The Really Awful Movies Podcast

Whoa. This is one for the ages. The Baby is another strange duck, a piece of 70s exploitation that’d be impossible to make today. A family, the Wadsworths, are raising their 20-something son as a baby. Known only as “The Baby,” (or “Baby”) he’s clad in diapers and left to crawl around the family home in a state of deprivation. Ann Gentry is a social worker poking her nose where it doesn’t belong. She establishes a rapport with Baby but her efforts to get through to him are thwarted by the family. Baby has never been permitted to speak, walk, or do things for himself at any level, receiving negative reinforcement in the form of beatings or restraints whenever he attempts to try. Baby has been forced into his state of perpetual dependency and infantilism since his actual infant-hood. The Wadsworths grow tired of Ann’s meddling and try to dispose of her during a party. On the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we frequently delve into oddball, surreal, and very transgressive films. This one certainly counts.

On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, Johnny Gruesome. This is the latest offering by Greg Lamberson, who brought us what is essential viewing if you’re into urban scum/exploitation horror flicks, Slime City. It’s a site favorite here, along with Street Trash. In this one, Johnny Grisholm is a long-haired drug-fueled hell-raiser. He’s perpetually wasted, and is the product of a broken home, and alcoholic dad. One night, with friends in tow, he’s lead-footing it down the highway in his roadster. He’s driving so erratically, they begin to fear for their lives. His buddy Charlie puts him in a choke-hold, the vehicle swerves into a guardrail, and Charlies finishes the job – asphyxiating his pal. The remaining friends protest, but concede that Johnny likely would’ve killed them all had there not been such a violent interceding. Then, as the IMDb summary aptly has it: “he returns from the grave as a revenge crazed supernatural creature.” In Pledge Night, the antagonist is a victim of a college hazing ritual, and returns to exact revenge. Here, in a similar fashion, Johnny emerges from the grave a posthumous one-teen wrecking crew. Johnny Gruesome has keen attention to the high school environs, and accurately depicts headbanger/dirtbag culture. Hell, one half expects Ben Affleck to saunter in from Dazed and Confused to kick Johnny’s skinny behind. Tune in to this episode (and every episode) of the Really Awful Movies Podcast. We love genre film, particularly horror, and getting down to the nitty gritty of what makes these films so darn fun.    

House. Here we go. We’re back to the 80s on this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast. It’s House, which stars three stalwarts of the TV world:William Katt, George Wendt, and Richard Moll (The Greatest American Hero, Cheers and Night Court). Katt portrays a novelist, Roger Cobb, who needs a place of quiet contemplation to get some writing done. You’ve heard that one before, right? He takes over the domicile of his late aunt, whose suicide he’d witnessed as a young lad. Soon, “his friends” start to join him (as the poster says). One night while investigating a noise coming from his late aunt’s bedroom, the author is attacked by a deformed, hideous monster that’s been lurking inside the closet. Soon, more attacks occur: Cobb is attacked by levitating garden tools, and he begins to see visions of his ex wife and missing son. Eventually Cobb discovers an entry into a sinister PORTAL TO HELL. His jovial neighbor (and devoted fan), Harold (Wendt) offers a kind ear as he’s melting down. House is best known for its poster, and yet it inexplicably spawned numerous sequels. Why? It’s because that was the thing to do. Especially if Sean S. Cunningham was involved. House was directed by Halloween H20 director Steve Miner (interested folks can check out our discussion of that film). Is he up to the task? What is the meaning of a homestead? Where does this one fit in the haunted house realm? Join us!    

What would you do if you had 24 hours to live? If you were in the 1950 film noir, D.O.A., you’d get down to the business of solving your own murder. What? Yes, that’s the incredible can’t-miss premise: an every-man accountant stumbles into an LA police precinct to report he’s been poisoned. And there’s no antidote. That man is Bigelow. And he has roughly 24 hours to retrace his steps, and try to figure out what happened to him – a road that leads from San Fran, and then on to Los Angeles. And like many a calamity, this one began in a bar. We all know how that happens. Bigelow has his drink swapped for another, containing a toxin. And the one clue Bigelow has when he wakes up in a stupor, is that a distant business acquaintance had been trying to get in touch with him, desperately. Who was this guy? Bigelow needs to find out, but unfortunately, the guy dies before Bigelow can press him for details… On the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we celebrate genre film, predominantly horror and action. However, up into this point we’ve delved into women-in-prison (WiP) flicks several times, yet not once covered that classic mid-40s-mid-50s genre, film noir. We both came to this film through the remake starring Dennis Quaid. On this episode: How we got into film noir The city of San Francisco in film Notable film noir classics Fatalism / doom in film noir Film noir sensibilities Join us every week for a new discussion! [Editors’ note: we mistake Don McKellar for Atom Egoyan. Please forgive us, we got our Canadian directors mixed up]

Animatronic country music-playing bears in a movie based on a Disney attraction. How could this go wrong? Or another question, How is this even possible? On the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we pride ourselves on tackling all sorts of disparate different genres, so hot on the heels of talking about C.H.U.D., here we are yakking about The Country Bears. Haven’t heard of it? You’re not alone. This was a big fat bomb, despite having a bunch of big names attached to it: Elton John, Wyclef Jean, Willie Nelson, etc. Beary (that’s a homophone of “Barry” as you likely figured out) is a young bear who runs away from his adopted human family, to track down, and ultimately reunite the titular Country Bears band. Is it a “foot-stomping, crowd-pleasing, heartwarming romp” as the poster suggests? This is a legitimately terrible film, and yet it’s somehow endearing, a bit like a rusted husk jalopy that’s been dragged out to the scrap heap for crushin’. There are some admittedly fun musical numbers, as well as some bonkers cameos by the likes of Eagles front-man Don Henley, and blues belter Bonnie Raitt. So how does this film, er, raitt? Tune in and check out this special episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast. This is the second pretty bad musical we’ve invested ourselves with in as many weeks…we do kinda love musicals, especially wacko ones like The Apple and Xanadu. Guess this falls in the same camp. Join us!    

C.H.U.D. is a weird one. For reasons unexplained, the film’s left quite the pop culture legacy, referenced everywhere from Aqua Teen Hunger Force to Clerks II, and of course, in The Simpsons. Why is this? Hard to say…It’s possible because while the 50s was the height of the monster movie craze, the similarly-themed C.H.U.D. was a definite outlier during the stalk-and-slash 80s. The flick launches with a woman walking her dog in an inexplicably deserted New York street. She and her pooch are promptly pulled into the sewer. We’re then introduced to a fashion photographer, George. He lives with his model girlfriend (that is to say, girlfriend who is a model, not the ideal girlfriend). His current photojournalism project is photographing NYC’s homeless population, some of whom live in a subterranean sewer lair. Soon, Captain Bosch, NYPD, takes a personal stake in a spate of disappearances. Since many of the missing are dispossessed and down-and-out, Bosch interviews A.J., aka, “The Reverend” (Daniel Stern), who runs the local homeless shelter. AJ, who has been poking around in the sewer and found items that include a Geiger counter, believes the events are part of a massive conspiracy. And since this is a 50s-style monster movie, he’s damn right. While making barely a ripple at the box office in the 80s slasher boom, it’s still pretty fun stuff viewing it in present day. An A.V. Club reviewer was totally spot-on when he wrote, “Perfect for bleary-eyed late-night viewing and pretty much unwatchable at any other hour.” Join us on the Really Awful Movies Podcast, where we dissect this fun creature feature. And decide whether AV Club had it right. Subscribe! And leave us a review on iTunes if you like what you hear.

Another Video Nasty! On this week’s episode, the unusually arty low-budget slasher, The Driller Killer. Actually, calling it a slasher is a bit of a misnomer. It’s more of a character study of a brooding artist’s breakdown. This is a weird beast, and not what you’d entirely expect given the era, the budget, and the cast of amateurs involved (save for auteur, Abel Ferrara, the indie legend who went on to direct the infamous, Bad Lieutenant and King of New York). Ferrara (credited as Jimmy Laine) plays Reno Miller. Reno is a tortured artist, tortured by a murky past and an uncertain future. He lives with a harem of girls in the East Village in the height of the punk rock boom in NYC. And he’s surrounded by human misery, squalor and degradation. And that’s just his studio apartment (ba-dum-ching). His milieu is a haven for drug and alcohol abuse, and poverty. But look at the title, folks. Invariably, he descends into madness and…well, you know the drill (bam!) Forgive us that one, dear readers. The Driller Killer is worth checking out. Made on a shoestring, with no city permits (guerrilla-style) it has a lot to commend it. As does our podcast, if we may be so bold. Check out the Really Awful Movies Podcast, for weekly genre chat.

We’re optimists when it comes to cinema. Despite the (often ironic) title of our podcast, we strive (whenever possible) to see the good in everything. However, Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band pushed us to the brink. This is the musical equivalent of C-SPAN: long, dull stretches of banality. And that’s shocking as the source material comes courtesy of arguably the greatest band of all-time, The Beatles. But what’s done to their music is as much a crime as the fashion variety, above. Sgt. Pepper’s is an attempt to slap a story together around the album of the same name, and everyone connected to the Fab Four (save for George Martin and Billy Preston) had the good sense to stay the hell away. The Lonely Hearts Club Band comprises the Bee Gees, and Peter Frampton. They sign a deal with BD records, who immediately tries to exploit them and steal their “magical” instruments. Alice Cooper and Aerosmith appear as evil villains, with the Bad Boys from Boston decked out in some kind of odd Fascist uniform regalia. Ex-Vaudeville legend George Burns, sorta ties the proceedings together as the kindly narrator – and it’s a good thing too, as without him, the film would approach nigh-incomprehensibility. It’s hard to pick which musical number is the worst, but there are some front-runners including Barry Gibb’s butchering of, “A Day in the Life.” It feels more like a week. Still, your intrepid hosts soldier on, plowing through a different genre film every week. While we focus on horror and action, we delight in tackling the odd bizarro musical flop like this one. If you like what you hear on the Really Awful Movies Podcast, tune in and be sure to leave us a review on iTunes.  

People lost in the woods. Common fodder for horror, right? It’s a terrific conceit, and we as Ontarians have a particular affinity for it as there are thousands upon thousands of kilometers of remote green-space in our gorgeous and at times dangerous, province. Backcountry, like any self-respecting horror film, exploits these very real, visceral fears. Around these parts, the wilderness itself can kill you. After all, the province of Ontario is nearly 3X the size of Germany. It might be tough for a European to conceptualize. We have SO MUCH space, and most of us are populated along a tiny strip by the US border. It’s easy to wander off the trail and be stuck in a precarious position. As what happens here. Director Adam MacDonald sets the table beautifully with a believable couple, the male half (Alex), an arrogant outdoors man with confidence to spare and his girlfriend (Jenn) more concerned about being safe in the deep, dark woods.  

We’re used to titles summing up horror movies. The likes of Hospital Massacre, Sorority House Massacre, etc, don’t leave much to the imagination, and little of it is apparent in the finished product. The Incredible Shrinking Man, while not a horror film in the traditional sense, is pretty darn horrifying. An obvious title that lays bare the plot, belies a very interesting, thoughtful, and quirky little movie. Yes, there’s a man. And he’s shrinking. And that’s all you need to know. This movie sells itself with a terrific premise. Scott is on vacation with the missus, Louise. They’re on a boat playfully bantering as newly married folks do…and suddenly, a strange mist appears enveloping their craft. For reasons unexplained, the hull protects her from its effects, but poor Scott left on deck, is covered with a white film. Turns out, it was, like that Imagine Dragons ear-worm, “Radioactive.” As the band sings, “I’m waking up to ash and dust, I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust, I’m breathing in the chemicals…” Soon thereafter, Scott begins to shrink…shedding pounds and inches of height. He undergoes a battery of tests, but there’s nothing that can be done.

One Tough Bastard, aka, One Man’s Justice is yet another three-word lunkhead action film. And boy, is it a hell of a lot of fun. Starring one of our faves, Brian Bosworth, this one involves a corrupt FBI man (Savak) who is overseeing an illicit weapons trade, procuring arms from corrupt US Army types. Bosworth (as John North, as good an action name as we’ve heard), is a drill sergeant. And we see how much ass he kicks in, what else? A MONTAGE, BABY! Action movies NEED montages like fish need water. His wife and child are shopping at a local store, where inexplicably, there’s an arms deal afoot outside. His wife witnesses the shady doings, and the bad guys blow her, and the daughter, to smithereens. They also shoot North, who comes in to help, putting a couple of slugs in his chest. In true action form, North convalesces…and gradually regains health in order to track down the no-goodniks who killed his family. However, the true star is Savak, who coos wonderful zingers and handles a pistol with aplomb. He cuts a totally ridiculous figure too, with hair straight from Interview with a Vampire, and even sports a fatuous nose-ring. One Tough Bastard is hilarious, asinine fun…and even features the rapper formerly known as MC Hammer as a two-bit junk dealer.

The House on Sorority Row! A den mother walks in on a sorority girl, doin’ the horizontal boogie with her beau…this causes a big to-do at Phi Kappa Beta Gamma Alpha Delta Epsilon, whatever. The vengeful co-ed, in cahoots with her gal-pals, decides to freak the old lady out with, what else? A prank. And you know how these things turn out…especially when there’s a loaded weapon involved. Was this a thing? Are sorority houses overseen by septuagenarian taskmasters? Are young women and future leaders of tomorrow capable of such heinous acts? We’re in the 80s, during the height of the slasher boom and we’ve got “a few of our favorite things” (with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein). You know what that means: babes! a killer on the loose! partying! A secluded locale! The House on Sorority Row is one of a litany of horror movies with “house” in the title, a fact we delightfully point out in our opener. This is a movie that’s a boatload of fun. And to his credit, director Mark Rosman tries his darndest to lead the viewer astray. In that way, it’s not the usual predictable low-end crapola a la Sorority House Massacre and its ilk. There’s a lot of spirit. Check it out, and subscribe to the Really Awful Movies Podcast!

On this bonus episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast….a comparison of the original Friday, with its reboot, Friday the 13th (2009). How do the movies compare? What does the new flick have to do with the canonical movies? Tune in, and of course, subscribe to the Really Awful Movies Podcast.

When a Stranger Calls…the movie is infamous, most notably for being one-of-a-kind and for being aped by Wes Craven in the original Scream’s opener. Based on an urban legend, the one about a guy calling and harassing a babysitter (from inside the home, as determined by police tracing the call), is a classic. It’s as well-known as the guy with a hook for a hand, but arguably even scarier. So, while the story is a classic…is the movie? It really is “every babysitter’s nightmare becoming real”…provided you don’t concern yourself with Laurie Strode in Halloween, with which this is consistently (and sometimes unfairly) compared. Is this worth checking out? It’s got a cracker jack opener, a saggy middle, and some strength toward the end. If you’re a fan of Super Fly, you’ll enjoy a lazy performance by Ron O’Neal…and if you’re a fan of acting, generally, you’ll love Charles Durning, the always capable, stout 70s standout. And don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast!

What would a party be without a Ouija board? Fun? Har. Har. OK, wags, admit it…you gotta love the ol’ Ouija board. What better way is there to contact the spirit world? Witchboard is a fun 80s flick about that very phenomenon. The director is the same guy behind site favorite, Night of the Demons, so you gotta figure this one has the same goofy aesthetic. And you’d be correct. Video vamp Tawny Kitaen stars as Linda, a woman who becomes obsessed with a Ouija board after being introduced to it at a party one night. She contacts the spirit of a young boy, David, and in doing so…opens up a Pandora’s box of evil. Along for the ride, spurned lover, Brandon, along with fiance, Jim. As Linda keeps toying with the board, a bunch of unfortunate events start to occur. This requires an intervention: not a psychiatrist, mind you, but a spirit medium. Witchboard was such an 80s staple, seemingly everywhere on video store shelves. It was tepidly received at the box office, but continued to have a life beyond on via rental. Your hosts delve into all things “wee-jee?”, “wee-jah?” Whatever way you slice it…this is a fun one. Be sure and subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on iTunes.  

On this special episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, Scary Imaginary Friends. Why are they so prevalent in horror? There’s something disturbing about seeing things others can’t. That’s why ghosts are so successful in horror. Similarly, typically children (but not always) manifest an imaginary friend. These are used to wonderful effect in movies, some good, some bad.  

From London, England, recorded from the confines of our hotel in Kensington. On this episode of the show, we talk about our visit to Whitechapel, East London and discuss the lesser Hammer film, Hands of the Ripper. Jack the Ripper has fascinated people for a century + and will do so for years to come. As the original serial killer, Saucy Jack terrified Londoners at the end of the 19th century, hunting down prostitutes and butchering them, in some cases beyond total recognition. Speculation about his identity was rampant, the police couldn’t do much of anything amidst internecine squabbling, and vigilante mobs were formed to patrol the streets after dark. Who was this man in a top hat? Did he have medical training? Was he a butcher by trade? Seemingly everyone in every pub had a theory as to Jack’s identity. Try as we might, we’ll never ever know who was behind the five prostitute murders in 1888. Hands of the Ripper features a female antagonist, Anna, the daughter of Saucy Jack. She routinely flashes back to his misdeeds as she was growing up. She gets mixed up with a brothel Madame and phony psychic (is there any other kind, really?) who uses her as part of a scheme to separate customers from their pounds. One such customer though, one Dr. Pritchard, a local Freudian psychoanalyst, takes an interest in her plight…and agrees to save her from a life of prostitution by taking her in. Join us from London. And subscribe to the Really Awful Movies Podcast.    

What does the monomyth have to do with horror? You may have heard Dr. Jordan Peterson lecture about it, or maybe read something by Joseph Campbell. Anyway, it’s all about a hero’s journey. The heroes in our list here, aren’t from antiquity though. They’re stars in horror movies. We have a tendency to focus on the antagonists, and why not? Horror movie villains are numerous and varied. And there’s enough of ’em for everyone to have a favorite. You can’t help but admire the doggedness and determination of Jason Voorhees, or the steely efficiency of Michael Myers. And there’s even the kinda sympathetic Leatherface, the wiseacre Freddy Krueger, and the vaguely perverse Pinhead. But what about the folks who battle them? That’s where our heroes come in. Place your bets as to who’s on our list. We may surprise you with a few selections. Be sure and check out the Really Awful Movies Podcasts, smart genre film chat about movies that aren’t really awful at all.

The House That Dripped Blood is a horror anthology. The word “anthology” is derived from the Greek for “flowers,” (anthos) and “collection” (logia). And everything’s coming up roses in this Amicus production which co-stars Denholm Elliot, Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing (each in different segments). It was co-written by Robert Bloch of Psycho fame. In Method For Murder a writer moves into a house with his wife, and is haunted by visions of his literary creation, a strangler named Dominic. In Waxworks a retired stockbroker (Peter Cushing) and his pal become fixated with a macabre waxwork museum that appears to contain a model of a lady they both knew. In Sweets to the Sweet a nanny is disturbed by the cold treatment of a widower (Christopher Lee) towards his young daughter and in The Cloak, a high-strung actor buys a black cloak and is overcome by its spirits during the production of a B-vampire movie. The beauty of anthology film-making is that if one segment suffers, another is not far behind. And The House That Dripped Blood is a charmer, complete with Amicus/Hammer trappings, the sprawling creaky home, the giant candelabra, etc. In this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we chat about perceptions of the home, the awesome artwork of The House That Dripped Blood, PG-13 horror, the greatest horror actors of all time, and much more. If you are a fan of obscure genre films and like what you’re listening to, be sure to write up a review of our show on iTunes. We record new episodes weekly and are enthusiast champions of a lot of what’s deemed low-brow fare. Go subscribe to our show, the Really Awful Movies Podcast!

A furtive lab experiment. In a basement. On today’s episode, the fun, smart and occasionally gory 1980s creature feature, The Kindred. The Kindred is a fairly obscure 1987 American horror film directed by Jeffrey Obrow and Stephen Carpenter. Are two directors better than one? Not generally. Here, not bad! Obrow also produced the film and co-wrote it along with Carpenter, Earl Ghaffari and John Penney. The film stars David Allen Brooks, Amanda Pays (Planet of the Apes) and Rod Steiger (he needs no introduction). The movie was released on January 9, 1987 and grossed just over $2 million. Dr Amanda Hollins’ deathbed request to her son, John, was for him to destroy all the lab notes from her last experiment, lest it get into the wrong hands (Dr. Lloyd, played by Steiger). John and some buddies (including Melissa, a grad student devotee of Hollins) head up to the cottage where Hollins did her experiments. What do they find? We think you’ll have a pretty good idea. Bloody Disgusting said: “The Kindred is a bonafide fun house full of splattery effects work. Based off the artistry on display here, it’s no shock that lead makeup effects artist, Matthew Mungle, went directly from this to A Nightmare on Elm Street 3 (the second best film in the series). Join us for smart genre chat on the Really Awful Movies Podcast, every week.  

Killer Condom! The title is pretty self-explanatory. Leave it to Lloyd Kaufman, one of our heroes, to pick this thing up for North American distribution so that people on these shores could be Troma-tized by the film. A German language comedy horror set in New York City, Killer Condom does what few comedy horrors have managed to do, and that is successfully mix horror and comedy in equal measure. That’s not an indictment of comedy-horror at all, it’s merely the fact that one usually comes at the expense the other. Set in squalid pre-Giuliani New York City, Killer Condom follows our grumbling, embittered hero, gay Detective Luigi Mackeroni (Udo Samel). The NYPD man has been hired to investigate a series of bizarre attacks at the Hotel Quickie, a 42nd Street flea-bag motel where male guests have all had their penises mysteriously chomped. While at the scene, he hooks up with a gigolo named Billy and invites him up to the scene of the crime. Before the twosome engage in sex, a carnivorous living condom coitus interrupts them and bites off Mackeroni’s right testicle. Down one ball, Mackeroni makes it personal. He begins a quest to bring a halt to the tumescent tumult. Surprisingly heart-filled, Killer Condom is a whimsical delight.

You’ll never get a more straightforward title: 47 Meters Down. What could this possibly be about? Claire Holt and Mandy Moore portray sisters who are on vacation in Mexico. One of them is moving on from a recent, difficult breakup. And they go on a deep sea diving expedition and swim around with the fishies in a cage. Unfortunately, things go south…Guess you could say. The winch that’s holding their cage malfunctions and down down down they go, where they stop, nobody knows. Well, we do know. It’s 47 Meters…you know the rest. 47 Meters Down was a surprise box office hit. The film, a 2017 British flick directed by Johannes Roberts, written by Roberts and Ernest Riera, grossed a whopping 61.7 million. Originally slated as a VOD release, Entertainment Studios committed to a wide theatrical release. And a savvy business move that was. So, where does this rank with respect to shark attack movies? It’s more survivalist flick than shark attack, but look at the poster. They know how their bread is buttered. Join us on the Really Awful Movies Podcast as we dive into what’s good, and what’s not so good about 47 Meters Down. Interested in animal attack movies? We delved into Grizzly on an earlier episode, and also, Kingdom of the Spiders with Scott Drebit (Daily Dead).

“Mutilate” is one of the more frightening verbs in the English language. So, here we come to The Mutilator. The poster is enticing: “by sword, by pick, by axe, bye bye.” For some reason, they neglected to mention “by outboard motor.” So yeah, The Mutilator is a bit gross. But the poster and the occasional gory death belies its utter goofiness. This is a movie that originally went by “Fall Break.” Is that like, catching yourself before being hurt? Something to break your fall? Labor Day is a long weekend, but it’s not a “fall break.” What in hell is a fall break? No wonder this became…THE MUTILATOR (small point: most victims are decidedly NOT mutilated in the sense we’ve come to understand it). Still, sure beats “fall break” (which sounds like a Porky’s-style romp). Some college coeds, bored as usual, are looking for a diversion…And that diversion? The king that comes from getting away from it all and going to swill beer and fool around in isolation somewhere. That somewhere is a condo by the beach (somewhere in the Carolinas) that needs to be closed up for the winter. Ed (whose father owns the place) is game…and grabs his best friends to drive up to do just that. After lots of foreshadowing (which includes demonic masks as well as shiny fishing gaffs) the group starts getting hunting down and picked off by…a PSYCHO KILLER! (you know you want to see the Talking Heads lyric that follows: “Qu’est-ce que c’est.” The 1980s gave us such glorious stalk-and-slash flicks as the incredibly fun and inane, Hospital Massacre, the gruesome The Burning (with a young Jason Alexander, pre-Costanza) and of course our favorite hockey-masked monster, the Butcher of Camp Crystal Lake, Jason. So, how does this one stack up? Well, tune in to find out! This week’s episode of The Really Awful Movies podcast is The Mutilator…If you like what you’re hearing, chime in (or better yet, write us up on iTunes).

Just when we’ve thought we’d seen it all…another turd floats our way. Longshot is, wait for it…a movie about foosball. Of all things. With the Champions League and the World Cup, soccer is on a lot of people’s minds, and always is. After all, it’s the world’s most popular sport. But foosball? The dopey, loud, largely unsatisfying bar/rec room/basement parlor game? It’s enough to make your head spin, forget the little plastic men. This foosball, is tied to football, er, soccer. Paul Rodgers (played by ex-teen idol Leif Garrett) wants to be the next Zidane/Beckham. So he turns down a scholarship at a US college, in order to pursue his dreams….ON THE FOOSBALL CIRCUIT. You see, there’s a 50k grand prize. And if he wins, he can get himself over to Europe and maybe make it in the Premier League? But this is Bush League stuff. As the poster here says, “your chance is 1 in 1000,” terrible odds, especially when frittering away an academic scholarship for some pipe dream. Er, Longshot. Paul and Leroy are 18-year-olds about to make their way to Lake Tahoe where this prestigious event is being held. Unfortunately, through some mechanism we can’t for the life of us remember, Leroy injures his spinning hand (forgive us if we’re not too well-versed in foosball vocab). So Paul enlists the help of 13-year old Maxine. Because that’s what 18-year-olds do, they cross state lines with minors and stay in motel rooms with them. WTF? That’s a proposition that beggars belief. Much like squandering a chance at funding your post-secondary education on some dopey tournament. Unless your competition had thalidomide arms, it’d probably be anyone’s game. We podcasted Manos: The Hands of Fate, one of the most boring films ever committed to celluloid. And this is that film’s easy rival. It’s agonizing on every level you know, and on some you don’t. After all, how in hell could foosball be rendered cinematically? Who thought this movie was a good idea? We’ll break it down for you!

On this special episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, Musical Performances in Horror Movies! Much has been said, and much ink has been spilled about horror movie soundtracks and the like…your Tubular Bells from The Exorcist, the ba-dum…ba-dum…ba-dum from Jaws…but there’s an interesting, overlooked bit of fun in horror movies: Horror movie musical performances! The Prowler is a pretty fun horror/slasher film. It’s got great effects by Tom Savini, a terrific antagonist who wields a mean pitch fork…but it’s more than that. At the high school dance, a band plays for the kids. It’s a song called The Hard Way, by Nowherefast. It’s terrific stuff, and everyone’s having a rip-roaring good time. What about Thor? (pictured above). His music, particular “Energy” from Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare is just pure, glorious, un-diluted cheese. There’s great music from that one for sure. Check out our list of some of our favorite horror movie musical performances here! And don’t forget, subscribe to the Really Awful Movies Podcast.    

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later is a 1998 American slasher film directed by Steve Miner, the director behind two Friday the 13th films, as well as The Wonder Years and episodes of Dawson’s Creek. This film is the 7th, count ’em 7th installment in this seemingly inexhaustible series. The screenplay was by Robert Zappia and Matt Greenberg adapted from a story by the former. Jamie Lee Curtis is back as the resourceful Laurie Strode, with additional roles played by Adam Arkin, Michelle Williams (Dawson’s Creek), Adam Hann-Byrd, Jodi Lyn O’Keefe, Janet Leigh, Josh Hartnett, LL Cool J and Joseph Gordon-Levitt (3rd Rock from the Sun). Halloween H20 was released on August 5, 1998, two and a half months before the 20th anniversary of John Carpenter’s original (and superior in every way that matters) Halloween (1978) Set twenty years after the events of the first two movies, H20 centers on a post-traumatic Laurie Strode living under an assumed name, the headmistress of some California prep academy. Her long-lost brother tracks her down all the way from Illinois, and Laurie must face her greatest fear. Forget all that FDR “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” crap. The Shape is on the loose. And his knife is sharp. But that’s the only thing that’s sharp in this debacle. How does this reboot fare? On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, your ever-genial hosts delve into Halloween H20. Does it age well? Jamie Lee Curtis sure does. What about that cast? A dream cast, or a bust? Where will things head when the latest incarnation hits the theaters in 2018? Do settings make horror? What’s the deal with Loomis? We’ll tackle all the above and much much more. Join us!

Shotgun Jones! This is a 1989 action flick directed by Addison Randall. It’s got absolutely everything that’s required for mindless action fun: helicopters, dirty cops, shady witnesses, ruthless henchmen, by-the-book bosses, men on fire, cocaine kingpins, cannons, ladies of the evening, you name it. Shotgun Jones and his partner Max (one white, one black a la Lethal Weapon, to which the flick is oft-compared) are hunting down a “basher” in downtown Los Angeles. A “basher,” according to lingo, is someone’s who’s rough with prostitutes. He’s more than rough. He’s killed a few. He’s announced by ear-piercing Eddie Van Halen-style guitar histrionics. Shot in 2 weeks (and you can tell), Shotgun is one delicious set piece after another. There are head-spinning lines like “she was just another hooker.” “She was your SISTER!” and “the air in here…it smells.” As we mourn the passing of Steven Bochko, this is as far removed from a quality police procedural as humanly possible. One cop is by the book, the other does things his own way. Their superior cuts them slack while chastising them, and there’s a very odd police lineup where the witnesses all gather together to compare notes! Hilariously inept, and as fun as any action films you can find, join us as we discuss Shotgun!

This is a special bonus episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast. Horror themes are an integral part of the viewing experience. In this episode, a breakdown of the Top 10 Classic Horror Movie Themes. Some of them will be obvious to listeners, others…we hope not so much.

A geology expedition in the Amazon uncovers fossilized evidence of a mysterious creature in the form of a skeletal hand with webbed fingers. On this episode of the podcast, travel to Brazil with us (OK, Florida) as we discuss Creature from the Black Lagoon. Expedition leader Dr. Carl Maia (Antonio Moreno) orders his two assistants to stay in camp while he visits the marine biology institute to get answers about his find. Maia reunites with his friend and former student, ichthyologist Dr. David Reed (Richard Carlson). Dr. Reed works at an aquarium in California, but more recently he has been a guest at Maia’s institute in Brazil to study lungfish. Reed persuades his boss, Dr. Mark Williams (Richard Denning), to fund a return expedition to the Amazon to look for the remainder of the skeleton down river. Soon, the research expedition gets wind of a certain gilled amphibious humanoid thing down in the depths. Director Jack Arnold’s first foray into the science-fiction genre was the fun, It Came from Outer Space (1953). Jack achieved his greatest enduring cult popularity with this film, a well-crafted reworking of “Beauty and the Beast”. Revenge of the Creature (1955) was a (semi) worthy sequel. Critic Leonard Maltin said about the film that it was an “Archetypal ’50s monster movie has been copied so often that some of the edge is gone, but … is still entertaining, with juicy atmosphere and luminous underwater photography sequences.”

Watching this is a hellish experience. Well, not really, but close enough to warrant the terrible pun. Hell Night is one of those forgotten films from the slasher boom, and only known today because of two things: 1) incredibly cool cover art and 2) the presence of genre icon Linda Blair in the lead role as sorority/frat pledge Marti Gaines. When a movie has “hell” in the title, there are basically three places it can end up: 1) a stone-cold classic like Hellraiser, 2) perfectly serviceable like The Legend of Hell House, or 3) total ineptitude like Motel Hell. Hell Night is the latter, although not even that fun. The premise is pretty straightforward: a bunch of pledges are put through their paces in an initiation rite. They have to spend a night at a dwelling where SOMETHING TERRIBLE TOOK PLACE. This is boilerplate horror, stretching back to House on Haunted Hill with Vincent Price. And with the frat kick, it’s a bit like Pledge Night with that singer from Anthrax with the poodle hair who is killed in a frat stunt. Either way you slice it, Yawn Town population, you. So, in a perfect world, what do you get when there’s a neat backstory, attractive people and a scary scene setting? Usually, there’s a twist, nudity, and filmmakers exploiting the terrifying sense of place. In Hell Night, none of the above happens, which is…hella weird, it should be said. Hard-partying coeds are all talk (and all clothed). The killer isn’t all that interesting…and the “haunted/cursed” house is pretty and candle-lit, but meh. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we put this film in context. We talk about our indifference to Linda Blair post-Exorcist, we chat about Passover seders (for the first time on the show!), silly plot devices, heroism in Hell Night, the old house motif, Italian Gothic horror, and movies similar to this one. Don’t forget to subscribe! We have new episodes every Friday.

Grabbers! Grabbers! What’s a grabber? It’s some kind of octopus-like tentacled creature. On this St Patrick’s Day episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we talk Ireland, JP Donleavy, Brendan Behan, Father Ted, pub culture, drinking, and cultural similarities between Canada and Ireland. We have quite a few listeners in Ireland, and we thought we’d reach out to them and say “hi.” And what better way to do it, than through a fun, crazy, booze-fueled Roger Corman-esque tale? Grabbers starts out with trawler fishermen who encounter strange tentacled things out on the high seas, later dubbed “Grabbers” by one of the denizens of a nearby island when they’re attacked by the creatures. Have no fear, there’s a police presence. Barely. Garda O’Shea (Richard Coyle) is a useless drunk who barely keeps things in check in terms of getting folks to uphold the law. His partner, Nolan, is fresh from fighting real crime in Dublin. She’s visiting the island for a brief stint, to get away from big city problems. Once the Grabbers take a foothold, it’s up to these two to marshal the forces of the island to combat them. Turns out Grabbers are allergic to booze. Alcohol is toxic to these creatures, so this is used to wonderful comedic effect to rebuff them. The film turns into Assault on Precinct 13, with a publican and his patrons battening down the hatches to battle these beasts, all the while getting “pissed as a newt”. Sh*tfaced. Drunk as a lark. Drunk as a lord. Pissed. If you’re a fan of monster movies, you’ll find yourself enjoying Grabbers. There are delightful characters, choice references to similar films (Predator and Alien) and compelling performances all around. Join us every Friday on the Really Awful Movies Podcast, subscribe, and listen to fun (occasionally informed) genre film chat.    

On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, a by no means rigorous semi-defense of the popcorn muncher/crowd pleasure Death Wish. Co-host Chris, explains his surprising positive review of the reboot in a discussion with Jeff (who has not seen the Death Wish remake). Usually, we both watch a movie and discuss it. This time, Jeff was off hanging out with legendary rock stars in New York City (you’ll have to guess which one as we’re not disclosing it) and wasn’t able to catch the film on the big screen. Doesn’t matter. We talk Eli Roth, easily the…um….4th best “Roth” after rocker David Lee, author Philip, actor Tim…so yeah. Jeff is not big on Eli, Chris is wholly indifferent but not AS down on him. Death Wish (the 1974 original) we hold in very high regard. The tale of a quiet, introspective family man-turned-vigilante was polarizing, but ultimately a pretty intriguing and interesting (not to mention action-packed) offering. In the Death Wish remake, Paul Kersey is no longer an architect…he’s an ER doctor. Is this a good or bad deviation from the original? We discuss…. Also, the 2nd Amendment? Yay? (Chris) or nay? (Jeff). We talk about Bruce Willis, our love…you could say our die-hard love-affair with his body of work…and the political climate for the release of a movie that unabashedly champions guns. And finally, your genial hosts talk about their relationship with CryptTV, a co-venture of Roth’s that is a social media site meant to bring together horror lovers from across the globe. Does it? Lots to discuss on this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast.      

On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, a look at the unconventional animal attack movie, Cujo. Adapted from a Stephen King novel, which oddly, as Stephen King die-hards neither of us had read, we decided to take a look at this one. Cujo was directed by Lewis Teague, and written by Don Carlos Dunaway and Barbara Turner (under the nome de plume of Lauren Currier). The film stars scream queen Dee Wallace (The Howling/The Stepford Wives), Daniel Hugh Kelly (Hardcastle and McCormick) and Danny Pintauro (Who’s the Boss?). Cujo the tale (or, er…tail) of the eponymous dog, a St. Bernard. He gets rabies from burrowing underground and getting bitten on the nose by a bat. He goes after his owner, an off-the-grid mechanic, his buddy, and the Trenton family (whose lemon was being serviced by said mechanic). On an earlier episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast…we covered two movies “inspired” by the great JAWS, The Car and Grizzly, with Scott Drebit from Daily Dead. We love our animal attack movies! However, Cujo is cut from a different cloth. Usually animal attack movies involve some experiment gone wrong, which results in animals growing to super-sized level and going haywire, attacking the townsfolk. And invariably, authority figures get involved and nobody listens. However, that is not the case here. Cujo is quiet, and inward focused. But it’s still worth checking out despite a few lulls. On this episode, your genial hosts Chris and Jeff, talk about getting attack by dogs growing up, and what it’s like to be a dog, versus a cat person. We also talk about our love for Mr. King, his scene settings, and our fondness for Danse Macabre. We also break down what makes this different from other natural horrors. We’ll undoubtedly cover more King on the show.

What do you get when you mix ancient Haitian voodoo mystery with uber-cheap tax shelter bargain basement Canadiana? Why, Zombie Nightmare, of course. Zombie Nightmare is a 1986 Canadian zombie film produced and directed by Jack Bravman. It stars Jon Mikl thor, who had a lengthy career fronting the eminently forgettable power metal band, Thor. The movie also stars a young Tia Carrere (the babe from Wayne’s World) and of all people, Batman’s Adam West. West portrays a grizzled, stoagie-puffing police captain. Zombie Nightmare was filmed in the suburbs of Montreal and cost all of $180,000 to make. And it looks it. Because this was the 80s, and because it is a sorta-horror movie, there has to be a prologue. Prologues are deliciously fun any way you slice it, whether it’s this one, or the kid from Hospital Massacre getting rejected on Valentine’s and then growing up to be a vicious healthcare serial killer (whoops, spoiler. do check out our Hospital Massacre podcast!) Here, young Tony witnesses his father dying at the hands of two street thugs, as the guy is intervening on behalf of a woman who’s being attacked. Years later, and our boy is Tony all grown up and a baseball playin’ fun-lovin’ guy. Jon Mikl Thor plays our protagonist, and there’s one thing we should mention about Mr J.M.T: he was a body builder of some renown. Hence, Tony is totally RIPPED and looks like he’d tear the cover off a fastball. Tony, it seems, inherited his father’s Good Samaritan tendencies. While thwarting a robbery, Tony is run over by some street toughs. The victim, a store proprietor garbling one of the worst Italian accents in celluloid history, drives Tony’s limp, lifeless body to mom’s place, and it’s there that she enlists the help of a Haitian voodoo priestess to raise Tony from the dead. Tony, thus revived, seeks vengeance on everyone who was in the vehicle that bowled him over. Silly in the extreme, Zombie Nightmare was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Join us, as we discuss the film on the Really Awful Movies Podcast.

Mario Bava. Super Mario. Molto Mario. Mario the Magnificent. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, your genial hosts talk about Black Sabbath, the early 60s horror film anthology that gave Ozzy’s band, Black Sabbath, its name. Black Sabbath, aka, i tre volti della paura (The Three Faces of Fear) is a three-part flick that’s harmonious, and lush in color. And to introduce the segments, none other than the legendary Boris Karloff himself. The original Italian language version of Black Sabbath features the installments in this order: The Telephone (a lady of the evening is tormented by threatening calls from a former pimp), The Wurdalak, a vampiric tale of woe set in a remote cottage in 18th century Eastern Europe, and finally, The Drop of Water, in which a nurse purloins jewelry from a deceased old lady, only to be tormented from beyond the grave. In 1958, the founders of American International Pictures hired Flavio Lucisano (a talent agent) to look for Italian crossover films. In 1963, AIP made a deal to distribute a bunch of Ital co-productions. Black Sabbath was one of them. There was a trend to make anthology films to keep costs down. And Black Sabbath was no exception, a film that was an 8-week shoot. While not exactly showered with praise upon release, Black Sabbath has certainly found more defenders than detractors. In fact, Quentin Tarantino was influenced by the story structure for his film, Pulp Fiction. So…tune in to the Really Awful Movies Podcast as we break down each of the segments. While The Telephone is seen as the slightest (probably with good reason) it nonetheless has a lot going for it and should not be overlooked. The Wurkalak, while long, has enough trademark Bava touches to make it memorable…and for us, the standout is the exemplary, timeless, The Drop of Water – a master class in sensory Gothic Horror.

Ah, found footage. It’s usually crap. So when a barn-burner like Creep comes out, color us surprised. Creep is a 2014 American independent found footage horror film directed by Patrick Brice, based on a story written by Brice and collaborator Mark Duplass. The film is Brice’s directorial debut, and boy is this one solid. Creep premiered 2014, at South by Southwest, and was released on video on demand on June 23, 2015, by The Orchard prior to an international release via Netflix on July 14, 2015. The film follows nebbish Aaron (portrayed by Brice), a videographer who answers an odd Craigslist ad, created by Josef (portrayed by Duplass). Josef is suffering from terminal cancer and wants to have a posthumous record for his unborn son. So far so good, right? But not is what it appears to be. Josef is, to say the least, weird. In the midst of one of Aaron’s early documentations, Josef gets naked and slips into the bath. Fine, you may say, the guy’s got The Big C and maybe he’s just cracking? But Brice and Duplass gradually reveal that Josef is a megalomaniac and yes, a creep. Movies like Mike Leigh’s Naked, or the likes of My Dinner with Andre, rely heavily on strong performances/dialogue as there are so few characters. And here, the banter is highly naturalistic (much was improvised) and the acting’s top-drawer. It really helps drive the cat-and-mouse dynamic between these two. The New York Times said that Creep “is remarkable, considering its minimal means and surprising lack of bloodshed, given the genre.” Very true, but that doesn’t mean the scares aren’t there. And Creep has just a terrific climax too.

For the first time in the history of the Really Awful Movies Podcast we’re tackling an animated feature. On today’s episode, Heavy Metal, an anthology fantasy film that featured a bunch of scantily clad heroines and a bitchin’ soundtrack showcasing the likes of Sabbath, Sammy Hagar and Nazareth. Heavy Metal is a 1981 Canadian-American co-production. The film was directed by Gerald Potterton, produced by Ivan Reitman (Ghostbusters) as well as Leonard Mogel, who was also the publisher of Heavy Metal, a magazine whose French edition inspired this film. Heavy Metal’s poster says it is a “universe of mystery,” but what kept it grounded was the the slew of familiar characters voiced by noted Canadian names like John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Harold Ramis, and John Vernon (re: the latter. In an early episode of the podcast we covered Curtains, as well as another the fun pic, Killer Klowns from Outer Space). Despite being a cartoon, this definitely falls under the category of “not suitable for children” (Snarky Editor’s note: kinda like Woody Allen’s Upper East Side apartment?). Inspired by R. Crumb and his ilk from the 70s, this animated feature has all the kinds of stuff that makes being a teen boy all kinds of fun. This is a superhero tale essentially. And that means it’s basically good versus evil. And what connects the different vignettes together is a giant green globule (wait, that sounds like what was left on the drummer’s stool in This is Spinal Tap!). This orb thing-y has a bunch of magical powers. And as a result, it’s coveted by everyone. If that story line sounds familiar, it’s the plot of about 50 post-apocalyptic films shot in Turkey. Give or take. Made for 9 million and grossing 20, Heavy Metal was a modest hit…and it’s since become something of a cult classic (yes, that phrase is overused but here it seems to really fit). So, come join us on this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast. And check out new episodes of the show every Friday. THANKS!

The Master. Alfred Hitchcock. It’s amazing it’s taken us this long to discuss a Hitchcock. We look at Hitch’s penultimate film, Frenzy. Many people consider this “lesser Hitchcock.” But it’s a taut, exciting thriller with some gorgeous shots. There’s a “necktie murderer” roaming the streets of London. It’s a lot like Jack the Ripper. And the murders of various women are pinned on one “Mr Blaney,” a down on his luck loser who has problems with the missus. But really, Hitchcock plays his hand and actually reveals who the killer is right from the get-go. But there’s enough of a compelling narrative that Frenzy keeps viewers thoroughly interested right until the final frame. Join us this week on the Really Awful Movies Podcast, as we hope to do justice to one of our faves. We love Hitch (that’s Alfred, though Christopher Hitchens is great too). Frenzy has a lot to offer, and Alfred was able to get a little more low-down and dirty with more permissive cultural mores. Join us every week for genre film discussion on the Really Awful Movies Podcast!

It’s time to talk tech on the podcast! Since we already covered, Don’t Answer the Phone! we thought we’d approach another communications movie, Bells, aka, Murder by Phone! Call it a preoccupation, not a hang up (!) of ours. Oooh, that was deliciously bad. This one is a Canuxploitation not-quite-classic from the 1980s, back when government-funded drek was all the rage. For whatever reason, Bells has Richard Chamberlain and John Houseman, two actual, bona fide actors. Why? Not sure. Even Oscar-winning actors have to appear in something called Murder by Phone once in a while. What’s fun about this crappy flick is that it’s set in Toronto. But not just that. It features the TTC, which we called “Take the Car” as kids, but actually stands for the Toronto Transit Commission. There are also scenes of Bay St, our financial district, and other fun locales. As for the movie…it’s not much…but killer technology is hella fun, and a killer phone made its way into our book, Death by Umbrella! The 100 Weirdest Horror Movie Weapons. You’ll enjoy (sorta) this movie. There’s a lot to love, and just as much to loathe. Come join us every week as we champion misbegotten horror, sci fi, action, musical and post-apocalyptic wasteland movies. THANKS!  

Lucio Fulci’s The Psychic, while not nearly as gory as the canonical Fulci films, nonetheless bears some of the same trademark weirdness, and features…of course…a creepy house. And in this house…bones are found! We have a murder mystery on our hands, and blood is on someone’s hands…but whose? The house is owned by Francesco Ducci…and the bones are that of a young woman. Mr. Ducci is a womanizer, once dated the deceased, and that alone is enough to cast suspicions his way. His sister Gloria, and wife Virginia (the titular Psychic) have to clear his name. And really, all they have to go on are some visions…clues that come to Virginia in a dreamlike state… It’s these visions which, while not accurate, are accurate enough to get the plot rolling. There’s another married womanizer who dated the deceased, and was seen with her some time before she went missing. Is it him? The Psychic, also known as Seven Notes in Black, and Murder to the Tune of Seven Black Notes, was filmed two years before Fulci blew our collective minds with his awesome, Zombi 2. But you needn’t be a Fulci die-hard to appreciate the oddball film that is The Psychic. Tune in as we discuss the film, and remember, subscribe to the Really Awful Movies Podcast!

The poster says it all…Like father, like son. The Fly II did gonzo box office but badly with the critics. And that’s a bit of a shame as this one is fun as hell. Sure there’s no Cronenberg, Goldblum, Davis, etc. And those are big-time names. But director Chris Walas is game and gives us a solid oddball sequel that’s a smashing good time. Martin Brundle is the son of Goldblum’s Seth. He’s birthed in Bartok Industries in spectacular fashion. Since Gina Davis wasn’t back, the folks behind this sequel did as best they could replicating her…and that was quite ingenious when you think about it. Martin prematurely ages and is the subject of experimentation. Gradually, he starts to feel more and more fly-like (like pa) and when granted his freedom starts to explore. The Fly II (1989) then goes really crazy and gory. Much more of a monster movie than the first, a psychological slow-burn, there is nonetheless lots of fun to be had here. And on our show too. Check out our Really Awful Movies Podcast for genre film discussion that’s smart, and mostly sober.

It’s that time of year…a time for…New Year’s Evil! Thank you, thank you, thank you Cannon Films. What would we do on the Really Awful Movies Podcast without the charming movies put out by the cousins, Yoram Globus and Menahem Golan? New Year’s Evil is a bit like Hospital Massacre, another Cannon piece of cinematic cheese which was also centred around a festive time of year (in that case, Valentine’s Day). The film was seemingly made to capitalize on the nascent New Wave music scene at the time of its release. And as a result, there’s some period-awesome music. The New Year’s Evil soundtrack foot-stomper was co-written by Roxanne Seeman, a New York City-born songwriter who penned hits for Bette Midler, Barbara Streisand, as well as The Sisters of Mercy (one of these things is not like the other). The track is absolutely top-notch (Phantom of the Paradise kinda vibe) and the music really elevates this, which is essentially a standard stalk-and-slash. In New Year’s Evil…There’s a killer on the loose…and he’s timing his killings to coincide with the ringing in of the year new in different American time zones. Neat premise, huh? It’s something worth considering as you belt out Auld Lang Syne three sheets to the wind… And the killer, who calls himself EVIL, has his sights on the host of a New Year’s Eve television broadcast for punk music aficionados. Of note: the punk host is played by Roz Kelly, the Fonz’ girlfriend on Happy Days. And also of note: the killer adopts disguises with varying degrees of effectiveness. Be sure to tune in to the Really Awful Movies Podcast, a celebration of genre cinema.

On this episode, the Really Awful Movies 200th episode! We look back at our jangled nerves when recording our first episode, how we began chatting about Yor: Hunter from the Future, and very basic mic setup we had for our first show. We talk about our backgrounds growing up in Richmond Hill, Ontario. And how the (pending) legalization of marijuana has affected the show. We started out as a blog, ReallyAwfulMovies.com. We talk about how the blog (and subsequent podcast) came to be named. Has the name helped or hurt our cause? The Really Awful Movies Podcast has become a success! The name has caused some issues. Some horror luminaries have taken umbrage with the name, as it seems pejorative. We talk about meeting and speaking with Robert Englund, A Michael Baldwin, Tom Savini, Victoria Price and many more! Tune in, and check out our next 100 episodes! Now with much better sound quality!  

We’re into Evil Dead in a big way. Here, the third film in the trilogy, Army of Darkness, starring The Chin himself, (screw you, Quagmire and Bob Hope) Bruce Campbell. Ash is transported (along with his iconic jalopy Oldsmobile) to the 14th century, and instead of finding the Black Plague, he comes across an impossibly sunny landscape of Anglia (which resembles southern California, where this was filmed). He has to find THE BOOK, in order to get back to modernity. That tome is Necronomicon, and an incantation must be uttered to get back home (naturally, Ash screws this up, and is doomed to hanging around the Middle Ages for a bit longer than intended, battling undead hordes). The film was nearly called Medieval Dead, or Medi-evil Dead, but this Dino De Laurentiis production went through a slew of changes, many of which were vehemently opposed by Mr. Campbell. So, how does it hold up? If it were made independently of The Evil Dead, would it be more heralded? On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, a discussion of the tone of the film, Deadites, the production process, viewing films through the lens of nostalgia, and much much more.

Part outbreak / contagion / zombie / vampire movie, Rabid is a wonderful little nugget of exploitation horror Canadiana. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we examine David Cronenberg’s masterpiece, starring ex adult film star Marilyn Chambers as Rose, a young woman who’s involved in a motorcycle crash and who undergoes life-saving experimental surgery at an oddball clinic. It’s at this clinic (the Keloid Clinic) where she’s given a skin graft for burns. And when she’s in a coma, she starts experiencing strange side-effects. When her friend Lloyd visits, Rose comes to, biting him and penetrating him with an underarm dart (hey, if that sounds weird, we’re in Cronenberg’s wheelhouse, remember) and then biting him. Lloyd starts having odd symptoms. Before you know it, both have left hospital and are spreading something weird, something untoward, something that’s a lot like…rabies! Hence the film’s name. This a gross-out tax shelter movie, the kind we LOVE to watch. Seriously, there are a lot of Canadian exploitation fare that people should check out (Siege, AKA, Self Defence, Search and Destroy, Black Christmas to name a few. Please listen to our Black Christmas podcast!). So, we have an outbreak, and the government has to crack down on it. And there’s lots of sexual subtext (not the least of which being the casting of Chambers), and even some gallows humor. And there’s also the Cronenberg gross-out trademark, and some spectacular kills. Take a listen!

Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II is a 1987 Canadian slasher film directed by Bruce Pittman, and starring Michael Ironside. If that isn’t enough enticement to make you wanna watch, we don’t know what is. Frankly, Michael Ironside is a genre icon. C’mon, look at this resume, people: Scanners, Visiting Hours, Total Recall, Starship Troopers… He plays Billy, a 60s teen with an impossibly receding hairline, who’s gettin’ down to Little Richard at the prom. After being rebuffed by the queen, one Mary Lou (from whose name the movie title derives) he angrily lobs a stink bomb toward her as she’s accepting her crown in front of adoring masses. Unfortunately, things go haywire, the incendiary devices ignites a spark, the drapes catch fire, and so does Mary Lou. Flash forward to the 80s, and Billy is now high school principal at ill-fated Hamilton High. And the spirit of Mary Lou, is haunting the halls, like bad Axe deodorant spray. Mary Lou’s trapped in a treasure chest, and emerges, to haunt those who did her wrong. Prom Night II doesn’t have Jamie Lee Curtis or Leslie Nielsen (and hell, Robert A. Silverman too, he of Scanners, eXistenZ, The Brood), but what it does have is the same low-budget cheap-and-cheerful Canadiana (it’s filmed in Edmonton, Alberta, with some re-shoots in Toronto). There’s also some supernatural weirdness and sinister dreamscapes going on. This is a much better film than we remember.  

Jason Voorhees. The butcher of Camp Crystal Lake needs no introduction. Or does he? Perhaps to a new generation of audiences, who were unaware of the source material that is the original Friday the 13th movies. Of course, now Jason is seemingly everywhere, what with the video game developed by IllFonic, and published by Gun Media. And he’s been everywhere before too. This is the 12th film in the Jason oeuvre, if you include Freddy VS Jason (which we do). And this is as different as our mute machete mate has ever been. Director Marcus Nispel took artistic license with the source material, making Jason Voorhees a kidnapper who was fleet-of-foot. And who actually has an underground lair, and quite an elaborate Xanadu too. At the end of the day though, this is not a well-made movie. There are two spectacular kills, and a lot of killer filler. And the stupidity ante of these campers is OFF THE CHARTS. So, how does Derek Mears acquit himself as the Masked Maniac? Pretty darn well. It’s the rest of the film that kinda blows. A little backstory. Friday the 13th (2009) was released in theaters on Friday, February 13, 2009, appropriately enough. The franchise entry received mainly negative reviews, which is not unprecedented as this series isn’t exactly a critical darling. The movie earned approximately US$19 million on its opening night and $40 million during its opening weekend, when it broke two records; the highest-earning opening day for the film series and the highest-earning opening weekend for any horror film. As of July 2014, it is the second-highest grossing film in the Friday the 13th film series ($65 million), and has earned about $92.7 million worldwide since. Critic Kim Newman opined that the film is “Unlucky for almost everyone. It’s a sad day when a Friday the 13th remake is shown up by a My Bloody Valentine remake.” (for those who are interested, your intrepid hosts tackled My Bloody Valentine 3D on Ep 86). But on this week’s edition of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, it’s time to don the sunscreen and visit Camp Crystal Lake in this installment of Friday the 13th.

Don’t Torture a Duckling (in mellifluous Italian: Non si sevizia un paperino) is a 1972 Italian giallo film directed by Lucio Fulci, starring Tomas Milian, Florinda Bolkan, and Barbara Bouchet. It is notable within Fulci’s filmography as it is one of the first in which he began using violent icky gore effects, something Fulci would continue to do in his later films, most notably Zombi 2, The Beyond and City of the Living Dead. The soundtrack was composed by Riz Ortolani and features vocals by Italian pop stylist Ornella Vanoni. Don’t Torture a Duckling focuses on a series of child murders that occur in a small, fictitious town in Southern Italy. Naturally, there are red herrings aplenty, and true to form, a journalist poking his nose around where it doesn’t belong. While there are some similarities with giallo films stylistically, this one tends to eschew some of the genre tropes, including urban center settings. There is a boundless array of weirdness, and some really odd choices for set-pieces. It’s interesting to note just how varied Fulci’s work was before he set aside his other genre work and began to focus full-bore on horror.

Scenes from a mall. A CHOPPING Mall. On this episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, a look at this Jim Wynorski feature, Chopping Mall. Wynorski (The Return of Swamp Thing / Hard to Die / Big Bad Mama II) is known as a highly prolific genre director. He directed 7 features from the mid eighties to the decade’s end. And usually worked on a really low budget. This Corman production was no exception, filmed at the same mall as the one used for the excellent Arnold vehicle, Commando (which we podcasted on this very show). And the plot could not be any more simple: a team of robotic security bots malfunction, causing them to run amok and destroy everything in their path. The “everything” in question includes a bunch of “teen” partiers, some of whom work in a furniture store, and therefore have access to lots of bedding. It also includes some mall staffers unlucky enough to be working overtime/after-hours. Chopping Mall has a few things going for it, namely, the always gorgeous Barbara Crampton, a terrific score, and of course, cheesy killer robots. But there’s more to it than that. There are some winking cameos by Corman regulars (you’ll have to watch the film, and then listen to our show!), a dash of nudity (according to the DVD extras, Wynorski reported that ““Roger wanted some nudity in this picture.”) and of course, a couple of terrific kills. With a shooting schedule of less than a month, the film, released as Killbots bombed (audiences thought it was a cutesy robot feature). However, it was given a new lease on life with its new slasher audience-friendly title, Chopping Mall. Thanks for listening!    

On this special episode of the Really Awful Movies Podcast, we delve into the Video Nasties phenomenon. The term “video nasty” was a Brit colloquialism which has its genesis in the early 80s, coinciding with the slasher boom. It originally referred to films distributed on VHS that were heavily criticized for their violent content. Some of the films were cut to be able to get a release, while some distributors felt the full brunt of the law. On this episode, we break down some of our favorite (and not so favorite) films from the Video Nasty canonical 72, including Anthropophagus, The Last House on the Left, Bloodfeast, Don’t Go Near the Park, Cannibal Ferox, The Driller Killer and others. We’ve covered lots of these films already on the podcast (such as Don’t Answer the Phone, etc), but have never fully broken down how this came about. We LOVE these movies, and even something as dreadful as Don’t Go Near the Park, is hella fun. One of these days, we’ll have crossed all these films off our bucket list. Don’t forget to check out our Really Awful Movies Podcast, with new episodes uploaded for your listening enjoyment every Friday.