The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

This week I am busting divorce myths with my guest, Eric Broder. Eric is a divorce and family attorney, and co-founding member and partner at Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC. In this episode, Eric and I bust myths about no-fault law, modern parenting agreements, assets, and whether or not getting a job will impact your divorce settlement. That's just some of what we discuss — we cover a lot of ground! When it comes to divorce advice, everyone has an opinion. In fact, there may be things you have heard or even believed about divorce that aren't actually true. One of the biggest lessons we uncover in this episode is this: "Don't get your divorce advice from cocktail talk. Instead, consult with an attorney." But first, listen to this podcast episode!! Show Highlights We get right to it and begin busting myths about alimony. (3:47) The importance of consulting with an attorney within your state. (6:28) Myths surrounding no-fault law. For example, fault in some states can matter. (6:57) For stay at home moms, will getting a job prior to divorce impact your settlement? Eric shares his thoughts. (13:43) Eric answers, "Are assets always divided equally?" (17:49) Prenups: what people think they are versus what they actually are. (21:01) The truth about joint custody, full parenting time, and other parenting plans. (28:52) Myths about abandonment of property and moving out prior to divorce. (38:48) Learn More About Eric: Eric is a co-founding member and partner at Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC. He is an AV Preeminent™rated attorney by MartindaleHubbell®, the highest possible rating in both legal ability and ethical standards, earned through a strenuous pier and judicial review procedure. He has also been designated a "Top Lawyer" in Family Law, Matrimonial, Arbitration, and Mediation in Westport, Greenwich, NewCanaan/Darien, and Fairfield Magazines. Eric has been selected as a Connecticut Super Lawyers®in Family Law each year from 2013 to 2020.Each year no more than 5% of the lawyers in the state are selected to receive this honor. Eric's AVVO™rating is 10 out of 10. Resources & Links: Eric's website: Broder Orland Murray &DeMattie LLC Our Happy Divorce Weekly Live Stream with Ben Heldfond, Kate Anthony, and Susan Guthrie: Every Monday at 5pm ET/2pm PT - Join us! JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

In many states, courts mandate divorcing parents to take a co-parenting class. And as we often discuss in my Facebook group, many parents leave these court-mandated classes traumatized because the very first thing they teach is that divorce is terrible for your children. While the research doesn't support this being true (and you'd think educators in this arena would, you know, read the research), what's worse is that this is often the very last thing parents who've gone through a long and difficult process have to do before finalizing their divorce — and this is what they're being told?? In response to these types of mandated courses, Dr. Don Gordon has created a program for parents and co-parents that is skill-based, takes a non-shaming approach to co-parenting, and is actually helpful. Dr. Gordon joins me this week to talk about the Center for Divorce Education's, Children in Between program. He is Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Divorce Education and has over 40+ years of experience as a clinical psychologist and researcher targeting the reduction and prevention of juvenile delinquency. During our conversation, he also shares some of the most important skills co-parents need to use with each other before, during, and after divorce. "If you are going to go to a parenting class - the point of it is to have better ways of parenting and co-parenting so your behavior changes and improves." Dr. Don Gordon, PhD Show Highlights How Dr. Gordon learned about the difficulties children experience as a result of divorce and created a course based on his findings. (4:55) One of the most damaging aspects of divorce on children is when parents involve their children in loyalty conflicts. (7:46) Your point of view isn't necessarily in the best interest of your children. (11:54) The trauma of taking court-mandated courses. (13:55) The most important skills co-parents need to use with each other. (17:38) When you take a step back, you have a chance at controlling what you are putting out. (26:38) For someone who is looking to improve their co-parenting skills and their ex is not reciprocal in their action - what can one do? Remember, YOU are being a role model for your children and that is one of the best reasons to make these changes. (28:40) How parents can take the Center for Divorce Education's Children in Between program for court-mandated requirements. (41:50) CDE's High Conflict Solutions program. (45:39) Learn More About Dr. Gordon: Don Gordon is a Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Center for Divorce Education. Dr. Gordon is a 40+ year clinical psychologist and researcher with an area of expertise targeting the reduction and prevention of juvenile delinquency. During his 40 years of working with families, Dr. Gordon has studied the effects that different strategies have on reducing conflict within a family (both with parents and children). In the early 1980's Dr. Gordon and his colleague Dr. Jack Arbothnot developed the Children in Between curriculum (formerly known as Children in the Middle) which is designed specifically to help change the behaviors of divorcing/separating parents who unknowingly place their children in the middle of their conflict, resulting in the most harmful of consequences which often lead to youth acting out in negative ways. For more than 20 years, Dr. Gordon has been providing parenting and co-parenting curricula that is skills-based, allowing families to take away from each course concrete, actionable steps that can be turned into behavior-changing habits. These results improve the lives of parents, their children, and their family unit overall. Through CDE, Dr. Gordon continues to pursue research that challenges his own assumptions and strives to find best practices that continue to (a) help families reduce their conflict, and (b) help courts by providing families with tools that are proven to shift re-litigation rates and improve communication and interaction. Resources & Links:Center for Divorce EducationCenter for Divorce Education on FacebookThe Good Karma Divorce, Michelle Lowrance TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:THE CENTER FOR DIVORCE EDUCATION The Center for Divorce Education is an organization that provides separated parents with the tools and techniques necessary to navigate the difficult task of being a co-parent. They currently offer an online parenting class called Children in Between. Anyone who is co-parenting can benefit from the class. Visit the link above to learn more. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Dr. Shefali, an expert in family dynamics and personal development and NY Times Best-selling author, joins me this week to talk about how to radically awaken yourself from the fear-based patterns women have been raised into and instead embrace our truths and live free. We explore many of the glitches in psychological armor that keep women from daring to speak up. Dr. Shefali also helps us to understand why we are giving up our power every day of our lives—to food, to self-loathing, or to other people. As Dr. Shefali says, "If we don't see it and name it, we will forever be devoured by it." Show Highlights A radical awakening to cultural conditioning women have been raised into. (5:57) The childhood abduction of our authentic self. (8:40) Why women are prone to living on a hamster wheel of life and how to stand in the power of your worth instead. (13:38) The tug of war between listening to our inner being versus what culture expects us to be. (17:20) How to get to a place of radical awakening—there is no shame in asking for help. (22:22) Why it is important to break the image of being good, perfect, superwomen. Baring our truth shouldn't be a maverick move. Being ordinary/average is good. (24:05) The lies about love, marriage, and divorce. (29:49) What Dr. Shefali means when she says, "Your ego can be betrayed but your essence cannot be." (31:53) Women have been culturally trained to doubt themselves. We explore how self-doubt gets in the way of deciding whether you should stay or go. (34:37) Learn More About Dr. Shefali: Dr. Shefali received her doctorate in clinical psychology from Columbia University. Specializing in the integration of Western psychology and Eastern philosophy, she brings together the best of both worlds for her clients. She is an expert in family dynamics and personal development, teaching courses around the globe. She has written four books, three of which are New York Times best-sellers, including her two landmark books The Conscious Parent and The Awakened Family. Oprah has endorsed her work as revolutionary and life-changing. Dr. Shefali's ground-breaking approach to mindful living and parenting has taken her books to the top of the NY Times best-sellers list. Her blend of clinical psychology and eastern mindfulness sets her apart as a leader in the field of mindfulness psychology. As an international speaker, she speaks at events around the globe, spreading her message of conscious parenting and mindful living. She also has a private practice where she consults with families and couples. Resources & Links: Dr. Shefali's website Dr. Shefali on Facebook Dr. Shefali on Instagram @doctorshefali A Radical Awakening - Deep Dive TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

We are so conditioned to expect that Prince Charming will show up on his white horse and deliver us radical intimacy; he will sweep us off our feet and the rest is history. Let's be real - that's just not how intimacy works. In fact, as Zoë Kors, a sought-after thought leader on intimacy and sexuality, says "We are not taught these [intimacy] skills. We are programmed to believe passion, sex, and love happen spontaneously." Zoë joins me to discuss how to cultivate radical intimacy within ourselves and explore why we expect and often demand something from others we don't know how to give to ourselves. We tend to think intimacy is something that requires a lover, but radical intimacy is a rich experience of yourself; and as a result, it allows you to have a rich experience with someone else. Tune in to hear how to embrace a radically intimate life. Show Highlights What Zoe means when she uses the term 'radical intimacy'. (3:38) Cultivating intimacy and the three areas of intimacy: physical, emotional, and energetic. (7:19) Energetic intimacy and the emotional attachment myth - women believe they are, by nature, are emotionally attached to the people they have sex with. (10:30) Some habits and actions we do disconnect us from our bodies. (21:46) Three ways we run away from pain and feel discomfort: denial, distraction, and deflection. (24:11) Coming out of a marriage is an opportunity to heal and take back your sovereignty. (36:57) The paths of sexual healing and finding safety in your own body. (40:01) How to reignite sexual intimacy within relationships. (42:04) Learn More About Zoë: Zoë is the resident sex and intimacy coach and contributor at Coral, sexual wellness app. Zoë is the former Senior Editor and Creative Director of LA Yoga Magazine. Zoë's article, 6 Ways to Have Radically Intimate Sex, quickly went viral and is currently at over 2 million views and over 250K Facebook shares. In addition to a thriving private practice, Zoë offers her services through the Center for Relational Healing, which specializes in the treatment of sex addicts and their partners. As a team member, Zoë works with clients to reintroduce healthy sexuality and intimacy after the trauma of betrayal. She is a certified Co-Active Coach with the prestigious Co-Active Training Institute in San Rafael, CA. Zoë is initiated in the Sri Vidya tantra lineage. Her work reflects her extensive study of Tantra, Zen Buddhism, Meditation, Yoga, Breathwork, and other Eastern disciplines, which she integrates with more process-oriented modalities of Western psychotherapy and Co-Active Coaching. Resources & Links: Zoe's websiteZoe on Instagram FREE download from Zoe: 21 Days to Mind-blowing Sex JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

In 2012, my guest, Sara Olsher, packed up her 18-month old daughter, left her marriage, and after four years of intense personal growth, founded a company that sells amazing resources for co-parents and their children. Whether it's divorce, cancer, death, or any other uncertainty, Sara has worked hard to be comfortable with the profoundly uncomfortable through her company Mighty + Bright. Much of what we discuss in this episode is about how to help our children through a hard situation and ease their anxiety. Because honestly, most kids simply want to know that you're going to be okay, and want to know how divorce is going to affect them. As Sara reminds us, "You're raising resilient kids. This [divorce] is a really hard thing to go through, but every challenge that we have makes us more resilient and that's true for your kids too. They have your support through it and you're helping them to be stronger people." Show Highlights Sara shares the story of her path towards healing after divorce led her into the world of child psychology and into the way that kids' brains work. (7:45) The inspiration for her first product, a magnetic co-parenting calendar for separation + divorce. (9:58) Sara's breast cancer diagnosis and the creation of a book about talking to children about cancer. (11:01) How her calendars and books help children get answers to unresolved questions, ease tension, and help them with executive functioning. (17:18) Learn More About Sara: As a writer, illustrator, and speaker, Sara spends her life creating products to help kids through really hard things at Mighty + Bright, and talking about stuff that makes many people want to crawl into a deep, dark hole. Whether it is divorce, cancer, death, or uncertainty, she has worked hard to be comfortable with the profoundly uncomfortable. Her work has been featured in POPSUGAR, Reader's Digest, the Mighty, and Good Housekeeping, to name a few, and she has spoken in front of audiences large and small about her experience making major life changes after divorce and cancer. She truly believes that everyone has the strength and resilience to overcome unimaginable hardship and use those lessons to make this world a much better place. Resources & Links: Mighty + Bright website Sara's website Sara on Instagram Mighty + Bright on Instagram JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Many of the women I work with, at some point, have stated that all they wanted in their relationship was to feel understood. As this week's guest, Mira Kirshenbaum (author of the seminal book, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay) states in her book, Why Couples Fight, "Feeling understood is the orgasm of intimacy." Mira joins me to talk about the ways in which couples can end conflict, frustration, and resentment in their relationships. Mira is co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families, and individuals. Show Highlights Unmet needs and the pursuit of getting your needs met. (9:52) "Power is the nightmare of love." We have at least 101 ways we make our partner feel disempowered. (17:04) The Eight Core Experiences of Love and why we must protect, maintain, and nourish all eight of them. "Love without affection is like food without flavor." (18:20) The 1-2-3 method - a 3-step process for resolving conflict in any relationship - sets couples up so they are both satisfied. (27:41) How to get your needs met with someone who is addicted to conflict. (35:36) Some ways you can provide feedback in a healthy manner. (37:30) What a power move is and why people use them. (39:19) Learn More About Mira: Mira Kirshenbaum is the author of eleven books—including the influential Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay; Parent-Teen Breakthrough; Everything Happens for a Reason; and The Weekend Marriage— that have been translated into over twenty languages, and she is a two-time finalist for the Books for a Better Life award. Mira is co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston, an internationally recognized center for research and psychotherapy for couples, families and individuals. She has been a workshop leader and trainer for medical professionals at Harvard Medical School and other institutions. She has appeared on 20/20, Today, and CBS Early Show, and has been featured as an expert in O, Cosmopolitan, Vogue, Glamour, and Good Housekeeping. Resources & Links: Mira's website Mira on Facebook Mira on Twitter JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Dr. Elizabeth Cohen is CEO and Founder of the online divorce course and membership, Afterglow: the Light on The Other Side of Divorce. She is also the author of the book, "Light on the Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You," which is a phenomenal book about how to grow and thrive after divorce. She joins me this week to discuss aspects of her book, including the need for processing your emotions. Because, love, you need to allow yourself to feel. We also talk about how divorce is trauma. As Dr. Cohen so eloquently stated, "We hold trauma in our body and divorce is a trauma. We need to allow the movement of this energy, this fight response through us. We need to in order to be a better parent, to be a better partner, to whoever we work with, to be a better citizen in this world." Show Highlights Challenging assumptions about divorce, because even in 2021, there is still a stigma about it. (6:08) You have every reason to feel ALL of your feelings. (16:18) So, what are some ways you can express anger? Dr. Cohen shares some ideas. (17:26) Divorce, trauma, and how it affects your entire body. (22:41) How self-doubt, inner-critic, and dissociation all make it hard to decide whether you should stay or you should go. (27:53) There's no wrong way to go through this process. If you're working with someone and they're telling you; there's a right way and a wrong way, then they're not your person. (29:43) Dr. Cohen shares about her relationship pattern excavator. (31:20) Working through the grief and loss of your marriage is a process. "It's unpeeling and dealing with the loss over time." (36:00) Learn More About Dr. Cohen: Dr. Cohen is a clinical psychologist. She is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce and the CEO of the Center for CBT in NYC. Dr. Cohen's online course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals, and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her research on the emotional effects of 9/11. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women's Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast, and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her "Divorce Course" column. Dr. Cohen hosts the Divorce Doctor podcast where she interviews people about their divorce experiences. Dr. Cohen's book based on her Afterglow program entitled, Light at The Other Side of Divorce: Discovering the New You will be published in April 2021. Resources & Links: Dr. Cohen's book Dr. Cohen's website Dr. Cohen on FacebookThe Thrive Fund TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

So, you and your spouse have decided to divorce. You're now faced with the responsibility of telling your kids. Unfortunately, there is no script for breaking the news to them. This week, I am bringing back my friend and colleague Christina McGhee to walk listeners through the very nuanced step-by-step process of telling your children you're getting a divorce. You and your ex are going to be co-parenting for the rest of your lives. Telling your children you're getting divorced is the first step in parenting apart. "You can't take the hurt away. It is going to be hard. How you handle the hard parts is what makes a huge difference for your kids." Christina McGhee Show Highlights First and foremost, you don't want to prematurely tell your children you are divorcing. (3:26) Instead, the most important thing is to have a plan - be thoughtful about what you say and when you plan to say it. (4:00) Christina's thoughts on telling your children you are only separating and then tell them you are getting a divorce at some point in the future. (6:41) Not a one-off conversation, but a series of conversations. (7:42) What do you say - what kind of information do you and don't you provide. (11:09) Why it is important to make a distinction between romantic love versus love for your children. (16:52) When is it "easiest" for children to hear that you are getting a divorce? Hint: there is never an easy time. (19:01) As a parent, you need to responsibly manage your emotions. Plus, how to plan the conversation if you (or your spouse) is an emotionally vulnerable parent. (26:35) Curbing the desire to share your version of the truth with your kids. Mitigate this action by putting children at the center. (31:09) Learn More About Christina: Christina McGhee is a "media savvy" divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits, and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio, and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few. Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with "real-life" challenges. As a zealous advocate for children, she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids. Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama. Resources & Links: Christina's website Christina on LinkedIn Christina on Facebook Christina on Instagram Christina's previous appearance on The Divorce Survival GuideEllen Bruno about her movie Split, on The Divorce Survival GuideThe Thrive Fund

This week, I'm sharing the conversation I had with Ellen Bruno about her film, Split. Split is an incredible film for kids of divorce and their parents. It is simple in its presentation, but poignant. Split is a deeply personal film that explores the effects of divorce on children, from the child's perspective. The movie allows children to speak the powerful truth of what is on their minds and in their hearts. Show Highlights What inspired Ellen to create a child-centered film about divorce. (5:53) How the film can be used as a tool for children and co-parents alike. (12:11) Mediators, family advisors, and court systems are also utilizing the film as a resource. Viewing it before mediation sessions help turn parents' attention away from their anger and experiences, and instead towards their children, instead. (19:03) The production of Split 2 and what Ellen learned as she revisited 11 of the 12 children she interviewed originally. (25:07) Learn More About Ellen: Ellen Bruno is an award-winning documentary filmmaker based in San Francisco. With a background in international relief work, Ellen's films have focused on issues at the forefront of human rights, including sex trafficking in Burma, political prisoners in Tibet, the social alienation of people with leprosy, and genocide in Cambodia. Ellen earned an MA in Film at Stanford University. She is a recipient of Guggenheim and Rockefeller Fellowships, a Goldie Award for Outstanding Artists, an Alpert Award for the Arts, an Anonymous Was A Woman Award for the Arts, and was an Artist-in-Residence at the Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. Ellen serves on the board of the International Buddhist Film Festival, the Pacific Pioneer Fund, and Ethical Traveler. Resources & Links: Split's website Split on FacebookThe Thrive Fund TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY:THE CENTER FOR DIVORCE EDUCATION The Center for Divorce Education is an organization that provides separated parents with the tools and techniques necessary to navigate the difficult task of being a co-parent. They currently offer an online parenting class called Children in Between. Anyone who is co-parenting can benefit from the class. Visit the link above to learn more. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

This week, I am talking with Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic about sexual coercion. We discuss how it shows up in relationships and what a woman can do if she is a victim. Dr. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to sexual violence prevention and sex offender public policy. She is also a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, and author of Protecting Your Child from Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe. My hope is that through this episode, you can begin to understand that your partner should want you to be an active and willing participant in any sexual behavior. The feelings should be mutual, and sex should not be forced on you. Show Highlights Dr. Jeglic helps us to understand what sexual coercion is and what it is not. (3:13) Whether you're in a marriage, a dating relationship, or meet a stranger at a party, if you are not able to give consent, it's rape. (4:58) The impact of our vision around our own sexuality. (7:28) The power of choice comes down to you, your values, and what you consent to. (14:42) Some ways in which sexual coercion shows up in relationships. (15:53) Examples of sexual scripts that show up within society, media, and the entertainment industry. (21:00) It is our responsibility to teach our children what a consensual relationship looks like, how you get consent, and what affirmative consent looks like. (22:32) If you are experiencing sexual coercion in your marriage or have, Dr. Jeglic offers some advice on what to do next. (27:23) How we can teach our children to have healthy, sexual relationships. (30:25) Learn More About Dr. Elizabeth Jeglic: Dr. Elizabeth L. Jeglic is an internationally renowned expert, speaker, author, and researcher on topics related to Sexual Violence Prevention and Sex Offender Public Policy. She is a licensed clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, City University of New York. She is the author of Protecting your Child from Sexual Abuse and Sexual Violence: Evidence-Based Policy and Prevention. Dr. Jeglic has published over 130 articles and book chapters and is an Associate Editor of the Journal Sexual Abuse. Dr. Jeglic's work is frequently quoted in the media, she is a nationally recognized public speaker and has been awarded the Fay Honey Knopp Award for her work preventing sexual violence. Resources & Links:Dr. Jeglic's website Dr. Jeglic on Twitter Dr. Jeglic on Facebook Dr. Jeglic on LinkedIn Protecting Your Child From Sexual Abuse: What You Need to Know to Keep Your Kids Safe DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Toxic Relationships and Abuse in Faith-Based Communities with Sarah McDugalShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook GroupThe Thrive Fund

This week I am continuing my podcast mini-series on abuse (which isn't so mini, after all). Joining me to discuss faith-based toxic relationships is Sarah McDugal. Sarah is a speaker, trainer, and abuse recovery coach who works exclusively with women wounded by toxic relationships in the faith community. There are various forms of abuse that can take place within a faith community. One scenario is the church as the abuser. Another often seen is using the church as a weapon of abuse. Sarah joins me to discuss how abuse shows up within the church and what we can do to change the narrative. While this episode deals with abuse within the faith community, Sarah makes a poignant statement about the purpose of her teachings, "My first desire is to call the faith community to be humble enough, to recognize where we failed, so that we can rebuild and we can change it. Second, if you are a woman, listening to this [episode] thinking, 'Oh my goodness this is my life,' I want you to know that there are resources. There is help…You are not alone." Show Highlights Fundamental theologies of the church and how they enable abusers. (3:23) Why we must recognize that abuse happens in the faith community. Plus, we explore some ways it shows up. (4:00) The vulnerability of women within the church: most churches and faith-based communities are patriarchal in their core foundation. Those who carry the greater level of power in the majority tend to be men. (15:39) How marriage counseling within the church environment is damaging. (23:11) Why the interpretation of the biblical text matters: love and truth versus coercion and control. (36:39) Changing the discussion around sexuality, marriage, and sexual satisfaction for women of the Christian faith. (38:37) Some solutions for women who want to escape an abusive relationship within the faith community. (48:04) We explore the four abusive relational elements, including entitlement and control. (59:51) Learn More About Sarah:Sarah McDugal is a speaker, trainer, and Abuse Recovery Coach who works exclusively with women wounded by toxic relationships in the faith community. She has published three books: "One Face: Shed the Mask, Own Your Values, and Lead Wisely," "Myths We Believe, Predators We Trust: 37 Things You Don't Want to Know About Abuse in Church," and "Safe Churches: Responding to Abuse in the Faith Community." Sarah is the founder of WILD, which offers individual coaching, recovery resources, training events, online courses, and private support groups. She emphasizes intentional prevention, responsible strategy, and holistic healing in her appearances on podcasts, TV, radio, and lectures. Resources & Links:Sarah's websiteSystems of Abuse ChartParenting Resource List5 Day Self-Compassion: Use Code KATE7 for $7 off. Offer extended to the first 100 listeners of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. Sarah on FacebookSarah on YouTubeSarah on InstagramSarah on Twitter The Thrive Fund

This week we are discussing how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. Joining me is my guest Bill Eddy. Bill is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. Bill is also the author of BIFF™: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, and the just-released, BIFF For Coparent Communication. If you are in any kind of high-conflict situation, you need this book. Seriously. During our conversation, Bill shares his expertise along with tips and techniques to help maneuver difficult co-parent texts, emails, and social media posts. Whether you are in a high-conflict co-parent situation or simply co-parenting with an ex, this episode is full of valuable information you can put to use immediately. Show Highlights High-conflict personalities and keeping high-conflict divorce out of the courtroom. How Bill developed the method of communication he uses in high-conflict situations. Why it is important to be brief when writing emails or written correspondence with a co-parent. Why you should avoid labeling a co-parent as a blame speaker, high-conflict person, or as someone who has a personality disorder. Plus, what you can do instead. Some techniques to help turn a high-conflict situation around or at least defuse one. The art of learning how and when to take a PAUSE. How to get information to a co-parent, in a friendly tone, and then end the conversation. Learn More About Bill: Bill Eddy is an attorney, therapist, mediator, author, and the co-founder and Chief Innovation Officer of the High Conflict Institute. He pioneered the High Conflict Personality Theory (HCP) and is a leading expert on managing disputes involving people with high conflict personalities. He was the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center for 15 years, a Certified Family Law Specialist lawyer representing clients in family court for 15 years, and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker therapist with twelve years' experience. He serves on the faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law in California and is a Conjoint Associate Professor with the University of Newcastle Law School in Australia. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 30 U.S. states and 10 countries and is the author or co-author of sixteen books (as of 2020) and has a popular blog on the Psychology Today website with over 4 million views. Resources & Links: High Conflict InstituteBill on Instagram High Conflict Institute on Facebook The Thrive Fund

Financial abuse is the exertion of power, control, and manipulation to the detriment of a person. This form of abuse negatively impacts a person in a number of ways. Here's the thing, many women become financially disempowered after marriage and experience financial abuse in silence. So, this week, during the Divorce Survival Guide series on abuse, we are exploring the topic of financial abuse. My special guest is Lili Vasileff. She is a Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®). In this episode we explore what financial abuse looks like, the complexities involved, and red flags to watch for. And yes, while this is a conversation about financial abuse, it is also one about financial empowerment too. Join me next week when we explore how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app. Show Highlights The difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse. (4:52) Financial abuse explained. Did you know that one in three victims of financial abuse don't even recognize it for what it is? (8:12) Is financial abuse common? Lili shares. Plus, some ways it may show up in a relationship. (9:46) Steps to take to ensure financial security at the beginning of a relationship. (18:38) You want to get divorced but have been abused, controlled, and manipulated. Lili offers some ways to get out of this type of situation and find financial freedom. (22:41) There are organizations willing to teach, help, and support women to get back into a career, to learn how to budget, learn how to invest, and go through a divorce. (26:44) Some red flags and characteristics of a financial abuser. (35:26) Learn More About Lili: Lili A. Vasileff is a fee-only Certified Financial Planner (CFP®), Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF™) specializing in Matrimonial Litigation, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®), and President of Wealth Protection Management based in Greenwich, CT. She is a trained mediator, collaborative financial specialist, and qualified litigation expert. She trains divorce professionals in the Collaborative process and presents on financial topics regularly at the New York City Bar Association. She is a nationally recognized expert practitioner, speaker, writer, and author of three books: "Money & Divorce: The Essential Roadmap to Mastering Financial Decisions" published by the American Bar Association; and "The Ultimate Divorce Organizer, The Complete Interactive Guide to Achieving the Best Legal, Financial and Personal Divorce", and "The Divorce Planner Checklist". Lili is the co-president of the National Association of Divorce Financial Planners (ADFP). Her awards include the prestigious 2013 Pioneering Award for outstanding public advocacy and leadership in the field of divorce financial planning, the Women's Choice Award as a highly recommended Financial Advisor by Women for Women; CEO Today 2018 Business Woman of the Year Award; Five Star Wealth Manager Award for last 12 years, the Best Wealth Protection Manager 2019 - Northeast USA and Recognized Leader in Divorce Finance 2019 by Wealth & Money Management, and Marquis Who's Who Albert Nelson Lifetime Achievement Award. Her website is www.wealthprotectionmanagement.com. Resources & Links: Lili's website Lili on TwitterLili on LinkedInLili on InstagramLili on Facebook Lili on YouTube DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Domestic Violence with Leslie Morgan Steiner DSG Abuse Mini-Series: Escaping Emotional Abuse with Beverly Engel Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group The Thrive Fund JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

This week we continue the abuse mini-series on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. In this episode, Leslie Morgan Steiner, author of The Naked Truth, returns to the show to join me in a discussion about domestic violence. She is a New York Times best-selling author, a columnist for The Washington Post, a speaker on work/family balance, a successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor. Her book, Crazy Love, is a harrowing memoir about her journey through a severely violent marriage. Together we discuss the complexities of domestic violence and Leslie shares how she ultimately ended her tumultuous marriage and began to heal. Still, to come on the Divorce Survival Guide mini-series on abuse, we'll explore financial abuse and how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app. Show Highlights Leslie's story of domestic violence abuse and how it was a transformational experience. (9:09) The stigma and shame of being an abuse victim is similar to being a sexual assault victim. (15:07) 85% of abusers are men and some red flags to watch for in potential partners. (16:33) Caution: If you think "I can't help him, but if he gets into therapy, then he'll be okay," this is true — if he does his own work and his own therapy. The research has shown it can be a decades-long process. (27:47) Domestic violence is a triage situation: help the victims first, but we're never really going to end abuse unless we start focusing on perpetrators getting the counseling that they need. (28:21) Abusive relationships: should you stay or should you go? (30:12) How Leslie reconciled being the victim of a destructive relationship and the champion of relationships themselves as a force for healing. (42:29) Learn More About Leslie: New York Times best-selling author, a columnist for The Washington Post, speaker on work/family balance, successful corporate executive – and domestic violence survivor. Leslie Morgan Steiner is the author of four nonfiction books: the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love; the critically acclaimed anthology Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families; The Baby Chase: How Surrogacy Is Transforming the American Family; and her latest memoir, The Naked Truth, which explores female sexuality, self-esteem, and dating after 50. Steiner holds a BA in English from Harvard College. Her first job was writing and editing for Seventeen Magazine. After graduating from Wharton business school in 1992 with an MBA in Marketing, she launched Splenda Brand Sweetener internationally for Johnson & Johnson. She returned to her hometown of Washington, DC in 2001 to become General Manager of the 1.1 million-circulation Washington Post Magazine, a position she held for five years. From 2006-2008 she wrote over 500 columns for the Washington Post's popular on-line work/family column, "On Balance." She has been profiled by People Magazine, the New York Times, Glamour, Psychology Today, Redbook, The Washington Post, and other publications. Steiner is a regular speaker at international women's conferences and media guest on The Today Show, National Public Radio, Anderson Cooper 360, The Tamron Hall Show, ABC, NBC, CBS, and cable news networks. She has appeared in Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Elle, Parents, Self, Vogue, Vanity Fair, The Los Angeles Times, and CNN.com. She is a frequent speaker and consultant on the subjects of marketing to moms and ending family violence. Her 2012 TEDTalk about domestic violence has been viewed by over six million people, and in 2014 she completed her second TEDTalk exploring the ethics of global surrogacy. She serves as a board member for the One Love Foundation, in honor of the slain University of Virginia senior Yeardley Love. Leslie Morgan Steiner lives in Washington, DC, New York, and New Hampshire. Resources & Links:Leslie's website Leslie on InstagramNo Visible BruisesShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group The Thrive Fund TODAY'S EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: SOBERLINK Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

This month, I am kicking off a mini-series on abuse on the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. In this episode, Beverly Engel joins me to talk about emotional abuse. She is the author of Escaping Emotional Abuse: Healing from the Shame You Don't Deserve. Emotional abuse is a deep and insidious attack on the soul. It causes the victim to question the truth about themselves, to doubt their worthiness as a person, and even the capacity to love. In Beverly's book, she writes that she found emotional abuse and shame to be more harmful than physical abuse. Whether or not you are being emotionally abused, this episode is a must-listen. The only way to help people from abuse like emotional abuse is to talk openly and honestly about it. We cover so much in this episode, I hope you'll tune in. Also, coming up over the next few weeks during the Divorce Survival Guide mini-series on abuse, we'll explore the topics of domestic violence, financial abuse, and how to communicate with a high-conflict co-parent. You can sign up for my email list to be notified whenever a new episode is released or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast listening app. Show Highlights What is emotional abuse? (4:06) Some characteristics of emotional abuse, like threatening to leave you or withholding money, sex, or affection. (15:00) The reason why women, in particular, find themselves in emotionally abusive relationships.(21:10) The intentional abuser is looking for somebody they can control. (22:34) The unintentional abuser is probably repeating what they witnessed in their home, repeating how his father treated his mother or vice versa. (27:26) You are depressed, emotionally, and physically depleted. Beverly explains how to gain the strength and the determination to pack up and leave. (33:24) Shame is one of the most damaging aspects of emotional abuse. We discuss some of the major factors towards healing, including self-compassion and expressing anger. (41:14) Learn More About Beverly: Beverly has been a psychotherapist for 35 years specializing in emotional and sexual abuse healing. She is the author of 23 self-help books and has been on many national radio and TV programs including CNN, Oprah and Starting Over. Resources & Links: Beverly's New Book Beverly's website Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

My friend Susan Guthrie, host of Divorce and Beyond Podcast, joins me to talk about why you might want to seek spousal and child support in your divorce. I am especially excited about this episode because it's a crossover event that we created for you! This episode is Part 1 of the crossover event and you can hear Part 2 on Susan's show. Alimony is the scariest and complicated topic that comes up during a divorce. Together, Susan and I talk about the complexities of spousal support, including how tax laws/bills affect alimony (currently, not in a good way), and when it's appropriate to seek out support. In Part 1 of our crossover conversation (this episode, right here!) Susan and I talked about why women should take support. In Part 2, we discuss some of the support pitfalls to watch out for and why it may not be the best solution for everyone. Head over to Susan's podcast to listen to Part 2! Show Highlights The real-deal about alimony and the factors that go into determining when alimony is appropriate. (4:34) Child support guidelines as they currently stand place children in the middle of a divorce. This is NOT okay. (16:44) As a stay-at-home parent, you've invested in the household, therefore spousal support honors the work that you've done — as well as the fact that you've been removed from the workforce for a time.. However, it's a minimal return on your investment, which can leave women more disempowered in the end. (18:15) What you need to know about negotiating support. (28:08) Learn More About Susan: Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the United States, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan provides exclusively online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world through her business Divorce in a Better Way. Susan has also recently partnered with mediation legend, Forrest "Woody" Mosten, to create the Mosten Guthrie Academy to provide cutting edge gold-standard training for attorneys, mediators and other professionals. As a leading dispute resolution professional, Susan is honored to serve on the Executive Council of the American Bar Association's (ABA) Section of Dispute Resolution as the Membership Officer and to be a Co-Chair of the Mediation Committee and Annual Advanced Mediation Skills Institute. Susan is also an internationally well-regarded expert in online mediation and has been training colleagues and other professionals in the practical and ethical considerations of conducting their mediations online with her innovative programs and webinars for more than two years. To date, more than 15,000 dispute resolution professionals have benefited from her program and she has trained mediators in countries all around the world including programs for the American Bar Association (ABA), the Alternative Dispute Resolution Institute of Canada (ADRIC), and the National Association of Distinguished Neutrals (NADN) among others. Susan founded Learn to Mediate Online™ in 2018 and now offers more than 7 programs for professionals all designed to help them to advance their skills and their practice to new heights. In addition to her other professional endeavors, Susan is an award-winning podcast host. Having reached a podcast listening audience of almost 4 million in the past two years, Susan is the creator and host of the hit podcast, The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. which debuted on iTunes "Top Podcasts for Self-Help" List. She recently launched The Learn to Mediate Online Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. to bring current information, updates and news on ODR to her thousands of followers. Susan has been featured in and on media outlets such as CNBC, Market Watch, Forbes, Eye on Chicago, WGN, the ABA's Just Resolutions Magazine, Thrive Global, The Nook Online among others. She is licensed to practice law in the States of California and Connecticut as well as before the Supreme Court of the United States. Resources & Links:Susan's website The Divorce and Beyond Podcast Susan on Instagram Divorce and Beyond Podcast on Instagram Divorce Corp (movie) The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide JOIN THE SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO FACEBOOK GROUP

Part of my work is to dig through the roots of patriarchal oppression, expose it for what it is, and bring light to ways in which we can smash it into oblivion. So, when I hear about stories of girls who are given to their abusers to be married at the age of 13 because they are pregnant - I am outraged (and enraged). Dawn Tyree is a fierce survivor of child marriage and turned her experience into an incredible life's work. She was not raised in a fanatical cult. Girls being married off to their abuser is happening all over the U.S. every year. In this episode, Dawn joined me to talk about her experience. We discuss the problem of child marriage and how we can resolve it. She is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. Her experience has been published in multiple major publications around the world. I am honored that she joined me to share her story. Show Highlights Dawn shares her story of being left in the care of an adult, experiencing sexual abuse at his hands, and being forced to marry him at 13. (8:57) The system is set up to let sexual abuse, abandonment, and child marriage happen. (13:13) Dawn's experience of being manipulated into believing that child marriage was the best choice. (15:31) How and when Dawn became aware that she was a victim of a sexual predator/abuser, how she began to process those emotions and started to plot her way out. (17:49) The story of her divorce and custody proceedings - as a minor. By the way, there is NO minimum age to marry (currently) in the state of CA. But, you have to be 18 years old in order for a divorce to be finalized. (27:26) From a parenting perspective, how Dawn spoke to her children about her/their situation. (29:01) Why you have to take your children out of an abusive situation and give them the opportunity to see what else there is. (35:19) What we can do to help end child marriage in the U.S. (41:32) Dawn explains why child marriage is a form of sex trafficking in plain sight. (50:21) Learn More About Dawn: Dawn Tyree is an author, activist, and a founding member of The National Coalition to End Child Marriage in the U.S. She is currently working with Global Hope 365 to help end child marriage in California. Her testimony and that of other survivors played a crucial role in ending child marriage in 4 U.S. States. The story of her experience as a child forced into marriage has been published in The New York Times, Reuters, The Sun, DailyMail, The News-Review, WRAL, Freedom United, Portland Metrozine, YES! Magazine, and printed into 12 different languages. Dawn works with multiple organizations and universities across the nation to help educate and offer support in comparative studies (the US and international) on child marriage and human rights abuse issues. Dawn was featured in a two-hour documentary on child marriage in the U.S. as part of the A & E Network docu-series, "I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story" with Elizabeth Vargas that aired in April 2019. She continues her activism work in tandem with writing her harrowing story of overcoming the toughest of odds. Tyree is enjoying life in the Pacific Northwest Coastal Range. Resources & Links: National Coalition to End Child Marriage Dawn on FacebookDawn on Instagram California Coalition to End Child Marriage Child Marriage – Shocking StatisticsStudents Against Child Marriage A&E's I Was a Child Bride: The Untold Story GET HELP: National Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-888-373-7888 Text: befree to *233733 Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

The topic of trauma bonds is one of the biggest conversations that circulate within my Facebook group and also with clients. In fact, it is one of the biggest obstacles women tackle as they extricate themselves from a toxic relationship. So this week, I am bringing back my friend Gwynn Raimondi to talk all about trauma bonds. Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer, and the creator of the Trauma-Informed Embodiment™ modality. The typical advice given to those breaking free from toxic relationships is to go no contact. Unfortunately, if you are a parent, going no contact isn't an option. You don't have the luxury of doing that when you share children with the person you have a trauma bond with. In this episode, Gwynn helps us understand what a trauma bond is and how you can set healthy boundaries in order to break free. Show Highlights What are trauma bonds and how do we recognize them? Plus, the two definitions of trauma bonds. (8:12) How trauma bonds are formed within long-term abusive partnerships. (9:07) The reason you can't heal from trauma bonds on your own and why you don't go to therapy with an abuser. (13:52) How to break free from a trauma bond. (21:40) The basics of what a healthy relationship should look like. (31:24) Learn More About Gwynn: Gwynn is a writer, Trauma Support Practitioner, Relational Systems Explorer and the creator of the Trauma Informed Embodiment™ modality. She specializes in complex (childhood, relational, & attachment based) traumas, grief, embodiment, and their intersections. She has written extensively over the last several years about many different types of trauma and the ways they impact our relationships. She offers online groups and programs periodically throughout the year, as well as works with individual clients via Zoom. Resources & Links:Gwynn on Instagram Gwynn on Facebook Gwynn's newsletterGwynn's Current Workshops and Offerings Rhian Lockard on Divorce Survival Guide Big Little LiesFAYR App The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Divorce comes with many harsh realizations. Once the dust starts to settle, lost friendships or friendships that no longer feel supportive can be the most painful realizations. What the hell happened to your friends? And how do you make new ones? My guest, Daniel Herrold, is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age. There are several aspects to Daniel's story that are poignant, like his deep respect and commitment to his ex-wife (the woman who stayed home for many years raising their children), as well as the story of how he created a new community with people he'd never known before. It is my hope that by sharing stories such as Daniel's, you'll see what is possible after divorce. Sure, it may not always be rainbows and unicorns. But rebuilding a community is possible and can come pretty darn close to magical too. Show Highlights Why it's important to surround yourself with people who are going through a divorce, who understand it, or who have been through it. (7:31) What happened to your friends? Some of the realities of friendship, including lost friendships, post-divorce. (8:12) Why should you focus on self-care, healing, and establishing that friendship group to help the healing process, instead of dating or thinking about your next partnership. (12:21) Daniel's story of recognizing the opportunity cost of his ex-wife being a stay at home mom and what that meant for them post-divorce. (19:58) How to put resentment and emotional baggage aside and show up with integrity. (26:30) Why Daniel created DivorcedOver40, building a community of nonjudgemental peers. And why it is not a matchmaking site. (36:21) Learn More About Daniel: Daniel is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community that provides resources and real-life testimonials to divorcees over 40 years of age. Daniel is a resident of Tulsa, OK and has been divorced for nearly two years now and has three daughters. Resources & Links:DivorcedOver40DivorcedOver40 on Instagram DivorcedOver40 on FacebookSmart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Sunday, January 3rd, was the start of peak dating season. To talk about how to harness the power of dating, my dear friend Bela Gandhi returns to the show. Bela is my go-to for all things dating advice and coaching. In fact, she gets the Divorce Survival Guide seal approval! There is no better time in your life to start thinking about dating than now. Bela breaks down some of the do's, don'ts, and how-tos for maneuvering through dating during peak season and beyond. Show Highlights What is it about this time of year that makes you feel the pull to start dating? (5:10) Are there great partners out there? (6:22) How to screen people in and what that means. (9:48) Some dating advice for women who have recently exited a relationship with a toxic abuser. (13:17) All the love in the world will not change a Beast into a Prince. (18:51) If dating makes you excited, Bela shares how to harness the power of dating season, including some dating profile tips. (22:13) Some pandemic silver linings in the world of dating. (31:22) Learn More About Bela: Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets. After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating's Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients "like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships". SDA's coaches become personal trainers for their clients' love lives. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. Resources & Links:Smart Dating Academy Bela on Instagram Bela on Facebook Bela on Twitter Smart Dating Academy on YouTube The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I have another listener favorite episode for you on when to give up the authentic fight: I asked a friend who is going through a divorce what I should talk about in this week's episode. He said I should talk about cravings. And he offered what he meant by saying this, "Given the shit happening in the world, we turn to safety, fantasy, and imagination to numb our true selves and we give up the authentic fight." How beautiful is that? There is so much happening in the world right now. And my friend is right, we numb out as a way to escape. We numb with food, drinking, or shopping. When it comes to relationships, we numb out by fantasizing about other people; hoping they are the cure for a troubled marriage. Turning to other people, places, or things will not lead you to true fulfillment. Doing so simply covers up the pain, momentarily. Succumbing to cravings is giving up the authentic fight. What happens if you just sit still with all of the shit that is happening in your life; what if you gazed into all of your own holes and examined them for what they are? What if? What might be possible for your relationship, for your marriage, or most importantly, for you? That's what I am talking about this week on the podcast. I hope you tune in. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why marriage is not responsible for fulfilling you 100% Discernment work is so complex, but necessary The importance of recognizing your own 'made-up' stories and changing the narrative Today's episode is sponsored by Soberlink: Proof. Protection. Peace of Mind. The Soberlink remote alcohol monitoring system consists of a portable breathalyzer with wireless technology for real-time results. With proven use as the leading choice in child custody cases since 2011, we are the only system that combines: Court-admissibility in all 50 states Facial recognition Tamper detection Easy-to-read Advanced Reporting™ Trust the Experts in Remote Alcohol Monitoring Technology™ to support the best interests of the child in your Family Law cases. Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

I am back after a month-long hiatus from the podcast. So where have I been? Well, I had COVID-19. Yup, it seems like I was 2020's personal punching bag. In this episode, I tell you about my experience, how I caught it, and what happened to me. I also go into why letting your guard down, even just a little bit, is like gambling with your life. COVID is no joke. If my story can save anyone else from getting this virus, I'm happy to share my experience. Thank you so much for hanging in with me, for all the support, emails, and the well-wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I did want to share one note about the holidays and divorce: I know the holidays are a difficult time for many. Keep the focus on your children. Do what's best for them, even if it means collaborating, coordinating, and doing the shopping for an ex who may be dropping the ball. How it goes this year is not how it will go every year. This is a process. So if you're in some situation that's pissing you off, you can get through it, and you can make changes moving forward I'll be back in January 2021 with new episodes, new content, and more. Until next time, sending my love. Resources & Links:Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Doing the holidays and divorce — at the best of times — can be super complicated. Co-parenting during the holidays during a pandemic? What a shitshow, amiright? Well, it doesn't have to be. This week, Michelle Dempsey-Multack joins me to offer tips and advice on how to handle the holidays during this crazy time. Michelle is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. There is no guidebook for parenting during a pandemic. But through our conversation, we hope you find some insight, inspiration, and tips to help you move through the upcoming season with confidence and grace. Show Highlights The shift in the divorce and co-parenting space and the role COVID-19 plays. (3:35) How to have an uncomfortable conversation that is non-threatening about making the holidays safe for your children. (8:49) Distinguish between the ex-partner who will balk about everything vs the ex-partner who is truthly concerned because they deem your actions as reckless. (12:06) Uncomfortable conversations lead to comfortable situations. (14:16) You can't tell COVID to go away because it would make divorce easier. But COVID is forcing new divorcees to slow down post-divorce. (15:33) Some tips on how to handle the holidays as co-parents, including how to share or split holidays. (24:48) Make your goal about you, moving on in a healthy way and doing what is best for your children. (34:57) Creating new holidays and traditions for yourself, post-divorce. (35:10) Learn More About Michelle Dempsey: Michelle Dempsey-Multack is a writer, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®) and host of the Moms Moving On Podcast. As a divorced, co-parenting, and remarried mother, nothing makes Michelle happier than being able to guide other women as they move on through the divorce process, and helping them turn their divorce lemons into lemonade - just like she did. A native New Yorker, Michelle now resides in Miami with her husband, Spencer, and each of their daughters, Bella and Jolie. Resources & Links: Michelle's website Michelle on Instagram Michelle on Facebook Mom's Moving On Podcast Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Maneuvering through a divorce is tough. Co-parenting can be even tougher. Parenting a diagnosed or newly diagnosed child with ADHD or neurodiversity post-divorce, well, things can feel downright suffocating at times. This week on the podcast we're talking about parenting a perfectly imperfect complex child in the midst of a divorce. My guest Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. She's the co-founder of ImpactADHD.com and co-creator of Sanity School®. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, Elaine's work truly impacted the way that I moved through my son's diagnosis, parenting, co-parenting with my ex, and everything that came after that. Seriously. Elaine's work was a lifesaver for me. Show Highlights Getting an ADHD diagnosis for your child. (4:20) Now that you know what you are dealing with, what happens next? (5:00) Moving from 'fix-it' mode to 'understanding'. (8:29) How to deal when one partner in the co-parent has ADHD and you have a child diagnosed with ADHD too. (16:31) What to do when one parent is in denial about a diagnosis. (19:05) Steps to help empower your child to find control where they can and help them feel good. (20:26) Choose one thing to be important at a time and not try to do everything at once. (38:26) What to do when your co-parent partner is criticizing your way of parenting. (42:05) Learn More About Elaine Taylor-Klaus: Elaine Taylor-Klaus is an author, parent educator, and certified coach. The co-founder of ImpactADHD.com, co-creator of Sanity School® (an online behavior therapy program), and co-author of Parenting ADHD Now! Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD, she provides coaching, training, and support for parents of complex kids – and parents raising kids in complex times. Her newest book, The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and More was released in September. Elaine has served as a parent advisor for the American Academy of Pediatrics and on the national Board of Directors of CHADD. She is the mother in an ADHD++ family of six. Resources & Links: Elaine's website Elaine on Twitter Elaine on LinkedIn Elaine on Facebook Elaine on Instagram Bless Her Heart – She Just Doesn't Understand ADHD (article) Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I am sounding off about why I get political on my podcast, on social media, and in my work. The short answer: It's because it matters and it's all intertwined. America is extricating itself from a relationship with a toxic abuser. The same thing is being played out in so many marriages that I see.In this episode, I breakdown the intersection between politics and my work in women's empowerment. I explore the similarities between Donald Trump and toxic partners, and why doing the work to remove yourself from such relationships is so important. Not just for you, but for your children, and for America. Show Highlights Why I talk about politics in my work. Consider where the power dynamic shifted in your relationship. Why you need to have a solid exit plan when leaving a toxic relationship. The importance of understanding and acknowledging privileges to support others who do not have the same privilege. Why it's important to do the work and be an active participant in changing the systems and behaviors in your life. Resources & Links:DSG Episode: Nobody is Entitled to Your Forgiveness Seduced Documentary National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety: TheHotline.org or call 800-799-7233Private Coaching with Kate AnthonyKate Anthony's program Rooted Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I am re-airing a listener favorite episode - Not Your F*cking Job. Want equal partnership? Let's start with not taking on impossible tasks -- and then being blamed for not being able to accomplish them. Listen to this episode for more! A few weeks ago, I posted in my Facebook group that I was going to write a flipbook called, Not Your Fucking Job. And it was going to be a very simple book about all the things that are not your fucking job to do for your spouse or partner. You know, things like: Helping him heal his childhood wounds?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Teaching him how to be a good parent?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. Proving your worth or proving your love to him?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB.Or keeping him from cheating on you?NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB. You get the idea. Well, in this week's episode I am going to go through about 8-10 scenarios of things that are not your fucking job and explain why you need to stop carrying allll of the weight in your relationship. After you listen to this episode; if you realize you are doing these things, understand you are doing them out of some need to control. So what IS your job: to uncover why you're doing these things and then work to fix it, for you — not for him or for anyone else, for you. Only in this way will you have a chance at healing your marriage, or having an amicable divorce. Here are just a few of the topics I touch on in this episode: Why it's not your job to heal your partner's childhood wounds Allowing your partner to make mistakes and clean up his (or her) own messes A reminder that it is not your job to beg him to love you or treat you well Why it's not your job to lose weight, gain weight, dye your hair or get a boob job in order to feel as though you are enough for someone. Only do these things if you WANT to, for you! What IS your job in your relationship Resources & Links: ROOTED LIVE is coming! If you think you might want out of your marriage, but you can't seem to find the courage to make a decision once and for all, and you're scared you won't have the strength to get through all that comes after you say those four words, "I want a divorce," then ROOTED is 100% for you. ROOTED is my online coaching program which I will be taking LIVE in February. It's designed to help you FIND YOUR STRENGTH, BUILD YOUR CONFIDENCE, AND STEP INTO YOUR POWER. Learn more here. Fed Up, Gemma HartleyCo-Dependent No More, Meldoy Beattie DSG Episode: NOW...he wants to go to therapy?

This week I am re-airing a listener's favorite episode, The Power of Letting Go with Jill Sherer Murray. The episode aired right before the COVID-19 pandemic began. Since it feels like an entire year has passed since February, I thought I'd revisit some of my most popular episodes from early 2020. I'll be back with new episodes in November! Wouldn't you just love the superpower of letting go? If so, you're in luck! Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. Jill is my guest on the podcast this week and she's going to share all about harnessing the power of letting go. Yes, letting go can feel risky and downright scary. And, letting go is a challenge. Especially when you're contemplating divorce or going through divorce. Jill said something pretty powerful during our time together, "If you figure out how to let go, you can find your way out of or to anything." So today she's going to share some ways that you can begin to move forward in your life. After all, this is your one wild and precious life. If you're waiting for someone to give you permission to live it, you're not gonna get it. You have to take permission to live it yourself. This includes permission to let go, permission to immerse yourself in self-love, and permission to live your life as you see fit. Show Highlights How ending a 12-year relationship was eye-opening and transformational for Jill (6:15) What letting go truly is and the importance of acknowledging what you need to let go of before you can take action (14:36) We talk about a simple yet powerful exercise which walks you through the process of letting go (26:41) Why letting go is real freedom and how the act of self-love empowers us to act boldly (29:37) Where women struggle most when it comes self-love and letting go (36:33) When we don't do the work, we are agreeing to let other people to decide what we have and what we don't have (44:51) Let go of being so hard on yourself, let go of other people's expectations, and let go of being afraid of what you truly want (50:03) Learn More About Jill: Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she's had in her career, love life, and more to letting go. Her TEDx talk, "The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go" has been viewed by almost two million people – and grows by the thousands each day. Her book, which comes out in May and is available for pre-order on Amazon and Indiebound, is called Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. She wrote it in response to the countless numbers of viewers who've reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx talk. Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago. And another five years writing a popular blog called "Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis" for www.wildriverreview.com. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers. Resources & Links: Jill's website Jill on Facebook Jill on Instagram Jill on LinkedIn The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go TEDx A Special Gift from Jill: If you're struggling like I was in a relationship, not sure whether to hold on or let go, take comfort in knowing that the truth inside you knows the answer. And I have something to help you crack that truth. It's a simple exercise you can do in just 11 minutes. Get it here: https://bit.ly/31Z9G1U The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide

This week we are talking about all things step-parenting. Tracy Poizner, the founder of the Essential Stepmom Podcast, joins me to explore this topic. Tracy and I discuss becoming a step-mom, how to prepare yourself if your ex-husband introduces a stepmother into your child's life, and how to create an environment for your children to feel safe and loved within their newly formed blended family. Show Highlights It can take up to seven years to settle into being a step-parent. (3:11) Some advice for women preparing to become a step-mom. (5:30) How to blend house rules between bio children and step-children. (15:05) So, there's a new woman in your ex's life: Tracy talks about how to prepare for this new situation of sharing your children with another woman. (26:03) Recognize this is a place of growth for you, love is not a finite thing - your children will never have less love for you because they have a step-mom in their life. (30:47) We discuss family constellation therapy and the orders of love. (32:00) Learn More About Tracy Poizner: Tracy is the host of the weekly Essential Stepmom podcast, heard in 54 countries worldwide where she offers unconventional advice and inspiration for The Womanly Art of Raising Someone Else's Kids. Having been a stepmom for 14 years and an alternative healthcare professional for over 20 years, she has a special perspective on emotional healing and how to meet our own personal needs as stepmoms in the everyday chaos of this challenging lifestyle. Tracy's blog is available at her website, essentialstepmom.com. Resources & Links: Tracy's website Tracy on Facebook Tracy's Private Facebook Group Tracy on Instagram Download Tracy's 3 Secrets of Successful Stepmoms Kate Anthony on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Jessica Frew is the co-host of the podcast Husband In Law. Along with her husband and ex-husband, they share their stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting. Jessica and her ex-husband were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay. They then remained married for another seven years. In this episode, Jessica shares her extremely unique and openly loving story of divorce. Show Highlights Jessica's unique and wonderful experience with divorce and co-parenting. (2:19) The boundaries shift with almost any co-parenting relationship. (4:32) Why it's important to not compare your divorce with another. (6:15) Understanding your partner's issues are not about you. (9:07) How has being an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has affected Jessica and her co-parenting relationship with her husband. (11:54) There is more freedom in personal responsibility. (23:36) Navigating religious culture in the face of divorce. (29:02) Learn More About Jessica Frew My ex-husband (Steve) and I were married for just over a year when he came to terms with the fact he was gay. We stayed married for another 7 years. We were happily married but there was a side of Steve that he needed to explore and be authentic to. When we divorced, we discussed how we wanted our divorce to look for ourselves and for our daughter. We have been able to stick to that plan. I have been remarried now for 6 years and have 2 step kids. My husband (Matt) and Steve get along as well. We do birthdays, family dinners, holidays, and vacations together. They even take our girls out on double dates. It is such a blessing. Matt's ex-wife does not like us, despite our efforts to have a good relationship with her. We have learned to set firm boundaries in order to protect ourselves and our children. I have learned so much about what it really means to be a stepmom. I have learned to let go of control to not take offense when mud is slung my way. It is a hard roll to find your place in because it is one you never expect to hold. Together my husband, ex-husband, and I are sharing our stories of love, marriage, coming out, infidelity, divorce, and co-parenting in our Podcast Husband in Law. We are doing this to help individuals view themselves and others in a new light so that they can see not only their own self-worth but also the worth of others. We are changing how people view themselves and others to create more understanding and stronger relationships. Resources & Links: Connect with Jessica Jessica on Instagram Podcast Husband in Law Jessica on Facebook The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

When it comes to divorce and alcohol abuse, weaponizing the disease of alcoholism is the worst thing you can do — not only for the individual being accused but also for your children. Today, Chris Beck, VP of Soberlink, joins me for a discussion about how Soberlink is empowering co-parenting relationships and keeping families together — even after divorce. In this conversation, Chris and I take a deep dive into the alcohol monitoring system Soberlink and learn how it is used as an empowerment tool that helps build trust between divorcing parents. Soberlink allows you to have peace of mind that your children are safe while with your ex, while keeping communication lines open as well. Show Highlights How the testing system works, and when to use it. (3:00) Why random testing may not be ideal in a custodial environment (6:00) What happens if there is a positive test during parenting time. (8:42) Soberlink is not a punitive or oppressive tool, it is a unifying tool. (10:00) Reducing the stigma of alcohol use. (13:25) How the results are tracked and how Soberlink works within the family law court system. (17:37) COVID-19 and how it's affecting cases involving alcohol abuse. (23:06) Learn More About Chris Beck:Chris Beck is the VP of Business Development for Soberlink Healthcare. Chris's primary responsibilities include working with Family Law Judges, Attorneys, and Health Care Professionals across the country to educate them on Soberlink's modern approach to alcohol monitoring for Child Custody Cases. He has led over 25, 1-hour educational presentations and continues to find new opportunities to raise awareness around alcohol monitoring and child safety. Resources & Links: Soberlink Soberlink on Facebook Soberlink on LinkedIn Soberlink on YouTube Soberlink on Instagram Soberlink on Twitter The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

We do ceremonies for many of life's transitions - baby showers, weddings, and more. When one is faced with divorce, creating a ceremony isn't something most consider doing. However, a divorce ceremony can help you emotionally and spiritually, and create an intention of how you want it all to go. And that is the topic of this week's episode. The Ceremonialist, Georgia Wall, joins me to discuss what the divorce ceremony process could look like and how ceremonies are a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people. We also discuss the various ways in which you can create a ceremony for yourself and work to cut the chords of the divorce process. I invite you to listen to this episode with an open heart and receive the possibilities of this spiritual wellness work. Show Highlights How Georgia came to this work and what kind of ceremonies she helps to create. (6:43) Ceremonies for internal shifts, including acknowledging the painful parts of life and figuring out where you want to be. (7:50) Being intentional about what you are stepping into or stepping away from. (11:24) The various stages of divorce and the ceremonies that you can create - like one for finding clarity and one for the actual divorce. (19:53) The ceremony creation process and some of the deep insights uncovered. (20:22) When you name something (your divorce, your realization that you should go, or decision to stay) with intention, helps you to see all the places where your various thoughts and feelings exist. (33:12) Spiritual practices help you to set an intention. (37:47) Learn More About Georgia Wall: Georgia Wall is an artist, educator, and Ceremonialist based in New York City. She offers personalized ceremonies to individuals, groups & communities. Rather than adhering to a specific practice or lineage, Georgia "seeks to uncover the specific inner ceremony that an individual or a group carries within them -- the ceremony that is necessary and arising for the given moment, born from lived experience." She considers her practice of ceremony a process of co-creation with the people she works with. Georgia has created ceremonies to acknowledge and honor everything from births to deaths, to the more intimate rights of passage, like the end of a romantic relationship or a decision to have an abortion. Georgia describes a ceremony as "a reverent and intentional act that brings us closer to our innermost sense of knowing, always with the aim of honoring our own humanity as well as the humanity of all people" Resources & Links:Georgia's website The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

My guest this week, Carrie Casden, has a really interesting approach to talking about money. In this episode, we are talking all about our relationship to money in the face of divorce. Carrie Casden is a business manager and financial coach. She coaches clients toward financial wellness and how to make smart fiscal decisions. There's often a variety of emotions that come up when talking about or dealing with money. If you don't work on the feelings now, it's going to be much harder to stay on a budget during divorce. Carrie helps us understand what it means to unpack our money stories. She helps us get to the heart of money issues and empowers us to make financial decisions for our future. In fact, our conversation can be summed up as one about empowering women to take responsibility and control of their own financial security, stability, and futures. Show Highlights How to unpack and understand your relationship with money. (7:22) The difference between a conscious and subconscious relationship with money. (7:56) There's always sort of an emotion attached to money. (10:56) Money archetypes and why understanding your pattern will help you make money choices more wisely. (11:48) Money behaviors, and why we feel like it's an underutilized portion of friendship. (39:06) How to figure out which money archetype you are. (47:26) Learn More About Carrie Casden: Carrie Casden is a business manager and certified money coach at Summit Financial Management in West Los Angeles. She coaches clients across the United States towards financial wellness and helps them understand their conscious and subconscious relationship with money. She works with clients going through divorce and guides them through the sometimes overwhelming financial steps involved with ending one chapter and creating a new and more meaningful one. Resources & Links: Carrie on Instagram The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

A huge realization for many women going through divorce is around the emotional abuse they've suffered in their marriage. In my program, we have an entire module dedicated to uncovering and understanding this, part of which is hosted by my guest today, Rhian Lockard. Invariably, as women dive more deeply into the work of uncovering emotional abuse, they are struck with the question, "Wait, am I the abuser?" This week, my friend and colleague Rhian Lockard returns to the podcast to help answer that very question. (Spoiler: if you're asking the question, you're not the abuser.) Rhian is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others. In this episode, Rhian helps us to understand the difference between being the abuser and being someone backed into a corner trying to save themselves from a very real threat. Show Highlights If you are asking the question, "Am I the abuser?", you're not the abuser. (3:56) Someone who is emotionally abusive is seeking control from a relationship and not love or connection. (5:55) The fatal trait of a narcissist is that they want love but refuse to do the self-work. (16:02) Because you are not the abuser does not mean you don't have toxic qualities. (18:03) How and why we start to behave in alignment with how our relationship is set up. (31:43) How do you get out of a toxic relationship? (35:39) Why you should go to therapy yourself, first. (41:48) How women can take back their innate sense of knowing. (48:14) Learn More About Rhian Lockhard: Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others. Resources & Links:Rhian's websites: Rhianlockard.com and Moonstonewitchery.com Rhian on Facebook Rhian's previous appearance on The Divorce Survival Guide Rhian's YouTube Video - Am I the Abuser? Look for Rhian's podcast - What Is Love? - on your favorite podcast streaming app! The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week on the podcast, we're talking about dating after divorce with Bela Gandhi. Bela has been called The Fairy Godmother of Dating by Steve Harvey, Harry Connick Jr. and The Huffington Post — so basically, she's magic. Bela is the founder of The Smart Dating Academy in Chicago, and has been helping people find lifelong love for over a decade. When I first got divorced, I could not wait to start dating!! Unfortunately, I wasn't focused on dating for fun and experience. Instead, I was on a quest for my next husband! Needless to say, that did not go very well for me. #stillsingle When I look back at my dating experience post separation and divorce, I can say without hesitation that it was the biggest lesson in learning who I am in relationships. If you're thinking about what dating after divorce will look like for you or about to start dating again, I encourage you to look at dating as an interesting and introspective process. And to listen to whatever Bela tells you to do — that's what I'm doing now! #projectfindkateahusband Show Highlights How to know when you're ready to date and why making sure you are as healed as you can be following your divorce is so important. (7:47) If you haven't worked on yourself first, you'll run into the same relationship over and over again. (11:59) The difference between what happened in your past relationships and what you made up. (16:16) What has happened to the dating world because of COVID-19. (20:41) What are some of today's rules of engagement for women coming out of marriages? (26:16) Some of the red flags of dating. (29:28) Dating with attention and awareness. (42:16) Smart Dating Academy: How Bela and her team work with clients. (46:09) Learn More About Bela Gandhi:Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets. After she graduated (with dual degrees in Finance and German from the University of Illinois in Urbana/Champaign), Gandhi worked in mergers and acquisitions for Arthur Andersen in Chicago for a year before joining her family's chemical and manufacturing company (CCC) as the, where she divided her time between Chicago and Europe helping to expand the business. When the Gandhi family sold its business to Akzo Nobel, she was asked to remain its leader, and became Akzo Nobel Non-Stick Coating's Global Vice President of Housewares. But even as she quickly climbed the corporate ladder, Gandhi had a feeling that her career would one day be taking a sharp turn in a different direction – because she discovered her love of matchmaking and providing dating advice. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients "like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships". SDA's coaches become personal trainers for their clients' love lives. The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. Resources & Links:Bela on Instagram Bela on FacebookBela on Twitter Visit Bela's website and grab your copy of 7 Clues You're Dating A Narcissist The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Getting sober is a vulnerable process, but as this week's guest's book suggests, there is surprising magic in getting sober. Laura McKowen, author of We Are the Luckiest is here to talk about her journey to sobriety, getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, and making it through to the other side. I've been on my own sobriety journey, and I'm still kind of early in the process. In this episode, you'll hear how my story is completely different from Laura's, yet the feelings are so similar. If you're not sober, if you're not struggling to get sober, or if you have no intention of ever getting sober, this episode (and Laura's book) is still a great resource! The wisdom Laura shares during our conversation are applicable to every facet of life. Show Highlights Laura shares openly about getting divorced in the midst of her sobriety journey. (4:53) Learning how to be in a relationship with someone without alcohol. (10:45) Why people-pleasing is a form of dishonesty and some of the other insidious ways that we're not honest with ourselves and those around us. (16:38) The pregnancy principle: what it is and why it matters. (39:45) In order for something new to grow there have to be boundaries. (23:36) How to let go of perfectionism. (40:01) Learn More About Laura McKowen: Laura McKowen is the author of We Are the Luckiest. She is a former public relations executive who has become recognized as a fresh voice in the recovery movement. Beloved for her soulful and irreverent writing, she now leads sold-out yoga-based retreats and courses that teach people how to say yes to a bigger life. She hosted the iTunes Top 100 podcast HOME, with over 1.5 million downloads. and has been featured on the TODAY show, in the Guardian, New York Times, Web MD, and more. Resources & Links: Laura's website Laura on Facebook Laura on Instagram Laura on Twitter Laura on Pinterest The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week on the show, we have a woman who has been crowned The Fairy Godmother of Divorce by the New York Post! Nicole Noon, Esq. is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding. And she's super cool. So what is divorce funding? It's very much like getting an advance so that you can afford to go through your divorce. If you've decided it is time to leave your marriage, but are stuck due to finances, then divorce funding might help you move forward. Nicole helps us understand what it is and how it can help women get through financial hurdles. Show Highlights Divorce funding, what it is and how it can help. (4:00) Some of the ways in which you can use the funds. (8:47)) Securing a divorce fund and the process from start to finish. (10:00) How having your credit destroyed by your husband can affect your ability to apply for and get funds. (11:28) The logistics of divorce funding, including how to access the money, terms for paying it back, and more. (21:00) Some resources for women who can't afford to go the usual divorce route. (26:00) Learn More About Nicole Noonan, Esq.: Nicole Noonan, Esq., CEO of New Chapter Capital Inc., specializes in divorce funding. She formerly served as President of Novitas US. She is a nationally recognized divorce expert and pioneer of divorce funding. Crowned the "Fairy Godmother of Divorce" by the New York Post. Recognized by New York Magazine as New York's Women Leader's in the Law 2014. She has been seen on Good Morning America, Bloomberg TV, WLNY's "The Couch" and WPIX. She also been featured in The Huffington Post's Women in Business, American Banker, The Economist, Forbes Magazine, Fortune Magazine, and The New York Times Resources & Links: Nicole's website Nicole on InstagramNicole on LinkedInNicole on Facebook Nicole on Twitter The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

When the Black Lives Matter movement rose up more powerfully than ever in the wake of the murder of George Floyd, I checked in with the Black women in my Facebook group to see how they were doing. Obviously, they weren't doing too well. But one thing they were struggling with surprised me: the guilt they felt around leaving Black men in the midst of this rise in racial tension. Because the Black women in my group are all too aware of the trauma that Black men carry on their backs, simply by virtue of being Black men in America, and would leave them now traumatize them in some even deeper way? Most women feel guilty for leaving their husbands on some level. Most of us are even keenly aware of the trauma that our partners live with that impact many of the issues in our marriages. But the guilt Black women feel is something else entirely. The trauma Black men live with by virtue of being Black in America is something that most of us can only begin to fathom. In order to break down this topic (and a few more!) I turned to my friend Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq, who is a Black woman, an attorney, and a divorced mom! In this episode, we discuss how the world's current events are impacting our diverse population and what COVID-19 is teaching us about how we look at and live our lives. Show Highlights Black women tend to put themselves last, Dana offers some insightful advice on managing your own priorities and values, and not to feel guilty about it. (10:51) You don't know what kind of co-parent you are until you are one and you don't know what kind of co-parent you married until you divorce. (21:31) You will carry the same baggage into your next relationship if you don't deal with it and work through it. (23:00) If your partner is not supportive of your dreams or growth and tries to squash them, this is just one RED flag that you are not where you are supposed to be. You have to stand up for you! (38:00) We discuss toxic energy and projection, and how it can affect you. (40:00) Part of growth is not being afraid of failure. (44:00) Learn More About Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq.: Dana Michelle is the host of radio and television talk shows Dana Being Dana, new television show Finding Common Ground and Co-founder and Director of The Homecoming Challenge, a non-profit alumni giving campaign. A full-time practicing attorney and mother of two, Dana Michelle divorced in 2015 and unleashed a new lease on life. Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce weekly lives / weekly live archived episode with Dana Dana's website Dana Being Dana Finding Common Ground Dana on Facebook Dana on Instagram Dana's Homecoming Challenge The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Kundalini Yoga provides you the chance to be more introverted, relate more to your subtle nature, heal your inner wounds, and navigate your intuition system. When you check-in with your intuition, as Kundalini helps you to do, you inherently get answers to some of your deepest, most difficult questions, including, "Should I stay or should I go?" As we enter the final week of sex and intimacy month, I am talking with Libby Lydecker about Kundalini Yoga, and how it can help awaken your intuition and help you lead a more intimate life. We also discuss sexual alchemy, including what it is (it's more than just about sex) and how to harness it. Libby Lydecker (aka Dya Kaur) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach, a conscious Sexuality Podcaster, and an International Retreat Leader. In this episode, she helps us to understand just how powerful women can be when they do the inner work and bring out their power from within. Show Highlights What is Kundalini Yoga and how it differs from other forms of yoga (5:00) You can't give your power away to anyone else, fixing yourself is inner work. (14:00) Addiction recovery and Kundalini Yoga. (22:06) How Kundalini can be used to heal divorce trauma and how it provides an eagle-eye perspective to help you move through it. (27:17) Every woman carries a ferocious power within them, waking up into that power is the way we will transform ourselves and society. (35:15) There is nothing wrong with justifiable anger, but Kundalini asks you to consider what you can do with that anger? (38:00) Sexual Alchemy, what it is and how we can harness it. (39:46) Feeling sexually confident at any age and why it is your birthright to experience sexual pleasure. (51:38) How to invite men into the healed power of a woman. (54:00) Learn More About Libby Lydecker: Libby Hudson Lydecker aka Dya (pronounced Daya) Kaur (like car) is a Kundalini Yoga teacher of 13 years, a Spiritual Life Coach and a conscious Sexuality Podcaster (Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur) and International Retreat Leader. Through the technology of Kundalini Yoga, and conscious self authorized empowerment, she helps guide her students and clients to find their solutions from within. Our best answers are found when we give our higher self space and freedom from the clutter of our conditioning and social prescriptions. Resources & Links: Libby's website Libby on Facebook Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur on Instagram Libby on LinkedIn Kate on Sexual Alchemy with Dya Kaur The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Are you ready to take your sexy back? As we enter another week of sex and intimacy month on the podcast, I am bringing you one of my favorite people to talk to about sex and relationships, Dr. Alexandra Solomon. Dr. Solomon is the author of the books Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. She is also a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. In this episode, we talk about the various ways women can reclaim their sexuality after divorce. We discuss the importance of attaching sexuality to oneself as opposed to someone else, shifting the way we teach and talk about sex, and how being vulnerable can aid in sexual healing. Divorce can leave you feeling broken and unsexy, but you really can own your sexuality and create the life you desire -- even in midlife! Show Highlights What prompted Dr. Alexandra to write "Taking Sexy Back," and how it stresses the importance of reclaiming your sexuality. (3:00) Attaching sexuality to ourselves rather than to someone else. (5:59) Changing and shifting the way we teach sex education. (8:00) How the patriarchy has impacted women's sexual ownership and sexual power. (13:46) The spectrum of sexual coercion and manipulation. (20:00) Risk, trust, self-compassion, and consent. (29:05) How couples can navigate desire discrepancy. (36:02) How to talk about sex safely with your partner, when it doesn't feel that safe. (45:00) Learn More About Dr. Alexandra SolomonDr. Alexandra Solomon is a clinical assistant professor at Northwestern University and a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. She is the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want (New Harbinger, 2017) and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want (New Harbinger, 2020). She writes articles and chapters for leading academic journals and books in the field of marriage and family and is a regular contributor at Psychology Today. You can connect with Dr. Solomon at DrAlexandraSolomon.com. Resources & Links: DrAlexandraSolomon.comLoving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships Dr. Alexandra Solomon on InstagramDr. Alexandra Solomon on FacebookDr. Alexandra Solomon on TwitterDr. Alexandra Solomon on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

When we're talking about marriage, sex is an important topic. So in the month of July, we are talking ALL about sex and intimacy. I'm kicking off the month with Dr. Joe Kort. Dr. Joe is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist who is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy (you know I love my Imago peeps!). Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues. Something I see a lot in my work is when someone gets caught cheating, and then they claim to be a sex addict. One of the reasons I wanted to talk with Dr. Joe was to ask him, "What is a sex addict?" Dr. Joe shares why he thinks there is no such thing as sex addiction and what he sees within his work instead. We also explore whether or not porn is a sexual health crisis, how to negotiate erotic differences, and maneuvering through a mixed-orientation relationship. Some deep stuff here, folks! Show Highlights There is a difference between sex addiction therapy and sex therapy - not all therapists are created equal. (9:00) Why the term sex addiction boxes people in. (12:00) How to broach the subject of porn, open-relationships, and other vulnerable conversations about sex. (15:14) How erotic orientation differs from sexual orientation. (20:00) Is porn a sexual health crisis? (23:22) Negotiating erotic differences with your partner and having erotic empathy. (34:09) How you can recover from infidelity. (36:00) Learn More About Dr. Kort:Dr. Joe Kort is a Licensed Sex and Relationship Therapist. He is trained in Sex Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy. Dr. Kort specializes in working with sexual dysfunction, relationship concerns, and with individuals identifying as LGBTQ and presenting issues. He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men. Dr. Kort is a blogger for Psychology Today. He is also the Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes' LGBTQIA Affirmative Therapy Certification and the Couples and Sex Therapy Certification Programs. He works with Modern Sex Therapy Institutes to provide Certification trainings including Sex Therapy Certification and continuing education to mental health and medical professionals around the world. He also has a podcast, www.SmartSexSmartLove.com. His website is www.JoeKort.com Resources & Links: Dr Kort's websiteDr. Kort's on TwitterDr. Kort's on Facebook Kate on Dr. Joe's Podcast The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week, Dr. Elizabeth Cohen and I discuss how to cope when your partner has an active addiction. Underneath everything you are going through, there is so much fear and a lack of belief in yourself. Everything about a divorce is uncomfortable. Dr. Elizabeth Cohen helps people get a little more comfortable with something so painful. When you're living with or divorcing a partner who has an active addiction, you may find yourself acting out different behaviors like the need to control every situation. You may become (or already be!) codependent, and you focus on their healing instead of your own. When you finally take the focus off of them and towards yourself you can begin to see light at the end of what may be a very dark tunnel. Show Highlights When women share themselves openly and honestly, the world begins to split open. (9:21) Focusing on your growth and healing is how we change the world — and our circumstances. (11:06) The issue with wanting to control a situation while being in denial about what the real problem is. (17:21) Sublimating your own needs for someone else. (23:00) Breaking the cycle of codependency. (24:15) The core issue about a person abusing any substance is the difficulty sitting with emotions. (34:41) A partner should never be responsible for healing the other. (38:36) Some advice for those who are living with an active addict. (47:33) Learn More About Dr. Cohen:Dr. Cohen is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce. This 14 week course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. Dr. Cohen offers a monthly membership program to provide 1:1 coaching, expert support from divorce professionals and an engaged community of like-minded people. Dr. Cohen received her PhD in clinical psychology from Boston University. She was the recipient of the prestigious American Psychological Foundation Research Award for her doctoral research. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women's Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast and Good Housekeeping. Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her "Divorce Course" column. Resources & Links: Dr. Cohen's website Dr. Cohen on Instagram Facebook The Divorce Doctor- Elizabeth Cohen,PhD 14 Day Step-By-Step Guide To Make Any Tough Decision While Going Through Divorce 3 Steps to Take Right Now for A Stress Free Divorce Our Happy Divorce Livestream, Drugs, Alcohol, and Divorce with Kate and Elizabeth The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

I am excited to bring you my interview with my dear friend, Wendy Sterling. Wendy and I are talking about healing and reclaiming ownership of your voice and identity after divorce. Wendy is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author, and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy and I are book-ends when it comes to divorce and coaching. I work with women before their divorce, and Wendy works with women after divorce and helps them build their life back up. In this episode, we discuss the idea that divorce can be an empowering experience. Yes, it's emotional and downright hard. And, when we get to the heart of the matter - divorce is a breakdown. But to get to the breakthrough, you have to sit through the breakdown first. I hope that this episode is a reminder to allow yourself to experience the pain and work to get to the other side. Because it may just be the best thing to ever happen to you. Show Highlights Wendy's story of divorce and the realization that divorce can be an empowering experience. (3:59) Comparing your relationship to other relationships is unhealthy and unnecessary. (14:01) When Wendy's marriage was over, she realized she no longer needed to continue doing things that didn't fulfil her. (19:09) Why you should get curious about what is coming up when you are working to find your voice and identity. (24:27) What inspires Wendy to do the work she does with divorced women. (28:11) The Divorce Rehab™ - a five-step process that focuses on using tough love to move through the pain and fear of divorce more quickly than if you do it alone. (33:11) Learn More About Wendy: Wendy Sterling is a Divorce Recovery Specialist, a certified life coach, writer, author and speaker who founded The Divorce Rehab™. Wendy helps divorced women recover from their divorce by remembering who they are and what they are capable of by ending their pity party, mourning their marriage and MOVING FORWARD with dignity to see how much better life is afterwards. She believes divorce can be an empowering experience that women go through to find their true identity and voice to create the life they want instead of the life they feel stuck with. Wendy is a graduate from UCLA and a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) from The Co-Active Training Institute. She is also an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) through International Coach Federation. Wendy is a divorced, single mom who transformed her own life from Corporate America employee to entrepreneur and currently lives in Sherman Oaks, CA with her two boys and dog. Resources & Links: Wendy's website Wendy on Facebook Wendy on Instagram Free 15-minute Divorce Recovery Call The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

Today, Kimberly Nelson, Financial Advisor, CFA®, and CDFA comes back to the podcast to discuss financial resources and strategies to help you maneuver through divorce and debt during COVID-19. The global pandemic has created an uncertain financial time for many. Instability in employment and, directly related, instability in spousal or child support you may be receiving, are just two of the financial concerns those going through divorce face.And holy cow, it's a lot to process. Going through a divorce during this extra tumultuous time adds a layer of complexity to everything. Kimberly walks us through how to manage your debt, your finances, and what to do if/when you lose financial support from your ex or stbx due to his or her loss of income. She also leaves us all with this reminder: There is no shame when it comes to your finances and COVID-19; nationally we are all dealing with this. *Please note this episode was recorded on 5/21/20. While advice is still relevant, listeners are encouraged to consider that the COVID-19 pandemic is creating an environment that changes rapidly, and new announcements, rules, regulations, etc. continue to evolve. Show Highlights What to do if you receive spousal or child support and are no longer receiving it due to your ex-spouse's change in income due to COVID-19. (6:00) How to prepare for a drop in income. (13:00) If you have a pending divorce, keep debt lines separate. Plus, some other strategies for when you are carrying a lot of debt. (16:00) The different types of debt - revolving debt vs. installment debt. (19:00) The benefits and disadvantages of refinancing. (21:00) Rent and eviction moratoriums. (27:32) Kimberly answers the question: Are any of the financial programs available during COVID-19 available to those who may have been unemployed prior to the pandemic? (31:00) What you should know about auto loans and student loans. (33:00) Why you should have all agreements - between you and your ex - in writing. (41:00) Negative interest rates - what they are and why they are used. (53:53) Learn More About Kimberly:Kimberly has been working with high net worth divorcees in the LA area for more than 15 years. She understands the challenges women face when navigating an overwhelming bevy of attorneys, accountants, insurers, and other advisors during the dissolution process. Kimberly's team at Coastal Bridge Advisors prides itself on its ability to organize all the advisory elements in a coordinated manner and ensure that the advice their clients receive is clear, constant, and in the best interest of the family or individual. Resources & Links: Coastal Bridge Advisors Kimberly on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I am sharing the story of Miry Whitehill, a divorcee who founded the non-profit organization Miry's List. During a painful time in her marriage, Miry found herself in a spot where she could help a refugee family who just arrived in the United States. Today, she shares how volunteering and starting Miry's List filled her life with gratitude and love, which she had lost so long ago. MIry's story is one of self-reflection, growth, and compassion - for herself, for her sons, and the community. At a pivotal moment in her life, she asked herself, "What if today I am going to see myself the way the world sees me and not the way one person sees me?" And that was the day Miry decided she was going to live life on her terms. Show Highlights Why the refugee experience is not one built on informed consent. (12:18) The survive, hive, and thrive phases of Miry's List. (16:10) The story of how Miry's List began, her battle with Postpartum Depression, and her deteriorating marriage. (18:27) Turning the idea of seeing divorce as a failure into realizing life in a bad marriage would be the failure. (38:51) How Miry began to support herself - a former stay-at-home mom - after her divorce. (53:58) Learn More About Miry:In July 2016, Miry Whitehill founded Miry's List, a nonprofit helping families resettling in America as refugees get the support they need to start over by connecting them with their new American neighbors. As Executive Director, she's had the opportunity to learn about refugee resettlement through the eyes of the families we work with. She has spoken at universities, companies of all sizes, schools, and nonprofit organizations helping people learn about how the refugee resettlement system in America works, how it feels for families, and how they can help. She is the mother of two boys and is passionate about helping people of all ages and abilities become better neighbors. With a background in digital marketing and video advertising, Miry has a thorough understanding of digital and social media, how to create impact using crowdsourcing, and how to turn your life's passion into a movement. Resources & Links: World Refugee Day Miry's List The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

"If you think what's going on all across the U.S. doesn't have anything to do with what's going on inside your marriage, you're dead wrong." That's a line from one of my recent Instagram posts about this week's podcast topic. So what do racism and systemic racism (AKA white supremacy) have to do with your marriage, exactly? The same systems that are oppressing and killing black men right now, this entire system of white male supremacy, is the exact same system that we are fighting against in dismantling the patriarchy. And that has everything to do with your marriage. In this episode, I explain how and why in detail. Here's the thing: I decided to just turn on the microphone and address these topics head-on. And as a white woman, with my own implicit biases and blind spots, I may have gotten things wrong. And that's ok. I'm willing to listen and learn and pivot. I almost didn't release this episode because I was scared to get it "wrong." But then I realized that that very thought/feeling was part of my own white fragility. This fear is what silences so many white people, and it's our silence that has allowed this to go on for as long as it has. White people need to speak up. We need to be willing to step in it, and when we get called out for getting something "wrong," we need to say, "Thank you. I hear you," to those who've taken the time to educate us. We don't need to be defensive, or work overtime to prove that we're an "ally." An ally says "thank you," and digests what's been said by the very people we're purporting to support. Bottom line: we need to pull this poisonous weed of white supremacy up at its root. Let's get to work. Resources & Links:Anti-racism resources

Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, Ben Heldfond and Nikki DeBartolo still share a happy life with their son Asher and their spouses and children. As we continue Parenting Month on The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, Ben and Nikki join me to discuss their happy divorce story. Yes, happy. There is no villain in their story. As you'll hear in this episode, they came to a spot in their divorce where they took accountability for their actions and worked together to create a new life for their separated family. If you're thinking, "This could never happen to me," I'd like to offer a word of caution: please don't compare where you're at in the divorce process with Ben and Nikki's journey. Instead, use their story as inspiration. We hope that you end up in a place where you see a happy divorce as something you can work to achieve. Show Highlights The red flags that came up on their wedding day, about getting married. (12:20) The story of their divorce, how it went from what looked like an ugly divorce to one of agreement and solace. (14:52) Divorce doesn't screw up kids. It's how we do our divorces. (20:39) We all take responsibility; we both have to take responsibility for our parts. (30:18) Ben and Nikki' s negative experience going to divorce class. (36:06) Advice for those getting divorced who may not be in the same place as Ben and Nikki, what you can do if you are on one side of divorce and not being met on that side by your partner. (53:50) New relationships after divorce, Ben and Nikki got their new significant others on board with your unique link. (57:40) Learn More About Ben and Nikki:From weeknight dinners and homework sessions to Christmas card photos and vacations, Nikki and Ben have created a tight-knit, enviable family. They work and play well together, from the smallest daily tasks to the biggest life events—and it only took a divorce to get them there. Though their marriage has been over for nearly a decade, they still share a happy life with each other and their son Asher, along with their spouses and children. Resources & Links: Our Happy Divorce WebsiteOur Happy Divorce on FacebookOur Happy Divorce on InstagramOur Happy Divorce on TwitterMy Band was Featured on The Voice - Watch! Eagle Rock Isolation Band The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week Christina McGhee, a divorce parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print, is on the show. She is also the author of Parenting Apart, a book for divorced or separated parents. Christina is helping me kick off Parenting Month and I couldn't think of anybody better to do so! She is an advocate for keeping the focus on kids even during the most emotional and tumultuous time of your life — divorce. Co-parenting through a divorce is, for most of us, uncharted territory. We don't know what to expect. We're dealing with so many strong emotions that it's not an easy road to navigate — even under the best of circumstances. In this episode, Christina provides some insightful advice and guidance for divorced or separated parents who wish to keep the focus on family, even after the marriage ends. Show Highlights How to maneuver parenting after divorce, and putting yourself first. (7:00) How you can move forward in the best possible way and have happy, secure, resilient kids. (21:00) Watch your messaging: you are sending a really powerful message to your kids about what they should expect out of a relationship. (22:00) How to bring the best version of who you are to your job as parents. (26:07) What to do if your ex is resisting a co-parenting relationship or plan. (32:00) Developing a guiding principle for when things get tough. (48:00) What to do when your child tries to play both sides of the co-parenting fence. (49:00) Learn More About Christina McGhee:Christina McGhee is a "media savvy" divorce-parenting expert whose practical advice has been highlighted both online and in print. Over the years, she has been featured on television, radio, podcasts, tele-summits and webinars. Some of the places you may have seen her are, Today Parents, Parenting Magazine, The Times, Channel 4, the BBC, NYU Doctor Radio and The Dr. Laura Berman Radio Show on the Oprah Network just to name a few. Christina is an informative and engaging guest who brings insight and strategies to help separating families deal with "real-life" challenges. As a zealous advocate for children she does an excellent job of keeping the focus where it belongs…on kids. Christina speaks on a wide range of topics from what to do in the beginning stages of separation to dealing with issues years down the road. She is also skilled at addressing tough issues like discipline differences, dealing with a difficult ex, high-conflict personalities, badmouthing, and neutralizing divorce drama. Resources & Links: Christina's website Christina on Facebook Parenting Apart by Christina McGhee The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week I'm bringing you a solo episode, and I'm talking all about negative intimacy and forgiveness. First, let's talk about negative intimacy. In a nutshell, negative intimacy is the continuation of unhealthy dynamics of your marriage long into your divorce — something I engaged in for about five years post-divorce! In this episode, I offer some questions to ask if you think you're in a negatively intimate relationship with your ex or soon-to-be-ex, such as: "What is the connection you are trying to keep alive?"Understanding why you're seeking this connection and then moving on from it is all part of the letting go process. Letting go happens over time, and often in waves. And it is a process. Extricating yourself from past relationship patterns is where the real divorce happens. I also sound off on the difference between forgiveness and resentment. And, know this, you don't have to forgive someone. However, you should work through and process your resentments. Listen in, reach out if you need guidance, and stay well! Show Highlights How to hold your boundaries and you shift the relationship dynamic. Why negative intimacy typically revolves around your children. You don't HAVE to forgive someone. Why you should process through your resentments. A Mother's Day message reminder - ask for what you need. Resources & Links: Me in the New York Times! Podcasts Inspired by Love and Relationships The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group

This week Erin Levine, entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist, joins me on the podcast. She's here to help close out Legal Month. (Don't worry, I'll surely be revisiting legal topics in the future!) Erin is the founder of Hello Divorce, a modern breakup service, offering affordable, convenient, and online divorce options. I'm thrilled to have Erin on the show. Most of the world is in some form of lockdown right now. It feels like life is at a standstill for many. As I discussed a few weeks ago, you may be stuck and isolated with the person you have either asked for a divorce or were in the midst of divorce proceedings already. So, now what? Do all the legal proceedings and preparation stop? Well, no. In fact, in this episode, Erin shares several divorce planning strategies you can do while in the middle of a global pandemic. You can keep moving forward, even during times of uncertainty. In fact, the actions you take today can help you to feel empowered. Times feel scary and anxious right now, but you can still gain power, grow, and stretch yourself in meaningful, new ways. Show Highlights Be aware of divorce legal companies' scams or misrepresentations. (7:11) How to know whether you should pause divorce proceedings or continue to move forward during a pandemic. (9:14) Now is an excellent time to reflect: Sometimes we need to sit back, take a deep breath, look at the facts and decide: was the settlement proposal previously made in my best interest? (11:00) If you don't have anything hammered out, it's important to put a temporary order in place, even just to get you through this period. (12:47) Get organized: see what it is you have, what you don't have, and what you need to get in order. (14:00) Get educated: what do you need to do in your state, and what does the entire divorce procedure look like where you're located? (16:00) Meet with a legal coach or a certified divorce financial analyst. (22:00) How to know when you should slow the process down and take a break. (30:11) Learn More About Erin Levine:Erin Levine is an entrepreneur, legal innovator, and Certified Family Law Specialist. She is the founder and CEO of Levine Family Law Group and Hello Divorce, a "modern breakup service" offering an affordable, convenient, and online divorce option. Erin is also the co-founder of Love & Real Life, a platform designed to empower women by helping them to craft postnuptial and prenuptial agreements that comport with their values and way of life. Her awarding winning legal technology and access to justice work has been recognized by the legal industry and beyond – with recent features in Above the Law, Forbes, Entrepreneur, Ozy, Brit + Co, and Mind Body Green. Resources & Links: Erin's websiteErin on InstagramErin on Twitter Erin on PinterestErin on FacebookErin on LinkedIn The Ultimate Divorce Survival GuideShould I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group