Abject Suffering
661 episodes — Page 5 of 14
Ep 461Abject Suffering 461: M&M's Kart Racing
E<html><p>It's a classic Gary Butterfield pick: it's an advergame about snack food. But M&amp;M's Kart Racing for the Wii also happens to be the least fun, and least functional, kart racer we've covered for the show. It also leads us to one of the more bizarre and sad wikis we've found for a property.</p></html>
Ep 460Abject Suffering 460: Mr. Bones
E<html><p>Somehow it took us 460 episodes to reach Mr. Bones. I don't have an answer as to why. But, man, is it a sight to behold. You play the one skeleton on the side of good (guitars) fighting against a mindless army on the side of evil (drums), playing just the grossest, smelliest white boy blues you can.</p></html>
Ep 459Abject Suffering 459: Nickelodeon GUTS
E<html><p>Nickelodeon's GUTS, later Global GUTS, was a mainstay of the network's "cheaply produced gameshows" that acted as ballast for some of the other, bigger shows. Each episode, a group of kids competed in physical challenges, culminating in a trip up the Aggro Crag, for a chance to win a "glowing piece of that radical rock". From this setup, we get a really anemic minigame collection that's mostly repeats... so Gary talks about a juggler he saw recently.</p></html>
Ep 458Abject Suffering 458: The Curious Expedition
E<html><p>The Curious Expedition isn't a bad game by any stretch of the imagination, but it sits at a table set with a lot of outdated tropes that don't look so great nowadays. We're pretty sure this Patron just wanted us to make a bummer episode about colonialism. So we talk about that, along with how people just drown in pig shit and we, as a society, have decided to accept that.</p></html>
Ep 457Abject Suffering 457: Fear Factor: Unleashed
E<html><p>We're not interested in talking about whether or not Joe Rogan is a force for good. You can probably guess how we feel about his show. BUT, we are interested in how wild reality game shows got in the early 2000s, and this is a great inroads to talking about a whole bunch of them. Also, making a video game version of Fear Factor is a terrible idea.</p></html>
Ep 456Abject Suffering 456: Harvester
E<html><p>Something is happening with our brains, and we're in this period where we're extremely receptive to schlock. To the point where we can't guarantee that Harvester won't become a WOFF! episode at some point. It's a bizarre FMV adventure game that's all about the glorification of violence, and it's full of some extremely potent, trashy horror ideas.</p></html>
Ep 455Abject Suffering 455: Loaded
E<html><p>The kids are going to have to learn about FUB and his obscure war at some point. That's why we're covering Loaded, a bonkers shooter that has all the charm of seven Twisted Metal games rammed together. We also talk about the Miracle of Uncles.</p></html>
Ep 454Abject Suffering 454: Hugo's House of Horrors
E<html><p>Hugo's House of Horrors is a classic adventure game that's actually quite charming. Doubly so when you see how vehemently the designer insists that he'd never heard of Maniac Mansion before making it. We also talk about how J. Jonah Jameson and Cornholio are related, and how Kole's got snakes.</p></html>
Ep 453Abject Suffering 453: Star Trek: The Next Generation - Future's Past
E<html><p>This SNES has a mission to boringly go where no man has gone before! An interface that mimics the bridge of the Starship Enterprise does a lot to make this feel like a more complex game than it is, but it can't hide the terrible Away Team and ship-to-ship combat. We also talk about our Holodeck fantasies, and Kole finally gets to tell his falconry story.</p></html>
Ep 452Abject Suffering 452: Silhouette Mirage
E<html><p>This is probably someone's favorite game, which is weird to us. After the 16-bit era, Treasure kind of split in two. One part released bullet hell shooters. The other had a habit of making technical platformers that are impossibly ugly to look at. Silhouette Mirage falls into the latter camp, with a projectile affinity system that was a test run for Ikaruga's main gimmick.</p></html>
Ep 451Abject Suffering 451: Gourmet Warriors
E<html><p>This recently revived and translated SNES game is a little less food-oriented than the title would have you believe. It's not a complete lie, but what you get is a Cho-Aniki brawler with a little bit of cooking thrown in. Which is a bummer, all told.</p></html>
Ep 450Abject Suffering 450: Jaws
E<html><p>It's no longer safe to be in the water, but that was usually the case to begin with... at least of you're Gary. The Jaws NES game has a bad rap because it's very slight, but it's pretty interesting, if a little grindy. We also talk about the ethical implications of eating shark meat, but only if that shark was a really bad dude.</p></html>
Ep 449Abject Suffering 449: DinoCity
E<html><p>Imagine if you will a city of dinos. Also imagine a game based on a movie about some teens visiting that city of dinos. And imagine Kole's odds of survival when trapped in the world of Sonic the Hedgehog. Picture all of this in your dreams.</p></html>
Ep 448Abject Suffering 448: ELEX
E<html><p>This one gets a little... gross. Of course we begin by talking about ELEX, a game from the team that made the Gothic and Risen series, which we had never heard about before. It's not terrible, just generally shoddy. What IS terrible is the direction Gary takes this episode.</p></html>
Ep 447Abject Suffering 447: Left Alive
E<html><p>We know about Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake, but are you ready to meet their little brother Solid-ish Snake? The concept for this game is good: What is it like to be stranded behind enemy lines as a footsoldier in a time when wars are fought entirely by mechs? Too bad it squanders it by feeling terrible in the hands and being very opaque in how it presents information to the player. So we talk about how we feel we'd fare against a mech instead.</p></html>
Ep 446Abject Suffering 446: Reventure
E<html><p>Reventure is a cute little joke platformer about the many ways that quests can end. It's got a little Stanley Parable in it, along with a little Don't Shit Your Pants. It's not a bad game, and actually kinda neat, so we instead talk about Dangerous Animals shows, and Kole tortures Gary with home improvement chat.</p></html>
Ep 445Abject Suffering 445: Tweenies: Game Time
E<html><p>Listen, have fun, go mad, get buried in a Dymaxion house. That's about the order of operations in this episode about a UK-only kids game based on a property called the Tweenies. They like to have fun and dance around, and one time a genie trapped them in the jungle with dinosaurs. But is there a more sinister side?</p></html>
Ep 444Abject Suffering 444: Game Dev Tycoon
E<html><p>Why would you play a game about making games when you could make a game yourself, said the wise man, you absolute clod. Game Dev Tycoon bears a striking resemblance to Kairosoft's Game Dev Story, and they have caught plenty of heat for that, but if you're going to mimic a light management sim, there are far worse examples to crib from.</p></html>
Ep 443Abject Suffering 443: Saint Sword
E<html><p>The Genesis is home to some very weird and obscure games, and Saint Sword is one of those. We use its strange transformation powerups to launch into a prolonged conversation about the pros and cons of centaurism.</p></html>
Ep 442Abject Suffering 442: Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3
E<html><p>Is it here because it's a late entry in a beloved series that changed hands? No, it's here so we can joyously talk about the opening cutscenes. It's very hard to be mad at this game unless your favorite unit got nerfed. Then you'll hold a murderous grudge for life.</p></html>
Ep 441Abject Suffering 441: Smarties: Meltdown
E<html><p>We chose this game on the basis of a misunderstanding, because the UK doesn't know how to name candy. What we thought would be a game about those sweet, sour, chalky tablets, ended up being a game about big M&amp;Ms. Would the game based on the chalky candy have been any better? It's impossible to say, so we'll say yes. Yes, it would have been better.</p></html>
Ep 440Abject Suffering 440: Duck Game
E<html><p>We take this perfectly fine party game and play it exactly the wrong way... Alone! We also talk about hats, the problem of having a head that's too big, and the meanest thing Gary has ever done.</p></html>
Ep 439Abject Suffering 439: Vegas Stakes
E<html><p>Hop into a limo with $1,000 and your worst yuppie friends and head to Vegas in order to learn about the hidden horrors of strangers approaching you to ask for things. Also, we learn about the daring exploits of Mr. Colo$tomy, high roller extraordinaire.</p></html>
Ep 438Abject Suffering 438: Ronin
E<html><p>It's hard to know what Devolver Digital was thinking when they signed on this one. You may think the idea of a turn-based side scrolling stealth game sounds cool, and it might be, but only if it was... finished. Ronin is not.</p></html>
Ep 437Abject Suffering 437: That's So Raven: Psychic on the Scene
E<html><p>What follows is an in-depth report on what qualities someone must possess to be "so raven". This Disney Channel millennial favorite is, honestly, a conceptual 50 car pileup, and the universe it inhabits is so weird we only get a chance to scratch its surface.</p></html>
Ep 436Abject Suffering 436: Desert Bus VR
E<html><p>It's the video game version of "The Song That Never Ends", and ironically it ALSO pisses off bus drivers. A joke game created for an unreleased Penn and Teller prank game, Desert Bus has ascended from myth to meme to genuine charity hero. We talk a little about its history, then bag on how terrible road trips are.</p></html>
Ep 435Abject Suffering 435: One Must Fall 2097
E<html><p>One Must Fall 2097 is an illustration that the Console/PC gap cuts boths ways, depending on the genre. While the PC exceled at first person shooters and RPGs early on, it struggled with racing games and fighting games... though it's not like they didn't try. An early effort by Epic, this fighting game pits Dorito robots against each other, with different pilots you cannot see.</p></html>
Ep 434Abject Suffering 434: Screaming Mad George's ParanoiaScape
E<html><p>You remember this object from your childhood? Now it's covered in blood! That's the 90s industrial touch, baybee. Listen to us talk about this strange first-person pinball game and wrestle with why effort isn't inherently a bad thing, but it can certainly make things worse.</p></html>
Ep 433Abject Suffering 433: Rampage 2: Universal Tour
E<html><p>It's a clash of the titans, as we clash about whether this game about titanic animals is any fun. And that makes for an episode that, on the whole, stays on topic! At least in comparison to the other episodes of this show.</p></html>
Ep 432Abject Suffering 432: The Flintstones: The Rescue of Dino and Hoppy
E<html><p>What happens when your toilet is also a living creature who produces waste? We talk about this and more, and unsuccessfully try to not make this episode all about how old television was terrible.</p></html>
Ep 431Abject Suffering 431: Corncob 3D
E<html><p>A game with an unlikely name has an outsized legacy, weirdly turning into an engine for early 3D first person PC games. But before we hit that, we have to talk about unlikely showbiz rites of passage and a very bad brush with emesis.</p></html>
Ep 430Abject Suffering 430: Treasures of the Deep
E<html><p>Odd are you played it on a demo disk back in the day, but this PlayStation game is better and weirder than you'd expect. Also, heads up, there's a gnarly anecdote about a plumbing accident that gets about as bad as it could possibly get. If you're squeamish, you'll know when to turn things off.</p></html>
Ep 429Abject Suffering 429: Goosebumps HorrorLand
E<html><p>We can't lie and say this minigame collection is any good, but we CAN talk about how great the Goosebumps books are. And we can gush about how important kids' horror media was to us when we were young.</p></html>
Ep 428Abject Suffering 428: Forbes Corporate Warrior
E<html><p>A boring Battlezone clone's hilarious manual sets us off onto talking about business monsters again. You might not believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You might not WANT to believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You aren't ready for Forbes Corporate Warrior to exist.</p></html>
Ep 427Abject Suffering 427: Max Payne (GBA)
E<html><p>Funny enough, it was the most misguided port I could think of. Which isn't to say that the mini version of Max Payne isn't impressive in its own way... It's just frustrating to always get killed by enemies who are off-screen.</p></html>
Ep 426Abject Suffering 426: Deer Avenger
E<html><p>Crass, classist humor can't paper over a thin game long enough for us to not find another truly depressing internet phenomenon. And we can't stress enough: be cool.</p></html>
Ep 425Abject Suffering 425: Monster Garden
E<html><p>This game isn't bad, but it's really not for us. You play as a monster who wants to grow his garden, which means going into little pocket dimensions to make friends to bring back home. This turns into a message game about how to be a better friend to yourself... but it's all very basic, and the writing clangs on our taste. So instead, we talk about some strange encounters Gary recently had in Portland.</p></html>
Ep 424Abject Suffering 424: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
E<html><p>We've only made this mistake once before, but there was a calendar whoopsie. So while we primarily talk about Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, we also get a little bit of Princess Tomato and the Salad Kingdom. A minor misunderstanding gives way to discussions of frightening produce and the ravages of age.</p></html>
Ep 423Abject Suffering 423: Peasant's Quest
E<html><p>Kole may not be able to convince Gary that Homestar Runner is funny, but at least we can both agree that the porn game that's also named Peasant's Quest is gross as heck.</p></html>
Ep 422Abject Suffering 422: Eyeballs are your ENEMIES!
E<html><p>We got burned by a name again. But can you blame us? "Eyeballs are your ENEMIES!" is a really tempting name for an Abject Suffering game. So we took the bait, realized we don't really have any eyeball digressions, and flounder for a while. Damn you, asset flip games!</p></html>
Ep 421Abject Suffering 421: Pandmeonium
E<html><p>A clown, his horrible stick, and a very normal woman end the world and have to try to un-end it. But we mostly end up talking about sex toys and weird Captain Planet villain eggs.</p></html>
Ep 420Abject Suffering 420: Pringles: The Game
E<html><p>Throw another entry onto our list of games about snacks. But Pringles: The Game isn't an official product... it's a Sega Genesis ROM created by a hobbyist in the 21st century. This is a labor of love, made only out of enthusiasm for those pressed salty shavings.</p></html>
Ep 419Abject Suffering 419: Heroes of Might and Magic: Quest for the Dragon Bone Staff
E<html><p>An episode where, admittedly, neither of us can remember a specific aspect of the Heroes of Might and Magic universe... but it doesn't matter, because this is actually just King's Bounty! So you can't trick us with your lies.</p></html>
Ep 418Abject Suffering 418: I.Q.: Intelligent Qube
E<html><p>This is actually a good game, but we couldn't pass up the opportunity to talk about Forbidden Cubes. If you're familiar with this, it's probably because of a demo disk that came with your PlayStation, or from buying the PlayStation Classic mini-console. Its austere, frankly creepy presentation wraps up a satisfying puzzle game that gives us plenty of geometry-based digression material.</p></html>
Ep 417Abject Suffering 417: What Linus Bruckman Sees When His Eyes Are Closed
E<html><p>This week we talk about an experimental indie adventure game that seems fine, we just weren't in the mood for it at the time. So we talk about proper marshmallows, letting 'er rip, and pepper spray.</p></html>
Ep 416Abject Suffering 416: The Toxic Crusaders
E<html><p>Troma decided to take the disgusting and disturbing Toxic Avenger series and adapt it... for kids! What we got was a one season animated show that was a weak stab at Captain Planet, but at least it resulted in some neat toys. Oh, and some very bad video games.</p></html>
Ep 415Abject Suffering 415: How Do You Do It?
E<html><p>This week has us looking at a fun little indie game about a young girl trying to use her dolls to figure out how people have sex. It's a very small project, made over three days for a game jam, but it's a fun springboard into a few conversations about sex and insecurity.</p></html>
Ep 414Abject Suffering 414: Toilet Tycoon
E<html><p>The good news is that this episode doesn't get as gross as you'd expect. This is a modern-ish remake of a storied German franchise where you start and run an pay toilet empire. Which isn't a terrible idea, even if the execution stinks.</p></html>
Ep 413Abject Suffering 413: JFK Reloaded
E<html><p>Remember when conspiracy theories were fun? It feels like a long time ago. It's also strange to look back at old video game controversies and realize how quaint they are. Case in point, 2004's "JFK Reloaded" caused an outcry because of its subject matter. Is it tasteless to recreate the assassination of a beloved U.S. president? We personally don't think so, and you can listen to hear us make our case.</p></html>
Ep 412Abject Suffering 412: Pass the Pigs: Let the Good Swines Roll
E<html><p>There was no reason for them to digitize this simple dice game, but they did it anyway, and gave it one crackerjack title. We talk about road trip memories, rural fair competitions, and generally vibe about how great and horrifying pigs can be.</p></html>