What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Today's question comes from our Facebook group: "My son is 5 years old and in pre-K. One of the kiddos in his class lost his dad when he was very young. Since learning this, my son has started asking us about death, and has started worrying that something is going to happen to me or my husband. I'm not sure how to talk to him about it. I want him to know that it does happen, and we need to be compassionate to his friend, but also don't want him to worry every day. How can I bring this hard topic down to his level?" Five years old is a developmentally-appropriate age for kids to start having significant questions about death, along with real worries about dying themselves or losing one of their parents. That's true whether or not they've experienced the death of someone close to them. These questions can be hard for parents because, unlike most of the other questions our kids ask, we don't have any perfectly satisfying answers to provide. Questions like "Why did my friend's dad die so young?" or "Are you going to die, Mommy?" can rattle us because we find these questions frightening and difficult ourselves. The solution is to talk openly and honestly with our children about death. Avoid metaphors and imagery like "He's gone to a better place," or "He's sleeping with the angels," which can confuse kids or make them think death is temporary. Instead, try to speak plainly about death, even if you find it very difficult. Explain that when people die, they don't come back. That is why death feels so sad for those who are still living. These discussions can– and should– also involve your own beliefs and religious traditions. Margaret also cites Anya Kamanetz's NPR article "Be Honest and Concrete: Tips for Talking To Kids About Death." Kamanetz reminds us that kids take in knowledge the way they eat an apple - a few small bites at a time. It's a great reminder to avoid overburdening kids with too much information. Instead, answer questions as they come up, read books that deal with death in an age-appropriate way, and discuss them openly– so your kids always feel that they have a chance to talk out things with you, even if those things feel scary. Margaret praises the book 'Tuck Everlasting' in this episode, which is available in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780312369811 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Christine Koh, in her own words, is a "music and brain scientist turned multimedia creative." Christine creates content to help people live better, happier, and with elevated purpose and intention, including the Edit Your Life podcast. She's also someone who grew up with adverse childhood experiences, and has experience in building a family when our family of origin was not the kind of family we want. In this episode we discuss the measurable physiological detriments of toxic stress; the importance of safe, stable, nurturing environments; and most importantly, that it is possible for significant challenges of early adversity to be met once they are no longer cloaked in shame. As Vincent Felitti, co-founder of the ACE Study, explains: “When we make it okay to talk about what happened, it removes the power that secrecy so often has.” Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Christine Koh: The Adults Who Saved Me And What You Need To Know About ACEs Donna Jackson Nakazawa for Psychology Today: 8 Ways People Recover From Post Childhood Adversity Syndrome Dr. Nerissa Bauer for healthychildren.org: ACEs- Adverse Childhood Experiences NPR.org: Take the ACE Quiz- And Learn What It Does And Doesn't Mean CDC.gov: Adverse Childhood Experiences and follow Christine and her work at christinekoh.com * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, TikTok @whatfreshhellcast on Twitter @WFHpodcast questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Having the same fight doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. But it is totally annoying. In this episode we discuss the modes of negativity at play when we repeat the same conflicts- and what we can do to break the cycle, whether it’s our partners or kids. Conflict may be unavoidable- but it can be at least a little more productive. Here are links to some of the takes on this topic that we discuss in this episode: We The Norths on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights: The Number System Esther Perel for Cosmopolitan: How to Stop Having the Same Fight With Your Boyfriend All the Time Kristine Fellizar for Bustle: 7 Hacks To Avoid Having The Same Fight Over & Over In Your Relationship Charlotte Latvala for Good Housekeeping: More Fun, Less Fighting Ted Lasso on Apple TV Eckhart Tolle on Oprah Super Sunday: How To Identify And Stop Your Pain Body * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's parenting question comes from a listener in our Facebook group: I have a clingy 9-year-old. I love her more than life itself, but I am having a hard time with feeling totally smothered. I go for a walk every morning for about 30 minutes (for sanity) and every morning she asks, "How long will you be gone? 30 minutes? Can I come? Pleeease?" I stress the importance of alone time for me and that it makes me a better mama. She watches for me out the window. It's like having a puppy. Yes, it's anxiety related. I had anxiety as a kid and I recognize it, but we are together 24 hours a day and I feel like I'm starting to crack. You're right to suspect that your super-clingy kid is motivated by anxiety. We can meet anxiety with empathy, but we need to beware accommodating it. Don't let those goalposts get moved: a half-hour walk is definitely good, both for your parental sanity and for your kid's realizing she can survive 30 minutes without you. Amy offers a few suggestions that worked with her own clingy kid: "catch her" being independent and offer praise, rather than provide negative attention for the clinginess offer quality time doing her preferred activity when she doesn't complain about your alone time earlier in the day create "special time" for this child and another adult during which No Mommies Are Allowed get your child a pet (a big ask, for sure, but for kids who are physically clingy, something cuddly can be an effective Mom substitute) There are more great suggestions in this Very Well Family article by therapist Amy Morin: https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-deal-with-a-clingy-child-3863401 Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: [email protected]. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we're delighted to be talking to Dr. Edward M. Hallowell– one of the world's leading experts on ADHD. Dr. Hallowell's new book, co-authored with Dr. John J. Ratey, is ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--From Childhood Through Adulthood. Dr. Hallowell gives us concrete strategies– and tons of optimism– for those lucky enough to possess what Dr. Hallowell calls the "Variable Attention Stimulus Trait." Whether you have a child with ADHD, suspect you might, or even have had some lingering thoughts about your own ability to focus– Dr. Hallowell's cutting-edge research and surprising new strategies will fascinate you. Read the transcript of our entire interview with Dr. Hallowell on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2021/01/dredwardhallowell/ grab your copy of ADHD 2.0 from our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780399178733 and connect with Dr. Hallowell: https://drhallowell.com * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This podcast is always here to support moms in their righteous anger at all the completely infuriating and totally trivial things that people all over the world are constantly doing to annoy us. Usually someone related to us. But this week, we're looking inward– because sometimes we totally annoy ourselves also. In this episode we come clean about the things we do that are so irksome that we even annoy OURSELVES. (And then keep doing them anyway.) We also explore some of the confessions of self-annoyance from some of our listeners, like Alexa, who rarely refills the Brita pitcher and so then has to stand there getting old waiting for her next glass of water; or Rachel, who ruins her own life by only ever pulling out of parking spots in a single direction; or Karen, who loads the kids in the car and then goes back inside to do one more thing and who, for all we know, is still in there doing who knows what. Who knows why we do these things? We see you. We feel your self-annoyance. Special thanks to Heather, who wrote in to tell us that if you keep a small bottle of isopropyl alcohol in the car, and have anyone who feels carsick take a deep sniff, you can usually head the vomiting off at the pass. Really! https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/13/well/live/a-cure-for-nausea-try-sniffing-alcohol.html * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's question comes from Crystal in our Facebook group (facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast): My six-year-old son is very difficult at the end of screen time. He gets one hour in the afternoon, but always fusses, grunts angrily, or melts down when time is up. I feel like in a normal world, I'd just take screen time away when he gives me attitude. But these days, we are home all the time, and it’s the one thing he enjoys. How do I help him develop the ability to regulate his emotions in this situation? The biggest thing a parent can do to help a child regulate their emotions around transitions is to provide runways. Doing this will ensure that the transition of getting off screens isn't a sudden splash of cold water for your kid. Try using a visual timer - so that kids who struggle with the hypothetical concept of "one hour" can easily see how much screen time they have left. You can also verbally count down the hour by saying "45 minutes left", "30 minutes left," et cetera, but we think it's always better to let the timer be the bad guy. Once it's time to turn screens off, allowing a brief grace period for your child to finish their current level or video helps give them some sense of control. Once that happens, transition immediately to another preferred activity. This does not have to be elaborate; it can be as simple as "let's have a glass of milk together in the kitchen." If your child still melts down after you've implemented these strategies, then it's time for consequences– but make them immediate. Saying "if you fuss now, you'll have no screens later" provides a delayed consequence that doesn't work as well, especially for younger kids. Try addressing the behavior with an immediate consequence– a time out, or loss of access to the preferred activity that was coming up next. Finally, apply all of these techniques consistently. Keep the time remaining clear, allow for grace periods, enforce immediate consequences when necessary, and this behavior should improve. Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! [email protected] * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mirna Valerio is a runner, adventurer, speaker, and anti-racism educator. In this Fresh Take interview, Mirna tells us how she fell off the fitness wagon after becoming a mom, how that first mile went once she made herself lace up her running shoes again, and her path to becoming an endurance athlete since then. Even if we’re not all cut out to run 100 kilometers in the desert– or even want to– Mirna tells us why fitness is worth it, and how to reacquaint ourselves with fitness, no matter how long we’ve been out of the game. “I believe in having the long view. Look, I'm still a big girl. I’m going to be a big girl. But my long view, my overarching goal, is long-term health and wellness. What am I doing to put long-term health and wellness in the bank for later? What am I doing today to ensure that I have long-term health and wellness?” We also discuss how we, as women, are entitled to name what we need– and how that well-timed help, especially when we ask for it, is the very thing that will allow us to get back up and keep running. Acknowledge how you're feeling. Give yourself some grace. Start today. Find Mirna on her website: https://themirnavator.com/ and at @themirnavator on Instagram and Twitter Catch Mirna’s winter workout on @thev1ve: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKCGndXj-oS/ and join the Fatgirlrunning group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Fatgirlrunning-939724599403584 Here are links to some of the other things we discuss in this episode: Mirna Valerio for Self: Open Letter To Women Who Aren’t Putting Their Needs First https://www.self.com/story/mirna-valerio-open-letter-to-women-who-arent-putting-their-needs-first Kate Martin at Unheard LA: The Rescue https://www.thekatemartin.com/storytelling Caravaggio’s Conversion on the Way to Damascus https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_on_the_Way_to_Damascus * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners to tell us how life with Covid has affected their own parenting. Some of us have gotten more socially anxious; others, like the moms of kids with severe allergies, have found the isolation reassuring. Some of us have treasured the extra time with our children; others are nearing their breaking point. Some of us are stressing about the screen time; others are thrilled we’re not interrupting our kids to go to travel soccer for a change. This topic was inspired by Kristen Howerton’s essay for The New York Times, “I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Me.” Kristen explains how she’s become THAT mom, the kind who spies on her own teenagers and yells at them for not wearing masks. She thought she hated that kind of parent– and now it’s her. How has Covid changed your parenting? Will those changes be longer-term than this pandemic? Here are links to some things we discuss in this episode: Kristen Howerton for The New York Times: I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Me https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/28/opinion/covid-parenting.html Tomas Pueyo: The Hammer and the Dance https://tomaspueyo.medium.com/coronavirus-the-hammer-and-the-dance-be9337092b56 Neil Kramer’s photograph series of life in quarantine: https://petapixel.com/2021/01/09/a-photographers-hilarious-photos-of-being-stuck-in-quarantine-with-ex-wife-and-mother/ David Foster Wallace: This is Water https://fs.blog/2012/04/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/ as well as our episodes with Katherine May, author of Wintering: http://bit.ly/WFHwintering and "What This Has Taught Us About Our Kids": http://bit.ly/WFHep162 * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s question comes from Jaclyn in our Facebook group (facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast): "Would love some advice for the "monsters under the bed" phase. My three-year-old is worse than he was as a newborn, waking me up 30 times at night! If I ignore him, he will scream and cry, then come into our room. I could let him sleep with us, but he doesn't sleep well when he is in our bed, and neither do we. I tried to put a bed for him on the floor of our room, but he kept asking for more items-water, blankets, pillows, etc. Help!" In his book The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Jonathan Karp considers kids' developmental stages as a replay of humanity's evolutionary stages. A 12-18 month old is a "charming chimp-child," 18-24 months is a little Bam-Bam, and by 3 years old, kids have gotten about as sophisticated as someone alive during the Middle Ages might have been. To people alive in the Middle Ages, vampires were real. They didn't have the luxury of going to therapy to unpack what was behind their fear of someone coming to drink their blood; they put some garlic around their necks and went to bed feeling a little better about their chances of waking up in the morning. For kids who still believe in magical things as being fully possible, the best "protection" parents can offer them from something scary but imaginary might be something equally unreal and totally wonderful. For Amy's daughter, drawing a picture of her guardian angel to put next to her bad was enough to move her past her absolute certainty that Edward Scissorhands was coming to get her. All the rationalizing that Amy had tried before that faile, but to her daughter, the angel's protection was real. Instead of talking her daughter out of it, Amy found that a little "good magic" was the far more effective response. To be clear: a preschooler waking up at night that much might have something else going on, from a soaking-wet Pull-Up to something that might be worth mentioning to your pediatrician. But a spray bottle full of water, also known as No-Monsters-In-Here Magic Elixir, might be more effective than you'd think. Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! [email protected] * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we’re talking to Ned Johnson, co-author (with William Stixrud) of THE SELF-DRIVEN CHILD: THE SCIENCE AND SENSE OF GIVING YOUR KIDS MORE CONTROL OVER THEIR LIVES, which explores how fostering children’s autonomy can help solve two challenges seemingly endemic to kids today: handling anxiety and developing intrinsic motivation. Ned's research underlines a surprising paradox: when we try to remove stress from our children's lives by smoothing over the bumps in their paths, we inadvertently create MORE stress for our children. As Ned explains: “A sense of control strengthens the regulation of the amygdala. It is by successfully handling stressful situations in a supportive environment that kids develop strong stress tolerance and resilience." In this episode we discuss how one's levels of stress are affected by novelty, unpredictability, and our overall sense of control the difference between "tolerable stress" and toxic stress how to be "homework consultants" for our kids without controlling the outcome why "radical downtime" is so crucial for kids' development Not sure when you should back off, or not? Here's Ned's overall takeaway: "When we talk about kids having a sense of control, it's not that we want to put a toddler in charge of the household, or tell her "you've got to go hunt for your own food" or something. It's simply that we don't want to do for kids that which they can do for themselves." The Self-Driven Child is available from our What Fresh Hell Bookshop page: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780735222526 * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we bring a hopeful message from your parenting future: it gets easier. Our listener Kristen went on our Facebook group page with this challenge: The second part of your life begins when your kids can get dressed to go outside in the snow by themselves and play out there without adult supervision. What's your version of “the second part of your life begins…”? In this episode, we talk about when your life of pre-parenting ease comes back into focus. Is it when your kids can go upstairs, take a shower, and put on their own pajamas? Or when you no longer have to push the swing at the playground? Or when they can navigate a flight of stairs safely? Or when they can turn on a screen at 6:30 a.m. without waking you? The answer to all of the above is YES. And we celebrate them all. In this episode, Amy mentions the study "Car Seats as Contraception," and Margaret touts these disposable vomit bags for the carsick kiddos: https://amzn.to/38PHMKU It’s a new year! What better way to start it off than by making sure your kids (and therefore, YOU) are getting more sleep? Make bedtime less stressful with soothing bedtime audio stories set in the magical, moonlit world of Moshi. The Moshi app features hours of bedtime “stories" created by an award-winning team of writers and composers. Download the Moshi app on Apple’s App Store or Google Play Store, and you’ll get access to a 1-week free trial of Moshi Premium, so you can try Moshi Sleep for your family. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today's question comes from Elizabeth: How do you address sneakiness? Having some trouble with rule-breaking lately. Things that are not totally off-limits but do have limits, like candy or screens, are appearing in bedrooms after the adults go to sleep. It's driving me batty and I'd appreciate any advice! Sneakiness in our kids can really set us off as parents. The idea that our children would directly defy our carefully established rules is often really upsetting. The good news? Our kids, especially when they are young, tend to be really, really bad at being sneaky. This means that we're going to discover the wrappers or the left-behind screens they've been attempting to hide pretty much every time. So how do we react? Margaret suggests a three-step approach: React calmly. Don't give your kiddo the satisfaction of seeing you blow your top. Offer an alternative. ("If you are hungry at night, let's start having something right before bed.") Respond with consistent consequences. ("Every time I find a screen upstairs in your room, you will have no screens at all the following day.") By taking the emotion out of your interaction, and giving your kids consistent negative outcomes, you'll remind them of the boundaries that exist, and make the sneakiness and boundary-testing less interesting. Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! Email us- [email protected]. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

2020: seriously, you guys. What was THAT? In this episode we look back at a very problematic year, and toast our survival as we acknowledge our many struggles. We review what we've learned/ hope to learn/ hope to one day never ever think about again. We also discuss what we learned from some of our favorite episodes of 2020, and have gathered them in a playlist here:https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4UCfa2pUXKYB653bJVcKsO We also give special thanks to those who work behind the scenes to make this show possible: editor Christy Haussler of Team Podcast: https://www.teampodcast.com/ producer Sarah Levithan social media support from Christina Hart: https://www.instagram.com/itschristinahart/ branding by Jake Lang Digital: https://www.jakelangdigital.com/services cartoon logo by Emily Pelton: https://emilypelton87.wixsite.com/emilypelton * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After four years of doing this podcast, we know a lot about each other. In this episode, we ask the burning questions that remain, like: If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be? Who is your celebrity crush? (warning: #oldilocksalert) What was your worst job ever? What do you, in 2020, want to be when you grow up? What would you grab in a fire? We also mention a few of our favorite books, all of which are always available in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week’s question comes from Sarah: My 22-month-old daughter is an infrequent pooper. She regularly goes 3-5 days between bowel movements, but recently she's started holding it. She's been sitting on the potty to pee for the last month or two, but she'll jump up and say, "no!" when she feels a bowel movement. This means that when she does finally go, it’s… a lot. She had a bit of diarrhea a few months ago and got a rash, so maybe she's remembering that it hurt? We praise her whether she poops in the potty or in her diaper, but she gets distraught when she goes in her diaper. Sometimes she holds onto us and cries. The few times she's gone in the potty, she seems less upset, but you can tell she doesn't like going. We don’t think this is a constipation issue. I am immensely anxious about this and worry that my anxiety is rubbing off on her. I'm constantly keeping track of the last time she pooped and wondering whether she needs prunes/Restoralax to help her go. These things have helped in the past, but I know they're not addressing the issue of her not wanting to go. How can we help her feel better about pooping without making it too big of a deal? We talk about how everybody poops and that it's okay to go, but I'm not sure that's helping. I keep trying to tell myself that this is a phase she'll grow out of, but it's hard to see past the worry of whether she's going to poop this week when you're in the middle of it. Thanks for any advice you may have! This is almost always a phase– but one toddlers need a little help with, especially if it's distressing them or causing them discomfort. Keep in mind that while some kids are ready to start potty-training before their second birthday, others are not ready for another year or more. (Ask me how I know.) It's also common to have a kid who pees on the potty without a problem, but finds pooping more difficult. Sarah's overall instinct is right: if you have a reluctant pooper, you need to make it less of a big deal. Turn down the focus on the potty-training until things are a little easier. Praise sitting on the potty itself, the act of sitting and being patient, instead of the results that may or may not occur. And don't force it if your child isn't ready. If pooping does happen in a diaper, make sure that's not being perceived as a "less-than" outcome by your toddler. Pooping in a diaper is definitely better than not pooping at all! Keep the prunes going (we called them "giant raisins" in our house) and make sure your child is getting plenty of fluids. Ask your pediatrician before supplementing with fiber– if your kid is already backed up, it might be counterproductive. And make sure to mention diarrhea or soiling to your pediatrician as well- it can be something called "encopresis," which is a paradoxical symptom of severe constipation. Finally, this list of potty-encouraging books from kindercare.com has all the classics. Make storytime part of potty-sitting, and pretend that what else is happening is so "regular" that it's not a big deal. https://www.kindercare.com/content-hub/articles/2017/june/poop-and-pee-on-every-page-8-adorable-pottytraining-books-to-read-with-your-kids Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! Email us- [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This topic came from Bradie on our Facebook page, who asked: What is one simple, basic, Christmas tradition that your family has? Don't come at me with baking gingerbread houses or cutting down your Christmas tree. I'm talking things like a favorite meal, the order and manner in which you open presents, a book you always read. Standards are low over here, people. Don't we all deserve an easy holiday season this year? This episode is full of ideas for wrapping gifts (and other things), easy cookie recipes, and more. These ideas are Christmas-based, although holiday lights and red flannel jammies probably have pagan roots anyhow, so come one come all! Two main takeaways for your holiday season: When in doubt, add hot cocoa. Let the laws of holiday attrition work in your favor. Here are links to some Christmas favorites discussed in this episode: saltine toffee cookies: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/11376/saltine-toffee-cookies/ Rachael Ray's Christmas pasta: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/christmas-pasta-recipe-2013437 "Christmas Island": https://open.spotify.com/album/3GK2W9eAOQ6585VCGKvKkh?highlight=spotify:track:4y8qmJFYisrLsWzfOjNbxi and the new-to-us Christmas pickle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_pickle * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Margaret’s talking about parent-teacher conferences, after writing about her own most recent conferences on our social media. At one of the conferences, Margaret heard amazing things: her child is thriving, reading above grade-level, adored by all. But she's also had conferences when she heard her kids were struggling, not sitting still, NOT performing at grade level. (Amy has also had both kinds of parent-teacher conferences, by the way.) Some kids are built for school, and they will thrive in that environment. Others will find it much harder. But your kid’s A-plus, or C-minus, is not your own. As a parent, you're in communication with the teacher as an advocate for your kids, but you’re not there to make sure your kid's school experience– or life– turns out perfectly. It's crucial to keep that in mind when we have parent-teacher conferences: we’re not there to find out whether WE passed the test. Link to Margaret's thoughts here: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast/status/1336079462941806592 * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we’re talking to Susan Katz Miller, author of THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL, a hands-on journal that helps families learn how to best honor one another’s spiritual and cultural needs. The holidays are always intense, and if your family is an intersection of multiple traditions, it can really ratchet up the pressure for perfection times two. Which is when it’s time to maintain perspective. As Susan explains: “I try to help people to understand that if they're having conflict often, it's not about religious difference. It's not about theology. It's not about whether there was an actual physical resurrection or not. It's usually about whether to put the fried onions on the green bean casserole or not.” In this episode we discuss why every family is an interfaith family how to reduce conflict about traditions with your spouse’s extended family how to help your spouse when the hard feelings are on your family’s side how to push back on the pressure to do “both” traditions perfectly how to help your kids navigate being of a different faith than most people in your community how to handle it when you’re observant but your spouse is not (or vide versa) the resentment that can occur when the mom in a family is expected to carry the weight of passing on a religious tradition that's not even hers It’s worth it to have the conversations, do the work, and delineate a “sacred circle” that works for your immediate family. As Susan explains, when you and your spouse come from different traditions, “you’re going to be doing the work anyhow.” But challenging your own mindset and context is also an incredible opportunity for growth– even if the way your spouse’s family opens their holiday gifts is completely and totally wrong. Here are links to some other writing on the topic we discuss in this episode: Pew Research Center: Why America’s ‘nones’ don’t identify with a religion https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/08/08/why-americas-nones-dont-identify-with-a-religion/ Stina Kielsmeier-Cook: Blessed Are the Nones: Mixed-Faith Marriage and My Search for Spiritual Community https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780830848270 and you can buy THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL here: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781558968257 * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode topic was suggested by Pam Marie in our Facebook group: What's your mom superpower? We often talk about what we get wrong, but what about the things you're really good at? Time to flex, What Fresh Hell community! Everyone needs an ‘Attaboy!’ every once in a while. And when you’re a mom, you usually have to give it to yourself. In this episode, Amy brags about her X-ray recall of exactly where the shirt definitely *is* hanging in her son’s closet. Margaret explains that she’s a “super sniffer,” and you’ll have to listen to know what that’s all about. We discuss some of our listeners’ powers, as well. Whether you’re Eileen, whose kids have not been late to school once in seven years, or Sue, who has the superhuman ability to resist shouldering her children’s emotional burdens for them, we are truly impressed by all of your superpowers. Attaboy. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week we're talking to Katherine May, author of the tremendous new book WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES. Written before the pandemic but perfectly relevant to the moment we're in, WINTERING explores how the natural world prepares for and survives winter, and how we can apply the lessons of actual winters to the metaphorical winters in our lives where, as Katherine puts it, "we feel like the world has pushed us out. We feel isolated, depressed, locked out in the cold, and that the rest of life is drifting away from us." We all go through personal winters. Sometimes they're for terrible reasons (an unexpected death); sometimes they're for happy ones (a newborn who needs to be fed every two hours). Sometimes they're brief and not too unbearable; sometimes no end is in sight. Winter is cyclical, it's part of life, and it can be understood as a time of rest and of waiting, rather than of stillness and death. There is much that winter can teach us, and we loved both this conversation with Katherine and her profound book. You can find WINTERING: THE POWER OF REST AND RETREAT IN DIFFICULT TIMES here or in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593189481 You can follow Katherine on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katherinemay_/?hl=en and Twitter: https://twitter.com/_katherine_may_?lang=en and you can listen to her podcast THE WINTERING SESSIONS here: https://podnews.net/podcast/1516642192 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

For the last 1.8 million years or so, children were raised village-style. But 2020 has meant a lot of us raising our kids without the usual help of grandparents or schools or caregivers or friends. As New York Times parenting writer Jessica Grose explains: "Throughout basically all of human history, parents have never, ever raised children in isolated nuclear units the way they have been doing for much of 2020, with little to no hands-on family or community support." And now we’re on month nine of no village. And it’s getting cold. And here come the holidays. Yes, this is as hard as you think it is. The village doesn’t just benefit the kids– it helps the parents keep going, too. So make your own village, even if you don’t feel like it. Whatever community you can create right now counts, whether it's on Zoom or on social media or on a group text or in your podcast listening, or by posting your #danishbaby photos to our Facebook group, never apologize for what that village looks like. Here are links to the research and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Jessica Grose for NYT: Parenting Was Never Meant to Be This Isolating https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/07/parenting/childcare-history-family.html Sarah Blaffer Hrdy for Natural History Magazine: Meet the Alloparents https://www.naturalhistorymag.com/htmlsite/0409/0409_feature.pdf Lynn Steger Strong for Time: Women Value Their Group Texts in Normal Times. During the Pandemic They've Become a Lifeline https://time.com/5894745/group-texts-women-coronavirus/ Stephanie Coontz for The New Republic: The Way We Never Were https://newrepublic.com/article/132001/way-never * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Lindsay asks: How do you discipline a 1-year-old? Specifically, with pulling my hair and dropping his food on the ground. I say “no" in a firm way and he laughs at me. Any advice you could provide would be much appreciated. Thanks for all you do- love your podcast! You can't discipline a 1-year-old. They don't get it. But you can redirect, and in this episode Amy explains how that can work. Toddlers drop food on the floor because they’re fascinated by cause and effect, and in repeating the few things they can control. It's a behavior kids will bore of sooner than you can correct it. But if the parental reaction is swift and predictable, it can actually encourage more food-throwing. The challenge is to make throwing food on the floor more boring than NOT doing it. Pulling hair is another brief but intense stage of toddler behavior, and the quickest way to discourage that might be by adding an incompatible behavior– something that can't happen at the same time as the hair-pulling. If you hand a toddler a toy he loves before picking him up, he can't pull your hair. If you untangle your hair, put him down, and otherwise blank-face it, that's another incompatible behavior. So is pulling your hair back until this stage passes. To come up with ideas for redirecting undesirable behaviors, consider the strategy Carolyn Dalgliesh suggests in her book THE SENSORY CHILD GETS ORGANIZED: "What can you add? What can you take away?" Think about what dial you can adjust on the situation to refocus your toddler's attention. It takes patience and a little outside-of-the-box thinking, but you'll find something that really works for you. Find Carolyn Dalgliesh's book, and all the books Amy and Margaret recommend, in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked all of you to tell us your super-secret awesome things: the life simplifiers that you think everyone else needs to know about. This episode has an incredible collection of indispensable condiments and doo-dads, portable boredom busters, and things that will keep any kid happily busy for a surprisingly long time. Head to our website for links to everything you hear about in this episode- you can find it all here: https://bit.ly/WFHep183 Most are affiliate Amazon links– but we encourage you to shop local if you're buying! * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week our listener Raya asks, "How do I deal with a 4-year-old who is afraid to go to any doctor's office?" Doctors' offices are scary! There are shots, there's vulnerability, and there's an adult in charge who might be really intimidating to a little one. No kid is ever going to dance off to the pediatrician. The goal is to make your child's experience as manageable as possible– by communicating openly about why the visit is necessary, discussing what is going to happen during the visit, and placing a little emphasis on the reward (okay, you might call it a bribe) that your little one can look forward to for good behavior. Margaret quotes this article in this episode :"Fear of Doctors" (whattoexpect.com) Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! Email us: [email protected]. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode we’re talking to Ali Wentworth, host of the "Go Ask Ali" podcast. If you're raising teens during this pandemic, you definitely want Ali's funny, wise, and useful interviews with experts on your podcast playlist! Ali Wentworth is perhaps best known from her iconic roles in Jerry Maguire, Office Space, and Seinfeld. She’s the host of the Daily Shot on Yahoo!, has also written several books filled with wry self-help observations and tips, and regularly stops by Good Morning America to chat with hubby George Stephanopoulos. Ali and George have two teenage daughters. In this episode we discuss Ali's family's experience with Covid how to parent teenagers during a pandemic how to create "space" in your relationship when you're stuck together 24/7 just how much ice cream is allowed during lockdown Follow Ali on Instagram @therealaliwentworth and find the "Go Ask Ali" podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/go-ask-ali/id1523352034?at=11lo6V&ct=podnews_podcast * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Parenting as a team is an ongoing challenge– even when your relationship with your co-parent is usually harmonious. But matching headspaces with your co-parent about a problem your family, or one of your children, is dealing with doesn't have to be the goal. Parenting as a team can often mean taking turns, whether it's with the pancake-flipping, the hard talks with teenagers, or the 3 am worried Googling of ICD-10 diagnoses. In this episode we talk about what’s worked for us in moments of disagreement or struggle with our spouses, and how we found common ground. If getting through the pandemic means zooming in, just getting to the next lamppost, parenting as a team means zooming way out. If you know you're on the same page about the adults you want your children to become, it's a little easier to chill out about how they’ll get there. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss their "Pre-Cana" experiences in the Catholic Church, and the usefulness of the Engaged Encounter program in particular. To find out more: engagedencounter.com Margaret also mentions the book WHAT CHILDREN LEARN FROM THEIR PARENTS' MARRIAGES, which you can find in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780060929305 * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Rachel in our Facebook group: Help! My 2-year-old used to sleep from 7 pm – 7 am. It was glorious. We recently had to start quarantining again due to exposure at my job. Since then, she has started waking up earlier and earlier. We pushed her bedtime back to 7:30 but it hasn't made a difference. This morning she was up at 5:30! I was thinking about one of the clocks with the light in her room but would she understand that yet? Kids' sleep patterns can change for a number of reasons. Rachel's probably on to something with the quarantine being a factor– that might have led to less sunshine, or exercise, or a loss of other guideposts in the day that made sense to her little one. But Rachel's goal isn't really to get her daughter to sleep later; it's to get her to roll over and close her eyes after that first early-morning stirring. Amy suggests several techniques to make that option more inviting, including these paper blackout shades that are super-easy to install and make bedrooms nice and dark. Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! Email us: [email protected]. * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take" episode we’re talking to Calysta Watson, creator of Epicurean Therapy. Calysta combines her love of cooking and her training as a LCSW and psychotherapist to create awareness of the connection between food and our mental and emotional health. As a mom raising a child with multiple anaphylactic food allergies, Calysta also talks about the challenge of enjoying creating meals and making great food memories with our kids, no matter the obstacles. In this episode we discuss what the obstacles are to us enjoying creating meals for our families how to avoid using food as a punishment or a reward how to create "food memories" our children will carry with them how to make food work for kids with specific food challenges (from rigid preferences to serious food allergies) Follow Calysta's Instagram at: on https://www.instagram.com/epicureantherapy * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are quite a few things we’ve changed our minds about over our years as parents. From minivans to Minecraft, moms on phones to kindergarten dress codes, focus meds to front-yard holiday inflatables, in this episode we discuss them all. As always, here's our main takeaway: it's worth it to step away from the rushing stream of Other People's Opinions in order to do what's right for your family. Special thanks to our listener Jana for suggesting this episode. Join the conversation in our Facebook group about this topic, or whatever you'd like to talk about– 3500 no-judgment parents are waiting for you! * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Margaret answers this listener question: "All I hear is "me first!" I have two boys, 4 1/2 and 2 years old, both constantly insisting on being first and having meltdowns when they aren't. Doesn’t matter what it is–first to be handed their applesauce pouch, first to be unbuckled from the car seats, first to get out the door, down the stairs... help!" Competitiveness is developmentally appropriate behavior for these kids' ages– it's reasonable behavior to expect at this age. Even so, there are ways to work against it. It's a good idea not to respond to demands to "be first," to talk with your kids about why this behavior is frustrating (when it's not happening), and to keep working on the concept of taking turns. In this episode, Margaret cites Karen Levine's article "Why Kids Are Competitive" for parents.com. Read it here: https://www.parents.com/kids/development/behavioral/why-kids-are-competitive/ Send us your parenting questions– we might answer yours next! [email protected] * Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked all of you to tell us about the times you had to be "that mom." You responded with tales of IEP meetings, and airplanes full of tiny sacks of peanuts, and kindergarten bullies– all the times you went full mama-bear because advocating for your kid (or someone else's kid) was more important, in the moment, than being liked. In this episode we discuss: whether there's such a thing as "that dad" (what do YOU think?) how to pick your battles how to come prepared for combat but ready to listen how to bring solutions, and not just problems An unexpectedly touching side topic: many of you wrote in with memories of your own mom standing up for you. That's important to remember when you're being "that mom" and the biggest eye-rolls are coming from your own kid. They'll look back on that moment a lot differently. This was such a terrific discussion on our Facebook group- join us and check out the full thread: https://www.facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast/posts/3745278268817917 Here are links to two of our other episodes that we mention in this one, and where being "that mom" is definitely part of the picture: Bullies (Episode 103): https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/05/bullies-episode-103/ How Do We Handle This When Everyone Is Doing It Differently? (Episode 160): https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/06/ep160/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Britnee: How long should we wait to get our kids a cellphone? I have a 13 year old boy who begs for a cellphone because ALL kids have one. He has a tablet and a computer so it's not like he can't contact his friends or me if need be. But I'm just not comfortable with him having access to the world– or the world having access to him–24/7. Phones are lifelines to peers for adolescents– and more than ever during this pandemic. Kids usually get phones when their increasing independence means they need a way to contact you while they're apart from you. But even if you're spending every moment together these days, if your child is remote-schooling, social media is an important means of connection. Britnee also mentions that her son has access to a tablet and computer, so his access to the internet (and all its wondrous horrors) already exists. The phone adds a constant-access factor, to be sure, but there are ways to put controls around that, and Amy discusses a few in this episode. One of our favorite tools is Bark, which proactively monitors text messages, YouTube, emails, and 30+ different social networks for potential safety concerns, Use our referral code to try Bark for a week for free: https://www.bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK. Still, getting your child a smartphone is an intensely personal family decision, and you have to take into consideration your own child's maturity level, mental health, peers, executive function and resilience. Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you love crunchy leaves and chunky sweaters? Or do the shortening, darkening days fill you with nothing but pumpkin-spiced dread? Amy's hiding under her weighted blanket with her pandemic gloom. Margaret's doubling down on the backyard firepit and everything that's spooky. And our guest, Biz Ellis of One Bad Mother, is turning the entire outside of her home into a candy-covered Halloween wonderland. We talk about our various approaches to this year's Halloween and Thanksgiving plans- and how involving our kids in thinking creatively might just be what gets us through this very unusual fall. Get One Bad Mother's book- and all the books you hear about on our show- in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast. Here are links to some of the things we discuss in this episode: CDC's Halloween guidelines for 2020: "If screaming will likely occur, greater distancing is advised." Amy's Instagram Live conversation with Sarah Powers of The Mom Hour Sears Wish Book Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Margaret answers the question: I know Margaret has talked about giving in to Fortnite at her house. Well I have too. My question is how do I discuss internet safety with my son (7) who wants to play online with his friends when I have no clue what playing online entails. I have never been a gamer and neither has my husband and I feel like we are flying blind. I don’t want to hold him back from socializing with friends, especially now, but I don’t want him to get into a bad situation either. Thank you guys! In this situation (especially at 7 years old) it's important to dial in and be involved in how your kid is playing. Make sure the gaming setup is in an area you (the parents) frequent. You don't need to know how to game to overhear inappropriate comments and keep an overall eye on how your gamer is behaving. Set strict expectations around your rules for gaming and outline the consequences if they are not followed, and have conversations around violence and language that your gamer may encounter. If you have questions for Margaret or Amy send them to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We told you to ask us anything. You kept it PG (thank you) and we’re giving you the answers: What shows are we binging? What gets us dancing in our kitchens? What do our kids think of this show? Listen and find out... ver3d5zqf4UsaO0gU0rz Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

“Don’t you dare hug Grandma.” “Stop playing on the floor and get on screen.” “Yes, we can go to the playground, but you may not play with the other children.” We asked our listeners in our Facebook group to tell us all the things never thought we’d say– and now are. Not all of these things are bad. Amy has become a fan of dog walking, now that it's a guaranteed 15-minute respite from Zoom. Others, of course, are not so great. Life on the coronacoaster can be pretty surprising sometimes. (One correction: Amy makes a half-remembered Biblical reference to sparrows who neither toil nor spin. It's actually the lilies of the field.) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Melissa, who says: Sweet mother of pearl, my five-year-old is in grade 1 and I’m already getting a LOAD of sass at homework time. Things I have tried and said to make it go more smoothly: 1. Telling him: “Everyone in your class is doing their homework right now too" 2. Sending him straight to bed after supper for yelling at me during homework... twice 3. Positivity and encouragement 4. Reasoning with him: “homework will be done as soon as you write out your words twice” 5. “Would you act like this with your teacher?” 6. Pure bribery- candy and/or tablet time. Help- I need some new ideas! Melissa doesn't say whether her son is attending school in person or remotely. Either way, the pandemic offers unique challenges that make the school day even more exhausting than usual, particularly for a first-grader who is only five. Amy offers some tips on making homework time less of a burden for kids and parents, including some great ideas offered by our listeners. There's also room for a whole lot of compassion here, especially right now. A five-year-old might just be too exhausted or overwhelmed to meet these expectations. Especially right now, our children's emotional health is more important than one more math worksheet. Amy also references our episode on homework, which you can find here: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2017/10/episode-27-the-homework-slog/ Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we're talking to Dr. Jill Stoddard, author of BE MIGHTY: A Woman's Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry & Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance. Jill's mission is to share cutting edge, evidence-based tools based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to help people find meaning and vitality in their lives even as they struggle with anxiety. We talk about why anxiety is a particular concern for women, especially right now– and how we an change our relationship to our anxiety and stress by becoming more flexible around it, rather than trying to shut it down. If you'd like to find out more about Jill's book and the tools of ACT, you can sign up for a 4-week Virtual Book Club about Be Mighty, including Live Q&A sessions with Jill, here: https://www.jillstoddard.com/pages/virtual-book-club. Jill Stoddard is a clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management. She is the author of two books: Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance and The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Dr. Stoddard is an award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, and co-host of the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Saying no is a lot harder for women. We’re conditioned to be compliant; studies show that by middle school, girls shy away from expressing authentic preferences in order to fit in. And when we do say no, the world holds that against us more than it would a man. Perhaps that explains how we might find ourselves running the grade school bake sale *again,* and being resentful, when we could just have said no in the first place. In this episode we discuss the difference between a hard no and a soft no where to practice your no how to decide once what's a no why you should say you “don’t” want to do something, instead of that you “can’t” In order to let go of our people-pleasing tendencies, the best place to start might be by looking within. Are we really the only one who can keep her finger in the dam in this particular situation? If not, saying 'no' might be worth the discomfort; it makes more room in our lives for the things we want to be there. Here are links to the studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Jackie Ashton for Washington Post On Parenting: The art of saying no: How to raise kids to be polite, not pushovers Jessica Bennett for NYT: Welcome to the 'No' Club Brené Brown for oprah.com: 3 Ways To Set Boundaries Meghan Keane for NPR's Life Kit: How To Say No, For The People Pleaser Who Always Says Yes Sarah Mendekick for LA Times Op-Ed: Men can’t hear it, women don’t say it — the everyday importance of ‘no’ Katharine Ridgway O'Brien: "Just Saying "No": An Examination of Gender Differences in the Ability to Decline Requests in the Workplace." Samantha Radocchia for women2.com: LEARNING THE ART OF SAYING ‘NO’ Kristin Wong for NYT: Why You Should Learn to Say ‘No’ More Often ...and finally, the legendary E.B. White, who never had any problem saying no, reading Charlotte's Web Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest “Fresh Take” episode, we've got an interview with Jessica Lahey, author of the bestseller THE GIFT OF FAILURE: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed. The Gift of Failure came out in 2016, when giving our kids healthy doses of autonomy and outdoor exploration felt a little more possible. But even during pandemic life, there are opportunities for us to be less protective as parents and to let our kids learn by failing. Jess tells us how to apply the book’s ideas to pandemic life, at-home learning, and living together 24/7. Jess also tells us a little about her next book, The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence, coming in April 2021. We can't wait! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After a listener on our Facebook page declared “This is a sexist pandemic!” we got to thinking: what are the quantifiable ways in which life has gotten even harder for moms in 2020 than it has for our spouses? We all know it HAS, but why? And how? A study from Syracuse University found that four out of five adults who have stopped their usual work schedule due to the pandemic are women. Another study followed the possibility that, as the "invisible workload" became more visible to male spouses and children, it would spur more equal participation in household duties. That study's answer? No. They see it, they just don't care. The increased demands of this time have indeed fallen on women more. If it's taken a million small interactions to get to the place where everybody just assumes that if there's 40% more work to do, Mom is going to do it all, it's going to take small interactions to reset that expectation as well. In this episode, we talk about how to get started. Here are links to the research and other writing on the topic discussed in this episode: Elamin Abdelmahmoud for Buzzfeed: How The Pandemic Has Exacerbated The Gender Divide In Household Labor Claire Cain Miller for NYT: Nearly Half of Men Say They Do Most of the Home Schooling. 3 Percent of Women Agree. Jessica Grose for NYT: They Go To Mommy First Danielle Rhubart for Syracuse University: Gender Disparities in Caretaking during the COVID-19 Pandemic Thébaud, S., Kornrich, S., & Ruppanner, L. (2019). Great housekeeping, great expectations: Gender and housework norms Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our listener Sabrina asks: My 4 year old daughter has a nasty ear infection. the medication she got is nasty and she wont take it. Attempting to force it ends with her spitting it out. We tried hiding it in applesauce but she wouldn't eat it all and said it was yucky. We've reasoned with her, bribed her, nothing works! Any ideas? Amy's top advice for getting kids to swallow meds is... teaching them to swallow pills. You can start earlier than you think, and it doesn't have to involve tears. Listen to this mini-episode for Amy's tips, including the "duck-shake technique," plus lots of other ideas from our listeners! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know how sometimes a loved one or friend will do something that annoys you, but then you think: is it me? How mad should I be? Our listeners told us what past “crimes” they’re currently holding grudges about– infractions committed by their spouses, children, mothers-in-law, and even dogs. This week we are rating each of these grudges on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “you have no right to be angry at all,” and 10 is “no jury would convict you.” Excluded from family photos because you’re “not really family”? Given a suspicious regift of corporate-branded popcorn for your anniversary? Told that you look tired, and should therefore exercise more? Oh, you get to be angry. And this episode is just for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret answers this week's listener question: "How do you handle it when one partner is not a good disciplinarian? My husband is a caring and involved parent, definitely not the type to do things badly so I'll just have to do everything. Problem is, he has a really difficult time keeping our five-year-old in line, which means that anything he's in charge of turns into a huge struggle that's frustrating for everyone involved. For example, he's in charge of bedtime. She does all kinds of things to avoid going to sleep, which is understandable, but he doesn't seem able to handle it and actually get her to sleep. I don't know what to do in situations like this. If I step in he won't figure out how to do it himself, but he also doesn't seem to be learning how to handle her!" The rule that governs this situation is "All conversations about parenting happen when no one is parenting." You should not correct your partner while he's is the middle of trying to get your child to sleep, but you can find a calmer moment to seek out solutions to make the bedtime routine less stressful for everyone. It's also important to "watch your story" here. Help your partner discover resources to make himself a better disciplinarian (rules such as 'only saying things once' and 'putting a time limit on bedtime interactions'). Then, forget the story of "he's not good at this," and open up the story of "he's capable of this, with a little guidance". Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our latest "Fresh Take" episode, we're doing an extended interview with Meredith Masony, author of the new book ASK ME WHAT’S FOR DINNER ONE MORE TIME: Inappropriate Thoughts on Motherhood. You probably already know Meredith as the comic genius behind That's Inappropriate, an online community of 3 million+ moms and strong-minded women who are not afraid to own the fact that when it comes to parenting, the struggle is real. We discuss the crisis in Meredith's life that inspired her to tell the truth about her life as a parent, her hilarious new book, and the Hot Mess Express that is every Tuesday morning. Grab Meredith's book here: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982117962 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

By popular request, we're back with another list of the things that are getting us through the days right now. Some of these are for our kids (since a happily occupied kid equals a mom with one less problem). Some of these are just for us. Here are links to the some of the must-haves we discuss. If your podcast app doesn't support hyperlinks, you can also find this list at https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2020/09/ep174/. The Vow Uncover podcast Gorilla Gym Slack line Etsy shops like Speck Custom Woodwork Kids' subscription kits like KiwiCo Wall-hanging file folders Wireless earbuds that don't cost $100 Mini trampoline Zero gravity chair Pendleton blanket Weighted blanket Pete’s A Pizza by William Steig Totally Rudy's DIY American Girl YouTube channel Selling Sunset (Margaret's current "secret shame show") AllTrails app Disclosure: some of the above links are affiliate links, and What Fresh Hell may receive commissions for purchases made through them. But these are all products we highly recommend! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week's question is from Stacey in our Facebook group: My 12 year old daughter, seemingly out of the blue, won’t talk to me or look at me. I don’t mean talk like serious topics. I mean talk to me at all, about anything, unless I ask her a direct question. We’ve always been close so I’m feeling very hurt. She acts fine with my husband. Everything I read is how we aren’t supposed to take it personally, that it’s normal but I’m finding that impossible, especially when she’s joking around with her dad. I keep reading I should just act like everything is fine but I really want to tell her she’s hurting my feelings. Should I? It's a tween or teen's job to differentiate from their parents, to get ready to leave the nest. And if your relationship with your child was formerly very close– as Stacey's was– this separation by your teen can be even more swift and sudden, as well as way harder on the suddenly rejected parent. Amy offers some tips on how Stacey might speak up for herself, some perspective on why this is happening, and some ways Stacey's spouse can help. Being the rejected parent can really sting. But your child's rejection means, above all, that you've done a good enough job of loving her to make her feel safe stepping away from you, even temporarily. In this episode, Amy refers to Janet Lansbury's writing on this topic. You can hear more about all of this in our podcast episode "When Kids Prefer The Other Parent Over You": https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/07/preferotherparent-ep115/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We are always a little reluctant about transitioning back to school. This year that reluctance was more properly called dread (despite the truly heroic efforts of the teachers, administrators, and staff in our children's lives. THANK YOU.) We feel this way because we were supposed to be done by now, have this all figured out, have our kids skipping back to hug all their friends. But Back-to-school 2020 is not the finish line we thought it would be; instead, it’s a reminder that the finish line is very much not in sight. But for us, a lot of our anxiety around this was actually anticipatory anxiety- the masks and the Zooms and School With More Rules seemed scarier in concept than it really has been in practice. We may have fallen into "uncertainty distress," what Dr. Mark Freeston and his researchers at Cambridge call the "subjective negative emotions that one experiences in response to the as-yet unknown aspects of a given situation." In other words, what we are dreading as our kids begin school is not actually that they have to wear a mask during PE– it's what else might happen next that we don't even know about yet. It's possible to separate out uncertainty and threat in our minds. If we think what if school closes this winter? and feel our hearts start to race, we are reacting to the uncertainty, not to a direct threat. Worrying about each potential bad outcome before it happens will not make those things less likely to happen, but it may make us a little less nimble and ready to pivot if a threat does occur. Whatever happens, lean on your mom friends, and remember that, as developmental psychologist Stephanie Grant explains: "Our priority as parents this fall is to remain regulated for our kids, much more than to provide academic instruction.” Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: AL Inclusive Therapy on FB: https://www.facebook.com/ALinclusivetherapy/posts/369922694400517 Dr. Mark Freeston et al, Cambridge University Press: Towards a model of uncertainty distress in the context of Coronavirus (Covid-19) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340653312_Towards_a_model_of_uncertainty_distress_in_the_context_of_Coronavirus_Covid-19 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret answers this week's listener question: "My daughter (5 years old next month) has started saying “I look fat in this sweater” and “I don’t want to look funny” when getting dressed. My daughter is a healthy weight and she is VERY active. I am unsure of how to manage/navigate these comments. I really don’t want her to have body image issues or to be dealing with this at such a young age. I have been very conscious since her birth not to comment on her appearance, and instead to reinforce the things her body does, saying things like “your legs are so strong to bike up the hill” or “your body needs to rest now because it worked so hard today." I rarely say “you look so pretty"; instead I say “that’s a great outfit you picked”. I didn’t think I would have to deal with this so soon. Help!" Almost all of us have struggled with eating and body issues at some point in our lives and it is important for us as parents to reframe the way we talk about food and our bodies and to model body acceptance (put on that swimsuit and get in the picture mama!) It's also important to answer questions asked. Don't shy away from responding to kids who ask if they look fat– talk honestly about how bodies come in all different shapes and sizes, and why and how our bodies change. In this episode, Margaret this article from A Mighty Girl. Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices