Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships

Welcome to another Q&A episode where we answer some questions posed by our lovely listeners! Today we're discussing different levels of sexual attraction among various partners, what to do when a relationship seems like it's going TOO well, and how to communicate to a partner that you want to shift away from hierarchy. If you want your question answered on a future episode, consider joining our awesome community at multiamory.com/join!Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dan Savage joins us today to talk about love, sex, non-monogamy, commitment, and much, much more! Dan Savage is a sex-advice columnist, a podcaster, an author, and has appeared on numerous television shows.“Savage Love,” Dan’s sex-advice column, first appeared in The Stranger, Seattle’s alternative weekly, in 1991. The column is now syndicated worldwide. Dan has published seven books.In 2006, Dan launched the Savage Lovecast, a weekly, call-in, sex advice podcast. It has 600,000 unique monthly downloads and 20,000 paying subscribers for premium “Magnum” content. It ranks consistently in the top ten Sexuality podcasts on Apple Podcasts.He created and curates the HUMP! Film Festival, a sex-positive showcase of dirty short films, now in its 18th year. HUMP! has become a national phenomenon selling tens of thousands of tickets, screening in over 50 cities across the United States and Canada and streaming worldwide.In 2010 Dan and his husband Terry Miller founded the It Gets Better Project. The IGBP has gathered tens of thousands of videos from people all over the world offering hope to LGBT kids. The book—It Gets Better: Coming Out, Overcoming Bullying, and Creating a Life Worth Living—was a New York Times best seller. In 2012 the It Gets Better Project was awarded an Emmy.Dan’s graphic, pragmatic, and humorous advice has changed the cultural conversation about sex, monogamy, gay rights, religiosity, and politics.Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎉 Big Announcement 🎉As some of you have already heard, we’re making the big transition from Patreon to Supercast. This move has been 2 years in the making, and we’re so happy that we can finally make the switch in order to make our supporters’ experience even better. Here are the most important things to know about the switch:We’re now officially sliding scale. That means ✨ ALL benefits for ALL tiers! ✨Choose the monthly amount that works for your financial reality, get access to everything:• Private Discord server & FB group• Ad-free & early-release episodes• Monthly video discussion and processing groups• Priority submission for Q&As and AMAs• Early & discounted live event and workshop access• Invites to supporter-only pop-ups and in-person hangouts• Discounts on Dedeker's online courseAdditionally, Supercast has enabled us to offer new features including:🎁 The ability to gift membership (just in time for the holiday season)💰 One-off donations if you’re not interested in subscribing full time🆓 Financial assistance options – if you’re having a tighter month, you can fill out our financial accessibility form at any time to get an automated promo code that will unlock reduced or free membership. This is no questions asked, and you can use the form as many times as you need.More information, FAQs, and sliding scale guidelines at http://www.multiamory.com/joinJoin our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we're celebrating 500 episodes of Multiamory! Ten years after the first episode, we're telling the story of the beginning of the podcast, revisiting topics from episode 1, and talking about the exciting future of the show. Visit multiamory.com/join to become part of our amazing community!Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're joined by writer Andrea Zanin to talk about their upcoming books. Andrea Zanin, MA, is a white, nonbinary, middle-aged queer whose writing focuses on queer sex, nonmonogamy and BDSM/Leather. They have written for the Globe and Mail, The Tyee, Bitch, Ms., Xtra, IN Magazine, Outlooks Magazine and the Montreal Mirror. Their scholarly work, fiction and essays appear in a variety of collections, and they are the author of Post-Nonmonogamy and Beyond and, with Eve Rickert, the co-author of More Than Two, Second Edition: Cultivating Nonmonogamous Relationships with Kindness and Integrity. Andrea blogs sporadically at sexgeek.wordpress.com, where they created the ten rules for happy nonmonogamy and coined the term “polynormativity.”Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode is another Q&A! We'll be answering Patreon questions about whether or not your first relationship should be a non-monogamous one, dealing with a partner's NRE with someone else, and if it's possible to limit one's expansion of feelings for another. If you'd like your question answered on a future Q&A episode, consider becoming a member of our Patreon community! Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do if you can't stand the people your partner dates or dislike how they date? Today, we're discussing all the different ways these situations can play out, any research available about the topic, and how you can get to the crux of what's really going on, along with ways to cope with it. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rachel Krantz is back to talk about her experience with monogamy after being non-monogamous. Rachel is a journalist and the author of OPEN: One Woman's Journey Through Love and Polyamory. She was the namer of Bustle, and one of its three founding editors. She’s the recipient of the Robert F. Kennedy Journalism Award, the Investigative Reporters and Editors Radio Award, the Peabody Award, and the Edward R. Murrow Award. You can follow her on Instagram @rachelkrantz, and subscribe to her podcast, Help Existing, wherever you get your podcasts. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For today's episode, we're examining anger from a slightly different perspective: how it relates to anxiety and vulnerability in your relationships. We're going to be talking about the science behind why anger and anxiety are often closely linked, debunking common myths about what these emotions look like in relationships, and giving you practical tools to break free from the cycle of reactivity. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're back with another Q&A episode in which we discuss one penis policies, labels and identities, and intimate friendships. If you want one of your questions answered on an upcoming episode, consider joining our Patreon community at www.patreon.com/multiamory! Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.supercast.com. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community.Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're discussing the relationship escalator, which is often criticized in non-monogamous spaces. However, some non-monogamous folks may want the same milestones and journey that the relationship escalator provides, so today we're talking about what can happen if you're someone who wants to move up the escalator with a partner or partners. We'll be going over some pros and cons of the relationship escalator, some research about how quickly people tend to escalate in relationships, and how to navigate your journey if the relationship escalator is something you want in your life. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're diving into workaholism and its effect on relationships. A lot of us in western (American) culture pride ourselves on working hard and never taking a break, but how effective is this mentality, really? Often, things like our relationships may suffer without a healthy work/life balance, and so today we'll be discussing why some of us work so hard and so much, some habits to look out for that may be causing more harm than good, and how to shift workaholic tendencies so your relationships can thrive. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're welcoming guest Owen Ever to the show to discuss insights they have learned from researching the animal queendom's social-sexual dynamics. Ever is a community-oriented artist and educator committed to wonder, history and healthcare justice. They were previously a curator and historian at the New Orleans Pharmacy Museum, worked in HIV support and prevention at a community clinic and were a research associate with the CDC's national HIV behavioral health survey. They are a theatre maker, therapeutic medical clown and find queer joy in birdwatching.Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're back with another full-length Q&A episode where we answer questions from our Patreon supporters. Today we'll be discussing cPTSD and over-analyzing, resources for polyamory support, and non-hierarchical polyamory and plus ones. If you'd like your question answered on the next Q&A episode, consider joining our Patreon community! Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're very excited to be showcasing an episode from our good friend Libby Sinback's podcast, Making Polyamory Work. In this episode, she's discussing unmet needs in polyamorous relationships from multiple angles. Libby Sinback is a queer, polyamorous mom, the host of the podcast Making Polyamory Work and a coach for people who want extraordinary relationships while choosing to live and love outside the status quo. She is certified in Relational Life Therapy, and has coached hundreds of people in breaking their unhelpful relationship patterns so that they can have happier, more nourishing love in their life. Libby believes love is why we're here, and how we heal.Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're excited to be joined by Brett Chamberlin from OPEN! Brett (he/him) is a social impact organizer with over a decade of leadership experience building a more just and joyous future. He is the founder and Executive Director of OPEN, the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy. Prior to launching OPEN, Brett worked in the environmental movement as the Director of Community Engagement at The Story of Stuff Project and the co-founder of the Post Landfill Action Network. He lives in the California Bay Area.We'll be chatting with Brett about progress for non-monogamous folks over the past few years, from securing rights to overall awareness of non-monogamy as a relationship style. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, join us for a hopeful discussion about depression! We'll be sharing some personal anecdotes, some research about depression, and some tips for dealing with depression when you or your partner are experiencing bad mental health episodes. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're talking about friendship, love, and romance with Rhaina Cohen. Rhaina is the author of the bestselling book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center. She's an award-winning producer and editor for NPR's documentary podcast Embedded. And she's written about social connection and policy for The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post and other outlets.Find her on Instagram @rhainacohen, or her newsletter here. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're back with another full-length Q&A episode answering questions from our supporters on Patreon. For today's episode, we'll be discussing what to do when you're in love with someone who hasn't disclosed that you're in love to their nesting partner, getting clarity on why you might want additional partners, and how to stay friends with an ex who has hurt you badly in the past. If you'd like your question answered on the show, consider joining our Patreon! Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, Dr. Marie Thouin is back to talk about compersion and her new book on the subject.Dr. Marie Thouin is a Mindful Dating & Relationship Coach who supports people of all backgrounds and relational orientations to create intentional and vibrant love lives. She is a leading expert on the topic of compersion and the author of the groundbreaking book, "What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships.” Marie has published seminal research studies, the first-ever encyclopedia entry on compersion, and is the creator of www.WhatIsCompersion.com, a popular website that features her research, blogs, and other resources on compersion. She has been featured in several magazines and podcasts, including ELLE, the Savage Lovecast, and Multiamory.Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, we're talking about fear, specifically how it can affect our relationships and what happens when we lead with fear. We're going to discuss fear and what it means to lead with it in a relationship, as well as some ways we can consciously move away from being led by fear to have happier, more fulfilling connections. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join us today for a very special discussion with Todd Baratz! Todd is a renowned psychotherapist and sex therapist whose innovative approach to mental health and relationships has established him as a leading figure in his field. In addition to his clinical practice, Baratz is a prolific writer and speaker. His insights are regularly featured in various media outlets, where he discusses topics ranging from romantic relationships to individual mental wellness. He lives in New York City and Los Angeles. Learn more on Instagram under his handle @YourDiagnonsense. Visit his website at toddbaratz.com and to order his new book, How to Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind.Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're talking about insecurities, which all of us have in one way or another, and whose responsibility it is to alleviate them. A lot of us are unsure whether it's our own personal work to do or something to work on together with a partner. Therefore, today we'll be discussing the difference between personal insecurities and relationship insecurities, looking at what the science says about trying to manage a partner’s insecurities, and how to create a sense of greater security both in yourself and in your relationships.Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we have a throwback episode going back six years ago to when we discussed three powerful communication tools to strengthen your relationships: switchtracking, bids, and microscripts. We're going to explore each of these concepts, provide examples of each, and talk about some practical and actionable tips to help you use them to foster better communication in your relationships.Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week we're talking about breaking up again, specifically about the process of grieving a breakup through the lens of the five stages of grief. Long relationships in particular can have difficult breakups and it can be hard to know where to turn. We're going to explore the stages of grief, healing, and recovery, and hope our musings can be helpful for people going through hard breakups. Join our amazing community of listeners at multiamory.com/join. We offer sliding scale subscriptions so everyone can also get access to ad-free episodes, group video discussions, and our amazing Discord community. Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack.Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand.Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com. We are a proud member of the Pleasure Podcasts network. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices