The Really Awful Movies Podcast

Sleepaway Camp is an infamous 1983 exploitation slasher. “Dear mom and dad, I’ve been at sleepaway camp for almost three weeks…and I’m getting very scared!” We reflect on our own summer camp experiences and discuss the movie. Like most 80s slashers, Sleepaway Camp has a prologue in which the girl’s father is run over by a boat and then a “flash forward so many years…” This one is about that young girl and her cousin (Jonathan Tiersten, whom we’ve met at London’s Shock Stock) sent to a summer camp, where a group of killings begins shortly after their arrival. It’s known for a shocking ending that remains shocking to this day, making it a cut above your usual 80s slasher fare.

In this special edition of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we chat with Jack Davis of Crypt TV. Davis and Eli Roth’s Crypt TV specializes in free short-form, horror, genre, paranormal and other oddity-based content across social media. They “create something with specific people in mind, for people who feel a bit different.” Their ethos and associated hashtag is “Weird is good,” and full disclosure – we’re pretty weird ourselves. We at the Really Awful Movies Podcast…well, we’re proud members of the Crypt TV family and we were eager to find out how it got started and what drives content there. We chat with Jack about the April 15th launch, fans of genre/horror, finding community among fellow oddballs, Eli Roth, tattoos, our favorite serial killers (!) and what surprises the channel has in store for this fall.

Director Vivieno Caldinelli and writer Matt Watts discuss the Rowdy Roddy Piper starring short, Portal to Hell, ahead of its TIFF premiere. A crusty and reclusive building superintendent is foisted into the ultimate fight against evil when a couple of cultists open a portal to the ancient and mysical city of R’lyeh, awakening a slumbering god. The movie was inspired by Overboard, through the lens of a John Carpenter-type film. They decided to do a short, with the idea to fund a feature. Talk also centres on the enduring legacy of HP Lovecraft’s Cthulhu monster. HPL is in the zeitgeist right now. We really miss Rowdy Roddy Piper. We were pleased to see UFC champ Rhonda Rousey’s heartfelt tribute to the man who gave her her fighting moniker. We were also really pleased to see him in Portal to Hell. He’s a bad-ass, but unlike other movie badasses, he has an everyman quality. He left us far too young. Interested listeners can check out our They Live Podcast too.

The master. Dario Argento is the man and here is one of our absolute favorites. Phenomena is a beautiful oddity. In this week’s episode, we get ourselves psyched up with the magnificent soundtrack. What is it about the Italians, your Bavas, your Fulcis and your Argentos? Suspiria was a mind-blowing experience and from there, it was giallo films and Tenebre. We’re Argento addicts. Is the “Italian Hitchcock” moniker justified? Who knows but he’s a master of suspense in his own right. He is a Caravaggio with his mastery of cinematic bloodletting. This one stars a young Jennifer Connolly (Requiem for a Dream) as a sleepwalking boarding student who befriends entomologist Donald Pleasance, set against the backdrop of a mysterious Alpine murder. Find more reviews www.reallyawfulmovies.com.

We love Slime City. So when we heard about Buffalo director Greg Lamberson’s next project, Killer Rack, we were thrilled. On this week’s podcast, we had a chance to chat with Greg, co-star/writer Paul McGinnis, star Jessica Zwolak and co-star Michael Thurber about their work on the movie, dubbed by one wag, “the wrongest film in the history of wrongness.” If that’s wrong, well…we don’t wanna be right. This horror comedy is about a woman with low self esteem who opts for breast enhancement surgery, unaware that her surgeon, Dr. Thulu, worships H.P. Lovecraft’s elder gods, and the surgery is part of a diabolical plot to rule the world. We talk about how the film came about, the involvement of Troma boss Lloyd Kaufman, Buffalo locales, casting, the effects, the film’s incredible music, scream queen Debbie Rochon and much much more.  

Double Impact is double the damage – double the Van Damme-age to be exact. Before you may have thought “double impact” to be a really ugly type of font, but it’s also a really cheesy movie. This martial arts action flick features mono-zygotic twin Van Dammes, running around Hong Kong. They’re also quite monosyllabic. The film is almost like a bad scientific study about what happens when washed up Belgian has-beens who share 100% of their DNA are raised apart. One teaches aerobics in purple leotards, the other grew up in the mean streets of Hong Kong. They eventually meet and team up to battle gangsters. FEEL THE IMPACT. DOUBLE IMPACT!

The Chiodo brothers are responsible for this very underrated, fun-fueled clown romp, Killer Klowns. The hosts of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, are big fans of this film and have been for a while. A sequel Return of the Killer Klowns from Outer Space in 3D is currently in pre-production for a tentative release in 2016. We’re there. The theme song is just so bad-ass, one of the many commendable things about this feature. For some reason, Killer Klowns from Outer Space is lumped in with other “bad” movies like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, or Manos: The Hands of Fate. This is unfair as it’s visually inventive and its bursting with creativity. After a light flash in the sky, amorous co-eds Mike and Deb, who’d been downing champagne in an inflatable dinghy in the backseat, decide to go off and investigate and ask the inevitable question, “what’s a circus tent doing way out here?” Inside the tent, the titular clowns.

Horror-action hybrid Turbo Kid is a fun new Canadian-New Zealand co-production. Set in the post-apocalyptic future of 1997, Turbo Kid is a loving homage to some of the great genre films of the 80s, and a damn fine film in its own right. Its stars discuss the movie with us on this week’s episode of the podcast. Laurence Leboeuf plays Apple and Munro Chambers plays The Kid. The Kid is a comics-obsessed scavenger who becomes a heroic figure when he teams up with Apple to go against the big bad Zeus, played by the incredible Michael Ironside. 80s nostalgia is big now and Turbo Kid is a movie that does it right, paying homage to its influences without talking down to the audience. And there’s incredible gore to boot!

Dr Holland became a human plant hybrid in Swamp Thing, a DC Comics Adaptation by Wes Craven, for whom we have some admiration but who hasn’t done much to ingratiate himself to fans with his recent output. In the Bayou swamps, the good doctor and his sister are doing an experiment trying to create a hybrid character, when it’s interrupted by a paramilitary group who wants to put his research to evil means. This was post-Last House on the Left and Deadly Blessing and was a bit of a departure for Mr. Craven. It features genre favorites Ray Wise, David Hess, Adrienne Barbeau and Louis Jordan. There’s also a horribly obvious rubber suit and the guy who played Paulie in Darkman! Join us as we venture into the Louisiana swamps with Swamp Thing!  

On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we look at the fantastic Death Force. It’s by Cirio Santiago, the extremely prolific Filipino director. It’s put out by Vinegar Syndrome, known for 70s Blaxploitation and horror. We had the pleasure of hanging with the VS guys at London’s Shock Stock horror festival. Death Force combines Blaxsploitation and vetsploitation with the Samurai and mafia genres, successfully at times, unsuccessfully at others. Hilariously goofy fun as only a 70s film could be. We talk about the movie and our love for cheap films shot in the Philippines. We’ve previously looked at Firecracker and TNT Jackson.

When it comes to horror, people like blood, gore and for better or for worse, gratuitous nudity. Can it ever be too much? Does it have to serve a purpose? Why is the genre known for the prevalence of nudity? More permissive cultural attitudes in the 60s, were quickly reflected in horror. We discuss pioneers of the genre, Corman, H.G. Lewis et al, 80s slashers like Friday the 13th and Hospital Massacre and what teens wanted to see at the drive-in.

Bite star Elma Begovic and director Chad Archibald discuss the new movie, Bite. After a bachelorette party, an infected bug bite causes Casey (Begovic) to exhibit insect-like symptoms a la Gregor Samsor in Metamorphosis but with a twist. According to IMDb, “Between her physical transformation and her wedding anxiety, Casey succumbs to her new instincts and begins creating a hive that not only houses her translucent eggs, but feeds on the flesh of others…” There was a sold out screening in Montreal (Fantasia Fest) where barf bags were handed out and two people reportedly fainted. Elma talks about moving to Toronto and the unconventional way she scored the lead role in this horror flick and what inspired her role’s ticks (physical ones, not the bugs) . Director Chad Archibald’s fiancé’s sister returned from a Guatemalan trip and was overcome with random bug bites. And we learn that this spurred the film’s genesis. We also chat about how the icky effects for Bite were created. For more, see this: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt4264426/

In the 1979 Cannon Group musical mega-flop, The Apple, competing acts take to the stage in a song contest not unlike the Euro Vision one. Anyway, a Canadian folk duo is robbed of their potential song contest win when BIM Records sabotages their performance with a high-pitched squeal from backstage (it’s folk music, so who would know?) Soon though, the young Canadians are tempted in a Garden of Eden fashion (yep, that’s where the title’s derived, not the other Beatles’ Apple) We find out that underhanded deals are being signed (hey, it’s the music business after all) and that in the far future (1994!) the music industry became so powerful and so indelibly linked to everyone’s very existence, that the label BIM has soared to basically Apple-like prominence in the zeitgeist (Apple Computers that is). Guess nobody saw Napster coming. In its one-star review, Slant said, “every song in the goddamned movie sucks.” Our slant is that there are a few good ones that’ll leave you humming for days, and that this disaster is pretty damn fun, with hilarious set-pieces and lost-in-translation elements (it was conceived as a Hebrew stage musical). Please take a bite out of this Apple (and “don’t mind the maggots” to quote the Rolling Stones’ Shattered). This is a fun, horribly misguided piece of cinema. And be sure to subscribe to the Really Awful Movies Podcast!

Travel in horror. Your humble hosts are international men of mystery, between us having visited about 40 countries, including all over the States, Europe, Asia and the Caribbean. Tourism and horror are often paired. There’s the usual spring breakers getting lost on road trips domestically but also international backpackers running afoul of global mad men. Why is this? Well, travelers don’t have their wits about them when they’re in vacation-mode and the experience can be fraught with difficulty because of language barriers, bureaucratic isuses, etc. The most prominent tourism / vacation horror films are of course, Turistas, Tourist Trap and Hostel. In Awakened, tourists are being harvested for their organs. After nights in hotel bars, a group of victims have their drinks spiked and wake up on an island. In Airport Shuttle, AKA Shuttle (2008) victims think they’re en route to the hotel via that conveyance but something untoward happens. We recorded this one outdoors, to get the feel being out and about and share our experiences in Italy, Thailand, Australia, New York City.

Tourist Trap is a weird, overlooked and under-seen horror classic. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we give this movie its due. “God help those who get caught in the Tourist Trap, where beautiful young people looking for excitement…are TRICKED, TERRORIZED, TRAPPED…” It’s “the nightmare that never ends” as well, but we digress. It’s a 1979 American horror film directed by David Schmoeller, and starring Chuck Connors, the Brooklynite known for his four decades in the entertainment business, as well as playing in two professional sports leagues. Tourist Trap also stars Jocelyn Jones, Jon Van Ness, Robin Sherwood, and Tanya Roberts. The film revolves around a group of friends who wind up stranded at Mr. Slausen’s out of the way “museum,” where the mannequins are very lifelike. Despite its name, Tourist Trap is definitely not your standard, lost-by-the-roadside movie. It’s way more supernatural and oddball. It predated the slasher boom and was a bit lost among the shuffle…so it’s our job to spread the word…also, the film features one of the great kills in horror history, and is mentioned in our book, Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons.

The use of social media in horror. In this week’s podcast, social media in horror through a discussion of two low-budget films, Panic Button, a British feature and iMurders, both of which feature social media. The latter features a chatroom killer and the former, a social media-heavy reality show whose contestants are being messed with mid-air. Billy Dee Williams and William Forsythe are two of the notables in iMurders! We discuss the above movies, as well as Catfish, Videodrome and the influence of Marshall McLuhan. No one is safe in cyberspace!

In the infamous Manos: the Hands of Fate, a family (and their little dog too) gets lost in the back roads of rural Texas and stumbles upon a hidden, sinister, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his hunched over man-servant Torgo. Guess roadside assistance was hard to come by. General rule: avoid abandoned homes in the middle of nowhere, tended to by weirdo midget manservants. There is a very odd subplot involving a vice squad busting teens making out in convertibles, with booze stashed in glove compartment. The film’s plot (threadbare that it is) revolves around a vacationing family who lose their way on a road trip. After a long drive in the Texas desert, the family finds themselves trapped at a lodge maintained by a polygamous pagan cult (don’t you hate it when that happens?) Then, they attempt to escape as the cult’s members decide what to do with them. Manos is infamous for its technical deficiencies, especially its considerable editing and continuity flaws; its soundtrack and visuals not being synchronized; dull-as-dirt pacing; truly terrible acting; and several scenes that are seemingly inexplicable or disconnected from the overall plot, such as a couple making out in a car or The Master’s wives brawling with one another. The movie, very unfairly described as one of the worst of all time is out on Blu-Ray. It makes a perfect stocking stuffer.

Another 1970s animal attack feature, Day of the Animals is full of corniness and surprises. “If there’s a god left to believe in…you’ve made a jackass out of me for years!”, exclaims an enraged Leslie Nielsen in one of the film’s most outrageous moments. The Naked Gun star plays an ad man who, along with a bunch of other tourists, is trekking through the California woods with some tour guides. Unfortunately for them, but fortunately for us, there’s a problem with the ozone layer and animals are being affected. There are lots of foreboding shots of predatory animals. We love nature run amok and this one is pretty good. There’s a few inventive kills, a couple of true surprises, and good (well, maybe not so good, they are inexplicably attacking, after all) -natured silliness all around.

We first came across Dayton, Ohio filmmaker Henrique Couto’s work in Babysitter Massacre. He’s a guy with the talent to do a lot with a little. In this special episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we chat with the indie director about Scarewaves, Calamity Jane’s Revenge, The Faces of Schlock, A Bulldog for Christmas and Haunted House on Sorority Row. We talk about Alternative Cinema, how he made his first feature at 18, how he casts, shoots and scores film and his battles with depression. Couto started out as Dr. Freak, “the world’s youngest horror host,” which he started at the age of 12 on cable access. He graduated (though not literally) to selling his work in high school halls, much to the chagrin of his principal. Now a full-time film maker who works at a prodigious rate, he’s branched out from horror into romantic comedy and period Westerns. Can’t wait to see where he’ll go next.

This beguiling, uber-cheap political thriller startled us, even as two seasoned bad movie aficionados. This is a real stunner, epically awful and should be included in anyone’s Top 10 list of the worst films of all time. It “defies description, is extremely inept, an espionage thriller with no thrills and a mise en scene of a Mexican soap opera.” This stars the legendary Swede Bo Svenson (The Inglorious Bastards, the original) and French kickboxer Olivier Gruner.

Darkman is a 1990 superhero flick directed and co-written by Sam Raimi, one of our Horror Movie Heroes. The film is based on a short story Raimi wrote that paid homage to Universal’s horror films of the 1930s. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, a deep dive into Darkman and what makes it so f-ing memorable. Peyton Westlake is a scientist who has discovered a way to produce synthetic skin. First off, you gotta love crazed scientist movies. That conceit alone carries many a genre film, especially the ones that influenced Raimi and company here. Dr. Westlake’s discovery could revolutionist skin grafting, except for one minor kink they’ve gotta work out: the synthetic skin degrades after 100 minutes of exposure to light. Whoops. When gangsters attack Peyton, he is horrifically burnt, and left for dead. In his quest for revenge, Peyton, aka the Darkman, is able to take on the appearance of anyone (using the synthetic skin,) but with that time constraint. Your hosts Chris and Jeff discuss similarities to the Batman franchise, happy endings and the dark spirit of Darkman’s aesthetic. This film is early in Liam Neeson’s career. He was not the first choice for Dr. Westlake. They considered Bill Paxton (not to be confused with Bill Pullman!). Raimi felt Neeson was the right fit to show the monster’s soul. The film also features Larry Drake as the villain. He’s best known for Dr. Giggles and many other roles. Tune in for smart genre chat on our show!

All hail Lloyd Kaufman. We love TROMA films and Poultrygeist is an absolute masterpiece. On this week’s podcast, we breakdown Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. We feel like chowing down on some American Bunker Chicken products! This is a taboo-shattering, highly offensive (to some) flick. Take our word for it and take a listen. It’s really impossible to explain.

We’re huge fans of bat-shit insane production company, Cannon Films. Surprisingly, they put out Barfly, in addition to the usual spate of lovable crap like Ninja 3. In the late 80s, bad business decisions brought the once mighty Cannon to their knees. Cyborg, the last Cannon flick to garner a theatrical release, was re-purposed, originally having a bigger budget. What we’re left with is a strange, existential, low budget and quite amazing flick. It is a 1989 American martial-arts cyberpunk film directed by Albert Pyun (Kickboxer 2 and many low budget action flicks). Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Gibson Rickenbacker, a mercenary who battles a group of murderous marauders led by Fender Tremolo (OK, we get it with all the cheap-o guitar references). They were doing a Masters of the Universe sequel, but because Cannon was barely solvent, they couldn’t afford the rights of that property and also Spider-Man. They had sets built…and they had Jean-Claude Van Damme…so they had to do something…well, they had to do…this! The budget a mere $500,000.

Victoria Price discusses her legendary father, Vincent Price. Our guest Victoria Price wrote Vincent Price: A Daughter’s Biography. The book shows the man as a husband, father, friend, artist, writer, connoisseur and an all-around lover of life. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, Vincent’s legacy, his appreciation and respect for the arts, what he brought to the horror genre and his family life are discussed. On the podcast, we find out that Price loved doing horror because he was really able to sink his teeth into the roles. He never wanted to be a leading man, he wanted to find a way to become a character actor. And what a character he was. There will never be another.  

Roger Ebert said of Battlefield Earth: “it is like taking a bus trip with someone who has needed a bath for a long time. It’s not merely bad; it’s unpleasant in a hostile way.” Battlefield Earth, we feel, has been uncharitably dumped into the dung heap that is: “worst films of all time.” However, it is never dull and actually holds up quite well! We thought we’d rhapsodize about the notorious flop’s finer points, in this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast. Given the choice of revisiting this over say, Manos: The Hands of Fate, we’ll take the embarrassed Mssers Whitaker and Travolta any day. Grilled rat on the house!

“The killers are coming!” In this special episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we compare and contrast Prom Night (Jamie Lee Curtis, 1980) and Prom Night (Brittany Snow, 2008). Did you go to your high school prom? Is it OK to go stag to your prom? Why are proms so popular? Prom Night is filmed in our hometown of Toronto. Its remake, was moved to California and didn’t have the “accidental” death of a young girl as a backstory. We talked about whether the 1980 flick holds up. And whether the 2008 version holds true to the original Prom Night (it doesn’t).    

Condemned to see The Condemned. Move over Running Man/Hunger Games /Battle Royale. It’s a tournament to the death (last man standing set free) involving convicts, unwittingly starring in a bad reality TV show. And this is also a bad movie. It features twin growlers, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vinnie Jones. That’s a lot of growling and a lot of squinting. As a bonus, there’s lots of corny stereotyping. We picked this up in Toronto’s Koreatown and we’re glad we did. So many questions, such as, under whose authority can convicted killers be released? That of a TV producer? What kind of jurisprudence is this? Hear how we survived…The Condemned! Find more reviews www.reallyawfulmovies.com.

Bad movies we caught this week. What’s worth watching and what’s worth using as a coaster? Laser Blast an infamous flop, lampooned on Mystery Science Theatre. What springs to mind when you think “laser?” Maybe Austin Powers or James Bond but not…a silly cannon and an amulet. LaserBlast is about a loner who discovers an alien laser cannon and goes on a rampage, seeking revenge against those who he feels have wronged him. With a plot like that, how can you go wrong? Roddy McDowell (who’ll work in just about anything) is in this. He plays a doctor but don’t get too excited – his appearance lasts for all of five minutes. The film features a tennis racket battle. There are also turds that look like Claymation. Also, two nautically-themed features: Open Water and Caught Inside. The former features two SCUBA divers who are abandoned by their boat and basically have to survive the open seas. Also, Caught Inside an Aussie movie about a surfing trip gone terribly awry. “Bull” an alpha male who looks like Bret Hart with Iggy Pop’s DNA spliced in. His travel mates get a sense of just how loony he is, after a fight with a fellow surfer. Gnarly, dude.  

A killer rabbit movie? Yes please. We love rabbits, especially grilled. And we give this one a good grilling. Night of the Lepus features some pretty high wattage star power, including old timey Western star Rory Calhoun, Deforrest Kelley (Star Trek) and Janet Leigh (Psycho). An experiment goes awry, causing oversized bunnies to run amok somewhere in Arizona. Or was it New Mexico? Who cares! How much should we mess with nature? Hubris of man, the laws of nature…all these and terrible jokes featured on this edition of the podcast.

We discuss some of the crappy movies we bought for $2-3 and what motivated our purchases. A big thanks to Toronto’s 2Q video (sadly, now defunct). In this edition of the Really Awful Movies podcast, we discuss our love for the frequently unintelligible Vinnie Jones as well as WWE film productions. Cut Off features the one and only third-rate rapper Kurupt (who we discovered from Half Past Dead, an aptly-titled Seagal flick). A hot chick wearing bullet bandoliers was an impetus for the purchase, as well as the presence of Malcolm McDowell and Faye Dunaway. The plot is can’t miss: A spoiled heiress is cut off from her billionaire father and embarks on a crime spree (!). Jeff picked up Wise Girls based on the cover and the presence of Mira Sorvino and Mariah Carey (!). The women discover survival is more than “service with a smile.” There’s gotta be more to the diva than Glitter. Chris picked up Crackerjack 3 because it has b-movie icon Bo Svenson and Oliver Grunier in it. It looks like a painfully lousy espionage flick. Then, it’s Panic Room meets The Strangers. An elevator pitch on the DVD? That’s a bad sign! Stash House features the one, the only, Dolph Lundgren. Lastly, Johnny Was stars Vinnie Jones and weirdly, former Canadian heavyweight champ Lennox Lewis and Who singer Roger Daltrey!

Ong Bak, Muay Thai Warrior is a wild Thai action film starring ass-kicking Tony Jaa. Jaa rules! The guy is a “human special effect.” On this podcast, we discuss how we came to see this amazing film, its mesmerizing fights and chase scenes and our experiences in Thailand. The plot is wafer-thin but who cares? RAM guy Jeff even watched it in Thai, minus the subtitles. And the movie didn’t suffer for it. Thai villagers upset over the theft of their beloved Buddha statue get the village’s toughest resident to hunt it down in the mean streets of Bangkok.  

Not so much a movie, as a few episodes of a dreadful TV show cobbled together INTO a movie. In our quest to watch every Steven Seagal “movie” ever made, we bravely tackle Deadly Crossing. In this, the amazing thespian aikido master tries to master a Cajun accent, and does so very unsuccessfully. And no discussion of a Seagal movie is complete without mentioning his brillo pad hairdo. This is a Canadian-lensed dull police procedural with some of the worst Russian gangster accents ever committed to celluloid. For a $5 Walmart pickup, we can’t complain – too much.

Xanadu! A fantasy, a musical, a place where dreams come true…for some, it’s more of a nightmare and more of a Xana-don’t. However, there is something undoubtedly charming about this Olivia Newton-John MEGA-flop, which co-stars the late great Gene Kelly and Warrior Michael Beck. A roller-skating artist, who doesn’t know the meaning of the term “muse” (!) meets a sprite on the beach and tries to romance her. He seeks advice from a beach clarinet-playing dandy (!) who wants to open a nightclub with him. Then things get weird. Thanks to Robin Bougie of Cinema Sewer for the tip-off.  

The Bristol Bad Film Club was co-founded by Timon Singh, a lifelong aficionado of terrible monster movies and junk cinema, who screens stinkers like Samurai Cop and Lifeforce. They do once-a-month screenings, with the major criterion being “there must be a bar present at the venue.” They’ve rented out the city’s planetarium and have done other unique screenings. On this podcast, we chat about Mathilda May, David Hasselhoff, Patrick Stewart, Caroline Munro, Electric Boogaloo: The Wild Untold Story of Cannon Films, Get Even, Pulgasari and Vigilante. Vigilante was directed by one of our faves (William Lustig of Maniac fame) and stars many of our faves from the b movie circuit: Robert Forster, Fred Williamson, Steve James and the one and only Joe Spinell.  

Without a word of a lie, Firestorm is one of the most dunderheaded films we’ve ever encountered (and we’ve endured four films made by Steven Seagal in the 2000s!). Howie Long is a firefighter, battling blazes in Wyoming. Long was a long-time Raider football player and is one of the greatest defensive linemen of all time – as an actor? Not so much. This piece of crap was initially set up to star Sylvester Stallone but the production company went belly up and the budget was given a slash ‘n’ burn. So they got Howie instead. And what is Scott Glenn doing in this??? He’s a legend, who should’ve known better. He plays a grizzled firefighting captain and has a mobile home land on him! (and escapes unscathed for the most part). A bunch of inmates out on a work program are on firefighting detail. They break free and jet off into the wilderness. One among their ranks (William Forsythe) has a bunch of money stashed away and they exacerbate the blaze to avoid being captured. And there’s only one lunk-head who can stop them.

Is gore required in horror movies? On this podcast we discuss Zombi 2, Dr. Butcher MD and how Italian directors became known for shocking gory films. We discuss movies and magazines that influenced us, such as Friday the 13th and Fangoria. In Tenebre, an arm is sliced off and blood splatters absolutely everywhere. Not every film needs gore to be effective, but it helps with the horror experience. Also, the French gore new wave, Inside AKA l’interieur and Martyrs. Martyrs is one of the most harrowing films ever made. It’s worth seeing once, but it’s damn-near impossible to see it again. Cutting Moments also discussed. We also discuss protracted torture scenes in mob shows/The Sopranos and Marathon Man and appendages lopped off in Terror Firmer. What kind of gore gets to you? We look at eye gouging, needles and the Brandon Cronenberg (son of David) film Antiviral.

We first got wind of Erin R. Ryan through her stellar work in Babysitter Massacre, a low budget homage to 80s slashers. She was a standout there and we noticed we’d seen her in other things as well. The Ohioan has appeared in Scarewaves, Haunted House on Sorority Row, and Kill That Bitch among others. She’s probably best known for her role as Angel in Bath Salt Zombies and she frequently works with indie director Henrique Couto. We chat about what it’s like being a working actress in indie horror, how she got started in the business, the burgeoning indie scene in the Midwest, and of course, what we mean when we use the term “Scream Queen.”

Hunt to Kill? Guess you never hunt to maim… Stone Cold Steve Austin is of course, the Texas Rattlesnake of WWE fame. And he stars as a border patrol agent whose partner is killed investigating a trailer home meth lab. After this pre-credit roll tragedy, he seeks peace and quiet. He leaves the Lone Star State for the quieter confines of Montana. However, things aren’t that quiet up there either. He and his obnoxious teen daughter are kidnapped by a bunch of irate bank robber thugs who’ve been double-crossed. Their ex partner has absconded with their money and Stone Cold, with his knowledge of the backwoods, comes in handy to track the guy down through the forest – in exchange for his life. With the exception of The Expendables, Stone Cold has been in a slew of terrible direct-to-DVD duds. And Hunt to Kill is one of them. In this show we talk about terrible action films lensed in British Columbia and how there is no honor among thieves in heist flicks. Also, how relatively few WWE superstars have made the transition to bona fide actor, awful dialogue and how it’s imperative that the title of a movie is said in a bad action movie. We also delve into the acting talents of Eric Roberts and Gil Bellows.

Can Dolly Parton turn this cabbie, Sly, into an overnight singing sensation? Sylvester Stallone couldn’t hold a tune if you duct-taped one to his chest. Rhinestone is hilarious and the one film Sly wish he hadn’t made (but we’re glad he did). An Indecent Proposal crossed with Hee Haw, Rhinestone is a total mess but lots of fun. Stallone turned down the lead in Beverly Hills Cop as well as Romancing the Stone to appear in this “piece of poo poo.” Dolly is “Jake,” a singing star in Midtown Manhattan who takes Sly (“Nick”) to Tennessee for a country music boot camp. There’s lots at stake: if she can’t deliver, she can’t get out of her contract and has to sleep with her manager (!?) There are terrible stereotypes (Italians, Southerners), terrible songs, terrible performances…This is a must-see. Rhinestone was directed by Bob Clark, who you may have come across if you are a long-time listener of the podcast. He was the brains behind Murder by Decree, an oft-referenced Jack the Ripper imagining starring Christopher Plummer, and indelible Canadian classics like Black Christmas, Porky’s and Porky’s II. On the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we really love musicals, especially the bizarre ones. And Rhinestone certainly fits the bill.

***A special edition of the podcast, from Shock Stock!*** Shock Stock is a fun-filled horror convention/festival, which takes place in London Ontario, three hours outside of Toronto and two hours outside of Detroit Michigan. This is a three-day celebration of all things horror. And if the event itself wasn’t enough, there are some damn-fine parties associated with it (and we couldn’t help but indulge). We salute Shock Stock with this podcast. We had a chance to chat with (in order of appearance): Tony Todd (Candyman, Night of the Living Dead, Hatchet, Platoon, Final Destination, CSI: Miami, Criminal Minds) Edwin Neal (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Future-Kill, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) Giovanni Lombardo Radice (Cannibal Apocalypse, Stage Fright, City of the Living Dead) Shotzi Blackheart (Miss Shock Stock contestant, independent wrestler) Ron MacKay (Convention Manager at Troma Entertainment) Starlotte Dresen (Miss Shock Stock contestant, burlesque performer) Toxie the Toxic Avenger (Superhero) Jessie Lee (Killer Kleavage from Outer Space, Vampire Cheerleaders) Kelly Michael Stewart (Festival Director, The Blood in the Snow Canadian Film Festival) Jeramie Rain (The Last House on the Left) Luis Ceriz (Suspect Video and co-founder of Toronto horror con, Horror Rama)  

John Carpenter is a master of horror. He’s the brains behind Halloween, The Fog, Escape from New York, Christine and The Thing. In 1988, he made They Live, featuring wrestler Rowdy Roddy Piper. This is a very fun homage to b movies from Carpenter’s youth, with bits of satire thrown in for good measure. The Man With no Name (Piper), a drifter, wanders into Los Angeles looking for work. They Live makes great use of the mean streets of LA’s infamous skid row as The Man With No Name finds out about a secret plot that’s unveiled by peering through sunglasses.

George Lewis, not George Lucas! But that’s an easy mistake to make as this is The Humanoid, a shameless Star Wars rip-off featuring Lord Graal. He’s a bit like Dark Helmet from Spaceballs. Watch as gargantuan Richard Kiel from James Bond, becomes the titular hero. Also on the program, Open Grave, a military experiment gone wrong film in which a man awakens in an open grave and doesn’t know how he got there. He meets up with survivalists and they don’t know how they got there either. And lastly, Babysitter Massacre, an homage to 80s slasher flicks.

Robocop features the incredible Peter Weller (who has since earned a Ph.D. at UCLA, in Italian Renaissance art history) as the eponymous cyborg crime-fighting machine. Detroit was once a Midwestern economic powerhouse but went into precipitous decline and became crime-ridden (it’s yet to recover). Whether you blame Reagonomics or the endless succession of Democrat mayors since the 1960s, “the D” is a shell of its former self. What it is though, is perfect fodder for sci fi action films. And Robocop beautifully showcases a city in decline in this movie classic. We love Detroit though; and we love Robocop. Directed by Paul Verhoeven, RoboCop was written by Edward Neumeier and Michael Miner. Alongside Peter Weller, there’s Nancy Allen, Dan O’Herlihy, Kurtwood Smith, Miguel Ferrer, and Ronny Cox. That’s pretty much a genre movie all star team right there. Ferrer was in Traffic, and Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me. And Cox starred in that stone-cold all-American classic, Deliverance. Set in the near future, RoboCop centers on police officer Alex Murphy (Weller) who is brutally murdered by a gang of criminals. Really, how other way can you be murdered but brutally? He is subsequently revived by the megacorporation Omni Consumer Products (OCP) as a superhuman cyborg law enforcer, from which the movie gets its name. Themes that make up the film include include media influence, gentrification, corruption, authoritarianism, greed, privatization, capitalism, identity, dystopia, and human nature. It received solid reviews and was cited as one of the best films of 1987, spawning a franchise that included merchandise, two sequels, a television series, a remake, two animated TV series, a television mini-series, video games, and a number of comic book adaptations/crossovers.

Arguably, one of the worst war films ever made. But who wants to argue? Strike Commando is one of the worst films of all time, period, featuring the legendary Reb Brown. While operating behind enemy lines, Brown (Sgt. Mike Ransom – yes, we’re not kidding. That is his name) learns of a Russian presence in North Vietnam. And that presence, a hulking galoot killing machine goes by the name of (say it with us): JAKODA!!!!!!! Ransom has to fight this Russian bear, as well as the Vietcong, all the way back to home base in this Bruno Mattei-directed mega flop. Loud, inept, stupid, laughable and bat-shit crazy, Strike Commando is an absolute must-see. http://reallyawfulmovies.com/2014/11/09/strike-commando/

“I’ll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a Popsicle.” The Warriors! Can you dig it? Indeed we can. Based on Sol Yurick’s book, which drew inspiration from Anabasis by Zenophon, a pupil of Socrates, Walter Hill’s cult classic is one long chase from the top to the bottom of the New York City subway system. At a gang conclave in the Bronx, gangsters from all of the New York City boroughs gather to talk strategy. Cyrus, the de facto uber boss, addresses the thousands in attendance with one of the great speeches in all of moviemaking, including “Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours!” And he’d be forgiven for thinking that too. This depiction of NYC features barely any cops, and gangs are running roughshod over the entire population. When Cyrus is assassinated, rivals claim it was the Warriors, a multi-racial crew from Coney Island, Brooklyn. Of course, our heroes had nothing to do with it, but that doesn’t matter as every other gang in the city thinks it’s true. The Warriors then have to “bop” their way back to Coney Island, their home-base. And they do this on the New York City MTA. With tonnes of excitement, crazy rival gangs, fisticuffs aplenty, it’s no wonder we LOVE The Warriors. Find more reviews www.reallyawfulmovies.com.

Cliches that annoy in movies. “Why are you doing this to me?” That’s a common question in horror movies and the answer is usually the same: they’re psychopaths! On this podcast, we discuss some annoying horror as well as action film cliches. For reference, please see SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE IN A BAD HORROR MOVIE.  

Loosely based on the life of Virginia-born serial killer Henry Lee Lucas, who went on an unheard of “confession spree.” (he’d confessed to hundreds of killings, with a handful actually attributable to him) Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is one of the more infamous horror films ever made. The film follows Henry and his sleazy roommate Otis, who take in the latter’s sister Becky who’s coming to live and work in Chicago from out of state. Henry’s got serious mommy issues and gradually introduces Henry to his psychopathic exploits. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer has a documentary feel and a super low budget, which adds to the harrowing atmosphere. Made on the cheap for under $150,000, Michael Rooker, Tom Towles and Tracy Arnold give outstanding performances. This movie was so good, even Roger Ebert, notoriously tough on horror films, said it was a “low budget tour de force.” We couldn’t wait to discuss the film on the Really Awful Movies Podcast. It’s one of our mutual favorites. Listen to us wax poetic about this chilling gem, and that time Jeff met Michael Rooker.

A sleazy Brooklyn liquor store owner discovers a dusty case of “Viper” in his cellar, some nasty hooch. He decides to unload it to local hobos dirt-cheap, unaware of its scary side effects: Viper makes imbibers ooze, melt and then explode goo. Street Trash (1987) is one of the sleazier films ever made, complete with some of the most unpleasant nudity you’ll ever see, a group of homeless people who live in a rusted out car in a scrapyard, corrupt cops, Mafiosi and our heroes: two hobos who discover the drink’s toxicity, while doing battle with the psychopathic leader of a scrapyard gang, Bronson (a Vietnam veteran). There’s a great closing song, an expletive-filled We Do Things My Way, based on the famous Sinatra song My Way.

Samurai Cop is an absolute gem of a bad movie. A samurai cop and his side-kick go after the Yakuza, that notorious Japanese organized crime outfit. However, it’s set outside of Los Angeles. And there’s barely a Japanese person to be found. The samurai cop (Matt Hannon) has a Bon Jovi / Friends / Fabio hairdo that proves to be distracting, not only for aesthetic reasons but also for what we described as “hair continuity issues.” We discuss second unit footage and cutaways, both of which are used amply here. The film’s villain utters lines like “I want his head on my piano!” And we’ve also got the incomparable Robert Z’Dar (Maniac Cop)  

In Submerged, Chris Kody (Steven Seagal, in full Cajun accent mode at the outset, then promptly abandoned midway through) is a mercenary released from prison but with strict conditions: he must take out a South American bad guy who’s taken over a nuclear sub (a sub with Italian language controls that is referred to as Spanish for reasons unexplained). And in this podcast, we get double your pleasure (and doubled in size) Seagal as we also look at Half Past Dead. When a sinister European international gangster stereotype says “I am a soldier trained in the art of killing” we know we’re stamping our passports for a visit to Craplandia. And who better to act as a guide than the aikido legend himself, Steven Seagal? Half Past Dead is a jail break film based on a phenomenon which is frequent enough that Wikipedia has a page devoted to it: helicopter prison escapes. But lest you think baddies can get away with such shenanigans, this super jail has an undercover agent who twists limbs. Guess who? Also, we get Ja Rule as an Ebonics language instructor / sidekick.