We Can Do Hard Things

We’re back with author and sex educator, Emily Nagoski, taking our Pod Squad’s questions about sex. 1. How to navigate a relationship when one partner has a lower sex drive and the other has a higher sex drive. 2. The “sleepy hedgehog” practice Emily suggests to help partners find their way back to each other after months (or years) of not having sex. 3. How to raise our kids in a more sex-positive family culture. 4. Emily advises Glennon on an exercise to help unbind her bedroom silence. EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling COME AS YOU ARE and THE COME AS YOU ARE WORKBOOK, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller BURNOUT: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist. The book recommendations Emily made during this episode: Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers by Peggy Kleinplatz What Fresh Hell Is This? by Heather Corinna Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel (Ages 15+ years) The Times I Knew I Was Gay by Eleanor Crewes (Ages 15+ years) Let’s Talk About It by Erica Moen and Matt Nolan (Ages 14+ years) Queer: The Ultimate LQBTQ Guide for Teens (Ages 11+ years) Wait, What? by Heather Corinna and Isabella Rotman (Ages 9+ years) Sex Is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg (Ages 8 - 11 years) What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg (Ages 2 - 5 years) Podcast: https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com Instagram: @enagoski Twitter: @emilynagoski

We welcome our very first guest, author and sex educator Emily Nagoski, who talks with us about how to finally build true, joyful, confident sex lives: 1. How our sex issues are totally normal—we’re all worrying about the same things. 2. Why more than 75% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone—and why Glennon thinks the world doesn’t want us to know that. 3. The single factor that is most predictive of strong sustained sexual connection over time. 4. How Abby’s still healing after a lifetime in locker rooms spent comparing her body to other women’s bodies. CW: We reference sexual trauma, including what to say when someone discloses sexual trauma to you. About Emily: EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling COME AS YOU ARE and THE COME AS YOU ARE WORKBOOK, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller BURNOUT: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist. Podcast: https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com Instagram: @enagoski Twitter: @emilynagoski

1. Why Abby says that people pleasing is both her superpower and her Achilles heel. 2. Why Glennon says playing with kids is just the worst—and insists it’s okay for adults to sit it out. (This is why she’s not a parenting expert.) 3. Why Glennon and Abby decided to say goodbye to Florida and hello to California. 4. Glennon, Abby, and Amanda answer rapid fire questions about: their astrological signs, first kisses, and their morning routines.

1. The one question to ask ourselves if we want to know if our love is really reaching our people. 2. How Glennon’s dearest friend Liz Gilbert taught her that a relaxed woman is the new revolution. 3. Abby offers tips for bonus parents—and why she says earning her kids’ love has been the most rewarding part in her entire life.

1. The amazing life hack that has Glennon and Abby replying “Yes” to social invitations. 2. Glennon acknowledges her sexual fantasies … and TRIES (but fails) to share them. 3. Glennon talks about how she “knew what to do” the first time she and Abby were together. 4. The best and worst parts of Glennon and Abby’s big California move.

1. How Abby discovered she was gay while out to dinner with her parents at a Macaroni Grill. 2. The moment Glennon knew for sure she was queer (in an Amish Boogie Nights bathroom)—and the song that sealed the deal. 3. How, as a straight, cis woman, Amanda never had to wrestle with her sexuality, why she thinks that stunted her exploration. 4. How Glennon’s failed Van Gogh visit inspired Amanda’s next sex steps.

1. The viral note Glennon wrote to herself in her car this week—and how the world’s response confirmed that we’re all struggling right now. 2. How we tend to either Avoid the world’s pain or Be Consumed by it—and how to survive the overwhelm by embracing the Third Way. 3. What Glennon fears most as her oldest child leaves for college. 4. Why we can’t let the fact that we can’t fix everything keep us from doing something—and how Together Rising began.

1. Glennon describes how she’s feeling as her oldest leaves for college—and the survival strategy that’s getting her through. 2. The life secret someone told Glennon in early sobriety that changed her life. 3. Amanda discusses the only two strategies that are proven to help us cope with our emotions and become more resilient. 4. How hard feelings always reveal something to you about you. 5. How the life hack Glennon calls “Save as Drafts” has saved her relationships.

1. Amanda presents a case for “summer rain” love—and rejects “lightning love” as the highest form of romantic love. 2. Glennon’s theory for when to speak up and when to shut up. 3. How Abby’s experience in a mostly male meeting showed her that “silent solidarity” is a cowardly lie. 4. The trick Glennon uses to communicate with highly sensitive kiddos. (Abby swears it works every time.)

1. Five communication ideas that might help us connect more deeply with people. 2. How Glennon feels that “everyone is talking but nobody is listening to each other ever” and why that’s one of the reasons most of us feel lonely. 3. The conversation strategy that Glennon and Abby use at the dinner table with their kids and friends. 4. Why we love talking about ourselves—and when it helps (and when it hurts) our relationships.

1. Glennon lets f-ing loose about the misogyny in our cursing lexicon—and how it reveals our hidden conditioning. (Note: Don’t listen with the kiddos.) 2. The connection between how little girls are taught to avoid conflict with each other and how adult women are called “catty.” 3. What Glennon really means when she says she’s a feminist—and why she’s baffled when a group fighting for their own equality turns on another group fighting for theirs. 4. Why Glennon says that the teenage years may be her favorite parenting era yet.

1. How, in the business world, Amanda is labeled as aggressive and dominant—and why that’s a gender trap. 2. Abby’s experiences of being publicly misgendered—and how that makes her feel. 3. Why is gender the last place we’re agreed it’s acceptable to make identity assumptions? 4. Why do we tell people who they are before they’re even born—and a thousand different ways every day after? 5. Why Glennon says two women in a marriage, handling their own business, rocks the patriarchal boat.

1. The Pod Squad is peeved that Glennon refers to Amanda as “Sister”—so what should we call her? 2. How Glennon and Amanda both spent their college weekends in jail—but for very different reasons. 3. Getting to know Amanda and her innate obsession with the link between our personal experience and our location within systems of power. 4. What’s making life a little easier for the Doyle sisters this week.

1. Why are we conditioned to spend so much of our precious time and energy on our appearance? 2. Why is it that when men put work into the world, the world asks if his work is worthy—but when women put work into the world, the world asks if she’s worthy? 3. Why is half the population’s face allowed to exist as is, while the rest of our faces “need” to be covered in concealers, colors, botox, etc., etc....? 4. How is it that the ultimate way to insult a woman is to say that she’s “let herself go”? 5. The better “beauty” standard for women that is liberating Glennon right now.

1. Glennon’s radical acceptance that she’s always going to be a midnight person in a sunshine world. 2. Our favorite movies and music—and what they reveal about our personalities. 3. Why Abby is objectively hot, but please don’t say that to Glennon at parties.

1. The one question to ask yourself when deciding whether it’s time to quit something. 2. Why Glennon actually believes that quitting each day is necessary for her survival. 3. The big quits that led Abby to Glennon. 4. Amanda’s unexpected great relief—and hope for your relief—in learning about how we’re all just as happy as we’re ever going to be. (And how, as expected, Glennon disagrees.) 5. Rethinking the ending of a marriage as a positive quit and how to talk to friends going through it.

1. If you’re like 75% of women, Amanda’s hot tips for setting yourself up for success in the bedroom. 2. Detoxing from religious purity / sex shame culture, and raising kids with a healthier relationship to sex. 3. The one sex subject that’s a hard no for Abby and Glennon.

1. Glennon, Amanda, and Abby discuss their sex origin stories and how that shapes their current sex fears. 2. Glennon’s high-pressure situation of sex with Abby for the first time—and how it didn’t go quite as you’d expect. 3. The biggest sex challenges in Glennon, Abby, and Amanda’s marriages now. 4. What Amanda regrets about her past sex life—and how she’s already worried about what she’s going to regret when she’s eighty. 5. How Pod Squaders taught Glennon and Abby about “lesbian deathbed.”

Glennon and Amanda decided to add a second episode each week after Glennon’s big move to California—in the first Thursday episode, they discuss: 1. Glennon’s experiment of Saying Yes to anything the universe invites her to. 2. How much screen time is too much screen time? 3. Are we all just Pendulum Parenting (over-correcting parents’ mistakes and screwing our kids up in the equal and opposite way our parents screwed us up)?

1. The 5 things Glennon wishes she’d known during those early days with young kids. 2. Why it’s important to let our kids see us mess up, cry, and lose it every once in a while. 3. How to let go of Expectation Parenting and embrace Treasure Hunt Parenting. 4. On teaching kids the most important lesson: How to disappoint everyone else (including you) before they disappoint themselves. 5. Why if you’re listening to this podcast worried about how you’re parenting, things are likely already okay.

1. Craig’s first two thoughts the moment Glennon sent him “the text.” 2. How Glennon and Craig told the kids they were divorcing. 3. The big mistake Glennon and Craig agree they made in the early days of blending their family. 4. What Craig says is the most annoying thing about co-parenting with Glennon, and the best thing about co-parenting with Abby. 5. How Craig really feels about Glennon writing their stories.

TW // eating disorders 1. Glennon’s “final frontier”—her attempt to stop controlling her body. 2. The opportunity costs of a lifetime spent obsessing about our size and shape. 3. How we’ve been taught to fixate over every hair, wrinkle, and pound—but have never been taught how our bodies actually work. 4. How to quit conditioning girls to stay small in body, hunger, ambition, and desire. 5. The tyranny of the weigh-in at the doctor’s office—and why BMI is horseshit.

1. How Abby learned from church as a child to hate herself—and the healing moment she realized that God and religion are not the same. 2. The miraculous letter Glennon received from a reader the day after she came out. 3. Glennon’s response to the statement “I disagree with your lifestyle, but I love you anyway.” 4. When it’s time to either raise hell inside of—or leave—the institutions that require us to deny who we are or what we know.

1. How to create lives that we don’t need to escape from. 2. Why our resentment toward others is our Secret Self-Care Signal. 3. Why refusing to be selfless is the best way to care for others and the world. 4. How to stop passing down the brutal legacy of martyrdom to our children. 5. Glennon’s life-changing spiritual practice: Habitual Quitting.

In this episode, in which Abby joins Glennon and Amanda, discover: 1. How Glennon and Abby realized that each of their recurring Five Fights (about money, food, etc.) are all actually about the exact same thing—and how it all goes back to their childhoods. 2. The guardrails Abby and Glennon built to protect each other when they fight. 3. How to handle a relationship in which one partner runs from conflict (Team Abby), and the other rushes toward conflict (Team Glennon). 4. The one red flag that Amanda insists is a relationship-ender. TW // eating disorders

In the episode discover: 1. How the constant to-do list ticker looping in Amanda's brain makes her feel like a dormant volcano. 2. The job description we've somehow accepted for motherhood—and whether self-abandonment is a job requirement. 3. The way gender expectations even creep into Glennon and Abby's marriage. 4. How to know whether your partner is a co-builder or an assistant. 5. How to make the invisible load of caretaking visible—and potentially bearable.

TW // abortion, bulimia, addiction In this episode discover: 1. How Amanda protected their sisterhood from Glennon’s addiction. 2. Which of the 12 steps Glennon refused to take. 3. What it took for Amanda to finally quit the wine. 4. The answer to the Pod Squad’s question about quarantine drinking and how much is too much.

In this episode—in which Abby confronts my sister and me about our inability to have fun—discover: 1. The one “fun” post that caused more people to unfollow me on social media than any other. 2. Why girls may disassociate early from their ability to access fun. 3. Science’s insistence that when we’re gloomy, rest won’t fix us. We gotta play the blues away. 4. A playlist I created for YOU—if you, like me, need daily help awakening your dormant Fun Self:https://open.spotify.com/user/f50axmsbwkhwq81ttiwovo1yf?si=707cb22232aa4cdf

In this episode, discover: 1. The messed up way my sister Amanda learned her marriage was over -- and how that sabotaged her healing process. 2. How we often cling to unforgiveness because it’s the last connection we have left. 3. The one question not to ask someone who is recovering from infidelity and what you can say instead.

In this Episode, discover: My quirkiest boundary and how I finally fired Texts as the Boss of Me. Our response to a Pod Squad listener’s question about creating and holding boundaries with her in-laws. How my aversion to moderation has led me from too few boundaries to way too many.

In this episode discover: 1. Glennon’s description of an anxiety attack. 2. The 3 strategies that help her find calm. 3. The original We Can Do Hard Things anthem, written and performed by Glennon's daughter Tish Melton and produced by Brandi Carlile.

Introducing We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle! I’m Glennon Doyle, author of Untamed – the book that was released at the very start of the pandemic and became a lifeline for millions. I watched in awe from my home while this simple phrase from Untamed - WE CAN DO HARD THINGS – the mantra that saved my life twenty years ago, became a worldwide rally cry. Here, on WE CAN DO HARD THINGS, my sister, Amanda - my best friend and the person I go to all my hard things -- and I will do the only thing I’ve ever found that has ever made life easier: We will drop the fake and talk honestly about the hard. Life is hard. Let’s do it together. Meet us here, every week, on We Can Do Hard Things. The first episode drops on Tuesday, May 11th. Before you forget, follow We Can Do Hard Things so you’ll get every show as soon as it’s released. Listen to and follow this presentation of Cadence13 Studios for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Audacy and wherever you get your podcasts.