Your Anxiety Toolkit - Practical Skills for Anxiety, Panic & Depression

SUMMARY: Today, I wanted to dedicate an entire episode to the five things that I learned in 2021. I have found 2021 to be one of the harder years, but probably the most transformational for me, and that is one of the things I'll talk about here very, very soon. The 5 Things I learned this Year: Recovery goes smoother when you slow down and act intentionally Life is not supposed to be easy It is my responsibility to manage my mind Catch your thought errors I am not for everyone Links To Things I Talk About: Changed our name on Instagram Lots of exciting information on cbtschool.com ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 216. Hello, my friends. Happy 2022! Oh my goodness, it is crazy to say that. I'm excited for 2022, to be honest. I've had enough with 2021, I'm not going to lie. And I'm guessing that you are in the same boat. I'm grateful for 2021. Absolutely, I'm not going to lie, but I'm really happy to be here in 2022. Today, I wanted to dedicate an entire episode to the things that I learned in 2021. I have found 2021 to be one of the harder years, but probably the most transformational for me, and that is one of the things I'll talk about here very, very soon. Before we do that, you may notice that the show looks a little different. We have new podcast cover art. If you follow me on Instagram, there's a ton of different visual and aesthetic changes there as well, as well as that we have changed the name to Your Anxiety Toolkit instead of being Kimberley Quinlan. I will explain a little bit about why I've made these changes here in a very little moment. Before we get into the good stuff of the show, the bulk of the show, I want to give you the very best stuff, which is the "I did a hard thing" segment. So here we go. For those of you who are new, every week, people submit their "I did a hard thing" and we talk about it, and we share it and we celebrate the big and the small and the medium wins. This one is from Kboil, and it says: "I went to work for the first time in five weeks after a horrendous meltdown where I wanted to take my own life. I am still struggling daily with my anxiety and panic attacks, but I am doing it. XO." This is the work, you guys, that may be triggering for some people. But the truth is we have to talk about how impactful our mental illnesses can be and how important mental health is, because if we don't take out care of our mental health, it can get to the place where people are feeling suicidal. Let me also reframe that. Sometimes we get to those really difficult places and dark places. Not because you're not taking care of yourself, but for multiple reasons, daily stresses, genetics, medical struggles, grief, trauma, high levels of anxiety. Kboil is really bringing the most important piece of mental health discussions, which is, when we're really, really struggling, number one, it's important to celebrate your wins, and number two, nothing is off-limits. We must be willing to talk about these really difficult topics. Thank you, Kboil. I am just so honored that you shared this and so excited that you're taking baby steps, and I really wish you well. I know it says you're still struggling, so I'm sending you every single ounce of my compassion and love to you. Ugh, it's so good. My heart just swells for you all when you write in those "I did a hard thing's." Okay. Let's go over to the five things I learned in 2021. The first one is probably the most important, and it does explain why I've made certain changes in the way that I run my business, the way that I show up on social media and here on the podcast, and why I really want to make some changes in 2022. Be very intentional. First of all, this is proof that people can change their mind. It's okay to change your mind. Actually, that's probably the sixth thing I learned. Number one is, it's okay to change your mind. But really the number one was, it's important to act intentional. I did a whole episode on whacking things together, how it's okay to whack things together. I did that because I found myself becoming very perfectionistic. I am still a massive fan of the whack-it-together model, which is ultimately to practice not being perfect and just getting things done. But what I think I did is I went a little too far in the whack-it-together model and I wasn't being as intentional. I was doing too m

In This Episode: How to identify what your role is in a relationship How to manage a mental illness and set boundaries How boundaries are needed when you are in recovery How to set boundaries with a loved one during the holiday season. Links To Things I Talk About: ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 215. Welcome back, everybody. It is the final episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit for the year 2021. I will not be putting out a podcast next week because it falls right on the holidays, and I really wanted to make sure I give you all time to be with your family instead of listening to my voice. If you are in the holiday season and you want to listen to my voice, there are so many, in fact, there are 214 episodes. You can go back and listen to. I just want to be with my family, and I want you to be with the people you love. Speaking of people you love, today we're talking about setting boundaries with loved ones or managing our relationship during the holidays. However, I did a whole episode about this last week. You can go back. It's episode 214, where we talk about holiday anxiety. We did discuss some of this there as well. So, you can go back and listen there. But for right now, I want us to talk about managing relationships, specifically during the holidays, but this episode can be applied to any old day of the week. Now, before we get started, we always do the "I did a hard thing." This one is from Rachel. We do an "I did a hard thing" to motivate you, to remind you that there are more people out there going through what you're going through. You're not alone. Rachel shared with us today: "I have somatic OCD." For those of you who don't know what that means, it means that you have OCD about specific sensations that show up in your body. You sometimes feel like you can't stop noticing them or you're afraid you will never stop noticing them. Sometimes you're afraid that the feeling will never go away and it can feel really disorienting. So, Rachel says: "I have somatic OCD, and I always need to distract myself not to notice them. I've been able to drive without the radio or calling anyone and it feels so good." Rachel, this is so good. You're doing what we talk about in ERP School. ERP School is our online course that teaches how to expose ourselves to fears, specifically obsessions for people with OCD, health anxiety, and these types of OCD, like somatic OCD, on how to practice facing our fear. In this case, it was her driving, that without using safety behavior or compulsions. So, in this case, the compulsion would be to have the radio on or calling someone to distract her on her somatic obsession or her sensation. So, Rachel, amazing job, you're doing the work. You're doing the exposure and the response prevention. One thing I want to mention to everybody, if you have OCD or an anxiety disorder, is we must do both. We must face our fears and not do the safety behaviors to reduce or remove that discomfort that we feel when we face our fear. So, you've explained this perfectly. Congratulations. I am so proud of you. Love getting the "I did a hard thing's" from you guys. And so, just so thrilled to get that message from you. All right, let's go over to the episode. It's the holidays. You're anticipating the gifts and the food and the time and the travel and all the things, but what's worse than that is anticipation of the interactions that you're going to have with certain family members. Now, if you're listening to this and it's not the holidays, it's the same. You're anticipating going to work, but you're dreading the interactions. You're dreading how messy things get. You're going to school, and you're dreading how messy things get with the people you have in your life – your students, your classmates, your teacher, your friends, whoever it may be. I want you to think about your responsibilities. And I talk a lot with my patients and clients about responsibility because it's a really important part of recovery. When we think about the holidays, we think about a certain event that's coming up. I'll often explain to my patients that really all you need to do is you need to focus on your lane. So, I've talked about this before on the podcast, but I want you to imagine you're driving on the highway, you're in your car, and the only thing you're responsible for is to not run into o

SUMMARY: I had so many people asking questions about how to manage holiday anxiety and stress that I decided to do an entire podcast on this. This is part 1 of a 2-part podcast Q&A. In This Episode: Q&A from this episode include How do I enjoy the holidays? How do I let go of the last Christmas? How do I survive the Holiday blues? How do I survive the holidays? How do I manage social anxiety over the holidays? How do I manage holiday travel anxiety? How to manage the financial stress of the holidays? Mental Health Holiday gift guide? How do I let go of my holiday expectations? Links To Things I Talk About: ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 214. Welcome back, everybody. We are approaching the holiday season. In fact, some of you may already be in the holiday season. And if that is so, I wish you nothing but joy and peace and fulfillment. I really do. I hope you have moments of elated joy. Now, while that is my wish and my intention for you, I also know that the holidays can be pretty dang hard. It is anxiety-provoking for the best of people, let alone if you're already struggling with a mental illness or an anxiety disorder, or you're struggling with anything really. It can be so incredibly difficult. So, what I wanted to do is answer some of your questions. So, what I did is I went on to Instagram and I asked my community: What are your questions? What do you need help with over the holidays? And they've given me a bunch of things to talk about, and I'm going to go through each and every one of them. Now, this is actually a two-part podcast. This week I'm answering general questions about managing anxiety throughout the holiday season, or just general stresses. And next week, we're talking about setting boundaries during the holidays with family and loved ones. Setting boundaries. However, the truth is we don't even need to make this specific to the holidays. This is for everybody at any time. So, if you're listening to this and it's not the holidays, it'd be probably helpful to listen to it at any point in time. Before we do that, I wanted to share with you the "I did a hard thing." The "I did a hard thing" segment is where people write in and they share what hard things that they have been doing. This is a really important part of the podcast. If you're new, or if you're being with us for a while, I really want to stress the purpose of this podcast is to inspire you, is to help you feel like you're on the right track, that you're not alarmed, that people are doing the hard thing and I want you to know how they're doing the hard thing. So, I'm going to share, this one is from Marilee and she says: "I'm facing the fear right now. We moved two weeks ago. Today when I was getting dressed and picked up my socks that were laying on the floor in the living room, a silverfish crawled out from where it was laying. I hate them. It's probably a phobia. I compulsively checked and cleaned in the previous place to get rid of them. I feel them all over my body." As you're listening folks, you're probably feeling a little itchy and scratchy, I'm sure. "I imagine them everywhere and anywhere. My hard thing is to feel these feelings. I'm going to give myself permission to feel anxious and freak out about it, to do the reasonable thing and buy lavender scented sachets and place around the house, to not compulsively clean and check to find them. I'm doing it right now. It is hard, but I'm not going to let this fear dictate how I live in my home." Marilee, you're literally walking the walk. This is so good. I love what you said. "I'm going to allow myself to feel the feelings. I'm going to give myself permission to feel anxious." You're doing the hard work, and that is the hard work. Even when I'm meeting with face-to-face clients, they often will say like, "But what do I do?" And this is exactly what you do. Somebody who's doing it in real-time. So, yay. Congratulations, Marilee. You are doing the hard thing. Let's get over to the questions. We've got a ton of them. So, let's go through one by one. I'm going to do my best to address each and every one, but I'm guessing each of these could probably have an episode of their own. So, I'll do my best to manage time here. 1. How do I enjoy the moment? Some of my thoughts may get somewhat repetitive, but that's on purpose. So, here is what I'm go

SUMMARY: Today we have Natasha Daniels, an OCD specialist, talking all about how to help children and teens with OCD and phobias. In this conversation, we talk all about how to motivate our children and teens to manage their OCD, phobias, and anxiety using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and other treatments such as self-compassion, mindfulness, and ACT. We also address what OCD treatment for children entails and what changes need to be made in OCD treatment for teens. In this episode, Natasha and Kimberley share their experiences of parenting children with phobias and OCD. In This Episode: The difference between the treatment of OCD and phobias for children What OCD therapy for kids looks like compared to OCD therapy for adults How to practice exposure and response prevention for kids and teens How to motivate teens and kids to face their fears (using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Special tricks and tools to help parents support their children with OCD and phobias. Links To Things I Talk About: Natasha's Parenting Survival Online Program www.ATparentingsurvivalschool.com Natasha's instagram @atparentingsurvival ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 213. Welcome back everybody. Oh, so happy to be here. How are you? How are you doing? I've been thinking about you all so much lately, reflecting a lot after Thanksgiving, being so grateful for you and this community and for your support. So, thank you, thank you, thank you. I am super thrilled to have the amazing Natasha Daniels on. Natasha is an OCD specialist. She is an amazing therapist who is skilled at treating children with OCD and phobias. She does an incredible, incredible job. So please do check the show notes to learn more about Natasha. But today, she came on to talk about managing anxiety in the kiddos. We don't talk enough about managing anxiety with the kiddos. And the cool thing for me was, it was so synchronistic because the day that she recorded and came on, we were prepping in my family from my daughter to do a really, really, really hard thing. So, I needed to hear what she had to say. Even though I knew a lot and I'd been trained a lot on it, I just needed to hear it as a parent. And if you are a parent of someone who has anxiety, you will just love, love, love this episode. So many amazing tips and tools and skills and concepts. I just cannot tell you how grateful I am to have Natasha come on and talk about these things with us today. Before we go over to that episode, I first want to do the "I did a hard thing segment." The first one is from Becks, and Becks is saying: "I have been so anxious that I've been carrying COVID without knowing who I'm infecting." Now I think this is true for a lot of us, myself included. So I think we can all resonate with this story. Becks went on to say, "Recently, I have been doing five to ten lateral flow COVID tests every day to check before leaving the house. I had run out of tests and had planned to eat with a friend with her three-month-old baby. I was so anxious before leaving the house and considered canceling to avoid the doubt of passing COVID unknowingly. But I gave my fear of talking to." I just love that you did that. "I didn't want to get fear to win this time. I wanted to see my friend and her beautiful new baby. I shared my fear with my friend, and without asking for reassurance, I spent the loveliest day with them. I have been ruminating a little since, but I keep reminding myself to return to my values and not let fear win." Becks, amazing work. It sounds like you're waiting through some difficult fear and you totally let values win. So, that makes me so, so happy. Great job. I am so in love with you guys when you share your hard thing with us. ***** Okay, let's go over to the episode. Well, thank you again, Natasha, for being on. Before we finish this episode, I wanted to also make sure we highlighted the review of the week. I so appreciate your reviews. This one is from Paulie Bill and they said: "So helpful. I can't describe in words how much this podcast has helped me. Kimberley is so open and accepting even via headphones." I love that. "She has sent me on the path to recovery in my anxieties. I look forward to do the work." Thank you so much. I do love your reviews. We are on a mission to get a thousand reviews. I

SUMMARY: In today's podcast, we take a deep dive into a common question I get from followers and CBTschool.com members. HOW MUCH ERP SHOULD I BE DOING DAILY? Because ERP is such an important part of OCD treatment and OCD therapy, I wanted to outline how you might set up an ERP plan for yourself and how that can help you with your OCD treatment. In This Episode: What is ERP (exposure and response prevention)? What an Exposure and Response Prevention plan looks like. How to determine how much ERP you should do each day Why it is important to practice ERP for OCD, health anxiety, and other anxiety disorders. How to taper off doing ERP once your obsessions and compulsions have reduced. How to practice self-compassion during ERP Links To Things I Talk About: ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Kimberley's ERP Book: The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD CBTschool.com Episode Sponsor This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit – Episode 212. Welcome. I am so thrilled today to talk to you about a question I get asked all the time, which is, how long should I be doing exposure and response prevention per day? So we are going to go all the way through that here in just a sec. But before we do that, we always start the show with our "I did a hard thing." Now, each week people submit their "I did a hard thing" and we share it because we want to spread the word on all of the hard things that people are doing to inspire you, to help you realize you're not alone and to help give you that little bit of motivation to face your fears as well. Now, what we usually do after that is we do the review of the week as well, which is where people leave a review on iTunes for this podcast, Your Anxiety Toolkit. But today, somebody left a review that was also the "I did a hard thing." So I thought, no better opportunity than to do both at once. This is from Jayjenpeezy, and they said: "Right on time! I cannot even begin to say how helpful this podcast is and I have incorporated into parts of my daily meditations and/or listen to it on my walks. A few weeks ago I was admitted to the ER and kept overnight for an observation and what the doctors originally thought was tachycardia turned out to be a panic attack which I had never experienced to that degree before. I spent the next few weeks even more anxious at the thought that it would happen again and thought I'd lost my mind and began taking antidepressants as a quick solve which now I know is not the solution I truly needed. (Mind you, I am speaking only for myself and understand that not everyone is able to be off their prescription meds.)" I love that you included that. "After doing some research I learned about this podcast and ERP and am starting to feel much better about a lot of things. I've also changed my diet to be more alkaline, incorporated daily meditation, gratitude journaling and have been able to finally leave my house to take daily walks. The journey is different for everyone but as she continuously reminds me that "it's a beautiful day to do hard things" and that panic attacks are not actually attacking you it's your adrenaline rushing through you and in time comes to pass when you are able to meet it eye to eye. I also learned to look at it as willful tolerance," we have a whole episode on that "and it is not so scary anymore. I am taking it one day at a time and am mindful of being present as possible. Ending up in the emergency room while my children were left at home at night was enough for me to take any and all necessary steps to not allow my anxiety control me. Sending love to all and may the force be with you." I love that. Let's just say that is the perfect marry between "I did a hard thing" and a review. So thank you so much to our reviewer, Jayjenpeezy. I am in such admiration of you. So let's get over to the show. Today, we are talking specifically about how long or how frequent your ERP should be. Now, when I say "should," I'm going to disclose here, it's different for everybody, but I'm going to tell you just briefly what I would tell any of my clients. And then from there, you get to go and decide what is right for you. Okay? So, let's go over to that topic. When someone asks me how long or how frequent and what duration I should do for an exposure, I almost always tell them the same thing. In ERP School, the online course for OCD, and in my new book, The Self-Compassion Workbook For OCD, I

In this week's podcast episode, we have the amazing Shala Nicely, author of Is Fred in the refrigerator? and Everyday Mindfulness for OCD. In this episode, we talked about people-pleasing and how people-pleasing comes from a place of shame, anxiety, and fear of judgment from others. Kimberley and Shala share their own experiences with people-pleasing and how it created more shame, more anxiety, and more distress. In This Episode: The definition of people-pleasing How it is common for people who have OCD and Anxiety disorders. How people-pleasing impacts people's self-esteem and their wellbeing. How people-pleasing anxiety keeps us stuck. How to manage people-pleasing in daily life. How self-compassion can help to manage people-pleasing. Links To Things I Talk About: Shala's Website shalanicely.com Shala's Book "Is Fred In the Refrigerator?" ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). Episode Transcription This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 211. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, everybody. This is an episode I am so excited to share with you. Maybe actually "excited" isn't the word. I feel that this is such an important conversation. Today we have my amazing friend and someone I look up to and I consider a mentor, the amazing Shala Nicely. She's been on the podcast before. Everybody loves her, as do I. And interestingly that I say that because today we are talking about people-pleasing—the act of getting people to like you. Shala is very easy to love, but we are talking about how invasive people-pleasing can become, how problematic it can become, our own personal experience with people-pleasing, and what we have done and are continuing to do to manage people-pleasing behaviors. It is such a wonderful, deep, comprehensive conversation, so I cannot wait to share that with you in just a few minutes. Before we do that, I would like to first, of course, share with you the "I did a hard thing" for the week. This is from Jack, and I'm so excited because Jack said: "I haven't been able to drive on the highway since I had a severe panic attack a couple of months ago. I have felt trapped and it has put a strain on my life. I recently drove on the highway for an hour by myself. I felt anxious during it, but I was able to calm myself down. It was a huge step for me." Amazing work, Jack. This is such a hard thing and you totally did it. This is so inspiring. You got through it. You actually stand your fear right in the face. So cool. Just proof that it is always a beautiful day to do hard things. Let's move over to the review of the week. This is from YFWWFH, and this review said: "Life-changing in a meaningful way. I found Kimberley's podcast through another psychology podcast I've been listening to where she was a guest. I started listening to hers and was so happy. I found it. The insight this podcast offers and the expertise she shares are incredible and truly make a difference in the way you think about things and feel when struggling with some of the topics talked about. I truly love this podcast and the effect that it has." Yay, that brings me such joy. Thank you so much for sharing that review. You can leave your reviews on iTunes. Please go over to iTunes to leave a review. The more reviews you leave, the more people we can reach, which means the more people I can help with this free resource. That being said, let's move over to the show, such an important interview. I am so excited and I'm so curious to see what comes up for you as you listen. I hope it's helpful. I hope it gives you food for thought. I hope it gives you direction. And I just can't wait to share it with you. So let's go straight to the episode. I will see you guys next week. Have a wonderful day. It is a beautiful day to do hard things. Kimberley: Okay. So, you guys know that I love Shala Nicely, and today I have the one and only Shala Nicely talking with us about people-pleasing. And this whole conversation came organically out of conversations

SUMMARY: Quite often, my clients forget to recognize avoidance as a compulsion. While you might be spending a lot of time in your recovery reducing compulsions such as reassurance-seeking compulsions, behavioral compulsions, and mental compulsions, it is important to recognize that avoidance is also a compulsion. In this episode, we address why it is important to address the things you are avoiding and find a way to incorporate this into your OCD treatment. In This Episode: Why Avoiding your fear keeps you stuck in the obsessive-compulsive cycle What is an avoidant compulsions? How to manage avoidant compulsions? Links To Things I Talk About: ERP SCHOOL Other podcast episodes about avoidance Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 210. Welcome back, everybody. I am so thrilled to have you here. How are you doing? How is your anxiety? How is your depression? How is your heart? How is your grief? How is your anger? How is your joy? How are you? How is your family? All things that I hope are okay and tender, and there's a safe place for all of those things to be. Today's episode is in inspiration of a session I recently had with a client—a client I've seen for some time. We are constantly talking about safety behaviors, ways that we respond to fear. I had mentioned to him that of course, one of the safety behaviors we do are from fear, and in response to fear is avoidance. We avoid things. And he had said, "Oh, I completely forgot about avoidance. I completely forgot that was one of my safety behaviors." Sometimes we put so much attention on the physical behaviors and the mental compulsions that we forget to check in on what are you avoiding and how avoiding things and fear keep us stuck. So, that's what we're talking about today. Before we do that, let's first do the review of the week. This is from Ks Steven, and they said: "Short and sweet. This podcast is one of my highlights of the week. It is short, sweet and so helpful. I look forward to each new episode. Episode 99 on self-compassion has transformed my relationship with myself. As I start each day to face my obsessions, I remind myself it is a beautiful day to do hard things." I love that review. Thank you so much. I love that. It basically is exactly what I want this podcast to be. I want it to be short, I want it to be sweet, I want it to be helpful, and I want it to remind you that it is always a beautiful day to do hard things. Before we get into the episode, we have one more part of the episode that we want to do, which is the "I did a hard thing," and this is from Anonymous. They said: "My husband and I have been going through infertility treatments for years. This year, we did IVF and it was triggering, maybe because it felt more "real." I was panicking that I didn't feel perfect enough since I struggled with some mental health issues earlier this year. I had the false narrative in my mind and major intrusive thoughts about not being a good mom, ruining my children, fearing postpartum mental health issues. I wanted to cancel our embryo transfer because of all of these intrusive thoughts and fears. But on Monday, I did it afraid and we transferred our embryo. We'll find out next week if I'm pregnant and I'm so glad I did it." Oh my goodness, I cannot tell you how impressed I am. I wish nothing but joy for you. You did that hard thing, and I hope that however that turned out that you are standing by yourself and you are gentle and kind and reminding yourself that you never have to be perfect. Never, never, never. We are not meant to be perfect. Okay, here we go. Let's talk about avoidance. I mean, listen, that "I did a hard thing" is exactly what we're talking about, so we'll even use that as a reference today. Fear is scary. Nobody wants to feel it. It's not fun at all, and instinctually, we go into fight or flight, and flight is a normal human response to fear that has us avoid danger. Now, this instinctual response is what keeps us safe. If a bus is coming for you, you run off the street. That's what we do. It's the right thing to do. However, if you are using avoidance on repeat, and if you're using avoidance to avoid the sensation of fear, not an actual current, real imminent danger, well then chances are you're going to get stuck. So I want to be really clear, if you are actually in physical danger, avoidance is not a compulsion. It's not a safety behavior. But if

SUMMARY: There is nothing I love more than sharing the success stories of people who are using ERP to manage their OCD and intrusive thoughts. In this week's podcast, I interview Taylor Stadtlander about her OCD recovery and how she used ERP School to help her manage her intrusive thoughts, compulsive behaviors. Taylor is incredibly inspiring and I am so thrilled to hear her amazing ERP Success story. In This Episode: Taylor shares how she learned she had OCD Taylor shares how she created her own ERP recovery plan and the challenges and successes of her plan Taylor shares how she used ERP School to help her put her ERP recovery plan together and how she now uses her skills in her own private practice. Links To Things I Talk About: Taylor's Private Practice: https://www.embracinguncertaintytherapy.com/ Taylor's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acupofmindfultea/ ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com. CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety... If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION Kimberley: Welcome. I am so excited to have here with me Taylor Stadtlander. Taylor: Yes. Thanks. I'm so excited to be here. Kimberley: Oh, thank you for being here. I am so excited about this interview. You're someone I have watched on social media, and it's really cool because out of there, I realized you were someone who had been through CBT School and I just love hearing the story of how you things get to me. I love that story. So, thank you for being on the show. Taylor: Of course. Thank you so much for having me. Kimberley: Tell me a little bit about you and your mental health and mental wellness journey, as much as you want to share. Tell us about that. Taylor: I'll start with, I am an OCD therapist right now. And I start by saying that because, honestly, if you were to tell me when I was in high school, that I would have become an OCD therapist, I would have laughed at you because I, at that time, was really when my OCD started in high school. Of course, now, knowing what OCD is, I can look back and I can see definitely symptoms back as young as eight or nine years old. But when I was in high school, it was really when I had my sophomore year, pretty intense onset of compulsions. And then, of course, the intrusive thoughts, and it really was all-consuming. But the interesting part, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this, is it was something I kept very hidden, or I at least tried to. So, a lot of the earliest compulsions I had were checking compulsions. So, it was these intense, long rituals before I would go to bed, checking that the door is locked, the stove was off, all safety things. I felt this immense amount of responsibility. And I remember thinking like, where did this come from? One day I was just so concerned with safety and all these different things. But no one would have known other than, of course, my family, who I lived with, and my sister, who I shared a room with, who of course saw me getting up multiple times at night to recheck things. But from the outside, it looked like I had everything together. I was the A student, honors classes, volleyball captain, lacrosse captain, and just kept that façade of that picture-perfect high schooler. I did end up going to a therapist and she wasn't an OCD specialist, but I have to say I got very lucky because I actually have some of the worksheets that she used with me back when I was 15. And it is in a sense ERP. So, I was very lucky in that sense that even though I wasn't seeing a specialist, because I don't think any of us knew what was going on, to even see an OCD specialist, I did get to-- and it helped. And that's where I was like, "Okay, you know what, I'm going to go to college and become at least major in Social Work." So, I went to college, majored in Social Work, got my Master's in Social Work, and my OCD pretty much went away and I thought I was cured or whatever that means. And I thought that, "Okay, that was a chapter of my life. And now for whatever reason, I had to go through that. Now I'll become a therapist and help other people." I say that because I had no idea what was coming. My first year out of grad school, I began working and I had the most intense relapse of OCD ever. It came back stronger than ever this time. We call it "pure O." So like mainly intrusive thoughts. And I had no idea what ERP was. It's sad because I went through grad school for Social Work and we never talked about that. I remember this one day, and this i

The Self-compassion Workbook for OCD is here! Click HERE to learn more. This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 208. Welcome back, everybody. We are on the final week of the 30-day Self-Compassion Challenge. You guys, the growth has been profound to watch you guys, to hear from you guys, sharing what's working, what you're struggling with, the major strides you've made. I have loved every single second of it. I will be doing my best to compile all the audio. I think about 27 of the 30 days we did a live or the 31 days. We'll be doing lives and I will compile them into one whole little mini-course that will be free for everybody on the cbtschool.com. That is yet to come. I cannot wait to hand that over to you guys. We are on the final week and I wanted to address the elephant in the room, which is exhaustion. Today, I want to talk to you about managing exhaustion because the one thing I know for sure is you're exhausted. I'm exhausted. We're all exhausted. It's so hard to get motivation. It's so hard to keep going. So we are going to talk about it today. Here we go. Before we go, I wanted to do the "I did a hard thing." We do it every weekend. This is from A Life With Uncertainty. They said: "The last two years have been FULL of hard things. The hardest was telling my husband in therapy that our marriage was the main obsession during my worst OCD spike. I was scared and anxious. He wouldn't understand. It was such a huge exposure, and I pushed through without seeking reassurance. I CRIED A LOT, but so did he. The hard thing brought a softness to our marriage that I will always have, no matter what OCD tells me." This is beautiful. This is the work. Because what does anxiety take the most from us? The people we love. It impacts the people we love. It impacts the relationships and the things we get so much joy from. Holy smokes, A Life With Uncertainty, you are doing such brave, such courageous work. I'm so happy you put that into the "I did a hard thing." How incredibly inspiring. I just love this stuff so much. I really do. Before we get into the episode, let's do a quick review of the week. This is from Nervous Nelly saying: "I'm so grateful I found this podcast a couple of months ago. It has changed my whole approach to my own and my loved one's anxiety. This podcast provided so many tools that I practice using and learning to look at my anxiety differently. The biggest change is recognizing that when I'm having anxious thoughts more quickly before they go too far and the automatic responses that I wasn't even aware of, or should I say that I wasn't aware, were so counterproductive to my mental well-being. Thank you from the bottom of my heart and please keep doing what you're doing." Yay, I'm so happy to hear that. Nervous Nelly, welcome. I'm so happy you're here and let's keep going together, which brings me perfectly into this episode. As you know, we've been doing the 31-day challenge. I think I've been calling it a 30-day challenge, and I'm just looking at my calendar and seeing that there's 31 days in the month. We'll just be imperfect. We will move on. We are celebrating the launch of my first and only book called The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD. One of the things I talk about most in that book and talk about most on this podcast and in CBT School resources is how to stay motivated because it takes so much to stay motivated. But what's interesting is, so many people in the comments this week said, sometimes it's not even about motivation. It's just about getting through the day. How do I get through the day? I wanted to share with you a self-compassionate concept that I use. It may or may not be helpful for you, but this is something I have dedicated my self-compassion practice to and I have really received some amazing benefits from it. I'll tell you guys a little bit of a story. As you all know, I have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome with a nice side of generalized anxiety disorder in which I manage really well most of the time. But when I am unwell and I'm having a flare-up, which recently I've been doing really well, but I recently went through a horrific flare-up to the point where most days I couldn't get out of bed. I was doing all my sessions from an upright chair where I had my legs elevated. I would go to bed at 7:00 or 6:15 in the evening. It was just rotten, rotten, rotten, rotten. I was exposed to a concept called "the spoons concept." This was written by a person who suffered with Lyme. I'll put it in the show notes, the original article. What she did was she was saying, "Someone wants to ask me, what is it like to have Lyme disease?" Well, she assumed they knew because this person went to all of the doctor appointments and was with her when she was sick. She wasn't quite sure what they were asking until she realized they were saying, "What is it actually like to leave in your body?" And she said, "Well, think of it this way." She got all of these spoons out. I think she

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 207. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, everybody. This is a really exciting podcast today. We have back on the show the amazing Kristin Neff. Now, as you all know, we're doing a 30-day Self-Compassion Challenge and it is the perfect time to bring on Kristin Neff, who has written a new book called Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive. Now, while the book is directed towards women, it actually is for everybody. So, we're speaking today in this interview about fear self-compassion and it's for everybody. It's particularly valid to those of us who are struggling with anxiety and have to really work hard at facing fears every day. I am so grateful we got to have Kristin on. She had so many beautiful things to say. If you like the episode, please go over and purchase her book. She too has a book out and again, it's called Fierce Self-Compassion, and it might help you really deep dive into this practice of fierce self-compassion. Before we get over to the show, let's talk about the "I did a hard thing" segment. This one we have is from Eric, and he has said: "I've been working on my anxiety about the heat by spending every day I can in the sauna of my gym. I work up a good full-body sweat, and it feels so uncomfortable, but I stick with it knowing it will pay off." Eric, this is so amazing. What an amazing way for you to stare your fear in the face, practice being uncomfortable. I love it. In addition to that, let's move right over to the review of the week. This one is from Emily. Emily says: "Kimberley consistently shares a genuine compassion across all of her podcast episodes. She's been a source of encouragement on my journey with OCD, anxiety, and depression because her message remains one of the consistent self-compassion while sharing a realistic perspective and the reality of mental health struggles." Thank you so much. You're so welcome, Emily. I am just so honored to be on this amazing path with you all doing such amazing hard things and really doing the hard work. It's really an honor to hear these stories and hear the hard things you guys are doing. That being said, let's move over to the show again. Thank you so much, Kristin Neff, for coming on. I just found this episode to be so deeply helpful with some profound concepts and I can't wait to share them with you. Kimberley: Welcome. This is an honor to have with us again the amazing Kristin Neff. Welcome. Kristin: Thank you for having me. Happy to be here with you again. Kimberley: Yeah. You have a new book out, which is by far my favorite. I am so in love with this book—Fierce Compassion. Yes. I actually have mine on my Kindle, so I was holding it up, going, "Look, it's right here." Kristin: Thank you. Kimberley: I loved this book. Thank you for writing it. This is so important for our community because you're talking about how to use compassion in I think ways that we haven't talked about before and is so important for those people who are suffering with anxiety or just any kind of severe mental illness or struggle. Can you tell me exactly what fierce compassion or fear self-compassion is? Kristin: Yeah. Well, self-compassion, in general, or compassion in general is concerned with the alleviation of suffering. It's a desire to help. It's the desire for well-being of others, and then self-compassion is of yourself. There are really two main faces that it has, the two main ways that it can express itself. There's tender self-compassion, which is really important, which is about self-acceptance. It's about being gentle, more nurturing, warm with yourself, soothing yourself when you're upset, really offering support, being with yourself and all your pain and all your imperfection, and really accepting a kind way. This is a hugely important aspect of self-compassion because most of us don't do this. Most of us think we aren't good enough or we criticize ourselves. We're really harsh with ourselves. This is huge. But it's actually not the only aspect of self-compassion. Sometimes compassion is more of a gentle, nurturing energy, almost like you might say a mother. Metaphorically, a mother or a father, but a parent. Fear self-compassion is more like mama bear, like fierce mama bear. In other words, sometimes in order to alleviate our suffering, we need to take action. Acceptance isn't always the right response when we're suffering. For instance, if you're in a situation that's harmful, maybe someone is crossing your boundaries,

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 206. Welcome back, everybody. How are we doing? We are on week 3 of the Self-Compassion Challenge. So welcome if you are new and you haven't caught up with our Self-Compassion Challenge. We are doing a 30-day Self-Compassion Challenge for everybody, so everyone can dabble in their self-compassion practice, maybe strengthen their self-compassion practice, and hopefully thrive with their self-compassion practice. Today, we're going to talk about the roadblocks to self-compassion. Now, this is coming directly from my new book called The Self-Compassion Workbook For OCD. However, even if you don't have OCD, this will apply to you. I did a poll on Instagram with almost a thousand people who wrote in and polled on the biggest roadblocks that they're having, and I've compiled it. Thankfully, I used it in the book. The cool news is there were so many people who agreed on those top eight roadblocks. So I wanted to share them with you today. We're going to go through each and every single one. But before we do that, I would like to first do the "I did a hard thing" segment. Now, for those of you who are new, welcome. The "I did a hard thing" segment is where you write in and you tell me the hard thing that you have done. Today's is from anonymous, and they have said: "I just got on a ship for a daily trip and I forgot to take with me my medication. I don't use the medication that much, but I do feel safe when I have them with me. This makes me anxious, but I am choosing to manage my anxiety." How cool is that? Sometimes things don't go as we plan, and we have to rely on all of our tools and it sounds like Anonymous is doing that in an amazing way. All right. I have been doing a review of the week for people who submit a review for the podcast. However, as I'm recording this, the reviews have started to come in for the book and I couldn't help myself but share the very first review for the book. It made my heart explode. I was taking a walk. My friend called me to tell me there was a review, and I basically burst into tears. So here we go: "I've read a number of books on OCD in the past, but Kimberley's emphasis on self-compassion and its place in the ERP process is so, so refreshing and so very important. This is a must-read for anyone with OCD or anyone helping a loved one through OCD. It is a beautiful day to do hard things." Thank you so much for that amazing review. The reviews literally are changing my life. Oh my goodness, I can't tell you, when you write a book, there is so much anxiety involved, at least there was for me. And so to have people enjoy the book is just literally the most amazing thing. The most amazing thing. I had no idea. Number one, total massive respect to any author of any kind. Writing a book is very, very hard. And so, I'm just honored to be able to help people in that format as well as this format, and in addition to CBT School and in my practice. What a joy. All right. Let's get to the show. Let's talk about the Common Roadblocks to Self-Compassion. Now, the first one is related to OCD. Like I said, if you don't have OCD, stay with me because the rest are really going to maybe resonate with you, but this one is very much hands down, was the number one roadblock people reported who have OCD to have a roadblock with self-compassion. 1. "I do not deserve self-compassion because of the content of my obsessions." In the book, we go through each and every one of these in detail, but today I'm just gonna quickly knock each one of them out. So here we go. Your obsessions do not determine whether you are worthy or deserving of self-compassion. The minute you say that, you're giving too much importance to your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and urges. So the big thing to remember here is, your job is to have these obsessions and not respond to them as if they're important, and to practice taking care of yourself, whether you have them or not, that this idea that you're not deserving of them is completely false. In fact, we talk a lot about calculations in the workbook. Some people like we have these weird algebraic calculations where we go, me + obsessions = undeserving, or me + intrusive thoughts = I'm a bad person. I want you to keep an eye out for these little nuanced calculations that you have in your mind because they are dead wrong. Your thoughts are thoughts. Your feelings are feelings. Your sensations are sensations. You are not disqualified from being treated with respect and kindness because of them. 2. "I am not worthy of self-compassion because I have a mental illness." Now in the book, we use a case study where we talk about this idea of stigma around mental illness. I really want to urge you, as I do in the book, to start to break this belief that there is anything wrong with you for struggling with a mental illness. We have to be the change here. We have to lead by example. If you have a mental illness and someone has shamed you, or you've ex

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 205. Welcome back, everybody. We are on week 2 of this Self-Compassion Challenge. For those of you who are new to the podcast, or didn't hear last week's episode, go back and listen to that. We are on week 2 of a 30-days Self-Compassion Challenge. My whole goal is that you learn how to treat yourself kindly and compassionately as you move through difficult times. We are doing this to celebrate the launch of my very first book (The Self-Compassion Workbook for OCD), which I am so proud of and so excited about. Thank you to everybody who has purchased the book, supported me on social media, shouted me out to their friends and fellow followers. I cannot tell you how grateful I am. If you have got the book and you're enjoying the book, please do go and leave a review over on Amazon, share your honest opinion or share your thoughts on social media or with anybody you can, because the more people I can help, the happier. I am. We are moving on today in this episode onto the second most important part of self-compassion in my mind. Now, this is taken directly from the book, even though the workbook is called The Self-Compassion Workbook For OCD. This is a concept I talk to all my clients about. It's something I constantly check in with myself about, and it has been probably one of the most important parts of my recovery in mental health in many, many ways. So I am so excited to share this with you. Before we do that, I do want to go over and share the review of the week. For those of you who are new to the podcast or are old to the podcast, I love your reviews on iTunes. It helps me reach more people. So this week is from Looney Lovey. It says: "A gift of a podcast. I am so incredibly thankful I found this podcast. I have experienced OCD since I was 10, and this has been one of the most amazing tools. I seriously thank God for leading me to this podcast every day. It is like having a therapist in your pocket. Kimberley is so sweet, and her openness and kindness make the listener feel so welcome." Thank you, Loony Lovey. The next thing I wanted to share is the "I did a hard thing." Now, let's take a step back here and really look at self-compassion as really being a hard thing. And so, a lot of you have actually written in and said, self-compassion was one of the hard things that they've been practicing. However, this week we have a hard thing from anonymous and they've said: "I have a fear of disease. I recently had two close friends get a diagnosis where this would make me feel fear for myself and my family. I chose to show up for my friends and continue on a daily basis, working on my mental boundaries, not making their illness about me, and my fear is about that stopping me from supporting them. I struggle with feeling everyday body sensations in myself and wonder if I am next. But this is so amazing, this whole 'I did a hard thing.'" Anonymous, amazing work. It sounds like you're really showing up and letting your values make your decisions, not your fear. This is so cool. This is just so cool that you've done that. Look at you go. Doesn't that just show that fear doesn't win, right? That love and connection and values win every single time. I just love this one so much. Thank you so much for sharing. I have a ton of submissions, but I will share again very soon where you could put those submissions in if you're wanting to put your name in. Okay? All right. Let's get over to the meat and cheese of the whole episode today. So we're talking about a concept. Now, this is not scientifically proven, I have to disclose. This is my conceptualization of one of the main things that get in the way of self-compassion. I'm going to tell you a quick story. When my son was in kindergarten, the teacher had this system called the clip chart. I want you to imagine the clip chart is just a piece of cardboard, and in the middle of the piece of cardboard, it's like a long narrow rectangle. In the middle is a peg. And the peg is put right in the middle and there is just a normal neutral face. Above the peg are these different ladder rungs. There's a smiley face, there's "You did well," then there's a bigger smiley face. And then at the very top, there's this huge smiley face saying, "You get a treat." Now under the peg is a sad face. And then under the peg is an even sadder face. And then under that sadder face is a really, really sad, but almost mad face. And next to it, it says, "Call your parents." This is a ladder system that if a kid isn't listening, they get clipped down. If a kid is doing really well, they get clipped up. At the top, if they get clipped up enough times, they get a special treat, some toy from the toy box. If they get clipped down enough times, the teacher calls the parents. This is what we would call a behavioral modification tool to help encourage kids and motivate children, usually five-year-olds, on how to act and how to behave. It's incredibly efficient. As long as

Hello everyone! Today is the day that my very first book is out in the world for you to get. I could just die of excitement. So, for those of you who don't know, I spent a large part of 2020 writing my first book. It is called the Self-Compassion Workbook For OCD: Lean into Your Fear, Manage Difficult Emotions and Focus on Recovery. I could cry. I am so excited that it is finally here. It was such a huge project in my life. Now I'm just thrilled to share it with you guys. Now, what does that mean for you? You can go and purchase the book wherever you buy books. You may order it on Amazon if you don't have a bookstore near you. But in addition to getting the book, which is literally like, ah, I put my whole soul into this project – what you can do in addition to that is this month, for the month of October, we are going to do a self-compassion challenge. Now, before you turn the stereo or your iPhone or your iPod off, stay with me because I really strongly believe that this challenge could change your life, whether you have OCD or not. I really want to focus this month on improving your relationship with yourself, improving your relationship with self-compassion, working through the roadblocks that you have. I'm going to be doing a lot of live instruction on Instagram and hopefully on Facebook as well, depending on technology. But if you don't follow me on Instagram, head over there, if you're not signed up for the newsletter, head over there, because my goal is to really nurture you through this process and get you having a self-compassion practice that is rich and fulfilling and healing. So, so, so important. Today, we're going to kick it off right away. We're going to talk about the first main point I want you to do. Before we do that, let's do a couple of important pieces. So first thing, we're going to do the "I did a hard thing" segment. This one is from Elle and she has said: "I sat outside in 92-degree weather to eat my croissant. Even though being in overly hot places makes me anxious, I just wanted to be outside." Thank you so much, Elle, for that submission. Really what I hear you saying is you were willing to tolerate heat, which is often a really big trigger for people with anxiety, but you did it because it's what your soul was asking for, which is a huge piece of what today's podcast is all about. Now we'll move on to the review of the week. This is from Cynthia. She said: "I'm so excited to share these podcasts with my clients. I was first introduced to Kimberley's clear and compassionate teaching style when I took ERP School for therapists, which is the CEU course. In the past three weeks since taking the course, I recommended both the course and podcast to my clients. So helpful. Thank you, Kimberley." Yay, I'm so happy to hear that, Cynthia. All I have to say, it's all coming together. I feel like years of hard work of the podcast and courses and the book, and I feel like so many people are getting on board and they're starting to face their fears and they're learning these skills and it makes me so overjoyed. So, thank you so much, Cynthia. Thank you, Elle. I'm just feeling such gratitude right now. Okay. Here we go. We are on Day 1 of the 30-day challenge to self-compassion. Now, I know I've done a lot of work on self-compassion before in the podcast. You can go back and listen. I've interviewed the most impressive people on self-compassion. You can go back and listen to those episodes. But for today, I want to go straight to the most important piece. We'll work through some other things later through the month and some roadblocks, but here is the main tool for this week. Are you ready? I want you to take a couple of breaths. I want you to check in with yourself. You can do this in the form of meditation. If you're driving, please keep your eyes open on the road. But if not, you may close your eyes and check in with yourself. Where is the discomfort and the pain in your body? Where is the suffering in your body? Is it in your chest? Is it in your shoulders? Is it in your head? Is it in your heart? Is it in your stomach? Is it in your fingertips? Is it in your legs? Where is the suffering? It could be all over your body, and that's okay. But just check in on where it's at. And then I want you to ask yourself this one question: What do I need right now? I don't want you to argue with yourself. I just want you to honor what first comes up. What do I need right now? Sometimes our instincts are to say, "I want this pain to go away." But a huge part of self-compassion is honoring what's really happening. It's really this truth-telling practice where you have to accept, okay, that's not an option right now. Otherwise, you would've done it, right? You would've done the thing to remove the discomfort. If there's an itch, you probably would've scratched it by now. Often the pains that we feel, the ones that cause us the most suffering are the ones that we can't simply get rid of the anxiety. We fe

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 203. Welcome back, everybody. Today's episode is all about why it is so important that we expose ourselves to our fears. It's one of the most common questions I get asked from my clients, right? Which is, why do I have to do this hard work? Why? Why of all the treatments is mine the one where I have to face my fears. Because my clients ask this all the time, I wondered whether you needed a quick pep talk just to get you back on track, to remind you why and to motivate you towards facing your fears, because it is probably the most valuable change of behavior that you will do. Welcome back. I am so happy to have you here with me today to talk about that specific topic. Before we get started, I would like to quickly dive in to really set the scene today. We're going to talk about the hard thing, the "I did a hard thing" segment. Today's hard thing is from anonymous, and they have submitted saying: "I haven't drank coffee for over two years since my OCD breakdown because I was too scared. But today, I went to Costa and I had a caramel latte. I got heart palpitations for a few hours, but I sat with it. This is exactly what I'm talking about. So, Anonymous, this is so good. I am so proud of you. This is the work that we do. And I'm going to use Anonymous' example here throughout the podcast to really tie this together. All right, one more thing before we get moving, I want to do a shoutout to the review of the week. This one is from Hahajack, and they said: "This is the best short therapy lesson. This podcast is amazing! I love that episodes are short and succinct. You can't say that you don't have time when episodes are as short as 10 to 30 minutes. If you are struggling with OCD or anxiety, this is a great podcast to listen to for extra therapeutic support in addition to therapy. I treat OCD and I learn so much every time I listen to Kimberley's podcast." Thank you Hahajack for that amazing review. We are still doing the drive for reviews. So if you can go over to Apple podcast, leave us a review or wherever you listen. Once we hit a thousand reviews, we're giving a free pair of Beats headphones. I cannot tell you how much I love, love, love, love your reviews. Thank you. It helps me help more people reach more people. And that's what I'm here to do. All right, so let's get to the meat of this episode, right? I, in the past – I think it's Episode 86 – did a whole episode called the Science of Exposure and Response Prevention. You can go back and listen to that episode once this is done. We talked about the science behind ERP, and I'm going to be using a lot of that reference to talk about why. Why do we stare fear in the face? Instinctually, when we have fear – I'm just going to give you a quick education here – when we experience fear and our brain sets the signal off to say, "There might be danger, there might be trouble, please be alarmed," – when the anxiety hits our body and our cognitions, our natural instinct is to remove ourselves from the perceived danger. And that has kept us alive. It is an important process that we humans have and other animals have. It's an important piece that keeps us alive, like I said. The problem is, that behavior, the removal of anxiety, the avoidance of the thing that created the anxiety is only effective if the danger is imminent, not just a thought about a possible danger, right? And so, if, like I said, there was a real thing that was happening in your life that is dangerous, yeah, you may want to remove yourself from it. But if you have a brain that's anxious like mine, where your brain sets off alarms quite often telling you, "Ring, ring, ring, something bad might happen. Ring, ring, ring, the future may have some problems. Ring, ring, ring, you're a bad person," and so forth – when we instinctually try to remove that, we actually reinforce the fear, the faulty fear. We reinforce the thought, right? And then what we are in a cycle of is thought, reinforcement of thought, thought, reinforcement of thought, thought, reinforcement of thought. The whole reason we choose to face our fear is to break that cycle, right? If you have a thought about imminent danger or threat, and you respond to it as if it's important, your brain will continue to perceive it as an important and an imminent threat. If you have a thought about something that is imminent and dangerous, and you don't respond to it as if it's imminent and dangerous, your brain starts to learn not to set that alarm every time you have that thought. Your brain learns not to ring the alarm bell and send out all those anxiety hormones throughout your body. Right? And that's how you break the cycle. And we do that by – if you just happen to have the thought, you could do that by being aware that you're having the thought, observing the thought, and then not engaging in the avoidant or reactive behavior, right? That's hard, right? It's doable, but it's hard, right? Because you have to

This week we interview Drew Linsalata, an amazing friend who has written an amazing book called, "Seven Percent Slower" Click the link below to hear more about his book! https://theanxioustruth.com/seven-percent-slower/ Kimberley: Welcome, everybody. This episode is for you, the listener, but it's actually for me, the podcaster, more than anything. Today, we have the amazing Drew Linsalata. I've talked about Drew before. We've done giveaways. We've done a bunch of stuff together on social media. I am a massive Drew fan. So, thank you, Drew, for being here today. Drew: Oh, you're so sweet. Thank you, Kim. It's my pleasure to be here. Kimberley: Okay. So, you, you are amazing, and I would love if you would share in a minute to people a little bit about your lived experience with anxiety. Drew is just the coolest human being on the planet. So, I'm so excited to share with everybody you, because I think everybody needs Drew in their life. Drew: Wow. Kimberley: But in addition to that, we are today going to talk about something. I'm actually going to try and drop down into my own vulnerability, and not just be the host, but also be the listener today because you are talking about one particular topic that I need to work on. So, first of all, tell me a little bit about your background, your story, and we'll go from there. Drew: Sure. So, unfortunately, I lived in experience with panic disorder, agoraphobia, and intrusive thoughts and things of that nature, clinical depression, on and off, from the time I was 19 years old – 1986 all the way to around 2008, in varying degrees. So, it was a very long time. I was in and out of those problems. They came, they went. I did all the wrong things for a lot of time, trying to fix those problems, even though I knew what the right things were, because I've always been a bit of a behaviorism and cognition geek. And it took me a long time to come around to actually solving those problems. I did the medication thing that didn't work out for me. And then I really just took the time to learn what I needed to do behaviorally, cognitively, using those evidence-based things that I know you talk about all the time. And I just used them on myself and I learned as much as I could from very smart people like you. And I went and did the work and managed to get myself through the recovery from panic disorder and agoraphobia and depression and all of those things. And along the way, the things that I learned, I just started sharing with other people, which is nothing that I invented. I never claimed that I invented any of this stuff. I just became a really good messenger, I guess, in terms of explaining. Well, I learned this and then I used it this way. And that led to just helping people online back in 2008, 2009 as I was going through it. And that led to continuing to do it. And that led to starting my own podcast back in 2014, like talking to nobody with a $4 app on my phone. But it just seemed like the right thing to do to try and pay the help forward, because I had a lot of supportive people who rallied around me. And that just one thing led to another. And here we are, and the podcast is just kept going and it has led to writing two books about this stuff. One is my story, and one is the recovery guide that I wrote. And here I am, still educating about this topic and advocating and supporting where I can and just trying to contribute to the community because I felt like the community, in its form that it was in 10, 15 years ago, was so helpful to me. And I just feel like I want to give as much of that back as I can. So, yeah. Kimberley: So you've written-- I'm giggling. So, for everyone listening, if you hear me giggling, it's not because it's particularly funny. It's just so ironic to me. You wrote a book called Seven Percent Slower. Drew: Yes. Kimberley: Now I probably tell my clients every single day they need to slow down. I have done a podcast on slowing down, but it is probably the safety behavior I fall into the most. And I don't do a ton of safety behaviors anymore that this one is just so ingrained in me. So, I read your book. Thank you so much. Not only is it an amazing read, but you're hilarious. I was texting Drew yesterday, just cracking out at some of the things that he says because it's my type of humor. I just love it. So, can you share with me why this one topic? Of all the things you could have written, why is this one topic? Why was it so important to you and why is it so important? Drew: It's a good question. Up until three, four months ago. I would have not thought that I would write this book. There was no plan to write a book about learning to slow down. But what I discovered was, Seven Percent Slower is the thing that I just came up with as a little silly mental device for me when I was struggling in a big way. I knew that part of what would happen when I would get really anxious and I would begin to panic, and I would just associate that with all those nasty t

In this week's podcast, we talk with Allyson Ford about her journey with OCD and an Eating Disorder. Allyson shares how her journey with OCD began when she watched ERP SCHOOL, our online course for people with OCD. Allyson quickly realized that she had not only been working through an Eating Disorder but had also struggled with OCD. Allyson Ford shares these 3 main points on OCD Recovery: In recovery, don't wait for the fear to be gone. You must take the action while scared/anxious for real growth to happen. It will feel counterintuitive but that doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. ERP is terrifying and it's worth it in the end. It's so empowering to realize you can have anxiety and do the things you love anyways. Because it is so scary, you need a therapist that you can really trust- who is both skilled in ERP and compassionate/warm. Shame and myths about OCD keep us suffering for much longer than we need to. Two major turning points for me were learning about what real OCD is- I quickly identified signs and symptoms within myself since 8 years old. The next game-changer was finding a community of other therapists who live with OCD. I felt so embarrassed to be a therapist struggling with these issues- I felt broken and ashamed. It made work really anxiety-provoking. I attended Pure O Chrissie's Gamechangers retreat and that changed everything for me. I suddenly felt empowered and hopeful; this propelled my ERP treatment forward. Learning and applying skills for intrusive thoughts was also a game-changer. Learning that everyone gets intrusive thoughts and that they don't mean anything, learning mindfulness skills (bookshelf metaphor) for rumination and one-upping my thoughts/power stance were the most helpful. Knowing that the theme of my thoughts only points to what I value most was also helpful- it always boils back down to my work. I care so deeply about making a meaningful impact on my clients, and that seems to be what my OCD attacks the most! Allyson Ford, MA, LPCC is an Eating Disorder, OCD, and anxiety therapist with lived experience. Allyson graduated with her Master's degree from New Mexico State University and has since worked in a variety of settings including hospitals, schools, residential programs, and now private practice. Allyson provides virtual services throughout California and also does part-time work at The Eating Disorder Center with Jennifer Rollin. Allyson has a passion for integrating social justice throughout her practice and has a podcast available on Apple and Spotify called Body Justice. Allyson utilizes ERP, DBT, CBT, ACT, and IFS in her practice. You can find her on Instagram at @bodyjustice.therapist and her website: www.allysonfordcounselingservices.com This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 201. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, friends. I am so happy to have this special time with you. Thank you so much for giving me your very valuable time. How are you all doing? Just checking in. I know it's been a really hard year. I know we talked a lot last week about suffering and how to manage that. If you didn't hear that episode and you're struggling, please go back and listen. Hopefully, it will connect with you and land up with you in a way that is validating and kind and builds some space for you and some safety for you. This is going to be a wonderful episode. It's actually an interview I have done with somebody who I met through ERP School, interestingly enough. I am so honored to have this week Allyson Ford. Now Allyson is an LPCC. She is an eating disorder specialist and OCD specialist and anxiety specialist. She has lived experience, which she shared, in those areas, and she shares her experience of finding out that she has OCD, talking about her eating disorder recovery. And the cool thing is, like I said, she will reflect a lot on how ERP School, one of our online courses that teaches you how to practice ERP all on your own and learn about ERP – she shares how that was a big game-changer for her. So I'm so excited to share with you this amazing interview. We talk a lot about the overlap between eating disorders and OCD. Even if you don't have one or both of the disorders, I encourage you to listen because I think that there is some amazing story and I think it's really cool to see stories of clinicians who have actually walked the walk. They don't just talk the talk. So I'm so, so excited to share that interview with you. Before we do that, let's go ahead and do the review of the week, this week's review. If you want to ever leave a revie

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 200. Oh my stars, you guys, Episode 200. So exciting. Welcome back to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I am so thrilled to have you here for Episode 200. Oh my stars, you guys, this is a huge deal for me. In fact, let me set you up for today's episode. So, in Episode 100. We actually invited all the guests that we had previously had on the podcast and we had a celebration. If you want some fun, you should go over there and listen. It is such a wonderful episode. I was thinking about what I wanted to do for Episode 200, and I'm not going to lie, nothing landed. Nothing. I just couldn't bring myself to throw a huge party for it. And I think that's what I wanted to talk with you guys about today in this episode, which is, who's suffering? Who's struggling? Who is having a hard time? Because I know I am, and I'm guessing you are in some way or another. I wanted to use this episode as just a time where we can talk about suffering and we can talk about what that looks like and what that means and what we can do when we're struggling. And so, let's talk about that today. Before we do that, let's first do two new segments. In fact, one is new and one is a return of an old segment we used to do. And the first one is where I would like to read you a review of the week for the podcast. This week's review is from Katie. Thank you so much for your review, and for all of you for writing a review. You guys do know that I'm giving away a pair of free Beats headphones once we hit a thousand reviews. We have a long way to go, but I am committed to getting there. And so, in the meantime, let's celebrate each of you as we go. Today's review is from Katie and she wrote: "This podcast is a great resource that has helped me before I was brave enough to seek treatment. It's nice to know that I am not alone. The tools and conversation are authentic, helpful, and hopeful. Grateful for Kimberley's generosity in sharing." Thank you, Katie, for leaving a review, and thank you to all of you for leaving a review on the podcast. It helps me to get reach ultimately, and that helps me to help more people with this free resource. Alright, so the second part of the podcast is a return to the "I did a hard thing" segment. Now, we have actually upgraded this segment. And what we're going to do from now on is I have a form on my private practice website, where we launched the podcast. It's called KimberleyQuinlan-lmft.com. If you go over there and you click on Podcast, right there is a way to submit your hard thing. And so, we used to do it on social media and we used to do it via email and it was very, very messy. And so now, you get to submit your "I did a hard thing." We will take a look at them and we will do one per week. I am so excited. I really believe that the "I did a hard thing" segment is literally the basis of this podcast. When people tell me or they DM me or they message me, or they tell me in person that they did a hard thing, they tell me as if this is a new concept to them that they've never, ever been encouraged to do. They tell me as if it's life-changing. And that's why I really feel like this is the core of this whole podcast, which is to come together as a group to do hard things. And maybe the hard thing isn't something that's hard for other people. That's totally okay. That's the whole point. If it's hard for you, it's hard for you. And I love celebrating that because sometimes, out in the world, we don't have people to celebrate with. And I think that needs to be such a huge piece of the work that we do, and it is such a part of the work that we do here. So, to get us started, I'm actually going to do the first one. Now, I want to encourage you to think of your hard thing as just something that's hard for you. And then we can talk about here in a second what that may mean. So, my hard thing for this episode is this, and I'm so excited to tell you this, is that Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast hit 1 million listens. 1 million downloads, 1 million times people listen to this podcast and I could not be more excited. And this is why I think this is so important, is because as I went and I learned of this wonderful achievement, immediately, I heard a voice that says, "Yeah, but such and such got there in way quicker time," or "Yeah, but I know that some people who have way more successful podcasts than you do, they're going to look at that and they're going to be like, 'Oh wow, just a million?'" And immediately, that voice came in. And so, what I want to encourage you to do is catch that voice when you recognize that you've done a hard thing. Because when you can catch the voice, you don't have to then engage with the voice and go, "Yeah, you're right. No point really celebrating that because other people got there easier and faster and better and all the things." So, here today, I am going to celebrate this milestone. Thank you so much for you guys for supporting me because I never would have gotten

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 199. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, everybody. Oh my goodness, I am so excited about this episode and so deeply honored. So, for those of you who know me, you know how completely-- oh my gosh, I get so excited about meeting my mentors – people who have taught me so much as a clinician, who have taught me so much as a human being. Today's one of those days, you guys, I am so excited and so grateful to be able to have, like I said to you, my biggest mentors on the podcast. Today, we have on the podcast talking about shame, Dr. Christopher Germer. So, if you guys may remember, I did interview Kristin Neff before COVID about self-compassion, and Christopher Germer, who we have today, has co-founded the mindfulness self-compassion concepts and tools. They have workbooks, they have trainings, a website, and the work they're doing is so important. I strongly encourage you to go over and check out the work that they're doing, because it is life-changing. But today, what I'm so excited about is sharing with you a conversation I had with Christopher Germer about shame, and he really breaks down all of the things we need to know about shame. We talk about some things that I myself have still got a lot to learn. Some of the things he said today – I had to do everything in my power, not to be like, wait, stop, I need to be able to think about that for a second. I need you to say that again, because he just drops so many truth bombs, and he is so amazing. So, I'm going to stop going on about how excited I am because I have a total fangirl experience right now. I literally just got off the phone with Dr. Germer, and I'm going to share this with you. So, I hope you enjoy it. If you are somebody who has struggled with shame, you are going to love this episode and take a lot away because it is such an important part of all of our recovery and all of our well-being. So, enjoy the episode, everybody, and I will see you all next week. ----- Kimberley: Welcome. I am so honored, and I have such deep respect for today's interview guest. We have today Dr. Christopher Germer. Thank you so much for being here. Christopher: Thanks, Kimberley. Great to be here. Kimberley: So, I've actually been dreaming of having you on for some time. I really wanted to hear your thoughts about shame. I was at a presentation or a training you did in December, right before COVID started, and I loved what you had to say. So, this is the topic of today. Can you share with us, just give us a brief description of what shame is? Christopher: Well, shame is probably the most difficult human emotion. Shame is probably the most hidden human emotion, which is also why it's so difficult, because if we can't see it, we can't work with it. But shame is primarily-- it has two main aspects. One is it's a self-conscious emotion, which means we're kind of seeing ourselves in the minds of others, and there's also negative self-evaluation. So, what we're seeing in the minds of others, it's usually some scorn, something negative. So, those are the two main characteristics of shame. Shame also has a kind of-- there's kind of a global negative evaluation involved. In other words, we don't just think a part of me is kind of needing to be tweaked a bit. It's like, I am fundamentally bad or unworthy or incompetent or helpless. So, there's a kind of a global evaluation. So, that's shame. But at the end of the day, what shame really is an attack on the sense of self. So, guilt is a criticism of one's behavior. In other words, I did something wrong. Shame is "I am wrong." So whenever there is a self-attack, there's usually an element of shame involved. Kimberley: Right. And I think that's so interesting that you say, because it's such a huge component of someone who's struggling with a mental illness, or even just emotions, in general, is a lot of us when we're having a hard time, we move immediately to like, "There's something wrong with me." Christopher: Yeah. So, shame can either be the cause of different forms of mental distress or the consequence. So, when we think badly of ourselves because we're struggling, say with an anxiety disorder or depression, then that's an element of shame – thinking badly about ourselves, right? The self-attack. Or if we get negative messages from the culture, like if what we're struggling with, it's stigmatized or if it's a burden on somebody in our lives and they start to criticize us for what we're going through. So, in that way, shame is a consequence of some internal di

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 198. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Okay, friends, how are you doing really? How are you doing? It's summertime, you guys. Oh my goodness. We're here. How did this happen? Just to let you know, I will be taking a break as I have done for the last several years over the summer. So I will probably take a few weeks off in July so I can have some time with my kids to really rest and repair and play and be human. It's such a weird year. And so as I'm recording this, it's not summer yet, but it's crazy to think that we've landed in summer already of 2021. Am I right? Holy smokes. Okay, before we get started, as I always say, please do go and leave a review. I will be giving away Beats headphones to one lucky winner when we get a thousand reviews. We're on our way, guys. So please do go and leave a review. I would so be grateful. It just really helps me strengthen the podcast, and it's one of my big goals for 2021, is just to really help people with this amazing platform. All right. So here we go. Today, I am talking about how I am protecting my daughter from an eating disorder. But what I'm really going to be talking about is how we, me and my husband, are protecting my daughter and my son from an eating disorder. The reason I preface that is because, number one, yes, while women are more likely to develop an eating disorder, there is an increase of prevalence of young men and young boys getting and experiencing an eating disorder. There are many different types of eating disorder. It doesn't have to be anorexia. They can be binge eating. There's also types of eating disorders, such as bigorexia, which is around developing muscle. There's orthorexia. There's so many kinds of, again, bulimia anorexia, of course, we've discussed. There's so many types and it's so important that we recognize that this is not just a problem for women and girls. So let's talk about it. How myself and my husband are protecting my daughter and my son from an eating disorder. So there are two main things I want to discuss today. Number one is how we talk and number two, how we model. And so I'm going to give you much more detail into how we are doing that and how we're choosing to do that and the struggles that we're having. I, myself, had an eating disorder. So I'm really, really protective of this topic with my children. It's something I really want to try and protect them from while I know that I can't entirely protect them. I can do a lot of education to give them everything they need to hopefully not have to go through what I have gone through and what so many people have gone through with eating disorders. So, first of all, let's talk about what we talk about. Let's talk about what we talk about, shall we? All right. So the first thing, and you guys have heard me say this probably before, the first thing we talk about is diet culture. This is where we identify how our society is teaching us to believe that we should be a certain way. Our bodies should be a certain way. Our skin should be a certain way. Our hair should be a certain way. We should look a certain way. And we want to be able to identify this so we can call the BS on it. So the reason that I call BS on it is, just because society tells us our body should be a certain way doesn't mean it's true. In fact, it's entirely BS. Your body, my body, my daughter's body, my son's body, and my husband's body – doesn't have to be any particular way. Society and diet culture is going to tell us that it should be thin. It's going to give us all of these messages. "We should be thin. We should be strong. We should be tall. We should be short. We should be eating this certain thing. This product will help us with our metabolism. This product is bad. These foods are good. These foods are bad." And there's so many messages that are faulty and proven to be wrong. So, so important. So we talk a lot about this with my children. When my daughter and I go shopping, which we haven't done in a long time, but when we see advertisements, when we watch TV shows, when we look in magazines or pitches of books in books, when we look at Barbie dolls, we talk about diet culture. I might say, "What about her body? Let's talk about Bobby." And we look at Bobby and I'll say, "What do you think about her body?" And she'll be like, "It's kind of weird. It looks kind of strange." And I'll say, "Yeah, why do you think that is?" And she says, "Well her waist is really small." And I'll have a conversation with her. We talked to her about, "Do you feel li

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 197. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, you guys. So grateful to have this precious time with you. Thank you so much for coming and spending your very, very precious time with me. As we do this together, it's exciting, we're almost at 200 episodes. You guys, I cannot believe it. I am pretty, pretty proud of that, I'm not going to lie. Today's episode is with the amazing Jon Hershfield. He's been on the show multiple times and I have been really reflecting and thinking about how important it is for us to practice response prevention and how that is so, so important for everybody who has any type of anxiety, whether that be an anxiety disorder like OCD, social anxiety, specific phobia, generalized anxiety. Even for myself, I've been reflecting on any time I'm responding to fear and responding to discomfort. It's just a topic that I want to continue to address because I think from you guys, I just continue to see how much it's a struggle for you. As I thought about continuing education on tools you can use, I thought, who else can I have none other, but Jon Hershfield to talk about using mindfulness to manage compulsions. Now we talk about compulsions like mental compulsions and rumination. We talk about reassurance-seeking, avoidance, any kind of physical compulsion. We also talk about how to practice mindfulness so that it doesn't become a compulsion. And so I'm just so grateful to have John give us his very valuable time and to talk with you guys about these amazing concepts. I'm not going to spend too much more time doing the introduction. You guys know how amazing Jon Hershfield is. He has some amazing books. He has The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD, and he has Everyday Mindfulness that he co-authored with Shala Nicely, and The Teen OCD Workbook, and Harm OCD book. He's just written amazing books. So please do go out and support him. He does share all that information at the end of the show, and I can't wait for you guys to listen. In the meantime, please do go and leave a review. It helps us to reach more people. I'm going to be quiet now and let you listen to Jon's wisdom. Have a wonderful day. ----- Kimberley: All right, welcome. I am so happy to have the amazing Jon Hershfield with us again today. Jon: Thanks for having me. You make me sound like Spiderman of the OCD world. Kimberley: You are the Spiderman of the OCD world. I love it. Jon: What does that mean? Kimberley: Yeah, it's true. Well, that's a good thing. I know my son is probably jumping up and down at the idea of me meeting the Spiderman of something. Thank you for coming on. I really wanted to invite you on, of course, because I love the work that you're doing regarding mindfulness in OCD. I really wanted to talk about how we can use mindfulness, particularly to address compulsion, because a big part of Exposure and Response Prevention is the response prevention piece. I would really love to pick your mind on how you implement mindfulness as a part of that and also address some of the misunderstandings that happen regarding mindfulness. So, let me first ask you, just for those who don't know or new to the show, how would you give a definition? How would you explain mindfulness, particularly in the respect of treatment? Jon: It's interesting because we all make this same grammatical error. I do it too. We say we use mindfulness as if mindfulness was an act or an action or a thing that you use as opposed to a perspective that you take. So I'm thinking about what mindfulness means. Usually, the definition we hear is "Paying attention to the present moment as it is without judgment and without the desire to change it." And that's a great definition. It's escaping me at the moment who actually coined that exact language, but I think it applies to most mindfulness concepts. But I don't like that it starts with the word "paying" because it still implies that you're doing something. I think mindfulness is actually the perspective that you have when you're paying attention to the present moment. If you want to play around with the words, it's really noticing the fullness of the mind – mindfulness, right? It's a position that you take as opposed to a thing that you do. Right now, I'm sitting here in my desk chair. I'm aware of the sensation of my body in the chair, hearing my voice in the headphones and I have coffee and tasting that coffee. These are all things that I'm noticing and I'm being mindful of. The other part of mindfulness that I think is important to understand is that,

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 196. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, you guys. We have had a break. We are back. I'm actually recording this before I was back, so I don't even really know how I feel once this episode will be out, but nonetheless, I have been holding off and wanting to do this episode as the welcome back episode for the new season of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today we have with us, my Assistant, my Executive Assistant, one of the most important people behind the scenes at CBT School and in my private practice. She is my intake coordinator. She is the doer of all things. She was originally hired as my Chief Copywriter. She does a lot of work behind the scenes for me. Her name is Elle Warren. Her and I have been working together for some time now. It has been such a pleasure to get to know her. She today is going to share with you, just so you know, who it is behind the scenes if you're ever in contact with us or you're reading out Instagram posts or a newsletter or emails. She's doing a lot of this stuff for me and we're working together very closely. I wanted you to feel like you knew her, just like you know me. She also comes with a beautiful recovery story where she shares her experience with mental health and OCD and health anxiety, and grief, and post-traumatic stress disorder and experiencing, and really coming to find a place of peace with her sexual orientation. It is a beautiful, beautiful episode. I'm so, so excited to share it with you. Again, I want you to feel like you know us. I want you to feel like you trust us and you know who's behind the scenes, and that's why this was so important to me. So, I hope you do enjoy the show. Elle really does share her story so vulnerably. If you do notice some background noises, Elle was in a really rural location, a lot of background noise. So, bear with us there. We were doing the best we can. I wanted to make sure we had this episode recorded before we left, so please bear with me. The content is still fabulous. I hope that isn't too difficult on your listening. In addition, welcome back. So thrilled to be back. I've been trying to do episodes through the school year and then take some time off for the summer. This season, we have some big plans, some amazing guests. I am really dialed in with specifically what I want to address this season. So, get excited about that. I hope you're well. I hope you're being kind to yourself and you had a lovely summer and you had some time to rest and recover. I will share here very soon about our trip and what happened and what I learnt and what I experienced. I always like to refer to a couple of reflections later on, but first, I hope you enjoy this episode with Elle. ----- Kimberley: All right. Welcome, everybody. This is a really wonderful start to another season of the podcast because I have here with me one of my core team members, Elle Warren. Thanks so much for coming on, Elle. Elle: I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Kimberley: All right. Let me share. I know everyone's listened to the intro, but let's just talk about how important you are as a part of helping me. I'm so grateful for all the work that you do to help me, so thank you. Elle: Yes. I love it. Kimberley: Yeah. The reason that you're so special is because you're so special. But in addition to being so special, you're so wonderful as a part of this team because you get it. You get what we're talking about, and that's why I'm so grateful to have you on our team. I'd love to spend some time you sharing that story if you're comfortable and telling us a little bit about your background. Do you want to give us an intro to your story? Elle: Sure. Yeah. It is a long and winding journey, but I will try my best. I have had OCD for as long as I can remember, but I did not know that it was OCD until about two years ago. I was only actually diagnosed in February of 2020, so right before the pandemic, but I had been learning a lot on my own before that and came to that conclusion. Big themes for me growing up were sexual orientation, health anxiety, safety things. I remember I would always ask my mom for reassurance all the time. And then my mom passed away a little over three years ago now when I was 20, and that was the catalyst for my mental health feeling more unmanageable. I started having panic attacks. I was later much more recently diagnosed with PTSD from her illness and death and all of that as well. At the time, I just thought that my brain was broken, that I was broken. I can see now t

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 195. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Kimberley: Hello there. I have with me a very special friend who is going to talk about something so important. So, so important. I am so excited to have with us Shala Nicely. Oh my goodness, thank you for coming back onto the show. Shala: Thank you so much for having me. I love being here. Kimberley: Oh my goodness. Okay. So, probably the reason that I have been so adamant about getting you onto this episode is this topic that we are going to talk about is probably one of the topics that comes up the most with my patients and clients that nobody is talking about. Shala: Yes. Kimberley: Nobody. And I am seeing it more and more and more and more and more, which is why I wanted to have you on. So, thank you. Shala: Yeah. Kimberley: Thank you. Okay. So, you wrote a blog about depression as a compulsion. Can you tell us what does that mean? Shala: Yes. I'll start off by saying that this is one of the many subtleties of OCD. Sometimes OCD takes a long time to figure out. I spent years becoming a therapist. I spent years thinking about my own experience and when I was writing my memoir Is Fred in the Refrigerator?. It wasn't until after Fred was published, that I figured out this particular compulsion that I had been doing. By identifying it, it's been able to help me make a huge difference in my recovery, and that's why I wanted to share it and write the blog. Kimberley: Right. It's so important. I mean, I can't tell you, I've been practicing for many, many years and I only came across this in the last year or two. But the more I get to know it and the more I understand it, I'm just like, I feel like I see it in almost all the cases in some way. So, go ahead. Tell us what it is. Tell us what it looks like. Shala: So, I'll give you an example that I used in Fred, which is, when I was in my twenties, I was convinced I'd given myself HIV aids because I had gotten cut with a broken beer bottle at a party and I had spent all this time in my head arguing with OCD about whether or not that you can transmit HIV aids through that. It went on for months and months and months. While I was doing all this ritualizing in my head, trying to figure this out and prove to myself I didn't have this disease, which this was years and years and years ago, the treatments for HIV aids are much better now, they weren't. This was 25 years ago. I know people with OCD are still frightened of it. I was really frightened of it back then because there weren't very many treatments for it. And so I would spend all day long thinking about how I had given myself a fatal disease and how I was going to die. And then I started acting as though I had a fatal disease that there weren't good treatments for and I was going to get it and die. So I would go into situations and put on a happy face and smile, but in my head, I was thinking, "Oh, this is the last time I'm going to be doing this. Oh, this is so sad. Just wait until people find out what is really going on with me." So I would focus in those situations on how awful this was and how depressed I was and how this was going to be the last time I was going to do it. So, I was actually acting as though what OCD was telling me, which is that I'd given myself fatal disease, was true. And the depression that came from that became the compulsion because I took that emotion and I acted on that emotion. So I started acting depressed, making depressed choices, living in a depressed lifestyle, having a depressed attitude as I went out into the world because I had given in completely to what OCD was saying. When I realized that, again, this was after I'd written the story, after it had been published, and I started seeing this in my clients. I started recognizing I still did some of this. I'm like, "Wait a minute, it's the depression itself, which was really propping all this up." It's really a very subtle form of compulsion that if you don't recognize it can sabotage your ERP work. Kimberley: Yeah. I would admit as a young intern of treating OCD, I think if I saw this, I would have stopped ERP and focused on depression and really worked on that, which is not a bad solution, but without really recognizing it under the lens of OCD, right? So, I would have seen it as separate. I love it. Let me explain how I've seen it a lot. Once I've shown them your article, patients and clients have said, "I recognize in the moment that I'm having uncertainty. I try doing a compulsion to make the uncertainty go away and that doesn'

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 194. In today's episode, I had the most amazing conversation with Hayden Dawes. Now, Hayden Dawes is a therapist, a PhD student. He is what he calls an "aspiring compassion warrior" – we talk about in the interview what that means. Hayden is just doing some really cool work. As I share, and we go into detail in this episode, he's really brought out some stuff for me as I've watched him and learned from him. It's been incredible to see this journey that it's put me on. So, I cannot wait to share this episode with you. We're talking about radical permission, writing compassion slips for ourselves. We're talking about being petty. It'll make sense when we get there. It's just such a beautiful conversation. So I'm so happy to share this with you. If you haven't already, please do go and leave a review. The reviews help us reach more people and gain the trust of more people. So, go ahead and leave a review wherever you listen, and let's get onto the show. Twitter and IG : @hcdawes Website: hcdawes.com FB Group https://www.facebook.com NEWSLETTER: https://www.hcdawes.com/newsletter ----- Kimberley: Okay, welcome. I'm actually so excited to have this conversation. This was a really, really great one to me because I have with me Hayden Dawes. He is an aspiring compassion warrior – which I can't wait to hear more about what that means – a PhD student. He is a social worker and has been practicing for many years. So, thank you so much for coming on, Hayden. Hayden: I am so excited to be here, no one else can see us, but to see your smile, just to see a little of me. That just makes me even feel more welcome and more excited to be here. So, thank you. Kimberley: Yeah. I'm really excited. So, let me fan go on you for a second. For those who don't know, and you'll hear all of Hayden's work, Hayden has these really cool Instagram profile. I love the work you're doing with compassion, but we're also going to share a couple of other things that I love about your work. We'll talk about that here very soon, but tell me about the work you're doing around like an aspiring compassion warrior. Tell me what that means and how you are putting that out into the world. Hayden: Yeah. So, one of the things, I was raised in the Catholic church and Roman Catholic, and I've looked for different faith traditions, things that felt close to me and really fit my experience. So, stumbling upon Buddhism and more contemplative practices like Quakerism and Buddhism, and finding the idea of a Bodhisattva, someone that is willing to just do the tough work of delving deeply into what it means to be human, the suffering piece to it, and learning from that experience and then trying to help others along the way as we're all on this human journey. So, I said, "Bodhisattva is a mouthful. Why don't I call myself a compassion warrior?" And part of that is delving deeply into my own stuff, my own pains, and challenges so that I can learn more about myself and be compassionate with that and I can be compassionate with other people. Kimberley: Yeah, respiring. I actually think you're a warrior. I don't think you're aspiring. You could drop the aspiring. Hayden: It's interesting. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It's like, I think part of the journey is like, "Am I really aligned with that completely? What does the aspiring mean?" Sometimes taking it out of like, "Let me hold closer to this idea that this is what I am." So, I think that's influx too, but I appreciate that. Kimberley: Yeah, of course. Okay. So, we talk a lot about compassion here on the show, but I love those little twists that you bring into it. So, I'd love if you could share, you're often talking about the permission slip. Can you share it with everyone, for those who don't know what that means? Can you kind of give me a little rundown of what that is? Hayden: Yeah. So, back in 2018, I had a friend of mine share on Instagram, a haiku a day for 100 days. I thought, "I'm not counting out all of those syllables." But what I can do is following up on the work of Brené Brown. I was like, "I can write a permission slip to myself a day." I can slow down and center myself and think, "If I think about the whole day that I'm going to have, what is it that I most need? What is the thing that I might need to give to myself?" I also know from my clinical practice, and I'm sure you can relate to this, people will come in and they'll say, "I'm thinking about doing this," or "I'm thinking about doing that," and like, "Sweetie, let's slow down. You probably know exactly what you need to do." "What do I do?" I'm like, "Yeah, you're looking for me to give you permission to do that." So, I thought, "Well, what if we can just skip through that step?" What would it be like for me to start a practice that I was like, "I'm going to offer myself this permission to do whatever that I might need in the world for myself." Kimberley: Why do you think people need permission from

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 193. Hello, my loves, how are you? So, recently, I've been having lots of conversations with my patients and my clients around one really helpful metaphor around managing mental compulsions. Now, before we go into this, let me just do a quick overview. We have obsessions, which show up in the form of intrusive thoughts, intrusive feelings, like anxiety and uncertainty and doubt and guilt and disgust. There's intrusive thoughts, there's intrusive feelings, there's intrusive sensations, which is whatever physical sensations you experience that are intrusive and repetitive, and then intrusive urges. Urges like this urge – you feel like you're going out of control and you're about to hurt someone or you're about to harm someone or do something that is ineffective or not helpful in your life. We have these intrusive thoughts, feelings, sensations, and urges, and sometimes images as well. It might be a quick flash image of something scary. In effort to either solve that or remove that or lessen the discomfort of that, we engage in a compulsion. Now, the compulsion could be physical, like washing your hands or moving an object or so forth, checking something, or it can be mental. I'm really specifically, in this episode, talking about mental compulsions – the mental compulsion of trying to solve and ruminate on an obsession. A lot of you have said that mental compulsions are one of the most difficult to reduce or prevent or stop, and I think that's very, very, very common. When I'm talking with my patients about this, usually, they report that once they have the obsession, because we know that – let's sort of just preface – trying to prevent the thought or suppress the thought won't work. You're going to have these thoughts. Thoughts suppression usually makes you have the thought even more. We're not talking about thoughts suppression here, but what we are talking about is, once you identify that you've had the thought, how much attention do you give it and how much leash do you give it? This is the metaphor I want you to think of. When you've had this intrusive thought, think of the thought like a really baby puppy, like a really active bouncy baby puppy, and you've got the baby puppy on a leash. You're taking the puppy for a walk. Now often I'll ask my patients, "When you take your puppy for a walk, particularly if you live in a suburban or city area, which I do, do you give the puppy a long leash or do you give it a short leash? As you're walking down the sidewalk, are you letting the puppy walk down the middle of the road with a long leash, and then it jumps over the sidewalk into the garden, it pees on the garden and then wraps its leash around your legs, and then it takes you off into some at the park that you don't want to go into? Does it walk down a street that you don't want to walk down? Or do you keep the leash shorter? And what you're doing there is you're pulling it back. You're not allowing it to go into areas that you don't want it to go." Now, that's what I want you to think of in regards to mental compulsions. Once you know that you've had an intrusive thought, your job is to keep that thought on a short leash, meaning you don't explore the whole neighborhood and what it means and what it could happen, and this could happen, and that could happen, and let's go down the rabbit hole of trying to figure this out. Instead, you want to keep it on a shorter leash. Again, in this case, you're being really skilled in what road you're letting yourself go down or what rabbit hole you're letting yourself go down. The whole idea here is, keep your intrusive thoughts on a short leash. You still have the dog. You're not trying to get rid of the dog. You're not cutting the leash short and going, "Runaway, I don't want you." You're saying, "I have this thought. It's going to be here. I'm going to be very intentional on where I allow this thought to go. I'm going to be very intentional on how much I let this thought be the focus of the walk I'm taking." As you're walking your dog, you're not only looking at your dog. You're also looking at the path that you're walking on so you don't trip. You're looking at the nature around you. You're waving to the neighbor or however. You're engaging with the outside world. You're not just gripping and holding the leash and fighting it. This is important for you as you manage your mental compulsion. I'm going to say to you, this may be the most important skill you'll learn. The skill of managing mental compulsion is so important if you have generalized anxiety, OCD, social anxiety, health anxiety, depression. It's so important that we are skilled at setting boundaries with our mental compulsions or our rumination and our worry. All of these things are the same. Worry is just a form of mental compulsion. What we want to do is, if you notice that you're going way down the wrong street and you're going in the direction of doing mental compul

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 192. Welcome back, everybody. I am really excited to do this episode with you. It's a little bit different to episodes I've done in the past, which might be why I'm really excited about it, but it is a skill I have been practicing for several months. No, maybe more than that. I would actually say closer to six months to a year, and I was reflecting on, what are the things that... I took a lot about mindfulness skills and a lot about therapy skills and cognitive behavioral therapy skills, but is there something I haven't really talked about in terms of just lifestyle? And I thought this, of all the topics, is probably one of the things that helps me manage my anxiety and depression the most, literally the most. In fact, I would go as far as to say it has been probably one of the most important things that has helped me recover in my recovery, and I'm really excited to share it with you. Today, we're talking about how activity scheduling and managing your schedule can be a really important anxiety management tool. Before you completely sign off and say, "Oh my gosh, this is not for me," please just hear me out because there is so much greatness to being really intentional about your schedule and scheduling. A couple of reasons I say that is because, number one, if you are somebody who has a job or goes to school or has a mental illness, and that's really, really debilitating and taking up a lot of your time, or you have children or all of the above, it's really easy for the day to just come and go. And before you know it, you haven't gotten done what you wanted to get done. You're feeling more and more anxious about tomorrow. You're feeling more and more depressed about yourself and what you've got to do. You're feeling bombed out because you didn't get to prioritize your time. And that was exactly me. Every time I opened my eyes in the morning, I had this sensation of dread because I just was like, "Oh my gosh, today's going to be another huge day. I'm going to run all day. I'm in a rush all day," or "I'm going to feel anxiety all day." Let me tell you a couple of skills that I teach all of my clients because, as I've said before, this is something that they talked to me about, at least once in their treatment, is how to manage their time. Okay. I have learned and I have practiced this, like I said, for almost a year now – the art of scheduling in a way that is in the intention of benefiting my mental health. I don't schedule because I want to be super time efficient. I don't schedule because I want to get a ton done. I schedule for my mental health, literally. Forgive me, if you can hear beeping car alarm, it's been going all day. So I'm sorry if you hear that in the background. I literally schedule for my mental health. And what I have learned, I took a whole course on this, is one of the biggest mistakes we make with scheduling is we schedule what we have to do first, and that basically means we're prioritizing work and school and to-do's, instead of scheduling pleasure first. So that is what I want you to practice first. That already might be mind-blowing to you. You might be like, "Wait, what? Like pleasure? That's important?" Yes. Schedule your pleasure time first. Look at your schedule, even write it on a piece of scrap paper. What do you love to do? Make sure you schedule that something. Even if it's for 10 minutes, you schedule it every single day. Once you've done that, then you schedule what you need to do for your recovery. It may be different for every person. Some of you may need to schedule exposures, and again, be very intentional. Let's say you have a driving exposure. You have to go driving for your exposure and practice having intrusive thoughts, or you have to practice going and doing a certain thing that concerns you or scares you. You're going to schedule that time first. If you're not someone who's doing exposures, maybe you have to schedule time to correct your thinking or schedule your time to meditate. Schedule your time to read your mindfulness book. I have almost all of my patients read some kind of book that will complement their treatment all the time, meaning throughout treatment. Once they finish one book, I send them a book to read after that, and I tell them, "You don't need to read all day every day." I might ask you to read a page a day or a chapter a week, or whatever works for you, but schedule that in because really literally, I'll give you an example. I have a private practice and an online business, two complete businesses. I'm managing up to 15 to 20 people a week. If I worked at scheduling my to-do list first, I would never take care of myself. Never. I would only work for other people. I would only be doing a million to-do's. I would never get any exercise. I would never meditate. I would never have any time because I would have just clogged up my schedule with that. Reverse it. First, schedule your pleasure and then schedule

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 191. Well, welcome friends. How are you? How are you doing really? I want you to reflect for a second on just that... on just that question. How are you? I have not prepared for this episode. I just thought I would sit down and take some time to reflect some of, I'm sure, what I reflect on will be the first time I've reflected on it and not just that for reflecting with you. So what I wanted to talk with you guys about is life with a chronic illness or a disability. This is something that has shaken me a lot over the last, I would say two to three months. A lot of you have the background story with me, but if you're new here, welcome, and I'll tell you a quick background. In 2019, I got very sick. Through that process, I also got very... not just medically, but mentally struggled because of the symptoms that were incredibly debilitating. After pretty much every single medical test under the sun, I was diagnosed with a lesion in my brain, that they still don't know what it is, and a disorder called postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. It sounds scary and it can be scary, but mostly, it's a disorder to do with your autonomic nervous system and it basically involves lightheadedness and fainting and headaches and overall exhaustion and nausea and very, very big degree of brain fog. It can be mild and it can be very severe and extreme to the point where you can't stand up. For months and months and months, particularly throughout COVID, I have been doing my very best to manage this disorder and this syndrome and have been doing really, really well. I'm not going to lie, I thought I'd mastered this disorder. I really did. I think there was a cocky piece of me that was like, "Oh yeah, look at me." Once again, hard work pays off. And yes, it does. Hard work does pay off. But recently, I have been hit with another... I call it an event, another wave of POTS – POTS is the acronym for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome – and it has knocked me off my feet literally. Not figuratively. I think both. For those of you who don't know, I was, two weeks ago, taking a tennis lesson, a part of my attempts to take care of myself as I have cut back immensely with work. I've mentioned my kids are gone back to school and my husband's gone back to work. And so I really decided, I made a conscious decision to put my mental health first. I had started taking tennis lessons, and in the middle of my tennis lesson, it was very hot. I collapsed and had to go to the hospital. I'm sorry if this is scary for some of you. It had to be monitored and got IV bags and medications and all the things. Again, once again, I really thought this was a short-term thing. What I am reflecting on today is the realization that I'm not going to manage this. I'm not going to master it. This is something I will probably have to handle for the rest of my life. I was expecting to bounce back and I didn't. I've had many days of not being able to stand. I'm not able to drive. I can drive on certain days, depending on how busy I am, but I have mostly not been able to drive. I am unable to work out. I wear these most fabulous compression socks right now, the compression socks I'm wearing. I have bright colors in stripes. I have ones with spots and reindeers and all of the things. So, that's very fun. But no matter how much I hydrate, I'm struggling to eat and so forth. The reason I wanted to share this isn't just to... of course, I can share. I want to share with you. But the main reason I wanted to share with you is to talk about what it's like to wrap your head around long-term suffering. I'm really interested in this because I've been really mindful and watching my thoughts about this syndrome. I wonder if this resonates with you guys because a lot of you are dealing with either. A lot of you have reached out and said you have a chronic illness too, or chronic mental illness, anxiety, depression, or any of the disorders. What has been really interesting for me is to catch the thoughts I have around disability. now, the first thing – and I'm really open about this, and I'm really happy to share how far I have to go – is I didn't realize I had all this stigma around the word "disability." I have a career in people with disabilities or struggles or long-term chronic stuff. I wouldn't judge anybody else, but interestingly, as soon as I had to recognize, I kept saying, "I don't know why this happened. I don't know why this happened. Why did this happen? This shouldn't have happened." My doctors said, "No, you're going to have really big ups and really big downs. That's going to happen. That is a part of this disability." I really was able to observe how judgmental I was about that in myself. The word "disability" was not okay with me, the word "long-term chronic illness." I was like, "Uh-uh, no way, I will solve this," until I had to be like, "Wait, that's a lot of energy, negative energy on something that does not s

This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 190. Welcome back, everybody. Hello, Happy Friday, for those of you who are listening on the release day, and happy day to you who are not. Okay. Well, how are you? How is everybody doing? I am sitting in my bedroom. We've actually had to completely rearrange because our life is changing so much here at the Quinland house. Kids are at school and people are in and out of the house, and it's very, very different. So I'm coming to you from my room, and life just continues to change. Have you guys noticed that? It does continue to change. I cannot keep up with it. We embrace. We adapt. We are flexible. We keep trying. We are gentle with ourselves, and that's the best we can do. Today, I wanted to talk with you guys about questions. I have been sort of... What I would say is 'reflecting,' but I would actually say, a better word is 'studying' the art of asking better questions, and this has been life-changing to me. It has been a practice that I have adopted as per advice of a colleague and a friend in terms of catching the story you tell yourself and asking better questions. Catching the poorly written questions that we now ask ourselves on habit, right? We just habitually ask ourselves not very skilled questions. Let me explain to you more about this. When something happens – and you can even do it here together – when something happens in your life, let's say in the last week or so, something unexpected, unwanted, maybe not so ideal happens, I want you to check in and say, "What is the question I ask?" Some of you may say, it's a really simple what-if thought question. Like, what if such and such happens? What if ABC happens? What if XYZ happens? Not a super-skilled question mainly because it's so open-ended and it's so in the pursuit of removal of that discomfort. We've talked a lot about being uncertain. We've talked a lot about willingly allowing discomfort. Other questions that I have observed my patients asking themselves or reflecting on lately are questions like: What is wrong with me? So they have an uncomfortable, unexpected, not-so-great experience, and their immediate question is: "What's wrong with me?" And that question never ends. Well, rarely would you have the thought "what's wrong with me," and then you respond by going, "Nothing is wrong with me, I am a normal human being responding in the way that any other human being would respond." We don't answer those questions. The question sets us up for a failure, just like what-if. Another one is: "How can I make this go away?" Now, in some cases, this would actually be a really adaptive question. So, let's say you have an ant invasion in your house. It makes sense. Because we're highly functioning human beings and we have adapted over time, it makes sense that our question would be: "How can I make this go away?" That in and of itself could be a good question, a solid, skilled question. But when it comes to our emotions, it's really not. It actually gets us into tons of trouble. Asking ourselves how we can make this go away usually means we're going to probably have more of it and we're going into resistance mode. Another one, which I see a lot of, and I've actually done a whole podcast on this one before, which is: "Why is this happening to me? It's such an innocent question, but yet it gets us into so much trouble because the answer isn't that great. Why is this happening to me? Nobody knows. It's not the answer we are looking for. Or the answer you probably catch giving yourself is, it's because there's something wrong with you. Go back to the first question because you did it wrong or because you shouldn't have, or because you're bad, or because you're weak, or because... The list goes on and on and on. It's rare that you'll go, "Why is this uncomfortable thing happening? Oh, because uncomfortable things happen sometimes." Again, none of these are bad questions. They're just not super effective. Another one, and this is the last one I'll use as an example, is: "What does this mean?" Oh, that's a really bad one. It can get us into so much trouble. "What does this mean?" And before you know it, you're 20 minutes in going around and around, trying to give meaning to something, which probably has no meaning at all. The reason I really want you to first reflect on what questions are you asking yourself is you'll probably find that the questions you're asking yourself are setting you up for self-criticism, self-doubt, punishment, a lot of negativity, maybe for some really unhelpful emotions, and we want to get better at asking better questions. We want to be skilled at asking skilled questions. The questions we ask ourselves can then move us to and into an action that helps us and is beneficial and effective and kind and less work. Less work is good. We don't want questions that, again, can give you more work. Go back to "How can I make this go away?" Oh my goodness. That's a lot of work. Okay. Let me give you s

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Hello friends, you are going to love this episode. Holy smokes, I just recorded it, so you've got me fresh, and I'm so excited. I just had such an amazing conversation with Mike Heady. He is an LCPC and he treats OCD and anxiety disorders. We talked about shame and shame and shame and shame, and he brought so much wisdom. You guys are going to love this episode. It is packed full of all the good stuff. So, I'm not going to waste your time. I just want you to get straight there and listen to it. Before we get started, if you haven't left a review, please do so. I love getting reviews from you. When we get good reviews, it doesn't just stroke my ego. That's not the point. It is because the more reviews we get, the more people will come and listen to the podcast, which means then I get to help people with these incredible tools, these science-based tools. Hopefully, even just from today, if you're first time listening, welcome. We are talking about shame, and you are going to get so much from this. So if you are listening, please do leave a review. I would be so grateful. And enjoy the show. ----- Kimberley: Welcome. I am so excited to have with us today, Mike Heady. He is an LCPC. That's correct. Right? Michael: That is, yes. Kimberley: Yes. We're going to have a conversation that actually might be my favorite topic in the whole of the podcast. We're talking about shame. So, welcome. Michael: Thanks for having me. I share your passion for the conversation. Kimberley: Yes. Not that I love shame, but I like talking about shame. Michael: Yes. I agree. It's hard to say you love shame. It's like saying I love fear. Kimberley: Exactly. So, why are you interested in this topic? Michael: It's been a professional evolution for me, originally being trained to treat anxiety disorders and OCD. We talk a lot about fear and uncertainty and we have a ceremonial way of responding to shame. We're like, "Oh yeah, and there's a shame too." In the last couple of years, I've really done a deep dive into like, "Well, what is this?" Because a lot of clients are having a hard time getting better. I don't think it's the fear that's hard for them to get past sometimes. I don't think it's the uncertainty. I think it's the shame. I think it's a different animal. When I started doing a lot of digging, I realized there's a whole world of shame out there in the literature, and how it applies to OCD fascinated me. So, that's my new passion project. Kimberley: Yeah. Same. Exact same experience. Also seeing how much fear in and of itself is a generator of suffering. But as you said, there's this shame that's generating suffering at exponential levels. So, I'm so grateful to have this conversation with you. for those who are listening and who might not really understand shame, would you be interested in giving me your working definition of what shame is? Michael: Sure. Are you okay if I elaborate on it a little bit? Kimberley: Yeah. Go for it. Michael: Okay. I think a good definition is that shame is a really painful, aversive, unpleasant emotional experience. Fear or disgust, it's natural or instinctive for us to want to back away and get rid of shame. Shame is often brought on by some kind of real or perceived violation of a social norm that we actually believe in. So it's not this mystical emotional thing. It's a thing either real or perceived occurred. And then I experienced this negative, painful emotion of shame. That's the short version of the definition. I think it's worth talking about shame as having two levels of shame. We might call an adaptive kind of shame, the shame where we view it as a response to a specific episode, rather than some generalizable character flaw or full-on assault of our identity. I violated something I believed in, I feel bad, which is different than guilt because guilt is about apologizing to the other person for something you've done. But I might feel bad for violating a norm I believe in. Okay, there's nothing toxic about that. There's another level of shame that we tend to want to talk about more. It's the toxic shame. That's the shame that is unworkable. It's always unhelpful. It is a response to a perceived or real violation of a norm that has broad sweeping characteristics to it. It is a full-on assault on our identity. It is a condemnation of the self. That's the toxic shame. I can wrap up this as saying, what was incredibly helpful for me when I was going deep dive into what shame was is, yes, shame is an emotion. We know what emotions are. We all fe

Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, everybody. Thank you so much for joining me. I know your time is very valuable and precious, so thank you for spending your time with me. Oh goodness, I have so much to reflect on with you today. I've had a few aha moments, which I wanted to share with you because I wondered if I'm having these aha moments, maybe you are too. Let's just actually get straight to it. Shall we? Because it's funny for me to say this to you. I'm sort of embarrassed to say this, but I also think it's very hilarious. I consider myself to be a very mindful person. I really do. When I'm struggling, I always practice what I preach. I observe that I'm struggling. I bring my attention back to the present. I engage back into the present and I usually feel better. This has been a profound practice for me in my life. I teach it to you guys because of how much of a huge difference it has made to me. What has been really interesting is, I have taken some time off. I'm slowing down with work. My children have gone back to school. To adjust, we've had some massive, massive adjustments in our family. My husband took a year off work to be with the kids, so he could be their teacher. I, when COVID hit, went deep into just so much work and was really working to support the family in a way that I hadn't had to do before. I'm so grateful and I really recognize how privileged we were to have this environment and this experience because I was writing a book and I had my clients and there's just no way he could have gone to work. So, he's gone back to work. My children have gone back to school. I'm still finishing up the final stages of the book. So, it's been such a huge difference for me. Because of this, I actually have been working with a coach, which usually I go to therapy every week. My therapist and I agreed that I would take some time off because I really felt like I was doing everything that she had given me. I was really feeling like my mindfulness skills are really helping me. What was so interesting was that my coach – and this is not a coach for anxiety, this is more of a life coach – brought to my attention – and this is where it's really funny – that even though my mindfulness skills are really effective and so healing and wonderful, he felt – and I thought it was shocking to start with, but I think he's right– that I'm using it to avoid feeling my feelings and avoid feeling the sensations of anxiety. Now, when he told me this, I'm not going to lie, I wanted to smack him upside the face. I was just really mad about it. I was like, "What? You're telling me, I'm just this girl of mindfulness?" I don't really see myself as a girl, but my ego was like, "I'm a guru at this. I'm so good at this. You're telling me that it's not effective?" I took some time. I shook off the pride, the pride issues that I was having, and I really let what he was saying to sink in. He's 100%, right. I really am so grateful for this opportunity to be called out on this one. So here I am sharing with you that I too am going through a layered experience of recovery. As many of you know, I've had an eating disorder, I've had anxiety my whole life. I have struggled with depression. I have struggled with medical issues that have been really, really stressful on myself and my family. I have handled them mostly really well, I think, but it never occurred to me in this idea of recovery that I may be bypassing the opportunity to really do some work around uncomfortable feelings and uncomfortable sensations. Here I am. I'm going to teach you what I'm practicing. Now, I've made some adjustments. Instead of noticing my discomfort and suffering, I tend to it with mindfulness and self-compassion. But instead of jumping straight into those skills, which are so good, by the way, I'm not discounting. These skills are gold. If you have mindfulness skills, it's better than gold. It's more valuable than gold or anything else that you could get. So I still am going to use those, but there's this teeny tiny little space before that where I'm actually practicing feeling, allowing, and tolerating uncomfortable sensations, allowing uncomfortable feelings to be there. Now, I know the title of this episode is How to Tolerate Uncomfortable Sensations. The reason I've done that is because even though I realized emotions was the thing I was avoiding, really when I get down to it and we break down a feeling, a feeling is just a combination of a thought with a sensation. I've done episodes on how to tolerate thoughts, but I really

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today we have on Christian Newman, the Health Anxiety Coach, to continue our discussion on health anxiety. Christian was on the podcast a while back and because we get so many questions about health anxiety, we decided it would be great to have him on again to answer some of your questions. On this episode, Christian answers "How do I know if my symptoms are anxiety or something else?", "Is there anything other than CBT and ERP that I can use to treat health anxiety?", "How do I stop googling my symptoms?", "How do I stop focusing on sensations?", and "How do I learn to accept a doctor's diagnosis?" Christian also shares a bit about his 30 day detox program to help you recover from health anxiety. Follow Christian on Instagram @healthanxiety.coach If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast. Today, we are going to talk about BFRB's. Now, a BFRB is body-focused repetitive behavior. Many of you know, I am an Anxiety Specialist; I specialize in OCD and OCD-related disorders. Those related disorders can involve body-focused repetitive behaviors including hair pulling, skin picking, and nail-biting. Today, I want to give you eight tips to help you manage your BFRB. This is also really helpful if you have any behavior in your life that you want to adjust and change. It is also helpful if you are a family member or a loved one of someone with a BFRB. The eight tips we are going to discuss today are: Identify specifically where you're engaging in your body-focused repetitive behavior. Identify when you engage in your BFRB. Identify what emotions trigger your BFRB. Identify what thoughts you are having. Find alternative behaviors. Block the behavior specifically related to the body part. Find support. Practice self-compassion daily. Above all else, I want you all to remember that you are not your BFRB. You are way more than this thing that you struggle with. You have so many other beautiful characteristics and strengths and abilities. If you can introduce a self-compassion practice, you will find immense benefit from just gently nurturing the suffering that you are feeling. This is so important for everybody, but particularly for those who are really hard on themselves. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I want to talk to you about a question that recently was asked by one of my awesome Instagram followers. This person asked me "Kimberley, how do I relax and be self-compassionate when I suddenly find myself with extra time on my hands?" This is such a fantastic question and a really timely one as well. So today we are going to discuss the skill of sitting still. Ask yourselves "When was the last time you allowed yourself to sit still?" and "When was the last time you allowed the discomfort you may be feeling to just be there?" Maybe you are thinking to yourselves that you have done nothing but sit still since COVID began, but even if this is true when was the last time you sat still and created space for your emotions to rise and fall? When was the last time you allowed yourself to experience your emotions and feelings without judgment? This is key. You may have been sitting still, but you may have been judging yourself at the same time. True restoration begins when you allow those emotions and feelings to be there without judgment. Are you resisting, pushing away, avoiding, or judging? Or are you willingly allowing yourself to feel all of the feelings? Often when we are stressed, we try to busy ourselves. This is usually an attempt to not feel the discomfort. Ask yourself, are my actions effective in the long term? Resisting, avoiding, and distraction may feel helpful in the short term, but is it really effective for the long term? I invite you to slow down and gently and compassionately make space for the present moment. You may not feel an overwhelming sense of calm and that is OK. Your self-compassion is not done to remove your discomfort, it is done to soothe the discomfort. I am asking you to try slowing down. To schedule time to just be still. Allow the discomfort and the quiet. Make space for all of your feelings and emotions as they rise and fall. I hope this was helpful and I hope that you remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today we have on the amazing Joshua Fletcher who some of you may know from Instagram as Anxiety Josh. Joshua is a psychotherapist in the UK as well as someone with lots of lived experience with anxiety disorders. He is here today to talk to us specifically about panic attacks and panic disorder. Joshua shares his lived experience with panic, derealization/depersonalization, agoraphobia, and anxiety. He tells about his first panic attack and how that led to multiple panic attacks per day. This led him to planning his days around how to avoid having another panic attack. He shares the importance of psychoeducation for people who are experiencing any kind of anxiety disorder including panic. This is not for reassurance purposes, rather it is important to demystify the experience of anxiety. Once you learn what is happening, the anxiety loses some of it's grip. We know that anxiety thrives in the uncertainty and the unknown so becoming educated on what is happening in your brain and body is really so crucial for recovery. Joshua discusses hypervigilance and how this really is at the heart of anxiety disorders. He gives some tips and tools to help if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder including panic disorder. We end the discussion by talking a bit about self-compassion and how important it is to recovery. I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did. Joshua has so much wisdom to share and I think you will find his words not only helpful if you are struggling with an anxiety disorder, but also really inspirational as well. Instagram @AnxietyJosh Click here to find links to Joshua's books, podcast, and more! If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I want to share with you the 5 mindfulness tips that I use with my clients to help manage symptoms of anxiety and depression. The first tip is to observe. Instead of taking thoughts as fact, try simply observing your thoughts. An example may be "I am having the thought that bad things may happen." The second tip is to be curious. If you are able to be curious, you can actually change the narrative. Instead of being rigid, try being open to other possibilities. The third tip is to leave judgment behind. We often make the statement that our thoughts and feelings are wrong. Instead leave out the judgment and try "I am noticing this feeling is making me uncomfortable." This brings you back to a place of objectivity. The fourth tip is to be present. Bring your attention back to the present moment. Try to not focus on the past or the future. The fifth and final tip is to catch the stories you tell yourself. Be very careful when you say things such as "I can't handle this." Try to reframe that statement with "I can tolerate the discomfort." or "I can do hard things." I hope these tips have been helpful to you. I know that I find them incredibly helpful and use them often myself and with my own children. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today we are discussing Exposure and Response Prevention or ERP. So what exactly is ERP? Well, many years ago a psychologist created exposure therapy, which is where we expose people to their fears. If you were afraid of dogs, we would expose you to pictures of dogs and then videos of dogs and then we would probably ask you to go pet a dog, that is exposure therapy. This was found to be highly successful; however, over the course of time, more research suggested that doing exposures alone is good, but it doesn't completely address the whole picture of OCD because OCD does not just involve obsessions, it also involves compulsions. Exposure therapy did not really address compulsions. So a different method was added on and that is the response prevention. You expose yourself to your fear and then you would do response prevention, which would mean you would not engage in the compulsion to remove the discomfort, uncertainty, or anxiety that you are feeling. ERP is a treatment that addresses both the obsession by exposing and the compulsion by doing response prevention. Now, this is groundbreaking and the research has shown that the outcomes are really good, which is wonderful because for many years, we did not have a great treatment for OCD. Since then we have actually added on other modalities to make it even better. We have inhibitory learning, acceptance and commitment therapy, compassion focused therapy, and mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy. All of these additional modalities really help to increase motivation and help to manage your discomfort as it rises and falls. A lot of people will ask if ERP can work if you do not engage in physical compulsions because as we know many people with OCD will engage in hidden compulsions that no one can see. Those are typically avoidance and mental compulsions. From the outside you may never know that they are struggling with mental compulsions all day because they are ruminating and playing out potential scenarios in their minds. It is so important to identify the mental or avoidant compulsions you are doing and that would be a part of your ERP as well. So that's ERP in a nutshell. Is it easy? Oh no, it's not easy. Is it hard? Oh yes, it is hard. But what am I about to say, say it with me everybody, it is a beautiful day to do hard things. Can you do hard things? Absolutely. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Beginning today March 19th and continuing until April 1st, ERP School will be available with bonus material. This will be an amazing training on the motivational skills Kimberley teaches her clients to help them in their treatment and recovery! Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today we are so lucky to have Dr. Jonathan Grayson on with us again. Dr. Grayson is a psychologist who has been specializing in the treatment of OCD for more than 40 years. He is also the author of Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and founder of The Grayson LA Treatment Center for Anxiety and OCD. He is here today to talk to us about magical thinking. I am actually getting asked a lot recently about magical thinking. People have a lot of questions about what it is and how it relates to OCD and anxiety. Dr. Grayson starts off by giving us his definition of magical thinking. He explains that magical thinking is really on a continuum. On one end you may have a person without OCD who engages in minor superstitions and on the far end you may have a person with OCD who has magical thinking that is actually interfering in their daily life. He says that most of the time with OCD, the magical thinking does not seem to have an obvious connection between the fear and the ritual. Dr. Grayson spends a good amount of time discussing magical thinking in the context of spiritual and religious beliefs as well as how magical thinking relates to scrupulosity. He also shares his thoughts on scapegoating as a form of magical thinking. He shares with us a bit about how someone can get better and overcome magical thinking. He says that this is really just about taking the risk of uncertainty similar to all OCD treatment. He says you should ask yourself "Is this magical thinking actually working? Is it bringing you any peace?" This episode is full of such wisdom. I learned a lot myself and I hope you all will find it helpful. Dr. Grayson's book, Freedom from OCD, is now out as an audiobook! Click here for more information. The Grayson LA Treatment Center for Anxiety & OCD If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Beginning today March 19th and continuing until April 1st, ERP School will be available with bonus material. This will be an amazing training on the motivational skills Kimberley teaches her clients to help them in their treatment and recovery! Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. We have a lot to tackle in this episode! We are going to be talking about a really important topic which has a lot of confusion surrounding it. Today we are going to explore the difference between an intrusive thought and a mental compulsion. OCD starts with an obsession. This is an intrusive, repetitive, unwanted thought, feeling, sensation or urge that you cannot control this. Once you've had that intrusive thought, feeling, sensation and urge, you usually feel anxious and uncomfortable because it is unwanted. You then have this natural instinct to try and remove the discomfort and the uncertainty that you feel. This is what we call a compulsion. Usually we feel some form of relief from the compulsion, but this becomes a problem because it only reinforces to our brain that the thought was important. Your brain continues to send out the alarm that the thought must mean something. Now many of us are aware of the form that physical compulsions can take such as hand-washing, jumping over cracks, moving objects and so forth. Actually one of the most common compulsions is mental and that takes the form of rumination. The problem people run into is that rumination is sometimes hard to identify. That is why I am doing this episode because so many people have asked, how do I differentiate between the intrusive thought and a mental compulsion? And what do I do? We know we should not be blocking thoughts, so how do we stop mental compulsions. If I'm not supposed to suppress my thoughts, what am I supposed to do if I catch myself doing mental compulsions? Is stopping mental compulsions thought suppression?" I would say, technically, no. But it depends. Let's go straight to the solution. We want to acknowledge that we're having an intrusive thought, feeling, sensation or urge or an image. our job is to do nothing about it. We need to do our best not to solve that uncertainty or remove ourselves from that discomfort. That's our goal. And then our job is to reintegrate ourselves back into a behavior that we were doing, or we would be doing, had we not had this thought. So here is an example. Let's say I'm typing. I have an intrusive thought about whether I'm going to harm my child. So I have this, I'm going to acknowledge that it's there. I'm actually going to practice not trying to make that thought go away. But instead, bring that sensation or thought with me while I type on my computer. As I'm typing, I'm going to notice the sensations of my fingertips on the keyboard. I'm going to notice the smell of the office. I'm going to notice the temperature of the room I'm in. And I'm going to then catch if my mind directs away from this activity towards trying to solve. If I catch myself trying to solve it then I am going to bring my attention back to what I'm doing. I find that if I'm getting caught in some kind of mental rumination, I get down on the ground and I start playing with my son. The OCD may continue to try and get your attention, but you are going to continue with what you are doing and not engage with the thoughts. It is important to remember that compulsions feed you back into a cycle where you will have more obsessions, which will feed you back into having more compulsion's. It's a cycle. We call it the Obsessive Compulsive Cycle. So we really want to sort of be skilled in our ability to identify the difference. This is really, really hard work. I think about when you're originally first learning anything, everything is really confusing and everything looks kind of the same. When you first start doing it, these are going to look very similar and it's going to be difficult to differentiate the difference, but once you get better at being around this and labeling it and catching it, you will be able to see the differences in these two things, even if it's very, very nuanced or they look very, very similar. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Coming in March 19th ERP School will be available with bonus material! Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Coming March 15th, we are offering our free training, The 10 Things You Absolutely Need to Know About OCD. Transcript of Ep. 180 This is Your Anxiety Toolkit episode number 180. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goa

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I want to focus a bit on OCD treatment. I want to share with you all 8 tips that I think will really help to fast-track your OCD treatment. The first tip is to get support. That may people from people in your life or it may be from social media, organizations in the OCD community, or online support groups. The second tip is to pace yourself. Find a pace that works well for you, not too fast, not too slow. The third tip is to give yourself time to feel all the feelings about your OCD treatment. You are likely going to ride a wave of emotions and that is OK. The fourth tip is to stop judging yourself for your obsessions and compulsions. Being critical of yourself on serves to get in the way of your recovery. So go easy on yourself. The fifth tip is to embrace uncertainty. Learning to live with uncertainty is key to recovery in OCD treatment. The sixth tip is to stare your fear in the face everyday. Remember when we turn away from our fear, OCD only becomes stronger. The key is to do those hard things. The seventh tip is to find your motivation. What is your motivation for wanting to get better? The eight and final tip is understanding and accepting that you cannot control your thoughts. The only thing you can control is your reaction to those thoughts. I hope these tips will help as you progress through your OCD treatment. If I can leave you with just one thought that would be "It's a beautiful day to do hard things." If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Coming in March 19th ERP School will be available with bonus material! Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Coming March 15th, we are offering our free training, The 10 Things You Absolutely Need to Know About OCD. Transcript of Ep. 179 This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 179. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, my friends. Hello, Happy Friday. This is when it's released. If you're not listening to this on a Friday, Happy whatever day you're listening, Happy Day. How are you? Take a breath. Where are you? What are you doing? What do you see? What do you smell? It's a beautiful day. Thank you for being here with me. It is a beautiful day to do hard things, as always. But today, we're actually talking about exactly that, talking about how to do really hard things in the form of talking about the eight things you can do to fast-track your recovery. It could be OCD recovery, it could be health anxiety, panic disorder, eating disorder, whatever it may be. But we're probably going to put a focus today on OCD, mainly because I am getting ready. This is very exciting. Let me go off on a tangent. I'm getting ready to relaunch the free training that we offer twice a year called The 10 Things You Absolutely Need to Know about OCD. It's a free training. We've offered it now for almost three years, and I offer it twice a year over... not over a thousand, over tens of thousands of people have watched this training. It's quite amazing. So many people have given me amazing feedback on it. A lot of people have said that this was their first introduction to OCD and the education to OCD. I'm just so happy to share this with you. We will be releasing this training again on March 15, so get ready. I will send you all the details when we get there, but for right now, you could just get really excited and you can listen to this episode, which is really again, talking about not the basics of OCD, even though a lot of people who've taken that free training said they go back every time I launch it and rewatch it because it's a really great reboot on these major basic concepts. Today, we're going to talk about bigger concepts, like really looking at treatment and how to fast-track it. So, let's get started. Before we start, actually, again, I'm going to ask you for a favor, if you would have a moment and you feel so inclined, please go and leave a review. I am on a

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today we have on an amazing guest and therapist, Menije Boduryan. Menije is an OCD specialist as well as a specialist on perfectionism. She is here today to talk to us about perfectionism and to give us some tips on how to manage perfectionism in our own lives. Menije defines perfectionism as a drive to do things perfectly with anything less than 100% being unacceptable. It is a desire to want everything to be flawless and in that desire, comes a lot of expectations or rules that people set for themselves. She explains that perfectionism becomes a mindset and you begin to operate in the world expecting yourself to be perfect, as well as your partner, your best friend, your clothes, your work desk, what you eat, and how you exercise to all be perfect. It becomes powerful because our self-identity becomes so attached to this idea of being perfect. It is not just about the desire to do things perfectly, but it also becomes a belief that once you do things perfectly, then you are enough, you are worthy. Menije shares with us a bit about her own struggles with perfectionism and how perfectionism impacts our relationships. She describes how it is really possible to fall into a cycle with perfectionism. If you fall short in something you are doing, which you inevitably will, you start into the cycle of feeling shame and that you are not good enough so you then strive to work harder the next time to achieve that level of perfection. Menije shares with us one of the best ways to break out of that cycle of perfectionism is really to just give ourselves a tremendous amount of self-compassion. Recognizing that whatever happens today, I am worthy and I am enough. She also describes that breaking out of the cycle involves being able to tolerate your imperfections. Really being able to sit with the discomfort and anxiety that will come when you have done something that is not perfect. She describes it as very similar to exposure therapy. This interview is full of so many amazing insights. I hope you will find it as helpful and as meaningful as I did. Menije's Instagram @dr.menije If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Coming in March ERP School will be available with bonus material! Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I want to talk about a concept that is really important to long-term recovery or just life in general, which is this question: Does this bring me closer to my long term goals? Now, human beings are very reactionary. When there is an event, we quickly do a little data check in our brain. Is it safe? Can we proceed? Should we run away? Should we freeze? Should we just freak out? We have the whole process that happens in a millisecond, and then we respond. Now the fight-flight-freeze system of the brain keeps us alive. It's a reaction we have to danger. So if there is a lion, we know to either freeze, run away or fight it. For those with an anxiety disorder, we often go into the fight-flight-freeze when there isn't any real danger. The more we react, the more we enforce our fears and the more that we get stuck in a cycle of reaction. One of the most helpful things in life for me has been to step back and look at the cycle, look at the trends and ask myself, does this behavior, does this reaction bring me closer to my long term goals? If you can, just practice slowing down and pausing and saying to yourself "Wait a second. Is there a trend in my reaction?" I often say to my clients that my job is pretty simple. My job is to help you find the trends, find the patterns. If there is a pattern of reaction, that is where I intervene. I want you to be able to look at the patterns and the trends, and then decide for yourself what is good for you. We cannot live just in reaction because that is when we get stuck. So I want you to try asking yourself "Does this behavior bring me closer to my long term goals?" Remember to be gentle with yourselves and give yourselves a huge amount of self-compassion. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Coming in March ERP School will be available with bonus material! Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Transcript Ep. 177 Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, friends. I am so happy to have you with me. How are you doing? How are you all? Sending you so much love. Checking in with you. Hey, how are you doing friend? Number one, thank you for being my friends. It really, really is wonderful. Up to this point, let me just reflect on something really quick. When I first started creating the podcast, I would look at the microphone and just talk into the abyss. Just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, say what I want to say, and get done. The cool thing is I was just reflecting on this before. Now that I have met quite a few of you at either conferences or events or on social media or on the Facebook group, which is CBT School Campus, you can go to it's a private group, and I know your faces, now I have this wonderful experience where I can look into the microphone and actually see your faces. It's been so fun to actually meet you guys and just be like, "Oh great." I know I have another face. Hello, welcome. Thank you for being here. I know your time is so precious and I'm so grateful that I get to spend this time of yours together. Let's get straight to the episode. In the last few episodes, these are building on each other. We talked about self-compassion. Last week, I talked about the lies we tell ourselves which, PS, was a really hard conversation. Ain't going to lie. I hope that was a safe, healthy conversation. If you didn't hear it, go back because it was me sharing my own experience of telling lies to myself and to my family, and really just breaking down the judgment around that. So, go back and listen. And me sharing with my family and with you guys about how I'm going to change. Now today, I want to talk about a concept that is really, really important to long-term recovery in or just life in general, which is this question: Does this bring me closer to my long-term goals? Now, human beings are very reactionary. This is why we have survived for millions of years. When ther

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today we are going to have a hard conversation and it honestly is causing a little bit of anticipatory anxiety for me. I want to talk to you about the lies we tell ourselves. You might be thinking "I don't tell lies. What are you talking about? I am a good person." So I want you to hear me out for a little bit and I want to share an experience I had this week. I realized that I had been telling a lie to myself and to my family about my choice to continue working so hard. I really want to take the stigma, the judgment, and the shame out of lies and just admit that we do it. That's my main hope for today. Let's just acknowledge that we sometimes lie to ourselves. We lie to other people, and we do it, not because we're horrible human beings, but because we're trying to protect ourselves. It's a safety behavior. We're trying to protect the story we create, and I had created this whole story of why I had to work so hard. So I sat down and thought about the lies we tell ourselves and I want to share those with you today. The first lie is "I can't." We have to stop saying "I can't." We may want to start replacing it with "I won't" or "I'm not choosing to". That is actually a better way of saying the same thing without it being a lie. The second lie is "I am less worthy than other people." We sometimes tell ourselves that we are less than, but that is a lie. We have to catch ourselves before we buy into that story. The third lie is "Just this one time." As we go to do something, even if we know in our hearts it's not healthy, by just saying, "Oh, just this once I'll do it." That is a lie, because typically is not just this once. The fourth lie is "I should be able to do this by myself." Let's get rid of the word 'should' here. If you need help, it is ok to ask for support. The fifth lie is "I can't upset other people." Actually it is not that you do not want to upset other people, you really do not want to tolerate your discomfort that goes along with hurting other people or making other people upset. So there are a few lies we tell ourselves. Think about them. Be very gentle and tender with yourself. Take your time with this. You may want to put your foot in the water and pull it out really quickly because it's too painful, but then practice. I've been doing this for several years and it has very much benefited me. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Transcript Ep. 176 This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 176. Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, guys. Today is going to be a hard conversation between you and me. Are you ready? Oh my goodness. Thank you for coming. I'm actually really excited about these episodes. Some anxiety-provoking. I'm having some anticipatory anxiety. I'm noticing some tightness in my chest, shortness of breath. That's what we want to do when we're feeling anxious. We want to just check in, where is it? We want to breathe into it and allow it. We want to honor it. We want to just go, "Yeah, it's okay to feel this. It's not my fault, but I'm going to allow it." And then we want to lean in to do the hard thing. Today, we're going to do that. Today, we're going to talk about the lies that we tell ourselves. Now, your initial reaction might be like, "Huh, I don't tell lies. I'm a good person. I'm not a liar. Don't tell me I'm a liar." That is not what I'm saying, but I am, mainly because I have to tell you something that happened to me this last week because I, myself, am a liar. If you're not a liar, that's fine. I am a liar. So, let's address that. This last week, I have been editing, editing, editing, editing. There are so many stages of writing this book. I thought you just wrote a book and sent it in, and were like, "Thank you for letting me write a book. Good luck with finishing it." It turns out that's not the case. You write the book. Then they c

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I want to talk about something that is so important to me. This is also something I think we all need a little reminder about from time to time and that is the importance of self-compassion. Today I want to share an exercise on how to practice self-compassion. I want you to imagine that someone you care about comes to you and says that they are struggling or having a hard time. What is your first reaction likely to be? You probably will say something along the lines of "Oh I'm so sorry. How can I help you?" Now I want you to try this same approach the next time you are struggling. You can learn how to practice self-compassion by treating yourself how you would treat a loved one or even a stranger who is struggling. Stop and say to yourself "Ok you are in pain. Let's tend to that pain." Our work is really to tend to ourselves the way we would tend to others. Respect ourselves the way we respect others. There is no exception to this. You deserve kindness every step of the way. The awesome thing about self-compassion is that it has been shown to reduce depression and anxiety, improve treatment outcomes and improve quality of life. So let's learn how to practice self-compassion and really honor how we are feeling, giving ourselves the same loving kindness that we show to others. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Transcript of Episode 175 Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back lovely, lovely friends. How are you? How are you doing? Just checking in with you guys. Thank you again for being here with me. Once again, I am so grateful that you choose to spend your time with me. So thank you so much. Today's episode is a little bit of an impromptu, mainly because I recently did an Instagram post, and it's on a concept I talk about all the time, but it got a lot of traction. It really made me realize that maybe you needed that reminder. I always think it's interesting when a concept sticks really heavily with people. It makes me realize like, "Oh, okay, that's where I need to head. That's the direction that people obviously need help." Let me share with you what this concept was. One of the core concepts of self-compassion is to treat yourself how you would treat someone else if they themselves were suffering. What I want to do is, I want you to go with me on a little exercise, just to check in and see if there are any areas that you could up your self-compassion game, because if you're going to up your self-compassion game, every single goal of mine has been won and we can all go home really, really happy. It's one of my core missions. A part of my mission statement is to hopefully create a world of people who have anxiety, who stopped to treat themselves better, kinder, more compassionately, more respectfully, just nicer. Here's the exercise. I want you to think back to a time where someone you love deeply was struggling. If you can't think of a time, just imagine it. Think of someone who you care about, who you genuinely wish well. Think about them coming to you and them saying, "Hey, I'm having a hard time." Now, when someone you love, someone you care for, someone you wish to be well, comes to you and says, "I'm having a hard time. I am suffering," what is your immediate response? Usually, our immediate response is, "Oh my goodness. That is so painful. I'm so sorry. You're going through that. How can I help? What can I do to support you?" That's the best kind of care. Now, for those of you who, when I originally asked the question, had a different reaction, that's fine too. It's common that when someone else is suffering, sometimes we may feel defensive or we may feel angry because we haven't got the space for it. Or we may feel resentful because we assume their pain doesn't compare to our pain. If you had any of those reactions, that's fine. I'm not here to te

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast. Today I want to share with you all something that has been going on for a while now. For months, I have been harassed online by an anonymous troll who has been leaving really terrible, disgusting comments on my social media accounts. I want to share with you today some ways that I have dealt with this situation and to really give you some tools to manage the bully in your life, whether that takes the form of a real person or if that bully takes the form of fear and anxiety. Initially I tried doing what I would do when I am faced with fear. I simply tried not engaging. These are the same tools you would use to manage intrusive thoughts and anxiety, which is, you just don't engage with them. You set strong boundaries and you bring your attention back to the things that you value. So I was trying that for a while. Then I realized that I wasn't setting strong enough boundaries. I was keeping what was happening a secret because I was feeling a lot of shame around this situation. When shame shows up, we tend to go underground. We keep it from people. But shame lives in the darkness. It can't survive in the light. So bringing it out into the light is where you actually have less pain because you've shared it with someone and you are validated. That was an incredible lesson to me. If you have a bully in your life, or if fear is your bully, you can apply the same things, which is, I am not engaging in any bully-like behavior. Not today, not tomorrow because I matter. My values matter. The people I love matter. I'm not giving attention to this, which is ineffective. I hope that this podcast today gives you some empowerment and permission to set boundaries and disengage with people who are ineffective in your life, who hurt you, who say unkind things, who do not treat you well. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Transcription of Ep. 174: Welcome to Your Anxiety Toolkit. I'm your host, Kimberley Quinlan. This podcast is fueled by three main goals. The first goal is to provide you with some extra tools to help you manage your anxiety. Second goal, to inspire you. Anxiety doesn't get to decide how you live your life. And number three, and I leave the best for last, is to provide you with one big, fat virtual hug, because experiencing anxiety ain't easy. If that sounds good to you, let's go. Welcome back, friends. How are you? I'm really happy to be here with you. I actually needed this moment to just slow down, settle into my chair, pull out my microphone and say, "Hey, how are my crowd? How are my people? How is this amazing community doing?" First of all, thank you for being here. Second of all, I'm grateful for you guys. So grateful more than I ever, ever have been for reasons I will share in this episode. I have to first start by saying, I have literally got the best community. You guys are so cool. I have learned this through a very difficult process in the last couple of weeks, months, year, because it's been going on for a while. For those of you who don't follow me on social media, I have been just recently public about one or two social media trolls who have recently really heavily and aggressively attacked me both verbally and, mostly verbally, but with significant sexual content. If this is a trigger for you and you have some trauma around this, I won't be giving details, but I just want to give you a little trigger alert because the degree in which I was being harassed on social media was sexual harassment. I wanted to just reflect on this today. I'm always going to be honest with you. I'm going to keep it real. I'm going to share what I feel is helpful, and I hope that this is helpful because there is a really, really powerful message here. I'll give it to you right up the front. The powerful message is: Don't ever allow a human being to change the way you think about yourself. That's going to be one of the main messages. The second message is, I have been on this podcast for many, many years, telling you guys how to manage intrusive thoughts and anxiety. It turns out the cool news is that you can handle other social media trolls or people who don't really bring a ton of value to your life in exactly the same way that you do intrusive thoughts and anxiety, which is you just don't engage

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I would like to discuss with you a question that comes up quite a lot when I am starting with a new client. So often my clients will say to me "What can I expect during my first session?" I want to share with you what I tell my clients about the things to know when starting therapy. The first thing I say to my clients is that your brain can change. You may have a disorder that was inherited or triggered by a certain event, but the good news is that by changing your behavior, you can actually change your brain. The second thing I say is that no matter your mental health struggle, there is a science proven way to treat that disorder. We have evidence based treatments and you can absolutely can get better. Thirdly, I tell my clients that no matter what struggles they are going through, it is not their fault. This is not something they asked to have happen. We are going to move away from assigning blame and move towards self-compassion. The fourth thing I would say is that you should not enjoy coming to see me. The work can be really hard and it will mean facing your fears, so if you are enjoying coming to see me then we may need to look at the reasons why. The goal is to actually give my clients the tools they need so that they do not need me anymore. Finally I tell my clients that they need to be prepared to do the hard work. There will be lots of homework and a lot of facing your fears, but nothing changes if they are not willing to do the work. I always remind them that it is a beautiful day to do those hard things. If you get a moment, please go over to wherever you listen to podcasts, whether that be Apple Podcast, Stitcher, Spotify, Podbean, and leave an honest review. Tell me how you feel about it, whether it's helping you, what you'd like to see. We are going to give away a pair of Beats headphones of your choice of color once we hit a thousand reviews! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information. Ep. 173 Transcript: Guys, I am so grateful to have you with me today. I know your time is incredibly precious and valuable, and so I'm so happy to just be with you. How are you doing? Just checking in. How is everybody? It is well and truly 2021. Lots and lots of happening in the world. Lots and lots of changes. I'm just wrapping my head around them all. In this new year, I made a deal with myself to spend a little bit more time on social media, which is so funny because I think most people were saying, "No, I think I'd like to spend less time." I'm actually saying, "No, I'd like to spend more time on social media." I hang out a lot on Instagram and on the Facebook group called CBT School Campus or on my Facebook page. I promised myself I'd spend more time there because I'm realizing after last year that I felt really disconnected to you guys and I really wanted to get back into feeling connected. I have loved it. If you're on Instagram, go over and follow me @kimberleyquinlan, or you can go over to the Facebook group. It's CBT School Campus, or my Facebook is Kimberly Quinlan with CBT School after it. That being said, I just wanted to let you know that today, I wanted to chat with you about something I have not talked about, but I thought it would be a really great topic. A lot of people in the new year have been reaching out, looking for clinical services – help for OCD, help for anxiety, help for an eating disorder, or help for a BFRB. We love helping people. I have a great staff of seven licensed therapists who all treat the same disorders that I do. It's just been so wonderful to see all the new clients and people coming in really ready to get help. It really came across my mind in that one of the questions new patients and clients have is: What should I expect in the first session? What does the first session look like? What would you tell me in the first session? I thought this would be a great topic to talk to you guys about. So I want to share with you the five things I tell every single client or patient in their first session. Are you ready? Let's do it. Once I have introduced myself and they've introduced themselves and they tell me a little bit about their struggles and what they're wanting to work on, I, at some point in the session, are going to tell them I'll do a thorough assessment. But I will, at some point, either at the beginning or at the end or somewhere, wherever it's most appropriate, share with them one major piece of good news. 1. Your brain can change. Even if you have a disorder that may be is hereditary, has been passed down from generation to generation, or you have a disorder that was triggered by a cer

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I am so happy to have Jon Hershfield on with us. Jon is an author and the Director of the Center for OCD and Anxiety at Sheppard Pratt. The second edition of his book, The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD, has just been released and his new book, The Mindfulness Workbook for Teens, is scheduled for release in March. We had a great conversation about both books and Jon shares many of the OCD mindfulness tools that he describes in his books that are used to enhance treatment. In this interview, Jon explains why he wanted to write a book for teens and how he decided to approach the topics of mental health, OCD, and mindfulness in a way that would be relatable to teens and young adults. He discusses in more detail some of the topics in his book including how to understand your diagnosis, how to respond to intrusive thoughts, and how to incorporate meditation and mindfulness into your daily life. Jon also shares some OCD mindfulness tools that he describes in The Mindfulness Workbook. These include thoughts are thoughts, not threats; feelings are feelings, not fact, and sensations are sensations, not mandates to act. He shares that mindfulness really involves calling things what they are. Towards the end of this interview, we discuss Exposure and Response Prevention and the difference between habituation and inhibitory learning. He shares with us the five things we should consider when doing ERP with the goal of inhibitory learning. This is a great interview full of so many wonderful mindfulness tools to help you manage your OCD. I hope you enjoy! The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD: A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsion Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy The Center for OCD and Anxiety IG @ocdbaltimore If you have some time, I would love it if you would please go and leave me an honest review wherever you listen to podcasts – Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, or Stitcher. This would really be helpful to me in achieving my goal for 2021 of being able to reach and help more people. Thank you so much! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit podcast. It's a new year and as we settle into 2021, I am actually going to ask you guys to set a little bit of a goal. Not a resolution, a goal. I am so excited to talk with you all today about this topic because I really hope that this will be the goal you set for yourself this year. I would like for you to start the year by setting boundaries with fear. Now why do I think setting boundaries with fear is so important? Think about it this way, if someone came into your home, you wouldn't just allow them to behave any way they wanted. Right? No, you set boundaries in your home about what kind of behavior is going to be allowed and we know that those boundaries must remain consistent. I want you to try setting those same boundaries when fear shows up in your life. I would encourage you to sit down and actually write out what boundaries are you going to set with fear this year? And then the work begins by holding those boundaries consistently. You may say to fear "No, fear. I see that you're here. It's okay that you're here. I'm not going to wrestle with you and I'm not going to do the thing you told me to do. I'm going to hold that boundary very strongly." I also want to encourage you to to set some boundaries with yourselves in the way that you speak to yourselves. Really try to be compassionate towards yourself and not use unkind words towards yourselves anymore. That's a strong boundary. You hold it, you set it, and you consistently put it into place. For example, let's say you don't hold the boundary very well with fear, instead of using unkind words about yourself try saying, "Okay, I'm not going to beat myself up. I made a deal and that's where I'm going to hold the consistency." I hope you will try starting the year by setting those strong boundaries with fear, uncertainty, disgust, OCD, your eating disorder, your body-focused repetitive behavior, whatever it may be. Not letting them walk all over your life. And most importantly, I hope you can start the year by being very kind and gentle with yourself. If you have some time, I would love it if you would please go and leave me an honest review wherever you listen to podcasts – Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, or Stitcher. This would really be helpful to me in achieving my goal for 2021 of being able to reach and help more people. Thank you so much! ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. As you all know, I traveled back to Australia to visit family last month. The Australian government requires a 14 day quarantine for any visitors coming into the country. When my plane landed, I was escorted by police to a hotel in Sydney. I was then taken to my room and told that under law, I am not allowed to leave or even open a window for 14 days. Now that I am home and reflecting on my time in Australia, I really want to share with you some of the skills that I had to practice all day every day to get me through that quarantine. I hope some of these skills can also help you when you are facing a difficult situation. The first skill was to become an observer to my thoughts. It is quite common to be feeling fine and out of nowhere this overwhelming sense of panic takes over and you start to think "Oh my goodness I can't handle this." When this happens, you really have to recognize that you are not in danger. This thought can be so powerful that if you don't work to simply observe it, it can easily become truth or fact in that moment. By observing your thoughts, it actually helps you to diffuse from them which takes away some of their power. The second skill is to validate your pain. Once you have observed the thought, it is so important to validate that this is really hard. Try being gentle with yourself and not engaging in self-judgment. The third skill is to keep a routine. Now this does not mean keeping a compulsive, rigid routine; rather, simply take an inventory of what is important to you and make sure you schedule those activities into your day. For me, this meant scheduling phone calls with my family and friends. The fourth skill is to become aware of your small wins. It is so easy to become negative in a situation such as quarantine which is why it is so incredibly important not to discount your little wins. You may also want to try finding pleasure in the small moments or delights of your day. When you are deprived of pleasure, it is easy to overlook those little moments of joy, but it is important to recognize them when they appear. The final skill is one you hear me talk about a lot and that is "It's a beautiful day to do hard things." So many people have said to me that they could never do what I did. The thing to remember is that you actually can. It may be hard, but you can do it if you chose. When those moments of doubt creep in that you can't handle something or you can't do this anymore, just remember that you are so much stronger than you think. ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. Today I am so thrilled to share a fantastic interview I did with Sommer Grandchamp. Sommer has OCD and anxiety and she, just like so many people, went through some not so great therapy until she found the gold standard treatment for OCD, Exposure and Response Prevention. However, along the way she found that she needed some additional skills to help with her mental health. With her therapist, she learned a type of therapy called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Sommer is here today to talk with us about DBT and mindfulness and how these complements to ERP have been so useful in her recovery journey. I am a huge DBT fan and I actually use it a lot with my patients and clients, even though I tend not to discuss it too often. It really is so helpful to many people especially as an addition to ERP. Sommer not only shares some of her OCD story with us today, but she also shares the tools and different DBT skills that she uses to compliment her recovery from OCD and anxiety. Sommer has a tremendous amount of knowledge on this topic and so many awesome tools to share with us. Sommer is also the founder of the Discreet Journal. She created this journal to help people be more mindful and to practice some of these DBT skills that she is going to share today. I just love when people are able to create something to help others out of the hard times that they have gone through. I hope you enjoy this episode that is full of so much wisdom and some great tools that I feel will benefit anyone struggling with OCD or anxiety. Follow Sommer on Instagram @sgrandchamp and @discreetjournal www.discreetjournal.com ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast. I am so excited because today we are so lucky to have with us again Dr. Jonathan Grayson. Dr. Grayson is a psychologist who has been specializing in the treatment of OCD for more than 40 years. He is also the author of Freedom from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and founder of The Grayson LA Treatment Center for Anxiety and OCD. We did an episode a couple of weeks ago that I hope you all were able to hear and at the end of that conversation we both really felt that we needed more time to talk about acceptance. I first want to ask you all how often do you get stuck wrestling with the way things are? Feeling that you don't really like the way things are, that you're sad about the way things are, that you're anxious about the way things are. Maybe you feel anxious or uncertain, or you are beating yourself up because you do not feel that you are good enough or smart enough or well enough? If that sounds like you then you are going to really love this episode on acceptance. Jon is here to share his amazing knowledge and experience on this topic and he does a great job of walking us through some of the biggest roadblocks to acceptance. I am so grateful that we had this conversation because you all know that I talk a lot about radical acceptance. As we continued through our conversation, I really thought to myself that I need to readjust my definition and my practice of acceptance. I hope you enjoy this conversation. I think it is such an important discussion and I am so thankful to Dr. Jonathan Grayson for coming on and sharing his wisdom with us. FreedomfromOCD.com- You can purchase Freedom from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as download Dr. Grayson's forms. The Grayson LA Treatment Center for Anxiety & OCD ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.

Welcome back to another episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit. Today on the podcast, I am so thrilled to have such an amazing and talented guest, Georgia Lock, on with us. Georgia is an actor, presenter, OCD advocate, and poet. She lives in London and has so much wisdom and beauty to share with us. Georgia is here to share how she has used poetry to turn the pain of her experience with OCD into beauty. Georgia shares her OCD story and recovery journey with us. We also have a great conversation about shame, guilt, and grief. Georgia shares several of her poems with us and you will see why she is an award winning poet. Her poetry explains so well what it is like to live with mental illness, anxiety, and OCD. I just love when people can use words to perfectly describe what it is like to experience something, whether that be really joyful or really, really painful. Her poetry takes the pain that she has experienced and wraps it in such beauty. I truly hope you enjoy this conversation. It is a lovely story about someone who has struggled so deeply, but who also has done the work and is now moving on in her recovery journey in such a beautiful way. Follow Georgia on Instagram @georgia_nathalie Click here to purchase Georgia's book of poetry, With Every Wave ERP School, BFRB School and Mindfulness School for OCD are open for purchase. Click here for more information. Additional exciting news! ERP School is now CEU approved which means that it is an accredited course for therapists and mental health professionals to take towards their continuing education credit hours. Please click here for more information.