Abject Suffering
676 episodes — Page 4 of 14
Ep 526Abject Suffering 526: Mega Man Battle Network 6
E<html><p>There are so many Mega Men Battles Network that you don't even know which one this is.</p></html>
Ep 525Abject Suffering 525: SimAnt
E<html><p>Be ant. Live ant. Laugh ant. Love ant.</p></html>
Ep 524Abject Suffering 524: Big Sky Trooper
E<html><p>Even though we did an episode about this game, we're still unsure if it actually exists.</p></html>
Ep 523Abject Suffering 523: Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
E<html><p>Alvin and the Chipmunks are back. Again. This is a threat.</p></html>
Ep 522Abject Suffering 522: Mischief Makers
E<html><p>People love this game. We don't! Whoops!</p></html>
Ep 521Abject Suffering 521: Napoleon Dynamite: The Game
E<html><p>It's like your favorite anti-comedy movie. But it's a fake game!</p></html>
Ep 520Abject Suffering 520: Musya
E<html><p>Boring early horror gaming, but hey it's still horror, so respect.</p></html>
Ep 519Abject Suffering 519: Growl
E<html><p>An 80s action movie themed beat em video game. No, you don't play as animals.</p></html>
Ep 518Abject Suffering 518: Disaster Report 4: Summer Memories
E<html><p>Wow, living through a disaster would suck. Let's make a comedy game out of it.</p></html>
Ep 517Abject Suffering 517: Outlaw Golf
E<html><p>This is actually really tame. What law did they break exactly?</p></html>
Ep 516Abject Suffering 516: King’s Quest 8: The Mask of Eternity
E<html><p>A sequel made for literally nobody, in an attempt to make a game for everybody.</p></html>
Ep 515Abject Suffering 515: Van Helsing
E<html><p>Van Helsing is actually the doctor. The character is Van Helsing's monster.</p></html>
Ep 514Abject Suffering 514: Shadow Blasters
E<html><p>I'm pretty sure I ate Shadow Blasters on Saturday mornings as a kid</p></html>
Ep 513Abject Suffering 513: RLH: Run Like Hell
E<html><p>Personally, I'm not really sure how, exactly, Hell runs.</p></html>
Ep 512Abject Suffering 512: Monkey Magic
E<html><p>Despite it's original and unique title, you have heard the story of this game before.</p></html>
Ep 511Abject Suffering 511: Mad Donna
E<html><p>Game Introduction</p><p>Finish one labyrinth and you will be rewarded with a picture of the top half of a woman. Complete two labyrinths to be able to view the entire picture which is approximately 2.5 times larger than the screen. Move the joystick up and down to pan across the image. The game has 15 pictures and a total of 30 stages.</p></html>
Ep 510Abject Suffering 510: Poinie's Poin
E<html><p>Not a typo.</p></html>
Ep 509Abject Suffering 509: Umbrella Corps.
E<html><p>I hope nobody finds out that I eat like one or two Uncrustables a week.</p></html>
Ep 508Abject Suffering 508: Ed Edd 'n Eddy: The MisEdventures (PS2)
E<html><p>It's Edcruciating.</p></html>
Ep 507Abject Suffering 507: Muscle Giants
E<html><p>Okay, but imagine more muscles. More. MORE, DAMN YOU!</p></html>
Ep 506Abject Suffering 506: Wild 9
E<html><p>Please do not listen before listening to Wild 1-5, and 7-8. You can skip 6 and 0.</p></html>
Ep 505Abject Suffering 505: Shadow Man: 2econd Coming
E<html><p>7h1s 1s 0n3 y0u d0n'7 w4n7 70 m1ss, f0lk5.</p></html>
Ep 504Abject Suffering 504: Astyanax
E<html><p>I had to check the title five times to make sure I spelled it right. Whoever was in charge of localizing this game made some interesting naming choices.</p></html>
Ep 503Abject Suffering 503: Yerr Out!
E<html><p>Finally a game that answers the question, why do we pay professional athletes when there's a perfectly good bear right there?</p></html>
Ep 502Abject Suffering 502: Creature Shock
E<html><p>"The game was one of the first extensive CD-ROM titles and used full-motion video for both cutscene and interactive portions. It is over a gigabyte in size over two discs." --Wikipedia</p></html>
Ep 501Abject Suffering 501: BMX XXX
E<html><p>Are you ready to have a BONER while you BIKE?! Bike Boner?!</p><p>Oh, no, you're thinking of my cousin Mike Boner. He is a professional BMX rider though.</p></html>
Abject Suffering 500: The Legend of Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon
E<html><p>Big round number is big <em>AND</em> round.</p><p>To celebrate, here is a bad game on a bad system that we all know. Plus, Gary and Kole, in the same room! That hasn't happened in years!</p></html>
Ep 499Abject Suffering 499: Two Crude Dudes
E<html><p>These dudes are past bad. They're downright crude.</p><p>This is a sequel, or something, to Bad Dudes. You don't attempt to rescue the president, so what's even the point?</p></html>
Ep 498Abject Suffering 498: Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.
E<html><p>To maintain order, the Secret Games Commission (SGC) is formed to organize tournaments deciding which organization gets to control all of Neo-Amerika, leading to the creation of Biological Flying Robotic Enhanced Armored Killing Synthoids (Bio F.R.E.A.K.S.) serving as the champions for each participating organization.</p></html>
Ep 497Abject Suffering 497: Lawnmower Game: Zombie
E<html><p>Comedy Podcast: Games. With graphics by Factory of Assets.</p></html>
Ep 496Abject Suffering 496: Purple Saturn Day
E<html><p>I've never heard of this holiday before. I guess it's for celebrating mini-games?</p></html>
Ep 495Abject Suffering 495: Hell's Kitchen
E<html><p>This episode is fuckin' RAW!</p><p>If you ever wanted a weird CGI Gordon Ramsey yell at you in a lifeless void, oh man, do I have the game for you.</p></html>
Ep 494Abject Suffering 494: Heir of Zendor
E<html><p>It turns out "Zendor" is what your grand uncle called "debt".</p><p>What I'm saying is you just inherited a lot debt.</p></html>
Ep 493Abject Suffering 493: KRUM: Edge of Darkness
E<html><p>Come KRUM!</p></html>
Ep 492Abject Suffering 492: Strange Flesh
E<html><p>Wine, sodomy and the lash. Or something like that I'm assuming.</p><p>I'm not saying it <em>is</em> porn but I sure felt embarassed accidentally googling it at my day job.</p></html>
Ep 491Abject Suffering 491: Litil Divil
E<html><p>Inside of you are two wolves. One is a Litil Debil. The other, a Litil Angle. Who will you listen to?</p></html>
Ep 490Abject Suffering 490: Blob Wars: Metal Blob Solid
E<html><p>You know, it's probably about time we give freeware Linux games a shot!</p><p>Ew.</p><p>Nevermind, let's go to Chili's.</p></html>
Ep 489Abject Suffering 489: Wacky World of Miniature Golf
E<html><p>Nobody knows why, but people in the 90s thought if golf video games had comedians in them, maybe that would connect with the kids? Anyway, Eugene Levy fails to convince the boys that this golf is all that whacky.</p></html>
Ep 488Abject Suffering 488: Bionic Commando (2009)
E<html><p>Bionic Commando is one of the best games for the NES. Taking away your jump and forcing you to rely on predictable swinging physics was (and is!) a novel concept, matched by a delightful semi-serious, semi-goofy tone and exquisite level design. So you can imagine how high hopes were when a sequel was announced. Well, that was a mistake.</p></html>
Ep 487Abject Suffering 487: Tootinis
E<html><p>Tootinis is a game that feels like a student project that ended up getting a little money behind it. Very little money, mind you. So we're fully in "Please Be Cool" mode because all these people did was make a weird kids' game with baffling characters and a very funny intro. Additionally we talk about what Totino's Pizzas become when they enter your mouth, the new garage that Kole saw, and Gary's glimpse at our cold metallic future.</p></html>
Ep 486Abject Suffering 486: Magician Lord
E<html><p>Magician Lord is an okay arcade game about a transforming wizard. That's not what's important, however. What's important is that we know that 2023 will be the year of the Buff Wizard, Who May or May Not Be a Frog Man. It's imperative that we embrace and hype this early so we can make it happen.</p><p>Extremely ripped wizard. Possibly a humanoid frog. Strong as hell. Lots of lightning. Lovingly rendered buttocks and genitalia. Let's make it happen, people.</p></html>
Ep 485Abject Suffering 485: Corpse Killer
E<html><p>We've spoken on the charms and pitfalls of FMV video games before, and we're happy to report that Corpse Killer falls well on the charms side. It's a dead basic lightgun game, making Terminator 2 look like Time Crisis, but it also has ridiculously over the top acting and a bonkers story. So instead of laying into it for too long, we talk about how it's driving us crazy that someone out there is trying to make people care about Avatar.</p></html>
Ep 484Abject Suffering 484: City Connection
E<html><p>City Connection is a fun arcade maze chase that takes place in a world where everything's the same, but cars jump for some reason? So we talk about the dangers of being so competitive that you scream about Bingo, and also cap things off with a vexatious Burger King anecdote.</p></html>
Ep 483Abject Suffering 483: Kiss: Psycho Circus - The Nightmare Child
E<html><p>First off, it's podcast malpractice that we didn't make this entire episode about <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWIW6Ti0PbE" target="_blank">the video for the KISS song "Psycho Circus".</a> That's on us. We weren't even that distracted by the ho-hum Lithtech shooter that is KISS colon Psycho Circus colon The Nightmare Child. We just got very wrapped up in the concept of KISS itself, which basically amounts to Insane Clown Posse for boomers. This is also part two of our inadvertent duology of "Our Carnival Isn't Like the Carnival You Grew Up With, It's a Little Dark and Twisted!" games.</p></html>
Ep 482Abject Suffering 482: Bad Day on the Midway
E<html><p>The image of a person with an eyeball for a head is very good. That's the nice thing we'll say about the Residents. But Bad Day on the Midway underlines some fundamental problems we have with them, since it's unpleasant to look at and listen to, and not to a very interesting artistic result. You poke around a demented carnival amusement park learning about mentally ill people, killers, and racists... and then it just ends, regardless of how you play. More power to you if you're down with the Residents' style, but we certainly draw the line here.</p></html>
Ep 481Abject Suffering 481: Seymour Goes to Hollywood
E<html><p>Who is Seymour, and where is he going? What does he want when he gets there? We can only answer one of these questions, but we barely care. Seymour catfished us, saying it was a game about a little potato man, only for us to learn that it's actually another horrible Dizzy game with the serial numbers filed off.</p></html>
Ep 480Abject Suffering 480: Simon the Sorcerer 2
E<html><p>Simon the Sorcerer is a rude teen who likes boobs, doesn't know what's happening around him, and never stops talking. This, his improbable second adventure, draws him back into the fantasy world because he can't stay out of containers designated for clothing. Is there zero joy to be had in a Simon the Sorcerer game? We don't know. But this one just never... stops... talking. Why should a joke ever end? It can just keep going. That's what we call value.</p></html>
Ep 479Abject Suffering 479: The Looker
E<html><p>It's time to do a mini-WOFF! about one of the funniest games we've played recently: The Looker. It's a candid and scathing parody of The Witness, taking place on a very similar island, and having you use a pen to solve placemat mazes while listening to faux-deep audio recordings. We stay on topic throughout this one and spoil quite a bit, so consider going and <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/1985690/The_Looker/" target="_blank">playing The Looker for yourself</a>. It's free and it's about 90 minutes long.</p></html>
Ep 478Abject Suffering 478: Hidden Agenda
E<html><p>This week's episode is about Hidden Agenda, a really neat DOS game that is both too serious and too good to joke much about. It's a strategy game where you run a fictional post-revolutionary Central American country, making decisions that steer its development and inevitably piss off the people around you. So instead we talk about Gary's recent solo PRGE, and give some extremely belated takes on the Silent Hill announcements. We recorded this a while ago.</p></html>
Ep 477Abject Suffering 477: Michigan: Report from Hell
E<html><p>It's a shame when a great idea is wasted on a terrible execution. That's what happened with Michigan: Report from Hell. You play as a television camera man who is out with a team covering mysterious and violent incidents in Chicago as a strange fog rolls in. You shape the events through what you choose to film. Great idea, right? Too nothing about it holds together, leaving us with a clunky and awkward PS2 survival horror game that should have been great.</p></html>