Power To Be Happy: Journey of Healing, Together

What is life without a moment of true connection – when you’re feeling the joy, the fun, and sharing of something unique, and yet simple, together. This might be a moment you share with a friend, child, your lover: You don’t have to think, and just live it – what a relief! But there are moments when things go the opposite way… You cannot get through to your child, friend, or lover: They might be upset, angry, they’ve got their walls up… They don’t want to talk, they don’t want listen, they don’t want to be there around you! It hurts. Hurts when you try, and maybe you’re helpless, and that is the worst, it’s no way to feel… I know I’ve been both – being desperate to help, and yet helpless, and also shutdown, locked out, away in my own world of anger, frustration, and empty. This isn’t so strange – there’s so many men that I talk to, there’s thousands: The people I meet at my talks, support groups, in hospitals, all ages, and stages, and facets of life, and yet what we all have in common is not the inability to express our emotions, or being so afraid to show weakness, no! In this day and age, we can speak our minds when we’re feeling safe without judgement. The biggest obstacle of all is not being able to make sense of the challenging situation, least of all to yourself. For if you cannot make sense of what it’s like to be losing your job, or your business, or a difficult time from the past, then how are you meant to share it with others? So what can we do? We must talk about clarity, and make making sense a core part of our experience! It’s what I am sharing in my recent talk – I open it up to you on the podcast. Thank you for being here, my friend! Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma. Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward. Together! If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Some say happy moments are brief, but their impact is often long lasting. These are moments that walk through unseen, and they’re bringing us strength, strength is fuel that’s keeping us going when we’re needing it most. I remember my hospital stay during cancer, and what I loved the most was the cafe downstairs. You could get yourself cake, a sandwich, a coffee, and make your way into a little courtyard. You find yourself in a beautiful little oasis amongst the hospital walls – it is covered with tropical plants, shrubs, and flowers. Birds are praising this day, in the hope of feasting themselves of the As I’m watching my three year old covered in chocolate, I can’t help but smile. The three of us sharing a moment – together. We don’t know what’s next, but we’re in this together. The moments we need as survivors – the moments of joy, pride, understanding, and trust. We are in this together – you and I, those who know what it’s like to suffer. Our journeys are always unique, yet struggles we so often share! We want to be sharing the joys, the good times, the times we make change. It’s life, our life, the only life we are given. Life – not easy, or perfect, and yet it is here and it’s ours. These moments we cling to in times we are needing them most. For me, the chocolate cake in the garden, a moment of light – the picture I try and hold on to as I watch the liquid black bag drip into my vein. These moments of beauty, of light, of trying and trying and not giving up: These moments define us. We’re choosing to look towards happiness, hope, and feeling you truly belong. The happiness – you deserve! To seek clarity, to show up at your best in proving to yourself that you are enough, and hold on to hope… Hope that things can, and do, change – for the better! The happiness we truly deserve, here on the inside, and this week we delve into happy: What it means in your life today, and how you might bring more of it into your life today – join me as we walk through it on the podcast: Thank you for being here, my friend! Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma. Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward. Together! If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The biggest impact of traumatic past is you being shut off from part of you deep on the inside. But when it is back, your whole being is surging to wholeness… The best thing about it? There’s no going back. The surging of joy, the welcoming back of a part that lay buried within. The moment that I stopped myself running away… From when I was eight, the memory of the stranger. He led me away from the home, deep into the forest. I was like a puppet in following every instruction to please him. The shift back was sudden – I found myself running into the light, familiar places and people I knew… But I had no words, and no feelings. No way to describe what this was – the rape. And no way of knowing of how it would haunt me, for years. The panic, the fear, and being so alone – it wasn’t the worst. The worst part was trying – and failing – to find the way out. Every time I wanted to open, get close, or have sex, I was frozen, a failure. Even as I learned to set it aside, to love and to live, this hurt has lived on within me. The war in Ukraine and the stories, the countless stories of innocents having to suffer has brought it all back… It was strangely confused, it’s like something was missing, or lost. But inside of me I found an urge – let it out, find a way. I had no idea how, but then I made a choice: To latch onto this hope, wish, this desire to find the way out. This – the hardest decision that you often make, one that nobody sees, one that won’t get acknowledged, it’s so easy to miss… And I missed it, for so many times, but not now. It’s the most fragile time of all when you’re falling towards the unknown. You are trying, exploring, you don’t know what to do, and it’s crucial to trust: Trust yourself, that you’ll figure it out, that you will find a way! You have done this before, in the innermost moments, in the moments when you did your best, everything that you can, to hold on, to preserve, to keep going! You will do so again, and you’ll find your way through it, and this journey is unique to you. So I found myself writing a play – about past, and of losing the memories, but I also wanted some feedback to see if I’m on the right track… In search of a practitioner who gets storytelling for stage, I came across the profile of a researcher who’s running a program for women who are survivors of child sexual abuse. The program is all about writing this gut wrenching past out of yourself as a group, and boxing – just reading about this sent shivers down my spine… I just had to talk to her! A few emails later, we sat down together, and hearing her story has opened me up. And you should have seen it: This torrent of pain, shame, and anger, and hurt, it all came out hurtling from someplace within me. And here was this person who’s lived it, who knows what it’s like – the pristine and absolute moment of pure understanding. And when it was done, she said to me: It seems you’ve been holding back in your play. You are survivor, we need to hear your voice. This struck me like thunder, and next day I go for a jog in the bush, I cannot stop thinking about what she said, and there, in the moment, this phrase in my mind: You are a survivor. You are a survivor. You are… I fall on my knees, and I’m crying, no, sobbing, a heavy weight lifts from my shoulders. I get up, and pointing towards the sun, I only can whisper: You are who you are. And right in that moment, I feel a part of me come to life, a part that’s inside, but also a place in my body, within the abdominal. This part never left. It’s there, it helping me feeling more, it’s pulling me forward to heal. I’m feeling more present, alive, greater purpose. I have greater calm on the inside, I feel there is so much to give… Because we have so much to give – to ourselves, to the world, and people around us. This journey to heal is a wild one – you won’t know the places it takes you until that one step: Step into unknown because somewhere, somehow you’re hoping there’s more to life, and suffering isn’t the end. You’re here, my friend. Please know – you belong. You’re one of us, many, we’re striving for more: TOGETHER!! And each step, each decision is bringing us closer to our story of personal triumph. Decisions – the topic of this week’s podcast. I hope you can join me this week on The Happy YOU for Healing and Growing together: Thank you for being here, my friend! Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma. Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward. Together! If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Turning your feelings in words – always hard. Especially when those are the feelings that speak to the hurt and uncertainty that has built up inside… But here’s the challenge – if we don’t find a way to *somehow* release them, they will stay trapped in inside. But words have power – for us, and the people who care. In this podcast, I am exploring some safe, compassionate ways to release your feelings from being pent up inside and out into the world: Thank you for being here, my friend! Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma. Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward. Together! If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

There’s a moment you know you’re in love – you remember it, don’t you? It’s that spark, the emotion, and you don’t know what’s next, yet you can’t help but feel. We say ‘falling in love’ because it’s what happens – you do not get a choice, and you’re drawn to them. It’s the same when you’re living with trauma: We do not get a choice, or say, with what happened to you. We do not get a choice into how it’s shaped us, inside… For me, thinking I’m crazy, and fall into panic, unable to breathe, or feel frozen, exposed, and unable to feel, move, or I can’t take back what happened, undo, but you are where you are. When you miss out on choices, it is ever so vital to make your choice today, and the choice is that simple: To heal. What’s the next step on your journey? For me, it is sharing the message of hope and connection – we are in this together. Because one thing that’s shaped me today is meeting survivor, fellow human who’s seen what I seen, and who’s made feel heard, understood. And I want this for all of us, you, me, all who know how to suffer, but inside, they want more. This has helped me decide to seek therapy, and to share the story with my friends, and start writing a play reconnecting us to our story of trauma, and the pathway to heal. But it all begins with one tiny decision… It need not be big, in fact, it may not be clear, but a decision to act in the name of you: To find what will help you in making you happy, more hopeful, to feel that you’re moving, moving forwards, on your terms! Choose to move away from feeling alone, towards feeling heard. Understood. To know – you belong. I am starting a community here in Melbourne to be there for each other, to give, grow, and heal together. Do you want to join us? Hit reply, and let me know. Tune in for the podcast for more: Thank you for being here, my friend! Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma. Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward. Together! If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Losing someone you love changes your life in an instant. This is the story of my friend Helen losing her husband to cancer. We talk about grieving, healing, and the life beyond. Helen is so honest and full of light, and her story is moving in a profound way because it speaks to our shared story of struggle: Thank you for being here, my friend! Your journey is unlike anyone else, and yet there’s so much we share – we all who are touched by trauma. Your story is our story, and through connection, through sharing our pains, struggles and hopes, we keep moving forward. Together! If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Denial – a soft woolly blanket on a cold morning. If I can stayed curled up here in bed, then everything turns out okay. And does it? Life is facing the inevitable – you are seeing things as they are. You try and keep going even you don’t know how – this is HOPE. Our hope, the journey to giving your because you have so much to give! Our hope, the journey to grow into the life you deserve, of love, the joy and affection, and dreams, your dreams of making things right. Our hope, the journey to heal, from troubles and hurt, even if hazy, unclear, remote, and forgotten… Forgotten – by whom? Not by us. Deep inside, we remember. Our brains and our hearts, they want to move on, but they find it hard. And so we deny. Denying our truth, denying our trauma – it comes with a cost. For me, it was having to hide my wounds so I deep that I couldn’t see them myself. The hurt and the shame that came from abuse at the time when I was a child did not go away. They reared the head when I was defenceless, and literally naked, in wanting to be intimate, to have sex: And I could not do it. Because it was blocked, frozen, and I could feel nothing. Nothing at all – not body, not mind, not within. Lost, helpless, alone – the price that I paid for denial. Denying the truth that I faced it’s me who has suffered for decades, me – no, not the one raping a child, but me. You know what – I am grateful: Denial has helped me go on, but to a point. The damage it did I got to face at my lowest, but glad that I did – there’s no going back. Only forward. The truth that we carry inside – it needs to come out, and live, in helping us heal and to go on, together. Because your story is our story. We’re in this together! I wish that I started this earlier. I wish I had words. I wish that I wasn’t afraid. But maybe then I wasn’t ready? You are where you are, and I don’t know where you might be finding yourself on your journey to heal, but I’d love to check in the way I do with myself, as survivor. This week on the podcast I’m asking the questions I wish I had asked myself: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The strangest thing happened – I was driving to work when all of a sudden, the car behind me starts honking and screeching, and driver leans out the window, starts hurtling abuse. At me – but I do not scream, or show him the finger… No, I blow him a kiss. With a big loving smile. And there’s a change: Bravado is gone, in an instant – the driver shuts off, turns away, and steering the car onto the freeway, he disappears. Oh I felt a winner, my friend – if only this once! But why blow a kiss to a guy who is cursing you down? And what in the world does any of it have to do with forgiveness? I came across a book by Robert Enright which starts off with this sentence: Forgiveness can save your life. I do not believe that I have ever forgiven anyone ever who’s hurt me, but honestly – what do they care? They live on their days in ignorant bliss, happy with life and themselves… No, it is I who is carrying the burden of hurt, of anger, frustration, and hate. How could this be fair? And I had enough! I want to let go of this hatred, resentment that I have inside. Sure, the whole business of letting go, it is easier said than done, but I’m trying: Right now, I’m forgiving a friend who has let me down during cancer (more on this on the podcast), and I want to forgive the more deeper hurts. And when I say forgive, I do not mean absolve, or forget. It is part of my healing journey, and I want to share it with you. So this week, I pick out three key themes that helped me forgive, and how it also applies in our everyday life. Because life isn’t easy, and if we consider forgiving the hurts, we can only do so by seeing people as they are, with their faults and their suffering. Their struggles and suffering might mirror our own, and seeing them as they are can help us forgive – not only the other person, but also ourselves. For not being perfect, not having it all figured out, for being human – our true gift is an act of kindness. Today, when I run into an angry colleague or a random stranger in road rage, I ask myself – what if there’s a reason that they feel this way, a reason they can’t feel, or put into words? The person we meet just might be a trauma survivor, like you, me, or any of us. They deserve a kind thought because we’re all looking to catch a break. And so we try – I am hopeful to be forgiving to friends and strangers because I want to be happy. Because being happy is what you deserve – despite the worries, struggles, and hurts. I’m here for you – and this week, on forgiveness: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

A friend asked me if I have any episodes about inspiration… Because he was feeling down, and not in a good place. And that’s what it’s for: Inspiration is a feeling that’s lifting you up, and giving you boost, and urging you act. NOW. When you feel inspired, you don’t wait for the perfect moment… You also don’t brainstorm – you ACT! No waiting, but action that helping you heal, and feel better, in sharing your truth, expressing your true, authentic self. It’s hard – for us as survivors, for all of us living the struggle, and yet this is why we want to doing whatever we can to feeling inspired today. Here’s what helps me – connecting with what I do care about deeply: My dreams, my people, my values!! And if I lose sight of that, I start feeling lost, distant, alone. My values, my people, and dreams they live on my wall as reminder, they are marked in my calendar so I don’t forget or get blindsided by every day life. Staying connected to your dreams, your people, your values is key to us feeling we’re here, and here we deserve. We know what it’s like suffer, and we deserve MORE In finding the joy, and beauty in your life today. On feeling inspired, check out my latest episode of the podcast today: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The rape – I couldn’t talk about it for years. And I was a child, I didn’t have words to describe what it was, or how it’s been messing me up. The worst part of trauma – it hides in your body, and you’re trapped, inside. You’re helpless, alone, and want to do something about it, but what? The first person I spoke to was our family doctor. I left his office with a prescription for antidepressants, throwing it in the bin… I wasn’t sure about what kind of help I wanted, but this didn’t sit well with me. To look at it now, some therapy would be a great help, and yet it’s taken three decades for me to get there, and here’s why: First, I had no idea what therapy was. I heard bits and pieces from people, it didn’t seem fun, or even make sense. The stereotype got me – you lie on the couch, the therapist asking about my mother… So how is any of it going to be useful? What I lacked is knowledge of experiential, embodied, integrative approaches that work through the body and have little in common with talk therapy. So this been the first barrier: I wish I had looked into healing from trauma – from books and mental health experts to research and support groups. Second reason the therapy didn’t work for me is because I did not believe that it would work – for me. Even when I learned all about therapy and how it might help, what I lacked the most was a role model. Someone who’s done it, a flesh and blood person that I could believe… And I found one – by chance. She was a survivor, first person I spoke to who’s been through my struggle, and I am forever grateful: For making me feel seen, heard, for knowing that I’m not alone. And one thing she asked me was whether I have done therapy. No, I said, and she smiled, and told me, I’ll never forget this: It’s so good, and you’re going to love it! It’s just what I needed to hear… I knew I could trust her because she was real, she’s been through it, and that’s helped me make a decision. So now I believed that it’s going to work, for me… The third reason it’s taken me decades to healing with therapy is I went into it blindly. I looked up the specialists where I lived, and my first touch points left me with a sour taste in my mouth… I was expecting a great experience from the get go, and what I didn’t realise is how vital it is to get a connection with someone who gets you. The time I looked back on was cancer: The long journey through treatment taught me how vital it is to find a specialist who isn’t only a capable doctor, but gets me at real, human level. And if someone is going to be helping me healing my mind and my body, it’d better be someone I trust, who’s there on my side, helping me heal! So I started digging deep into what makes me connect with a therapist – what do they think about patients, the people they work with, their research. What are they interested in? What drives them? In other words, I wanted to find a human on the other end that I could rely on. And find one I did – so proud that she’s helped me to deal with the most painful, traumatic experiences of my life with grace and compassion. I trust her, she’s helped me demystify the process of therapy and that’s why I asked Danielle to be my podcast and talk about what therapy is and what isn’t, what you should expect, and how to find the right person in helping you heal. Right now on The Happy YOU podcast, tune in for my conversation with my therapist Danielle Sellick: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

What most people see is the “safe” part of you – is this who you are on the inside? I think that we’re more than that, and part that we’re willing to share is one part of many that makes you the person that you are today. These parts might be speaking to diverging hopes, hurts, and stories we carry within. The first time I spoke to survivor, like me, I felt understood, but also more whole: I felt that a part of me came back to life. The part that was hurt, as a child, that lived on in fear and buried in shame… The first time I spoke to it I even pointed to it by instinct – someplace in the gut. Now I’m not claiming the body connection at all, but many of the go to therapies that we have for trauma today, including Internal Family Systems, ego state therapy, psychodrama, connect with the parts based approach to our mind. Is healing then about making parts of ourselves feel more welcome and safe? Join me this week on The Happy YOU podcast as I talk about parts and the impact of trauma – and how we can integrate our experience in a way that is helping us heal. If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

With trauma, we’re always running away from hurt… Because too painful, and yet, that is exactly what can get in the way of healing. Take me – I spent most of my life suppressing the memory of abuse, and how it has messed me up… Listen, how could I speak, share my story, get help: When I could not even begin to ACKNOWLEDGE the wreckage it made of my life! And I’ve been living in hurt for years because I didn’t know healing and what it can do. But everything changed the moment I met a survivor – I understood who I am, what I lived through, and what I deserve. It’s like a part of me came back to life, and this part made me more whole. This part has helped me starting to dream, more calm, think clearly, but also seeing the other side of healing: Away from hurt, towards the beauty and joy of life, towards the goodness and feeling better about yourself! Towards being more creative and open, towards feeling MORE What are the good things that may be obstructed by trauma? Join me this week on the podcast to go through the five hidden virtues of healing: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The moment you know that you’re changed, truly is learning you’re not alone. So this is a year ago, outside at the café that has already closed for the night: Sitting across from me is a woman who is a holding a draft of my play. Yes, I read that she’s running a program for survivors of child sexual abuse… But she’s here, and she looks at me, straight in the eyes, and says: Joe, have you ever shared your story – with anyone? No, is the only thing I can muster. And she starts telling hers… It is like I am struck by lightning – she is sharing her truth, pain, how she suffered… But what I feel is mine, swelling up, deep inside me. And then I start to speak, not in words, but a torrent of pain, shame, and suffering. And it keeps pouring out! She has reached out her hand, and I clasp, grateful. Then she tells me, “What it feels like is, in your play, you are holding you back. We need to hear your voice. You’re a survivor.” This word, I know, carries power. It’s the start of a my first conscious journey to heal – because I never even knew that I needed it! So weird to look at the myriad ways that it’s messed up my life, but the hurt has been buried so deep within I did not even notice the impact that it has been having for decades! So I think through it now, the affect of the trauma, and what we can find on this crazy journey to heal… Not to make it to go away, disappear like it never happened, but to hopefully place it somewhere where it is no longer poisoning our lives. So that we can enjoy the simple things that we love, with our friends, with our passions, feel more present, make plans for the future! Hope you can join me this week for the podcast on flipping our story of trauma from feeling of less to the feeling of MORE You’re a survivor, my friend, and no matter what life is putting you through, please know – you deserve!! We are in this together: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Today I told a friend about going through rape as a child. And she took well, in the sense of truth and acceptance, as something that’s normal, a part of me. But it’s also released me – from secrets, from shame, and the pain that I carry with me. Every single time I share this story, and by now, most people in my life they know, I get a sense of relief – let go of the burden I carry. Because I can look to the future. Have you ever shared your story, my friend? To feel truly heard, understood? I hope that you find the opportunity to share your truth with someone – be it a friend, or your therapist. Because this might be helping you to go further, into the future you want without the extra burden that gets bundled onto our shoulders as we’re making our own way through life… My friend, if there is something that you want get off of your chest, I am here. Your future, your life it is worth it – and we should never keep at it alone! This week on The Happy YOU, I am talking about the future and healing from trauma – join me for this conversation as we move towards healing: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Did you know that sharing something you just learned with a fellow human can help you integrate this knowledge at a much deeper level? Because you understand how it works and what it represents, but explaining it makes you find a place for it in your, to fit in with the rest of your experience. And I think that it’s true for events that take place in our own life… Say, have you ever noticed how sharing a personal story with friend, or a loved one made you see it in a different light? We are finding a new perspective onto our journey, it can help us make sense, and in some way, put in place where it belongs – in the past. One of the reasons why my experience of going through rape as a child has been keeping a stranglehold over my life is because I never told anyone about it. What is it that I was afraid of? Admitting the truth, as if it’s crime – I know that you and me, that us survivors: We deserve better. To speak our truth, to get clarity of your journey, and keep going the path into healing. This is our truth this week – get in touch with your story in a way that is helping you heal: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

How come is it that we don’t get to experience the depth and the beauty of life in the way we deserve after going through trauma? And why do so many of us go through life and suffer, without the help that we so desperately need in order to heal? Here is one reason – because we get turned away. For it was the family doctors – I muster the courage to speak not because of strength, but pure desperation: The woman I loved has left me for somebody else, and I’m in the bottomless pit of depression, drinking, and grief. I blurt out the ways that I suffer – the nightmare from my past, and suffocating from panic, the fear of being alone. He looks at me like a puzzle. There is no need for questions, and so he hands me a piece of paper – here, this should help. I walk out to find out a prescription – a drug I don’t want, or care for. One swift move, and it’s in the bin. I do this without thinking, not knowing what it is that I’m seeking, but somehow I know that this isn’t it. Us, survivors of trauma, are real people – we are not broken, so we don’t need to be fixed. We want to be understood, we want to feel heard, assured that we are okay. And when you’re dismissed, judged, ignored, whether it is by doctor, loved one, or someone you meet – the first time we seek help is often the last. At least for a while – for me, it is decades. And all of that time, I never had the chance to find out about therapy, and how it can help us heal from struggle, and hurt. To find yourself not as a tag in somebody’s file, but as a fragile and intricate human who wants to be heard and supported to find their own path to heal. A human being who, above all, deserves to be happy. It’s you, me, all of us who have suffered, who know what it’s like. We deserve more, even if we have been knocked back! For years, I was afraid to try therapy, to learn about different options, afraid I’m too broken, too late, afraid of being labelled… It stuck. But it was a conversation with a survivor who urged to reconsider, explore and to try. It’s helping me heal, feel more calm, and make past to feel more like the past – as something that’s already happened, not overreaching into the now. Being in this moment, alive, feeling that you belong, in this world today! This is what we deserve. I know that it’s hard to take next step, but it just might be the step you need to live a happier, more fulfilled life that you truly deserve. For more on my journey of finding healing through therapy, check out this episode of The Happy YOU podcast. If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

When I’m thinking of shame, I can see myself naked, in bed, lying flat on my face. We had only just met, and we made it to my place, we’ve been tearing our clothes off… Only I cannot do it. I cannot have sex – again. There’s something that’s pulling me back, it’s from my past, past I can’t even see, feel, or get close… But it’s interrupting my life, right now. And I can’t even cry, just stare into the white emptiness. She says something, and her words they sound kind, but she’s walking away. Shame is all that you can’t do, and yet, we forget: All the beautiful things that you can! Yes, you can, and you do, but you’re might not be giving yourself the chance – in recognising the goodness, the hope, and the love that you give, to the world, and the people you care. Shame is robbing us, you and me, from living our fullest, and that’s what I am tackling this week in my podcast: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Today, I bring you a vital conversation with Cathy Kezelman. I was so moved by Cathy’s book “Innocence Revisited”, and I had to know more. Cathy is a child sexual abuse survivor, her story shrouded by disassociation, and the startling discoveries have shaken Cathy’s world to the core. Cathy’s path towards learning the truth, and the path towards healing, and the inspirational journey of creating Blue Knot Foundation to make an incredible difference to the people affected by complex trauma, is nothing short of astounding! Cathy’s story helps us reconnect with our own, an ultimate reminder that no matter what you been through, my friend, you are never alone. We’re here, with you, to give, grow and heal, together. Thank you for being here, and hope you enjoy the vital conversation we’re having with Cathy right now! Links: Blue Knot Foundation Innocence Revisited by Cathy Kezelman If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

When you are on the plane, the safety instructor always tells you to put your oxygen mask first, in case of an accident, before you are helping someone… Why? Because if something happens to you, who is going to step in, and act? Same is true for love, for affection and care – when you give so much, it can all too easy to forget about you… And sometimes, it’s harder because nobody taught us to care for ourselves! So it’s us who must find ways to care – for ourselves, to show love, compassion for the true, brave, and authentic you, in all of its many parts, that is living inside you! And one way we remind ourselves who we are is through affirmations: Because what you say to yourself, it matters, and I do it a little different – I want to share what worked for me, and lifted me up when I – literally – could not even look myself in the mirror… Feeling good about me, about life, and being able to find love is a journey, and I hope you can join me – who knows, you might find that it’s helpful in your life today: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

What does creativity have to do with trauma? Being creative in a way that is meaningful for you is what helps us heal, feel expressive and more alive! This week, I am talking to my artist and playwright friend, Achiro Olwoch, about sharing your truth and healing from trauma. My friend, where does the time go, and are we spending it right? It makes you wonder, especially if you’re feeling stuck, in a rush, just trying to get through the day… The moment it happens, like I was in writing my play, and doubts creep in: Is this all there is – me, trying, over and over again? And I am no playwright, I am not getting paid for this, and no one is waiting, ready to even give it a chance… But here’s one thing that I know as fact – this play, it’s helping me heal. In here, I can channel: The thoughts, fears, hope, dreams and needs that I felt, or wanted to feel, if I could. In here, I can open myself, and be real. I may not perfect, but I can be me, and it’s all we can ask for: In living our truth, out there, in the open, it’s helping us heal. And whether you’re dancing away, or walking with friends, or poking at weeds in the garden, you’re living your truth, creating your art to heal. Because in the act of creation, you’re seeing the real you, in so many parts, connections, so giving and free. But we don’t always get to live at the greater depth of experience – what can help you express your true self, past your trauma? This is the topic that I am exploring this week with artist and trauma survivor Achiro Olwoch – and how simple practice of living through your art is helping us heal. Join us this week on The Happy YOU podcast: For more about Achiro: Achiro Olwoch official website Achiro Olwoch on Twitter If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Even in most darkest hour, one glimmer remains – hope. Hope that things can, and do, change… For the better! It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow, but it can happen. This isn’t a promise, or guarantee, but a possibility. Because when you lose faith in your circumstance, lose confidence in the struggle that you face today, please go on, keep believing – in you! In you, the you who deserves to be happy, the you who’s seen the struggle before, but found the strength to heal, stand your ground, get up, and keep moving. Believing it doesn’t need proof: Today, I am writing my play, The Giver of Hope. It is the play about a young man who comes home after a long time away, to find answers, and solace, and instead, he gets to learn of his past, the struggles that he is still facing today, the depth of connection, and truth about love. I love this play, and I believe it’s destined for greatness, however misguided that it may seem… Not through some talent, or wit, or connections, but of the sheer desire to learn, give, and grow. I’m going to learn up the skills, I am bound to get feedback, and I am going to push, and to make it all happen, one way or another… Because I have a goal, a desire to heal, and a need to help others, to show journey of hope, and love, and forgiveness. I don’t believe in myself today, but I believe where I’m going. And that’s what I say to you: Believe in yourself, my friend, not in the you and where you are today, but in you, and where that you is going to be TOMORROW. Please know – I believe in you, your dreams, your hopes, your desires! And I want to be there with you, right now, on this journey, so join me today on my podcast for more on finding the strength on how to believe in you: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

For years, I felt a part of me missing. But it wasn’t gone, only buried – in hurt, anguish, and shame. And to let it come out wasn’t easy, but it’s helping me find my own self. My true, authentic being, represented by different parts, times, hopes, hurts, and joys, it’s what making you who you are, deep, on the inside! But the journey to find your true self isn’t easy. Find a thread, a through line, connect – can take years! At least, it’s my road, path that I took alone… But you’re here, and you are on your journey, and you are one of us who is taking the road towards healing. And if right now you’re trying to reconnect with a part of you, part that is hurt, or maybe forgotten, or frozen in time, then know this: The very act of seeking clarity is moving you closer to living a happier, more purposeful life. I’m here for you, my friend, and let’s figure this out together. This week, I’m sharing what’s helping me on my journey, from hurt towards healing. No one has all the answers – all we can do is ask. Ask questions, connect, to grow, and allowing yourself to feel: To feel more alive, more joyful, more open, more angry – TO FEEL Allowing yourself to heal might be the single most courageous act you can take when you’re a survivor. You lived through the tough times – you know what they are. You have suffered, and struggled, and tried to get up, only to fall down, again… And yet, here you stand! One of us, who is doing their best, and to lead a good live, and I am here, and I honour your journey! This week – how to find your true self beyond trauma: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

We often talk about stories we see and we hear, forgetting the story that matters the most: The story you tell yourself. These stories aren’t true – we’re making them up, so you might as well make it a good one: The story in which you survive, and you change, and you find your way to keep going. Because you are not your trauma, and you are never alone! We are here, with you, by your side – the people who know what it’s like to suffer. We stand here, reminder that no matter what, please hold on to hope, hope that things change, that they turn… For the better. And this week we go into life story and how it can change: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

If you’re in a rush to wrap up this year, to unwind, and go next – friend, I’m cheering you on! It’s what you deserve – to feel at your best, to feel you achieved, and find yourself in the right place… The place you’re READY to hope, and dream, to connect with your purpose. Finding this place of strength is setting you up to win next year! So whether this flew by, or drag on, take these ten minutes with me to reflect on your year: I will be talking you through simple ways to finish this year with hope: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Maybe you don’t think you’re an artist. And I get it – you might not feel so creative right now, you don’t have the tools, or the time… But here’s the truth: You are a survivor. And even if you don’t define what you lived through as trauma, you have seen the struggle… Be it in your life, the one that you love, it is a part of the life that we live. You’re here, in this world, today because you have found ways to be at your best, fall down, to get up, and keep going! This – it takes courage, and guts, and most of all, to create: We live our life story, it’s how we communicate, whether it’s conscious or something you do in the spur of the moment! The power of story is that this story can change, and only you can decide – which way does it go? What path will reveal itself as you try to figure things out? The artist in you will determine the story you tell to yourself, the story that you share with others, so… You might then as well make it YOU – the one who survived and deserves to be happy! Unleashing the Artist within you, today, so that you can dream, and hope, make plans for the future! I want to share some ideas that helped me in my journey to heal in the podcast: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Life works in a mysterious way… Or so it does seem for me – especially when you stumble upon something so vital it changes your life in an instant. I’m flat, stretched out, like fish on the ocean floor. Only I can’t go up. Because there’s nothing there, is it? Not even light. I have not seen light for days. Days that add up to years. That’s how many days have I lived in those sixteen long years? Not seen or have witnessed, but lived… What is it like – to live? Is this what I’m doing right now – living? If I want to live, this life – it’s better be worth living. And what if, maybe, things changed since the last time I’ve seen them? I better go see, for myself. Shoes, I need shoes, put them on, and start walking. I walk on the street, the lighting is harsh, off white. I’m dragging my feet, don’t know where they’ll take me. And there’s a patch of grass, too small for a name, but big enough for a bench. The bench is free, and I claim it. I am looking, and then… Stop. I feel the wind, rustling and gentle. The tree, lonely, but proud, stretching itself upward. I see blades of grass, every one, and how the sun falls, and glisten… And now the world is but one, a myriad parts, an infinite life, in so many ways, possibility. United as one, and I am a part. One part, of something – GREATER. It is a beautiful thing, the most glorious one in existence! Why wasn’t I told?? Is this how it’s going to stay – present, now, joyous, not overwhelming, but here to belong. The moment is wearing away as soon as I start thinking… But this moment, my life changed. I know – there’s hope, there’s beauty, there’s love. Possibility, and I have been through the door. This moment, I come back to because it’s always kept me to go, and live, to do what I can: No matter what you have been through, you are enough. Enough to live, love and heal. And I’m here. For you. You deserve the world, my friend!! This life is worth living as best we can, know how, and we can figure things out. For more, check out this link for the podcast on living this life for you, towards light, to be happy: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

When we’re hurt through life, we do not always seek the support that will help heal. In my case, it’s because I was scared of facing the past, scared the damage is done, scared of uncertainty that it brings. Life was often a struggle, and I didn’t know any better… But I sure do now! We all have this incredible capacity to heal, give and grow, despite struggle and circumstance. For all of us that have suffered, healing is we DESERVE. So the message I carry today is: Please do not wait to heal, act now. The conversation I share with you today is with the brilliant therapist Michael Burge. Michael is the Director of the Australian College of Trauma Treatment, and has been awarded the Order of Australia Medal for service to psychology, and to the community for developing treatment for trauma. If there’s anything that speaks to you in this episode that speaks to you in this episode, please share it with 3 people you know! Because you know who might need to hear this – TODAY. If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Most of my life, I did not dare to dream. Life happened, and I scrambled after it. Good things, god awful things, and you simply hang in there, hope things work out… But there may be a time when you hit the wall: For me, it was when my first relationship broke. She left me for someone, and I fell apart. I was constantly drinking, no sleep, waves of fear and panic would roll in… I felt further away from happy than ever before. And then one night, driving home, I stop at the red light. There’s one thought, one conviction that enters my mind: This is never happening to me again I deserve love, to give love, and be loved in return!! I had no idea how, and no confidence left to find it… But this dream, this hope, it kept me alive, and so I did what I could to keep going. And in truth, it was far from easy – I stumbled, failed, and yet… I kept trying, in hope that I can figure things out, and I never stopped trusting that dream: To give love, and be loved in return. When I have found the love of my life, I found the person that I can trust, fully and without reserve, who accepts me for who I really am, and helps me make sense of the crazy world that surrounds us… Deep inside, I know it’s been worth it, every last second of struggle along the way. And that’s what I say to you: Please do not ever stop listening to your hopes, your dream, your ambition, your wish that there’s more to life!! Because there always is, isn’t there? For more on embracing the dreamer inside you and finding your way, check out the latest podcast on The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The weird thing about being Alive in the moment is… It kind of sneaks up on you, doesn’t it? You’re doing the stupidest thing, and then – BOOM! You’re there, and it feels good, so good to be right here, right now… And then you surprise yourself: One summer ago, I wake early. The heat sips through everything… The house is asleep. I get the running shoes, shorts, and tee. Where to? The beach! Where else would I want to be? There’s barely a light when I hit the road. The air is still, sweet and heavy. I see the world blue, calm and inviting. No swimmers!! I want to go in, but… I hesitate, but only a moment: Next thing I know I’m taking off shoes, socks, throw down the top, shorts and undies… I run to the edge and jump in, The water instantly takes to me, as I float, facing the sun… FREEDOM!! I come out a new man, prodding the sand, the surge of life runs through my body. And maybe somebody points… I don’t care. This – does not come too often. Not often enough! But I will make a bold claim: The time when you do come alive, when you are the most authentic and real, is the moment when you decide: Decide to go in, decide that you are out, decide you don’t care… Decide things for you! When you cast aside the shackles of expectation, you become most true, aligned to yourself, and your way of life. It might not always be the comfort we seek, but how it is liberating! We must bring more into life, these moments of true connection to you, in your truest of selves. For simple ideas on how to be more authentic, check out this week’s podcast today: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

When you feel good, this moment, today, it’s because you attach MEANING to it. And it is a choice, isn’t it? You decide what’s important, what it is you believe in, right now. Every moment, you choose, and that gives you one simple power: To find JOY. The time when you win – this is life as it’s meant to be! Even if you are going it hard, when the struggles are there, and yet… There is fire, and passion, desire to survive, and keep going! Only you create meaning in your life, my friend. Only you can decide what feels right going after to know you belong… And all that requires is your reason WHY. There is a reason for every pursuit, every mission, everything you hold dear… You can do it by instinct, but I promise you this: If you bring out your why, you uncover your reason for each duty you choose, you will feel more fulfilled, more joyous, each day. For more on feeling happy, content in your day to day life, join me for this week’s show on the podcast: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

I just heard a stunning definition of trauma from Dr Gabor Mate – it’s not the event itself that is trauma, but the psychic wound. The event can’t be changed, but healing the wound we can do right now. Because trauma can heal – and I wanted to hear that, we all do… And it does make me wonder: If your trust is betrayed, and you’re let down by your partner, a workmate, a friend, then it isn’t the event that is hurtful as much as the wound that it makes. But this act of betrayal has nothing to do with your values, what you do in the world, but more so of the hurt that we carry. This hurt can heal – through the good that we do, and the people we care, and good people we meet because the world is so much greater in goodness than any evil can muster. Yes, the wrongs can be strong. They can overshadow the right, but cannot overtake it. When I look back on struggle and hurt, there was always more beauty and truth that I found in the world. When has this been true for you? What to do when you get screwed over – let’s get right to it on The Happy You: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The only time I feel a failure is when I compare myself to others. Isn’t it weird?? Life seems to be going along just fine… Until you’re struck with a vision of some success that might not even real – a happy snap, a random comment, a sideward glance when you get your coffee… It’s like you don’t even think – just stand there, frozen with doubt. Here is what most of us do when we compare ourselves to others: We downplay our own achievements, ignore the progress we made, forget the journey we’re on. It is unfair and cruel – to you! Because the journey you’re on is unique – we all face our demons, own struggles, and circumstance. Do not forget who you are and where you’re from – and honour yourself, honour the feeling. The further we can get from having this sinking feeling, the better… So join me this week to talk about putting a stop to it now: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Where should we be the strongest in times of struggle? Home – that should be the place of solace and comfort, the place to heal.   You want your partner, your loved one, your friend: To be there for you, and support you, help you get up… But is that always the case? Not for me, at least not in the first big relationship that I had: The beginning was pure bliss, but slowly, the troubles set in. We were growing apart, but I never knew how, until I got sick. The fever, fatigue, I was in bed two weeks… She was gone, and I never felt so alone. Worst part – I didn’t know what to say, or do, helpless, and no clue what next. But I knew it was wrong. We are meant to give love, and be loved in return. We are meant to give joy, and feel pride, and compassion, and care! Because love both ways, and it’s vital we talk about how it works, and how it work better: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

My friend I wish life was fair, just and made sense, but it doesn’t always feel that way, does it? Bad things happen to good people, often without explanation, and we struggle with that: Because you want to live well, free of guilt, to dream, and believe in yourself! This is why it’s vital to find the courage and be kind to you. So many times I’m sure you care and listen to others, support them in challenging times, display compassion and kindness… And yet, you might be your own harshest critic! You question and doubt things you do, you talk yourself down, you try to make sense of things that lie beyond your control… It’s when we overthink, get stuck, and feel awful. But give yourself grace, my friend, you don’t have to get everything right, or have all the answers, waiting for you at the ready! If things can take a turn for the worse, then we must also accept change – and change can go both ways. And if you struggle right now, and if it doesn’t feel right, or sudden, then please know that everything is possible. For you, today, always. And I’m here for you – tune in for more this time to talk about overthinking here on The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Positivity still gets a bad rap in the media, but don’t we all need it now more than ever?! In this age of division, when there is so much negativity and change, we’ve got to find ways to keep going… Despite the trouble and the uncertainty when you’re expected to bitch and moan and complain – about EVERYTHING! Don’t get me wrong, life ain’t easy, and yes, we live, side by side, with the struggle, but is does this make it an invitation to perpetuate the negative message further?! Today, I see war, exhaustion, doubt – that is the challenge, our common challenge, to be remain ourselves, true selves, to stay true to our values, and be a positive influence out in the world, today. This – this is our choice… What is it going to be? But every day, every moment, with every breath, we make a choice, the only choice that I hope to make: To share good, to give, to be the positive influence because every smile, every kind word, that is what matters… So how so we make it happen, and influence people around us in a positive way? The answer, it lies in the way we our lives each day, in what it is that we do already, and people we care for the most. To be a positive influence – how? Join me for a frank conversation today on The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

There’s this weird thing that happens when you make a friend: It’s a moment of trust – when you let them into your world. Maybe you invite them over, or suggest you do something together, that first step, it’s crucial. Looking back, I find it hard to pinpoint those moments when people that I’m holding close, but what they might have in common is this – a shared experience. But what if the experience you want isn’t there? In my twenties, I did a short course on short plays. Great learning and tons of fun – we put on shows together, we’ve grown close, so years later when I signed up for playwriting course, I was expecting more of the same… But once the course was done, we went our separate ways – why? The format, it was the same, but the difference was this – the first class, these years ago, we all went for drinks!! We sat at the bar, we laughed, we told stories, we bonded… It was the shared experience that went beyond age, race, class, or culture, even beyond our artistic sensibilities… We bonded as people going in the same direction, and that’s what I pose to you today: How can you get around people who shares the same aspiration, the same goals, who might be going in the same direction? Assuming you want to bring more people into your life, people that get you, just in the way you are… This is what friends for, isn’t it? But how you go about finding them – that is the subject for our very own show this week right here on The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Can you find love, peace, or happiness if you don’t feel you deserve? Maybe, but it will likely be that much harder! Why? Because we tend to go for things that seem within reach. And if you don’t feel it’s real, if you don’t believe it attainable, if you don’t feel you’re ready, equipped or deserving, it’s going to be hard to find the way forward. But this feeling of not being enough can only come from one place – the PAST. Irrespective of the great things you know you love, that you brought to life or proud of, there will also failures, mistakes, things that don’t go to plan… It is part of our life – and for me, it is my teenage life, stranger in a strange land, and without a clue. I felt stupid, and awkward, and did not belong. With my big dorky glasses and my broken words, they made of fun of me, trust me they did, maybe not to my face, but that’s made it worse. So now, when I go into new situations, I’m meeting new folks, there’s a part of me – honest – that trembles with fear… I don’t usually think it back to my teenager life, but that link, it’s there, and it won’t go away… But I ask – what is it that I’m missing out on today? What if this is a beautiful chance to learn something new, make a friend, or have fun, wouldn’t that all be worth it? After all, is it really fair to let our past setbacks to direct our lives today? When we leave the past where it belongs belongs, we make room for what is possible for us today. When it feels attainable, real, present, and within reach – it’s when we are ready take it, and feel more deserving because we let go of the past that might be holding us back. Those past challenges, they won’t disappear, but they would hopefully keep their place in a place where they are no longer directing our lives. For more on deserving, tune in for this week’s episode of The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

We all talk to ourselves. That’s not weird, right? It is something you do, every day, and while some days are better than others, there’s often a pattern: What you say to yourself, it’s something that helps you, pulls you up, and it gives you the hope for the future, or it’s harsh, full of angst, and it’s holding you back, further. It is hard when you care about others – you do what you can to be kind, to be thoughtful, to encourage and praise… But is that what you do for yourself? And I mean that – if you can be caring, and hopeful and kind towards others, than surely, you must do the same for yourself? For if you can forgive others the misgivings the have, if you can look past their faults, and accept them as they truly are, than you must do the same for yourself! It’s the path towards life you deserve, and if you don’t believe me… Please believe in yourself, my friend!! You have earned it. This is the art of self-acceptance, and it’s what we must practice to be more fulfilled, despite the struggles and the doubts that we have. For more on accepting your true self, join me this week on The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Some people are happy – and some are not… Why is that? Maybe sometimes we look towards the things that went wrong, or you might be missing… Instead, what if make more time looking for things we treasure, the people we can’t live without? Moments that make you laugh, odd things that bring out memories, times you surprised yourself… These things, they aren’t grand, or fancy, but they bind us, the tapestry of our lives. The moment you look at it, they remind you, of who you are, what you’re proud of, and what you’re deserve: HAPPINESS It’s here, my friend, waiting for you to take it! For more, check out this week’s episode of The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

You know what’s worse than being scared? It’s when you feel numb – NOTHING. I look back to when I’m outside the urologist’s office, rain beating across the face. In my hands are the papers with proof of the cancer inside me. The inside is empty, and things won’t ever be the same again. This moment you’re thrust into chaos it’s when you know: A new order is what must emerge. Things won’t be the same, so how is it going to be, from this moment on? We make sense of it, shape it, and find ways to go on. Some call it “the new normal”. What matters the most is the essence – how you find calm, peace, a sense of gratitude and kindness, most of all, towards self. What is going to help you along? To feel good about yourself, and the world around you? It’s what we’re exploring this week on The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

I used to smoke. Would you believe it? It might be crazy today, but it was easy back then… Back when I was invincible. Or so I thought – and cancer, well, it was only something that happens to “other people”. And living healthy never made sense – because it wasn’t for me, I didn’t need it. But one day, it got me. When they found the cancer inside me, that made it personal. And our health, it’s something I can’t take for granted… I’ve got to take care of myself, as best as I can, so I can enjoy it and feel like I had not wasted a single chance. Sure, anything can happen, and things don’t go to plan, and yet… What I want to know is I did everything in my power to stay healthy so I can feel good and help others. Everyone’s journey towards healthier life is bound to be different, and yet it can help us steer clear of regret. And that’s got to be worth something, isn’t it? Small things can often make all the difference – if you want to think how that might work for you, join me on this week’s episode of The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

If I were to sum up being a teenager, in a word – clueless. No idea what about anything, but especially about love. I fell in and out of feelings until the one time that became long term… Five and a half years later, she left and I was alone, more lost than I was ever before: People around me seemed to know what they exactly what it is they wanted… And some found it too! Me, on the other hand, had been sleep walking through life. For so long, until… One day, I was on the way home. But instead of music, I stumbled on an audio book. Self help – no idea what that was, but there is a message I got loud and clear: WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE IS UP TO YOU It struck me like thunder. Me, in control of my life?? It may seem simple to you, my friend, but this has a profound change for me… I realised that falling in love was my responsibility. To ensure this person loves me for who I am, a person that I can trust… The more I thought about the person I wanted, the more I realised what I’ve been missing and what I deserve. The vision took shape in my mind, I knew what I wanted, which in a strange way, made it MORE REAL. No longer vague, abstract, but tangible, and also… If this is what I expect to find, then it’s the least I must give in return. I have to be what I desire – it’s as simple as that. This – it helped me rise to the occasion, to be at my best, and grow. It brought me closer and closer to the dream that I wanted – until I met her. Meeting my future wife was a turning point, a magical moment I will never forget… And yet, it would never have happened unless I made a promise to stand up for love. When you know what you want and you’re willing to give your best, the result is a matter of time and circumstance. Not the other way around – and making sense of it all is crucial. Do you want to be more happy and joyous in love? Whether you want to meet someone new, or forge stronger bonds with someone in your life, come join me on The Happy YOU this week to find more clarity in your love life: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The first thing that hits you when life takes a turn is, why me?? What have I done to deserve this? Will things ever go back to the way they were? These questions they come for you, as they did for me: Standing outside the urologist’s, scans in hand to show cancer inside my body. Most of all, I felt numb. Helpless, don’t know what to do. And so I went to the sea. I stood on a pier, watching the waves pound the shore. Wave after wave they came, crushing the rocks, stealing the sand. It’s a big world, and I’m just one part of it. Somehow, it was comforting, the enormity of it all: To be part of something greater, one part of the greater whole. It helped me find solace in a difficult moment. And what about you? What is it that helps you feel better? Maybe to find calm, some kind of peace within so you can make better sense of it all? I believe that the answers you seek are already within you, and it’s a matter of bringing them out and find clarity. It’s a process of exploration to look deep within and see what you can uncover… Join me on this week’s to try and make sense of the unexpected so you can move forward on your terms: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Sometimes life presents you with a choice, sometimes you have to make one. For me, it was exactly one decade into coding: I reached a point when it was no longer fun, and so I went back to study at night, wanting to figure things out… Honestly I had no idea what I was doing…Countless times I wanted to give up, but inside, I knew there is MORE. That I deserve to be happy in what I’m doing. And yes, that I may not hold all answers – or any answers – but I can try! And you’ve done it too, haven’t you? The times you weren’t sure, but you gave it a go, and you stumbled, but got there in the end! You figured things out, you made it work!! So it’s nothing new, only a commitment to yourself, to find what works, and go with it. There’s a purpose that we all have as humans – to not stay in one place, to find a way forward. To lead a happy and meaningful life so that you feel you belong. And when you are giving your best, and making a difference in a way that’s going to make sense to you, it’s going to feel good, to be yourself and the life that you’re living… But sometimes you’ve got to take that step forward, even if it feels weird, and figuring out what that is – that’s part of the process, to work out what you want to do… So what’s next for you, your career? If you want some help thinking through it, tune in for this week’s show and we’re going to do it together: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

I don’t know about you, but it’s kind of hard to stay positive… Even though you want to, there’s always something that JUMPS out of nowhere, and you’ve got to deal with it!! That’s true of negative emotions that tend to sneak up on you – like guilt. Just the other day, I asked my son if he’s done his homework: He did not, and trudged off to his room… A few minutes later, I heard him get in trouble with my wife because he was meant to be cleaning up, and didn’t. And you know what? I felt guilty!! Even though it wasn’t my fault, still, I hated the thought of him being upset… So I said – it’s on me, and he can finish it later. This wasn’t some massive change, but it did make think: It doesn’t matter what you did or might have done, or how you feel and who’s fault it is… The only thing that matters is what you do NEXT. Because feelings like shame can only remain in our presence until we do something about them! It need not be some epic change, but one step forward – a conversation, an acknowledgment, a kind gesture… Don’t we all deserve to feel better about ourselves? I believe that we can do much to eradicate guilt from our lives and stop it taking hold, to usher it towards the exit! If you want to find your way around guilt, check out this episode of The Happy YOU for more: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

My friend, what does creativity mean to you? Me, I thought creative = being artistic, but… Nothing could be further from truth. In fact, it is an excuse for being lazy. Years I lounged around waiting for the creative muse to strike me: So you go on with life until there is an urge to start writing, and it’s a rush to get things out as quickly and best you can… Unpredictable, unsustainable, and no direction. Today, I have my creativity right on schedule – every week, I make a podcast. When I work, I make time for practice to hone my skills and get thoughts in order. Every day, I have tasks that move me closer to the vision that I have for myself moving forward: Giving, at my best, helping others. Creativity is discipline when you want results and understanding your rhythm so you can make it work for you! So how can you do that better? Join me on The Happy YOU podcast to help you unleash your creative power and feel like you’re making progress each day: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Your dream – honestly, is it worth? It’s the question I ask myself because my dream to impact millions of people through my work, it is HARD. Some days – like today – you run around doing a million things feeling nothing gets done… And it’s by no means a question of intent, but clarity and self care. Let’s speak to self care first because it’s so in your face: When I start berating myself for wasting time or not making good on my plans, I know that it is then I let myself down as well as my family. My family because if I’m stuck in self blame and pity, I’m no fun, and that’s a fact But also myself because it’s not fair to treat yourself in this way! If you can be kind, understanding to others, support them and giving them praise, then surely, you ought to be doing this for yourself!! Would you say that’s true? This is self care – when you care for yourself so you can give fully, without holding back. And speaking of giving, we come to the second part of what we need to keep hold of our innermost dreams: CLARITY. For when you can see things the way they are, you bring about certainty to the way you live so you can be so much more confident about decisions you make! But how do you do that in a way that is going to keep you sane so you can get to your dreams faster? I want to walk you through my four step process to find clarity and how it applies to staying on track for the life that you want, even when things don’t go your way… So join me on The Happy YOU for this week’s episode on how to push on with your dream: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Do you ever say to yourself – why am I not already having that at this point of my life?? I know I do, and it’s not a good feeling! It’s like admitting that something is wrong, but is it, really? Doubt raises its ugly head when you’re going for new, creating and being your true self… When what you want to do most is to be present, engaged in this moment, today, living life to its fullest… This speaks to my ambitions of being an author, a thought leader, but I do find it hard to get there because I stumble along the way, I make mistakes, I get sidetracked with day to day problems and feeling misunderstood… It is a part of being human, a journey to self acceptance, and I am here to remind you: You don’t have to be perfect, it’s okay to let go of things that might be holding you back, and move forward, regardless! Because you deserve to be happy, to live a more fulfilled and purposeful life, to live in the moment despite worry and doubt!! So we strive and some ways are better than others – so join me for more on this week’s episode of The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

Tell me – what’s the one thing that is worse than locking horns with your spouse or loved one? It’s the torrent of anger and scorn that builds up inside you afterwards… It is the most destructive, negative state imaginable in a relationship, don’t you think? Because you get so caught up in the heat of the moment – and I should know having plenty of practice until… One day, in the middle of a huge argument with Olya, my wife – was it something she said? As always, I stormed out of the house in outrage, mostly at myself, making up the perfect things I should have said to prove that I’m right. So what’s happened, and who’s fault was it in the end? Could I be one hundred percent right, and her one hundred percent wrong?? No, no way – more likely, we hover somewhere around fifty fifty, give or take… Then isn’t it true for all conflict, in the most intimate of relationships that you have? If so, then I must cast aside the whole notion of who’s right and who’s wrong and focus on find a way forward, together. And if there’s no need to prove myself right and if I genuinely care about finding a way through, then it is I who should make the first step towards resolving it. Not because I am better, not because I am wrong, but because I care. It serves me well to this day because that’s what love is – finding ways to bring things out in the open to stop them from getting out of control. How does this sound to you? If this is something that makes sense to you, then check out this week’s episode of The Happy YOU where I talk more about how conflict can make relationships stronger: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty:  

The moment pandemic hit, I could not take my eyes off the news. The number of deaths, the restrictions, the sheer helplessness of it all… Glued to my phone, I kept switching from one source to another, like some guilt edged secret: Because inside, you know that the negative influence is doing you damage. But do you stop there, at the precise point that you know you cannot change or control the situation? And it’s hard because when I get my toxic news hit, I feel the terror rising inside me. My head feels empty and why is it so hard to breathe… Stop! Now is the time to break the chain and do something, anything, to clear my head. So I am off to the reservoir, and I run through the bush, the wind lashing, spurring me on… Over the rocks, puddles, tree limbs, towards freedom. Enough!! I can’t live like this, in trance of this negative influence… For many of us, this negative, toxic influence can come from many sources that we often can’t close off – friends, family, work. Some we come into through habit and way of life – social media, news, our culture. It makes life harder, no doubt, but we can take back control! First, by recognising what sets you off: Look at your feelings, thoughts – what makes you upset and why? Are there any clear patterns that you can notice? This is no easy task and it’s easy to glance over as obvious or unable to change, but it is vital… When you can recognise your emotions, when you know what it is that is setting you off, you put yourself on the track to doing something about it in a meaningful way. Second, you need an approach, a way of looking at it that will help you take charge of what you allow into your life that is sustainable over the long term. This is what I’m covering in this week’s episode of The Happy YOU: If you are looking for a pick me up, check out my brand new book on thriving in times of uncertainty: