The Worst Bestsellers

Happy Valentine’s Day! Kait and Renata decided to treat themselves to the gift of Nora Roberts. They read Whiskey Beach with special Galentine pal (and mother of Renata), Susan. Although Duarte didn’t like this one as much as our last experience with Nora, the cougariffic Black Hills, it was still a welcome respite from the usual garbage we read. Join us for the romantic story of a man who totally didn’t murder his wife falling in love with his quirky crime-solving housekeeper/masseuse/yoga instructor/jewelry designer. We hope you enjoy this episode as much as Nora Roberts enjoys describing home decor! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Episode #28 – Black Hills North Shore vs South Shore ‘I’m sorry for coining the phrase “Manic Pixie Dream Girl”’ by Nathan Rabin Candy pairing: Kait says cinnamon toast, Renata says Gibraltars, Susan says Snickers. Coming up next: Angels Fall by Nora Roberts.

Warrior cats, come out to play! Librarian Sam joined us Twolegs podcasters to discuss Into the Wild (Warriors #1) by Erin Hunter, the first volume of the long, complex, deeply upsetting Warriors series. We jumped into the jam-packed dramatis fursonae of feral cats fighting over the best sunbeams in the woods and were shocked at their prejudice toward housecats. Warning: we do not recommend letting your pets listen to this episode. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: What Warrior Cats Clan Do You Belong In? quiz Warriors Wikipedia entry MBMBaM – Warriors Cat Names Does The Dog Die? Dot Com Candy pairing: Kait says Ice Mice, Renata says Wild Berry Skittles, Sam says Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. Coming up next: Whiskey Beach by Nora Roberts.

If all Venusians communicate so easily, why is Kait so garbage at asking girls out? That’s just one of the questions John Gray’s Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus tire fire left unanswered from a queer perspective, so Kait rounded up a few of her queer friends to talk about why this book is extra garbage if you don’t conform to the cisgender, heterosexual societal norm. Join Kait, Wren, and Red as they have a collective rage aneurysm and make a lot of dumb queer jokes about the Mars/Venus designation. Will Wren and Red actually remain friends with Kait after she made them read this nonsense book? Listen to this bonus episode to find out! Original Episode Readers advisory

We wanted to start the new year off with a self-help book, so we teamed up with Jolenta and Kristen from By the Book, a podcast where they try out living by self-help books, and read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray. We’re glad Jolenta and Kristen already tried out John Gray’s advice, because we would hate to even think about living by his gender essentialist nonsense. Make sure to download this before you retreat to your Woman Well or Man Cave, because everyone knows the wifi down there is terrible. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: By The Book: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus This American Life #291 – Reunited (And It Feels So Good) “How To Talk To Babies About Gender Theory” by Mallory Ortberg “Solved: Do Men Cry? Do Women Defecate?” by Amy Collier Captain Awkward Savage Love Candy pairing: Jolenta says rock candy, Kait says gin, Kristen says circus peanuts, Renata says astronaut ice cream. Coming up next: Warriors: Into the Wild by Erin Hunter   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Tune in to our Bests & Worsts of 2017 episodes to hear us discuss these titles and read excerpts from our favorites and least favorites! Please note: We counted things that we read in 2017, regardless of publication year. We didn’t count anything that we read specifically for this podcast, so our worst books are aside from those. For that reason, we picked top 5 favorites and only 1 least favorite–we have this whole podcast to talk about bad books, so for these episodes we’re choosing to focus on the positive! Some of our “worsts” are really just “least best.” Listen to the podcast to hear more detail! Adult Kait’s Top 5 Best 5.) Maplecroft by Cherie Priest 4.) The Good House by Tananarive Due 3.) Dracula by Bram Stoker 2.) Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places by Colin Dickey 1.) The Great Comet: The Journey of a New Musical to Broadway by Dave Malloy & Steven Suskin Kait’s Worst Abandon by Blake Crouch   Renata’s Top 5 Best 5.) Rich People Problems by Kevin Kwan 4.) We Are Never Meeting in Real Life by Samantha Irby 3.) The Summer That Melted Everything by Tiffany McDaniel 2.) Hidden Figures: The American Dream and the Untold Story of the Black Women Mathematicians Who Helped Win the Space Race by Margot Lee Shetterly 1.) Too Much and Not the Mood by Durga Chew-Bose   Renata’s Worst Flash of Fury by Lea Griffith   Graphic Novels Kait’s Top 5 Best   5.) Nutmeg by James Wright & Jackie Crofts 4.) Spill Zone by Scott Westerfeld, Alex Puvilland, & Hilary Sycamore 3.) Compass South by Hope Larson & Rebecca Mock 2.) Moonstruck by Grace Ellis, Shae Beagle, & Laurenn McCubbin 1.) Goldie Vance by Hope Larson, Brittany Williams, Sarah Stern, & Jim Campbell   Kait’s Worst X-Men: S.W.O.R.D. by Kieron Gillen, Steven Sanders, Craig Yeung, Matt Wilson, & Dave Lanphear   Renata’s Top 5 Best 5.) All’s Faire in Middle School by Victoria Jamieson 4.) Mockingbird by Chelsea Cain, Kate Niemczyk, & Ibrahim Moustafa 3.) Black Panther: World of Wakanda by Roxane Gay & Alitha Martinez 2.) Jughead by Chip Zdarsky & Erica Henderson 1.) Unstoppable Wasp by Jeremy Whitley & Elsa Charretier An excerpt from Unstoppable Wasp (click to embiggen)! Renata’s Worst Thor: Ragnarok Prelude by Will Corona Pilgrim, Greg Pak, J.L. Giles, Jay David Ramos, et al   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)  

Tune in to our Bests & Worsts of 2017 episodes to hear us discuss these titles and read excerpts from our favorites and least favorites! Please note: We counted things that we read in 2017, regardless of publication year. We didn’t count anything that we read specifically for this podcast, so our worst books are aside from those. For that reason, we picked top 5 favorites and only 1 least favorite–we have this whole podcast to talk about bad books, so for these episodes we’re choosing to focus on the positive! Some of our “worsts” are really just “least best.” Listen to the podcast to hear more detail! Children’s/Middle Grade Kait’s Top 5 Best 5.) Shadow House series by Dan Poblocki 4.) Inside Out and Back Again by Thanhha Lai 3.) The Girl Who Drank the Moon by Kelly Barnhill 2.) Summerlost by Ally Condie 1.) Star-Crossed by Barbara Dee   Kait’s Worst Wildwood by Colin Meloy Renata’s Top 5 Best 5.) Me and Marvin Gardens by A.S. King 4.) Full Cicada Moon by Marilyn Hilton 3.) How I Became a Ghost by Tim Tingle 2.) Birchbark House by Louise Erdrich 1.) The First Rule of Punk by Celia Perez An excerpt from The First Rule of Punk (click to embiggen)!     Renata’s Worst Star Wars: Join the Resistance by Ben Acker & Ben Blacker Young Adult Kait’s Top 5 Best 5.) The Dead House by Dawn Kurtagich 4.) There’s Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins 3.) The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli 2.) Daughters Unto Devils by Amy Lukavics 1.) The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee   Kait’s Honorable Mention The Inexplicable Logic of My Life by Benjamin Alire Saenz Kait’s Worst The Blood Between Us by Zac Brewer   Renata’s Top 5 Best 5.) Always and Forever, Lara Jean by Jenny Han 4.) Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson 3.) Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo 2.) The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas 1.) Akata Warrior by Nnedi Okorafor   Renata’s Bonus Stars The Gossip Girl series by Cecily Von Ziegesar Turtles All The Way Down by John Green   Renata’s Worst X-Files Origins: Devil’s Advocate by Johnathan Maberry * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

‘Tis the season…for murder. Mystery enthusiast Kelsey joined us to discuss the Christmas Caramel Murder by Joanne Fluke, a cozy mystery starring amateur detective/baker Hannah Swensen. It’s a heartwarming story featuring one murder and a lot of recipes. Plus, the casual introduction of our new least favorite cocktail: hot lemonade! Happy holidays from Worst Bestsellers! We really hope you don’t get murdered! PS Sorry some of us got so drunk on hot lemonade. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Christmas Caramels and Other Murder Foods (our attempts at cooking these recipes) Hot lemonade recipe Hot Kool-Aid Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #26 (the zine issue) Murder on the Menu: A Feast of Cozy Food Mysteries Candy pairing: Kait says strawberry hard candies, Kelsey says Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Bites, Renata says hot lemonade. Coming up next: Bests & Worsts of 2017 (Part 1, Children’s & YA)   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  Since Alex & Eliza left us unsatisfied, we decided to read some anonymously-written 19th century erotica. And who better to accompany us for The Amorous Intrigues and Adventures of Aaron Burr than Mackenzi Lee, author of The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue and Bygone Badass Broads? This is not the most erotic book we’ve ever read for the podcast, but it is definitely the oldest and possibly the most fat-positive. Join us as we learn about exactly how reliable with the ladies Aaron Burr was. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Barnes & Noble edition (NSFW cover art) Smart Bitches Trashy Books – Amorous Intrigues and Adventures of Aaron Burr Key & Peele – Substitute Teacher Neko Atsume Hamilcats Episode 38 – Hamilton Episode 33 – The President Did Me From Behind And I Liked It Episode 69 – Tinglers Fanfiction 101 Candy pairing: Kait says Smarties, Mackenzi says Sour Patch Kids, Renata says poison licorice. Coming up next: The Christmas Caramel Murder by Joanne Fluke.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

We’re helpless for the Schuyler Sisters (you know, Angelica, Eliza…and Peggy), so we read Alex & Eliza by Melissa de la Cruz with Andrea. Unfortunately, the author threw away her shot at writing something we didn’t want to burn. Make sure your vaccines are up-to-date before you listen to us discuss some Hamilton fanfiction that has a lot more smallpox and a lot less love than we were hoping for. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Episode 38 – Hamilton Fanfiction 101 Melissa de la Cruz’s Alex & Eliza: Hamilton-inspired YA novel retells a love story Queer as a Five Dollar Bill by Lee Wind U.S. Army Medical Department: John Cochran George Washington and the First Mass Military Inoculation Candy pairing: Andrea says peppermint coconut, Kait says a picked-over Russell Stover sampler, Renata says a chocolate orange. Coming up next: The Amorous Adventures and Intrigues of Aaron Burr by Anonymous.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

We heard you like true crime podcasts, so we read Lizzie Borden by Elizabeth Engstrom and hit the road for a visit to Fall River to investigate the shocking Borden murders, joined by our editor Becca and Renata’s roommate Lindsay. But mostly we want to talk about this historical fiction novel that posits that Lizzie a) murdered her parents because she and her father were having an affair with the same woman and b) got away with the crime because technically Lizzie committed the crime via astrally projecting her murderous spirit. At least, we’re pretty sure that’s what happened? Next time we’ll get Serial on the case, but for now, enjoy our efforts (and our sexy dramatic readings)! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Bed & Breakfast & Borden Murder, Renata’s blog post about the trip 11 “Facts” About Lizzie Borden Debunked by Sarah Miller Candy pairing: Becca says candy corn, Kait says banana saltwater taffy, Lindsay says Warheads, Renata says Swedish fish. Coming up next: Alex & Eliza by Melissa de la Cruz.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kelly Jensen (Book Riot editor, co-host of Book Riot’s Hey YA podcast, & editor of Here We Are: Feminism for the Real World) joined us for the 23-hour bestseller, Handbook for Mortals by Lani Sarem. We’re so glad that CSI: YA solved this case and brought the book off the bestseller list, because, wow, it is not good. Join us for a story about a girl who’s pretty, but not, like, too pretty? But pretty enough that her magick (with a k) brings all the boys to the yard, including Wayne Newton and Carrot Top. For real: Carrot Top is in the yard. Enjoy! Readers advisory: Here. Special note: If you’re reading this the day it comes out, 10/9/17, it’s the last day to enter our raffle to benefit hurricane relief for Puerto Rico! (If you’re reading this in the future: greetings. Sorry you missed our raffle.) Footnotes: Did This Book Buy Its Way Onto The New York Times Bestseller List? The Story of Lani Sarem & Her Handbook for Mortals Is Peak White Entitlement The Making (and Unmaking) of a 23-Hour New York Times Best Seller Author Removed From New York Times Best-Seller List Fires Back at Critics The Story Of “My Immortal” Is More Wild And Heartbreaking Than You Imagined My Immortal memoir canceled: Author says she’s been ‘branded a liar’ Candy pairing: Kait says Raven’s Revenge, Kelly says Fun Dip, Renata says a stolen maraschino cherry. Coming up next: Lizzie Borden by Elizabeth Engstrom.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  It’s been three years since our very first episode, when Carrie read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer with us! (And two years since we read New Moon and one year since we read Eclipse!) We’re back to play the Worst Bestsellers drinking game and drunkenly discuss the final book in the saga, Breaking Dawn. It’s a book with something for everyone–a wedding, a horrifyingly graphic birth scene, a baby, a werewolf pack schism, and a vampire named Renata. Thanks to all our Best Listeners for three great years of terrible books! How the #podcat gets made 😻 pic.twitter.com/phEOZaVls7 — Renata Sancken (@renatasnacks) September 8, 2017 It’s that time, once again. #wbsdrinkinggame pic.twitter.com/iAJ9COjqMo — kait 👻🏳️‍🌈🎃 (@fourteenacross) September 8, 2017 Readers advisory: Twilight New Moon Eclipse Footnotes: Bonus Episode – Twilight Movies (Patreon patrons only) Iron Wine – “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” (Breaking Dawn wedding song) We Might Be Getting More ‘Hunger Games’ and ‘Twilight’ Movies Great Comet’s Creator Still Can’t Believe How His Show Ended Renata Batteries How Did This Get Made? #27 – Breaking Dawn Part 1 How Did This Get Made? #50 – Breaking Dawn Part 2 Worst Bestsellers Drinking Game Candy pairing: Carrie says Lik-M-Aid, Kait says Jordan almonds, Renata says Doritos. Coming up next: Handbook for Mortals by Lani Sarem.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait and Renata decided to take a break from sexy vampires and learn some more about our nation’s history, so they asked KL (@momebie, @LaraEckener) to read Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith with them. They learned that white people are bad and vampires are even worse. Tuck your headphones under your stovepipe hat and listen now! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: “I Don’t Want To Watch Slavery Fan-Fiction” by Roxane Gay Queer as a Five Dollar Bill by Lee Wind Was Lincoln Bisexual? by Gore Vidal Lincoln the Lover by Wilma Frances Minor Worst Bestsellers #46 – Killing Lincoln How Did This Get Made #108 – Con Air with Seth Grahame-Smith Candy pairing: Kait says wax vampire fangs, KL says root beer barrels, Renata says old timey stick candy. Coming up next: Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  Out of the coffin and into the world of Bon Temps! Kristin May joined us to read Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris, the first of the Sookie Stackhouse novels that inspired the show True Blood. Despite the troubling trend of Confederate vampires and the overabundance of heterosexuality, this book had a lot of over-the-top drama for us to sink our teeth into–and, even better, a lot of paperwork for us to fill out. Thank you note: Thanks so much to our Patreon sponsors for choosing this book for us to read in our first annual Patreon poll! Patreon shout-out: Devin encourages you to visit the Wayne State University Museum of Anthropology and Planetarium, newly under the direction of his sister Megan! Content warning: This book has light mentions of child sexual abuse and sexual assault. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Buffy Failed: ‘True Blood’ and the Accommodation of Vampires by Jon Stratton The Trials, Tribulations & Turning of True Blood’s Tara Thornton ‘Redliners’ Drama Based On Charlaine Harris Works Gets NBC Pilot Order Dracula vs. The Marvel Universe: 14 Times The Lord of The Undead Fought Superheroes! Candy pairing: Kait says candy blood, Kristin says a Take5 bar, Renata says beignets. Coming up next: Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

In a crossover event worthy of the CW itself, the Bellwether Friends, Anna & Alene, joined us to discuss the Arrow tie-in graphic novel The Dark Archer, written by Kait’s nemesis John Barrowman (and Carole Barrowman) with art by Daniel Sampere & Juan Albarran. Are you fan of the CW’s Arrow? Well, too bad, because this comic contains none of the characters you love from that show, only John Barrowman. Alternately, have you never seen Arrow? Don’t worry, neither has Kait, and she understood this comic just as well as everyone else did. (None of us understood this comic at all because it’s extremely convoluted.) Spoiler warning: This episode contains some spoilers for previous seasons of Arrow, except not really because Renata cannot reliably remember anything that actually ever happened on that show. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Arrow Wiki page for Malcolm Merlyn Arrow Wiki page for Nanda Parbat Podcast-strology: WBS’s Compatibility with Bellwether Friends Dramatic Reading Panels: (click to embiggen) That Sideboob Tho Renata’s Future Tattoo Candy pairing: Alene says bulk chocolate fake M&Ms, Anna says a Choco Taco, Kait says Cool Ranch Doritos, Renata says a jawbreaker with a gummy dino. Coming up next: Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  It’s Flashback Summer. Do you know where your daughter is? Have you looked on your beverage container? Jenny (definitely not Janie), Co-Founder of Grinnell College’s Caroline B. Cooney Book Club, joined us to discuss The Face on the Milk Carton. Join us for this wild dive into the world of cults, dairy products, and microfilm! Readers advisory: Here. Patreon shout-out: Thanks to Ai for supporting our Patreon! Check out their podcast Decoding Keanu. Footnotes: ‘Resentments I Have Formed Against Characters From “The Face On The Milk Carton” By Caroline B. Cooney’ by Mallory Ortberg ‘The Face on the Milk Carton’ Grows Up Frequently Challenged Young Adult Books The Face on the Milk Carton movie When Bad News Was Printed on Milk Cartons 99% Invisible – Milk Carton Kids The Devil’s Elbow: ‘The Stranger’ Recap Who Killed Lois Duncan’s Daughter? I Am Feel Uncomfortable When We Are Not About Me? Candy pairing: Jenny says something you’re allergic to or chocolate that is not Rainforest Alliance certified, Kait says Oreos, Renata says fruit juice popsicles. Coming up next: The Dark Archer by John & Carole Barrowman.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Flashback Summer goes all the way back to 1942 to read The Boxcar Children and The Mystery of the Purple Pool (Boxcar Children Mystery #38) by Gertrude Chandler Warner. Kait has returned from her Comet pilgrimage, and we were also joined by Katie Schenkel (@JustPlainTweets), writer of Moonlighters, to unpack the biggest mysteries of all: why the Boxcar Children made homelessness seem to appealing, and why their boxcar past equipped these extremely well-behaved children with detective skills. Pour yourself a glass of milk in your favorite pink cup and listen now! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: “The Boxcar Children” and the Spirit of Capitalism by Jia Tolentino What the hell happened to the Boxcar Children’s parents? Candy pairing: Kait says Werther’s Originals, Katie says satellite wafers or candy cigarettes, Renata says bread. Coming up next: The Face on the Milk Carton by Caroline B. Cooney.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

As Flashback Summer continues and the 4th of July approaches, we asked our guest Rebecca the most fraught question you can ask an American child of the 90s: which American Girl doll did you have? After the nostalgic dust settled, we also discussed Meet Addy by Connie Porter and Molly Saves the Day by Valerie Tripp. We confronted America’s violently racist history, and also the fact that sometimes it’s hard to wear glasses at summer camp. Put on a bonnet and play this episode on your teeny-tiny Victrola today! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: How Two “Slavery With a Smile” Controversies Are Changing the Conversation About Diverse Children’s Books The Making of Addy Walker, American Girl’s First Black Doll Permanent Underwear Controversy Twitter Thinks American Girl’s New Boy Doll Looks Like A Hipster Who Will Ghost You What Your American Girl Doll Says About the Rest of Your Life Candy pairing: Becca says Hershey’s chocolate, Rebecca says Blow Pops, Renata says a chocolate-covered bug. Coming up next: Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Hey, do you like horses? If so, great news: Flashback Summer continues as Jess (from Book Riot Comics) joined Renata and Becca to discuss Horse Shy from the Saddle Club series by Bonnie Bryant! If you don’t like horses: too bad, because that’s literally the only thing these Saddle Club girls talk about. Saddle up and hear us unpack a book that traumatized many young horse enthusiasts! TYPICAL ADAM LEVINE pic.twitter.com/dvGAufciuh — Renata Sancken (@renatasnacks) June 5, 2017 Promotional note: Come see us live at the Freepoint Hotel in Cambridge, MA on June 20th at 7pm! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: #WeNeedDiverse Saddle Club Book Covers 9 Saddle Club Books That Totally Ruled Your World As A Kid Candy pairing: Becca says Neigh-cco wafers, Jess says a disgusting Tastee Delight sundae, Renata says a stale granola bar. Coming up next: Meet Addy by Connie Porter and Molly Saves the Day by Valerie Tripp (American Girls series).   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  Flashback Summer is back! With Kait camped outside of the Imperial Theater waiting to see Dave Malloy in Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812, Becca stepped in to join Renata and their guest Kristi to discuss Double Love by Francine Pascal, the first of a great many Sweet Valley High books. Renata and Kristi were shocked to see that the series they remembered fondly from their childhoods begins with a kidnapping and assault. Becca, meanwhile, was shocked that anyone actually read these. Pull your gold lavalier necklace out of storage and return to Sweet Valley! Promotional note: Come see us live at the Freepoint Hotel in Cambridge, MA on June 20th at 7pm! Thank you note: Thanks to Doug for sponsoring our Patreon! Check out his blog, What Did the Woggle-Bug Say? Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: “I Once Was Miss America” by Roxane Gay Forever Young Adult’s Sweet Valley High Drinking Game Lavalier High school sororities and fraternities Candy pairing: Becca says Warheads Extreme Sour, Kristi says cotton candy or Sugar Daddies, Renata says Mountain Dew. Coming up next: Horse Shy (Saddle Club #2) by Bonnie Bryant.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  Kait, Renata, and their guest KL (@momebie, @LaraEckener) read Diary of an Oxygen Thief by Anonymous. They’re glad the author hasn’t revealed his identity, because otherwise it might be too hard for us to resist the urge to go egg his house. This is a rambling tale of a man who hates and hurts women and doesn’t get nearly as much comeuppance as we would have preferred. Listen now to find out how much we wish The Rock and/or Wolverine could have saved us from this book! Content warning: Almost everything imaginable. This book contains child abuse, child sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, self-harm, and pretty much every other intense topic you can imagine. Apologetic note: Apologies for the annoying audio issues in the first half of this episode! Renata had the wrong microphone settings and she is very, very sorry and promises never to do it again. Promotional note: Come see us live at the Freepoint Hotel in Cambridge, MA on June 20th at 7pm! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: How ‘Diary of an Oxygen Thief’ Went from Self-Published Obscurity to Bestsellerdom Candy pairing: Kait says an expired, moldy Yorkie bar, KL says salt licorice, Renata says chewed up gum stuck to the floor of a bar. Coming up next: Sweet Valley High #1: Double Love by Francine Pascal.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Anna (of LCARS Librarian and Women Write About Comics) read Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard. It’s a confusing melange of everyone’s favorite YA dystopia tropes, like “love triangle,” “government-sponsored competition,” and “manic pixie blood girl.” Listen now for the return of Fucking, Marrying, Killing, and a discussion of dystopian menstrual blood art! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: This Woman Is Using Her Own Period Blood To Create Beautiful Photographs Candy pairing: Anna says red velvet candy corn, Kait says generic grocery store knockoff candy, Renata says Shock Tarts. Coming up next: Diary of an Oxygen Thief by Anonymous.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  Kait, Renata, and their guest Dolly (@loather, Withdrawn) read The Shack by William Paul Young. It’s about a man who meets God, but get this, God is a black woman who wants you to call her “Papa”! Did that blow your mind? Don’t worry, God turns back into a man when times get really tough. Please listen to this episode on your next drive out into the middle of nowhere! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: ‘I Have Deep Regrets’: Graphic Artist Who Designed ‘Shack’ Novel Renounces Book This American Life #304: Heretics The Shack (2017) on IMDB Candy pairing: Dolly says Peeps Oreos, Kait says a chocolate cross, Renata says Cadbury Creme eggs. Coming up next: Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Margaret H. Willison (Two Bossy Dames, Appointment Television) read The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks for a special live episode recorded at Trident Booksellers & Cafe in Boston! If you’re familiar with the movie, you might be surprised at some of the book’s more upsetting twists and turns. If you’re a doctor, you might be surprised to hear that love cures Alzheimer’s! Thanks again to Trident for having us and to everyone who turned out to see our live show! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Photo Roundup from the Live Show A Brief History of Rachel McAdams’ Time-Traveling Dating Obsession Nicholas Sparks on The Choice, Religion and Love After Divorce Legend of Zelda: Lon-Lon Ranch The Rock: The Notebook 2 Noah’s Crab Hands Candy pairing: Kait says fancy candy jewelry, Margaret says Werther’s originals, Renata says Crybabies sour gum. Coming up next: The Shack by William Paul Young.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

It’s our 69th episode, nice! Returning guest & hardcore lady buck Jennie read 2 Tinglers with us: Redacted in the Butt By Redacted Under the Tromp Administration and Taken By The Gay Unicorn Biker, both by the Hugo-nominated author Chuck Tingle. Please help us prove love by listening to this NSFW episode! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: ChuckTingle.com Proving Love: An Interview with Dr. Chuck Tingle Chuck Tingle’s AMA Kait’s highlights of Chuck Tingle’s AMA Fanfiction 101 Candy pairing: Jennie says band candy, Kait says an edible garter, Renata says Japanese omiyage candy. Coming up next: The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Storytime Underground Joint Chief Cory joined us to discuss the fact that writing picture books is way harder than most celebrities think it is! We read Cookie Meets Peanut by Real Housewife/Adult Skinnygirl Bethenny Frankel, illustrated by Daniel Roode. Let us tuck you into bed with the story of an extremely irresponsible pet owner! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Bitch Sesh: A Real Housewives Breakdown Podcast Paws for thought? Bethenny Frankel tries to get dog to read her new children’s book on a stylish outing in the Big Apple Skinnygirl, Fat Wallet: How Bethenny Frankel Earns More Than Any Other Real Housewife Selected Illustrations: (click to embiggen) Candy pairing: Cory says Skinnygirl elderberry & sweet lemon gummies, Kait says a gold-leaf gummy dog, Renata says a Skinnygirl Cosmo. Coming up next: Redacted In the Butt By Redacted Under the Tromp Administration and Taken By the Gay Unicorn Biker by Chuck Tingle.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Thanks to our Patreon sponsors, we recorded a bonus episode about Gossip Girl (the novel by Cecily von Ziegesar as well as the TV show) with special guest Renata’s mom, Susan. We have to say: we enjoyed this dive into the lives of hyper-privileged Manhattan youths more than we thought we would, despite the fact that almost nothing actually happens in this book. Download this episode to your Swarovski crystal-encrusted Motorola Razr to hear us learn how the other half lives! Apologies: Whoops, the clanking sound in the background is all of the jewelry Renata’s mom wears, please excuse her beauty. Also, Renata mistakenly said Serena has a cat named Kitty Minky. In fact, Kitty Minky is Blair’s cat. We regret the error and apologize to the fictional cat in question. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: ‘Gossip Girl’ Creator Spills a Major Secret About Chuck and Blair’s Iconic Relationship Serena/Blair Works on Archive Of Our Own Candy pairing: Kait says a half grapefruit & Pop Tarts, Renata says boozy chocolates, Renata’s mom says a single Tic-Tac. Coming up next: Cookie Meets Peanut by Bethenny Frankel.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and Jeanne (@FangirlJeanne) read Stephenie Meyer’s adult romantic thriller, The Chemist. It’s a love story that starts off with torture (but like the 24 kind, not the 50 Shades kind) and ends with a Food Network reality show. It made us truly miss the Cullens. We hope you enjoy listening to this podcast, whether it’s from inside your Volvo, Jaguar, Hummer, or other type of vehicle that Stephenie Meyer might enjoy describing in detail! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Stephenie Meyer’s Great Chemistry With Jeremy Renner The Story Behind The Chemist Candy pairing: Jeanne says Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans (spinach), Kait says candy cigarettes, Renata says Pop Rocks. Coming up next: Cookie Meets Peanut by Bethenny Frankel.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Ryan Sandoval (author of The D.A.D.D.Y. Complex) read Violets Are Blue, the 7th book in James Patterson’s Alex Cross series. Intrepid detective Alex Cross investigates vampire-themed murders, as well as the body of every female character in the book. Join us as we sort ourselves into the four fetish houses: leather, rubber, Goth, and Victorian. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: You Must Remember This podcast How Did This Get Made? Vampire’s Kiss episode James Patterson: How the Bestseller Factory Works Sade’s Wikipedia page BookShots by James Patterson Candy pairing: Kait says Hershey’s kisses, Renata says a mixed bag of candy, Ryan says novelty wax fangs. Coming up next: The Chemist by Stephenie Meyer.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Tune in to our Bests & Worsts of 2016 episodes to hear us discuss these titles and read excerpts from our favorites and least favorites! Please note: We counted things that we read in 2016, regardless of publication year. We didn’t count anything that we read specifically for this podcast, so our worst books are aside from those. For that reason, we picked top 5 favorites and only 1 least favorite–we have this whole podcast to talk about bad books, so for these episodes we’re choosing to focus on the positive! Some of our “worsts” are really just “least best.” Listen to the podcast to hear more detail! Adult Kait’s Top 5 Best 5.) The Heartbreak of Aaron Burr by H. W. Brands 4.) Hamilton: The Revolution by Jeremy McCarter & Lin-Manuel Miranda 3.) The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisin 2.) Flight by Sherman Alexie 1.) Get in Trouble by Kelly Link   Kait’s Worst Just One Damned Thing After Another by Jodi Taylor   5.) Life After Life by Kate Atkinson 4.) Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire 3.) You’ll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein 2.) You Can’t Touch My Hair by Phoebe Robinson 1.) The Hour of Land by Terry Tempest Williams   Renata’s Worst Spark Joy by Marie Kondo   Graphic Novels Kait’s Top 5 Best 5.) Steve Lichman by Dave Rapoza and Dan Warren 4.) Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur by Brandon Montclare and Amy Reeder, Natacha Bustos, Tamra Bonvillain 3.) We(l)come Back by Christopher Sebela, Claire Roe, Jonathan Brandon Sawyer, Jeremy Lawson 2.) The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl Beats Up the Marvel Universe by Ryan North and Erica Henderson 1.) Over the Garden Wall by Pat McHale, Jim Campbell, Danielle Burgos An excerpt from Over the Garden Wall (click to embiggen)! Kait’s Worst Extraordinary X-Men by Jeff Lemire, Humberto Ramos, Victor Olazaba, Edgar Delgado An excerpt from Extraordinary X-Men (click to embiggen)!   Renata’s Top 5 Best   5.) Deadpool v Gambit by Ben Acker, Ben Blacker & Denilo Beyruth 4.) Can’t We Talk about Something More Pleasant by Roz Chast 3.) Strange Fruit: Uncelebrated Narratives From Black History, Vol 1 by Joel Christian Gill 2.) March Book Three by John Lewis, Andrew Aydin, & Nate Powell 1.) All-New Wolverine by Tom Taylor, Marcio Takara, Jordan Boyd, & Cris Peter An excerpt from All-New Wolverine (click to embiggen)!   Renata’s Worst Civil War by Mark Millar, Steve McNivel, Dexter Vines, & Morry Hollowelll An excerpt from Civil War (click to embiggen)!   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Tune in to our Bests & Worsts of 2016 episodes to hear us discuss these titles and read excerpts from our favorites and least favorites! Please note: We counted things that we read in 2016, regardless of publication year. We didn’t count anything that we read specifically for this podcast, so our worst books are aside from those. For that reason, we picked top 5 favorites and only 1 least favorite–we have this whole podcast to talk about bad books, so for these episodes we’re choosing to focus on the positive! Some of our “worsts” are really just “least best.” Listen to the podcast to hear more detail! Children’s/Middle Grade Kait’s Top 5 Best 5.) How this Book was Made by Mac Barnett and Adam Rex 4.) Some Kind of Happiness by Claire Legrand 3.) Ghost by Jason Reynolds 2.) Unusual Chickens For the Exceptional Poultry Farmer by Kelly Jones 1.) George by Alex Gino   Kait’s Worst The Billionaire’s Curse by Richard Newsome   Renata’s Top 5 Best   5.) The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind (Young Readers Edition) by William Kamkwamba and Bryan Mealer 4.) Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper 3.) Ghost by Jason Reynolds 2.) Where the Mountain Meets the Moon by Grace Lin 1.) Unusual Chickens For the Exceptional Poultry Farmer by Kelly Jones   Renata’s Worst I Survived: The Battle of Gettysburg, 1863 by Lauren Tarshis   Young Adult Kait’s Top 5 Best 5.) Bone Gap by Laura Ruby 4.) I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson 3.) The Diviners by Libba Bray 2.) Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo 1.) Shadowshaper by Daniel Jose Older   Kait’s Worst A Spy in the House by Y. S. Lee   Renata’s Top 5 Best 5.) The Lair of Dreams by Libba Bray 4.) Scarlett Epstein Hates it Here by Anna Breslaw 3.) Still Life with Tornado by A. S. King 2.) Symphony for the City of the Dead by M. T. Anderson 1.) Lucy and Linh by Alice Pung   Renata’s Worst Kill the Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Thanks to our generous Patreon supporters, our editor Becca joined us to watch Christian Mingle The Movie for our first Patreon Goal bonus episode! Our longtime sponsor Christian Mingle inspired this romantic comedy; meanwhile, our Patreon patrons sponsored the Straw-Ber-Ritas we got drunk on while we watched it. If you don’t like it when we laugh at our own jokes, you are gonna hate this episode! If you are Stephen Tobolowsky: we’re sorry. Make yourself a steak and/or cake and enjoy this episode! Footnotes: Stephen Tobolowsky on IMDB Christian Mingle on IMDB A Brief History of Lex Luthor’s Cake Stealing Ways Steaks n Cakes Hank Schrader’s Serial Killer Chalkboard   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

The holidays are upon us, and that, unfortunately, means that Caitlin read The Immortal Nicholas by Glenn Beck with us. We have to admit–we liked it a lot better than we liked The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck (who has shocked us all by getting moderately woke since the publication of these books)! But The Christmas Sweater was the most soul-crushing book we’ve ever read, so that’s a very low bar to clear. Tune in now to hear us make sense of this Biblical hurt/comfort fanfiction that somehow is supposed to be a heartwarming story to read to your good Christian children at bedtime! Happy holidays from Worst Bestsellers! Note: Apologies for the audio issues with this episode! Our noble editor Becca did her best to salvage it, and we’re going to do our best to investigate and resolve the underlying causes. (It’s probably ghosts.) Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: “Nicholas Was” by Neil Gaiman Comedy Bang! Bang! – Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Jesus Christ Superstar Rap Glenn Beck Says Voting for Hillary is a ‘Moral, Ethical Choice’ Glenn Beck Becoming a Voice of Reason is More Surprising Than Donald Trump Becoming President Glenn Beck: Empathy for Black Lives Matter Ophios Pteros (Winged Serpents) Krampus on Wikipedia Candy pairing: Caitlin says white chocolate Kit-Kats, Kait says an orange in your stocking, Renata says Christmas peppermint nougats. Coming up next: Bests & Worsts of 2016, Part 1   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

With American Thanksgiving approaching, we wanted to make sure we had enough #herbs on hand, so we had Lucky Peach cookbook reviewer Paula Forbes read Outlander Kitchen: The Official Outlander Companion Cookbook by Theresa Carle-Sanders with us! Based on a blog based on the book series based on Doctor Who fanfiction, the cookbook actually made more sense to us than the first Outlander book did. Pour yourself an overly-elaborate cocktail, harvest your #herbs, and join our dinner party! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: OutlanderKitchen.com What is a spurtle and how to cook with it Meet the author bringing the recipes of Westeros and Warcraft to our world Elven lembas bread recipe Candy pairing: Kait says goat cheese, Paula says fun-size Snickers, Renata says herbs. Coming up next: The Immortal Nicholas by Glenn Beck.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Lyette read the Fifty Shades of Grey of the 90s, The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller. Like Fifty Shades, this book reminded us that women need men (or lizard people) to teach them about their sexualities, and also that men are garbage. Listen now to learn about bridges, antique cameras, and the worst possible inheritance your mom could leave you! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: ‘Bridges of Madison County’ Brings Iowa to Broadway A Big Year for ‘Bridges’ “This is Not My Beautiful House” by Kim France Dar Williams – Iowa Adventure Cats Candy pairing: Kait says a chocolate rose, Lyette says Necco wafers, Renata says applesauce souffle. Coming up next: Outlander Kitchen: The Official Outlander Companion Cookbook by Theresa Carle-Sanders.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

We’re not alone…we sense a presence…oh, it’s podcast editor Becca and supernatural aficionado Wren, who joined us to discuss Dark World: Into the Shadows With the Lead Investigator of the Ghost Adventures Crew by Zak Bagans and Kelly Crigger! Like the reality show that inspired this book, the ghost broventures of Zak and the rest of the Ed Hardy Boys documented here are absurd, testosterone-laden nonsense…but also pretty fun? Lock yourself in with this episode for a good debunking! Readers advisory: Here. Sample images: (Click to embiggen) Footnotes: Ghost Hunting With James Corden and Reggie Watts Bobby Mackey’s Music World I Live in a Clown Motel: A Journey Into the Heart of America Reddit: Post-It Notes Left in Apartment Candy pairing: Becca says Spoopy Woopy Ghosty Toasties, Kait says X-Treme Protein Bar for Men, Renata says Ghost Peeps, Wren says darkest dark chocolate. Coming up next: Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Our friend Sarah came back to discuss A is for Alibi by Sue Grafton! A turns out to be for an Adequate mystery, an Awkward romance, and an Awful way to learn the alphabet, all wrapped up into one series. This episode is perfect for listening to on long stake-outs or drives to seedy motels. Listen now to hear us struggle to discuss something we didn’t hate! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Sue Grafton spreads the ‘W’ word Candy pairing: Kait says her parents’ candy dish, Renata says milk chocolate Dove Promises, Sarah says spearmint starlights. Coming up next: Dark World: Into the Shadows with the Lead Investigator of The Ghost Adventures Crew by Zak Bagans.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

It’s been two years since our very first episode, when Caroline of Fantastic Fangirls read Twilight by Stephenie Meyer with us! (And one year since we read New Moon!) And now we’ve added Danielle to our crew to play the Worst Bestsellers drinking game discuss the third book in the saga, Eclipse. Even though not that much happens in this book, and there are barely any Civil War vampire scenes, we couldn’t stop talking about it, and we hope you enjoy listening to it! Thanks to all our Best Listeners for two great years! Readers advisory: Twilight New Moon Eclipse Special note: We’ve launched our Patreon! Please check it out for information on how to support us. Footnotes: Another Look at Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight American Indians in Children’s Literature on Twilight Sucking The Quileute Dry Truth Versus Twilight Running With The Wolves: A Racialicious Reading of Twilight Worst Bestsellers Drinking Game Candy pairing: Caroline says Nerds, Danielle says Pop Tarts, Kait says Mike and Ikes, Renata says Twizzlers. Coming up next: A is for Alibi by Sue Grafton.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Sophi received special hand-delivered invitations to discuss The Selection by Kiera Cass. Imagine a combination of The Bachelor and The Hunger Games, but then throw that combination in the trash and read a J. Crew catalog instead, and that’s The Selection. The worldbuilding and characters make no sense, and yet somehow…we loved it even more than Prince Maxon of Illea loves America Singer? We can’t explain it, but we all accepted this rose, and we hope you will too. Readers advisory: Here. Special note: Please take a short survey about our potential Patreon account! Footnotes: The Selection caste system The Selection map Rose Buddies podcast The Selection CW promo Yes, The CW Passed on The Selection Candy pairing: Kait says a fancy lollipop, Renata says cotton candy, Sophi says rock candy. Coming up next: Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer (and the return of the Worst Bestsellers Drinking Game!)   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Out of the sadness cave and into the pediatric hospital, Renata has returned to join Kait and Eryn for the final book of Flashback Summer, Angels Watching Over Me by Lurlene McDaniel. We went back to a time before WebMD and The Fault in Our Stars, back when tweens had to cry over a romance between an English girl who doesn’t know she has cancer and an Amish boy who doesn’t know what candy bars are. We also learned about the dangers of spider bites. PSA: if you can’t find your Kleenex, maybe an angel stole it? Readers advisory: Here. Special note: Please take a short survey about our potential Patreon account! Footnotes: Everything Hurts: A Slurlene McDaniel Review I Was Obsessed With YA Cancer Novels Long Before The Fault In Our Stars Lifted Up By Angels plot summary Until Angels Close My Eyes plot summary Lurlene McDaniel Fanfiction Candy pairing: Eryn says buckeyes, Kait says vinegar candy, Renata says Milky Ways. Coming up next: The Selection by Kiera Cass.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

  Kait, Becca, and their guests Anna of Bellwether Friends and Holly of TopatoCo continue Flashback Summer by trying to solve the mystery of the missing entertainment after slogging through Nancy Drew and the Ghost of Craven Cove and The Hardy Boys and the Secret of Sigma Seven. Will they discover why they read so many of these books as kids? Will they uncover the secret to why these series are so long-lasting? Will they deduce the three basic personality types of all teenagers in series mystery books? (Spoiler alert: no, no, yes.) Readers advisory: Here. Special note: Please take a short survey about our potential Patreon account! Footnotes: Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys YouTube Playlist Nancy Drew TV Show Not Happening Because It’s ‘Too Female’ Hardy Boys Online A Nancy Drew Ghostwriter on the Art of Being “Carolyn Keene” and the Evolution of Nancy Drew in a More Feminist Age 15 Mysterious Facts About the Hardy Boys Nancy Drew in Starlight The Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, and the Secret Ghostwriters of Children’s Fiction Nancy Drew by Kate Beaton: 1 2 3 4 5 The Original Ghostwriter Behind Nancy Drew Was One of The Most Interesting YA Writers of All Time Candy pairing: Kait says old-timey penny candy, Becca says Three Musketeers, Anna says Twix and Bit O’ Honey, Holly says candy buttons. Coming up next: Angels to Watch Over Me by Lurlene McDaniel. * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

With Renata still in her Sadness Cave, Kait, Becca, and their guest Sarah took advantage of her absence to talk about Goosebumps and Fear Street. Join us on a trip back to Scholastic Book Fairs past, which is much more fun than taking a trip back to a torture chamber in vaguely medieval times. Just be careful not to DIE!!!! Chapter Two: …of boredom, because it turns out not much happens in these books, despite the cliffhanger shoved in every five pages. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Goosebumps television theme song Monster Edition: a Goosebumps fanzine Welcome to the Dead House by Rebecca Mock Review of the Goosebumps movie Goosebumps the movie is streaming on Netflix RL Stine AMAs – 2013, 2016 A Definitive Ranking of Ever Goosebumps Cover by Creepiness Are You Afraid of the Dark? Season One on Amazon | Later seasons on YouTube Ross Hull (Gary on Are You Afraid of the Dark?) is a weatherman now Candy pairing: Kait says Creepy Crawlers Edibles, Becca says Caramel Apple Pops, Sarah says Warheads. Coming up next: Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys. * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Flashback Summer continues! While Renata is off in the wilderness, settling into her Sadness Cave, Kait, our editor Becca, and our guest Jennifer said hello to their friends–the Baby-sitters Club! Kait, Becca, and Jen revisited the BSC franchise as a whole with Baby-sitters Club #56: Keep Out, Claudia!, Baby-sitters Club Super Special #4: Baby-sitters’ Island Adventure, and California Diaries: Ducky #3, thinking fondly back on the time when you could call one number and reach seven reliable baby-sitters, people just abandoned their children to The World’s Most Mature Thirteen Year Olds on the regular, and that theme song was constantly stuck in your head. Put on your oversized blue and pink tie dyed t-shirt, blue cowboy boots, pink and black checked leggings, side-ponytail, and one earring shaped like a musical note and one earring shaped like a guitar and join us for another stroll down memory lane in our Flashback Summer! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: The Baby-sitters Club television theme song The Baby-sitters Club Mystery Game commercial A Mary Anne with Kristy Rising: On the Enduring Legacy of the Baby-Sitters Club Books List of Baby-sitters Club books by ghostwriter California Diaries on Wikipedia (including ghostwriters) Peter Lerangis on Ghostwriting the Baby-Sitter’s Club and the Future of YA Lit Quantum Leap theme song Monstress Vol 1 by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda Candy pairing: Kait says candy necklaces, Becca says Now and Laters, Jennifer says Fruit-by-theFoot. Coming up next: Goosebumps and Fear Street by RL Stine. * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Priscilla (@Priscellie) read Animorphs #1: The Invasion by K. A. Applegate. As the first entry in our Flashback Summer, we revisited our favorite teens who can turn into animals, and also the one teen who is a bird. Renata and Priscilla reminisced fondly about reading the series as youths, while Kait found the entire premise of human children turning into animals to fight aliens to be questionable, for some reason. What better way to spend the 4th of July than by turning into a bald eagle and celebrating your independence from our Yeerk oppressors? (N/B.: if you are not from the USA, you may turn into a different bird of your choice.) Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: The Toast: The Animorphs Scientific Questions About Animorphs Scholastic To Give Animorphs New Life K. A. Applegate’s Reddit AMA Animorphs on TV Tropes The Time Renata Met Katherine Applegate Candy pairing: Kait says Raven’s Revenge, Priscilla says gluten-free churros, Renata says Cinnabon. Coming up next: Baby-Sitters Club #56: Keep Out, Claudia! by Ann M. Martin. * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guests Malia and Meagan read Lone Wolf by the mistress of twist endings, Jodi Picoult! This episode starts with the revelation that “Picoult” is pronounced like “pekoe” and only gets more shocking from there. Actually, a lot of the twists aren’t really that surprising, but we are still reeling from the revelation that the man who left his family to live with a pack of wolves for 2 years cheated on his wife with a human woman, rather than a wolf like we thought. If you have internet access in your wolf den, listen to this episode now! (If not: learn how to decode the wolves’ complex language of howls if you want to survive.) Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Jodi Picoult name pronunciation The Moth: Man and Beast by Alan Rabinowitz Snopes: Le-a Snopes: Polished Off Candy pairing: Kait says scavenged trail mix, Malia says Pop Rocks and soda, Meagan says assorted chocolates with mystery filling, Renata says movie theater popcorn. Coming up next: Animorphs #1: The Invasion by K. A. Applegate.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

It’s our 50th episode! We celebrated with our favorite thing: talking about X-Men with Caroline from Fantastic Fangirls and Panels. Unfortunately, this means we had to read the novelization of our least favorite X-Men movie: X-Men: The Last Stand by Chris Claremont. It’s a movie whose convoluted plot was not aided by having been novelized in the style of a very long 80s comic speech bubble. Hey–is Cyclops in this? Oh well, thanks for joining us for 50 episodes, bubs! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Rogue Gets In Trouble by Kate Beaton Jesse Hamm’s “Tetched” Rogue series X-Men: The Last Stand Rifftrax Candy pairing: Caroline says Beemans gum, Kait says your favorite candy after a recipe change, Renata says a marshmallow roasted by the flames of the Phoenix force. Coming up next: Lone Wolf by Jodi Picoult.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Megan (of Academic Inquiry Into Popular Culture) read X-Men: X-Cutioner’s Song by Scott Lobdell, Peter David & Fabian Nicieza, with art by Brandon Peterson, Jae Lee, Andy Kubert, & Greg Capullo. It’s an X-citing Peak 90s comics crossover event, featuring an overload of X-Men, X-Factor, X-Force, and X-tra tight Spandex. Come for the incomprehensible Apocolypse-tic time travel space clone adventures, stay because Renata’s Gambit voice has awakened something inside of you, cherie. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: X-Cutioner’s Song story arc Setting Up Your First Pull List Dramatic Reading Panels: (click to embiggen) Candy pairing: Kait says Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza, Megan says Fruit by the Foot, Renata says French Toast Crunch. Coming up next: X-Men 3: The Last Stand movie novelization by Chris Claremont.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Patrick read a book a ghostwriter wrote based on a computer game created by Tom Clancy based on a nonexistent website. If that sounds confusing, it’s still not as confusing as this corporate espionage-y Orientalist mess of a novel. Please don’t hack our website and/or submarine! Dot Com! Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Tom Clancy’s Ruthless.com on Moby Games Tom Clancy’s Politika on Board Game Geek The Cold War of Clancy vs Clancy No way is this domain worth thousands of dollars! No way is this domain currently hosting pornography!   Candy pairing: Kait says an actual microchip, Patrick says a durian cream puff, Renata says Candy Crush. Coming up next: X-Men: X-Cutioner’s Song by Scott Lobdell, Peter David, et al.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Happy early Mother’s Day! Kait, Renata, and their guest Rachel read their moms’ favorite book, One For the Money by Janet Evanovich. It’s the origin story of Spandex-clad rookie bounty hunter Stephanie Plum. Fellow Jersey Girl Kait has a lot to say about the book’s portrayal of Trenton, Renata has a lot to say about her mom, and Duarte has a lot to say about Stephanie’s pet hamster. This episode will give you plenty to talk about at your next charmingly awkward family dinner–just make sure to take your gun out of your purse before you head over there. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Tricky Twenty-Two Excerpt ‘I Don’t Know Whether to Kiss You or Spank You’: A Half Century of Fear of an Unspanked Woman Popular Mechanics: Troubleshooting Distributorless Ignition Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson admits he ‘hates’ cod after eating 800 pounds of it in a year Candy pairing: Kait says Warheads, Rachel says a Bubble Beeper, Renata says sugar free Baskin Robbins hard candy. Coming up next: Ruthless.com by Tom Clancy & Martin Greenberg.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)

Kait, Renata, and their guest Caitlin read Killing Lincoln by Bill O’Reilly & Martin Dugard. And–because we care about the youth of America–we also read the young readers’ adaptation, Lincoln’s Last Days, by Bill O’Reilly and Dwight Jon Zimmerman. These books put forth the truly shocking thesis that Abraham Lincoln was a good dude and John Wilkes Booth was a bad dude. But also that they were both pretty sexy? And most importantly: USA! USA! USA! Listen now to hear three sockdologizing old mantraps play a rousing game of Fucking, Marrying, Killing and speculate on how history might have turned out differently if only Abraham Lincoln had taken a cat to the theater with him. Readers advisory: Here. Footnotes: Lincoln Home National Historic Site Lincoln Homestead State Park Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library & Museum Kait + Creepy John Wax Booth(sorry, these are scanned in from Early Internet Days and we don’t know where the originals are to re-scan) Renata + Creepy John Wax Booth(sorry, these are scanned in from Early Internet Days and we don’t know where the originals are to re-scan) Candy pairing: Caitlin says fancy old timey hard candy, Kait says Boy Scout popcorn, Renata says mystery Dum Dums. Coming up next: One For the Money by Janet Evanovich.   * Worst Bestsellers is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. (But no pressure, we’re also happy if you get these items from your local library or independent bookstore.)