Power To Be Happy: Journey of Healing, Together

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Isn’t it weird how life’s full of moments that either bring up the feelings of joy, love, excitement, or sometimes they make you feel dismal, alone, or upset. The trouble today is so often we talk about triggers, those moments that pull you away from the moment and noticing beauty of life. We try our hardest to keep away from the hard stuff, but that, in a way, is distraction. It’s running away from the hard things which we know we can’t – we’re going to have to face them, in fact, I believe it’s a sign: When something keeps bringing up difficult thoughts, and difficult memories, we’ve got to get help, so we can move past it, and heal! Just yesterday, I told my son that I am on my way to see the psychologist, and he said, have fun, as if this was going to be painful. But truth is, I always enjoy it because I have found the right person and the right approach to help me through unresolved stuff, untangle so I can move past it. It’s all in my free guide called Healing Space Melbourne – the key modalities of healing from trauma, how they work, and what makes them different so you can decide what’s the right thing for you! But back to the moments – what’s different to triggers are moments that pulling you into the moment , that make you feel good, that remind you of strength, and of beauty, and colour, and joy. It’s what we call glimmers, and when we bring more of these moments into our life, we experience a deeper connection to self, to life we are leading, to people around us, to self. So podcast today it is all about glimmers and how they can spark us through life:: ​    

The easiest thing I’ve done is quit smoking, and here’s why – I found out my own personal reason. You want to know how? This works when you want to make a change in your life, and changing is hard. Like smoking – I knew it was bad, and I knew it for years, but somehow, I always made up the tales that helped me keep going. I told myself comfortable lies – it helps me relax (the opposite of course is true), we all need a vice (we don’t), it’s forcing me taking a break (I wasn’t working that hard in the first place). Of course I tried quitting, but I knew there’s always an out – unspoken, and so I have always snuck in through the back door. And there was one moment – I went for a walk during lunch break, and ran out of smokes. It was a cold day, and I had my hands in my pockets, just trying to get warm. I was itching to go buy a packet, this craving was driving me on… And that’s when I felt it within me – I don’t want to have an addiction. What if I end up on a deserted island, alone with a craving, and not craving food, drinking water, but this drug?! No! Enough. I will do it NO MORE. And that was my reason – I never touched another cigarette, not after twelve years of packet a day… I have never looked back because the reason has always been true – I just found it. It wasn’t the willpower, but the right intention with true reason behind that brought this to life, and that I believe is the secret: Not making up reasons, or forcing yourself – it never works long term, but spending the time to uncover true reason to stop. Start. Keep going. Do what you need to do to feel progress! And proud of yourself. My friend, is there something that you need to do so you can move forward, and make change for you, on your terms? This might be the right time to journal, reflect on what really drives you, what you truly care for, your reason for making things right! I believe in you, I believe you can change, I believe you can do this on your terms, right now!! It’s taking the time to uncover your reason, connect with it, and keep in your heart: You’ve got this! For more on making the change, tune in to the podcast: ​    

I honestly cannot remember the last time that someone I spoke has shared their goals for the future… The closest we usually come with – I should get a new job, I’ll try and finish that PhD, or I need a break. It doesn’t come off as compelling, committed, and ready to go, and not because these goals are not worthy, or we are not worthy of goals, no: It’s that we don’t give ourselves TIME to immerse ourselves in our dreams, hopes, and desires! Those things truly matter – the everyday moments we live for with people we love, care and cherish, the big aspirations to learn, and to grow, and to give, the very seeds of joy and excitement that making us all come alive, await to be planted in the garden of life. If only we give them some time – to daydream, to plan for, imagine, to share in with others… I know that when you share your true dreams, your real goals, your inner desires, you do come to life, you do get excited, you know life’s got meaning, and you’re moving forward!! This is the biggest change I can promise – when you plant your goals, you won’t feel you’re stuck: Because you are moving, you’re trying, you’re sharing, and figuring out!! And when you see your goals sprout, be they little moments of beauty, or epic and life changing shifts, you know life’s got meaning, you know you’ve the energy to live more, feel more, and be more, not only for you, but the people you love! And that’s why this week’s all about goals – this week on the podcast I talk about how to set meaningful goals and to bring them to life!! Simple ideas that can help you make real change, today: ​    

Do you ever your hand up for something, get super excited, and when it doesn’t go perfect, you kind of crash down and burn? I am a bit of an expert – this year, I signed to be the team manager for our son’s soccer team. It’s kids we know, they’re having so much fun, I mean, what could possibly go wrong? But then the coach was away, and so I found myself struggling in doing too many things – with training, planning, and game days, but what upset the most is people took it for granted. Just because you’re the volunteer doesn’t mean that people don’t need to say thank you, or offer help, or help out. And it upset me so much I felt like wanting to quit – because every little thing that annoyed me, every tiny remark, every side glance, became the big thing! And it blew up in my face – I got so angry, frustrated that I didn’t get to enjoy the time with my son… Which is my whole reason for being there in the first place!! It got me thinking – just how on earth do you stop that? What can you do about this emotional contagion from spilling over into the rest of your life? How do you redirect your mental energy towards something positive, helpful, supportive? I put my best lessons learned in hope that it serves you, supports you in doing the opposite of what I have been doing! Join me this week on the podcast with simple but practical tips on how to stop emotions from derailing your life: ​    

Maybe you tried therapy and the person you came across wasn’t helpful, or maybe you thought about it, but it didn’t feel right because you didn’t know what to expect or thought it would be too painful… These are struggles we face – and today, I am not here to convince you, but to share with you the very personal experience of someone who struggled with childhood trauma and cancer My name is Joe Bakhmoutski, I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and the author of “Finding Hope in Times of Uncertainty: A Guide to Thriving in the Challenging World of Today”, and today I am talking about the very personal journey of doing therapy, whether it’s right for you, and the big four big things I learned from the last two years of doing therapy and having my life transformed. I hope it serves you, my friend, and gives you a personal insight into what works, what doesn’t, and what you might expect and consider: ​    

I was doing my groceries and struck up a chat at the counter, and this person related their vision for when they’re retired: They’ll there’ll be quiet and harmony then… And you’ve heard this before, it is waiting for a time when things sort themselves out, maybe then I can be happy… It is hard to rely on a future we cannot predict, but still – even if it were true though, what about right now, in this moment, today? I believe that the happiness m calls on us, even most in the harshest conditions we live in – it’s reason enough. I have struggled a lot in my twenties: My then partner has left for somebody else, and the wrongness has thrown me completely. I was drinking each day. I was shut off, upset. My anxiety spiraled. And one night, I was behind the wheel, and felt anger that’s surging right through me: This is never going to happen, to me, again. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved, and be giving love back, in return. You see, nothing has changed! And my life was no different, but the one thing I found was resolve. My resolve to be happy. This is what you deserve, and be feeling, today! Find your internal reason that speaks to you now, that the suffering brought, and the life that you’re wanting! Because I wanted love, I had no clue on how I could get there… How could I be worthy of great love – when I just got gotten unceremoniously dumped by the wayside? When I could not have sex, and lay frozen, with nothing to feel? There are moments you don’t have an answer, but you find your resolve. This resolve – to be happy – is there in your stars, only you must decide that you claim it, and keep start moving towards it! And the answers will come. You’ll grow into it. You will figure it out. Bit by bit. You might stumble, but you’ll pick yourself up, and you’re going to keep going! Because you’re on the path, and right now is time that you start feeling happy TODAY. My path took many twists and turns, but those years I spent on making sense of the world and on healing helped me find my true love!! And I am feeling grateful each day – grateful for making the resolve for the life that I want. What’s the one thing that you crave in this moment? What would make your life brighter, more joyous, more calm? It is worth the commitment, to bring it to life – even if you do not have answers… Because answers you’ll find – you have done so before, and you’ll do it again. My friend, know that you truly deserve to be happy today – with resolve that you’re moving towards it! You are here, you’re striving, and you never give up. I believe in you! You can do this. We’re striving for future, today! For more on finding your happiness now, please tune in to the podcast: ​    

When you listen to your friends’ success, or a moment of glory, do you find yourself jealous, if only a bit? I had recently talking to friend with a podcast – he was telling me about this great spike of growth, and I couldn’t help myself feeling not only jealous: Feeling out of my depth. I don’t even belong here! Why I’m getting things wrong… All these questions, and doubts, they start circling, until you start giving them space – to be here, to be present, make us question, check in with ourselves… And this moment of letting you notice discomfort, and to let yourself notice these feelings come up is the moment when you begin taking control. You are now in a place where the worries of not being enough are okay – it is okay to feel them. It’s fine. They are here. And these feelings are normal. I can handle it. Yes, I’m okay. This requires a lot of ourselves because here you admit that you are not perfect. You are human! With doubts, and concerns, and yet also with dreams, and with hopes, and with struggles, and the moments you try, and you fail, and figure things out… It’s accepting what you know all along – you don’t need to be perfect. You can just be yourself. It is more than enough! It’s in moments like these that we start seeing ourselves in a kind way, without pressure, when you can be real. That is brave, my friend, to let yourself FEEL the feelings, whatever comes up! You’re in charge of your feelings, and not they – of you. You have gone further, much further in life than you give yourself credit for! We all have our own path, our own story – you have yours, and I do have mine. We cannot compare ourselves in a fair way, but we can be kind. Kind in a way that makes you feel about yourself, and about others. Kind in a way that takes in our whole self, not just the bits that we like. Kind in a way that doesn’t make yourself victim, or scapegoat, or someone at fault. That’s what I take on this week on the podcast – how you can compare yourself in a kind way: ​    

It’s weird so please help me describe it – but I’m going to give it a try: It’s this nagging sense that something is missing, undone, that hangs in the background. You may go through your day, and you’re getting through things, and you might be feeling okay on the whole… And yet, there’s a longing, this emptiness somewhere within that is yearning for closure, this vague sense we always resist. Because if you answer, and look at it closely, it hides an old pain, and it might get worse, or even take over… I felt it come back when I was doing a podcast about cancer. We wrapped up a great conversation on the importance of sharing your story – I shared some practical, hard earned advice, there was a great energy and connection, the hosts thanked me profusely, and yet… I left with a sense something’s missing. But why? I gave it my best, and shared my authentic, personal truth, I served… What did I leave out? And then it got me. I saw it, right there on the outskirts of my mind, a vague and ominous shadow. A glimpse of the past. Reminder: you’re broken. The fear of losing control. That the event is going to take over, wipe everything out, and be the center of the universe. The meaning of my existence is keep it at bay. I hoped if I kept it a secret, that it would stay out of the way… And one day, I’d have to be facing the truth… But not today. And so I kept living – in fear that’s hiding… It’s funny how secrets will crawl their way out to the surface, especially secrets we keep from ourselves. The war in Ukraine, and stories of rape, pillaging, murder, has opened a deep rift within me. A rift that I had to find way to close. I didn’t know how – I went seeking, to get these fears out of me, and in the process, I found a person who’s been through it. The person who saw me, and seeing my story reflected, I saw the way forward. In taking the next step is hard because it is into unknown… But unknown is better than horrors we live with, the nightmares that we endure. It maybe a small step, a nudge, or a leap, but I know it’s worth it. Because it will bring you away from the pain and the suffering and toward the freedom of being , it’s weight off your shoulders. I promise you! Worth it Let go of the hurt. Of bitterness. Shame. The illusion: no, you are not broken! And you never were… You’re free to feel happy, today. The memory lives on inside me. The horror? The horror is gone. Where are you , my friend, on your journey, and what’s next on your path to heal? Let’s figure it out – together! This week on the podcast The Next Step To Heal: ​    

What makes you unique is the people you trust. Because when you feel safe, understood, and accepted, that is when you’ve the freedom to dream, and explore, try things out. You are being truly seen, just the way you’re supposed to. But so often we have our uniqueness lie buried in doubt, and forgotten – but it’s never been gone! It is waiting to be rediscovered. And you found your uniqueness with others – with the people you trust, you believe in, and it’s not always easy to find them. You might not have enough of them right at your side… Because trusting is hard: Hard when you been wronged, hard when you been misunderstood, but that doesn’t tell truth about life. There are more good people in the world than we will ever know – with their uniqueness. They, too, are craving to be heard, understood, loved, and cared for. All of us, we deserve it! Deserve to keep seeking, and find – you deserve it! You deserve to have people you trust. You deserve to have people who like you, respect you, believe: In your truth, in your story, in the person you want to become. It’s a calling – your personal tribe, it’s a calling! They don’t come to you blindly – and we must seek them out, at the moment precisely when you’re feeling the vulnerable most. It is something that I take away from my going through cancer: The worst part of it wasn’t the pain, or nausea, even fear of dying… It was feeling alone. My close friends disappeared, and it made me so angry, and so miserable – why? I kept asking, but one thing I came to was this: I don’t ever want go through this again – I deserve to have people who care. About me, who I am, how I’m doing. And not when they feel like it, not when it’s convenient, but because it is right. It’s when I made a promise: I am going to make new friends, and they’re going to be people who care, and who will be around me when going gets tough. It’s not easy to meet, open up, but the moment you give it a try gives you power! Because you get to find those very people who get you – no need to placate, or to hide, or to minimise yourself, your truth, and your values. You can be your true self, and to trust in the people who care. Your personal tribe. How do you go about it? What’s the way to approach it? I go through it all with you in the podcast that we have today. It’s called How To Build Your Personal Tribe: ​    

The most memorable part of the journey is right where you begin – it is new, it is fresh, and you soak it all in, like a sponge. That’s the way it has been with my journey to heal – when I came across Left Write Hook, a unique recovery program for survivors of child sexual abuse that brings together creative writing and boxing. It’s the rush of emotion that is hitting me right in the face: there are people like me. There are people who face it, there are people who HEAL. Meeting Donna, the founder of Left Write Hook, has changed the course of my life and has set me on new path toward healing, recovery, and freedom! And when the opportunity came up to become a facilitator of the program, Two years ago, I could not imagine speaking about what I have been though, and today, I am going to help others move forward themselves!! Just how cool is that?! Funny how things come full circle… So being part of the program, one of the things that I love is creating a personal portfolio of our experience of learning to be a trauma informed boxing coach. What do I love? Podcasts! And so I got super excited about creating the interview DURING the learning process of doing Left Write Hook training. As we all have the lived experience of going through it, the experience is personal, raw, immediate, NOW. So I bring you the conversation with Daniel, and our shared experience of learning, surviving, and forging ahead: ​    

We want to be seen, heard, acknowledged – for who we truly *are* – deep, on the inside… But feeling that you’re being seen does not come about on its own – we have to SHIFT the way we communicate. And why that is – so people know exactly what you stand for, so people know what you want, so people know: You really care about THEM. How do you do that – with kindness, compassion, and not feeling hurt? For me, I boiled it down to doing five simple things that helps me really CONNECT – instead of wishing things change and get upset in the process… It’s all in this week’s podcast – hope you can join me: ​    

Hello, my friend! I hope that you’re having a phenomenal week, that you woke up refreshed, and you did a few things that had lifted you higher! It’s important we celebrate moments of good times and fun and fulfillment because life isn’t always like that. There are times when you’re feeling frustrated, things that don’t go your way, and you’re trying your best, and they don’t always see it… The most frustrating thing is you reach for the things you can’t influence, change – it feels wrong, and it feels so frustrating – things that people do, say, forget, ignore, or give up on… I really believe that frustration you feel has to do with the things that you cannot control: How people see you, what they want, and you worry about events that you cannot predict, cannot choose, cannot change. So in moving away from frustration, what we need is to come back to self: What makes you feel creative, excited, alive? Who brings you joy, a sense of connection, who is someone you trust, and connect with them deeply? Back to self, and away from frustration! And I’m here to support you, and help you connecting with JOY: [LINK] In this podcast, I’m sharing three simple ideas on how you can combat frustration with joy – joy in things that you love, things that matter. I invite you to join me today: ​    

Hello, my friend! I hope you’re having a phenomenal week! I hope there were moments of deep and authentic connection – in sharing your true thoughts and feelings, and being there for others, to listen, and hold space, embrace. And if you do not have the opportunity to spend time with the people you love, I am giving you a great big open hug! Hope you feel it, my friend, and I’m here. Know this, please – it’s a testament to your drive and energy that you put into staying in touch! And it only gets harder and harder: We’re all busy in running our lives, and we’re dealing with our own struggles, and those struggles are often unseen – they can be hard to put into words, even to yourself, let alone share it with others. There’s one thing I’m grappling with now, and that is the weight of my own expectations. When I make a video, and pour my heart into it, and then nobody watches, or comments, replies, to be honest, it kind of upsets me. Yes, I know that it shouldn’t, so I say to myself: I am trying, I’m doing my best and I’m sharing my truth and being hopeful, I am trying, I’m here! What is something that leaves you frustrated? You might not have someone at your side who’s supporting you, urging you on, and it is up to you to speak up with compassion to you, to your self, and to champion you, and your efforts! It is what you deserve – what you put into practice, for your self, each day! When you speak to yourself, please then speak to yourself as a friend, as a good friend who is there to offer a kind word, be supportive, encourage, and champion you, and your efforts! Could you try it, and see it if it’s helpful? It’s what I’m doing daily, and I would love to hear how it goes! And if there’s something that you’ve been avoiding in your life, and you’re feeling a tiny bit guilty because you need to do this, I am here to help you – let’s try put aside. Come and join me this week on the podcast, how to move past avoidance – five things that you can do right away: ​    

You know that moment when your favorite cup somehow slips through your fingers, and – BANG! It is on the floor, broken, in a dozen of pieces. It is always so sudden, a shock – and yet, we move on from it, don’t we? You might tell yourself off, get upset, but then, you keep going. But sometimes our very own thought might trigger a much more violent reaction inside of ourselves. Here’s what I mean: I am working away on my play – it’s the process I love, it’s the time that I treasure, but this moment, this week, it has somehow gone wrong: There was something the character said that just didn’t sit right with me, and instead of me trying to fix it, or figure it out, I have let the door open to doubt: The whole interaction, it just doesn’t work, does it? Should I cut out the scene? Maybe, more? I’ve been trying too hard, chopping, changing, and the wheels have off… As I flick through the script, the whole thing is phony, and all work, all the effort, it’s all down the drain… And just who the hell are you, fancying yourself a playwright?! There’s a helplessness, dragging me down, like a weight, and I’m sinking… I turn in my chair, and look to the outside green. I am taking a deep breathe, breathe in and breathe out. It is only a thought. Like the cup that goes splat, just one random event that doesn’t mean anything. It’s only one thought, one burst of emotion, it doesn’t mean – true! You – you’re working so hard! You’re doing your best. And it may not be pretty, and you may not be perfect, but you are ENOUGH. You try, you keep going, you never give up! You’ll figure it out, and you know it. As soon as you bring in the voice of compassion, that little bit kindness, it You start feeling calmer. Less edgy. Relaxed. You don’t want to speak to yourself as a thief, an intruder, but speak to yourself as a friend. A friend who is deserving of kindness. A friend you know well. A friend you could hurt, if you wanted – you know the right buttons to push. You know what to say – because let’s face it, nobody knows you the way that you know yourself. It takes practice because as survivors, we get so good at speaking down on ourselves. Berating yourself. Let’s make it a practice, and turn toward kindness. Because you deserve it, my friend! Join me today to bring out more kindness for self: ​    

Hello, my friend! I hope you’re having a phenomenal week! I hope there were moments of deep and authentic connection – in sharing your true thoughts and feelings, and being there for others, to listen, and hold space, embrace. And if you do not have the opportunity to spend time with the people you love, I am giving you a great big open hug! Hope you feel it, my friend, and I’m here. Know this, please – it’s a testament to your drive and energy that you put into staying in touch! And it only gets harder and harder: We’re all busy in running our lives, and we’re dealing with our own struggles, and those struggles are often unseen – they can be hard to put into words, even to yourself, let alone share it with others. There’s one thing I’m grappling with now, and that is the weight of my own expectations. When I make a video, and pour my heart into it, and then nobody watches, or comments, replies, to be honest, it kind of upsets me. Yes, I know that it shouldn’t, so I say to myself: I am trying, I’m doing my best and I’m sharing my truth and being hopeful, I am trying, I’m here! What is something that leaves you frustrated? You might not have someone at your side who’s supporting you, urging you on, and it is up to you to speak up with compassion to you, to your self, and to champion you, and your efforts! It is what you deserve – what you put into practice, for your self, each day! When you speak to yourself, please then speak to yourself as a friend, as a good friend who is there to offer a kind word, be supportive, encourage, and champion you, and your efforts! Could you try it, and see it if it’s helpful? It’s what I’m doing daily, and I would love to hear how it goes! And if there’s something that you’ve been avoiding in your life, and you’re feeling a tiny bit guilty because you need to do this, I am here to help you – let’s try put aside. Come and join me this week on the podcast, how to move past avoidance – five things that you can do right away: ​    

Once upon a time, in a land much like our own, there was a little girl who lived in the streets. And it was a good life – the only one that she knew, anyway. She learned to fish in the small shallow river that ran through the town, and digging out tubers she found in the parks. She chased about men in their tall fancy hats, asking for change – and some gave her mercy. You do what you do to get by. This one time, she followed a man, who kept himself hiding. It was the end of the alley, and nowhere to turn. Then he turned to face her, and she found that something was off. A gaping hole opened in front of his face. She wanted to run, but there she stood, frozen. A bit of a blur. The next thing she knew she was running, and running, through crickety gullies and bottomless pits, and threw herself into bushes. Away. The bushes were quiet – the best place to rest. She woke up surrounded by warm, fuzzy creatures. They really weren’t tall, but cuddly, like big fuzzy clouds. They brought her the strange fruit that crumbled like bread – so delicious! She called the Fluffs. They built her a hole in the hill – the comfiest place! It’s where she grew warm. She liked being around them. One day, they showed her a tunnel. It ran into the town – through holes she could look up, see people and streets. A real fascination! She always kept watch for the man with the gaping hole, but she never saw him again. One time, she watched the kids chasing the rainbow, and playing their games. They asked her – come on, won’t you join us? She wondered, but only a moment. And it was such fun – to be running and laughing, and falling, and starting again. She tried to go back to the funnel, but she couldn’t find it. And it was okay. She stayed at their school. They called her “the quiet girl”. One day, a girl told her that she was a gift, then gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then everything changed. Not – everything, but some things can change in an instant. You may not see it coming, but it comes over, and – whoa! And I think it’s hope. It helps – keeps you going. It lives on, inside you. And you may not see it, or feel it, or know that it’s there, but believe you me, it’s alive! For living with hope, tune in to the podcast: ​    

We know all about markers for physical health – body mass index, heart rate, glucose levels, but what about mental health? In a culture where mental health is now part of the conversation, we know very little about what we can actually measure on personal level in just such a way that you know that you’re winning. As I look back at my personal history of grappling with mental health, it’s very clear: The most impactful change has been befriending my body. For thirty six years, we lived as if strangers – just sharing the same space, with no interaction, not even acknowledging each another. And you know what? It sucks! I saw the body suffer: It grew tired, so tired from the long days, short nights, from the lack of nutrition and substance abuse. As the body grew larger, no longer fit clothes, it was always too much – too much sunlight, and noise, loud voices and crowds, And you know what’s worse? It was never comfortable with being who it was. That’s what hurt me the most. But the crux was in dealing with cancer: Yes, the body got sick, and the process was painful, but the whole experience of recovery it has brought things to light, things that neither of us want to live with. It’s the time we both knew, and agreed, it was final: From now on, things would have to be different, and we’d both need to change. We both started to work on our routines, what we did with our day, started moving, and jogging, even lifting some weights! Then we started to rest in a way that was restful, and to eat in a way that’s nutritious, and to drink in a way that you don’t have lie about. We respect each other. Today, we are friends. More, we’re partners! It’s the journey we’re on, and yes, life will always be full of surprises, but we’re hoping to figure it out along the way. And it feels – right. Not to have all the answers, not wait, but keep going. Are you with me? Let us figure this out together!! Join this week on the podcast on the things we can do about stress: ​    

Hello, my friend! Today, I share with you a fascinating conversation with Jason Carbone from Wayne State University who is an expert on stress and allostatic load, which represents the cumulative wear and tear of long-term exposure to stress. Allostatic load is the new science on chronic stress and the profound way that it impacts our bodies, our health, and our mind: ​    

When you are born in this world, you so want to be loved – you are confident in your own ability to love, and to give love in the presence of human who’s opened their heart. When you’re learning to walk, you keep trying and trying – you are confident in your ability to keep trying, as you see people moving around you. When you’re learning to talk, you have an urgent need to feel heard – you are confident in your ability to share your true thoughts with people in your life. In other words, confidence is how capable you feel in the presence of others. So what gets in the way? Our own experience telling us otherwise. Experience that is based on living in hurt, not on moving toward the healing. So this week, I explore the practical ways to prove yourself confident, capable self who deserves to be happy. It’s you, you and I, and our confidence does not come from outside, but from a deep source within that allows you to live in your own truth in the presence of others! Reconnecting with part of yourself that is capable, true, and deserves it: ​    

The moment you wake, and you’re facing the day, what hope are you taking on with you? What hope for yourself, for the people you care, the world as you want it to be: What hope do you wish to hold on to? This hope might be wondering, distant, or just out of sight – but stay with me, my friend, it’s there! Hope we can summon, and draw on this hope to sustain us, at the time when you’re needing it most: When you find yourself at your lowest, when your dream seems to slip through your fingers, when you step out to champion the person who is looking to you for support, inspiration and courage… Those are times that you reach for hope: For hope isn’t a task, but a stretch towards life that feels better. Stretch can often bring pain, but a must in preventing more damage, more hurt in the long run. So we’re reaching for hope in a time when there’s no hope in sight. I remember when our little son would point up to the ceiling at night, and repeat, in bold fascination: “Lights! Lights! Lights! It’s the lights!” Then he said it the next day, and I got confused – it’s daylight, so why say it now? Then I thought, he is pointing towards where the lighting should be! So it is true for hope – it is right here, it lives in your heart, even when you can’t see it. It’s here, my friend, so please, hold on to the hope, even when you can’t see it, hope that can be different, hope that things can, and do change – for the better! This week on the podcast, I am talking about the five hopes of the human condition – the hopes we all share for ourselves and each other: ​    

We all want to be more resilient don’t we, but how? Let’s start with one definition of what resilience that you might not have come across earlier: Resilience is accepting the inevitable challenges of life as situations that you can successfully cope with. That’s right, my friend – it does not mean you must crush this challenge by the power of your indomitable will!! Nor does it imply we put up with suffering daily. It is believing you can cope with the challenges that you’re facing today. It need not be perfect, or instant, but including this stress, struggle, awful experience in the categories of things you can heal from, and find your own way to move forward. Here’s what COPE means to me: Capable – you see yourself as capable of handling difficulty. How do you do that? By journaling about every day challenges of life – each morning, I write down what I have accomplished the previous day. And it’s always the little things that matter – listening to someone who needed it, working on my play and sharing my truth, getting the dinner ready, going for walk… It’s an opportunity to look at life and say: you know what? I am trying, I am giving my best, I can do this! You can, my friend, I believe in you, always 🙌 Open – it’s so vital in the midst of stress to not retreat into yourself, and instead stay open to new experiences, new people, new thoughts. It may go against what we naturally want to do, but it is when you are around new people, when you trying a new food or learning a new skill, it is then that you get to feel life in a profoundly different way, and that opens you up for dealing with struggle in a whole new way. So what can you do, my friend, to be around new people, what can you try that might be a little outside of your day to day, what can you tune into that will help you feel better? I hope it’s my resilience podcast this week for you! Proud – be proud of who you are and where you’re going. You have lived with struggle and difficulty, even when no one gave you any credit for it, and yet… You stood your ground, you believed, you kept going! Well done, you! Feel that, take that on, it’s you who deserves to feel pride in living your truth. Enough – so often in times of stress we are feeling a sense of lack that comes from comparing ourselves to other people. It can a tough losing battle to keep up with ideas about people that we create. Because you never know, do you – what is really going on in their life? What are they really struggling with? What truth are they withholding from others, and, most of all, from themselves? Instead, you want to proof to yourself , and only to yourself, that you are ENOUGH. Enough to feel good, enough to keep going, enough to be striving for more. How? By giving the best of yourself each day. Each day, decide – what’s the one thing I’m going to be great at today? And be it, live it, stay true to yourself! It need not be something grand, or something that you will get praise for – no, it’s for your eyes, and your feelings alone. You will have all the proof that you need that you are worthy, deserving, you are ENOUGH. No matter the struggle you’re facing, please do not face it alone! I’m here, right here, on this podcast so tune in and feel heard: ​    

The person that helps you the most is person that you almost missed, or got through by chance. Isn’t it true? It’s the circumstance brings you together. How many times do we suffer in silence, and nobody knows how you suffer, the pain that you’re holding inside? In working with trauma survivors, I noticed that the first barrier to asking for help isn’t even the asking, but rather it’s seeing the truth for yourself: Here’s what I’m facing, and I don’t deserve to go through it alone. Uncovering this truth for yourself is harsh and painstaking work of seeing yourself and the chaos around you, but oh is it worth it! For every endeavor, for every dream, a hope that you harbor, for every struggle that’s walking beside you, please know: We are never meant to go through it alone. Despite the past hurts, despite today’s hardships, today you deserve to hear a kind word, to have someone listen, to know there’s someone who’s wishing you well, who believes you! This might be your loved one, a friend, your therapist, a well meaning person with whom you crossed paths with by chance… Right now, they are waiting, waiting to be there for you, on your terms! Yes, that is the gift we can only be gifting ourselves – to find the way through to the place where you get that help, and that path ain’t easy: So today, I am seeking to break down four reasons that we don’t get help, and how to break past them, to live life you truly deserve, in having support of ,the people around you, and find proof that you’re never alone:   ​    

Past holds the pain, and it often gets triggered by smallest of things: Old photo, a song, throwaway comment, and then you find yourself small, stuck in the sorrow you don’t want to feel… When the wave of past hurt, or upset, or regret, when it that it washing you over, there comes a decisive moment: You either get dragged into the feeling, or – pull yourself away, away, and back to the moment you’re in, whatever is happening NOW. I often say that the road to your peace of mind now lies through sorting things out: When you separate things that you cannot control from the things that you can, you get much greater peace, calm, and focus. I walk you through a simple exercise on how to put that in practice right here – what I call the Line of Control. It can help you find freedom in chaos and redirect your energy towards people and tasks that will matter the most. Imagine that there’s a line running from your forehead, dividing the world ahead of you in two equal halves. Now, what are things that are frustrating you now, that lie outside of your influence and control? It might be a careless comment that still hurts inside, a sense of injustice, a difficult memory tinged with regret. Those moments that you cannot influence, change, or control – I want you to put them away to the side, and turn to the right: What are the things that you can control, influence, change to a certain extent? This might be the way you show up in your work, your care for a child or best friend, or keeping you healthy. What is it for you? What moments inspire you, what is it you do that bringing you joy, and excitement, and making you feel good? For these are the moments that matter, the things you take charge of, take part in, and bringing to life! By bringing your focus on things you control, that matter most now, you bring yourself into this moment, right now, in today. It’s not that the past is erased, or forgotten, it’s not that the struggles you’re facing today disappear, but rather we move them away, out of view, to the place they’re no longer controlling your life. Did you find it helpful? If so, this can be the tool that you turn to when worry takes over, and it gets too much. I’m here for you, I believe in you, in us, in our ability to figure things out! You deserve the best, my friend, not tomorrow: TODAY For a deep dive on releasing the past, please join me this week on the podcast: ​    

There are two sides of the human condition, and we’re facing them daily – it’s the misery of hurt and delight of the present, it’s the joy, and the feeling alive. But the trouble of living with trauma is more often than not, we are not getting either – we’re stuck in between. How’s that better than misery? Feeling hurt is a negative feeling, but at least you can feel: It’s a heavy burden, but it brings about facing your truth, and forces a change because change never comes on its own. Change can only be opened when we have nowhere to go – it’s the only way forward. But worse is the place of being stuck in between: It is hard to absorb what is happening, to take in magnitude of what you’re living, and feel, feel fully… It’s hard because feeling fully means not only feeling the goodness, but also it’s feeling the hurt. It’s why healing is path towards moving past the unfeeling and letting the hurts take their place in the past. It’s no easy task, but a journey, a journey where these things are true: You are not alone in this journey, but one of us, millions who are trying and stumbling and falling but only to get up, keep going, and keep feeling closer to self, to the freedom of less guilt, and less shame, and less hurting, the freedom of being your true self That healing isn’t for other people, but healing’s for you! It is a real possibility of a life filled with goodness, where hurt is confined to the memory, and not overpowering or dulling your senses each day. This is the hope of letting things go, slowly but surely, hope of the progress, of freedom and choice, every day No matter what anyone tells you, or what your experience been like before, you are stronger than you think and more resilient than anyone’s given you credit for. You will surprise yourself with your confidence, your capabilities, your desire to live, and be happy! Stay on this path, keep showing up to the therapy, keep seeking connections with people who get you, keep listening to the positive, hopeful, encouraging voices in your life! You are more capable of so much more than you think. I am here for you, friend. Stay strong, and remember: you’re never alone! You deserve to feel calmer, deserve to feel cherished, deserve to have fun and enjoy little moments of beauty of living each day. Hope you join me this week on the podcast as we talk about how to move away from the mere existence, and to live the life fully, with your passion, and feeling alive: ​    

Inside every mistake, there are opposite forces – one that pulls you towards something, one that’s pushing away. Which one is right? Are you heading towards it, are you moving away? Therein, the choice: Depending on the situation, you might need to pull forward, or push away, and it is when we don’t tend to the true instinct of which one is right is when we make a mistake. This might be choice about the situation that you find yourself in: For me, this was in my first long term relationship when I found my then partner was cheating on me. I knew it was wrong, but I was petrified of losing her and being alone for the rest of my life… It’s why I stayed with her even though deeply I knew it was wrong. Life proved it to me when she’s left me for someone else anyway. It’s made me realise that life will inevitably make us face the same choice until we make the right one, or have no alternative but facing the consequence. So it’s the situation that’s making us choose, but it might also be an internal conundrum: I have always felt broken, ashamed of what I experienced as a child, and yet I felt this deep, profound yearning to heal, to let go, and I didn’t know how, but that wasn’t the problem: What has pulled me away from the seeking a some place to heal was the fear voice – you are broken, you’re done, it is beyond repair. It has kept me from healing, it has kept this part of me locked away, and it was confronting the possibility of healing in a fellow human that changed me. It’s been the catalyst to step forward, and give into the pull towards feeling more whole, and together. This is why having a friend, a partner, a mentor who gets you is vital – they support you in seeing the possibility of something greater, a new hope, a change that you can start dreaming about. The ultimate goal of any choice that you make is steering away from the feeling of failure that so often haunts us when you have been touched by trauma. This is why I recorded the whole podcast on just this – how to heal from mistakes with compassion and kindness to self! Please join me this week on the Power To Be Happy podcast: ​    

If you ask me what is the greatest way to prevent you from getting hurt, I’d stuffing it so far and so deep no one will ever find it. Including yourself. Trouble is, it doesn’t go away, does it? We just stop FEELING IT, but it’s wriggling inside of you, buried within. It’s been so many years that I took my early hurt, hurt going through rape as a child, and I sent it away into hiding. All the ways I could keep it at bay – never speak of it even a word, beat the image back soon as they start to rise, tell myself I was over it, past it, it’s nothing, it’s gone. It’s a part that’s been trying to float to the surface, to rise up within, and it’s finally done it: I was writing a play about war, about memories, and this part of me lurking within, trying to find its way onto the page, into my life. What was it I was afraid of? That it’s going to burst out, take over, and make my life a mess? What I found was RELEASE. In sharing the draft with another survivor, she brought up her own story of her, and of healing, that’s when I was compelled to share mine. And it wasn’t the shame, the black bottomless pit of disgust, and helplessness, numb, no – I have opened the floodgates, and that’s when it began: A triumphant return to self, back to wholeness, back to where I belong. Feeling my truth, feeling the urge to let go, the desire that I have to heal. Only healing was only a word – now it’s a feeling, a process, an act, now it’s part of the journey. Parts we hide – from ourselves and from others – are like children that want to be loved. All they’re wanting is have fun, and be playful, want to run free, with joy! This is the path towards liberation, a greater life where you’re feeling a great flow of energy that’s been used to withdraw, hold back, and it’s free to be channeled to love, and immersing yourself in the people and purpose that give meaning, that help you BELONG. You can only feel understood if you are in the process of understanding your true self, your hopes, and your dreams, your desires. This is what requires time, and care, and, most of all, compassion with self. It’s a practice that I am exploring this week on the podcast – join me on how to feel understood: ​    

Greatest gift that you can be giving yourself is seeing your self as you are – the wounds, imperfections, the questions and doubts… Because when you see your true face, your true colors, not as you want to be held in the mind of another, but in life that you own, you will find greater beauty than any could ever imagine. I have a dream of a global community that is founded on healing together. It’s a bold vision, and as it’s taking shape in my mind after my own experience of being on a healing journey, and having the people around to hold and to guide me, I want this to be a reality that all of us share, those who are touched by trauma, and know we want more. And every day now, I do this ritual where I perform my ten minute play about the choice that I am facing each day. There is a different choice that I speak to all of the time, and this morning, it started with fear: To live through it, or to hide it away. In my mind’s eye, I found myself performing this piece in front of my closest people including my grandfather who was like a father to me. And it came as a solemn moment, as they witnessed my rebirth, and I found myself sobbing, on my knees, and I felt their charge, to carry this vision, forward: Not because I am strong, or gifted, but because it is the only way. If you, friend, find yourself needing an inspiration to move forward, please know: You have all the answers already within you, and it’s all about finding the questions you need to unlock, find a spring that will propel you forward, on your terms! Even in the midst of struggle, of strife, of feeling miserable and alone we find courage to bring it together – I share some thoughts on how this week, on the podcast: ​    

The moments that we are most ashamed of are things that we could not control. So isn’t time we live in our truth – we’ve nothing to hide from, atone for, take back. Yes, the struggle defined us, and we hold our heads high! You are who you are, my friend. In the sorrows and hopes that we share, we chart forward the path – TO FREEDOM! To keep moving from shame and the traumas we suffered, we will not walk away, and keep moving… It is our turn to heal, but it’s also a choice: Because healing is always a dance, no right way, or wrong, but – your way. What might help you in healing from shame? Join me this week to move beyond shame: ​  

Growing up, I saw that anger was bad. Angry people lashed out, they hurt others, they weren’t happy themselves. So I never got angry, and I kept it inside of myself, and there it kept boiling, and boiling away… But it never came out, and it stayed inside, eating away at me, making me anxious, and wound up. Looking back on it, every time that I could not breathe, every time I felt like my insides could burst from the tension, it’s been anger: Anger stayed there, and could not get out. When I am feeling angry today, I know what helps me release it, in a way that feels healthy. What is your relationship with anger, at this point of your life? It’s a difficult balance between letting it simmer, and letting it burst in a way that is hurtful and wrong. I invite you to the podcast this week to talk about you might be dealing with anger in a way that feels right to you: ​  

Who are we – without trust? Just people with nothing in common. But you build the trust, it’s out in the open – the groundwork for love, recognition, respect. What’s more – you could not start healing without it. If you can’t trust your therapist, a fellow survivor, then can you be open to the possibility of healing, of lasting and positive change? It’s, as I say – TRUST IS A MUST. But how do we build it – up? We live in our language, and it’s no wonder we talk about ‘building’ trust… Because it’s not easy. Because we’ve all lied to, and hurt, and discouraged, and yet, we have no choice but living beyond the survival, and towards belonging. Imagine what lies ahead, when you can trust, I mean fully trust people around you, the people you can rely on, the people who care… What would life look like? How much more happiness, wonder, and camaraderie you could share in if you can build mutual trust, understanding? I don’t claim to have all the answers, but like you, I have been through wrongs and betrayals, and I found that building trust is tied into healing in three simple ways, and I want to take twenty minutes this week to explore how to build trust today: ​  

Do you know what people think when they look at you? Isn’t it fascinating when you think about what kind of impact you make without even thinking about it… There’s an immediate impression that people are getting, whether you want to or not. I always wanted for people to like me, or maybe not like – accept who I am. The more that I tried, the less I think happened, because there’s an edge, just something that isn’t authentic that people can feel. I look on it now, it was valid – a way for me coping with feeling so lost, and so alien. But now, every day I spend on my journey, the journey of trying to heal, and healing the parts that were hurt, or forgotten, I kind of stopped thinking: Did I say that wrong? Does this make me stupid? No, today I am doing much more in it – the world, other people, I listen to them, I am in their presence because I am not worried. I am who I am, and I earned that knowledge, and being far from perfect is now what feels normal. You know what? I’m NORMAL. Yes, normal, because I no longer think trauma is weird. Because I hold proof that we’re many, and that is a gift of us sharing our truth. You do it your own way, and find your own how. For more on the podcast:  

Every time I speak to someone who’s been through cancer, I can’t help but ask: The people in your life – how did they support you? The reason is some of my close friends went missing when I went through treatment, and I kept asking myself: Is this my fault? Am I the only one who gets to go through it? The truth, as always, is simple and outrageous. It’s one of my early episodes of Simplify Cancer podcast, before Zoom took over our lives and I’d meet guests in person. Today, we’re in the library, and we talk about the great turning points – the moments they tell you it’s cancer, deciding on treatment, the agonising wait for results, support My guest is gushing about how fantastic everyone was, supportive, she could not be happier. We wrap up, and as I’m packing the microphones away, she pauses for a moment, as if unsure and says, “You know, there are a few close people that cut me off, and it really hurt.” “That sucks,” I say in surprise, “but why didn’t you say that before?” Her eyes gaze off into the distance. “You know they could listen,” she said softly. “I just don’t want to upset them.” Since then, I have spoken to hundreds of people, and their experience is often the same: There is always a feeling of hurt from someone who’s part of their life, and a profound sense of not wanting to talk about it. Yes, it’s painful, yes, it’s hard to put into words, but it is the struggle we share! However, I also believe that most people want to be there for you, they want to support you – they just don’t know HOW. It’s why we must guide them, explain what we want, so they feel that they are there for you in a meaningful way, and you get to feel the connection, the strong bond that binds. For that, we must understand our own needs, even as they change and evolve. If you feel that your needs might be changing, or perhaps you’re not getting support that you want, I’d love you to join me for this vital conversation on evolving support needs and what works best for you now:    

Dear friend, if you’re getting hit hard by the struggle, you might ask yourself: Why, why should life be this hard? One thing I’m finding helpful is zoom out of the moment, this day to day life, and consider this life as a whole: As I began to consider the past, from the very beginning, I began to pick out the turning points, the impact they had, impact I never noticed… And so often you don’t because you, you just get on with life, and the moments that matter, that hurt you, that made you look up, those moments that changed you… In truth, they add up. And you’re feeling it, don’t you? The cumulative impact of pain, stress, trauma adds up, over time, and it’s taking us longer to let go, and recover, move on. In my traumatic stress studies course, there’s a name for what we’re experiencing – they call it the allostatic load. I want share what I learned with you about it on this week’s podcast below:    

When you’re caught in the struggle, then how hard it is to imagine that things could be different? When I was alone, and I could not have sex with a woman I wanted to be with, it’s been nigh on impossible even consider that I could feel wanted, I could be cherished, and be in the presence of love and desire. But there was a seed – a dream, a hint, hope on a wing… It’s been a long road to dreaming, dreaming of freedom: What is it like? What would life look like, each day? How would it feel, on the inside? What are the things that we can do, together? That was the breakthrough. Hope has given the way to possibility, possibility into action. It wasn’t easy, it’s taken me years, but I found love, all I could dream of, and more, so much more! If you find yourself struggling to get through the day, then what you might need now is time. Time to dream, time to feel, to consider, to open the path towards hope. Because no matter how tough it might be now, things can, and do, change. For the better!! I’m with you – join me this week on the podcast to talk about trauma and triumph, much closer than what we might think:    

Tell me – are you the person who follows their own intuition, or likes to think everything through? Most of us fall somewhere in between, but being on my journey to healing from trauma has changed me in ways that I could not expect. The big step that I taken last year was starting my therapy. It’s helped me put some of my hurtful memories in a place where they are just that – memories, and not a living and breathing horrors that take over senses and making me numb. Therapy has also helped me to find the compassion I needed for my younger selves, embrace them and bring them onside. (Sounds weird I know, but it’s like learning a language – it’s starting off hard, and the next thing you know you can ask for directions) The one thing I could not expect was a new found sense of trust – in myself, with the human that I am today, what I want, what I need, what I deeply desire. Remember radio? It’s like I tuned in into my own station, and now I can listen to my own thoughts and feelings, and decide what to do. It is such a relief I can’t tell you: Having spent so much of my life inside worry, and doubt, stuck between crazy and divisive thoughts, knowing something is wrong with me… Well, today I know better. Today, I know every little thing is right, and if it isn’t quite right, then I know I’ll be making it better. It’s the step that I’m glad I could take – to be trusting myself in my actions, my plans, and my dreams. In my everyday decisions: How I write, how I speak, how I am around others. It’s the comforting truth in the knowledge about us, all of us who have lived through the hurt: Why worry about what could be wrong when there’s so much RIGHT. One step at a time… What is the next step on your journey to heal? Join me this week to explore the ways we can how:    

Look, maybe we don’t have the power to change things, but suppose we could, and you go back in time: Do you know the moment you’d come back, and change? I once had an affair with a married woman. I had never once questioned her, and she kept it a secret, but a friend of mine knew. So I met with this friend, and the way that he’d spoken has struck me like dagger. A casual, throw away word, but it hurt me, disparaging as it was towards her. Tell me – what would you do? We are always confronted with choice, and it never seems like it because it’s moments that rise through the day, and they don’t seem to change things, they simply – exist. These indeed are the moments we’re called to be sharing our truth: Your true feelings, and thoughts, hopes and dreams, and desires. In that moment, I did not speak up. I swallowed the truth that was vital to me. It is I who is paying the price for this hesitation, for not acting on an impulse, for not having an impulse because the truth has been beaten so many times before… There are moments when you want to change things, to speak up, to right wrongs, big and small… But changing the past? It’s a power that we don’t possess, and yet… We find new perspective through healing. A way into healing may come through many doors, and one of them is psychodrama. What makes it unique is creating a new, more helpful way of living with the past. Imagine being able to recast pivotal moments in your life in a way that feels right for you now, creating a new type of reality of how things could be! Surplus reality is one of the many fascinating aspects of psychodrama we talk about this week with therapist Richard Hall:    

There’s a part in each of us that’s so fragile, so hurt by the past that we’re wanting to hide it, protect it – from what? When I look back on the years of shame, pain, and the guilt that I carried of being raped as a child, the one thing I been scared of the most is admitting the truth to myself: Yes, it did happen, and it’s part of who I am Knowing this truth does not make me feel damaged, but places the past in the past, something that’s happened that does not direct my visions and feelings today. This, and a ton of therapy! But that’s owning your truth – no one could make to take off the burden, but you. Part of my owning my truth has come through in sharing this story with others. It’s helped to come up to terms with: Seeing my friends and family take it onboard made me realise – no one is going to disown me, or push me away. I didn’t know that, but still I taking that chance – for if someone cannot accept your suffering, do you want them this close in your life? In sharing this story out loud made me realise: I got so good at hiding those parts of myself that so needed a voice that nobody knew what I felt, thought, or wanted. And isn’t that what we’re all desperately wanting – to be seen, heard, acknowledged for the person you are, deep, on the inside? Silence is deafening because in silence, we are alone. Breaking the silence, we are living the shared truth of our struggle, our sorrows, but also of our resilience, our ability to change, grow, and heal, to share the deepest of yearnings, and will to go on. Finding our voice is also reminder: Skills that built us are so often skills for survival, vital, but they only take us so far… Today, we need new skills. We need life skills that will help us thrive, feel more, reach further, dream, and keep growing! This is why we want to go past the point of being stuck in survival and move on to thrive and live on:    

What’s the biggest compliment anyone has ever given you? Maybe it’s taken taken you by surprise, made you feel special? My wife served me with the biggest compliment of my life when she said: You are the bravest person I know. It stirred something, deep down inside me, and it’s new because I never thought of myself as brave. In fact, and this may sound weird, but I never thought of myself as anything, I simply got by. You do enough to survive, to get through, keep out of their way. Only the biggest turning points in life, the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows, can help us see ourselves in a different light: As someone who lives, loves, and give it their best. As someone deserving of true love, and happiness, joy! And whether that shift in how you see yourself has come through the eyes of a loved one, a friend, workmate, or your very own, it can only takes life when you start believing it true. When you make that choice, life changes because you are no longer waiting: You act. In the name of the happy and joyous, the life you deserve! This choice might be out there, waiting for you to make it. Let’s dive in this week to find what is most right for you:    

We all have a story that truly defines you, but – how do you know what is it? The moment when story of our life starts truly take shape is the moment you’re starting to heal. Because healing is gateway to living a greater, more joyful and meaningful life. Healing is what we do in moving away from the suffering, away from the struggle, the troubles we know… And yet, we are making a choice to heal. This is what defines you – your story, your life, and where you are going. And my guest today, Kali Foster, has been on a journey to heal and help others. From facing your past to knowing yourself, from acupuncture to body-based therapy, Kali is always on the journey of reclaiming your true self, each day. Please join us for this vital conversation today:    

I have an emerging medical situation re: possible cancer. I’m hopeful, but – I’ve been down that road before. My instant reaction is daze – the mind goes all soggy, it’s dragging me into the mist… I just want to hide behind Netflix, the phone, stop thinking, let go of the wheel. But then I catch myself – it’s a signal, a sign to be paying attention, to focus, switch on. This time, I want to charge, keep hopeful, and lead. It’s part of our lives – the triggers we know, those tiny reminders that call the best of ourselves to recognise: I need help. I need to step out for a walk. I need to talk to someone. I need to be mindful. I need to take rest. I need to exercise. I need a holiday. For so long, I’ve been so afraid of getting to know myself better. Because who knows what is hiding in there? But now, I do trust myself, more. To be my own friend. Are you being a friend – to you? Join me on the podcast to talk about honoring self and how we respond to questions that life keeps on asking:    

Like many, I first learned about trauma from Besser van der Kolk’s “The Body Keeps the Score” book. I was driving from work, and listening to the first chapter where Bessel gets a gift from the army vets as if to say: now you’re one of us. As I listen, the tears swell up, and I’m sobbing. And I can’t stop because inside, a new understanding is born: now I am one of us, those who know what it is like to suffer. But the gift of this book, of course, isn’t the trauma, but belief you can heal. This belief is instilled in me through many chapters, and stories, and the therapies I never heard… One of those – neurofeedback. It’s a fascinating approach that brings together technology, neuroscience, and the understanding of human experience. Today, I am talking to Moshe Perl, a true expert in neurofeedback about how it works, and why it can be so effective in healing from trauma:    

The most difficult, painful moments that have impact on our lives have this one thing in common: The mind wants to drift further away from the memory, from the event, so as not to even recall it. We can’t bear to think, feel – it is stuck in our body, some place in between. Neither here nor there. It’s how I think of the most challenging times in my life when the impact of past and the struggle was strongest… I felt stuck in between of the past, present, future, I could not dare move, decide, or make change. The goal is to find meaningful activities that brings us into the moment, that swoop in to take hold of our hearts, and our minds, our bodies, that are calling us strongly: To act, to keep going, today. But then how do you do that? In this podcast today, I want to share what I am learning and how that might help you – we talk through the journey of healing so you can feel progress, to feel good about you, where you’ve been, and where are you going from here:    

One barrier that prevents us from doing therapy is we don’t have the language we need to be talking of trauma. It’s why a body based approach is so vital – reconnect with our senses, and feel. Yoga helps us connect with our bodies, but there are deeper needs that us trauma survivors can often require – a more gentle pathway without focus on form, or on doing things right. Here is where trauma sensitive yoga comes in – and this conversation with Clare Pritchard has transformed the way that I think about yoga. In this conversation on trauma informed yoga, trauma yoga teacher Clare we talk about what separates trauma sensitive yoga from the more traditional modalities, why it’s important, and whether it’s right for you. Clare is not only as a skilled teacher and caring practitioner, but a compassionate voice for trauma survivors, and urge thay we have to heal. Join us for this vital conversation on trauma sensitive yoga: Links Trauma Sensitive Yoga Yarra Ranges Yoga    

This morning, as I am jogging through bush, I’m feeling my muscles grow tense. The breathing is shallow, arms flail around useless, like sticks… I know that I’m tired, and I want to stop, keep walking instead, you know, take it easy. And hey, what’s the harm? It’s almost 5km, and no one can see me. And yet, I remember: SURVIVOR I am a survivor. I suffered, I held back, I failed, and almost gave up. But I will no more. Not even today! It’s my choice: To make my identity matter. It’s shaping the person I am – not a victim, but striver who does not give up. Despite everything, I am here. Despite everything, I give and I care. Despite everything, I am a beautiful human being. And I have earned the right to not give a crap about haters, and doubters, and lies. You are who you are. We’re in this together, and the identity we choose to take on with trauma it can be a crutch, or a blocker, but also RELEASE. Release from pressure, the past, expectations. Today, what matters: today. The person who’s helped me to see it is part of my life, and now I have the honor to speak to her about healing, identity, being a survivor, and finding your way. Donna is taking the pain that she’s been through, and lessons she learned to create a one of a kind program called Left > Write >> Hook that helps survivors of child sexual abuse to heal, and move forward. Join Donna Lyon and myself for this vital conversation today: Links Left Write Hook  

It’s hard to put trauma into words. That’s why therapies like EMDR, trauma informed yoga, and neurofeedback can be so powerful in helping us heal. But having a calming presence around you can also be ever so helpful – precisely the reason why equine therapy is so intriguing! This week, I’m speaking to Cindy Jacobs, a somatic experience practitioner who has developed her own approach to helping people with trauma. Cindy loves her horses, and she has incredible passion for helping people here in Victoria – I hope you will join me for this vital conversation on equine therapy and its role in healing from trauma: Links SEhorse trauma resolution | Cindy Jacobs Free Rein Australia  

I feel the reason that we don’t talk about our pain and internal strife is we believe that we’re broken. We don’t believe we can heal. Whether it’s breakup, or grief, or abuse, it’s hard to imagine that things could be changed. For me, it’s going through rape as a child. I lived in denial of how it’s been messing me up, and thought I’d be making things worse if truth had somehow came out. And I felt alone, that nobody gets it, that shame and the hurt I am destined to carry, forever, until… The one conversation with a survivor – it’s changed me, forever, because I held proof that I am not alone! This human that’s holding my hand has been through it, and they’re still alive, and they do not hide, and use their pain to help others… This is what struck me – the hope. The possibility of healing, of letting go of the hurt, of letting it live, and move on. I might not ever be perfect, but I don’t have to hide, run, pretend… No, you are who you are, and we’re in this, together. We know there’s the struggle, the struggle is real, but it’s why we connect, it’s why we’re here, together. Because of the possibility – to let go, and to move towards healing. It is what you deserve: To heal, to live with the possibility of change, of sharing your story, of getting support that you need to figure things out, but on your terms. It’s what we talk about this week – let go of the past, to feel more free, and move forward:  

The moment I heard about parts of you living inside, and that they must get along like a family, it rang out as loud as the truth. Of course – we must help them, bring out the parts that were hurt, so they’re starting to heal. But that’s not easy to do on your own, and to have a specialist guide taking you through this can make all the difference… This is where Internal Family Systems therapy comes in: It’s a complete approach to help people healing from trauma, and this week I’m talking to Sean Cuthbert, a local psychologist who is an expert on trauma and IFS: Links: Sean Cuthbert | Clinical Psychologist The Internal Family Systems Model  

The last few years of living inside a pandemic have caught us off balance – the everyday life turned itself inside out, we struggled to make sense, connect, to belong. But this profound sense of disorientation hasn’t it always been found its way into the fabric of our being when living with trauma? It sometimes can feel as if everyone’s off on a cruise while you’re struggling to keep it afloat in the never ending storm of living each day. You know what it’s like – and truth is that despite the struggle, the loss, the uncertainty… You’re doing your best, for you and your loved ones, because there’s no other way, only forward, and maybe, just maybe you are not giving yourself the credit that you so richly deserve! This journey through change, and you want to be acting from your place of a strength. It is a place of fortitude when you are prepared: For those of us who know what it’s like to deal with the unexpected, we want go to foundation and leverage our home, our environment so that we get to FEEL READY. Ready to stand our ground, ready to bounce back, ready to move! This week on the podcast, I am talking about how making your home your fortress can help you move forward despite the challenges that come to us daily: