Become A Calm Mama

I keep thinking of the image of a tightrope walker with a safety net below them.Your kids are on the tightrope, up high, navigating the distances between one development stage to another. You aren’t on the tightrope. You are the net holder.  When your kids are little, your net is really close to the tightrope because you are literally keeping your kid alive. But as your kid gets older, your net needs to drop lower and lower. Dropping your net can be scary. Especially when your teenager starts making very adult decisions and maybe those decisions aren’t so great and you are terrified they will fall off the tightrope and your entire body is tight with panic.   Falling is normal. The drop from the tightrope to the net is where all your kid’s learning happens. The falling is the learning. Not the walking across. Most of us do anything we can to prevent the fall. Watching your kid fall is HARD because it feels SCARY and RISKY.That’s why parents yell, threaten their kids, lecture, monologue on the worst-case-scenarios, give them extreme consequences, or bribe their kids not to mess up. Because we don’t want to feel the discomfort that comes when our kids make mistakes and “fall”.  It’s also why we rescue - which I talk a lot about in episode 20 called Why your kid doesn’t listen.Even as I talk about this I recognize just how absolutely difficult this can be. I’m living it right now. That push/pull of motherhood as I grapple with dropping my net. The conflict is between trusting my kids will be ok, while also desperately wanting to prevent them from experiencing any pain, discomfort, or failure.I choose trust. This is what you can take comfort in. You are down below; watching, waiting, holding your breath, trusting them, hoping they don’t fall but knowing it’s ok if they do…because you always have your net ready. Parenthood is one long journey of dropping your net and trusting your kid.I’m going to talk a little bit about what I mean when I say Trust.1st: Trust yourself. You are a mom and won’t ever stop being one. You’ve trained your brain and heart to pay attention to your kid for years. You can trust that you will continue to show up for your kid. Help them solve problems.Think about things that you have solved in the past - when your kids were younger. For me, When kindergarten was an absolute disaster for Lincoln, I pulled him out and waited a year until he tried again.When traditional school environments weren’t working for him, we found an alternative school that was a better fitWe signed up for things and kept doing them until they didn’t seem to fit. Knowing when to start and when to quit. When I needed parenting support, I found our family a parenting coach and got us help. I’ve survived stitches and broken bones. I’ve watched my kids struggle with bad grades, friendship hardships, emotional pain,I mean we all survived ZOOM school and months of quarantine!!! Recognize and honor your past self. All the intuition she has shown, and all the wisdom she has gained. Be grateful for her and what she’s done or overcome to get you here. Now, think about future you. You from 5 years from now. How will she look back on this time of your life? She’s going to think you’re amazing. She’s going to be proud of you. She’s going to be grateful. That’s what self-trust is about. Trusting past you for doing her best. Being kind to you in this moment. Trusting yourself that you are doing your best right now and that you can handle anything that comes your way. Trusting that you will always have your net out. You’ve already survived and overcome a lot. And you’re still here. So I know you can figure out how to raise a teen!#2 Trusting Your KidThis is a little harder. When you look at your kid right now, it might be hard to trust them. Because your kid has an undeveloped brain. They don’t have a lot of life-experience because they haven’t lived a ton of life. You might look at your teen and think they don’t have a great track record. That’s ok.Trusting your kid is not about finding evidence in the present moment to calm your fear. Trusting your kid is about knowing them deeply. Who they are at their core. Their strengths. Calling on the things that delight you. What they are capable of. What is possible for them. Anchoring your beliefs in what you know is true about your kid. Trusting your kid is also about looking towards the future and creating a POSITIVE vision for their life. When you spend a lot of time thinking about all that could go wrong, you are fueling the fear. Which cuts off your creative and compassionate thinking. Fear lives in the limbic center of the brain. Too much fear triggers your stress response and puts you into a reactive state. Fear makes it hard to access the higher parts of the brain where all of your best problem solving and planning come from.&nbs

**Raising Teens Masterclass!** Details below.This episode is all about raising responsible adults and, more specifically, developing responsibility in our teenagers. It’s all about the tension between what teenagers want (freedom) and what they don't want (responsibility).Today, you’ll learn how to navigate this tension by using limits and boundaries to give freedom and teach responsibility.The Relationship Between Freedom and ResponsibilityTeenagers want FREEDOM. They want to live in a rule-free house. They want to be trusted. They want independence. They want to sleep when they want, game when they want, eat what they want, talk to who they want, leave when they want, come home when they want…What they don’t want is RESPONSIBILITY. They think they do, but they don’t really know what that means. This is the underlying tension of it all. Your teenager wants freedom, but they can’t quite handle all of the responsibility that comes with the freedom they desire. Can Your Teen Handle More Freedom?Giving teenagers freedom is REALLY HARD for us because we feel afraid that our kids won't make good decisions. And as kids get older, the stakes seem higher.This feeling of powerlessness can be scary. Especially when your teenager starts making very adult decisions and your entire body is tight with a feeling of terror.When we feel afraid for our kids, we tend to put on more rules, more restrictions. We decrease freedom.We take away their right to see their friends. We cut off the use of their phone. We don’t let them go to things. In the short term, it seems like this is the best plan. Take away privilege and they’ll learn to think before they act. Being super strict is also a way for you to get back control so you feel safer. But decreasing freedom in adolescence isn’t actually serving you…or your teenager.It can hurt your teen’s self concept, hold back their social development, breed disconnection between you and lead to communication problems and resentment.But possibly the biggest impact is that decreasing freedom also deprives your teenager of the opportunity to develop responsibility.So how do you prepare a teenager to become an adult who can successfully manage ALL the FREEDOM and ALL the RESPONSIBILITY?Give Your Teen More ResponsibilityAs your teen increases in freedom, they should also have more responsibility.Instead of taking away freedom and privilege, what responsibilities can you add?Here’s the thing. Eventually your child will become an adult. They will have the freedom. You will have no control. And the reason you won’t have any control is because you will no longer be responsible for your child. They will be responsible for themselves. That’s why giving them age-appropriate boundaries that honor their need for freedom within a structured limit that fosters responsibility is super important.Listen to the full episode for examples and tips.You’ll Learn:Why more rules and restrictions are not serving your or your teenReal-life example of how to use freedom as a test of responsibilityHow to set effective limits without being extreme, harsh or removing all privileges In the Raising Teens Masterclass, I walk you through the social and emotional stages of adolescence, helping you understand what’s normal, what they need and why they act the way they act.What you learn in this class will help you manage your mind, set limits that work, get closer to your teen during this time (yes, it's possible) AND not lose your shit in the process.The Masterclass is on demand. It's only $25 for a 90-minute class, plus the Raising Teens Guidebook Get The Raising Teens Masterclass HereFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today we are going to focus on the PARENTS! Yay! The thing you want. Parenthood is a journey from feeling like you have a lot of control to feeling as if you have none.You go from being “in charge” of a tiny human to being not “in charge” of an adult.Yelling, threatening and bribing are ways you try to get your power back. Using fear to get your kids to listen is your attempt to feel in control. The thing is, you never had power or control in the first place. And no other time in parenting does this feel more true is when raising teens. DarlynnCommon StrugglesConfusion about your role - Knowing what you are responsible for and what you aren't. Being unclear about what limits/boundaries to set. Fear about their future - When we are afraid they won’t reach their potential we constantly intervene in order to “teach” our kids how they should behave. The problem is that failure is the real teacher. Whenever we intervene we deprive our kids of opportunities to learn.Uncomfortable with their discomfort - Teen years are full of hard moments. This can be hard for parents to witness. Failure creates discomfort. Either emotionally or practically. If we are uncomfortable when our child is sad or frustrated, then we will have a tendency to stop negative consequences from happening. We end up in rescue mode - which ultimately results in us feeling resentful and our child feeling entitled.Feeling distant and disconnected. Not being sure how to talk to your kids about their lives.Not trusting your kids - feeling powerlessThis feeling of powerlessness can be scary. Especially when your teenager starts making very adult decisions and your entire body is tight with a feeling of terror.  Sometimes we don’t really trust our kid’s judgment or thought process. We don’t have confidence in their thinking, so we do all the thinking for them. We end up being controlling. This can go one of two ways - either our kid rebels against our control, or they end up lacking self-confidence and live in fear of making mistakes. This also erodes your child’s self conceptNot processing your own grief around the shifts in your role as a mom. There is an inherent loss that accompanies raising a teen. If you don’t recognize and talk about the loss, your feelings might show up as hypercontrolling or checking out as a way to cope with your own grief.  StrategiesDefine your limits: What works for you. What is your teen allowed to do and under what conditions. What are you willing to do for your teen and under what conditions. If you aren’t willing to respect your boundaries, your teen won’t respect them either. And they won’t learn how to hold boundaries for themselves.Boundaries aren’t the problem. It’s holding our boundaries and dealing with the emotional/practical impact of holding your boundary. (Examples: Lincoln with use of carPositive Parenting Vision: Push out 5 years and write about what is possible for your child. A few prompts are: What do I know is true about my teen that helps me believe they will get through this? In 5 years from now what is possible for them? What will success look like in 5 years? Process your negative emotions (This will help you be ok with your child’s struggle) Label the actual emotions you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel them. If you need to be sad, be sad. If you need to be mad, be mad. If you need to do some worst-case scenario thinking and feel scared, go for it. Just be in it. Avoid telling yourself you shouldn't feel what you are feeling.Solve for worst case scenario - Play out the scenarios of unprotected sex, failed grades, drugs and alcohol, vaping, social isolation, extreme video gaming, 

Today’s teenager is a complicated being. That’s why I’m so excited to have Jennifer Delliquadri with me on the podcast for the next 2 episodes! Jennifer is a life coach for teenagers and their parents. With over 14 years working as a classroom teacher, Jennifer is an expert at connecting with teens. Over the next 2 weeks, Jenn and I are talking about all things teenagers and all things parenting teenagers. We’re speaking from our experiences as coaches, and we are also both moms of teens, too.Today, she’s sharing the common struggles she sees among teens today, what your teen really wants you to know and how you can best communicate with and support them. We also dive into generational differences in how we experience, process and communicate our emotions.If I do say so myself, her passion for coaching teens and mine for coaching moms just might be a match made in heaven.Common Patterns and Struggles in Today’s TeenagersIncreased sense of anxiety. Though most teens are not clinically anxious, they still experience anxious feelings. Social anxiety, in particular, is a big one for teens - and it’s been increased by the effects of the pandemic and the isolation that we’ve experienced over the past couple of years. They missed a very important part of their development in being social with other teens and their peers. Now, they doubt their ability to converse, they're nervous to go up to talk to people they don't know, make phone calls, so a lot of them avoid it. As a result of this overwhelm, they often need more time to recharge after social interactions.Inability to effectively process and express their emotions. The generation of teens that are growing up now are much more aware of their feelings, but that doesn’t mean that they always know what to do with them.Many teens also have a perception that feeling bad or anxious is a problem, when it’s really just a part of being human. They may try to push those feelings away, hide them or shove them down, but the feeling doesn’t go away. When it eventually comes out is when we see explosions and meltdowns.Self doubt and low self esteem. Teenagers focus on peers, and they often feel like they’re being looked at under a microscope. They're thinking of all the ways they don't measure up to others, and constant interaction and social media magnify this. That self doubt can then lead to making poor decisions or doing things that they wouldn't normally do to fit in. How To Support Your TeenJenn shares a few key things that your teen really wants you to know and how you can support them during these years.It all comes down to listening, creating a safe space for them to communicate, setting boundaries that make sense and then trusting that they will figure it out and they will be okay.There is so much good stuff in this episode. Listen now to hear it all!You’ll Learn:Common patterns in today’s teeangersAdditional challenges of being a teen in the time of social media and constant interaction with peersDifferences between the preteen/early teen and later teen/early adulthood years5 things your teenager really wants you to knowWhat makes today’s teens so great (‘cause it’s not all bad!)Connect with Jenn:Jennifer Delliquadri offers 1:1 coaching for preteens to young adults. You can learn more about her programs at www.jenniferdelliquadri.com and follow her on Instagram at @jennifer.delliquadriIf you have a teenager and want to raise a responsible adult without losing your sh%t, this masterclass is for you.  In this Masterclass you'llFind out what's normal for teens...and what's notFigure out how to set rules and limits for teenagersGet clear about your role and know what you are responsible for and what you aren'tStop lecturing and get new tools to talk (& listen) to your teen so you feel closer and don't drift apart Learn practical ways to manage your own mindset around the worries and grief that comes with raising teens.**INCLUDES "PARENTING TEENS" GUIDEBOOK Get an immediate download of the masterclass and workbook. https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/teen-masterclassFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today I’m talking about the evolution of self concept and identity, and specifically, how that develops throughout adolescence. The onset of puberty and adolescence (usually around the age of 12), is when we really start to see our kids starting to figure out who they are and what they think and feel about themselves. They begin the process of creating a self concept. In this episode, we’ll go on a little tour of the different stages of self concept and how you can best support your teen through it.Childhood IdentitiesPrior to middle school, your child has inherited their self concept from others.  They start out with the thoughts and feelings that you and others have about them. Some of these may be positive, like I’m a good student, I’m a kind brother, I’m an artist. Others may not be so great - I’m a troublemaker, I’m bad at math, I don’t have friends.You can set your child up to build a strong self concept by exposing them to lots of positive thoughts and identities when they are younger.As they approach adolescence, they begin to develop self consciousness - simply being conscious of themselves as an individual within the group.The Middle School and High School YearsThe middle school years are when your kid begins to build their own self concept. At first, they are really sorting through those inherited thoughts and feelings and deciding for themselves which ones they want to keep and which to let go of.Along the way they’re constantly bumping up against new self concepts and trying on different thoughts to see if they fit.And of course there’s the added challenge of being surrounded by a bunch of other kids who are trying to figure this all out at the same time.As parents, we sorta have to watch from the sidelines, and it can be really hard to see your kid trying out a self concept that you don’t want for them.  They may choose their friends based on similarities in their thoughts and self concepts and they might also pick up new thoughts and identities from people they hang around with. When you’re in it, you might feel pretty panicked as a parent sometimes. You want to engineer and manage the whole thing. But you can’t.Ways You Can Support Your Adolescent ChildBecome a witness. You still have a lot of influence over them, even if you no longer have a lot of power.Actively choose thoughts and beliefs about your kid that you want them to believe about themselves. When you keep exposing those positive ideas to them, they're more likely to pick those pieces of their self concept. Those are going to feel really easy for them to try on and identify with if they’ve been hearing them their whole lives.Focus more on who you DO want your child to become rather than who you are afraid they’ll become.Remember, self concept is always evolving and changing (our entire lives!). Just because your kid has picked up an identity you don’t love, doesn’t mean it’s permanent.You’ll Learn:A helpful exercise to guide your teen’s self conceptSome of the biggest, most powerful thoughts you can think about your childWhat to do when you’re stuck in a negative thought loop about your kidResources:Podcast episode 31 - Self ConceptIf you’re feeling worried about your kid’s self concept. You think you don’t know who to shift your thoughts, what to say to your kid or how to help them, I want to invite you to download the Raising Teens Masterclass.You'll find out all the things you need to know about raising teens right now. We’re talking about your mindset, practical skills to build self concept in kids, what kids are thinking, what they're struggling with and how to help them.It’s $25 and you can sign up right now. Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

What is self concept? How is it different from self esteem? Is it your responsibility as a parent to help shape your child’s self concept?In this episode, I’m talking all about self concept - what it is, why it matters and how it forms.What Is Self Concept?Self concept is a collection of thoughts you think about yourself. It’s different from self-esteem because esteem is more how you feel about yourself. How Does Self Concept Form?Children inherit their self-concept from parents, grandparents, teachers and other adults. They compare themselves to their siblings and create thoughts about themselves based on how they relate to their siblings. They also absorb ideas from our culture - what it means to be a girl or a boy, how bodies should look, ideas of what success looks like, etc.Your Role as a ParentAs a parent, we have control over some of the factors that influence our kids, like the communities we live in or what social media influences we allow.But there are also many influences that are outside our control, and some of these don’t align with what we want our kids to think and feel about themselves and others.It’s your child’s job to find the pieces of their self-concept, choosing which thoughts to keep and which to throw away. What can you do as a parent to guide them in the process?Share your values with your kids, have conversations with them.Practice thinking positive thoughts about your kids - things that you really want them to believe about themselves.Speak those positive beliefs out loud to them - over and over again.  Your collection of thoughts about your child is the story they inherit. The more lovely and compelling it is, the more likely those are the thoughts they will pick up. Believing that your kids are OK exactly as they are and believing that they are lovable, acceptable, and that they belong in society - even if they present in ways that go against social norms - has a HUGE impact on how kids think about themselves.Listen to the full podcast episode for specific examples and some of my favorite tools to help you along the way.You’ll Learn:The 3 parts that make up a person’s self conceptMy favorite exercise for thinking positive thoughts about your kidsHow to “trick” your kids into thinking amazing things about themselvesWhen a kid feels good and has a positive self concept, they are much more likely to reach their academic potential.That’s why I teach my clients how to emotionally coach their kids and help their kids develop a kick-ass self concept that has nothing to do with their external performance and everything to do with the collection of thoughts they have about themselves.Join one of my coaching programs now and find out exactly how to support your kid’s self concept. https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/programsFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

With the start of a new school year, your morning routine may be a little rusty. You and your kids may kind of forget how mornings work, or you expect it to go really smoothly and it doesn't, or maybe you’ve never really had a consistent morning routine at all. If you’re struggling to get your kid out the door on time without a lot of stress and conflict, this is the episode for you! I’m giving you really practical tools and strategies to help create more calm in your mornings.I’ll walk you through a 3-step process to help you figure out what needs to get done, how much time it takes to get those things done, and when to do them. After this episode, you’ll know exactly how to create your morning to-do list, estimate how long each task takes and work backwards to create a realistic timeline.You’ll even figure out how to build in time for yourself, so you’re set up for a good day once the kids are out the door.And if you notice that your to-do list is going to take much longer than you’d like…I’ve got tips for that, too.Finally, we dive into the biggest secret of all…Being on time doesn’t actually matter all that much. You’re a great person and a great mom, even if your kids are late. While getting to school on time is a good goal, it's not worth sacrificing your peace and your connection with your kids. Things happen, and stress, worry (or full-on panic) and rushing around are not going to make your kids move faster. Most of the time, it just leads to more meltdowns and forgetfulness, which costs you even more time. Peace and Harmony are always more important than stress and perfection.Be kind to yourself as you build your new routine, Mama.  You’ve got this!You’ll Learn:My 3-step process to make your mornings easier5 strategies to simplify your morning routineTips for getting your sleepyhead out of bed and on the moveOne tiny thing that saves my family a ton of time getting out the doorThe only 3 things that actually matter in the morningLinks:Get your free Morning Routine Roadmap:  https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/easy-morningEpisode 29: Back to School Shit Show: https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/blog/back-to-school-shit-show Episode 4: Setting Limits That Work: https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/blog/setting-limits-that-work Ready to get started creating your own morning routine?  I’ve got you covered!  My free Ultimate Morning Routine Roadmap will help you build peaceful mornings, every day, so you can get your kids out the door...on time and without stress.It includes the process and strategies I talked about in this episode, PLUS worksheets and templates for your morning to-do list, time log and timeline, so you have everything you need right at your fingertips.You deserve a peaceful morning.  Get the free guide now.

The transition back to school from summer break is definitely a transition. There are special challenges that come up, and I want you to be prepared for the shenanigans that might happen with your kids in the coming weeks. In this episode, I’m talking about 5 things you need to know as school starts and how to create the right mindset going into the next couple of weeks so that you can be compassionate with your kids (and so you don't lose your mind).I share these not because I want you to be filled with worry and dread, but because I want you to go into this school year feeling confident, ready and hopeful. And I want you to be able to feel calm when this stuff is happening. 5 Things You Need To Know As School Starts1 - Your kid may not like their teacher. It doesn’t mean anything about your kid or what their year will be like. Quality relationships take time to build, and it’s ok if your kid doesn’t warm up to their teacher right away.2 - Your kids are going to be exhausted the first week of school. Keep the afternoons open and be flexible. I love to stay away from screens for the first hour and use this time for connection, outdoor time, or just a rest.3 - Sibling conflict might shoot through the roof during this back to school transition. Try to create special time with your kids by spending 10 minutes or so one-on-one with each kid doing whatever they’re doing.  4 - Social stuff is going to come up. It happens at almost every age. Friendships shift over the summer, and navigating friendships might be hard for your kid. Give it some time and trust that your child is going to find their people, their friend group, and it's going to be okay. Be comfortable with your child's discomfort.5 - Expect misbehavior to escalate over the next two weeks. Your child is going through a lot and using all their good coping strategies at school all day.  When they come home, they can finally relax.  And more big feelings cycles are likely to happen. Remember, this is a transition, and transitions are temporary.  Your family WILL figure this out.  Listen to the full episode for the how-to and plenty of real-life examples to prepare for the weeks ahead.You’ll Learn:5 challenges that often arise as school starts - and how to handle themThoughts to help you (and your kids) through the back-to-school transitionWhat your #1 job is as a mom in these first weeks of the school yearAn exercise to help you prepare your mindsetFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

I bet you’ve been here…Your kid comes to you with a situation – there’s something happening they don’t like, maybe they’re having an issue with their teacher or a friend at school – and you respond with something like, “it’s not that big of a deal,” “you’re overreacting,” or “don’t worry about it, it’s gonna be fine.”You may have the best of intentions and even say these things in a really sweet way in an attempt to soothe your child or give them a new perspective.But instead your kid may end up feeling like you don’t understand them or care about their problem.This type of response is called minimizing. We’re minimizing our kid’s problems, complaints or fears. We’re trying to skip over the negative emotion rather than supporting them through it.The truth is we can’t skip over feelings. The way to get to the next emotion is to feel the one you’re in.And once the feeling has been felt and moved through, you can help your child to shift their perspective.  This is emotional coaching.The tools you’ll learn in this episode will help your child feel that you actually see and understand them, and they will experience the empathy that you are offering to them. And I’m sharing lots of real-life examples to help you become your kid’s emotional coach.You’ll Learn:What it means to minimize your kid’s complaints and why it isn’t effectiveWhat compassion looks like in these conversationsWhy naming the emotion is so powerfulWhat to do when your child resists being coached or when you are not calm enough to be compassionate with themFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

There are times when your kids are going through something hard or they have something on their mind, and the way they process it is by talking to you - aka complaining.  They get stuck in their big feelings.  They’re afraid that the discomfort they’re experiencing is going to last forever.  So they take all those thoughts and feelings and dump them on you.It’s like the big-kid version of a temper tantrum and it can go on and on…and on.When it comes down to it, your child is just looking for support in moving through their negative emotions.And sometimes this goes on for a long time.  I share a story in the episode about a time I went through this with my son, and that night I was in a place to be patient and compassionate and stick it out with him.  But that doesn’t always feel easy.There are times you may need to calm yourself before you can show up with compassion.  There are also times you may need to set a limit or boundary around the complaining when it gets to be too much.In this episode, I walk you through three strategies for dealing with complaining:  staying neutral, being compassionate and coaching your kid through their big feelings.We’ll dive into all three of these with plenty of real-life examples, questions you can ask and my all-time favorite phrase for validating someone’s feelings.You’ll Learn:Why kids complain3 strategies to deal with your kid’s complainingWhat to do when you’re done and you really can’t talk about it in a compassionate way anymoreTwo ways to coach your child through the situation they’re struggling withWhy changing their circumstance is usually not the best approachFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode you'll learnHow to care for your own emotional needs while being there for your kidThe tendencies parents have when their kids are sufferingThe healthy way to support your kids through hard thingsI’m sharing a story about something that happened with my son just this past week.  It’s still pretty fresh, but it was just so powerful and also a huge learning experience for me so  I’m telling you about it now.Last Friday night, my 16-year-old son was riding the public bus home from the mall when a woman walked in front of the bus on the freeway and was fatally struck.When he told me this over the phone, my mind could not catch up to the words that I was hearing.  I didn’t even know what questions to ask.I’m sharing this story with you for a couple of reasons.  #1 is is that Being 100% calm isn’t the goal You are a human being.  Your nervous system is going to get activated in moments like this.  You're going to feel stressed and scared and you're gonna have a lot of feelings.The goal in these overwhelming moments is simply being as calm as your nervous system will allow. Which might look like a lot of sliding between calm and chaos in hard moments. And that’s ok.I wasn’t a cool cucumber for every second of this. I was confused as I spoke with the highway patrol. I mixed up freeway exits. I felt panic at moments. I snapped at my husband.I asked my son too many questions and second-guessed his actions. I listened to him and I also zoned out.Perfection is not the goal. Being 100% calm isn’t the goal. The goal is to thread the needle between what you need and what your kid needs. The real work is learning how to navigate the periods of time when we aren't calm.  Remembering to catch yourself and reset when your fear makes you feel like controlling or avoiding or stuffing things down or checking out. Modeling happens when things are hard. Be gentle with yourself and show your kids what taking excellent care of yourself really looks like.#2 Your kids are going to go through hard thingsListen, Mamas. Your kids are going to go through hard things. No matter how “good” you are as a mom. It’s just life.They will feel disappointment, sadness, fear, hurt, anger. These are totally normal, healthy, natural emotions. But trauma does not have to turn into some sort of catastrophic, terrible thing. It only does when it gets shoved down.Your role is to calm yourself as best you can and show up as a connected and compassionate witness of your child’s emotion. It doesn't mean trying to change the emotion.  All it means is just allowing for what actually is there. Be super curious about it, help them make sense of what happened to them, let them tell the story. That's how healing happens. Things happen. We talk them through, we give words to the thoughts and the feelings that they are experiencing. Then we feel all the feelings and slowly the emotion shifts.By modeling healthy ways to deal with stressors, you not only show up better for your kid, but you teach them those tools, too.  You show your kids how to manage themselves when they have their own big emotions.---Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

One thing moms struggle with is feeling bad about their progress in becoming calm and showing up calm with their kids. Whenever they have an mad mom episode and act in a way they don’t think they should, a lot of criticism, guilt, and doubt pours in. They think they should know this already. They think they should be getting there faster.  What they don’t understand is that becoming calm is a PROCESS. It’s a PRACTICE. It’s something you work on over time. Some days it’s easy, and some days it isn’t. All all of that is ok.I wanted to give you some real understanding of what it ACTUALLY looks like when you are changing your brain and the way you show up as a parent. The actual process of becoming calm – so you don’t feel so bad when you lose your shitola with your kids. How To Calm DownWe all know we aren’t at our best when we’re stressed, overwhelmed and reactive.  But knowing how to calm down in the moment isn’t always as easy as it sounds.I’m walking you through my 3-step process to catch yourself, pause and get back to feeling calm.Mom StressWith summer in full swing, I’m sure you’ve had some really tough moments over the past few weeks. Moments when you’ve been stuck in what I call Mad Mom SyndromeYou know what I'm talking about. Moments when your child is a bit off track and you get upset and all of a sudden you are yelling, threatening, and lecturing, followed by guilt and rushed apologies.Moments you are worried that the behavior you see in the present is a predictor of the future, so you act super strict and controlling.Moments when you are frustrated and say a snide or mean remark to your kid.These types of moments are a clue that you are in your stress cycle and feeling emotionally overwhelmed.  Your brain is convinced that the circumstance is an emergency.  Then, the brain activates a BIG, INTENSE STRESS RESPONSE.You become super reactive and respond to your children with stress, anxiety, frustration or anger. Then they escalate their stress behaviors and the next thing you know you are in a chaotic argument with your kids. How Do I Stop Reacting?To get out of Mad Mom Syndrome and get back to feeling calm, you need the Pause Break.  This is the thing you do when you feel yourself spiraling. You CATCH YOURSELF AND PAUSE. There are three steps to the Pause Break:Step 1: STOPDon't Talk. Don't Engage.  You can stop yourself at any point when you notice you are in your stress response and are seeing signs of Mad Mom Syndrome.Step 2: DELAYDon’t decide. Don’t act. Don't do anything about the situation (unless it’s a true emergency). Give yourself time to think and get calm.Step 3: RESETActively do something to calm your stress response. During a "Reset", you will move your body,  your mind or both. When you’re first starting out, you may only catch yourself after you've yelled or gotten upset.  After a while, you’ll catch yourself while you are yelling or acting upset.  Eventually you start to catch yourself before you yell or act out your frustration/overwhelm.Learning to pause is a process. It takes time. Be gentle with yourself.Pause is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this episode, I hope it’s this: You can always PAUSE.You’ll Learn:Why you become reactive and yell, threaten or ice your kid outThree steps to pause and get back to calmClues you need a Pause BreakWhat to do after you’ve reacted in a way you don’t loveFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Ever find yourself criticizing your kid…and then feel really terrible about it?  You’re not alone.  Parenting is hard and there’s plenty to complain about.  In this episode you’ll learn how to tell the difference between complaints and criticism and how (and why) to stop criticizing your child.Let’s face it.  Kids are really annoying. They don’t really think before they act. They don’t use a lot of logic to make decisions. They are reactive, emotional, and dramatic. They don’t manage their emotions well. They aren’t usually very tidy. They definitely like to play more than work. They don’t keep track of time or their belongings well. Complaining about the annoying things your kid does is totally normal. What we want to look out for is when your complaining becomes criticism. Complaints vs. CriticismComplaining about a specific behavior or event can be productive in parenting. A complaint can help to highlight a problem, which then allows you to come up with a solution.  Criticism, on the other hand, can lead to powerlessness and overwhelm for you, a  negative self-concept for your child and disconnection between the two of you.Think about how you might respond to dirty dishes in the bedroom:Complaint = I hate finding dirty dishes in the bedroom.Criticism = You’re such a slob.  There are always dirty dishes in here. So gross.How To Stop Criticizing Your ChildCriticizing can become a pattern and a habit, so the first step is noticing when you are complaining or criticizing.From there, you can identify the actual problem and set clear limits around it.In this episode, I walk you through examples of HOW to do this, and I also share one of my very favorite tools for resetting your thoughts about your kids.You’ll Learn:  The differences between a complaint and criticismHow your complaints can actually guide your parenting3 steps to get out of the pattern of criticismP.S. I’m so sick of mom-shaming. It’s a trap. Don’t fall into it. Everyone has moments when they think shitty thoughts about their kid. It's normal. There’s nothing wrong with you. You aren’t a bad mom. The problem is when those thoughts become a habit. If you are stuck in a negative thought spiral about your kid and can’t get yourself out of it, that’s what coaching is for. Join my parenting program and get practical parenting support, so you never get stuck again. Join now.Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session  

When you lose your temper with your kid, it doesn’t feel great.  But it IS totally normal.Perfection is not possible, in parenting especially. All parents lose their temper and speak or act harshly towards their kids from time to time. In this episode, I’m sharing what’s really going on when you lose your temper and what to do after the dust settles.  Losing Your TemperFirst, let’s get clear on one thing.  No one can make you angry.  Not even your kid.Anger is an emotion that comes from your thoughts about a situation or behavior.And getting angry isn’t actually the problem.  What really matters is how you handle the moments when anger takes over and you lose your temper.  These moments are sometimes called “ruptures”, because they interrupt the connection between parent and child. When you speak or act harshly towards your child, you create a negative impact and disconnection in your relationship.How To Say Sorry To Your KidWhen you do lose your temper, it’s time to take responsibility for your actions and repair the rupture (in the same way we would guide our kids to take responsibility for the impacts of their behavior)."Repair" is the conversation you have with your child in order to mend the disconnection between you.These conversations teach your kids how to resolve conflict, empower them to make mistakes and repair them and create more emotional safety and connection in your home.A repair conversation has three parts: Acknowledge what happenedRecognize the impact your behavior had on themRepair your mistakeAnd in between, you hold plenty of space for your child to process and respond.I’ll walk you through these three parts in more detail and show you how to have a repair conversation with your kids that actually restores connection and strengthens your relationships.There is no "right" outcome for these conversations. They can be awkward and don't always go smoothly.  But, I promise, the benefits outweigh the discomfort.Listen in to learn how so that you’ll be ready the next time you lose your cool.You’ll Learn:Unhealthy ways parents often handle a rupture10 benefits of repair conversations for kidsHow to lead a repair conversation with your child (and what to expect when you do)Know what's even better than repairing a rupture after you lose your temper?Losing your temper less in the first place.  Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

What do your kids want from you?  We put a whole lot of pressure on ourselves as parents sometimes, when the things our kids really need from us are actually pretty simple. Kids love to look at their parents and see DELIGHT in our eyes. They want to feel they are the most important thing ever. And I know you want to give that to them.  But it’s easier said than done, right?Sometimes it’s hard to feel those warm, fuzzy feelings toward your child.When you don’t like your kid’s behavior and you are feeling resentful, angry, unheard, alone, discouraged, or irritated, it can be really hard to feel empathy.In this episode, we’re talking about how to clear up those feelings so that you can feel (and show) love, compassion and delight for your kids.The Practice of DELIGHTI once heard a coach say that disappointment is the opposite of delight. And I can see how that could be true. If I am thinking of all the ways that my children disappoint me - all the ways they don’t measure up to some sort of standard that either society has said or I’ve created in my mind – I will be cultivating disappointment in them. And that will be the energy that we exchange between us.Yuck. Why not choose to think great thoughts about your kids? What is the harm in delighting in them? None! It only makes things better. You get to decide how you think about your kids.I call this "The Practice of Delight", and it is truly a practice. A discipline of thoughts. You’ll learn the whole process, step by step, in this episode.Listen in to hear more about how to give your kids what they really want and create more joy, peace and connection in your home.  You’ll Learn:3 things your kids want to hear from youHow to create your own “Practice of Delight”How to incorporate delight into key moments of your daySimple questions to help you shift into a more joyful mindsetFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Let’s face it.  Summer is great.  And it’s a lot.A lot of time with kids. Traveling. Extra meal prep. Day trips with snack bags. Feeling like there’s not enough time to get work done. Long days. Late nights. Sibling fights. Loneliness. You’re going to need a plan to enjoy the season - and avoid burnout.SUMMER BURNOUTSummer Burnout is a real thing. So many decisions to make. So many mental demands. So much emotional labor. When you don’t have time to re-charge, you are going to be more reactive and less patient.To show up as a calm mama this summer, you are going to need time alone.  Your body, heart and mind will all need a break.TAKE A BREAKHow would you feel if you had a few hours “off” each week where you reset your body, heart, and mind? Who would you be? What would change in your life if you felt less burned out? Less exhausted? Less overwhelmed?My guess?  You’ll come back feeling better and more calm.  Feeling rested will improve your relationships, make you more effective at work and bring more peace and joy to your home.It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s not something you earn. It’s not something you have to prove you need. Taking care of yourself is vital to being a human. It’s vital to being a woman. It’s vital to being a mom. In this episode, I’m teaching you how to plan for breaks and self care - in a way that ensures they actually happen!I call it the Calm Mama Break, and we’re going step-by-step through creating your personal plan.We’re also talking about how to fit “mini-breaks” into your daily rhythms.When you decide that taking care of yourself this summer and avoiding burnout is a PRIORITY - you will be creative and find a way to make it happen!  And I’m here to help you do it.Listen now for all the details.You’ll Learn:Why burnout happensSigns that you are approaching burnoutThe benefits of taking a breakHow to plan your Calm Mama Break Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Tired of repeating yourself over and over…and over?  Can’t figure out why your child doesn’t listen?  This is the episode for you!I’m talking about why it's not effective to repeat yourself, why you do it anyway and how you’re using it as a way to rescue your kids (and yourself) from negative consequences. Because repeating yourself and reminding your kids over and over again isn’t just infuriating - it actually prevents them from developing responsibility. Your kids don’t listen to you when you tell them what to do because you haven’t trained them that it’s in their best interest to listen to you. You haven’t shown them the impacts of their decisions, so they aren’t learning how to make better choices.This is totally normal, and it makes sense.  You want to protect your kid.  You don’t want them to fail.But protecting them in the short-term also means that they aren’t learning the bigger lessons that will serve them in the long-term.What’s the alternative? Teach your kids to THINK . Make decisions. And then experience the impact of those decisions.Being cold because they forgot a jacket, getting a low grade because they forgot to turn in an assignment, having to sell a toy or game to pay for a lost coat, that's how kids learn responsibility.Kids who are rescued from those impacts don't build resilience.Kids become resilient when they fail, and are taught how to fix their mistakes.In a results based model of parenting like I teach, you lay out the expectations, tell your child what might happen based on their choice and then let them choose. Inside my parenting programs, I give you everything you need to set limits, connect behaviors with the impacts they cause and guide your children through fixing their own mistakes.  What stands in the way of teaching kids responsibility is when parents rescue their kid from experiencing the consequences (aka results) of their actions.Repeating your rules and limits in order to prevent the consequence is rescuing.Repeating yourself and reminding your kids of your limits and consequences is rescuing.Resolving your kids' conflicts for them is rescuing. (This includes apologizing on their behalf.)Reminding your kids to do things so they don't forget is rescuing.Giving in/negotiating so your kid doesn't have to 'suffer' the results of their actions is rescuing.Repeating yourself and reminding your kids of the limits you've set and the consequences that might happen if they don't listen is RESCUING.The bummer is that kids learn responsibility by being irresponsible. What I notice with parents is that we often get mad about our kids' irresponsibility, while at the same time rescuing them. We say things like "When are you going to learn to put your clothes in the hamper?" while we gather up the clothes and do their laundry. We say "when are you going to learn how to get up on time for school?" as we remind and nag them to get up. "When are you going to stop losing your jacket?" as we pay for another one.Unfortunately lectures with a little shame sprinkle don’t teach kids to think before they act and develop responsibility. When you go back on your own rule or limit, you are either rescuing your kid from the consequence OR you are rescuing yourself from dealing with your kid's protest about the consequence.Repeating yourself and reminding your kids of your limits and the consequences is a form of rescuing. You are reminding them because you don't want them to fail.Giving in and going back on your own limit is also rescuing your kid from experiencing the consequence.When you find yourself going back on a rule, limit, or routine check-in with yourself and ask "What am I preventing or avoiding? Why am I choosing to give in?"Instead of repeating yourself over and over and randomly making threats of loss of sweets, screens, stories or playdates, why not let your kids make a mistake and learn from it?Rescuing is often about rescuing ourselves from feeling uncomfortable with someone else's discomfort. It's a little selfish really. Rescuing also communicates the message of "I don't trust you and your ability to figure this out and walk through this pain and come out on the other side."Are you rescuing? If yes, why do you think you are?Are you uncomfortable with your child's discomfort? Do you make it mean that you're a bad mom?Are you afraid a mistake today will be a bigger problem later?Are you over-stressed and can't handle the inconvenience of your child's mistakes?Are you worried you will be judged by other moms if your kid fails, or makes a mistake?What are some GOOD things that could happen if you let your kid struggle and fail a bit more?What's the worst that can happen? A little crying and protest.What the best that can happen? A kid who learns to think before they act and can overcome disappointment and failure.Listen to the full episode for specific examples, lots of practical tips and ways to supp

To have a stress-free summer (or at least something close to it), you’ve got to create the right mindset.  And that’s exactly what I’m teaching you to do in this episode of the Become A Calm Mama podcast. Zero stress obviously isn’t possible because in life there are so many little stressors happening all the time. I’m walking you through how to reset stressful moments when they pop up so you can get back to creating the summer experiences that you really want to have.It’s so easy to get sucked down the rabbit hole of overwhelm, burnout, anger, frustration and other negative emotions that can build up in moms over the summer.This is NOT what I want for you!I’m going to teach you really practical tools, so that you can figure out what it is that you want to create this summer, and then what to do when things go sideways.And because we know that feelings are what drive memories (and we want your memories to come from happy, loving feelings - not anger and frustration), we’re diving into what feelings you want to create and how to do it.  We also have some fun talking about how to create your summer bucket list and design your ideal summer day.This can be the summer that you feel good, actually enjoy the extra time with your kids and create some incredible memories.You’ll Learn:How to design an ideal summer dayHow to create your summer bucket list5 new thoughts to practice this summerHow to shift out of a grumpy mood Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

It’s easy to look at a sweet little baby and completely forget that that they’re going to grow up one day. That you are actually figuring out how to raise an adult.Stages of parentingWhen your kid is really little, there are so many things you can’t imagine them doing. Like walking, sleeping through the night, feeding themselves, being out of diapers, starting kindergarten.Then when they are in elementary school you can’t imagine them being a teenager, driving, having a first kiss, graduating from high school or turning 18. It all feels so far away and impossible. Then by the time they do those things, it all seems normal. That’s kind of how I feel about having an 18 year old. I couldn’t imagine ever getting here, and now that I’m here it all seems normal. (Well almost normal. I mean, I definitely have moments when I’m like “Wait, What? How did we get here?”)On today’s episode I’m interviewing my 18-year old son, Lincoln Childress. You will love getting to know Lincoln because he is honest, insightful, and also dishes out some dirt. How to raise an adultTurning 18 means being on the cusp of adulthood. Still close enough to your childhood experiences that they are tangible, while also reaching forward to an unknown future. During this episode Lincoln talks about what it was like being a kid, his struggles and the things he’s grateful for. He shares what his dad and I did right, and what we don’t understand about him. We get into sibling stuff, and also the pressure he feels at this milestone.Our conversation is filled with honesty, connection, and laughter. It will give you new insight into childhood and you’ll see the benefits of emotional coaching in real time. Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Ever wonder why siblings fight (like all the time)? And more importantly, what to do about it?Sibling fighting can be arguing, physically fighting, saying mean things to each other, shouting or bickering - any of that. We’re getting into it in this episode, and you might be surprised to learn that a lot of the “problem” isn’t even about the fight. It’s about how your kids’ fighting makes you feel and what you make it mean. Why Siblings FightWhile it may be unpleasant and stressful for you as a parent, Sibling conflict is TOTALLY NORMAL. In fact, it’s actually healthy. Sibling relationships are one of the safest relationships to try out different things to see how relationships work.I’m going through the top 5 reasons kids fight so you can start to see some patterns with your own kids.  The biggest culprits? Boredom, big feelings, resentment, habit…and boredom again.How to Handle Sibling ConflictSo what do you do when things start to escalate?Our focus here is not just on the interaction happening between your kids, but how YOU interact with your kids when they fight.When you intervene and solve the conflict for your kids, they are not learning how to think and solve conflicts on their own. So fighting becomes an easy way for them to get attention, entertainment and release their big feelings. When you guide your children to think and solve their problems, fighting becomes something that requires effort FOR THEM. I’ll walk you through exactly what I mean and how you can show up as a guide (rather than a judge or referee) for your kids. You’ll Learn:One simple question to uncover your true thoughts about sibling conflictThe top five reasons kids fightYour role in handling conflict between kidsWhat to do and say when your kids are fighting Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

10 years ago this May, I taught my first parenting class. TEN YEARS AGO! In this episode I’m sharing reflections and 10 observations to make parenting easier. Celebrating 10 Years Over the last decade, I’ve privately coached over 200 moms, taught over 500 hours of group classes to more than 1000 parents. I’ve written 4 parenting handbooks, at least 700 emails, thousands of social media posts and gave away over 20 different free parenting toolkits.   It’s been SO much fun!  I've learned A LOT about parenting, kids, mothers, families and the experience of motherhood and have done my best to create simple concepts, tools and scripts to help moms and dads create more peace and connection in their families without resorting to anger, threats and lectures. This milestone has brought up a lot of memories, and I’m sharing the highs and lows with you today - including reading some passages from my journals in 2008 and 2009 - when I was feeling so lost as a mom. 3 years after opening up to a friend about my anger and fear and attending my very first parenting workshop, I wrote: “Nothing is perfect. But there is peace and love in our home. I am a different person because of all I’ve gone through with Lincoln and learned in the process. I have come through the trenches and have a great foundation. And now I teach parenting classes!”  This is how I still feel today. In awe that I’ve created the peaceful home I deeply desire, healed myself along the way, and have the privilege of sharing what I’ve learned with you.  You and I Are Alike  We both love our kids and want to show up for our kids with kindness, compassion, confidence and a deep inner calm.  We both want our kids to be respectful and make good choices. and we both feel terrible when we yell or shame them into obedience.  We want really good relationships with our kids and we are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.  10 Observations to Make Parenting Easier To help you take the first (or next steps) in your parenting journey, I've gathered 10 tried-and-true rules to live by in parenting.  If you practice these 10 things in your family, you will 100% have less yelling, more listening, more peace and feel a lot more calm.  And it won’t take 10 years to see these results! It’s almost instant!  Listen in to hear them all. You’ll Learn:What it was REALLY like for me when my kids were youngerThe parenting goals I set for myself (and the fears that kept coming up)10 of my favorite observations about parenting Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Hearing kids say "Mom, I'm bored" might be the most annoying phrase of all time. In this episode of the Become a Calm Mama podcast, I’m sharing what to do (and what not to do) when kids are bored.What do you usually say after your kid says “I’m bored”? I’m guessing you offer a bunch of suggestions and say "Why don't you do [blank]?"Of course, your kid rejects them...and the cycle of them complaining, you problem solving and them not liking your ideas continues until you get mad and cut them off or just give in to screen time.If this happens to you, you are not alone in this struggle. The good news? Boredom is temporary, and it can even be a good thing! Benefits of BoredomBoredom is simply a gap between activities, but it feels super UNCOMFORTABLE for your kid.This gap (which I call the boredom gap) is also where your child's growth happens.Among other things, boredom:Encourages imagination and creativityBoredom teaches 'grit'Boredom develops problem-solving skillsYour job is not to solve the problem for them, but to support them as they figure it out on their own. A Word About Screen TimeLet’s face it: Screens are super entertaining.It's a really easy way to satisfy the brain's need for fun, novelty, connection and distraction - and get rid of that uncomfortable bored feeling.Screens by themselves are not a problem. The problem is our reliance on technology for stimulation, entertainment and quick-hits. It’s hard for kids to shift away from easy entertainment, and they will resist your limits.But there are ways you can help re-train their brains to move through the screen cravings and relentless protest to creative exploration - more quickly and easily.   You’ll Learn:Why boredom is actually important for your child’s developmentWhat your job is when your kid is boredHow to handle “the boredom gap”How to deal with your kid’s resistance to screen time limitsFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Mother’s Day is coming. And if you've had a few Mother's Days that end with you getting into bed feeling totally wiped out and resentful, this podcast episode is for you. I’m talking all about how to enjoy Mother’s Day.Mother's Day has a way of ending up the OPPOSITE of ideal for most moms.A lot of times moms spend Mother's Day cleaning up the kitchen after a messy breakfast in bed, followed by a lunch that's focused on their mother or mother-in-law, and then capped off by a rushed take-out dinner with all the regular bedtime routine shenanigans.It’s time to take back Mother’s Day!I’m just going to say it - Mother’s Day is FOR moms!I want to help you design a Mother’s Day that actually feels good to you.One where you get what you truly want from the day. How do you get what you want on Mother’s Day?Usually, two things keep moms from creating their ideal day: guilt and not asking for what they want.I’m sharing tips to get past them both.You also need to get clear on what your ideal day looks like and make a plan for it.This will look very different based on your daily life, family structure and what feels right to you.I also know that some of us are sitting with feelings of grief and loss on Mother’s Day. If this is you, give yourself a little tenderness and consider this when designing your day.This Mother’s Day, I send my love to all the mothers. For the first mothers, the forever mothers, the motherless mothers, the childless mothers, and the not-yet mothers. I love you. I see you.And I’m wishing you YOUR most ideal Mother’s Day yet.You’ll Learn:Steps for creating your ideal Mother’s DayHow to process the “Mother’s Day Hangover” of disappointment, resentment or sadness on Monday morning Previous Episodes Mentioned:Episode 9: Pause and Reset Your Emotions Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

A grumpy mood is totally normal - for you, your kid, and sometimes everyone at once! In this episode of Become a Calm Mama, I’m giving you a few strategies for handling moments when you’re dealing with a grumpy kid, grumpy parents or when the whole family is in a grumpy mood.When You Have a Grumpy KidYour kid is entitled to their moods. It’s actually their job to learn how to manage their own thoughts and feelings. Pain, discomfort, and grumpiness are inevitable. It's not the avoidance of pain that is the goal...it's the work of processing emotional pain that we want to help our kids with.Don’t try to fix it. Just observe. Be their compassionate witness. It’s just a moment. Let it be what it is and wait for it to pass.  When There are Grumpy ParentsJust as it’s normal for your kids to be grumpy, it’s also normal for you.You can just be grumpy and you don’t have to actually do anything about it (but you can if you want to). I’ll walk you step-by-step through my process for shifting into a better mood.When Everyone is GrumpyEver planned a "really fun" thing for you and your kids and it turns into tears, fights and disappointment?Grumpy moods, sibling fights and stressed parents can make even the most fun activities feel terrible.If no one is “feeling it” and you push through anyway, you might end up feeling more angry than if you would have stopped earlier.When you decide on an activity or event, be flexible. Forcing something or continuing to do an activity even when everyone is “done” will leave you all feeling frustrated.You'll Learn: How not to let your kid ruin your moodHow to support your grumpy kidHow to use my Connection Tool to shift your own moodHow you can plan family activities and outings to accommodate moods and avoid disappointment Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

When your child is being aggressive, it can be hard to know what to do.  In this episode of the Become A Calm Mama podcast, I’m teaching you how to keep your family safe when your kid is hitting, breaking things or calling names.A foundational principle I teach is this: EVERYONE STAYS SAFE in your house. That means the bodies and hearts of the people in your house don’t get hurt. By you. By their siblings. It also means YOU don’t get hurt either.What to do if your kid is hittingI'm often asked "What do I do if my kids are physically hurting each other??"Kids hurting other kids (or you) is a behavior that can feel really overwhelming. And it can trigger a lot of stress for you. The "hard no" is the perfect strategy for those kinds of tricky parenting moments.It is a firm communication that your child’s feeling is ok but hurting others isn’t.If your kid is hitting another kid or won’t stop hitting you, the “hard no” is how you stop them. I’ll walk you through what to say and do in the moment, including what to do if they don’t stop right away.If your kid is name callingWords can hurt, too. So, the “hard no” is also perfect for times when your child is insulting or threatening others (including you). Name calling is a strategy they are using to communicate and cope with their feelings. But if they are using hurtful or violent language or cursing, you will want to do a “hard no.”A “hard no” doesn’t need to be harsh. You don’t have to be angry or activated to do a “hard no”.  Instead, put your focus on keeping everyone safe and calming yourself. Then, you can try to help your kid regulate their emotions and find safer ways to cope.Listen to the full episode now for real-life examples and scripts you can use with your own kids.You’ll Learn:How to use the “hard no” - and exactly what you can say in some common situationsWhat parents usually do instead (and why it doesn’t work)What your kid really needs from you in these moments - it’s not another lecture Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Whether we’re technically post pandemic or not at this point, we can all agree that parenting has some additional challenges now - especially when you’re not sure if your kid is OK.Our kids are out and about in the world, quarantine is over, schools are open, mask requirements are ending, and sports and other activities are a thing again.But getting “back to normal” isn’t that simple.In this episode, I’m talking about the after-effects of quarantine on kids, the worries and frustrations parents are having and giving you some strategies to cope. Parenting in a pandemicAmong other things, quarantine had a big effect on our kids’ development.Think of child development like a train on a track, chugging along toward adulthood.But in March 2020, all the trains stopped. And kids got out at whatever station they were nearest to.Your child’s development and growth continued - but in isolation. They weren’t developing in community with others.When school, sports and other activities started up again, kids got back on the developmental train, but they’d been propelled forward, passing stations along the way.The catching up they’re doing now creates a lot of stress.Post pandemic lifeStress shows up in our kids in a lot of different ways.And their stress creates a stress response in parents, too.When you feel worried, overwhelmed and uncertain about how to help your child, you may find yourself signing them up for all the things, pushing them harder and trying to get them back on track.Without realizing it, you’re putting even more pressure on your kids.Listen to the full episode now to for ideas on how to support your child through this new stage.You’ll Learn:What stress looks like in kidsWhat your kid actually needs from you right nowHow to offer activities and opportunities without overdoing itWhat to say when your child is feeling stressedFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today we are talking about how to pause & reset your MIND and what I like to call “mama mind drama”.When I talk about resetting your mind, what I mean is that you’ll move from default negative thoughts to intentional positive thoughts.And this shift will change the way you show up and respond to your child.It's not your kid's behavior that is driving you crazy.It's your thoughts about your kid's behavior that are driving you crazy.It's what you are making that behavior mean. When you think thoughts like…My kid doesn’t have the right to be this mad. He/She/They are the one who did the wrong thing in the first place.They should know better.If I was a better mom my kid would be happier and better behaved. This is my fault.I can’t handle anything right now because I have so much pressure on me and I can’t ever get a break.I must deal with this behavior right now or else it's going to get worse.My kid will never learn.You’ll notice feelings of anger, resentment, fear and overwhelm come up.When your thoughts about a situation or behavior are negative, your stress response is WAY more likely to kick in.Once stress juice takes over, you find yourself yelling and doing all the mom things you don’t like.If you want to feel calm, peace, confidence, and compassion, you’ve got to choose thoughts that help you feel that way.And in this episode, I’m teaching you how to do it!You’ll Learn:How your thoughts affect how you show up as a momWhat default thoughts are and how to shift your thoughts so you change your behaviorHow to move through the stress responseMy favorite thoughts that you can borrow when you need a resetReal life examples for kids of all agesFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today we are talking about something that might not seem related to parenting. Your feelings. Specifically, how to pause & reset your emotions.One of the goals of Calm Mama Parenting is practicing compassion with your kids and teaching them what to do with their feelings. But first, of course, you have to know what to do with yours!I define Emotional Literacy as:You know what you’re feelingYou know how to talk about those feelingsYou know what to do with those feelingsMost adults have no idea what to do with fear, sadness or anger. They stuff the feelings down and bury them under scrolling, binge watching, glasses of wine and gossip.The most important thing you can do as a mom is process and manage your own emotions.Because the more emotionally literate you are, the more emotionally literate your children will become.And if you teach your kids what to do with their feelings, then when they grow up they won’t have to do destructive things with their feelings (like drugs, porn, over eating, over working, excessive shopping, over dieting, etc).I think of this as healing the next generation in advance.In this episode, I’ll walk you through what is really going on behind your feelings, a simple process to work through negative emotions and a personal example of what this looks like in real life. You’ll Learn:The 2 emotions I see parents struggle with the mostWhat happens when you “stuff” your feelings down (and clues to look for when you’re doing it)3 simple steps to process a negative emotion so you can move through itAlso mentioned in this episode:Episode 8: Pause & Reset Your Body Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode, I'm' talking about how (and why) to pause & reset your body when you’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.  And why it's so important!I’m sure you’ve had some really tough moments over the past few weeks. Moments when you’ve been stuck in what I call Mad Mom Syndrome.You know what I'm talking about -Moments when your child is a bit off track and you get upset and all of a sudden you are yelling, threatening and lecturing…followed by guilt and rushed apologies.Moments you are worried that the behavior you see in the present is a predictor of the future and you act super strict and controlling.Moments when you are frustrated and say a snide or mean remark to your kid.Those types of moments are a clue that you are in your stress cycle and feeling emotionally overwhelmed.You become super reactive and respond to your children with stress, anxiety, frustration or anger. The rage kicks in, your body takes over and you do all sorts of yelling.Or, instead of exploding, you implode and check out with a cold icy stare at your kid.When this surge of stress juice ends, you start to feel calmer and think more clearly…But if you showed up as a 'mad mom', you probably also end up feeling bad and beating yourself up for not being calm. Today I’m helping you understand why this happens in the first place and what you can do to reset when you feel the stress starting to take over.You'll Learn:Why ‘mad mom’ moments really happen (it’s not just about your kid’s behavior)The one tool you need to shift from stressed and reactive to CALMThe benefits of taking a Pause BreakWhy you need to move your body to quiet your mindPractical actions you can take to reset your body quickly, in the momentWhat to say to your kids when you lose your coolFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode, I'm talking all about tantrums, meltdowns and outbursts (at every age)! I call these Big Feeling Cycles.By the end of this episode you will know why they happen, and how to handle them without losing your mind. Typical parenting strategies that focus on stopping the behavior don’t address the root of the problem. Lectures, timeouts, taking away privileges, etc., don’t give your kid the actual tools and skills they need to process their emotions. The strategies you learn today will bring better connection in your relationship with your kid AND give your kid better tools to manage their emotions. Managing a BIG FEELING CYCLE means drawing attention to the emotion that might be triggering that behavior. Your job is not to FIX anything. Nothing has gone wrong. Your job is to be a compassionate witness.Listen to the full episode to learn shifts and strategies you can use to support your child through their feelings - and help those Big Feeling Cycles run their course more quickly. You’ll Learn:When and why Big Feeling Cycles happenWhy they can be so hard to handle as a parentHow to use “The Hard No” to keep everyone safe when behavior is really out of boundsA simple thought to help you ride out the next Big Feeling CycleHow to find clues inside a Big Feeling Cycle so that your child can move through the next one faster Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Today I’m talking about misbehavior and the #1 reason it is so hard for parents. Misbehavior creates a lot of conflict in families. It’s one of the main reasons parents yell.You’ve probably thought “If they would just listen and stop acting out, I wouldn’t have to yell!” And maybe your brain has offered you the solution of getting your kids to behave better by having more rules and more limits and more consequences. By being more strict. Many parents think the answer to misbehavior is in having better routines, or being more consistent, or being more firm.The problem with this solution is that it doesn’t address the roots of misbehavior.In this episode, I’m sharing why it’s so triggering and upsetting for you, and some concrete and practical steps to handling misbehavior without resorting to lecturing, avoiding, yelling, threatening or shaming.Surprise! It all starts in your brain.As a parent, your child’s behavior often activates your stress response. Your brain wants to INTERPRET your kid’s behavior as a DANGER to your physical or emotional safety. It will TRICK you into thinking that your kid’s behavior is a threat to you.It will tell you that you need to protect yourself. Get bigger. Get louder. Fight back. Run away. And that can make it hard to remain calm.But when you can understand what’s driving the behavior and view it as an opportunity rather than a problem, you can head off the stress response and feel more calm in the situation.You’ll Learn:Why misbehavior often feels like an emergency (even though it’s usually not)How to recognize your body’s stress response and be aware of your reactionsDifferent ways to think about misbehavior - and prevent your stress response from kicking inSimple steps to use limits and rules to effectively manage behaviorFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode we’re diving into step 4 of the Calm Mama Process - CORRECT. We’re rethinking consequences and learning how to use them effectively.I covered the first 3 steps of the Calm Mama Process in previous podcast episodes. If you missed them, be sure to go back and listen.Step 1: CALMStep 2: CONNECTStep 3: LIMIT SETWe all want our kids to become thoughtful and responsible humans. Kids who can think for themselves, make decisions that don't harm themselves or others, and take personal responsibility for their actions.The way kids learn these things is by EXPERIENCING the impact of their choices.In the Calm Mama Process, we use consequences to teach our kids that when you have a behavior, it's going to create a result. Effective consequences teach your kids to think without having them experience pain, shame or disconnection. To do that, we need to start out by thinking like our kids:They don’t think about the future and are very in the moment.  They don’t really understand cause and effect.  They don’t want to stop what they’re doing or wait for what they want.  And they don’t really know how to think about other people’s feelings yet.This is simply the journey of childhood. It doesn’t mean anything about your child or who they will grow up to be.We understand that feelings drive behavior, and we use Connection to help our kids learn strategies to communicate and cope with their big feelings. So we don’t shame our kids for their feelings or even judge their behavior. Instead, what we do is help our child see the connection between their behavior and the impacts of the behavior.  Even though we have compassion for their feelings, it doesn't mean they're excused from the result of their actions. So when your kid has an action that creates a problem for someone else, they have to fix it. Restore what was damaged.With CORRECT, you give your child the opportunity (in a loving, logical way) to repair, restore or resolve the impact of their actions. You’ll Learn:The difference between consequences and punishmentWhy lectures and time outs aren’t workingThe 3 types of impact a behavior can have - and how to respond to each of themHow to hold your kid accountable without shaming or disconnectionSimple questions you can ask yourself to create effective consequencesFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Have you been looking for the magic formula to get your kids to listen? In this episode, we’re walking through step 3 of the Calm Mama Process - LIMIT SETTING. This is going to be different than anything you’ve heard before. You’ll learn all about setting limits that actually work.In past episodes, I talked about the first 2 steps of the Calm Mama Process. If you missed them, be sure to go back and listen.Step 1: CALMStep 2: CONNECTNow, let’s get into it.For years I went to parenting workshops trying to discover the secret limit-setting formula.I always left disappointed.Most of those parenting programs taught that limits are when we firmly state what we want our child to do. That was it. That was their secret, magic formula.So I'd go home and try their formula. I'd say "brush your teeth, kids" in a very sweet voice. And they would ignore me.I'd say it again a little more firmly, "It's time to brush your teeth." Still no action.I'd repeat myself for a third time, "Brush your teeth NOW." And this time they might look at me but still continue playing.That's when I could feel myself getting angry and my tone would get harsh. I'd say, "Brush. Your. Teeth. Now." And my teeth would clench, eyes glaring. Sometimes this squinty-eye/harsh tone thing would work; sometimes not.By the FIFTH time, I would yell and say, "Brush your teeth right now or I will not read books to you tonight!" And this would typically get them moving.Does any of this sound familiar?Listen to the full episode to learn my limit-setting formula, so you can stop repeating yourself 5x and using commands and threats. I'm giving you lots of real-life examples so you can start practicing with your kids today.You’ll Learn:How commands, threats and limits are not the same thingWhy threats don’t workHow your kid’s brain is set up to ignore youMy limit setting formula (with real examples)Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Connection is THE key to improving your child’s behavior. So, in today’s episode we are talking about the CONNECT step of the Calm Mama Process.Note: This is the 2nd step in the Process. If you missed last week’s episode on getting to CALM, go back to listen now. If you’ve ever wanted to help your kids manage their emotions by “using their words” then you will love this episode.I’m teaching you how to teach your kids to ‘use their words’ by giving them the words they need to express their big feelings.If you take nothing else away from this episode, I want you to hear this:Feelings drive behavior.All behavior is a result of thoughts and feelings, including your children's misbehavior.Whatever your child is doing, they're behaving that way because of how they're feeling about their circumstances.Not because they are bad.Kids misbehave when they aren't feeling great.When kids don't know what to do with their feelings, they show up in ways that don't work (hitting, shouting, complaining, whining, name-calling, refusal, ignoring, etc).So, If you want to change misbehavior, you need to help your child understand what they are feeling and help them learn how to express those feelings in ways that work.As the parent, you are responsible for developing your child’s social and emotional skills, just as much as you are responsible for developing their cognitive skills.In fact, I think the greater responsibility of parents is to develop the social and emotional skills, because the greater those skills the more likely your child will have future success.Parenting through connection is revolutionary. It’s NOT doing it “the way it’s always been done”.When you get the side-eye from your mother in law, or your dad makes that “we never let you kids talk like that” comment, just remember you’re practicing the “feelings first” model. Remind yourself that you’re part of a new generation of parents. You are part of a revolution! You’ll Learn:Why the “behavior first” model of parenting we were raised with doesn’t address the root of the problemWhat a “feelings first” model looks likeWhy curiosity is such a powerful parenting toolHow “feelings first” is not the same as “feelings only” Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

In this episode I’m sharing with you my definition of CALM and giving you my go-to strategy for getting to calm using a tool I call The Pause Break. The Pause Break allows you to access calm, even in the middle of a moment when you feel overwhelmed or angry.Before we get to that, let’s talk about what the absence of calm looks like. I know you’ve been there, and so have I.  Showing up when you aren’t feeling calm looks a little different for everyone, but you might find yourself:yellingsaying mean thingsmaking threatsrescuingbribingbeing rough with your kid's bodygiving in to your kid's demandsfeeling exhaustedlecturingtalking a lotshutting downnot following through on consequencesnot taking care of yourselfsleeping poorlygrumpiness that you can't shakeescalating things when your kid gets upsetshutting your kid down…generally acting in ways you don’t love.When you have a mad mom episode, it’s easy to beat yourself up and tell yourself things like I’m a bad mom or I’m messing up my kids. Which makes you feel guilty, embarrassed, ashamed, frustrated and confused. The more negative thoughts you have, the more defeated, discouraged, and guilty you will feel. And when you feel bad, it’s hard to change your behavior. So you end up yelling again.I call this Mad Mom Syndrome, and it is a vicious cycle of negative thoughts leading to negative feelings leading to negative actions and then back again. So how do you break that cycle?That’s what we’re diving into for these 30 minutes.  The Pause Break is the single most important tool I teach. It is where all of your personal growth happens. It’s the space where change occurs. If you only take one thing away from this podcast episode, I hope it’s this: You can always take a PAUSE BREAK. It’s the first, and most important, step towards CALM.Listen to the full episode now for all the details. You’ll Learn:Why Mad Mom Syndrome happensWhy your kid’s behavior triggers such strong feelingsHow your stress response influences your actionsThe 3 simple steps of The Pause Break that you can do anytime, anywhereFree Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Welcome to the “Become a Calm Mama” podcast!!! In this first episode I’m sharing my own story of becoming a Calm Mama.Let me just start by telling you that I wasn’t always a calm mama. In fact I was the opposite of that. I was a MAD MAMA.There was a time in my parenting when I yelled with such fervor that spittle shot from my mouth.Quiet afternoons replaced with anger-filled threats. Boys sent to their rooms with an edge in my voice that pierced their hearts with fear. Icy stares. Cold shoulders. No goodnight kisses.This was especially true when my kids were toddlers and preschoolers.One night, while tucking my 4-year-old son in bed, I gently said to him, “I love you so much.” And he replied, “I know you do, but I just don’t think you like me very much.”My heart broke into a million pieces.It was at that moment that I knew I needed to find a new way to parent.These are hard moments to talk about. But they are true and real and normal.I’m getting real in this episode because I want you to know that I’ve been where you are and that peace in your home is possible.Listen now to hear the full story.  You’ll Learn:Where I started my Calm Mama journeyThe process I followed to create the peaceful home I have nowA sneak peek at what we’re going to talk about over the next couple of episodes Free Resources:Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling. In this free guide you’ll discover:✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)Want to connect? Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress Book a free consultation session

Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be. Darlynn is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior without yelling or lecturing and create a peaceful home. Darlynn is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what it’s really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century. Over the past 14 years, Darlynn has dedicated her life to becoming the mom she wanted to be for my kids. In that process, she created a parenting model called “The Calm Mama Process” that helped her navigate every tricky parenting moment that’s been thrown her way. From hitting to bullying, from toddler meltdowns to teenage shenanigans, from missing assignments to college admissions, from getting kids to bed to getting kids out of bed, from kids not wanting to get out of the bath to middle schoolers that don’t want to take a shower, from kids fighting in the car to kids who drive their own car, she’s seen it all.  Darlynn has taught her model to hundreds of moms since 2015 and when they apply the Calm Mama Process to their tricky parenting moments they have calm and peace in their homes. Their kids' behavior improves, their relationship with their children gets so much better, and they enjoy motherhood (most of the time!). Darlynn teaches her process inside her coaching program, Calm Mama School, a lifetime membership program where you learn how to master your reactivity, teach kids how to manage their big feelings, and set limits that work. Each week she brings practical and simple strategies to the podcast so you can stop yelling and create a peaceful home. This podcast releases every single Thursday with 30 minute episodes designed to give you big AHA’s about parenting and simple concepts with actionable takeaways that you can apply right away in your family.You can find this podcast on your favorite podcast app, including Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google podcasts and amazon. And if you’d like to subscribe you can do so by going to https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/subscribe