Tapping Q & A - Getting the most out of tapping and EFT

Self-sabotage can be so frustrating. There are times when we know exactly what we need to be doing, yet we still choose the wrong course of action. Sometimes I can see myself getting in my own way and I am amazed at how creatively I self-sabotage. If it didn't negatively impact my life I would almost think it is funny! Brad Yates uses an interesting word to describe this type of creative self-sabotage. He calls it "brilliant". It is not brilliant in the outcome that results, but it is brilliant in how creative it is in causing us problems. In this interview Brad and I talk about the amazing ways we get in our own way and what we can do to leverage this brilliance into having what we want.

EFT is such a powerful tool that we all know that we should "try it on anything." Even though most of us have tried it on anything we haven't taken it to the extremes. Most of have tapped for deep and powerful issues, but not in moments that are literally life or death. Deborah Miller has done just that. She works with children with cancer and their parents. She is doing more than trying it on anything, she is being successful! In this interview we talk about what all tappers can learn from her work with these extreme issues. We also talk about the book she has written on how parents and children can use tapping.

There is no question that we are impacted by our past. That seems so obvious that it doesn't even seem worth commenting on. Nevertheless I think it is easy to underestimate how some past experiences impact us. In my private sessions with clients it is amazing how often we find our way back to roots planted firmly in their childhood via current issues. We are more than impacted by our childhood experiences, we are deeply imprinted by them. In this interview I talk with EFT Master Jacqui Crooks about how we are affected by these childhood moments and how we can tap to create freedom from memories and lessons that are no longer helpful.

It happens all the time. You know how to do something. You might have done it a ton of times before. But the moment you step in front of someone else and have to do it you freeze. You might be before a whole group of people, like giving a presentation, or just in front of one person, like in a job interview. You get tense. And sweaty. You can't remember what to say or do. You might even shake. Things that usually come easily to us are suddenly really difficult when others are watching us. In this interview with Gina Parris we talk about performance anxiety and how you can use what Gina calls "3 R" to move past it.

In a recent Time magazine artile Jessica Lamb-Shapiro points out that only 8% of us follow through on our New Year’s resolutions, with most people giving up within a week. There are lots of reasons for this. We create goals that are too big, we don't create an infrastructure or system that will set us up for success, and we are trying to change old habits with willpower alone. It is really easy to feel frustrated with our failed attempts at change. In this week's podcast we tap for dealing with the frustration of not following up on our goals and also do some tapping to set you up to start taking action towards your New Year's resolutions. Think of this as the reset button for your New Year's Resolutions.

In December I was the guest on the Tapping Solution's monthly 'Ask The Expert' call. We answered questions about anger, fear of finding work, how to tap for the fear that comes up when physical symptoms persist, how to tap for feeling overwhelmed, and what to do when we keep sabotaging our own success. Thanks to Kris (and the callers) for such a great time. If you missed the call you can hear the whole thing here.

The holidays can be a very stressful time. There are million things going on, we are tempted by tasty treats at every turn, and we are surrounded by people who sometimes push our buttons. In this audio we tap for: Not having enough time Feeling like we have to accept every invitation we receive The temptation of too much unhealthy holiday food The financial stress of buying gifts Holiday travel Spending time with loved ones who are very different than us The loneliness we feel during the holidays because of everyone else's busyness.

Managing social anxiety can be difficult. It is not like the fear triggered by something like a snake we encounter in our path. Social anxiety is insidious, sitting just below the surface, and impacting our every interaction in some way big or small. Not having one specific memory to start with can make tapping for it tricky. I know this firsthand as this was the very issue that first brought me to tapping. I wish that I had known Sebastiaan van der Schrier when I started out on my own tapping journey. Sebastiaan specializes in tapping for social anxiety. In this interview he walks us through his comprehensive 8-step process for working with social anxiety, which can also be applied to many other issues.

EFT does a great job of helping us to feel better in the moment. In a very short time we can go from being emotionally overwhelmed to calm. But we know there is much more that can be achieved with tapping. Not only is it helpful for short-term relief but it can also help create long-term change. I had an interesting conversation with a client this week. "Jackie" was relaying the fact we had tapped for an issue a few weeks earlier, a major shift had happened when we tapped, and it was still hard to make new choices in the moment when the issue came up. In today's podcast I address why Jackie experienced what she did and some simple things you can do with your tapping to make sure you experience not just short-term relief but long-term change. Here is the podcast I reference in this recording. Pod #91: Using The Gamut Point To Make Long Lasting Change

I recently had a great conversation with one of my clients. She started the call by saying, "I have some great news! I am no longer a doormat. I am asking for what I need. I am only helping others in a way that is healthy for me. Most importantly I am able to say 'no' to others when I want to!" After sharing this story in my newsletter many people wrote to me asking how they could achieve the same change in their own lives. There are three main areas we can tap for when it comes to uprooting a doormat disposition. In order to enjoy the lasting effects of this transformation I would recommend regular if not daily tapping on these issues. I encourage you to listen to the audio at the end of this post for examples of tapping for these three areas. Take out a piece of paper and answer the questions below. The answer to each question will provide you with at least one tappable issue. Spending a little time tapping for one of these daily WILL lead to a powerful change.

One of the things I love most about tapping is its flexibility. Not only can it be used on a wide range of issues, but it can be used in a numerous ways. Steve Wells and his colleague David Lake have spent years playing around with the basic EFT recipe. They asked what worked, what didn't work, and how it could be improved. In the end they created something they call Simple Energy Technique (SET) which is a user friendly collection of the best of the best techniques. In this interview Steve talks about the ways in which SET is similar to and different from EFT. SET is so simple and straightforward that you will be able to add the parts you find useful to your tapping right away.

A huge piece of who we are is where we came from. Our personality and our beliefs are shaped from a very early age by the people around us and the stories they told. We describe ourselves by our family name, our heritage, where we grew up, and our nationality. This type of connection to our past is important and healthy, but there are times when it becomes a problem. It becomes easy to use these descriptions of who we are as a way of limiting ourselves unnecessarily, for example: The men in my family were never good at sharing their emotions You know how hot tempered we Irish are The women in my family always have had trouble with love In this interview with EFT Master Jacqui Crooks we talk about the conscious and subconscious ways in which we adopt these beliefs as our own, how debilitating they can be, and what we can do to release them in a healthy way without damaging our connection with the people we love.

Taking care of others is easy to do. We see needs, suffering, and struggle. We respond. Often (at least for me) it is hard for us to extend the same type of care and concern to ourselves. In this interview with EFT Master Loretta Sparks we talk about some of the most common reasons that caring people have such a hard time taking care of themselves. We also talk about a number of simple tools and steps that can be implemented right now to make it easier to care for yourself.

Years ago a friend of mine wrote a book called "Real Love In A Pizza Love World". In English at least, love is a tricky word. We use it for so many things, and in so many ways, that sometimes it can be hard to get our mind wrapped around the idea of wanting to be loving and be love. In this interview with Terry Lynch we talk about the way she approaches the word love, and also demonstrates the protocol of EmoTrance on me.

One of the questions I receive a lot from people new to tapping is, "Aren't you worried that you will tap something bad in?" That is a reasonable concern. Often when we are tapping we are saying phrases about how we would like our life to be better while we are tapping. From the outside it almost looks like we are driving the positive phrases into our body and our mind. But that isn't what is really happening. Instead, from my point of view at least, we are in the process of clearing out inaccurate beliefs and perceptions. In this podcast I explain what I think is really happening when we are tapping, how we can be more successful with our tapping, and why the big pink eraser I have in my front pocket informs the way I tap.

Last weekend I had the chance to speak at the Spring EFT & Energy Gathering (Northeastern USA) just outside NYC. I was asked to speak on EFT and Self-Sabotage. My talk was about 5 lenses we can use to figure out the core issues of our self-sabotage. After explaining them I share how we can tap for those issues once they are identified. You can download the handout for the talk here: handout Please note that the sound quality isn't the greatest, but it is good enough to get the information across.

On some level most people who smoke really want to quit. Even though the will to change is strong in the larger context of their lives, it is really hard to motivate change in the moment because "one cigarette won't kill me." Usually smoking isn't the core problem, but symptomatic of a larger issue. In this interview Sue Beer and I talk about how we can use EFT to stop smoking.

I recently did a survey of some of my favorite professional tappers. One of the questions I asked was, "Who in the field is doing the most controversial and experimental work?" The name that came back the most was Robert Smith. I have done a number of reader surveys over the years asking who you'd like to hear on the podcast. Of practitioners who have not already been interviewed, who is nominated most often? Robert Smith. So after a number of false starts I finally have an interview with Robert about Faster EFT. I find Robert's approach very thoughtful and that I agree with his world view about healing. I would love to hear your thoughts on the interview and Faster EFT.

Sometimes there is a clear entry point to a problem. There is a past moment we keep reliving where we see exactly what went wrong. Other times there is a clear pattern we are trying to change, like emotional eating, where we can tap on specific actions that are happening regularly. But this is not always the case. Sometimes there are issues beneath the surface which affect us more generally, such as low self esteem, and it's difficult to know how to tap for them. In this interview I talk with Lindsay Kenny about a simple process that we can use for these issues. I would encourage you to have a piece of paper and pencil to hand as you listen. As we did this interview I worked through the process in real time and found it extremely helpful.

We live in interesting times. Every morning when I wake up I am bombarded with friend requests, invitations to attend events, fund projects, and try new programs. At the exact same time it is possible for me to go through an entire day and not have one single profound connection with another person. In this conversation with Rick Wilkes we talk about how scary it can be to put yourself out in the world with the intention of making genuine connections when it feels like we will be judged. This is Rick's fourth appearance on the podcast. The reason I have him back so often is because he is so insightful! This conversation is one of my favorites and I really encourage you to listen to it!

Most of my readers, listeners, and clients are big hearted people. Not only do they see the obstacles in their own lives, but they recognize the struggle of others. When we recognize the struggles of others we also open ourselves up to experiencing their pain. On one hand this allows us to connect and respond to where they are coming from. On the other hand it can open us up to feeling overwhelmed and a great deal of pain when we realize how many problems we are unable to solve. It is a tricky balance between being open and not being so open that we feel overwhelmed. Here is how I try to navigate this balance:

When I am working with clients one of the things I keep in mind with all behavior is that when someone makes a choice they are making the best choice they can make based on the information they have and the resource state they are in. We can quickly realize that we have made a bad choice (something in a split second after we have acted), but in that moment we are really doing the best that we can. The problem comes when we are working for a place of fear. When this happens we will make lots of short term choices and very few long term choices. This can create a series of many bad choices. Over time these choices add up and we can end up in a place where we no longer trust ourselves or trust our ability to make a good choice. In this interview I talk with Andy Bryce about what are the underlying causes of losing that trust in ourselves (such as guilt, shame, and lack trust) and how we can turn that around.

Over the last few weeks I have shared with you thoughts from some of my favorite tappers. I asked them what mistakes beginners and pros make, as well as what they have found to be the most effective ways to tap. In this week’s podcast I take on all three questions: What Are The Biggest Mistakes Made By Pro Tappers? What Are The Biggest Mistakes Made By Beginner Tappers? What Have You Found To Be The Most Successful Approaches To EFT? In answering the third question I share the tool I use more than any other when working with clients.

In my client sessions and even in my personal tapping I have noticed an interesting internal conflict. On the one hand we want to be seen, noticed, and validated. On the other, there is a part of us wanting to go through the world unseen and unnoticed, because if we are seen we can be judged. In this interview I talk with Rue Hass about this dichotomy. We look at what it means to be invisible, how we end up being invisible, and how it is possible to be invisible to our own selves. We also talk about how we can use EFT to become our more authentic selves which makes being invisible less of an issue.

In my client sessions and even in my personal tapping I have noticed an interesting internal conflict. On the one hand we want to be seen, noticed, and validated. On the other, there is a part of us wanting to go through the world unseen and unnoticed, because if we are seen we can be judged. In this interview I talk with Rue Hass about this dichotomy. We look at what it means to be invisible, how we end up being invisible, and how it is possible to be invisible to our own selves. We also talk about how we can use EFT to become our more authentic selves which makes being invisible less of an issue.

There are few things more frustrating than chronic illness. In addition to the pain and suffering that come with the illness there is also the way that the unending nature of the symptoms grind on the system. In this interview I talk to Annabel Fisher about her personal experience of chronic illness and how she transformed it with EFT. We also discuss the steps you can use to tap for chronic issues.

EFT is a powerful tool when it comes to healing and transformation. Burdens and wounds that we have carried for decades can be cleared. It is an amazing thing to experience this type of freedom in our lives. After this type of release there can be a let down because after healing something so powerful we feel like our life should be much different. Sometime we can release so much and still feel the same day today. Here are few thoughts on how to respond to the let down of things feeling like they are the same after healing something large.

We do not live in a vacuum. Not only do the choices we make impact others (and vice versa) in the moment, but there is also a lasting impact from the relationships we have had in the past. Some of these relationships have obvious deep impact, while others affect us in ways of which we are unaware. In this interview I talk to Gwyneth Moss about a new approach that she uses in helping people to understand and unpack the web of life. This is a tool that she uses only occasionally because of the unique circumstances required to execute it well. Even though this is something that you won't reproduce there are many lessons to be learned that you can add to your own tapping right away.

Gwenn Bonnell is always one of my favorite guests on the Tapping Q and A Podcast because every time I talk to her I learn something new. This interview was no different. In this interview we talk about how to tap for resentment. And this is not just about feeling resentment towards other people. We can also resent our computer for not working, a company for not being helpful, and ourselves for making the same bad choice again and again. The interesting thing about resentment is that it is an emotion that bubbles below the surface so it isn’t always obvious to us, like anger or sadness. Because of this we can forget to tap for it because it doesn't feel like it is impacting our immediate present. In this interview Gwenn shares a great 3 step tool to get to the core of resentment, and how to tap for it once you are there.

One of the biggest struggles we have in doing any sort of transformational work is the fact that it is possible for us to NOT see the issue at hand clearly. We are shaped by our experience, our training, our biases, the stories we tell about ourselves, and what we hope is true. Because of this, even with the intention to do healing work, we can end up going down a path that is not fruitful. The problem with these misperceptions is that it is nearly impossible know when this is the case and if we need to change course in our approach. In this interview I talk with Dr. Shoshana Garfield about how to deal with misperceptions about our issues, ourselves, and the world. Based on her own life experiences and over 20 years of working with severe trauma, Shoshana talks about ways we can see ourselves and our world more clearly to help us to move forward. (We even do a little tapping for it!)

EFT is a very powerful tool for bringing about change and can be used in many different settings. It can be done alone, with a practitioner, in groups, in short bursts, over a number of sessions, and over the telephone or Skype. As time passes not only are studies being done to explore what EFT is effective for, but the data from these studies is also being used to uncover the best ways to use EFT. In this interview Dawson Church and I discuss what these studies tell us about how to get the most out of EFT. (There are even a few things that I found surprising.)

It is very easy to say (especially in tough times) "All we need is love". The hard part is to know what that means beyond bumper sticker sentimentality. In this interview with Brad Yates we talk about in real terms what is love, what is self-love, and most importantly how can we use EFT to feel a sense of love in a tangible way.

I bet you are like me. Somewhere in your home or office there is a large pile of self-help books, cds, and dvds. In addition to this physical pile of resources there is a folder on your hard drive full of ebooks, pdfs, audios and interviews, also filled with amazing information...and you have never looked at over 90% of these resources They looked enticing. They looked valuable. They looked like they would improve your life. Somehow we never get around to using to them. This is a common problem. (So much so, at one point in my notes this interview was entitled “Are you addicted to self-help resources?”) In this interview I talk with EFT Master Maggie Adkins about how we can best do self-directed improvement work. The issue is not concerning having access to tools (we all have too many tools and resources), but instead about how we approach the process. Maggie shares many practical ways to show us how we can take advantage of the materials we have, using them in a constructive way to ensure that we are moving forward and not just creating a pile of resources that are collecting dust.

When it comes to teaching tapping children are one of my favorite groups. They take to tapping right away because they don’t have many of the hang-ups adults do of needing to understand everything or concerns about looking foolish when they tap. Like adults, when kids tap they become happier and healthier. One of the bonuses of teaching them to tap is we help them to clear issues whilst they are small, preventing them from growing into life-long issues. In this interview I talk to Till Shilling about introducing kids to tapping and how to get into schools and classrooms.

Did you know that healing from a tapping session can be spontaneously reversed? It doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens more often than you would think. In this interview with Karin Davidson we explore the two factors which can bring about a total and instantaneous reversal of a tapping session, and how in three minutes this can be prevented. We discuss the gamut point, which I think is one of the most powerful, but most forgotten tapping points, and its key role in preventing spontaneous reversal of the benefits of EFT.

Do you have a good relationship with your inner critic? Very few people answer that question in a positive way because to most of us it is nothing more than a “critic”. It is always there waiting to pounce, waiting to point out everything we have done wrong, everything we have missed, and everything we will do wrong in the future. Did you know that this inner voice exists to be helpful? No, really, it is! Our inner voice is always on guard, looking out for danger and things that will get in the way of what we want and need. The problem is that for most of us is it working too hard. In this conversation with Judy Byrne we talk about how the critical voice came to be so critical and how we can transform it from being a giant nag into something that is very helpful.

Sometimes when I prepare for an interview I have a really good idea about what we are going to talk about. I am very familiar with the topic, the guest’s work, or both. Other times I am caught off-guard (in a good way). This is one of those interviews. In the first minute Tania Prince took my idea of shyness and turned it on its head. This set up an awesome conversation about what can be changed and what isn’t really an issue at all. Often we confuse being uncomfortable around others which causes us to be quiet (AKA acting shy) with someone who is comfortable in a group of people and is just being quiet. We can get ourselves into trouble when we try to change someone who is just quiet because we think that being shy is bad and that we need to pull them out of their shell. This is a great interview with lots of tapping tips for dealing with discomfort around others and what being shy really means.

Since Feb of 2011 I have had the opportunity to be part of teaching an advanced anger management class to inmates in a local jail. I consistently describe the experience as “the coolest thing in my life.” It has been a really amazing experience and I have learned a lot from it. I was lucky enough to be Jondi Whitis’ guest for the June episode of “eftTapFest” which is part of EFT Radio On-Line. In the conversation we talk about: What I have learned about teaching EFT by teaching it in a Jail What I have learned about creating a community to rally in support of one cause What I have learned about stretching myself What I have learned about crowd funding Even if you never intend to work with inmates, write a book, or lead a community of support, there is a lot you can learn in this conversation.

In preparing for the podcast I usually exchange a few emails and do a pre-interview with the guest to figure out what topic we will cover and to create a plan for the interview so that it goes smoothly. When I was doing my pre-interview with Gwenn Bonnell I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said, "We could talk about shoulders and shoulds." I asked her repeat it because I wanted to make sure I heard her right. She really said, “shoulders and shoulds”. I know many issues have a tendency to show up in the same part of the body over and over again, but I had never heard of the connection between shoulder issues and the things we feel we should do. In this interview Gwenn does an amazing job of making the connection and showing us how we can respond with EFT.

Stress is not becoming a part of our daily lives, it is already part of our daily lives. What is now common is that we moving from a general level of stress to feeling completely overwhelmed. The difficulty with feeling overwhelmed is that once we are in the middle of it we can't see clearly enough to reach for a tool like EFT. In this interview with Carol Look we look at the simple things we can do daily to keep our stress in check and keep us from becoming overwhelmed.

"Manifesting" more money in our lives is not about sitting in a dark room with our eyes closed, listening to instrumental music, and imagining that we are a giant magnet pulling big chunks of gold towards us. The way we bring more money into our lives is about recognizing new opportunities for making more money and getting out of our own way enough to act on these opportunities. When we see these opportunities clearly and are acting from the things we know how to do, it feel like money just shows up. It becomes effortless because we are no longer fighting to find opportunity and we are no longer fighting ourselves emotionally. In the interview with Margaret we talk about exactly how to put ourselves into a place where making money feels easy.

One of the keys to effective EFT and tapping is to be clearly tuned into the issue we want to address. There are lots of creative ways of doing this. In this interview I talk with Ann Ross about how we can use a simple technique of working with our ‘inner committee’ to isolate specific issues and transform them rapidly. Ann's helpful approach is easy to understand and you will quickly be able to add it to your daily tapping routine.

The key to effective tapping/EFT is being able to tune into the issues that need work. There are many ways of doing this. The most common way is to say phrases out loud while tapping, but sometimes we don’t know what to say. The issue might be too deep, the memory might be too painful, or we just can't seem to come up with the right words to describe what is going on. In this podcast I talk to Marie Holliday about a simple and elegant way to tap for issues called the photo technique. We talk about how easy it is to do, for which issues it works best, and how you can start using it right away with photos, icons, x-rays, or really any image to improve the tapping progress. Please take the time to learn about this powerful technique, it is a great tool to add to your tapping/EFT toolbox.

Often when parents come to tapping they are looking for something to fix or change their children. In reality, when we are surrogate tapping for others we are making a transformation in ourselves that in turn creates space for others to change. In this interview Carol Tuttle and I talk about how parents can use tapping for their children, themselves, and to transform all the relationships within the family.

I think that giving thanks and celebrating big and small successes is a really important thing to do. It is also important to recognize the gifts that come with adversity when things don't work out as planned. Last December I was lucky enough to be a guest on Carol Look’s radio program. We talk about what we mean by celebration, giving thanks, abundance, create v responsibility, and we do a lot of tapping on how we can become clear in order to make good choices in our lives to move us towards achieving the greatness we are worthy of. Side note: Personally, I am a little uncomfortable with a lot of the law of attraction language and conversation. Some it borders on the woo-woo, and some of it is downright ridiculous. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I do think I have a unique point of view, which we examine in this interview.

For tapping to be successful we need to tune into the issue at hand. There are many tools and techniques to do this. In this interview I talk to Andy Bryce about how we can use making sounds as a way of tuning into issues and emotions. By using sounds we can find ways to describe emotions as well as tune into emotions without having to go point by point through the entire issue, which can at time be painful. This is a very simple approach and an easy tool to add to your tapping tool box.

Reversal, psychological reversal, polarity reversal, and secondary benefit are all terms which are thrown around a lot when working with tapping. They can be caused by our thoughts, what we put in our body, and the electronic devices that surround us. It doesn't really matter what you call them, if they are present then tapping will not work very well (if at all). In this interview I talk with Lindsay Kenny about two major types of reversals and what you can do to correct them.

Emotions are more than just what we feel. When we experience an emotion there are many things happening at a biochemical and cellular level. In this interview with Stacey Vornbrock we talk about what happens physically when we feel emotions, how we can become addicted to them, and how to break that addiction. By recognizing the addictive nature of some emotions we can find see our way to new ways to tap.

Shame is the most powerful, self-defeating and crippling of emotions. In this interview I talk to Rhona Clews about the power of shame, how it is created, how it is toxic in our lives, and how we can use tapping to clear it out.

I don’t know about you, but I constantly find myself answering questions about EFT and tapping. It is great that we can draw from on personal experience (and the experience of those with whom we work) when sharing about tapping, but in many cases this is not enough. It is useful to have structured, peer-reviewed scientific studies to build the wall of proof that so many are looking for. To that end I have something in two parts that will help you respond to people who are looking for scientific proof about tapping and EFT. First, I have an interview with Dawson Church, PhD about completed research studies, on-going research studies, and planned research studies. Second, I have a summary of many of the recent studies to make it easier for you to talk about them.