No One Can Know About This: A Podcast Where We Play Every Final Fantasy

We finally make it to Rocket Town and find the most belligerent spaceship captain you could imagine! Why is he so mean? His dreams were crushed. But he was mean before that too. Anyway, we take off in the Tiny Bronco but get shot down and land in the water. Good thing this airboat floats! Listen to Daniel K’s Let’s plays! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-ks-lets-plays/id1247263511?mt=2 T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We make it to Nibelheim and it’s not burned down! We get an invitation to the reunion, so we go into the Shinra mansion and start trying to figure out how to open a safe. Then we look in the basement and find a vampire? Is he a vampire or was he just asleep for 5 years? And where is the reunion anyway? It’s not at the top of the mountain?? It’s not… at the place we were all at together 5 years ago? T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Cosmo Canyon, where the secrets of the universe are kept! We meet Bugenhagen, and he teaches us all about Red XIII’s past. Apparently Red’s name was actually Nanaki, and he’s a very old child. His father was a wastrel! Or was he?! Get ready for some TM! T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We find the town of Gongaga, meet the Turks again and find out who they’re shipping for, then finally make it to Cosmo Canyon before ending the night. But wait, there’s more! Join us for breakfast the following morning too! Listen to Daniel K’s Let’s plays! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-ks-lets-plays/id1247263511?mt=2 T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Continuing the exploration of the Gold Saucer, we fall deep into a gambling addiction cycle, and eventually get blamed for a massacre. So we get thrown into Corel prison, where Barret has some demons to settle. Demons named Dyne. T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We make it to the Gold Saucer, but don’t have enough money to get in, so it’s grind time. Then we begin the exploration of this ridiculous casino, learning a bit about Barret’s past, meeting a cat riding a Moogle, and playing an arcade game about Moogle reproduction! T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’re in disguise as Shinra naval officers, hitching a ride to the new world. But Sephiroth or his ghost or something shows up and we have to fight his mom’s arm? Anyway, we make it to beautiful Costa Del Sol and enjoy a wonderful town walkabout. Listen to Daniel K’s Let’s plays! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-ks-lets-plays/id1247263511?mt=2 T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to an intermission. Come eat Sloppy Joe’s with us. It’s a delicious meat sludge! We also discuss the game experience so far, what humanity is up to, and remember a Rodney Dangerfield movie that apparently never existed. T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We finally make it to Junon, a two tier city with poor people on the bottom and military on top. Cloud makes Mr. Dolphin jump for him after performing CPR on a little girl. Then we make it to the parade just in time to mess it all up. T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

After making it through the cave and saying hello to the Turks, we discover a tower with a giant bird on top. What is this place? Why do they need our money? Can we help them? Hang on a second… we need to go grind in the woods. Listen to Daniel K’s Let’s plays! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-ks-lets-plays/id1247263511?mt=2 T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A new day dawns with a jarring children’s music video that will set the tone for the morning. We eat an extremely unhealthy breakfast, do the dishes, and then get down to business. Can we catch a chicken? What vegetable is the best? Is ChocoBilly a scam artist? The answers to all of these questions are unclear! T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s time for the big flashback that explains what this game is all about. Cloud and Sephiroth are in Nibelheim, and Tifa is going to guide them up the mountain to a reactor. But when Sephiroth finds a library full of forbidden knowledge, plans change, and Seph chooses to free Jenova and take over the world or something. So he burns down the village and Cloud goes to confront him. And that’s the end of the story! I’m sure that’s all there is to it too… T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We find the President of Shinra Incorporated is dead! But his son is taking over and he’s even worse. So we escape the building on a motorcycle and a minivan, and finally breathe fresh air for the first time in this game. Listen to Daniel K’s Let’s plays! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-ks-lets-plays/id1247263511?mt=2 T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We make our way up through the frustrating puzzle floors of the Shinra building. Who would build a place like this? Working here must suck. Anyway, we eventually find Hojo’s “experiment” on Aeris, and meet Red XIII. T-shirts and mugs: http://etsy.com/shop/nockatEmail: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s time to make the big climb from the bottom of society to the absolute top. Can we jump to a bar? Will these stairs ever end? Can we make it to the top? GIVE ME A KEYCARD! Listen to Daniel K’s Let’s plays! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-ks-lets-plays/id1247263511?mt=2 Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s time to dress Cloud up as a woman and con our way into a “dilettante’s” bedroom. But he’s one step ahead of us with a trap door that leads to a sewer. So we pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and try to stop the Turks from dropping a giant metal plate on the slums. Will we succeed? Find out this week! Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Let’s go grocery shopping and eat breakfast, then start the game! Aeris’s mom wants us to ghost her, so we try to sneak past her bedroom at night… but she catches up to us anyway. We walk through a junkyard, meet a guy who are sick, and finally make it to Wall Market. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We wake up and head to Final Fantasy school to learn all about save points. Then we blow up another Mako reactor, meet President Shinra, and fight his floor buffer. After that Cloud falls off a bridge, slams through a church roof, and lands directly in Aeris’s heart. Listen to Daniel K’s Let’s plays! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/daniel-ks-lets-plays/id1247263511?mt=2 Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The epic adventure of Final Fantasy VII begins in a dark cyberpunk city controlled by an evil energy company. Can our group of terrorists blow up their oil rigs? Or will this game be too difficult to navigate? Is that a place we can go? WHERE IS CLOUD ON THIS SCREEN?!? Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get ready for Final Fantasy VII! Come pregame with us and get drunk on excitement, as we embark on the journey to the journey. We’ll discuss our knowledge of the game going into it, what the plan for the season is, and what foods we should make. Settle in with us, as we drive up to the cabin and prepare for the epic adventure that is Final Fantasy VII. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Part 2 of the season finale! It’s time to fix the world, defeat this nihilist clown, and reach resolution! Then we look back and take stock of this insane, epic experience that was Final Fantasy VI. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s part 1 of the season finale! We have a final meal before the final dungeon, and then get down to business. But then we remember there’s one last thing to do, so we give ourselves blue balls and finish Strago’s story, before finally, properly, getting down to business. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Deep into clean up, we’re finally ready to take on the Magic Tower for real. But first we meet Duncan, a guy we thought was dead. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s the big Shadow episode! Will he dream? Are there two Shadows? Or is he just a terrible father? All will be explored! Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Get ready to watch auction after auction after auction. Then we do Owzer’s house of nonsense. Then it’s time to take on the Magic Tower, but are we really ready for that? No, we’re not. But that doesn’t stop us from learning that life is good because it sucks. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We get all geared up to go do the Magic Tower, but end up sidetracked by accidentally entering the Phoenix Cave. So we get Locke back in the party, and head down under the Figaro Desert, looking for our 100,000 dollar clues. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On a search for things shaped like dragons, we get sucked into some kind of butthole, which spits us into some kind of cave dungeon. So we explore it and find Gogo. Then it’s time for My Fair Gau, or Pygmalian with Gau… however you want to put it. After that, we entice the Dream Stooges to jump into Cyan’s brain, so we follow them in and try to fix a man who can never be forgiven. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Come on everyone, it’s time for clotted cream, catfishing, magic towers, moogles, sasquatches and more! Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We enter Figaro Castle and clear out the tentacle monster they had gunking up the engine. Then we find Setzer, who takes us on a very unexpected journey into Darryl’s Tomb. We find actual evidence of personal growth, but who cares about that cause WE GOT A NEW AIRSHIIIIIP!! Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We hope you like Star Trek, cause we wind up on a big diversion about the implications of the replicator this week. We try to find some Final Fantasy to hold onto though, running into Terra, some orphans, and that big bully Phunbaba. Also we meet some guy named Gerad. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The world has been destroyed, so it’s time to feed an old man some fish. The nightmare ends in tragedy, but the dream now begins. Locke’s alive? Sabin’s alive? Everyone’s fine? We try to save a child from a “collapsing” building, but just can’t escape the fate of the jagged beach. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the floating continent, where Kefka’s plans are finally falling into place. The statues are out of alignment! We must run quickly! Is there time to wait for your friends? Finally find out this week! Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s time to go to the floating continent, so of course we do anything and everything but that. We finish sending letters, find a weird island with an encounter we’ll never forget, and then eventually decide to do our duty. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We meet Strago and Relm, who are living in a town of definitely not wizards. We learn all about fires and the effectiveness of Flames B. Gone. Then we find the images of THE statues, fight an old friend again, and learn how to paint. Then Kefka finally reveals his plans and floats a continent into the sky. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We ask questions about the mail, have a conversation that should only be had in college, and eat Emperor Gestahl’s Big Goofy Dinner! Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s the ultimate flashback episode, as we find out all about Terra’s conception. Then we formulate a new plan, but run into trouble when we can’t decide if a word map is better than a dot map. Eventually we open the sealed gate. Also, plazas.Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A new day dawns and it’s time to go to the Magitek research facility to get wayyyy too many espers. We meet Cid, learn about one way elevators, and end up on a siezurescape minecart ride that we’ll never forget.Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’ve put on our finest cause it’s time for the Opera! Celes looks just like Maria, so she’s in for an adventure of trying to remember her lines while Locke cries from the balcony. After learning about so many of our characters dark pasts, we finally learn about Jeff’s dark past, and an experience with hubris that he quickly forgot.Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We start the No One Can Know About This time capsule as we enter Zozo, the poor town where everyone is a liar. We learn about a movie pitch that will sadly never be, we find Terra, and we work to solve a clock puzzle that almost destroys us. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We finally finish the choose your own adventure chapter, which leads to a “decisive battle” in a pachinko machine. We fight way too many guards, beat Kefka for the first time, and then try aimlessly to see if a cutscene exists. Then it turns into a flashback episode as we start to learn about our various dark pasts! Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We finally pick up where we left off and try to make it to Narshe with Cyan and Sabin, but end up on a ghost train adventure that ends in sadness. Then we jump off a waterfall and meet a feral child, while Jeff starts reading an epically long article… Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s the “Found” episode of No One Can Know About This! After learning we had lost all the audio from the last two episodes (which, as YOU are aware, didn’t end up happening), we start the game over. But first we regroup and reorient by going out for clotted cream ingredients and new types of banana. Come hang out with us for the most unusual episode of the series so far. And by the end, we’re back to where we left off!Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s the choose your own adventure chapter, and we start off with Locke infiltrating Narshe, stealing clothes and Old Man Cider. Then we meet Cyan, and fail to stop his castle from being poisoned. Then we make a discovery that will reverberate throughout the rest of the season.Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We go find Edgar’s twin brother Sabin, and defeat his biggest karate rival for him. We also have fun with mouth feel.Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We enter Figaro Castle and learn it’s equipped with the most modern technology in the world, but not the technology you’d think! Then we meet Kefka and he sets the castle on fire. After that, it's time to escape and go find Edgar’s twin brother Sabin, but all we discover is his dirty dishes.Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jeff and Ryan embark on their longest, most drawn out journey yet: playing Final Fantasy VI. The adventure begins, and we meet a magic girl named Terra, who is wearing the most horrifying and powerful item that could possibly exist in the world. We explore Narshe, fight some were-rats, discover an esper, meet “The Returners”, and sacrifice some Moogles. A lot happens in this episode, and yet, we have only BARELY started this game.Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A preview of the upcoming season of No One Can Know About This, where we played the beloved SNES classic "Final Fantasy VI", formerly known in America as "Final Fantasy III". Email: [email protected] @NOCKATpodcast patreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Part 2 of the season finale! It’s a day later, and we’ve regrouped, ready to actually complete this game. After a quick last tour of the world and a surprise extra boss fight, we destroy the hatred that lives inside men (mostly) and take stock of the experience that was Final Fantasy IV. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It’s part 1 of the season finale, and we couldn’t be in worse shape. But we enter the final boss battle anyway, and learn some lessons that we’ll probably forget. This episode starts when it was around 8am. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the beginning of the episodes that shouldn’t have been. We go HAM on the final dungeon... or maybe it goes HAM on us. Either way, this is the penultimate episode of the season. Email: [email protected]@NOCKATpodcastpatreon.com/nockat Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.