The Really Awful Movies Podcast

Mental Cannon treatment of a series past its best before date. The first Death Wish is a stone-cold uber classic. By the time Golan and Globus got around to it though, things were really coming off the rails. Death Wish 3 was written under a pseudonym (understandably) and is the last collaboration between star Charles Bronson and director Michael Winner. To reduce costs, this turd was filmed predominantly in London rather than The Big Apple. The film carries out the vigilante justice/high body count motif we’ve come to expect from the series, yet ups the ante considerably. A whopping 83 characters had to be fitted for coffins in this one!. Here, Paul Kersey (Sir Charles) returns to Brooklyn to find his army buddy has been attacked and left for dead. Paul moves in to his deceased friend’s apartment complex in East New York and begins to lay waste to an assortment of mostly interchangeable goons, in this, the most insane of all the Death Wishes. Tune in as we chat about…DEATH WISH 3

An extremely underwhelming espionage thriller, Skin Traffik features a veritable “Who the hell cares?” of former stars. This includes Mickey Rourke, whose face is now a catcher’s mitt because of an ill-fated pro boxing career in Florida, Michael Madsen, hammier than a porchetta panino and the sine qua non of bad moviedom, Eric Roberts. Kickboxer/star Gary Daniels gets mixed up in a human trafficking ring and has to rescue a bunch of Russian hookers from the clutches of a secret cabal of globalist weirdos.That’s about all there is. Oh and for some reason this involves shuttling between London and Amsterdam, even though there are no canal chases or any scenes that make use of the stunning Dutch city. As an aside, Gary is not the name of an action star. He’s the guy who does your taxes. We love bad action films. And this one is a stinker of stratospheric proportions. If you have any suggestions for what we should talk about on the Really Awful Movies Podcast, fire us an email! And don’t forget to subscribe.

Mr Holland’s opus. Tom Holland, that is. He’s the mastermind behind this incredibly creative, understated 80s horror classic. Child’s Play is so darn fun. A killer on the lam, by some sort of Voodoo mumbo jumbo, inhabits the body of a popular talking child’s toy, subsequently purchased on the black market by a Chicago mom for her young son. From there, “Chucky” starts to wreak havoc. Proof positive that a horror doesn’t need to be a 10 on the splatter meter, Child’s Play is wonderful tension slow-build. Like a lot of other horror notables, this one spawned a litany of forgettable sequels. But that’s OK. This one stands the test of time. Join us as we delve into what makes this killer doll so indelible.

In this episode, a look at the Joseph Zito 1981 slasher flick, The Prowler. The Prowler (released internationally as Rosemary’s Killer) is set in a very Podunk Northeastern town and is about a group of college students holding their first dance in decades because festivities had been banned due to a double murder. Seems like a bit of an overreaction, but there you go. All of a sudden, they are being picked off one by one by a creepy masked assailant wearing military garb from World War II. Maybe the ban was a good idea! Down with dances. This is the Footloose of 80s slasher films apparently. We delve into the background of the film and its genuinely neat effects, courtesy of a young Tom Savini.  

Arguably the greatest martial arts film of all time, in this week’s episode we look at the Shaw Brothers classic The 36th Chamber of Shaolin. The film follows the exploits of San Te, a nobody who trains at the Shaolin Temple to master kung fu in order to overthrow the yoke of Manchu tyranny. At first, the Buddhist monks want nothing whatsoever with this interloper, who’s arrived smuggled in via a vegetable delivery cart. San Te gradually wins them over with his awesomeness. Basically one lengthy training montage from one chamber to another, this doesn’t diminish the fact that this is an intriguing piece of art. It’s certainly much more compelling than the inane 90-second Seagal rehab/recovery and training in Hard to Kill.

No, not The Winter Soldier. The other Captain America 2! There’s a sinister plot against the United States. And it’s being perpetrated by a guy named Miguel (Christopher Lee). It involves manipulative gerontology – administering drugs to prematurely age the populace unless the evil guy gets his way. Luckily, Captain America is there to fight against this nefarious force and stand up for all that is good. Unfortunately, this ain’t so good at all. This is a very silly 1979 made-for-TV production starring genre standout, the blonde-maned muscle-bound Reb Brown. He’s a favorite of ours (Strike Commando, Howling 2, Robowar, Yor: Hunter from the Future, Cage etc). Currently sitting at 1-star on Rotten Tomatoes, after this laughable debacle of a sequel someone had the idea to recreate the magic of a Lee / Brown pairing by casting them both in the also equally bone-headed Howling 2. Celebrate Rebruary with us with Captain America 2: Death too soon.

Fateful Findings is mystical. It’s paranormal. It’s espionage. It’s drama. The only thing it isn’t is good. But it’s pretty darn entertaining. Director Neil Breen makes mystifying, bizarre films that frequently make little sense. In this year’s US presidential race, people on the Left have been feeling the Bern. We’re feeling the Breen. As beguiling as The Room, what Fateful Findings has in common with Tommy Wiseau’s infamous flick is a) a budget and b) an auteur vision. Both films (occasionally) look like real movies. But both barely make any sense. The plot? Dylan (Neil Breen) has a near-death experience. He makes a miraculous recovery, and begins to focus on the important things in life: hacking into government computers. Or something. Beyond this, it’s really difficult to know what in hell is happening. There are plot turns and exposition not from left field, but from far beyond the left field bullpen, into the stands, out in the parking lot and into a neighboring area code. Tempt fate and watch Fateful Findings. You’ll be glad you did.

Mad ambitions and desire! This is a mad scientist movie…with a beauty pageant thrown in for good measure (hey, gotten lighten things up a bit). On this episode of the podcast, The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, a film from 1962 that most people know from the now iconic movie poster. Sure, this is a shlocky production, but there’s much more bubbling beneath the surface (and in those test tubes). It’s about a mad scientist who finds a way to keep human body parts alive. He eventually has to perform an unethical, quite fiendish experiment on an unsuspecting victim. The film’s working title was The Black Door (thankfully they changed it). We step across the threshold and discuss what the Frankenstein-like film has to offer on this episode of the podcast.

The Toolbox Murders. With a title fraught with ambiguity like that, what could this one possibly be about? Not surprisingly, this one is about a series of murders, committed using toolbox implements. The Toolbox Murders made its way onto the Video Nasties banned list in the 80s, quite rightly, as it’s a lurid and sleazy affair. There’s an apartment complex in LA, not unlike the cheesy one in the awful soap, Melrose Place. And its occupants are being picked off one by one by a masked, giallo horror type killer. And it’s up to the LAPD to solve the spate of crimes, something they’re unable to do and what the viewer can, about 10 minutes in. Then, The Toolbox Murders take a strange, psychological turn. There’s much more to this than squalid killings. What exactly? Take a listen to this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast and don’t forget to tune in for new episodes of the show every weekend.

My Bloody Valentine 3D is a reboot of a Canadian fave, the original MBV from the 80s. My Bloody Valentine 3D is a 2009 American slasher film directed by Patrick Lussier, and starring Jensen Ackles, Jaime King, Betsy Rue, and Kerr Smith (the first man to have an on-screen gay kiss on U.S. television, in season three of Dawson’s Creek). This one focuses on residents of a Podunk mining town (again) that is (again) plagued by a serial killer on Valentine’s Day. We all know the story: Harry Warden, who narrowly escaped a mining disaster on Valentine’s Day, comes back to wreak havoc on townsfolk and mine workers alike with his trusty pickax (among other weaponry). Filmed on location in Pennsylvania, the film was given a 3D theatrical release through its distributor, Lionsgate, premiering in the United States on January 16, 2009. It was the first R-rated film to be projected in RealD technology and to have a wide release (1,000 locations) in 3D-enabled theaters. It earned $100 million at the United States box office, and had a budget of $14 million. Does the remake stand up to the original, that fun bit of classic Canadian horror? Instead of a bunch of unknowns, we get Smallville and Dawson’s Creek TV stars. Instead of Nova Scotia, Canada, it’s Harmony, Pennsylvania. But the key difference in this incarnation of My Bloody Valentine is, of course, the 3D. This gory slasher looks bloody awesome with stuff comin’ at you, but it also hides a lot of the film’s flaws. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast…Put on your hard hat and come underground with us as we break down My Bloody Valentine 3D.

Anthrophagus Anthrophagus is in the Italian cannibal genre, an outputting one to many. Director Joe D’Amato is responsible for this one, as well as many of the Emanuelle exploitation movies. And he was a busy man. He made 200 films, many of which are…in the adult genre. Anthrophagus was on the Video Nasties list in the UK, deemed too extreme to release. Does it live up to the hype? Rituals Also on the show, a discussion about the James Dickey novel Deliverance, and Rituals, a Canadian variant on the infamous Ned Beatty movie. Instead of four guys in a Georgia gorge (say that three times fast), Canadian doctors go on a fishing trip. And they face something equally as terrifying in Northern Ontario. Also known as The Creeper, this 1977 production actually features legit actors, notably, the legendary Hal Halbrook. And it’s not crap! Quite the contrary!

JeruZalem is an Israeli first-person POV film, in which two American girls, Rachel and Sarah, find themselves on a sinister vacation in the Holy City. En route to Tel Aviv, they meet a student, who convinces them to change their travel itinerary from the laissez faire coastal city to the intense Jerusalem. Bad move. On Yom Kippur, they realize that the apocalypse is upon them. Jeff from the Really Awful Movies Podcast had the pleasure of chatting with the film’s co-director Doron Paz about what inspired his dark vision.

On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, John Carpenter’s exceptional Escape from New York. We break down the 1981 dystopian action flick set in a crime-ridden future, where inexplicably, the US’ most pricey real estate has been turned into an island prison. Why Manhattan and not say, ANYWHERE ELSE? As the Beach Boys sang, “god only knows…” Featuring the incomparable action hero ex-con and ex-soldier Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell), who has 22 hours to find the POTUS (played by Donald Pleasance) who has been captured after the crash of Air Force One. Why is the president played by an Englishman? (see, the Beach Boys song). We love Escape from New York and you will too. Hop on board our chopper (all the borough bridges have been closed) as we chomp down on this Big Apple classic. For reviews, check out www.reallyawfulmovies.com

We know some hospitals suffer from funding cutbacks, but the lack of staff here is ridiculous. And that’s BEFORE some masked doc is on the loose killing nurses. Hospital Massacre, AKA, X-Ray, features Playboy’s Barbi Benton in a protracted topless scene and some neat kills too. Because it’s an 80s horror, there’s also a ridiculous backstory from the killer’s childhood offered as explanation for the subsequent psychopathy. It’s quite unnecessary, but we have to admit, the kill scene is quite innovative and hilarious. An indictment of Obama care? An examination of the medicalization of women’s bodies? Um, there’s more subtext in a re-run of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. This one is bloody hilarious. While typically slashers feature some of the worst police-work imaginable, Hospital Massacre showcases some truly unusual healthcare protocols. Change into your gown and join us for a discussion of…HOSPITAL MASSACRE.

The strange case of a “man” who changed his sex! Glen or Glenda is a tepid but ahead of its time oddball docudrama, written and directed by Ed Wood, who also stars. The 1953 flick features the one and only Bela Lugosi, as well as Ed Wood’s then-girlfriend Dolores Fuller and Lyle Talbot (best known for his lengthy stint on The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet) Author/critic Leonard Maltin said this was “possibly the worst movie ever made” and yes, it’s plenty ridiculous and didactic, and there are bizarre fantasy sequences, the cliche of a newspaper headline as exposition, some pretty bad performances – but to broach transvestism as topic in the height of the Father Knows Best era shows how incredibly brave Mr. Wood was. And this is something often forgotten when the man’s thrown under the bus as the worst director of all time (he’s up there, but on the medal podium). Alternately released as I Changed My Sex and I Led Two Lives, Glen or Glenda follows the structure of a 50s educational film as Ed Wood (Glen) struggles with his sexual identity while Lugosi (The Scientist) narrates. John Waters introduced Johnny Depp to the work of Ed Wood, including this film, Glen or Glenda, undoubtedly a key factor when the actor chose to accept Tim Burton’s offer to star in the Wood biopic. Check out www.reallyawfulmovies.com for more genre film reviews.

Since it took to the stage in 2003, Evil Dead: The Musical has been a smash hit. On this episode of the podcast, we have a special Evil Dead: The Musical giveaway, two tickets to a Toronto performance of the hit show, February 17, 2016 at the Randolph Theatre. Listen to this episode for details about how to enter. And heads up: there are really cool secondary prizes too, so you can enter even if you aren’t in the Greater Toronto Area. These prizes are courtesy of Starvox Entertainment. A big thanks to them. Chris Bond, the show’s director and co-creator, breaks down what makes the splatterfest so much bloody fun. We’ve had the good fortune of checking out previous runs of the show in Toronto and if you’re a fan of Evil Dead and Ash vs Evil Dead (and really, who in their right mind isn’t?) it’s absolutely MUST SEE stuff. From its modest beginnings in a back-alley Toronto bar to off-Broadway and to Cleveland, Vegas, New Orleans, Seoul, and basically the world – the show has wowed fans wherever it’s been. And don’t forget to check out the Really Awful Movies Podcast, with new episodes every weekend.

Did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late for the potluck? They gave him the cold shoulder. On this week’s episode, machetes in tow, we hack through the deepest, darkest jungles and take our first look at the infamous cannibal genre and one of its most notorious flicks, Cannibal Ferox. This is the second Umberto Lenzi film we’ve discussed on the show, the first being City of the Living Dead. That was a lot more fun. Ferox is not unlike others from the genre in that it’s mostly dull and interspersed with incredibly gruesome and unforgettable images. Upon its release, the US distributor claimed it was “the most violent film ever made” and it was banned in numerous countries. Strange thing is there are way more violent films than this one. What happens when a grad student gets lost in the wilds of Paraguay with her two assistants? The title is pretty self-explanatory. And don’t forget to check out www.reallyawfulmovies.com    

Everybody must get Stalloned. Cobra. One word, one syllable, one inimitable action hero. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, the George Cosmatos 1986 shoot-em-up. There’s a hostage situation in the City of Angels. Who you gonna call? A member of an elite LAPD unit known as “Zombie Squad,” and it’s lead by this badass to the right. Turns out, there’s an elusive group behind a rash of crimes affecting the city. It’s an Illuminati-type association called New Order (not to be confused with the occasionally dour Manchester synth rock band nor the WCW wrestling faction New World Order). Crimes are pinned on one the Night Stalker and a witness is put in Cobra’s protection. A Dirty Harry by way of Cannon films (Golan and Globus produced this one), this Sly and Brigitte Nielsen action flick is dark, daffy, goofy, violent and well worth checking out.

We dip into German expressionism on the podcast this week, and we take a look at the classic, The Cabinet of Dr Caligari. It’s a 1920 German silent horror film, directed by Robert Wiene and written by Hans Janowitz and Carl Mayer. The Cabinet of Dr Caligari is frequently considered the quintessential work of German Expressionist cinema. And who are we to argue? The film tells the story of an insane hypnotist (Werner Krauss) who uses a somnambulist (Conrad Veidt) to commit murders. Caligari features a dark and sinister visual style, with pointed forms, oblique and curving lines, structures and landscapes that lean and twist in odd angles, and shadows and streaks of light painted directly onto the sets. The 1920 silent movie is outside our primary mandate of covering horror and genre film “from the 1960s to today,” as the tagline of the Really Awful Movies Podcast says. However, it’s vital to understand the current context of horror by casting our gaze back at this marvel. Its influence has carried on through the work of Tim Burton, Bergman and countless others. The tale of the oddball hypnotist (or somnambulist) is just as eerie and vital today as it was in its day. For more, check out: www.reallyawfulmovies.com

“I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter. … ‘Cause I am the champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar. … You’re gonna hear me roar!” Katy Perry Roar is UNREAL. It is completely and utterly BATSHIT. Do yourself a favor and see this ASAP, as nothing’s been made like it since, nor ever will be again for ethical reasons. Roar is a film about Hank, a guy who lives on what can only be described as a predatory cat compound on the African Savannah. It stars then-married Tippi Hedren (The Birds) and Noel Marshall, as well as their real-life family, daughter Melanie Griffith and sons John and Jerry. This film was a very dangerous, dangerous vanity piece…and really has to be seen to be believed. Rarely has such commitment been shown to a film in the face of such real-life dangers. Keep your arms inside the vehicle at all times as we get down and dirty with jungle cats in Roar. Find more reviews www.reallyawfulmovies.com.  

Orwell’s 1984 envisioned a sinister dystopia where everyone answered to a central, totalitarian authority. In Class of 1984, it’s lack of authority that’s the problem: a bunch of kids running roughshod over a highschool. Mr Norris is the new music teacher at a problem school, rife not with sax and violins, but sex and violence. As he arrives on his first day, he meets fellow teacher Mr. Corrigan (McDowell) who packs heat to deal with the dangerous ruffians. This film predated the ubiquity of metal detectors in North American schools. It’s a fun, exploitation flick, shot in Toronto and featuring the debut appearance of one Michael J. Fox. Quite shocking for its time, this one holds up really well today. Cut class, meet us behind the bleachers for a smoke and join us for a chat.

What is a nudie cutie? We delve into that very topic with Something Weird Video’s release Kiss Me Quick. The nudie cutie is an odd sub-genre from the 1960s, featuring monsters and burlesque dancers and bad Vaudeville jokes. Producers, looking to cash in on more permissive attitudes, sought to stuff their films full of salacious images – go-go-dancing, pasties – with no consideration for plot development. In Kiss Me Quick, the planet Buttless is a male-only planet. The leader of the planet sends his emissary to earth to find “the perfect female specimen.” There’s a mad scientist named Dr Breedlove. He’s got a lab to create the perfect woman. That gives you an idea of the kind of thing we’re dealing with! The nudie cutie had a very fleeting run before its ilk was replaced by mainstream cinema’s acceptance of nudity. It’s fun, silly escapism. We put the sub genre in context in this edition of the Really Awful Movies Podcast. For more, check out our genre film reviews at www.reallyawfulmovies.com

We said this about Save Yourself: “If Save Yourself comes to your town, do yourself a favor and drop everything right away to go see it.” The film, which stars Jessica Cameron, Tristan Risk, Ryan Barrett and Tianna Nori, is about budding filmmakers who become unlikely subjects in a nefarious experiment. Save Yourself recently screened in New York City and as part of the Blood in the Snow Festival here in Toronto. Director Ryan M. Andrews is a guy who’s worth watching. Andrews attended Niagara College and Trebas Institute in Toronto for film production and came upon our radar with his movie Sick. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, he talked about independent film-making, the Canadian horror scene renaissance photography, movies that influenced him and casting. He’s a big fan of ensemble casting and eschews tried-and-true horror tropes. With Save Yourself, he wanted to set out having viewers not know who’ll live or die. He’s always looking to defy expectations with his projects. Save Yourself was a worthy entry in our list of the Top Horror Films of 2015.    

There are few sequels that managed to instantly erode/negate the goodwill generated by their superior, classic predecessors. Howling 2 is one such film. However it’s an interesting and unintentionally hilarious failure. Featuring the unlikely bizarro casting of the legendary Christopher Lee alongside bumbleheaded naif Reb Brown, Howling 2 asks the question, where’s Joe Dante when you need him? The original director didn’t want anything to do with this one and rightly so. The subtitle is Your Sister is a Werewolf and that comes into play as Ben (Brown) loses his sister to one of the savage beasts, and she becomes one. He seeks the help of the awesome Stefan Crosscoe (Lee) to explain the lycanthrope mystery. Reel Film says this about the sequel: “virtually nothing here works, and it does become increasingly difficult to sustain any interest in the protagonists’ tedious exploits…” C’mon! There’s much to be said about Howling 2 and said exploits. There’s a hairy menage-a-trois (luckily not involving the aforementioned stars), and a glorious exploitation strip tease involving the incredibly hot Sybil Danning, who plays Stirba, Queen of the Werewolves. There’s a hunchback Romanian innkeeper, some switchblade-wielding punks and a terrific score. So while this isn’t Godfather 2 territory sequel wise, it’s at times a hoot. Join us. Find more reviews www.reallyawfulmovies.com, and be sure and subscribe to weekly episodes of the Really Awful Movies Podcast.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah to everyone. In the spirit of giving, we at the Really Awful Movies Podcast, are giving our listeners a holiday treat — what is arguably the first slasher ever, Black Christmas. Featuring a POV killer, pre-Carpenter’s Halloween, and a whole lot of mouth- breathing dirty phone calls, Black Christmas is a lovely film which still has the ability to shock. It’s well worth a look, especially as an alternative to the ubiquitous ELF or It’s a Wonderful Life. On this episode of the show, we delve into Canadian horror…and the impact of Black Christmas. In the mid-70s, director Bob Clark (Porky’s/Murder by Decree) gave us this, a film which features tropes later beaten like a dead horse and requiring dental identification in the slasher boom: you’ve got the threatening phone calls, the sorority sisters trapped in a house, disbelieving authority figures, a killer with a murky backstory and of course, blood. To heck with Bing Crosby, we’re dreaming of a Black Christmas. This one may haunt your nightmares, although it’s been usurped by later films and somewhat stripped of its influence as years have gone by. However, its place in the horror pantheon is undeniable. Don’t forget to check out new episodes of the Really Awful Movies Podcast every Friday.

On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, what is arguably the greatest horror remake of all time, The Fly (not that we want to argue, but if anyone wants to step up to the lectern and make a case for The Thing or Invasion of the Body Snatchers, we’d be happy to entertain it). Flies and death are synonymous. This wasn’t news to our man David Cronenberg, who gave new life to a fly-man hybrid, Dr. Seth Brundle. The genius doctor, played by Jeff Goldblum, builds a tele-porting device and manages to move matter from one place to another, only getting into trouble when he puts himself in the machine and a fly gets in with him, creating something monstrous in this, a film that came about during the infancy of recombinant DNA technology. Along for the ride is a science journalist Veronica (Goldblum’s then girlfriend, actress Geena Davis) and what we get is essentially a love story set against this very odd backdrop: a man pushing the limits of the human form, transmogrifying into something truly terrifying. There are many interpretations of what this film is about, the most prominent of which is the insect change as AIDS subtext. Watch it and see, as it remains as fresh and shocking as it must’ve seemed to movie-going audiences back in 1986. Let us know what you think and if there are any films you’d like to see us explore on the show: really awful movies [at] gmail dot com For a full review, please read this: http://reallyawfulmovies.com/2015/05/11/the-fly-1986/

Santa with Muscles is a Christmas movie completely bereft of Yuletide, not to mention human spirit. It stars a fallen idol, one of our absolute favorites, Hulk Hogan. As a wrestler, we counted ourselves among his many millions of Hulkamaniacs. Oh, how the might have fallen (and shrunk). Hulkster was off the ‘roids during the filming of this thing and he’s noticeably more svelte here. Hulk is a celebrity pitchman (art imitating life) who is bonked on the head and thinks he’s the Jolly Olde Elf himself, Santa. He’s adopted into a family’s home and there’s an evil genius antagonist he has to thwart. Santa with Muscles is not noteworthy, but is notable for a few things: there’s one of the dads from That 70s Show, as well as a really young Mila Kunis! Along for the sleigh ride, an embarrassed Ed Begley Jr. and Hells Angels tough-guy Chuck Zito. There’s a cameo featuring classic 80s wrestler Brutus “The Barber” Beekcake for those who are interested, even if those may only number 3. Speaking numbers, Santa with Muscles is currently a 2.4 on IMDb and unlikely to get any higher traction with this podcast, in which your intrepid hosts hoisted the eggnog and endured this piece of Christmas crap. Lumps of coal all around. We talk about wrestlers post-wrestling and how The Rock has fared versus his peers. We also reminisce about our favorite squared circle combatants.

Submerged, Half Past Dead…We’ve had fun at Steven Seagal’s expense on the show. And richly deserved. We figured we’d do it again, because hey, Stone Cold Steve Austin is in it too! Austin AND Seagal??? Double the pain. So much pain in fact, we may have to pull the plug on the man with the plugs. It’s too much. His direct-to-DVD Hungary-lensed turds are too much for even us to take. In Maximum Conviction, he’s a contractor involved in making sure a prison transfer at a decommissioned prison goes smoothly. What could go wrong you ask? Glad you asked! Lots. There’s some bad guys who want to spring some of the cons. Seagal has gained considerable poundage and cannot do much of the heavy lifting here. In fact, he barely beats any ass here. What gives? We INSIST on a wrist-snapping aikido-rama but there’s barely any fisticuffs of any sort. Disappointing. Check out Maximum Conviction and let us know if we’ve missing any other Seagal classics. www.reallyawfulmovies.com

Two times the worms! Twice the ooze. Last time we spoke with Scott, we had double the Shatner, two times as much Captain Kirk as anyone could justifiably handle. One of our favorite podcast guests is Scott Drebit of the Daily Dead. He’s the brains behind Drive-In Dust Offs,a column that look back at some of his favorites from the mid 70s to early 80s such as Race with the Devil and Willard. He loves animal attack flicks as much as we do, so he was the perfect guest to talk slithery slimy flicks. On this special episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, the three of us break down two very slimy films: Slither and Squirm. The former is a 2006 comedy horror hit starring Nathan Fillion (Castle) and Elizabeth Banks (40-Year Old Virgin). The latter is a fun, under- the-radar 1976 nature run amok film directed by Jeff Leiberman and starring Don Scardino. We love ’em both – lots. They’re undeniably fun, goofy, gory and smart. You don’t get much better than that folks. Be sure and follow us at @awful_movies and Scot at @phantasm2

Clive Barker’s Hellraiser will send a chill up your spine. In Episode 71 of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we decided to tear our souls apart and break down what makes this such a classic. Pinhead has become a bona fide horror icon. Liverpudlian Doug Bradley, though not as well known as Robert Englund, has made quite a career of portraying ol’ pin cushion face. Although, in this first film of the series, he’s not even the chief antagonist. He does, however, steal the show. The film predated torture horror and has multi-genre elements. There’s loads of subtext, gore and weirdness to satisfy every taste. Unlike some of its brethren, it gets better and better with age. The 1987 classic British horror film, written and directed by Clive Barker, was based on his own novella The Hellbound Heart and unlike other adaptations, this one benefited from Mr. Barker not only intending to spawn a film from it, but taking his seat in the director’s chair as well. It’s Hellraiser…it has many sights to show you.

Longtime horror blogger Andre Dumas (The Horror Digest) joins our program from Boston. We begin our chat with how Andre got into the genre and which films inspired her to delve more deeply into it. Among the films we discuss are Jaws, Suspiria, Hellraiser 2 and Killer Klowns from Outer Space. We talk about how horror films, despite their penchant for blood and guts, can actually be quite beautiful too. We also chat about where horror is going and discuss future classics such as Goodnight Mommy and The Babadook. Since she’s a fan of Italian horror, we decided to chat about one of our faves, Mario Bava’s immortal classic, Black Sunday. A witch/vampire hybrid, Black Sunday (La maschera del demonio; also known as The Mask of Satan and Revenge of the Vampire) is a 1960 B&W Italian Gothic horror. Based very, very loosely on Gogol’s short Viy (only a witch and the characters’ penchant for vodka survive) Black Sunday follows two doctors on route to a medical conference in Europe who get sidetracked by a…dark and dusty cobwebbed crypt! It happens to be the final (not quite) resting place of lovely witch Asa (the gorgeous Barbara Steele) and her paramour, both burned at the stake and tortured by Inquisitors. The film, very gory for its time, helped launch the careers of director Bava as well as beauty Barbara Steele, who went on to star in the Poe adaptation, The Pit and the Pendulum as well as Nightmare Castle and Cronenberg’s Shivers.

On this episode of the podcast, we break the sound and patience barrier with the infamously corny 70s disaster movie, The Concorde or Airport ’79 or Airport ’80 (whatever, it goes by various names). The Airport series originated the 70s disaster movie phenomenon. This piece of junk very nearly grounded it as soon as it began. The airport series once showcased the likes of A-listers Dean Martin, Burt Lancaster and Jacqueline Bisset, but by the time the sequel The Concorde Airport 79 took to the skies, those roles went to B-movie legend Sybil Danning (Chained Heat) and Good Times ham and originator of the catchphrase Dy-no-mite!, Jimmie Walker. And let’s not forget Charo! In The Concorde, a corrupt aerospace executive (Robert Wagner) learns that a reporter has found out about his arms dealing side-gig. Instead of muscling her, offering a bribe or killing her, he decides to blow up a concorde jet she happens to be travelling on. You gotta admire his ambition! The captain is played by Antonioni standout and French legend Alain Delon, who needs subtitles in this one as his English is so mangled (and his subtitles would need subtitles, just to be sure). It’s his job, along with bombastic flyboy/flyman Patroni (George Kennedy, Cool Hand Luke and 200 other films) to protect passengers from missile attacks. There are terrible effects, a who’s who of past-their-salad-days nobodies, running airplane bathroom gags that have to be seen to be believed and an itinerant jazz musician who noodles from his seat. You can clearly see how it inspired Airplane! Variety called it an “unintentional comedy” and the film, after numerous critical skewerings, barely made back its production costs . Roger Ebert went off on the film in I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie.

We were lucky enough to visit Hamilton’s The Butcher Shop, which specializes in and is dedicated to designing and creating unique and high-level makeup effects, creatures, prosthetics, human replicas, specialty props and gore effects. With almost 20 years experience designing special makeup effects and gore gags, Carlos Henriques and Ryan Louagie’s incredible effects work has been featured in ground-breaking independent films, TV series, music videos and haunted attractions. Carlos Henriques (pictured) was kind enough to not only give us a tour of his shop, but to chat with us about why he does what he does. We love practical effects, and while we acknowledge that occasionally CG is required, it should be used sparingly. Nothing beats a nice bloody practical effect. The boys from the Butcher Shop have practical effects down to a science.

Forget the Big Lebowski. Our Dude is Dudikoff. The deadliest art of the Orient is now in the hands of an American! Lucky us. This is a piece of Cannon Camembert, in which as an alternative to sentencing, a judge decrees that juvenile delinquent Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) must join the Armed Forces. It’s a plot that’s almost Seinfeldian (“cause he’s MY butler!”). Anyway, he’s stationed in the Philippines where he demonstrates his heroism saving the colonel’s daughter from attacking ninjas. Along the way, his mettle is tested by the chiseled force that is B-legend Steve James as the sarge. Also, there’s a subplot involving arms sales to a nefarious group that hires deadly ninjas as a self defense force. The juiciest part is that he’s an amnesiac, not remembering his difficult childhood or background, but luckily, muscle memory isn’t effected: he recalls all his martial arts training. For a movie entitled American Ninja, the American isn’t much of a fighter, nor does he don the typical black pajamas that a ninja is known for (OK . . . he does, but ever so briefly.) The film rocks. It has everything going for it that made Cannon great. The Dude abides! Find more reviews www.reallyawfulmovies.com.

At Really Awful Movies, we love to shine a spotlight on emerging talent in the horror genre. So when one of us caught the short film Heir currently making the festival rounds, we thought “We’ve got to talk to these guys!” Heir is the brainchild of Fatal Pictures and stars Robert Nolan and the hardest working man in indie-genre cinema, Bill Oberst Jr. It’s a singularly disturbing and powerful piece of art that accomplishes in 15 minutes what many feature films fail to do in 120. Fatal Pictures, comprised of producer Zach Green and writer/director Richard Powell, have thus far made four shorts. Starting with Consumption in 2008, Fatal has also made the “boxcutter” trilogy – three films, Heir as well as its progenitors Worm and Familiar. Each film stars Robert Nolan and is an unbelievably effective piece of psychological horror. Familiar is currently available for download on iTunes. In this interview, we discuss the genesis of Fatal Pictures, the advantages of starting with shorts rather than jumping straight into features, funding and production, and of course, the films themselves. Fatal Pictures is one to watch – we can’t wait to see what they do next.

Sitting at a woeful “1.8” out of 10 on IMDb (with 12,000 + votes cast), it was inevitable we’d turn our eyes to the heavens and examine the notorious Birdemic. Not to be mistaken for The Birds, the Hitch masterpiece by which this poop was allegedly inspired, Birdemic (full title, Birdemic: Shock and Terror) is widely regarded by aficionados of terrible cinema as one of the worst films of all time. Does it hold up? This quirky “independent romantic horror film” was written, directed, and produced by James Nguyen, an auteur of the awful a la Ed Wood. The somnambulist performances, uneven sound, memorably inane exposition and some of the weirder special effects you’ll ever encounter, makes Birdemic can’t miss material. It’s strangely hypnotic and so bad, it actually improves a bit with repeated viewings (but take that with a grain of salt: we’re rigorous defenders of Battlefield Earth). What really makes this one a cut above (or is that below?) is the green-think Mother Earth moralizing. Al Gore, eat your heart out! (but make sure that heart is locally-sourced).

Entering women’s prison territory in this week’s episode. The Big Doll House is a 1971 American women in prison (WiP) film, produced by the one and only Roger Corman and starring the incomparable Pam Grier. Filmed in the Philippines (one of our favorite locales) and directed by the talented Jack Hill (Coffy/Foxy Brown), Big Doll House also features the amazing Sid Haig (The Devil’s Rejects). The plot is about as skimpy as the inmates’ attire: an inmate, Collier, is found guilty of murdering her husband and introduced to the joint. Therein is a cadre of some of the more beautiful jailbirds you’ll ever see – forget the gritty realism of Orange is the New Black. Collier’s cellies include a political dissident and an addict in the throes of heroin withdrawal. And this motley crew, which includes the domineering Pam Grier (as Grear) plots their escape with help from two dim-witted males inexplicably granted prison-wide access to deliver fruit. Because this is a WiP, there’s a sadistic prison guard and inmates are hosed down, some would say unnecessarily (we won’t). Corman and Hill basically wrote the rules of the WiP genre with this one. Great stuff!    

Nightmare City, AKA, City of the Walking Dead is an Umberto Lenzi sleaze-fest with a great soundtrack and some very gory kills. In this 1980 outbreak movie, a TV reporter (played by Tarantino fave Hugo Stiglitz) investigates what’s turning townsfolk into hideous creatures. Turns out it’s radioactive materials from a nearby reactor. Soon, the city is overcome by irradiated ghouls. Few films combine utter zaniness with such inventive and disgusting gore. Some critics have likened this to a “zombie action film” as the undead here run like sprinters, wield axes, knives and guns, and can even be convinced to board a plane to create havoc in other time zones. Tom Savini is in the process of remaking this one. Wonder if he’ll retain the loopy ending of the original. Welcome to….Nightmare City!

Dead Alive is bloody. Very, very bloody, and the brainchild of the one and only, Peter Jackson. This Kiwi production is a bloody good time. A soothsayer foretells the pairing of a cute bodega worker Paquita and a middle-aged nebbish Lionel. The latter’s overprotective mother Vera Cosgrove (Elizabeth Moody), spies on their date as they visit the Wellington Zoo, which features a very special exhibit: a Sumatran Rat Monkey. The monkey is a hybrid creature, the offspring of invasive rat species getting it on with monkeys. Anyway, one of the creatures bites the overbearing mom, turning her into a crazy zombie. Lionel tranquilizes her and keeps her in the basement, but not before she’s bitten and transformed others into mindless zombies. Soon after that, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. A critic in Entertainment Weekly said, “Horror films used to be primordial spook shows, tapping midnight-dark fears. Now they tap bodily goo: rivers of blood, dripping limbs, eyeballs that go pop in the night..” The climax is one of the bloodiest things we’ve ever seen. Check out Dead Alive. It’s one for the ages.

We were honored to be asked to cover Horror-Rama 2015, the second edition of Toronto’s only all-horror convention. The brainchild of Luis Ceriz and Chris Alexander, Horror-Rama is a fun-filled weekend of guests, vendors, panels, screenings and parties. Bigger and better than last year, this year’s edition featured some incredible guests. A fantastic time was had by all! In this podcast, you’ll hear interviews with: George Mihalka – Director, My Bloody Valentine Sybil Danning – Hercules, Battle Beyond the Stars, Howling II…Your Sister is a Werewolf Linnea Quigley – Return of the Living Dead, Night of the Demons, Silent Night, Deadly Night Ian McCulloch – Zombie, Zombie Holocaust, Contamination Tristan Risk – American Mary, The Editor Michael Berryman – The Hills Have Eyes, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, The Devil’s Rejects, Debbie Rochon – Tromeo and Juliet, Slime City Massacre,Killer Rack, Model Hunger Cherie Currie – Lead Singer of The Runaways, Parasite, Twilight Zone: The Movie Corpusse – Musician Chris Alexander – Horror-Rama Co-founder, Editor ShockTillYouDrop.com, Queen of Blood, Blackglovekiller Enjoy!

Will cooler heads prevail? No. A “cooler” is a professional doorman whose job it is to manage other doormen. It’s the top rung in the bouncer profession and here that man is Dalton, played by the incomparable Dirty Dancer himself Patrick Swayze. In Road House (1989), a bar owner goes on a talent search to find just the guy to clean up his violent saloon. Behind all the violence is a sleazy businessman who wants to ruin all the mom and pop establishments in this town, so he can bring in a mega-mall. But only Dalton can stand in his way. There are bar fights galore and for some reason, indie stalwart Ben Gazzara wanders in. Also, a cameo from WWE great Terrible Terry Funk. Road House also showcases a really greasy-looking Sam Elliott as a bouncer mentor (those exist?) Featuring some of the most quotable lines in action movie history (“pain don’t hurt”) and other philosophical musings by Dalton, Road House is a big hunk of cheese that kicks butt. Don’t forget to subscribe to the Really Awful Movies Podcast. We talk about fun genre films and have new episodes of the show every week for your listening pleasure. And check out www.ReallyAwfulMovies.com too, for more reviews.

An otherworldly mortician, The Tall Man (Angus Scrimm), re-animates the dead as little people zombies in Phantasm, a weird and wonderful Don Coscarelli film. But have no fear, for on the case is a young boy named Mike. He has the task of trying to convince townsfolk that the absurd plot above is legit. His older brother and family friend (Jody and Reggie) are finally convinced and they do battle with The Tall Man, who can telekinetically fire deadly metallic baubles. Phantasm is a decidedly unique experience. It’s an hallucinatory horror film that explores lots of different themes, and the soundtrack is one of the all-time greats. For a budget that’s only a third of a million bucks, the movie looks incredible and has had a lasting cultural impact, namely making The Tall Man one of the most memorable antagonists in horror history. Several sequels of varying quality followed, but here we focused on the one, the only…Phantasm.

Herschell Gordon Lewis is a maverick. He’s the man behind the splatter genre, directing what is arguably the first of its kind, Blood Feast. The “Godfather of Gore,” spoke to Jeff from Florida. His movies were groundbreaking. Without his low budget shlock, we wouldn’t have Friday the 13th or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Lewis and partner David Friedman ventured into uncharted territory with 1963’s very bloody Blood Feast, considered by many to be the first “gore” film (if you’d like to hear our take on that film, check out Episode 61 of the podcast). The duo was doing juvenile delinquent films, and nudie-cuties and then was able to cater to the the drive-in theater market with Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964) and Color Me Blood Red (1965). The self-effacing Lewis discussed how he got into exploitation films. Blood Feast, had “a lack of any talent, from acting to production…and zero budget.” And yet people “clamored to see it!” Lewis weighed in on the 80s splatter boom, which he reluctantly helped usher in. He also talked about the movie, The Wizard of Gore and star Ray Sager. They shot the film in 1969 in Chicago, for a pittance. It’s about the mad, Montag the Magnificent, a magician who performs mutilation tricks. Lewis has recently made a film titled Herschell Gordon Lewis’s Bloodmania, a horror anthology film involving him and Canadian filmmakers. It was filmed in Alberta. Lewis is an interesting fellow. He took a lengthy hiatus from movies and wrote business/marketing books! He’s something of a pioneer in the field of direct marketing; something you would not expect. But he speaks to us directly, through his quirky, bloody movies.

The Demolisher is a cerebral vigilante film, as rare as an albino lobster. Jeff from Really Awful Movies got a chance to chat with its principles: In the first part, director Gabriel Carrer. He’s behind In the House of Flies, a really terrific and entirely different kind of horror in which a duo is kidnapped and trapped in a basement. And he’s versatile enough to do lots of different types of films. Carrer talked about what spawned the film. He loves genre/horror and vigilante films. Everything is “very external,” in a typical vigilante flick but you never go deep into their psychology. He went out to change that. He talked about his influences, such as the Pusher trilogy and how important pacing and music is. There will be a vinyl soundtrack release too. Also on the show, Jessica Vano, who plays Marie, who has a really neat character arc. Finally, Ry Barrett (who plays Bruce) discussed how he portrayed the title role and did stunt coordination work. He’s directed, done sound, special effects, writing. He’s a jack of all trades.

Blood Feast! This 1963 low-budget gore-fest is a first of its kind. Widely acknowledged as the first splatter, Blood Feast is by no means a great work of art. However, there is no denying how ahead of its time this was. Directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis, a Pittsburgh-born maker of “nudie cuties,” who moved into the horror culture when the latter died out, anyone who calls themselves a horror fan has to check this out. Blood Feast features a psychopathic food caterer who kills women so that he can include their body parts in his titular feasts and perform sacrifices to his “Egyptian goddess” Ishtar. Some ineffectual cops, unfamiliar with cause and effect, have a problem figuring out the denouement. The nastiness still holds up. Check out the DJ Kool Herc of horror, the first of its kind.

Toronto After Dark is one of the world’s leading showcases of new Horror, Sci-Fi, Action & Cult Movies. Each October, in the run-up to Halloween, the critically acclaimed event, screens about 50 new feature films and shorts over nine nights in front of over 11,000 attendees, including over 200 members of Press and Industry in Toronto. Programming manager Christian Burgess chatted to Jeff about how the festival came about and the film selection process. Last year, they set a record with 600 submissions (that’s including short films). They got about 350 features. “It’s amazing to see all the amazing stuff being produced.” There are lots of creative people out there. This year’s festival is discussed as well as fave films programmed in festivals’ past. See you After Dark!  

Lucio Fulci’s City of the Living Dead. Italian horror has some awesome music. This one is by Fabio Frizzi. City of the Living Dead features otherworldly evil. We don’t like supernatural movies, but love the Italian sub-genre. In The Beyond, there was a portal to the Gates of Hell in a basement in Louisiana. Here, it’s in the town of Dunwich. Of course, this city is best known to fans of HP Lovecraft. The town was built over the infamous Salem, haunted by witches put to death. The movie starts with a scream and we’re in hyper Gothic territory with a priest who’s committed suicide. As this is happening, there’s a coven happening in New Yorker. “Mary” is taking part in a seance and has a seizure simultaneously. And there’s much, much more to it, including trademark Fulci delicious gore and an iconic death of everyone’s favorite Italian-horror whipping boy Giovanni Lombardo Radice. Check it out.

A special episode of the podcast, featuring Scott Drebit. He’s a writer with The Daily Dead and has a column, Drive In Dust-Offs. He’s a fan of retro drive-in classics, specifically horror. He talked about his personal connection to drive-ins, which he started seeing from the age of 5. We also chat about the indelible impact of Phantasm on our young psyches. Scott approached us with two movies to chat about, both very much in line with the kind of thing we do on the Really Awful Movies Podcast: two curiosities which both star the great Canadian export, William Shatner. The first, The Devil’s Rain, is is a slow moving incoherent desert devil cult worship movie, inexplicably featuring Ernest Borgnine (!) The second, is Kingdom of the Spiders, a pretty taut yet goofy nature run amok movie featuring killer tarantulas.

Freeway Killer is a take on the life and times of notorious serial killer William Bonin, who plied his trade in the late 70s in Southern California. Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer) plays a cop on the hunt for the mad man. We are fans of realism in horror but can it ever go too far? Should you do horror biopics? Texas Chainsaw was a composite of various killers, Ed Gein and several others not solely based on one person. It’s pretty bad for the families of the victims. Can we be too close to the material? How much distance is required to shoot a film like this? We talk about the influence of people like Charles Manson and his continued presence in pop culture.

This one is a bad bigfoot movie by the same guy who incredibly, directed The Town that Dreaded Sundown, Charles B. Pierce. Dr. Lockhart is a University of Arkansas crypto zoologist, on the hunt for the legendary beast. Lockhart recruits the help of two of his students, Tim and Tanya, as well as Tanya’s friend Leslie, none of whom have any experience in anthropology, zoology or any related discipline. Good help is hard to find. The group heads to the eponymous Boggy Creek, and set-up camp in the woods with a pop-up trailer, and secure their perimeter with a SONAR system. They keep an eye out for the elusive beast, while the doc relates to the group tales he had heard centered around the creature, presented in flash backs.