We Can Do Hard Things

1. What if we stop trying to figure out whether our feelings and intuition are “right” or “wrong”– and instead, just acknowledge them as real–and move toward them? 2. How Glennon is experiencing a little shift in peace, joy, and non-reactivity through her newfound relationship with meditation. 3. Why a lot of our suffering exists in the space between the Knowing and the Doing–and how life is at its best and most exciting when we shorten that gap.

1. Why do we spend our lives trying to become what our culture ascribes as “good” only to burn ourselves out, wake up, and realize: I thought it would all be more beautiful than this? 2. Why Glennon says that stillness has been her greatest teacher–and how she was able to find it in her most rock bottom moments. 3. How listening for and committing to the next right thing then leads us to the next thing–and why we should rush towards whatever looks and feels like freedom.

1. What we should STOP saying to people who are struggling—and what to say, or do, instead. 2. How Kate received the support she needed because people were willing to embarrass themselves in their attempts to show up—and why we shouldn’t be scared of doing it wrong. 3. Kate offers some words to a Pod Squader feeling anticipatory grief—and how to accept that we can’t always make it okay for the people we love. About Kate: Kate Bowler, PhD is a New York Times bestselling author, podcast host, and a professor at Duke University. She studies the cultural stories we tell ourselves about success, suffering, and whether (or not) we’re capable of change. She is the author of Blessed: A History of the American Prosperity Gospel and The Preacher’s Wife: The Precarious Power of Evangelical Women Celebrities. After being unexpectedly diagnosed with Stage IV cancer at age 35, she penned the New York Times bestselling memoir, Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies I’ve Loved) and her latest, No Cure For Being Human (and Other Truths I Need to Hear). Kate hosts the Everything Happens podcast where, in warm, insightful, often funny conversations, she talks with people like Malcolm Gladwell and Anne Lamott about what they’ve learned in difficult times. She lives in Durham, North Carolina with her family and continues to teach do-gooders at Duke Divinity School. Book: No Cure for Being Human: (And Other Truths I Need to Hear) Instagram: @katecbowler Twitter: @KatecBowler

1. Kate describes the overwhelming feeling of love—not anger—that she felt when she was sure she was near death. 2. Why it’s time we throw out expressions like “Everything is possible” and “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” and rewrite our cultural cliches. 3. Why Kate delights in celebrating the holidays—and how to survive the holiday season when there’s grief and loss and fear in all of us. 4. Kate and Glennon bond over their love for swear words—and how using them is a reflection of what’s going on inside of them. About Kate: Kate Bowler, PhD is a New York Times bestselling author, podcast host, and a professor at Duke University. She studies the cultural stories we tell ourselves about success, suffering, and whether (or not) we’re capable of change. She is the author of Blessed: A History of the American Prosperity Gospel and The Preacher’s Wife: The Precarious Power of Evangelical Women Celebrities. After being unexpectedly diagnosed with Stage IV cancer at age 35, she penned the New York Times bestselling memoir, Everything Happens for a Reason (and Other Lies I’ve Loved) and her latest, No Cure For Being Human (and Other Truths I Need to Hear). Kate hosts the Everything Happens podcast where, in warm, insightful, often funny conversations, she talks with people like Malcolm Gladwell and Anne Lamott about what they’ve learned in difficult times. She lives in Durham, North Carolina with her family and continues to teach do-gooders at Duke Divinity School. Book: No Cure for Being Human: (And Other Truths I Need to Hear) Instagram: @katecbowler Twitter: @KatecBowler

1. What if we deleted the picture in our head of how it’s “supposed to be,” and looked at “what is” right now, as enough? 2. What makes a good apology–and why we shouldn't pretend that it is possible to reorder what we did to people. 3. Glennon describes “the ache”–and how it’s really love, coming and going, and making life more beautiful.

1. Glennon, Abby, and Amanda share how opening up and being vulnerable on the podcast has changed their lives. 2. What your preparation style says about your personality—and how some people bring their “magic” while others bring index cards. 3. Abby recalls “the biggest bomb of her life”—and why she was nervous to join Glennon and Amanda on We Can Do Hard Things.

1. Why Ashley says we have to talk about what hurts if we’re ever going to heal. 2. Glennon asks Ashley about the power of apologizing—and why Ashley says we must begin apologizing to the people we love. 3. How many of us are really good at loving other people, but often struggle to let ourselves be loved. 4. Why Ashley says that nothing has ever given her more peace and power than knowing that she doesn’t really need others to believe in her—because she believes so deeply in herself. About Ashley: Ashley C. Ford’s New York Times best-selling memoir, Somebody’s Daughter, was published by Flatiron Books in June 2021. Ford is the former host of The Chronicles of Now podcast, co-host of The HBO companion podcast Lovecraft Country Radio. She currently lives in Indianapolis, Indiana with her husband, poet and fiction writer Kelly Stacy, and their chocolate lab Astro Renegade Ford-Stacy. Ford has written or guest-edited for ELLE Magazine, Slate, Teen Vogue, New York Magazine, The New York Times, Domino, Cup of Jo, and various other web and print publications. Book: Somebody’s Daughter Instagram: @smashfizzle Twitter: @iSmashFizzle

1. How to find a way to live in peace: to actually love complicated parents without compromising our love for ourselves. 2. How we can’t change our past—and why Ashley says that forgiveness is accepting the fact that the past is never going to be different. 3. The importance of being able to hold two truths at the same time: that, for some of us, our parents did the best they could—and it wasn’t close to good enough. 4. Why Ashley says she struggles, even in adulthood, to accept love and care from people who are not obligated to love and care for her. 5. Why anger often reveals our passion points—and for Ashley, why that leads her to show up for children. About Ashley: Ashley C. Ford’s New York Times best-selling memoir, Somebody’s Daughter, was published by Flatiron Books in June 2021. Ford is the former host of The Chronicles of Now podcast, co-host of The HBO companion podcast Lovecraft Country Radio. She currently lives in Indianapolis, Indiana with her husband, poet and fiction writer Kelly Stacy, and their chocolate lab Astro Renegade Ford-Stacy. Ford has written or guest-edited for ELLE Magazine, Slate, Teen Vogue, New York Magazine, The New York Times, Domino, Cup of Jo, and various other web and print publications. Book: Somebody’s Daughter Instagram: @smashfizzle Twitter: @iSmashFizzle

1. Why embracing that it’s not possible to do everything brings freedom. 2. One change that Amanda made to get back into her body and reclaim her fire. 3. How to navigate our anxieties about the impending “return to normal” and how to hold onto the rhythm many of us have found comforting during the pandemic. 4. How Glennon’s been rethinking her popular Untamed quote “The braver I am, the luckier I get.” 5. How inviting more life into your life gives your people permission to live more fully.

1. What Tish said when asked, “Who has taught you the most about love?”— why it was the best day of Abby’s life, and led her to redefine what it means to be a mother. 2. Glennon declares herself a great adventurer, without movement: an inner travel guide—and how the new journal will help steer us toward our next right thing. 3. How the pandemic brought Amanda’s anxieties, traumas, and relational cracks, previously on a slow burn, to center stage—and what she’s learning from “Be Still and Know.” 4. Why Glennon says whatever we’re envious of is what we need to go for—and how that led to the creation of this podcast.

1. Brené and Glennon role play through a scenario on how to put boundaries in practice with family members this holiday season. 2. Why Brené insists that starting “a love affair with the thing you’re most afraid of” will change your life. 3. Glennon asks Brené the question she’s been dying to ask about how a woman’s work is defined and received in the world compared to her male counterparts. 4. How understanding that grief and loss are an inevitable part of change helps us navigate toward the decisions that serve us. 5. Brené answers questions from the Pod Squad and our rapid fire session on: tough emotions, tattoos, and her favorite place on Earth. About Brené: Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers, and is the host of the weekly Spotify Original podcasts Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead. Brené’s books have been translated into more than 30 languages and titles include: Dare to Lead, Braving the Wilderness, Rising Strong, Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection. Most recently Brené collaborated with Tarana Burke to co-edit You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience. Her TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 50 million views. She is also the first researcher to have a filmed lecture on Netflix. The Call to Courage special debuted on the streaming service in April 2019. Brené lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve. They have two children, Ellen and Charlie. Book: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience Instagram: @brenebrown Twitter: @BreneBrown

1. Why Brené’s new book ATLAS OF THE HEART is a game changer for communicating hard emotions more easily. 2. Brené breaks down the difference between stressed and overwhelmed—and gives us tools to navigate both. 3. How our survival strategies from our families of origin can become both our superpowers and our stumbling blocks in our relationships and wellness. 4. How we can make sure our kids experience deep, steady belonging—even if they don’t feel like they “belong” out in the world. 5. The one question that Brené now asks herself whenever she’s considering a decision—and how it’s changed everything. About Brené: Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business. She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy, is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers, and is the host of the weekly Spotify Original podcasts Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead. Brené’s books have been translated into more than 30 languages and titles include: Dare to Lead, Braving the Wilderness, Rising Strong, Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection. Most recently Brené collaborated with Tarana Burke to co-edit You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience. Her TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 50 million views. She is also the first researcher to have a filmed lecture on Netflix. The Call to Courage special debuted on the streaming service in April 2019. Brené lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve. They have two children, Ellen and Charlie. Book: Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience Instagram: @brenebrown Twitter: @BreneBrown

1. Glennon gives you a beautiful Thanksgiving pep talk that has Amanda and Abby nodding along and rolling with laughter. 2. Why Amanda suggests that we can be free to be our full selves at the Thanksgiving table, if we also each bring our own damn casserole. 3. Why the best predictor of how a family member is going to act is how a family member has always acted. 4. We’re taking holiday-themed questions from our beloved Pod Squad about in-laws, when to break tradition, and how to navigate different family of origin patterns.

1. How our second holiday hack—“Be unsurprised”—eliminates walking on eggshells around family, and leaving holiday gatherings feeling badly about ourselves or our people. 2. Amanda shares the first time she broke her family’s biggest holiday tradition—and how it’s now one of her most precious memories. 3. Abby remembers watching her mom stress out by preparing and perfecting every holiday detail—and the change she made to minimize her own holiday stress. 4. How carrying around a cup of hot tea serves as Glennon’s super shield.

1. How a marathon is an analogy for life: the danger of comparison, the ride of emotions and self-doubt, that love is fuel, and that the world needs both runners and cheerers. 2. The question Abby kept asking herself throughout the race—and why she’s still wearing her marathon medal while doing the dishes and running errands. 3. Why race day was so profound to Glennon— even though she is strongly committed to NOT running—and how she experienced her first sports injury while cheering. 4. A special visit by the kids’ middle school cross-country coach, Coach Loux, who became Abby’s marathon coach—and what she said at the 24-mile mark that shifted everything for Abby. 5. A conversation with marathon champion Shalane Flanagan about the bond and joy of running—and how she played a magical part of Abby’s marathon day. About Shalane Flanagan: Dedicated to giving back to the sport she loves, Shalane Flanagan is now an elite coach to the Bowerman Track Club, global spokesperson, and a mom, after retiring as one of America’s most decorated distance runners. Flanagan’s accolades include four-time Olympian, Olympic silver medalist, 2017 TCS New York City Marathon champion, World Cross Country Bronze medalist, and multiple American record holder. She is the third fastest American marathoner in history, with a time of 2:21.14. Shalane is the fastest American woman to run the Boston Marathon, 2:22.02. Along with her coauthor, Elyse Kopecky, she is the 3-time New York Times bestselling author of Run Fast. Eat Slow. and Run Fast. Cook Fast. Eat Slow. and Rise & Run, which became an instant bestseller. Shalane attributes her long career and incredible success to her nutrient-dense diet. Shalane has left the track behind, but you’ll still find her logging high mileage on trail run adventures with friends! Recipes from all three of her cookbooks fuel these strenuous miles.

1. Gabrielle shares—as rawly and honestly as we’ve ever heard—about the “emotional chaos” of her years experiencing miscarriage, infertility, and surrogacy. 2. Gabrielle and Abby discuss the label and perception of “stepmom”—Gabrielle shares what she avoids at all costs in that role, and the most vital part of the role for her: consistency. 3. How Gabrielle coached her NBA husband Dwyane before Zaya shared with him that she is gay, and how his reaction encouraged Zaya to tell the people on her “never-ever” list. 4. Gabrielle’s insistence that home is a sanctuary where all are embraced with love, understanding, and joy—and how, if you can’t get behind all of her family members, you’re not welcome. About Gabrielle: Gabrielle Union is an actress, executive producer, activist, best-selling author, and Time100 cover honoree. Union will next be seen in Disney’s remake of CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN developed by Kenya Barris for Disney+. She was last seen in “L.A.’s Finest,” the highly anticipated TV spinoff of the BAD BOYS movie franchise. She reprised her starring role as Syd Burnett opposite Jessica Alba in the series and served as an executive producer through her production shingle “I’ll Have Another.” Union formed “I’ll Have Another” in 2018 with the goal of telling stories that center marginalized communities with their specific point of views in an authentic manner. In May of 2021, Gabrielle released – in partnership with her husband Dwyane Wade – her second children’s book, “Shady Baby,” which became a New York Times best seller the first week of release. Her first book, We’re Going To Need More Wine: Stories That Are Funny, Complicated and True, was released in 2017 and instantly became a New York Times best seller. The highly anticipated follow up “You Got Anything Stronger?” was released in September of this year and was a New York Times best seller as well. Union has always had an eye for forward-thinking businesses centered around inclusion, accessibility, and affordability. In August of 2020, she relaunched her haircare brand “Flawless by Gabrielle Union” for women with textured hair. Prior to relaunching Flawless, Union co-founded Bitsy's with the goal of making healthy, allergen- friendly, school-safe snacks that are accessible and affordable for all families regardless of their socioeconomic or geographical status. Union serves as a leader and advocate for inclusion in the entertainment industry. She is also a champion of breast health and combating sexual violence. Instagram: @gabunion Twitter: @itsgabrielleu

1. Why Esther often recommends letter writing if you don’t know quite how to start—or have—hard conversations. 2. What to say—and when to say it—to show up for a friend who is in a bad relationship. 3. The importance of rituals in transitioning through breakups—what we should do when it’s time to say goodbye; and what we can do if we’ve never gotten the closure we need. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into nearly 30 languages. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Her latest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.

1. How, if you have been struggling in your romantic, parental, family, or work relationships through the lingering uncertainty of the last two years, you are not alone. 2. The revolutionary understanding that, in relationships, “behind every criticism is a longing; behind every anger is a hurt.” 3. What to do when your relationship is a bond of co-parenting / life management instead of a partnership of ongoing discovery. 4. The link between trauma recovery and the process of enlivening “dead” relationships. 5. Esther’s everyday conflict resolution practices. About Esther Perel: Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 30 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena translated into nearly 30 languages. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the popular podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s Work? Her latest project is Where Should We Begin - A Game of Stories with Esther Perel. Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.

1. How Glennon and Abby transitioned from the “falling in love” phase to “landing in love” at different times—and how Glennon felt “bamboozled” by it. 2. How the self-inflicted guilt of pursuing joy ruins everything. 3. Why a precious gift from Abby made Glennon feel like she’d finally landed in the right galaxy. 4. How the things about our partners that drive us nuts are the same things that attracted us to them.

1. Why “falling in love” feels like you’re losing your mind—and Amanda’s experience when Glennon fell hard for Abby. 2. Why Abby thinks the idea of “the one” is the most romantic way to live, and why Amanda thinks “the one” is unromantic and uninteresting. 3. Glennon’s belief that loves are like plants: some loves are perennials that continue to bloom, others are annuals, full for a season and then back to earth to nourish soil—but that no love is ever, ever wasted. 4. Why so many of us either think we can be fixed by love, or that we can fix others with our love.

1. Glennon makes a “pod-pology”—and why we should stop saying, “I can’t imagine.” 2. Amanda makes the case for no longer praising people as “superheroes”—and why we should stop giving them lip service and bring them a sandwich instead. 3. How we abandon things we love because the environments surrounding them are unbearable—and how to recreate the environment and reclaim what we love. 4. Amanda’s reaction to her new role opening up on the podcast—and how she feels like the very intimate stories she shares are “not personal at all.”

HOW TO SAY NO with Simone Biles and Laurie Hernandez In this very special conversation, three GOATs and Glennon discuss: 1. What we can learn from Simone’s revolutionary decision at the Tokyo Olympics to choose her physical and mental health over the world’s expectations of her. 2. The tiny decisions that helped Laurie practice trusting herself again after surviving a toxic coach. 3. Why Simone, Laurie, and Abby believe their talent is both a blessing and a curse. 4. The places and times Simone and Laurie create where they have nothing to prove—to remind themselves they are human beings, not performance machines. 5. How Simone and Laurie are a big part of one of Abby and Glennon’s favorite family stories. About Simone: Simone Biles, one of the greatest gymnasts of all-time, is the first woman to capture five All-Around World Championship titles. She is the most decorated gymnast in World Championships history—male or female—with 25 medals overall (19 gold), and is a seven-time Olympic medalist (4 gold). A three-time Laureus World Sportswoman of the Year, she earned the rare distinction of having four skills named in her honor—called The Biles. Simone’s autobiography Courage to Soar is a New York Times bestseller. Simone advocates for change and supports initiatives that provide education and assistance for children and young adults associated with adoption and childcare. Instagram: @simonebiles Twitter: @Simone_Biles About Laurie: Laurie Hernandez is a second generation American, as her grandparents are from Puerto Rico, making her the first U.S. born Latina to make the U.S. team since 1984. Laurie is an Olympic medalist, winning both Gold and Silver medals at the 2016 Rio Olympic Games. Her book I Got This: To Gold and Beyond and her children’s book She’s Got This are both New York Times bestsellers. Laurie is a fierce advocate for the importance of mental health, and travels the country speaking to the next generation about following their dreams. Instagram: @lauriehernandez Twitter: @LaurieHernandez About The GOLD OVER AMERICA TOUR (GOAT): Simone and Laurie—and an all-star team of gymnasts—are on the road this Fall for the 35-city Gold Over America Tour, showcasing their fierce talent and athletic brilliance in ways we’ve never seen before… their way! The show emerges from their personal values of empowerment, friendship, positive body image, mental health awareness, and self-confidence. Together, they are a united force proudly representing the sport of women’s gymnastics and inspiring audiences across the nation. More information: https://www.goldoveramericatour.com/goat

1. How Amanda’s breaking point—when her life felt like all “shoulds” and no “wants”—led to simple, concrete changes. 2. Why the labels put upon us early—the sporty one, the smart one, the artsy one—can shut us off from exploring other parts of ourselves. 3. How Glennon feels like Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting—and why she wants Amanda to “go see about a girl.” 4. What the chemistry of fire has to teach us about how we can resurrect our Fun selves.

1. How writing is a lifeline for Glennon because it’s the one place her real self can tell the truth. 2. Why Abby feels that her time on the soccer field was art. 3. The unorthodox way Glennon’s writing evolved from hourly 5AM sessions to survive sobriety with three young kids to three New York Times Best Sellers. 4. Why it’s horseshit that books by women authors are indiscriminately labeled “self-help.”

We’re continuing our conversation with activist, founder of the me too movement, and our personal friend and hero,Tarana Burke. We talk about: 1. What Tarana would say to her twelve-year-old self that might have changed the trajectory of her life. 2. Tarana’s life-shifting realization that her relationship struggles with her mother were not due to her mother’s lack of desire to love her well, but her lack of capacity—and how Tarana built more capacity for her own child. 3. The one thing Tarana said to her child that changed everything—and why Amanda now says the same thing to her children. CW: We reference sexual abuse and trauma. About Tarana: For more than 25 years, activist and advocate Tarana J. Burke has worked at the intersection of sexual violence and racial justice. Fueled by commitments to interrupt sexual violence and other systemic inequalities disproportionately impacting marginalized people, particularly Black women and girls, Tarana has created and led various campaigns focused on increasing access to resources and support for impacted communities, including the ‘me too.’ movement, which to date has galvanized millions of survivors and allies around the world. Book: Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement Instagram: @taranajaneen Twitter: @TaranaBurke

Please join us in the first part of our joyful, energizing, and hopeful conversation with activist, advocate, and our personal hero,Tarana Burke. We talk about: 1. How the spoken and unspoken rules for girls led Tarana to constantly perform the role of “good girl” so that “her secret” would never be revealed. 2. The impossible double bind so many survivors live through: that the protection of our community is what saves us, but the need to protect our community is what silences us. 3. Why Maya Angelou’s work changed everything for Tarana—and how, in her early twenties, she began documenting everything joyful in her life. 4. How dancing with Rob was the one place Tarana could safely explore her sexuality with no demands on her body—and how meaningful that was for her. CW: We reference sexual abuse and trauma. About Tarana: For more than 25 years, activist and advocate Tarana J. Burke has worked at the intersection of sexual violence and racial justice. Fueled by commitments to interrupt sexual violence and other systemic inequalities disproportionately impacting marginalized people, particularly Black women and girls, Tarana has created and led various campaigns focused on increasing access to resources and support for impacted communities, including the ‘me too.’ movement, which to date has galvanized millions of survivors and allies around the world. Book: Unbound: My Story of Liberation and the Birth of the Me Too Movement Instagram: @taranajaneen Twitter: @TaranaBurke

1. Why Glennon believes the bravest thing she’s ever done was marching into her counselor’s office in high school—and what made her finally say, “I’m not leaving until I get some help.” 2. How we can identify the difference between our Knowing versus our anxiety and conditioning. 3. Why Glennon describes herself as Dory from Nemo, and how she returned to meditation when her mind became unmanageable.

1. The story that led to Abby’s iconic haircut—how that decision terrified her, changed how she played the game, and changed how she lives her life. 2. How Abby and Glennon view “brave” differently—and why Amanda believes their perspectives may be more similar than they think. 3. Why for Amanda the bravest decisions feel like “lonely certainty” that can never be explained or defended to others.

We’re back with author and sex educator, Emily Nagoski, taking our Pod Squad’s questions about sex. 1. How to navigate a relationship when one partner has a lower sex drive and the other has a higher sex drive. 2. The “sleepy hedgehog” practice Emily suggests to help partners find their way back to each other after months (or years) of not having sex. 3. How to raise our kids in a more sex-positive family culture. 4. Emily advises Glennon on an exercise to help unbind her bedroom silence. EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling COME AS YOU ARE and THE COME AS YOU ARE WORKBOOK, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller BURNOUT: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist. The book recommendations Emily made during this episode: Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers by Peggy Kleinplatz What Fresh Hell Is This? by Heather Corinna Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel (Ages 15+ years) The Times I Knew I Was Gay by Eleanor Crewes (Ages 15+ years) Let’s Talk About It by Erica Moen and Matt Nolan (Ages 14+ years) Queer: The Ultimate LQBTQ Guide for Teens (Ages 11+ years) Wait, What? by Heather Corinna and Isabella Rotman (Ages 9+ years) Sex Is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg (Ages 8 - 11 years) What Makes a Baby by Cory Silverberg (Ages 2 - 5 years) Podcast: https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com Instagram: @enagoski Twitter: @emilynagoski

We welcome our very first guest, author and sex educator Emily Nagoski, who talks with us about how to finally build true, joyful, confident sex lives: 1. How our sex issues are totally normal—we’re all worrying about the same things. 2. Why more than 75% of women do not orgasm from penetration alone—and why Glennon thinks the world doesn’t want us to know that. 3. The single factor that is most predictive of strong sustained sexual connection over time. 4. How Abby’s still healing after a lifetime in locker rooms spent comparing her body to other women’s bodies. CW: We reference sexual trauma, including what to say when someone discloses sexual trauma to you. About Emily: EMILY NAGOSKI is the award-winning author of the New York Times bestselling COME AS YOU ARE and THE COME AS YOU ARE WORKBOOK, and coauthor, with her sister, Amelia, of New York Times bestseller BURNOUT: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. She earned an M.S. in counseling and a Ph.D. in health behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She lives in Massachusetts with two dogs, a cat, and a cartoonist. Podcast: https://www.feministsurvivalproject.com Instagram: @enagoski Twitter: @emilynagoski

1. Why Abby says that people pleasing is both her superpower and her Achilles heel. 2. Why Glennon says playing with kids is just the worst—and insists it’s okay for adults to sit it out. (This is why she’s not a parenting expert.) 3. Why Glennon and Abby decided to say goodbye to Florida and hello to California. 4. Glennon, Abby, and Amanda answer rapid fire questions about: their astrological signs, first kisses, and their morning routines.

1. The one question to ask ourselves if we want to know if our love is really reaching our people. 2. How Glennon’s dearest friend Liz Gilbert taught her that a relaxed woman is the new revolution. 3. Abby offers tips for bonus parents—and why she says earning her kids’ love has been the most rewarding part in her entire life.

1. The amazing life hack that has Glennon and Abby replying “Yes” to social invitations. 2. Glennon acknowledges her sexual fantasies … and TRIES (but fails) to share them. 3. Glennon talks about how she “knew what to do” the first time she and Abby were together. 4. The best and worst parts of Glennon and Abby’s big California move.

1. How Abby discovered she was gay while out to dinner with her parents at a Macaroni Grill. 2. The moment Glennon knew for sure she was queer (in an Amish Boogie Nights bathroom)—and the song that sealed the deal. 3. How, as a straight, cis woman, Amanda never had to wrestle with her sexuality, why she thinks that stunted her exploration. 4. How Glennon’s failed Van Gogh visit inspired Amanda’s next sex steps.

1. The viral note Glennon wrote to herself in her car this week—and how the world’s response confirmed that we’re all struggling right now. 2. How we tend to either Avoid the world’s pain or Be Consumed by it—and how to survive the overwhelm by embracing the Third Way. 3. What Glennon fears most as her oldest child leaves for college. 4. Why we can’t let the fact that we can’t fix everything keep us from doing something—and how Together Rising began.

1. Glennon describes how she’s feeling as her oldest leaves for college—and the survival strategy that’s getting her through. 2. The life secret someone told Glennon in early sobriety that changed her life. 3. Amanda discusses the only two strategies that are proven to help us cope with our emotions and become more resilient. 4. How hard feelings always reveal something to you about you. 5. How the life hack Glennon calls “Save as Drafts” has saved her relationships.

1. Amanda presents a case for “summer rain” love—and rejects “lightning love” as the highest form of romantic love. 2. Glennon’s theory for when to speak up and when to shut up. 3. How Abby’s experience in a mostly male meeting showed her that “silent solidarity” is a cowardly lie. 4. The trick Glennon uses to communicate with highly sensitive kiddos. (Abby swears it works every time.)

1. Five communication ideas that might help us connect more deeply with people. 2. How Glennon feels that “everyone is talking but nobody is listening to each other ever” and why that’s one of the reasons most of us feel lonely. 3. The conversation strategy that Glennon and Abby use at the dinner table with their kids and friends. 4. Why we love talking about ourselves—and when it helps (and when it hurts) our relationships.

1. Glennon lets f-ing loose about the misogyny in our cursing lexicon—and how it reveals our hidden conditioning. (Note: Don’t listen with the kiddos.) 2. The connection between how little girls are taught to avoid conflict with each other and how adult women are called “catty.” 3. What Glennon really means when she says she’s a feminist—and why she’s baffled when a group fighting for their own equality turns on another group fighting for theirs. 4. Why Glennon says that the teenage years may be her favorite parenting era yet.

1. How, in the business world, Amanda is labeled as aggressive and dominant—and why that’s a gender trap. 2. Abby’s experiences of being publicly misgendered—and how that makes her feel. 3. Why is gender the last place we’re agreed it’s acceptable to make identity assumptions? 4. Why do we tell people who they are before they’re even born—and a thousand different ways every day after? 5. Why Glennon says two women in a marriage, handling their own business, rocks the patriarchal boat.

1. The Pod Squad is peeved that Glennon refers to Amanda as “Sister”—so what should we call her? 2. How Glennon and Amanda both spent their college weekends in jail—but for very different reasons. 3. Getting to know Amanda and her innate obsession with the link between our personal experience and our location within systems of power. 4. What’s making life a little easier for the Doyle sisters this week.

1. Why are we conditioned to spend so much of our precious time and energy on our appearance? 2. Why is it that when men put work into the world, the world asks if his work is worthy—but when women put work into the world, the world asks if she’s worthy? 3. Why is half the population’s face allowed to exist as is, while the rest of our faces “need” to be covered in concealers, colors, botox, etc., etc....? 4. How is it that the ultimate way to insult a woman is to say that she’s “let herself go”? 5. The better “beauty” standard for women that is liberating Glennon right now.

1. Glennon’s radical acceptance that she’s always going to be a midnight person in a sunshine world. 2. Our favorite movies and music—and what they reveal about our personalities. 3. Why Abby is objectively hot, but please don’t say that to Glennon at parties.

1. The one question to ask yourself when deciding whether it’s time to quit something. 2. Why Glennon actually believes that quitting each day is necessary for her survival. 3. The big quits that led Abby to Glennon. 4. Amanda’s unexpected great relief—and hope for your relief—in learning about how we’re all just as happy as we’re ever going to be. (And how, as expected, Glennon disagrees.) 5. Rethinking the ending of a marriage as a positive quit and how to talk to friends going through it.

1. If you’re like 75% of women, Amanda’s hot tips for setting yourself up for success in the bedroom. 2. Detoxing from religious purity / sex shame culture, and raising kids with a healthier relationship to sex. 3. The one sex subject that’s a hard no for Abby and Glennon.

1. Glennon, Amanda, and Abby discuss their sex origin stories and how that shapes their current sex fears. 2. Glennon’s high-pressure situation of sex with Abby for the first time—and how it didn’t go quite as you’d expect. 3. The biggest sex challenges in Glennon, Abby, and Amanda’s marriages now. 4. What Amanda regrets about her past sex life—and how she’s already worried about what she’s going to regret when she’s eighty. 5. How Pod Squaders taught Glennon and Abby about “lesbian deathbed.”

Glennon and Amanda decided to add a second episode each week after Glennon’s big move to California—in the first Thursday episode, they discuss: 1. Glennon’s experiment of Saying Yes to anything the universe invites her to. 2. How much screen time is too much screen time? 3. Are we all just Pendulum Parenting (over-correcting parents’ mistakes and screwing our kids up in the equal and opposite way our parents screwed us up)?

1. The 5 things Glennon wishes she’d known during those early days with young kids. 2. Why it’s important to let our kids see us mess up, cry, and lose it every once in a while. 3. How to let go of Expectation Parenting and embrace Treasure Hunt Parenting. 4. On teaching kids the most important lesson: How to disappoint everyone else (including you) before they disappoint themselves. 5. Why if you’re listening to this podcast worried about how you’re parenting, things are likely already okay.

1. Craig’s first two thoughts the moment Glennon sent him “the text.” 2. How Glennon and Craig told the kids they were divorcing. 3. The big mistake Glennon and Craig agree they made in the early days of blending their family. 4. What Craig says is the most annoying thing about co-parenting with Glennon, and the best thing about co-parenting with Abby. 5. How Craig really feels about Glennon writing their stories.

TW // eating disorders 1. Glennon’s “final frontier”—her attempt to stop controlling her body. 2. The opportunity costs of a lifetime spent obsessing about our size and shape. 3. How we’ve been taught to fixate over every hair, wrinkle, and pound—but have never been taught how our bodies actually work. 4. How to quit conditioning girls to stay small in body, hunger, ambition, and desire. 5. The tyranny of the weigh-in at the doctor’s office—and why BMI is horseshit.