Inner Bonding

Are you still doing the things you learned as a child to try to feel safe? Our wounded self is a survival mechanism, designed to keep us safe, but the ways that our wounded self goes about trying to create safety generally have the opposite result. Instead of keeping us safe, it creates fear and anxiety. Which do you believe keeps you safer - your wounded self or your spiritual guidance?

Do you suck the life out of others, trying to get the love you need, or do you allow others to suck the life out of you? Do you often feel empty inside? Do you believe that others should be filling you up with their love and attention? Discover the real cause of inner emptiness and what to do about it, and how to distinguish between legitimate needs and neediness.

Life changes completely when you learn how to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself. Today I want to share an example of a young woman who dramatically changed her life in learning to love herself physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, organizationally and relationally.

Scapegoating goes on in many families. Were you the scapegoat in your family when you were growing up? Are you still being scapegoated as an adult in your family of origin, by your in-laws, or at work? Discover why you might be scapegoated and what to do about this.

Do you wonder why you often have the same conflicts over and over? The wounded self is quite sneaky when it comes to controlling behavior, so it’s important to discover what you do that perpetuates conflict. Our wounded self comes up with endless ways of trying to avoid and control, so we all have many ways of trying to control that you might not be aware of. Discovering and healing these levels of control, especially in relationships, is a major aspect of the healing journey.

How long into a relationship does it take you to discover that this person is not right for you? Have your past relationships left you relationship-phobic due to fears of losing yourself or getting rejected? Have you had sex with someone you thought was partner material, only to have the relationship disappear right after having sex? Dating provides many opportunities to learn and grow.

How often to you feel disappointed and rejected when someone close to you doesn’t meet your expectations? How often are you stressed and frazzled in trying to meet others' expectations? Discover what your expectations are, how you try to get others to meet them, what the result is regarding ruining relationships, and what else to do instead.

I’ve worked with many people who have been harmed rather than helped by healers, therapists, facilitators, coaches, doctors, or other helping practitioners. Discover what to look for in a practitioner so that you make sure you are helped rather than harmed, and so that you don’t needlessly spend money in ways that don’t support your physical, emotional, and spiritual health and healing.

People often ask me if they will always be struggling with the effects of an abusive childhood. You CAN heal from childhood abuse. While it is very important to be working with a knowledgeable therapist or facilitator when experiencing abuse memories, there are many things you can also learn to do to help yourself. Inner Bonding is a powerful process that enables you to remember repressed memories and heal from traumatic abuse, along with other trauma-release modalities.

Worriers unconsciously operate under the false belief that worry will stop bad things from happening - that they can control the outcome with worry. Are you ready to move beyond obsessive ruminating and worrying? Are you ready to move beyond the fear, anxiety and depression that results from worrying and ruminating? Life is much more peaceful when you let of the illusion of control that you think worrying and ruminating give to you.

How often are you able to stay mindfully present in your body with your feelings, and take responsibility for them? Most of us are not taught how to take emotional responsibility. For most people, it takes practice to be willing to be fully present in your body, feeling your painful feelings, and even more practice to learn how to take loving care of your emotions.

Are you attaching your happiness and self-worth to others and outcomes, and then try to control what you can’t control? What do you do when you feel helpless over another's choices? We create relationship problems when we don’t accept our helplessness over other's feelings and actions, and we create anxiety, depression or shame when we don’t accept our helplessness over events and situations.

Are you struggling with whether or not to stay in a relationship? If you are in a challenging relationship, do you believe it’s easier to start over with someone new? Discover the surprising statistics about second and third marriages, and why they have such a poor success rate. Before leaving your relationship, you might want to heal your end of your relationship system and see what happens.

Walk with me through this podcast so that you can begin to see, value and love the goodness that you are. Embracing your essential goodness can move you out of fear and into joy and the sharing of love. When you learn to own your goodness, you can then experience the goodness and comfort of spirit that is always here for all of us.

Are you conscious of your own feelings? Do you find it challenging to be present in your body with your feelings? Do you judge yourself for your feelings instead of trusting them and taking loving action for yourself based on them? Is it hard for you to feel deep joy? Discover that keeping a lid on your pain also prevents you from experiencing your joy.

Do you believe that others or circumstances are responsible for whether you keep your heart open? Loving is about learning to keep your heart open. Do you cultivate your open heart enough to have love to share with others? Discover the secrets to keeping your heart open, and to discerning whether another person has an open or closed heart.

Are you aware of the voice of your ego wounded self that may be judging you non-stop in the background of your mind? Are you aware of who were the role models for this voice? Learn to shift out of being guided by your wounded voice and into the loving and truthful the voice of your guidance. Learn about the backlash of your wounded self when you are doing well, and how to take that toxic voice with lightness and humor.

Do you believe there is something wrong with you because you have been told that you are "too sensitive?" Do you often feel out of place and like an alien in some groups? Do you feel guilty and responsible when others are hurting? If you are a highly sensitive person, or if you are partnered with a highly sensitive person, it's vitally important to understand this essence gift, and this podcast may help you to value and embrace it.

We all want to feel safe, but which do you believe keeps you safer - your wounded self or your spiritual guidance? While you might believe that keeping your heart closed is the only way to feel safe from being hurt by others, there is a far better way of feeling safe. Discover what actually creates both a true inner sense of safety, and a deep level of safety and connection with others.

Have you been frustrated in not being able to easily access your Guidance? Your ability to connect with your higher guidance is about your vibrational frequency. A high frequency is necessary to feel joy and to manifest your dreams. Discover what raises or lowers your frequency and what you need to do to keep it high.

Are you stuck in blame and resentment toward someone? Resentment and blame are poisons to the soul - far more harmful to you than to anyone else, Are you confused between the difference between condoning and forgiving? Have you tried to forgive others, only to discover that you are still angry and resentful toward them? Discover how heal anger, blame and resentment.

Do you believe that your programmed ego wounded self is who you are? This is what your wounded self wants you to believe, but nothing could be further from the truth. Learn about who you are when you are operating from your wounded self, and how tricky the wounded self is. Much healing comes from unmasking the wounded self.

Are you afraid to open your heart to love, for fear of getting hurt? Are you putting off opening to another relationship for fear of getting hurt again? Do you isolate yourself out of a fear of rejection? Loving holds within it the greatest joy and the greatest pain in life. Without love, life is empty, yet do you find yourself being afraid of intimacy? Do you sometimes feel stuck with hurt and you don't know how to get beyond it? Discover how to heal the fear of getting hurt and open to love.

Do you believe that you or others are being selfish if they take loving care of themselves instead of taking care of you? Are you sometimes giving and caring to another and then wonder why your caring isn't appreciated? Are you a taker or a caretaker? Discover how the caretaker-taker relationship system is often the underlying cause of relationship problems, and what you can do to heal both yourself and your relationship.

Do you suffer from social phobia or social anxiety? Do you suffer from anxiety and even panic attacks regarding social situations? Have you tried many things that have not worked? You don't need to stay isolated or go your whole life suffering from this debilitating anxiety. There is a way to heal!

Are you often angry and frustrated when people let you down by not doing what they say they are going to do? But, are you reliable and trustworthy with yourself and others? Not trusting others is often a reflection of being untrustworthy and unreliable with yourself. Most of us like to think we are honest people, people with integrity who speak the truth and are true to our word, but how often do you deny your truth to get approval or avoid disapproval or conflict? How often do you withhold your truth from someone important to you because you are afraid of their anger? You might believe you are withholding your truth to spare your partner pain, but is your real intent to protect yourself from the response you fear?

Are you aware of how you might be trying to control others' feelings or behavior? What limiting beliefs about controlling others are controlling your life? How are you limiting yourself to limit your partner? Are you aware of the feelings you cause yourself when you attempt to control others rather than love yourself? It is often tempting to tell others what to do, especially when it is obvious that they are not taking care of themselves. Discover why this usually backfires and what to do instead.

Will you always be struggling with the effects of an abusive childhood or other childhood or adult trauma or PTSD? You CAN heal from childhood abuse and other trauma. With Inner Bonding, other supportive trauma techniques, and the loving support of others, even PTSD can be healed.

How can you know if this is the right person with whom to spend your life? How long into a relationship does it take to discover if this person is right or not right for you? Learn about both red flags and promising signs, and why soul-mate relationships are not always the easiest relationships.

Do you keep attracting unavailable people or are you stuck in a relationship with an emotionally or sexually unavailable person? Are you addicted to trying to get love from unavailable, unloving people? Discover the cause of this and how to attract an available partner.

Are you a procrastinator? Do you find yourself procrastinating when you have hard or boring stuff to do, or even with things you want to do? Do you tell yourself that you will do the things you need to do, and then find yourself not doing them? Do you then judge yourself for procrastinating? Do you believe if you read enough self-help books and take enough seminars you will find the answer? Are you ready to get unstuck? There is a way out of this!

Fear is an important feeling. It can have much information for us or it can lead us down a negative spiral that feeds upon itself. Discover the two different kinds of fear and what each kind is telling you, and how to heal much of your fear.

Sex means different things to different people, and what it means to you might be very different than what it means to your partner. This might be having a negative impact on your relationship, or on creating a loving relationship.

Are you plagued with guilt? Do you feel guilty and responsible when others are hurting? Do you try to fix their pain rather than take care of yourself? Sometimes guilt is appropriate and often it isn't. Discover what causes guilt, the big difference between healthy and unhealthy, toxic guilt, and how to heal toxic guilt.

Dealing with depression often requires a multi-dimensional approach. Depression is not caused by a lack of drugs, nor do drugs heal the underlying causes. Discover the underlying causes of depression, as well as of the 'dark night of the soul', and what to do about them.

The problem of ending relationships gracefully arises because many people see it as a reflection of their worth when someone doesn't want to be with them. In this podcast, I address both what you might need to do to heal a disconnected relationship, and when it might be time to leave. Most unhappy couples think they know what the problem is, but rarely do they understand what the REAL problem is. If you are considering ending your relationship, this podcast will be helpful to you.

Anxiety holds within it much important information. Discover some major causes of anxiety, as well as how you may be creating your own anxiety, and what you can do to heal.

Loving relationships don't just happen. I've heard many of my clients state that, "If I have to work at it, then it's not the right relationship." This is not true, any more than it's true that you don't have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well and stress reduction. There are some powerful choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a loving one.

Are you being selfish when you do what brings you joy, even if others don't like it? Do you feel trapped, believing you can't really take loving care of yourself without being unloving to others? You might know that you need to be loving to yourself, but do you know what loving yourself actually means?

Over-talking is often a way to try to connect with others when you feel alone and disconnected from yourself, but it’s likely pushing people away. Are you aware of needing to talk too much, or have you been with people who go on and on? Do you know what to do when you are with an over-talker? Discover how to heal your over-talking and how take loving care of yourself around over-talkers.

When you share your feelings with a person you are upset with, do they get defensive? Do you sometimes feel trapped when someone is blaming you for his or her feelings? Do you struggle with knowing when to communicate with your partner about a problem and when to disengage? Discover when it is helpful to share your feelings, and when it’s controlling.

Are you resistant to being a loving adult and taking responsibility for your feelings and for supporting your highest good? Is it more important to you to resist being controlled by others, or by your higher guidance, or by your own ego wounded self, than it is to learn how to be loving to yourself and to others? Discover the way out of resistance.

Have you tried unsuccessfully to heal your shame? Have you done a lot of work on yourself and you still often feel that you are not good enough? No matter how badly you currently feel about yourself, you can heal your shame and feel excited about your life. Discover the secret to healing shame.

Do you sometimes feel alone and empty inside? Do you believe that others should be filling you up? Do you turn to various addictions to try to fill up externally? Discover the real cause of inner aloneness and emptiness and what you can do to feel full and alive inside.

Are you ignoring your anger or dumping it on others? Do you find yourself getting angry and irritated, no matter how often you try to stay calm and accepting? Discover an underlying source of anger that, when addressed, will move you beyond reactivity.

Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you feel as a result of your self-judgments? Do know why do you judge yourself? Self-judgment is a major form of self-abandonment that may be keeping you stuck, anxious and depressed.

Are you jealous and fearful that your partner, or others, will find someone he or she finds more attractive, more lovable, more worthy than you? Jealousy is a big problem for many people and I often receive questions regarding this topic. Discover what you are doing that is causing you to feel jealous and how to heal this very challenging issue. You can heal jealousy!

With all the challenges we have today, being able to experience empathy for ourselves and others is vital. When you are capable of empathy, you can't hurt others, animals or our planet. Discover why some people are empathic and others are not.

Do you feel a deep inner sense of self-worth, or are you anxiously dependent on others approval and validation for your sense of worth? You CAN heal the anxiety that comes from defining your self-worth externally. It is not as hard as you may think to define your own worth, but most people go about it the wrong way.

When trust is broken, it need not be the end of a relationship. Much can be learned from staying in a relationship and learning from the challenging situation. Learn how you can mend the broken trust in your relationship.