Tapping Q & A - Getting the most out of tapping and EFT

On some level most people who smoke really want to quit. Even though the will to change is strong in the larger context of their lives, it is really hard to motivate change in the moment because "one cigarette won't kill me." Usually smoking isn't the core problem, but symptomatic of a larger issue. In this interview Sue Beer and I talk about how we can use EFT to stop smoking.

I recently did a survey of some of my favorite professional tappers. One of the questions I asked was, "Who in the field is doing the most controversial and experimental work?" The name that came back the most was Robert Smith. I have done a number of reader surveys over the years asking who you'd like to hear on the podcast. Of practitioners who have not already been interviewed, who is nominated most often? Robert Smith. So after a number of false starts I finally have an interview with Robert about Faster EFT. I find Robert's approach very thoughtful and that I agree with his world view about healing. I would love to hear your thoughts on the interview and Faster EFT.

Sometimes there is a clear entry point to a problem. There is a past moment we keep reliving where we see exactly what went wrong. Other times there is a clear pattern we are trying to change, like emotional eating, where we can tap on specific actions that are happening regularly. But this is not always the case. Sometimes there are issues beneath the surface which affect us more generally, such as low self esteem, and it's difficult to know how to tap for them. In this interview I talk with Lindsay Kenny about a simple process that we can use for these issues. I would encourage you to have a piece of paper and pencil to hand as you listen. As we did this interview I worked through the process in real time and found it extremely helpful.

We live in interesting times. Every morning when I wake up I am bombarded with friend requests, invitations to attend events, fund projects, and try new programs. At the exact same time it is possible for me to go through an entire day and not have one single profound connection with another person. In this conversation with Rick Wilkes we talk about how scary it can be to put yourself out in the world with the intention of making genuine connections when it feels like we will be judged. This is Rick's fourth appearance on the podcast. The reason I have him back so often is because he is so insightful! This conversation is one of my favorites and I really encourage you to listen to it!

Most of my readers, listeners, and clients are big hearted people. Not only do they see the obstacles in their own lives, but they recognize the struggle of others. When we recognize the struggles of others we also open ourselves up to experiencing their pain. On one hand this allows us to connect and respond to where they are coming from. On the other hand it can open us up to feeling overwhelmed and a great deal of pain when we realize how many problems we are unable to solve. It is a tricky balance between being open and not being so open that we feel overwhelmed. Here is how I try to navigate this balance:

When I am working with clients one of the things I keep in mind with all behavior is that when someone makes a choice they are making the best choice they can make based on the information they have and the resource state they are in. We can quickly realize that we have made a bad choice (something in a split second after we have acted), but in that moment we are really doing the best that we can. The problem comes when we are working for a place of fear. When this happens we will make lots of short term choices and very few long term choices. This can create a series of many bad choices. Over time these choices add up and we can end up in a place where we no longer trust ourselves or trust our ability to make a good choice. In this interview I talk with Andy Bryce about what are the underlying causes of losing that trust in ourselves (such as guilt, shame, and lack trust) and how we can turn that around.

Over the last few weeks I have shared with you thoughts from some of my favorite tappers. I asked them what mistakes beginners and pros make, as well as what they have found to be the most effective ways to tap. In this week’s podcast I take on all three questions: What Are The Biggest Mistakes Made By Pro Tappers? What Are The Biggest Mistakes Made By Beginner Tappers? What Have You Found To Be The Most Successful Approaches To EFT? In answering the third question I share the tool I use more than any other when working with clients.

In my client sessions and even in my personal tapping I have noticed an interesting internal conflict. On the one hand we want to be seen, noticed, and validated. On the other, there is a part of us wanting to go through the world unseen and unnoticed, because if we are seen we can be judged. In this interview I talk with Rue Hass about this dichotomy. We look at what it means to be invisible, how we end up being invisible, and how it is possible to be invisible to our own selves. We also talk about how we can use EFT to become our more authentic selves which makes being invisible less of an issue.

In my client sessions and even in my personal tapping I have noticed an interesting internal conflict. On the one hand we want to be seen, noticed, and validated. On the other, there is a part of us wanting to go through the world unseen and unnoticed, because if we are seen we can be judged. In this interview I talk with Rue Hass about this dichotomy. We look at what it means to be invisible, how we end up being invisible, and how it is possible to be invisible to our own selves. We also talk about how we can use EFT to become our more authentic selves which makes being invisible less of an issue.

There are few things more frustrating than chronic illness. In addition to the pain and suffering that come with the illness there is also the way that the unending nature of the symptoms grind on the system. In this interview I talk to Annabel Fisher about her personal experience of chronic illness and how she transformed it with EFT. We also discuss the steps you can use to tap for chronic issues.

EFT is a powerful tool when it comes to healing and transformation. Burdens and wounds that we have carried for decades can be cleared. It is an amazing thing to experience this type of freedom in our lives. After this type of release there can be a let down because after healing something so powerful we feel like our life should be much different. Sometime we can release so much and still feel the same day today. Here are few thoughts on how to respond to the let down of things feeling like they are the same after healing something large.

We do not live in a vacuum. Not only do the choices we make impact others (and vice versa) in the moment, but there is also a lasting impact from the relationships we have had in the past. Some of these relationships have obvious deep impact, while others affect us in ways of which we are unaware. In this interview I talk to Gwyneth Moss about a new approach that she uses in helping people to understand and unpack the web of life. This is a tool that she uses only occasionally because of the unique circumstances required to execute it well. Even though this is something that you won't reproduce there are many lessons to be learned that you can add to your own tapping right away.

Gwenn Bonnell is always one of my favorite guests on the Tapping Q and A Podcast because every time I talk to her I learn something new. This interview was no different. In this interview we talk about how to tap for resentment. And this is not just about feeling resentment towards other people. We can also resent our computer for not working, a company for not being helpful, and ourselves for making the same bad choice again and again. The interesting thing about resentment is that it is an emotion that bubbles below the surface so it isn’t always obvious to us, like anger or sadness. Because of this we can forget to tap for it because it doesn't feel like it is impacting our immediate present. In this interview Gwenn shares a great 3 step tool to get to the core of resentment, and how to tap for it once you are there.

One of the biggest struggles we have in doing any sort of transformational work is the fact that it is possible for us to NOT see the issue at hand clearly. We are shaped by our experience, our training, our biases, the stories we tell about ourselves, and what we hope is true. Because of this, even with the intention to do healing work, we can end up going down a path that is not fruitful. The problem with these misperceptions is that it is nearly impossible know when this is the case and if we need to change course in our approach. In this interview I talk with Dr. Shoshana Garfield about how to deal with misperceptions about our issues, ourselves, and the world. Based on her own life experiences and over 20 years of working with severe trauma, Shoshana talks about ways we can see ourselves and our world more clearly to help us to move forward. (We even do a little tapping for it!)

EFT is a very powerful tool for bringing about change and can be used in many different settings. It can be done alone, with a practitioner, in groups, in short bursts, over a number of sessions, and over the telephone or Skype. As time passes not only are studies being done to explore what EFT is effective for, but the data from these studies is also being used to uncover the best ways to use EFT. In this interview Dawson Church and I discuss what these studies tell us about how to get the most out of EFT. (There are even a few things that I found surprising.)

It is very easy to say (especially in tough times) "All we need is love". The hard part is to know what that means beyond bumper sticker sentimentality. In this interview with Brad Yates we talk about in real terms what is love, what is self-love, and most importantly how can we use EFT to feel a sense of love in a tangible way.

I bet you are like me. Somewhere in your home or office there is a large pile of self-help books, cds, and dvds. In addition to this physical pile of resources there is a folder on your hard drive full of ebooks, pdfs, audios and interviews, also filled with amazing information...and you have never looked at over 90% of these resources They looked enticing. They looked valuable. They looked like they would improve your life. Somehow we never get around to using to them. This is a common problem. (So much so, at one point in my notes this interview was entitled “Are you addicted to self-help resources?”) In this interview I talk with EFT Master Maggie Adkins about how we can best do self-directed improvement work. The issue is not concerning having access to tools (we all have too many tools and resources), but instead about how we approach the process. Maggie shares many practical ways to show us how we can take advantage of the materials we have, using them in a constructive way to ensure that we are moving forward and not just creating a pile of resources that are collecting dust.

When it comes to teaching tapping children are one of my favorite groups. They take to tapping right away because they don’t have many of the hang-ups adults do of needing to understand everything or concerns about looking foolish when they tap. Like adults, when kids tap they become happier and healthier. One of the bonuses of teaching them to tap is we help them to clear issues whilst they are small, preventing them from growing into life-long issues. In this interview I talk to Till Shilling about introducing kids to tapping and how to get into schools and classrooms.

Did you know that healing from a tapping session can be spontaneously reversed? It doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens more often than you would think. In this interview with Karin Davidson we explore the two factors which can bring about a total and instantaneous reversal of a tapping session, and how in three minutes this can be prevented. We discuss the gamut point, which I think is one of the most powerful, but most forgotten tapping points, and its key role in preventing spontaneous reversal of the benefits of EFT.

Do you have a good relationship with your inner critic? Very few people answer that question in a positive way because to most of us it is nothing more than a “critic”. It is always there waiting to pounce, waiting to point out everything we have done wrong, everything we have missed, and everything we will do wrong in the future. Did you know that this inner voice exists to be helpful? No, really, it is! Our inner voice is always on guard, looking out for danger and things that will get in the way of what we want and need. The problem is that for most of us is it working too hard. In this conversation with Judy Byrne we talk about how the critical voice came to be so critical and how we can transform it from being a giant nag into something that is very helpful.

Sometimes when I prepare for an interview I have a really good idea about what we are going to talk about. I am very familiar with the topic, the guest’s work, or both. Other times I am caught off-guard (in a good way). This is one of those interviews. In the first minute Tania Prince took my idea of shyness and turned it on its head. This set up an awesome conversation about what can be changed and what isn’t really an issue at all. Often we confuse being uncomfortable around others which causes us to be quiet (AKA acting shy) with someone who is comfortable in a group of people and is just being quiet. We can get ourselves into trouble when we try to change someone who is just quiet because we think that being shy is bad and that we need to pull them out of their shell. This is a great interview with lots of tapping tips for dealing with discomfort around others and what being shy really means.

Since Feb of 2011 I have had the opportunity to be part of teaching an advanced anger management class to inmates in a local jail. I consistently describe the experience as “the coolest thing in my life.” It has been a really amazing experience and I have learned a lot from it. I was lucky enough to be Jondi Whitis’ guest for the June episode of “eftTapFest” which is part of EFT Radio On-Line. In the conversation we talk about: What I have learned about teaching EFT by teaching it in a Jail What I have learned about creating a community to rally in support of one cause What I have learned about stretching myself What I have learned about crowd funding Even if you never intend to work with inmates, write a book, or lead a community of support, there is a lot you can learn in this conversation.

In preparing for the podcast I usually exchange a few emails and do a pre-interview with the guest to figure out what topic we will cover and to create a plan for the interview so that it goes smoothly. When I was doing my pre-interview with Gwenn Bonnell I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said, "We could talk about shoulders and shoulds." I asked her repeat it because I wanted to make sure I heard her right. She really said, “shoulders and shoulds”. I know many issues have a tendency to show up in the same part of the body over and over again, but I had never heard of the connection between shoulder issues and the things we feel we should do. In this interview Gwenn does an amazing job of making the connection and showing us how we can respond with EFT.

Stress is not becoming a part of our daily lives, it is already part of our daily lives. What is now common is that we moving from a general level of stress to feeling completely overwhelmed. The difficulty with feeling overwhelmed is that once we are in the middle of it we can't see clearly enough to reach for a tool like EFT. In this interview with Carol Look we look at the simple things we can do daily to keep our stress in check and keep us from becoming overwhelmed.

"Manifesting" more money in our lives is not about sitting in a dark room with our eyes closed, listening to instrumental music, and imagining that we are a giant magnet pulling big chunks of gold towards us. The way we bring more money into our lives is about recognizing new opportunities for making more money and getting out of our own way enough to act on these opportunities. When we see these opportunities clearly and are acting from the things we know how to do, it feel like money just shows up. It becomes effortless because we are no longer fighting to find opportunity and we are no longer fighting ourselves emotionally. In the interview with Margaret we talk about exactly how to put ourselves into a place where making money feels easy.

One of the keys to effective EFT and tapping is to be clearly tuned into the issue we want to address. There are lots of creative ways of doing this. In this interview I talk with Ann Ross about how we can use a simple technique of working with our ‘inner committee’ to isolate specific issues and transform them rapidly. Ann's helpful approach is easy to understand and you will quickly be able to add it to your daily tapping routine.

The key to effective tapping/EFT is being able to tune into the issues that need work. There are many ways of doing this. The most common way is to say phrases out loud while tapping, but sometimes we don’t know what to say. The issue might be too deep, the memory might be too painful, or we just can't seem to come up with the right words to describe what is going on. In this podcast I talk to Marie Holliday about a simple and elegant way to tap for issues called the photo technique. We talk about how easy it is to do, for which issues it works best, and how you can start using it right away with photos, icons, x-rays, or really any image to improve the tapping progress. Please take the time to learn about this powerful technique, it is a great tool to add to your tapping/EFT toolbox.

Often when parents come to tapping they are looking for something to fix or change their children. In reality, when we are surrogate tapping for others we are making a transformation in ourselves that in turn creates space for others to change. In this interview Carol Tuttle and I talk about how parents can use tapping for their children, themselves, and to transform all the relationships within the family.

I think that giving thanks and celebrating big and small successes is a really important thing to do. It is also important to recognize the gifts that come with adversity when things don't work out as planned. Last December I was lucky enough to be a guest on Carol Look’s radio program. We talk about what we mean by celebration, giving thanks, abundance, create v responsibility, and we do a lot of tapping on how we can become clear in order to make good choices in our lives to move us towards achieving the greatness we are worthy of. Side note: Personally, I am a little uncomfortable with a lot of the law of attraction language and conversation. Some it borders on the woo-woo, and some of it is downright ridiculous. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do think I have a unique point of view, which we examine in this interview.

For tapping to be successful we need to tune into the issue at hand. There are many tools and techniques to do this. In this interview I talk to Andy Bryce about how we can use making sounds as a way of tuning into issues and emotions. By using sounds we can find ways to describe emotions as well as tune into emotions without having to go point by point through the entire issue, which can at time be painful. This is a very simple approach and an easy tool to add to your tapping tool box.

Reversal, psychological reversal, polarity reversal, and secondary benefit are all terms which are thrown around a lot when working with tapping. They can be caused by our thoughts, what we put in our body, and the electronic devices that surround us. It doesn't really matter what you call them, if they are present then tapping will not work very well (if at all). In this interview I talk with Lindsay Kenny about two major types of reversals and what you can do to correct them.

Emotions are more than just what we feel. When we experience an emotion there are many things happening at a biochemical and cellular level. In this interview with Stacey Vornbrock we talk about what happens physically when we feel emotions, how we can become addicted to them, and how to break that addiction. By recognizing the addictive nature of some emotions we can find see our way to new ways to tap.

Shame is the most powerful, self-defeating and crippling of emotions. In this interview I talk to Rhona Clews about the power of shame, how it is created, how it is toxic in our lives, and how we can use tapping to clear it out.

I don’t know about you, but I constantly find myself answering questions about EFT and tapping. It is great that we can draw from on personal experience (and the experience of those with whom we work) when sharing about tapping, but in many cases this is not enough. It is useful to have structured, peer-reviewed scientific studies to build the wall of proof that so many are looking for. To that end I have something in two parts that will help you respond to people who are looking for scientific proof about tapping and EFT. First, I have an interview with Dawson Church, PhD about completed research studies, on-going research studies, and planned research studies. Second, I have a summary of many of the recent studies to make it easier for you to talk about them.

Our working lives can be stressful. The last thing we want to do is bring that stress and worry home. Here is a great little tapping technique that you can do every day before you leave work that will only take a few minutes. It will ensure that you leave any work stress behind so you can go home and enjoy the rest of your evening.

I want you to imagine you are meeting someone for the very first time. They know nothing about you. You have to describe yourself to that person, but you can only use one word descriptions. Which words would you use? Father, wife, grandson, teacher, loving, hopeful... The labels we give to ourselves can powerfully influence our behaviour. In this interview I chat with Brad Yates about the positive and negative identities we create and how we can use tapping to transform the way we see and define ourselves.

There are times when we find ourselves caring for someone who is going through something major, be it a physical or mental issue. We want nothing but the best for our loved one, but we can end up spreading ourselves too thin. We give everything we have to the point that we are harming ourselves. It is important that when we are caring for others that we take the time to also care for ourselves. If we don't take care of ourselves we can't care for others. In this interview I talk to Ron Ball as he shares his personal story of what it is like providing long term care for a loved one and what he learned about taking care of himself during that time.

There is a lot of talk about the idea of what we manifest in our lives, both positive and negative. I personally think that we pay too much attention to manifesting and attracting and give nowhere near enough credit to personal choice and response. In this conversation with my friend Jondi Whitis we talk about what we can control, what we create, and what we are responsible for. This is just one point of view and I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic.

Our romantic relationships take up a great deal of our time and energy. They can bring us great joy and great frustration (and sometimes both at the same time). Even though each relationship is a new and different experience we can find ourselves falling into the same patterns. Some repeat themselves from relationship to relationship, whilst others keep repeating themselves inside the same relationship. In this interview with Alina Frank we talk about how we can identify these patterns and how they were created. We also spend time looking at how we can use tapping/EFT to clear the negative patterns in our current relationships and those of repeating the same type of negative relationship experiences.

When I am setting up interviews for the podcast I normally ask my guest, "What is the thing that really gets your juices flowing? It doesn't have to be what you are known for. I want to know what is exciting you right now!" Once we have agreed on a topic the guest sends me a few bullet points to help me to form questions. When I was having this back and forth with Rue Hass she said, "This is something I am really excited about and it is so new to me that I can't even send you an outline." I love getting to be a part of new things! In this interview Rue shares a new technique that she is working with which uses metaphors and having clients draw pictures. It is absolutely brilliant. The technique is simple and elegant and as she was describing it I could see immediately how this could fit into my practice. I know you are going to love this.

A manifesto is nothing more than a statement of beliefs. This is what I believe about the healing process. This is not about tapping the tool, but what happens when we heal and transform. This is how I think when I am working with clients

The history of business is a history about how companies and organizations can be more efficient. Much of this work is about how companies and organizations can create an environment where they can get their employees to be more productive. For most of history this has been about automating processes, educating employees, and learning how to empower employees to make better choice. Today, forward thinking companies like Google and Zappos are starting to look beyond people as cogs in the machine that fill specific tasks, but starting to see them as whole people. When companies feed and support the whole person they are finding their employees are happier, healthier, and more productive. Regardless if you work for someone else, if you employ people, or don't work in a traditional job the lessons about emotional intelligence that these companies are learning can be applied directly to your daily life. In this interview I talk to Paul Zeilzer about what he has learned by visiting companies like Google and Zappos and how they can applied to our daily lives to increase our success.

Many of the practitioners I know are very spiritual people, but for one reason or another they are not connected to a particular denomination or faith tradition. My friend Jake Khym is a different in that regard. He explicitly does Christian counseling. In this conversation we talk about how and why he transitioned from traditional counseling to Christian counseling and how his work now looks different. Also, we spend a great deal of time talking about what it means to provide instruction and teaching in a discipleship relationship vs. what a therapist would normally do. Even if you are not Christian you are going to find this to be a fascinating conversation. Jake is one of the brights and most articulate people I know. His insights in to how people transform and what people are longing for are insightful and will help you with your healing journey regardless how you approach spiritually, faith, or religion.

Let's be honest: Tapping/EFT looks weird when you do it, sounds weird when you explain it, and really is just plain weird. At least once a week as I explaining the work I do and how much I love tapping someone will start to look at me like I have three heads and slowly start creeping away. In any endeavor that we do it is important to have a community of support around us. In these communities we have the opportunity to learn from each other, support each other, and (most importantly) laugh with each other. In the Baltimore area (which is where I live) Steve Carter has done an amazing job in creating just this type of community. The community he has created is from everyone from full time practitioners to people who are just interested in finding way the live health and happier lives. It started very small and over the last few years has not only grown in numbers, but it has also in the quality of support the community provides. For me the only sadness is they normally meet on weekends and I travel 40 weekends a year and haven't had the chance to spend much time with them. In this interview I talk with steve about why he started the group, what he has done to be successful, and lots of practical advice for someone who would like to start something like this in their own community. (And don't worry if you live in a small town or a rural area. Steve has specific advice for your situation.)

From my point of view the opposite of love is not hate, but instead fear. Fear is a very powerful force. It is very primal and is going to over ride most other emotions an thoughts. In this interview I talk with Colleen Flanagan about the many different faces of fear and how it can be at the root of many other issues. We spend a great deal of time talking about 5 distinct types of fear that can be used as lens to understand many of our deeper issues.

Stress is one of the biggest issues of modern life but I think that it is talked about so much that sometimes we tune it out. We need to keep our eye on how stress affects us day-to-day. Tapping for stress is easy to do and is much like brushing your teeth, you need do a little bit daily to make lasting change. In this interview I talk to Louise Woods about the impact of stress on the body and some simple things that you can do right now to improve your mood and your health.

As more time passes few and few people are aware of the roots of tapping as we know it. Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) as presented by Gary Craig build upon the foundations of Thought Field Therapy (TFT). In this interview I chat with Joanne Callahan the co-developer of Thought Field Therapy with her husband Roger Callahan. Joanne has many great insights into not only how Thought Field Therapy came to be created and how we can add the tools and techniques of TFT to our daily tapping. In this conversation we cover the differences between FTF and EFT. We also talk about what psychological reversal is, how toxins affect the healing process, and how we can do something about both right away. We also spend time talking about one of Joanne's passions tapping for trauma (both big and small).

Doing this interview was particularly special to me. My guest Brad Yates was the person who first introduced me to Tapping/EFT. In this spirited conversation we talk about the importance of self-love, the obstacles to loving ourself, and what we can do with tapping to improve our view of ourselves. I know we talk a lot about self love and self acceptance when it comes to tapping. It is right there in the set up phrase, "I love and accept myself." Even with that being the case it is still one of the issues for my clients (and to be honest for myself) that we struggle with most and it is the topic we are least likely to tap for. I firmly believe all healing is rooted in self love and self acceptance. The audio on this podcast is a little rough. I have included a full transcript below because I didn't want you to miss the goodness.

In this podcast my friend Jondi Whitis discuss a bunch of topics around tapping and healing. In the conversation we cover: Being able to be honest about where we really are and why that is paramount to healing. Using where we are to build on knowing where would like to be. How to stay in the moment (which leads to healthier choices). Noticing what is happening emotionally. Is tapping similar to hypnotic induction? Why we resist healing and how can we deal with it. Why tapping doesn't work when I tap on my own. How I can move forward and still feel like I am going backwards. What to do when I don't know what I want. What to do when a client doesn't know how to talk about their emotions. How do I continue to grow my understanding that I am enough.

We all know the EFT mantra, "Try it on everything!" Deborah Miller took this completely to heart. Today she visits a cancer ward five days a week where she has the opportunity to work with children, parents, and even the hospital staff. In this interview she talks about her experience, what she has learned, and her hopes for the future. Even if you don't know someone with cancer and you don't think you will ever work in a hospital setting I encourage you to listen to this interview. There are many specific lessons you can apply to your own daily tapping practice and also in introducing tapping to others.