How Not To Suck At Divorce

Get the Divorce Crash CourseYou might not want to hear this… but you need to.If your divorce feels more stressful than it should, you might be part of the problem—and it likely comes down to unrealistic expectations.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, hosts Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill break down the most common ways clients unintentionally make their divorce harder, more expensive, and more emotionally draining.From expecting your attorney to respond immediately… to assuming you’ll get full custody… to chasing a “forensic accountant fantasy”… this episode is your reality check.Because divorce is emotional—but the legal system is procedural. And when your expectations don’t match how the system actually works, it creates unnecessary stress, frustration, and costly mistakes.What You’ll Learn:Why expecting immediate responses from your attorney is setting you up for frustrationWhat actually qualifies as a legal “emergency” (and what doesn’t)Why most people don’t need a forensic accountant (and when you actually do)The truth about full custody and how courts really make decisionsWhy divorce timelines are not in your controlHow unrealistic expectations increase your anxiety—and your legal billsKey Takeaway:Divorce isn’t just hard because of your ex.It’s hard because of the expectations you bring into it.When you shift your mindset and understand what you can—and can’t—control, the entire process becomes more manageable.Want more real, no-BS divorce advice?👉 Get full episode breakdowns, strategy, and resources here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/adviceOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseDivorce is overwhelming. Some days you’re strong, focused, and ready to tackle legal decisions. Other days you just need something — anything — to help calm your nervous system and get through the moment.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, host Andrea Rappaport shares three surprisingly simple tools that helped her survive some of the hardest days during her own divorce:Target. Alexa. TikTok.These everyday distractions may sound random, but they can actually help interrupt the emotional spiral that many people experience during divorce. When your brain gets stuck ruminating about things you cannot control, small shifts in your environment can make a big difference.If you’re struggling with loneliness, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts during divorce, this episode offers practical — and refreshingly honest — ways to break the cycle.Why Divorce Triggers Emotional SpiralsDivorce often creates a perfect storm of stress:• uncertainty about the future• loneliness and silence at home• repetitive thoughts about the past• emotional overwhelmWhen your brain gets stuck in this loop, it becomes harder to regulate your emotions. Sometimes the healthiest move isn’t deep therapy work — it’s simply interrupting the spiral long enough to reset your nervous system.3 Surprisingly Helpful Divorce Coping Tools1. Target: Get Out of the HouseWhen you're stuck ruminating about your divorce, one of the best things you can do is change your physical environment.Walking around a place like Target gives your brain new visual input — colors, textures, movement — which can interrupt repetitive thought patterns.You don’t need to go on a shopping spree. Just walking through a store, moving your body, and being around other people can lift your mood and help you reset.2. Alexa: Don’t Sit in SilenceSilence can be one of the hardest parts of divorce, especially when you suddenly find yourself living alone.Using a voice assistant like Alexa (or any smart speaker) can help fill that space with:• music• podcasts• random questions• background noiseEven small interactions with sound can help regulate your emotional state and keep your mind from spiraling.3. TikTok: Embrace the DistractionScrolling on TikTok may not be the self-care advice most therapists give — but sometimes distraction is exactly what you need.When you're deep in divorce stress, going down a completely unrelated rabbit hole can give your brain a break from obsessive thinking.The goal isn’t perfection — it’s survival.Bonus Tip: Go Sit at a Bar (Even If You Don’t Drink)One of Andrea’s unexpected coping strategies during divorce was simply sitting at a bar with a laptop or book.Not for drinking — for connection.Bars are one of the few places where casual conversation with strangers still happens. Being around other people, hearing conversations, and interacting with a bartender can break the feeling of isolation many people experience during divorce.The Truth About Divorce Self-CareSome days you’ll make healthy choices:• therapy• journaling• exercise• meditationOther days you just need something that helps the pain stop for a moment — and that’s okay.Divorce is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. And learning how to survive the difficult days is part of the process.Key Takeaways From This Episode• Divorce anxiety often comes from rumination and emotional isolation• Changing your environment can help interrupt negative thought loops• Sound and background noise can reduce feelings of loneliness• Distraction isn’t always unhealthy — sometimes it’s necessary• You don’t have to do everything perfectly to get through divorceRemember ThisYour divorce will end.You won’t be going through this forever. One day you will look back and realize that you survived something incredibly hard — and came out stronger on the other side.And until that day comes, remember:You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time can feel overwhelming. You’re emotional, uncertain, and trying to make decisions that could impact your finances, your children, and your future. The problem is that when you’re in that emotional state, it’s easy to walk into a consultation unprepared and ask the wrong questions-or miss the questions that actually matter.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill pulls back the curtain on what really happens during divorce consultations and shares the best—and worst—questions you can ask a divorce attorney.If you're preparing to meet with a lawyer, this episode will help you walk into that consultation with confidence, ask smarter questions, and avoid mistakes that could cost you time and money.What You'll Learn in This EpisodeWhy divorce attorneys struggle to answer questions like “How long will this take?” and “How much will this cost?”How preparation before your consultation can dramatically improve your legal strategyThe surprising question every client should ask their attorney about how they present as a witnessHow communication expectations with your legal team can affect your experience and your billThe powerful question Morgan asks clients that reveals the hidden risks in a divorce caseThe Questions Divorce Attorneys Wish You Would AskDuring your initial consultation, asking thoughtful questions can help you better understand your case and set realistic expectations.Some of the most helpful questions include:1. How would I present as a witness if this case went to court? Even though most divorces settle before trial, understanding how your behavior, communication, and evidence may be perceived can help you strengthen your case.2. Is there anything in my story that could make achieving my goals difficult? This question allows your attorney to set realistic expectations and identify potential challenges early.3. What is the best way to communicate with you and your team? Many law firms work collaboratively with legal teams. Understanding how communication works can help you get faster responses and better support.4. What can I do to be more prepared and save money on legal fees? Being organized—creating timelines, gathering documents, and preparing information—can significantly reduce the amount of billable time your attorney spends on your case.Questions That Are Hard for Attorneys to AnswerWhile they’re completely understandable, two questions clients ask most often are also the hardest to answer:“How long will my divorce take?”The timeline depends on many variables, including court schedules, negotiations, cooperation between parties, and whether the case settles or goes to trial.“How much will my divorce cost?”Divorce costs can vary widely depending on how contentious the case becomes, whether mediation is used, and how prepared both parties are throughout the process.The Question That Reveals EverythingOne of the most powerful questions Morgan asks potential clients is:“What’s the worst thing your ex is going to say about you?”This question often catches people off guard, but it reveals critical information about potential arguments, credibility, and issues that could surface during negotiations or litigation.Being honest about weaknesses in your case allows your attorney to prepare for them strategically.Preparing for Your Divorce ConsultationWalking into a consultation prepared can make a huge difference in how productive the meeting is. Some helpful steps include:gathering financial documentsunderstanding who your spouse’s attorney may beorganizing a timeline of eventsthinking through your goals for the divorceThe more information you bring to the consultation, the easier it is for your attorney to give meaningful guidance.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseResources Mentioned in This EpisodeGuide: How to Hire the Right Divorce AttorneyThe Divorce Crash CourseHow Not to Suck at Divorce Private CommunityYou can find direct links to these resources in the episode show notes.About the PodcastHow Not to Suck at Divorce helps people navigate divorce with clarity, strategy, and support. Hosted by comedian Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill, the podcast breaks down the legal, financial, and emotional realities of divorce so listeners can avoid costly mistakes and move forward with confidence.Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappap

Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseRate our show! www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckDivorce can bring out emotions you didn’t even know you had. One minute you're trying to stay calm and take the high road, and the next minute you’re imagining what it would feel like to throat punch your ex. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport talks about what to do when your ex pushes you to your absolute emotional limit. While it might feel satisfying in the moment to lash out, reacting emotionally during the divorce process can make your case more complicated—and a lot more expensive.Instead of reacting impulsively, there are a few powerful ways to redirect that anger and turn it into something far more productive.In this episode, you’ll learn three practical ways to manage intense emotions during divorce, avoid unnecessary conflict, and stay focused on the bigger picture: protecting your outcome and your future.What You'll Learn in This EpisodeWhy reacting emotionally during divorce can backfire legally and financiallyHow writing the angry email you’ll never send can help release frustrationThe importance of shifting from emotional reaction to strategic thinkingWhy understanding your ex’s motivations can help you respond more effectivelyHow moving your energy into action can help regulate intense emotions during divorce3 Things to Do Instead of Throat Punching Your Ex1. Write the email you want to send—but don’t send it. Get the anger out. Write exactly what you want to say. Just don’t hit send. Emotional messages during divorce can easily become evidence that complicates your case.2. Think, don’t feel. When your ex does something that makes you furious, pause and ask yourself: what are they actually trying to accomplish? Understanding their strategy can help you respond more effectively instead of reacting emotionally.3. Do anything that moves the energy out of your body. Anger is energy. Go for a walk, organize something, run an errand, take a class—anything that helps you move through the emotion instead of sitting in it.Divorce Is Emotional—But Strategy MattersDivorce can sometimes feel like psychological warfare. But the more you can shift from emotional reaction to strategic decision-making, the better your outcome will be.A moment of anger may feel satisfying in the short term, but preparation and clear thinking will serve you much better throughout the divorce process.As Andrea says in this episode:Plan more. Cry less.Need More Support During Divorce?If you feel like your divorce process is happening faster than you can keep up with, the Divorce Crash Course can help.Inside the course, we break down the strategy behind divorce—from finances and working with your attorney to custody agreements and avoiding the biggest mistakes people make during the process.The goal is simple: help you protect your sanity, your finances, and your future.Resources MentionedThe Divorce Crash CourseThe How Not to Suck at Divorce private communityAbout the PodcastHow Not to Suck at Divorce helps people navigate divorce with clarity, strategy, and support. Hosted by Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill, the podcast breaks down the legal, financial, and emotional realities of divorce in plain English—so you can avoid costly mistakes and move forward with confidence.Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Get the NEW Divorce Crash Course right here!Ever read an email from your divorce attorney and think:“What the hell does that even mean?”You’re not alone.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, hosts Andrea Rappaport and Morgan L. Stogsdill break down the confusing world of legal jargon, attorney shorthand, and “lawyer speak” that leaves so many divorce clients feeling lost.If your attorney has ever said things like:“We’ll reserve that issue.”“Opposing counsel is being unreasonable.”“The judge may not view this favorably.”“We need more discovery.”…and you nodded along while secretly thinking “am I winning or am I getting screwed?” — this episode is for you.Morgan translates the most common divorce lawyer phrases into plain English, while Andrea asks the questions every client is secretly thinking.You’ll also learn how to tell the difference between normal legal communication and a lawyer who simply isn’t communicating well.Because understanding your divorce strategy isn’t a luxury — it’s your right.What You'll Learn in This Episode✔ What lawyers actually mean when they say “we’ll reserve that issue” ✔ Why divorce attorneys avoid giving 100% certainty about outcomes ✔ The real meaning behind “the judge may not view this favorably” ✔ Why discovery is one of the most misunderstood parts of divorce ✔ How to tell if your attorney is explaining strategy clearly ✔ Red flags that signal a bad communicator (or worse) ✔ When it might be time to get a second legal opinionDivorce Lawyer Phrases TranslatedMorgan and Andrea break down common phrases you may hear from your divorce attorney:“That’s not something we want to concede.” Translation: Not necessarily a “no” — but definitely not right now.“We’ll reserve that issue.” Translation: The decision is being pushed down the road until more information is available.“The judge may not view this favorably.” Translation: This could seriously backfire in court.“Opposing counsel is being unreasonable.” Translation: Something behind the scenes is slowing the process down.“We need more discovery.” Translation: We need documents, financials, or evidence to support your case.Green Flags: Signs You Have a Great Divorce LawyerA strong divorce attorney should be able to explain:• What is happening in your case • Why it matters • What your options are • The risks and rewards of each choice • The strategy moving forward • The potential cost of each moveA good lawyer explains things like they’re talking to their neighbor — not lecturing a law school class.Red Flags in Attorney CommunicationIf you consistently feel:⚠ More confused after speaking with your lawyer ⚠ Like your questions are dismissed ⚠ Intimidated for asking clarification ⚠ Unsure of the strategy ⚠ Like you’re being told to “just trust me”…it may be time to reconsider the relationship.Questions You Should Ask Your Divorce LawyerIf something doesn’t make sense, try asking:• “Can you explain that in plain English?” • “What does that mean for my case specifically?” • “What’s the best-case and worst-case scenario?” • “What’s the strategy behind this?” • “Is this something judges typically approve?” • “How will this affect my legal fees?”You deserve to understand the process and the plan.When It Might Be Time for a Second OpinionGetting another legal perspective is not a betrayal.Consider a second opinion if:Communication is unclearStrategy hasn’t been explainedYou feel dismissed or confusedYour gut says something isn’t rightGreat lawyers aren’t threatened by second opinions — they welcome informed clients.Resources Mentioned💡 The Divorce Crash Course (DCC) The step-by-step strategy guide to navigating divorce with clarity.💬 Join our private community for support, resources, and conversations about divorce.Listen If You're WonderingWhy does my divorce lawyer speak in legal jargon?What does discovery mean in divorce?How do I know if my attorney is doing a good job?Should I get a second opinion from another divorce lawyer?Why won’t my lawyer give a clear answer?Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

GET THE DIVORCE CRASH COURSE!In this mini episode of How Not To Suck At Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill introduce something they’ve been quietly working on for months: the brand-new Divorce Crash Course (DCC).This project has truly been a labor of love—built to give people going through divorce the information most attorneys simply don’t have time to walk you through.And yes… this episode starts with Andrea surviving a spring break indoor water park, wearing airplane-sized noise-canceling headphones, smelling like pond water, and nearly losing her dignity.But once the laughter settles, Andrea and Morgan dive into something that could change the way you navigate your divorce.The Divorce Crash Course was created to help people avoid the most common—and most expensive—mistakes made during divorce.Because the truth is:Most people enter divorce with no roadmap, no strategy, and no idea what they don’t know yet.That’s where the DCC comes in.What Is the Divorce Crash Course?The Divorce Crash Course is a private podcast paired with a downloadable guidebook designed to walk you step-by-step through the divorce process.Inside the Crash Course, Andrea and Morgan break down the biggest issues people face in divorce and provide practical tools to help you make smarter decisions from the beginning.Unlike typical divorce resources, the DCC combines:a private podcast you can listen to anytimea printable guidebookclickable resources and templatesstep-by-step guidance on navigating divorceThe goal?To give you the same strategic insight Morgan gives her clients in a way that’s accessible, clear, and affordable.Why This Divorce Crash Course Is DifferentAndrea and Morgan spent hours building this program because they know how overwhelming divorce can feel.Instead of leaving people to figure things out alone, the Divorce Crash Course provides:A clear roadmap for navigating divorceGuidance on how to communicate with your attorneyTools to help you save money on legal feesTemplates to organize your finances and parenting plansInsider tips on avoiding costly divorce mistakesAnd thanks to the support of OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink, the program is available for a fraction of what similar legal resources cost.What You'll Learn in the Divorce Crash CourseThe Divorce Crash Course addresses some of the most common questions people have during divorce, including:How to Save Money on Divorce Attorney FeesLearn how to communicate with your attorney efficiently so you’re spending money where it matters most.What to Do With the Family HomeShould you keep the house or sell it? The course walks through how to think about this decision logically and strategically.How to Organize Your Divorce FinancesThe guidebook includes a custom marital balance sheet template that helps you track assets, debts, and financial information before speaking with your attorney.Parenting Plans and Custody AgreementsDivorce often becomes most emotional when discussing parenting time.The course includes:Common court-approved parenting schedulesKey provisions people forget to include in parenting agreementsTips for negotiating custody arrangements effectivelyThe Most Common Divorce MistakesAndrea and Morgan also break down the most frequent—and expensive—mistakes people make during divorce and how to avoid them.What's Included in the Divorce Crash CourseWhen you purchase the Divorce Crash Course, you’ll receive:A private podcast with five guided episodesA downloadable guidebook with clickable resourcesA divorce balance sheet templateCustody schedule examplesTools to help you communicate with your attorney and your exOnce purchased, the private podcast can be added directly to your preferred podcast app so you can listen just like a normal show.Andrea recommends listening to one episode at a time and working through the guidebook alongside it.Frequently Asked Question:Do I Need the New Divorce Crash Course if I Bought the Old One?This is the question Andrea has received most frequently.The answer: Yes, the new Divorce Crash Course is different.While some concepts may overlap with previous guides, this new version contains completely new content, additional tools, and a private podcast format that makes it easier to absorb the information step-by-step.Why Andrea and Morgan Created ThisAndrea went through divorce herself.Morgan has spent nearly two decades practicing family law.Between them, they’ve seen the same painful patterns over and over again:People making expensive mistakes simply because they didn’t know what questions to ask.The Divorce Crash Course was built to change that.It’s designed to give people the knowledge and tools they need to move through divorce with more clarity, confidence, and control.A Little Humor Along the WayThis mini episode wouldn’t be complete without the signature How Not To Suck At Divorce humor.Between discussing the Divorce Crash Course, Andrea shares:Her hatred of indoor water parksThe questionab

How to Respond to Threats and Aggressive Emails During Divorce: 2 Acronyms That Can Save Your SanityDivorce can make even the calmest person feel like they are about to unravel.One inflammatory text. One manipulative email. One last-minute demand from your soon-to-be ex.And suddenly your nervous system is on fire.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport share two simple acronyms designed to help you stop spiraling, regulate your nervous system, and decide whether a response is actually necessary.If you are dealing with high-conflict divorce communication, threatening messages, co-parenting drama, or an ex who knows exactly how to push your buttons, this episode will give you practical tools you can use immediately.Because when your ex is trying to bait you, your best move is not to react — it’s to get strategic.In This Episode, We Talk About:how to respond to threatening emails during divorcewhat to do when your ex sends an inflammatory texthow to stop emotional spiraling during divorcewhy your nervous system reacts so strongly to conflictthe best way to pause before responding to your exhow to tell if a message actually requires a responsewhen to call your divorce attorney and when not tohow to communicate strategically in a high-conflict divorcewhy not every “urgent” message is truly urgenthow co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard can reduce stressWhy Divorce Communication Feels So TriggeringWhen you’re going through a divorce, communication with your ex is rarely neutral.Even a simple message can feel loaded. A text about travel, money, or the kids can instantly send your brain into panic mode — especially if the wording feels aggressive, manipulative, or threatening.Andrea explains that this is often a nervous system response. Your body reacts as though you are under attack, even if the threat is emotional rather than physical.That is why so many people:fire off emotional responsesregret what they wrote laterfeel hijacked by anxietyspend hours spiraling over one messageThis episode teaches listeners how to interrupt that pattern before it hurts their peace — or their case.Acronym #1: STOPThe first tool Morgan and Andrea teach is STOP, a simple framework designed to help listeners stop the immediate emotional unraveling.S — StopLiterally stop.Do not react. Do not respond. Do not keep ruminating.Say the word out loud if you have to:Stop.T — TemperatureChange your temperature to help regulate your nervous system.Andrea explains that cold temperature can help bring your system back online.Examples include:holding iceputting ice on your wristsdrinking ice-cold waterusing an ice roller on your faceO — OxygenBreathe.When people are triggered, they often hold their breath, tense up, and make the spiral worse.The key is to exhale first, then let yourself breathe back in.P — PriorityYour priority is your mental wellbeing, not firing back at your ex.Most messages do not require an immediate response.This is where listeners are reminded to give themselves at least an hour before doing anything.Why You Should Never Respond in the Same Emotional StateMorgan explains that when people respond too quickly, it is often obvious to attorneys, judges, and anyone reading the email that they got baited.That matters.Fast, emotional responses can:escalate conflictmake you look reactivestrengthen the other person’s sense of controlpotentially hurt your caseWhen someone knows they can trigger you instantly, they are more likely to keep doing it.That’s why creating time between the message and the response is such an important strategy in divorce communication.Acronym #2: THREATThe second acronym in the episode helps listeners figure out whether a response is warranted at all — and if so, how to respond strategically.T — TimingAsk yourself:Does this message actually need a response?If it does, do I need to respond today?The answer is often no.H — Highlight the parts that actually matterPull out the parts of the message that involve:your childrenmedical decisionsschedulingextracurricularsactual legal issuesIgnore the inflammatory filler.R — Redline the BSMorgan and Andrea encourage listeners to mentally cross out the emotional garbage.Most threatening divorce emails are full of:baitingexaggerationpersonal attacksirrelevant accusationsAndrea says it best:Most threatening emails are 80% emotional dribble-drabble garbage and only 20% actual legal issues.E — Emotionless evaluation of the factsLook at the message again without emotion and ask:Is there any actual merit here?Is anything true?Is there something that genuinely needs attention?A — Ask your attorneyIf the issue has merit or is really weighing on you, this is where your attorney comes in.Morgan reminds listeners that sometimes spending money on your lawyer is worth it for peace of mind and strategy.T — Take the strategic routeOnce you’ve gone through the steps above, you can decide whether:you should respondwhen you should respond

Divorce is emotional. It's stressful. And if you're not careful, it can also become incredibly expensive.In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares five things you should absolutely never do during a divorce — from serious legal mistakes that can impact your case to a few embarrassing (but very real) moments she experienced during her own divorce.Because when emotions are running high, it’s easy to make decisions that feel good in the moment but can create bigger problems later.Whether you're navigating divorce right now or trying to prepare for what lies ahead, these practical tips will help you avoid common pitfalls and stay focused on what actually matters.Why Divorce Mistakes Can Cost You More Than You ThinkOne of the hardest parts of divorce is that you’re making major legal and financial decisions while under extreme emotional stress.During this episode, Andrea explains why some of the most common divorce mistakes happen when people:react emotionally instead of strategicallyrely on advice from the wrong sourcesallow their ex to provoke them into conflictbring outside people into the legal dramaLearning how to pause, reset, and respond thoughtfully can save you thousands of dollars in attorney’s fees — and a lot of unnecessary stress.The 5 Divorce Mistakes You Should Never Make1. Taking Legal Advice From Friends Who Got Divorced in Another State (or Another Decade)Divorce laws vary dramatically depending on where you live and when the divorce occurs.Andrea explains why taking advice from a friend who was divorced years ago — or in another state — can create unrealistic expectations and costly confusion.For example:Some states are more likely to award long-term alimonyOther states focus on short-term rehabilitative supportProperty division laws vary significantly across jurisdictionsRelying on outdated or out-of-state advice can lead to misunderstandings and expensive conversations with your attorney.2. Speaking in Court When No One Asked You ToDivorce court can be intimidating — especially in the age of virtual hearings.Andrea shares a hilarious (and slightly humiliating) story about accidentally unmuting herself during a Zoom court hearing when the judge was actually addressing an attorney with the same last name.Lesson learned:Never unmute yourself in court unless the judge is speaking directly to you.3. Responding to Threatening Emails ImmediatelyWhen you're in the middle of a divorce, aggressive emails or legal threats can trigger an emotional reaction.But responding immediately is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.Research shows it takes about 20 minutes for your nervous system to reset after a stressful event.Andrea recommends waiting at least an hour before responding, and using that time to regulate your body with simple strategies like:taking a walkdrinking ice-cold waterholding ice to your wristsdoing quick bursts of physical movementResponding calmly and strategically is always better than reacting emotionally.4. Bringing Your New Relationship Into the Divorce DramaDating during divorce happens more often than people admit.But involving your new partner in the details of your divorce can create unnecessary complications.Andrea explains why bringing your new love interest into legal conflicts can:create loyalty conflictsgenerate bad adviceescalate emotional tensionInstead, keep your dating life separate from the legal process whenever possible.5. Believing the Negative Things Your Ex Says About YouPerhaps the most important advice in this episode:Do not internalize the hurtful things your soon-to-be ex says about you during the divorce process.In many cases, these comments are designed to weaken your confidence or gain leverage in negotiations.Divorce is not the time to determine your self-worth.Your job right now is simply to survive the process and move forward.Healing and personal growth come later — after the legal storm has passed.Divorce Is a Marathon, Not a SprintDivorce often feels like an emotional roller coaster.Some days you’ll feel strong and hopeful. Other days you’ll feel completely overwhelmed.That’s normal.The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone in this process.The How Not to Suck at Divorce podcast exists to provide practical divorce advice, real-life experiences, and the support you need to navigate this difficult chapter with confidence.Coming Up Next on the PodcastIn this week’s full episode, Andrea and Morgan introduce two powerful acronyms designed to help you:respond to threats during divorcemanage aggressive communicationprotect your case while staying calmIf you struggle with how to respond to your ex during divorce, you won’t want to miss it.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need h

Real answers to the financial, parenting, and legal questions keeping you up at night.If you’re going through a divorce, chances are you’ve asked yourself at least one of these questions:Who keeps the house?Do I have to pay alimony?What happens if my ex won’t cooperate?How does a GAL affect custody?What counts as marital property after separation?In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and Morgan answer real divorce questions submitted by members of their private community. From community property and spousal support to 50/50 parenting schedules, marital settlement agreements, home sales, custody concerns, and separation, this episode covers the kinds of issues that keep people up at night during divorce.This is an honest, practical, and empowering conversation designed to help you think more strategically, ask better questions, and make smarter decisions during the divorce process.In this episode, we discuss:What happens to business assets and property in divorceWhether keeping finances separate during marriage really protects an assetWhat to know about community property vs. separate propertyHow alimony, maintenance, or spousal support may be determinedWhether a salary increase can affect alimonyWhat to include in a divorce agreement if your ex may stop paying supportHow to think about custody, 50/50 parenting schedules, and parenting plan logisticsWhat a GAL (guardian ad litem) does in a divorce or custody caseHow to present concerns about the other parent without sounding reactiveWhether a spouse who moved out still has to help pay bills, utilities, or repairsWhat happens when an ex refuses to cooperate with the sale of the marital homeWhether retirement assets can be used to buy out a spouse’s share of the houseWhy having the right strategy with your attorney can save money and stressKey takeaways from this divorce Q&ADivorce is rarely just about one issue. It is often a mix of legal questions, emotional stress, parenting concerns, and financial uncertainty all happening at once.In this episode, Morgan explains why it is so important to be proactive, not reactive during divorce. Whether you are dealing with custody, alimony, property division, a difficult ex, or a confusing settlement agreement, the more informed and prepared you are, the better decisions you can make.Andrea also shares an important reminder for anyone deep in divorce stress: sometimes you do not need to blow up your life or make a dramatic change. Sometimes you just need a break, a reset, and a strategy.If you’re struggling with divorce right now…This episode is for you if you are:feeling overwhelmed by the divorce processworried about making the wrong financial decisionconfused about custody or parenting issuesdealing with an uncooperative exunsure what questions to ask your lawyertrying to figure out what is actually worth fighting forBecause divorce is not one-size-fits-all. And sometimes the biggest source of anxiety is simply not having enough information.Mentioned in this episodeOur Family Wizard – a co-parenting communication app often respected by courtsThe How Not to Suck at Divorce private communityThe upcoming Divorce Crash Course, including guidance on how to communicate more effectively with your attorneyAbout How Not to Suck at DivorceIf you’re going through a divorce or thinking about divorce, this podcast is here to help you avoid major divorce mistakes and move through the process with more clarity, confidence, and support.Hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at the largest family law firm in the country, and Andrea Rappaport, comedian and marketing expert, How Not to Suck at Divorce combines legal insight, real-life perspective, and humor to help make divorce feel a little less overwhelming.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Divorce can feel overwhelming, lonely, and emotionally devastating. In fact, during the process it can feel like your entire life has fallen apart — like there’s no way things will ever feel normal again.But what if they do?In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan shares a real story about a client who struggled deeply during his divorce. At the time, he couldn’t imagine life without his marriage and could barely engage in the divorce process.Fast forward a few years, and his life looks completely different.This episode is a reminder that even when divorce feels impossible, there truly is light at the end of the tunnel.If you’re in the middle of divorce, newly divorced, or feeling stuck in the emotional aftermath, this episode is for you.What We Discuss in This EpisodeWhy divorce can feel emotionally debilitatingThe intense fear, overwhelm, and uncertainty that come with ending a marriageA real-life story of a client who struggled deeply during divorceWhy some people shut down during the divorce processHow life can change dramatically in the years after divorceWhy time truly is one of the most powerful healing toolsHow small steps and mindset shifts help you move forwardThe Truth About Divorce That People Don’t Talk AboutDuring divorce, many people feel:Paralyzed by fearOverwhelmed by decisionsEmotionally exhaustedUnsure what life will look like nextIt’s completely normal.Divorce isn’t just legal paperwork or financial negotiations — it’s a major emotional and mental transition.But as Morgan explains, even clients who struggle the most during divorce often look back years later and realize something powerful:Life didn’t fall apart — it changed, and in many cases, it got better.If You're Going Through Divorce Right NowIf you’re listening and thinking:"That might happen for someone else, but not for me."Take a breath.The truth is that healing from divorce doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes it happens slowly — one hour, one day, one step at a time.But you will not feel this way forever.RememberEven when divorce feels like the hardest thing you’ve ever gone through:You are still standing. You are still moving forward. And you will get through this.You’ve got this.And we’ve got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

An affair can destroy your marriage — but it does not have to destroy your divorce strategy.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport tackle one of the most emotionally explosive divorce triggers: infidelity. Joined by therapist and Now What? podcast host Amy Neufeld, we break down what betrayal does to your nervous system, why your brain goes into survival mode, and how that can lead to expensive, irreversible divorce mistakes.If you’re going through divorce after an affair, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening in your body and mind — and give you practical action steps so you can make smarter decisions around custody, finances, and communication.In this episode, we cover:Why an affair can’t destroy your divorce strategy unless you let emotions run the caseThe “Chad and Brenda” story: how revenge spending and legal warfare can implode the marital estateWhy infidelity is often attachment trauma (and why it feels like physical pain)What betrayal does to your brain: hypervigilance, panic, shutdown, and intrusive imagesThe 3 common responses to betrayal: attack, despair, or detachmentWhy anger can feel productive — but still cloud judgment during divorce negotiationsThe unpopular truth: divorce lawyers can fire clients, especially when trauma turns into sabotageHow to stop using the legal system for emotional relief (and why courts can’t “make it right”)Amy’s practical “Now What?” tools to stabilize after betrayal:Routine to rebuild predictabilityContain the pain so it doesn’t take over your entire daySeparate facts from your story to calm your nervous system and make clearer decisionsWhy “the story” can create collateral damage (friends, family, custody dynamics)Co-parenting boundaries: why tools like OurFamilyWizard can help reduce conflict and document patternsThe mic-drop takeaway: An affair is an event. The story you build around it can shape the next decade of your life.If you’re in the middle of divorce after cheating…This episode is for you if you’re:Struggling to eat, sleep, or think straightFeeling consumed by intrusive thoughts or mental imagesTorn between revenge and “doing the right thing”Afraid you’ll make a decision you’ll regret financially or with custodyTrying to co-parent while you’re still emotionally floodedAction Steps from this episodeBuild one predictable routine you can repeat dailyCreate a daily window to contain the pain (even 5 minutes counts)Write down what’s fact vs story so your brain stops spiralingAvoid processing betrayal in court — process it with a qualified trauma-trained therapistUse structured communication to protect yourself during co-parentingGuest: Amy Neufeld — Therapist, Founder of Intentional Action Therapy, Host of Now What?Website: amyneufeldtherapy.comPodcast: Now What? https://pod.link/1881151960Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

How do you know when it’s truly time to leave your marriage?In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport shares the deeply personal story of how she knew her marriage was over — and the warning signs she ignored long before she finally said the words, “I want a divorce.”Andrea talks openly about the quiet red flags that started as whispers, the gut feelings she tried to ignore, and the emotional toll of staying in a relationship that wasn’t healthy or sustainable. If you’re questioning your marriage, feeling lonely in your relationship, or wondering if divorce might be the right next step, this episode offers an honest and compassionate perspective.Sometimes the hardest part of divorce isn’t the legal process — it’s acknowledging what your heart has already been trying to tell you.This episode is about learning to listen to those whispers before they become screams.In This EpisodeAndrea shares:The early red flags she ignored while datingWhy unhealthy relationships can feel familiar and “normal”The emotional experience of living in a marriage that doesn’t feel rightWhat it feels like to avoid going home because the relationship feels so lonelyWhy many people stay in marriages long after they know something is wrongThe moment Andrea finally said “I want a divorce”Why gathering information about divorce can help you feel more empoweredThe importance of having a safe place to talk about what you're going throughIf You’re Wondering Whether It’s Time to Leave Your MarriageIf you're asking yourself questions like:Is my marriage over?Why do I feel so lonely in my relationship?How do I know when it's time to get divorced?What does it feel like when a marriage isn't working anymore?You are not alone. Many people experience the same doubts, fears, and emotional confusion before deciding to leave a marriage.This episode offers a reminder that listening to your instincts and seeking support can help you navigate one of the hardest decisions of your life.Resources MentionedIf you're thinking about divorce, these steps can help you start gathering information and support:Speak with a therapist or trusted professionalTalk to a divorce attorney to understand your optionsConnect with a supportive community of people going through similar experiencesContinue learning about the divorce process so you can make informed decisionsAbout the PodcastHow Not to Suck at Divorce is hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at one of the largest family law firms in the country, and comedian Andrea Rappaport.Each episode helps people navigate divorce with expert guidance, honest conversations, and practical advice so you can avoid the biggest divorce mistakes.Divorce may be overwhelming, but you don’t have to go through it alone.Final ReminderDivorce is a marathon, not a sprint.Some days you need information. Other days you just need to feel seen and heard.And if you're listening to this episode and questioning your marriage, know this:You deserve happiness.And remember:You've got this… and we've got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

If you think you’re messing up your divorce… relax.In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport bring you a much-needed mental break with five outrageous, real-life divorce stories that prove one thing:No matter how chaotic your situation feels… someone is doing it worse.From a $15,000 bedazzled Buddha that cost double to fight over in court, to a couple who spent $100,000 litigating an ashtray (yes, really), to a husband who tried to avoid divorce by claiming he was technically a zombie — this episode highlights the wildest ways people derail their own divorce cases.Because here’s the truth: divorce is emotional, but court is not.And when pettiness, revenge, or ego drive decisions, the only real winner is the attorney bill.In This Episode, We Cover:Why fighting over sentimental items can cost more than they’re worthThe $100,000 ashtray case (and why judges lose patience)The legal consequences of “in-game crime” during divorceThe Beyoncé “To the Left” security system revenge momentThe infamous “zombie defense” divorce caseWhy judges see more chaos than you realizeHow not to let ego drive your legal strategyWhile this mini episode brings humor, the underlying message is serious:✔️ Petty fights cost real money✔️ Emotional reactions extend litigation✔️ Judges have seen everything — including wackadoo defenses✔️ Revenge may feel good, but it rarely plays well in court✔️ Strategy > spectacleDivorce can feel overwhelming, nauseating, and heavy. Sometimes you need a break — and sometimes you need perspective.If you’re doggy-paddling through your divorce, consider this your reminder:You are not alone.You are not the most chaotic case in the courthouse.And you can absolutely get through this.Resources MentionedJoin our free, confidential divorce communityCheck out the updated Divorce Crash CourseExplore our downloadable divorce guidebooksOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Living with alcoholism can make you question everything—your judgment, your boundaries, even your reality. If you’re thinking about divorcing an alcoholic (or you’re not ready to leave yet, but you know something has to change), this episode is for you.Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport sit down with Jeff Wright, an insurance brokerage founder and mentor who has helped countless people navigate toxic, alcohol-fueled relationships—shaped by his own childhood experience with an abusive alcoholic parent.Together, they unpack why leaving an alcoholic spouse can feel impossible (even when the situation is clearly unsafe), how trauma bonds keep people stuck, and what “self-preservation” really looks like when you’re trying to protect your children and your sanity.You’ll also learn the practical steps to take before you file: who to talk to (and who not to), how to make a plan quietly, how to build confidence when you feel shattered, and what legal tools can help keep kids safe—including monitoring options like Soberlink, testing, and supervised parenting time.If you’ve been surviving in chaos, consider this your permission slip to stop normalizing it—and start building a path out.What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy living with an alcoholic partner can distort your reality and decision-makingThe real reasons people stay (hint: it’s often not money)What a trauma bond is and why “they hurt you, then hug you” feels like loveHow alcoholism impacts the drinker’s brain—and why denial can be extremeHow to assess your home environment: stress signals, kids’ behavior, and “waiting for them to come home” tensionWhat self-preservation actually means: privacy, planning, and choosing the right supportWhy your divorce attorney is not your therapist—and why you need bothConcrete action steps: quiet planning, go-bag/documents, separate accounts, and rebuilding confidenceLegal tools that can support safety for kids (monitoring/testing options and structured parenting arrangements)Episode Highlights / Timestamps00:00 The reality: alcoholism can make you question your judgment and reality00:57 Sponsor: OurFamilyWizard + discount code02:11 Who this episode is for (especially if you haven’t left yet)03:07 Meet Jeff Wright and why this is his mission06:07 Jeff’s childhood with an abusive alcoholic father (and lasting impact)08:17 Morgan explains why this becomes “normal” when you’re living it10:29 Why people don’t leave: kids, fear, finances, and responsibility12:25 The real trap: limiting beliefs and fear of what others think13:33 Trauma bonds explained in plain language15:33 Proving alcohol abuse legally + testing options18:04 Emotional detachment vs. physical leaving (why it’s the mind that keeps you stuck)20:15 A powerful self-check: what happens when the drinker isn’t home?22:07 Self-preservation #1: don’t tell the wrong people (privacy matters)26:03 Legal tools for safety: Soberlink, testing, supervision29:38 Unpopular truth: your attorney is not your therapist33:34 Jeff’s 3 action steps: plan quietly, keep promises to yourself, build confidence39:55 “Your gut has never lied to you.”41:10 Changing your role in the story—and protecting what your kids learn as “normal”Action Steps (Quick Takeaways)Make a plan quietly. Brick by brick—documents, accounts, go-bag, and a safe place to land.Talk to the right people only. Professionals bound by confidentiality (attorney/therapist), not the rumor mill.Build confidence with tiny wins. Keep promises to yourself—your nervous system needs proof you can trust you.Get the right team. Divorce strategy = attorney. Emotional survival = therapist.Pay attention to the whisper. The red flags don’t get quieter—they escalate.Get Jeff's ebook here: https://flinchnomore.com/Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Think emailing your divorce lawyer is the “cheapest” way to communicate? Think again.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan (yes, Morgan is solo because Andrea has the flu 😷) breaks down one of the most expensive mistakes people make during divorce: sending emotional, scattered emails instead of getting real strategy.We’re talking about when to email, when to call, when a face-to-face meeting is worth every penny, and how to show up prepared so you’re not paying for chaos. Plus: switching attorneys (when it’s time and when it’s not), pre-divorce “move smarter” tips, how to protect evidence, what to know about non-marital assets, beneficiary red flags, and why tax implications can become negotiation leverage.Bottom line: you need a plan—and you don’t get one by spiraling in your inbox.What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy a phone call or face-to-face attorney meeting can be more cost-effective than emailsHow to stop reacting to your ex’s “urgent” messages and start operating with divorce strategyThe best way to prep for billable time: bullet points, goals, and an objectiveWhen it makes sense to consult another attorney (without immediately switching)What “collect evidence” actually means—and where to store it safelyWhy you should document what you entered the marriage with (non-marital assets)The red flag nobody thinks about: beneficiary changes during divorceHow divorce-related tax implications can become powerful negotiation pointsEpisode Highlights (Key Moments)00:00 Why face-to-face meetings can be more valuable (and cost-effective) than email01:15 Sponsor: OurFamilyWizard (co-parenting app / discount code)01:45 Morgan explains why Andrea is out + why this episode is a must-listen rerun03:48 The “nine emotional emails” problem—and what to do instead06:47 Secret #1: You don’t have to respond to everything on your ex’s timeline08:38 How to call your attorney with bullet points (and an objective)09:37 When a phone call isn’t enough and you need face-to-face strategy12:34 Secret #2: Move your body before you make decisions15:02 Secret #3: You can switch attorneys (but don’t do it while activated)20:38 Secret #4: Large purchases pre-filing (why timing matters)22:21 Secret #5: Collect evidence BEFORE it disappears25:44 Secret #6: Know what you came into the marriage with27:15 Secret #7: Watch for beneficiary changes28:35 Secret #8: Tax implications can be negotiation leverage40:09 Final takeaway: Divorce is a marathon—action steps matterThe 8 Best-Kept Secrets (Recap)You don’t have to respond immediately just because your ex demands it.Take a walk / move your body before making decisions.Phone calls or face-to-face meetings beat emotional emails (and can cost less).Consider timing for major purchases if divorce is imminent.Collect and store evidence safely (new email, new cloud, non-shared accounts).Document what you entered the marriage with (non-marital assets).Watch for beneficiary changes on insurance/retirement accounts.Understand tax implications—they can become negotiation points.Call to ActionNeed more support? Join our free community, grab our guides, and get the tools you need to make better decisions during divorce.And remember: You’ve got this… and we’ve got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

If your ex is still controlling you and you keep reacting, explaining, or trying to keep the peace… you might be actively hurting your legal case without even realizing it.Because here’s the thing: divorce doesn’t cure controlling behavior—it often exposes it. And control doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it looks “polite.” Sometimes it looks like silence. Sometimes it looks like a thousand tiny moments that make your stomach drop.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian Andrea Rappaport break down what control looks like after separation, why it escalates, and the legal + emotional action steps to shut it down.And yes—there’s also a story involving a tambourine, a fire-lit “happiness class,” and a man casually threatening everyone with a tombstone. (Welcome to the show.)What You’ll Learn in This Episode✅ How control shows up during divorce (even when it’s not obvious)Morgan explains that control can look like:Financial control: “I’ll pay when I feel like it,” monitoring spending, moving goalpostsMicromanaging parenting and second-guessing everything you doWeaponized silence / delayed responses to make you spiralMaking you feel like you need permission for decisions you don’t need permission for“Polite” manipulation disguised as “concern for the kids”Why control often escalates after separationAndrea explains the psychology: when someone loses access and power, they often pull harder—because control is how they regulate their discomfort.The dangerous legal issue most people miss: “splitting”Morgan explains how controlling behavior can drive a wedge between you and your attorney—making you doubt your lawyer, hold back details, or get pulled into the ex’s narrative.That’s not just stressful. It can derail your strategy and cost you serious money. The communication trap that keeps you stuckIf your nervous system is hijacked every time they text you, you’ll default to the old pattern:ReactingOver-explainingTrying to smooth things overTrying to get them to “understand”Which gives them exactly what they want: access.The Tools That Help You Stop the Control1) Tighten the structure (legally + logistically)Morgan explains why vague agreements don’t work with controlling people. Example of vague: “reasonable communication.” Problem: “reasonable” becomes a playground for manipulation.2) Reduce accessBecause (say it with us): control fades when access fades.That may mean:limiting communicationusing a parenting appnot responding to baitpushing communication through proper channels3) Stop JADE-ingAndrea shares the acronym JADE:JustifyingArguingDefendingExplainingMore words = more oxygen = more control.4) Use BIF responsesMorgan shares BIF (from Bill Eddy):BriefInformativeFirmFriendlyThe goal is to respond in a way that doesn’t invite more conflict—and doesn’t make you look unhinged if things end up in court.5) Use OurFamilyWizard (especially for parenting conflict)Morgan explains why a co-parenting app helps:reduces accesscreates recordsprevents chaosprovides structure and timelinesEpisode Takeaways (Your “Do This Now” List)If your stomach drops when they text you, do this:Tell your attorney what’s happening (don’t be embarrassed—this is common)Ask your lawyer how to tighten the structure with clearer court ordersReduce access and stop responding to baitUse JADE + BIF for cleaner communicationIf parenting is involved, get on OurFamilyWizard and stop trying to “co-parent” when you need to parallel parentResources MentionedOurFamilyWizard (court-respected co-parenting communication app)BIF communication method by Bill EddyOur $20 communication guide (how to respond without feeding the chaos)Our free private community for support + questionsAbout the PodcastHow Not to Suck at Divorce is hosted by Morgan Stogsdill, head of family law at the largest family law firm in the country, and comedian/marketing expert Andrea Rappaport. We help you avoid major divorce mistakes with expert guidance—plus the humor and levity you need to survive it.On your worst days, you’ve got this… and we’ve got you.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn m

Rushing a divorce can cost you money, leverage, and peace—especially if you’re dating, listening to family “advice,” or skipping the right experts. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down the most common divorce regrets and the smart, strategic moves to avoid them.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea unpack the most common divorce regrets they see over and over again: the ones that quietly cost you money, complicate custody, drag out the process, and make you look back thinking… why did I do that?Get real divorce advice your lawyer may be too polite to share. We break down unpopular divorce opinions and practical divorce tips that can save you thousands of dollars in legal fees, reduce stress, and help you avoid costly mistakes. How Not to Suck at Divorce is the divorce podcast for people who want clarity, strategy, and supportFrom rushing because you’ve moved on romantically, to letting your dad become your “legal strategist,” to skipping experts like OurFamilyWizard because you’re trying to save money—this is your highlight reel of what not to do (and what to do instead).And yes… Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie make an appearance. Because apparently six marriages is one way to earn a PhD in divorce.In this episode, we cover:The #1 regret: rushing your divorce and leaving money on the tableWhy “I want to be divorced by March” can backfire fastHow outdated financials and an old balance sheet can cost you thousandsWhy your new partner should not be part of the divorce “mischigas”The danger of letting family and friends influence legal decisionsHow well-meaning parents can accidentally run up your legal billWhen outside experts (forensic accountants, co-parenting tools, therapists) actually save you moneyWhy trying to “cheap out” can lead to a future court nightmareThe difference between fighting for what matters vs. fighting over balsamic vinegarHow to decide what’s worth it (and what’s just ego, fear, or control)Key Takeaways (Quick & Skimmable)1) Don’t rush the process and leave money on the tableWhen you’re desperate to be done, you cut corners. That’s how people sign agreements with missing details, outdated account values, or unclear parenting language—then regret it later.Do this instead: Ask your attorney if your timeline is realistic, and if it is—map the steps from A to Z.2) Don’t bring your new relationship into your divorce chaosYour new person may mean well, but they are not your lawyer—and emotionally, it can start poisoning the relationship fast.Do this instead: Process the divorce with your therapist, your support system, and your attorney—not your new partner.3) Don’t let non-lawyers steer legal decisionsEven smart, loving parents can unintentionally derail the strategy—especially when they aren’t in the day-to-day “trenches” of your case.Do this instead: If a family member must join a call, keep it controlled: you’re present, they stay muted, and they ask questions at the end.4) Don’t skip tools and experts just to “save money”Skipping the right expert can create a bigger bill later—especially in co-parenting disputes, business valuations, and post-decree enforcement.Do this instead: If your attorney recommends something like OurFamilyWizard or a valuation expert, ask why—and seriously consider it.5) Don’t drag out your divorce fighting over small stuffThere’s a difference between protecting what matters and spending thousands to win a couch, condiment collection, or “principle.”Do this instead: Ask your attorney: Is this worth the cost to fight over?Action Steps (What to do today)Write down your goals: “What do I NEED vs. what do I WANT?”Ask your lawyer directly: “Am I rushing—and what could that cost me?”Update your financials before signing anything (especially account balances).Keep your support team clean: attorney + therapist + trusted friend (not your new partner).Stop paying legal fees for emotional processing—save that for therapy.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

When your divorce is dragging because the other side won’t respond, it can feel like psychological warfare—especially when kids and money are on the line. In this episode, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport break down what’s actually happening when a divorce case stalls, how to tell the difference between normal delays and strategic stalling, and what to do next.You’ll learn the practical legal steps attorneys use to create structure—like mediation deadlines, motions to compel, subpoenas, depositions, and discovery strategies—plus the mindset shifts that keep you from spiraling and spending thousands of dollars reacting emotionally. Bottom line: when the time is right, get aggressive—because talk is cheap.Stalling is one of the most common (and most infuriating) divorce experiences, and it happens for a few big reasons:They don’t have their shit together (missing documents, incomplete financials, no affidavit, disorganized life)They think you’ll panic and settle cheap just to end the painIt’s a power play (silence = control, especially with high-conflict people)Their attorney is overwhelmed, under-resourced, or occasionally strategic (timing money events like bonuses, etc.)The good news: stalling isn’t a dead end. It’s a problem that can be solved with structure, strategy, and sometimes court pressure.The First Question to Ask Your LawyerBefore you go scorched earth, ask this exact question:“Is this delay normal… or is this strategic stalling?”Morgan explains that a good attorney can often tell you:whether the other lawyer is just chronically slow/unorganized, orwhether the other side is intentionally dragging things out to wear you down.These two scenarios require totally different responses.What Judges Respond To: Structure + DeadlinesStalled cases usually move when there’s something real on the calendar:court datesmotion hearingstrial datesmediations with firm deadlinesMorgan’s most practical advice:If nothing is moving, push for a trial date. Even if the first date doesn’t “stick,” a real end date creates pressure—and pressure creates movement.Action Steps: What You Can Do When the Other Side Won’t Respond1) Stop guessing. Get clarity.Tell your attorney you’re frustrated and ask:Is this normal?What’s the standard timeline in this jurisdiction?What steps do we take in order if they don’t comply?At what point do we file something?This helps you avoid spending money “going aggressive” too early… only for the judge to give them another two weeks anyway.2) Use mediation for structure (when appropriate)If both parties will participate, mediation can impose deadlines and create structure outside the court’s slow pacing.But if the other side is truly non-cooperative, Morgan’s blunt truth is:“The only road it all leads to is the courthouse.”3) File the motion when it mattersWhen someone repeatedly ignores deadlines, attorneys can file motions that force compliance (example: motion to compel for missing financials or discovery).Morgan’s mantra:“When the time is right, get aggressive. File that motion. Put your money where your mouth is—because talk is cheap.”4) Use discovery to shake them awakeDepending on your state/country, your attorney may be able to use tools like:Subpoenas (banks, employers, third parties)Requests to admit (miss the deadline → deemed admitted in some places)Depositions (sometimes the notice alone changes behavior)Other discovery strategies tailored to what the other side is hiding/protectingKey idea: if they think non-response prevents you from finding things, they’re wrong. You have legal tools.The Mindset Shift That Saves You ThousandsAndrea nails why stalling feels so brutal: silence makes our brain fill in the worst story.But spiraling leads to:emotional प्रतिक्रtionslate-night lawyer textsexpensive back-and-forthmore stress (and less strategy)Their advice:treat it like an office problem: warnings → structure → consequencesdon’t “manage” your ex—you can’tfocus on what you control: your strategy + your next moveUnpopular (but important) truth: Sometimes it’s your lawyer.Andrea and Morgan both acknowledge that sometimes the delay is happening because your attorney isn’t assertive enough.What to do:Tell your lawyer clearly what you expect and ask for a planIf it doesn’t improve, consider switching attorneys or adding support from someone else at the firmYou’re allowed to advocate for yourself.Key TakeawaysFind out if the delay is normal vs. strategicStructure moves stalled cases: deadlines, hearings, trial datesAggression works only when timed correctlyDiscovery tools can force the truth out (even when they stall)Don’t let silence bait you into expensive emotional reactionsSometimes the fix is a better plan—or a stronger attorneyWhat can I do if my spouse won’t respond in a divorce?Talk to your attorney about whether it’s normal delay or stalling. If it’s repeated, attorneys can use mediation deadlines, motions to compel, subpoenas, and setting court/trial dates to force progress.When s

If you’re saying “my ex is a narcissist”… listen first.If you’ve spent more than five minutes on TikTok, Reddit, or Instagram, you’ve seen it everywhere: “My co-parent is a narcissist.” And we get why that label feels validating. It gives your pain a name.But here’s the problem: labels don’t carry weight in court — behavior does. And when you lead with a diagnosis you can’t prove, you risk looking reactive, emotional, or unreliable in the one place where credibility matters most.In this episode, we’re joined by two powerhouse custody attorneys — Kristen Holstrom and Samantha McBride (the Custody Queens) — to explain what actually helps you win: specific facts, consistent documentation, strong boundaries, and a strategy that keeps you from getting pulled into emotional warfare.What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy calling your ex a narcissist can backfire legally and emotionallyThe difference between traits vs. a true clinical diagnosis (and why it rarely shows up in court)What judges care about most in custody cases: co-parenting and facilitating the other parent’s relationshipHow to build a case using patterns, timelines, and evidenceWhy social media is forever (even if you delete it)How co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard can protect you and create documentation“Chess, not checkers”: how to stop reacting and start controlling your side of the streetWhy custody evaluations can go sideways when you show up with labels instead of factsKey Takeaways (AKA: The stuff that saves you money and sanity)1) Labels feel good. Evidence wins cases.Courts don’t decide custody based on “he’s a narcissist.” They decide based on what happened, how often, and how it impacts the children.2) Your credibility is everything.If you sound like you’re diagnosing your ex, you may unintentionally look like the unstable one — especially in high-stakes settings like custody evaluations.3) Social media can cost you custody time and settlement leverage.Posting, reposting, liking, or commenting on “narcissist” content can be used against you. Even deleted posts can come back via screenshots.4) Boundaries are strategy — not weakness.Tools like OurFamilyWizard don’t mean you failed. They mean you’re building guardrails and a paper trail.5) Power is preparation.When you’re organized, strategic, and documenting the right things, you get your power back.Action Steps (Do this after you finish the episode)Drop the label. Keep the facts. Replace “He’s a narcissist” with: “He missed 7 pickups in 30 days.”Build a timeline. Dates, times, missed exchanges, late pickups, medical info withheld, school info excluded.Get specific court orders. Vague orders create chaos. Specificity creates enforcement.Use a co-parenting app (OurFamilyWizard or similar). Keep communication child-focused and court-friendly.Stop feeding the fire on social media. No posting. No subtweeting. No “oops I deleted it.” None.Clean your side of the street. Judges watch who facilitates co-parenting — even with a difficult person.Timestamps (Key Moments)00:00 — “If you’re calling your ex a narcissist… that might hurt you.”01:03 — Meet the guests: Kristen Holstrom & Samantha McBride (“Custody Queens”)02:17 — “Labels don’t carry weight; behavior does.”03:12 — Why “narcissist” and “parental alienation” can reduce credibility06:37 — What judges care about most in custody cases07:52 — “How many times have I seen a formal diagnosis? Zero.”09:45 — Why the “narcissist” label can be a compliment (and a distraction)10:02 — Why your therapist shouldn’t diagnose your ex12:29 — Social media: what happens when it gets used in court16:07 — Andrea’s confession: when your own texts become the problem18:14 — Likes and shares can derail settlement19:46 — “Party favors” story + chain-of-texts problem22:26 — You’re divorcing them… but you’re still co-parenting26:45 — Custody evaluations: how labels can flip the spotlight onto you29:07 — The right way to present problems: evidence, examples, documentation35:32 — OurFamilyWizard: why it protects BOTH parents37:21 — “Legal strategy replaces emotional storytelling.”39:14 — “Power is preparation.”40:04 — Rapid-fire recap: the one thing each guest wants you to remember48:05 — Final takeaway: courts respond to facts, not labels50:18 — You’re going to be okay — minute by minute if neededAbout Our Guests: The Custody QueensKristen A. Holstrom, CFLS and Samantha McBride, CFLS are managing partners of Custody Queens, focused on high-conflict, complex custody cases. They also host podcasts Custody Queens On Air and CQ Off the Clock, and share custody and co-parenting education across social platforms. https://custodyqueens.com/Follow them:Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this

One minute you feel strong, clear-headed, and relieved… and the next you’re sobbing in your car wondering if you just destroyed your life. If you feel emotionally unrecognizable during divorce, you are not alone—and you’re not “doing it wrong.”In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian/marketing guru Andrea Rappaport break down the emotional rollercoaster of divorce—why it happens, why it’s normal, and how letting emotions drive decisions can create legal and financial consequences you can’t unwind.You’ll learn how to adopt emotional neutrality (without becoming emotionless), why realistic expectations protect your sanity, and the exact do’s and don’ts that help you stay grounded—especially when kids and co-parenting are involved.What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeWhy divorce triggers “emotional whiplash” (relief, guilt, rage, panic, regret—sometimes all at once)The difference between feelings vs. facts in divorce decision-makingWhy emotional highs aren’t the problem—expectations areWhy emotional lows don’t mean you’re making the wrong choiceWhat “emotional neutrality” actually means (and why it’s self-preservation)How to ask your attorney for realistic expectations and a Plan BThe biggest mistakes people make when they’re activated (and how to avoid them)Practical ways to regulate your nervous system and get off the rollercoaster(Practical Action Steps)If you’re in the early stages of divorce—or you’re already activated—here’s what Andrea and Morgan want you to do:✅ 1) Adopt emotional neutrality“That meeting went well. Okay.”“That meeting didn’t go well. Okay.” Neutrality is not numbness. It means your feelings are not in charge.✅ 2) Ask for realistic expectations (every time)When something goes well, ask your attorney:“What’s a realistic expectation from here?”“What if this strategy doesn’t work—what’s our Plan B?”✅ 3) Don’t make permanent decisions in temporary emotional statesMorgan’s legal rule: if you’re activated, you pause—not react.✅ 4) Stabilize with routinePredictable routines regulate your nervous system when your life feels unpredictable.✅ 5) Write it down—don’t reactJournal the emotion, then bring it to your therapist (not your attorney). Your attorney is your legal guide—not your emotional support system.✅ 6) Choose ONE safe personAvoid oversharing with people who escalate you (you know who you are, “Tina from the bar” 😅).✅ 7) Use tools that reduce conflictConsider structured communication support through a court-respected co-parenting app like OurFamilyWizard.What Not to Do (This Can Hurt Your Case)Don’t threaten your spouse (ever)Don’t overshare with people who escalate youDon’t send your attorney a midnight novel (it’s expensive and rarely helps your case)Don’t treat one good meeting/email like it means the whole divorce will be easyDon’t catastrophize one bad development into “I ruined my life”Mentioned in This EpisodeOurFamilyWizard (co-parenting communication app) Save 20%: ourfamilywizard.com/not suck 20 (as stated in the episode)Quote-Worthy Moments“Divorce doesn’t bring one emotion. It brings all of them.”“The high isn’t the problem—expectations are.”“Emotional neutrality is self-preservation.”“The law operates on facts, not your feelings.”“The goal isn’t to stop your emotions—it’s to stop letting your emotions drive decisions.”Who This Episode Is ForThis episode is for you if:You’re newly separated or just starting the divorce processYou feel emotionally unrecognizable (high highs + low lows)You’re scared you’re making the wrong decision because you feel unstableYou want practical tools to stay calm and protect your caseYou’re co-parenting or worried about how divorce impacts your kidsDisclaimerThis podcast is for educational and informational purposes and does not provide legal advice. Always consult a licensed attorney in your jurisdiction regarding your specific situation.Find our playlists here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/podcastRate our podcast 5 stars here: www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natur

If you haven’t filed for divorce yet but you’re spiraling, crying, rage-texting, and panic Googling how to leave your spouse...this episode is your pre-divorce game plan.Andrea walks you through the “invisible work” that protects you before you file: creating a private email, organizing finances, understanding monthly expenses, regulating emotions, interviewing attorneys strategically, protecting kids from adult stress, and avoiding common mistakes that can cost you money (and peace).This is not about being sneaky—it’s about being smart.Key Topics CoveredWhat to do before you file for divorceHow to create a private email and start organizing information safelyThe pre-divorce financial lists you need (accounts, debts, passwords, credit score)Why tracking monthly expenses now saves you later (hello, financial affidavits)How to stay emotionally neutral and avoid the “high-high / low-low” spiralHow to interview attorneys and choose the right “business partner”What NOT to do before filing (spending changes, threats, escalating conflict)How to protect your kids (routines, boundaries, therapy support)Bonus: writing down your “why” and what you want on the other sidePractical Pre-Divorce Action Steps (Checklist)Do these before you file:Create a new private email address (separate from anything your spouse can access).Start a Google Doc/Sheet to track:All known accounts (banking, retirement, investments, credit cards, loans)Unknowns you need to identify (accounts you suspect exist, balances you don’t know)Passwords/access issuesPull your credit score and document it.List all monthly expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, insurance, subscriptions, kids’ expenses, activities, childcare).Interview at least 3 attorneys before hiring—choose strategy, not vibes.Keep household routines stable (especially if you have kids).Don’t threaten, don’t escalate, and don’t make sudden spending changes.Get a hobby/outlet (something healthy + consistent).Consider lining up a therapist for your kids if you expect the process to hit them hard.Write down your why: what you want, what you’re not getting, and your vision for the future.Notable Quotes“This is not being sneaky—this is being smart.”“Divorce is a business. Marriage is a business. Being in love is not.”“Don’t be like me. I left a lot of f*cking money on the table.”“You’re not hiring a best friend. You’re hiring a business partner.”Who This Episode Is ForAnyone thinking about divorce but not ready to fileAnyone feeling overwhelmed, panicked, or emotionally activatedAnyone worried about money, kids, or choosing the right attorneyAnyone who wants a practical, step-by-step pre-divorce planDisclaimerThis podcast episode is for informational and educational purposes only and does not provide legal advice. Always consult an attorney in your jurisdiction for guidance on your specific situation.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseFind our playlists here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/podcastRate our podcast 5 stars here: www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Join our private community on Facebook right hereInstagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Support and survival tools for one of the hardest days of divorce.“When the house is quiet, the feelings are loud.” If you’re facing Christmas (or any holiday) without your kids, this episode is your survival guide.Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill talk about one of the most painful parts of divorce: the first (or early) holidays when your children are with the other parent. The anxiety can start days in advance, and the empty-house silence can feel unbearable — but Morgan reminds listeners that this is usually a moment in time, not a sign that you made the wrong decision about divorce.You’ll hear real, practical tools for getting through the day hour-by-hour (doggy paddling counts), what not to do when you’re spiraling, and why “effective support” matters. You’ll also get tips for keeping conversations with your kids positive, avoiding emotional landmines, and making a plan that helps you survive the holiday — without shame, stalking your ex, or numbing yourself into oblivion.In This Episode, We CoverWhy holidays without your kids after divorce can feel like a crisis momentHow to tell the difference between grief and a “divorce decision”Why “two truths can coexist” (you can be doing the right thing and it can hurt)The best coping strategies for surviving Christmas without your childrenWhat not to do: social media spirals, isolating, stalking your ex, emotional decisionsWhy moving your body helps your mind calm down (“an exhausted body is a calm mind”)How to use community support (even anonymously) when you feel aloneHow to talk to your kids without making them feel responsible for your emotionsCo-parenting communication tools (and why OurFamilyWizard helps when rules aren’t followed)Morgan’s “Chad” story: how making a plan helped a parent survive the first Christmas aloneWhy leaving the house is the #1 non-negotiable tool (even a drive-through counts)Key Takeaways1) This is normal — it doesn’t mean you’re weakAndrea says it best: no amount of self-care candles fixes the fact that your kids aren’t here. Missing your children doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re hurting.2) Don’t make big decisions in a holiday spiralMorgan sees clients question everything during the holidays — but she rarely sees people truly halt divorce because of it. These feelings are real, but they’re usually temporary.3) Doggy paddling is still progressYou don’t have to “thrive” today. You just have to get through it. Hour-by-hour is allowed.Holiday Survival Plan (From the Episode)Here’s your breakdown, straight from Morgan + Andrea:✅ 1. Move your body (or at least get moving)Walk outside if you canIf it’s cold: use a short YouTube workout videoIf you hate workouts: get in your car and go somewhere (Target counts)✅ 2. Get support — and help someone elseJoin the private community (anonymous if needed)Post what you’re doing to lift your spiritsAsk for support or distractions if you’re strugglingCompliment a stranger — small moments matter✅ 3. Do something with your handsClean. Organize. Junk drawer. Closet. Anything that creates:distractionaccomplishmenta tiny sense of control in a messy season✅ 4. Have a plan for the day (chunk it- hee hee "chunk" is such a funny word)Morning / midday / evening. Decide:where you’ll gowhat you’ll eatwhat you’ll watchwhat you’ll do when the feelings hit✅ 5. Keep kid conversations brief + positiveDon’t guilt your kids or make them feel responsible for your sadness. Have a “safe” positive story ready before you call.✅ Bonus idea: go to a movieIt’s a built-in time block, gets you out of the house, and gives your brain a break.What NOT To Do (Important)Don’t numb yourself into oblivion (alcohol, doom scrolling, dissociating)Don’t isolate all dayDon’t stalk your ex or interrogate your kidsDon’t make big legal/emotional decisions todayDon’t shame yourself for feeling sad or relievedIf you’re spiraling: stay off social mediaHere are some podcasts we love:Morgan's picks:NPR News Now (omg boring)Big Deal Andrea's picks:Crime JunkieAndrea's favorite YouTube workout channel-https://www.youtube.com/@MadFitJoin our private community here: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/17bUX16Wvz/Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity

Why the holidays amplify doubts. What to do instead of panicking.If you're overwhelmed, exhausted, pretending you’re fine, or Googling “How to pretend I'm not miserable in my marriage and ruin Christmas?” this conversation is exactly what you need.December hits differently when your marriage feels heavy. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan and Andrea break down why the holidays can push you into emotional overdrive and why that does not automatically mean you need to file for divorce today. From understanding the difference between a crisis moment vs. a clarity moment, to learning the now-iconic Pantry Party Plan, this episode gives you practical strategies to stay grounded, calm, and emotionally safe during one of the most triggering months of the year.You’re Not Weak — You’re OverwhelmedAndrea and Morgan open the episode with a message so many listeners need to hear:You’re going to be okay.Holiday stress isn’t proof that your marriage suddenly collapsed — it’s proof that December is a pressure cooker.Friends. Traditions. Money. Kids. Expectations. Fake joy.Your nervous system is maxed out, and that’s normal.A crisis moment feels like:wanting to flee your househiding in the pantrycrying out of nowherefantasizing about driving away and not coming backpanic bubbling in your chestThese moments do NOT require divorce decisions.A clarity moment feels like:“Yep… this marriage still doesn’t feel right.”annoyance, sadness, or distancenoticing repeating patternscalm recognition of misalignmentClarity = informationCrisis = not the time to actThis distinction alone saves listeners from major mistakes.December will give you a moment where you need to step away — mentally or physically.Andrea introduces the Pantry Party Plan, a simple, strategic grounding tool to stop panic from running the show.Step 1: Set a timer.3 minutes → small wobble5–7 minutes → medium crisis10 minutes → major meltdown preventionStep 2: Exhale first.Panic makes it nearly impossible to breathe in.So start by pushing out all your air, then allow the inhale.Step 3: Add your mantra.Pick something that makes you laugh, relax, or feel powerful.Andrea’s?“Bitches ain’t shit.”Find one that works for YOU.🧘‍♀️ Why December Makes Everything Feel WorseMorgan breaks down the legal + emotional side:Emotional triggers:holiday traditions when you're unhappyforced family timepretending everything is fineloneliness in a room full of peopleconstant “countdown” messagingfinancial pressureLegal triggers:you feel like decisions MUST be made nowyou assume you need to file before year-endemotions wipe out logicReality:Unless you are in a dangerous or urgent situation, you do NOT need to make major legal moves in December.🗓 Give Every Big Feeling 24 HoursDecember creates urgency — emails scream “LAST DAY!” and everyone feels squeezed.But Morgan and Andrea give the rule:WAIT 24 HOURS before acting on heavy emotions.Your clarity returns when your nervous system stabilizes.🛑 This is NOT the Time for Legal ListsUnlike many episodes, this is NOT when you:list marital issueswrite notes for your attorneyplan financial strategymake decisions about filingThis is the month of survival, not productivity.Your only job: protect your head and heart.🎁 Why Gift-Giving Can Actually Be HealingAndrea shares how crafting a thoughtful teacher gift became an unexpected source of joy when nothing else felt good.For some people, creating something for someone else can momentarily relieve the emotional load.For others?Like Morgan?It’s stress-inducing.Pick the lane that helps YOU.📺 What to Watch When Holiday Movies Make You CryAvoid the emotional Hallmark specials.Andrea recommends lighter options — like Nailed It — to give your brain a break from holiday perfection and family-togetherness fantasy scenes.👥 You’re Not Alone — Join the HNTSAD Private CommunityIf you're feeling isolated, the private community offers:anonymitysupport from people who get itguidance from Morgan and Andreaa place to ask real questionsPlus: more tools on the website, including the Divorce Crash Course and other guides.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce

How to prepare, protect yourself, and move forward without rushingThis episode is especially helpful if you’re searching for:How to prepare for divorce without filingEmotional separation before divorceHow to survive the holidays before divorceWhat is a silent divorce?How to tell your spouse you want a divorce (but not yet)Divorce timing strategyHow to protect kids during separationIf you’re quietly planning your next chapter, this one is for you.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill and Andrea Rappaport dive deep into the concept of the silent divorce: the unofficial, emotional separation that happens when one or both partners know the marriage is ending, but they're not ready to officially file yet.If you're feeling emotionally checked out, unsure of timing, scared of disrupting the holidays, or stuck in a “limbo marriage,” this episode helps you understand what a silent divorce is, the signs you're in one, and most importantly : what to DO about it.Andrea and Morgan break down two scenarios:1️⃣ When both spouses know divorce is coming but are waiting.2️⃣ When only one spouse knows, and the other has no idea.You’ll hear practical guidance, emotional support, and legal strategy to help you prepare without panicking, protect your kids, and avoid major divorce mistakes.Plus, you’ll hear hysterical QuickBooks chaos, psychic readings on Oak Street, and a glamorous side quest to the Waldorf Astoria. Classic HNTSAD energy.What You’ll Learn in This Episode:✔ What a “silent divorce” actually isHow emotional withdrawal and parallel living become the early stage of divorce long before filing papers.✔ Signs you’re in a silent divorce– Minimal communication– Loss of intimacy– Roommate vibes– Emotional loneliness– Avoidance of conflict– No partnership energy✔ If both partners know divorce is comingDo this:Keep things predictableSet temporary boundaries (separate bedrooms, shared spaces, routines)Treat this time as preparation, not limbo✔ If only you know divorce is comingDo this:Understand your secrecy is not deceit — it’s strategyConfide in only ONE trusted personStart preparing emotionally, financially, and legally✔ Why timing matters (especially during the holidays)Morgan explains why the holiday season is almost never the right moment for a divorce announcement — legally, strategically, and emotionally.Andrea shares how to survive the “holiday performance pressure” without pretending everything is perfect.✔ How to handle parenting when you're silently divorcingSimple scripts, routines, and communication tips to help keep kids grounded and minimize emotional fallout.✔ The #1 thing that reduces divorce fear: preparationFear = confusionConfidence = clarityThis episode shows you how to take the first steps safely, smartly, and privately.“A silent divorce is not a selfish move — it is a strategic move.”“You don’t have to file today to start preparing for tomorrow.”“Secrecy isn’t deceitful — it’s careful.”“A silent divorce is a temporary solution, not a long-term fix.”“Preparation reduces panic.”Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Why strategy, not emotion, wins negotiations.Emotions don’t win in divorce court — facts and strategy do. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, divorce attorney Morgan Stogsdill and comedian-turned-divorce-advocate Andrea Rappaport walk you through how to negotiate your divorce like a pro using their THINK framework:T – Take the emotion out of itH – Have realistic non-negotiablesI – Identify their pain pointsN – Negotiate from facts, not feelingsK – Keep your BATNA in mind (your best backup plan)If the idea of mediation, settlement conferences, or sitting across from your ex makes you want to hide in a hole, this episode is your game plan. You’ll learn how to work with your lawyer instead of against them, what’s actually realistic to ask for, how to use what you know about your ex as legal leverage, and why clinging to your emotions can cost you big money, time, and sanity.Whether you’re just starting your divorce, heading into mediation, or trying to wrap up a long, exhausting case, this episode will help you stay out of court if possible, save money, and make smarter decisions for you and your kids.In This Episode, We Cover:Why “facts win” in divorceHow emotions spiral, stories get twisted, and why judges and mediators care about documents, numbers, and timelines — not drama.T = Take the emotion out of itAndrea’s “Ziploc bag and freeze your feelings like a 2018 pot roast” strategyHow to notice when you’re triggered in mediation (hello, Brenda and Chad)What to say to your lawyer when you’re about to lose it — and when to zip it and let them speak for youH = Have realistic non-negotiablesThe difference between must-haves and nice-to-havesWhy “I want 100% custody” usually isn’t realisticHow to decide which holidays, financial terms, or parenting provisions are truly non-negotiableMorgan’s example of a client who refused to accept any end date on maintenance — and why that was realistic in her caseI = Identify their pain pointsHow to “play detective” and figure out what your ex really cares about (ego, money, reputation, time with kids, a specific property, etc.)Morgan’s story of using a husband’s obsession with a particular property to get her client more money on the balance sheetWhy negotiation is less about what you want and more about what motivates themN = Negotiate from facts, not feelingsWhy you should write your facts in clear bullet points, not emotional paragraphsHow “friend of the family” promises and verbal side deals (hi, John 🙃) don’t count in courtThe power of real numbers and real documents: appraisals, bank statements, incomes, and written offersK = Keep your BATNA in mindWhat BATNA actually means in divorce: Best Alternative to a Negotiated AgreementHow to think about your “backup plan” if mediation doesn’t work — i.e., what a judge is likely to do with your factsWhy knowing your BATNA calms panic, helps you avoid low-ball offers, and keeps you from spending more on legal fees than you stand to gainWhen it’s actually smarter to stop fighting, accept a good-enough deal, and go homeWhat to really expect from mediationWhy the first day of mediation often feels “wasted” and why it’s actually valuable intelHow good lawyers use mediation to study your ex, learn their triggers, and refine strategyWhy mediation that “fails” still teaches your lawyer how to help you at the next stageHow to use your lawyer the right wayWhat to ask your attorney when you’re overwhelmed: “If this were your life, what would you do?”How to talk honestly about risk, cost, and realistic outcomesWhy you should stop trying to be the lawyer and let your lawyer do their actual jobEmotions are valid, but they don’t belong at the negotiation table.Work with your lawyer to define realistic non-negotiables based on the law, not just your fear or anger.Use what you know about your ex’s insecurities and priorities as strategic leverage.Facts, numbers, and written offers win in divorce — not stories, verbal promises, or assumptions.Always know your BATNA (what likely happens in court) so you’re not negotiating from panic.Mediation rarely feels “pretty,” but it’s almost always cheaper, faster, and less emotionally damaging than court.You are not supposed to already know how to do this — that’s why you have a lawyer and your divorce besties, Andrea & Morgan.We are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our

Hard truths that can save you time, money, and sanity.If you want the real truth about divorce, buckle up. In this episode, Andrea and Morgan deliver the unfiltered, uncomfortable, absolutely-necessary truths your lawyer wishes you understood…but might be too afraid to say directly.From how the legal system really works to why your expectations are sabotaging your sanity, this episode is the wake-up call you need if you’re navigating divorce, co-parenting, or even just preparing for that dreaded Thanksgiving dinner with your very opinionated family.This one is honest, hilarious, a little unhinged (hi Andrea), and packed with strategic guidance that will help you avoid major mistakes.What You’ll Learn in This Episode1. Nothing in divorce is “fair” — and why that mindset will destroy youThe legal system doesn’t care about fairness. It’s designed for equitable distribution, not emotional justice.2. Stop expecting the legal system to deliver revengeMorgan breaks down why the courts aren’t built to punish your ex — even when you deeply (and correctly) feel they deserve it.3. Lower your expectations, raise your strategyWhy your expectations are often unrealistic, what “the range” actually means in divorce outcomes, and how lowering your expectations protects your mental health and your wallet.4. Know the law where you actually live (yes, geography matters)Andrea reminds listeners that different states = different standards. Don’t guess. Don’t Google. Ask your lawyer to explain what’s realistic where YOU live.5. Stop focusing on your ex — focus on YOUYour ex won’t suddenly transform into a better human mid-divorce. (Brenda does not become Glinda.) Focus on your responses, your regulation, and your strategy.6. Backseat drivers & Thanksgiving disastersHow to shut down intrusive family commentary (“That’s not fair!”) and exactly what to say at the holiday table when everyone wants details about your divorce.7. Your kids will hurt — but they will be OKAndrea shares her own emotional story about her first Thanksgiving without her kids, and how focusing on what she could control changed everything.8. Do NOT fire off emotional textsUse a communication app like OurFamilyWizard to protect yourself legally and emotionally — especially with the ToneMeter feature that stops you from sending something you’ll regret. Hard Truths from This EpisodeThe legal system is not designed to make you feel better.Your ex won’t change just because you’d like them to.Your attorney isn’t your therapist.Fairness is not a legal standard. Equitable is.Focusing on your ex keeps you stuck.You are responsible for asking your lawyer the right questions.Your expectations need to be realistic, not emotional.⏱️ Timestamps00:00 — Hard truth: nothing about divorce is “fair”00:05 — Why the legal system will NOT give you justice or revenge00:21 — Show intro01:12 — Morgan’s chaotic morning + the freight elevator monkey situation02:38 — Why a small client gift boosted the entire legal team03:26 — Andrea’s shocking weekend text to Morgan04:30 — Kim Kardashian’s “All’s Fair”: Andrea’s surprising review05:36 — HARD TRUTH #1: Lower your expectations08:43 — How to “bet on yourself” when everything feels unstable10:08 — The client who saved millions by lowering expectations10:58 — Best case vs worst case vs realistic outcomes12:11 — HARD TRUTH #2: Nothing about this will feel fair14:48 — What “equitable” actually means in divorce17:02 — The danger of getting stuck in unfairness mindset18:39 — How to handle family’s opinions during holiday gatherings20:47 — HARD TRUTH #3: The system is not built for revenge22:02 — HARD TRUTH #4: Stop focusing on your ex’s behavior22:40 — Letting go of trying to “teach lessons”24:39 — Why your ex won’t suddenly improve during divorce25:50 — HARD TRUTH #5: Focus on YOU, not Brenda27:17 — Why lawyers don’t tell you these things directly28:49 — What to say at Thanksgiving to shut down nosy relatives31:05 — Andrea’s raw story of her first kid-free Thanksgiving33:22 — The “body shot off Dad” moment (you know it’s coming)34:52 — Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint35:26 — Resources, guides & community linksThis episode is your permission to drop the guilt, stop white-knuckling the process, and start approaching your divorce with clarity, strategy, and self-compassion.If you’re going through a divorce right now — especially a high-conflict one — this is the episode you can’t skip.Rate, review, and share to help someone who needs it.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. W

Making better decisions by understanding what really matters.If you’re in the middle of a divorce and constantly asking yourself “WHY is this happening?”, this episode is about to save you money, misery, and a whole lot of emotional tailspinning.This week, Andrea and Morgan dive deep into the question that can either move your divorce forward—or completely derail you: WHY.When is asking why strategic?And when is it a waste of attorney fees (or your sanity)?To help break it all down, we’re joined by Cary J. Mogerman, one of the most respected divorce attorneys in Missouri. Cary brings decades of experience, a wise-professor vibe, and a no-nonsense approach to helping clients understand the process clearly, calmly, and strategically.Cary J. Mogerman is one of the most highly regarded divorce lawyers in Missouri and wellknown to other top family law attorneys throughout the United States. He is a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and in 2022, served as President of the national organization. He is a Diplomate of the American College of Family Trial Lawyers, an invitation-only assemblage limited to 100 members throughout the United States; Cary is a member of its executive committee. He is a Fellow of the International Academy of Family Lawyers.https://carmodymacdonald.com/people/cary-j-mogerman/In this conversation, you’ll learn:Why “Why is this happening to me?” is a therapist question—not a lawyer questionHow to ask WHY in a way that strengthens your strategy, saves money, and reveals leverageWhy understanding your spouse’s emotional triggers can completely shift mediationThe one communication mistake clients make that drives lawyers insaneWhen your lawyer should break things down in plain languageWhy slowing down your responses (yes, YOU) will prevent disasterHow to stop burning money on the wrong kind of questionsWhy the legal process feels slow, confusing, and unfair—and what to do with thatHow to advocate for yourself without apologizingPLUS: Andrea reveals a HUGE co-parenting milestone (Shabbat dinner with the ex… yes, seriously), and Morgan talks through why listeners were so triggered by last week’s episode—and what that means for your own healing.This is the episode you NEED if you’re negotiating, mediating, litigating, co-parenting, or just trying to get through the day without rage-texting your ex or panic-emailing your lawyer.Key Takeaways1. Not All “Why” Questions Are Helpful“Why is this happening?”“Why is he acting like this?”“Why is she being crazy?”These are human questions—but not legal ones.They belong in therapy, not in your billable hours.2. Strategic Why’s Are POWERFULWhy are we filing this motion?Why is this our mediation plan?Why is my ex reacting this strongly to ONE issue?These help your attorney build a smarter, more effective case.3. Your Lawyer Should Explain Everything in Plain LanguageCary breaks down why attorneys NEED to simplify their communication—and why you should never feel embarrassed asking:“Can you explain that in normal-person English?”4. Your Spouse’s Triggers = Your StrategyYou know your spouse better than anyone.Your insights help your attorney negotiate smarter and faster.5. Don’t Make Split-Second Decisions During Emotional SurgesYou’re not being chased by a bear.Slow down. Breathe. Don’t respond immediately.You can literally save thousands of dollars by pausing.6. Your Lawyer Isn’t Your TherapistIf you use your attorney to process grief, fear, or trauma—you’ll pay for it.A therapist handles feelings.A lawyer handles logistics and strategy.7. Mediation Success Depends on the WhyUnderstanding WHY your ex digs their heels in reveals:leveragepressure pointsopportunities for compromise8. Don’t Waste Your Money Asking Why the Law Is UnfairIt is unfair.But your lawyer can’t change it.Save your dollars for actual strategy.Timestamps00:00 — Cary opens up about the problem with legal language00:09 — Morgan: never feel bad asking “why”00:19 — How WHY can transform mediation00:46 — Show intro01:22 — Connecting instead of isolating during divorce01:37 — Truly Engaging partnership02:19 — Holiday-card humor + promo code02:26 — Being proactive vs reactive in divorce02:44 — Why communication apps matter (Our Family Wizard plug)03:19 — Andrea drops a HUGE co-parenting surprise05:02 — The Shabbat dinner miracle (yes, really)06:33 — Listener backlash from last week07:40 — Nervous system regulation in co-parenting08:53 — Introducing guest attorney Cary Mogerman10:16 — Why blindsided spouses struggle with “why”12:04 — When WHY keeps clients stuck13:26 — The role of therapy vs legal strategy14:44 — The cost of asking the wrong WHY15:30 — When WHY is your best tool17:02 — How WHY reveals leverage in mediation17:54 — Plain language: the communication clients deserve19:48 — Don't feel bad asking your lawyer to explain21:22 — Email vs call: when & how to communicate22:18 — How to prep for a paid call with your attorney23:41 — Using WHY strategically in litigation &a

How one shift can reduce conflict and protect your kids.If the idea of “healthy co-parenting” makes you want to throw your phone, this episode is for you. Comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill sit down with co-parenting expert and bestselling author Jon Bassford, JD, MBA, CAE, whose real-life story of turning a hostile divorce into a functional, daily-communication co-parenting dynamic will shock you—in the best way.Jon's new book, The Co-Parenting Secret: It's Not About You, doesn't sugarcoat the difficulty or pretend everyone can be friends. Instead, it offers a revolutionary reframe: stop thinking about "my time" or "their time" and start thinking about your child's life. It challenges the toxic win/lose mindset and offers a new model: collaborative parenting focused on emotional safety, communication, and showing up for your kid every time.His message resonates with divorced, separated, dating-but-split, or any parents navigating two-home situations, because it's not about having a friendly ex or following a perfect plan. It's about making intentional choices that prioritize your kids above your own convenience, preferences, or pride.Jon is also a TEDx speaker, CEO of Lateral Solutions, and brings 20+ years of executive leadership to his work but this book isn't about applying business frameworks to family life. It's about the messy, honest journey of getting co-parenting right after getting it wrong.Jon didn’t start with unicorns and rainbows. There was resentment, trash-talking, incompatible living… the whole messy thing. But he learned the intentional steps that transform co-parenting from a battleground into actual teamwork. In this episode, we dig into what co-parenting looks like when it’s real, what to do when your ex refuses to cooperate, and why saying “Of course” instead of “Fine” could change literally everything.Whether you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, parallel-parenting with someone who refuses to meet you halfway, or just trying to not lose your mind over a simple schedule swap, you’ll walk away with mindset shifts, scripts, action steps, and legal strategy you can use TODAY.Key Takeaways1. Co-Parenting Doesn’t Start Perfect — It EvolvesJon and his ex did not get along at first. There was hostility, miscommunication, and resentment — just like what most people experience. Progress happens in baby steps, not giant leaps.2. Saying “Of Course” Isn’t About Your Ex — It’s About YouYour instinct is to say “no.” That’s human. But dropping your guard and choosing calm over chaos immediately changes your internal state. Less spiraling, less anger, less anxiety.3. Strategic Co-Parenting Helps You in CourtMorgan breaks down how tools like Our Family Wizard create evidence showing you are the reasonable parent. If a judge ever needs to get involved, this matters A LOT.4. Letting Go Isn’t Weak — It’s SurvivalJon explains how resentment destroys your peace more than it punishes your ex. Letting go isn’t excusing behavior — it’s freeing yourself.5. Your Why Keeps You GroundedCo-parenting gets easier when you know why you’re doing it: stability for your child, emotional peace for yourself, and a healthier long-term dynamic.Timestamps00:00 — Why “our natural reaction is to say no”00:17 — Morgan explains the legal strategy behind saying “yes”00:31 — What saying “of course” does for you00:57 — Andrea on isolation during divorce01:12 — Why connecting with community matters01:27 — Truly Engaging partnership + holiday card conversation02:15 — Morgan’s hilarious mic apology03:06 — “Morgan Scorsese” (thanks, Steve)03:40 — Why co-parenting can feel impossible04:14 — Introducing guest Jon Bassford04:53 — Jon’s unconventional upbringing + what didn’t work05:39 — The truth: it wasn’t always peaceful07:10 — How his childhood shaped his co-parenting philosophy08:30 — Why the “bad dad schedule” is dying10:22 — What co-parenting actually looks like in real life11:05 — The messy middle: trash-talking, resentment, counseling14:04 — How Jon began putting his son first15:54 — Why outside opinions can derail progress17:14 — What to do if your ex won’t cooperate17:55 — The power of one “yes”20:01 — Co-parenting with a narcissist, abuser, or difficult ex20:55 — Using Our Family Wizard strategically22:20 — What saying “of course” does to your nervous system23:46 — Andrea on emotional regulation + your brain under threat24:35 — Why counting overnights ruins everything27:56 — Jon’s 3 action steps30:01 — What “letting go” actually means31:06 — The ghosts of past, present & future32:38 — Jon’s book: The Co-Parenting Secret34:55 — Baby steps: the real way co-parenting improves35:40 — What everyone’s kids are eating (Lunchables, cheeseburgers, Walmart nuggets, god help us)38:02 — The 6-7 meme takes over Halloween38:48 — Closing thoughts + encouragement40:52 — How to join the community + resources41:09 — Final reminder: “You’ve got this… and we’ve got you.”Episode Resources & Links✨

A simple framework for smarter decisions when emotions run highThis week, Morgan and Andrea flip the script and want you to SUCK at divorce. Yep, you read that right. Learn how to Set aside your feelings, Utilize experts, Calm your nervous system, and Know the facts: a game-changing framework that’ll help you make better decisions (and fewer expensive mistakes) during your divorce.From cortisol spikes to co-parenting apps, nervous-system hacks, and even Amazon finds that actually don’t suck, the girls cover it all ...with the perfect blend of legal insight, emotional honesty, and wine-soaked humor you’ve come to expect.🧠 What You’ll LearnWhy your emotions are the worst business partners during divorce — and how to manage themHow to think like a CEO (even when you feel like a hot mess)When and how to actually use your divorce expertsSimple science-based tricks to calm your body in moments of panicHow to separate facts from feelings to protect your sanity (and your wallet)🛠️ The SUCK FrameworkS – Set aside your feelingsU – Utilize expertsC – Calm your nervous systemK – Know the facts (and stick to them)🥂 Quote of the Week“Divorce is a marathon — or as Andrea would spell it, a Martha-thon"Timestamps:05:01 – The Hulu Show That Made Us CringeAndrea reviews All’s Fair — the all-female divorce firm drama starring Kim Kardashian — and the verdict? “It sucks.” (Which turns out to be the perfect segue…)07:46 – Introducing the SUCK AcronymMorgan and Andrea unveil a new framework that will actually help you survive your divorce with your dignity intact:S – Set aside your feelingsU – Utilize expertsC – Calm your nervous systemK – Know the facts (and stick to them)09:02 – Step 1: Set Aside Your FeelingsMorgan explains the science behind emotional flooding (hello, cortisol!) and how to think like a businessperson instead of a brokenhearted one.10:34 – Andrea’s Advice for the Highly EmotionalIf you can’t be calm — pretend to be someone who can. Channel your inner TV badass (minus the tire-slashing).11:35 – Step 2: Utilize ExpertsMorgan reminds listeners: you hired your experts for a reason. Don’t go rogue.12:55 – Why Ignoring Your Attorney’s Advice BackfiresAndrea walks through what happens when clients do the opposite of what their lawyer says — and how to avoid a legal disaster.15:59 – Step 3: Calm Your Nervous SystemAndrea and Morgan dig into the physical side of stress. What happens in your body when your ex drops a bombshell — and how to get your calm back.17:54 – Morgan’s “20-Minute Rule” for FreakoutsShe shares a practical strategy: take 20–30 minutes before responding to any major divorce news. No driving, no emailing, no rage-texting.19:44 – Andrea’s Panic-Proof ToolkitThe “panic attack queen of Chicago” shares her science-backed tricks: movement, cold exposure, vagus-nerve activation, and a hilarious deck of cards that actually help.22:29 – Step 4: Know the Facts and Stick to ThemMorgan explains why emotional storytelling wastes time and money — and how bullet-pointed facts will save your case.23:50 – Feelings Aren’t FactsAndrea breaks down why your opinions about “Brenda being a nut job” won’t hold up in court.25:07 – How It All Comes TogetherAndrea explains how each SUCK step builds on the next — from calming your system to using your experts effectively.26:46 – Recap: Why You Need to SUCKMorgan summarizes the SUCK method and introduces their thriving online communities.27:53 – The Community ShoutoutsThey celebrate the rapid growth of their private and post-divorce Facebook groups (and tease upcoming expert videos).29:17 – Andrea’s Favorite Amazon FindsIce rollers, mood-light sconces, and gifts that make your friends’ day — because retail therapy totally counts as healing.30:44 – Morgan’s $40 Spanx DupeThe jumpsuit that broke the internet (and didn’t break the bank).33:57 – Red Light SpecialAndrea’s bedroom lighting hack turns hilariously NSFW — and somehow ties back to the theme of “sucking.”Resources:Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckPlease rate our show! It means so much!! www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckAmazon Links:Andrea's Vegus Nerve Deck: https://a.co/d/7oH0YBrAndrea's Ice Roller: https://a.co/d/5euYlveMorgan's SKIMS Dupe Sweatsuit: https://a.co/d/6tJ8zeRAndrea's battery operated light fixtures: https://a.co/d/5Pqt2SqJoin the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not

Why the finish line is the most dangerous phaseYou’re almost done… which is exactly when smart people make expensive mistakes. In this punchy, practical episode, Andrea and Morgan tackle “divorce senioritis”, that end-of-process urge to rush, stop reading, or pick last-minute fights, and lay out the three biggest mistakes people make in the final stretch of divorce (plus how to avoid them without losing your mind or your money).✅ What You’ll Learn (Skimmable Takeaways)1.Don’t glaze over “small” document editsTiny word shifts like “may / shall / will” can flip legal meaning.Action: Print the latest draft, run a Word Compare, read line-by-line for one quiet hour, and send your written questions to your attorney.Ask explicitly: “Do these changes affect any earlier documents (e.g., parenting or financial agreements)?”2.Stop the 11th-hour nickel-and-dimingAdding minor demands late (or “saving money” by not calling your lawyer) can drag negotiations and raise fees.Action: Bullet the 5–8 items bugging you; ask your lawyer:“Which of these have a realistic chance of success and are worth pushing to get us across the finish line?”Big picture > petty wins.3.Prepare for the mixed emotions after finalizationRelief, sadness, anticlimax—it’s normal to feel the opposite of what you expected.Action: Don’t over-schedule a celebration that day. Give yourself space to process, rest, and recalibrate.🕒 Suggested Chapter Markers00:00 Senioritis is real: why the finish line is risky05:24 The urge to “just sign it” (and how that backfires)10:14 Compare feature, “may/shall/will,” and cross-document impacts16:40 Nickel-and-diming at the 11th hour (and how to reframe control)23:39 Read like a businessperson, not a broken heart25:39 The post-divorce emotional curve (why it’s anticlimactic)28:38 Don’t plan a blowout the day it finalizes—plan space33:12 Mini-game: Marry or Divorce? (PG-13 edition)Please rate our show! It means so much!! www.ratethispodcast.com/notsuckJoin the private communities!The How Not to Suck at Divorce CommunityThe How Not to Suck at Life AFTER DIVORCE CommunityWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners and save 20% off your first year of the essentials package http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

What to avoid before emotions derail your caseThe first 30 days of divorce can feel like a tornado: unpredictable, emotional, and expensive if you’re not careful. In this episode, hosts Andrea Rappaport (comedian + marketing guru) and Morgan L. Stogsdill (family law powerhouse) share the top three mistakes people make in the early days of divorce, and how to avoid them.From texting your ex when you’re angry, to oversharing on social media, to thinking you can “speed through” the legal process. This episode breaks down the emotional, financial, and legal landmines that derail people again and again. You’ll laugh, cringe, and probably see yourself in a few of these moments (we’ve all been there).If you’re newly separated or about to file, this episode is your permission slip to pause, breathe, and get smart.🧾 In This Episode:1️⃣ Mistake #1: Expecting it to get easier right awayWhy things actually feel worse before they get betterHow to ask your attorney for a 30-day roadmapThe importance of managing adrenaline and expectations2️⃣ Mistake #2: Venting online (and via text)Why your DMs, TikToks, and “inspirational quotes” can backfire legallyThe true cost of an emotional text (yes, every angry email = more billable hours)How to protect your privacy and your kids’ peace during divorce3️⃣ Mistake #3: Rushing through paperwork to “get it over with”Why going too fast leads to expensive mistakesHow to give yourself grace — and time — in the processWhy “slow and steady” really does win this race💬 Key Quotes“Don’t pop the popcorn and let everybody watch the show. Go to the real people in your world who are there to lift you up.” – Andrea Rappaport“Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes it’s day by day, other times hour by hour — and that’s okay.” – Morgan StogsdillThe early days of divorce are all about emotional control, clarity, and smart strategy. Expect the chaos, plan for it, and don’t react from pain. Whether you’re tempted to overshare online, over-email your lawyer, or overthink your ex ... stop, take a breath, and remember: you’ve got this. And we’ve got you.🔗 Resources Mentioned💌 Join Our Private Community: For support, laughter, and real talk✉️ Truly Engaging Cards: Connect with your people this holiday season ([link + promo code in show notes])We are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Why mixing emotional support with legal strategy can hurt your caseWhen divorce gets messy, who gets the details, your best friend or your lawyer? Comedian Andrea Rappaport and family-law powerhouse Morgan L. Stogsdill break down exactly what belongs in your attorney’s inbox (strategy, facts, timelines, negotiations) and what belongs at brunch (feelings, venting, support). You’ll learn how to communicate efficiently to save money, protect leverage, and avoid sabotaging your case, plus how to choose the right friends to lean on without getting “keyed up and liquored up” and firing off expensive emails. Practical scripts, pattern-tracking tips, and a reminder that attorney-client conversations are confidential.Negotiating without lawyers? Tell your attorney first.What to report: “We’ve been negotiating directly,” plus the round-by-round back-and-forth (Offer → Counter → Counter). This preserves leverage and prevents your lawyer from being blindsided by opposing counsel’s “but the parties already agreed…” (≈ 11:00–12:31).Use cost-effective communications.Prefer a short bullet-point email or a 15-minute call to recap facts; end with a clear question (“Is this relevant / do you need more?”) so your lawyer can triage quickly (≈ 12:06–12:41, 16:45–17:45).Medical issues can change your financial outcome.Tell your lawyer the bottom line (e.g., “Follow-up testing showed I had a stroke; next steps include X”). This can impact maintenance/alimony, health-insurance planning, and future medical costs—don’t hold back due to privacy; it’s confidential (≈ 6:01–8:54).Kids & custody: document patterns, not one-offs.Track behaviors over time (timeline with dates) and escalate only when a pattern emerges. Use a co-parenting app (e.g., OurFamilyWizard) so records are centralized and tamper-resistant (≈ 18:59–20:29, 36:13–36:49).Do not crowd-source legal strategy or finances to friends.Don’t pass around your financial affidavit/balance sheet or share strategy; non-experts amp anxiety and can trigger costly re-work by your legal team (≈ 24:07–26:45).Avoid “keyed up + liquored up” emails.Late-night venting to your lawyer = billable time and often requires follow-up to unwind, costing hundreds for nothing actionable (≈ 24:49–25:48).Attorney-client privilege & scope.Your lawyer needs high-level facts and actionable timelines; save feelings for friends/therapist unless they reveal patterns relevant to the case (≈ 4:47–5:37, 18:59–19:46).00:00 Why lawyers need the facts; negotiating w/o attorneys03:38 Attorney vs. friend: who gets what06:01 Medical issues that change financial outcomes09:35 Private negotiations: how to report rounds + counters12:06 Bullets vs. calls; add a question to every email16:45 Kids’ issues: patterns, timelines, apps21:16 Choosing the right friend (avoid “Sally Big Mouth” & hidden agendas)24:07 Don’t show friends your balance sheet; cost traps32:56 Community + handwritten cards (sponsor segment)41:19 Marathon mindset + resources/community“Your attorney protects your case; your friend protects your heart—don’t confuse the two.”“If you’re negotiating directly, tell us—and give the round-by-round offers.”“Report like a newscaster: facts, dates, sequence. Feelings go to friends.”“Keyed up + liquored up = very expensive emails.”Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseWe are truly engaged with Truly Engaging cards. It's THE BEST way to remain connected with your community. Use code: NOTSUCKTE to get 10% off your order and ask to have Alisiah help you!! www.trulyengaging.comOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

What you need to know before negotiations begin.Money talk can make anyone want to hide under a blanket (or a naked sweater 👀), but dividing assets during divorce doesn’t have to send you into a panic spiral. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian Andrea Rappaport and powerhouse attorney Morgan Stogsdill break down the financial side of divorce into three simple letters: A, B, and CYou’ll laugh, you’ll cringe, and you’ll definitely take notes as Andrea and Morgan make sense of the mess — from Target runs and Amazon receipts to Botox budgets and business-minded thinking.Here’s what you’ll learn:A — Ask for Help: How to stop avoiding financial paperwork, and who you should lean on (yes, paralegals and lawyers are your new BFFs).B — Think Like a Business Person: Why emotions can tank smart decisions — and how to negotiate like you’re closing a deal, not fighting a war.C — Calculate, Don’t Catastrophize: The mindset shift that keeps you out of the panic zone and focused on strategy, not drama.Morgan’s expert tips on financial affidavits, balance sheets, and why honesty about your spending (yes, even the Botox) pays off in the long run.Andrea’s real-life story about getting zero in her settlement — and how she turned it into a comeback.Wild (and hilarious) real-world examples of divorce gone petty — from stolen cabinet knobs to donation revenge schemes💡 Whether you’re splitting assets worth millions or dividing a Target cart, this episode gives you the knowledge, humor, and empowerment to handle your money like a pro — without losing your sanity.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseIf you have a concern about alcohol use during coparenting time, you need Soberlink. Head to www.soberlink.com/notsuck to see how Soberlink can be used in your case and claim your $100 Visa gift card.Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Practical steps to move forward even when the case isn’t over.Do you feel like your life is on pause until your divorce is finalized? You’re not alone, but you don’t have to wait for papers, court dates, or signatures to start moving forward.In this candid (and hilarious) episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, comedian Andrea Rappaport and top family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill share the real truth about life “in limbo” during divorce and how to reclaim your sense of control today.What You'll Learn:Why waiting for “someday” is the biggest trap people fall into during divorce.The difference between what’s legally on hold vs. what’s emotionally self-imposedPractical ways to feel progress when everything seems stuck: routines, and community support.Andrea’s relatable (and ridiculous) humor about skincare, salmon sperm masks, and why she hates the word healing.Morgan’s legal tips on dating, parenting schedules, and even buying a house before your divorce is final.A game called “I Give You Permission” where the hosts hand out real-life permission slips to help you breathe easier and take action now💡 Whether you’re stuck living with your ex, confused about dating during divorce, or simply tired of waiting, this episode gives you both the laughs and the strategies you need to feel less like you’re treading water and more like you’re steering the ship.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill get into the often-overlooked connection between divorce and grief. Divorce can intensify feelings of loss, loneliness, and emotional pain, making it crucial to find healthy coping mechanisms, community support, and tools for personal growth.The hosts explore why grief isn’t just about the death of a loved one—it’s also a natural and valid response to the end of a marriage or relationship. They break down common misconceptions about grief, the importance of mental health support, and how to create grief-informed workplaces that help employees heal. You’ll also hear actionable strategies for emotional healing, including creative outlets and building supportive communities.If you’re navigating the complex emotions of divorce and grief this conversation offers both compassion and practical guidance.What you'll learn:Divorce is grief: Ending a marriage is a major life loss that requires emotional healing.Holidays amplify emotions: Loneliness and sadness often increase during seasonal gatherings.Grief is not linear: It may show up as anger, sadness, guilt, or even relief.Misconceptions hurt healing: Ignoring or minimizing grief can slow down recovery.Community matters: Leaning on support groups, friends, and family can ease the burden.No set timeline: Everyone’s grieving process looks different.Workplace awareness: Grief-informed policies benefit both employees and employers.Creative outlets help: Journaling, art, and other self-expressive activities can be powerful coping tools.Validation is healing: Recognizing all forms of grief encourages healthier mental health.You’re not alone: Many people share similar struggles and experiences.Rebecca Feinglos (pronounced fine-gloss) is a certified grief support specialist and founder of Grieve Leave. Rebecca founded Grieve Leave in 2021 as a way to document her experience on a year-long grief sabbatical, as a way to process her own grief and loss— she lost her mother in her teens, her father in 2020, and her marriage in a drawn-out divorce. Grieve Leave has grown into a community of 25,000 that provides tangible takeaways, resources, and a healthy dose of humor, creating an entire movement around taking intentional time to grieve. Rebecca has been featured in LA Times, Fortune, TIME, HuffPost, Slate, and ELLE for her raw and revolutionary voice, inspiring a more grief-informed world.Resouces:Grieve Leave: check them out here: www.greiveleave.comSoberlink: Save $$ off your alcohol monitoring device by visiting Soberlink here: www.soberlink.com/notsuckOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckHow Not to Suck at Divorce Private Community: https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1EdbV4Yr79/Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.TikTok: @divorcepodcastInstagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

When you’re in the middle of a divorce, one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make is hiring the right attorney. In this powerhouse episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, hosts Andrea Rappaport (comedian) and Morgan Stogsdill (head of family law at the largest firm in the U.S.) sit down in Los Angeles with celebrity divorce attorneys and judges to uncover what really matters when it comes to navigating high-stakes cases.From avoiding the “shark attorney” trap to protecting your kids and learning how to negotiate like a pro, this episode is full of real talk and insider advice. Oh, and yes—we spill some behind-the-scenes tea from our LA adventure, hotel fiascos included.What You’ll Learn in This Episode 🎧Why hiring the wrong lawyer can ruin your case(and why “sharks” only guarantee that lawyers win—not clients).What judges look for when deciding if an attorney is a good fit for your case.The “beauty pageant” of divorce attorneys — and how to shop smart without rushing.Communication mistakes that cost thousands, like adding one little jab (“jerk”) to an otherwise harmless text.How to protect your kids from being dragged into custody disputes or used as messengers.Negotiation secrets: why making the first offer usually leads to a better deal.The role of forensic accountants and when you really need one.Celebrity divorce lessons: what everyday people can learn from the way stars protect their privacy and brand.Expert Voices in This EpisodeYou’ll hear from some of the most respected celebrity divorce attorneys and judges in Los Angeles, including:Chris Melcher – High-profile family law attorney known for representing celebrities.Celebrity lawyer Christopher C. Melcher is ranked as a best family law attorney in California 2023 (Band 1 Chambers High Net Worth) and is a partner of top family law firm Walzer Melcher YodaCommissioner Gretchen Taylor – Hon. Judge bringing empathy and sharp insights from the bench.Prior to her tenure on the Los Angeles Superior Court and the Riverside Superior Court, Hon. Gretchen W. Taylor, a Certified Family Law Specialist since 1991, was a successful Beverly Hills Family Law attorney for 18 years. Judge Dianna Gold-Saltman – Family law judge offering candid advice on communication and expectations.Hon. Dianna Gould-Saltman (Ret.) is a well-respected family law attorney and was a Los Angeles Superior Court judge. In her first year as a private neutral, Judge Gould-Saltman was named one of 24 leading family law private judges in the State of California by Doyle’s Guide.Steve Mindel – Renowned attorney breaking down negotiation, financial pitfalls, and the psychology of divorce.With over 30 years of experience in family law, Steven A. Mindel is the Managing and Founding Partner of FMBK and a Certified Family Law Specialist*, dividing his time between leading one of Southern California’s premier family law firms and representing clients in complex matters. Why This Episode MattersMost people panic-hire the first lawyer they meet. But the right attorney won’t just tell you what you want to hear—they’ll push back, set realistic expectations, and protect your long-term stability. This episode arms you with the questions to ask, the red flags to spot, and the strategies that save time, money, and your sanity.Resources & Links MentionedDivorce Crash Course → A step-by-step guide on hiring the right attorney and avoiding costly mistakes. www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com "You Got This and We Got You" Hats! https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/giftsSoberlink → Alcohol monitoring to keep kids safe during parenting time. soberlink.com/notsuckLevitt Quinn- The services that they offer in LA county help so many who otherwise would not have access to legal representation  https://levittquinn.org/ Our Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuck20And last, but not least, please go check out the FABULOUS SLS Hotel in Beverly Hills, tell them How Not to Suck at Divorce podcast sent you! They'll be extra nice!SLS Beverly Hills👉 Listen now to hear what celebrity judges and attorneys want you to know about divorce—and how to avoid the biggest mistakes.Friends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.TikTok: @divorcepodcastInstagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Do you want your lawyer to actually call you back, explain the plan, and move your case forward? It’s not magic...it’s how you communicate and collaborate.In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and Morgan break down what puts you on your divorce attorney’s priority list (and what lands you on the “not today” pile). You’ll hear real stories, simple scripts, and clear next steps to get faster responses, clearer strategy, and better service...without spending more than you need to.What You'll Learn:How to make your divorce case a priorityHow long it should take for your attorney to respond to youHow to get clear action steps from your divorce attorneyKnowing when is it time to get a second opinion or switch divorce attorneys and how to do itHow to not annoy your divorce attorney so they won't hate you and not prioritze your case!Listen in for the exact do’s and don’ts, respectful scripts that work, and a refreshingly honest take on getting the support you deserve during divorce.Resources & Links Mentioned in This Episode:Need a thoughtful way to connect? Shop our curated greeting cards here.Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major (and expensive) mistakes. Learn more here.Our Family Wizard is a fantastic resource for anyone navigating co-parenting. Check out our partnership here.Friends, slide into our DMs—we love hearing from you. We’re always here to listen and help in any way we can. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.Instagram: @hownottosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

When an affair is part of your divorce story, it can feel like there’s no justice...especially in a no-fault state. In this candid, funny-but-serious conversation, Andrea and Morgan break down what you can control: your money, your mindset, and your parenting decisions. They explain how dissipation (spending marital funds on a third party) might matter, when it’s worth digging into records, what to ask your lawyer, and why protecting your mental health (and your kids) is the real win. You’ll also hear how new partners or messy situations (hello, “au pair drama”) can affect parenting time and how to keep your own behavior from hurting your case.What You’ll Learn:What a no-fault divorce actually means for affairsHow spending money on someone else can affect your caseA simple way to ask your lawyer about looking into dissipation without overspendingWhy protecting your mental health matters more than “justice”How new partners or messy situations can impact parenting timeOur Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

How to decide without letting fear or pressure drive the choiceWhen you’re stuck wondering if you should stay married or finally move forward with a divorce, the decision feels impossible. In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea and Morgan get real about how to weigh your options—emotionally and practically—so you can stop spinning in circles and start finding clarity.They share a powerful acronym to help you evaluate your marriage, plus the exact logistical steps you should take if divorce might be on your horizon. From emotional check-ins to financial prep, you’ll walk away knowing what questions to ask and what to do next.Questions answered in this episode:How do you know if it’s really your marriage—or just outside stress—making you unhappy?What is the TALK acronym and how can it help you evaluate your relationship?Why is therapy (with a professional, not a friend) a critical first step?What does “attunement” actually mean in a marriage, and why does it matter?How can laughter and levity show you the health of your relationship?Why do you need to understand the divorce process before making a decision?What financial steps should you take if you’re not sure whether to divorce?How does timing (holidays, business cycles, even illness) affect the right moment to file?What should you know about custody laws in your state before deciding?How do you know if you’re mentally strong enough to start the divorce process?Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles

Let’s face it—back to school hits different when you’re divorced… and especially when you’re the one stuck writing 40 thank-you notes from a six-year-old who can barely write his name.In this episode, Andrea and Morgan are tackling two of the most unhinged yet relatable parenting hurdles:🎁 Kid birthday party etiquette (aka the gift spiral from hell)📚 Back-to-school survival when you’re divorced or divorcingFrom the emotional whiplash of a toddler’s party gift pile to awkwardly dodging your ex at curriculum night, these two don’t hold back. Expect brutal honesty, hysterical hypotheticals (yes, hiring someone to write thank-you notes is discussed), and practical survival tips to help you navigate the school year without screaming “NOT WELL, B*TCH!” at the PTA meeting.What You’ll Learn (and Laugh About):Why Lego gifts are basically a hate crimeHow to communicate with teachers without throwing your ex under the school busWhat to do when your kids feel caught between two parents on the first day of schoolWhy sitting with your ex at a band concert might not be best (even if Celine Dion is involved)The right (and wrong) way to set expectations with schools and teachersTips for socializing as a newly single parent (yes, we see you hiding in your car after drop-off)Our Divorce Crash Course was designed to hold your hand through the process and help you avoid major and expensive mistakes. Learn more here: https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-courseOur Family Wizard is another fantasitc resource for those who need help navigating the "fun" world of coparenting. Head to this landing page to see how we work closely with them to support our listeners! http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/notsuckFriends, slide into our dms, we love love love hearing from you. We are always here to listen and help in any way we can. You've got this and we've got you.Instagram: @hownotosuckatdivorceFollow Andrea: @theandrearappaportFollow Morgan: @divorceattorneychicagoMentioned in this episode:Natural Cycles When your body feels unpredictable, your decisions shouldn’t have to be. Get insight and clarity with NC° Perimenopause. Visit Naturalcycles.app/divorce to learn more and save on a subscription and wearable.Natural Cycles