Abject Suffering
676 episodes — Page 5 of 14
Ep 476Abject Suffering 476: Muppet Monster Adventure
E<html><p>If I was a kid and I got a Muppet game where I couldn't play as Kermit, I'd be pissed. That's the world that Muppet Monster Adventure forces on us, one where people know who Robin the Frog is. The good Muppets have been kidnapped by an evil monster, and it's up to Robin to rescue them, maybe? This is a bog standard licensed platformer, and it's not especially terrible as those go.</p></html>
Ep 475Abject Suffering 475: Clive Barker's Nightbreed
E<html><p>Clive Barker's most famous forray into video games is 2001's Undying, but that wasn't his first attempt. Before that, we learned all about the Nightbreed. It's unclear what a Nightbreed is, how you become one, or what they even do, but this Interactive Movie adventure game does its best to get you up to speed, terrible checkpointing and all.</p></html>
Ep 474Abject Suffering 474: Dan Dolme
E<html><p>Listen, it's not great when the way you earn points in a game is to find a lady and have vigorous sex with her before she disappears. That's what happens in Dan Dolme, a game about a man with a large penis whose girlfriend goes missing and he must find her and engage with her sexually. But the whole presentation is so surreal that it's hard to condemn it too much, at least from our point of view.</p><p>If you want to argue that, we're fine, but please understand that this is a game where in order to proceed you must learn how to double jump off of your own piss.</p></html>
Ep 473Abject Suffering 473: Razor Freestyle Scooter
E<html><p>You had to be around in the early '00s to know exactly how hard Razor scooters were being pushed on us. These were collapsable metal scooters meant for radical teens to ride to class. And they made a game about them, a not entirely terrible Tony Hawk clone. So we spend some time talking about the gimmick shoes that were foisted on us as kids.</p></html>
Ep 472Abject Suffering 472: Cookie Clicker
E<html><p>People love incremental and idle games. Kole's ambivalent. Gary hates them. Somehow this turned into an extremely on-topic mini-WOFF! about the genre at large, with Cookie Clicker as the starting off point. Welcome to Hell!</p></html>
Ep 471Abject Suffering 471: Flushed Away
E<html><p>Say what you will about stop motion animation, there's an undeniable degree of difficulty associated with it that makes it a little more impressive than CGI emulating the clay sculpture style. This is the core hubris of the "Wallace and Gromit " people hooking up with Dreamworks to make "Flushed Away", a story about a posh surface rat getting flushed down the toilet to fight a frog king. And then they made a game about it. And then we mostly talked about Jackass, and a bizarre YouTube channel called <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX3tM-sW2NpWvy-xpmicGRA/featured" target="_blank">"Max TV"</a>.</p></html>
Ep 470Abject Suffering 470: An American Tail
E<html><p>Better late than never, right? Even if it's 21 years too late. 1986 saw the release of "An American Tail", a Don Bluth-animated film about a family of mice that fled Russia to head to America... 1986 being, of course, one of the last times that an optimistic story about immigration could be told in America. Then, in 2007, some weirdos decided to make a licensed game about it. One that even manages to make Monkey Ball mechanics un-fun!</p></html>
Ep 469Abject Suffering 469: Mugsy's Revenge
E<html><p>Nyah, see? Myah. That's mobster talk, because we're talking about a pair of ZX Spectrum games which concern themselves with various illegal dealings in 1919. The roaring teens! Establish protection rackets, run hooch, pinch nanners, flip gatorboys, if it's illegal you can do it all. As long as it fits within the "Lemonade Stand" format.</p></html>
Ep 468Abject Suffering 468: Rise of the Dragon
E<html><p>Rise of the Dragon is a perfectly serviceable first person adventure game, held back by some misguided action sequences and a predictable plot. Cyber drugs? You're kidding me! So once we dispense with the formalities, Gary regales us with a tale of his return to the All-American Magic Show. Sometimes you CAN step in the same river twice.</p></html>
Ep 467Abject Suffering 467: Major Leauge Eating: The Game
E<html><p>WiiWare is an untapped market for us, and Gary brought in a doozie: a game about eating a lot in a very short amount of time. And you know what? It's not that terrible. It would at least have kept us entertained for a night in our dirtbag early twenties. So listen in and hear us talk about competitive eating, and learn a little more about Gary's horrible childhood.</p></html>
Ep 466Abject Suffering 466: Dragonfable
E<html><p>Dragonfable is the long-forgotten followup to Adventure Quest, and somehow it still runs, and somehow you can still play it. Cribbing heavily from the hyper self-aware diction of webcomics in the mid-2000s, this is a repetitive, grindy RPG that's perfectly at home on this show.</p></html>
Ep 465Abject Suffering 465: The Adventures of Gilligan's Island
E<html><p>Gilligan's Island is a hell named after its devil. The incompetent first mate of the S.S. Minnow bumbles about with an efficiency that cannot be accidental, ensuring that the island's flawed inhabitants will never again see another shore. Gilligan's Island is also a corny 60s television show which, for some reason, got an NES game made of it in 1990. It contains multitudes.</p></html>
Ep 464Abject Suffering 464: Galerians: Ash
E<html><p>Galerians for the PlayStation is a flawed but interesting survival horror game, existing today primarily for people who are passionate about that era of the genre. Galerians: Ash is beloved by none. Picking up right at the end of the original game, Ash follows the continuing adventures of Rion through the world of Basically Akira, trying to stop synthetic humans from destroying the world. But they made it an action game and they shouldn't have done that.</p></html>
Ep 463Abject Suffering 463: Feel the Magic: XY XX
E<html><p>Will Hughes joins Kole once again to talk about the DS launch game "Feel the Magic: XY XX", which is best described as "horny Warioware". We end up talking about the game quite a bit, though Will does frequently bully Kole the whole time. There's nothing to be done about it.</p><p>Special Guest: Will Hughes.</p></html>
Ep 462Abject Suffering 462: Zoop
E<html><p>Gary went and caught Covid, so this week Kole is joined by the AV Club's Will Hughes to talk about Zoop, the shallow puzzle game that magazines in the 90s put a lot of effort into getting people to buy. And since Gary isn't here, we kind of go hog wild on talking about things that would otherwise send him into the stratosphere.</p></html>
Ep 461Abject Suffering 461: M&M's Kart Racing
E<html><p>It's a classic Gary Butterfield pick: it's an advergame about snack food. But M&amp;M's Kart Racing for the Wii also happens to be the least fun, and least functional, kart racer we've covered for the show. It also leads us to one of the more bizarre and sad wikis we've found for a property.</p></html>
Ep 460Abject Suffering 460: Mr. Bones
E<html><p>Somehow it took us 460 episodes to reach Mr. Bones. I don't have an answer as to why. But, man, is it a sight to behold. You play the one skeleton on the side of good (guitars) fighting against a mindless army on the side of evil (drums), playing just the grossest, smelliest white boy blues you can.</p></html>
Ep 459Abject Suffering 459: Nickelodeon GUTS
E<html><p>Nickelodeon's GUTS, later Global GUTS, was a mainstay of the network's "cheaply produced gameshows" that acted as ballast for some of the other, bigger shows. Each episode, a group of kids competed in physical challenges, culminating in a trip up the Aggro Crag, for a chance to win a "glowing piece of that radical rock". From this setup, we get a really anemic minigame collection that's mostly repeats... so Gary talks about a juggler he saw recently.</p></html>
Ep 458Abject Suffering 458: The Curious Expedition
E<html><p>The Curious Expedition isn't a bad game by any stretch of the imagination, but it sits at a table set with a lot of outdated tropes that don't look so great nowadays. We're pretty sure this Patron just wanted us to make a bummer episode about colonialism. So we talk about that, along with how people just drown in pig shit and we, as a society, have decided to accept that.</p></html>
Ep 457Abject Suffering 457: Fear Factor: Unleashed
E<html><p>We're not interested in talking about whether or not Joe Rogan is a force for good. You can probably guess how we feel about his show. BUT, we are interested in how wild reality game shows got in the early 2000s, and this is a great inroads to talking about a whole bunch of them. Also, making a video game version of Fear Factor is a terrible idea.</p></html>
Ep 456Abject Suffering 456: Harvester
E<html><p>Something is happening with our brains, and we're in this period where we're extremely receptive to schlock. To the point where we can't guarantee that Harvester won't become a WOFF! episode at some point. It's a bizarre FMV adventure game that's all about the glorification of violence, and it's full of some extremely potent, trashy horror ideas.</p></html>
Ep 455Abject Suffering 455: Loaded
E<html><p>The kids are going to have to learn about FUB and his obscure war at some point. That's why we're covering Loaded, a bonkers shooter that has all the charm of seven Twisted Metal games rammed together. We also talk about the Miracle of Uncles.</p></html>
Ep 454Abject Suffering 454: Hugo's House of Horrors
E<html><p>Hugo's House of Horrors is a classic adventure game that's actually quite charming. Doubly so when you see how vehemently the designer insists that he'd never heard of Maniac Mansion before making it. We also talk about how J. Jonah Jameson and Cornholio are related, and how Kole's got snakes.</p></html>
Ep 453Abject Suffering 453: Star Trek: The Next Generation - Future's Past
E<html><p>This SNES has a mission to boringly go where no man has gone before! An interface that mimics the bridge of the Starship Enterprise does a lot to make this feel like a more complex game than it is, but it can't hide the terrible Away Team and ship-to-ship combat. We also talk about our Holodeck fantasies, and Kole finally gets to tell his falconry story.</p></html>
Ep 452Abject Suffering 452: Silhouette Mirage
E<html><p>This is probably someone's favorite game, which is weird to us. After the 16-bit era, Treasure kind of split in two. One part released bullet hell shooters. The other had a habit of making technical platformers that are impossibly ugly to look at. Silhouette Mirage falls into the latter camp, with a projectile affinity system that was a test run for Ikaruga's main gimmick.</p></html>
Ep 451Abject Suffering 451: Gourmet Warriors
E<html><p>This recently revived and translated SNES game is a little less food-oriented than the title would have you believe. It's not a complete lie, but what you get is a Cho-Aniki brawler with a little bit of cooking thrown in. Which is a bummer, all told.</p></html>
Ep 450Abject Suffering 450: Jaws
E<html><p>It's no longer safe to be in the water, but that was usually the case to begin with... at least of you're Gary. The Jaws NES game has a bad rap because it's very slight, but it's pretty interesting, if a little grindy. We also talk about the ethical implications of eating shark meat, but only if that shark was a really bad dude.</p></html>
Ep 449Abject Suffering 449: DinoCity
E<html><p>Imagine if you will a city of dinos. Also imagine a game based on a movie about some teens visiting that city of dinos. And imagine Kole's odds of survival when trapped in the world of Sonic the Hedgehog. Picture all of this in your dreams.</p></html>
Ep 448Abject Suffering 448: ELEX
E<html><p>This one gets a little... gross. Of course we begin by talking about ELEX, a game from the team that made the Gothic and Risen series, which we had never heard about before. It's not terrible, just generally shoddy. What IS terrible is the direction Gary takes this episode.</p></html>
Ep 447Abject Suffering 447: Left Alive
E<html><p>We know about Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake, but are you ready to meet their little brother Solid-ish Snake? The concept for this game is good: What is it like to be stranded behind enemy lines as a footsoldier in a time when wars are fought entirely by mechs? Too bad it squanders it by feeling terrible in the hands and being very opaque in how it presents information to the player. So we talk about how we feel we'd fare against a mech instead.</p></html>
Ep 446Abject Suffering 446: Reventure
E<html><p>Reventure is a cute little joke platformer about the many ways that quests can end. It's got a little Stanley Parable in it, along with a little Don't Shit Your Pants. It's not a bad game, and actually kinda neat, so we instead talk about Dangerous Animals shows, and Kole tortures Gary with home improvement chat.</p></html>
Ep 445Abject Suffering 445: Tweenies: Game Time
E<html><p>Listen, have fun, go mad, get buried in a Dymaxion house. That's about the order of operations in this episode about a UK-only kids game based on a property called the Tweenies. They like to have fun and dance around, and one time a genie trapped them in the jungle with dinosaurs. But is there a more sinister side?</p></html>
Ep 444Abject Suffering 444: Game Dev Tycoon
E<html><p>Why would you play a game about making games when you could make a game yourself, said the wise man, you absolute clod. Game Dev Tycoon bears a striking resemblance to Kairosoft's Game Dev Story, and they have caught plenty of heat for that, but if you're going to mimic a light management sim, there are far worse examples to crib from.</p></html>
Ep 443Abject Suffering 443: Saint Sword
E<html><p>The Genesis is home to some very weird and obscure games, and Saint Sword is one of those. We use its strange transformation powerups to launch into a prolonged conversation about the pros and cons of centaurism.</p></html>
Ep 442Abject Suffering 442: Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3
E<html><p>Is it here because it's a late entry in a beloved series that changed hands? No, it's here so we can joyously talk about the opening cutscenes. It's very hard to be mad at this game unless your favorite unit got nerfed. Then you'll hold a murderous grudge for life.</p></html>
Ep 441Abject Suffering 441: Smarties: Meltdown
E<html><p>We chose this game on the basis of a misunderstanding, because the UK doesn't know how to name candy. What we thought would be a game about those sweet, sour, chalky tablets, ended up being a game about big M&amp;Ms. Would the game based on the chalky candy have been any better? It's impossible to say, so we'll say yes. Yes, it would have been better.</p></html>
Ep 440Abject Suffering 440: Duck Game
E<html><p>We take this perfectly fine party game and play it exactly the wrong way... Alone! We also talk about hats, the problem of having a head that's too big, and the meanest thing Gary has ever done.</p></html>
Ep 439Abject Suffering 439: Vegas Stakes
E<html><p>Hop into a limo with $1,000 and your worst yuppie friends and head to Vegas in order to learn about the hidden horrors of strangers approaching you to ask for things. Also, we learn about the daring exploits of Mr. Colo$tomy, high roller extraordinaire.</p></html>
Ep 438Abject Suffering 438: Ronin
E<html><p>It's hard to know what Devolver Digital was thinking when they signed on this one. You may think the idea of a turn-based side scrolling stealth game sounds cool, and it might be, but only if it was... finished. Ronin is not.</p></html>
Ep 437Abject Suffering 437: That's So Raven: Psychic on the Scene
E<html><p>What follows is an in-depth report on what qualities someone must possess to be "so raven". This Disney Channel millennial favorite is, honestly, a conceptual 50 car pileup, and the universe it inhabits is so weird we only get a chance to scratch its surface.</p></html>
Ep 436Abject Suffering 436: Desert Bus VR
E<html><p>It's the video game version of "The Song That Never Ends", and ironically it ALSO pisses off bus drivers. A joke game created for an unreleased Penn and Teller prank game, Desert Bus has ascended from myth to meme to genuine charity hero. We talk a little about its history, then bag on how terrible road trips are.</p></html>
Ep 435Abject Suffering 435: One Must Fall 2097
E<html><p>One Must Fall 2097 is an illustration that the Console/PC gap cuts boths ways, depending on the genre. While the PC exceled at first person shooters and RPGs early on, it struggled with racing games and fighting games... though it's not like they didn't try. An early effort by Epic, this fighting game pits Dorito robots against each other, with different pilots you cannot see.</p></html>
Ep 434Abject Suffering 434: Screaming Mad George's ParanoiaScape
E<html><p>You remember this object from your childhood? Now it's covered in blood! That's the 90s industrial touch, baybee. Listen to us talk about this strange first-person pinball game and wrestle with why effort isn't inherently a bad thing, but it can certainly make things worse.</p></html>
Ep 433Abject Suffering 433: Rampage 2: Universal Tour
E<html><p>It's a clash of the titans, as we clash about whether this game about titanic animals is any fun. And that makes for an episode that, on the whole, stays on topic! At least in comparison to the other episodes of this show.</p></html>
Ep 432Abject Suffering 432: The Flintstones: The Rescue of Dino and Hoppy
E<html><p>What happens when your toilet is also a living creature who produces waste? We talk about this and more, and unsuccessfully try to not make this episode all about how old television was terrible.</p></html>
Ep 431Abject Suffering 431: Corncob 3D
E<html><p>A game with an unlikely name has an outsized legacy, weirdly turning into an engine for early 3D first person PC games. But before we hit that, we have to talk about unlikely showbiz rites of passage and a very bad brush with emesis.</p></html>
Ep 430Abject Suffering 430: Treasures of the Deep
E<html><p>Odd are you played it on a demo disk back in the day, but this PlayStation game is better and weirder than you'd expect. Also, heads up, there's a gnarly anecdote about a plumbing accident that gets about as bad as it could possibly get. If you're squeamish, you'll know when to turn things off.</p></html>
Ep 429Abject Suffering 429: Goosebumps HorrorLand
E<html><p>We can't lie and say this minigame collection is any good, but we CAN talk about how great the Goosebumps books are. And we can gush about how important kids' horror media was to us when we were young.</p></html>
Ep 428Abject Suffering 428: Forbes Corporate Warrior
E<html><p>A boring Battlezone clone's hilarious manual sets us off onto talking about business monsters again. You might not believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You might not WANT to believe that Forbes Corporate Warrior exists. You aren't ready for Forbes Corporate Warrior to exist.</p></html>
Ep 427Abject Suffering 427: Max Payne (GBA)
E<html><p>Funny enough, it was the most misguided port I could think of. Which isn't to say that the mini version of Max Payne isn't impressive in its own way... It's just frustrating to always get killed by enemies who are off-screen.</p></html>