Probing Ancient Aliens

Are you child-prodigies actually half-human, half-extraterrestrial hybrids who are the next step in human evolution? How is it possible that selct kids throughout the world have genius level intelligence and an awareness of information most adults never learn over their life time? Are governments holding secret research programs for star-children to test their psychic and telekenetic abilities? Are the demi-gods of Greek Mythology the first documented cases for Star Children? And what of the so called "black eyed children" who seem to be the antithesis to the benevolant and future-shaping Starseed kids? Are they actually demons in disguise...or perhaps the progeny of the "evil" alien races who are hell-bent on undoing the work of our nurturing galactic daddies and mommies? Steve and Joey sure as heck don't know, especially after watching this episode of the History Channel's Ancient Aliens!!! But they do see LOTS of messed up skulls, creepy eyeball CG as well as more sad #MintChipMoments from Joey's childhood. Let's prooooooooobe into...well even we can't finish that sentence.

Have ancient aliens been visiting America for thousands of years? Do Native Americans have a deeper connection with biological extraterrestrials than we give them credit for? Did Star Beings literally birth indigenous Americans before Europeans even settled there? Was there a secret Egyptian cave in the Grand Canyon that the Smithsonian covered up and prevented the American public from ever learning the truth? We don’t know...but our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure do! We got homegrown beef gettin’ mutilated! We got 14,000 year old petroglyphs in dry lake beds! We got Air Force bases gettin’ their nukes shut down! Why?! Because that’s how ya do it! If you’re an alien that is…Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooobe into American aliens!

Are wormholes real? Is the Einstein-Rosen Bridge actually possible to create and travel through? Have ancient aliens been using stargates to cover trillions of miles instantaneously...only to check in on ancient man and give him the most mediocre of technology like how to move around stone blocks? Does William Henry truly earn his title as Medallion Man this episode, or is he outdone by David Wilcock's pondering of space and the divine? Are stargates really just leather tubes in the intestinal track of the universe...transferring matter out of entrances and exits with only the energy of a condensed planet like Jupiter to give it the grunt and shove it needs to do it's doody...um...duty? I'm sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Researchers know the answer! Or maybe they talk about the Bermuda Triangle again and other stuff that's been disproved as paranormal or even mildly interesting. Let's prooooooooooooooooooobe into those dark space holes known as...stargates.

Do aliens live in underground mountain bases around the world? Were sacred mountains actually a doorway to the next realm? Did ancient people actually commune with extraterrestrial gods on mountain tops? Why would globe spanning cultures create massive temple complexes on precarious mountain tops? Steve and Joey have no clue, so they’ve turned to our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists who are sure to have real proof that Olympus, Shasta, Fuji, and the rest are aaaaaaaaall alien landing zones and shit! Let’s proooooooooooooooooooooobe into these mysterious mountain sides for ROCK...HARD...FACTS.

Was the Ark of the Covenant actually an advanced nuclear weapon built by ancient aliens? Was “God” simply a remote ET or artificial intelligence that chose to communicate or kill the Israelites at their leisure? Where is the Ark of the Covenant now: Japan, Ethiopia, Scotland? The world may never know...but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure do! This episode actually has some decent evidence presented by religious experts and stays on a specific topic...almost the whole time. But does that stop Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, and Non-Character Jim Carrey from stopping by to share their own opinions about the Ark that holds the 10 Commandments? It sure as heck-fire doesn’t! Let’s proooooooooooooobe into the true nature of the Ark thingy from the Indiana Jones movie!

Are the mysterious islands of the world actually secret alien bases and re-fueling stations for extraterrestrials? Are the Solomon Islands actually run by a race of alien shape-shifting giants that have been terrorizing and breeding with the native peoples for hundreds of years? Did Sandy Island disappear from simple erosion, or did otherworldly travelers use cloaking technology to hide this important location, even from Google Maps? Is the mythical island of Hy-Brasil simply an alien Garden of Eden-style paradise that appears once every 7 years to keep watch of the Irish peoples that the god-like beings helped create? Steve and Joey sure as hell don’t know after watching this episode, but you better believe our plucky ancient astronaut theorists sure think SOMETHIN’s going on on these mountain tops poking out of the sea like an aquatic prolapse! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooobe into forbidden islands and see if them thar’s little green men ashore!

Are mysterious relics actually ancient alien technology given to ancient man by extraterrestrial gods? Are religious artifacts simply tools of the alien trade and occasionally they’d stop by and tell someone who should be king or grant your wishes or some such? Is this episode description a lot weaker and shorter than our usual write-ups? You bet your green alien ass it is, because our plucky ancient astronaut theorists are really phoning it in on the Season 5 finale of Ancient Aliens, where they literally just define what relics are over and over again and ponder out load for millions to see! Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into these licks of rel and perhaps we too shall be king of the pounding prolapse!

Are the royal bloodlines of the world considered “divine” because they actually have alien DNA within their veins? Why do all kings and queens seem to have divinity as a requirement to rule their people? Did extraterrestrials choose certain humans to bestow technological gifts upon and imbue them with scientific knowledge - enough to rule a whole country? Do our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists just keep repeating the same crap about how kings are aliens or alien hybrids over and over again this episode until they hope you believe it? You bet your moist pink prolapse they do! Steve & Joey break down a whole bunch of nothing after one of the worst episodes of Ancien Aliens ever - but hey - the disgusting humor and insight you know and love is here in spades! Plus some VERY special announcements about the future of Probing Ancient Aliens and new podcasts from the boys! Let’s proooooooobe into the royal holes of Emperors, Kings, and Pharaohs!

Did ancient extraterrestrials in the form of Thoth, Dhanvantari and Dianchecht provide the medical knowledge needed for ancient cultures to perform surgeries that are harrowing even today? How did so-called “primitive people” safely open their patients’ skulls to manage complicated neurosurgery procedures that people actually survived? Was the ancient Greek healer Asclepius actually an alien disguised as a human...or perhaps a human connected to advanced extraterrestrial teachers? Have thought-powered prosthetics and other bionic enhancements actually been around for thousands of years? Steve and Joey sure as hell don’t know, but they’re sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists do! Let’s prooooooooobe into ancient alien operations and see what makes these bad beings tick!

Was the epitome of evil: Satan, simply a misunderstood extraterrestrial looking to give technology and self-sufficiency to early man? Is Satan just another version of Shemyaza from the Book of Enoch? Are other rebellious, human-loving gods like Prometheus, Kukulkan, Set, and Viracocha just other forms of Satan - making him a singular “bringer of light” to cultures across the ancient world? Was the technology and knowledge Lucifer brought to man actually a benevolent act by a loving deity and not the demonic trickery of “the enemy?” Do our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists actually believe that Satan himself was “...not such a bad guy” as David Childress mentions in this very ‘sode?! Let’s prooooooooooooobe into the supposed conspiracy against everyone’s favorite devilish dude!

Are Magic Wands actually advanced Hitatchi-brand alien technology that performed feats so advanced that ancient man thought it was magic? Was Merlin the Wizard a half-human/half-alien being with advanced technology and superhuman abilities due to his extraterrestrial origins? What of other sorcerers, magi, illusionists, and royal advisors - were they simply the chosen few given fantastical alien devices that changed the fate of their world simply by their connection with “the gods?” Is the power once referred to as magic actually latent supernatural abilities that E.T.’s keep hidden in our DNA and can only be unleashed by extreme meditation and physical conditioning? Why did an old Chinese wizard ride a mule backward across the sky? Were it’s Shrek jokes so humorless that he couldn’t bare to face the magical braying of his hyperspace powered steed? Steve and Joey sure don’t know, but our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists MUST have all the evidence-based answers a little Prober or Probette could ask for...right? Let’s PROOOOOOOOOOOBE into the magic of the gods and see if you believe what’s in a young girl’s heart…

Did the Mesopotamian gods...the Annunaki...actually create humans as a slave race to mine gold for them? Are all gods, angels, demons, and religions simply the Annunaki interpreted in countless cultural ways? Was Noah’s great flood actually caused by an Annunaki alien thousands of years before Noah was even born? Was Mars an Annunaki waystation as they traveled from Nibiru (the mysterious Planet X!!!) to Earth? Is the government trying to cover up the true history of our Annunaki origins?! Is Gozer the Gozarian my real mom?! WHAT ABOUT UNCLE-NAKI?! AUNT-NAKI GETS ALL THE SPOTLIGHT!!! All these questions and more will for sure be answered in great detail by our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists on today’s episode, and we juuuuust might discuss some other things that start with “A-N-U…” if you catch my Sumerian drift! Let’s proooooooobe into the Annunaki Connection to EVERYTHING!!!

Get out your whips and brown fedoras, little probers - we’re on a search for the 13 mysterious Crystal Skulls! What power do they hold? Is each crystal skull an advanced super computer from other inhabited worlds? Are their ancient ancestral spirits inside each quartz laden visage? Do Crystal Skulls allow us to see into other dimensions? What happens when we place all 13 next to each other - perhaps...forming the most delicious Dio De Los Muertos feast ever seen in ancient Mesoamerica?! With our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists as guides, let’s prooooooooooobe into some crystal clear facts about these enigmatic objects! Hey...since this episode is was shot after the world DIDN’T end with the 2012 Mayan Calendar, the AAT crew needs a new super vague Mayan object to dangle their apocalyptic carrots with!

Why is the number 3 so important to the human psyche? Why do seemingly all religions contain examples of the number 3 as a holy value? Did aliens create our DNA codons in triplets so that we would understand the true power of three? How did the Egyptians, and then Pythagoras, discover the infinite mathematical and structural value of the triangle - the simplest and most perfect shape in all of geometry? Did the Freemasons understand the true power of three, basing their central tenet on it? What of the mystical third eye of Hindu and other eastern cultures and its ability to see through to other realms? Is the pineal gland our literal third eye, allowing us to communicate with extraterrestrials and download knowledge from other dimensions? Does any of this have to do with ancient aliens at all? I’m sure our plucky ancient astronaut theorists will have a ton of fact-based evidence and correlation and anthropological examples of the number three being used in all cultures across the world! I’m sure they’ll mention other numbers too so that the viewer can compare! Or they’ll just blather on, Sesame Street style, about how three is their favorite - and “the magic” - number! Yay! Let’s prooooooooooobe into some threesome thoughts!

Are the thousands of ancient monoliths around the world stone antennas that broadcasted power and information to ancient aliens? How did primitive Britons carry and build the stones at Stonehenge and Avebury? Do the Moai of Easter Island and similar statues in Indonesia actually contain the souls of the gods and provide the power to travel to another realm to communicate with extraterrestrial beings misinterpreted as the divine? What about David Hatcher Childress’s “joy-gantically huge” stone balls of Costa Rica, or the spherical stone apple bags of Semir Osmonagich, AKA “The Bosnian Indiana Jones?” Can stone monoliths provide the power to open a stargate just by containing trace amounts of quartz crystal? I’m sure our plucky ancient astronaut theorists will provide concrete (no pun intended!) answers to all these insane claims and more as we study obelisks, throbelisks, and the proper stimulation for emulation! Also, we learn more about Steve’s early dating life and how it’s connected to the Sega Dreamcast and a young, unassuming Japanese girl he courted at the 8th grade dance. Let’s proooooooooooooobe into ancient monoliths, babyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Vikings, Norseman...the guys with the big horns on their helmets - just who did they worship and how did they accomplish such magical feats as the creation of weapons like Thor’s hammer and Odin’s spear; or the rainbow bridge connecting each of the nine realms of the cosmos and the different races of extraterrestrial beings that lived in each? Why did vikings burn their dead in a boat or travel so far around the world in their amazing longboats...even across the Atlantic? I’m sure our plucky Ancient Astronaut Researchers have all the answers with plenty of physical and textual evidence as they prove that the Norse gods were nothing more than flesh and bolts aliens with advanced spacecraft, technology, and weaponry. Or maybe it’ll just be a big history lesson on viking culture and some loose alien tie-ins that are about as solid the Swedish Chef’s prolapsed little butt! Let’s prooooooooooooooobe into the viking gods and hope that we don’t get our eyes pecked out by space drone ravens!!!

Erich von Daniken created Ancient Astronaut Theory in 1968 with the publication of his book: Chariots of the Gods. Without this seminal work, History Channel’s “Ancient Aliens” wouldn’t exist, and neither would this podcast! So for that, Steve and Joey give Mr. VD Viewpoint himself some credit for opening people’s minds over the decades...and perhaps their little colons too! As this episode goes through Erich’s early years as a Jesuit school student questioning the Bible’s interpretation of God all the way to Paradigm Symposium 2012 where he proudly proclaims he’s an “Unreasonable Man,” you better believe our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have much love and more than a little butt-smooching for the former Swiss hotel manager. Childress, Tsoukalos, Noory, Bauval, Coppens, Redfern and the whole shebang gang reflect on how Erich inspired them on their own ancient aliens journey to conspiracy theory stardom of varying degrees. Let’s proooooooooobe into ol’ Erich and find out what ancient alien-designed machinery makes this man tick!

Have alien abductions been occurring for thousands of years? Are spiritual stories of gods and angels taking ancient man around the world and offering visions of the future one and the same as modern day stories of ships, greys, and experimentation? Was Travis Walton’s “Fire in the Sky” just another tale in the ongoing story of mankind being stolen away by UFOs for disturbing and nefarious purposes? Did Nikola Tesla get all his best ideas from a telepathic connection with Martians? Was the archangel Gabriel a benevolent humanoid extraterrestrial that helped Mohammed come to his destiny of creating and spreading Islam? You don’t have to be strapped down to a medical slab with an alien needle drilling into your eye to believe that our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have all the evidence-based answers you could want - with plenty of assumption, hyperbole, and argumentative fallacy to fill an entire mothership! Steve and Joey take a tractor beam laden ride with Childress, Tsouks, Redfern and the gang to explore the similarities between close encounters in the past, present, future...and beyond the Semen Shores! Let’s proooooooooooobe into Strange Abductions!

Are the ginormous Nazca lines of Peru the product of Ancient Alien intervention with more primitive peoples? How did the men and women from 1500 years ago carve such straight angles and make such intricate geometric symbols in the limestone-laden earth? Why would they go through so much effort to carve hundreds of geoglyphs meant to be seen from the sky if they weren’t sure the gods were flying overhead to appreciate their attempt at communication? Are the Nazca lines signposts to the local Inca cities in the area where the aliens could be directed to go party more with the Pumapunku peeps? You better believe (you BETTER!) that our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorist have all the evidence-based answers you could ever want, and that they offer some rock...hard...evidence as to what the Nazca lines were truly for, and exactly what they mean. Uuuuuh yeah...and Joey and Steve jerk off on Sundays! Am I right?! Any let’s prooooooooooobe into those limestone Nazca lines, baby!

Are great prophets throughout the ages getting knowledge of the future from aliens? Are inter dimensional beings downloading prophetic information to select human minds so that we can be prepared for major events? Was the burning bush actually the Hebrew God...or a misinterpreted piece of alien technology? Was the whirlwind of smoke and fire that led Moses and the Israelites out of Egypt actual an alien spacecraft? Was the Mormon archangel Maroni simply a flesh and blood extra terrestrial misinterpreted as divine? Ancient astronaut theorists say...'uh sure!' As usual, Steve & Joey do their best to use a speculum on all the speculation to spread it wiiiiiiiide open and shed light on all the logical fallacies that our plucky ancient astronaut theorists make in this extra dicey episode. We see some new faces, and begin to say goodbye to some old ones as we countdown these last few episodes of the late great Philip Coppens. But you can probably ass-certain that the success rate of the Ancient Aliens crew is about equal with Nostradamus - vague and minimal at best. Let's proooooooooooooobe into these fallacious futurists and sort through some prophecies, babyyyyyy!

Are ancient tombs actually teleportation stargates that transport the body and soul to the afterlife? Did ancient aliens give our ancestors instructions on how to build these doorways to eternity? Were the huge sarcophagi in Saqqara actually meant to trap the sacred Apis Bull’s remains so that these monstrous divine creatures couldn’t wreak havoc on Egypt after their demise? Does the fact that all cultures, both primitive and modern, believe in life after death and funerary rituals mean that advanced extraterrestrials were worldwide teachers that wanted us to find them after our corporeal forms were shed? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have all the answers...or perhaps just some really really really really really really strong feelings about these questions so that people will believe them just so they stop repeating themselves this episode! Steve and Joey are here to probe deep and talk all things Halloween, helicopter pilots, and the love that can only be found with a cockney accent mixing with an Irish accent and turning into pirate accent! Let’s PROOOOOOOOOBE into these dark and spooky gateways to heaven itself!

Was Albert Einstein's unique brain simply a product of evolutionary mutation...or did Aliens give him access to the otherworldly sources of knowledge like the Akashic Record? How was his 76 year old brain as healthy as a man half his age at the time of his death? Was Einstein perhaps imbued with extra terrestrial DNA? How do geniuses like Einstein, Tesla, Socrates and Da Vinci just "come up" with their society-altering ideas without the help of some supernatural force? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have aaaaaaaaall the answers of course, just like the do every week - saving the best for this big Season 4 Finale! And, just like they do every week, Joey and Steve are here to probe big gaping holes into their "evidence." As always, they insert themselves with love and a funny vibe that the whole family can enjoy. So pull up a chair to that old timey radio and let's PROOOOOOOOOOBE directly into Einstein's factor!

Do the Ancient Aliens that visited early man for centuries come from Orion's Belt? Why do so many ancient cultures like Babylon and Egypt obsess over three of the brightest stars in the night sky? Why do so many religious creation myths center around the gods coming from Orion? Did the pharaohs of Egypt use the Pyramids as a star gate to travel to Orion...aka the home of the gods? Orion seems to be the connective tissue between disparate cultures thousands of miles apart - so why do they all love it so darn much?! Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists must have concrete evidence to unravel this mystery...right? Steve and Joey Probe deep into this one, as well as more important questions: like the origin of Sonic the Hedgehog and his fascination with delicious chili dogs. Let's proooooooooooooooobe under Orion's belt buckle and get into what makes that big guy tick once and for all!

Is the Great Pyramid at Giza actually a hydro-chemical power plant that shoots microwaves out of it's mysterious shafts? Are all the Obelisks around the world a part of a vast power network that pre-dates Nikolai Teslas wireless Power Towers? Did ancient man harness the power of stone and conductive minerals to power ancient tools to build the mind-boggling megaliths that dot the planet...flying in the face of mainstream archaeological theories? Our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure think they have the answers, and they say it with such conviction that you HAVE to think otherwise...right? Steve and Joey might just think otherwise, but they'll let their amulets...and intuition...guide them toward the truth. Let's prooooooobe our inner selves and let some gas out of our own internal combustion chambers to make room for Alien Power Plants...now with more Fiber and Vitamin C!

Is the government covering up proof that aliens exist? Are top-ranking officials hiding evidence that extra terrestrials have been in contact with world leaders for decades? Was the monotheistic Pharaoh Akhenaten erased from Egypt's past for his rebellious rule? Does the Rendelsholm Forest cover up finally get to see the light of day since Ancient Aliens first gave the airman involved a voice to the viewers back in 2010? Ancient Astronaut researchers...say yes. But what do Steve and Joey say? Do Tsoukalous, Bara, Childress and the gang offer proof of these "gub'ment" coverups? Do they reveal the truth to us terrestrial television tourists, breaking apart all governments and changing the course of history and the world forever thanks to proving that aliens exist and are among us? The fact that this episode was allowed on the air should answer that question, but let's proooooooobe deep into these coverups anyway - get your tinfoil hats ready!

Are ancient pyramids really massive power plants? How did cultures thousands of miles apart build such similar shapes with supposedly no contact? Is the Chinese government hiding dozens of ancient pyramids holding the Terracotta Warriors and other unknown treasures? Why is Khufu’s body nowhere to be found in the pyramid that shares his name? What is the true purpose of ancient pyramids, and what secrets do they hold? Well our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists sure have a lot of thoughts on these pointy little bastards and they use this episode to explain how pyramids could time travel, create radiation shields, send you off to our alien overlords, and how some mountains are actually man made pyramids with trees and stuff hiding their real purpose! Do they have facts to back it up?! ...Not really! But Steve and Joey sure have a great time poking...and probing...holes in their logic and the lack thereof. Let’s PROOOOOOOOOOBE into these polygonal paradises we call…pyramids.

Did ancient aliens genetically create the dinosaurs for some grand biological experiment? Was the giant asteroid that destroyed them actually a directed attack to destroy their creation to make way for more intelligent life on Earth? Did dinosaurs exist side-by-side with ancient man? Did a handful of species survive their cataclysmic demise as portrayed in carvings at Ankor Wat and the on the Ica Stones? No...no they didn’t, because the ones that survived evolved into fucking birds and reptiles just like Jurassic Park taught us 25 fucking years ago! But Tsouks, Childress, Coppens and the gang take a psuedo-Creationist stance throughout this dino-tastic episode, trying to explain how these horrific giant eating machines would have somehow not eaten every hominid they saw in a matter of seconds and that humans could have just hunted them down. There’s a lot more to unpack, and a lot more feathery FUDGE to unpack in this super speculative episode - so let’s take a speculum to that dino-b’hole and PROOOOOOBE deep into aliens and dinosaurs!

Are gods just humans from the future who traveled back in time to create themselves in the remote past? Are the infamous Grey aliens simply hyper-evolved humans from the future...or perhaps another dimension, or both? Does Einstein’s Theory of Special Relativity give rise to stargates, wormholes, and other opens for advanced “future people” to cyclically fulfill their own evolutionary destiny? Did the Nazis invent a real time machine with their secret “Bell” project? If you ask our plucky ancient astronaut theorists...then the answer is a resounding YES! But if you ask Joey & Steve, they’ll point out some might big plot holes in the story that Tsouks, Childress and the gang are unfolding. They’ll discuss if it’s right for Einstein’s hard work to be twisted to answer the Ancient Alien Questions...plus the typical and hunger-inducing prolapse talk we all cherish. Let’s proooooooooooooooobe into The Time Travelers!

Did Leonardo DaVinci leave secret messages in his paintings? As a youth, was he visited by aliens and given secret scientific knowledge...knowledge that he based his super-advanced inventions on? Why was DaVinci so secretive - so much so that we have no idea why he spent the last 16 years of his life on a single, seemingly ordinary portrait: the Mona Lisa. Did you know that DaVinci wasn't actually the first to codify some of his designs like the Helicopter, the Underwater Breathing apparatus, and the Tank, but actually followed a German named Talhoffer from early in the 15th century? And of course, our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have aaaaaaaaall the accurate answers for us and don't base anything they claim in pure speculation...right? RIIIIIIIIGHT?! Let's prooooooooobe deep inside DaVinci...Renaissance style! (meaning no vaseline, of course)

Is Bigfoot really an alien being? Is Sasquatch simply a leftover hominid created by the Annunaki? Are the Yeti a sad relic of an alien hybridization program abandoned for a better result...namely: home sapiens?! Our minds, and of course, colons are blown by the possiblity that Bigfoots are all around us: warping through dimensions; crawling around a subterranean pan-American tunnel system, causing really bad fart smells and whistling or roaring, depending on who you ask. Let's proooooooooooobe into this virtually fact-free episode and join Linda Howe, Childress, Tsouks, and (the return of) cryptozoologist Franklin Reuhl to speculate on how just maybe maybe MAYBE maybe...this is where Harry and the Hendersons really came from!

Sorry for the late ep! We're talkin' 'bout the big...bulbous...bloooooocks of Bolivia's own Pumapunku temple, and how noone could ever sand a bunch of rocks down with other rocks or lift anything heavy! This is a big time Childress-heavy 'sode (much to our delight!) and he gets some real man-time with fellow ancient astronaut theorist, Brian Foerster, and talk about some problematic (for multiple reasons) pieces of evidence found around the megalithic structure that is Puma Punku. Steve and Joey do plenty of debunking as well, turning the building of this massive structure into something far less paranormal, but...in moi moind...no less amazing in it's engineering. Let's PROOOOOOOOOBE into Christopher Dunn's suspect engineering speculation!

Does NASA conduct secret space missions to interact with aliens? Does NASA only show the public a microscopic portion of what's really going on behind the scenes? Did the moon landing mission have tons of off-camera action between Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, and an ancient Lunar civilization? Is the leadership at NASA 33rd degree Scottish Freemasons with an agenda to communicate with the Egyptian gods Isis, Osiris, and Set? Steve & Joey aren't sure, but thankfully Mike Bara gets an episode almost all to himself to explain the secret Communion ritual of the Apollo 11 mission, and uses his former "clearance" at the famous space-faring organization to let us in on some probe-worthy secrets. Let's proooooooooooobe into the NASA connection!

Have ancient aliens been responsible for joy-gantic mega disasters like Volcanoes, Earthquakes, Tsunamis, and Climate Change? Or were they simply trying to warn us against these disasters? Is it something far more sinister? Like advanced flesh and bolts Extra Terrestrials trying to "cull" the human "herd" as it were? Steve and Joey don't really know, because our plucky ancient astronaut theorists do a pretty questionable job of providing evidence. But hey, that's why we love 'em so darn much! Let's prooooooooooooobe into mega disasters and see if the "gods" were really messing with our climate and killing dinosaurs and if Noah was real...n'stuff.

Little green...or should I say grey...men? They’re abducting, absorbing, absolving...and anal probing! Those plucky ancient astronaut theorists are obsessed with ret-conning the stereotypical alien “Greys” into every facet of our ancient past: religion, art, and architecture - all while Steve and Joey break things down with their usual gross take on life, liberty, and the pursuit of prolapsiness. They go fully Gray for Pay despite doing this show for free, because it’s just too tempting to tear apart the suspect psuedo-scientific claims of the cities and streets that Tsoukalos built. They’re conspiring against grey alien conspiricies; calling bullshit on bio-engineered hybrid babies; and exposing the hyperbole of hypno-regression alien abduction therapy. Let’s proooooooooooooobe deeper into...The Greys.

It's time to party like it's December 21st 2012, when we were all going to look up to the sky and fuckin' DIE because the Mayan Calendar said so! Did the Ancient Astronaut Theorists consult an actual Mayan expert to contribute to this episode? And de answer is...NO! But there's plenty of fear-mongering to be had as our plucky researchers wonder what the return of the 9 gods, and the return of Kukulcan, and the "living mythology" of the Maya coming true at the end of that very unfateful year. Let's do a long-count of PROOOOOOOOBING into the Doomsday Prophecies of the Maya...and some other cultures n' shit.

Season de Quatro starts off with a big cataclysmic BANG when the Mayans are playing with their apocalyptic Long Round Calendar! Steve and Joey have something else long and round...their pink sock prolapses flapping in the wind as they yak on and on about Mayan math, Mayan astronomy, Mayan pyramids, Mayan gods and goddesses, Mayan religion, Mayan hieroglyphics, Mayan snake-men, Mayan spaceport landing platforms, and Maya Maya More! Everything you wanted to know about the vast Mesoamerican culture...with 5,025% more pottymouth! Let’s prooooooobe deep into the Conspiracy that Von Danicken, Tsoukalos, Childress and the boys mention...for like a minute in the middle of the episode...and then probe even deeper into other Mayan stuff!

Did ancient aliens jumpstart man’s evolution by altering their DNA? Were Adam and Eve simply the first “modern” humans to understand the power of gentics...or were they aliens themselves that were cast out for having SECKS with their homo sapien creations? Were we simply advanced apes that “overnight” had a “big bang” in our intellectual evolution? How much does pubic-like hair way? What is that white glaze all over the walls of the tombs in the Valley of the Kings? Steve and Joey are here to probe DEEP and talk, sqwak, and pink sock it out on the season 3 finale of everyone’s favorite show about Ancient Astronaut Theory...which, again, seems desperate to explain itself as the creators were likely unsure if it had the ratings to stick it out. Little did they know they’d have the greatest show to ever grace the lips of our eyes! So let’s prooooooooooooobe!

Do humans really have superpowers lying latent in our DNA? Did the Extra Terrestrial gods of the ancient world give men devices to enhance their sight, strength, or even bestow the power of invisibility? Was the battle between the Olympians and the Titans an actual civil war that split an ancient alien race down the middle and cast rebels out of their mothership? Joey and Steve don’t really know, and it’s clear that our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorist don’t either, since this episode is pretty much about present day “future tech” and how maybe, just maaaaybe, they sound pretty similar to ancient myths where Greek gods had hi-tech helmets, shoes, chariots, and weapons. Watch out for a special appearance from Jafaar and Gilbert Gottfried as well as plenty of prolapse talk for fans of the great pink sock! Let’s PROOOOOOOOOOOOOBE!

Did aliens create zombies and vampires, or simply inspire humans to ressurect dead bodies because they witnessed hypersleep chambers in alien crafts? Phew, that’s a mouthful, and this whole episode is pretty much a hole-fillin’ glop of speculation and theological examples of the afterlife...but of course: ALIENS! Aliens apparently taught us that our blood is “important” and they’re going to judge us when the Day of Reckoning happens to make sure we did what they said...whenever that was. The best part? TONS of Childress Chime-ins and our first guest: my sister Laura...because she felt like it! Let’s prooooooobe into the cold wet holes of aliens and the undead!

Steve and Joey went to Alien Con 2018! Like two little old ladies, they drove up to the Pasadena Convention Center for the premier Ancient Aliens event of the year! Well, they missed Contact in the Desert, so they can’t say for sure...but the cast and crew of our favorite show about Ancient Astronaut Theory were all there to spread more learnin’s and yearnin’s for the alien boys we love! The boys recap the plethora of panels they attended, the whirlwind of wierdos on the show floor and in Q and A sessions, as well as the fun factoids they picked up throughout their Friday and Saturday journeys. Plus...the piece de-Child-RESS: They meet David Hatcher Childress. If that’s not enough to get your probing wands as stiff as a convention center hot dog - I don’t know what is!

Is the World Grid real? Did ancient man build their megalithic stoneworks on each of its nodes by chance...or were they influenced to follow this magnetic pattern by advanced Extraterrestrials? Are Temple Mount, Balbek, and the Pyramids at Giza electromagnetic gas stations for alien craft to stock up? Was the Greek god Apollo simply an ancient alien that travelled along Ley Lines to the north to spread the gift of knowledge and technology to the Vikings? Was Apollo actually SANTA CLAUS?! Let’s see what our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have to say on this jam-packed episode of almost pure speculation. The Childress Chime-ins, Tsouk-Alerts, and (all-new!) Bara Barrages just keep coming after a few episodes of just boring ol’ facts - so there’s plenty of imitatin’ and ingratiatin’ to be had as we PROOOOOOOOOBE into the Secret Code...whatever that is, since the episode implies it’s like three things.

Are murderous cult leaders actually motivated by contact with malicious Extra Terrestrials? Are cultists like the Circumcellions, Heaven’s Gate, the Narcosatanists, and the Thuggi mind controlled by aliens posing as gods? Is there any difference between the divine kings of the past and modern psychopaths who believe they’re special, divine, or of advanced alien origin? Steve and Joey don’t know, and neither do our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists, but the idea is pretty compelling, and the episode is like a cool crash course in the History of Cults - plus, pleeeeeeenty of Prolapse humor! Let’s PROOOOOOOOOOBE!

Did aliens help George Washington win America’s Independence from the British? Why don’t history books teach about Thomas Jefferson officially reporting a UFO sighting during his Vice Presidency? Why doesn’t anyone focus on the Extra Terrestrial musings by Ben Franklin in his Poor Richard’s Almanac? Why don’t more people know that many of the Founding Fathers were Freemasons with a mystical and scientific view of the world...and using their secret society’s tenants to shape our great nation from the get-go?! We’re totally freaking out man!!! I think we need to check our facts with the great documentaries National Treasure 1 and 2 with narrator Nicholas Cage! Or, you could probe deep with us into a pretty cool (cans) episode of Ancient Aliens, where it’s mostly just a lot of interesting info and the AAT guys give us a little break from their ponderings and assumptions. Let’s PROOOOOOOOOBE because the British are coming! The British are coming!

Are there special “POWER PLACES” that are truly “cursed?” Are the weird electromagnetic energies of Aokigahara Forest causing Japanese people to commit Suicide? Are the Cauldrons and alien Orange Orbs of Siberia’s Valley of Death causing radiation sickness and killing hikers? Does the Aboriginal god known as the Rainbow Serpent really eat the wicked folk that dare to enter Australia’s Black Mountain? Are we creating future Evil Places by dumping radioactive waste deep into the ground? Let’s see what our plucky Ancient Astronaut Theorists have to say - you know they’ll have mountains of evidence and it won’t just be presenting some weird shit as proof that weird shit is what they say it is! Let’s have our devil emoji’s at the ready and PROOOOOOOBE into some Evil...koinda scaaaaaary places!

Did Prya Pisnokar throw an alien-crafted plasma sword into lake Tonle Sap? Was the young King Arthur’s famous sword in the stone equipped with a Biometric Sensor that allowed only his DNA to release the blade from it’s rocky grip? Were the Hindu gods and goddesses using nuclear weapons and guided missiles in crazy wars in the skies over India? Did ancient aliens teach early man how to harness fire and forge swords? Is there any reason that an advanced alien race would teach early man how to make simple weapons like blades while concurrently giving them rock-vitrifying laser cutting rays, anti-grav tools that could lift 50 ton stones, and nuclear devices like the Ark of the Covenant? Apparently our favorite ancient astronaut theorists think there is! What that reason is...as David Childress says: “So we can be like them!” Because Aliens fly around and then kill people with Swords? If ancient aliens had the tech to fly across the galaxy and act as gods, why would they not just blow people away with more advanced weaponry? Let’s PROOOOOOOOOOOBE and find out!

Was the Garden of Eden an ancient alien laboratory where ET’s hand crafted modern humans? Was the Mayan city of Copan and Nazca in Peru visited by ancient astronauts posing as sky gods, demanding blood sacrifices? How were the Easter Island Moai statues carved and moved without anti gravity technology? Well according to our resident ancient astronaut theorists, its aaaaaaaaall possibly aliens that connected these lost worlds by intergalactic spacecraft and master-minded ancient humans like the Magi and Rapanui into building some pretty crazy sites. Is there any proof or evidence? Naaaaaaah! But they sure as heck are willing to create plenty of cognitive dissonance in our Annunaki crafted brain to make you feel like it can't be anything else! Let's PROOOOOOOOOOOOBE into lost worlds!

Was the grim reaper really an alien spreading The Black Plague with a high teck “scythe?” Did an Extra Terrestrial Virgin Mary warn the people of Portugal about the devastating Spanish Influenza outbreak of 1917? Do meteorites bring microbes and possibly new diseases to Earth, literally infecting us with outer space illnesses? The answer to that last one - as Tsouks would say - IS YES!!! For once we can agree! Most of this episode is just learning that diseases spread in various ways and a bunch of scientists talking about symptoms, but Steve & Joey make the most of it with some of their goofiest guffaws and chortles yet! Let’s PROOOOOOOOOBE into some disgusting sores and fever mouths!!!

Was ancient man capable of building massive megalithic structures like the Pyramids at Giza, Ollantaytambo in Peru, The Oracle Room on the island of Malta, the temples of Vijayanagara, or the pyramid city-scape of Teotihuacan with simple stone and metal tools? Steve and Joey don’t really know for sure, but our favorite Ancient Astronaut Theorists are giving it a very HARD “NO!” Extra Terrestrials must have been the only beings capable of stacking heavy rocks up and carving them out of quarries with fancy laser beams to keep early man...well...busy! So where are those magical cutting devices that assuredly an ancient race would have protected as a sacred artifact? Why didn’t they draw or document the building of their stone monuments with the help of these divine devices with god-like power? Tsouks, Childress, and Coppens deeeeeeeefinitely have the hard evidence to prove that Ancient Aliens provided Ancient Engineers with the tech they needed, and Steve & Joey are just in awe of how well they prove their points! Let’s PROOOOOOOOBE!

Are magic rituals allowing us to communicate telepathically with aliens? Are crowns, scepters, and thrones technological artifacts that give kings and queens the power of the gods? Did ancient aliens really require blood sacrifices from the ancient Mayans? Are Extra Terrestrials using Quantum Entanglement technology with Native Americans? All these questions and more are...answered? On today’s episode by Tsoukalos, Childress, Martell and the rest of the gang! Steve and Joey probe deep on logic flaws galore: Noory once again knows the psychology of aliens; Tsouks says we cremate people to mimic ancient alien ships’ rocket fuel exhaust; and Childress...just kinda reiterates what 5 other people just said before him. Regardless, we hope you’ll ritually sacrifice an hour and ten minutes of your life to listen to all the jokes, strokes, sexy blokes, and more! Let’s prooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooobe!!!

Did ancient South Americans sacrifice gold to the alien gods of the lost city of El Dorado? Does Roslynn Chapel hold the Holy Grail in one of its pillars among little green men? Did ancient aliens (by way of Atlantis) store all their knowledge of time and space on a mountain of gold under the Sphynx’s paw? Did ancient Egyptians actually own the famed Philosopher’s Stone and use it to create the most vast gold treasure hoard the ancient world had ever known? Tsoukalos, Childress, and newcomer Richard Henry seem to think so, with the latter believing that there’s pretty much a Stargate in every Egyptian building....ever! Come probe with us as we discover...well...just one lost city of gold, but really just visit some places that have gnarly artifacts in them, not necessarily gold.