What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Margaret answers a question from a mom who is pretty freaked out by her 20-month-old's habit of throwing stuff when he's angry. If you have a question you'd like Margaret or Amy to answer submit to: [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As soon as you become a mother unsolicited advice-givers are everywhere, telling you to “sleep when the baby sleeps.” Or “it gets easier.” Or “enjoy every moment.” Out of all the advice (parenting and otherwise) that we and our listeners have ever received, here is a selection of the very worst. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. This week Amy answers the question, "How can an introvert make new friends especially during the complicated social limitations of coronavirus?" Check out our Finding Your Mom Tribe episode: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2019/06/finding-your-mom-tribe-episode-110/ Here's the link to the Catherine Price's Screen/Life Balance site Amy mentions in this episode. http://screenlifebalance.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners to divide the world into two kinds of people, and to stake out their claims on one side. Sleep cuddler or stop-breathing-on-me? Book finisher or life-is-too-short-er? Shoes on or off in the house? Many of you gave slightly judgmental “there’s me, and the crazy people” types of responses. Others gave "there's the right way to do it, and the way my spouse does it" sorts of answers. All of which, in this episode, we are totally here for. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret answers a question from the What Fresh Hell Podcast Group from a listener who asks when (if ever) life with her 2 and 1-year-olds is ever going to get easier. Submit your question– we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Even the cheeriest and sunniest of parents are hitting the wall. We're over it. This stinks. Even the most ‘We’ll make a fun obstacle course in the yard!’ moms are suddenly thinking ‘No. NO. I don't want to do this anymore.’” Somehow we've traveled past denial, to bargaining, then circled back to anger, without seeing so much of the acceptance part. That’s life on the coronacoaster. We think this is particularly hard for parents, because we have to hold together some semblance of certainty for our kids that everything's going to be fine amidst our own complete uncertainty. Saying "you don't have to be scared" even when we feel scared. Taking on the anxiety and frustration and boredom and irritation of our littles when we haven’t worked out our own. We don’t have a ton of solutions this week, but we review some rules for zen living and figure out how we might do those a bit more. In the meantime, knowing we’re not alone in feeling this way definitely helps. Here are links to the things we discuss in this episode: Dylan Buckley for BetterHelp: Understanding The Stages Of Grief Deb Perelman for NYT: In the Covid-19 Economy, You Can Have a Kid or a Job. You Can’t Have Both. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Fess up: everyone's got a Bad Mom Moment. Or twelve. We tend to hold these things really close, our shame rooted in deep certainty that no other mother has ever temporarily forgotten their baby in the toy aisle at Target. Guess what? You're not alone. Here are some of our listeners' Bad Mom Moments– and more than a few of our own. Our guest this week is Arianna Bradford, the brains behind The NYAM (Not Your Average Mom) Project, a website dedicated to helping parents -- moms especially -- celebrate the person they are outside of their role as a parent. Her new book, SHAME ON YOU: BIG TRUTHS FROM A BAD MOM, is a hilarious collection of parenting essays that focus as much on a mother's mental health as they do on kids, and how very, very strange they are. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers the question, "I know it's silly but I'm really worried about being away from my child for three nights. How I can deal with this?" Submit your questions to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This extended pause has been really hard for some of our kids, and actually sort of good for others. For every lonely preschooler who just wants to finally have someone to play “bad guys” with, there’s a formerly rambunctious middle-schooler who became a real scholar without all the distractions of the in-person classroom. And the happiest kids have sometimes surprised us. The family Eeyore is sunnily certain things will be back to normal soon, while the happy-go-lucky one is taking more naps. We've learned (again) that our kids are more complicated than we imagined. In this episode, we discuss the things we’ve learned about our kids and will take forward as parents, both for the kids who have weirdly thrived and for those who have struggled. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Aaron E. Carroll for the NYT: The Coronavirus Has Made It Obvious. Teenagers Should Start School Later. Nora Fleming for Edutopia: Why Are Some Kids Thriving During Remote Learning? Randy Kulman, Ph.D. for Psychology Today: Will Distance Learning Produce a Coronavirus Virus Slump? Debbie Meyer for Education Post: It Was Hard Being a Dyslexia Mom Before Coronavirus, And Now It's Even Harder Debbie Meyer for Education Post: Here’s How Remote Learning Could Help Struggling Readers Caroline Preston for The Hechinger Report: ‘A drastic experiment in progress’: How will coronavirus change our kids? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers on listener's most pressing question. This week a listener asks: "Any thoughts on how to get my 8 year old son to listen to/ ead anything outside his go-to genre?" Amy suggests the "You Wouldn't Want To Be" series as particularly appealing AND educational for grade-schoolers... you can find those books here: https://www.youwouldntwantto.be/ Submit your parenting question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

No joke: this is a particularly anxiety-provoking time. And even if our kids are little, and we manage to keep the TV off most of the time, they're still picking up on a certain hum in the house, a new and different frequency. But our job as parents is not to make it feel like like the pandemic, the social unrest, the climate change, and the coarsened social discourse of this moment isn't happening. Our job is to talk with our children about these times in age-appropriate ways. Here's the good news: we're not supposed to present our kids with the solutions to all the things that might scare them. We're supposed to meet them where they are, help them discuss their feelings, and then ask them what feels like the right thing to do next. Our guest this week is Dr. Abigail Gewirtz, a professor at the University of Minnesota. She’s an award-winning child psychologist and leading expert on families under stress, Her new book is WHEN THE WORLD FEELS LIKE A SCARY PLACE: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids. There couldn't be a better book for right now! It offers parents a clear and practical guide to discussing sensitive topics in a calm, reassuring, and productive way, that will help kids comprehend and process the world around them. We also mentioned The Week Jr. as a great resource for your 8-14 year old child to receive clear and non-terrifying information about these newsworthy times. If you have a kid who is asking questions, it's a relief to be able to offer them accurate information that won't be more than they can handle.The latest issue is available for free download here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aqNTPKKk7fs6iNMX2zvCuDRiPJzxHbyC/view Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Margaret answers the question, "What can I do about my husband who gives terrible gifts?" Submit your questions to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Shutting it all down was definitely hard, but the parameters of the assignment were clear. Reopening is more like: do what you want when we think you can, or at least aren't fully convinced that you can’t. Most of us are probably going to need to leave our houses before vaccines are available at your neighborhood Walgreens. But how do we do that safely when kids touch seriously everything? When masks are optional? When all we are learning about this virus is how little we know? We live in a world where we are entitled to make our own decisions, for ourselves and for our families. But other people's decisions affect us, including some people we are closely related to. How do we understand and mitigate the actual risks? How are we going to do this when everyone’s doing it differently? Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Carolyn Hax: Balancing snowbird migration and virus mitigation German Lopez and Amanda Northrop for Vox: How to weigh the risk of going out in the coronavirus pandemic, in one chart Emily Oster: Grandparents & Day Care Roni Caryn Rabin for NYT: How to Navigate Your Community Reopening? Remember the Four C’s Leana S. Wen for Washington Post: Four concepts to assess your personal risk as the U.S. reopens Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Margaret or Amy answers a listener's parenting question. This week Amy answers the question, "How do I get my incredibly active 2 1/2 year old to stop when I tell her to?" Submit your parenting question– we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The idea that our kids are colorblind, and that we therefore should put off talking to our kids about race because they’re too young to understand its complicating factors, is wrong. And mothers of color could have told us that a long time ago. As parents, we should be talking about race with our kids early and often. Dr. Erin Winkler’s work shows that when parents are silent about race with our kids, or use "colorblind" rhetoric, we may actually reinforce racial prejudice. Yes, exploring race and racism and its many implications makes many of us uncomfortable. But it may be a lot easier than we're making it, as this week's guest, Deborah Porter, explains: “You have to be able to tell the truth in an age-appropriate way. To not discuss race is not being truthful. We can be truthful with our children about what race looks like in an age-appropriate way, where for them, it's just the thing that we're talking about today." We've created a Google doc with lists and articles and videos and social media accounts that can help us all in our work of raising anti-racist kids. You can find the list at bit.ly/raisingantiracistkids. If you see other resources you'd like us to add, tag us or send us an email: [email protected]. Here are links to writing and research on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Mellody Hobson’s TED Talk: Color Blind, or Color Brave? Dr. Erin Winkler: Children Are Not Colorblind: How Young Children Learn Race Sierra Filucci for Common Sense Media: How White Parents Can Use Media to Raise Anti-Racist Kids prettygooddesign.org: Your Kids Aren't Too Young to Talk About Race: Resource Roundup "White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack" by Peggy McIntosh Margaret Hagerman for Time: Why White Parents Need to Do More Than Talk to Their Kids About Racism Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Margaret answers the question, "What should I do about my kids' troublesome coping mechanisms during the coronavirus outbreak?" Submit your questions to: [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here comes the summer of nothing! For older kids, camps and sports leagues and internships and jobs are canceled. For little kids, even "Camp Grandma" isn't a sure thing this year. We usually look forward to summer as a lazy-living, sleep in and lie around break from our usual hectic lives. But our kids have already *had* three months of lying around doing nothing, and the thought of three more months of cranky pajama time is not reassuring. How are we going to make July different from March this year? Our guests this week are Ashley Hearon-Smith and Keri Setaro from the Momtourage podcast. We talk with Ashley and Keri about the "special hard" of each age group when you're looking at a summer calendar with basically nothing on it. No matter how old your kids are, we think the answer is pretty much the same: give your kids the gift of free play, also known as the Land On The Other Side of Boredom. Here are links to writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Melissa Bernstein for Thrive Global: How Screen Time is Edging Out Play Time – and Why It Matters Esther Entin for The Atlantic: All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed Peter Gray: Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life Michael E. Ruane for Washington Post: The coronavirus wrecked spring. Will it claim summer, too? Sydney Trent for Washington Post: Summer jobs for teens are scarce, but a little boredom has its benefits Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Amy answers the question, "What can I do about my toddler who is giving a hard time to my older child?" Submit your question to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What’s the one thing that’s actually working right now? Not grading on a curve, not a barely acceptable Band-Aid for these crazy times, but something you have found during these last months that you actually love and will totally keep doing? Our listeners told us all the things, from walking the dog to Grateful Dad cover shows, that they’re doing by themselves, with a socially distanced friend, or with a loved one at home, that are really enjoyable right now. The light-bulb moments for us in this episode were in order to have fun socially-distanced friend time, you need to have a shared secondary activity. Even if it’s a beer pong app. in order to have renewing personal time, you need to have a fully engrossing, sensory-filling activity. Even if it’s mowing the lawn. keep it bite-sized. We don’t have to talk to our friends for half an hour, or not at all. What all these discoveries have in common is that it took what our listener Mollie calls “the leisure to dwell on little things” in order to find them. We love that. For that one thing, we are pretty grateful. Here are links to a few things mentioned in this episode: Nowhere Comedy Club Grateful Dead “Dead and Company” tribute shows TableTopics "Family Gathering" topic cards Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers the question, "What Do I Do With a Four Year Old Who is Making Bedtime Last Forever?" Send your questions to [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Potty training back-sliding? Pacifiers showing up at breakfast? Preschoolers in your bed? Tweens suddenly engaging in baby talk? Welcome to The Great Regression. It's no surprise that regressive behavior shows up in times of stress. Sometimes it's not as easy to spot, but whether it's more clingy behavior or more temper tantrums, regression is our kids' way of communicating that they are feeling insecure. As child development specialist Claire Lerner explains, "When kids feel out of control on the inside, they lose control on the outside." In this episode, we discuss how regressive behavior can manifest, including for grownups when we should let it be what works to address it, and what definitely doesn't Does it matter if your kid is still sucking her thumb in first grade because she was involved in a global pandemic? It does not. But addressing the underlying need for reassurance is the best way forward, for your kid and for you. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Caroline Bologna for HuffPost: 10 Mental Health Signs To Watch Out For In Kids In The Age Of COVID-19 Claire Lerner for Psychology Today: Regression in the Time of Coronavirus Hermioni N. Lokko, MD, MPP and Theodore A. Stern, MD: Regression: Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Management Heather Marcoux for Motherly: Why your big kid wants to be a 'baby' right now Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're now on YouTube! Subscribe and catch our video shorts here: http://bit.ly/WFHyoutube After eight weeks in this new normal, our to-do lists have started to get a little lengthy. These days, we're all full-time stay-at-home AND work-at-home moms, and while the larger world seemed willing to let things slide for a while, we're feeling a lot more pressure to actually get stuff done. How do we get to what's most important in the extremely limited bursts of kid-free productivity we might have? Our guests are Laura Vanderkam and Sarah Hart-Unger, co-hosts of the Best of Both Worlds podcast, on how to get more out of life at work and at home. We're featured on their podcast this week too- you can find that episode, on how to find humor in parenting right now, here! Here are links to research and ideas discussed in this episode: the concept of extinction bursts Strangers Drowning: Impossible Idealism, Drastic Choices, and the Urge to Help by Larissa MacFarquhar Alice Boyce for Harvard Business Review: How Working Parents Can Let Go of Perfectionism Michaeleen Doucleff for NYT Parenting: Turn Your Demanding Child Into a Productive Co-Worker Jennifer Wallace for Washington Post's On Parenting: Life in lockdown is testing parents’ bandwidth, but there are ways to protect your mental energy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every week Margaret or Amy answers one listener's most pressing question. Today Margaret tackles the question, "Should I sleep-train my baby while we're all stuck at home?" Submit your questions to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked all of you to tell us your “mom wins” since quarantine life started- the smaller, the better. We're all taking success wherever we can find it these days. Whether it’s synchronized napping, picky eaters trying meatballs, or a 5-year-old who finally slept past 7 a.m., we salute all these successes, no matter how miniscule. Thanks to all of you for making our own mothering journeys so full of community and laughter. Happy Mother’s Day! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Amy answers the question, "How can I help my three-and-a-half year old daughter who is having nightmares?" Submit your question to [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Six weeks in, and most of us are having a lot of trouble with what one of our listeners called this "very strange limbo." That listener asked in our Facebook group what she might do to make herself get off the couch, stop looking at her phone, maintain momentum. Because that is the usual goal: we all know that once we stop running and rest, we won't be able to run as far when we try again. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. But here's the thing: when you run a marathon, and mile 19 gets really hard, you know what mile you're in. You know how much farther you have to go. And the people on the sidelines aren't small children yelling at you. Do the usual ideas we have about productivity and energy and momentum even apply in this moment? And if not, what are the new strategies we can put in place to help us make it to the next lamppost? Here are links to research and other things we discuss in this episode: our own Episode 142: Letting People Into Our Mess Brené Brown's podcast Unlocking Us The Lancet: The psychological impact of quarantine and how to reduce it: rapid review of the evidence Paul Ollinger for Forge: Your Only Goal Is To Arrive Judson Brewer for Harvard Business Review: Anxiety Is Contagious. Here’s How to Contain It. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret tackles the question, "What Can I Do About Relatives Who Constantly Want to FaceTime with My Kids?" Send your questions to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Back by popular demand: an all-new Quarantine Edition of What Kind of Monster? What kind of monster decides to go keto during a pandemic? Trades away toilet paper for sourdough starter? Finishes Mom’s chocolate stash, her razor-thin tether to sanity? Slices an avocado horizontally? Our listeners weigh in with the straws that will break their quarantine backs. It goes without saying that during these unprecedented times, we must greet other humans- particularly those with whom we share close quarters- with our maximum generosity. But THEN... come and vent about #WKOM is ruining your quarantine in our Facebook group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast And if you'd like to download Margaret's quarantunes playlist, it's here: https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/covid-19/pl.u-78dpTpN1MZ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This week Amy answers a question from a listener whose 17 and 15-year-olds who are "finally starting to lose their minds" with this extended no-school lock down, and time away from their peers. Dr. Lisa D'Amour did an excellent interview on the NYT Book Review podcast on how to help teens through this moment- you can find it here: https://www.drlisadamour.com/2020/04/05/april-2020-parenting-under-stay-at-home-orders/ Amy also mentions Bark as a good way to monitor your teens' online activity without snooping- here is our affiliate link: Bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK Submit your question- Amy or Margaret might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As we round the curve into what’s been a full month of Uno, math worksheets, and never going anywhere, we’ve all learned a few things. Here are our stay-at-home revelations about our homes, our cooking, our relationships, and our kids. We’re undergoing a Big Reset about what our families “need,” whether it’s another box from Amazon, family dinner conversations, or maternal interference in sibling squabbling. The head of school at Amy’s daughter’s elementary school called this moment a “semi-colon for their childhoods.” Some parts of it have been pretty good, actually. Some parts horrible. It’s okay. We don’t have to pretend that this isn’t significant; we just have to do what we can to make it all a little easier. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers the question, "What Should I Do When My Kid Won't Play Alone?" Send your questions to [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't get us wrong: in most ways, we've gone feral. But here’s what’s actually working during this stay-at-home time, for us and for our listeners: for our anxiety for our family chore buy-in for our kitchen ennui for laughter for exercise and for our senses of hope. Above all, we offer you this: never interrupt a happy quarantined family member while they are doing... whatever it is that is making them happy. We love this quote from our listener Shannon: “Instead of having a schedule for your day, consider having a routine. If you have a nice routine of activities you do each day, you get into a comfortable rhythm. If you try to stick with a time to schedule, you might miss out on some lovely moments. Five minutes before we were supposed to be starting schoolwork, my kids built a blanket fort where my son read to my daughter. What a gift! School will start, but this moment is more important for their relationship and this mama's heart.” Here are links to things we mention in this episode: Power Within Fit family workouts on Facebook Cosmic Kids Yoga Sibling Revelry Project 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique Lazy Genius on Instagram: Become an Energy Detective Helen Dodd for The Conversation: Coronavirus-just letting children play will help them, and their parents, cope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Amy tackles the question, "How Do I Talk to My Kids About Missing Milestone Events?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We’re still collecting data, but from our limited household samples, the realization that we’re all in this for somewhat longer than we had bargained for is having some ramifications. Homeschooling feels doable when it’s a snow-day novelty. It feels different when you’re relearning middle school math while also learning how to work from home and provide three meals a day instead of two. On the plus side, a lot of things we usually spend our precious bandwidth on have become blessedly hypothetical. Anything that isn't this doesn't matter. Anything that is this? Is not something for which we are yet required to have any perspective at all. In the meantime, here's how we're coping and keeping it going. As always, laughter is helping, and that's why, more than ever, we're so grateful for this podcast community. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Margaret tackles the question, "How Seriously Should I Take This Homeschooling Thing?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Great Stay-Home Experiment continues, and no matter how many kids you have or how old they are, if you're a mom, your life just got more complicated. This episode is full of ideas for keeping kids busy, both indoors and out, with stuff you probably already have around the house. Some of these projects involve parental setup, but *not* parental participation, which is particularly clutch right now. Grab that videoconference time wherever you can! Lots of this episode's ideas came from our listeners. Our Facebook group is the perfect community right now! Tons of resources, laughs, and support. Join us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Amy tackles the question, "How Can I Get My Big Kids to Pitch In In The Kitchen?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If your kids are home more right now, chances are they're gaming more. Part of that is just going with the flow of this moment. But as any mom whose kid can game all afternoon will tell you, the problem comes when it's time to turn them OFF. There's never a good time (and no, your kids aren't lying; the games are designed that way). And there's no question video games are addicting- in a recent study, 6 out of 10 teens said they'd made their own attempts, apart from parental influence, to cut back. But the evidence linking gaming to hyperactivity, aggression, and worse grades at school is more tenuous than you might think. And there are distinct, significant advantages that gaming can give kids. In this episode, we discuss the good and bad of gaming, plus how to set household policies around gaming that will make everyone happy. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Adam Lobel et al: Video Gaming and Children’s Psychosocial Wellbeing: A Longitudinal Study Dawnthea Price Lisco for Slate Parenting: Decide What Age-Appropriate Means To You Science Daily: Video game ratings work, if you use them Science Daily: School, health and behavior suffer when children have TV, video games in bedroom Pew Research Center: Teens hold mixed opinions about whether they spend too much time in front of screens … Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Margaret or Amy answers a listener's most pressing question. This week Margaret answers the question, "How Do I Get My Kids to Help Keep the House Clean?" Submit your questions to [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does self-care mean ice cream? Facial serums? Leaning in? Saying no? Taking yoga? According to our listeners, it means all of the above. In this episode, we talk both about how to arrive at your personal definition of self-care, and how to prioritize it, so your self-care practice will be there for you when you need it. You can't just meditate extra on the day your kids both get the stomach flu. Self-care is a program you kind of need to have running in the background all the time. Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Jacqueline Baker for The Mighty: When Self-Care Means Saying 'No' Tim Herrera for NYT Smarter Living: How to Make ‘Self-Care’ Actually Feel Like Self-Care Jenny Odell: How To Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy Deanna Zandt: The Unspoken Complexity of 'Self-Care' Claire Zulkey for Romper: The Hardest Thing To Do Is 'Less' Of All That Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Amy answers: "How do I get Grandma to stop plopping the kids in front of screens?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In-law relationships are close by design, not by choice. No wonder they're complicated. We heard from listeners who have fantastic in-laws, and others for whom no contact at all is the only option. In this episode, we discuss whether mothers-in-law, in particular, get a bad rap how many sit-downs you're allowed to have ever (spoiler alert: three) how to operate from a standpoint of maximum available generosity how to "watch your ratios" to improve your relationship with your spouse's parents Here are links to research and other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Madeleine A. Fugère Ph.D. for Psychology Today: Why You and Your Mother-in-Law May Not Get Along Karen L. Fingerman, Megan Gilligan, Laura VanderDrift, and Lindsay Pitzer: In-law Relationships Before and After Marriage Margarita Tartakovsky for Psych Central: How Healthy Couples Deal with Their In-Laws The Naked Marriage Podcast: Healthy Boundaries with In-Laws Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Margaret tackles the question, "Should I take my child to a funeral?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There are times when we say "Where did this kid come from?!" and it's totally exciting, like: I'm kind of a shy person, and my kid can talk to anyone. I am completely uncoordinated, and my kid's on the all-state gymnastics team. Then there are the times when perceiving our kids as nothing like us can make us apprehensive, as in: I am the most outgoing person in the world, and my kid won't even make eye contact. I loved being on the softball team, and my kid cries if she strikes out. As parents, we can get a little stuck on figuring out how to close that gap, by clamping down on the things that feel unfamiliar, trying to change the ways our kids are differently wired so that their lives will be easier (as in, more like our own). But we risk missing the kid that's there in front of us while we try to parent the kid we thought we were going to have. In this episode, we talk about how to be okay with that gap, rather than wishing it away, and how to support our kids' dreams even when they slightly baffle us. We also discuss the excellent book Far From The Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity, in which Andrew Solomon tells the stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children, but also find profound meaning in doing so. We're going to be okay. So are they. Here are links to other writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Associated Press: Non-athletic parents may have best advantage with sports-minded kids Julia Ries for Family Education: My Kid is Nothing Like Me Erin Zammett Ruddy for Real Simple: How to Parent a Kid Who's Nothing Like You and for an opposite point of view, this episode of our own podcast: What To Do When They're Just Like You Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers one listener's question. This week Amy answers a question from a woman who is preparing for a family move and wants to know how to explain it to her four-year-old. Submit your questions to: [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In a world where kids get big praise for hitting their developmental milestones ahead of schedule- he sat up before six months! She was talking in sentences before her second birthday!- there are still times and places to let kids be little. Letting kids be little means maybe they are wiggly worms when you'd like them to be sitting still. Letting kids be little means letting them come back and touch base with you, and then leave, and come back, and then leave, and come back. Letting kids be little means letting them still have those things that the world says they’re too big for. It means encouraging them to do and to have what they love, even if it isn't cool. Here’s how we try to let our kids be little, and how it has made our kids’ lives (and ours) more joyful. We find that we have the most fun in our families when we're the silliest-and when we let the kids be the littlest. Here are links to research and other writing we discuss in this episode: Dr. Ned Hallowell for Parents League: Protecting Childhood Meredith Ethington for Scary Mommy: I Finally Get What They Mean By ‘Let Them Be Little’ Dr. Perri Klass for The New York Times: Offering Kids a Taste of Alcohol Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Margaret tackles the question, "Should I try to put a stop to my kids' constant potty talk?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Every mom has struggles. Every mom has dark times. Too often, those are the times when we stop showing up in our lives, thinking that our problems make us less worthy. As psychologist Dr. Susan Silver explains, “Women often don't feel that they deserve help— or they think something is wrong with them, and that they've failed in some way, if they have to go to somebody else for help.” But our personal unsolvable crisis might be perceived by a friend as a challenge. And allowing ourselves to say "I stink at this a lot of the time" opens us up to a better, richer life experience than when we only share our carefully curated selves. There are risks to being authentic. The payoffs are worth it. Our guest is Kristina Kuzmic, author of the new book HOLD ON, BUT DON’T HOLD STILL: Hope and Humor from My Seriously Flawed Life. Kristina offers hard-won wisdom to all of us who have ever struggled to feel good enough, and her book is full both of hilarity and of serious wisdom about staying in community, even when our lives are messy. Here's how Kristina puts it: “We are not meant to walk through this life alone. Name any situation you want to improve, and I guarantee you you'll get there faster and more effectively if you reach out to others.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Each week Amy or Margaret answers a listener question. This week Amy tackles the question, "What can I do about a biter at my kid's daycare?" Submit your question- we might answer yours next! [email protected] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners if there was a time in their lives when they had to make the hard or unconventional choice in order to do what was right for their kids. From potty-training to red-shirting to homeschooling to adoption, these are some of the times the moms in our tribe had to go with their guts. If there's anything we've learned as parents, it's that that "nagging feeling" is something that should usually be acknowledged. (That goes for when it's the doctor or teacher having that nagging feeling, too, even if we ourselves do not.) Whether it's with doctors, teachers, coaches, or well-meaning relatives, here's how to have the tough conversations and stand up for your kid. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices