It’s Not About the Sex

In this up close and personal episode, Andrew and Sue explore the challenges associated with asking for help. Andrew reviews his 30-year journey of not only learning how to ask for help but becoming more and more comfortable seeking consultation from trusted friends, colleagues and mentors. To contact Andrew please do so through his website: https://westsidetherapist.com

As a certified life and recovery coach, Linda works extensively with couples interested in revitalizing their intimate, sexual connection. With a focus on deeper contact to self and to one another, Linda shares her respectful approach to couples in recovery including somatic tools, mindfulness and “homeplay” that she suggests for practice between sessions. With many years of personal and professional experience, this conversation will take you up close and personal toward the healing of sexual challenges.

Andrew and Sue discuss their recent experience on Santa Monica Beach entitled “MindTravel”. In this episode, they re-visit the theme of forgiveness which was the focal point of this multi-sensory experience. Spiritual? Metaphysical? Psychological? All of the above were present during this highly-creative experiential evening.

In this episode we discuss sexual integrity based on Dr. Davidson’s book of the same name. We also take a fresh look at the depathologizing language of compulsive sexual behavior rather than sex addiction. Dr. Davidson shares his direct, psycho-educational approach to working with couples to help them expand their capacity for discussing and exploring sex in safe and productive ways.

Did you know that the term Positive Psychology was coined less than twenty-five years ago? Although it’s one of the newer additions to the mental health field, it has taken its place as a refreshing, optimistic approach to life fulfillment. In today’s episode we take a look at its connection to coaching as well as a comparison with the Twelve Steps and psychotherapy.

Mindful self-compassion has taken the world by storm as a power tool for wellness and self-acceptance. Borrowing from the Self-Compassion. Break developed by Chris Germer and Kristin Neff, Andrew walks you through this exercise which provides a valuable way to speak to yourself kindly and mindfully.

To celebrate our 75th episode, we turn the tables on our podcast producer, Sue Merlino as we discuss her career which has involved several twists and turns but always comes back to both storytelling and connection. As a close friend and collaborator for the past 37 years, Sue and Andrew take a stroll down memory lane as well as a mindful chat about purpose and direction.

Dr. Edison DeMello, an integrative physician and author of the recent groundbreaking book Bloated? joins us for an informative, mind-body-spirit discussion about how addictive, compulsive behaviors can be related to the gut. He normalizes the shame often attached to painful gastrointestinal issues while offering practical healing strategies. Listen to Dr. DeMello’s depth of expertise and refreshing perspective toward optimizing health and wellbeing.

Today’s episode entitled Brainspotting: A Step by Step Approach goes behind the scenes and into an actual session. Although it’s a worldwide phenomenon utilized in more than 70 countries, Brainspotting remains a mystery to many. In this episode Andrew and Sue offer a step by step demonstration of the standard sequence used in this healing process.

Today we welcome Dr. Eva Altobelli, a Santa Monica-based addiction psychiatrist and psychedelics expert who speaks openly about the therapeutic use of psilocybin, ketamine and MDMA. This discussion clarifies both the controversy and the research-based direction the clinical community is moving.

Dual Diagnosis? Co-occurring Disorders? Today we explore how these terms originated and how they are commonly used within the medical model. Because they don’t take into account the complexities of trauma, nervous system regulation and attachment ruptures, these terms are limited in their scope and relevance. Tune in to this honest conversation about the multi-faceted, multi-layered approach to treating addictive, compulsive patterns and mental health challenges.

In this episode we welcome Dr. Mel Pohl, a seasoned addiction and chronic pain physician in the field for more than forty years. He is the Senior Medical Consultant at the Pointe Malibu Recovery Center, Clinical Assistant Professor at the University of Nevada and author of two valuable books focusing on pain management. Together we discuss the challenges and opportunities related to chronic pain recovery as well as the promising advances of neuroscience.

Today Andrew offers a short, guided imagery called A Day at the Beach. Take this opportunity to give yourself a few minutes to visit a favorite place from your past—a mini-vacation of relaxation.

In this episode Andrew and Sue travel behind the scenes of group therapy to take a closer look at the opportunity to learn about oneself side-by- side with others invested in growing together. Group therapy is one of the most cost-effective and underutilized forms of deeper healing. Join this vital conversation to get a glimpse into this often-misunderstood therapeutic experience. GPALA.org AGPA.org

Today we welcome Mellissa McCracken who brings an elegant combination of experience, expertise, compassion, and clarity to this complicated subject with a focus on men who have sex with men. Utilizing a practical, harm-reduction approach, clients benefit from an open-minded, holistic method to establishing longer-term recovery and healing.

Today’s episode features Dr. Lucy Postolov who discusses how trauma is treated through Chinese Medicine. Lucy talks about the art and science of Chinese Medicine and acupuncture and how she conceptualizes and treats both physical and emotional trauma. With thirty-five years of experience, Lucy brings an extraordinary depth of experience to this episode as well as to her colleagues and patients.

Today Andrew offers a short, guided visualization traditionally called A Safe Place which he renamed A Peaceful Place. Take this opportunity to give yourself a few minutes to visit a favorite place from your past—a mini-vacation of relaxation.

On today’s episode psychotherapist Bill Herring joins us from Atlanta as he introduces us to the Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB) framework he developed. Bill explores a non-pathologizing, refreshing perspective he applies to all sexual behaviors that have become problematic. Tune in to understand the five concise components often related to compulsive sexual behavior, porn struggles and chronic infidelities. www.billherring.com or www.sash.net.

Today’s episode features Dr. Shane Kraus, a clinical psychologist and Assistant Professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. Shane was instrumental in the development of the World Health Organization’s recent classification of Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD). In this conversation he also shares his perspective on “moral incongruence”. Tune in to hear a research-based, grounded viewpoint on CSBD and the healing direction for the future.

Another Valentine’s Day, another opportunity to re-visit our blueprints of giving and receiving love. In this intimate conversation, Andrew and Sue examine their love languages derived from the bestselling book, The Five Love Languages. Take the brief quiz at www.5lovelanguages.com which reveals how you feel most loved and desired. Keep in mind that these languages not only apply to romantic partners but can be relevant to all your relationships.

Nowadays you hear more and more about gratitude, but how do you integrate it into your daily life? In this episode Andrew leads you through a 5-minute guided imagery focusing on appreciation of life, yourself and loved ones. This may be a valuable reminder or possibly a kickstart for a gratitude practice.

Today we welcome Robyn Goldberg, RDN, CEDRD-S, registered dietician and author who helps us understand eating disorders and disordered eating in a friendly, easy-to-digest manner. With more than two decades of experience, Robyn brings a rare depth of experience as she discusses the profound suffering sometimes associated with food, body image and intimacy issues. Robyn can be reached on her websites at www.askaboutfood.com and www.theeatingdisordertrap.com or by phone at (310) 273-0413.

Loneliness is everywhere. It’s a form of invisible suffering that is a universal part of being human. It’s also a trigger toward compulsive sex and possibly the fantasy to be rescued. We’re all lonely at one time or another, but how we respond to the loneliness is the key. Responding with acceptance, understanding and compassion will ease the pain inside. Cultivate emotionally-dependable connections and you will feel more soothing whenever you can use a shoulder to lean on. Kk5lbivCTFFmnCwD3BVw

Today, Duane talks with Andrew Susskind about his book, It's Not About the Sex: Moving from Isolation to Intimacy after Sexual Addiction. They go into depth about attachment, emotional regulation, the need for reliable people to heal your traumatic wounds, and how we can do that when we're in recovery and still struggling with internal chaos.

Scratch the surface of compulsive sexual behavior and you’ll find intimacy avoidance. Andrew and Sue take a closer look at what is often referred to as love avoidance (aka avoidant attachment pattern) which acts as a survival strategy but eventually outlasts its purpose. Tune in to discover how this attachment style may apply to you.

Porn Brain Reboot podcast: Andrew is a featured guest as Dr. Trish Leigh focuses this interview on his book It’s Not About the Sex with a special emphasis on the chapters related to shame, grief, narcissism and codependency.

In this podcast we welcome Cynthia Schwartzberg who is a licensed clinical social worker and Brainspotting trainer based in Atlanta. She is the author of The Curious Voyage: A Rule-Breaking Guidebook to Authenticity which provides powerful exercises and insights that will strengthen your connection both to your truest self and to others. www.cynthasis.com or (917) 816-3534.

Based on Johann Hari’s Ted Talk, Andrew and Sue explore the premise that “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.” Andrew believes that emotional sobriety and nervous system regulation are pillars of connection and sustainable recovery. Listen to this episode as you put together the triad of connection for yourself: connection to self, connection to others and connection to a higher power.

Today’s podcast features psychotherapist and certified sex addiction therapist, Debra Kaplan who passionately discusses her work with couples on issues of “relational currency”, sexual and financial health and imbalances of power. Her recent book “Battle of the Titans: Mastering the Forces of Sex, Money and Power in Relationships” provides a basis for a lively exploration of how these elements make or break relationships. Debra can be reached at www.debrakaplancounseling.com or [email protected]. Be sure to follow or subscribe to the podcast and you can get a copy of Andrew's book, "It's Not About the Sex" here.

Today’s podcast features Dr. Carol Clark, sex therapist, addictions specialist and author who discusses addiction as a universal problem. She also explores the intersection of sex, relationships and intimacy in the context of addiction recovery. You may contact Dr. Clark by email at [email protected] or through her websites at www.drcarolclark.com and www.addictamerica.net.

In this podcast we take a closer look at the often-misunderstood term sex addiction in contrast to the World Health Organization’s classification of compulsive sexual behavior. Through Andrew’s personal and professional experience, we discuss the historical context, the sexual health approach as well as the controversy over the conflicting language still at odds.

Today’s podcast features psychotherapist, workshop leader and speaker, Terra Holbrook, LCSW, CADC, CSAT who brings a unique healing approach to early childhood toxic stress. By utilizing Polyvagal Theory and Internal Family Systems (aka Parts Work), Terra focuses on the healing of deep-rooted intimacy wounds. You may contact Terra through her website at www.terraholbrook.com or email at [email protected]. Phone: (208) 520-5695

In twelve-step programs such as SLAA, fantasy is often labeled as a problem. Yet, it may also be an adaptive way to cope with a complicated childhood or trauma. So how can fantasy be a pleasurable, liberating experience? Tune in to this episode to learn more about this expansive subject and see how building the capacity for healthy fantasy is a sure-fire sign of advanced recovery.

This month marks thirty years since Andrew finished his graduate school experience at UCLA, and this podcast takes a clinical stroll down memory lane. From his roots in traditional talk therapy moving on to coaching, somatic therapies and group therapy, Andrew explores the evolution of the mental health field as well as his unexpected career path. Sprinkled into the conversation is his view on compulsive sexual behavior circa 1991 versus today.

In this podcast, we welcome an old friend and colleague, Buck Dodson who is a life coach and licensed psychotherapist passionate about helping clients share their gifts and activate their superpowers. Buck hosts the Gay Men’s Life Lab podcast and can be reached through his website at www.buckdodson.com.

Many people find it challenging to start a meditation practice. In this “mini-meditation” Andrew will lead you through a brief Grounding exercise that takes less than 5 minutes of your time. Give it a try and see what happens.

In this informative podcast, we welcome San Diego-based sexual health author, trainer, and psychotherapist, Douglas Braun-Harvey. His recent book “Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior: Rethinking Sex Addiction” sets the stage for a lively discussion about his sexual health model. Braun-Harvey offers us easy-to-understand ways of conceptualizing out of control sexual behaviors as a sexual health problem and not a disease or addiction. Tune in for this very educational and articulate conversation.

Today we take a closer look at the inner critic that exists within each of us and often gets entangled with shame and perfectionism. Because you learned in childhood how to judge yourself, you can also learn to cultivate self-acceptance and self-compassion in your recovery today. By observing yourself with curiosity, you can explore how your inner saboteur might have served a purpose but has outlasted its welcome. Tune in to learn more about turning down the volume on the inner critic while practicing self-compassion.

In this podcast, we welcome Dr. Joe Kort, licensed psychotherapist, author, and a board-certified sexologist. He is the founder and director of the Center for Relational and Sexual Health in Royal Oak, Michigan. Dr. Kort discusses the often- overlooked topic of Straight Men Who Have Sex with Men and explores sexual fluidity, erotic vs. sexual orientation as well as the stigma associated with straight- identified men who enjoy specific sexual acts with other men. Join us for this informative and honest sexual health conversation.

In this podcast, we offer an alternative approach to processing hurt. Traditionally, therapists focus on healing the hurt by talking it out with the transgressor (e.g. parent, significant other, co-worker). Instead, today’s podcast encourages you to take full responsibility for all of your feelings and reactions without blaming or finger-pointing. Because cumulative hurt can create vulnerability to relapse, this method supports long-term recovery and takes you out of the quicksand of falling into victim mode.

Today we welcome Tom Pecca, MA, LMHC, CSAT, CTT who is a Senior Clinical Advisor for the Guest House-Ocala located in Central Florida. As a trauma and addictions specialist and educator, Tom discusses how both aspects of healing need to be fully addressed in order to promote long-term sustainable recovery. We also take a look at sexual recovery and attachment patterns as part of the deeper healing from compulsive sexual behaviors.

In this podcast we explore resilience which is sometimes defined as the capacity to recovery quickly from difficulties. So how do you build resilience? Listen to our revealing conversation and begin to consider ways to fortify your nervous system, alleviate shame and sustain longer-term recovery.

Today we welcome international Brainspotting trainer and addiction specialist, Dr. Roby Abeles who practices in Sydney, Australia. Dr. Abeles gives us a brief overview of neuroscience, addiction, and Brainspotting and introduces us to her highly-effective version of Brainspotting called the Crocodile set-up. Learn more about this cutting-edge approach to healing addictive, compulsive behaviors from one of the leaders in the field of Brainspotting. Contact Dr. Abeles at www.brainspottingaustraliapacific.com.au

Today Andrew leads you in a short, mindful breathing exercise. Many relaxation exercises require five minutes, ten minutes, or even more, but here he invites you to take just a few minutes to observe your breath with curiosity and non-judgment. Find a comfortable space and give yourself a chance to catch your breath.

In this podcast, we welcome psychotherapist and DBT specialist, Elle Michel, LMFT to discuss how Dialectical Behavior Therapy helps clients heal from trauma and addiction. She shares about the clinical applications of DBT and expands on specific skills such as emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness.

It’s that time of year again, and this is going to be a holiday season unlike any other. With a new wave of Covid crossing our country, travel is questionable, and being “home for the holidays” takes on a whole different meaning. In this podcast, we discuss ways to navigate the holiday season and strengthen recovery through mindfulness, creative connection, and healthier boundaries.

Andrew interviews psychologist and certified sex addiction therapist/supervisor, Dr. Tracy Zemansky who specializes in treating professionals struggling with boundary crossings, boundary violations, and sexual misconduct. Through customized group therapy, she provides support to doctors, lawyers, pilots as well as other professionals toward healing problematic sexual behaviors and preventing further difficulties. Dr. Zemansky is one of the few therapists in California offering this essential form of treatment. For more information, visit Dr. Zemansky’s website: www.drtracyzemansky.com

Susskind and Merlino take on the often-misunderstood topic of obsession in today’s podcast. In this episode we look at obsession as a universal part of being human and a chance to learn about oneself and one’s mind. Because love addiction and fantasy often result in obsession, this podcast offers a larger perspective on the road to healing. Susskind presents specific strategies to move beyond obsession and healing from your original longings.

In this podcast, we welcome Eddie Capparucci, LPC, C-CSAS, CPCS, creator of the Inner Child Recovery Process for the treatment of sex and porn addiction. This method uncovers the root issues of sex addiction and provides clients with tools and insight to manage their behaviors. He is the author of Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction. Contact Eddie Capparucci at [email protected] or www.innerchild-sexaddiction.com

Susskind and Merlino take on the often-misunderstood subject of anger and how it influences long-term recovery. Andrew believes that unexpressed anger can create vulnerability to relapse and expressing anger safely and productively can create more authentic intimacy and connection in your relationships. Can anger truly be an ally? Tune in and find out.