It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
TruStory FM
Show overview
It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People has been publishing since 2021, and across the 5 years since has built a catalogue of 214 episodes, alongside 1 trailer or bonus episode. That works out to roughly 120 hours of audio in total. Releases follow a weekly cadence, with the show now in its 9th season.
Episodes typically run twenty to thirty-five minutes — most land between 29 min and 39 min — and the run-time is fairly consistent across the catalogue. None of the episodes are flagged explicit by the publisher. It is catalogued as a EN-language Business show.
The show is actively publishing — the most recent episode landed 1 weeks ago, with 22 episodes already out so far this year. The busiest year was 2022, with 50 episodes published. Published by TruStory FM.
From the publisher
Hosted by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Megan Hunter, MBA, It’s All Your Fault! High Conflict People explores the five types of people who can ruin your life—people with high conflict personalities and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else. They are the most difficult of difficult people — some would say they’re toxic. Without them, tv shows, movies, and the news would be boring, but who wants to live that way in your own life! Have you ever wanted to know what drives them to act this way? In the It’s All Your Fault podcast, we’ll take you behind the scenes to understand what’s happening in the brain and illuminates why we pick HCPs as life partners, why we hire them, and how we can handle interactions and relationships with them. We break down everything you ever wanted to know about people with the 5 high conflict personality types: narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, antisocial/sociopath, and paranoid. And we’ll give you tips on how to spot them and how to deal with them.
Latest Episodes
View all 214 episodesFrom Reacting to Responding: High Conflict at Work, Part 3 of 4
What HR Keeps Missing: High Conflict at Work, Part 2 of 4
Why Workplace Conflict Is Surging: High Conflict at Work, Part 1 of 4
Accepting the Limits of a High Conflict Relationship
How to Leave a High Conflict Relationship Without Escalating
How Validation Calms the Brain: The Science of EAR Statements
When It's Not Your Fault: Blame, Backlash, and Setting Limits
When No One Believes You About High Conflict
When Addiction Meets Custody: Building a Plan That Holds, Part 2
When Addiction and Antisocial Behavior Collide in Custody
Why Your Child Absorbs Your Emotions
S9 Ep 9Passive Aggressive Behavior: Is It High Conflict?
Passive aggressive behavior is one of the most common—and most maddening—dynamics in high conflict situations. In this episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute reframe passive aggression as what it really is: aggression with built-in deniability. They walk through how to recognize it at home and at work, how to set limits on behavior that’s designed to evade accountability, and how the “it’s not about me” mindset gives you the emotional footing to respond effectively. Whether you’re dealing with a co-worker who “forgets” every commitment or a relationship where nothing is ever directly addressed, this episode gives you a practical framework for protecting your peace.Resources from this episode:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarConflict Influencer ClassManaging High-Conflict Behaviour in the Workplace Training (April 23, 2026)Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:07) - Passive Aggressive Behavior (03:59) - Is It High Conflict Behavior? (08:43) - Confronting Them (09:36) - When They Don’t Stop (13:43) - Conflict Avoidance Behavior? (17:17) - A Pre-Cursor to More Overt Conflict? (18:24) - In the Workplace (19:42) - Examples (21:54) - Antisocial Behavior (23:57) - Following Through (26:09) - Staying Confident (27:22) - Wrap Up
S9 Ep 8Conflict Creators: Why Drama Gets Into Our Heads
Why are so many people drawn to media figures who thrive on conflict, drama, and promises of secret revelations? Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute break down the neuroscience behind it—and it turns out your brain is working exactly as designed. The right hemisphere's drive for connection, belonging, and certainty makes all of us vulnerable to conflict-driven personalities, whether we realize it or not. This episode gives you the framework to understand why you get hooked, and practical tools to reclaim your own judgment.Resources from this episode:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeManaging High-Conflict Behavior in the Workplace — Training, April 23, 2026Training for Your OrganizationVisit High Conflict InstituteBrowse Books and ResourcesSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Catching Up (03:03) - Building Conflict Around Yourselves (06:35) - Our Draw to Conspiracy Theorists (09:58) - Why Does It Feel Credible? (12:23) - Personality Types (15:44) - Convincing and Confident (17:07) - Negative Advocates (21:09) - Reinforcing Patterns (23:05) - What Can We Do (26:23) - Using AI (29:11) - Wrap Up
S9 Ep 7High Conflict Behavior at Work Part 2 with Michael Lomax
Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to share practical tools leaders can use right away when high conflict behavior is derailing their team. They cover BIFF responses for written communication, how to redirect disruptive meeting participants, handling chronic complainers with EAR statements, and what it actually takes to build a conflict-competent culture. Plus—details on two upcoming trainings from the High Conflict Institute.Resources from this episode:New Ways for Work Coaches Training — March 3 & 5, 2026Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan HunterMediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael LomaxIt's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefanoSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict InstituteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:54) - Guest Michael Lomax (04:19) - Workplace Tools for Leaders (05:41) - BIFF Responses (15:47) - High Conflict in Meetings (21:02) - Chronic Complaining (23:37) - Example (26:26) - Healthy Conflict (31:56) - The Training (35:28) - Mindset Shift (38:09) - Wrap Up
S9 Ep 6High Conflict Behavior at Work with Michael Lomax
HCI senior trainer Michael Lomax joins Megan Hunter to unpack why high conflict behavior is escalating in today's workplaces—and what leaders can actually do about it. Drawing on twenty-five years in workplace dispute resolution, Michael explains why global stress and unresolved trauma are showing up at work, what happens in a leader's brain when they get emotionally hooked, and how to regulate yourself before you respond. You'll learn the "calm before think" strategy for de-escalating upset employees, how to handle a team-wide crisis triggered by one inflammatory email, and when a single conversation with a difficult senior leader simply isn't enough. Whether you're a leader, in HR, or anyone trying to navigate a workplace that feels harder than it used to—this one's for you.Resources from this episode:New Ways for Work Training for Workplace Coaches — March 3 & 5, 2026Leaders Training: Managing High Conflict Behavior at Work — April 23, 2026BIFF at Work by Bill Eddy and Megan HunterMediating High Conflict Disputes by Bill Eddy and Michael LomaxIt's All Your Fault at Work by Bill Eddy and L. Georgi DiStefanoSubmit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | High Conflict InstituteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (01:19) - Michael’s Background (02:35) - High Conflict at Work (08:24) - An Increase (11:33) - How It’s Showing Up (14:11) - Getting Emotionally Hooked (18:32) - What You Can Do and Regulating (23:12) - Shifting into Problem-Solving (29:13) - Email Conflict (35:40) - Options List (37:14) - Wrap Up
S9 Ep 5Setting Boundaries in High Conflict Situations
We answer five listener questions about setting boundaries with intrusive neighbors, hostile co-parents, difficult coworkers, and adult children who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. Learn when to use empathy versus firmness, how to document hostile messages for court, and strategies for protecting your emotional well-being in toxic situations.Resources from this episode:SLIC Solutions for ConflictBIFF for CoParent CommunicationThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderNew Ways for Work® Coaches Training (March 3 & 5, 2026)Conflict Influencer ClassTraining for OrganizationsNational Domestic Violence Information or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)Submit Questions | Full Show Notes | Bookstore | WebsiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important Notice: Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:47) - Listener Questions (01:22) - Question 1 (09:29) - Question 2 (12:35) - Question 3 (20:42) - Question 4 (23:46) - Question 5 (31:59) - Wrap Up
S9 Ep 4Can High Conflict Relationships Ever Become Truly Mutual? Setting Realistic Expectations and Boundaries
Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore one of the most challenging questions faced by people in relationships with partners who demonstrate high conflict behaviors: Is it possible to develop a genuinely mutual and healthy relationship through proper communication techniques and boundary setting, or is managed stability the best achievable outcome?Understanding Relationship Dynamics with High Conflict PartnersThe episode examines the reality that while using specialized communication techniques can help reduce conflict and create more stability, these relationships often remain fundamentally one-sided. The hosts address the emotional toll of being the only partner actively working on relationship improvement and discuss realistic expectations for long-term outcomes.Research indicates that people who exhibit cluster B personality traits commonly demonstrate patterns of domineeringness, vindictiveness, and intrusiveness in relationships. Understanding these patterns helps inform decisions about relationship investment and maintenance.Questions Answered in This EpisodeCan proper communication techniques lead to a truly mutual relationship?What role does counseling play in improving high conflict relationships?How do you approach suggesting counseling to a resistant partner?What are realistic expectations for relationship improvement?When should someone consider leaving versus staying in the relationship?Key TakeawaysSuccess often looks like better containment rather than achieving full mutualityIndividual or couples counseling can help, but finding the right approach is crucialSetting clear limits while maintaining safety is essentialBuilding external support systems helps maintain stabilityPersonal decisions about staying or leaving should be based on realistic expectationsThe episode provides valuable insights for anyone wrestling with difficult relationship decisions, offering both practical tools and a framework for evaluating relationship potential without promising unrealistic outcomes.Additional ResourcesNew Resource for Those Considering Divorce/Separation/Relationship Termination Should I Stay Stay Married or Get Divorced? 1:1 Coaching through an online courseGive your marriage a chance to survive and succeed.Expert PublicationsStop Walking on Eggshells for Partners by Randi Kreger and Bill Eddy, LCSW, JDDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., and Megan Hunter, MBASLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Ekaterina Ricci, MDR, MLSPersonal DevelopmentNew Ways for Couples Online Course + Coaching (give your relationship a chance to survive)TrainingContact us for training for your organizationConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:42) - Healthy Relationships? (04:54) - Two-Way Relationship Potential (08:29) - Counseling (10:30) - Couples Therapy (14:17) - Trying Harder? (15:55) - Personality Disorders (17:28) - Domineeringness, Vindictiveness, Intrusiveness (19:19) - Staying for Stability (25:34) - SLIC Solutions (32:02) - Back to Original Question (35:10) - Wrap Up
S9 Ep 3Beyond No-Contact: High Conflict Skills for Family Relationships
The Evolution of Family Estrangement: Understanding Adult Children Cutting TiesBill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the growing phenomenon of adult children severing relationships with parents, examining research, societal shifts, and potential solutions. Drawing from their experience at the High Conflict Institute, they analyze Oprah's recent YouTube conversation with Dr. Joshua Coleman about family estrangement, offering professional insights into this complex dynamic affecting millions of families.Understanding Modern Family EstrangementResearch indicates approximately one-third of Americans experience parent-child estrangement. The hosts examine how smaller family sizes, increased mobility, and social media influence these dynamics, while exploring the impact of shifting cultural values, mental health awareness, and changing approaches to conflict resolution.Questions Addressed in This Episode:What factors contribute to increased family estrangement?How do cultural differences affect family relationship patterns?When might relationship boundaries be appropriate versus complete estrangement?What impact does estrangement have on extended family relationships?How can families develop better conflict resolution skills?Key Takeaways:Family estrangement often reflects broader societal shifts in relationship dynamicsConflict resolution skills are crucial for maintaining family connectionsModern technology and social media can both help and hinder family relationshipsSetting appropriate boundaries differs from complete relationship terminationMost estrangements are temporary, with opportunities for reconciliationThe episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating complex family relationships, offering understanding of this significant societal trend and practical approaches for addressing relationship challenges.Additional ResourcesOprah Video- Why Adult Children are Cutting Ties With Their ParentsExpert PublicationsSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsOur New World of Adult BulliesContact Us For High-Conflict TrainingUnderstanding & Managing High-Conflict TrainingProfessional & Personal DevelopmentHCI’s courses:Conflict Influencer® - for famlies (new classes starting January 2026)High-Conflict Law Certification - for legal professionals (starts March 2026)Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube!Important NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:41) - Why Adult Children Cut Ties with Parents (04:13) - Why More Rifts (11:11) - US Experience (13:45) - Mexico and Religion (16:20) - Destabilizing for Kids (21:25) - Intergenerational (22:56) - Everyone Needs These Skills (25:30) - Setting Consequences (26:58) - How Can You Make It Better? (29:02) - Wrap Up
S9 Ep 2SLIC Solutions for Limits: How to Set Boundaries That Actually Work (with Ekaterina Ricci)
Setting Effective Limits: A Conversation About SLIC Solutions for ConflictBill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome co-author Ekaterina Ricci to discuss their new book "SLIC Solutions for Conflict," exploring practical approaches to setting limits and consequences with individuals who demonstrate challenging behaviors.The episode introduces the "two and a half steps" approach: establishing clear boundaries, implementing consequences, and selectively using empathy, attention, and respect (EAR) statements. Traditional empathy-focused approaches may sometimes enable rather than resolve difficult situations, particularly with individuals who demonstrate manipulative behaviors.Bill Eddy outlines five crucial questions for establishing consequences: Is it proportional? Have positive consequences been considered? Is it safe? Are you prepared to enforce it? Do you need assistance?Questions we answer: How can empathy make conflict worse? Why is advance preparation important? How does social media impact younger generations' ability to set boundaries? When should you seek help imposing consequences?Whether managing professional relationships, navigating family dynamics, or maintaining personal boundaries, this episode provides practical tools for setting effective limits while maintaining respect and safety. Learn how preparation, practice, and proper timing can help you implement boundaries with confidence.Additional ResourcesWatch this episode on YouTube!Expert PublicationsSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsHigh-Conflict TrainingUnderstanding & Managing High-Conflict TrainingPersonal DevelopmentConflict Influencer Group Class - starts January 21New Ways for Couples: Online Class + CoachingProfessional DevelopmentFamily Law Consultation Group with Bill Eddy - starts March 2026Connect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:49) - SLIC Solutions for Conflict (01:22) - About Ekaterina (03:23) - Why This Book? (04:07) - When Empathy Makes It Worse (06:31) - Two-and-a-Half Steps (08:29) - Consequence (11:13) - Role Play Practice (13:31) - Learning How to Set the Limit (16:56) - Younger Generations and Setting LImits (20:03) - Social Media Example (22:08) - Surprises in the Writing of It (25:36) - Something Hopeful (29:54) - Creating Space for Yourself (32:38) - The Five Questions (37:55) - The Writing Experience (38:52) - A Few Examples (43:28) - Doing What's Right (46:35) - Wrapping Up
S9 Ep 1Self-Compassion and DBT: How New Treatment Approaches Transform BPD Recovery with Amanda Smith
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, host Megan Hunter interviews Amanda Smith, LCSW, about her groundbreaking new book on self-compassion and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills for people who have borderline personality disorder traits. The discussion explores how incorporating self-compassion into treatment can enhance recovery and improve outcomes.Understanding Self-Compassion in BPD TreatmentThe conversation delves into how self-compassion serves as a vital but often overlooked component in treating borderline personality disorder traits. Amanda Smith draws on 19 years of clinical experience to explain why traditional confrontational approaches often backfire, while self-compassion can help reduce self-destructive behaviors and improve emotional regulation.Research shows that increased self-compassion correlates with better mental health outcomes, healthier relationships, and reduced anxiety and depression. This episode examines how these findings specifically apply to people working to manage borderline personality disorder traits.Questions We Answer in This EpisodeHow has treatment for borderline personality disorder evolved over the past 20 years?What role does self-compassion play in DBT skills training?How can family members support loved ones who cannot access immediate treatment?When should boundaries and limits be introduced in treatment?How does self-compassion affect recovery outcomes?Key TakeawaysSelf-compassion can serve as a replacement skill for self-destructive behaviorsDBT skills can be learned and practiced by family members to support loved onesTreatment approaches work best when starting with validation before introducing structureRecovery is possible with appropriate evidence-based treatmentEarly intervention, even before age 18, can be beneficial when approached appropriatelyThe episode provides hope and practical guidance for anyone impacted by borderline personality disorder traits, while highlighting the importance of combining clinical skill development with self-compassion practices. Listeners will gain insights into both professional and personal approaches to supporting recovery.Additional ResourcesWatch this episode on YouTube!Expert Publications by Amanda L. SmithThe Self-Compassion Workbook for BPDThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for Your Body, Mind, and SpiritThe Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families: 52 Weeks of Hope, Inspiration, and Mindful Ideas for Greater Peace and HappinessExpert PublicationsSLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsProfessional & Personal DevelopmentAmanda Smith’s Family DBT courseHCI’s courses:Conflict Influencer® - for co-parents (new classes starting January 2026)Conflict Influencer® - for famlies (new classes starting January 2026)High-Conflict Law Certification - for legal professionalsConnect With UsVisit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant NoticeOur discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Meet Amanda Smith (03:34) - Creating a Life Worth Living (06:03) - Progression Over Time (09:45) - Other Terms (11:54) - Lack of Awareness (13:30) - Addressing with DBT (14:50) - Exceptions and Causes (16:11) - Giving Hope (17:55) - Age Groups (19:51) - When They Can’t Get Into Treatment (24:37) - Boundaries and Limits (28:32) - Amanda’s New Book (31:57) - Compassion for Self (37:11) - Trying the Opposite (41:59) - The Book (43:32) - Wrap Up