Millennial: Pretend Adulting, Real Talk

We kick off this week’s episode by reviewing Detective Pikachu and Long Shot, and bitching about Game of Thrones Season 8 Episode 5. We then quickly transition to prank calling Andrew’s scammer. In NOT NORMAL News, Trump thinks he should get an extension on his abysmal first term, and Lindsey Graham supplies the excellent judicial advice of ignoring a subpoena. AP Choice has us considering whether we’d adopt a plant-based diet, heartbeat bills, and how to remove our data from Google. During Surprise Bitch! we play a game that’s trending online with listener Danielle. Good luck with those highlights, girl! Think of your daughters before naming them Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lady of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm, Lady of Dragonstone, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons. The Intergovernmental Panel on climate change completed a study that examined attitudes towards perceptions of international threats in 26 countries. If we enter the next ice age, will lenders track down our iced corpses demanding repayment? Probably. Farmer Pat is back to tell us about another food marketing scheme: organic foods. Organic produce is no better or worse than conventional produce, but organic meats have been found to have higher levels of trans-fats. In recommendations, we reveal our age. RIP. This week’s episode is sponsored by BioClarity (https://www.bioclarity.com and enter code MIL for 40% off skincare routines and 15% off everything else on their site) and Myro (https://www.mymyro.com/mill and enter code mill for 50% off your first order and to get started for just $5). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: We provide an in-depth, spoiler-ridden review of Game of Thrones, Season 8 Episode 5. Which parts of the episode did we find most frustrating? We cover the frustration seen online in response to what many perceive as a rushed ending. What other shows have started out strong and ended weak? Do fans expect too much, and are we spoiled to expect anything more than what we’ve been given? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need a pick-me-up after the latest Game of Thrones? We can make you laugh through the pain! Andrew reveals he’s been the victim of a financial scam, and Laura immediately begins plotting ways to burn the scammer’s life down. In dysfunctional democracy news, Robert Mueller calls out Attorney General Bill Barr for mischaracterizing the findings of the Mueller Report. You don’t say?! Are we hypocrites when it comes to Amazon? Yes. Will we continue ordering from them? Also yes. A new confessional has us wondering how a long-distance Dallas-Singapore relationship might work. Sonic the Hedgehog’s CG look in the upcoming film adaption has us shook (not in the good way). Youtube singer ~Alex~ Austin Jones was sentenced to 10 years in prison for being a fucking pervert. At least he doesn’t need instruments to sing a capella behind bars? Facebook Official Patron and official Norwegian correspondent Amalie joins us to talk right-wing populism in Europe. To what extent have the US and UK influenced this shift? Why do people have such short memories for fascism? All this and more in this in-depth discussion, which sheds light on international perspectives. This week’s episode is sponsored by Harry’s (https://www.harrys.com/mill to get your $13 value trial set) and HoneyBook (https://www.HoneyBook.com and use promo code MILL to get 50% off your first year). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: We hear a lot about the student debt crisis and climate change, but what are the issues facing our generation we’d like to see more coverage of? Many baby boomers are not prepared for retirement, and experts suggest their millennial children will be footing the bill to subsidize their twilight years. To top it off, 66% of millennials have not begun saving for retirement. What are we doing (or not doing) to prepare? Is this financial uncertainty linked to increasing rates of depression amongst millennials? Our Lexapro says, “yes.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• Deep in your feelings about Avengers: Endgame and Game of Thrones? #Millennial is here to share in those tears with some spoiler-free reviews! • The hosts are so low on hope for our democracy they start suggesting lunch food items for President. • Shut up and take our money: Amazon is ramping up free 1-day shipping with Prime in the US. Will we become even bigger shut ins? Most likely. Are we okay with that? Mostly. • “Old man yells at cloud” update: Spielberg’s plan to block Netflix from competing for Best Picture at the Oscars has been foiled. • Indie studios and filmmakers of color are also benefitting from Spielberg’s loss. • A new study from Pew Research Center, “How Americans use Twitter” gets The Number treatment. The tables turn when we ask Laura to guess her own numbers. • Laura announces she’s going to write her letters to $10 Patrons under the green influence. Get ready for some #stonerthoughts • This week’s episode is sponsored by Rothy’s (https://www.rothys.com/mill) and FabFitFun (https://www.fabfitfun.com and enter code MILL for $10 off your first box). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: • Celebrities getting increasingly defensive about critical feedback and throwing bloggers, reviewers, and journalists under the bus. • We relive the moment when #Millennial’s daddy Hypable got put on blast by one of our favorites. #Wormtaily • How do we respond to criticism? Not like little bitch babies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy 420! HE IS RISEN! Blaze it if you praise him (okay we’re done). We're all getting ready for Avengers: Endgame, and Marc and Laura are thinking of cheating on their friends. Queen Bey blessed us all by dropping Homecoming on Netflix. We’re ready to bow down - are you? Laura is around 100 pages into the Mueller Report and has some lesser-reported deets. What would YOU do if you got a phone call in Russian on election night? If your selfie has no visible likes on Instagram, how will you determine your self-worth? Twitter and Instagram are testing hiding like counts from their audiences. To VR or not to VR? Sony’s PS5 to be modular and VR-focussed, while Xbox and Google are banking on streaming. Our official gaming correspondent Marc weighs in. Netflix harkens back to simpler times by testing a feature that will play a random episode of a popular show. Visit Patreon.com/Millennial and pledge at $2+ for lots of new content, including a bonus show in which we discuss at-home privacy versus an open digital presence. This week’s episode is sponsored by OpenFit (text code MIL to 303030 for an extended 30-day free trial membership), Robinhood (get a FREE stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint), and Away (use promo code MILL for $20 off a suitcase). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: It’s a Surprise Bitch-a-palooza! We call a few of our supporters and chat about life and answer your burning questions. We share our memories of celebrating Easter as children. It was -- and still is -- all about the chocolate. Oops: we woke up Greg in Singapore at 3 am. Don’t worry - we sang him a lullaby to put him back to sleep. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• File your taxes and hand over your cash to Uncle Sam - #Millennial is here to help ease your tax woes! • This episode was recorded as coverage of the Notre Dame Cathedral was active. Since recording, we’ve learned that the damage, while horrifying, was not as bad as it could have been. • Keep an eye out for a BREAKING NEWS segment coming soon for $10 Patrons with coverage of the redacted Mueller Report. • Are you not entertained?! Disney+ rolling out for $6.99/month, Star Wars Celebration, and Netflix makes kind of a weird flex. • We’d be remiss if we didn’t cover the season 8 premiere of Game of Thrones. #TeamGendrya #Icybois4lyfe • Pat’s GMO discussion from last week brings up some strong listener feedback, and we get a small correction on gluten intolerances (our bad). • Listener and Patron Sara joins us this week, and her chosen discussion topic is cannabis, maaaaaan. • Sara is a strong believer in cannabis, and uses it frequently. How does this help her? Will she get down in the weeds (heh heh) with her kids when they’re older? • The panel shares some of their favorite (and least-favorite) marijuana experiences. Sara explains why Andrew should definitely smoke Indicas and NOT Sativas. •This week’s episode is sponsored by BioClarity (https://www.bioclarity.com and enter code MIL for 40% off your first skincare routine and 15% off everything else), ZipRecruiter (https://www.ziprecruiter.com/millennial to try ZipRecruiter for FREE), and HoneyBook (https://www.honeybook.com and enter code MILL for 50% off your first year of HoneyBook). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available at Patreon.com/Millennial: • 'Andrew Sims and the Loud Ass Pipes from Hell' update. • The US is facing a potential measles outbreak because of… you guessed it… increasing levels of non-vaccinated idiots. • Are we at a point where religious exemptions from vaccines should no longer be allowed? • Should the US require that international travelers be vaccinated against the “big bads” like MMR and Polio? • This branches into a discussion on old wives’ tales, and Andrew is shook to learn that a long-held belief is actually false. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need something to take your mind off filing taxes? Andrew’s pipes are haunted! Pat and Laura enjoy yelling at miscreants in movie theaters. Keep an eye out for an episode of BREAKING NEWS: Mueller Report edition. Farmer Pat educates us about GMOs and the food industry creating a new fad to rip us off. Can Country music have Rap elements? Pam covers Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road,” which was #1 on Billboard’s Country chart… until Billboard decided it wasn’t Country enough. The panel has some disagreements about what qualifies as Country music. Imagine a trip to the idyllic Irish countryside: a quaint Airbnb with your family and… a hidden camera in the living room? What safety and security measures are we okay with Airbnb hosts taking? This week’s episode is sponsored by ForHers (get your first month of birth control for only $5), Robinhood (for a FREE stock like Apple, Sprint, or Ford), and Harry’s (get your $13 value trial set). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: A University of South Carolina student was murdered after she mistakenly entered a car, thinking it was her Uber. This prompts us to wonder… How do we make sure we’re getting in the right car when we order an Uber? What measures do we take to make sure we’re safe during and after our ride? What things did we do in our youth that could have gotten us harmed (or worse)? Laura recounts the time she went on a date with a taxi driver. Yes, she’s serious. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Millennial is here! We may not know a lot, but we do know there is only one country called “Mexico.” Andrew and Pat spent their weekend with self-driving cars and flying elephants after being underwhelmed by Apple’s latest product announcements. “YOU get an Oprah and YOU get an Oprah. EVERYBODY GETS AN OPRAHHH!” We’ll have the redacted version of the Mueller Report by mid-April. ~No pee pee in this report!~ Joe Biden’s touching problem: when does grandfatherly affection cross the line? LPT: Don’t touch people you don’t know. In this week’s Mailbag, teachers and students sound off: it turns out shooting people with pellets during active shooter training isn’t just an Indiana thing. Because it’s April Fools’ Day, we give credit where credit is due to Trump on banning bump stocks. (Now if only he’d ban himself.) The AP Stylebook has been updated to give journalists a YUGE TL;DR: If it’s racist, just call it racist. The Russian government continues to experiment with election tampering in Ukraine this week by (we’re not kidding) buying people’s personal Facebook accounts to spread misinformation. The panel discusses what offer we’d be willing to accept for our social accounts. This week’s episode is sponsored by Rothy’s (https://www.rothys.com and enter code MILL for free shipping with no minimum purchase), Policy Genius (https://www.policygenius.com) and OpenFit (text code MIL to 303030 for an extended 30-day FREE trial membership). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Music creators and lyricists are feeling the burn of plagiarism accusations - we listen to a couple of tracks and their alleged inspirations to weigh in. Where is the difference between inspiration and plagiarism? Wait, artists can sample from each other if they want to lift a beat for their own work? Are there really any “new” ideas, beats, or sounds? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

DISCLAIMER: This episode of #Millennial was recorded prior to the release of Attorney General Bill Barr’s summation of the Mueller report. That said, check out our latest installment of BREAKING NEWS on Patreon for our analysis! Got Mueller Report hangover? Never fear! #Millennial is here! This week’s guest is Jule, our new #Millennial social media manager! Andrew somehow enjoys getting fillings and brags about having a dentist with a freakin' massage chair. "Pam" / Marc also joins us this week to provide a run-down of which MCU movies we should binge before Avengers: Endgame. You can see his full slideshow (complete with reasoning for the movie order) over at Patreon! AP Choice covers our favorite snacks, summer drinks, comics, and dickish friends. In the news: Helicopter parents are still managing their adult children’s schedules and an Indiana elementary school shoots its teachers execution style with pellets. New show game alert: What The Trend: Florida Man edition. We wrap the show by discussing toilet habits and discover a rift between Laura and Marc over bathroom habits. No, we’re not kidding. This week’s episode is sponsored by Robinhood (Get a FREE stock like Apple, Sprint, or Ford), HoneyBook (Enter code MILL for 50% off your first year), and FabFitFun (Enter code MILL to get $10 off your first FabFitFun box). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: We’re back with another Pew Research quiz: can we correctly identify factual and opinion statements? Pew administered this quiz to Americans to see how good they are at recognizing fake news. Not shockingly, they’re pretty bad at it. We fess up about what fake news headlines have fooled us in the past, and provide our favorite tips and tricks for verifying that the news we’re sharing is indeed real. Fake news isn’t just a politics problem - we dive into all the ways in which fake news infiltrates all aspects of life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trump is “something from a cold McRib” according to this week’s guest. We’re going to get along great! Andrew provides some native advertising for Disney, Laura submits a dog surgery claim, and #Millennial was ranked #8 on Feedspot’s “Top 20 Millennial Podcasts on the web.” #blessed Our social media lives! Long-time listener Jule has taken the reigns on the #Millennial social accounts, so you can stop staring at posts from 2016. We’re joined by #Millennial listener Kearstyn, who talks with us about asexuality and not needing/wanting your dick pics sliding into her DMs. Is companionship something Kearstyn still seeks despite being asexual? Kearstyn also used to work in child welfare, and shares some of the nightmare scenarios she ran into on the job. 2020 is coming up, and approximately 2020 Democrats are running for President. Kill us now. But hey, at least one candidate feels like a breath of fresh air (whose husband loves Harry Potter) In the news, we touch on the terrorist attack in New Zealand, an update on Boeing’s crisis, James Gunn being let out of time-out, and Trump taking a little spanking from his party. Also, in case any time travelers from 2006 are listening, MySpace loses all our cringy high school data in 2019. Check us out on social! twitter.com/millennialshow instagram.com/millennialshow facebook.com/millennialshow This week’s episode is sponsored by BioClarity (https://www.bioclarity.com and enter code MIL for 40% off a skincare routine and 15% off everything else) ZipRecruiter (https://www.ziprecruiter.com/millennial to try ZipRecruiter for FREE!), and Postmates (download the Postmates app and enter code HASHTAG for $100 of free delivery credit for your first 7 days). And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Lori Loughlin, Felicity Huffman, and their kids are 1D10T5. This raises the question - is it a scholarship if you have to pay for it? Felicity Huffman, will you pay my student loans? Is there ever a case where a student wouldn’t know if their parents bought their way into school? Pam explains. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not such a small world: Pat is going to Disney World for the first time next week. Laura’s saving a whopping $12 on her student loan repayments over the next year - what should she do now that she’s flush with cash? Andrew brings his dental nightmares back to the show - RIP Andrew’s wisdom teeth. We all saw Captain Marvel this weekend and give a spoiler free review! And now we have to prepare for Endgame... It’s RuPaul’s drag race, not RuPaul’s racist race, Brooke Lynn Hytes. Facebook joins the rest of us in realizing that privacy is the cornerstone of any successful tech company. Given its abysmal record with data protection, is anyone crazy about the idea of Facebook becoming a private messaging platform? This discussion leads us deep into Facebook's Memories feature. UPDATE (Andrew, get the Xanax): A second Boeing 737 MAX 8 has crashed, this time in Ethiopia. The relatively ubiquitous model has already been grounded pending investigation by a number of countries except… the US. DISCLAIMER: Following this week’s recording, the UK and Australia have joined the wave of countries grounding the 737 MAX pending further investigation of the crash of an Ethiopian Airlines passenger jet. GOOD. Game of Thrones is preparing to drop its final season, and Pam, Pat, and Laura gush about what they’re excited to see (and who they hope will die). #TeamIcyBois Surprise Bitch! victim Kelsey joins us for a round of Fact or Fiction: Millennial Edition. “I’ll take my water double filtered” says the girl who paid for pet insurance. This week’s episode is sponsored by ForHers (Get your first month of birth control for $5), Harry’s (Get a $13 value set), and Postmates (download the Postmates app and enter code HASHTAG for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! Why is one of our ad promo codes 'HASHTAG'? Andrew and Laura reveal how our advertisers might be a little confused by our name. And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available on Patreon: We dig into the HBO documentary “Leaving Neverland,” which chronicles the stories of two men who allege sexual assault at the hands of King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Are the parents to blame here, or were they groomed alongside their children? The complexity of grief: how it’s possible to mourn someone and be simultaneously glad they’re gone. Hardcore MJ fans still refuse to believe their hero was a pedophile. Should we separate the man from the music? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need a break from the Michael Cohens of the world? Look no further than the newest episode of #Millennial. • We’re joined this week by official airline correspondent James, who’s here to make sure we sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight. • Andrew 2020: A voice the HOA can depend on (to make allowances for Brooklyn to pee in the garden). • Listener feedback features someone who was shook by a recent confessional, as well as the victim of a recent ghosting event. RIP. • James answers every question Andrew’s always had about flying, such as why the pilot doesn’t hurry back to the cockpit after a potty break. • Old man yells at cloud: Spielberg is trying to prevent streaming services like Netflix from submitting their films for consideration at the Oscars. Get with the times, old man! • Laura puts the President and Board of Trustees of her undergraduate institution, McDaniel College, on blast for voting to suspend majors in the arts and humanities. • This episode is sponsored by OpenFit (text MIL to 303030 for an extended 30-day free trial membership), Rothy’s (https://www.rothys.com and enter code MILL for free shipping with no minimum purchase), and Policy Genius (https://www.policygenius.com). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: • Rotten Tomatoes has finally realized that allowing consumers to tank a movie’s score prior to its release plays into internal societal biases against women and people of color. Who knew?! • This comes shortly before the release of Captain Marvel, which was also trashed on Rotten Tomatoes, since its lead actor possesses a vagina. Of course. • In a world full of Spielbergs, be a Brie Larson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re thinking of launching an exploratory committee for a potential Presidential run in 2020, but in the meantime, tune in to hear our latest shenanigans. Who loves orange jumpsuits? Paul loves orange jumpsuits. Is it true?! “TIL not to write a personal check to the people I’m paying to attack me.” - Jussie Smollett Speaking of high-profile cancellations, R.Kelly turned himself in over the weekend after being charged with sexually abusing 4 victims. Get the popcorn: Andrew makes Laura say something nice about Bernie Sanders. Our AP choice submissions cover dog ownership, Andrew’s sister’s student loan dilemma, and what we’d do with our lives if money weren’t an issue. Large gaming companies continue to be dickbags: EA and Bioware are facing backlash over treating their early adopters like beta testers by releasing half-baked games and letting the fans discover potential bugs. Also dickbaggish, Apple is earning the ire of major print journalism outlets like the New York Times for its new “Netflix for News” approach. As if that weren’t enough, Netflix saved all your answers to the choose-your-own-adventure “Black Mirror: Bandersnatch” episode. So if you’re a psychopath, Netflix know now - congrats! This week’s episode is sponsored by FabFitFun (https://www.fabfitfun.com and enter code MILL to get $10 off your first box), UnTuckIt (https://www.untuckit.com and enter code MILLENNIAL for 20% off your first purchase), and Robinhood (https://www.millennial.robinhood.com for a FREE stock like Apple, Ford, or Sprint). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: The hosts take Pew Research Center’s Religious Typology Quiz (http://www.pewforum.org/quiz/religious-typology/) and compare results. Surprisingly, we do have some variety in our results, and we compare ourselves to the data. Some surprises in the data itself make us question whether there is room for Evangelicals in the progressive movement. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The government lives to fight another day, as does #Millennial. Andrew’s HOA is too involved, Laura’s isn’t involved enough, and Pam has become a personal chef! (For her dog) “Uncle Joe, don’t run,” we imagine President Obama casually mentioning on his most recent brodate with Joe Biden. (Note: This episode was recorded before Bernie's announcement) The Confessional makes a return with an unsettling childhood memory and an equally unsettling Valentine’s Day gift. What has Kevin Hart, a Best Popular Film category, and Laura’s viewership? Not this year’s Oscars! That said, 2018 was a good year for women in film… unless you’re Marvel, which is just now releasing its first female-led blockbuster. Womp womp. According to a survey conducted by Yale and George Mason Universities, most Americans believe in climate change, but don’t feel the emotional urgency they ~perhaps~ ABSOLUTELY should. After several failed attempts (seriously, answer your phones people!) we reach Baila and her husband, who reveal they have a mixed-political marriage. This week’s episode is sponsored by Joybird (https://www.joybird.com/millennial for 25% off your first order using code MILLENNIAL), Zola (https://www.zola.com/mill for a free wedding website and $50 off a Zola registry), and BioClarity (https://www.bioclarity.com and enter code MIL for a free clarifying masque with the purchase of a skincare routine). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: In light of some of the questionable details surrounding the reported hate crime perpetrated against Empire star Jussie Smollett, Pam fills us in on a case of a false hate crime accusation from her hometown. Our jury may still be out on the Smollett case, but we cover the litany of ways in which false accusations set social movements back and scar communities. The Number: THIS MANY people are three months or more behind on their car payments, a new record. Could we see ourselves starting GoFundMe’s during a period of financial hardship? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Worried about the looming (potential) sequel to the government shutdown? Listen to the newest #Millennial instead! Andrew has an important day ruined by a food delivery driver, Laura is at war with her HOA, and Pam recaps the Grammys. Preemptive RIP to Elizabeth Warren’s 2020 bid for President. We hardly knew ye. Listener Nicki joins us to talk job hunting and what she looks for when hiring candidates. Nicki reveals she landed her current job through the #Millennial Facebook group! Andrew wants one of y’all to give him a job pls. The Confessional is back with a familiar topic: guns. We’ve certainly never had a friend like… Will Smith’s Genie in the upcoming, live action Aladdin. #nightmarefuel Is Waze making it easier to get out of speeding tickets and DUI stops? Yes. Do we want them to stop? :grimacing: AP Choice is back, with one question about a dystopian video game and another about our dystopian country. This week’s episode is sponsored by Policy Genius (https://www.policygenius.com/), Audible (https://www.audible.com/mill for a 30-day free trial), and Harry’s (https://www.harrys.com/mill for the $13 value trial set). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available on Patreon: A third of Americans say it’s okay to wear blackface as part of a Halloween costume, according to the Pew Research Center. Given that a majority of Americans don’t think this is okay, how is it that someone always manages to fuck this up every Halloween? Is it ever okay to wear traditional clothing of a culture or country you have no connection to? Pam and Nicki sound off. Do we still think Ralph Northam should resign? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy Black History Month! Stop asking for a White History Month. Pat is back this week, fresh off a urination tour around the Grand Canyon. Andrew and Pat definitely “don’t wanna be friendssss” with their seat neighbor at Gaga’s Vegas residency show. Listener Feedback: Fabi’s family is from Venezuela, and she’s a Democrat who… agrees with Trump’s support of opposition leader Juan Guaido. You know the Super Bowl is boring AF when the main takeaway is the infamous, mysterious viral egg. This ain’t a scene, it’s a goddamn arms race when Cold War-era treaties are suspended. If your dick pic game left something to be desired in the past, you’re in luck: Facebook messenger will now allow you to delete old embarrassing private messages. But also no one wants to see your dick. Should Virginia Governor Ralph Northam resign amidst a racist yearbook photo discovery? This week’s episode is sponsored by Openfit (text MIL to 30-30-30 for a special extended 30-day free trial), Away (visit awaytravel.com/mill and use promo code mill during checkout for $20 off a suitcase), and Rothy’s (rothys.com and enter promo code mill for free shipping with no minimum purchase). Support #Millennial by supporting our sponsors! And in this week’s Installment of After Dark: We tune into the State of the Union speech momentarily and offer some commentary on the Orange Menace’s butchering of the English language and American Democracy. Speaking of Mike Pence, let’s talk about our cultural obsession with serial killers! We dive into why serial killers haunt our communities and pique our interests. Andrew shocks the panel with a revelation about how his life was touched by a real-life killer. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The government may have been re-opened for three weeks, but #Millennial has always been here for you. We welcome #Millennial’s official gaming correspondent (and nothing else), Marc, back to the show! Andrew and Pat are about to head to Vegas where they will enjoy West Coast specialties like In-N-Out and painted rocks. Thoughts and Prayers: Andrew facing sub-arctic temperatures and Laura facing the Super Bowl in her home city. Nintendo and Toei/Namco-Bandai seem to be snubbing major tournaments by not allowing them to host Super Smash Bros or Dragonball Fighterz. We wonder why they’re being such buzzkills and how this would even be enforceable at smaller scale tournaments. In the news: A GAY 2020 candidate, Canada ranked #1 for quality of life in the world, Venezuela’s leader rated the absolute worst with 80% of his country opposing him, and the creators of Fortnite being sued for stealing some sweet dance moves. This week's episode is brought to you by UnTuckIt (use promo code 'millennial' for 20% off your first purchase), Robinhood (visit millennial.robinhood.com for a free stock), and FabFitFun (use code MILL to get $10 off your first box) And in this week’s installment of After Dark: A number of celebrities are sitting out this year’s Super Bowl to protest police brutality and the NFL’s treatment of Colin Kaepernick. When does celebrity activism work, and when does it fall flat? Internet personalities seem to do a better job of keeping narratives constant, while A-listers tend to make one-off statements. As per usual, we get off topic and start talking about random stories from our youth. We’re sorry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• Friend of the show and official #Millennial conservative correspondent Parker joins us again this week to talk about the government shutdown. • We also get Parker’s reactions to the growing list of 2020 Democratic candidates and are surprised by some areas where we agree! • Andrew's got a new side hustle: A Podcast and Patreon consulting business! Hit him up if you need help with your own show or Patreon. • Laura’s rage of the week: Democrats, get the $%#& over yourselves and your ideological purity tests. • With Netflix’s recent release of viewership numbers, it raises the question of how our consumption of content has changed. Is there still a place for network TV? • Netflix has named its biggest competitor, and surprisingly, it’s not another streaming service. • Just in the nick of time, Spotify is rolling out a new feature that will allow you to block R.Kelly or any other artist you don’t want to hear from. • Things get a little… personal in this week’s recommendations. •This week’s episode is sponsored by Joybird (go here for 25% off your first order), ZipRecruiter (try for FREE), and BioClarity (enter code MIL for a FREE Clarifying Masque with purchase of a skin routine). And in this week’s installment of After Dark: • YouTube is cracking down on videos featuring dangerous pranks and challenges. #RIPTidePodchallenge • Banning videos that encourage dangerous behaviors is all well and good, but YouTube doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to restricting “inappropriate content.” • Devil’s Advocate: Government Shutdown/Wall Edition. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s 2019, but we peaked in 2009 so don’t expect us to participate in your 2009 vs 2019 selfie challenge. Laura and Pam detail their weekend drama of cheese fries and Bachelor viewing parties. This week’s $10 Patron guest is Shania, who is gracious and speaks openly with us about being on the Asexuality spectrum. AP Choice: What advice to we have for couples getting ready to move in together? Listener feedback proves that cursive isn’t actually useless. We talk about which Dems are in for 2020 and what is officially the longest government shutdown in US history. People are hurting, what can we do to help? And when will Agent Orange realize he’s never getting his wall? UPDATE: R.Kelly is officially under investigation following Lifetime’s docuseries, “Surviving R.Kelly.” GAME: Fact or Fiction: Government Shutdown Edition. And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available on Patreon: “Tidying up with Marie Kondo” is taking the world (and our closets) by storm. Laura has cleared out 6 trash bags’ worth of donations, Pam has emptied her closet, and Andrew has always been orderly. Our tips for deciding what to part with and how to “let go” of things. We all share what we have the hardest time parting with and methods we’ve employed to clear our homes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re back for SEASON 5! (Sorry Andrew.) We recount our NYE experiences: little brothers, poopy plungers, and dogs shoving things into toilets. It gets weird. Announcing our new Patreon 2019 benefits: Face to Face hangouts, BREAKING NEWS, LANDY becomes one big show, and $5+ Patrons to get Mega Millennial episodes. AP Choice: Andrew and Pat relationship edition. $10 Patrons get to ask our favorite couple anything! New Year, New Laws! Florida restores voting rights for former felons, hard liquor sales are banned on Sundays in Mississippi, and new gender options are available on CA and NY driver’s licenses. Which of these is the lie? What does 2019 hold in store for President Trump? The hosts make predictions about whether the President will resign, be impeached, or remain untouched by the Mueller investigation. Ellen DeGeneres REALLY wants Kevin Hart to host the Oscars. Has Hart redeemed himself sufficiently to deserve the hosting opportunity and Ellen’s allyship? Bubble butt bubble bubble bubble butt. This week's sponsors are Rothy's (visit Rothys.com and enter code 'MILL' for free shipping), Care/Of (get 25% your first order of personalized vitamins with code 'MILL'), and Harry's (Get a $13 value trial set that comes with everything you need by visiting Harrys.com/Millennial) And in this first 2019 installment of After Dark, available on Patreon: Someone is understandably trying to kick some of her student loan debt, but Laura has some concerns about the method employed to do so. In shocking news to no one, R.Kelly is a creep and needs to be shunned by society and the music business. This brings us to a discussion about the all-too-common trend in Hollywood of young girls being groomed by much older, successful men. Is the music world preparing for its own #timesup moment? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The #Millennial holiday spectacular is here! We’re live, on camera, and drinking! Patrons can watch video of our entire recording here. Our $5 and $10 Patrons gained access to a new benefit: an exclusive #Millennial Discord channel where you can chat with each other and the hosts in realtime! Head over to patreon.com/millennial and click Settings > Account > Add Discord to join in the conversation! The Secret Santa exchange is back, and this year’s gifts are decidedly thoughtful (and in one case, sexxxxy). AP Choice: How do YOU plan on relaxing this holiday season? FB Official Patrons sound off. The Number: Holiday Binge Edition. Will the cost of all these streaming services rival cable package costs? Probably. Will we still pay for it? Probably. The EPA may be undoing the Clean Water Act and Facebook continues fucking up. Recommendations include a breakfast product and a particular Christmas movie. We’ll be back the week of January 7th for SEASON 5! This week’s episode is sponsored by BioClarity (bioclarity.com and enter code MILL for 50% off your first month) and Warby Parker (warbyparker.com/mill to get your free at-home try on!). Support the show by supporting these awesome companies! And in this final 2018 installment of After Dark: More feedback about Canadian goose jackets flies in and Andrew reconsiders his stance on the $1,000 jacket. We go over all the the expected and unexpected happenings of 2018, and what we’re most excited for in 2019 (please God let it be Mueller Time). The Number Part Deux: New Year’s Edition. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re gearing up for the holidays! Andrew and Pat are baking cookies, Laura is nearly getting murdered by repairmen, and the deadline to sign up for healthcare is December 15th! Listeners sound off: reactions to last week’s CRISPR discussion and a confessional about a sexless relationship. Since Tumblr is removing porn, we can go ahead and say RIP. On a lighter note, our Associate Producer Choice has $10 Patrons sharing their favorite porn sources, so take notes! “Keep your pic in your pants!” Cyber flashing is the hot new way to sexually harass unwitting iPhone users who don’t monitor their Airdrop settings. Get ready to buy your Amtrak passes: the new Boeing 737 MAX has a YUGE problem that caused a Lion Air flight to crash off the coast of Indonesia. As if that weren’t bad enough, several major airlines have thousands of these planes on order. Since we’re doomed to repeat our historic failures, China has begun interning hundreds of thousands of Muslims in concentration camps in the Xinjiang territory. Surprise, Bitch! gets all pharmaceutical and shit. Reminder: Next week’s episode will be our last of the year and will air LIVE over at patreon.com/millennial. If you’ve ever wanted to know what we look like, now is your chance. This week’s show is sponsored by Policy Genius (https://www.policygenius.com/), Scentbird (http://www.Scentbird.com/MILL and use code MILL for 50% off), and Rothy’s (https://rothys.com/ and enter code MILL for free shipping with no minimum purchase). And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Holiday etiquette: who to bring, what to bring, and what not to talk about. Holiday firsts! What do you do when you bring someone home for the first time? What are our first Christmas memories? Andrew holds a holiday grudge and shares a touching Christmas story. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re back this week with guest Jared, who works for a probation and parole department. Will we get through the episode without bring thrown in the clink? Jared schools us on the importance of criminal justice reform, as well as the other areas our justice system has room for improvement. On the first day of Christmas Robert Mueller gave to me… Now that we can’t watch porn at Starbucks anymore, what is the point of going there, even? A Chinese scientist named He Jiankui has reported that he’s created the world’s first “designer babies,” or gene-edited babies. This development confirms that we are indeed living in a hellscape. Devil’s Advocate finds the panel arguing in support of designer super hero babies. This week’s episode is sponsored by ZipRecruiter.com/Mill, Audible.com/Mill, and Homesick Candles (Enter code MILL for free shipping and 10% off any order over $60). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Turkey hangover has passed, the world is still on fire, and #Millennial is back! What did we do when we were off-air the last two weeks? Partied like fucking rockstars, that’s what. Jk, we all saw Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Weak Screenplays. The US spirals further and further into Orwellian dystopia. Merry Christmas, have some tear gas. George Soros, often accused of bankrolling left-wing conspiracies, was blamed by no other than Facebook for the negative press surrounding its various data privacy breaches. This episode of #Millennial is brought to you by the Satanic Church and Netflix. The Number returns to school President Snow about some voter fraud numbers (fun fact: you’re more likely to be struck by lightening twice in your lifetime than you are to commit voter fraud!). Want to check our sources? Brennan Center ACLU: Facts About Voter Suppression Support the show by supporting this week’s sponsors: Policy Genius (www.policygenius.com), Rothy’s (www.rothys.com and enter code MILL for free shipping), and BioClarity (www.bioclarity.com and enter code MIL for 50% off and free shipping). And in this week’s installment of After Dark: “We live in a society and when you don’t abide by FAA guidelines on planes, you’re part of the problem” the new smash-hit memoir by Laura Tee. Pam and Laura explain that epic tweet thread where they proclaimed their love for one another. Prepare for implosion: we found something Barack Obama and Donald Trump agree on. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're joined by Rachel Ritlop, the owner of The Confused Millennial website and podcast! California has had a terrible week -- Pam and Andrew have stories relating to the Thousand Oaks shooting and the horrific fires Midterm update: The Blue Wave's high tide continues, as Donald Trump declares that we shouldn't count all votes We talk to Rachel about how The Confused Millennial became her full time job What are the biggest challenges with being on that work-from-home grind? And are more people hopping on the freelance train? The panelists have a classic millennial issue in common: They all worry about the future. This week's news all involves entertainment: Disney+, Toy Story 4, Detective Pikachu, and Stan Lee We call one of our listeners who enjoys life as a freelancer (but don't expect them to attend a 12:01 AM Fantastic Beasts screening Andrew recommends Joking Hazard, a game like Cards Against Humanity, but with pictures This week's episode is sponsored by Homesick Candles (use promo code MILL for 10% off a $50+ order and free shipping), Lola (use promo code MILL for 40% off a subscription), and Policy Genius! And this week in After Dark: Pam recently visited Disneyland where it's impossible to find short lines. In better news for Pam, she's finally settled on a therapist. She talks about how she found the right one. In other mental health news, Andrew is finally off of Lexapro. However, he wonders if he'd be better off continuing to take small doses. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the 2018 midterms, which will never ever #%$&ing end. Light up a fat one in honor of the nation’s most reviled Keebler Elf, Jeff Sessions. Podcast friends! Check out the podcast Other People’s Lives for the inside scoop on being a 40-year-old virgin, a ghost hunter, and much more. The good: over 1 million Floridians had voting rights re-instated, over 100 women were elected to congress, Democrats took control of the House, the first openly gay governor was elected in Colorado, and the Beto effect trickled down to the state level. The bad (and expected): Republicans maintain control of the Senate, Democrats already infighting about Nancy Pelosi, and several key races still too close to call. The ugly: Voter suppression in Georgia, Trump White House bans Jim Acosta, and with Jeff Sessions fired, Trump has a new lapdog overseeing the Mueller investigation. In The Spin Room, Trump, Huckabee-Sanders, and Conway make appearances to defend the President’s post-midterm rhetoric. We take out the Mailbag and touch on some of your questions: outsider funding for elections, vegetarianism, NaNoWriMo, and gay bath houses. This week’s episode is sponsored by SquareSpace (use offer code MILL) and Policy Genius - support the show by supporting these companies! And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available to $2+ Patrons: The Number returns with a midterms edition! How much student loan debt could have been paid off with the amount spent on this election? We Surprise Bitch three listeners. Two pick up the phone, and one gets an interesting voicemail from Andrew. Laura gets some intel on where in Canada she can move to (she’s sort of not kidding). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's Election Day in the United States, so we've created a special episode of #Millennial that is as long as the average wait time at the polls. Enjoy 11 minutes of fun, tears, and WTFness. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pam and Andrew watched the LONG World Series, while Laura got heckled by a weirdo neighbor. We create a special 11 minute #Millennial minisode for when you wait in line to vote. Announcing the new $1 Patreon supporter tier - DTF! Come on, aren’t we worth $1? The MAGAnuts are at it again: shooting at a synagogue in Pittsburgh and pipe bombs being mailed to prominent Democrats and CNN. For a different kind of explosion, check out the AutoBlow AI - the first sex toy capable of delivering a lifelike blowjob (minus the jaw soreness). Millennials are making Facebook great again… by quitting Facebook. Surprise Bitch! Takes us to Maryland and we shittalk our former co-hosts for leaving the show to get educated. REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 6TH OF NOVEMBER AND DON’T BITCH OUT OF YOUR CIVIC DUTY. This week's episode is sponsored by TIVO, ZipRecruiter, Beach Body on Demand, and BioClarity. And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available exclusively on Patreon: Travel nightmares: forgetting wallets, bop its thrown in the Rio Grande, and guarding Tyga’s bling on an airplane. Hidden from the Headlines: Big Tobacco is trying to get Montanans to vote against their own healthcare to avoid a hefty cigarette tax. Also, smokers are gross. Montanans: Vote YES on I-185 next week to save Medicaid expansion in your state! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Listener Josh joins us on the show this week to talk Star Wars, Trump supporting relatives, and to make Andrew envious of his silky radio voice. Laura gives a review of Chicago, Hamilton, and a new definition of gang banging. Researchers at Oxford University report that Virtual Reality exposure therapy can help us withstand our anxieties. How might exposure training for the crippling fear of inadequacy be facilitated? Every time you eat a porkchop, God kills a kitten you are killing the planet. 64% of American adults can’t successfully answer questions like “Who was the first President of the United States?” and “Where is the Statue of Liberty located?” No wonder they don’t know where their polling places are. The panel takes the US citizenship test on air - do we pass? Don’t forget to sign up for your first month of Patreon at the $5 level before November 1st and send us confirmation of your voter registration to get your first month FREE. This week’s show is sponsored by TeamiBlends, Audible, and Scentbird. Support the show by supporting these companies: And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Should people have their citizenship revoked if they can’t pass the citizenship test? Josh and Sarah Huckabee Sanders weigh in. A grocery store worker is fired for stealing $9,200 worth of ham over the span of 8 years, New Zealanders are being sued by Israel, and a gender reveal goes very, very wrong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Elizabeth Warren, like many white people before her, is cleaving to trace amounts of Native American ancestry in her DNA results. Which brings us to the point of who gives a fuck? The Confessional requires some advice from the #Millennial love doctor and friend whisperer. Taylor Swift may have encouraged an additional 56,669 voters to register, but agent orange likes her music “25% less.” Sad! Voter suppression in Georgia has Laura repeatedly reminding listeners to call on Republican gubernatorial candidate Brian Kemp to resign as Georgia’s Secretary of State. We all know streaming is the most popular way to listen to music, but were surprised to learn what the the top streaming medium is. The Number makes a triumphant return in which Pam and Laura try to fill in details from the streaming report covered in the episode. Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba Sithi uhm ingonyama! Surprise Bitch takes us to North Carolina, where Sam’s husband is the Rafiki to their cat’s Simba. And in this week's After Dark on Patreon: The KellyAnne Kanye game returns, and the answers may surprise you! 000000 is the new beat Kanye’s getting ready to drop. JK he’s just an idiot. Discussion: The privatization of our problems. Dominoes is filling potholes, Elon Musk is filtering Flint’s water, and Skipping Rocks Laboratory is creating edible water pods. To what extent are corporations responsible to pitch in? Do we rely too much on them and demand too little of our government? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Want your first month of #Millennial bonus content for free? Confirm your voter registration status and we’ll happily oblige. Click here for more details. UPDATE: Fan Bingbang has been released - sadly, this story ends in tragedy for her bank account. Judge Kavanope was confirmed to the Supreme Court Saturday. Joe Manchin proved that there is no such thing as a West Virginia Democrat, and Susan Collins said “I believe victims of sexual assault, I just don’t care. LOL.” Knock the Vote hopes to bring out the millennial vote by taunting us with a blistering ad about how we so often opt out of the process. This week in creepy tech: BrainNet, Facebook Portal, and new Echo monitors. AP Choice has us giving advice to aspiring rideshare drivers, and addressing Dumbledore’s preferred coital moves. This week's episode is sponsored by BioClarity, TIVO, Skillshare, and Harry's. You can support #Millennial by supporting these companies! Learn more at this link And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Andrew has another wedding to bitch about, and with good reason! Laura gets into an old-school showdown in her Facebook comments with an acquaintance. PSA: Stop complaining about how fat you are. It’s annoying AF. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew's feeling a love for Patagonia this fall, but appears to be the only brand whore on the panel #Millennial PSA: If you know a white man being denied an opportunity because of his history as an abuser, keep him in your #thoughtsandprayers. CHECK YOUR VOTER REGISTRATION STATUS. THEN DOUBLE CHECK IT: Vote.org Dr. Christine Blasey Ford was poised, measured, and credible in her testimony. Meanwhile, Dudley Dursley had a partisan meltdown. Will a limited scope, short FBI investigation vindicate Dr. Ford and save us all the agony of watching Kavanaugh do keg stands on SCOTUS for the next 30 years? Also in need of #thoughtsandprayers: Facebook is in the midst of yet another data and permissions breach. Andrew and Laura recommend using a password manager like 1Password or LastPass to protect your credentials. The latest thing millennials are killing? DIVORCE RATES. Are we better at relationships or can we just not afford them? We share our iOS12 screen time results - WE CAN QUIT ANYTIME WE WANT, OKAY?! Listener Helen provides the most sage, insightful Surprise Bitch! experience to date. And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available to all Patrons this week: We have more to say about the current SCOTUS drama - sorry not sorry. Andrew provides a mental health and therapy iPad update. Netflix rolling out choose your own adventure programming? How will this affect the way we interpret entertainment? Shut up and take our money: Harry Potter RPG in development. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Live from the #Millennial Pulpit this week, we are joined by Alex, who is both a listener and a pastor. We’re shocked that such a good person listens to THIS show. Offensive Halloween costumes are back in full force this year. What’s sexier than sexual servitude? Do: Dress up like Black Panther if you want! Don’t: Paint your skin brown. Why is this hard for people? Is Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein next on the Trump chopping block? What this would mean for the Mueller investigation and why we should all be prepared to protest. Hidden from the Headlines: Tens of thousands of student loan borrowers under the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program just got screwed out of debt forgiveness after paying on their loans for 10 YEARS. Life pro-tip: Call your lenders to make sure you’re not in “pay-head status” if you’re a PSLF recipient. Surprise Bitch! Brings back a, um, former guest host. Alex tells us all about the process of becoming a pastor, and how he knew from a very young age that this was his calling. He also fills us in on some of the common misconceptions of his field, and some important social justice work he is doing. And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Some personal updates from the hosts AND… …Ticketmaster looks to be guilty of some fuckery that would result in them benefitting from multiple processing charges as a result of running their own reseller service. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hurricanes, mushrooms, and homeowner woes abound in this week’s #Millennial. The Emmys were a snooze fest for viewers and presenters alike. Brett Kavanaugh gets the Anita Hill treatment: Dr. Christine Blasey Ford has come forward with allegations that the SCOTUS nominee assaulted her when they were teenagers. Did the Chinese government kidnap famous actress Fan Bingbang for tax evasion? Guess which country wants to legalize dueling? Surprisingly, it’s not the US. Google that Shit (or, in Soviet Russia, you no Google Shit, Shit Google you). The Confessional gets personal: casual sex and ending long-term relationships. And in this week’s installment of After Dark, available on Patreon: Late Bloomers! According to the University of Michigan’s Transportation Research Institute, millennials are slower to get behind the wheel. Boomers consume more news than millennials, but does quantity of consumption necessarily equate to quality? We can’t defend this one: our generation has the lowest voter turnout numbers of any age group. VOTE LEST YE BE BONED BY STUDENT LOANS. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pat is back with some big news: His fam won Best Cow at the county fair. #BumpkinLife Shockingly, Pat was uninterested in dating Show Andrew but came around once he met Real Andrew. Important Announcement: Andrew has hSv, not hPv. Why the hell do people not leave when a hurricane is coming their way? Stay safe, East Coast! Facebook Official Patrons ask two questions: Is Trump's position on trade justified? How do we feel about horror video games? Apple is back with new products you don't need but will probably buy anyway. Poor Laura: She has no choice but to get one! "I've fallen and I can't get up!' Apple Watch is the new Life Alert. A new tool from the New York Times reveals how much hotter our hometowns have been getting. Do the results surprise us? At least one of us is genuinely shocked.. in the wrong way. A new report has found that taken selfies negatively affects your self esteem. Wait, what? This week's Surprise, Bitch call brings us to Pat's home state of Wisconsin. Brittany reveals she doesn't.. have.. a smart phone!? Hidden from the Headlines: The Trump administration has been denying U.S. citizens passports. And Pam reveals that her grandparents are worried about her. Recommendations: Spider-Man for PS4, Brandless, and Cupping. EW. (Not the sexy type of cupping) And this week in After Dark: MuggleSuck returns and we straight up talk shit on a whacked out person. You won't believe the nonsense they pulled on 9/11. WTF News: A dog mayor, cops wasting time, and a right-shoe robber. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the (shit)show, Angel! Do furries dress as red pandas? BREAKING: A senior White House official wrote an anonymous op-ed for the New York Times confirming the Republic’s dumpster fire status. 2018 Gift for $10 Patrons: a #Millennial sticker set! Facebook Official Patrons can expect to receive theirs in a few weeks (Make sure your mailing address is up to date!). Pledge at the Facebook Official Level now to receive your sticker set later this year! We’ve found the one thing millennials aren’t killing: STDs. The CDC has reported record jumps in the spread of gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia. GET TESTED. The one man advocating for student loan borrowers on the federal level has resigned his post in protest. WTF: Proctor & Gamble has come up with a dumb, completely non-innovative marketing strategy. 2 Truths, 1 Lie: Trumpster Fire edition. And in this week's After Dark, available to $2+ Patrons: Laura is allergic to everything - tales of a trip to the allergist. We check in with a former #Millennial co-host and ask if he’s seen any vaginas in his new line of work. The Confessional: when friends with benefits goes awry and thinking your life is super lame and boring. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s a full show this week: remembering John McCain, a victory in Georgia, and PSL is comin’ back baby! Actress and creator Mariana Novak joins us to talk acting life, voiceover work, Jason Bateman, and being Russian and American in the current climate. We always knew Paul Manafort would look great in orange… …and that Michael Cohen would flip… …and that the National Enquirer has a safe filled with dirt on Trump?! Looking forward to November 6th, Lyft will be providing free and reduced fare rides to your polling place! These damn teenagers are taking our jobs: the wild, wild west of Instagram influencers. The latest mass shooting in Jacksonville, FL makes us take a look at some numbers by playing The Number. Someone actually answers for Surprise Bitch! on the first call! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: WTF News makes its return, and shockingly, neither of the stories originated in Florida. How does everyday tech use impact our friendships and relationships? Do any of us just need to put the damn phone down? Videogames as a bonding tool: the cheap way to spend time with bae without reproducing. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, listener Kelsey joins the show to give us public speaking advice (gulp)! Pam is back from Vegas with an explanation of how she met a Backstreet Boy and why she bought $20 avocado toast and thus will be unable to retire. How to embrace the nerves and anxiety surrounding public speaking? Remember that no one wants you to fail (unless your name begins with T and ends with rump). Facebook is looking to solidify its presence as the internet’s cesspit by introducing an anonymous down-voting system. Uncle Eustace can now upvote his favorite bigoted rhetoric and face 0 social accountability for it! Zillow says that millennials can’t afford homes because we’re attending too many destination weddings. Meanwhile, none of their value estimates are remotely accurate. The election board of Randolph county, Georgia is planning to close 7 of its 9 polling places. Take two guesses which group of people this will disenfranchise. The Confessional gets a little bi-curious, and Surprise, Bitch! isn’t much of a surprise this week. And in this week’s installment of After Dark: An additional bi-curious confessional! How many, uh, verbal fillers did we use in episode 4x30? It is now U.S. policy to support poachers: dozens of permits have been issued to GOP donors, allowing them to murder endangered species abroad and bring their “trophies” home for the mantle. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of our hosts spent $20 on avocado toast, so we fired her and warned that she’ll never be able to afford a home. Marc sits in, promoting Andrew to ask a barrage of personal questions as one does. Who’s getting guaranteed salaries, health insurance, bonuses for wins, and subscription payments? Gamers. The panel experiences a sudden desire for a career shift. JFK nOT DeAd CIA tOOK DoWn JFK jr. So hilLarY COulD RuN fOR SEnaTe tOM HAnKS iS A PedoPhiLe tRUMP kNoWs ExaCtlY hOW tO Be prEsiDEnt wE ArE Q Electric scooters are the latest craze in major cities and we all clearly fucked up by ditching our razors. We’re asked via the confessional what we think happens after death and we (probably) disappoint the asker. Surprise, Bitch! 5th time’s the charm. And in this week's After Dark: After last week’s complaining about fitness models on instagram, we can’t wait to talk about our mad gainz. Listener feedback comes with a reaction to listener Kris’s transition to living in her card and a warning to steer clear of a certain credit bureau’s subscription program. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the end of 420 jokes - it’s episode 4x30 maaaaaaan. Welcome Roshni! This week, we kick off a new $10 Patron benefit where we’ll be bringing on listener guest hosts. This week marks the 53rd anniversary of the Voting Rights Act. The best way to celebrate is to check your voter registration status. Listener Kris is moving out of her apartment, and into her car. We call her, and she fields a multitude of questions about her new life. Judeo-Christian ideals are deeply rooted in our culture and politics. Roshni brings this topic to the table, and asks a few very important questions. Namely, will the US ever move beyond these ideals? Should it? If Alex Jones screams into the void after being banned from Facebook and Youtube, does it make a sound? Recommendations: Chicago Architecture Tour, Sharp Objects, Eight Grade, and checking your credit report And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Social media norms that need to die: humble brag gym selfies, expecting people to follow/friend you, vague booking, posting pictures of your perfect fucking relationship with your amazing boyfriend OKAY KAREN WE GET IT. What social media faux pas are we guilty of? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We chose avocado toast over paying the bills, but we still managed to return from our summer break as promised. Where do we stand on Disney’s firing of James Gunn? How false equivalencies and absolutism have made this debate a frustrating one. Andrew made Laura a song, our listeners fap to Andrew, and much more in this week’s confessional. In altogether non-shocking news, then-candidate Trump was presented with evidence that Vladimir Putin sought to interfere in the 2016 election, and a best friendship was born. If a drunk girl doesn’t vomit in an Uber, and the driver reports it, does it leave a mess? Demi Lovato relapses after 6 years of sobriety: we share our take on the growing opioid epidemic. The Trump administration is trying to cut key provisions of the Endangered Species Act, which will result in doom and destruction on planet earth (no, really). And in this week’s episode of After Dark: The MuggleSuck Tales continue with a modern twist. AP choice brings questions from our $10 Patrons: favorite meals to cook, experiences taking anti-depressants, homeschooling, and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this week’s episode, we take a walk on the conservative side. Listener Parker joins us to talk hot button topics like immigration, funding, healthcare, and abortion. If con is the opposite of pro, isn’t congress the opposite of progress? Several members of congress get duped into publicly endorsing a program that would arm preschoolers. Facebook wants to ensure you’re seeing more of the things you care about: baby pictures, cat videos, and Infowars conspiracy theories. Another one bites the dust: another key pillar of the Affordable Care Act, risk adjustments, have been slashed from the budget. Devil’s Advocate sees us truly crossing the aisle this week, as each host has to argue in favor of an opposing political ideology. Don’t forget to check out our new album art. Kudos to Jon! And in this week’s installment of After Dark: New stories from #Millennial: Andrew Sims and the Prisoner of Pet Policies, Laura Tee and the Rising Premium Rates. How can companies ensure brand loyalty amongst millennials? What sorts of practices turn us off? Google That Shit! We will be off next week, but Patrons will receive an extra 7 minutes of good content recorded during this episode. It'll be released around the middle of next week! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re joined this week by Andrew’s paramour, Pat! Pat fills us in on that dairy farmer life: tariffs, and hormones, and nut juice, oh my! Speaking of milk, the US delegation to the UN made waves this week when they went rogue and blocked a resolution that would have promoted breastfeeding. Our BFFs over in Russia saved the day though! The “toxic fandom” phenomena continues to gain steam as stars are forced to delete social media accounts to avoid harassment. When does critique go too far? In other fandom news, Game of Thrones has wrapped production on its final season, and Andrew still knows nothin’. How well does Pat know Andrew? The NewlyWed game puts these lovebirds to the test! Anyone in the Chicago area need a personal trainer? Hit up Pat: [email protected] And in this week’s installment of After Dark: TruTV is launching a new show - Paid Off - in which the winners get…. their student loans paid off. We play a mock version of this game show with listener Sara. We can’t pay off her student loans, but we can give her a free month of Patreon! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy 4th of July! The US still has over 2,000 children in cages. This week in more ‘America is fucked’ news, justice Anthony Kennedy resigns from the Supreme Court, leaving a second vacancy for Trump to fill. Disney and Universal Studios are banking on millennial nostalgia in their upcoming theme park ventures. We’re sure there will be an avocado toast stand on every corner! A Hillary Clinton Theme Park? We brainstorm ideas. BREAKING NEWS: North Korea never had any intention of denuclearizing. How could we have predicted this would happen?!?! Sarah Huckabee Sanders joins us again to burn some more truth. And in this week’s edition of After Dark: Andrew’s gonna stick it to the (HOA) man! He also comes up with a homeless outreach program idea that makes the girls grimace. WTF News makes its return: running over pedestrians to get out of work, Texans using rattlesnakes as weapons, shitting diamonds, and much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew and Pam kick off the show with a spoiler free review of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Speaking of fallen kingdoms, we provide this week’s update on the US border detention situation. Tl;dr: 2,300 children are still separated from their parents, and border patrol will re-vive the Obama-era “catch and release” policy. Sarah Huckabee Sanders and the Hypocrite’s Podium: as progressives, are we really doing ourselves any favors by taking the low road? Canada? More like Cannibisda! Do we think marijuana should be legal? We’ve discovered by 53% of millennials think they’ll be millionaires: they don’t tip for services! SCOTUS actually made a good call: authorities will need a warrant to access cellular tower location data. Recommendations: MoviePass and “Echo” Liquid Lipstick by Kat Von D And in this week’s episode of After Dark: Google that shit: the Supreme Court is…, Millennials are the worst…, and Marijuana helps…. The Confessional raises questions about familial etiquette: 8 extended family members crashing a listener’s small apartment and a parental invasion of privacy, oh my! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back, sycophants. Marc rejoins us this week to tell us what nerds should be excited for after E3. (The answer is ALWAYS Pokémon, duh.) Just in case you missed it… THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES THE US GOVERNMENT IS PUTTING CHILDREN IN CAGES Got it? Jeff Sessions joins us to share some of his favorite fascist-inspired scriptural quotations. According to a new study 53% of millennials expect to become millionaires. This is not the economy you are looking for. We discuss the recent allegations against Chris Hardwick. Are we too fast to crucify based on allegations? Who said it: Donald Trump or another infamous dictator? Visit Millennial Podcast's website to learn more. And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Recommendations: booze edition Vacation shaming: why are Americans so afraid to use their paid time off? How can we counter our culture of working ourselves to death for bragging rights? A new After Dark perk, MuggleSuck, makes it debut. On a monthly basis, we’ll share insider stories about our previous “employer.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Who did it better? IHOP marketing their “name change” to “IHOB,” or Agent Orange marketing his summit with Little Rocket Man? All this in this week’s #Millennial and much more! We call Kate, a Canadian listener who schools us in provincial politics and explains the election of min-Trump, Doug Ford. President Trump tells our allies to suck a dick and leaves the G7 summit early to snuggle up with a murderous dictator instead. The University of Pennsylvania has released a new study that shows social change can be brought around by convincing just 25% of your social circle to support it. Time to take Laura’s advice and be the annoying person at parties asking if people are registered to vote. Hidden from the Headlines: the EPA laughs in the face of accurate, straight-forward, and historically proven science… again. The Confessional: Relationship Edition. And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Surprise Bitch! leaves us sad when THREE PEOPLE don’t answer their phones. You’re telling us you have something better to do than waiting to hear from us?! Listener Julia saves the day and answers her phone. We talk LA and asbestos. In somber news, we discuss the recent tragic deaths of designer Kate Spade and chef Anthony Bourdain. Why is suicide only ever discussed after we lose someone to it? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Happy June, Happy Pride! We welcome Dr. Sarah Steelman to the show to discuss her research on same-gender pairings and degrees of “outness.” Sarah informs us on a number of topics, including queer theory, the Matrix of Intelligibility, and the impacts of heteronormativity, politics, and history on LGB persons. In the news: Apple’s iOS 12 aims to decrease notifications stress, SCOTUS rules in favor of an anti-gay baker, Facebook proves yet again why they suck at data privacy, and a US Senator attempts to tour a detention center where unaccompanied immigrant children are being held. And in this week’s installment of After Dark: Dr. Steelman talks about her doctoral experience and provides some sage advice for anyone thinking of pursuing a PhD. Samantha Bee and “the c-word.” We dive into whether or not we were ok with the joke, and if we agreed with Sam’s apology to Ivanka Trump. Mixed opinions abound! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Bless me #Millennial for I have sinned. It has been 3 days and 12 hours since the last time I threw my garbage on a movie theater floor.” - Andrew Marc (aka Micah?) joins us and gives us his E3 predictions. He and Andrew plan to get E-rect. We force Pam to answer some cringey interview questions used by employers to be hip and cool with the kids. In the news: The Celebrity President is leading up to an exciting season finale: Will they or won’t they: North Korea edition, The great GDPR inbox flood, Instagram has a mute feature, and the US lost 1,475 migrant children. We wish this were all #fakenews. A familiar voice deigns to join us for Surprise Bitch! and we’re all signing DNRs in case we end up hospitalized in LA. And in this week’s episode of After Dark: Google that shit! What to do when you’re “the other woman.” We try to give some honest, frank advice about getting out of an affair. Traditional definitions of virginity do not cover the range of (super super hot and fun) things you can do that qualify as sex. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to #Millennial! it’s 4x20 maaaaaaaaaaan. We kick off the show with a new segment, #MilleniHelp. With almost a third of the US population not putting away enough for retirement, what are we doing to save? Patrons sound off and share some of their best savings advice. Here we go again: we discuss the 22nd school shooting of 2018 and no one is surprised. Things the GOP will ban before guns: doors, high-rise buildings, schools. The infamous Laurel vs Yanny debate brings science and linguistics to the show (Let’s be real though, the right answer is Laurel). Hidden From The Headlines: Andrew Smith, the lawyer who represented Equifax after its massive data breach last year, has been appointed to run the Federal Trade Commission. This is the office investigating — you guessed it — Equifax. And in this week’s episode of After Dark: WTF News returns! What blows up in a 7-11 microwave before you go for a drug test? Tune in at 9 to find out! A creepy home invasion story has us all re-evaluating our sense of security at home. “I fought the dog and the dog won.” Good boy teaches owner important gun safety lesson. Somehow we end up reviewing the FDA handbook for legally acceptable amounts of insect parts in certain foods? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! I don’t want to see any more pictures of your mom!” – Andrew Please take this survey so we can help create the best Patreon possible! A Chicago bar stole our logo for their Millennial trivia night, so we’re giving away a free month of Patreon to Surprise Bitch! callers who prove their #lit knowledge. Apple hasn’t come out with a GrayKey condom to protect your phone from law enforcement (yet), but a new patch coming in iOS 11.4 will render the lightening port useable only for charging. The end is near(?) The US-North Korea summit will take place on June 12th in Singapore. A historic moment for sure – but will anything come of it? Texas is late (as always) to the gay marriage party, so a teacher has been put on administrative leave after telling students about her future wife. Android is adding new features aimed at decreasing time spent on mobile devices. I can haz feature to decrease student loan debt?’ And this week’s After Dark is a grab bag of topics! Surprise Bitch! catches up with one our our favorite nEHbors to the north. What tactics do we use to power through procrastination? What are the most embarrassing moments we’ve ever had while dating? One of these stories involves a foot getting stuck in a toilet (no, really). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices