Millennial: Pretend Adulting, Real Talk

Welcome back, sycophants. • We’re joined this week by comedian Liz Magee for our first “Ask Me Anything” style interview! Check her out on Twitter: @JokesMagee • Our LOTR movie commentary is coming on April 11th. The eagles are coming! • Quickfire News takes us to Chuck Grassley’s secret Q&A events and Ted Cruz’s deviant fantasies. Spoiler alert: You don’t want to participate in either of these things. • The FBI managed to unlock the San Bernardino shooter’s phone on its own. Everyone tweet “@FBI please clap.” Tag us. • Liz Magee describes in vivid, burning detail the struggles of being prone to UTI’s. • What do you do when you have 15 minutes of airtime to fill, and only 5 minutes of dick jokes? • We learn a little bit about what it’s like to be one of the few women in stand-up comedy. Don’t worry - it’s just like being a woman in any male dominated field! • The world is shocked to know that women like to laugh! Shocked we tell you! • No Context is brought to you this week by ‘Matt can’t follow directions.’ In this week’s installment of After Dark, we introduce Liz to Devil’s Advocate and have a discussion on the broke millennial experience. • Stop telling us when our balances fall below $25. We’re acutely fucking aware. • We share some of the most bizarre jobs we’ve taken to help pay the rent. One of them involves a cat named “Apache.” • Somehow this turns into a discussion about how we can make bank producing dinosaur porn? What? • We don’t even know how we got here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We begin with a message about recent, horrific attacks around the world. Andrew has an issue with his upstairs neighbors he needs help on. This is war. In Quickfire News, we tackle an update on the new $10 bill, Twitter controversies, Georgia’s Religious Freedom Bill, SeaWorld, and Obama’s busy week between Cuba and Merrick Garland. In our Confessional we address living at home with your parents and a transitioning listener who’s had to deal with PC culture at a new extreme. This week’s AP Choice is from Anne, who wants to know what to do about her boyfriend’s annoying friend. Surprise, Bitch! We’re live from Cuba! Batman v Superman hits theaters this weekend and.. it’s not good, according to critics. In this week’s After Dark we continue our discussion on PC culture. How often does bullying occur inside the progressive movement? Will everyone be able to agree on trigger warnings? How can institutions better handle issues of social justice? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does a year in space do to your body, besides deprive it of sex? Astronaut Scott Kelly holds the answers. Listener Feedback is best described as, "You're all idiots," but we know that, so at least there's common ground. This week's installment of Hidden from the Headlines is brought to you by Fuck You, Pakistan, and whatever shit bigoted horse you rode in on. News this week kicks off by asking listeners to imagine spending $50 for a movie, if you get to watch it in your pajamas. (Can't you do that anyway if you just stop giving a shit?) Trump and Hillary make front pages again, as the GOP front runner sees mass violence break out at his rallies and the Democratic contender says something dumb about the Reagans. How much food do you throw out each day? Chances are, enough to feed someone else. That's why Tesco will begin donating all their unsold food to charity next year. Get your shit together, Whole Foods. No Context puts us all on the hot seat this week, and Aussie listener Greg gets his turn in the spotlight. WE KNOW YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO US AUSSIES. GTFO. And in this week's After Dark: Let's circle back around to our listener feedback and the growing PC culture debate. Because we haven't quite pissed off all of you yet. Personal stories of run-ins with extreme Social Justice Warriors abound. Where do we think the movement is valid, and where is it going too far? What even is a "safe space" and why is Andrew so God damned wise about them? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

​Our assholes are lubed up for your furious emails. But first: check out our band new #Millennial t-shirts, brought to you by the letter "p" -- please clap. All shirts are $20 and come with one free month of Patreon! Existing Patrons get a sweet little bonus too. Pucker up. As for this week's episode: Let's dispel this myth that Facebook friends don't know what they're doing. They know exactly what they're doing. And they need to fucking stop. ​Hidden from the Headlines takes us to a distant land where being gay-- or reincarnated-- is banned from television and all movies are cut down to approximately 5 seconds. A new SCOTUS ruling decides to treat gay couples like real people, JP Morgan tells fossil fuels where they can stick it, we all contemplate moving to Canada, and J.K. Rowling comes under fire for appropriating Native American culture. All in this installment of Quickfire News. Embark with us on a main discussion about generational shifts toward liberalism. How will the next lineup of crotch dropplings be even more socially progressive? How will we cope with their superiority? Can you speak up? Get off my lawn. Surprise, bitch! welcomes a voicemail box to the show. And in this week's After Dark: On a scale of 1 to Literally Everyone, how many people would have watched Fox's proposed Trump v. Sanders debate? Another main discussion pulls open our financial wounds and peers inside. Is it true what they say about Millennials' dire financial state? What is this new hipster word "savings"? Watch the whole show unravel into a slew of personal tales about Laura's drinking habits, which can summarized only as "majestic." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’re back this week with a SUPER packed election episode. But first, Chris Rock took on the Academy for #OscarsSoWhite. Leo finally won an Oscar though, so… #progress? The #Millennial Confessional brings some exciting news, as well as questions about striking a work/life balance. The shocking results from Super Tuesday states reveal PR team telling us that the only person shocked by results is Marco Rubio, who is currently experiencing software difficulties and needs a reboot. BRB. What are the chances of a Sanders nomination? Improbable, but not impossible. This just in: Trump is no longer a joke. Stop laughing. No. Really… Stop. Chris Christie and the Republican Party Schism. No Context requires us to make Super Tuesday connections to songs about work and funerals. What? Hidden from the Headlines takes us to the Matrix. In this week’s installment of After Dark: Will it ever be “cool” to act presidential again, or are we doomed to a century of racist sociopaths with bad combovers and multiple bankruptcies? Move over ISIL, Emoji terrorism has come to America. The hosts prove they can’t even effectively hit on hotties on social media. Andrew sends a dick pic to Laura. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If it looks like an asshole and talks like an asshole, it's probably Sony. #FreeKesha gains some much-needed momentum as the embattled singer struggles to ditch a binding contract with her alleged rapist. Apple takes on the FBI in an epic David and Goliath showdown over privacy and business rights. A very special Photoshop challenge is issued. Sea levels are rising faster than previously believed, but the real challenge is convincing people that's even true. Hashtag SCIENCE, BITCH. More tragic gun violence to really put the shine on your day! Innocent bystanders in Kalamazoo, Michigan paid the price this week for our rampant obsession with guns. New Words: brought to you by the letter "A" for Andrew. Or anus. We prove we're down with the kids by guessing what all these new hip words mean. Shit is on fleek. Or something. Surprise, bitch! exposes one listener's chronic meth addiction. In this week's installment of After Dark: TRIGGER WARNING. We discuss the struggle of quarter-life crises and how common it is to still not have any fucking clue at 28. What if your career sucks? (It does.) What if you just want to travel forever? (You do.) It all turns very weird and personal, and we're too lazy to edit it out. Enjoy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back, sycophants, and enjoy this week's dose of gluten-free headlines. Associate Producer's Choice wants to know in what ways is the U.S. worse off because of Obama, or in spite of him. THE 8TH HARRY POTTER BOOK GUYS!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!! Except not because it's a fucking script adapted by someone not named J.K. Rowling. But fine, we're still excited. The elephant in the room comes out. In fact, we dress it up and give it a name: Antonin Scalia. How will Scalia's death impact upcoming Supreme Court decisions, the election, and Mitch McConnell's credibility? Trick question. Mitch McConnell has no credibility. Devil's Advocate asks us to argue against better sense and judgment by putting ourselves in the shoes of our beloved Senate Majority Leader. Surprise, bitch! takes us to Nebraska, where Lily speaks on behalf of the whitest state in the union. And this week on After Dark: In this special installment, we bring on three Patrons who add their own opinions to our conversation about the generational divide. Thank you to Brittany, Jeremy, and Linnea for joining us! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

​Episode 5 starts by revealing episode 4's secrets, ideas for Valentine's Day, and thoughts on the Super Bowl non-controversy controversy. ​News kicks off with questioning… the news. What makes New Hampshire's primary important? Is it worth the media circus? Why is it so God damned white? ​We sum up Twitter's new changes in 140 characters or less: dumb. Thanks to the Supreme Court, we can't have nice things. Like cleaner energy. Or climate change policy. Or the fucking rule of law. Hidden from the Headlines throws some much-deserved shade at President Obama, the fallen king of (certain) civil liberties. ​Valentine's Day Special: the hosts bring on their boyfriends for The Newlywed Game, wherein we learn some strange things about each other and our taste in men. No, we don't know why we agreed to this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew humbles himself before God and man over last week's poor audio quality. We forgive you, Andrew, but Jesus doesn't. "Freedom" is spelled c-a-u-c-u-s if you're an Iowan or clinically insane person. We jump right into the goods with an overview of why, God, why do we do this to ourselves? How did we get here. Why don't we have nice things. The Iowa results, why they're pretty over-hyped, and our thoughts on what's coming up next in this circus of an election year. An AP Choice-Palooza brings up several new ideas for "Wait But Why?", questions whether we'd have sex with our clones (?!), and asks how the fuck we can make election day a national holiday. (Answer: Assert dominance. Stop showing up to work.) Hidden from the Headlines: Fake Out Edition gets nice and weird, with two real stories and one fake one. Listen closely and guess which lying piece of shit is the intruder. Surprise, BITCH! finally brings us Tiara after 493 unsuccessful calls. Thanks for being a team player, Tiara. And in this week's After Dark (now available to all $2/month Patrons): A new app promises to be the OKCupid of platonic relationships. Would we use this? Why don't we have any friends? Why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? How are long-distance friendships different (and often more real) than traditional ones? We share our personal stories and tribulations, most notably about each other, and Andrew reveals he doesn't like us that much. Fuck you Andrew. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Note: There is an issue with Andrew's voice on this recording that we were unable to correct. We apologize for the issue and promise it won't happen again! Andrew was almost murdered by a serial killer last week, so this episode is brought to you by paranoia: saving your life, one gut instinct at a time. Divinely inspired during his near-death experience, Andrew introduces a new game designed specifically to make the other hosts cringe. Sarah Palin is bringing stupid back with her formal endorsement of Potato Face, and we're all mystified as to how the GOP let it get to this point. Associate Producer's Choice asks us: is the world really doomed? Or are we just cynics? The answer is yes. News tells the prophecy of a world engulfed in flame and shadow, so yeah I guess we all gonna die. If you care about your sushi (or your oceans), you'll start demanding hunting moratoriums on local fish populations cause they're dying too. Look, it's a party. I have no friends. You have no friends. And Facebook deceives us both. A new study shows there is zero correlation between social media friends and actual friends, yet we're all still about those filtered food pics. Taking on the sexy, compelling stories the lamestream media won't, we parse two Hidden from the Headlines gems sure to throw your inner outrage into high gear. Surprise, bitch! welcomes Summer and her apparent sexual fetish for cracklin. What... whatever that is? And in this installment of After Dark: Sarah Palin's dumpy ass endorsement of Trump deserves a few extra minutes, God damn it. Resident drug addict Laura Tee initiates a series of stories about getting high, watching each other get high, and whether that was actually Jupiter in our friend's oven. "Just say no. Unless it's a hit of acid. Then say, 'okay but only once.'" -Andrew Sims Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Andrew is gearing up for an awful storm in New York. Alan Rickman has passed away. It makes us wonder: How many people are hiding their cancer? And why? ­The Iowa caucus is getting close! We look at the frontrunners (lolTrump) and a Sarah Palin endorsement. “Wait, what’s a caucus?” asks Denmark resident Selina. ­Listen feedback addresses uncut dicks and Natalie Cole (— sorry that these two had to share a sentence). ­Who’s the one person we absolutely dread dying? And what the hell will happen when Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling dies? The Guest Game: How will Selina respond to out of context, inside jokes about #Millennial? Flint, Michigan’s water situation is seriously awful. How could this happen in America? Did You Know? Wait… But Why? returns, and we all feel passionate about the issue of animal cruelty. Laura announces the #Millennial Book Club! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Season 2 of #Millennial has arrived! The four hosts survived their New Years celebrations (thanks in part to staying home), and one of us became a mage. What’s a mage? Speaking of partying, someone in this episode is secretly drinking. Who is it? Take a guess and we’ll share the answer on 2x02. The new year ushers in big new changes for our Patreon. New benefits and milestones are now available for those who pledge $2/month, and we’re now working towards BIG changes for our flagship Patreon feature, After Dark. Lean more by clicking here. The new year has also ushered in new laws across America. We discuss a few of them, including an official state pie for Illinois! New game: Wait But Why? In the premiere installment, we discuss circumcision. WHY?! Quickfire News touches on Al Qaeda’s Oregon affiliate, David Bowie, China’s animal-cloning factory, and (sigh) Kim Davis. Obama got hard on gun control over our break, and we’re getting hard in return. New game: #Millennial for America. Laura and Matt are the first contestants! And this week, on After Dark: Political updates: State of the Union predictions (we recorded just before the speech) and Hillary losing her lead to Bernie. Hidden from the Headlines: Microsoft has announced it will begin warning e-mail users of suspected hacking by government agencies. But will they really? Making a Murderer: The world’s new obsession. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's the end of the year and the end of our first season -- so it's time to celebrate! The hosts all have drinks to enjoy… but some couldn't resist starting to drink before we hopped onto Google Hangouts. Uh oh. Star Wars: The Force Awakens has arrived, and for the most part, we love it. Don't worry, we don't share any spoilers. What are we up to this holiday break? It's time to open our Secret Santa gifts! News: The Harry Potter stage play has cast a black Hermione, and healthcare costs are on the rise. Since we're doing the show live on Google Hangsouts, we welcome listeners to the show! Y'all are fun to talk to. We round out the show with a few games: Devil's Advocate (in which we critique #Millennial!), Google That Shit: Holiday Edition, and Who Said It? Thank you ALL for a wonderful first year! We'll be back on January 13 with our season 2 premiere! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN DUUUUUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN!!! If you knew that was the Star Wars theme song, congratulations on reaching Level 10 Master Nerd status. Seriously, we're PUMPED to be visiting a galaxy far, far away again, and the new Fantastic Beasts trailer is the cherry on our movie madness sundae. "$5 to take a shit, please." Words you could be hearing on your next flight? So says Congressman Dan Lipinski (D-IL), whose "Comfortable and Fair Flights Act of 2015" is designed purely to forbid airlines from charging for bathroom access. Woodland, North Carolina shows us why we can't have nice things when people think solar energy is a finite resource. What the what? The Paris Climate Deal is official, and it relies heavily on voluntary commitments-- is there still cause to celebrate? Hidden From the Headlines reveals prejudices against women in Israel as Jennifer Lawrence posters are torn down and vandalized. Question of the Week: Fast food. Where would you eat the rest of your life, if you were forced to choose? Favorite Song of 2015 asks us each what epitomized the year for us. Surprise, bitch! interrupts a listener in the midst of finals. And in this week's installment of After Dark: Text messaging is so ubiquitous, it has its own etiquette. And a new study says ending your text with a period makes you sound disingenuous. "What's something you do that you secretly hope others do, too?" Buckle up. It's getting gross. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As the season finale gets closer and closer, we get a little nostalgic and invite ex-host Micah to join us for a very Trump-filled episode. The holiday season is about gift-giving (and nothing else) but sometimes it's a little stressful to find the perfect item for a loved one. So, the hosts have a few suggestions to help you out this festive season. We take a moment in the show to discuss the horrible mass shooting that happened in San Bernardino, California. The four of us are just so fed up with having to hear our politicians give their “thoughts and prayers” instead of getting off their asses and doing something! Andrew pledges that gun control is going to be his main focus in 2016 and isn’t afraid to be a dick about it! Jimmy Carter is cancer-free! Now, the 91-year-old former president has his whole life ahead of him. STD! Yeah, you know me! There’s this sexy new STD that’ll surely make the ladies bleed and gents cry (down there). Beijing has gone full “red alert” on their ongoing smog problem. Laura, tries to give us details on the matter but her usage of metric terms just confuses the boys. It is an Associate Producer’s Choice EXTRAVAGANZA! This week we are asked for advice on the responsibility of moving to a new city with or without the promise of a job. Plus, our favorite moments of 2015! And this week, on After Dark: In our second 'Favorite of 2015' segment, we share our favorite uplifting news moments of the year. Laura makes a huge confession that she's never told any of us before. Andrew is in shock and has several follow up questions. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are we still doing this? Yes? Okay. This week's episode kicks off with a Secret Santa announcement that's going to have all four of us at the top of this year's Naughty List. Quickfire News takes us through the week's most gripping headlines 2 minutes at a time, wherein we try to wrap our heads around the cowardly Planned Parenthood shooting, Jeb Bush's dwindling credibility, and why ISIS fucks with ducks. #SueMe Andrew picks songs of dying animals screeching in foreign languages for our "No Context" game. Because biodiversity and clean air are about to become unicorns, we explain the climate change conference happening in Paris right now, and why, please God, it needs to include binding commitments. "The dress is white," they said. "Trust us," they said. In this week's Surprise, Bitch! we meet a listener in Chicago. Don't climb into Andrew's bed. Or let his dog lick your face. This show concludes with our favorite listener Confessionals, which seem to mirror our own secrets eerily well. And in this week's installment of After Dark: A woman has her ribs removed-- on purpose-- and West Point bans pillow fights. All in a week's worth of WTF News. Laura tests a new game called "Expert Opinion," wherein Andrew is forced to describe the flesh light manufacturing process and Matt has to write a show for Netflix. Shitty kitty and wanky spanky! This new gamey shwamey exposes how the world would communicate if it were run by Dr. Seuss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s a holiday week here in the United States, so the hosts are thinking less about ISIS and more about FUN in the 42nd edition of #Millennial. Congratulations to our raffle winners who’ve won a free month of Patreon for supporting us on iTunes! With Thanksgiving on the horizon we share family dinner horror stories from our listeners. We pray none of you have similar experiences this Thanksgiving. Black Friday is also upon us: Are any of us participating in the festivities? A bit of entertainment news: HBO is messing with us concerning the Jon Snow debate, and Mockingjay, Part 2 opened at the box office to a series low. Games games games! In “Who Said It?” Laura asks us to guess which legendary figureheads said weird-ass things. We play another round of Host Confessionals, in which the four of us unveil new secrets from our past (or present). Note to self: Don’t give (spoiler) any dolls this Christmas. We address a few fun questions from our listeners, including one in which we figure out which Harry Potter character each of our hosts are most similar to. Music Recommendations: Each of us gives you a great song to listen to while traveling for the holiday! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To our French listeners and friends: we know you've heard so many condolences over the past week, so we hope ours don't sound rote or insincere. We hope you believe us when we tell you that our hearts bleed for you. We were nauseated by the unconscionable attacks orchestrated by those psychofuck pigs. But if there's one thing our shared history has taught us, it's that France is built of stronger stuff than anything-- anyone-- that has ever attacked it. You were the United States' first ally, before there even was a United States. We will always be yours. Vive la France. In this week's episode of #Millennial: We take some time to deconstruct the heinous terrorist attacks in Paris last Friday. The four of us were in constant communication while the tragedy unfolded, and we share our thoughts from that night and our hopes for the coming weeks. Somewhat despicably, 28 United States governors (and counting) are now refusing to accept Syrian refugees within their states' borders, citing the fact that one of the terrorists allegedly disguised himself as one. We're all embarrassed. In an effort to lighten the mood for those who need it most, we move on with the rest of the show, disseminating some exciting and bizarre entertainment news. Speaking of Katniss: someone give that girl a(n equal) paycheck. Jennifer Lawrence recently wrote about gender inequality in Hollywood, and while no one can relate to haggling over millions of dollars, most women can relate to her message. YOU get a civil rights violation! SHE gets a civil rights violation! EVERY.ONE.GETS. A CIVIL RIGHTS VIOLATION. Hidden from the Headlines reveals attorney-client privilege may be a thing of the past. Associate Producer's Choice asks us about our gaming experiences: favorite consoles, favorite games, childhood nostalgia, and why Call of Duty is (sorry not sorry) overrated. And in this installment of After Dark: We wrap up our earlier conversation about Paris, addressing in particular the calls to support the victims of terrorism in Beirut as well. Fair point, but we have some conditions. Nick asks us how we keep our faith in humanity through these crises. And finally, Oxford English Dictionary's Word of the Year? Emoji. -_- Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

#Millennial turns 40 (weeks) in this mid-life crisis of an episode. Shooting the Shit opens the show with a new raffle opportunity for anyone who wants to leave an iTunes review and win a month of free Patreon. (After you've reviewed, enter here: https://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/c46bdea41/ ) The birds and the bees are important, and not just because they serve as convenient euphemisms for sex. They also pollinate our food, which is kind of, somewhat important. But the USDA is allegedly punishing their top scientist for publishing a report on how insecticides are killing them all off. Metrojet 9268 was a confirmed case of ISIS terrorism, and CNN is a confirmed case of journalistic failure. Their fear-mongering worked on at least one of us. SeaWorld announces a change to their usual Orca whale routine, but don't worry, they aren't changing the fact they're assholes. The U.S. comprises just 5% of the world's population, but 25% of the world's prisoners. But last week, the Justice Department released 6,000 of them in an effort to acknowledge that nonviolent drug offenders shouldn't be locked away for life. Hear us all struggle to connect Justin Bieber to prison reform! It's obvious, right? Bieber should be in prison? No Context comes back with a vengeance. What's this? The Confessional is back too?! It's been a while, but we bring back the segment to advise someone not to feel shame for what happened to them as a child. Surprise, Bitch! lands us a really cool listener single-handedly battling Donald Trump in Idaho. We make her play No Context, and she nails it. And in this week's After Dark: We devote the whole installment to discussing various Associate Producer's Choices-- topics submitted by our $10 supporters. Thanks babes. Questions include: What are our long-term plans for the show? (Spoiler: dating service.) What's our take on the whole Starbucks cup controversy? What's our favorite thing to complain about each holiday season? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s an Andrew-less episode this week. Buckle up, this is gonna be a rough ride. Our friend John Thrasher joins us - check out his podcast, Currently! And in this week’s After Dark: A viral video of a school resource officer beating a teenage girl apparently isn’t evidence enough for some that we have a police brutality problem. We also can’t stop talking about Paul Ryan. GTFO our show, Paul. Laura and Matt are subjected to a round of Devil’s Advocate in which we learn that property damage is to be expected from UN staff and the average Joe doesn’t really need privacy anyway. Drunk or Kid features hair cutting, snot, marshmallows, and…. a strange liquid concoction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

​Welcome back, sycophants. Episode 38 opens with a quick recap of the presidential election, wherein we bemoan the loss of both Joe Biden's and (probably) Jeb Bush's campaigns.​ Murdering toddlers: not as clear-cut of an issue as you might think. News kicks off with a warning for the small percentage of the population that eats meat. Harry's back! And not just Harry, but his son, Albus Severus Sirius James Carrot McNugget Toyota Steve Potter Jr. too! Hidden from the Headlines reveals historians recently discovered the origins of the King James Bible, and with it, perhaps a bit of realism about how best to interpret the Word of God. Surprise, BITCH! welcomes Paige and her deathly fear of sidewalks. Halloween inspires us to take a look at the history of the holiday, and more importantly, our own creepy-scary stories. And in this week's After Dark: Andrew asks us what other babies we'd kill, because why not. Our funniest Halloween stories reveal a lot about our childhoods and our friendships Somehow this segues into reliving the embarrassing tale of how the girls met, and how they collectively cyberbullied an online robot. It gets weird. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The new Star Wars movie is on the way, and Andrew reminds us all why it's important to stick a light-saber up your butt. Also: ​Congratulations on your hot new Prime Minister, Canada! Speaking of elections, we recap last week's Democratic debate and fight over who won versus who only appeared to win. Listener feedback reveals our listeners hate us. And this week's news kicks off with some gay shit. Why is everyone coming out over Facebook? Is there something about cat memes that evokes sexual empowerment in you people? Everything's bigger in Texas, including the sexism. Lawmakers in the state just banned taxpayer funding to Planned Parenthood and we… still don't get it. Surprise, bitch! is a miss then a hit that takes us right on back to Canada. And in this week's installment of After Dark: On the heels of all the Planned Parenthood controversies, the girls seek to dispel some common myths about the vagina and its health challenges. Buckle up. This is going places. Andrew squirms his way through a discussion about periods, but shares some critical insight about ball sacs. Have you been a good girl? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices