It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Bill and Megan continue their “Bringing It to Life” series, discussing how to identify and manage high conflict personalities in the workplace. They provide insights and strategies for leaders to improve workplace culture.Bill and Megan aim to help listeners learn skills to keep conflict small and maintain healthy work environments. In this episode, they focus on limiting the damage caused by toxic employees.Recognizing High Conflict Behavior PatternsBill explains the typical behavior patterns of high conflict personalities. These include blaming others, black-and-white thinking, uncontrolled emotions, and taking extreme actions.Megan notes that toxic employees can split work groups and harm morale. Their behavior tends to be rigid and repetitive.They discuss methods to identify whether one or more employees are exhibiting these disruptive patterns.Managing High Conflict EmployeesBill and Megan explore options like coaching, setting limits, and imposing consequences. They note that firing toxic staff may be necessary.They stress the importance of intervening early before the situation escalates. Allowing bullying and chaos enables bad behavior.The hosts explain how removing one high conflict person can calm tensions and shift workplace culture.Questions we answer in this episode:How do you spot high conflict behavior patterns?Should you keep or fire toxic employees?What happens after a high conflict employee leaves?Key Takeaways:Look for patterns like blaming, black-and-white thinking, uncontrolled emotions.Don't wait years to address high conflict employees.Removing bullies can transform workplace culture.This practical episode provides valuable insights for improving morale and productivity by minimizing the damage caused by high conflict personalities. Bill and Megan offer useful strategies to create a thriving workplace.Links & Other NotesWEBINAR (FREE)Register here: Bullies in the Workplace — May 10, 2024BOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesIt’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationNEW WAYS FOR WORK COACHES TRAININGCoaches TrainingARTICLESFire or Keep High Conflict EmployeesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Bring It to Life #2: Impact of HCPs on the Workplace Culture (01:06) - The Scenario (06:54) - One or Both? (09:38) - Contagious (13:05) - Resistant to Change (15:23) - Productivity (17:40) - Aftermath (29:26) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict Divorce

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan continue their "Bringing It to Life" series with special guest Elaine Richardson, a solicitor and mediator from the UK. Continuing their conversation from the previous episode, they dive deep into the challenges of managing high conflict personalities in family law and mediation, offering practical strategies for professionals and individuals alike.Identifying High Conflict PersonalitiesThey discuss the importance of considering three possibilities when faced with accusations of high conflict behavior: the allegation may be true, it may be a projection, or both parties may be engaging in high conflict behavior. They emphasize the need for professionals to maintain an open mind and avoid blindly believing one party's claims.Navigating High Conflict Clients and MediationElaine shares her experiences as a solicitor and mediator, highlighting the importance of setting clear boundaries with high conflict clients. She discusses strategies for managing difficult situations, such as challenging clients when necessary and recognizing the "personality in waiting" that may emerge during the process.Effective Communication StrategiesBill talks again about the BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) communication method as a tool for managing high conflict interactions. He explains how using BIFF can help de-escalate tensions and encourage mirror behavior from the other party. Elaine and Bill also discuss the importance of focusing on behavior rather than labels when addressing high conflict individuals.Questions we answer in this episode:How can professionals identify high conflict personalities?What strategies can solicitors and mediators use to manage high conflict clients?How can individuals communicate effectively with high conflict people?What role does setting boundaries play in managing high conflict situations?Key Takeaways:Maintain an open mind when faced with accusations of high conflict behaviorSet clear boundaries with high conflict clientsUse BIFF communication to de-escalate tensions and encourage positive mirror behaviorFocus on behavior rather than labels when addressing high conflict individualsBe prepared for the "personality in waiting" to emerge during the processThis episode of It's All Your Fault offers invaluable insights for professionals and individuals navigating the challenges of high conflict personalities in family law and mediation. Bill, Megan, and Elaine provide practical strategies and real-world examples that listeners can apply to their own situations, making this a must-listen episode for anyone seeking to manage high conflict interactions more effectively.Links & Other NotesBOOKSBIFF for LawyersOur New World of Adult BulliesTRAININGNew Ways for MediationHigh-Conflict Mediation Lecture and DemonstrationMediation in Domestic Violence CasesCOACHINGShared Parenting Scotland (coaching + class for anyone in the UK)Pre-mediation coaching(for anyone prior to mediating)Workplace coaching (for executives/leaders; employees; HR; anyone)ARTICLESThe CARS MethodHow to Write a BIFF Response®Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:33) - Part 2 with Elaine Richardson (01:46) - Approaching a Potential High Conflict Mediation Case (05:55) - Three Possibilities of the Case (10:22) - When Your Client Is High Conflict (18:45) - Handling High Conflict Between Lawyers (26:41) - New Law in UK (31:15) - Shared Parenting Scotland (33:59) - Wrap Up (35:19) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Workplace Conflict

Poll Results, Case Studies, and Strategies: Navigating High Conflict MediationIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan kick off a new periodic series called "Bring It to Life," where they dive into real-life case studies and provide practical strategies for navigating high conflict situations. They also share the results of recent polls on child custody and women in marriage. Joined by special guest Elaine Richardson, a family solicitor from the UK, Bill and Megan explore the challenges of mediating cases involving high conflict personalities.Revealing Poll Results and Introducing "Bring It to Life"Bill and Megan begin the episode by discussing the results of two recent polls conducted on their website. The first poll focuses on child custody, revealing insights into the perspectives of family law professionals and family members. The second poll explores the topic of women and marriage, shedding light on the experiences and opinions of their listeners.Following the poll results, Bill and Megan introduce their new series, "Bring It to Life," where they will examine real-life case studies to provide listeners with practical advice and strategies for handling high conflict situations.Navigating the Complexities of High Conflict MediationIn the first installment of "Bring It to Life," Bill and Megan, along with Elaine Richardson, delve into a specific case study involving a high conflict personality in mediation. They discuss the challenges posed by individuals who engage in manipulative behavior, cause delays, and create difficulties for mediators and legal professionals. By examining this real-life scenario, they offer valuable insights and techniques for preventing further delays and effectively managing high conflict personalities in mediation.The episode also explores the concept of hybrid mediation, with Elaine explaining how it differs from traditional family mediation in the UK. Bill and Megan highlight the benefits of having lawyers present during mediation sessions and emphasize the importance of maintaining confidentiality throughout the process.Recognizing and Addressing Bullying BehaviorA significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing projection and bullying behavior in high conflict cases. Bill and Megan share their expertise on recognizing these behaviors and provide strategies for negotiating with individuals who exhibit them. They stress the importance of understanding the spectrum of bullying behaviors, ranging from reputation smearing to more extreme cases of violence and destruction.Questions we answer in this episode:What do the recent poll results reveal about child custody and women in marriage?How can mediators and legal professionals effectively handle high conflict personalities in mediation?What are the advantages of hybrid mediation compared to traditional family mediation?How can one recognize and address projection and bullying behavior in high conflict cases?What strategies can be employed when negotiating with individuals who exhibit bullying behavior?Key Takeaways:The poll results provide valuable insights into perspectives on child custody and women in marriage.High conflict personalities can significantly impact the mediation process, causing delays and challenges.Hybrid mediation offers benefits by involving lawyers in the mediation process.Recognizing and understanding the spectrum of bullying behaviors is essential for effective negotiation.Mediators should educate parties on their options and consequences while maintaining confidentiality and managing expectations.This episode of It's All Your Fault offers a wealth of information and practical advice for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in mediation or legal settings. By sharing poll results, introducing the "Bring It to Life" series, and discussing real-life case studies, Bill and Megan provide listeners with valuable insights and strategies to navigate these challenging situations effectively.Links & Other NotesGuest website—Elaine Richardson of Richardson Family LawBOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesBullies Webinars (free): Bullies in Families- April 19Bullies in the Workplace- May 10Mediating High Conflict DisputesBIFF for LawyersBIFF for Co-Parent CommunicationTRAINING FOR PROFESSIONALSNew Ways for MediationCOACHING FOR ANYONE GOING INTO MEDIATIONPre-mediation coachingDivorce/Co-Parenting Class + Coaching: New Ways for FamiliesARTICLESProposals and BIFF: Two Simple Methods for Mediating with a High-Conflict Person10 Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict MediationOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Guest Elaine Richardson and Poll

Welcome to another insightful discussion with Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter as they welcome mediator Sonja Wood. Bill and Megan chat with Sonja about her fascinating journey from chemistry to mediation. Sonja discusses her experiences facing discrimination and a lack of conflict training in Europe that pushed her to study mediation. She shares navigating cultural differences working across countries and her transition to life in Texas. Bill and Megan are keen to learn how Sonja utilizes high conflict methods like BIFF in her work.Sonja reflects on encountering closed doors trying to address issues at her former company and deciding to gain conflict resolution skills instead. She took German mediation training before attaining Texas certification and specializing in civil and business mediation. Sonja values continuing education, most recently in positive psychology. Bill and Megan admire Sonja actively supporting mediation across the Lone Star State in volunteer work and through her Texas Association of Mediators chairship.Whether considering mediation or dealing with disputes yourself, tune in for valuable insight on constructive resolution from this esteemed guest. Sonja's perseverance achieving success across cultures proves issues are solvable when approached with understanding, like the high conflict methods advocated by the High Conflict Institute.Links & Other NotesGuest Website: Sonja Wood websiteBOOKSBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationMediating High Conflict DisputesARTICLESShould Workplace Conflicts use Mediation?Don’t Ask “Why?” Ask “What’s Your Proposal?”POLLSMarriage and WomenJoint Custody vs. Sole Child CustodyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:40) - Mediation with Sonja Wood (02:34) - Sonja and Mediation (15:52) - Coming to the US (17:14) - Challenges Finding Training (19:05) - Types of Mediation (23:00) - High Conflict Mediation (24:36) - BIFF (29:21) - Tips for New Mediators (31:23) - Wrap Up (32:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Poll Results!

Navigating High Conflict Personalities in the WorkplaceIn this episode of "It's All Your Fault", Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Cherolyn Knapp to answer listener questions about dealing with high conflict personalities at work. As experts in the field of high conflict resolution, Bill and Megan provide valuable insights and strategies for managing challenging workplace interactions.Identifying and Responding to High Conflict BehaviorThe hosts and their guest discuss how high conflict individuals may present in the workplace, noting that they don't always yell or argue overtly. Passive-aggressive behavior, spreading rumors, and sabotaging others are common tactics used by high conflict personalities. Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of recognizing these behaviors and offer techniques for responding effectively, such as using "EAR" statements (empathy, attention, respect) to connect with the person and defuse the situation.Supporting Targets of High Conflict BehaviorMegan, Bill, and Cherolyn address a listener's question about feeling unsupported when targeted by a high conflict individual at work. They acknowledge the pain and difficulty of such situations and provide guidance on how to cope. The hosts suggest looking at personal choices and options, seeking support from others, and considering whether the current work environment is ultimately sustainable for one's well-being.Questions we answer in this episode:How can I protect my team from a high conflict individual in another department?What does high conflict behavior look like when it's not overt yelling or arguing?How can I get support when I'm being targeted by a high conflict person at work?What role do enablers play in perpetuating high conflict behavior?Key Takeaways:High conflict behavior isn't always loud and aggressive; it can be passive-aggressive, such as spreading rumors or sabotaging others.Using "EAR" statements (empathy, attention, respect) can help defuse high conflict situations and connect with the person.When targeted by a high conflict individual, it's important to assess your choices and options, and seek support.Enablers, whether supervisors, coworkers, or something else, can perpetuate high conflict behavior by siding with the high conflict person.This episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for navigating the challenges of high conflict personalities in the workplace. Whether you're a manager looking to protect your team or an individual feeling targeted by a high conflict coworker, Bill, Megan, and Cherolyn’s expertise can help you identify problematic behaviors, respond effectively, and prioritize your well-being.Links & Other NotesBOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationsIt’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleTRAININGRegister for New Ways for Work Training (for coaches, HR, EAP, and others who help people resolve conflict in the workplace)April 8 and 10 (12pm - 4pm Pacific)October 21 and 23 (2pm - 6pm Pacific)COACHING & CONSULTATIONNew Ways for Work Coaching (for employees or anyone in the workplace)Consulting (for management or for anyone wanting in-depth consultation on your unique case)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:34) - Welcome Back Cherolyn (03:05) - Listener Question #1: Dealing With a Workplace Bully (09:38) - EAR Statements and Connecting (11:57) - What to Say (13:57) - How High Conflict ‘Presents’ (17:04) - Passive Aggressive (19:36) - How to Deal With Them (22:43) - Dealing With Abuse Enablers (28:55) - New Ways for Work (35:50) - New Ways for Work Leaders (39:42) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Another Guest!

Is Sole Custody Ever Warranted Over Joint Custody?In this episode, Bill and Megan dive into the controversial topic of sole custody versus joint custody in divorce and child custody matters. They aim to answer the question: Is sole custody ever warranted, or is the principle of equal time with both parents always the best policy?Presumptions for Joint Custody vs. Sole CustodyBill explains that throughout the United States and most industrialized countries, there's a belief that both parents should be significantly involved with the children, generally called joint physical custody. However, he emphasizes that 80% of divorcing and separating parents don't use the courts to make their parenting decisions, as they're able to do it on their own. Sole custody, on the other hand, is only considered when there's a problem, such as when a parent has a personality disorder or exhibits high conflict behavior.The Impact of Personality Disorders on ChildrenBill discusses the impact of personality disorders on children, citing research that shows children exposed to a parent with a personality disorder without the benefit of another parent to soften that can experience emotional difficulties six times higher. In these cases, having sole custody with a more reasonable parent may be necessary for the child's mental health. However, Bill believes that children should still have some contact with both parents, even if it's limited.Navigating High Conflict Custody CasesMegan and Bill explore how a parent being dragged into court or reported to child services can navigate these situations. They emphasize the need for courts to be more aware of the presence and dynamics of personality disorders and the lack of change in these individuals. Bill also cautions against putting the decision-making responsibility on the children, as it can be a terrible idea to put them in that position.Questions we answer in this episode:Is sole custody ever warranted, or is joint custody always the best policy?How does a parent being dragged into court or reported to child services navigate these situations?Why is it a bad idea for courts to ask children about their preference for who they want to live with?How can parents and professionals be educated about having multiple perspectives in high conflict cases?What skills can parents and children learn to help with high conflict situations?Key Takeaways:Sole custody should only be considered when there's a problem, such as a parent with a personality disorder or high conflict behavior.Children exposed to a parent with a personality disorder without another parent to soften that can experience significant emotional difficulties.Courts need to be more aware of the presence and dynamics of personality disorders and the lack of change in these individuals.Putting the decision-making responsibility on children in custody cases can be a terrible idea.Teaching parents and children skills such as flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behavior can help with high conflict situations.This episode provides valuable insights into the complex world of high conflict custody cases and offers practical advice for parents and professionals navigating these situations. By exploring the nuances of sole custody versus joint custody and discussing the impact of personality disorders on children, Bill and Megan shed light on a topic that affects many families going through divorce or separation.Links & Other NotesPOLLTake our anonymous poll here: Poll: Joint vs. Sole Custody PollARTICLESConfirmation Bias: Getting it Backwards in High Conflict DisputesCOURSESNew Ways for Families® Counselor TrainingNew Ways for Families® Coaches Training for the Online ClassNew Ways for Life™ Instructor TrainingNew Ways for Families Online Class + Coaching (for parents)NWFL for kidsBOOKSDon’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Reclaim Your Life One Week at a TimeOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Child Custody (01:14) - Is Sole Custody Every Warranted? (10:05) - Talking to Court (11:37) - Push for Joint Custody? (13:21) - Multiple Perspectives (14:26) - Kid Preference? (18:45) - Skills for Parents (24:16) - Skills for Children (25:39) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Results of Last Week's Poll

Are Women Happier Married or Divorced?In this thought-provoking episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex topic of women's happiness in marriage. They explore recent research and articles that suggest women should get divorced to find happiness, and then offer their own insights and experiences to provide a balanced perspective.Examining the ClaimsBill and Megan start by discussing a book that claims 70% of divorces are initiated by women who are tired, fed up, and unhappy in their marriages. However, they point out that there are many reasons women may file for divorce first, and it doesn't necessarily mean they are more unhappy than men. They also note that while women historically have done more housework and childcare, many men today are stepping up as equal partners and caregivers.Finding Balance and HappinessThe hosts emphasize that happiness is possible both within marriage and while being single. They stress the importance of being a whole person, making good choices in partners, and developing strong relationship skills. Bill shares statistics showing that the vast majority of married women, especially those with children, report being happy in their marriages. However, they acknowledge that being a single parent is often the most challenging situation.Questions we answer in this episode:Are women happier being married or divorced?What factors contribute to women's happiness in relationships?How are gender roles and expectations changing in modern marriages?What relationship skills are essential for a happy marriage?Key Takeaways:Both men and women can be happy married or singleRelationship skills are crucial for success in marriage and other areas of lifeMarried women, especially those with children, report high levels of happinessSingle parenting is often the most challenging situationIt's important to be a whole person and make good choices in partnersThis episode offers a nuanced look at the complex question of women's happiness in marriage. By examining recent claims, sharing personal experiences, and diving into statistics, Bill and Megan provide valuable insights and perspective. Listeners will come away with a better understanding of the factors that contribute to happiness in relationships and the importance of developing strong relationship skills.Links & Other NotesPOLLTake our anonymous poll here: Marriage and Women Poll BOOKSDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life HellGenerations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America's FutureARTICLESWomen are Divorcing and Finally Finding HappinessWho is Happiest? Married Mothers and Fathers, Per the Latest General Social SurveyTo Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career (NY Times article)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Women’s Thoughts About Marriage (01:18) - Women Should Get Divorced to Find Happiness? (10:56) - Finding the Balance (15:03) - Statistics (18:03) - Relationship Skills (23:26) - Last Thoughts (25:04) - Poll (26:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Child Custody

Navigating Factitious Disorder and Child Custody DisputesIn this informative episode, Bill and Megan explore the complicated intersection of factitious disorder, child custody disputes, and high conflict personalities.Bill and Megan start by explaining what factitious disorder is, how it manifests, and its implications in child custody cases. They share insights from their experience in family law and high conflict disputes.Key topics covered include:The shift in terminology from Munchausen syndrome to factitious disorder and what this change signifiesPrevalence data showing these disorders are rare but have severe impacts when presentHow factitious disorders often involve misperceptions and disagreements about a child's health/medical needsThe role of personality disorders and their distorted perceptions in driving conflictStrategies for navigating these disputes like seeking multiple professional opinions and getting courts involveHow to appropriately communicate concerns to healthcare providers without biasing their perspectiveThe risks of improperly questioning or influencing children directlyQuestions we answer in this episode:What is factitious disorder and how is it relevant in child custody cases?What tips can help address concerns about a child's health in a constructive manner?How do personality disorders relate to conflict around children's health?When is it appropriate to involve the legal system in disputes about a child's care?What are the risks of discussing health concerns directly with your child?Key Takeaways:Factitious disorders are rare but can severely impact child custody cases when presentSeeking multiple professional opinions can help determine if concerns are validPersonality disorders often involve distorted perceptions driving conflictLegal interventions may be needed to protect children from excessive medical testingNever interrogate or influence children directly about suspected disordersThis practical episode offers guidance for any parents or family members concerned about potential factitious disorders and child health conflicts. Bill and Megan share their expertise to help listeners thoughtfully and safely address these challenging situations.Links & Other NotesBOOKSDon’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceCOURSES/VIDEOSErasing Family Documentary with Resistance/Refusal Commentary from Bill EddyResistance, Refusal and the Child’s BrainPROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for FamiliesFor Counselors- training specifically for counselors to learn the New Ways for Families method to use in high-conflict cases, including those with resistance/refusalFor Coaches: training specifically for divorce and co-parenting coaches to learn the New Ways for Families method to use in high-conflict cases or in any caseOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Factitious Order by Proxy (01:18) - What Is It? (05:52) - How to Intervene? (10:33) - Patterns (11:52) - Histrionic (16:08) - Speaking with Medical Professionals (20:11) - Discuss with the Child? (23:08) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Marriage and Women's Thoughts About It

Keeping the Peace: Managing High Conflict Issues at WorkOn this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan tackle how employers and managers can set healthy boundaries around discussing divisive societal issues at work. They provide guidance on creating a respectful, productive environment when employees have strong, differing opinions.Bill and Megan explain that while online conversations may feel more hostile lately, research shows it’s often due to a small group of aggressive, status-driven people. When divisive issues come up at work, reasonable people tend to disengage, allowing bullies to dominate the dialogue. This can deteriorate workplace culture and community.To maintain a cohesive team, leaders must set clear guidelines about acceptable communication. Bill suggests focusing on keeping conflicts impersonal and issues-based, not attacking people’s character. Megan adds that while managers have limited power to enforce culture alone, they can coach employees one-on-one on respectful communication.HR can recommend coaching to improve behaviors vs. immediately firing staff. Employees feeling bullied should speak up, understand their options, and get assertiveness training if needed. With the right boundaries and empathy, organizations can productively navigate sensitive topics.Questions we answer in this episode:How can managers discourage divisive talk when company policy is unclear?What coaching strategies can HR use for staff exhibiting bullying behaviors?What should employees do if they feel targeted by a workplace bully?Key Takeaways:Research shows online hostility comes from a vocal minority of aggressive people.Leaders must set guidelines to keep conflict impersonal and issues-based.Coaching can help managers, HR, and staff communicate respectfully.Employees feeling bullied should speak up and understand their options.With the right boundaries, companies can stay productive despite disagreements.Setting clear expectations while extending empathy enables workplaces to keep the peace during polarizing times. Tune in to hear Bill and Megan’s insightful guidance on fostering understanding.Links & Other NotesBOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them ― How to Stop ThemBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationIt’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleCOACHING & OTHER RESOURCESLive Lab™: 1:1 Coaching for Managing High-Conflict SituationsLive Lab Writing: learn to write BIFF Responses to hostile email or any written communicationLive Lab Verbal: learn to have conversations with high-conflict peopleLive Lab Boundaries: learn to set limits with high-conflict peopleCoaching for EmployeesTRAINING FOR WORKPLACE PROFESSIONALSNew Ways for Work® Coaches Training (for human resources, employee relations, and other coaches)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - External Issues Brought Into the Workplace (02:10) - Are People Becoming More High Conflict Online? (05:26) - Online Conflict Attractive to HCPs? (08:25) - Who's Doing More Bullying? (11:38) - Rules to Avoid Dominating the Conversation (14:36) - What Should an Organization Do? (20:53) - When Lacking Internal Support (22:04) - Setting Guidelines (23:29) - HR or Employment Relations (26:03) - When the Employee (30:20) - Wrap Up

Navigating the Storm of Teen RelationshipsIn this eye-opening episode of 'It's All Your Fault', hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute dive into the turbulent world of teen dating and relationship violence. Aimed at understanding and influencing the complexities of young people's interactions, this installment sheds light on how personality disorders could affect adolescent relationships, the emergence of digital violence, and strategies for intervention and prevention.Understanding Teen Dating ViolenceBill and Megan explore the significance of personality development in adolescents and its potential impact on dating violence. Discussions revolve around impulse control and interpersonal functioning, with a focus on borderline and antisocial personality disorders. The conversation is directed at parents and teens to recognize early signs of high conflict behaviors and the importance of intervention during adolescence. The episode also highlights the effectiveness of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and offers resources for those seeking help.Questions we answer in this episode:Do personality disorders matter in teen relationships?Can personality traits indicate a proclivity for relationship violence?How do peer attitudes influence teen dating violence?What role does gender inequality play in teen relationships?Why is self-regulation important to address in teens?Key Takeaways:Early personality development impacts adolescent dating behaviors.Impulse control and interpersonal dysfunction are key areas in personality disorders.Peer attitudes can have a stronger influence on teens than parental behavior.Gender inequality beliefs are risk factors for teen dating violence.Early intervention can help teens with high conflict behaviors adjust more effectively.Why This Episode is a Must-ListenBill and Megan's discussion is not just insightful—it's critical for understanding the dynamics at play in teen dating violence. This episode provides an essential guide for parents, educators, and teens to recognize and react to high conflict situations. By tuning in, you'll gain the knowledge to identify early warning signs and learn about the resources available to help manage and prevent relationship violence among young people. Don't miss out on this crucial conversation.Links & Other NotesWEBSITES ON TEEN DATING VIOLENCE AND DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPYBloom365Free Dialectical Behavior Therapy coursesHopeforBPDBOOKSGenerations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America's FutureThe Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of TraumaDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life HellARTICLESNew Research Finds A Connection Between Domestic Violence And These Two Personality DisordersRESEARCHPersonality disorders as predictors of intimate partner violence: A meta-analysisDating ViolenceOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Relationship Violence Part 2: Teen Relationships (00:50) - Personality Disorders in Teens (03:47) - Hot Reactive Violence vs. Cold Calculating Violence (06:17) - Resources (07:16) - TDV: Teen Dating Violence (12:19) - More Resources (13:49) - Digital Violence (22:58) - How to Approach Your Teen (25:01) - Setting Up Expetations (26:03) - TDV in Gen-Z (33:24) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict at Work

Bill and Megan explore the complex issue of relationship violence, focusing on factors that may predict aggressive behaviors and how to identify potentially abusive relationships. In this first part of a two-part discussion, they examine relationship violence through the lens of adult intimate partner relationships. The second part will focus specifically on teen dating violence. Bill and Megan provide research-informed insights to help us understand the roots of relationship violence and identify unhealthy patterns early on.Questions we answer in this episode:What personality disorders or traits are associated with an increased risk for domestic violence?How can you spot early warning signs of a potentially abusive partner?What is coercive control and how does it relate to domestic violence?What happens in the brain when someone lacks impulse control?How can we avoid “jamming our own radar” in relationships?Key Takeaways:Not everyone with a personality disorder will become abusive, but certain disorders like antisocial and borderline PD are risk factors.Pay attention to charm, immediate strong attachment, and “love bombing” as possible red flags when dating.Coercive control refers to non-physical ways an abuser maintains power, like isolation, verbal threats, financial control.Impulse control problems may stem from an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex or traumatic childhood experiences.Going through personal crises or having unrealistic relationship expectations can blind us to warning signs.In part one of this vital two-part discussion, Bill and Megan provide research-informed insights to help us understand the roots of relationship violence and identify unhealthy patterns early on. Tune in to gain knowledge that could help you or someone you care about build healthy, safe relationships.Links & Other NotesBOOKSDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to “The One” Who Will Make Your Life Hellavailable in paperback, audio, and e-book anywhere books are sold. Here are a few places you can get it.Get it on High Conflict Institute siteOn Amazon USOn Amazon AustraliaOn Amazon CanadaDATING RADAR SURVEY RESULTSRead results from entire survey here (scroll and click on “Read Dating Radar Survey Results”)HOTLINEUS Domestic Violence HotlineUS Hotline #: 800-799-7233ARTICLESDating Radar: Your X-Ray Vision In A New RelationshipPersonality Disorders and Intimate Partner ViolenceHIB PubMed article databaseDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?COURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsMediation in Domestic Violence CasesLIVE LABLive Lab: 1:1 coaching sessions to learn to use BIFF Responses, EAR Statements, and to set limitsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Relationship Violence Part 1: Adults (02:50) - Survey Results (08:19) - What Jams Our Radar? (14:00) - Impulse Control (19:48) - Factors in Violent Tendencies (28:07) - Domestic Violence in Family Law (33:01) - How Do You Know You’re in a Domestic Violence Relationship? (34:57) - Coercive Controlling Violence (39:01) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence Part 2: Teens

Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle an important but tricky topic in this episode - how to set healthy boundaries with others when tensions run high. Whether it's a contentious divorce, difficult coworker, or suspected lies, Bill and Megan provide realistic examples and actionable advice to constructively handle high-conflict situations. Tune in to learn techniques to establish boundaries while remaining calm and keeping conflicts small. This episode delivers takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.They provide tips across three common scenarios:Co-parenting after divorce: Look to standards or common practices as a starting point. Focus on protecting the children and not discussing certain topics in front of them. You can only control your own behavior - walk away if tensions escalate.Workplace conflicts: Practice using the BIF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) method in emails or conversations. Don't engage in unnecessary battles - end conversations if needed.Suspected lies: Always consider three perspectives - it could be true, false, or somewhere in between. Don't react emotionally or you may become a target of blame. Reality test tactfully if needed.Bill and Megan stress practicing these techniques and finding simple but memorable phrases to use when setting boundaries. Their realistic examples and actionable advice provide takeaways anyone can apply to enhance their most challenging relationships.Links & Other NotesLIVE LAB: 1:1 coaching to learn skills (setting limits, BIFF Responses, CalmB4Think)ARTICLE: 12 Tips for Co-Parent Boundaries ARTICLE: Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give ‘Em Your EARARTICLE: 4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkCOURSE: Conflict Influencer™ Certification Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Kicking Off Season Four (01:10) - Setting Limits in High Conflict Situations (02:00) - Co-Parenting (10:00) - The Work World (15:04) - Lying (25:38) - Wrapping Up (26:10) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Relationship Violence

Keeping the Peace This Holiday SeasonBill and Megan share tips for avoiding and defusing conflict at holiday gatherings. They offer insights from their work at the High Conflict Institute.In this timely episode, Bill and Megan explain how to prevent and de-escalate heated arguments that often arise when families reconnect after time apart. Listeners gain practical techniques to maintain a peaceful, enjoyable atmosphere.Avoiding Hot-Button TopicsBill notes that the high-emotion holidays can bring out uncontrolled behavior in some. He suggests posting a respectful gathering policy and having “minders” to gently redirect tense interactions.Megan explores preparation strategies like using self-talk and conversation redirection. Scheduling reminders helps you remember useful tools in the moment.Defusing TensionsBill advocates saving sensitive discussions for one-on-one talks, where polarization decreases. Groups often split into factions and fuel discord.Megan shares a touching example of connection occurring when two mothers met and shared their grief privately. Individual stories build bridges.Why It MattersBill and Megan provide simple but powerful ways to maintain self-control and model peaceful conflict resolution this season. Their advice offers pathways to joyful gatherings.Questions we answer:How can hosts set ground rules for respectful interactions?What tools can help individuals avoid unproductive fights?When and how should difficult topics be addressed?Key Takeaways:Posting expectations and having “minders” can prevent problems.Preparation and self-talk help you respond calmly in the moment.Save sensitive talks for one-on-one conversations later.Shared stories build connections between individuals.This timely episode provides useful techniques to prevent discord and promote goodwill this holiday season. Bill and Megan’s practical advice will help listeners consciously create an atmosphere of peace, joy and understanding.Links & Other NotesRESPECTFUL GATHERING POLICYDownload HCI’s Respectful Gathering Policy to hang up before your holiday gatheringsBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)ARTICLESHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysCalming Holiday ConflictsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Holiday Conflict (01:18) - When Someone Says Something (04:57) - If You're Hosting (07:15) - Respectful Gathering Policy (08:04) - Be Prepared (10:42) - Giving Yourself Encouraging Statements (12:30) - If You Want to Discuss the Topics (14:46) - Reason-Able (15:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A New Season!

Ending Hostile ConversationsBill and Megan share strategies for defusing tense conversations and exiting hostile interactions. They provide insights from the High Conflict Institute.Bill and Megan explain how to stop aggressive confrontations through limit-setting and agenda control. Listeners gain techniques to redirect heated exchanges into constructive dialogue.Defusing Tense SituationsBill outlines a two-step process for tense one-on-one interactions: warn hostile speakers to change their tone, then withdraw if attacks persist.Megan explores why we avoid limits and how practice builds confidence in boundaries. Ending destructive talks can be an act of kindness.Regaining ControlMegan recounts being publicly confronted while presenting. She learned arguing only empowers the disruptor.Bill emphasizes sticking to your agenda. Redirect speakers to appropriate questions.In social settings, empathize first, then question unverified claims. Exercise restraint in spreading rumors.Why It MattersBill and Megan provide tools to end toxic conversations, maintain self-control, and model peaceful conflict resolution. Their advice offers pathways to greater understanding.Questions answered:Exiting hostile one-on-one interactionsResponding when confronted publiclyRedirecting charged conversationKey Takeaways:Warn, then withdraw from attacksRefuse to engage hostile agendasQuestion unverified claims politelyYour firm boundaries can influence climateThis episode provides practical techniques to transform tense talks into meaningful dialogue. Tune in to gain empowering skills for calming hostility.Links & Other Notes:LIVE LAB™A practice space for 1:1 practice to set limits and communicate peacefullyCOURSESDe-escalation: Talk to the Right BrainBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)It’s All Your Fault!5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLES4 Ways to Set Limits at WorkNeed to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give 'Em Your EAR®.5 Tips for Setting Boundaries in RelationshipsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Ending a Hostile Conversation (01:10) - Two-Step Process (07:02) - Mind the Gap (09:40) - What They Experience (11:36) - Setting Limit (13:39) - In Group Setting (18:59) - In Social Setting (22:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: What to Avoid at Holiday Gatherings

Exploring Targets of Blame and How to Best Manage ThemBill and Megan tackle the challenging topic of being a target of blame from a high conflict individual. They provide insight into protecting yourself and managing difficult accusations.In this eye-opening episode, Bill and Megan define what it means to be a target of blame and how this manifests. They discuss tactics for minimizing your risk of becoming a target, as well as managing situations where false accusations spread. The hosts share perspective on correcting misinformation while avoiding escalation.Questions we answer in this episode:How can you reduce the risk of becoming a target of blame?What is the best way to respond when falsely accused?When is it appropriate to correct the record with documents?How do you avoid reinforcing hostile behavior?Key Takeaways:Becoming aware of high conflict personalities can help you recognize unhealthy blame.Don't get hooked into defending yourself - it often backfires.Provide brief, factual information to correct false claims.Tailor your response to who needs what information.Keep yourself calm while asserting the truth.This insightful episode equips listeners with strategies for protecting themselves when unfairly blamed. Bill and Megan deliver compassionate perspective that can help anyone managing a high conflict situation. Their guidance empowers us to respond thoughtfully when targeted.Links & Other NotesBOOKSHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleARTICLESSix Tips to Avoid Becoming Someone’s Target of BlamePersonality awareness: The key skill to dealing with high-conflict peopleOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - A Target of Blame (01:20) - Term’s History (03:33) - Avoiding Becoming a Target (12:26) - How to Behave (15:27) - Extreme Example (17:53) - Paper Trail for Protection (20:01) - Red Flags (22:56) - Finding Balance (26:11) - Wrap Up (26:31) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to End a Hostile Conversation

Effective Communication for Legal ProfessionalsBill, Megan, and their guest Rehana Jamal – and Bill’s co-author – dive into strategies for clear, civil communication in the legal field. They aim to provide practical tools that lawyers, court staff, and anyone interacting with the justice system can use right away.The episode focuses on BIFF, the High Conflict Institute's proven method for responding to emotionally-charged messages. Bill lays out the BIFF framework and walks through examples of transforming aggressive emails into responses that are Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.Rehana weighs in with insights from her experience as an attorney and mediator. She highlights how BIFF builds relationships and saves time compared to reactionary, hostile communication.Together, they make the case that small changes in how we communicate can transform legal conflicts and prevent escalation. Mastering constructive communication habits benefits lawyers, clients, court staff, and entire communities.Questions we answer in this episode:What is the BIFF response method?When is it appropriate to apologize in a professional email?How can BIFF improve lawyer-client relationships?Does BIFF work for all areas of law?Can BIFF help manage stress for legal professionals?Key Takeaways:Hostile emails from clients often stem from feeling discounted - a BIFF response shows you care.Pausing before reacting gives you time to construct an informative, friendly email.BIFF responses rarely need to be more than a concise paragraph.Avoiding apologies in heated exchanges prevents misuse of your words.Speaking by phone resolves issues faster than extended email chains.The legal field deals with conflict daily. This episode provides communication tools to handle clashes with skill and grace. Bill, Megan, and Rehana model a constructive approach that improves outcomes for all involved.Links & Other NotesTHE BOOK (available in paperback and e-book)BIFF for Lawyers and Law Offices: Your Guide to Respectful Written Communication with Clients, Opposing Counsel and OthersPurchase the book at any of the links below (or wherever books are sold):our websiteAmazon USAmazon CanadaAmazon AustraliaAmazon UKAmazon Germany digital (e-book) versionCONSULTATION & COACHINGLive Lab (1:1 coaching to learn verbal and written communication skills in high conflict situations)Consultations (1:1 educational consultation to discuss high conflict situations and cases with our high conflict experts)COURSESBIFF Response® for Lawyers: Using and Teaching Respectful Communication ($47 USD)Coaching for a BIFF Response®Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - This Episode (01:32) - Meet Rehana Jamal (05:15) - Reminder What BIFF Is (07:49) - Why This Book (12:33) - Thinking About This From a Lawyer’s Perspective (17:33) - Rehana’s Experience (18:41) - Time and Risk Management (22:48) - BIFF… All the Time? (25:43) - Issue Affects Everyone (28:23) - Harder Than It Seems (31:08) - Example One (37:44) - BIFF Checker and More Book Info (40:27) - Example Two (44:55) - Example Three (50:32) - Last Thoughts (52:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Being a Target of Blame

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan provide guidance for coping with the complicated emotions that can arise when a high conflict person passes away. They cover the confusing mix of grief and relief family members often feel, how to handle being blamed after the loss, and the destabilization that can occur when a high conflict adult child loses a parent.Questions we answer in this episode:How do you handle the blend of grief and relief after the death of a high conflict loved one?What if you were the target of blame by the deceased?Why do high conflict people often lash out more after losing a stabilizing parent?How can probate turn siblings against each other?Key Takeaways:It's normal to feel both grief and relief when a high conflict person dies. Don't judge yourself.Being the target of blame can be depressing. Counseling helps with the loss and disorientation.Loss of a stabilizing parent can really destabilize a high conflict adult child's other relationships.High conflict people view things in black and white terms. Try to stay above the "teams" forming during probate.Losing a family member is always difficult, but even more complicated when high conflict is involved. Bill and Megan provide compassionate insight into managing these challenging situations and emotions. They remind us that empathy, perspective and communication are key.Links & Other NotesCONSULTATION & COACHINGLive Lab (1:1 coaching to learn verbal and written communication skills in high conflict situations)Consultations (1:1 educational consultation to discuss high conflict situations and cases with our high conflict experts)BOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt’s All Your Fault!ARTICLESWhy Healing is Hard for High Conflict PeopleOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:33) - Grief Over the Death of a High Conflict Loved One (01:14) - Grief, Relief, and Guilt (03:22) - Stages of Grief (07:07) - When You Were Their Target of Blame (09:19) - When Caregiving Parent of HCP Dies (13:04) - Family Relationships – Complicated and Source of Identity (16:28) - When a Narcissistic Parent Dies (19:52) - Focus on Positive (21:06) - Wrap Up (21:26) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Civil Communications for Lawyers and Law Offices

De-escalating High Conflict People with EAR Statements: An insightful look at calming down difficult situationsIn this episode, Bill and Megan dive into how to use EAR statements (showing empathy, attention, and respect) to de-escalate high conflict people and situations. They discuss the different high conflict personality types and when EAR statements can be effective tools. Bill and Megan also talk about combining EAR statements with limit setting, and when it's best to just disengage entirely.EAR statements are a compassionate way to acknowledge someone's emotions while still maintaining professional boundaries. Bill explains how a short EAR statement can radically shift a tense interaction by making the other person feel heard and seen.However, EAR statements aren't advisable in dangerous or abusive situations. Safety should always come first. Bill and Megan also caution that overusing empathy with manipulative personality types can backfire.Questions we answer in this episode:Do EAR statements work for all high conflict personalities?How do you use EAR statements with the paranoid, narcissistic, and antisocial types?When is it best to just disengage and set a limit?Key Takeaways:EAR statements show empathy, attention, and respect - this calms people down.They work for most high conflict personalities, especially borderline and histrionic.Disengage from aggressive people for your own safety. You have the right.Don't over-empathize with manipulative personalities - set limits.Compassion for people's histories can help you use EAR statements sincerely.This insightful episode is essential listening for anyone who deals with difficult people regularly. Bill and Megan's wisdom and experience provide easy-to-implement communication tools that can transform volatile situations. Their compassionate approach promotes understanding on both sides of tense interactions.Links & Other NotesBOOKSCalming Upset People with EARHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESAre You Talking to the Wrong Brain?CONSULTATION & COACHINGLive Lab (1:1 coaching to learn verbal and written communication skills in high conflict situations)Consultations (1:1 educational consultation to discuss high conflict situations and cases with our high conflict experts)ARTICLESEAR Statements Can Calm Clients and Anyone, Especially in Today’s WorldCalming Upset People Fast with EAROur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:33) - Are EAR Statements for Everyone? (01:10) - Empathy, Attention and Respect (07:04) - Does It Work With Everybody? (11:06) - Acknowledgement (13:51) - Paranoid (16:01) - EAR and Limits (19:34) - When Not a Professional Relationship (22:15) - Knowing When to Protect Yourself (23:48) - The Right to Disengage (25:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Grief Over the Death of a High Conflict Loved One

Finding Your Way as a Young Adult with a High-Conflict ParentIn this week's episode, Bill and Megan discuss the challenges many young adults face when launching into independent adulthood after growing up with a high-conflict parent.Bill and Megan have noticed an uptick in parents saying their young adult children are floundering after high school. While there are many contributing factors, a common thread seems to be having a parent with a high-conflict personality. This can significantly impact a young person's ability to find direction and become fully independent.Bill and Megan explore the cultural and social factors that make this transitional time particularly difficult for young people today. They discuss how our interconnected online world, while having many benefits, can also lead to comparison, depression and a feeling of not belonging. Bullying and toxic relationships enabled by social media exacerbate these issues.In addition, they examine the direct impact of growing up with a self-focused, high-conflict parent. This can leave young people feeling responsible for the parent and unable to focus on their own wants and needs. Bill and Megan provide perspective on how to overcome these challenges, emphasizing the importance of finding mentors, engaging in healthy social connections and seeking professional support if needed.Questions we answer in this episode:How can today's media culture negatively impact young people?What are some strategies for young people struggling with a high-conflict parent?Where can young adults find support and a sense of belonging?Key Takeaways:Comparison on social media can lead to loneliness and depressionBullying has more power and reach than ever beforeMentors and jobs can provide direction and purposeGroup therapy and school counseling are helpful resourcesFocus on developing your own identity and passionsThis uplifting episode provides hope and helpful advice for young people navigating adulthood in today's complex world. Bill and Megan offer perspective and guidance for anyone supporting a young person struggling to spread their wings.Links & Other NotesCONSULTATION & COACHINGLive Lab (1:1 coaching to learn verbal and written communication skills in high conflict situations)Consultations (1:1 educational consultation to discuss high conflict situations and cases with our high conflict experts)BOOKSNew Ways for Life™ Instructor’s GuideNew Ways for Life™ Youth JournalTRAINING COURSES FOR PROFESSIONALSNew Ways for Life (training to work with youth 12-17 on life skills: for counselors, therapists and youth leaders)ARTICLESKids and Self-EsteemOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - State of Floundering Young People (01:37) - Why So Much Floundering? (08:49) - Bullying and Stimulation (12:24) - Parenting (17:29) - When Truly Floundering (19:21) - How Many? (21:45) - Wrap Up (22:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Are EAR Statements for All High Conflict Types?

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle questions from grandparents struggling to support grandchildren amidst high conflict co-parents.Protecting Kids from Raging Co-ParentsFirst, they advise how grandparents can help shield kids from a raging, unstable parent. Recommendations include teaching emotional regulation, self-checking, and conflict management skills. Stay positive about the high conflict parent.Co-Parenting with a Difficult Ex Long-TermNext is guidance for co-parenting long-term with a high conflict, accusatory ex. Bill emphasizes staying calm, balanced, and solution-focused. Praise successes. Accept the limitations on your role as a grandparent.Getting an Expert Evaluation for CourtThen Bill explains why expert testimony is critical for custody cases with a parent with tendencies like factitious disorder or personality disorders. Experts can explain the need for detailed custody orders.Minimizing Damage as Kids Grow UpFinally, they discuss how to minimize damage as kids mature and become more aware of a high conflict parent’s extreme behaviors. Expose kids to reasonable role models and encourage their insights.Key Takeaways:Teach kids emotional regulation and critical thinkingStay positive about the high conflict parentGet expert testimony for custody casesAccept your limited role as a grandparentFocus on providing stabilityThe key is accepting your limited role as a grandparent, focusing on your own behavior, and providing a stabilizing presence for grandchildren. Get support from other grandparents going through similar challenges.Links & Other Notes:COURSESErasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s BrainNew Ways for Families (course for parents in divorce/separation/co-parenting)BOOKSDon’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceNew Ways for Families: Professional GuidebookNew Ways for Families: Parent WorkbookHigh-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderVIDEOSThe Primitive Emotional Power of AlienationAlienation is Not NormalOvercoming the Contagious Emotions of AlienationARTICLESIs Your Child Alienated?Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Grandparents and High Conflict (00:58) - Question One (15:18) - Question Two (21:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Workplace Conflict

Podcast hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle listener questions about antisocial personality disorder. Bill clarifies common myths.Recognizing Antisocial Patterns in a SpouseThe first section covers a listener asking how to respond to a psychiatrist claiming their spouse doesn't have antisocial traits. Bill explains professionals can get manipulated by antisocials' victim stories. Key antisocial patterns include blaming, aggression, rule-breaking, and lying. Make your own assessment using pattern awareness.Seeing Antisocial Personalities in Generations of FamilyNext, they discuss a listener noticing antisocial patterns across generations of their family. Bill confirms antisocial personality tends to run in families due to genetic factors. However, early childhood environment plays a role too. Having one antisocial family member doesn't mean all siblings will be.Comparing Antisocial and Narcissistic PatternsFinally, Bill contrasts antisocial personalities from narcissistic patterns. Antisocials straightforwardly lie while narcissists exaggerate. Both invest in false public images. However, antisocials fabricate entire stories while narcissists distort real events.Key Takeaways:Antisocial doesn't mean shy or introvertedLying, aggression and rule breaking are commonThe genetic link is strong but environment plays a roleNarcissists exaggerate while antisocials fabricateMaintain healthy skepticism of far-fetched storiesUnderstanding personalities helps respond cautiously. Don't assume you can change them. Focus on protecting yourself. Manipulation knows no limits or social status. Maintain healthy skepticism.Bill busts myths about antisocial personalities. Learn to recognize concerning patterns and behaviors to protect yourself.Links & Other Notes:COURSESHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleWorking with High Conflict Litigants - 10 Tips for JudgesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault!5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESSociopaths and Their DeceptionsThe New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Anti-Social Personality Disorder (02:06) - Question One (13:13) - Question Two (17:41) - Question Three (33:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Grandparents and High Conflict

Navigating High Conflict Divorce and Co-ParentingIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy answer listener questions to provide guidance on high conflict divorce and co-parenting dilemmas.Ending a Divorce Dispute with a Self-Unaware ExThe first response is to a listener asking how to finalize a divorce when a spouse lacks self-awareness. Bill explains not to expect insight from highly manipulative people. He advises weighing options and setting limits versus seeking concessions.Making Mediation Work with a High-Conflict ExNext, they tackle a question about mediating with an inflexible ex-spouse. Bill recommends one or two sessions maximum before assessing if it's futile. Megan underscores making self-directed choices to end unproductive mediation.Coping with Extreme Parental AlienationFinally, they discuss dealing with an ex-spouse severely alienating children after divorce. Bill outlines common alienating behaviors and options like counseling or temporary custody change. Megan emphasizes understanding personalities aids strategic response.Key Takeaways:Don’t expect self-awareness from high-conflict peopleChoose your battles wisely when negotiating with exesSet firm limits on fruitless mediation effortsRecognize and address alienating behaviors proactivelyPersonality insights assist responding strategicallyBill and Megan share hard-won experience navigating the rollercoaster of high-conflict divorce and co-parenting.Links & Other Notes:COURSESErasing Family Documentary with Resist/Refuse Commentary from Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Resistance, Refusal and the Child’s BrainNew Ways for Families (course for parents in divorce/separation/co-parenting)BOOKSDon’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceNew Ways for Families: Professional GuidebookNew Ways for Families: Parent WorkbookHigh-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderVIDEOSThe Primitive Emotional Power of AlienationAlienation is Not NormalOvercoming the Contagious Emotions of AlienationOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - High Conflict Divorce, Child Custody Battles, and Parental Alienation (01:18) - Divorce with an HCP (08:31) - Mediation in a High Conflict Divorce (12:44) - Parental Alienation (23:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Anti-Social Personality Disorder

Keeping the Peace with High Conflict NeighborsIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle strategies for dealing with turbulent neighbor relationships driven by high conflict personalities.Responding to False Allegations Between NeighborsThe episode opens with a listener question about two neighbors targeting each other – one with possible borderline/narcissistic traits and the other with paranoid, histrionic, and antisocial tendencies. Bill emphasizes not diagnosing anyone but notes these likely contribute to the conflict.He recommends consulting a lawyer about legal options and avoiding engagement with false accusations. Megan adds using empathy, attention, and respect (EAR) statements can help calm tensions. They discuss cautiously recruiting an ally from the other family to encourage reasonableness.Using Mediation with High Conflict DisputesAnother listener asks about using mediation with high-conflict disputes. Bill draws on his mediation experience and explains a specialized structure and process often helps settle these cases. Neutrality or education on expectations can be effective. Agreements made directly tend to have higher compliance.You may be wondering:How to respond to false allegations from a neighbor?When is it appropriate to involve a lawyer?Can mediation work with high conflict people?What is the best mediator approach?How to identify and engage a helpful ally?Key Takeaways:Don’t engage in arguments with hostile neighborsConsult lawyers cautiously about legal optionsEmpathy and calm responses can ease tensionsSpecially designed mediation can settle many disputesParticipation increases commitment to agreementsBill and Megan share proven techniques to reduce the drama and damage caused by high conflict neighbors. Learn subtle but powerful strategies to reclaim your peace of mind.Links & Other Notes:AUDIOManaging High Conflict People in Neighbor DisputesBOOKSMediating High Conflict DisputesIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsARTICLESDealing with High Conflict People (7 Tips)LIVE LAB1:1 Practice Sessions with our high-conflict expertsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:04) - High Conflict Neighbor Disputes (10:48) - Mediation (13:39) - Needing Authority (20:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Divorce, Custody Battles, and Alienation

Navigating High-Conflict Family DynamicsIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute tackle challenging questions about high-conflict family members.Helping a Child with Emotion DysregulationThe first section covers a listener question about a 6-year-old daughter exhibiting emotional dysregulation similar to the possible borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits of her grandmother. Bill and Megan explain why a child that young can't be diagnosed with BPD, but these early signs could develop into BPD without proper skills training. They recommend validating emotions while teaching healthy self-soothing techniques and impulse control. Genetics may play a role, but good parenting can help steer a child's personality development in a positive direction.Responding to False Allegations of Causing a Spouse's BPDThe second section discusses an ex-husband accusing his ex-wife of causing his BPD through abuse in their marriage. Bill clarifies that marriages absolutely do not cause personality disorders, which originate in childhood and adolescence due to genetics and early experiences. He advises avoiding engagement with the false allegations and projections. Megan suggests using BIFF responses like "I see this differently" to avoid escalating conflicts. Bill notes the ex-husband may honestly believe the accusations even though they are untrue.You may be wondering:Can young children have personality disorders?What are effective regulation skills for emotional kids?How do genetics play a role in personality traits?Does marriage cause personality disorders?How to respond to false abuse allegations?When is it impossible to have a calm discussion?Key Takeaways:Personality disorders can't be diagnosed in young childrenTeaching emotion regulation skills early can prevent future problemsGenetics influence but don't determine personality outcomesMarriage does not cause personality disordersAvoid engaging with false accusationsSome people are unable to discuss issues calmlyBill and Megan provide compassionate clarity on how to handle turbulent family dynamics involving high-conflict personalities. Tune in to gain insight into protecting your peace of mind.Links & Other Notes:COURSESNew Ways for Life™: Instructor Training for Teaching Young People the 4 Big Skills for LifeBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)BIFF For CoParent CommunicationThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for Your Body, Mind, and SpiritThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families: 52 Weeks of Hope, Inspiration, and Mindful Ideas for Greater Peace and HappinessARTICLESThe New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersPersonality Disorders Gaining Importance in Recent Legal CasesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:22) - DFK, BPD, HCP (09:34) - Genetic Traits (13:10) - A High Conflict Ex (17:13) - BPD vs. PTSD (20:36) - How to Respond (22:19) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Neighbor Disputes

Understanding High Conflict Contagion Through Projection and Emotional SpreadIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy from the High Conflict Institute discuss high conflict contagion through examining psychological projection and emotional spread.Bill and Megan explain projection, where someone unconsciously projects their own feelings or behaviors onto another person. They share examples of how this manifests in workplace, family, and relationship conflicts, feeding high conflict contagion. Bill notes projection is often entirely unconscious and the projector fully believes their accusations to be true.The hosts go on to discuss high conflict emotional contagion, where emotions rapidly spread between people during conflict. Bill explains how emotions like anger or fear can quickly spread in a polarized group or during a family dispute, amplifying high conflict contagion. Megan notes recognizing contagion is key to avoiding danger in groups.You may be wondering:How do projection and deflection relate to high conflict contagion?What signs indicate someone is projecting onto me?How do mirror neurons spread high conflict emotions?Why does contagion lead to splitting and polarization?How can I avoid getting hooked by high conflict contagion?Key Takeaways:Projection unconsciously spreads high conflict emotionsHigh conflict accusations often feel credible but are inaccurateContagion rapidly spreads high conflict emotions like angerRecognizing contagion prevents group polarizationChecking assumptions avoids getting hooked by high conflict contagionBill and Megan provide insight into projection and emotional contagion as drivers of high conflict contagion in the workplace and family. Tune in to learn how to identify and respond to these unconscious dynamics.Links & Other NotesHCI Live Lab (for 1:1 practice managing high-conflict situations, with our coaches)BOOKSSplitting5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESEmotions are Contagious: From Child Alienation to Workplace Bullying to World AnxietyMirror Neurons: Enigma of the Metaphysical Modular BrainUnderstanding Polarization In Families, Groups, and NationsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - High Conflict Contagion (01:06) - Projection (10:37) - Deflection (13:06) - Contagion (21:42) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Family Conflict

Identifying High-Conflict People vs. Mutual Conflict at WorkIn this episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss how to identify when workplace conflict is driven by a high-conflict person rather than being a mutual disagreement. They share research-based strategies from the High Conflict Institute.Bill and Megan explain how to demonstrate to management that conflict is one-sided rather than two employees having a spat. They discuss options for addressing issues professionally while remaining calm and solution-focused. Bill emphasizes responding confidently. Megan shares how training can help management recognize high-conflict personalities.You may be wondering:How can I show this is more than just a mutual conflict?What are signs of being gaslit when you report issues?What options do I have for addressing the issues professionally?How can I respond confidently and calmly?Will training help management recognize high-conflict people?Key Takeaways:Provide facts about the high-conflict person's specific behaviorsWatch for gaslighting signs like being told the conflict isn't realExplore options like transferring departments or getting coachingRole-play responses to remain calm and solution-focusedSuggest conflict resolution training to encourage self-removalMegan and Bill offer insightful strategies for identifying and responding to high-conflict people at work. Tune in to learn research-based approaches.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt’s All Your Fault!ARTICLESWho Are High Conflict People?4 Ways to Identify High Conflict People Before It’s Too LateCOURSESWho Are High Conflict People?Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:14) - Two-Person Conflict or One High-Conflict Person? (03:01) - Gaslighting (05:39) - Getting Mgmt to See What's Going On (08:07) - Avoid Getting Defensive (10:44) - When Others Catch On (13:50) - Options (17:07) - How to Address This Situation (20:52) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: High Conflict Contagion

High Conflict Dynamics in Groups: Navigating Drama and Setting LimitsWelcome back to 'It's All Your Fault', the podcast from the High Conflict Institute. In this episode, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy delve into the complex world of group dynamics when a high conflict personality is involved. They shed light on how to handle a high conflict person who is dominating a group and creating drama, drawing from a listener's question.Dealing with High Conflict Drama in GroupsHow does one handle a high conflict individual who is creating a whirlwind of drama in a group setting? How can a leader effectively manage such situations without escalating the conflict? Bill and Megan discuss these questions in detail, providing practical strategies and insights. They also explore the challenge of bias against female leaders and share tips on how to address it.Questions You May Be Asking:How do I handle a high conflict individual dominating a group setting?How can I manage disruptions in group settings effectively?How can I handle bias against female leaders?Can a group be high conflict or is it just negative advocates?How can I identify and address high conflict dynamics in a group?Key Takeaways from the Episode:High conflict behavior can occur within a group, driven by one or more individuals. It's crucial to identify this behavior and address it effectively.When dealing with disruptions in group settings, the focus should be on setting limits on disruptive behavior, rather than addressing the content of the disruption.Female leaders may face bias and must confidently set boundaries and establish their working processes.Setting agendas and standards for group behavior can help manage high conflict dynamics. It's important to enforce these standards and nip disruptive behavior in the bud.In a challenging high conflict environment, seeking external professional help like coaching can be beneficial in managing conflict and improving group dynamics.If you have questions or insights about dealing with high conflict personalities in group settings, feel free to submit them via the podcast's contact page on the High Conflict Institute's website.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault at Work!AUDIOManaging High Conflict Situations in the Workplace: For Managers & SupervisorsARTICLESHow to Work with Someone Who Creates Unnecessary ChaosSeven Steps to Tackling Organizational SplittingOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:02) - When Groups Have High Conflict (02:07) - Can a Group Be High Conflict? (06:55) - Group Dynamics (10:05) - Times to Ignore (12:17) - Coaching (13:47) - Gender Bias (18:02) - Setting Agendas (24:04) - Why So Relevant Today? (25:04) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Helping Management

Kicking Off Season 3: Summer Reflections and High Conflict InsightsWelcome back to Season 3 of 'It's All Your Fault', the insightful podcast from the High Conflict Institute. Co-hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter start this season with a deep dive into their key learnings from their summer break.Unpacking Summer Lessons on High Conflict BehaviorIn this episode, Bill and Megan share their experiences and insights gained during their summer hiatus. They delve into recognizing high conflict behavior, understanding vulnerability in high conflict situations, and managing disruptive behavior in group settings.Questions Answered in This Episode:What are the tell-tale signs of high conflict behavior that might not be immediately apparent?How does vulnerability manifest in high conflict situations?How can you effectively manage unexpected disruptive behavior in group settings?What are the implications of the recent court case, Vinson Vs. Kinsey, for domestic violence restraining orders?Key Insights from the Episode:High conflict individuals often perceive themselves as special or superior, which can be a red flag for potential conflict.The concept of vulnerability has different implications in high conflict situations. While vulnerability can be beneficial in equal relationships, it can be exploited in unequal ones.When handling disruptive behavior in group settings, the focus should be on setting limits on the behavior, rather than addressing the content of the disruption.The recent court case Vinson Vs. Kinsey highlighted the importance of considering the totality of a domestic violence situation, rather than focusing on individual incidents.If you have questions or insights about dealing with high conflict personalities, you're welcome to submit them via the podcast's contact page on the High Conflict Institute's website.Links & Other NotesWEBSITESTry reading Empowerment ScriptCOURSESResistance, Refusal and the Child’s BrainBOOKSDon’t Alienate the KidsSam the Tram’s Dance Club [written in back-and-forth style — Empowerment Script]ARTICLESHandling Disrespectful Behavior in MeetingsStudents Should Learn They’re Not SpecialResist/Refuse Dynamics in Divorce: How Can They Be Analyzed?The Vinson vs. Kinsey CaseOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - Season 3 (01:18) - What They've Been Up To (05:39) - What They've Learned (22:07) - What They've Learned Part II (30:22) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Group High Conflict

Mediating high conflict disputes requires a shift from many standard mediation approaches. When one or more of the parties has a high conflict personality, the process should have more structure and focus away from common mediation topics, such as emotions, the past, and interests, and instead focus more strictly on problem-solving. By having the clients participate more actively in the process – and the mediator serve more as a guide for their active participation – they are more likely to reach their own agreements and follow them. In today’s episode, Bill and Megan talk with attorney/mediator Michael Lomax, co-author of Mediating High Conflict Disputes (Unhooked Books, 2021) about 10 paradigm shifts that are necessary for mediating high conflict disputes, and serve as the backbone for the New Ways for Mediation®. They will also discuss why to avoid mediating apologies.Links & Other NotesABOUT MICHAEL LOMAXBOOKSMediating High Conflict Disputes: A Breakthrough Approach with Tips and Tools, and the New Ways for Mediation MethodSo What’s Your Proposal? Shifting High-Conflict People from Blaming to Problem-Solving in 30 Seconds!ARTICLES10 Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict MediationONLINE COURSESHybrid On Demand + Live Virtual Training: 12-hour New Ways for Mediation Training with LicensureOn Demand Course (75-minute training + 3-hour demonstration): New Ways for Mediation Training and DemonstrationOn Demand Course: So, What’s Your Proposal? Using Proposals with High Conflict ClientsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - 10 Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict Mediation (01:52) - Michael's Background (04:23) - Writing the Book with Bill (06:15) - Paradigm Shifts (07:14) - Paradigm Shift #1 (09:32) - Paradigm Shift #2 (13:48) - Paradigm Shift #3 (18:03) - Paradigm Shift #4 (20:27) - Paradigm Shift #5 (24:34) - Paradigm Shift #6 (26:33) - Paradigm Shift #7 (29:24) - Paradigm Shift #8 (32:15) - Paradigm Shift #9 (37:11) - Paradigm Shift #10 (41:20) - Paradigm Shift #11 (43:59) - Paradigm Shift #12 (46:39) - Wrap Up

Personality disorders are mystifying to those unfamiliar with them, and even to some in the mental health profession, although with copious amounts of information online about them these days, everyone acts like an expert and the terminology is bandied about with authority. It’s sticky and fascinating information. Unexplainable behaviors can quickly be explained away as narcissistic personality disorder or other personality disorder types. Once that thought happens, it’s easy to develop confirmation bias, which we talked about in the last episode. But it can be dangerous information, information that must be treated with respect and caution. In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:Are personality disorders a type of mental illness? What is different about them? How common are they?How do they appear in everyday life? Would I know if someone had one? Examples?What questions should be asked in relation to personality disorder and criminal behavior, including the current tragic case of the Idaho murders?Are all people with personality disorders high conflict people?If I think someone has a personality disorder should I tell them?If I want to explain to a friend or family member what a personality disorder is, what should I say?Links & Other NotesARTICLEThe New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersBOOKSIt’s All Your FaultIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesARTICLESFull list of articles on personality disordershttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/hci-articles?category=Personality%20DisordersOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - How to Understand Personality Disorders (02:00) - Are Personality Disorders a Type of Mental Illness? (05:30) - Higher Percentage? (07:36) - A Different Way to Find the Solution (10:59) - Careful Labelling (11:47) - How Would I Know? (14:00) - Idaho Murder Case Example (18:24) - Personality Disorder Does Not Equal HCP (20:41) - Blame and Charm (22:34) - Always There (23:22) - Lack of Self-Awareness (24:53) - Explaining Personality Disorders (28:55) - Last Thoughts (29:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Getting It Backwards in Family Court

Some relationships with high conflict people reach a point where the only one getting frustrated and hurt is YOU. It is okay to walk away? Are some relationships so damaging that staying in them is damaging to you? Will the guilt draw you back under their spell? Will it trigger abandonment, inferiority, or other issues in the person with a high conflict personality, and possibly backfire on you? Bill and Megan discuss this tricky topic in relation to family, friend and other relationships. How do you know when the time is right? Should you continue trying to reconcile or just stop? And what steps should be taken if you choose to walk away? Listen in as Megan and Bill explore this sensitive, critical subject.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingBIFF: Quick Responses for High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Emails and Social Media MeltdownsCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSESHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Walking Away (01:11) - When Can You Walk Away? (04:51) - When They're Part of Your Faith-Based Community (07:21) - Hitting the Point (10:38) - Things to Consider With the Five Types (16:31) - Think It Through (18:05) - When Really Emotionally Hooked (21:55) - Step by Step (23:12) - Setting LImits (24:10) - Last Thoughts (25:09) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Splitting

It’s not unusual that high conflict people demand an apology from a reasonable person who has attempted to set limits on them, such as a supervisor in a workplace dispute or someone in a neighbor dispute. While apologies resolve many disputes between reasonable people, they are a much different matter with HCPs and usually need to be avoided. However, don’t be surprised that high conflict people frequently will demand an apology from another party, at times saying that they cannot move forward without such an apology. Sometimes a reasonable person will demand an apology from a high conflict person because of their extreme behavior, also saying that they can’t move forward without it. Many relationships (and mediations) bog down here in the apology quicksand.Bill and Megan discuss this apology quicksand – how we get there, how to avoid it, and what to do if someone’s demanding an apology from you.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingCalming Upset People with EARON DEMAND COURSESNew Ways for Mediation TrainingNew Ways for Mediation Training for Family CasesHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:36) - Apology Quicksand (01:10) - Instant Apology When Blamed (07:31) - Processing 'I'm Sorry' as Adversarial (09:01) - Alternatives (12:03) - The Source of the Apology (13:31) - In Mediation (19:35) - Between Friends or Family (24:39) - What If You're in the Wrong? (26:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Walking Away

What do you do when a community resident or homeowner calls with complaints as consistently as the sun rises and sets? Some are chronic complainers but easily handled with some attention and/or humor.But what if you have a persistent complainer who watches the neighbors like a hawk and insists that all homeowners follow HOA regulations to the letter of the law? And complains to HOA management with any and all violations or perceived violations, with expectations of punishment and consequences for the offender, even when it’s about the trash bin that’s left out an extra hour or two?Is this someone with a high conflict personality? Or does that strict adherence to rules and regulations mean that this person may have an Obsessive Compulsive personality? While we don’t and won’t diagnose – and neither should you – Bill and Megan discuss whether this personality type may be in the Cluster B category (high conflict) or Cluster C category (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder), and what to do about it if you’re confronted with this behavior in an HOA or anywhere.Note: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and someone with “OCD” are different. We’ll discuss this in this episode.Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame You for EverythingCalming Upset People with EARBIFF: Quick Responses for High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Emails and Social Media MeltdownsON DEMAND COURSESConflict Influencer CertificationHow to Write a BIFF ResponseThe Brain 101: How to Communicate EffectivelyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Relation to High Conflict Situations (01:30) - We've Been Busy (04:12) - OCD or OCPD in an HOA (07:47) - OCD (10:57) - OCPD (15:51) - Back to the HOA Situation (21:14) - Learning to Manage It (24:30) - Family Example (26:08) - Will It Resolve? (28:38) - Wrap Up (28:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Apology Quicksand

While We Wait on the Court’s Decision...New information regarding the alleged child abuse from the father has come to light, causing the judge to delay his order enforcing the father’s custody of Ty and Brynlee Larson. While we wait on the results, we return to our episode from earlier this year to discuss the ins and outs of the case while we’re still on our hiatus.Alienation in UtahHigh-conflict situations often include extreme behaviors and the case we’ll discuss in this episode is a perfect example of extreme behaviors. In the U.S. state of Utah, a 15-year-old boy released a TikTok video detailing his family’s high-conflict drama. According to the video, he had barricaded himself along with his 12-year-old sister inside a room at their mother’s house in order to avoid a judge’s order to reunite with their allegedly abusive father. His videos detailing this harrowing and dramatic experience have made him TikTok famous, at the very least. The issue in many (most) alienation cases is that the courts don’t know who to believe. Is mom lying? Is dad lying? Are the kids lying? It’s a mess for the courts to identify what’s happening and a tragedy for all involved.In today’s episode, Megan lists the case details and asks you, the listener, to decide who is lying and who is telling the truth. Then, Bill provides an analysis of the case and how we can use a structured approach to understanding what’s going on, or at least make a best attempt at figuring it out.Links & Other Notes:RELATED NEWS ARTICLESUpdated ProPublica articleProPublica articleNew York Post articleCOURSESHigh-Conflict Co-Parenting Online Course (coaching optional)BOOKSBIFF for Co-Parent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media PostsDon’t Alienate the KidsARTICLESAlienation UpdateHigh Conflict Divorce and Separations Basics (audios)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:26) - The Case of Ty and Brynlee Larson (07:00) - Breaking It Down (18:33) - Reasonable Force? (22:32) - Wrap Up (23:22) - Coming Next Week: Leaking Classified Documents

While on hiatus, we’re re-releasing some of our past episodes. This week, we’re finishing to our 2-part conversation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker about high conflict divorce.High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the courts’ time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. In this episode Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, parental alienation expert and author of 9 books, including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex; The High-Conflict Custody Battle; and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome will talk with Bill and Megan about:Whether favored parents ever recognize that they’re doing itParental alienation vs. parental estrangement Recommendations for lawyers when a child resists or refuses contactTips for what can be done in mild, moderate, severe casesTips for lawyers and therapistsTips for parents and grandparentsPrograms that can help reconnect a child with a rejected parentLinks & Other NotesWEBSITESDr. Baker’s WebsiteNew Ways for FamiliesTurning Points for FamiliesBOOKSCo-Parenting with a Toxic ExAdult Children of Parental Alienation SyndromeThe High-Conflict Custody BattleOTHEROur websiteSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganBooks: all of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold.You can also find these show notes at our site.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:25) - Adult Children and Alienation (04:16) - Advice (09:31) - Recognizing You're Alienating (13:19) - Personality Disorders and Labels (16:37) - Evolving the Term (21:47) - Added to the DSM? (24:23) - Treatment (28:32) - Therapists (34:32) - Lawyers (36:24) - Parents (38:53) - Cutting Off Contact (41:09) - Wrapping Up (42:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2 of our High Conflict Divorce series

While on hiatus, we’re re-releasing some of our past episodes. To start, we’re returning to our 2-part conversation with Dr. Amy J.L. Baker about high conflict divorce.High conflict divorce and separation in the family courts consumes the majority of the court’s time and resources and provides the most frustration and confusion. We talk with renowned parental alienation expert Dr. Amy J.L. Baker, the author of nine books including Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex, The High-Conflict Custody Battle, and Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Alienation is one of the most challenging, confusing, and terrifying events in one’s life. Bill and Megan talk with Dr. Baker about:Alienation definedTerminology: parental alienation or some other termPrevalence in divorce/separationWhether it is increasing or notCauses of alienationResearch on adult children of parental alienationWhether adult children of parental alienation mostly connect or not with parents somedayRecommendation to parents whose children have cut them off?Links & Other NotesWEBSITESDr. Baker’s WebsiteNew Ways for FamiliesBOOKSCo-Parenting with a Toxic ExAdult Children of Parental Alienation SyndromeThe High-Conflict Custody BattleOTHEROur websiteSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold.You can also find these show notes on our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:27) - Part I of High Conflict Divorce Series (03:47) - Dr. Amy J.L. Baker (09:22) - What Is Alienation? (12:49) - Alienation vs. Estrangement (15:40) - The Five Factor Model (23:27) - How Prevalent Is Alienation? (26:40) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part 2 of our High Conflict Divorce series

Bill and Megan are off to Scotland to talk about their New Ways for Families Program. Scotland will be the first country that implements the High Conflict Institute’s program countrywide, which is very exciting. In this abbreviated episode, Bill walks through the program’s approach and its methods.Links & Other NotesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:05) - New Ways for Families Program (05:37) - The Approach (07:32) - Methods (09:02) - Skills (10:31) - Wrap Up (10:51) - Schedule Update

In some high conflict cases, we may have reached the end of our rope and resort to what we see as our only option: threatening to expose the high conflict person’s bad behavior to others. Will this work or will it backfire?In today’s episode, Megan and Bill discuss this delicate and challenging topic, including:Does exposure of bad behavior work?Does the threat of exposure have a chance of success?Is there a steadfast rule or does it depend on the situation?What if a distortion campaign has been waged against you?Plus, alternatives to exposure and humiliation...Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationARTICLESFire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?PROGRAMS/COURSESNew WaysOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:31) - Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy (02:21) - Good or Bad Idea? (08:14) - Exposure Doesn't Necessarily Stop Them (11:08) - Good Strategies (14:53) - Get Toxic People Out of Your Life (18:10) - Conversions Through Coaching (19:57) - Thinking It Through (21:29) - Intervention (24:00) - Coming Next Week: Harry, Megan, and the Coronation

The definition of a “win” is different in high conflict situations as opposed to ordinary conflict. Not recognizing that a win looks quite different can inadvertently escalate conflict or take a few steps backwards. In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about:defining what it means to “win” in high conflictdo you need to reach an expected outcome to have successtemptation to keep going when you should stopwhen do you know if you’ve wonchoosing your battlesavoid opening up emotions focusing on keeping people focused on thinking and doingLinks & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCalming Upset People with EARIt’s All Your Fault!ARTICLESTips On Offering Mediation To A High Conflict EmployeeOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:26) - How to Avoid Sabotaging a Successful Interaction (02:34) - Definition of a Win in High Conflict Situations (05:11) - Choosing Your Battles (07:06) - Praise vs. Opening Up Emotions (09:26) - Making Progress, Not Perfection (12:13) - Fuhgedaboudits (17:42) - Blame as Indicator (20:31) - Coming Next Week: Exposure and Humiliation as a High-Conflict Strategy

Who can you trust with national security documents? An article by Tom Nicholas in The Atlantic titled The Narcissists Who Endanger America points the finger at narcissists as those who are the hardest for the U.S. national security community to spot. Why are they hard to spot? How can you know in advance?In today’s episode, Bill and Megan discuss this difficult topic that impacts countries globally.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingIt’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleCOURSESDealing with Narcissistic Personalities: The Arrogant Players of DivorceConflict Influencer Certification CourseARTICLESThe Narcissists Who Endanger American [available only with paid subscription to The Atlantic]The Narcissism of the Angry Young Men [available only with paid subscription to The Atlantic]Sociopaths and Their DeceptionsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - Leaked National Security Secrets (01:47) - Narcissism Principle (05:02) - Being Seen as Superior (06:08) - Malignant vs. Benign Narcissists (10:03) - This Case vs. Snowden's (14:18) - Times to Break the Laws (19:16) - Still Developing at Younger Ages (21:30) - Earning Trust (24:10) - Don't Give Them Power Over You (25:33) - Last Thoughts (26:26) - Coming Next Week: Letting a Win Be a Win

Alienation in UtahHigh-conflict situations often include extreme behaviors and the case we’ll discuss in this episode is a perfect example of extreme behaviors. In the U.S. state of Utah, a 15-year-old boy released a TikTok video detailing his family’s high-conflict drama. According to the video, he had barricaded himself along with his 12-year-old sister inside a room at their mother’s house in order to avoid a judge’s order to reunite with their allegedly abusive father. His videos detailing this harrowing and dramatic experience have made him TikTok famous, at the very least. The issue in many (most) alienation cases is that the courts don’t know who to believe. Is mom lying? Is dad lying? Are the kids lying? It’s a mess for the courts to identify what’s happening and a tragedy for all involved.In today’s episode, Megan lists the case details and asks you, the listener, to decide who is lying and who is telling the truth. Then, Bill provides an analysis of the case and how we can use a structured approach to understanding what’s going on, or at least make a best attempt at figuring it out.Links & Other Notes:RELATED NEWS ARTICLESProPublica article New York Post articleCOURSESHigh-Conflict Co-Parenting Online Course (coaching optional)BOOKSBIFF for Co-Parent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media PostsDon’t Alienate the KidsARTICLESAlienation UpdateHigh Conflict Divorce and Separations Basics (audios)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:26) - The Case of Ty and Brynlee Larson (07:00) - Breaking It Down (18:33) - Reasonable Force? (22:32) - Wrap Up (23:22) - Coming Next Week: Leaking Classified Documents

In this episode, Megan and Bill answer your questions on a variety of high-conflict topics, including:“How does one handle it when your HR professional is an HCP?”“Can lawyers sometimes use EAR Statements and other HCP communication techniques in a patronizing, stigmatizing, diagnosing way? Instead of using genuine empathy?”“I was wondering if you have ever considered doing a podcast about HCP traits in children?”Links & Other NotesBOOKSIt’s All Your Fault: 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingIt’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleTRAININGNew Ways for Work: Coaching Challenging Employees to Reduce High Conflict Situations in the WorkplaceNew Ways for Life™: Instructor Training for Teaching Young People the 4 Big Skills for LifeOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - Listener Questions (01:16) - HCPs in HR (09:53) - Genuine vs. Feined Empathy (16:27) - Child HCPs (23:15) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Alienation in Utah

More Listener Questions!In this episode, Megan and Bill answer your questions on high-conflict topics that matter to you, including:How do you stop a high conflict person from calling state authorities on you? No prosecutor will charge my ex with filing a false police report. I'm already suing in civil court for damages, but this outcome will take years to conclude and she's still making threats to call the police.Is minimizing contact with an HCP ever acceptable? Are there any circumstances where it might actually be what you would recommend? What is your take on long term abuse of power, and whether or not it’s ever ok to draw a line and say, “I’m just going to go minimal contact so I can maximize the energy I can spend with our kids”?Can you discuss how high conflict people may present and not normally yell and scream or argue?Links & Other NotesBOOKSDon’t Alienate the KidsHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesARTICLEQuick Tips for Controlling Communications with a Hostile ExCOURSENew Ways for Families: Parenting Without Conflict (for court-ordered mandatory parent education requirement)New Ways for Families + coachingOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:22) - Minimizing Conflict with HCPs (08:38) - More Than Just Yelling and Arguing (12:47) - When They Blame You (17:59) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions

In this episode, Bill and Megan continue answering listener questions:“I am a family mediator. My practice focuses on keeping people out of court and helping them navigate their divorce in mediation. In my experience, high conflict personalities do NOT do well in this kind of mediation. It’s as if they “need” the authority of a lawyer or even a judge to bring their expectations and demands into the realm of reality. They often “shoot themselves in the foot” as well.”“I’m curious if you are familiar with Nonviolent Communication. Listening to the BIFF responses podcast, which I love, I’m curious if you consider the emotional side of things when working with companies. I have found that empathy can mitigate emotional triggers so people CAN deliver BIFF responses. Until and unless people get empathy, they may not be able to BIFF it!”“Do you often see High Conflict with Antisocial Personality Disorder in multiple generations? After listening to your podcast about ASD with HCD, I think my father had ASD, and my younger sibling has both. My father passed away after creating much chaos during his life, including disowning me. My sibling is very much alive, and creating a lot of chaos and problems?”Links & Other NotesBOOKSMediating High Conflict Disputes5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCOURSENew Ways for Mediation (general mediation) trainingNew Ways for Mediation (family mediation) trainingARTICLESHow to Spot a Sociopath in 3 StepsTrue or False? If You’re Not Willing to Adapt Your Strategy with High Conflict People, You Should Get Out NowTen Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict MediationNew Ways for Mediation: Explaining the Method Step-by-StepOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:35) - More Listener Questions (01:21) - Mediation and Authority (06:28) - Non-Violent Communication (10:05) - Antisocial Personality Disorder Inherited? (17:19) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions

In this episode Megan and Bill answer listener questions:“I'm going through a high conflict custody case with someone who it would appear has some form of Narcissistic High Conflict Personality. I was wondering if you could point me in a useful direction regarding how to help my toddler through this really terrible custody battle and beyond.”“I really struggle to know how to handle situations where a decision needs to be made quickly and we [the HCP and I] have opposite approaches in mind. For instance, a decision about whether to hold someone else to account (who I don’t believe really did anything wrong). I’d love wisdom on how to manage intimidating behavior (when they are intimidating you into following their instructions). Would you ever recommend quietly explaining the problem to someone else who is caught up in the situation?”“Can someone develop Borderline Personality Disorder traits from living with someone with BPD (or BPD traits)? And how do I find a good counselor for myself that can help me recover from living with her?”Links & Other NotesBOOKSThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families: 52 Weeks of Hope, Inspiration, and Mindful Ideas for Greater Peace and HappinessSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderHigh-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideThe Healthy Parent's ABC's: Healthy Parenting Made Clear and Easy-to-Read by Benjamin D. Garber, PhDCOURSENew Ways for Families Online Class (and coaching): for High Conflict Divorce and Custody Disputeshttps://www.conflictplaybook.com/NWFFAUDIO SERIESHigh Conflict Separation & Divorce BasicsOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:20) - Listener Questions (01:57) - Handling a Toddler with a Narcissistic Parent (07:58) - Managing Intimidating Behavior (13:30) - Is There Ever a Time to Explain the Truth? (16:20) - Can You Develop BPD Traits From Another? (23:55) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener Questions!

Alex Murdaugh conned a lot of people in his rural community, in his professional circles, and even within his family. He gained the confidence of those around him with his lies, charm, influence, and financial status. Sadly, many were impacted, including the most vulnerable – his clients.In this episode, Megan and Bill discuss how Alex conned and how to avoid being conned. They cover:Alex’s conning M.O.con artists and fake emergencieslying vs. conningPrimitive Emotional Power (PEP)shape-shiftersattraction to con artistsbeing impressed by con artistshow to spot and how to avoid being connedLinks & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarARTICLESFive Types of High-Conflict PersonalitiesOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:30) - Alex Murdaugh Part 2 (03:39) - Why do people get conned? (08:21) - Warning Signs (12:35) - Kindness as Part of Con (14:12) - Our Draw to Power (17:26) - Those Who Surrounded Him (21:08) - Levels of Reading Signals (24:16) - How to Avoid Being Conned (25:58) - The Bully's Story (27:45) - Community Pressure (31:45) - When We Were Conned (35:51) - Wrap Up (36:47) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Listener Questions

The Alex Murdaugh murder case has captivated people in the U.S. and around the globe. Technology allowed us to see with our own eyes and hear with our own ears the actions and voice of a man with a family and legal dynasty before and during his double murder trial for killing his wife, Maggie, and son Paul. Is Alex Murdaugh a sociopath, psychopath, narcissist, or did he have antisocial personality disorder? Although Bill and Megan don’t diagnose anyone, they discuss the Alex Murdaugh case in this episode through the lens of high conflict and by examining the criteria of other mental health disorders via the DSM-V-TR.In this first episode of a two-part series, Bill and Megan discuss the Alex Murdaugh case in relation to:the role of remorse, empathy, trust and aggressionhow people who commit such heinous acts see the world—and the hostility biascan he love his family and still murder themclues to his personalitywhy he didn’t look at his surviving son Buster after sentencingwhat he may have been feeling or experiencing as witnesses testified against himthe impact his opioid addiction may have had on his actions or whether it was an excusethe pattern of lying, secrets, and gaining sympathyIn the next episode, we’ll talk about how his colleagues and others around him were conned and how to avoid being conned yourself.Links & Other NotesBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesARTICLESSociopaths and Their DeceptionsDo’s and Don’t’s for Living with an AntisocialCon Artist at Work on Wall StreetCOURSESDealing with Sociopaths: The Con Artists of DivorceOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - The Trial of Alex Murdaugh Part I (01:34) - Background (04:32) - What We Saw During Trial (07:51) - Caught in a Lie (10:30) - Possible Take (16:13) - Didn't Look at Son (19:07) - Opioid Addiction (21:43) - Can He Love Them and Still Kill Them? (24:49) - In Defense of Narcissists (25:36) - What Was He Thinking? (27:56) - Mistakes? Signs? (30:44) - Born With Disorders (32:49) - Overcoming the Con (35:32) - When Pressured (38:24) - Closing (39:20) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to Avoid Being Conned

One of the cornerstones of successful management of high conflict interactions is connection. In fact, it is the “C” in the CARS Method®—a set of principles for managing high conflict disputes and interactions.In today’s episode, Megan and Bill talk about this exceedingly important principle of connection, including:why connection is foundational to successful interactions with high conflict peoplethe brain’s request for connectionwhy it is so difficult to remember to connect before problem-solvingthe impact of connecting—using EAR Statementswhether connection and EAR Statements can be over-usedLINKSBOOKSCalming Upset People with EARARTICLESCalming Upset People Fast with EARThe CARS Method®Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:21) - Intro to Connection (02:22) - Foundational to Successful Interactions (04:14) - Connection vs. Isolation (05:17) - Connecting with an HCP (08:18) - How the Brain's Involved (13:44) - Hostility Bias (15:00) - Misreading Cues (17:56) - Difference in Cultures (19:37) - Remember to Connect First (24:36) - EAR Statements (26:44) - Can You Overdo It? (29:53) - Wrap Up (30:24) - Reminders

Workplace investigations. If you’ve been through one, it may have been easily worked out with assistance from the professionals involved or it may have been a nightmare if someone with a high conflict personality was involved.Whether you are an employee, a manager, in human resources, or a workplace investigator, you will want to listen in as two workplace investigators discuss high conflict investigations.Megan is joined by guest co-host Cherolyn Knapp and guest Bob Stenhouse, founder of Veritas Solutions and highly decorated and nationally recognized serious and organized crime investigator with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, to discuss:what a workplace investigator entailshow people with high conflict personalities show up in workplace investigationswhat types of challenges do people with high conflict personalities pose for investigator teams and what workplace investigators need to do to build rapport with anyone they interview to be able to gather the information they needtraining for workplace investigatorsusing BIFF as part of the structure of a workplace investigationchallenges faced by workplace investigators in relation to high conflictbuilding high conflict skills and techniques into your workplace investigation what workplace investigators need to know about the DARVO concepttypes of recommendations for employers on how to remediate situations where they may be findings of bullying, harassing or discriminatory behaviour or misconduct by an employee who has high conflict personality traitsLinks & Other NotesBob Stenhouse on the web ARTICLESTruck Convoy Protest in Ottawa: A Missed Opportunity for High Conflict Resolution? by guest co-host Cherolyn KnappOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:40) - Today's Topic: Bob Stenhouse (01:53) - Meet Bob Stenhouse (06:22) - Types of Workplace Misconduct Allegations (07:15) - When It Involves High Conflict (10:18) - Challenges from HCPs (12:26) - Escalating Situations (15:04) - Training (17:39) - Trainee Stories of HCPs (19:28) - Informal Poll (21:52) - Both at Fault? (24:46) - DARVO (28:01) - Targets of Blame (30:01) - Learning From RCMP (31:48) - Training to Navigate HCPs (32:44) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: (34:50) - Elephant in the Room (37:56) - At the End of an Investigation (42:38) - Wrap Up

Divorce is hard and often confusing with bits of information online, in books and other sources, which can be helpful but also confusing. Journalist and radio host Ilyssa Panitz, THE Divorce Journalist, joins Bill and Megan in this episode to discuss her divorce radio show, how it began and why it is so helpful to both people experiencing divorce first-hand and for professionals too. She also has unique insight into celebrity divorce They will discuss:Her radio show The Divorce Hour with Ilyssa Panitzincrease of high conflict divorce during and since the pandemicwhat she’s hearing from her listenerssimilarities and differences between celebrity divorces and everyone elsethe most important things she has learned about divorce by doing the radio showLinks & Other NotesILYSSA’S WEBSITEILYSSA’S RADIO SHOWOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:26) - Meet Ilyssa Panitz (06:40) - Ilyssa's Background (08:40) - Radio Show (12:49) - Finding Experts (15:34) - High Conflict Divorce (17:55) - Affects of Pandemic (20:38) - Listener Feedback (24:01) - Lessons Learned (27:12) - Celebrity Divorces (33:15) - Biggest Lessons Learned (36:34) - Wrapping Up (39:40) - Coming Next Week: Listener Questions