Pivot Parenting: Expert Tips for Navigating Teen and Tween Challenges

A big struggle in parenting: Knowing when and how to let our babies grow up. Today I speak with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about how this can play out years later in marriage, and how we can prevent ourselves now, from creating those struggles in the future. About Jennifer: I am a relationship and sexuality educator and coach, as well as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in Illinois with a Ph.D in Counseling Psychology from Boston College. I wrote my dissertation on LDS women and sexuality, and have taught college-level courses on human sexuality. I currently teach online courses and live workshops to individuals and couples seeking to develop their capacity for deeper emotional and sexual intimacy. Additionally, I offer limited private and group coaching services to individuals and couples who have benefitted from my podcasts and courses and are looking for more direct input on improving their lives and relationships. I am a frequent contributor on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, and spirituality to LDS-themed blogs, magazines, and podcasts, including the "Ask a Mormon Sex Therapist" podcast series. My husband and I are the parents of three children and are active members of the LDS church. You can find Jennifer at: finlayson-fife.com You can find Heather at: heatherfrazier.com

Ashley has a daughter that is making out with everyone. Sadness, guilt and judgement are preventing her from always loving her daughter how she wants to- unconditionally. Tune in to hear how to deal with a child who rejects your teachings. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Ali is a busy mom who has a struggling teen. She blames herself for her daughter's struggles. She thinks that if she were doing a better job, her daughter would be different. It's a classic error. Listen in as we unravel the truth. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

I'm coaching Amelia in this episode. Her son is not behaving like himself and she believes that this is his girlfriends doing. Amelia fears for his future and has even tried breaking them up, without success. She wants to feel compassion and grace, and while she can at times, it still feels elusive most of the time. If you are scared for your child because of their current choices, your mind will be blown when you listen to this episode. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

The first of a series, this episode is an actual coaching session. Ann is struggling to get her blended family to comply with her view of how things should be. She is worn down and feeling defeated. "My efforts don't change the circumstance", she tells me. Peace is what she wants, but she is creating more divide, burn out, and exhaustion through her approach. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Back by popular demand! Tina Gosney and I chat about when things aren't the way we'd anticipated with our teen and young adult kids, particularly when they share with us that they identify as LGBTQ. This can knock parents off their balance, and we are here to help you out. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com About my guest: Tina Gosney is a family relationship coach and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. She specializes in coaching LDS parents who have a child that has left the church or a child that is LGBTQ. She has experienced both of these circumstances in her own family, with a daughter who has left the church, and a gay son who married another man. As a certified coach through The Life Coach School, Tina has been able to help countless parents navigate and thrive in their relationships with their children and spouse as they adapt to a new normal and find love and acceptance within their families and with their faith. Tina also has advanced coaching certifications in family relationships and relationship trauma. You can find Tina at www.tinagosney.com

All things teens and sex. In this episode, Robyn and I discuss how to talk about safety in preventing assault, the in's and out of assault, how to offer support when something has happened, and everything in between. It is a must listen for parents, because even if you don't know about it, our kids are thinking, talking, and even acting on their sexuality. Talking about it doesn't make it exist, it makes us better able to help our kids. About my guest: Robyn Warner is a serial entrepreneur whose passion is helping girls and women stay safe. She is a cohost on The Brave Talk show, and a mother of four. You can find her safety course here: www.safebyrobyn.com/SAFECourse and use discount code PIVOT PARENTING to get 30% off! you can learn more about her on Instagram @aflyonmywall and her talk show @thebravetalkshow

Today I am talking about something I see all the time with my clients: They think it's not working or they aren't doing it right if the process doesn't feel good all of the time. Listen in as I dispel this myth and explain why change doesn't always feel good and what to do about it. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Biblical reference, current application. And it's not just about the men. Come listen in on how this under considered concept plays out in our day to day parenting, and how to remedy the habit if you're in it. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com References: Matthew 7:21-23 1 Kings 16:2 Doctrine & Covenants 121:39-43 Book of Mormon, 2 Nephi 26:29

For all of the moms feeling lost and confused, not knowing who they are anymore, or why- after all they've sacrificed for their teen- still feel hated by them, this one's for you. I love you, and this is my Mother's Day gift to you. xoxo To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Your daughter is the mean girl, your son is the bully. You know they lie like a rug and they deserve the punishment they get. None of us want our kid to be the one talked about in hushed tones, the one every other parent doesn't want their child to be friends with, but what happens when they are? In this episode I break it down for you and show you how there is hope. xoxo To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Spinning in circles? Trying whatever tactic comes to mind, then second guessing it, then ending up even more confused and doubtful of your parenting? Talking to your sister, mother and bestie, but still coming up with a whole lot of nothing at the end of the day? "I don't know what I'm doing." Is a common phrase I get from my clients, Good news: I know exactly what you're doing. More importantly, I know how to stop doing it and start doing something that works, and that you can feel good about. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Our mind and body are connected. In this episode, Betsy and I discuss physical and emotional pain and how they are similar and can both be helped through our belief systems around the pain. If you have chronic physical pain caused by injury, or chronic emotional pain that you are attributing to your child's choices, this is for you. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com About my guest: Betsy is life coach and a former physical therapist. She helps people to understand their nervous system and how our beliefs can affect physical sensations, such as pain. She works with those who have chronic pain. Podcast: Unstoppable Body and Mind Instagram: @bodyandmindlifecoach Email: [email protected] To learn more about the nervous system and how to regulate it, watch my nervous system modules: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/620ffa96e0eda1a0d870b5a6 The book referenced was, "The Way Out" by Alan Gordon.

You scratch your head and wonder what on earth was going through their mind. You may even consider that their head is full of rocks. It doesn't add up, and even their 5 year old sister can tell as much, so why did they do it?! I know why, and in this episode I will not only tell you their why, but teach you how to respond to what seems completely ridiculous. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

We all have wants, and that's not a problem. We also all want very certain things from our kids, and that's also not necessarily a problem... until it is. In this episode I will teach you how to identify what you want from your kid, if those wants are helping your relationship or harming it, and how to create a hierarchy of wants that serves you best. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Depression, anxiety, OCD, bipolar, borderline, the list goes on... I don't think that there is a person alive that isn't somehow affected by mental health. When it's a family member, the reality of the illness is a daily thing. In this episode, Jessica and I explore the first steps to take when a diagnosis is received. If your spouse is suffering, and you are suffering because of their suffering, you are not alone, and there is hope. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com About my guest: Jessica Farmer is a certified life and marriage coaching helping women who have husbands with a mental illness. Helping women create confidence and connection with themselves and in their relationships, even with all the challenges that come up when there is a mental illness, is her passion. She is a mom to 4 kiddos and a puppy, loves hiking, running and biking around her home in Washington state, and loves traveling with her husband. You can find her at jessicafarmercoaching.com

We've all got expectations for our kids. We do so much for them, and ask for so little in return. It can't be that hard to do what you're supposed to, right? Keep up on homework, do chores when asked, be tidy.... In this episode I discuss the in's and out's of wanting our kids to be a certain way and what that actually creates for us. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Why do they do it? They shouldn't lie. Why can't they tell me the truth? They're making poor choices. How do I get them to stop lying? I need to fix this. Any of this sound familiar? You catch them in a lie and your brain spins out. It eventually lands on the hard truth that they can't be trusted and you've failed to teach them right from wrong. Then we attempt to parent them from this head space. Yikes. Buckle up, because in this episode I will be dropping all kinds of truth bombs and you will never look at your kids lying-McLie-mouth the same... in a very good way. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

You care about it. They don't. This is a recipe for certain disaster regardless of where the caring is mismatched, unless you know how to approach the situation. Good news! In this episode I will teach you exactly how to find the peace of mind you desire, regardless of their apathy. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

In this episode, Steve and I discuss how to best handle challenging religious conversations with our kids, specifically polygamy and racism in the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As parents, we want to help our kids understand both their religion, and how to talk about it in a healthy, open way. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com About my guest: Steven C. Harper is a professor of Church history and doctrine at Brigham Young University. In 2012 Steve was appointed as the managing historian and a general editor of Saints: The Story of the Church of Jesus Christ in the Latter Days. He was named editor in chief of BYU Studies Quarterly in September 2018. He served in the Canada Winnipeg Mission (1990-1991) and married Jennifer Sebring (1992). They graduated from BYU (1994). He earned an MA in American history from Utah State University, where his thesis analyzed determinants of conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the 1830s. Chapters were published in the Journal of Mormon History and Religion and American Culture and awarded by the Mormon History Association with the T. Edgar Lyon Award for best article of the year and the Juanita Brooks Award for the best graduate student paper. Steve earned a PhD in early American history from Lehigh University in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. He began teaching courses in religion and history at BYU Hawaii in 2000 and joined the Religious Education faculty at BYU in 2002. That year he also became a volume editor of The Joseph Smith Papers and the document editor for BYU Studies. He taught at the BYU Jerusalem Center for Near Eastern Studies in 2011–2012. His first book was Promised Land (Lehigh University Press, 2006), a study of Lenape or Delaware Indians' responses to a fraudulent 1737 land deal in colonial Pennsylvania. He also authored Making Sense of the Doctrine and Covenants (Deseret Book, 2008), Joseph Smith's First Vision (Deseret Book, 2012), and First Vision: Memory and Mormon Origins (Oxford University Press, 2019), along with dozens of articles.

Today I will discuss the skill of connecting with peers, and what friendship does and doesn't mean for us as parents. As a coach, clients come to me each week with their struggles. Friendship is a common one, and I want to share how this works with you, my amazing listener. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Let's go down the rabbit hole of all the things that we hate about our life, our kids, and everything else. Are you ready? Hold on, this episode is a wild ride that might just rock your world. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

In this episode, I will dispel the myth that love is the foundation of a good relationship. I will teach you what the actual foundation is that we all need in order to build love, trust, and connection on. It probably isn't what you'd think, but it makes perfect sense, and it will unlock your ability to more deeply connect with your teen. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

"I am broken." This phrase has been popping up all over the place for me, and I thought perhaps you might be hearing it right now as well. Whether you're the one saying it, your teen is, or someone else that you love, I am here to help you move through this unavoidable part of our human experience. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

There is a pattern within us, all around us, and we even think with it. Our subconscious is attracted to it and we are mesmerized by its beauty. It is the structure that our Heavenly Parents use to create all things. We even mimic it in our creations. In this episode I will teach you how to intentionally use this godly pattern to create all that you want in yourself and in your parenting. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com As mentioned in the episode, scriptural references can be found at https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures

Sometimes we want to keep our belief or we can't stop thinking a thought, so I like to turn it on its head. In this episode I teach you a coaching trick that is helpful with specific situations. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Common enough amongst parents, is the question- "Am I good enough, if I'm doing a good enough job as a parent, partner, family member," etc. With the new year upon us, many turn to new years resolutions, and I feel like this concern is compounded. I've got a few thoughts I'd like to share on this topic. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

"I see the problem, but how do I change it?" Is a common question I get in session, and I thought you might have the same one. We all have stories about our past, ourselves, and our family members, and these stories create the lens in which we view everyone... and then we act accordingly. Can you see what you are creating? Would you like to change it? To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

A nod to the classic Dickens, A Christmas Carol, in this episode I explore how our past, present, and future affect our parenting. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Setting rules for your family got your head in a mess? In this episode I not only go over how to create rules and stick to them, but why your teens push so hard against them- and why that's a beautiful thing. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

A difference of opinion can be a beautiful thing when certain principles are applied. If you can't see eye to eye with your partner in how to parent, this one's for you. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Always wanting more of something before you can feel better? Tired of chasing the proverbial carrot that always dangles just out of reach? Like you need to hurry to get your fair share? "If only she'd be nice to me once in awhile..." "Why doesn't my spouse have my back?!" "I never have enough time." Want to feel better right now? Stick around, because I've got the shortcut to loving your child, spouse, self, and life! To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

All or nothing thinking can be tricky, and today I will explore how this shows up in what we believe about ourselves and our kids. It's probably not what you think... To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Even in the rockiest of spots, we are meant to grow and thrive. Join me in this episode as I go through the exact process that helps you reach your full parenting potential in any situation. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Alexis and Chanté are two of my favorite voices on Instagram! Racism is an issue that affects all of us, and having conversations around it is a fantastic way to uplevel our parenting. Come and listen to our candid conversation around how to best help our families become anti-racist. About my guests: Vivacious sisters in Utah, Alexis and Chantè help to make our community a better place through education on race, diversity, and human connection. You can find them on Instagram @letstalk_sis

"What should I do?" is a common question that I am asked. The answer is the same every time. All roads lead to Christ. He is the perfect example and pure charity. We cannot go wrong when we pattern ourselves after HIm. In this episode we look to Him as parenting decisions are discussed. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

In this episode Gail and I have a fun conversation about how we both have come to a better understanding with who our children are and how little that actually has to do with us. Come and listen in as we both share how our different coaching approaches help in this lifelong endeavor. About my guest: Gail Swift is fiercely committed to guiding students and families to take action in their natural abilities. As a proven professional who can guide you to address how your child solves problems, the questions to motivate them, and their ideal career you've come to the right place. Gail's work has impacted lives, such as Brittany, a 15 yr. old with anxiety who believed that she was "not normal" when in fact, the way she worked was normal for her. And Taylor, who Gail worked with as a Senior to make sure she was spot on with her electives and internships in the zip code her school was in. What really excites Gail Swift about her work is knowing that every single student is created with a pattern of taking action that does not change over time. That pattern predicts their Path which leads to their purpose. Her expertise has been honored by being in the first group of Kolbe Youth Advocates in the world, appearances on Podcasts, Television segments, Educational stages and College open houses. Three unique things about Gail that might surprise you include: she loves watching her kids dance in the rain, takes a hike with her husband most Saturday mornings and will be at Everest Base Camp November of 2021! You can reach Gail via email, [email protected]

The most common way to solve for our feelings is to take action. We try to change the situation or our child. We make calls, have conversations, and can even get all mama bear... but is taking action the best way to solve for how we are feeling? Let's chat it over. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Despite the fact that nobody likes pain, it's one of my most popular talking points in sessions, the subject of my most liked and shared posts, and responded to email subjects. Per a very special client's direct request, I present to you an episode all about pain. Pain has many facets. When we understand them, we can better control our emotional pain. This doesn't mean that we will never be in pain again, but rather we can recognize when it's healing and when we are suffering needlessly. From this point, we can make conscious decisions about how to best help ourselves and our children. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

We think we know how they feel because we know how we would feel. We think we know what they'd do, because we know what we'd do. We think we know our kids next best move, because we know what our next best move would be in their situation. But the truth is, humans aren't great at mind reading and when we make assumptions it's not always helpful... so listen in, and let's talk about how we project onto our kids. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Having been the traditional stay at home mom for two decades, I know that being a mom is a full time job... and then I started my own business while going back to college part time. Next level stuff! If you can relate or want to understand, come and listen in as Aubin and I chat about all things working mom. About my guest: Aubin Palmer a life coach specifically for working mothers! She is passionate about helping women be amazing mothers and have the successful career they desire, too. She loves to help you be your authentic self in both, balancing your time for your individual schedule, and to know how to connect with your kids and family so the mom guilt can be gone for good. She has two little girls of her own and a third girl on the way. She worked for 8 years as a nurse before becoming a life coach and has experienced being a working mom both on the corporate level and entrepreneur side as well. She is certified at The Life Coach School. She offers 1:1 coaching and group programs. Contact her at website www.aubinpalmercoaching.com or on Instagram @aubinpalmercoaching

Of all the contradictions out there, the ones that make us the most crazy are the ones that are in our heads. Keeping our kids safe, but letting them learn. Loving them and disliking their choices. In this episode we deep dive into how this can not only be possible, but also amazing. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

It happens to the best of us. Mother-in-law makes a comment about our teen's attitude, husband doesn't like it when the house is a mess, bestie tells us why we're wrong... and then our brains begin to spin out of control. In this episode I will break down the mystery around this phenomenon and teach you how to let go of what others think. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

When life throws us a curveball, it can knock us off our feet. In this episode, Jeanette and I talk about her cancer diagnosis and how she navigated not only her thoughts and feelings, but was also a mother, publisher, and wife. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com About my guest: Jeanette Bennett is a magazine publisher, entrepreneur, community activist, mother and cancer survivor. Jeanette founded Utah Valley Magazine in 2000 and has added other magazine titles since then, including BusinessQ Magazine and Utah Valley Bride. Jeanette was named a Top Woman Entrepreneur in Media in 2018, alongside Martha Stewart who won the Lifetime Achievement Award. Jeanette has a master's and bachelor's degree in journalism and an Honorary Doctorate in Business. Jeanette is on the Board of Trustees for Utah Valley University and is the chair of Utah Philanthropy Day. Jeanette is a mother to five, mother-in-law to two, and a wife to one. She has fought thyroid cancer and is an ongoing patient at Huntsman Cancer Institute. She loves long walks and short lines at Swig. You can learn more at utahvalley360.com

The term "cookie-cutter" exists because our brains notice patterns and similarities. We like this, it comforts us with predictability. But what happens when our child doesn't "fit" the norm? In this episode, Minda and I have an honest and eye opening conversation about this very thing. Minda is stepping into the unknown and parenting radically. About my guest: Minda spent her entire twenties and thirties trying to change people, but in the end she realized she was miserable and needed a nap. That's when she witnessed the magic of hiring a life coach. Someone who could help her recognize her blind spots, as well as help her reshape every relationship in her life. As a relationship expert, Minda loves to teach women how to transform their toughest relationships with the females they're related to. To learn more, please visit minda at www.allinlifecoach.com

By request, here are some practical tips and tricks for all of the back to school feels. I love you, my listener, and am so excited to support you and your teens going into the next school year. xoxo To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

So much fun to chat with Joey all about launching our kids out into the great wide open. Come check it out. You can find Joey on instagram @joey_firmlyfoundedcoaching To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

We humans like to tell other people (like or kids, spouse, friends) that they make us feel all the feels- love, acceptance, shame, fear, overwhelm.... But this line of thinking is false and even destructive at times. In this episode I'll explain all of the nuance around emotional blame. To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Sometimes talking to them can seem like talking to a brick wall... but what is really going on? To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com

Ah, that special feeling when your brain tells you that you bombed because of something you did or didn't do. Enter, mom guilt. In this episode, Lisa and I break down what mom guilt is, common reasons we experience it, and how to overcome it. If you've ever felt like a failure as a parent, this one's for you. About my guest: Hi, I am Lisa Richards. I have been an esthetician for over 20 years. I believe good skincare is for everybody. I started SkinBoss in 2016, working out of a salon in Orem, Utah. In November 2019, I opened the SkinBoss Skin Spa in Provo, Utah. My husband and I have four children ranging in ages from 7 to 17. Needless to say, every day brings a range of emotions, both from kids AND parents. In my spare time, I like to read, shop online and get away from it all in nature… or a hotel pool. You can find me at www.SkinBoss.care To learn more about working with me, please visit heatherfrazier.com