now, your kids may have been trained to believe they don’t have to comply. It’s totally normal for your kid not to do what you ask right away when they have their own plans and no motivation to change their behavior. The “traditional” command-threat model often plays out like this…Request. Repeat. Command. Threat. Yell. Guilt.This is really a fear-based model. And it may get compliance in the short-term, but our goal is to stop yelling and to help our kids learn the social and emotional skills to manage themselves in the long-term.This is where limits come in. A limit outlines both what your child can do or have and under what conditions. The consequence is built in without making it sound like a threat.For example, you’re welcome to stay sitting here and watching the play as long as you are quiet. So, the implied consequence is that if your child is not quiet, you will leave the play.With limits, we’re activating desire, rather than fear. We’re motivating them to get something instead of trying to get them to stop something (which is much harder).The cool thing about limits is that regardless of the choice your child makes, they are going to learn from it. They’ll learn what they need to do to get the things they want and that it’s really in their best interest to listen to you because it benefits them. Following throughJust because we aren’t yelling and threatening doesn’t mean there are no consequences for misbehavior. Remember, it’s built right into the limit. But if you want limits to work, you have to be willing to follow through. Often, a parent avoids following through on a consequence because they don’t want to deal with the meltdown. You want to avoid those big feelings because they are uncomfortable for your child and for you.But I see these big feeling cycles as a GOOD thing, because it allows you to teach your kid how to deal with their emotions in better ways. So they can handle disappointment, hurt, anger and sadness. Setting LimitsAs the leader of your family, you have a lot of control and power over the dynamic in your household. Getting clear on what is important to you and what you are willing to commit to following through on is the first step.If you’ve struggled with following through in the past, it may be in part because that limit - whether it’s sweets, screentime or whatever - just wasn’t actually that important to you. And that’s ok.My favorite way to figure out what limits to set is to think about what behaviors you are annoyed or angry about. This is a great clue that you need a limit. Then, decide what you want to happen and use the limit setting formula to put it into words.In the full episode, you’ll hear a ton of examples related to sweets, screens, sleep, hygiene, cleaning and more that you can borrow or adjust to use in your home this holiday season.You’ll Learn:Why your kids don’t listen, and the early challenges of limit settingThe difference between and limit and a requestHow to use the limit setting formula to create a calmer homeMentioned in this episode:Episode 4: Setting Limits That Workhttps://www.calmmamacoaching.com/blog/setting-limits-that-workFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet hereWant to connect? Foll

This week on the podcast, I’m diving into boundaries - How to say no, how to set boundaries with kindness, and how to communicate your boundaries in a way that works. I’m giving you my detailed, step by step process that you can use with the teens and adults in your life.Why do we need boundaries?Ultimately, we set boundaries because we want to feel better. We want our life to work better for us. We want to have better relationships with people. We don't want to feel angry, resentful or overwhelmed. Showing up as the mom you want to be and helping your kids grow into the people that you want them to become takes capacity and energy. Without clear boundaries, we end up feeling drained and it takes us away from being present with our kids. What’s bothering you?Before you communicate and hold your boundaries, you have to know what they are. You need to figure out what you actually want or how you want to fix or improve your relationships with others. You can even think about behaviors you want other people to change. Remember that we can’t control what anyone else does, but we can make a request and ask them if they're willing to show up in a different way for us.A good clue that you need a boundary is if you often feel annoyed, frustrated, angry or resentful with a certain behavior or situation.Get curious and try to figure out why it bothers you the way it does. How to set boundaries - step by stepStep 1: Make a requestThe first step in setting a boundary is communicating what you are or are not willing to do. This is a request that we make to someone else. We either ask them if they're willing to do something or we let them know what we are willing to do and under what conditions.Start by asking yourself:What do I want? What works for me? What is going to make my life better? What is going to make this situation work?Step 2: Wait for the answerMaking a request or setting a boundary doesn’t mean that the other person will agree. They can respond any way they choose. It might bring up some feelings for them, and that’s ok.Your job is to be open and curious about what comes up.You can let their response just be words and sentences that are coming out of their head. You don't need to justify your request, defend yourself, or fix that uncomfortable, awkward moment. You just listen. Then circle right back to the original request and say, “Yes, I hear you on all of that. And I'm asking you, would you be willing to do this?”Step 3: Observe the situationThis is where you wait and see what happens. How will they show up? Will they hold the boundary you set? Pay attention and notice whether or not the person is staying within your boundary or whether you’re crossing your own boundary to avoid uncomfortable situations or conflict. What I see with moms sometimes is that we actually give up on ourselves before letting the person respond. You decide that your boundary doesn't matter. But what you’re really telling yourself is that you don't matter, that what you want doesn't matter. You actually do really matter. Your energy, your time, your brain and your body. Step 4: Acknowledge what’s happeningIt's important for your own sense of self worth that you acknowledge what is happening to you. Acknowledge whether someone is holding or crossing your boundary. Acknowledge your experiences and feelings. And if you want to (and feel safe), you can acknowledge it aloud to the other person.Step 5: Decide to take action or notIt’s up to you whether or not you take action when a boundary has been crossed. Ask yourself, “How can I take really good care of myself right now? What do I need here?”Sometimes that means not doing anything but noticing what is happening and making note of how you want to be in the future. Action can look like removing yourself from the room or turning down the invitation next time. Or you can choose to talk to the other person about it. Explain that your boundary was crossed and what you want to do next. This is hard, but the more you teach yourself that you matter and take action to care for yourself, it gets easier.  It can even improve your relationships over time when you clearly communicate and hold your boundaries. It becomes more nurturing, supportive, loving, kind and safe.Listen to the full episode for lots of examples and scripts you can use to practice setting your own boundaries.You’ll Learn:Why we need boundariesThe hardest thing about setting boundaries (and how to work through it)My 6 step process to setting and following through on boundariesHow to say “no” and communicate boundaries with kindness (with scripts)Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you

Overwhelm often comes from thoughts like…I have so much to do. I don't know what to do. I'm so behind.I don't know where to start. I'll never get this all done. I suck. These are just thoughts. They are sentences in your head. They aren't necessarily true. But thinking them can lead you to become overwhelmed and self-critical.Sometimes the simple act of writing all the things down that are in your head can help you feel less overwhelmed. In this episode I’m walking you through a simple exercise called “The Holiday Thought Dump”  Doing a holiday thought dump helps you clear out all of the jumble of junk in your mind, leaving space for your brain to work out solutions. Sometimes the key to overwhelm is just about giving your brain one task to solve at a time.The other cool thing I teach you in today’s episode is the YES list. What happens when you dump out all the things you “have” to do, is that you can start thinking about the things you want to do! Kick off December 2022 with hope and clarity, instead of overwhelm and grumpiness. You’ll Learn:✅ Where overwhelm comes from✅ How a holiday thought dump helps give you clarity✅ Prompts to get you thinking about what you WANT to do this holiday✅ Permission to stop worrying about other people’s feelings. NEXT STEPSI want to invite you to start next year off with all the support you need to become the mom you want to be, and raise kids who are emotionally healthy. That’s why I’m inviting you to schedule a discovery session with me.This is your chance to share your parenting struggles with an expert, who has heard it all, and helped moms just like you become calm and confident. During the call I listen as you share what's going on with your family, what you've tried, and what's not working.You share with me what you want to see improve in your family. We talk about your "blind spots" and what it would be like to work together. I answer your questions about my parenting philosophy and the 3 ways you can work with me. Book your free discovery session with me here.

With this podcast episode released on Thanksgiving, I’m talking all about gratitude, how it relates to children, how it relates to parenting, and what I'm calling weaponized gratitude.What is gratitude?In Brene Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart, she defines gratitude as, “an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives, and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others.”So it isn’t just about saying thank you, it’s an emotion. And it requires that we look for the good and take the time to fully feel that appreciation. This isn’t something that comes naturally to humans, so it is a perspective and mindset that we need to cultivate and practice. The good news is that when you do that practice, it can become really easy to access those thankful thoughts and feelings.Gratitude and kidsGratitude is really hard for our kids, and here’s why. First, it has to do with their developmental stage. Because of the way their brains are developed, kids aren’t really able to see different perspectives until around age 9 or 10.Also, many of our kids don’t experience a lot of struggle. As parents, we want our kids' lives to be mostly simple, easy and happy. So for them, good is the norm. They don’t have much other life experience yet to compare it with. Basically, they don’t know how good they’ve got it.In many ways, we’ve taught them that. We've taught them to expect ease. We've taught them to think that the world revolves around them.But then we get mad at them for we get mad at them when they're not feeling grateful for a nice house or a loving family whatever you want your kids to be grateful for.I want to tell you that you don’t have to make them wrong for their ignorance or lack of perspective. It’s a part of development. The best way for you to cultivate gratitude in your kids is to model it for them.Weaponizing gratitudeSomething I see often as I coach moms is when a mom starts to share with me a challenge in her life and expresses her feelings, like hurt, disappointment or sadness, and she stops herself and sort of backs up a bit. Then, she says things like, “I shouldn't even be complaining,” “I’m being so whiny,” “I know I have it better than other people.”This is what I think of as weaponizing gratitude. You are using gratitude as a weapon to shut down your feelings. Trying to ignore the feeling, manufacture gratitude and bypass your negative emotions does not work. It doesn’t help you. What you need is a safe place to dump some of the junk that's going on.You need to have your feelings acknowledged, allowed and accepted, either by yourself or by whoever you're talking to.We all have lots and lots of feelings. And sometimes those feelings are not so great. We don't need to judge our negative feelings and then tell ourselves we should be grateful. The other side of gratitudeNow don’t get me wrong - I love gratitude. But I can only feel that feeling of gratitude because I've opened myself up to all the other feelings, the anger, the resentment, the sadness, the disappointment, the grief.  All any feeling ever wants us to be feltGratitude is a wonderful emotion, but you cannot fake it. It's calm after the storm. Because gratitude is really perspective. And perspective only comes when we take an honest account of our lives, when we're looking at what is hard and what is great. It's okay to feel disappointed. It's okay to feel angry, it's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel hurt. None of these are the opposite of gratitude, but we have to acknowledge them all. Once you process your negative emotion, gratitude is on the other side.3 strategies to cultivate more gratitudeThere are three practices that have helped me access gratitude faster. When I use these strategies regularly, they help me shift towards gratitude with greater ease, so that once I move through my negative emotion, gratitude is easy for me to find.You can use these on your own or with your kids to cultivate more gratitude within your family.#1 As part of my daily journaling, I complete this sentence, “I am grateful for _____ because ______.” I love adding the “because” to this sentence. Adding the benefit or reason I am grateful for what I’ve focused on for that day deepens my appreciation of it. #2 Write a list of 10 things you really really wanted in the past and now you have. This is a great exercise for perspective and finding genuine gratitude! #3 Switch the focus of the holiday season from 'getting' to 'giving': Bring your kids into the gift giving process and allow them to pick out gifts for others. Set a budget and talk about the reason you chose that amount for each gift.Let the kids pick gifts within the range. Have them wrap them. The more invested they are in giving, the less focus they will have on receiving.You’ll Learn:Why we have to practice gratitude (it doesn’t come naturally)How to help your kids be more gratefulWhy “good

Today, I’m getting a little personal and sharing my story of perfectionism - how I realized I was struggling with it in the first place, where it came from, what it looked like in my life and some of the strategies I’ve used to get out of my own perfectionism. Of course, I’m also talking about how it relates to being a mom and what happens when we, as women and mothers, try to do everything perfectly.What perfectionism looks likeFor a long time, I didn’t identify as a perfectionist. I thought I was someone who just gets stuff done. But it turned out that getting everything done all the time was what I wanted to be perfect at. What that meant for me is when I didn't do all the things that I had said I was going to do (either commitments to myself or others), I would feel like absolute shit. Even if I was sick. If there was something I couldn’t get done, I felt terrible.And then I would use that crappy feeling to push myself to be more and more productive.Not that long ago, I realized that I actually wasn’t okay. And I wasn’t okay with beating myself up this way.I would wake up in the morning feeling pressure, feeling like I was already behind, immediately running through in my mind all the things I had to do.I thought that getting it all done is what would make me feel better. When really, I was using productivity as a coping strategy for my own insecurity.Where perfectionism comes fromPerfectionism is a coping strategy. The root of it will be a little different for everyone, and figuring it out starts with curiosity.I developed this strategy early in life to cope with a difficult childhood.I was worried that if I didn’t get everything on my list done, people would be mad at me. I felt like I was one mistake away from full abandonment by everyone who was important to me. And I felt so much responsibility for everybody else's emotions towards me. I was trying to keep myself safe from being left or hurt. This pressure is also built into our society. We’re taught that sacrifice is a virtue, especially in motherhood. That the best mom is also the most tired mom. And that our value is based on how we perform.The problem with perfectionismThere's this pressure on women to do it all, do it all well, and smile while you're doing it.It breaks my heart.My coping strategy of high productivity was hurting me. It was putting so much pressure on me. The overplanning, checklists and hyperproductivity were a way to protect myself from the feeling that I wasn’t safe, good enough or lovable. It was like my drug.But I didn't want that pressure anymore. I wanted to find a way to feel lovable, worthy, relaxed and peaceful.I wanted to be free. I wanted to love myself and trust myself. And I didn't want to keep using that old coping skill of shoving it down and getting it all done.I wanted to explore the question, “Even if I don’t do everything, can I still be okay?” Beyond perfectWhat I’ve learned about myself is that I am not a lazy, horrible, mean person - even when I’m not doing all the things. I’m still really lovable, and my family and friends still care about me. I'm not as at risk of abandonment and rejection as I thought I was.I also learned that even if I don't follow my own rules of life for days at a time, I still don’t become my worst fear. I still take care of myself, work hard and achieve goals.I realized that when I listen to my body, my heart and soul, when I take excellent care of myself…the pressure lessens, or even goes away. Because I know that I can trust myself even if I don't follow my own list of rules one day. I’m not a lost cause. I can just give myself what I need and get back to my goals the next day. When I care for myself, I have more capacity to be productive later. This is what self care really has become for me - deep listening and deep trust, letting go of that pressure to be perfect.I’ve also identified different tools to help me cope with my insecurity, anxiety or overwhelm. Things like taking a walk, reading, going to the beach with my kids, calling a friend or just laying down. This stuff is pretty uncomfortable to share, but I think it will help you in your own journey toward deeper self love, self acceptance, and self trust.You are worthy of love and have the right to call yourself a good mom, no matter how your kids behave. You're worthy of love and have the right to call yourself a good mom, even if you prioritize your wellbeing over your children's schedule, diet, schoolwork, sports events, social life, and whatever else society tells you is the most important thing.You are worthy of love purely because you're here in the world right now.You’ll Learn:Why perfectionism is so common with moms - and how it’s hurting usHow our society pressures us to do it allWhat I’ve learned through my own struggle with perfectionismStrategies to find more peace and self loveFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you

In this episode, I’m talking all about boundaries, limits and rules. What is the difference between them? And how can you best utilize them, especially as we go into the holiday season?Rules, Boundaries & Limits - What’s the difference?A rule is when you say what your child can or can’t do. Rules are a first step in teaching your kid how to listen, be responsible and thinkA limit takes it a step further. It communicates to your child what they can do and the conditions that they can do it under.A boundary is what you are or are not willing to do, and under what conditions. It’s a lot more about what you are comfortable with as a person. So, rules and limits tell your child what they can or can’t do, and boundaries tell them what you are willing to do.Setting effective rules, limits & boundariesRules, limits and boundaries all have a place and a purpose. The most important thing is to be intentional about why you are setting them. You have to think in advance about what you want and what results you hope you see.In addition, your rules will become more effective when you can turn them into limits. When your child doesn’t follow a rule, you might be left feeling confused about what to do next. With a limit, that step is built in.Inside my coaching programs, I teach a six-step limit setting process that includes:Choose what you want.Commit to the result. Check your capacity.Communicate your limit or boundary.Check back in.Consequence (follow through on your limit or boundary).Following through on Boundaries & LimitsBoundaries are more about what you as an individual are okay with, and they come into play not only in parenting, but in our adult relationships as well. Remember that you cannot control what other humans (kid or adult) are going to do or say. You can only control the way you respond.Even if you can clearly state what you are or are not comfortable with, following through when people don’t respect your boundaries can feel really hard.Because when you enforce or you maintain your own boundary, other people are going to have thoughts and feelings about that. They might get upset, argue with you, blame you, defend themselves, or rage. They are resisting the consequence or impact of their actions.In people-pleasing, we try to avoid this discomfort. We want to make everybody happy and we don’t want others to be upset with us. But then YOU end up being the one who’s unhappy and uncomfortable. And that’s not what we want.Holding people accountable to their behavior doesn’t have to include shame, lectures or convincing the other person that our boundary or limit is ok.And they are entitled to their thoughts and feelings. They are allowed to have that experience of you or think negative thoughts about you. It's okay. That's the way that they are processing their experience of you holding the boundary.You often only have to really get serious about a limit or boundary a few times before the limit becomes much more clear with your kid and they begin to be more compliant. This is training, discipline - it’s what parenting is all about.You’ll Learn:The difference between boundaries, limits and rules (with real-life examples)Strategies to decide what you want your rules, limits and boundaries to beHow to know you need a limit or boundaryMy 6-step process for setting effective limitsFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet hereWant to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today on Become A Calm Mama, I'm talking about a concept called codependency and how it shows up in parenting. Our children are naturally dependent on us to care for them. In this episode, I’ll help you understand the difference between healthy dependency and a less healthy codependent model.I’ll also give you some guidelines to figure out if codependency is a struggle for you and what to do about it. What is codependency?As parents, we are responsible for meeting our children's physical, practical, financial and emotional needs that they can't meet for themselves because of their developmental stage. And the goal as they get older is that they become more and more capable of meeting their own needs. Healthy dependency looks like taking care of our kids because they can't take care of themselves yet. This type of parenting is guided by our big picture vision of helping our children become adults who are dependent on themselves. In a codependent relationship, you need something from the other person in order for you to feel good about yourself.You lose sight of yourself and decide that the needs of someone else are more important than your needs. How does codependency show up in parenting?Codependency in parenting is when you, as the parent, need something from your kid in order to feel good. Your identity or self worth as a person gets woven into your role of caregiving, and it creates an unhealthy dynamic in your parent-child relationship. There are three areas where I see this come up a lot in parenting. You need your kid to need you. You are dependent on them to have your emotional needs met. You need to be needed in order to feel valuable and to feel that your life has purpose. This often leads to a lot of rescuing, extreme helpfulness and wanting to make decisions for your child.You need your kid to be happy in order for you to feel happy. Of course we want to have compassion and connection with our kids, but the problem arises when you are not able to shift your own emotion until your child shifts theirs.You need approval from others (your kids or other people) in order to feel secure. You look outside of yourself for validation of your self-worth. This typically shows up as people-pleasing. In parenting, you might put a lot of pressure on yourself and your family to present yourself in a certain way. It can also look like you needing your kid to like you or approve of you, which leads to struggles with setting limits, holding boundaries or allowing your kid to experience discomfort.If you identify with any of these situations, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s super normal to struggle because we are socialized to be codependent (especially as women). 5 strategies to help you shift out of codependent behaviorYou don’t need to utilize all 5 of these strategies. Just pick one thing that you want to work on and come back later when you’re ready for another.Detach. Rather than detaching from yourself, we're going to detach from the other person and our need for them to be to feel good or our need for their approval. Instead, we're going to begin to look for happiness inside of ourselves. Self-soothe. Learn how to feel your feelings, and find ways to allow those emotions to move through you. Catch yourself and take a pause break. Speak kindly to yourself. Stop being so mean to yourself and learn to coach yourself into new ways of thinking.Cultivate self-trust. Build the belief that you can handle anything that happens. Set better limits and boundaries. Hold your kids and others accountable when they don’t keep within your limits. If some of this feels really heavy to you, I want you to really take care of yourself and give yourself a lot of love and kindness.Beating yourself up and criticizing yourself is not the pathway to change. Awareness is the pathway to change. Let's shift. Let's grow, Let's heal. You’ll Learn:How to tell the difference between healthy dependency and codependency in parenting3 areas where I see codependency come up for parents (and why it happens)Why it is so common to struggle with codependency5 key strategies to release yourself from codependencyResources:Melody Beattie’s book “Codependent No More”Episode 4: Setting Limits that WorkEpisode 9: Pause & Reset Your EmotionsEpisode 10: Pause & Reset Your MindEpisode 36: Overcoming Fear With Raising TeensFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet hereWant to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Parents often say to me that their child “is being disrespectful” or that “their behavior is disrespectful”. But is it? And if so, what can you do about it?In this episode, you’ll learn how to tell the difference between respectful and disrespectful behavior, why not everything falls into one of those two categories and how to create mutual respect in your family. What is mutual respect?One of the concepts I teach in my program, The Calm Mama Club, is this idea of mutual respect.This means that as a parent you are cultivating community within your family. This looks like: I care about you. I will help you. I am willing to be uncomfortable for your benefit. I'm willing to delay gratification so that you will be more comfortable or have your needs met. AND you are willing to do those things for me.We all have different needs, desires and expectations, and we can come together and figure out how to meet everybody's needs. This won’t be perfect. You won’t make everyone happy every time. The important part is talking about it and considering if it could be possible and how to do it.Between respect and disrespectI share a few different definitions of respect in this episode. Essentially, it means that we are willing to pay attention to and have concern for another person. We look at what is in their body, mind and heart, and we are willing to see it all as important.Parents often think that their child is disrespecting them because the child is not being considerate of their feelings, wishes, rights or traditions. But having disrespect goes beyond just not considering. Disrespect is a way of thinking, an attitude of not caring about another person’s feelings, wishes and rights. It even goes so far as having ill regard for somebody else's feelings or desires.I want to offer another perspective, one that lies somewhere between respect and disrespect. Something more neutral.Non-regard or non-respect.In non-respect, the child is in their own needs, feelings and wishes and they are simply not able to hold your feelings, wishes, thoughts and desires in mind. It's not an active attempt to disregard what you want or need. It's just a non-regard. You're just not part of their thought process in that moment. And this is developmentally normal for kids.How to cultivate mutual respectNow of course you're going to want your kids to learn this concept of mutual respect. We want them to grow and be able to have high regard for us. To have respect for us. To consider our feelings and wishes and rights. We want them to be able to think about our time and our resources and consider the impact that their behavior or request might have on us.  We want to give our kids this ability to grow and to respect others. And we can do it in two ways.Model self-respectYour children will look to you to show them how you want to be treated. You can teach them what it means to be in a relationship with you. That means you must think of yourself with high regard, consider your feelings and wishes and prioritize your own emotional wellbeing. Limit setting is a great tool to hold your boundaries and show your child what respectful behavior looks like. Show respectThis looks like being considerate of your child’s wishes and holding their feelings in high regard. It doesn’t mean that you need to give in to every wish.It looks like recognizing and validating your child’s needs and emotions. This is connection. It's a lot easier for someone to give respect when they feel respected. They know how good it feels and are more willing to do that for other people. That's how you cultivate mutual respect in a family.You’ll Learn:What disrespect really looks like (and what it doesn’t)Why showing respect is challenging for kidsWhat you can do to encourage respectful relationships in your familyFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet hereWant to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

The difference between being mean and being firm can be confusing.A lot of moms think that when they are firm with their children, they are being mean.For example - when you have one of your kids pulling your other kid’s hair, it’s not mean to say “Stop that. Or Don’t do that. That’s not safe. ” with a firm voice. Or when your child is hitting you or spitting on you. It’s not mean to say “No. Don’t hit me. My body stays safe.” Moms will say to me “i was so mean. I’m such a terrible mom.”And I’ll say “tell me what happened” and often as they share the story, they tell me things like i’ve just described. They’ve used a firm voice when their kid was doing something unsafe. Or they set a boundary with their body. Or when they’ve clearly communicated to their child that their behavior doesn’t work.When your 3 year old is screaming in a restaurant, It’s not mean to take them outside and with a very clear voice say “Screaming in a restaurant isn’t ok. We will go back inside when your body is calm. Let me help you by jumping up and down together.”When your 8 year old is using swear words, it’s not mean to say “Those words are not ok. You can stay here with us as long as you use kind words”. It’s also not mean to say “Looks like you are using potty words, you can go into the bathroom and say those and come out when you’re ready.”It’s not mean to let your child know that because they made you late for work 4 times this week you aren’t willing to drive them to the mall on Saturday. It’s not mean to leave your 7 year old at home with mom or day when you go to target (even if you promised) if they called you a stupid wicked woman earlier that day.  It’s not mean to hold a 4 year olds hands when they are hitting you or their sibling. It’s not mean to not give your teen their allowance or let them drive the car or buy them a new dress  or tie  for homecoming  if their room is a mess.Using a firm voice isn’t mean.Keeping people safe isn’t mean.Having limits isn’t mean.Enforcing your boundaries isn’t mean.Following through on consequences isn’t mean.Don’t confuse being firm with being mean. Being mean is when you hurt your child’s body. It’s when the moment of holding their arm to protect yourself or others becomes you squeezing too hard, or shoving their body away. There might be a moment or many moments when you’ve been physical with your child in a way that crossed a line. Or moments when you’ve called your child a mean name. Or lectured them into shutdown mode. Cornered them with your rage. And right now, if you are hearing me say these examples, you might be flooded with shame and guilt. The way to get out of that shame and guilt is to talk about these moments. To find out what was going on for you in that moment. To be tender enough with yourself that you can say what you did, and ALSO explore what led up to that moment. You can’t change something if you won’t look at it. I want to model this for you. I’m going to share with you - right now- a moment when I was too physical with my child. A moments when instead of being firm, I was mean. And this is are hard to admit. But I also know that when we keep moments like this in the dark, we are strangled by the shame of those moments. We get stuck in that shame of feeling like we are bad and wrong. And being stuck in shame is the opposite of becoming calm. Ok, so there was this moment when Lincoln was around 18 months. We were on a camping trip and it was hot and dusty and I was pretty overwhelmed by it. Keeping a baby safe around a fire and with dirt and all of that was hard for me. We hadn’t slept much. It was the morning, and it was just lincoln and I in the tent and he needed a diaper change. While I was changing his diaper, he kicked me in the stomach. I have no idea if it was a hard kick or not, but it hurt. And without a second of pause, I slapped his leg. It was kick/slap. Like that fast. And I saw that red handprint on his little leg and I was filled with GUILT. Guilt is a normal emotion and it makes sense to feel it when we do something wrong. When we hurt someone. When we are mean. Then, almost immediately, I was flooded with shame. Shame is different from guilt. Guilt says I did something wrong. Shame says there’s something wrong with me. In that moment I was like “I am a terrible mom. I shouldn’t even be a mom, If other moms knew I did this they would hate me. I hate me” Then I catastrophized the moment and made it mean a lot about the future “Im going to fuck up this kid. He’s going to be such a mess. I’m ruining him”. In that moment I didn’t admit I needed help. My shame kept me trapped. I didn’t really address my rage. My reactivity. The trauma response I was acting out. Let me say a quick note on what I mean by trauma response – As a child I experienced a lot of abuse and neglect. One of my coping strategies was to be hypervigilant and protective of myself to make

After 10 years of coaching parents, I’ve said a lot of things. But there are certain pieces of information, advice and mindset shifts that I come back to over and over again. In this episode, I’m sharing the five things I say the MOST as a parenting coach.And even if you’ve heard me say some of these before, they’re always worth hearing again. #1 Be comfortable with your kid’s discomfort. It’s in the tough moments of life where real learning and growing happens. And this can be hard for us to witness as parents. Comfort with their discomfort looks like compassion without blame, shame, rescuing or saying “I told you so”. #2 Feelings drive behavior.All behavior is a result of thoughts and feelings, including your children's misbehavior.When kids don't know what to do with their feelings, they show up in ways that don't work (hitting, shouting, complaining, whining, name-calling, refusal, ignoring, etc).But what if these behaviors don’t mean anything about our child’s character? What if these behaviors are just a form of communication? A way for your child to express their feelings?#3 Parent the kid in front of you.I like to say parent the kid in front of you, not the one you think you should have or the one you are afraid they'll become.If your kid makes a mistake or misbehaves, that's information and insight to what your child already knows and what they still need to learn.#4 Consistency is bullshit. Commitment is key. Parents are always told that they should be consistent. Consistency is based around the idea to do the same thing every time, every day, in the same way.Being consistent isn't possible, really. Because life isn't consistent.I teach my clients to focus on commitment. When you are committed to a new limit, when you really want something to happen (like bedtime, chores, screen rules, no toys at the table, whatever), and it doesn't work out right away, you won't get so discouraged. You won't need to blame yourself.Instead, you will reset and keep showing up for yourself, no matter how many times life gets in the way.#5 Motherhood is a relationship, not a job.When moms feel guilty, it's usually because they are trying to solve problems that aren't theirs.This happens when you think being a mom is your "job".In a job, you are responsible for a specific outcome. You have to complete certain tasks to get a result and if you don't do those tasks, the job doesn't get done and it's your fault.You aren't responsible for your children's outcomes. And that can be a hard thing to accept.I encourage you to pick one of these ideas and practice it this week. And listen to the full episode for a deeper dive.You’ll Learn:5 game-changing parenting conceptsHow different coping strategies show up in your kid’s behaviorThe difference between consistency and commitmentHow the way you view your role as a mom might lead to guilt or disappointmentIf you want help with any of the concepts I talked about on the podcast this week, I encourage you to join Calm Mama Club. There's so much cool stuff happening in that group. You’ll have access to weekly live group coaching calls, a new support group for parents of teens and Calm Mama Happy Hours and Coffee Mornings. You’ll connect with like-minded mamas in the private Facebook group and there are tons of course materials and resources available to you on demand. It’s everything you need to get calm and be more connected to your kid. Join us now. 

I keep thinking of the image of a tightrope walker with a safety net below them.Your kids are on the tightrope, up high, navigating the distances between one development stage to another. You aren’t on the tightrope. You are the net holder.  When your kids are little, your net is really close to the tightrope because you are literally keeping your kid alive. But as your kid gets older, your net needs to drop lower and lower. Dropping your net can be scary. Especially when your teenager starts making very adult decisions and maybe those decisions aren’t so great and you are terrified they will fall off the tightrope and your entire body is tight with panic.   Falling is normal. The drop from the tightrope to the net is where all your kid’s learning happens. The falling is the learning. Not the walking across. Most of us do anything we can to prevent the fall. Watching your kid fall is HARD because it feels SCARY and RISKY.That’s why parents yell, threaten their kids, lecture, monologue on the worst-case-scenarios, give them extreme consequences, or bribe their kids not to mess up. Because we don’t want to feel the discomfort that comes when our kids make mistakes and “fall”.  It’s also why we rescue - which I talk a lot about in episode 20 called Why your kid doesn’t listen.Even as I talk about this I recognize just how absolutely difficult this can be. I’m living it right now. That push/pull of motherhood as I grapple with dropping my net. The conflict is between trusting my kids will be ok, while also desperately wanting to prevent them from experiencing any pain, discomfort, or failure.I choose trust. This is what you can take comfort in. You are down below; watching, waiting, holding your breath, trusting them, hoping they don’t fall but knowing it’s ok if they do…because you always have your net ready. Parenthood is one long journey of dropping your net and trusting your kid.I’m going to talk a little bit about what I mean when I say Trust.1st: Trust yourself. You are a mom and won’t ever stop being one. You’ve trained your brain and heart to pay attention to your kid for years. You can trust that you will continue to show up for your kid. Help them solve problems.Think about things that you have solved in the past - when your kids were younger. For me, When kindergarten was an absolute disaster for Lincoln, I pulled him out and waited a year until he tried again.When traditional school environments weren’t working for him, we found an alternative school that was a better fitWe signed up for things and kept doing them until they didn’t seem to fit. Knowing when to start and when to quit. When I needed parenting support, I found our family a parenting coach and got us help. I’ve survived stitches and broken bones. I’ve watched my kids struggle with bad grades, friendship hardships, emotional pain,I mean we all survived ZOOM school and months of quarantine!!! Recognize and honor your past self. All the intuition she has shown, and all the wisdom she has gained. Be grateful for her and what she’s done or overcome to get you here. Now, think about future you. You from 5 years from now. How will she look back on this time of your life? She’s going to think you’re amazing. She’s going to be proud of you. She’s going to be grateful. That’s what self-trust is about. Trusting past you for doing her best. Being kind to you in this moment. Trusting yourself that you are doing your best right now and that you can handle anything that comes your way. Trusting that you will always have your net out. You’ve already survived and overcome a lot. And you’re still here. So I know you can figure out how to raise a teen!#2 Trusting Your KidThis is a little harder. When you look at your kid right now, it might be hard to trust them. Because your kid has an undeveloped brain. They don’t have a lot of life-experience because they haven’t lived a ton of life. You might look at your teen and think they don’t have a great track record. That’s ok.Trusting your kid is not about finding evidence in the present moment to calm your fear. Trusting your kid is about knowing them deeply. Who they are at their core. Their strengths. Calling on the things that delight you. What they are capable of. What is possible for them. Anchoring your beliefs in what you know is true about your kid. Trusting your kid is also about looking towards the future and creating a POSITIVE vision for their life. When you spend a lot of time thinking about all that could go wrong, you are fueling the fear. Which cuts off your creative and compassionate thinking. Fear lives in the limbic center of the brain. Too much fear triggers your stress response and puts you into a reactive state. Fear makes it hard to access the higher parts of the brain where all of your best problem solving and planning come from.&nbs

**Raising Teens Masterclass!** Details below.This episode is all about raising responsible adults and, more specifically, developing responsibility in our teenagers. It’s all about the tension between what teenagers want (freedom) and what they don't want (responsibility).Today, you’ll learn how to navigate this tension by using limits and boundaries to give freedom and teach responsibility.The Relationship Between Freedom and ResponsibilityTeenagers want FREEDOM. They want to live in a rule-free house. They want to be trusted. They want independence. They want to sleep when they want, game when they want, eat what they want, talk to who they want, leave when they want, come home when they want…What they don’t want is RESPONSIBILITY. They think they do, but they don’t really know what that means. This is the underlying tension of it all. Your teenager wants freedom, but they can’t quite handle all of the responsibility that comes with the freedom they desire. Can Your Teen Handle More Freedom?Giving teenagers freedom is REALLY HARD for us because we feel afraid that our kids won't make good decisions. And as kids get older, the stakes seem higher.This feeling of powerlessness can be scary. Especially when your teenager starts making very adult decisions and your entire body is tight with a feeling of terror.When we feel afraid for our kids, we tend to put on more rules, more restrictions. We decrease freedom.We take away their right to see their friends. We cut off the use of their phone. We don’t let them go to things. In the short term, it seems like this is the best plan. Take away privilege and they’ll learn to think before they act. Being super strict is also a way for you to get back control so you feel safer. But decreasing freedom in adolescence isn’t actually serving you…or your teenager.It can hurt your teen’s self concept, hold back their social development, breed disconnection between you and lead to communication problems and resentment.But possibly the biggest impact is that decreasing freedom also deprives your teenager of the opportunity to develop responsibility.So how do you prepare a teenager to become an adult who can successfully manage ALL the FREEDOM and ALL the RESPONSIBILITY?Give Your Teen More ResponsibilityAs your teen increases in freedom, they should also have more responsibility.Instead of taking away freedom and privilege, what responsibilities can you add?Here’s the thing. Eventually your child will become an adult. They will have the freedom. You will have no control. And the reason you won’t have any control is because you will no longer be responsible for your child. They will be responsible for themselves. That’s why giving them age-appropriate boundaries that honor their need for freedom within a structured limit that fosters responsibility is super important.Listen to the full episode for examples and tips.You’ll Learn:Why more rules and restrictions are not serving your or your teenReal-life example of how to use freedom as a test of responsibilityHow to set effective limits without being extreme, harsh or removing all privileges In the Raising Teens Masterclass, I walk you through the social and emotional stages of adolescence, helping you understand what’s normal, what they need and why they act the way they act.What you learn in this class will help you manage your mind, set limits that work, get closer to your teen during this time (yes, it's possible) AND not lose your shit in the process.The Masterclass is on demand. It's only $25 for a 90-minute class, plus the Raising Teens Guidebook Get The Raising Teens Masterclass HereFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today we are going to focus on the PARENTS! Yay! The thing you want. Parenthood is a journey from feeling like you have a lot of control to feeling as if you have none.You go from being “in charge” of a tiny human to being not “in charge” of an adult.Yelling, threatening and bribing are ways you try to get your power back. Using fear to get your kids to listen is your attempt to feel in control. The thing is, you never had power or control in the first place. And no other time in parenting does this feel more true is when raising teens. DarlynnCommon StrugglesConfusion about your role - Knowing what you are responsible for and what you aren't. Being unclear about what limits/boundaries to set. Fear about their future - When we are afraid they won’t reach their potential we constantly intervene in order to “teach” our kids how they should behave. The problem is that failure is the real teacher. Whenever we intervene we deprive our kids of opportunities to learn.Uncomfortable with their discomfort - Teen years are full of hard moments. This can be hard for parents to witness. Failure creates discomfort. Either emotionally or practically. If we are uncomfortable when our child is sad or frustrated, then we will have a tendency to stop negative consequences from happening. We end up in rescue mode - which ultimately results in us feeling resentful and our child feeling entitled.Feeling distant and disconnected. Not being sure how to talk to your kids about their lives.Not trusting your kids - feeling powerlessThis feeling of powerlessness can be scary. Especially when your teenager starts making very adult decisions and your entire body is tight with a feeling of terror.  Sometimes we don’t really trust our kid’s judgment or thought process. We don’t have confidence in their thinking, so we do all the thinking for them. We end up being controlling. This can go one of two ways - either our kid rebels against our control, or they end up lacking self-confidence and live in fear of making mistakes. This also erodes your child’s self conceptNot processing your own grief around the shifts in your role as a mom. There is an inherent loss that accompanies raising a teen. If you don’t recognize and talk about the loss, your feelings might show up as hypercontrolling or checking out as a way to cope with your own grief.  StrategiesDefine your limits: What works for you. What is your teen allowed to do and under what conditions. What are you willing to do for your teen and under what conditions. If you aren’t willing to respect your boundaries, your teen won’t respect them either. And they won’t learn how to hold boundaries for themselves.Boundaries aren’t the problem. It’s holding our boundaries and dealing with the emotional/practical impact of holding your boundary. (Examples: Lincoln with use of carPositive Parenting Vision: Push out 5 years and write about what is possible for your child. A few prompts are: What do I know is true about my teen that helps me believe they will get through this? In 5 years from now what is possible for them? What will success look like in 5 years? Process your negative emotions (This will help you be ok with your child’s struggle) Label the actual emotions you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel them. If you need to be sad, be sad. If you need to be mad, be mad. If you need to do some worst-case scenario thinking and feel scared, go for it. Just be in it. Avoid telling yourself you shouldn't feel what you are feeling.Solve for worst case scenario - Play out the scenarios of unprotected sex, failed grades, drugs and alcohol, vaping, social isolation, extreme video gaming, 

Today’s teenager is a complicated being. That’s why I’m so excited to have Jennifer Delliquadri with me on the podcast for the next 2 episodes! Jennifer is a life coach for teenagers and their parents. With over 14 years working as a classroom teacher, Jennifer is an expert at connecting with teens. Over the next 2 weeks, Jenn and I are talking about all things teenagers and all things parenting teenagers. We’re speaking from our experiences as coaches, and we are also both moms of teens, too.Today, she’s sharing the common struggles she sees among teens today, what your teen really wants you to know and how you can best communicate with and support them. We also dive into generational differences in how we experience, process and communicate our emotions.If I do say so myself, her passion for coaching teens and mine for coaching moms just might be a match made in heaven.Common Patterns and Struggles in Today’s TeenagersIncreased sense of anxiety. Though most teens are not clinically anxious, they still experience anxious feelings. Social anxiety, in particular, is a big one for teens - and it’s been increased by the effects of the pandemic and the isolation that we’ve experienced over the past couple of years. They missed a very important part of their development in being social with other teens and their peers. Now, they doubt their ability to converse, they're nervous to go up to talk to people they don't know, make phone calls, so a lot of them avoid it. As a result of this overwhelm, they often need more time to recharge after social interactions.Inability to effectively process and express their emotions. The generation of teens that are growing up now are much more aware of their feelings, but that doesn’t mean that they always know what to do with them.Many teens also have a perception that feeling bad or anxious is a problem, when it’s really just a part of being human. They may try to push those feelings away, hide them or shove them down, but the feeling doesn’t go away. When it eventually comes out is when we see explosions and meltdowns.Self doubt and low self esteem. Teenagers focus on peers, and they often feel like they’re being looked at under a microscope. They're thinking of all the ways they don't measure up to others, and constant interaction and social media magnify this. That self doubt can then lead to making poor decisions or doing things that they wouldn't normally do to fit in. How To Support Your TeenJenn shares a few key things that your teen really wants you to know and how you can support them during these years.It all comes down to listening, creating a safe space for them to communicate, setting boundaries that make sense and then trusting that they will figure it out and they will be okay.There is so much good stuff in this episode. Listen now to hear it all!You’ll Learn:Common patterns in today’s teeangersAdditional challenges of being a teen in the time of social media and constant interaction with peersDifferences between the preteen/early teen and later teen/early adulthood years5 things your teenager really wants you to knowWhat makes today’s teens so great (‘cause it’s not all bad!)Connect with Jenn:Jennifer Delliquadri offers 1:1 coaching for preteens to young adults. You can learn more about her programs at www.jenniferdelliquadri.com and follow her on Instagram at @jennifer.delliquadriIf you have a teenager and want to raise a responsible adult without losing your sh%t, this masterclass is for you.  In this Masterclass you'llFind out what's normal for teens...and what's notFigure out how to set rules and limits for teenagersGet clear about your role and know what you are responsible for and what you aren'tStop lecturing and get new tools to talk (& listen) to your teen so you feel closer and don't drift apart Learn practical ways to manage your own mindset around the worries and grief that comes with raising teens.**INCLUDES "PARENTING TEENS" GUIDEBOOK Get an immediate download of the masterclass and workbook. https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/teen-masterclassFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today I’m talking about the evolution of self concept and identity, and specifically, how that develops throughout adolescence. The onset of puberty and adolescence (usually around the age of 12), is when we really start to see our kids starting to figure out who they are and what they think and feel about themselves. They begin the process of creating a self concept. In this episode, we’ll go on a little tour of the different stages of self concept and how you can best support your teen through it.Childhood IdentitiesPrior to middle school, your child has inherited their self concept from others.  They start out with the thoughts and feelings that you and others have about them. Some of these may be positive, like I’m a good student, I’m a kind brother, I’m an artist. Others may not be so great - I’m a troublemaker, I’m bad at math, I don’t have friends.You can set your child up to build a strong self concept by exposing them to lots of positive thoughts and identities when they are younger.As they approach adolescence, they begin to develop self consciousness - simply being conscious of themselves as an individual within the group.The Middle School and High School YearsThe middle school years are when your kid begins to build their own self concept. At first, they are really sorting through those inherited thoughts and feelings and deciding for themselves which ones they want to keep and which to let go of.Along the way they’re constantly bumping up against new self concepts and trying on different thoughts to see if they fit.And of course there’s the added challenge of being surrounded by a bunch of other kids who are trying to figure this all out at the same time.As parents, we sorta have to watch from the sidelines, and it can be really hard to see your kid trying out a self concept that you don’t want for them.  They may choose their friends based on similarities in their thoughts and self concepts and they might also pick up new thoughts and identities from people they hang around with. When you’re in it, you might feel pretty panicked as a parent sometimes. You want to engineer and manage the whole thing. But you can’t.Ways You Can Support Your Adolescent ChildBecome a witness. You still have a lot of influence over them, even if you no longer have a lot of power.Actively choose thoughts and beliefs about your kid that you want them to believe about themselves. When you keep exposing those positive ideas to them, they're more likely to pick those pieces of their self concept. Those are going to feel really easy for them to try on and identify with if they’ve been hearing them their whole lives.Focus more on who you DO want your child to become rather than who you are afraid they’ll become.Remember, self concept is always evolving and changing (our entire lives!). Just because your kid has picked up an identity you don’t love, doesn’t mean it’s permanent.You’ll Learn:A helpful exercise to guide your teen’s self conceptSome of the biggest, most powerful thoughts you can think about your childWhat to do when you’re stuck in a negative thought loop about your kidResources:Podcast episode 31 - Self ConceptIf you’re feeling worried about your kid’s self concept. You think you don’t know who to shift your thoughts, what to say to your kid or how to help them, I want to invite you to download the Raising Teens Masterclass.You'll find out all the things you need to know about raising teens right now. We’re talking about your mindset, practical skills to build self concept in kids, what kids are thinking, what they're struggling with and how to help them.It’s $25 and you can sign up right now. Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

What is self concept? How is it different from self esteem? Is it your responsibility as a parent to help shape your child’s self concept?In this episode, I’m talking all about self concept - what it is, why it matters and how it forms.What Is Self Concept?Self concept is a collection of thoughts you think about yourself. It’s different from self-esteem because esteem is more how you feel about yourself. How Does Self Concept Form?Children inherit their self-concept from parents, grandparents, teachers and other adults. They compare themselves to their siblings and create thoughts about themselves based on how they relate to their siblings. They also absorb ideas from our culture - what it means to be a girl or a boy, how bodies should look, ideas of what success looks like, etc.Your Role as a ParentAs a parent, we have control over some of the factors that influence our kids, like the communities we live in or what social media influences we allow.But there are also many influences that are outside our control, and some of these don’t align with what we want our kids to think and feel about themselves and others.It’s your child’s job to find the pieces of their self-concept, choosing which thoughts to keep and which to throw away. What can you do as a parent to guide them in the process?Share your values with your kids, have conversations with them.Practice thinking positive thoughts about your kids - things that you really want them to believe about themselves.Speak those positive beliefs out loud to them - over and over again.  Your collection of thoughts about your child is the story they inherit. The more lovely and compelling it is, the more likely those are the thoughts they will pick up. Believing that your kids are OK exactly as they are and believing that they are lovable, acceptable, and that they belong in society - even if they present in ways that go against social norms - has a HUGE impact on how kids think about themselves.Listen to the full podcast episode for specific examples and some of my favorite tools to help you along the way.You’ll Learn:The 3 parts that make up a person’s self conceptMy favorite exercise for thinking positive thoughts about your kidsHow to “trick” your kids into thinking amazing things about themselvesWhen a kid feels good and has a positive self concept, they are much more likely to reach their academic potential.That’s why I teach my clients how to emotionally coach their kids and help their kids develop a kick-ass self concept that has nothing to do with their external performance and everything to do with the collection of thoughts they have about themselves.Join one of my coaching programs now and find out exactly how to support your kid’s self concept. https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/programsFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

With the start of a new school year, your morning routine may be a little rusty. You and your kids may kind of forget how mornings work, or you expect it to go really smoothly and it doesn't, or maybe you’ve never really had a consistent morning routine at all. If you’re struggling to get your kid out the door on time without a lot of stress and conflict, this is the episode for you! I’m giving you really practical tools and strategies to help create more calm in your mornings.I’ll walk you through a 3-step process to help you figure out what needs to get done, how much time it takes to get those things done, and when to do them. After this episode, you’ll know exactly how to create your morning to-do list, estimate how long each task takes and work backwards to create a realistic timeline.You’ll even figure out how to build in time for yourself, so you’re set up for a good day once the kids are out the door.And if you notice that your to-do list is going to take much longer than you’d like…I’ve got tips for that, too.Finally, we dive into the biggest secret of all…Being on time doesn’t actually matter all that much. You’re a great person and a great mom, even if your kids are late. While getting to school on time is a good goal, it's not worth sacrificing your peace and your connection with your kids. Things happen, and stress, worry (or full-on panic) and rushing around are not going to make your kids move faster. Most of the time, it just leads to more meltdowns and forgetfulness, which costs you even more time. Peace and Harmony are always more important than stress and perfection.Be kind to yourself as you build your new routine, Mama.  You’ve got this!You’ll Learn:My 3-step process to make your mornings easier5 strategies to simplify your morning routineTips for getting your sleepyhead out of bed and on the moveOne tiny thing that saves my family a ton of time getting out the doorThe only 3 things that actually matter in the morningLinks:Get your free Morning Routine Roadmap:  https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/easy-morningEpisode 29: Back to School Shit Show: https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/blog/back-to-school-shit-show Episode 4: Setting Limits That Work: https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/blog/setting-limits-that-work Ready to get started creating your own morning routine?  I’ve got you covered!  My free Ultimate Morning Routine Roadmap will help you build peaceful mornings, every day, so you can get your kids out the door...on time and without stress.It includes the process and strategies I talked about in this episode, PLUS worksheets and templates for your morning to-do list, time log and timeline, so you have everything you need right at your fingertips.You deserve a peaceful morning.  Get the free guide now.

The transition back to school from summer break is definitely a transition. There are special challenges that come up, and I want you to be prepared for the shenanigans that might happen with your kids in the coming weeks. In this episode, I’m talking about 5 things you need to know as school starts and how to create the right mindset going into the next couple of weeks so that you can be compassionate with your kids (and so you don't lose your mind).I share these not because I want you to be filled with worry and dread, but because I want you to go into this school year feeling confident, ready and hopeful. And I want you to be able to feel calm when this stuff is happening. 5 Things You Need To Know As School Starts1 - Your kid may not like their teacher. It doesn’t mean anything about your kid or what their year will be like. Quality relationships take time to build, and it’s ok if your kid doesn’t warm up to their teacher right away.2 - Your kids are going to be exhausted the first week of school. Keep the afternoons open and be flexible. I love to stay away from screens for the first hour and use this time for connection, outdoor time, or just a rest.3 - Sibling conflict might shoot through the roof during this back to school transition. Try to create special time with your kids by spending 10 minutes or so one-on-one with each kid doing whatever they’re doing.  4 - Social stuff is going to come up. It happens at almost every age. Friendships shift over the summer, and navigating friendships might be hard for your kid. Give it some time and trust that your child is going to find their people, their friend group, and it's going to be okay. Be comfortable with your child's discomfort.5 - Expect misbehavior to escalate over the next two weeks. Your child is going through a lot and using all their good coping strategies at school all day.  When they come home, they can finally relax.  And more big feelings cycles are likely to happen. Remember, this is a transition, and transitions are temporary.  Your family WILL figure this out.  Listen to the full episode for the how-to and plenty of real-life examples to prepare for the weeks ahead.You’ll Learn:5 challenges that often arise as school starts - and how to handle themThoughts to help you (and your kids) through the back-to-school transitionWhat your #1 job is as a mom in these first weeks of the school yearAn exercise to help you prepare your mindsetFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

I bet you’ve been here…Your kid comes to you with a situation – there’s something happening they don’t like, maybe they’re having an issue with their teacher or a friend at school – and you respond with something like, “it’s not that big of a deal,” “you’re overreacting,” or “don’t worry about it, it’s gonna be fine.”You may have the best of intentions and even say these things in a really sweet way in an attempt to soothe your child or give them a new perspective.But instead your kid may end up feeling like you don’t understand them or care about their problem.This type of response is called minimizing. We’re minimizing our kid’s problems, complaints or fears. We’re trying to skip over the negative emotion rather than supporting them through it.The truth is we can’t skip over feelings. The way to get to the next emotion is to feel the one you’re in.And once the feeling has been felt and moved through, you can help your child to shift their perspective.  This is emotional coaching.The tools you’ll learn in this episode will help your child feel that you actually see and understand them, and they will experience the empathy that you are offering to them. And I’m sharing lots of real-life examples to help you become your kid’s emotional coach.You’ll Learn:What it means to minimize your kid’s complaints and why it isn’t effectiveWhat compassion looks like in these conversationsWhy naming the emotion is so powerfulWhat to do when your child resists being coached or when you are not calm enough to be compassionate with themFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

There are times when your kids are going through something hard or they have something on their mind, and the way they process it is by talking to you - aka complaining.  They get stuck in their big feelings.  They’re afraid that the discomfort they’re experiencing is going to last forever.  So they take all those thoughts and feelings and dump them on you.It’s like the big-kid version of a temper tantrum and it can go on and on…and on.When it comes down to it, your child is just looking for support in moving through their negative emotions.And sometimes this goes on for a long time.  I share a story in the episode about a time I went through this with my son, and that night I was in a place to be patient and compassionate and stick it out with him.  But that doesn’t always feel easy.There are times you may need to calm yourself before you can show up with compassion.  There are also times you may need to set a limit or boundary around the complaining when it gets to be too much.In this episode, I walk you through three strategies for dealing with complaining:  staying neutral, being compassionate and coaching your kid through their big feelings.We’ll dive into all three of these with plenty of real-life examples, questions you can ask and my all-time favorite phrase for validating someone’s feelings.You’ll Learn:Why kids complain3 strategies to deal with your kid’s complainingWhat to do when you’re done and you really can’t talk about it in a compassionate way anymoreTwo ways to coach your child through the situation they’re struggling withWhy changing their circumstance is usually not the best approachFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode you'll learnHow to care for your own emotional needs while being there for your kidThe tendencies parents have when their kids are sufferingThe healthy way to support your kids through hard thingsI’m sharing a story about something that happened with my son just this past week.  It’s still pretty fresh, but it was just so powerful and also a huge learning experience for me so  I’m telling you about it now.Last Friday night, my 16-year-old son was riding the public bus home from the mall when a woman walked in front of the bus on the freeway and was fatally struck.When he told me this over the phone, my mind could not catch up to the words that I was hearing.  I didn’t even know what questions to ask.I’m sharing this story with you for a couple of reasons.  #1 is is that Being 100% calm isn’t the goal You are a human being.  Your nervous system is going to get activated in moments like this.  You're going to feel stressed and scared and you're gonna have a lot of feelings.The goal in these overwhelming moments is simply being as calm as your nervous system will allow. Which might look like a lot of sliding between calm and chaos in hard moments. And that’s ok.I wasn’t a cool cucumber for every second of this. I was confused as I spoke with the highway patrol. I mixed up freeway exits. I felt panic at moments. I snapped at my husband.I asked my son too many questions and second-guessed his actions. I listened to him and I also zoned out.Perfection is not the goal. Being 100% calm isn’t the goal. The goal is to thread the needle between what you need and what your kid needs. The real work is learning how to navigate the periods of time when we aren't calm.  Remembering to catch yourself and reset when your fear makes you feel like controlling or avoiding or stuffing things down or checking out. Modeling happens when things are hard. Be gentle with yourself and show your kids what taking excellent care of yourself really looks like.#2 Your kids are going to go through hard thingsListen, Mamas. Your kids are going to go through hard things. No matter how “good” you are as a mom. It’s just life.They will feel disappointment, sadness, fear, hurt, anger. These are totally normal, healthy, natural emotions. But trauma does not have to turn into some sort of catastrophic, terrible thing. It only does when it gets shoved down.Your role is to calm yourself as best you can and show up as a connected and compassionate witness of your child’s emotion. It doesn't mean trying to change the emotion.  All it means is just allowing for what actually is there. Be super curious about it, help them make sense of what happened to them, let them tell the story. That's how healing happens. Things happen. We talk them through, we give words to the thoughts and the feelings that they are experiencing. Then we feel all the feelings and slowly the emotion shifts.By modeling healthy ways to deal with stressors, you not only show up better for your kid, but you teach them those tools, too.  You show your kids how to manage themselves when they have their own big emotions.---Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

One thing moms struggle with is feeling bad about their progress in becoming calm and showing up calm with their kids. Whenever they have an mad mom episode and act in a way they don’t think they should, a lot of criticism, guilt, and doubt pours in. They think they should know this already. They think they should be getting there faster.  What they don’t understand is that becoming calm is a PROCESS. It’s a PRACTICE. It’s something you work on over time. Some days it’s easy, and some days it isn’t. All all of that is ok.I wanted to give you some real understanding of what it ACTUALLY looks like when you are changing your brain and the way you show up as a parent. The actual process of becoming calm – so you don’t feel so bad when you lose your shitola with your kids. How To Calm DownWe all know we aren’t at our best when we’re stressed, overwhelmed and reactive.  But knowing how to calm down in the moment isn’t always as easy as it sounds.I’m walking you through my 3-step process to catch yourself, pause and get back to feeling calm.Mom StressWith summer in full swing, I’m sure you’ve had some really tough moments over the past few weeks. Moments when you’ve been stuck in what I call Mad Mom SyndromeYou know what I'm talking about. Moments when your child is a bit off track and you get upset and all of a sudden you are yelling, threatening, and lecturing, followed by guilt and rushed apologies.Moments you are worried that the behavior you see in the present is a predictor of the future, so you act super strict and controlling.Moments when you are frustrated and say a snide or mean remark to your kid.These types of moments are a clue that you are in your stress cycle and feeling emotionally overwhelmed.  Your brain is convinced that the circumstance is an emergency.  Then, the brain activates a BIG, INTENSE STRESS RESPONSE.You become super reactive and respond to your children with stress, anxiety, frustration or anger. Then they escalate their stress behaviors and the next thing you know you are in a chaotic argument with your kids. How Do I Stop Reacting?To get out of Mad Mom Syndrome and get back to feeling calm, you need the Pause Break.  This is the thing you do when you feel yourself spiraling. You CATCH YOURSELF AND PAUSE. There are three steps to the Pause Break:Step 1: STOPDon't Talk. Don't Engage.  You can stop yourself at any point when you notice you are in your stress response and are seeing signs of Mad Mom Syndrome.Step 2: DELAYDon’t decide. Don’t act. Don't do anything about the situation (unless it’s a true emergency). Give yourself time to think and get calm.Step 3: RESETActively do something to calm your stress response. During a "Reset", you will move your body,  your mind or both. When you’re first starting out, you may only catch yourself after you've yelled or gotten upset.  After a while, you’ll catch yourself while you are yelling or acting upset.  Eventually you start to catch yourself before you yell or act out your frustration/overwhelm.Learning to pause is a process. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself.Pause is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this episode, I hope it’s this: You can always PAUSE.You’ll Learn:Why you become reactive and yell, threaten or ice your kid outThree steps to pause and get back to calmClues you need a Pause BreakWhat to do after you’ve reacted in a way you don’t loveFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Ever find yourself criticizing your kid…and then feel really terrible about it?  You’re not alone.  Parenting is hard and there’s plenty to complain about.  In this episode you’ll learn how to tell the difference between complaints and criticism and how (and why) to stop criticizing your child.Let’s face it.  Kids are really annoying. They don’t really think before they act. They don’t use a lot of logic to make decisions. They are reactive, emotional, and dramatic. They don’t manage their emotions well. They aren’t usually very tidy. They definitely like to play more than work. They don’t keep track of time or their belongings well. Complaining about the annoying things your kid does is totally normal. What we want to look out for is when your complaining becomes criticism. Complaints vs. CriticismComplaining about a specific behavior or event can be productive in parenting. A complaint can help to highlight a problem, which then allows you to come up with a solution.  Criticism, on the other hand, can lead to powerlessness and overwhelm for you, a  negative self-concept for your child and disconnection between the two of you.Think about how you might respond to dirty dishes in the bedroom:Complaint = I hate finding dirty dishes in the bedroom.Criticism = You’re such a slob.  There are always dirty dishes in here. So gross.How To Stop Criticizing Your ChildCriticizing can become a pattern and a habit, so the first step is noticing when you are complaining or criticizing.From there, you can identify the actual problem and set clear limits around it.In this episode, I walk you through examples of HOW to do this, and I also share one of my very favorite tools for resetting your thoughts about your kids.You’ll Learn:  The differences between a complaint and criticismHow your complaints can actually guide your parenting3 steps to get out of the pattern of criticismP.S. I’m so sick of mom-shaming. It’s a trap. Don’t fall into it. Everyone has moments when they think shitty thoughts about their kid. It's normal. There’s nothing wrong with you. You aren’t a bad mom. The problem is when those thoughts become a habit. If you are stuck in a negative thought spiral about your kid and can’t get yourself out of it, that’s what coaching is for. Join my parenting program and get practical parenting support, so you never get stuck again. Join now.Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session  

When you lose your temper with your kid, it doesn’t feel great.  But it IS totally normal.Perfection is not possible, in parenting especially. All parents lose their temper and speak or act harshly towards their kids from time to time. In this episode, I’m sharing what’s really going on when you lose your temper and what to do after the dust settles.  Losing Your TemperFirst, let’s get clear on one thing.  No one can make you angry.  Not even your kid.Anger is an emotion that comes from your thoughts about a situation or behavior.And getting angry isn’t actually the problem.  What really matters is how you handle the moments when anger takes over and you lose your temper.  These moments are sometimes called “ruptures”, because they interrupt the connection between parent and child. When you speak or act harshly towards your child, you create a negative impact and disconnection in your relationship.How To Say Sorry To Your KidWhen you do lose your temper, it’s time to take responsibility for your actions and repair the rupture (in the same way we would guide our kids to take responsibility for the impacts of their behavior)."Repair" is the conversation you have with your child in order to mend the disconnection between you.These conversations teach your kids how to resolve conflict, empower them to make mistakes and repair them and create more emotional safety and connection in your home.A repair conversation has three parts: Acknowledge what happenedRecognize the impact your behavior had on themRepair your mistakeAnd in between, you hold plenty of space for your child to process and respond.I’ll walk you through these three parts in more detail and show you how to have a repair conversation with your kids that actually restores connection and strengthens your relationships.There is no "right" outcome for these conversations. They can be awkward and don't always go smoothly.  But, I promise, the benefits outweigh the discomfort.Listen in to learn how so that you’ll be ready the next time you lose your cool.You’ll Learn:Unhealthy ways parents often handle a rupture10 benefits of repair conversations for kidsHow to lead a repair conversation with your child (and what to expect when you do)Know what's even better than repairing a rupture after you lose your temper?Losing your temper less in the first place.  Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

What do your kids want from you?  We put a whole lot of pressure on ourselves as parents sometimes, when the things our kids really need from us are actually pretty simple. Kids love to look at their parents and see DELIGHT in our eyes. They want to feel they are the most important thing ever. And I know you want to give that to them.  But it’s easier said than done, right?Sometimes it’s hard to feel those warm, fuzzy feelings toward your child.When you don’t like your kid’s behavior and you are feeling resentful, angry, unheard, alone, discouraged, or irritated, it can be really hard to feel empathy.In this episode, we’re talking about how to clear up those feelings so that you can feel (and show) love, compassion and delight for your kids.The Practice of DELIGHTI once heard a coach say that disappointment is the opposite of delight. And I can see how that could be true. If I am thinking of all the ways that my children disappoint me - all the ways they don’t measure up to some sort of standard that either society has said or I’ve created in my mind – I will be cultivating disappointment in them. And that will be the energy that we exchange between us.Yuck. Why not choose to think great thoughts about your kids? What is the harm in delighting in them? None! It only makes things better. You get to decide how you think about your kids.I call this "The Practice of Delight", and it is truly a practice. A discipline of thoughts. You’ll learn the whole process, step by step, in this episode.Listen in to hear more about how to give your kids what they really want and create more joy, peace and connection in your home.  You’ll Learn:3 things your kids want to hear from youHow to create your own “Practice of Delight”How to incorporate delight into key moments of your daySimple questions to help you shift into a more joyful mindsetFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Let’s face it.  Summer is great.  And it’s a lot.A lot of time with kids. Traveling. Extra meal prep. Day trips with snack bags. Feeling like there’s not enough time to get work done. Long days. Late nights. Sibling fights. Loneliness. You’re going to need a plan to enjoy the season - and avoid burnout.SUMMER BURNOUTSummer Burnout is a real thing. So many decisions to make. So many mental demands. So much emotional labor. When you don’t have time to re-charge, you are going to be more reactive and less patient.To show up as a calm mama this summer, you are going to need time alone.  Your body, heart and mind will all need a break.TAKE A BREAKHow would you feel if you had a few hours “off” each week where you reset your body, heart, and mind? Who would you be? What would change in your life if you felt less burned out? Less exhausted? Less overwhelmed?My guess?  You’ll come back feeling better and more calm.  Feeling rested will improve your relationships, make you more effective at work and bring more peace and joy to your home.It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s not something you earn. It’s not something you have to prove you need. Taking care of yourself is vital to being a human. It’s vital to being a woman. It’s vital to being a mom. In this episode, I’m teaching you how to plan for breaks and self care - in a way that ensures they actually happen!I call it the Calm Mama Break, and we’re going step-by-step through creating your personal plan.We’re also talking about how to fit “mini-breaks” into your daily rhythms.When you decide that taking care of yourself this summer and avoiding burnout is a PRIORITY - you will be creative and find a way to make it happen!  And I’m here to help you do it.Listen now for all the details.You’ll Learn:Why burnout happensSigns that you are approaching burnoutThe benefits of taking a breakHow to plan your Calm Mama Break Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Tired of repeating yourself over and over…and over?  Can’t figure out why your child doesn’t listen?  This is the episode for you!I’m talking about why it's not effective to repeat yourself, why you do it anyway and how you’re using it as a way to rescue your kids (and yourself) from negative consequences. Because repeating yourself and reminding your kids over and over again isn’t just infuriating - it actually prevents them from developing responsibility. Your kids don’t listen to you when you tell them what to do because you haven’t trained them that it’s in their best interest to listen to you. You haven’t shown them the impacts of their decisions, so they aren’t learning how to make better choices.This is totally normal, and it makes sense.  You want to protect your kid.  You don’t want them to fail.But protecting them in the short-term also means that they aren’t learning the bigger lessons that will serve them in the long-term.What’s the alternative? Teach your kids to THINK . Make decisions. And then experience the impact of those decisions.Being cold because they forgot a jacket, getting a low grade because they forgot to turn in an assignment, having to sell a toy or game to pay for a lost coat, that's how kids learn responsibility.Kids who are rescued from those impacts don't build resilience.Kids become resilient when they fail, and are taught how to fix their mistakes.In a results based model of parenting like I teach, you lay out the expectations, tell your child what might happen based on their choice and then let them choose. Inside my parenting programs, I give you everything you need to set limits, connect behaviors with the impacts they cause and guide your children through fixing their own mistakes.  What stands in the way of teaching kids responsibility is when parents rescue their kid from experiencing the consequences (aka results) of their actions.Repeating your rules and limits in order to prevent the consequence is rescuing.Repeating yourself and reminding your kids of your limits and consequences is rescuing.Resolving your kids' conflicts for them is rescuing. (This includes apologizing on their behalf.)Reminding your kids to do things so they don't forget is rescuing.Giving in/negotiating so your kid doesn't have to 'suffer' the results of their actions is rescuing.Repeating yourself and reminding your kids of the limits you've set and the consequences that might happen if they don't listen is RESCUING.The bummer is that kids learn responsibility by being irresponsible. What I notice with parents is that we often get mad about our kids' irresponsibility, while at the same time rescuing them. We say things like "When are you going to learn to put your clothes in the hamper?" while we gather up the clothes and do their laundry. We say "when are you going to learn how to get up on time for school?" as we remind and nag them to get up. "When are you going to stop losing your jacket?" as we pay for another one.Unfortunately lectures with a little shame sprinkle don’t teach kids to think before they act and develop responsibility. When you go back on your own rule or limit, you are either rescuing your kid from the consequence OR you are rescuing yourself from dealing with your kid's protest about the consequence.Repeating yourself and reminding your kids of your limits and the consequences is a form of rescuing. You are reminding them because you don't want them to fail.Giving in and going back on your own limit is also rescuing your kid from experiencing the consequence.When you find yourself going back on a rule, limit, or routine check-in with yourself and ask "What am I preventing or avoiding? Why am I choosing to give in?"Instead of repeating yourself over and over and randomly making threats of loss of sweets, screens, stories or playdates, why not let your kids make a mistake and learn from it?Rescuing is often about rescuing ourselves from feeling uncomfortable with someone else's discomfort. It's a little selfish really. Rescuing also communicates the message of "I don't trust you and your ability to figure this out and walk through this pain and come out on the other side."Are you rescuing? If yes, why do you think you are?Are you uncomfortable with your child's discomfort? Do you make it mean that you're a bad mom?Are you afraid a mistake today will be a bigger problem later?Are you over-stressed and can't handle the inconvenience of your child's mistakes?Are you worried you will be judged by other moms if your kid fails, or makes a mistake?What are some GOOD things that could happen if you let your kid struggle and fail a bit more?What's the worst that can happen? A little crying and protest.What the best that can happen? A kid who learns to think before they act and can overcome disappointment and failure.Listen to the full episode for specific examples, lots of practical tips and ways to supp

To have a stress-free summer (or at least something close to it), you’ve got to create the right mindset.  And that’s exactly what I’m teaching you to do in this episode of the Become A Calm Mama podcast. Zero stress obviously isn’t possible because in life there are so many little stressors happening all the time. I’m walking you through how to reset stressful moments when they pop up so you can get back to creating the summer experiences that you really want to have.It’s so easy to get sucked down the rabbit hole of overwhelm, burnout, anger, frustration and other negative emotions that can build up in moms over the summer.This is NOT what I want for you!I’m going to teach you really practical tools, so that you can figure out what it is that you want to create this summer, and then what to do when things go sideways.And because we know that feelings are what drive memories (and we want your memories to come from happy, loving feelings - not anger and frustration), we’re diving into what feelings you want to create and how to do it.  We also have some fun talking about how to create your summer bucket list and design your ideal summer day.This can be the summer that you feel good, actually enjoy the extra time with your kids and create some incredible memories.You’ll Learn:How to design an ideal summer dayHow to create your summer bucket list5 new thoughts to practice this summerHow to shift out of a grumpy mood Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

It’s easy to look at a sweet little baby and completely forget that that they’re going to grow up one day. That you are actually figuring out how to raise an adult.Stages of parentingWhen your kid is really little, there are so many things you can’t imagine them doing. Like walking, sleeping through the night, feeding themselves, being out of diapers, starting kindergarten.Then when they are in elementary school you can’t imagine them being a teenager, driving, having a first kiss, graduating from high school or turning 18. It all feels so far away and impossible. Then by the time they do those things, it all seems normal. That’s kind of how I feel about having an 18 year old. I couldn’t imagine ever getting here, and now that I’m here it all seems normal. (Well almost normal. I mean, I definitely have moments when I’m like “Wait, What? How did we get here?”)On today’s episode I’m interviewing my 18-year old son, Lincoln Childress. You will love getting to know Lincoln because he is honest, insightful, and also dishes out some dirt. How to raise an adultTurning 18 means being on the cusp of adulthood. Still close enough to your childhood experiences that they are tangible, while also reaching forward to an unknown future. During this episode Lincoln talks about what it was like being a kid, his struggles and the things he’s grateful for. He shares what his dad and I did right, and what we don’t understand about him. We get into sibling stuff, and also the pressure he feels at this milestone.Our conversation is filled with honesty, connection, and laughter. It will give you new insight into childhood and you’ll see the benefits of emotional coaching in real time. Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Ever wonder why siblings fight (like all the time)? And more importantly, what to do about it?Sibling fighting can be arguing, physically fighting, saying mean things to each other, shouting or bickering - any of that. We’re getting into it in this episode, and you might be surprised to learn that a lot of the “problem” isn’t even about the fight. It’s about how your kids’ fighting makes you feel and what you make it mean. Why Siblings FightWhile it may be unpleasant and stressful for you as a parent, Sibling conflict is TOTALLY NORMAL. In fact, it’s actually healthy. Sibling relationships are one of the safest relationships to try out different things to see how relationships work.I’m going through the top 5 reasons kids fight so you can start to see some patterns with your own kids.  The biggest culprits? Boredom, big feelings, resentment, habit…and boredom again.How to Handle Sibling ConflictSo what do you do when things start to escalate?Our focus here is not just on the interaction happening between your kids, but how YOU interact with your kids when they fight.When you intervene and solve the conflict for your kids, they are not learning how to think and solve conflicts on their own. So fighting becomes an easy way for them to get attention, entertainment and release their big feelings. When you guide your children to think and solve their problems, fighting becomes something that requires effort FOR THEM. I’ll walk you through exactly what I mean and how you can show up as a guide (rather than a judge or referee) for your kids. You’ll Learn:One simple question to uncover your true thoughts about sibling conflictThe top five reasons kids fightYour role in handling conflict between kidsWhat to do and say when your kids are fighting Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

10 years ago this May, I taught my first parenting class. TEN YEARS AGO! In this episode I’m sharing reflections and 10 observations to make parenting easier. Celebrating 10 Years Over the last decade, I’ve privately coached over 200 moms, taught over 500 hours of group classes to more than 1000 parents. I’ve written 4 parenting handbooks, at least 700 emails, thousands of social media posts and gave away over 20 different free parenting toolkits.   It’s been SO much fun!  I've learned A LOT about parenting, kids, mothers, families and the experience of motherhood and have done my best to create simple concepts, tools and scripts to help moms and dads create more peace and connection in their families without resorting to anger, threats and lectures. This milestone has brought up a lot of memories, and I’m sharing the highs and lows with you today - including reading some passages from my journals in 2008 and 2009 - when I was feeling so lost as a mom. 3 years after opening up to a friend about my anger and fear and attending my very first parenting workshop, I wrote: “Nothing is perfect. But there is peace and love in our home. I am a different person because of all I’ve gone through with Lincoln and learned in the process. I have come through the trenches and have a great foundation. And now I teach parenting classes!”  This is how I still feel today. In awe that I’ve created the peaceful home I deeply desire, healed myself along the way, and have the privilege of sharing what I’ve learned with you.  You and I Are Alike  We both love our kids and want to show up for our kids with kindness, compassion, confidence and a deep inner calm.  We both want our kids to be respectful and make good choices. and we both feel terrible when we yell or shame them into obedience.  We want really good relationships with our kids and we are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.  10 Observations to Make Parenting Easier To help you take the first (or next steps) in your parenting journey, I've gathered 10 tried-and-true rules to live by in parenting.  If you practice these 10 things in your family, you will 100% have less yelling, more listening, more peace and feel a lot more calm.  And it won’t take 10 years to see these results! It’s almost instant!  Listen in to hear them all. You’ll Learn:What it was REALLY like for me when my kids were youngerThe parenting goals I set for myself (and the fears that kept coming up)10 of my favorite observations about parenting Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Hearing kids say "Mom, I'm bored" might be the most annoying phrase of all time. In this episode of the Become a Calm Mama podcast, I’m sharing what to do (and what not to do) when kids are bored.What do you usually say after your kid says “I’m bored”? I’m guessing you offer a bunch of suggestions and say "Why don't you do [blank]?"Of course, your kid rejects them...and the cycle of them complaining, you problem solving and them not liking your ideas continues until you get mad and cut them off or just give in to screen time.If this happens to you, you are not alone in this struggle. The good news? Boredom is temporary, and it can even be a good thing! Benefits of BoredomBoredom is simply a gap between activities, but it feels super UNCOMFORTABLE for your kid.This gap (which I call the boredom gap) is also where your child's growth happens.Among other things, boredom:Encourages imagination and creativityBoredom teaches 'grit'Boredom develops problem-solving skillsYour job is not to solve the problem for them, but to support them as they figure it out on their own. A Word About Screen TimeLet’s face it: Screens are super entertaining.It's a really easy way to satisfy the brain's need for fun, novelty, connection and distraction - and get rid of that uncomfortable bored feeling.Screens by themselves are not a problem. The problem is our reliance on technology for stimulation, entertainment and quick-hits. It’s hard for kids to shift away from easy entertainment, and they will resist your limits.But there are ways you can help re-train their brains to move through the screen cravings and relentless protest to creative exploration - more quickly and easily.   You’ll Learn:Why boredom is actually important for your child’s developmentWhat your job is when your kid is boredHow to handle “the boredom gap”How to deal with your kid’s resistance to screen time limitsFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Mother’s Day is coming. And if you've had a few Mother's Days that end with you getting into bed feeling totally wiped out and resentful, this podcast episode is for you. I’m talking all about how to enjoy Mother’s Day.Mother's Day has a way of ending up the OPPOSITE of ideal for most moms.A lot of times moms spend Mother's Day cleaning up the kitchen after a messy breakfast in bed, followed by a lunch that's focused on their mother or mother-in-law, and then capped off by a rushed take-out dinner with all the regular bedtime routine shenanigans.It’s time to take back Mother’s Day!I’m just going to say it - Mother’s Day is FOR moms!I want to help you design a Mother’s Day that actually feels good to you.One where you get what you truly want from the day. How do you get what you want on Mother’s Day?Usually, two things keep moms from creating their ideal day: guilt and not asking for what they want.I’m sharing tips to get past them both.You also need to get clear on what your ideal day looks like and make a plan for it.This will look very different based on your daily life, family structure and what feels right to you.I also know that some of us are sitting with feelings of grief and loss on Mother’s Day. If this is you, give yourself a little tenderness and consider this when designing your day.This Mother’s Day, I send my love to all the mothers. For the first mothers, the forever mothers, the motherless mothers, the childless mothers, and the not-yet mothers. I love you. I see you.And I’m wishing you YOUR most ideal Mother’s Day yet.You’ll Learn:Steps for creating your ideal Mother’s DayHow to process the “Mother’s Day Hangover” of disappointment, resentment or sadness on Monday morning Previous Episodes Mentioned:Episode 9: Pause and Reset Your Emotions Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

A grumpy mood is totally normal - for you, your kid, and sometimes everyone at once! In this episode of Become a Calm Mama, I’m giving you a few strategies for handling moments when you’re dealing with a grumpy kid, grumpy parents or when the whole family is in a grumpy mood.When You Have a Grumpy KidYour kid is entitled to their moods. It’s actually their job to learn how to manage their own thoughts and feelings. Pain, discomfort, and grumpiness are inevitable. It's not the avoidance of pain that is the goal...it's the work of processing emotional pain that we want to help our kids with.Don’t try to fix it. Just observe. Be their compassionate witness. It’s just a moment. Let it be what it is and wait for it to pass.  When There are Grumpy ParentsJust as it’s normal for your kids to be grumpy, it’s also normal for you.You can just be grumpy and you don’t have to actually do anything about it (but you can if you want to). I’ll walk you step-by-step through my process for shifting into a better mood.When Everyone is GrumpyEver planned a "really fun" thing for you and your kids and it turns into tears, fights and disappointment?Grumpy moods, sibling fights and stressed parents can make even the most fun activities feel terrible.If no one is “feeling it” and you push through anyway, you might end up feeling more angry than if you would have stopped earlier.When you decide on an activity or event, be flexible. Forcing something or continuing to do an activity even when everyone is “done” will leave you all feeling frustrated.You'll Learn: How not to let your kid ruin your moodHow to support your grumpy kidHow to use my Connection Tool to shift your own moodHow you can plan family activities and outings to accommodate moods and avoid disappointment Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

When your child is being aggressive, it can be hard to know what to do.  In this episode of the Become A Calm Mama podcast, I’m teaching you how to keep your family safe when your kid is hitting, breaking things or calling names.A foundational principle I teach is this: EVERYONE STAYS SAFE in your house. That means the bodies and hearts of the people in your house don’t get hurt. By you. By their siblings. It also means YOU don’t get hurt either.What to do if your kid is hittingI'm often asked "What do I do if my kids are physically hurting each other??"Kids hurting other kids (or you) is a behavior that can feel really overwhelming. And it can trigger a lot of stress for you. The "hard no" is the perfect strategy for those kinds of tricky parenting moments.It is a firm communication that your child’s feeling is ok but hurting others isn’t.If your kid is hitting another kid or won’t stop hitting you, the “hard no” is how you stop them. I’ll walk you through what to say and do in the moment, including what to do if they don’t stop right away.If your kid is name callingWords can hurt, too. So, the “hard no” is also perfect for times when your child is insulting or threatening others (including you). Name calling is a strategy they are using to communicate and cope with their feelings. But if they are using hurtful or violent language or cursing, you will want to do a “hard no.”A “hard no” doesn’t need to be harsh. You don’t have to be angry or activated to do a “hard no”.  Instead, put your focus on keeping everyone safe and calming yourself. Then, you can try to help your kid regulate their emotions and find safer ways to cope.Listen to the full episode now for real-life examples and scripts you can use with your own kids.You’ll Learn:How to use the “hard no” - and exactly what you can say in some common situationsWhat parents usually do instead (and why it doesn’t work)What your kid really needs from you in these moments - it’s not another lecture Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Whether we’re technically post pandemic or not at this point, we can all agree that parenting has some additional challenges now - especially when you’re not sure if your kid is OK.Our kids are out and about in the world, quarantine is over, schools are open, mask requirements are ending, and sports and other activities are a thing again.But getting “back to normal” isn’t that simple.In this episode, I’m talking about the after-effects of quarantine on kids, the worries and frustrations parents are having and giving you some strategies to cope. Parenting in a pandemicAmong other things, quarantine had a big effect on our kids’ development.Think of child development like a train on a track, chugging along toward adulthood.But in March 2020, all the trains stopped. And kids got out at whatever station they were nearest to.Your child’s development and growth continued - but in isolation. They weren’t developing in community with others.When school, sports and other activities started up again, kids got back on the developmental train, but they’d been propelled forward, passing stations along the way.The catching up they’re doing now creates a lot of stress.Post pandemic lifeStress shows up in our kids in a lot of different ways.And their stress creates a stress response in parents, too.When you feel worried, overwhelmed and uncertain about how to help your child, you may find yourself signing them up for all the things, pushing them harder and trying to get them back on track.Without realizing it, you’re putting even more pressure on your kids.Listen to the full episode now to for ideas on how to support your child through this new stage.You’ll Learn:What stress looks like in kidsWhat your kid actually needs from you right nowHow to offer activities and opportunities without overdoing itWhat to say when your child is feeling stressedFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today we are talking about how to pause & reset your MIND and what I like to call “mama mind drama”.When I talk about resetting your mind, what I mean is that you’ll move from default negative thoughts to intentional positive thoughts.And this shift will change the way you show up and respond to your child.It's not your kid's behavior that is driving you crazy.It's your thoughts about your kid's behavior that are driving you crazy.It's what you are making that behavior mean. When you think thoughts like…My kid doesn’t have the right to be this mad. He/She/They are the one who did the wrong thing in the first place.They should know better.If I was a better mom my kid would be happier and better behaved. This is my fault.I can’t handle anything right now because I have so much pressure on me and I can’t ever get a break.I must deal with this behavior right now or else it's going to get worse.My kid will never learn.You’ll notice feelings of anger, resentment, fear and overwhelm come up.When your thoughts about a situation or behavior are negative, your stress response is WAY more likely to kick in.Once stress juice takes over, you find yourself yelling and doing all the mom things you don’t like.If you want to feel calm, peace, confidence, and compassion, you’ve got to choose thoughts that help you feel that way.And in this episode, I’m teaching you how to do it!You’ll Learn:How your thoughts affect how you show up as a momWhat default thoughts are and how to shift your thoughts so you change your behaviorHow to move through the stress responseMy favorite thoughts that you can borrow when you need a resetReal life examples for kids of all agesFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today we are talking about something that might not seem related to parenting. Your feelings. Specifically, how to pause & reset your emotions.One of the goals of Calm Mama Parenting is practicing compassion with your kids and teaching them what to do with their feelings. But first, of course, you have to know what to do with yours!I define Emotional Literacy as:You know what you’re feelingYou know how to talk about those feelingsYou know what to do with those feelingsMost adults have no idea what to do with fear, sadness or anger. They stuff the feelings down and bury them under scrolling, binge watching, glasses of wine and gossip.The most important thing you can do as a mom is process and manage your own emotions.Because the more emotionally literate you are, the more emotionally literate your children will become.And if you teach your kids what to do with their feelings, then when they grow up they won’t have to do destructive things with their feelings (like drugs, porn, over eating, over working, excessive shopping, over dieting, etc).I think of this as healing the next generation in advance.In this episode, I’ll walk you through what is really going on behind your feelings, a simple process to work through negative emotions and a personal example of what this looks like in real life. You’ll Learn:The 2 emotions I see parents struggle with the mostWhat happens when you “stuff” your feelings down (and clues to look for when you’re doing it)3 simple steps to process a negative emotion so you can move through itAlso mentioned in this episode:Episode 8: Pause & Reset Your Body Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode, I'm' talking about how (and why) to pause & reset your body when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.  And why it's so important!I’m sure you’ve had some really tough moments over the past few weeks. Moments when you’ve been stuck in what I call Mad Mom Syndrome.You know what I'm talking about -Moments when your child is a bit off track and you get upset and all of a sudden you are yelling, threatening and lecturing…followed by guilt and rushed apologies.Moments you are worried that the behavior you see in the present is a predictor of the future and you act super strict and controlling.Moments when you are frustrated and say a snide or mean remark to your kid.Those types of moments are a clue that you are in your stress cycle and feeling emotionally overwhelmed.You become super reactive and respond to your children with stress, anxiety, frustration or anger. The rage kicks in, your body takes over and you do all sorts of yelling.Or, instead of exploding, you implode and check out with a cold icy stare at your kid.When this surge of stress juice ends, you start to feel calmer and think more clearly…But if you showed up as a 'mad mom', you probably also end up feeling bad and beating yourself up for not being calm. Today I’m helping you understand why this happens in the first place and what you can do to reset when you feel the stress starting to take over.You'll Learn:Why ‘mad mom’ moments really happen (it’s not just about your kid’s behavior)The one tool you need to shift from stressed and reactive to CALMThe benefits of taking a Pause BreakWhy you need to move your body to quiet your mindPractical actions you can take to reset your body quickly, in the momentWhat to say to your kids when you lose your coolFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode, I'm talking all about tantrums, meltdowns and outbursts (at every age)! I call these Big Feeling Cycles.By the end of this episode you will know why they happen, and how to handle them without losing your mind. Typical parenting strategies that focus on stopping the behavior don’t address the root of the problem. Lectures, timeouts, taking away privileges, etc., don’t give your kid the actual tools and skills they need to process their emotions. The strategies you learn today will bring better connection in your relationship with your kid AND give your kid better tools to manage their emotions. Managing a BIG FEELING CYCLE means drawing attention to the emotion that might be triggering that behavior. Your job is not to FIX anything. Nothing has gone wrong. Your job is to be a compassionate witness.Listen to the full episode to learn shifts and strategies you can use to support your child through their feelings - and help those Big Feeling Cycles run their course more quickly. You’ll Learn:When and why Big Feeling Cycles happenWhy they can be so hard to handle as a parentHow to use “The Hard No” to keep everyone safe when behavior is really out of boundsA simple thought to help you ride out the next Big Feeling CycleHow to find clues inside a Big Feeling Cycle so that your child can move through the next one faster Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today I’m talking about misbehavior and the #1 reason it is so hard for parents. Misbehavior creates a lot of conflict in families. It’s one of the main reasons parents yell.You’ve probably thought “If they would just listen and stop acting out, I wouldn’t have to yell!” And maybe your brain has offered you the solution of getting your kids to behave better by having more rules and more limits and more consequences. By being more strict. Many parents think the answer to misbehavior is in having better routines, or being more consistent, or being more firm.The problem with this solution is that it doesn’t address the roots of misbehavior.In this episode, I’m sharing why it’s so triggering and upsetting for you, and some concrete and practical steps to handling misbehavior without resorting to lecturing, avoiding, yelling, threatening or shaming.Surprise! It all starts in your brain.As a parent, your child’s behavior often activates your stress response. Your brain wants to INTERPRET your kid’s behavior as a DANGER to your physical or emotional safety. It will TRICK you into thinking that your kid’s behavior is a threat to you.It will tell you that you need to protect yourself. Get bigger. Get louder. Fight back. Run away. And that can make it hard to remain calm.But when you can understand what’s driving the behavior and view it as an opportunity rather than a problem, you can head off the stress response and feel more calm in the situation.You’ll Learn:Why misbehavior often feels like an emergency (even though it’s usually not)How to recognize your body’s stress response and be aware of your reactionsDifferent ways to think about misbehavior - and prevent your stress response from kicking inSimple steps to use limits and rules to effectively manage behaviorFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode we’re diving into step 4 of the Calm Mama Process - CORRECT. We’re rethinking consequences and learning how to use them effectively.I covered the first 3 steps of the Calm Mama Process in previous podcast episodes. If you missed them, be sure to go back and listen.Step 1: CALMStep 2: CONNECTStep 3: LIMIT SETWe all want our kids to become thoughtful and responsible humans. Kids who can think for themselves, make decisions that don't harm themselves or others, and take personal responsibility for their actions.The way kids learn these things is by EXPERIENCING the impact of their choices.In the Calm Mama Process, we use consequences to teach our kids that when you have a behavior, it's going to create a result. Effective consequences teach your kids to think without having them experience pain, shame or disconnection. To do that, we need to start out by thinking like our kids:They don’t think about the future and are very in the moment.  They don’t really understand cause and effect.  They don’t want to stop what they’re doing or wait for what they want.  And they don’t really know how to think about other people’s feelings yet.This is simply the journey of childhood. It doesn’t mean anything about your child or who they will grow up to be.We understand that feelings drive behavior, and we use Connection to help our kids learn strategies to communicate and cope with their big feelings. So we don’t shame our kids for their feelings or even judge their behavior. Instead, what we do is help our child see the connection between their behavior and the impacts of the behavior.  Even though we have compassion for their feelings, it doesn't mean they're excused from the result of their actions. So when your kid has an action that creates a problem for someone else, they have to fix it. Restore what was damaged.With CORRECT, you give your child the opportunity (in a loving, logical way) to repair, restore or resolve the impact of their actions. You’ll Learn:The difference between consequences and punishmentWhy lectures and time outs aren’t workingThe 3 types of impact a behavior can have - and how to respond to each of themHow to hold your kid accountable without shaming or disconnectionSimple questions you can ask yourself to create effective consequencesFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Have you been looking for the magic formula to get your kids to listen? In this episode, we’re walking through step 3 of the Calm Mama Process - LIMIT SETTING. This is going to be different than anything you’ve heard before. You’ll learn all about setting limits that actually work.In past episodes, I talked about the first 2 steps of the Calm Mama Process. If you missed them, be sure to go back and listen.Step 1: CALMStep 2: CONNECTNow, let’s get into it.For years I went to parenting workshops trying to discover the secret limit-setting formula.I always left disappointed.Most of those parenting programs taught that limits are when we firmly state what we want our child to do. That was it. That was their secret, magic formula.So I'd go home and try their formula. I'd say "brush your teeth, kids" in a very sweet voice. And they would ignore me.I'd say it again a little more firmly, "It's time to brush your teeth." Still no action.I'd repeat myself for a third time, "Brush your teeth NOW." And this time they might look at me but still continue playing.That's when I could feel myself getting angry and my tone would get harsh. I'd say, "Brush. Your. Teeth. Now." And my teeth would clench, eyes glaring. Sometimes this squinty-eye/harsh tone thing would work; sometimes not.By the FIFTH time, I would yell and say, "Brush your teeth right now or I will not read books to you tonight!" And this would typically get them moving.Does any of this sound familiar?Listen to the full episode to learn my limit-setting formula, so you can stop repeating yourself 5x and using commands and threats. I'm giving you lots of real-life examples so you can start practicing with your kids today.You’ll Learn:How commands, threats and limits are not the same thingWhy threats don’t workHow your kid’s brain is set up to ignore youMy limit setting formula (with real examples)Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Connection is THE key to improving your child’s behavior. So, in today’s episode we are talking about the CONNECT step of the Calm Mama Process.Note: This is the 2nd step in the Process. If you missed last week’s episode on getting to CALM, go back to listen now. If you’ve ever wanted to help your kids manage their emotions by “using their words” then you will love this episode.I’m teaching you how to teach your kids to ‘use their words’ by giving them the words they need to express their big feelings.If you take nothing else away from this episode, I want you to hear this:Feelings drive behavior.All behavior is a result of thoughts and feelings, including your children's misbehavior.Whatever your child is doing, they're behaving that way because of how they're feeling about their circumstances.Not because they are bad.Kids misbehave when they aren't feeling great.When kids don't know what to do with their feelings, they show up in ways that don't work (hitting, shouting, complaining, whining, name-calling, refusal, ignoring, etc).So, If you want to change misbehavior, you need to help your child understand what they are feeling and help them learn how to express those feelings in ways that work.As the parent, you are responsible for developing your child’s social and emotional skills, just as much as you are responsible for developing their cognitive skills.In fact, I think the greater responsibility of parents is to develop the social and emotional skills, because the greater those skills the more likely your child will have future success.Parenting through connection is revolutionary. It’s NOT doing it “the way it’s always been done”.When you get the side-eye from your mother in law, or your dad makes that “we never let you kids talk like that” comment, just remember you’re practicing the “feelings first” model. Remind yourself that you’re part of a new generation of parents. You are part of a revolution! You’ll Learn:Why the “behavior first” model of parenting we were raised with doesn’t address the root of the problemWhat a “feelings first” model looks likeWhy curiosity is such a powerful parenting toolHow “feelings first” is not the same as “feelings only” Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode I’m sharing with you my definition of CALM and giving you my go-to strategy for getting to calm using a tool I call The Pause Break. The Pause Break allows you to access calm, even in the middle of a moment when you feel overwhelmed or angry.Before we get to that, let’s talk about what the absence of calm looks like. I know you’ve been there, and so have I.  Showing up when you aren’t feeling calm looks a little different for everyone, but you might find yourself:yellingsaying mean thingsmaking threatsrescuingbribingbeing rough with your kid's bodygiving in to your kid's demandsfeeling exhaustedlecturingtalking a lotshutting downnot following through on consequencesnot taking care of yourselfsleeping poorlygrumpiness that you can't shakeescalating things when your kid gets upsetshutting your kid down…generally acting in ways you don’t love.When you have a mad mom episode, it’s easy to beat yourself up and tell yourself things like I’m a bad mom or I’m messing up my kids. Which makes you feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, frustrated and confused. The more negative thoughts you have, the more defeated, discouraged, and guilty you will feel. And when you feel bad, it’s hard to change your behavior. So you end up yelling again.I call this Mad Mom Syndrome, and it is a vicious cycle of negative thoughts leading to negative feelings leading to negative actions and then back again. So how do you break that cycle?That’s what we’re diving into for these 30 minutes.  The Pause Break is the single most important tool I teach. It is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this podcast episode, I hope it’s this: You can always take a PAUSE BREAK. It’s the first, and most important, step towards CALM.Listen to the full episode now for all the details. You’ll Learn:Why Mad Mom Syndrome happensWhy your kid’s behavior triggers such strong feelingsHow your stress response influences your actionsThe 3 simple steps of The Pause Break that you can do anytime, anywhereFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Welcome to the “Become a Calm Mama” podcast!!! In this first episode I’m sharing my own story of becoming a Calm Mama.Let me just start by telling you that I wasn’t always a calm mama. In fact I was the opposite of that. I was a MAD MAMA.There was a time in my parenting when I yelled with such fervor that spittle shot from my mouth.Quiet afternoons replaced with anger-filled threats. Boys sent to their rooms with an edge in my voice that pierced their hearts with fear. Icy stares. Cold shoulders. No goodnight kisses.This was especially true when my kids were toddlers and preschoolers.One night, while tucking my 4-year-old son in bed, I gently said to him, “I love you so much.” And he replied, “I know you do, but I just don’t think you like me very much.”My heart broke into a million pieces.It was at that moment that I knew I needed to find a new way to parent.These are hard moments to talk about. But they are true and real and normal.I’m getting real in this episode because I want you to know that I’ve been where you are and that peace in your home is possible.Listen now to hear the full story.  You’ll Learn:Where I started my Calm Mama journeyThe process I followed to create the peaceful home I have nowA sneak peek at what we’re going to talk about over the next couple of episodes Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session