Abject Suffering
661 episodes — Page 4 of 14
Ep 511Abject Suffering 511: Mad Donna
E<html><p>Game Introduction</p><p>Finish one labyrinth and you will be rewarded with a picture of the top half of a woman. Complete two labyrinths to be able to view the entire picture which is approximately 2.5 times larger than the screen. Move the joystick up and down to pan across the image. The game has 15 pictures and a total of 30 stages.</p></html>
Ep 510Abject Suffering 510: Poinie's Poin
E<html><p>Not a typo.</p></html>
Ep 509Abject Suffering 509: Umbrella Corps.
E<html><p>I hope nobody finds out that I eat like one or two Uncrustables a week.</p></html>
Ep 508Abject Suffering 508: Ed Edd 'n Eddy: The MisEdventures (PS2)
E<html><p>It's Edcruciating.</p></html>
Ep 507Abject Suffering 507: Muscle Giants
E<html><p>Okay, but imagine more muscles. More. MORE, DAMN YOU!</p></html>
Ep 506Abject Suffering 506: Wild 9
E<html><p>Please do not listen before listening to Wild 1-5, and 7-8. You can skip 6 and 0.</p></html>
Ep 505Abject Suffering 505: Shadow Man: 2econd Coming
E<html><p>7h1s 1s 0n3 y0u d0n'7 w4n7 70 m1ss, f0lk5.</p></html>
Ep 504Abject Suffering 504: Astyanax
E<html><p>I had to check the title five times to make sure I spelled it right. Whoever was in charge of localizing this game made some interesting naming choices.</p></html>
Ep 503Abject Suffering 503: Yerr Out!
E<html><p>Finally a game that answers the question, why do we pay professional athletes when there's a perfectly good bear right there?</p></html>
Ep 502Abject Suffering 502: Creature Shock
E<html><p>"The game was one of the first extensive CD-ROM titles and used full-motion video for both cutscene and interactive portions. It is over a gigabyte in size over two discs." --Wikipedia</p></html>
Ep 501Abject Suffering 501: BMX XXX
E<html><p>Are you ready to have a BONER while you BIKE?! Bike Boner?!</p><p>Oh, no, you're thinking of my cousin Mike Boner. He is a professional BMX rider though.</p></html>
Abject Suffering 500: The Legend of Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon
E<html><p>Big round number is big <em>AND</em> round.</p><p>To celebrate, here is a bad game on a bad system that we all know. Plus, Gary and Kole, in the same room! That hasn't happened in years!</p></html>
Ep 499Abject Suffering 499: Two Crude Dudes
E<html><p>These dudes are past bad. They're downright crude.</p><p>This is a sequel, or something, to Bad Dudes. You don't attempt to rescue the president, so what's even the point?</p></html>
Ep 498Abject Suffering 498: Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.
E<html><p>To maintain order, the Secret Games Commission (SGC) is formed to organize tournaments deciding which organization gets to control all of Neo-Amerika, leading to the creation of Biological Flying Robotic Enhanced Armored Killing Synthoids (Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.) serving as the champions for each participating organization.</p></html>
Ep 497Abject Suffering 497: Lawnmower Game: Zombie
E<html><p>Comedy Podcast: Games. With graphics by Factory of Assets.</p></html>
Ep 496Abject Suffering 496: Purple Saturn Day
E<html><p>I've never heard of this holiday before. I guess it's for celebrating mini-games?</p></html>
Ep 495Abject Suffering 495: Hell's Kitchen
E<html><p>This episode is fuckin' RAW!</p><p>If you ever wanted a weird CGI Gordon Ramsey yell at you in a lifeless void, oh man, do I have the game for you.</p></html>
Ep 494Abject Suffering 494: Heir of Zendor
E<html><p>It turns out "Zendor" is what your grand uncle called "debt".</p><p>What I'm saying is you just inherited a lot debt.</p></html>
Ep 493Abject Suffering 493: KRUM: Edge of Darkness
E<html><p>Come KRUM!</p></html>
Ep 492Abject Suffering 492: Strange Flesh
E<html><p>Wine, sodomy and the lash. Or something like that I'm assuming.</p><p>I'm not saying it <em>is</em> porn but I sure felt embarassed accidentally googling it at my day job.</p></html>
Ep 491Abject Suffering 491: Litil Divil
E<html><p>Inside of you are two wolves. One is a Litil Debil. The other, a Litil Angle. Who will you listen to?</p></html>
Ep 490Abject Suffering 490: Blob Wars: Metal Blob Solid
E<html><p>You know, it's probably about time we give freeware Linux games a shot!</p><p>Ew.</p><p>Nevermind, let's go to Chili's.</p></html>
Ep 489Abject Suffering 489: Wacky World of Miniature Golf
E<html><p>Nobody knows why, but people in the 90s thought if golf video games had comedians in them, maybe that would connect with the kids? Anyway, Eugene Levy fails to convince the boys that this golf is all that whacky.</p></html>
Ep 488Abject Suffering 488: Bionic Commando (2009)
E<html><p>Bionic Commando is one of the best games for the NES. Taking away your jump and forcing you to rely on predictable swinging physics was (and is!) a novel concept, matched by a delightful semi-serious, semi-goofy tone and exquisite level design. So you can imagine how high hopes were when a sequel was announced. Well, that was a mistake.</p></html>
Ep 487Abject Suffering 487: Tootinis
E<html><p>Tootinis is a game that feels like a student project that ended up getting a little money behind it. Very little money, mind you. So we're fully in "Please Be Cool" mode because all these people did was make a weird kids' game with baffling characters and a very funny intro. Additionally we talk about what Totino's Pizzas become when they enter your mouth, the new garage that Kole saw, and Gary's glimpse at our cold metallic future.</p></html>
Ep 486Abject Suffering 486: Magician Lord
E<html><p>Magician Lord is an okay arcade game about a transforming wizard. That's not what's important, however. What's important is that we know that 2023 will be the year of the Buff Wizard, Who May or May Not Be a Frog Man. It's imperative that we embrace and hype this early so we can make it happen.</p><p>Extremely ripped wizard. Possibly a humanoid frog. Strong as hell. Lots of lightning. Lovingly rendered buttocks and genitalia. Let's make it happen, people.</p></html>
Ep 485Abject Suffering 485: Corpse Killer
E<html><p>We've spoken on the charms and pitfalls of FMV video games before, and we're happy to report that Corpse Killer falls well on the charms side. It's a dead basic lightgun game, making Terminator 2 look like Time Crisis, but it also has ridiculously over the top acting and a bonkers story. So instead of laying into it for too long, we talk about how it's driving us crazy that someone out there is trying to make people care about Avatar.</p></html>
Ep 484Abject Suffering 484: City Connection
E<html><p>City Connection is a fun arcade maze chase that takes place in a world where everything's the same, but cars jump for some reason? So we talk about the dangers of being so competitive that you scream about Bingo, and also cap things off with a vexatious Burger King anecdote.</p></html>
Ep 483Abject Suffering 483: Kiss: Psycho Circus - The Nightmare Child
E<html><p>First off, it's podcast malpractice that we didn't make this entire episode about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWIW6Ti0PbE" target="_blank">the video for the KISS song "Psycho Circus".</a> That's on us. We weren't even that distracted by the ho-hum Lithtech shooter that is KISS colon Psycho Circus colon The Nightmare Child. We just got very wrapped up in the concept of KISS itself, which basically amounts to Insane Clown Posse for boomers. This is also part two of our inadvertent duology of "Our Carnival Isn't Like the Carnival You Grew Up With, It's a Little Dark and Twisted!" games.</p></html>
Ep 482Abject Suffering 482: Bad Day on the Midway
E<html><p>The image of a person with an eyeball for a head is very good. That's the nice thing we'll say about the Residents. But Bad Day on the Midway underlines some fundamental problems we have with them, since it's unpleasant to look at and listen to, and not to a very interesting artistic result. You poke around a demented carnival amusement park learning about mentally ill people, killers, and racists... and then it just ends, regardless of how you play. More power to you if you're down with the Residents' style, but we certainly draw the line here.</p></html>
Ep 481Abject Suffering 481: Seymour Goes to Hollywood
E<html><p>Who is Seymour, and where is he going? What does he want when he gets there? We can only answer one of these questions, but we barely care. Seymour catfished us, saying it was a game about a little potato man, only for us to learn that it's actually another horrible Dizzy game with the serial numbers filed off.</p></html>
Ep 480Abject Suffering 480: Simon the Sorcerer 2
E<html><p>Simon the Sorcerer is a rude teen who likes boobs, doesn't know what's happening around him, and never stops talking. This, his improbable second adventure, draws him back into the fantasy world because he can't stay out of containers designated for clothing. Is there zero joy to be had in a Simon the Sorcerer game? We don't know. But this one just never... stops... talking. Why should a joke ever end? It can just keep going. That's what we call value.</p></html>
Ep 479Abject Suffering 479: The Looker
E<html><p>It's time to do a mini-WOFF! about one of the funniest games we've played recently: The Looker. It's a candid and scathing parody of The Witness, taking place on a very similar island, and having you use a pen to solve placemat mazes while listening to faux-deep audio recordings. We stay on topic throughout this one and spoil quite a bit, so consider going and <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/1985690/The_Looker/" target="_blank">playing The Looker for yourself</a>. It's free and it's about 90 minutes long.</p></html>
Ep 478Abject Suffering 478: Hidden Agenda
E<html><p>This week's episode is about Hidden Agenda, a really neat DOS game that is both too serious and too good to joke much about. It's a strategy game where you run a fictional post-revolutionary Central American country, making decisions that steer its development and inevitably piss off the people around you. So instead we talk about Gary's recent solo PRGE, and give some extremely belated takes on the Silent Hill announcements. We recorded this a while ago.</p></html>
Ep 477Abject Suffering 477: Michigan: Report from Hell
E<html><p>It's a shame when a great idea is wasted on a terrible execution. That's what happened with Michigan: Report from Hell. You play as a television camera man who is out with a team covering mysterious and violent incidents in Chicago as a strange fog rolls in. You shape the events through what you choose to film. Great idea, right? Too nothing about it holds together, leaving us with a clunky and awkward PS2 survival horror game that should have been great.</p></html>
Ep 476Abject Suffering 476: Muppet Monster Adventure
E<html><p>If I was a kid and I got a Muppet game where I couldn't play as Kermit, I'd be pissed. That's the world that Muppet Monster Adventure forces on us, one where people know who Robin the Frog is. The good Muppets have been kidnapped by an evil monster, and it's up to Robin to rescue them, maybe? This is a bog standard licensed platformer, and it's not especially terrible as those go.</p></html>
Ep 475Abject Suffering 475: Clive Barker's Nightbreed
E<html><p>Clive Barker's most famous forray into video games is 2001's Undying, but that wasn't his first attempt. Before that, we learned all about the Nightbreed. It's unclear what a Nightbreed is, how you become one, or what they even do, but this Interactive Movie adventure game does its best to get you up to speed, terrible checkpointing and all.</p></html>
Ep 474Abject Suffering 474: Dan Dolme
E<html><p>Listen, it's not great when the way you earn points in a game is to find a lady and have vigorous sex with her before she disappears. That's what happens in Dan Dolme, a game about a man with a large penis whose girlfriend goes missing and he must find her and engage with her sexually. But the whole presentation is so surreal that it's hard to condemn it too much, at least from our point of view.</p><p>If you want to argue that, we're fine, but please understand that this is a game where in order to proceed you must learn how to double jump off of your own piss.</p></html>
Ep 473Abject Suffering 473: Razor Freestyle Scooter
E<html><p>You had to be around in the early '00s to know exactly how hard Razor scooters were being pushed on us. These were collapsable metal scooters meant for radical teens to ride to class. And they made a game about them, a not entirely terrible Tony Hawk clone. So we spend some time talking about the gimmick shoes that were foisted on us as kids.</p></html>
Ep 472Abject Suffering 472: Cookie Clicker
E<html><p>People love incremental and idle games. Kole's ambivalent. Gary hates them. Somehow this turned into an extremely on-topic mini-WOFF! about the genre at large, with Cookie Clicker as the starting off point. Welcome to Hell!</p></html>
Ep 471Abject Suffering 471: Flushed Away
E<html><p>Say what you will about stop motion animation, there's an undeniable degree of difficulty associated with it that makes it a little more impressive than CGI emulating the clay sculpture style. This is the core hubris of the "Wallace and Gromit " people hooking up with Dreamworks to make "Flushed Away", a story about a posh surface rat getting flushed down the toilet to fight a frog king. And then they made a game about it. And then we mostly talked about Jackass, and a bizarre YouTube channel called <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX3tM-sW2NpWvy-xpmicGRA/featured" target="_blank">"Max TV"</a>.</p></html>
Ep 470Abject Suffering 470: An American Tail
E<html><p>Better late than never, right? Even if it's 21 years too late. 1986 saw the release of "An American Tail", a Don Bluth-animated film about a family of mice that fled Russia to head to America... 1986 being, of course, one of the last times that an optimistic story about immigration could be told in America. Then, in 2007, some weirdos decided to make a licensed game about it. One that even manages to make Monkey Ball mechanics un-fun!</p></html>
Ep 469Abject Suffering 469: Mugsy's Revenge
E<html><p>Nyah, see? Myah. That's mobster talk, because we're talking about a pair of ZX Spectrum games which concern themselves with various illegal dealings in 1919. The roaring teens! Establish protection rackets, run hooch, pinch nanners, flip gatorboys, if it's illegal you can do it all. As long as it fits within the "Lemonade Stand" format.</p></html>
Ep 468Abject Suffering 468: Rise of the Dragon
E<html><p>Rise of the Dragon is a perfectly serviceable first person adventure game, held back by some misguided action sequences and a predictable plot. Cyber drugs? You're kidding me! So once we dispense with the formalities, Gary regales us with a tale of his return to the All-American Magic Show. Sometimes you CAN step in the same river twice.</p></html>
Ep 467Abject Suffering 467: Major Leauge Eating: The Game
E<html><p>WiiWare is an untapped market for us, and Gary brought in a doozie: a game about eating a lot in a very short amount of time. And you know what? It's not that terrible. It would at least have kept us entertained for a night in our dirtbag early twenties. So listen in and hear us talk about competitive eating, and learn a little more about Gary's horrible childhood.</p></html>
Ep 466Abject Suffering 466: Dragonfable
E<html><p>Dragonfable is the long-forgotten followup to Adventure Quest, and somehow it still runs, and somehow you can still play it. Cribbing heavily from the hyper self-aware diction of webcomics in the mid-2000s, this is a repetitive, grindy RPG that's perfectly at home on this show.</p></html>
Ep 465Abject Suffering 465: The Adventures of Gilligan's Island
E<html><p>Gilligan's Island is a hell named after its devil. The incompetent first mate of the S.S. Minnow bumbles about with an efficiency that cannot be accidental, ensuring that the island's flawed inhabitants will never again see another shore. Gilligan's Island is also a corny 60s television show which, for some reason, got an NES game made of it in 1990. It contains multitudes.</p></html>
Ep 464Abject Suffering 464: Galerians: Ash
E<html><p>Galerians for the PlayStation is a flawed but interesting survival horror game, existing today primarily for people who are passionate about that era of the genre. Galerians: Ash is beloved by none. Picking up right at the end of the original game, Ash follows the continuing adventures of Rion through the world of Basically Akira, trying to stop synthetic humans from destroying the world. But they made it an action game and they shouldn't have done that.</p></html>
Ep 463Abject Suffering 463: Feel the Magic: XY XX
E<html><p>Will Hughes joins Kole once again to talk about the DS launch game "Feel the Magic: XY XX", which is best described as "horny Warioware". We end up talking about the game quite a bit, though Will does frequently bully Kole the whole time. There's nothing to be done about it.</p><p>Special Guest: Will Hughes.</p></html>
Ep 462Abject Suffering 462: Zoop
E<html><p>Gary went and caught Covid, so this week Kole is joined by the AV Club's Will Hughes to talk about Zoop, the shallow puzzle game that magazines in the 90s put a lot of effort into getting people to buy. And since Gary isn't here, we kind of go hog wild on talking about things that would otherwise send him into the stratosphere.</p></html>